👌More videos can be found on this topic at: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswjSvwE8zV5YPISXOHgkH5I5.html&si=0YM6L9M7iZoG8d9K ❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com 👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification
I feel basically all the things you are describing but it’s not my significant other it’s my child is off to college. I’m an empty nester although I don’t like that title. Can I use all the things you are saying or is there a better video to watch?
The worst thing about this is that the more attached you get to someone, the more they start to push you away because of all the negative things you do like push boundaries. And the more they push you away, the more you try to get close to them and on and on forever until it finally explodes and you’re left with nothing.
The stress response I get when I feel like I'm being abandoned is one of the worst feelings I've ever felt. It feels like a panic attack. Looking at it now, I realize that this is why I also have an avoidant attachment to avoid feeling abandoned.
Your comment wraps up what is happening to me as well. I have avoidant anxious attachment, if that is a thing. I have known that I have had this for a long time but I have not been able to apply it to my life in any practical way as I am now, and as you talk about it. It felt like a panic attack, but even counselors have not been able to point it out. It is terrible that you pay so much money but no one understands what is going on with you on this subject whether you pay them or not. Ludicrous. The counselors are more out-of-it than even all the clients put together!
The saddest part is it’s not really our parents faults either. It’s just passed down lack of awareness and trauma that trickles down. Our parents tried their best, and they were emotionally unavailable themselves and unaware how much damaging their abuse or neglect was causing. No more victim mindsets. I’m owning this shit and healing. I’m done having chaotic and unfulfilled romantic relationships. I want to be healthy and happy on my own and attract someone consistent and healthy!
I appreciate this comment, but also want to acknowledge that while it may not be our parents “fault”, as a child, you are there responsibility, so it’s not being a victim to acknowledge that they didn’t meet the need. It’s totally ok to point out that they didn’t provide something and it sucked. This is less for you and more for anyone who may read the comment. You of course are totally free to feel how you feel too ❤
@@AliveBoldTVthank you for this comment. The other comment was very dismissive and rude . No one is a victim let’s start still holding parents accountable regardless is they supposedly “did the best they could”
The hardest part about being anxiously attached is what might come after the “paranoia” and the “seeing things that aren’t there” and our partner actually abandons us, rejects us or downright abuses our powerless attachment to them. Breakups always hurt, but if you’re anxiously attached to someone that disconnection is so tied to our entire sense of self (because we don’t have one) our entire being collapses without them. Just now I was in the shower crying out for him, and I felt it in my heart. I felt like I needed him to hold me, tell me I’m safe with him because he’ll be there for me and take care of me just like he promised. But he’s not there and it hurts to much! 😢 I feel so unsafe, so lost and vulnerable without him, I don’t know what to do! I can only cry the whole day, knowing this is something I can only heal within myself, but it sounds easier said than done 😪
@yourhighnessnona thank you for the articulate and deeply felt description of out-of-control anxiety due to abandonment fears. I experience the exact same thing. But I’m working hard on healing and I hope you are too, because there is light at the end of the tunnel. Right now I’m waiting for my partner to contact me, and I’m suspecting she won’t. At this moment at least, instead of anxiety-spiraling, I’m curious. This is because I know I can make it on my own, and I also know that I am valuable and can find a relationship that works if this one doesn’t. I’m learning not to invest more in others than they invest in me.
Thank you for this very accurate description of how we feel. Right now it's hard. I don't know what to do and I can't sleep. I don't know if I'll see her tomorrow or if she'll be too busy. I don't know what to do together or how I'll feel. I just need her to validate me and feel like she cares. I'm terrified that she'll abandon me in the next couple of weeks when I have so much change in the works. I don't want my life and my self worth to fall apart now. Not now .
For me I kept choosing people who were dismissive one foot in one foot out, constantly breaking up or cheating on me..... it was the similar not good enough feeling I had as a child so it felt familiar and I thought you just had to work hard to be even noticed. So that made the anxiety worse of course. Vicious circle. Finally I realized with the help of a great counselor to stop caring or reacting and chasing. Let them go to make room for the one who will love you and not hit your triggers.
Same here; I keep trying to date someone exactly like my asshat father, and/or a guy who is a manipulative and needy narcissist (just like my mom/). I'm a white-collar professional, slim/fit, good-looking, kind, etc... It doesn't matter. When my triggers are set off, a panic button gets smacked and....thar she blows!
As most of us know we have triggers, it's imperative to get these triggers in check so that we don't become little puppets on a string controlled by someone other that ourselves. We must be in control of our triggers NOT BE CONTROLLED BY OUR TRIGGERS. Easier said than done, I know this. But it's a start. DONT BE A PUPPET FOR ANYONE.
My mouth is bone dry. My jaw hit the floor. I stumbled upon this and never knew anything like this existed. I can't believe how I just fit perfectly into every part of this 🤯🤯🤯
Thank you so much for mentioning neurodivergent children not having their needs met. I feel like this really affected me for life. It's so complicated to untangle once we're grown up.
The part about inconsistent parenting is wrong. This is the core wound associated with Fearful Avoidant (FA), not Anxious (AP) attachment. These attachment styles are fundamentally very different. The first part of the video was highly informative though!
@@lukethompson5558 can you tell me more about this? My ex was an autistic child and I felt like he has this style of attachment because he broke up based on the fear that I would leave him
This is so me. I hate myself in the moments where everything overflows. I’m working with this for a few years but every “new” situation just seems to bring this out again.
Please don’t hate yourself. I understand everything you’re going through. We all are doing the best we can. Let us just love ourselves for who we are. There is no one that is perfect!
Our youngest son was sunk very deep into anxious attachment when he left his mother's house. While we did heap validation on him (something he wasn't getting previously, among many other things) much of it was heavily focused on him taking care of himself. Part of our validation campaign was to praise him in almost cartoonish fashion to make sure it sunk in that we were happy for him to do those things because he couldn't feel it unless it was exaggerated. He was terrified when it came time to go to college but we validated his feelings while reminding him of all the other new scary things he'd done in his 2 years with us. Every time he made a decision on his own he got praise and validation. Now we all sort of joke about it when he just calls to just talk instead of in a panic because he didn't know what to do. Now he calls to tell us about his growing independence. He knows we're still here for him, but it feels good that he has the confidence to do things on his own. We didn't push therapy early on because his mother had dragged him from therapist to therapist to find someone who would medicate him into compliance. He's going on his own now, in part because I talked to him a lot about my own therapy journey, and loves it. She helped him figure out he has ADHD, not an anxiety disorder, which has greatly reduced his anxiety. I actually got a call from him once while he was in session because he reallyreallyreally wanted to introduce her to me. We're still the people he comes to to gush about his accomplishments because he knows they might seem odd to anyone who hasn't been where he was. So I get to hear him gush about grocery shopping, getting his car fixed, or trying new foods. Every time he makes a new friend it's a celebration because when he came to us he didn't have many and those he did have weren't very thoughtful. He's still navigating boundary issues with others but I'm sure he'll get there. It's been awesome watching him grow from an anxiety ridden boy who was terrified of even thinking for himself into the strong young man he is today.
@@Lexi_Con...Unfortunately it was due in part to my own background. My husband grew up in avery stable, loving, validating family so he was at a loss about how to handle the roller coaster we'd been strapped into. What finally got our son's attention was when he'd tell us about something that happened at his mother's house, I ask him to let me guess how it played out, then essentially tell the rest of the story. I might miss minor details but overall I nailed it every time. After that, I'd tell him my story. I also spoke to him a *LOT* about my own therapy and how I apply it in every day life. His dad was super helpful in providing the"what right looks like" stability we all needed.
I had passive parents. With a “suck it up and deal with it”bury your feelings teaching growing up. Along with emotionally abusive relatives as a teenager. Along with rejection, failure, abandonment. Which feels like a full blown panic attack when there’s even a hint of being abandoned. It’s like your trauma response is constantly on.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching. You can find other videos on creating secure attachment at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
We're all so plugged in that today, a big tip-off of an anxiously attached person is the need to text constantly... maybe even call or video chat all the time, too. Inappropriate messaging at all hours of the day because they cannot emotionally self-regulate, so they need you to be there for them or give them an indicator that you haven't left.
@@meanbean6011 I totally get it. The best thing to do is look more so at their actions than just their words. Texting is easy and low commitment in comparison. If someone aligns with your values and is doing everything else right, you have to ask yourself why texting is ruining the relationship. Maybe it’s a deeper issue of not feeling truly heard, or needing words of affirmation, and those things can be talked over vs. destroying it all. The bad thing is when reacting takes over and that negative response can cause disproportionate harm. I always ask myself now “Is how I am acting and feeling directly proportionate to the situation?” Meaning even if I do have the right to be mad or upset, does it make sense contextually or should I take a deeper look about why I’m so triggered?
@Alexa S. your words really speak to me. Social media has been affecting me a lot. Me and my partner have been together for many years, and people always tells us how perfect we are (not by what we post, but how we are in person). And we changed our routine a bit, i have been more "present" in social media and it has triggered me to not received the same kind of attention and loving messages to my posts even though i still have them in real life. Looking deeper, reading about codependency and attachment styles- I realized that this issue is related to my prior relationship and insecurities and anxiety have been in my life for the past couple of months. I am working hard on healing and changing my attachment style, therapy, and more to overcome these feelings and I am doing my best for the sake of my partner and of course for myself as feeling anxiety, insecure, unloved and abandoned is the worst!!! I want to go back and feel amazing and safe😫
Omg! This is me right now. Lost a relationship and probably a friend because I couldn't manage my feelings properly and would text constantly trying to fix or explain things because I always feel misunderstood.
Wow. Wow. Wow. The signs of anxious attachment are so congruent to my symptoms of ADHD. And the fact that you used the experience of a neurodivergent child as an example really brought it home. After all my years of therapy, finally receiving an ADHD diagnosis as a 34 year old adult, THIS is the missing piece. Wow. Thank you so much! 🙏🏼❤️
Very helpful, thank you. I recently went through a breakup and my therapist has made me understand I have a very anxious and dependent attachment style, and watching your videos has helped me further realise my issues.
Dr Snipes, you are such a gift to the world! So many of your videos have me weeping, but I finally have clarity about my upbringing and how to heal moving forward. Thank you for your contributions to society! I spent 15 years in therapy and none of those people helped me as much as your videos do!
@@DocSnipes That is a good question. Simply understanding myself and why I am the way I am and why my parents were the way they were has been immensely helpful. It's simply the knowledge your expertise has give me and the clear explanations that have turned on the lightbulb, so to speak. Now that I know why A, B, and C are as they are, I am much happier and more content with life. Learning that we all just repeat patterns of behavior that we were taught and will continue to do so without intervention, and recognizing and understanding my triggers has been helpful. I don't know if I can really answer your question. But telling myself, "I'm having the thought that..."and understanding I am not my thoughts or feelings, and this feeling is temporary are helping me.
I have anxious attachment and the thing that broke the relationship is that they would not want to see me or talk about things for weeks - avoid any communication, even phone conversation. It just put me in an impossible position until I just couldn't take it any more. When I would ask - after getting strange "excuses" that didn't sit right logically or emotionally, they claimed I was violating their boundaries. I could give people space no problem if its talked about and its not completely shutting down... I guess it was a combo there with an avoidant and I guess we both didn't have the tools.
This hits hard this is me and it hurts when your loved one leaves you due to clingyness, toxic traits like this but i just didn't want to loose them. It breaks my heart when i get rejected or no one is into me makes me feel unlovable and hate grows inside me for others. Like why can't you see i am working on myself and a loveable guy? And it hurts me deeply to point i start hating others around me. I want to be happy and feel loved. I am on the spectrum
I feel like in the past I've been anxious about being abandoned, even though in many situations I let it be, but with how things have evolved for me, I have this mindset that I should just stay alone...I know that it would help making friends, but when you feel like you can't trust anyone, it seems hopeless
I’m having similar feelings. I got into a new relationship and I love him dearly but I’ve almost become more avoidant where as my last relationship I was anxious. I think it’s a defence mechanism.
All of the signs apply to me and my relationship and in different amounts. Amazing how you were describing me. My significant other got very sick with covid and had to be separated from me (hospitalized) and could have died. I immediately started having severe anxiety attacks and couldn't sleep. I thought I was going to die. The knowledge in this video was so very helpful, and along with Cognitive behavior therapy has me on the road to recovery. Thank you thank you!
This video speaks to my core. I had a mother who provided very inconsistent care and reflecting upon my childhood I recall often being in a state of panic trying to gauge what mood she would be in, thinking would she be home that night or will she start an argument at Christmas time or on Birthdays. My anxious attachment is triggered with certain individuals and the days are long and very heavy. Always trying to live their life. Ruminating 24/7 about them. The fear they don’t like me…am I going to be rejected etc. etc. Since starting EMDR therapy I’ve made significant improvement and now beginning to live a true authentic life. Absolutely loved this video so a big Thankyou from me
I appreciate you watching and I am glad you are on the right path. Other videos that might help can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=Releasing%20trauma
I've been examining my current relationship and I didn't even notice that I had an anxious attachment style but I noticed something was wrong and I finally got to the bottom of it. My mom was very inconsistent, being very warm and loving to distant and neglectful both physically and emotionally to downright cruel and violent, throwing plates at the wall and screaming at the top of her lungs for a minor inconvenience. I understand so much now and I'm working on healing my attachment style to become more secure.
Instant sub from me. I’ve been dealing with these issues for years because of my abusive father, and I’ve been taking steps to uproot all of the trauma I’ve built throughout my life since I have people that depend on me now. Thanks for the push; I needed it.
I am these to the exact T. Sometimes I resent my girlfriend because she isn’t paying enough attention to me and I hate being this way. I’m extremely insecure but I am a handsome guy… why is this? I feel I am most terrified of her leaving me for someone else. It cripples me with anxiety. I don’t want to be this person. I want to be secure and trust my love. She just left because of these things and I am working very hard to get her back and I’ve almost got her to trust that I am better.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. Here are videos on developing secure attachment: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure And here is the video on improving your relationship with yourself: th-cam.com/video/wolkGlwfVZw/w-d-xo.html
He's given me SEVERE PTSD. I have debilitating paralyzing daily panic attacks. He raped my soul. He used me while he needed me and then discarded me like garbage. My soul is raped. When he'd get mad/upset/hurt/whatever: he'd give me the silent treatment. REMINDER TO SELF: Reasons for narcissistic silent treatment: * Stonewalling * Gaslighting * Emotional immaturity * Lack of interpersonal skill * Victimhood * Dysregulation * Avoidant attachment style * Doing to me, what was done to him * Terrified of conflict * Not knowing any other way * Fear/panic/anxiety/terror * Felling incapable/not good enough * Desperation * Power over * Regaining a (false) sense of control * Punishment EVEN STILL, regardless of the above, I miss him and what we had, our friendship, our connection: WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. But he never really cared about me. He used me and discarded me. Replaced me so easily. Why is she better than me? Why? What makes her so much more profoundly better than me? Is he her best friend now? Or maybe is there even more between them? Why couldn't he love me like he loves her? Is there something wrong with me? Is she just so much better? He's replaced me with another. In an instant: just like that. HE REPLACED ME. HE SHATTERED MY HEART. HE RAPED MY SOUL. I'm all alone and suffering in anguish, and they are living happily ever after together. The PTSD and the loneliness and the grief that he's given me... Makes it so that I can't breathe. I drowned. I suffocate. I die inside. I'm in hell with no escape. NO ESCAPE. I need him. I loved him. He raped my soul: brutally viciously violently maliciously. Every night: nightmares. Every day: panic attacks. I want to die. Every morning I wake up in despair, desperately praying to die. I can no longer bear the pain. I could die from the pain of missing my best friend. He betrayed and abandoned me, discarded me like garbage. My mind can't fathom, my heart can't comprehend. I live in perpetual panic and terror and loneliness and longing... I'm so alone in the world. I die of fear. I'm so fucking traumatized and terrorized and terrified. I'm dying inside. My soul is raped. He's given me severe PTSD. Severe! Severe! Severe! How and when will I ever heal? God, as I walk through this hell and heartache and grief, I pray you guide me and direct me and hold me and heal me... I won't be stuck in hell anymore. Enough is enough!!! It's time to be free: in Jesus's name! I’m giving my life to Jesus! 100%! ANOTHER REMINDER TO SELF: When you chase a man, you NEVER get the man, and you ALWAYS lose yourself!
I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video. Other videos you might help you heal can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=PTSD
I just wish my parents could have somehow seen and understood this video 24 years ago. It's like a 1:1 blueprint. It is so frustrating that it takes a lifetime of hard work to somehow get right what was messed up early on.
This is me to the letter; sadly. My mother was/is insensitive and inconsistent to the point it seems narcissistic. She raised me from her own place of trauma and now I'm trying to unlearn a lot of things so I don't repeat the cycle.
Thank you for some helpful tips. I think the hardest part is feeling the panic and overcome by it even though I logically can see otherwise...the panic makes me really, truly "not sure". Writing down the facts is a very helpful practice to lock that logic into place and not just try to get rid of the anxiety.
My biggest problem is that I tend to move too quickly when getting to know someone. It's like I get so hypersensitive and romantically excited and have no patience to pace myself and let things progress fluidly. Then I get called out on it by the other person. By this time their interest has more than likely declined because now I've made them reconsider and back away. I even realize what I'm doing while I'm doing it and I still just keep doing it. I think I do it because I'm scared of looking like an emotionless cold uncaring person who doesn't know how to love. I never had closeness or nurturing love growing up. I just had the necessities provided for me along with the parenting basics. I guess I'm just trying to over-provide what I never received. I'm 46 now, a widowed husband, and feel like I'm now doomed to never find another companion to share a life with.
I am so sorry about that, Silver Punk. I don’t think you are doomed to never find another companion to share your life with. Have you watched the video on healing the inner child? th-cam.com/video/IKJPtpaNP2A/w-d-xo.html And here is the video on self compassion: th-cam.com/video/ZMJIkExQeJc/w-d-xo.html
My girlfriend of 8 years broke up with me 2 months ago. I’ve been trying to figure out what the main stressor in the relationship was, and this was the exact issue. I was attached to her in a very very unhealthy way. I knew I was but I drew it up to being in love or being over protective. She chalked it up to possession and obsessive compulsive disorder; but this is a bit more cut and dry. Thank you for making this video. I hope knowing what I now know can help me repair the damage I have done.
I came across this video at the right time. I realized, this is describing my personal attachment style. But also, my parenting style. I feel sick hearing it from a complete stranger, indirectly. But iam glad I can use this information to begin to change things within my life and my family.
My parents split when I was 5. I was haunted by that. My wife accused me of being a narcissist and left me. After therapy the psychologist said I have Anxious Attachment. I ticked every box.
This is so me, I can't take no for an answer and I will force myself in. I have an overwhelming feeling of fear..... it's awful and I don't want to keep doing this. I push everyone away because I over do it and force myself onto them, then everything I am scared of happens and I am makingbit happen because of my fear of abandonment
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What tips will you use to create secure attachment? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Attachment Videos on my channel You are welcome. Here is a link to several other videos I have done (longer ones) on attachment. th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=attachment Many people with anxious or #insecure #attachment also have abandonment issues (because of the insecure attachment) Here is a link to the videos I have done on Abandonment th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=abandonment Many people with insecure attachment experienced a lot of adverse childhood experiences (ACES). Here is a link to videos I have done on the wounded #innerchild th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=inner%20child and videos on the impact of childhood #neglect and ACEs th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=adverse
I see signs of anxious attachment in me as I have demanded a good exchange to insure a lasting relationship for me. It is right on the cusp of it, but some people might think it is annoying or "concerning". I am developing a more whole sense of self so that I do not have feelings of over-dependency on others. But I DO require respect and reciprocity in relationships because I have the need to interact with whole people who do not work to trigger my abandonment as part of the day to day interactions to try to mess with my developing feeling of wholeness and safety within my self.
I think we as anxious do have to require respect and reciprocity in kind and compassionate treatment. I think if you're anxious with someone who is not respectful, kind or compassionate it won't matter what attachment style you have, they will not be a good partner if that's what you are not getting in the relationship
@@DocSnipes Thank you so much! And again sorry for mentioning the mouth sounds... they are irrelevant to the information you give and the amount of help and relief that gives!
As I’ve gone through writing my book, “the Hurricane in my mind” I thought it would just be about complex PTSD, but have since seen just how many abandonment issues I had by the time I turned 18 that would lead to years of not only bad relationships, but relationship jumping . Thanks for all your information
My wife has this personality type and it's almost unbearable to deal with. She's constantly testing me for me to prove that I'm not going to abandon her and essentially challenges me to leave and then when I accept has a panic attack
I have anxious attachment! All I had to do was hear the words! The only thing one can do..is Forgive..yourself and others and Accept it Best You can. I have had it now 20 years. I Love him So Much! But after two years he left me and married someone else. I tried to move on. I couldn’t. I wrote him letters for years.
I am sorry about that. Thank you for watching. You can find other videos on creating secure attachment at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
@@DocSnipes Thank you Dr. Snipes.. I have already seen some of them..will see the remaining ones too..your videos are very helpful for us who live in the lesser developed countries where mental health awareness is near to zero.. thanks for everything you do..🙏 ❤️
I am so sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What tips will you use to create secure attachment? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
I must thank you and your team a lot for making this video. Honestly, it helps me to be aware why I virtually react like this, like that in my relationships. And now, I certainly understand the reason to improve myself!! Thanks, again!!
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm really glad the video resonated with you and that it’s helping you gain clarity about your reactions in relationships. That level of self-awareness is a big step toward growth and positive change. It’s inspiring that you’re committed to understanding yourself better and working on improving those areas. Remember, this journey is about progress, not perfection, so be gentle with yourself as you continue learning and growing. You’re on the right path, and we’re here cheering you on! Also, I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from the video. Additionally, if you're interested in more tips on the topic or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes. Thanks again for taking the time to share your thoughts.
I REALLY resonated when you touched on atypical neurotypes and their relationship with anxious attachment! More of that please unless you already have a video on it.
I have anxious attachment and I’m in a long distance relationship…Jesus Christ this shit is rough Im in such a strange place because I think I found my Wife. Im realizing I’ve always had this issue with previous relationships, but only now am I aware of the issue. And only now am I working towards fixing it. It’s just so hard to change years if behavior. I hope I pull through and don’t self sabotage
Thank you so much, I have exhibited so many of these traits but never knew it was a thing and just recently realize its so hard for me to detach from one person, most times I have only one close friend and calling or texting this friend all the time, only one hairstylist, only one corner grocery store etc you have to do me really bad before I can detach. I might go see a therapist soon and I am working on it myself as well. The stress also affects my digestive system when its up and down
I am sitting here with my anxious partner... and all of this about consistency...11 + minutes in... you are talking about classic avoidant parents. Anxious parents tend to over parent, over pacify. This is classically how my parents were and I am a pure avoidant.
Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you watching the video and I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from it. Also, if you're interested in more videos on the topic or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.
I love the way you have put many practice for people to do in daily life, rather than just analyzing. What we anxious people really need help is how do we do it? How do we implement?
From my study of this anxious attachment style people like myself tend to attract avoidant types. So one of the things I am doing to help with this anxious attachment style is to read books on what it looks like to be secure, and I’ll have to say all kinds of negative emotions come up, because I am so lonely, I focused too much on a job these past eight years that I neglected developing a social life or support group, because I was too exhausted at the end of the day, and then I started, letting the job consume me and the people there. I resigned from the job because I realized I needed to see if I could break away and it’s been really hard, but I’m just going to trust the process and hope that eventually I will come to be more secure in myself and at peace, I wish everybody out there struggling with the same attachment style success.
I appreciate your thoughtful contribution to my video; your generosity speaks volumes and inspires me on my creative journey. Thank you for making a positive impact.
Hej Doc Snipes Words can not describe how happy am i to have found your channel... Your videos hit me directly in my heart, but it is a positive hit that makes me do something about it and correct the situation. I can see that you are from the states, but me, as an macedonian who lives in Danmark, i highly recommend that you spread your messege to these 2 countries becasue there are not so many lucky macedonians/danes as me to find your channel, and i personally think that you are an undiscoverred gold!
I deeply appreciate your generous contribution to my video. Your support is profoundly meaningful, and it inspires me greatly. Thank you for positively influencing my creative path.
This is so sad. Sometimes you realize things in the worst ways. Losing the person you love. It sucks so much. When they see you for someone you’re not, but you also know she sees you exactly for what you did. Time to fix this guys! We’re in this together!
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. Insecure attachment can be incredibly challenging, especially when it affects your relationships. It's painful when someone you love sees you in a way that doesn't align with how you see yourself, yet also reflects your actions. Recognizing this is an important step. Remember, healing and change are possible. Seeking support from a therapist can be very helpful in addressing insecure attachment and improving your relationships. You're not alone in this journey, and it's great that you're determined to work on it. Also, please feel free to share what you’ve found most useful from the video and, if you’re interested in learning about creating secure attachment or to search for videos in the video library, don’t hesitate to use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes
@@DocSnipesthank you for your kind words! I am currently working with a therapist on unraveling whatever it is that led to this, and I am confident I will get over this and become more secure! The best tip from your video was journalling and building self esteem. I’ve come to realize most of anxious insecure attachment stems from a low self esteem. Sometimes the worst experiences are the best teachers.
Thank you,I have this,and I do not have success in a partnership,I also notice allot of people have ,other attachment styles that are not healthy,glad I can work on my self, I usually was not this way until my mom passed,I'm older and think now Mom and I had this love language,so that's why we were so close
Thankyou very much! I've learned a few things. I'm not overly anxiously attached in terms of the space aspect. But I do have triggers from a previous traumatic experience of domestic violence. I think some things from my childhood also played a part. I'm naturally a more anxious person and do my best to keep that under control. Thankyou very much for creating this video.
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
You’re so welcome! I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? You can find videos on creating secure attachment at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Something my mom did when I was around 6-7 was always threaten to get rid of me by sending me to a military school. My parents never corrected me, they simply threatened me with punishments until I did what they wanted me to without ever giving me some form of guidance on what/why they wanted.
I have developed BAD anxious attachment after my ex husband cheated on me multiple times and now being single for 4 years and guys lying about genuinely being interested or going ghost. I see how I act when I'm talking to someone new and its horrific. Im learning ways to cope with these and also remembering that no one is perfect so for them not to be perfect right off the bat, is just a part of learning eachother. Its been difficult but I'll be watching all of your videos now. Lol thanks!
Trying to get out a bit more to meet old friends again whom I have not seen for a while although nerve wrecking but I did it it was fun however started overthinking everything
I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Ok this is why people say we should avoid diagnosing people if we're not a psychologist because a lot of this overlaps with some personality disorder yet I know for a fact people with this attachment style don't necessarily have a personality disorder they just need to learn to self soothe
I have to say some people wouldn’t feel anxious attachment (abandoned) if they didn’t have to worry every time you have an argument with your spouse and she just abandons you for real, if she would just talk and fix the problem, we wouldn’t have anxiety
Thank you for watching the video. For more information, to get answers from my videos, or to easily find them in the video library, please feel free to use AllCEUs.com/AskDocSnipes
Thank you. I have anxious attachment and had no idea I was doing these things....always pleasing people, always being afraid of rejection, got so emotionally involved with a LDR and all of a sudden he broke up with me. I have ADHD so part of that is emotional dysregulation. Problem is, the meds don't help with this at all!
Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like you’re gaining some valuable insight into how anxious attachment and emotional dysregulation from ADHD can influence your relationships and feelings. People-pleasing and fear of rejection are common patterns in anxious attachment because they often stem from a deep need for connection and reassurance. When a relationship ends suddenly, it can feel especially devastating because it touches on those fears of abandonment and rejection. Emotional dysregulation with ADHD can add another layer of intensity to these feelings, and you’re right-medication often doesn’t directly address the emotional or relational aspects. If you found this video helpful, please share it with others who might benefit. You can also find more in-depth information and tools for managing anxious attachment and emotional dysregulation at DocSnipes.com/Clones. You’re taking important steps by learning about yourself-keep going, and be kind to yourself along the way!
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Okay, so... I know I'm highly sensitive. This has caused problems throughout my whole life. Although I have made great improvements since then I'm obviously still not fully healed because # 1, 2, 4, 6, 7, 9 and 10 described me and my behaviors pretty accurately. But I know I will get over this and I will be able to have a healthy relationship someday. I'm working on it. For me and for everyone around me. Thank you for this. ❤️
This video is very helpful for me. I'm finally coming to terms with my anxious attachment style....I need to do better. It's hard for me to be in relationships because I'm overwhelmed with the fear that my partner is going to leave me
I am glad the video was helpful and I appreciate you watching it. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
I have an anxious attachment style, however, I never had the problem of not having other friendships due to letting a relationship (only one) over powering this
Thanks for watching . What tips will you use to address anxious attachment? If you’re interested in developing secure attachment, you can find videos on that at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. If you’re interested in videos on building secure attachment, you can find them at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Thank you for watching my video. To overcome insecure or anxious attachment using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you can follow several strategies and techniques that are designed to help you recognize and change unhelpful thought patterns, develop emotional regulation skills, and build healthier relationships. Here are some key steps: 1. Recognize and Challenge Cognitive Distortions: * Identify negative thoughts and beliefs that contribute to your anxiety and insecurity. Common cognitive distortions include all-or-nothing thinking, catastrophizing, and mind reading. * Use thought records to document these thoughts and challenge them with evidence-based reasoning. Reframe these thoughts to be more balanced and realistic. 2. Develop Distress Tolerance Skills: * Engage in grounding exercises and mindfulness to stay present and manage stress. Techniques such as slow breathing, guided imagery, and sensory tools can help trigger the relaxation response. * Practice distress-tolerant thoughts and activities to help you cope with anxiety without resorting to avoidance behaviors. 3. Gradual Exposure to Triggers: * Systematic desensitization involves gradually exposing yourself to anxiety-provoking situations in a controlled and safe manner. This helps reduce fear responses over time and enhances self-efficacy. * For example, if you fear abandonment, gradually increase the time and space apart from your partner while practicing coping strategies. 4. Enhance Emotional Awareness and Regulation: * Develop emotional awareness by identifying and validating your feelings. Practice mindfulness to stay attuned to your emotions and respond intentionally. * Use techniques from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to improve emotional regulation, such as distress tolerance and wise mind exercises. 5. Build Healthy Relationships and Boundaries: * Communicate openly with your partner using their love language and develop friendships outside of your romantic relationship to avoid over-reliance on one person for validation. * Set and respect boundaries to create a sense of safety and empowerment in your relationships. 6. Address Underlying Trauma: * Acknowledge and process past traumas that may have contributed to your insecure attachment. This can involve grieving the losses and disruptions in attachment and developing a secure sense of self. * Therapy can help you explore and heal from these past experiences, providing a foundation for healthier attachments in the future. By following these steps and working with a therapist, you can gradually overcome insecure or anxious attachment and build more secure and fulfilling relationships.
You’re so welcome. Thanks for watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching. You can find other videos on creating secure attachment at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Describes my co worker too the T. I’m learning how to communicate . It’s messed up for employers - Being patient. Just him discussing childhood and relationships. Why I try being tolerant. Definitely claims ADD . That Not sure
👌More videos can be found on this topic at: th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswjSvwE8zV5YPISXOHgkH5I5.html&si=0YM6L9M7iZoG8d9K
❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com
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I feel basically all the things you are describing but it’s not my significant other it’s my child is off to college. I’m an empty nester although I don’t like that title. Can I use all the things you are saying or is there a better video to watch?
The worst thing about this is that the more attached you get to someone, the more they start to push you away because of all the negative things you do like push boundaries. And the more they push you away, the more you try to get close to them and on and on forever until it finally explodes and you’re left with nothing.
Yes, you are right. You can create secure attachment, though. How are you planning to start doing that?
Wow, this is so true.
I have just done this with the love of my life 😢
@@c179s9 Same
Hugs
The stress response I get when I feel like I'm being abandoned is one of the worst feelings I've ever felt. It feels like a panic attack. Looking at it now, I realize that this is why I also have an avoidant attachment to avoid feeling abandoned.
I appreciate you watching
It’s atrocious.
Yes me too all of this
So true
Your comment wraps up what is happening to me as well. I have avoidant anxious attachment, if that is a thing. I have known that I have had this for a long time but I have not been able to apply it to my life in any practical way as I am now, and as you talk about it. It felt like a panic attack, but even counselors have not been able to point it out. It is terrible that you pay so much money but no one understands what is going on with you on this subject whether you pay them or not. Ludicrous. The counselors are more out-of-it than even all the clients put together!
The saddest part is it’s not really our parents faults either.
It’s just passed down lack of awareness and trauma that trickles down.
Our parents tried their best, and they were emotionally unavailable themselves and unaware how much damaging their abuse or neglect was causing.
No more victim mindsets. I’m owning this shit and healing. I’m done having chaotic and unfulfilled romantic relationships.
I want to be healthy and happy on my own and attract someone consistent and healthy!
Thank you for watching the video. Here are videos on developing secure attachment: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
I appreciate this comment, but also want to acknowledge that while it may not be our parents “fault”, as a child, you are there responsibility, so it’s not being a victim to acknowledge that they didn’t meet the need. It’s totally ok to point out that they didn’t provide something and it sucked.
This is less for you and more for anyone who may read the comment. You of course are totally free to feel how you feel too ❤
@@AliveBoldTVthank you for this comment. The other comment was very dismissive and rude . No one is a victim let’s start still holding parents accountable regardless is they supposedly “did the best they could”
The hardest part about being anxiously attached is what might come after the “paranoia” and the “seeing things that aren’t there” and our partner actually abandons us, rejects us or downright abuses our powerless attachment to them.
Breakups always hurt, but if you’re anxiously attached to someone that disconnection is so tied to our entire sense of self (because we don’t have one) our entire being collapses without them.
Just now I was in the shower crying out for him, and I felt it in my heart. I felt like I needed him to hold me, tell me I’m safe with him because he’ll be there for me and take care of me just like he promised. But he’s not there and it hurts to much! 😢 I feel so unsafe, so lost and vulnerable without him, I don’t know what to do! I can only cry the whole day, knowing this is something I can only heal within myself, but it sounds easier said than done 😪
I have anxious attachment and I’m doing all of the wrong things in parenting my kids. Im not even sure how to stop..
Weird I’m anxious but I was able to find a new fling and go dirt biking to forget. As a woman, I only get emotional around my period.
@yourhighnessnona thank you for the articulate and deeply felt description of out-of-control anxiety due to abandonment fears. I experience the exact same thing. But I’m working hard on healing and I hope you are too, because there is light at the end of the tunnel. Right now I’m waiting for my partner to contact me, and I’m suspecting she won’t. At this moment at least, instead of anxiety-spiraling, I’m curious. This is because I know I can make it on my own, and I also know that I am valuable and can find a relationship that works if this one doesn’t. I’m learning not to invest more in others than they invest in me.
Thank you for this very accurate description of how we feel. Right now it's hard. I don't know what to do and I can't sleep. I don't know if I'll see her tomorrow or if she'll be too busy. I don't know what to do together or how I'll feel. I just need her to validate me and feel like she cares. I'm terrified that she'll abandon me in the next couple of weeks when I have so much change in the works. I don't want my life and my self worth to fall apart now. Not now .
For me I kept choosing people who were dismissive one foot in one foot out, constantly breaking up or cheating on me..... it was the similar not good enough feeling I had as a child so it felt familiar and I thought you just had to work hard to be even noticed. So that made the anxiety worse of course. Vicious circle. Finally I realized with the help of a great counselor to stop caring or reacting and chasing. Let them go to make room for the one who will love you and not hit your triggers.
I appreciate you watching
Me too...crappy childhood fairy videos help me a lot.😘
Same here; I keep trying to date someone exactly like my asshat father, and/or a guy who is a manipulative and needy narcissist (just like my mom/). I'm a white-collar professional, slim/fit, good-looking, kind, etc... It doesn't matter. When my triggers are set off, a panic button gets smacked and....thar she blows!
Well said
As most of us know we have triggers, it's imperative to get these triggers in check so that we don't become little puppets on a string controlled by someone other that ourselves. We must be in control of our triggers NOT BE CONTROLLED BY OUR TRIGGERS. Easier said than done, I know this. But it's a start. DONT BE A PUPPET FOR ANYONE.
My mouth is bone dry. My jaw hit the floor. I stumbled upon this and never knew anything like this existed. I can't believe how I just fit perfectly into every part of this 🤯🤯🤯
Thank you so much for watching. What tips from the video will you use to create secure attachment?
@@DocSnipes No. Thank you. Been talking about it all day
Thank you so much for mentioning neurodivergent children not having their needs met. I feel like this really affected me for life. It's so complicated to untangle once we're grown up.
So welcome. I appreciate you watching
The part about inconsistent parenting is wrong. This is the core wound associated with Fearful Avoidant (FA), not Anxious (AP) attachment. These attachment styles are fundamentally very different.
The first part of the video was highly informative though!
@@lukethompson5558 can you tell me more about this? My ex was an autistic child and I felt like he has this style of attachment because he broke up based on the fear that I would leave him
This is so me. I hate myself in the moments where everything overflows. I’m working with this for a few years but every “new” situation just seems to bring this out again.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Please don’t hate yourself. I understand everything you’re going through. We all are doing the best we can. Let us just love ourselves for who we are. There is no one that is perfect!
I find the cappy childhood fairy helpful for childhood ptsd. 😘
Yess this me so sad it hurts
Our youngest son was sunk very deep into anxious attachment when he left his mother's house. While we did heap validation on him (something he wasn't getting previously, among many other things) much of it was heavily focused on him taking care of himself. Part of our validation campaign was to praise him in almost cartoonish fashion to make sure it sunk in that we were happy for him to do those things because he couldn't feel it unless it was exaggerated. He was terrified when it came time to go to college but we validated his feelings while reminding him of all the other new scary things he'd done in his 2 years with us. Every time he made a decision on his own he got praise and validation. Now we all sort of joke about it when he just calls to just talk instead of in a panic because he didn't know what to do. Now he calls to tell us about his growing independence. He knows we're still here for him, but it feels good that he has the confidence to do things on his own. We didn't push therapy early on because his mother had dragged him from therapist to therapist to find someone who would medicate him into compliance. He's going on his own now, in part because I talked to him a lot about my own therapy journey, and loves it. She helped him figure out he has ADHD, not an anxiety disorder, which has greatly reduced his anxiety. I actually got a call from him once while he was in session because he reallyreallyreally wanted to introduce her to me.
We're still the people he comes to to gush about his accomplishments because he knows they might seem odd to anyone who hasn't been where he was. So I get to hear him gush about grocery shopping, getting his car fixed, or trying new foods. Every time he makes a new friend it's a celebration because when he came to us he didn't have many and those he did have weren't very thoughtful. He's still navigating boundary issues with others but I'm sure he'll get there. It's been awesome watching him grow from an anxiety ridden boy who was terrified of even thinking for himself into the strong young man he is today.
Thanks for sharing, much appreciated. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
That's awesome! Wish I'd had that kind of awareness reaction from my family. Congrats to you and your son!
@@Lexi_Con...Unfortunately it was due in part to my own background. My husband grew up in avery stable, loving, validating family so he was at a loss about how to handle the roller coaster we'd been strapped into. What finally got our son's attention was when he'd tell us about something that happened at his mother's house, I ask him to let me guess how it played out, then essentially tell the rest of the story. I might miss minor details but overall I nailed it every time. After that, I'd tell him my story. I also spoke to him a *LOT* about my own therapy and how I apply it in every day life. His dad was super helpful in providing the"what right looks like" stability we all needed.
I had passive parents. With a “suck it up and deal with it”bury your feelings teaching growing up. Along with emotionally abusive relatives as a teenager. Along with rejection, failure, abandonment. Which feels like a full blown panic attack when there’s even a hint of being abandoned. It’s like your trauma response is constantly on.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching. You can find other videos on creating secure attachment at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
I feel exactly the same
What have u done to undone it'
We're all so plugged in that today, a big tip-off of an anxiously attached person is the need to text constantly... maybe even call or video chat all the time, too. Inappropriate messaging at all hours of the day because they cannot emotionally self-regulate, so they need you to be there for them or give them an indicator that you haven't left.
I appreciate you watching
This is such a big behavior for me! And a missed message is a huge trigger for me as well
@@meanbean6011 I totally get it. The best thing to do is look more so at their actions than just their words. Texting is easy and low commitment in comparison. If someone aligns with your values and is doing everything else right, you have to ask yourself why texting is ruining the relationship. Maybe it’s a deeper issue of not feeling truly heard, or needing words of affirmation, and those things can be talked over vs. destroying it all. The bad thing is when reacting takes over and that negative response can cause disproportionate harm. I always ask myself now “Is how I am acting and feeling directly proportionate to the situation?” Meaning even if I do have the right to be mad or upset, does it make sense contextually or should I take a deeper look about why I’m so triggered?
@Alexa S. your words really speak to me. Social media has been affecting me a lot. Me and my partner have been together for many years, and people always tells us how perfect we are (not by what we post, but how we are in person).
And we changed our routine a bit, i have been more "present" in social media and it has triggered me to not received the same kind of attention and loving messages to my posts even though i still have them in real life.
Looking deeper, reading about codependency and attachment styles- I realized that this issue is related to my prior relationship and insecurities and anxiety have been in my life for the past couple of months. I am working hard on healing and changing my attachment style, therapy, and more to overcome these feelings and I am doing my best for the sake of my partner and of course for myself as feeling anxiety, insecure, unloved and abandoned is the worst!!!
I want to go back and feel amazing and safe😫
Omg! This is me right now. Lost a relationship and probably a friend because I couldn't manage my feelings properly and would text constantly trying to fix or explain things because I always feel misunderstood.
Wow. Wow. Wow. The signs of anxious attachment are so congruent to my symptoms of ADHD. And the fact that you used the experience of a neurodivergent child as an example really brought it home. After all my years of therapy, finally receiving an ADHD diagnosis as a 34 year old adult, THIS is the missing piece. Wow. Thank you so much! 🙏🏼❤️
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching. Other videos that might help can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=ADHD
Your cute wow.
I used to struggle with panic attacks myself, but today everything is much different. There was also anxiety. I wish you all a speedy recovery🌼
I am glad to read you are doing better and I appreciate you watching the video.
Very helpful, thank you. I recently went through a breakup and my therapist has made me understand I have a very anxious and dependent attachment style, and watching your videos has helped me further realise my issues.
I am sorry about that. Thank you for watching. How are you planning to create secure attachment?
Dr Snipes, you are such a gift to the world! So many of your videos have me weeping, but I finally have clarity about my upbringing and how to heal moving forward. Thank you for your contributions to society! I spent 15 years in therapy and none of those people helped me as much as your videos do!
I appreciate you watching and I am glad to be of help. Can you, please, tell me how you are planning to build secure attachment?
I appreciate you watching and I am glad to be of help. Can you, please, tell me how you are planning to build secure attachment?
@@DocSnipes That is a good question. Simply understanding myself and why I am the way I am and why my parents were the way they were has been immensely helpful. It's simply the knowledge your expertise has give me and the clear explanations that have turned on the lightbulb, so to speak. Now that I know why A, B, and C are as they are, I am much happier and more content with life. Learning that we all just repeat patterns of behavior that we were taught and will continue to do so without intervention, and recognizing and understanding my triggers has been helpful. I don't know if I can really answer your question. But telling myself, "I'm having the thought that..."and understanding I am not my thoughts or feelings, and this feeling is temporary are helping me.
I have anxious attachment and the thing that broke the relationship is that they would not want to see me or talk about things for weeks - avoid any communication, even phone conversation. It just put me in an impossible position until I just couldn't take it any more. When I would ask - after getting strange "excuses" that didn't sit right logically or emotionally, they claimed I was violating their boundaries. I could give people space no problem if its talked about and its not completely shutting down... I guess it was a combo there with an avoidant and I guess we both didn't have the tools.
Betrayal Trauma made my Anxious Attachment and PTSD worse. Thank you for this session
Indeed.
Same!
This hits hard this is me and it hurts when your loved one leaves you due to clingyness, toxic traits like this but i just didn't want to loose them.
It breaks my heart when i get rejected or no one is into me makes me feel unlovable and hate grows inside me for others. Like why can't you see i am working on myself and a loveable guy? And it hurts me deeply to point i start hating others around me. I want to be happy and feel loved.
I am on the spectrum
I feel like in the past I've been anxious about being abandoned, even though in many situations I let it be, but with how things have evolved for me, I have this mindset that I should just stay alone...I know that it would help making friends, but when you feel like you can't trust anyone, it seems hopeless
Boy, I feel you. Stay strong friend.
I often feel that way, so you're not alone.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
I’m having similar feelings. I got into a new relationship and I love him dearly but I’ve almost become more avoidant where as my last relationship I was anxious. I think it’s a defence mechanism.
@@maddyG7414 I can relate in some ways, I hope it works out for you
All of the signs apply to me and my relationship and in different amounts. Amazing how you were describing me. My significant other got very sick with covid and had to be separated from me (hospitalized) and could have died. I immediately started having severe anxiety attacks and couldn't sleep. I thought I was going to die. The knowledge in this video was so very helpful, and along with Cognitive behavior therapy has me on the road to recovery. Thank you thank you!
You’re so welcome. I am so glad to read you are on the road to recovery. What strategies will you use to create secure attachment?
This video speaks to my core. I had a mother who provided very inconsistent care and reflecting upon my childhood I recall often being in a state of panic trying to gauge what mood she would be in, thinking would she be home that night or will she start an argument at Christmas time or on Birthdays.
My anxious attachment is triggered with certain individuals and the days are long and very heavy. Always trying to live their life. Ruminating 24/7 about them. The fear they don’t like me…am I going to be rejected etc. etc.
Since starting EMDR therapy I’ve made significant improvement and now beginning to live a true authentic life.
Absolutely loved this video so a big Thankyou from me
I appreciate you watching and I am glad you are on the right path. Other videos that might help can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=Releasing%20trauma
I'm an avoidant and don't relate to any of this, but I want to understand anxious attachments better. Thanks for the video.
I appreciate you watching.
I've been examining my current relationship and I didn't even notice that I had an anxious attachment style but I noticed something was wrong and I finally got to the bottom of it. My mom was very inconsistent, being very warm and loving to distant and neglectful both physically and emotionally to downright cruel and violent, throwing plates at the wall and screaming at the top of her lungs for a minor inconvenience. I understand so much now and I'm working on healing my attachment style to become more secure.
Instant sub from me. I’ve been dealing with these issues for years because of my abusive father, and I’ve been taking steps to uproot all of the trauma I’ve built throughout my life since I have people that depend on me now.
Thanks for the push; I needed it.
So on point ! I definitely had an insensitive father ,who still to this day refuses any mental or physical help
This part!!!
same. he used to be on board with therapy until he just quit and said God was all he needed. we are doomed lol
I am these to the exact T. Sometimes I resent my girlfriend because she isn’t paying enough attention to me and I hate being this way. I’m extremely insecure but I am a handsome guy… why is this? I feel I am most terrified of her leaving me for someone else. It cripples me with anxiety. I don’t want to be this person. I want to be secure and trust my love. She just left because of these things and I am working very hard to get her back and I’ve almost got her to trust that I am better.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. Here are videos on developing secure attachment:
th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
And here is the video on improving your relationship with yourself:
th-cam.com/video/wolkGlwfVZw/w-d-xo.html
Hey want to be friends. I'm a guy.
I've been here. It was all rooted in low self-esteem, and a lack of self knowledge...I had to live, grow, and learn better.
I appreciate you watching and sharing. What helped you best address anxious attachment?
He's given me SEVERE PTSD.
I have debilitating paralyzing daily panic attacks.
He raped my soul.
He used me while he needed me
and then discarded me like garbage.
My soul is raped.
When he'd get mad/upset/hurt/whatever:
he'd give me the silent treatment.
REMINDER TO SELF:
Reasons for narcissistic silent treatment:
* Stonewalling
* Gaslighting
* Emotional immaturity
* Lack of interpersonal skill
* Victimhood
* Dysregulation
* Avoidant attachment style
* Doing to me, what was done to him
* Terrified of conflict
* Not knowing any other way
* Fear/panic/anxiety/terror
* Felling incapable/not good enough
* Desperation
* Power over
* Regaining a (false) sense of control
* Punishment
EVEN STILL, regardless of the above,
I miss him and what we had,
our friendship, our connection:
WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.
But he never really cared about me.
He used me and discarded me.
Replaced me so easily.
Why is she better than me? Why?
What makes her so much more profoundly better than me?
Is he her best friend now?
Or maybe is there even more between them?
Why couldn't he love me like he loves her?
Is there something wrong with me?
Is she just so much better?
He's replaced me with another.
In an instant: just like that.
HE REPLACED ME.
HE SHATTERED MY HEART.
HE RAPED MY SOUL.
I'm all alone and suffering in anguish,
and they are living happily ever after together.
The PTSD and the loneliness and the grief that he's given me...
Makes it so that I can't breathe.
I drowned. I suffocate. I die inside.
I'm in hell with no escape.
NO ESCAPE.
I need him.
I loved him.
He raped my soul:
brutally viciously violently maliciously.
Every night: nightmares.
Every day: panic attacks.
I want to die.
Every morning I wake up in despair,
desperately praying to die.
I can no longer bear the pain.
I could die from the pain of missing my best friend.
He betrayed and abandoned me, discarded me like garbage.
My mind can't fathom, my heart can't comprehend.
I live in perpetual panic and terror and loneliness and longing...
I'm so alone in the world. I die of fear.
I'm so fucking traumatized and terrorized and terrified.
I'm dying inside. My soul is raped.
He's given me severe PTSD. Severe! Severe! Severe!
How and when will I ever heal?
God, as I walk through this hell and heartache and grief,
I pray you guide me and direct me and hold me and heal me...
I won't be stuck in hell anymore. Enough is enough!!!
It's time to be free: in Jesus's name!
I’m giving my life to Jesus! 100%!
ANOTHER REMINDER TO SELF:
When you chase a man,
you NEVER get the man,
and you ALWAYS lose yourself!
I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video. Other videos you might help you heal can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=PTSD
I just wish my parents could have somehow seen and understood this video 24 years ago. It's like a 1:1 blueprint. It is so frustrating that it takes a lifetime of hard work to somehow get right what was messed up early on.
This is me to the letter; sadly. My mother was/is insensitive and inconsistent to the point it seems narcissistic. She raised me from her own place of trauma and now I'm trying to unlearn a lot of things so I don't repeat the cycle.
I am sorry about that. What steps will you take to build secure attachment?
Great so I have both anxious and avoidant attachment styles.
I appreciate you watching
Thank you for some helpful tips. I think the hardest part is feeling the panic and overcome by it even though I logically can see otherwise...the panic makes me really, truly "not sure". Writing down the facts is a very helpful practice to lock that logic into place and not just try to get rid of the anxiety.
It’s awesome that writing down the facts works for you. Thanks for watching and for sharing
🙏 I am absolutely happy that are focusing on attachment. Thank you!!!
You are welcome. Here is a link to several other videos I have done (longer ones) on attachment. th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=attachment
My biggest problem is that I tend to move too quickly when getting to know someone. It's like I get so hypersensitive and romantically excited and have no patience to pace myself and let things progress fluidly. Then I get called out on it by the other person. By this time their interest has more than likely declined because now I've made them reconsider and back away. I even realize what I'm doing while I'm doing it and I still just keep doing it. I think I do it because I'm scared of looking like an emotionless cold uncaring person who doesn't know how to love. I never had closeness or nurturing love growing up. I just had the necessities provided for me along with the parenting basics. I guess I'm just trying to over-provide what I never received. I'm 46 now, a widowed husband, and feel like I'm now doomed to never find another companion to share a life with.
I am so sorry about that, Silver Punk. I don’t think you are doomed to never find another companion to share your life with. Have you watched the video on healing the inner child? th-cam.com/video/IKJPtpaNP2A/w-d-xo.html
And here is the video on self compassion: th-cam.com/video/ZMJIkExQeJc/w-d-xo.html
My girlfriend of 8 years broke up with me 2 months ago. I’ve been trying to figure out what the main stressor in the relationship was, and this was the exact issue. I was attached to her in a very very unhealthy way. I knew I was but I drew it up to being in love or being over protective. She chalked it up to possession and obsessive compulsive disorder; but this is a bit more cut and dry. Thank you for making this video. I hope knowing what I now know can help me repair the damage I have done.
I came across this video at the right time. I realized, this is describing my personal attachment style. But also, my parenting style. I feel sick hearing it from a complete stranger, indirectly. But iam glad I can use this information to begin to change things within my life and my family.
Thank you so much for watching. How will you address anxious attachment?
My parents split when I was 5. I was haunted by that. My wife accused me of being a narcissist and left me. After therapy the psychologist said I have Anxious Attachment. I ticked every box.
Thank you for watching the video. What tips will you use to cope with the symptoms anxious attachment?
This video is so so helpful I’m trying to deal with my anxious attachment so I can have a healthier relationship
I appreciate you watching the video.
Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=attachment
This is so me, I can't take no for an answer and I will force myself in. I have an overwhelming feeling of fear..... it's awful and I don't want to keep doing this. I push everyone away because I over do it and force myself onto them, then everything I am scared of happens and I am makingbit happen because of my fear of abandonment
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What tips will you use to create secure attachment? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Attachment Videos on my channel You are welcome. Here is a link to several other videos I have done (longer ones) on attachment. th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=attachment
Many people with anxious or #insecure #attachment also have abandonment issues (because of the insecure attachment) Here is a link to the videos I have done on Abandonment th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=abandonment
Many people with insecure attachment experienced a lot of adverse childhood experiences (ACES). Here is a link to videos I have done on the wounded #innerchild th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=inner%20child and videos on the impact of childhood #neglect and ACEs th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=adverse
Thank you Dr. Snipes l learned quite a bit today will keep striving for the ability to become less anxious!
🙏
How can we heal adolescent children. If we're the parent who causes this??
Oooo
Yes on p
everytime i watch your videos i always feel better. you really explain things well and help with understanding the source of the anxiety and behavior.
You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching videos. What tips would you use first to create secure attachment?
I see signs of anxious attachment in me as I have demanded a good exchange to insure a lasting relationship for me. It is right on the cusp of it, but some people might think it is annoying or "concerning". I am developing a more whole sense of self so that I do not have feelings of over-dependency on others. But I DO require respect and reciprocity in relationships because I have the need to interact with whole people who do not work to trigger my abandonment as part of the day to day interactions to try to mess with my developing feeling of wholeness and safety within my self.
How will you turn those signs of anxious attachment into ones of secure attachment?
@@DocSnipes yes, how do we??
I think we as anxious do have to require respect and reciprocity in kind and compassionate treatment. I think if you're anxious with someone who is not respectful, kind or compassionate it won't matter what attachment style you have, they will not be a good partner if that's what you are not getting in the relationship
Wow... This is the first time I get this properly explained... And recognize as well.
I appreciate you watching the video.
Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=attachment
@@DocSnipes Thank you so much! And again sorry for mentioning the mouth sounds... they are irrelevant to the information you give and the amount of help and relief that gives!
As I’ve gone through writing my book, “the Hurricane in my mind” I thought it would just be about complex PTSD, but have since seen just how many abandonment issues I had by the time I turned 18 that would lead to years of not only bad relationships, but relationship jumping . Thanks for all your information
You’re most welcome. I appreciate you watching
Holy crap. I fit just about every single one of these to a T. I can't believe how freaking accurate this is.
Thank you so much for watching the video? How will you start creating secure attachment?
My wife has this personality type and it's almost unbearable to deal with. She's constantly testing me for me to prove that I'm not going to abandon her and essentially challenges me to leave and then when I accept has a panic attack
Sounds like she maybe a borderline .
I am sorry about that. Has she watched the video?
I do this to my husband too, what I really want is reassurance
@@astridjanine1824 I feel for him. And you.
This makes sense in so many ways. Thank you!
You’re welcome! Thanks for watching!
I have anxious attachment! All I had to do was hear the words! The only thing one can do..is Forgive..yourself and others and Accept it Best You can. I have had it now 20 years. I Love him So Much! But after two years he left me and married someone else. I tried to move on. I couldn’t. I wrote him letters for years.
I am sorry about that. Thank you for watching. You can find other videos on creating secure attachment at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
@@DocSnipes Thank You! I will.
Danke!
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it?
Thanks
Thanks so much! So appreciated. :)
I’m speechless… Everything you said is so spoke on. Thank you for this video. I will begin changing things in my life 🙏🏽
You’re most welcome. You can find videos on creating secure attachment at: at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
great to see an attachment video, esp anxious attachment.. thank you..
You are welcome. Here is a link to several other videos I have done (longer ones) on attachment. th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=attachment
@@DocSnipes Thank you Dr. Snipes.. I have already seen some of them..will see the remaining ones too..your videos are very helpful for us who live in the lesser developed countries where mental health awareness is near to zero.. thanks for everything you do..🙏 ❤️
I’m literally crippled by this every single day!
I am so sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What tips will you use to create secure attachment? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
I must thank you and your team a lot for making this video. Honestly, it helps me to be aware why I virtually react like this, like that in my relationships. And now, I certainly understand the reason to improve myself!! Thanks, again!!
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm really glad the video resonated with you and that it’s helping you gain clarity about your reactions in relationships. That level of self-awareness is a big step toward growth and positive change. It’s inspiring that you’re committed to understanding yourself better and working on improving those areas. Remember, this journey is about progress, not perfection, so be gentle with yourself as you continue learning and growing. You’re on the right path, and we’re here cheering you on! Also, I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from the video. Additionally, if you're interested in more tips on the topic or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes. Thanks again for taking the time to share your thoughts.
I REALLY resonated when you touched on atypical neurotypes and their relationship with anxious attachment! More of that please unless you already have a video on it.
I have anxious attachment and I’m in a long distance relationship…Jesus Christ this shit is rough
Im in such a strange place because I think I found my Wife. Im realizing I’ve always had this issue with previous relationships, but only now am I aware of the issue. And only now am I working towards fixing it.
It’s just so hard to change years if behavior. I hope I pull through and don’t self sabotage
I thought I was healed and now I'm in a relationship and everything is coming back
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching.
I've gone from anxious attachment in previous relationships to avoiding relationships at all costs.
Thank you so much, I have exhibited so many of these traits but never knew it was a thing and just recently realize its so hard for me to detach from one person, most times I have only one close friend and calling or texting this friend all the time, only one hairstylist, only one corner grocery store etc you have to do me really bad before I can detach. I might go see a therapist soon and I am working on it myself as well. The stress also affects my digestive system when its up and down
I am sorry about that. What tips from the video are you going to use to create secure attachment?
I am sitting here with my anxious partner... and all of this about consistency...11 + minutes in... you are talking about classic avoidant parents. Anxious parents tend to over parent, over pacify. This is classically how my parents were and I am a pure avoidant.
I am sorry about that. How will you use the tips from the video to help your partner?
this is the most useful and the best video I have watched in last 1 month. Thank you. I am learning
Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you watching the video and I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from it. Also, if you're interested in more videos on the topic or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.
I love the way you have put many practice for people to do in daily life, rather than just analyzing. What we anxious people really need help is how do we do it? How do we implement?
I often see myself as unfixable, but I’m pretty sure this woman could fix me as simple as if my truck had a flat tire.
Thanks for watching.
@@DocSnipes thank you for your insightful videos.
From my study of this anxious attachment style people like myself tend to attract avoidant types. So one of the things I am doing to help with this anxious attachment style is to read books on what it looks like to be secure, and I’ll have to say all kinds of negative emotions come up, because I am so lonely, I focused too much on a job these past eight years that I neglected developing a social life or support group, because I was too exhausted at the end of the day, and then I started, letting the job consume me and the people there. I resigned from the job because I realized I needed to see if I could break away and it’s been really hard, but I’m just going to trust the process and hope that eventually I will come to be more secure in myself and at peace, I wish everybody out there struggling with the same attachment style success.
Thanks
I appreciate your thoughtful contribution to my video; your generosity speaks volumes and inspires me on my creative journey. Thank you for making a positive impact.
Hej Doc Snipes
Words can not describe how happy am i to have found your channel... Your videos hit me directly in my heart, but it is a positive hit that makes me do something about it and correct the situation.
I can see that you are from the states, but me, as an macedonian who lives in Danmark, i highly recommend that you spread your messege to these 2 countries becasue there are not so many lucky macedonians/danes as me to find your channel, and i personally think that you are an undiscoverred gold!
I appreciate you watching. If you don’t mind me wanting, what are some of your favorite videos on mental health?
@@DocSnipes Healing the inner child videos and videos related on CoPependency.
Thanks!
I deeply appreciate your generous contribution to my video. Your support is profoundly meaningful, and it inspires me greatly. Thank you for positively influencing my creative path.
This is so sad. Sometimes you realize things in the worst ways. Losing the person you love. It sucks so much. When they see you for someone you’re not, but you also know she sees you exactly for what you did. Time to fix this guys! We’re in this together!
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. Insecure attachment can be incredibly challenging, especially when it affects your relationships. It's painful when someone you love sees you in a way that doesn't align with how you see yourself, yet also reflects your actions. Recognizing this is an important step. Remember, healing and change are possible. Seeking support from a therapist can be very helpful in addressing insecure attachment and improving your relationships. You're not alone in this journey, and it's great that you're determined to work on it. Also, please feel free to share what you’ve found most useful from the video and, if you’re interested in learning about creating secure attachment or to search for videos in the video library, don’t hesitate to use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes
@@DocSnipesthank you for your kind words! I am currently working with a therapist on unraveling whatever it is that led to this, and I am confident I will get over this and become more secure! The best tip from your video was journalling and building self esteem. I’ve come to realize most of anxious insecure attachment stems from a low self esteem. Sometimes the worst experiences are the best teachers.
Thank you,I have this,and I do not have success in a partnership,I also notice allot of people have ,other attachment styles that are not healthy,glad I can work on my self, I usually was not this way until my mom passed,I'm older and think now Mom and I had this love language,so that's why we were so close
Thankyou very much! I've learned a few things. I'm not overly anxiously attached in terms of the space aspect. But I do have triggers from a previous traumatic experience of domestic violence. I think some things from my childhood also played a part. I'm naturally a more anxious person and do my best to keep that under control. Thankyou very much for creating this video.
You’re most welcome. Thank you so much for watching the video and for sharing
This has helped me recognise so much more about myself and best of all it has given me ways to deal. Thank you!
You are so welcome! Glad I could help. Thanks for watching
I didnt expect to learn much of anything, but I was quite wrong. Thank you for sharing this.
You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching the video. I am glad you’ve learned from it. What would you say you’ve found most useful from it?
Thank you for this I believe this will save my relationship I been suffering this for a while
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Distress Tolerance. Use TAGS. Thoughts. Activities. Grounding and Guided Imagery. Sensations.
I appreciate you watching, Sadia. :) Have an awesome day!
@Doc Snipes you are amazing! Thank you so much for the great content! I'm anxiously attached and I will try your suggestions
You’re so welcome! I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? You can find videos on creating secure attachment at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Something my mom did when I was around 6-7 was always threaten to get rid of me by sending me to a military school. My parents never corrected me, they simply threatened me with punishments until I did what they wanted me to without ever giving me some form of guidance on what/why they wanted.
Thank you for implying that I am not totally bad because this attachment style!
I appreciate you watching, Melanie. You can find videos that might help create secure attachment at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
I have developed BAD anxious attachment after my ex husband cheated on me multiple times and now being single for 4 years and guys lying about genuinely being interested or going ghost. I see how I act when I'm talking to someone new and its horrific. Im learning ways to cope with these and also remembering that no one is perfect so for them not to be perfect right off the bat, is just a part of learning eachother. Its been difficult but I'll be watching all of your videos now. Lol thanks!
This is very useful and I find myself connecting with a lot of what was said
Thank you so much for watching. How are you planning to start addressing anxious attachment?
Trying to get out a bit more to meet old friends again whom I have not seen for a while although nerve wrecking but I did it it was fun however started overthinking everything
Thank you! This was what I needed to know today.
I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Ok this is why people say we should avoid diagnosing people if we're not a psychologist because a lot of this overlaps with some personality disorder yet I know for a fact people with this attachment style don't necessarily have a personality disorder they just need to learn to self soothe
I have to say some people wouldn’t feel anxious attachment (abandoned) if they didn’t have to worry every time you have an argument with your spouse and she just abandons you for real, if she would just talk and fix the problem, we wouldn’t have anxiety
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video.
I relate to this because my mom has always been an anxious attachment person and I do not even want to be around anxious attachment people..
I appreciate you watching
I am still AA but working on secure although I have had big setbacks. Your tips are very useful
Thank you for watching the video. For more information, to get answers from my videos, or to easily find them in the video library, please feel free to use
AllCEUs.com/AskDocSnipes
Thank you. I have anxious attachment and had no idea I was doing these things....always pleasing people, always being afraid of rejection, got so emotionally involved with a LDR and all of a sudden he broke up with me. I have ADHD so part of that is emotional dysregulation. Problem is, the meds don't help with this at all!
Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like you’re gaining some valuable insight into how anxious attachment and emotional dysregulation from ADHD can influence your relationships and feelings. People-pleasing and fear of rejection are common patterns in anxious attachment because they often stem from a deep need for connection and reassurance. When a relationship ends suddenly, it can feel especially devastating because it touches on those fears of abandonment and rejection.
Emotional dysregulation with ADHD can add another layer of intensity to these feelings, and you’re right-medication often doesn’t directly address the emotional or relational aspects.
If you found this video helpful, please share it with others who might benefit. You can also find more in-depth information and tools for managing anxious attachment and emotional dysregulation at DocSnipes.com/Clones. You’re taking important steps by learning about yourself-keep going, and be kind to yourself along the way!
Danke!
I am deeply grateful for your donation to my channel. Your support not only sustains the channel but also fills me with great gratitude and motivation. I truly value having you as an outstanding member of this community! Thank you!
@ It's a wonderful channel and your work is so helpful, thank you!
Okay, so...
I know I'm highly sensitive. This has caused problems throughout my whole life.
Although I have made great improvements since then I'm obviously still not fully healed because # 1, 2, 4, 6, 7, 9 and 10 described me and my behaviors pretty accurately.
But I know I will get over this and I will be able to have a healthy relationship someday.
I'm working on it. For me and for everyone around me.
Thank you for this. ❤️
You are so welcome. Thanks for watching!
You are not alone. I am this way also and want to find the best ways to cope and thrive. Regular people often don’t know how to handle us.
Thanks!
Thanks for the support!! Much appreciated! 😀😀😀
Thank you so much, I really needed to see this video. Thank you.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
This video is very helpful for me. I'm finally coming to terms with my anxious attachment style....I need to do better. It's hard for me to be in relationships because I'm overwhelmed with the fear that my partner is going to leave me
I am glad the video was helpful and I appreciate you watching it. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
I have an anxious attachment style, however, I never had the problem of not having other friendships due to letting a relationship (only one) over powering this
Thanks for watching . What tips will you use to address anxious attachment? If you’re interested in developing secure attachment, you can find videos on that at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
See that alot here in pa..another word, " Poverty " children, are often left alone, in homes, and barns...
Thank you so much for watching, Rhonda. What steps would you take first to start addressing Anxious Attachment?
💕 THANK YOU DOC SNIPES 💕
You’re most welcome. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
@@DocSnipes thank you! I'll be marinating on this one for a while and extract the nuggets 🪙🪙🪙
This is such a important video for me thank you
You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. If you’re interested in videos on building secure attachment, you can find them at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
A great video with detailed information without subjective opinions, thank you very much!
This is sooooooooooooooooo accurate. I would love to know how to overcome this.
Thank you for watching my video. To overcome insecure or anxious attachment using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you can follow several strategies and techniques that are designed to help you recognize and change unhelpful thought patterns, develop emotional regulation skills, and build healthier relationships. Here are some key steps:
1. Recognize and Challenge Cognitive Distortions:
* Identify negative thoughts and beliefs that contribute to your anxiety and insecurity. Common cognitive distortions include all-or-nothing thinking, catastrophizing, and mind reading.
* Use thought records to document these thoughts and challenge them with evidence-based reasoning. Reframe these thoughts to be more balanced and realistic.
2. Develop Distress Tolerance Skills:
* Engage in grounding exercises and mindfulness to stay present and manage stress. Techniques such as slow breathing, guided imagery, and sensory tools can help trigger the relaxation response.
* Practice distress-tolerant thoughts and activities to help you cope with anxiety without resorting to avoidance behaviors.
3. Gradual Exposure to Triggers:
* Systematic desensitization involves gradually exposing yourself to anxiety-provoking situations in a controlled and safe manner. This helps reduce fear responses over time and enhances self-efficacy.
* For example, if you fear abandonment, gradually increase the time and space apart from your partner while practicing coping strategies.
4. Enhance Emotional Awareness and Regulation:
* Develop emotional awareness by identifying and validating your feelings. Practice mindfulness to stay attuned to your emotions and respond intentionally.
* Use techniques from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to improve emotional regulation, such as distress tolerance and wise mind exercises.
5. Build Healthy Relationships and Boundaries:
* Communicate openly with your partner using their love language and develop friendships outside of your romantic relationship to avoid over-reliance on one person for validation.
* Set and respect boundaries to create a sense of safety and empowerment in your relationships.
6. Address Underlying Trauma:
* Acknowledge and process past traumas that may have contributed to your insecure attachment. This can involve grieving the losses and disruptions in attachment and developing a secure sense of self.
* Therapy can help you explore and heal from these past experiences, providing a foundation for healthier attachments in the future.
By following these steps and working with a therapist, you can gradually overcome insecure or anxious attachment and build more secure and fulfilling relationships.
This is what I have been looking for for a long time. I have wanted some kind of Ideal parenting book that I could pour over.
I am grateful to be of help, Kitty Kat. Thank you so much for watching. How will you build secure attachment?
Couldn't thank you enough for this!
You’re so welcome. Thanks for watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
This is so amazing! Thank you!
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching. You can find other videos on creating secure attachment at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Excellent video on anxious attachments style , thank you
I appreciate you watching. You can find other videos on creating secure attachment at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
Describes my co worker too the T. I’m learning how to communicate . It’s messed up for employers - Being patient. Just him discussing childhood and relationships. Why I try being tolerant. Definitely claims ADD . That Not sure
I appreciate you watching and sharing.