these tips are great and work wonderfully if I apply them without hoping they will really save my marriage. I realized I can save myself and no one else. If my spouse doesn’t want to care for a happy marriage, then I’ll have to find my own happiness with or without him.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I have to thank you so much.. you are honestly the one that has taught me to think this was!!! I can’t thank you enough for the peace you’ve given me and confidence that my happiness is my own hands and nobody else’s!
Thank you Dr. Paul! Your videos are so helpful! I see this fight or flight happening a lot. It makes what should be simple conversations go down hill fast. We have been separated for over a year and I have been trying to get our marriage back for 9months. Tons of up and downs but, I don’t give up! She’s seeing someone and it kills me. I try and make the best of our times together and not think about that (witch is so hard for me) but I’m trying to be the best I can. Not sure if this is going to work. Sure hope it will!
I found out there are prayers for fixing divorce and broken marriages. Although me and my wife are now back together and our love is even stronger but I was a total mess when she first dumped me.
10:50 negative story has been created about you 11:10 show up like a really awesome person that you are 12:35 show up with integrity and compassion that you really have. Wonderful advice that can be applied to many instances of life. My concern is when others use this but they are really controlling and deceiving others. I have ran into people that show me their controlling side and to others they show up as easy going people with integrity. They make themselves look as if they wonderful!😣. I do wish someone would remove the curtain that they hide behind, so I avoid being around these characters. It's hard to be around them and what is the best approach to deal with them. But when I do have to be around them what is the best approach? Thank you 😊
My husband truly is mentally ill, but it seems that people think I am only saying it. After 35 years, I was mentally and physically exhausted. His therapist told me I need to be encouraged daily if I stay but I left because I got suicidal. Feeling about 75%better now and going to kintsugi and studying CBT Otherwise, this is good advice for sure. I did all this with no change - just with him being diagnosed with a few things he did not want meds for. No relationship in 35 years - but we are still friends.
“Your going to need to e improvements your promising yourself to make whether or not the relationship works out” I know that’s right because I can count 20 times in the past where if I was a better me we wouldn’t be where we are right now. That really eats at me. Knowing their were those times I should have done better.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I’m trying to but right now we have no contact and she has our daughter. I am working on myself daily. It looks very bleak right now but I want this relationship and family more than anything. I’m tired of being in broken families. I want a love a life and a parenting couple that will last and be together for good.
We are in same house still but basically separated for 3 years now. It came to a head about 3 weeks ago. Divorce word came up. I started working on the let go and move on techniques. We have a very complicated history of breaking up and getting back together. The 4th time, she wanted it over, 2 months later of me going NO Contact, she tracked me down, cried and begged me. That time we got back together, we got married. Now a total time together 18 years. I'm 62 and she's turning 65. Although she seems absolutely 100 % done, and I emotionally need to let go, my mind thinks divorce at this time and age is stupid. Emotional and not thinking clearly. It isn't just my blind eye thinking this, everyone I talk to thinks it's ridiculous to divorce now. There's no issues that are typical GOOD reasons people or one person SHOULD get a divorce. Things really aren't bad. Some how, she always repeats the sabotaging negative talk, indicative of someone who internally facilitates their relationship to fail. As though she can't help herself from doing. I have heard her complain for so long that I started believing I was ALL BAD. It requires me talking to other people to realize I'm a pretty nice guy. I make sure those people know what I did wrong and didn't do right, so I get their unbias opinion.
Basically separated for 3 years tells me you haven't been working on the relationship. Consider some therapy if you want to fix it or to help you in moving on. Friends are great, but often don't have the skills to help you.
We don't really fight, a few weekends ago we had 4 rv trailer family campout with her family, it was a good time. Then two weeks later I lost my job, that's my 7 job in 2 years, all my bills are paid and my portion of our living expenses. Then she decided for separation.
Oddly I have been using all this and she admits it. But shes got the problems u listed I'm your other video. Stonewalling, defensiveness etc. I own my faults and don't make excuses for them. But she's the opposite, I can say things like "hope you and the family have nice holiday season " she will take that negatively and defensive. Doesn't want any conselling or work with my. So now I'm basically working on myself for me as it's all that's left I feel.
Late yesterday I received an email from my ex-husband and it set me into the fight mode.🥊🥊. I wrote a letter to him using the hot pen technique...saying what I really want say🤬. I then deleted the letter but letter had myself permission to allow my anger out. I then did a 20 minute deep breathing e excise.
whether in my family or my relationship w my spouse, i know i’m giving it my all where some people tell me that sometimes i give too much but to me it’s like, ok, the advice i hear is i need to do more and improve, so i do... i do it until i’m almost burnout and exhausted and then nothing happens or things get worse... so i end up thinking well if i already tried everything, and it’s not working then do i just give up?
average being, it is worth having the talk with whoever you feel is not responding. Decide what you want out of the relationship, be very clear, then have the talk. It isn't so much about giving up as it is about creating the life you want by living on purpose. What is your purpose?
Unfortunately there are people in this world who will just take advantage of you when you be nice and keep on giving. They are takers and will masterfully manipulate you with no intention of making the relationship better. They will use your positive and constructive attitude only as a way to use you more and benefit from you. In a situation like this, it is better to walk away for the best of everyone. Giving up on a relationship does not mean giving up on yourself or your purpose.
My boyfriend has a daughter and before we got together he was a single dad for 2 years. Now that I’m with him everything’s great except I started noticing that his daughter was very strange. I guess she was experiencing separation anxiety and now I think she gets very jealous that I live there now and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes it’s like I don’t exist when she’s around or she gets upset if I try to help her with anything and not him. I just feel like I don’t fit into my own household and it’s very depressing.
Sammy Copeland, there are a lot of unknowns here so hard to comment. Give it some time and try to find some commonalities with the daughter so she can see you share similar things.
Step families are not easy or normal dynamics. Try to take care of yourself. Start with being a friend don’t rush things and don’t hope for too much. And above all don’t get offended. Hopefully by this time things are different.
I hope your relationship turns out to be a positive and loving one. Just know that most step kids don’t ever fully except their step parents. I think going as in with eyes wide open and understanding that you may never have that parental child bond, and you may never be fully integrated into that child’s life, may be part of the deal, if you can except the deal with that in mind go for it. There’s a great book out by a therapist called the step-monster the author is Wednesday Martin. It is such a great and humorous guide to being a stepmom, it is Wednesdays actual experience, and experience with dozens of other step parents in her practice. I’ve been part of my stepson‘s life since he was three years old, his mother has always wanted his father completely out of his life, and now even nearing 16 years old he knows that emotionally he can’t fully accept me, because it would be a betrayal of his mom. It was painful to fully realize this, and to realize that it may never change, but I focus on myself now and not him.
Am forever grateful to Dr. Gbenga for his counselling and spiritual help that have restore my mum's marriage after 9 years of separation, my Dad is back and we are happy again, thank alot Dr. Gbenga for your help.
Hey Doc, went to get your free book, and it would not let me have it unless I paid for a bundle package, I know it is the the seller you hired, and not (you) behind that sneaky stuff, but still, left a bitter taste in my mouth..
Your marriage is over because you lost frame and she has already checked out. Let her go and get out of the government contract with the least stress possible. Forget her and go your own way and you'll watch your x and all her harpy sister's smash the wall for all eternity. Single men win in the long run.
"Be the spouse you deserve"...this is so hard when ego gets in the way!
Rain Frances, it can be very difficult, but so worth the effort.
“Be the spouse you deserve”….that really struck a chord with me…probably the best thing I’ve heard 🤔👍
Love that! Thank you, Canadian Grown.
these tips are great and work wonderfully if I apply them without hoping they will really save my marriage. I realized I can save myself and no one else. If my spouse doesn’t want to care for a happy marriage, then I’ll have to find my own happiness with or without him.
Sakina Kharrubi, I love your clarity.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I have to thank you so much.. you are honestly the one that has taught me to think this was!!! I can’t thank you enough for the peace you’ve given me and confidence that my happiness is my own hands and nobody else’s!
Yes!
Thank you Dr. Paul! Your videos are so helpful! I see this fight or flight happening a lot. It makes what should be simple conversations go down hill fast. We have been separated for over a year and I have been trying to get our marriage back for 9months. Tons of up and downs but, I don’t give up! She’s seeing someone and it kills me. I try and make the best of our times together and not think about that (witch is so hard for me) but I’m trying to be the best I can. Not sure if this is going to work. Sure hope it will!
bhepp344, I hope it does. Good luck to you.
Thank you SOOOOO much!!!! I took 4 pages of notes and put them into practice… Your tips worked almost immediately! Thank you again!
Fantastic!
Your videos are always so helpful and right on time!!❤
I'm so glad! symphannie hernandez, glad to have you at the channel.
I always enjoy your videos. Your delivery adds to the informative content.
I appreciate that!
Thank you Dr. Paul. Good advice to take away.
You are very welcome
There were a few good nuggets in there. Thank you.
You are welcome.
I need this so much. Thanks Doctor.
Our pleasure.
Be the spouse you want to have...awesome advice!
Truth!
Excellent presentation and just what I needed to hear today. Thanks!
Glad it was helpful!
Wonderful!!!! Thank you!
You are so welcome!
God bless you for doing your wonderful videos. Keep up the great work.
Thank you, I will, appreciate the kind words.
I found out there are prayers for fixing divorce and broken marriages. Although me and my wife are now back together and our love is even stronger but I was a total mess when she first dumped me.
Thank you for this
No problem 😊
This is great!
Thank you, Diane.
Thanks Mrs. Donna
Amber Whitehead, thank you for watching.
10:50 negative story has been created about you
11:10 show up like a really awesome person that you are
12:35 show up with integrity and compassion that you really have.
Wonderful advice that can be applied to many instances of life.
My concern is when others use this but they are really controlling and deceiving others. I have ran into people that show me their controlling side and to others they show up as easy going people with integrity. They make themselves look as if they wonderful!😣. I do wish someone would remove the curtain that they hide behind, so I avoid being around these characters. It's hard to be around them and what is the best approach to deal with them. But when I do have to be around them what is the best approach?
Thank you 😊
Love 2 Learn V Y, smile and be polite. You don't have to buy into the act, but we need to be kind.
My husband truly is mentally ill, but it seems that people think I am only saying it. After 35 years, I was mentally and physically exhausted. His therapist told me I need to be encouraged daily if I stay but I left because I got suicidal. Feeling about 75%better now and going to kintsugi and studying CBT
Otherwise, this is good advice for sure. I did all this with no change - just with him being diagnosed with a few things he did not want meds for. No relationship in 35 years - but we are still friends.
biblestudy888 Collins, I am glad you took care of yourself and are able to still be friends.
I’m in the same situation
this is so me, i need some fixing to do at this toughest time of our lives.
noname, you can do this. I wish you both well.
6:27 6:28
Thank you for watching.
Thank you 🙏
You’re welcome 😊
“Your going to need to e improvements your promising yourself to make whether or not the relationship works out” I know that’s right because I can count 20 times in the past where if I was a better me we wouldn’t be where we are right now. That really eats at me. Knowing their were those times I should have done better.
Cole World, we learn from our mistakes and move on. Don't look back, look forward to the life you are going to make together.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I’m trying to but right now we have no contact and she has our daughter. I am working on myself daily. It looks very bleak right now but I want this relationship and family more than anything. I’m tired of being in broken families. I want a love a life and a parenting couple that will last and be together for good.
"Hurt people, hurt people." Damn
So true.
"just be nice"
So simple.
We are in same house still but basically separated for 3 years now. It came to a head about 3 weeks ago. Divorce word came up. I started working on the let go and move on techniques. We have a very complicated history of breaking up and getting back together. The 4th time, she wanted it over, 2 months later of me going NO Contact, she tracked me down, cried and begged me. That time we got back together, we got married. Now a total time together 18 years. I'm 62 and she's turning 65. Although she seems absolutely 100 % done, and I emotionally need to let go, my mind thinks divorce at this time and age is stupid. Emotional and not thinking clearly. It isn't just my blind eye thinking this, everyone I talk to thinks it's ridiculous to divorce now. There's no issues that are typical GOOD reasons people or one person SHOULD get a divorce. Things really aren't bad. Some how, she always repeats the sabotaging negative talk, indicative of someone who internally facilitates their relationship to fail. As though she can't help herself from doing. I have heard her complain for so long that I started believing I was ALL BAD. It requires me talking to other people to realize I'm a pretty nice guy. I make sure those people know what I did wrong and didn't do right, so I get their unbias opinion.
Basically separated for 3 years tells me you haven't been working on the relationship. Consider some therapy if you want to fix it or to help you in moving on. Friends are great, but often don't have the skills to help you.
We don't really fight, a few weekends ago we had 4 rv trailer family campout with her family, it was a good time. Then two weeks later I lost my job, that's my 7 job in 2 years, all my bills are paid and my portion of our living expenses. Then she decided for separation.
AlWheelin, I wish you the best.
Oddly I have been using all this and she admits it. But shes got the problems u listed I'm your other video. Stonewalling, defensiveness etc. I own my faults and don't make excuses for them. But she's the opposite, I can say things like "hope you and the family have nice holiday season " she will take that negatively and defensive. Doesn't want any conselling or work with my. So now I'm basically working on myself for me as it's all that's left I feel.
James Fisher, and that is a great place to work. You don't want a repeat of the relationship.
Late yesterday I received an email from my ex-husband and it set me into the fight mode.🥊🥊. I wrote a letter to him using the hot pen technique...saying what I really want say🤬. I then deleted the letter but letter had myself permission to allow my anger out. I then did a 20 minute deep breathing e excise.
Peggy Mooney, so glad to hear you are dealing with the emotions and not letting them explode later. You got this.
whether in my family or my relationship w my spouse, i know i’m giving it my all where some people tell me that sometimes i give too much
but to me it’s like, ok, the advice i hear is i need to do more and improve, so i do... i do it until i’m almost burnout and exhausted
and then nothing happens or things get worse... so i end up thinking well if i already tried everything, and it’s not working then do i just give up?
average being, it is worth having the talk with whoever you feel is not responding. Decide what you want out of the relationship, be very clear, then have the talk. It isn't so much about giving up as it is about creating the life you want by living on purpose. What is your purpose?
Unfortunately there are people in this world who will just take advantage of you when you be nice and keep on giving. They are takers and will masterfully manipulate you with no intention of making the relationship better. They will use your positive and constructive attitude only as a way to use you more and benefit from you. In a situation like this, it is better to walk away for the best of everyone. Giving up on a relationship does not mean giving up on yourself or your purpose.
My boyfriend has a daughter and before we got together he was a single dad for 2 years. Now that I’m with him everything’s great except I started noticing that his daughter was very strange. I guess she was experiencing separation anxiety and now I think she gets very jealous that I live there now and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes it’s like I don’t exist when she’s around or she gets upset if I try to help her with anything and not him. I just feel like I don’t fit into my own household and it’s very depressing.
Sammy Copeland, there are a lot of unknowns here so hard to comment. Give it some time and try to find some commonalities with the daughter so she can see you share similar things.
Step families are not easy or normal dynamics. Try to take care of yourself. Start with being a friend don’t rush things and don’t hope for too much. And above all don’t get offended. Hopefully by this time things are different.
I hope your relationship turns out to be a positive and loving one. Just know that most step kids don’t ever fully except their step parents. I think going as in with eyes wide open and understanding that you may never have that parental child bond, and you may never be fully integrated into that child’s life, may be part of the deal, if you can except the deal with that in mind go for it. There’s a great book out by a therapist called the step-monster the author is Wednesday Martin. It is such a great and humorous guide to being a stepmom, it is Wednesdays actual experience, and experience with dozens of other step parents in her practice. I’ve been part of my stepson‘s life since he was three years old, his mother has always wanted his father completely out of his life, and now even nearing 16 years old he knows that emotionally he can’t fully accept me, because it would be a betrayal of his mom. It was painful to fully realize this, and to realize that it may never change, but I focus on myself now and not him.
Am forever grateful to Dr. Gbenga for his counselling and spiritual help that have restore my mum's marriage after 9 years of separation, my Dad is back and we are happy again, thank alot Dr. Gbenga for your help.
Glad your family is together.
Are they still together?? :) I’m so happy
Hey Doc, went to get your free book, and it would not let me have it unless I paid for a bundle package, I know it is the the seller you hired, and not (you) behind that sneaky stuff, but still, left a bitter taste in my mouth..
I will have to check with the team. There is an upsell, just click no and proceed. People get the book all the time without having to pay more.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV
I'd buy em all, but I'm broke at the moment.
You help a lot of people.
I need help asap im so desperate kids work wife live im slowly becoming a walking zombie with no brain
Roberto Anaya, schedule a call at www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall to see what services we offer.
Your marriage is over because you lost frame and she has already checked out. Let her go and get out of the government contract with the least stress possible. Forget her and go your own way and you'll watch your x and all her harpy sister's smash the wall for all eternity. Single men win in the long run.
Iron Willie, thank you.
Be the spouse you deserve. I 🙏🕊💒🏞❤☀️♾