What Happens When You Don't Disclose You Have Herpes:
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ต.ค. 2024
- In this video, Alexandra Harbushka from Life With Herpes shares 3 things that happen when your partner finds out you have herpes.
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About this video:
Disclosing is one of the things that we fear the most when we’re diagnosed with herpes. There’s so much that we wrap up into dating and wanting to feel desired and now with a herpes diagnosis we are fearful that we’ll get rejected. We either don’t disclose because we’re so caught up in the stigma and with the fear of rejection or we just got caught up in the moment and didn’t get a chance to disclose. Ok this happens...I get it but let’s look at some possible consequences of not disclosing.
Disclaimer: this video is NOT sponsored. Everything I discuss are my own opinions and I do my best to be transparent and honest. Some links above may be affiliate links which means I make a small commission if you purchase the item through my link & this helps support the production of the show. Thank you for your support! XOXO Alexandra
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My ex wife did not disclose she had herpes until our 6 years together and on our second child. She came home one day crying saying that the DR said she tested for Herpes 2. I asked her how did she get it ? She said she got it from her personal trainer a year. Before she met me. At that point I said we are already going to have two kids and I thought I had it. Two years later she decided she wanted a divorce. After our breakup I went to get blood work done. I told my Dr to check for all STDs . The first blood work came back and I tested negative for all STD and HIV. Only issue was my liver count was a bit high. Dr said in two weeks we should test again to see if liver count goes down. I said ok. Two weeks came and I tested again. Test results came back negative again for all STD and liver count went back to norm. Dr said well you are one lucky person. Healthy young man. As much intercourse I had with my ex wife I was shocked to say that I still did not contract anything. I did confront her about and told her the next person she comes across, she needs to disclose it to him before anything. It would be a big mistake if she don’t.
What happens if someone pretends they didn't know they had it, transmitted it then want to blame the person they actually gave it to and say they're the one who gave it to them? That's insane!
It happens all the time. If thats the situation you're in then you can decide if the person is worth your time. Don't let anyone bully you or make you feel like your not an equal
@@lifewithherpes This wasn't in regards to me. I just realize how common that is from friends being accused of things like that and its quite sickening that someone would do something like that! Like, its already a vulnerable situation and to place blame on the actual victim of the situation is trash!
@@rosegonzales2029 it’s really obvious that you guys come on here trying to convince desperate people that there’s a cure when a million times over it has been proven that there isn’t one. This is exploitative and you need to stop! Or at least don’t do it on my comment. Geez!
And that's exactly why before I start doing anything sexual with people we both get tested at the same time. If that person doesn't want to do that then I'm not going to share my body with them.
Doing this has kept me clean and out of lots of drama.
What happens? Legal advice: You have that person arrested for misdemeanor battery. It's a crime in some states to intenitonally conceal one has herpes. Personal advice: Dump the clown and move on. Fnd someone who respects you as a human being. It is the height of selfishness to intentionally expose someone to an incurable disease without their knowing it. The person who does that is a narcissist, only interested in themselves, and with absolutely NO REGARD AT ALL for you! There is NO EXCUSE for not telling your partner before you have sex, and I don't care how sensitive you are about the subject. It is WRONG WRONG WRONG not to tell your partner ahead of time, no matter how it affects your ego or your assets when you're in divorce court.
My ex husband didn’t tell me he had herpes. We were dating at the time and I ended up marrying him. I never trusted him and never felt like he cared about me. We were not intimate until we were four months in. I got it around month 6. He never apologized. He just said I told you too late. It destroyed our marriage.
I have been totally cured of hsv 2 finally. All thanks to Dr Okiti
was he taking medication once a day to suppress break outs?
If that destroyed your marriage you're stupid
So now The fact that both of you have it, were you willing to work out the marriage or try to improve what you already have? Because what if you left him? You still have it and now you’re single and going to have to go through it all again
I just wanted to say thank you for starting this TH-cam channel. It’s giving me a sense of worth and comfort. Please don’t stop ! Thanks again.
So glad that the channel supports you. Let me know if there's anything that I can create to help or answer more questions.
@@lifewithherpes Hi Alexandra, I’m afraid to say something not so much because of rejection but what if he tells other people? His best friend? His family?
God bless smile an reminder there’s only one you
Goddamn 🤣🤣 Just move to California and don't tell anyone 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Fuck I am the best! My channel where every video is a straight heater!!!
my ex of 3 years knowing infected me and I confronted her about it and never heard from her again. ive been celibate ever since so I guess thats a positive takeaway
i feel for you if you ever want to talk!
It’s a criminal misdemeanor in California to transmit without disclosure and also grounds for a civil law suit.
its it a stupid rash but the stigma will shun you many or most times
Telling is super stressful but total BS if you don't tell. That's how I got it.
I think its great that youre putting out information. People like myself who arent HSV+ can find info and advice. I do have to say though, some of the advice from commenters not to disclose is horrible. Every individual should be able to make an informed consentual decision. Im just now finding out my GF is + and tbh i dont think im going to stay. Not because of HSV (thats manageable and i care for her) but because she hid it instead of giving me an opportunity to make an informed decision myself. Doubt kills relationships. Now instead of enjoying what we have built together I'll always question if she is being 100% honest with me. Like you said, it may be hard but disclosing will save you and those you care for a lot of issues later down the line.
People out there need to understand that failure to disclose may lead to them being harmed by an angry person. It is in their best interest to disclose before any activity occurs. Including mouth kissing.
What if they want to take legal action?
Is this a option because I wish I could take him to court over moral compensation. Because I've been celibate since and I refuse to burn someone and be that person. Makes me sad he ruined any idea of a relationship with someone else
in my last relationship I was exposed by someone who knew they had it I think. she wanted to have raw sex and wanted to avoid getting oral sex but she always wanted to have sex with either red led lights on or in the dark sometimes I felt like I was getting scratched during intercourse wen I pulled out for a second and told her she was dismissive about it. She’d sometimes make plans for us to see each other then have excuses saying she’s with one of her girl friends or even crazy enough to say with a gay guy friend like why would she be in their dorm without her girlfriends🤦🏾♂️ whenever we disagreed she would tell me after we calmed down that she told her friends about our disagreement and I thought that was kind of weird for her to tell me that and one day her period supposedly came on but it was on for way longer than I’d ever heard of wen we started back having sex i was giving her oral the tv turned white & I seen something questionable again but worse it was like big red patches in her libia I think and her ph was off but she blamed it on me I told her that we could take steps to find out what was wrong & she said she was going to a pool party with her friends🙄 & dismissed me like always . I ended up testing positive for hsv 1 right I want to confront her but she’ll just call me crazy again and turn it all on me she was the only woman that acted that way that I dated & it hurts knowing that someone I helped & care for would hate me enough to treat me that way
I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
I went thru this same situation my guy she had the nerve to go to the doctor visits with me asking questions acting like she don’t have it. She only got blood work done. Afterwards she blocked my number and i haven’t heard from her since.
Man I adimre u you are strong ! And together we that have it are stronger thank uuuu ! U ROCK !!!!
Thank you so much. This video was helpful.
I have been finally cured of my 2 years genital herpes all thanks to Dr Okiti
Love this video!
I’m here because my best friend is getting married having a baby in a few months and STILL hasn’t told her significant other.. I’ve lost a lot of respect for her
Maybe she's just not aware of the risk and needs to be educated?
Your best friend is a trifling foul ass woman. I would break the engagement were I her groom.
There is little to no risks involved. Maybe she believes that her significant other truly loved her and wants to be with her forever, only person that would care about herpes is someone looking for something casual.
I struggle to admit that I am very promiscuous. I was recently outed by a long time friend who shared that I have herpes. I struggle already with being honest. I have never shared with any sexual partner the truth about my background with women or my health status. I just continue to retreat and hide in my own shame when uncomfortable things about me are exposed.
Smh
This is a good video yet you forget to explain the person has the legal right to know and it can become a civil case.
It can, in some states. Thank you for pointing that out
You are my 1 one person to listen about it doctors I dont like ...
my ex gave it to me. she never told me.
Sending you love & compassion 🫶🏼. Be strong.
Tem como ler o que fala no vídeo?tem um link?
Whens the best time to tell,asking for a woman's advice coming from a man. I dont want to tell on the first couple of dates because we may not even work out anx it feels like a weird thing to bring up on a first date not to mention its personal.also if it helps im a wait for marriage to have sex. I got herpes when I was 16 from someone who didn't tell me im 30 now and starting to get into dating. In reality its so common and most people don't even know they have it,but since im a honest guy im askong fof advice. The girl I've been talking to is also a wait for marriage for sex.
🦋..my love for you...is bigger then any virus..🦋... you're beautiful
thank you
Very true🎉
What to do if the person told me they had it but lied about taking the medicine plus breaking our mutually agreement of not kissing
Also they kept saying they didn't have an outbreak plus tried to act like I didn't get it from them
Could somebody actually successfully sue your for giving them herpes even if you disclosed to them in person beforehand
Question for a lawyer. But, in general, if they admit you have disclosed and they took that 'risk' of being intimate, then that is not your 'problem'.
@@lifewithherpes yeah i figured lol. Thats true i dont see how they could prove who gave it to them unless they admitted it over text message or sms i doubt someone could successfully sue someone because they’d have to prove that they did it to intentionally harm someone. like i have only type 1. but it isnt a killer diesease like HIV so i doubt it but true it could depend on the state. i only had one breakout but it was weird cause i didnt get blisters that were fluid filled it just looked like a bunch of bug bites. then like cold sores ive never even had one before but my family gets them there extremely common. But i like your channel you seem really kind and provide alot of useful information
can someone sue?
th-cam.com/video/qrImrg1S304/w-d-xo.html
No
In Virginia you can and yes as long as you can prove they gave it to you
How in the hell can u be married and not tell them wow
You'd be surprised at how common that is.
This is how I got it...my ex husband knew he had it and didn't tell me...I only found out after we got married when I had an outbreak while pregnant with our 1st son
80% of people don't know they have it and their lives aren't impeded by it. It's only people who are proactive and actually figure their shit out with a test the doctors many times refuse to give you that have to live guilty shame filled lives that aren't as fulfilling. That's why I'm a proponent of purposely never knowing if you have it or not.
@@zachforbes3901you probably have it
Love u
@Kitty janna howw
@Kitty janna india
@Kitty janna thanks lot
@Kitty janna sure
what if you're not in a relationship and it's just a one night stand or hook up ?
Always disclose! People should have the right to know.
@@lifewithherpesno
I’m dating a girl and we just had sex and bc I like her so much and I just couldn’t tell her about herpes and now idk what to do!
Herpes truly has a cure. I'm finally free from hsv 2
@@katiecobar518 how?
what ended up happening bro?
@@katiecobar518 I believe there is a cure, even for HIV, but it’s not in pills or a medicine course, it’s a total complete change of diet and lifestyle. My cousin beat cancer after doctors had already told her parents she was going to die. She cleaned up her diet, beat it, and has been free ever since, but it can come back if she went back to poor diet. I know she completely change her eating habits for a fact is all I know.
If it is that stupid why do I have to tell?
And if was that stupid ppl wouldn’t be so afraid to get it and had to go along with it.
Sorry I just got positive results with it. And I’m very frustrated
don’t even bother. everyone who has a cold sore on their lip ever should have to disclose to every partner if it was this serious. Hsv-1 sheds more and ur just as likely to infect someone and give them genital herpes by going down on them as u are having sex. it’s not worth disclosing especially with the stigma. They won’t die, they won’t even be affected anywhere else’s health wise. They won’t go sterile. literally they will get blisters it’s the only thing that will happen and it’s not life changing or threatening. If it was HIV i’d understand, but it’s not as serious in anyway and the stigma is more damaging reputation wise than anything health wise.
@@cemiramisnunezsegura3410 It is life changing!! It changes your life in ways you never knew. I suffer daily emotionally, mentally it’s is a heavy burden to bear I wouldn’t wish it on anybody and the blisters are itchy af!!
I feel your pain Brenda😢
Personally, I disagree. My advice to anyone that thinks they have it but haven't gotten tested is to never get tested. Doctors don't like testing people for herpes because they know it's literally a benign virus and they have come to the consensus that it's better for someone to not know they have it rather than know they have it if they are asymptomatic. People that have this problem shouldn't have to live lives any different from other people, they are not putting anyone at real risk, this is a skin condition legitimately like psoriasis.
When everyone who has herpes, know they have herpes and know that it's the stigma that makes you feel bad, not the actual virus that doesn't do much, except causes annoying blisters from time to time, then the stigma disappears.
Yikes. There is definitely Real risk and potential damage. That is Not ok.
The last part of that statement bothers me I got infected in 2019. And ever since I’ve been having sinus tachycardia and heart palpitations with my herpes HSV1 and 2. I didn’t know I had it but, three years ago my kidneys tried to shut down. My urine was black at one point . I got told cystitis with hematuria.. because the herpes bacteria has migrated into my kidneys… I’m still not on anti virals yet and was given them recently to treat something else than suddenly my first real outbreak occurred. I feel dumb, stupid and idiotic. I have numbness in my hands, feet, etc. the only thing that helped my herpes symptoms, was penicillin but, I’m highly allergic. The virus has essentially wrecked havoc on my body. I have heart disease at 27 years old. Just because it’s not life threatening for you does not mean the same for others….
Plus I very much have a heart murmur from when I was younger & having this virus has given me debilitating symptoms. It’s horrid I wish the person who gave me it would’ve told me.
Tem como ler o que fala no vídeo?tem um link?