Therapist Breaks Down Love is Blind 3 - SK & Raven - Did I See It Coming?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ย. 2024
- What's Anya Screen, Friends?
Today, I'm breaking down everything that we saw unfold between SK & Raven on-screen. It's so hard to make sense of what we witnessed versus the allegations that have been coming out. Did you see it coming? Let's discuss.
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#therapistreacts #loveisblindseason3
Apart from the whole "you should pay my bill" scene, Raven had the biggest redemption era I've seen in TV in a long time.
I loved how her whole "I'm a good-looking working out girl" persona was actually a façade, loved how she turned down Bartise and how vulnerable she slowly became with SK, how hard it seemed for her to be open and communicate but she put through the work and she compromised so much for the wedding...
She looked so vain at first but then you realize she was the most classy of all of them, like when she turned down Bartise in such an elegant way, even when SK dumped her at the altar she remained so classy and sweet with his mom...Some people said that Cole was the golden retriever of the season, to me Raven was the cat : seemingly vain and distant with her walls up but at the end so caring and sweet. Loved loved loved her.
Agree. I didn’t like her in the beginning. But in the end I like her the most, except that she joined the others in criticizing Cole.
@@midomido1022 I mean honestly this made me like her more. She had no idea that Zanab was lying (how could she ? it's not like she was hanging with Cole all the time), so she stood by her girl. It was sort of a 180 compared to her whole "I'm not like other girls" persona, like I could sense she was thinking the rest of the girls were a bit immature, but she still stood by them. It was clear to me that she longed for affection and companionship.
She could not have known about Cole, and the reunion was too short to change already made-up minds, however, I would have loved to see her confront Matt at some point.
aaaawwwweee I love this analogy! she was the cat! Cole definitely was the golden retriever too lol!
@@matariki9818 OMG Matt was kinda scary and no one called him out!
Yes 💯! I didn't like her at first but Raven turned out to be a really pleasant surprise.
Raven was the only woman who didn't try to manipulate her partner. I liked how awkward she was around him despite looking like a goddess haha
Like a 'goddess' ?!? 😅😅😅
Chick looks like an alien.
@@Lipanj92 she’s stunning. I’m sure you’re better looking though, right?
She’s a gold digger n was making it clear she wasn’t there for love
EXACTLY i loved her from the beginning
I find it strange that everyone focuses so much on how welcoming SK's mom was in their first interaction and at the wedding, but barely even comment on the scene when they were buying the headdress and his mom laid out all the expectations she had of Raven in this marriage. Raven clearly was not ok with those expectations and said that out loud multiple times, and yet no one really talks about that. In my experience coming from a traditional immigrant community, it's not the love that the mother-in-law shows in the beginning that matters. It's the expectations she has of her daughter-in-law, and whether the daughter-in-law can meet them. That is the basis of the relationship. The love is conditional on the daughter-in-law filling the role of serving her son. And if she cannot meet those expectations, that same love will no longer be received. That love is a transaction, and therefore niceness/open arms early on isn't extremely meaningful, when it hasn't been tested. Even if the daughter-in-law can meet the expectations, she's only getting the mother-in-law's love because she's taking care of her son. There is no love there that's independent of the son. And to me that brings up the question of how real that relationship even is. This is a really important aspect of the show that I haven't seen anyone touch on.
THIS! You bring up so many important points that no one seems to talk about.
Yes... THIS T R U L Y. You just summed up a 3-year relationship that was also the longest I've been in. Not long in the big scheme of things, but long enough to change how I now approach EVERY relationship - even at work and with friendships.
I agree with you to an extentt but I'm Nigerian. I can tell you that SK's mum and what we saw, was a woman who was open to accepting Raven and sharing what she believes are the right values of a wife. It may have been traditional but if that woman didn't really like Raven, it would have gone down differently. Take it from me. Nigerian mothers have a way of putting you in your place if they don't like you and they don't hide their emotions. We are very expressive people. Also, the woman didn't impose herself on Raven. Plus, over here families take sides. The fact that that woman still went to see Raven after shit hit the fan shows how genuine she was. Another naija mother would have stuck to her son and kept it moving.
But yeah... we can only comment on what we saw so...
YES
Im from South America and I married an Indian Singaporean. My relationship with his mother was exactly what you describe, I had to fill her expectations of what a "good Indian wife" should do or act like. I was not ready for that, and the expectations were always impossible to meet. it was impossible to have a relationship with her that didn't involve her son. We never bonded as two humans, just as mother in law and "ungrateful" daughter in law...
@@ifediran. i agree. his mother did seem accepting of Raven as a person, they just came from different cultures.
I personally never saw the romantic spark between them. There always seemed to be this weird/ awkward tension and disconnect. Although they would have deep conversations, I never sensed a comfortability between two ppl about to get married. The only time I could possibly see any romantic connection was during the wedding episode. It was more like they were good friends trying to see if there was a possibility of a romantic relationship.
Same. A lot of people were rooting for them but I didn't see any romantic connection. They didn't seem like they liked each other that much. I was surprised he proposed.
He was definitely the “safe choice” for Raven (or so we thought) he was the guy that was already infatuated, let her set the tone and pace of the relationship. She seemed like the one in need of convincing to slowly fall for him. It felt forced at first and there definitely was a friend vibe.
I was never rooting for them because I don’t think she found him attractive and the physical connection was not there. I thought she was just liking him not in love with him.
I agree…zero connection. They were so cringe
Agreed!
The pool scene when Raven said she's not interested in a superficial romance was the turning point for me
Didn't she need him to pay for her rent etc
Agreed. Her actions showed her character in a really positive light.
It sounded like she worked hard and made good money. I don’t think she needed him to pay her rent. It sounded like she made more money than he did (possibly).
It wasn’t necessarily that she needed him to pay for her rent, but that marriage involves a financial commitment and equity. (My hunch is that it was based on previous experiences or hurts). But I respected how upfront she was about it.
Thank you!
I literally went Trya Banks on him..."I was rooting for you! We were all rooting for you!!" 🤣
Mood!
😂😂😂😂
I disagree that SK was simply asking Raven whether anyone from her family was coming to the wedding. He said it was a “problem” that his mom had. She seemed triggered not because he was asking questions, but because her family’s lack of interest in her important moments is very hurtful to her and it was now being taken as a negative about her by his family who she so desperately wants to impress, even though she had no control over her family’s decisions.
Exactly! When she said “what else can I do??” I felt that, deeply.
Yoo, what family doesn't go to their daughter's wedding. Raven never involved them because there was no marriage in site for her from the beginning.
@MrPrinceW1 you are ignorant. Thats like saying "what family would show up and ruin their wedding?" Which is most families soo....
I hate this too. People with nice families think that someone not having a close relationship is a red flag, but family is where trauma starts for a lot of people. Some people don’t have a relationship with family for a good reason and it hurts to be isolated like that.
I started doubting S.Ks intention the moment he said 'no' to Raven. Before hand he had not really expressed any doubts about their relationship so something went off for me when he said no. I know from experience that children who come from polygamous homes (no matter how difficult it was) find it difficult to be monogamous...its just how it is..
most men find it difficult to be monogamous.
@@kufresh1988 ignorant
@@kufresh1988 Lol...true
When SK started bringing up concerns about her family… I saw that as his way out of marrying her. I personally related to Raven a lot. I am mixed, have a small disconnected often toxic family, I have a chosen family with friends, and I love to work out. I also can’t sit still for very long and have to move around during work meetings and long conversations. I was so sad and personally triggered myself when the blame was on her for her family’s actions. When you don’t have a close biological family it’s good to find a partner who is understanding.
I don't get putting blame on her either. If it's more healthy for her to stay away from her family, pushing her to bring them together for the sake of the wedding is toxic in itself. It's putting her in position that she cannot win.
@@justjustjusification I agree. Sometimes blood relatives are unstable, mean, or unsafe and it's sadly safer to keep your distance from them. Pressuring her about her family was so unfair.
Although I loved how non-problematic their relationship was, he seemed to always say the right thing during the relationship, which was a bit of a red flag.
Or maybe we're seeing everything as a red flag now 😂😅
so now saying the right thing is a red flag? omg i really can’t with y’all
This makes no sense
@@aathenaiz6151 I believe they mean when someone is always saying the right thing. Cause we’re not always going to be super optimistic and understanding and patient, right? But he seemed to constantly be that way and that’s a little odd lol. No one is that perfect you know 😂
He wasn't actually saying the right thing. He was just going along with everything, never really facing and discussing any issue.
So… apparently he was in a relationship prior to Love is Blind and had been continuing to date this person while still with Raven after he said no to her at the altar. The whole time he was with another girl, taking her on vacations etc
He was also cheating on that girl before the show. Last I checked 2 girls have said they were seeing him before and after the show
How awful. Playing with a wonderful woman. Getting revenge on the Beauty.
It'd be nice if Raven come out and say if dating exclusively during reunion
@@jasonexperience8970 raven strikes me as the type of woman who would absolutely *not* accept being in a publicly open relationship. Even in private, it’s clear to me that she values herself to a degree that if she’s going to date a man (especially in the public eye) she is going to be insistent on being exclusive. Her TikToks confirm this for me. She definitely wasn’t in on the non exclusivity SK was indulging in behind the scenes
He grew up with a culturally polygamous background. Not sure why he just won’t be polygamous instead of lying to women and cheating behind their backs
As an African, I had hope that SK would break past the stereotypes of Nigerian men abut when he didn't I couldn't say I was surprised
Defender of the stereotype 🤣
I never felt like there was a true connection between them. It always felt a bit removed and guarded. While I'm surprised it ended the way it did, I was expecting them to separate
Truly about her working out, maybe she just really enjoys working out. That's a thing too. A genuine one for many.
Agreed.
Exactly!
I found her TH-cam by accident and her videos are actually solid 😂
Same! I honestly love her videos and her personality actually seems really sweet
Drop the link
@mbalidubazane8541 it's PilatesBodyRaven. But you can just search raven pilates
Same! I don’t even watch or like the Love is Blind series but I’m absolutely obsessed with her videos about it.
I love how Steph acknowledged how difficult it is for parents in law to suddenly have to step back and allow their children’s partners to fill a role that they once held. Not excusing the mistreatment of your child’s partner but that experience of ‘letting go’ as a parent is life changing and difficult and I feel like a lot of people don’t acknowledge that or think about what the parents might be going through
I honestly think people judged raven too harsh. I’m neurodivergent and see a lot of my self in her. People thinking we are stuck up and bougie but we’re just awkward and don’t know what to do with ourselves. Going to what we know what familiar with (her Pilates) her rigidness in change and what she wants/likes. Not really letting in at first having a emotional barrier up 😅. I’m not 100% sure but she opened up a bit more on tik tok. And I can really see it looking back.
YES same
100%
Same! I’m autistic and almost everyone who doesn’t know me assumes I’m a bitch until I talk to them. I’m just not a bubbly person and I don’t go out of my way to make people feel better.
I agree, I just thought she was trying to keep her body stimulated while trynna focus
I’m ND too, and I didn’t see it in her until after SK said no at the alter. The way she was in the room by herself and towards SK’s mom, I could really see her struggling with keeping it all together and it really seemed to me like she had been masking the whole time. Before that I saw her like everyone else, superficial and all that. I think she was just trying to not get hurt. On the surface she comes across as really confident and put together, but the insecurities really shined through after he said no. I really saw her taking it more like Deepti did when she called it off with Shake. I figured Raven would have been much more like “well, it’s your loss!” And just moved on. But the rejection sensitivity was on full display after he called it off and she was in the room by herself. I can relate a lot to her. I was the “ugly duckling” growing up and almost until 30. I had jaw surgery and became “hot” and it really messed with my head to be getting all that feedback. Nearly 10 years later and it still messes with me. I just want to be seen for and loved for me. The awkward, nerdy girl, who’s also kind, sweet, and caring. But I feel this pressure to fit some mould because I get treated completely differently now that my face is more “normal” or what’s considered “beautiful.” I haven’t changed so I don’t understand why it matters now. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to wrap my head around it. Now, she comes across to me as someone who’s also just trying to figure it all out and play by the “rules” that make zero sense. But that could also just be a lot of my own projection.
I’m neurodivergent and some of my stims include me working out or stretching while people talk. By moving my body I can focus my attention on the other person talking to me. If I stay still, I will more than likely not listen at all to the person talking & ruminate in my own thoughts.
I get how that hurt Bartise when he heard her working out while he opened to her. I am in no way dismissing his emotions nor am I labeling Raven. I’m just stating my experience as a person and pointing out people can be different in how they process information.
Coming from a Nigerian background (lol) I was always suspicious of SK. I did think he was going to say "yes", and was a bit surprised when he said "no". Although, the cheating allegations that came out....I was not surprised. It's a shame.
This!!! Lol. People who know (the stereotypical) Nigerian man clocked SK’s smoothness right from the pods.
@@taranwakudu this Naija did too... and I worried I was just being judgmental or pulling from my own family and putting that onto him. Validated
same here 🙋♀
I was looking for this as a Nigerian the writing was on the wall sis was gonna chop breakfast . We know how smooth some Naija bros can be
cmon she was demanding and uncompromising how would you expect him to say yes and also her family not coming and it being involved is odd for a nigerian
After seeing Raven interviewed on Nick Viall's show, I believe it was a real relationship, at least for her. She talked about the challenges they had as a couple, some of focused around them sharing space, and I just can't see her being able to fabricate those details. Maybe he had ulterior motives, or maybe there was a layer to the relationship where they both did, but I don't think it was a publicity stunt.
After hearing Steph's take on Raven's bond with SK's mom/family, I also wonder how much of a motivator that was for her to fight to work it out. It seems like the family filled an emotional need that maybe she didn't even realize she had.
It is sad that it didn't work out, for all the reasons mentioned in the video. I really liked Raven's story arc. She won me over.
I really never understood what was it about SK that Raven liked so much. He didn't seem interesting to me at all, lol. I think Raven has a huge heart which is probably broken, hopefully not, but even if it is, I hope she knows that one eventually gets over it and feeling heartbroken won't last a lifetime. I hope she finds someone who really appreciates her truly and fully, she deserves it. 💞
Same. I think she was forcing herself to " like " someone she would normally never talk to. I say get your type and stop forcing.
I was bamboozled too lol I guess looking back on it, he did seem a little too perfect and even nonchalant at times, but I definitely wouldn't be saying this if the cheating scandal hadn't happened so 🤷♀️ I'm still processing it with you
I loved your breakdown of SK and Raven. I was rooting for them too! I still am. I loved seeing her walls break down and watching their love blossom. The way they communicated with each other was extremely refreshing to watch- as most of the other couples on the show were barely touching the "communication" surface. I'm always grateful for your insight. Happy Holidays!
@@marissaurias5116 lol. I know
I'm having my own party.
Everyone on TH-cam is know a therapist. I thought you needed a qualifications for that.
I mean the editors are the ones who put her exercising in all those episodes so I don’t see it as her trying to promote herself. It’s something she enjoys so she does it a lot, the show is the one that decided to put it in the episodes.
I dunno about the business promoting for Raven....sure trainers are always promoting themselves to some extent, it's the only way they earn money, but I think she seriously just works out constantly. I know people like that, in killer shape, tons of energy, they never stop. Raven seems like that boundless energy type
She gave me anxious energy
Even when the other person is opening up and being vulnerable is too much
SK was red flag to me when they shared that he was moving to another state 2 weeks after the “experiment” ended- did he really plan to get married & his new wife quit her job & move to a new state in 6 weeks? Seems unrealistic to do both things in 6 wks … I thought Raven’s religion was Pilate/fitness, which is why we saw her work out a lot but she really didn’t talk about business a lot. Fitness is her main thing & it’s bigger for her than jus looking good
Wowwww as a psychologist in training, I absolutely LOVE the concept of collateral sessions. I wish more therapists practiced this! It would provide such powerful insights.
I was also bamboozled and did not expect that at all from them. I really thought they would make it down the aisle once he is done with school. I would love it if could do a follow-up video on Zanab and Cole after seeing the cuties scene.
She released that video about Zanab and Cole earlier :)
I tend to think that men from a polygamist background are suspect, regardless of what they say. In my opinion, culturally I think there would pressure to live a polygamist lifestyle -- so what's to stop them from being with multiple partners when single? Then another possibility is that both Raven and SK agreed to take advantage of the opportunity to create a marketable brand from the appeal of their relationship. It's hard to know whats going on, frfr.
Hey Steph!
I'm a psychology student from Brazil and I've been watching your videos for a while and I really love them!
I don't know if you feel comfortable doing a review of other countries' "Love is Blind", but Brazil's just released it's second season and it would be amazing if you checked it out!
I'd love to hear your opinion in the relationships - especially one on the first season which includes a psychologist! I feel like people expect psychologists to be perfect all the time and not at all like regular people. So, it would be amazing if you could comment on it!
Please keep up the amazing work you've been doing! ❤
I saw Lib Brazil and its full of drama too. It's scary how people cns connect si much and then end up so bad screaming at each other.
I also believed Raven's grief when SK rejected her. She went from being slow to warm up to trusting and then, when rejected, she had to lie down. Really sad but apparently good to find out now
Ugh, I felt your heartbreak in this video, especially when you said "I was starting to become a super SK and Raven stan." My partner and I were so on board with their personality as a unit, with their cadence and confidence in each other and the process. They just seemed so authentic, like a legit IRL couple. We even guessed that they secretly planned not going through with the wedding so they could go at their own pace, and when they said they were still dating at the reunion we were rooting them on even more!
I was genuinely shocked by the 'scandal' when I first heard of it, and I still can't really wrap my mind around it. This is genuinely something I find myself analyzing idly often so bear with me here lol
I feel like the more I hear/learn about it and reflect on the show, the less I understand it. For example, personality-wise (going off of stereotypes, surface-level observations, internalized sexism, and first impressions), I'd have assumed it was Raven who cheated. Although by the end of the season I came to respect and relate to Raven the most on the show, SK was just so lukewarm to me the entire season that I couldn't picture him being the flamboyant playboy that was portrayed in the claims and their alleged receipts. That said, I can't picture Raven being that way either, especially when have the example of how she carried herself in her conversation with Bartise to refer back to, plus when she's at the bachelorette party and says she'd rather be hanging with her fiancé. She seems really serious about her commitment.
Of course, it could have all been faked. They could have somehow made a deal early on that this would all be for clout; that they would say and do all the 'right' things that would make them seem legit so nobody (the producers) wouldn't suspect anything. Which could potentially explain why we feel so much misalignment while watching them (if that theory turned out to be true). Another thing I get hung up on is after the ceremony, when Raven says "I was going to say yes today." That could have been an outright lie to push the storybook narrative, or it could have been genuine and SK really just duped the hell out of her.
Exploring it further, I find myself getting hung up on why Raven put out a statement regarding how they can't share details because of 'legal proceedings'; maybe I just don't know enough about the regulations surrounding reality TV participants, but why would a now-real-life couple get in *legal* hot water for a totally real-life relationship issue? Is it because SK was the one faking it the whole time and now Raven and the show are coming for him? Or is it because the show found out *they* were faking it and is addressing it? I can't imagine there would be a clause in their contracts that says "you can't cheat on your partner within a year of the show" or "you must stay together for a minimum of X amount of time after you leave the show," but even if there were, it wouldn't even apply to them because they didn't get married. Maybe Raven is just suing his ass for lying to her and humiliating her.
Seriously, this is like solving a mystery to me, it's so fascinating to analyze. But ugh, it's such a confusing mess and we'll probably never know the full truth because it's none of our business lol but the psychology of it all just keeps me on the hook!
P.S. I love your vids! I love how careful and clear you are with your perspectives, opinions, and observations. You clearly are great at maintaining a very open mind and being able to hear that empathy in your work makes your content really comfortable and engaging to watch. I can get impatient quickly when I hear ugly or excessive bias in something I'm listening to, and I have yet to get that from you! Keep doing what you're doing; your authenticity and passion are gifts to this world!
I so agree that Micah surrounded herself with mean girls. That second friend, Shelby is not a good friend, the way she judged Paul before even knowing him and literally smirked at her friend being left at the altar, “hoping that would happen” wtf
I am white, my husband is Mexican, the way raven handled coming into a family with a different culture, is exactly how you have to handle it. She wasn’t up front in saying to SKs mom, you have to handle it in a respectful, and curious way. There are so many times that people come into a relationship and the way it’s handled makes people question their intentions, is this something that you’re fetishizing? Or are you genuinely open to learning the culture and living the culture with your partner
I would have liked to hear Stephanie's take on the whole "razzle dazzle" thing. To me it seemed like Raven was complaining that SK was too chill to the point of boring her. And I felt maybe they were not a good personality match because she wanted him to be more outgoing and energetic. And also like it was weird that she was putting the pressure on him to work on the "razzle dazzle" instead of thinking she should also put some effort into it.
Yes! I had similar thoughts when first watching
Me, too.
Yes!
Agree
Well, apperantly he razzle-dazzled enough outside the relationship. So it was probably an intuition from Raven.
I love this series! Besides being fun, I think they are also very educational because you go into detail about the different patterns and attachment styles.
I think it'd good to also talk about the couples that worked out/got married? From a therapist point of view, what do you think they're doing that is making them last? Is it just their personalities matching or do you see other patterns that contribute to their success?
Thank you for doing these videos! I love your content ☺️
Seems they were trying to convince themselves they were a good couple, always saying other couples were shallow or basic but that they weee soo deep
You can be with the most beautiful person and still cheat instead of just breaking it off. Damn.
It's funny because I saw Raven as a genuine soul from the beginning, just very emotionally guarded. The viral clip of her doing jumping jacks while Bartise goes on about the history of cheating in his family says more about how fake she already was beginning to realize Bartise was, than anything else. I think a lot of the public's bias against her was based in the idea that because of her appearance and her sense of humor she didn't have depth. But her actions and words showed from the very beginning, to me, that she was the type to guard her heart. Seeing that she's bougie and vocal about her material standards, I understand why people might assume she's superficial. But, really, her standards are the same standards as most women have getting married. None of the women on this show except for Nancy intended to be financial providers in their marriages. I immediately saw SK as someone who potentially bottles up resentment when 1. he didn't defend himself when Raven's friends insulted him (from my experience, anyone absorbing insults like that without a response are the type to 'get back' at people later and in more underhanded ways rather than just express how they feel in the moment) and 2. the way he humiliated Raven in from of everyone on their wedding day as, what I interpreted, a 'punishment' for her not being the ideal wife he felt he deserved as a man with high standing in his community. He spoke a lot about not expecting Raven to be anyone but herself. But his actions gave off insecurities that, to me, looked like fear of embarrassment for having a wife who did not perform her role in a way that reflected well on him in his culture. He did not seem like the type to stand up for Raven. Not in front of an audience or against his family and friends. Raven did not stand up for him again her friends, but she was quick to defend him over and over again to the public. We all have different experiences shaping our interpretations of small actions. But those things stood out to me. I actually never saw SK as an ideal partner. And I could tell Raven's feelings were sincere and she was simply the type to downplay emotions. I didn't peg SK as a cheater to the extent that was revealed, but I definitely interpreted him as a passive aggressive person from pretty early on.
Oh my gosh you got that right. I have had a relationship that is very similar to SK and Raven. I saw it from the start and knew something was not right.
Yes, the automatic thing people do when attacked is to defend themselves. It's a natural human response, someone who never ever ever ever ever defends themselves even in just one situation mmmmh 🤔 Those are the type who bottle up resentment and wait until you are fully in to unleash an unexpected awful surprise on you.
Unfortunately, such people brand themselves as composed, ideal and focused on you until they are not.
I will definitely do more research on this.
I loooove your breakdowns for these shows!
Hey Steph, please do break down on the "Best Man - The Final Chapters" couples. It is such a nostalgia seeing them reunite once again.
can you do one of these for jessica from season 1?
Yes, please.!! Also, the guy she was engaged to Mark, he ended up having a lot going on.
I feel really bad for Raven. There’s *a lot* of women or men who will have any reason to *DRAG* a beautiful women because of their own biases or insecurities.
I was fooled too by SK & Raven’s story.
Thank you for sharing your analysis about human psychology and how we can become better human beings. ❤
I really tried to like Raven and SK, but I just didn’t see the spark. I was still shocked about him saying no, them dating afterwards and the cheating. I really loved how open to his culture she was, and his willingness to go at whatever pace she set. But the compromises/or lack there of gave me weird vibes. However, I really do not trust the editing on shows like these so I keep trying to remind myself of that...BUT Raven making fun of the other girls for liking girly things felt very not-like-other-girls behavior :/
I felt on the nlog part she actually genuinely felt that she wasn't like the other girls there, which is fair because we're all different. I didn't get the feeling she was saying "I'm not like other girls, I'm better, pick me etc" I think she was just feeling that her interests and lifestyle didn't align with the other women's ideas there and she was frustrated with that. I think we tend to forget that saying you don't relate to others/compare yourself to others isn't always to say one is better or worse but simply sharing your feelings. I could be remembering it wrong though, but my feeling was that it wasn't out of malice.
@@stuckinthelazycorneragain4016 yeah thats fair! I could be reading the tone differently, there was some eye rolling and chuckling when talking about the girls and it personally felt mean spirited. I went and rewatched the part I was referring to, to see how I felt about it now, it was in episode 8 around 8minutes in, when they were chatting in the kitchen. Raven was saying that the girls “all wanna stay home and be stay-at-home moms. They want that come home to your husband cook dinner for him, like take trips to Disney World, like thats fine but that is just not who I am”. I don’t know, to me it sounded im-not-like-other-girls cattiness/talking down about other women but thats just my own interpretation of it :)
Edit: to add, I wasn’t saying she was a pick-me girl, or that she said she was better than others. I agree theres a way to express your feelings/ideas/believes/values without a tone that implies better/worse. I just didn’t feel that neutral tone in this conversation. But, like I said in my first comment, I dont trust the editing of these shows so they could have removed all the nice things Raven said and only kept the catty stuff in :)
@@MoodyMellowMel Right, yes. I can definitely see how it can be perceived that way and obviously we don't know what exactly Raven's intentions were. To me it more felt like she was venting because she felt like she had to be a certain way (like the other girls) but I can see how her words can come across as mean spirited.
Just wanted to share how I felt about it because way too often we assume the worst about people (i am guilty of this!) but then when you think of it from another perspective it can give you more understanding. But like you said we don't even get the full picture because the possibility of everything being edited is always there...
I was so nervous during that conversation while watching it. I was on the edge of my seat freaking out
You actually made me like raven more in this video! Lol. Thank you for a great video. I was wondering if you would comment on harry and meghan. They had this big netflix series, that shows their side. And there are tons of resources that claim they lied or tell the story in a different way. I would love to hear your take on this!
Very unrelated but YOU ARE STUNNING! hair! Face! Makeup! Accessories! I am here for all of it 🙌🏾
I really want a video about barnett and Amber. I know it's a different season but I think their relationship is the really underrated. They had a very relatable situation, Lauren and Cam were the fairy tale
@SeventiesLeo I don't completely agree with this. Netflix amplified their drama because it made for good TV. Both Amber and Barnett have their excesses, it takes a lot for people like that to find a middle ground and make it work, let alone stay together. Also, notice that during their season we never truly got to see Barnett's responses when she started dumping on him outside the pods. He may be goofy but he isn't a push over. If he was she wouldn't have a gotten a job. They both also seem to have grown up alot since the show. Either ways, their relationship is not a fairy tale. And they've managed to navigate it. But I guess we all interprete things differently and that's OK too
I didn’t like Raven right from the start . I didn’t buy that out of the sudden she changed , was in love and stopped promoting her business .
Plus SK didn’t show too much emotions in my point of view .
I was actually surprised they were “together” at the reunion .
I agree with a lot of your analysis, I felt much of the same watching the two of them, and I thought they had turned into the most solid couple on the show - SK started off being great almost immediately in the conversations he was having, in the things he was saying (like addressing her concerns about there not necessarily being instantaneous chemistry, about having a unique relationship that doesn't have follow any norms or constraints, reassuring her about going at her pace and letting things get comfortable between them and then the chemistry will naturally flow), and Raven really grew on me the more I watched her (I also saw her as shallow, she seemed to be interested in either big muscles or men who would be willing to provide financial incentives for her to stay with them, but then with that one conversation at the pool with Bartise it became so clear that there was a lot more depth to her and that she perhaps really was trying to find that real, emotional connection). Both of them defied my expectations, but I had some reservations about SK being quick to reassure Raven but slow to voice his own concerns, and ultimately I felt let down by SK's reasons for saying no. I think one of her friends actually called it - she said that she was basically weary of SK because he was too agreeable, saying all the right things and yes to everything, very acquiescent. I felt that way too - watching the scene where they are talking in the bathroom about living in two different states and their financial situation, SK laid it on the line that he was going to be on a very limited student budget, and would be relying on his savings until he graduated. Raven was being unrealistic and uncompromising asking him to subsidize her lifestyle by paying rent at an apartment he's rarely using and can't afford (especially as she's not expecting to help him pay the rent for his housing in CA - not sure if that is covered by his scholarship). But instead of continuing this conversation (then or at a later date) and voicing his very obvious inability to meet her financial expectations of a partner in this moment in his life, and perhaps pointing to the short-sightedness of it (because after he graduates he will be more financially secure) and using that to negotiate a compromise, he just kind of relented, and told her friends that he would provide for her (including while he was in school!). And then he blamed her for not compromising when he barely attempted to negotiate or vocalize his feelings. The issue about her family not being there, I mean, I didn't like that he held it against her - she can't force them to come. I know he didn't feel right about it, and maybe she should've opened up more about her family dynamic, but she clearly had more of a chosen family, and they were there - not agreeing with her choice, but supporting her nonetheless. I feel like he peeled down her walls just to blindside her, and that turned me against him before I ever heard of any cheating rumors. And I still don't want those to be true, and probably they aren't, because they didn't get back together RIGHT after the show stopped filming, so the official line from SK is that he dated other people during this time between the show and him and Raven reconnecting, and Raven has not said anything, BUT they did break up shortly after the rumors leaked so... 🤷🏽♀. Seems like regardless of whether the timeline overlapped, it caused the same result.
raven seemed totally heartbroken about it
Ok, from my understanding of what I’ve read on SK’s side, he’s saying that they weren’t immediately dating following the altar. They both went to live their single lives at which point SK had a casual relationship with the girl that outed him on TikTok. SK says they weren’t a couple, she’s not his ex. Then I’m guessing at some point after that, SK and Raven got back together hence the announcement at the reunion. Now my thing is, did SK effectively communicate this to the TikTok girl? Did he explicitly let her know the situation was casual and not gf/bf tings? Did he properly break it off with this girl so there’d be no confusion and clear stop and start between that relationship and Raven’s? That’s where I think the problem is.
Taking trips with the gf not Raven... unless Raven was in on it?
As someone who has a mother in law from a immigrant (muslim) family with very traditional values I was surprised about how normal it seems for the show that his mother just stated all this basically misogynist facts about how the wife will have to behave. And Raven just listening and not arguing. I would have just left. For me, if someone comes to another country, you should accept your children marrying outside of your community which comes with different (more modern in this case) values. Otherwise don't leave your country. My (atheist) husband luckily doesn't care about his mother and her strict religious beliefs, but I find it weird that this point was not discussed at all, also between Raven and SK. For me it is a trigger point because of my experiences with my husbands family. Doesn't matter how "nice" and "open" they behave if they just dump all this expectations on the wife without even asking how she feels about this.
I thought SK was overly agreeable, which seemed fishy, I didn’t think there was a lot of chemistry between them. So I was not surprised when the scandal blew out. I thought SK seemed fake sorry not sorry lol!
Likewise I thought Brennan was overly agreeable and Alexa wasn’t into him like he was into her but that’s another topic.
Exactly I never felt like Alexa truly loved brennon.
I love your hair😍
I didn’t trust SK’s eyes lol something about his eyes were deceitful.
I can’t believe how many people are so chill with her expecting HIM to maintain HER lifestyle… like what? He’s not your bank account, you’re a grown ass woman. I found that super toxic and a major red flag, but apparently no one else minded so….
I feel like that was part of the reason that he chose to say no at the altar is because he didn't want to be responsible for paying all her bills while he didn't even live there and you know apparently he doing a little dipping
Non of them came into that show to actually find a wife/husband they all just want fame 🤷🏾♂️
I really don't think that you 'pass off the health and wellness' of your child to their spouse. If you've raised them right, that's their own job now, not a burden for their spouse. Wives are not their husbands new mothers.
Some moms don’t seem to get that though. My ex’s mom literally left it to me to teach him how to use a credit card.
He went to Mexico with this blonde girl a month before he went to Mexico with Raven and another couple from the show and he had the audacity to tell them how excited he was to be there since he had never been to Mexico before but in reality he was there last month 😂😂
Yayyyy been waiting for this Steph!!💕💕💕
I always say, I don’t see them together. Doesn’t make sense to me
Raven was right about trusting the "signs"..the fish died....first sign. He said "I do not", should have been the validation on that 1st sign.
I didn’t and still don’t believe their relationship was real. Otherwise, how would he have been able to be with SO MANY women publicly within the time span of recording and then now… 🤨
And clearly SK had the money to pay her rent if he could fly women internationally to be with him😅
I loved these videos! Could you PLEASE do videos on the upcoming season of Love Island UK? It premiers on January 16th (but usually is put on American Hulu a couple weeks late), I love your videos and that’s my favorite reality show so I’d really love to see your analysis of it at the end of the series!
I have no clue how he had everyone fooled. He never seemed into Raven ; they seemed to have nothing in common ; he never tried to touch her or show her affection he did not seem attracted to her. He is a traditional Nigerian man but lied and acted like he wasn't. I didn't see any deep conversations happening in the pods..there was zero chemistry. The outcome was not a surprise to me at all.
It's hereeeeee!!! Thank you for making this one ♥️
Sk and Raven’s relationship went too smoothly. It felt unreal and scripted. They had zero chemistry. She called him boring in numerous ways. He never stood up for himself he just yes manned his way through every scene. She had unrealistic financial demands on him which was ridiculous because it was clear that she already secured her own bag. At the end of the day SK said no and I highly doubt they were actually dating afterwards. I think they were both clout chasing she was definitely more concerned about getting more yoga clients than her actual relationship. That’s why she didn’t even consider moving with SK. She probably said I’m not moving after all this business that’s about to pour in
I don’t remember the episode or who SK was talking to specifically but a red flag went up for me when all the guys were together and one of the guys said something like he was talking about their guys night with his partner and SK basically said that wasn’t okay. That what happens with the guys is just between them. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I caught on a rewatch that she also did some cam stuff. I also picked up on the Pilates thing. While I’m not one to judge any of that as a negative thing in isolation, but it hits a little different when taken in concert with her expectations that he pays her entire rent while living elsewhere and her general kinda.. coldness. I dunno, I’m definitely not tryin to shame any practice, I just feel like the life experiences she’s had might lead to this kinda transactional relationship expectation.
Loved all the other analysis, but this one seems off the point and totally biased. I understand the love for how SK portrayed himself during the show and how Raven has been shut down for some of her values. Yet, I personally grew to like Raven more because of her honesty and authenticity while SK seemed too polished and would always say the right things or calm things down to keep a good grip. Also the mom’s behaviour, even tho tender, was transactional, and I was personally in utter chock when they kept saying that Raven would have to stop being herself to please her husband and become an invisible wifey. I wonder how come you didn’t address that and only praised the Mom. This couple seemed complex and it was indeed interesting to follow their stories. I’m glad he said no to Raven, it saved her from being told how to behave/dress/speak after marriage because I’m 98% sure that’s what would have happened.
Please go back and do seasons 1 & 2 😂
I did season 2!
I found it! Thanks 😊
Can we still please get a throwback to season one?
A video on Lauren and Cameron is much needed and would be much appreciated
It’s interesting the amount of negative judgements towards Nigerian men in the comments especially because I assume, solely based on on Steph Anya’s last name, that she’s married to a Nigerian or Nigerian-American like myself. All of that aside, I love this reaction and much of the things that you highlighted. I had no idea of the cheating allegations until watching this video because I don’t keep tabs on the tabloids but I did watch this entire season. I didn’t see it coming but I think as LMFT’s we watch shows with such different lenses by default. I enjoyed this. Thank you!
I didn't really understand why people loved SK so much - he said all the right things, and it sounded very nice, but he was expecting a lot of one-sided sacrifice from Raven and that put me off. I also really disliked how he spoke about the inconvenience of Raven's parents not wanting to attend the wedding. I could tell it made Raven feel insecure and cornered, which was a red flag. He should have been supportive of her, period.
These are so interesting! Could you react to the ultimatum?
Not related to the show, I just wanted to say that you're absolutely gorgeous! 😍
Can you please do alexa and Brennon with good things to look out for?? Like green flags??❤
Nah sis. Brennan is clearly Alexa's errand boy. It helps that she comes from money. Otherwise, that spoiled rotten plastic pig has nothing good to offer. Plus she supports Zanab, the narcissist.
The only person I know who saw this coming was my dad? Who only watched one episode, I initially dismissed him but I have a few questions now.
I started watching this show after seeing the teaser of raven and sk's wedding. My first thought was "I bet this guy cheated" (naija stereotypes) and this woman doesn't look honest either. But when I watched the show, I thought raven was THE red flag. Sk seemed emotionally intelligent and we could see him be low-key uncomfortable at raven's red flags. Seeing a black mother in law accept a daughter in law so quickly was fishy (again black stereotype). I thought his family just wanted to marry him off ASAP so that some truth didn't come out. But I ignored that and continued to think he was genuine. Still, when he said no to her, regardless of his cheating, I still thought his decision was valid because of so many issues she brought up (uncomfortable with naija family dynamics, didn't introduce her family, long distance marriage, acting like grad school is not a big deal, wanting him to finance her lifestyle but not wanting to finance his needs, etc.). Overall I think the black men on this show are all just stereotypes and underwhelming
Idk if anyone mentioned this, but they did "After the Alter" episodes and SK actually reproposed to her and everything. I felt so bad for Raven. She gave a whole interview with Nick Viall and it came out that SK went on a couple's trip to Mexico a few weeks before he went to the same place with Raven. He even invited her on a trip he knew she couldn't make it to so then he can turn around and invite his side piece. It was a whole thing. He even told her to her face that he was never really attracted to her and it turns out all the women he was having affairs with were white girls with blonde hair or something. It was awful.
You really should review Brennon & Alexa.
If you’re Nigerian, you’re not surprised 😂😂 our men are notorious for having secret women on the side
I didn't see the craziness that resulted post reunion happening but I don't think we've had 2nd choice couples work out yet. Cam& Lauren, Barnett & Amber- both each other's 1st choice!
AND Happy Joyful Holidays to you & your family. Thank you for the content
“WE WERE ROOTING FOR
YOU! We were all ROUTING FOR
YOU!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣 they definitely fooled me.
Can you please do love is blind France, their emotions are more real
She went on nick vile’s pod cast on 2/16/23 that might be a good reaction video.
I was pretty fooled and rooted for them in the comments. I’m married to a man on the spectrum so I was over identifying with some of the stiffness I saw as just cute and awkward stuff that happens when a couple takes it slow. But that face he made when he said no at their wedding. He just looked so wrong. Like he desperately needed to poop or had come down with a fever. Or both. He just looked SO guilty and tense. It was more expression than he’d had to that point. It makes sense now that he was comfortable lying when in relative private but uncomfortable when trying to keep the story in front of others.
I didn't think he could handle a whole Woman like Raven. Also, he kept judging her for family not showing up as if it's her fault. He wasn't man enough for Raven. He couldn't even keep up with a whole workout, 😂😂😂. Yeah, I didn't care for him.
The hair is giving glamour.
Whole time i thought it wasn’t gonna work because possibly raven was going to be offensive towards his family’s culture. But wow was i shocked. I am so sorry raven. You deserve a real king that loves you and respects you sis.
Lol…people in the comments pretending like they saw “it” coming. You didn’t see a damn thing coming.
Raven was a surprise favorite of mine. Initially, I thought she was uninteresting, but when she and SK began to feel each other...she piqued my curiosity. As I followed their story, her loyalty to him throughout the process revealed to me that she was really into him and that she was being serious. Anyway, I want to see more of Raven and see where things go with her after this experience. It turns out, she's charming...I like her!
I was totally blindsided. I thought they were just too cute, and if anything I was afraid Raven was going to blow it.
As a couple therapist, I would really like to know, what are your thoughts on cheating? Is it forgivable? Do you usually work with clients who are trying to get past a cheating situation? Do you believe that "once a cheater, always a cheater?"
Just asking out of curiosity :)
My friends boyfriend didn’t want him to meet his family as well and he felt a type of way about it. With this it makes sense, not meeting family could be something very important to someone one reason being how they behave around family will always be different than you
SK coming from a polygamy background and acting "perfect" during the show made me question him from the get-go
As a Muslim women coming from a polygamous and traditional setting; I can attest that there’s a difference between polygamous and promiscuity. Polygamy is a religious and cultural practice which people practice & experience differently. What I saw SK doing was cracking a “hard nut”. He knew Raven was a “hard to get type” n he sign up for it to test the magic of his words on her. Usually men like SK do this to women with strong characters to either humble/hurt or subdue her. I knew from the word go he wasn’t up to anything genuine.
I am ok with my partner getting another wife. I would hope people wouldn’t judge my children or deny them as potential partners because of that.
@@FunFacts-r27yes some people don’t realize how much of a blessing polygamy can be. It isn’t just being promiscuous.
Will you also make videos about season 4 of love is blind? I'm really curious what you'll say about those couples 😊
Can you do a therapist break down of the show “Ready to Love” on OWN network? I love your breakdowns and think you would find that show interesting
One thing that annoys me the most about this whole issue is that most if not all were like "SK is the ideal man and I want him for myself" by a lot of people out there, but they found out he is cheating and all of a sudden there come a lot of folk who say "yeah there was always smth fishy about him". I'm not interested in their scandals at all, their life is their life. What's a better discussion topic is how people change views so fast. Sure, the cheating is horrible, but it's bizarre to me how fast people went from "I love him 😍" to "he always gave me these red flags"
Because cheating is a major thing that involves lying, deceit and presenting a false narrative. People could recognise it was too good to be true but had no proof so allowed themselves bamboozled by SK’s false portrayal of being a good and faithful man
Hindsight is 20/20