How to Stop Waiting For Their Text Back (for Anxious Attachment)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.พ. 2025
- Are you anxiously waiting for them to text back? Are you unable to focus and keep checking your phone? The anxiety builds and the desperation is so intense (I know). In this video Carly Ann shares top tips + what it really takes for you to free yourself from this painful pattern of waiting for them to contact you.
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i get this feeling alot, and i normally just tell myself, "hey yk they have a life outside of me and is busy, they have no obligation to text me back fast" and it calms me down a bit. it's hard but you just have to tell yourself it doesn't matter and if they don't text u back someone else will.
Yes. There are tons of reasons for no text to show up, all that have nothing to do with you.
Thanks! Been dealing with this too.
it's like whether he messages back or not will make or break my whole mood, I hate it... I always check and see when he was active on fb/instagram and if it shows that he was active recently I immediately go to the worst case scenario (he's ignoring me, he's found someone more interesting to talk to, etc)
I feel the exact same way!
It's been 10 months. How are you feeling now?
SAME
update?
I had a guy that behaved like that. Turns out he was pretty much just looking for sex under the guise of dating but kept that to himself until later on. Surprise, surprise!
I cried a lot during this video.
Maybe because i finally understood what is really happening?
Maybe because i knew all along that this was not a very healthy behaviour and i just felt like i was going down on endless spiral?
Maybe because it finally helped me realize that i am not alone, and my feelings arent so odd and weird?
Maybe because i needed someone to point out some things i deep deep down was aware of?
Anyways, thank you kind random lady from the internet. You really helped me. As much as one can help via youtube; you did help me. Have a nice life please:)
Hi. I love ur comment.
I just learned myself I have some parts of this attachment. The guy I am or was dating 🤷🏽♀️. He pointed it out that I was doubting him. He didn’t communicate w me from noon til 7am next mornin. He told me he was at work an got off late and didn’t wanna wake me. I got so upset I thought he was just ignoring me for some reason. And I didn’t realize I was doubting him. And that’s not trusting him. I do trust him. I was always taught. “Nobody is too busy to txt someone back”. He was supposed to come to my house that evening to help me fix something. But he got off work late. As the reason I was upset is that he should’ve communicated a txt or somethin real quick. And he didn’t have time. An he made me realize I am feelin anxious. I hope this fixes me. And helps u too. #SelfLove #SelfCare
I'm with you. You're not alone. My partner has a full day job and I'm in long distance for 3 years, he's a nice person but sometimes when he doesn't msg me, I feel like what if he doesn't care or what if he's cheating even when he never gave me a reason to think like that. My female friends are like "breakup with him he doesn't care about you"
@@hsj.124 instead of asking yourselfe bc he doesnt msg u what if he doesn't care or what if he's cheating ....think about how he is rude bc he doesnt msg u and how he make u lose intresting to hem bc of his behavior!!
@@So_19_08 he's not rude he's so nice but he has avoidant attachment style and he lost his mom since childhood
@@hsj.124 Butsweety it is his problem! He must deal with himself and try to heal for ur peace What is your fault in the sitouation ? You deserve to be in a healthy relationship and make you feel safe and happy and wanted and loved and make u sure that he see u the only one for him...make u away from the questions that u thinking about..wish u all the best
Focus on self. Heal anxious attachment for me.
I'm a guy and suffer from this and always have. I'm trying to go through the dating/marriage thing for the first time in my life and its nice to see I'm not the only guy who is dealing with this
Thank you
doing good ?
@@gamingwithunic2472 nope!
Needed this. I aint trying to text no more and keep myself busy
I’ve been dealing with anxiety the whole day now. Thank you!
Wow you have really made me feel very seen and heard ❤. In some ways, I am secure but I have semi-regular episodes of anxious attachment. It scares me so much to be vulnerable to express myself and communicate in case they take their love away from me 😢.
I sometimes turn off my notifications for a bit, some therapists have said it's protest behavior but for me it's saving my sanity. But I do get anxiety checking the messages again.
😭😭why are we like this, I'd mute him only to check the app every 2mins to see if the number of msgs went up arrghh😭
I get that. It's like trying to put an already popped cork back into champagne
Can't stop texting John redcorn huh?
This is absolute gold! Thank you. Basically, I sent a message which has made me feel quite vulnerable, and the more time that passes and I haven't had a reply, the more anxious I feel. So I turned to TH-cam for help, and this video absolutely gets it.
It's been a while since I've felt like this. I'm generally pretty busy, and often actually like it when people are slow to reply to me, as it gives me time to get on with everything else I need to do!
But not today. Today, I need them to reply! I need reassurance. I need to know what their response is. What are they thinking...?! 😬🤯
This video is helping tremendously. It's reminded me these feelings and thoughts I'm experiencing (anxiety, fear, excitement, confusion, worry... Have I upset them? Are they just busy? Maybe they're unsure- and taking a while to figure out how to respond... ) are valid. I feel better for acknowledging them. And that now I just need to be patient. I'm going to thow myself into my housework, and try to do something productive with this nervous energy.
I want to move away from feeling I need reassurance from this one person. I do care what they think, but need to remember that they are not the bee all end all. I need to have confidence and conviction in myself! 💪💕
LOL - phone just buzzed while writing this. My heart lept - is it them?! 🤔🤞
No 😬😟😅
It's hard! We got this! 💪💕
With other guys, they text me right away. That makes me feel good. Like we can hold a conversation.
This one waits for minutes or hours between texts. Its soo frustrating man..
Because those guys only wanna achieve you and are greedy for you or wanna get you and your partner has got you so he's living his life , building his future for you. Don't be involved in other men they only know how to text a woman like this. But you forgot that your partner also has his life and also work. If you're in a commited relationship it's okay if he's building his future or busy in job but you both will only end up together right. Love isn't measured by amount of communication. You also need to understand it and support him I hope it helps.:)
@@hsj.124THANK YOU for sharing this!
@@alexanderavalos9395 my pleasure, it helped?
@@alexanderavalos9395 my pleasure, was it helpful?
I dated a guy who would go quite for 3 days in between dates and since that hurtful experience I'm now so easily upset and confused that I will push a person away right in the intro stage if they don't complete a conversation and next day silence.
I don't expect a prompt reply but after a whole day especially if they were over enthusiastic on 1st day, it annoys and hurts me that I will tell them bye.
It feels like disrespect and like im a toy
I try to step back count to ten etc but now , I'm talking to a new man who told me 8 hours ago he would answer my text after his car trip.
That was 8 hours ago. Ofcourse we just started talking but the point is, he is abroad and I'm on guard plus he used words like my love etc. I decided to give it a try bc he suggested to video call and he had a verified date profile but....we will see.
It may be my own trigger I'm sure. Almost trauma respond from former hurts. It's rejection and fear.
I wonder if he is gone.. I recognize the exact same atmosphere that I had with the ex who ignored me 4 or 3 days.i don't feel any jealousy though or insecure though.
For me it's mainly feeling disrespected and hurt.
I still try to figure out if it's my right instinct feeling he is fake or maybe combination of my own issue's and an indecent treatment.
I rejected a iob last week and now this man is quiet the regret about the job hits me harder and I am feeling alone and dissapointed.
Is this why I can barely eat when I have a crush
Got a text back while i was watching this...but this was an EXCELLENT video and helped me understand it better. Sucks! But i resist the urge to double text because it pushes the other person away.
it's a hateful thing to get worked up about waiting and hoping if they do text its never what you want from a text or you just don't get a text it drives your brain into meltdown and look at yourself as the issue it's hard to switch that mindset off
Thank you Carly - this video has really helped me!
I'm a 33yo male. I have only recently discovered I have an anxious preoccupied attachment style which Is driving my thoughts, feelings and behaviours in these situations.
This video is the best explanation of the emotional roller-coaster that I experience when waiting for a message - and more importantly how to move away from this longer term..
I enjoyed every part of this video. It's like it was made for me. Thank you so much.
Hi. I’ve just come across you. Thank you so much for this video. Wow. This is exactly what I am going through right now. Thank you. ❤
immediately started crying around 7:35 when you said it was a trauma response. Think you might have unlocked something for me lol. But seriously, thank you for this video I’ve never related to something more and I hope im able to become better by the end of this video
It definitely is a trauma response. I deal with the exact same anxious attachment with my boyfriend of the last year and a half, and I'm sure it stems from how horribly my late husband treated me for many years before he passed away. He was extremely emotionally abusive and was a complete narcissist with substance abuse issues. He put me through literal hell more times than I can count. I should've gotten out of that marriage, but after having been with him since I was only 18 years old, life with him was all that I knew and I was afraid of starting over, so I stayed in a toxic and abusive situation for far too many years. Now, I get extremely anxious whenever my boyfriend doesn't text me for a few hours, which I have NO reason to be anxious over, because he ALWAYS texts me, even if not right away. I wish I could control this, but it's so deeply embedded in me. I have such a huge fear of abandonment. It's awful!
A compiled list of the key points to break this chain would be helpful. Just to easily being able to come back to this video and applying the tips.
Distraction - Find something meaningful that will put you in your "flow state". Move your attention elsewhere with something that you're actually interested in.
Put your phone away - You're able to focus on something else at least temporarily.
Self soothe - Talk to yourself, reassure yourself. Parent yourself. Understand that you have unmet needs, and realize that you're the one who can be meeting them.
Come out of your head, and into your body - You are okay in this moment. You can feel these things. Come back into relationship with yourself, not someone else.
I just needed to hear this right now. ❤😢
i relate so much to this. i hope i can share this story... i met him abroad, it was only two days and being with him felt like a short movie, he is such a wonderful guy. i'm still doing my exchange year here and he was just on vacation, so basically we can only connect digitally. i noticed pretty quick how attached i got (the same happened to him) and it seemed like every day i'm just waiting for him, for another text, for anything. i forgot to live and enjoy my own life and i'm so anxious all the damn time, i don't know if he's actually giving me mixed signals via text and if he's bad news for me, or if it's ALL just my anxious attachment that keeps giving me this emotional torture. i can't trust myself anymore and idk if i can trust him. i want to talk to him about this, but i'm afraid to push him away from me if i come around with this baggage. thank you for reading this
carly ann, your video helped me so much already. i wanna thank you for this, i feel so seen and you described the feeling perfectly as agonizing, to wait for their text only to feel good / neutral again, to lose yourself in these moments every day over weeks and months. thank you :)
@@PinkLady860you're not alone sis I'm an anxious girlie too I've found about relationship anxiety and anxious attachment style recently only. I'm in a long distance relationship for 3 years with a guy who's all what I asked God for but he has avoidant attachment and lost his mom since childhood and also he has a full day job. My female friends and my mind says "he isn't texting you much or daily so he doesn't care about you or cheating on you" my mind goes in a spiral.
I love your videos. I'm glad I found your channel.
well the distractions work for a while. But when I’m done with the distractions this feeling comes back again 😂
Like I went for a walk. I was good during my walk! I took a shower. Good.
Then I’m like okaaay now what.
Yes absolutely, distractions are needed for people that struggle to regulate emotion, especially when you're "in it". Like imagine if it was constantly triggered without the break? However, if like in your case you then find you're still stuck, that will be more the core belief/trauma work a person needs alongside distraction, which isn't possible to give on youtube (unfortunately). I always recommend finding a great therapist that can help you with that :)
Thank you for making this video!!
Absolutely get this
Beautiful explanation
This was such a great video. It just nailed exactly me for the first time I knew it had to be something to do with me. I'm working through another program that helps me understand that stuff, but we specifically don't deal with this problem. Well my sponsor has a similar problem. It's not quite the attachment anxiety. It's more self-defeating thought.
The membership that you speak of what does that include and do you still have that available?
guys he texted back as I was watching this 😜
Same, but she 😂
It was literally only like an hour longer than I left her earlier. F**k I'm an overthinker.
Thank you Carly ..it helped
Thank you for your vdos. I’m so happy to have found your channel.
I'm glad you have found me, welcome to the community!
I deal with it by not texting and not having a person to have to text and worry about. Only problem is, that means I tend to ghost people and not text them and cause them anxiety and all that, then they get mad and shel block me for it. I dont like texting because then shel cause me text anxiety, so i dont really text much.=I only like in person, so I text to get to that part if possible.
yeah I don't like texting, generally when u met people they are really good texter and then after a while they switch behavior, in my opinion it's better not to have someone to text at all. they way I feel when the person takes a long time to message me is so overwhelming
I was in a very toxic relationship, where i got gaslit bullied, and everything, and we broke up and got his friends on me, and ge never messaged me back often towards the end because apparently "i always made him mad" so in my present relationship i feel like hes mad at me, and i cant stop thinking about it and its so annoting i dont wanna have this going on
Have u fixed like feeling that way
@@Celeste21yt unfortunately not, but things are getting better just VERY slowly,
@@Celeste21yt unfortunately not, but things are getting better, just very slowly
How often do you think the response comes because the person you are dating is not really invested? It seems to me that many - myself included - with thos attachment style date people who are a bit unavailable and therefor trigger the response even more. Or maybe its the anxiety that pushes them away, i dont know. But ive noticed that since ive gotten older (36 now) Ive become more aware of the love i deserve, and find men who trigger me less because they are much more present. Then the spiral becomes less strong and dramatic.
Trying to get out of this habit. Got a wonderful girlfriend, and don't wanna choke the relationship.
Yup
I double text and over text alot... I'm trying to stop that lol but it works alot of the time
I’ve been anxiously waiting for a text from a guy I’ve been waiting to ask out from my internship and he’s outside of the country rn so idk if it’s the service or he hasn’t been checking his phone but I’ve been spiraling thinking he wants nothing to do with me or that he hates me or that my phone is not sending texts right but I think this is just the best time to focus on myself and be patient
Fseee i do feel way better kniwing im not the only one
I'm currently going through this now. My boyfriend hasn't texted in a week. And I don't know what to do, and my other partner is working and getting ready to move away, so I don't wanna bother him. I don't know what to do. Can someone please help.
She hasnt replied since I said something and it made me feel insecure and needy. Do I go within and heal the sinking, shameful feelings in my lower body?
😢 this is me right now and every day really! He dumped me over text last night and I’m frantic!
Oh Nat I'm so sorry, Watching TH-cam videos definitely supported me through those times. From the outside, I can tell you that you won't be in this forever x Glad you have found me. follow me on insta if you like @carly.ann_
Start learning about anxious attachment it will help, not easy but just knowing about this helps!
Do you know of any good books to help?
I've been watching your video on youtube because I really don't know what to do, it's been a month since he read my message
A month is too long. Nobody is too busy to reply a msg. Nowadays people are always on their phone.
@jennyy6606 yes, he is online, just not responding
I am dealing with this right now.
Me 🙃
So me!
Me
Currently going through this 😢
Sending lots of support, it’s very hard when you’re in it! Cx
Im going through this now as well. Geez it sucks. Idk why people are just not straight forward and text back or tell you that you are not the one so you know how to proceed
😢
Me!!
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