I think you're pretty spot on with all this. My wife is a stay-at-home mom, but it was mostly because I made enough to support our family, and she wanted to keep them out of day care. Then we ended up home schooling as well. She does run a photography business and Etsy shop on the side so she's still bringing on money. We are 100% equal partners in our marriage and I wouldn't have it any other way. She is a boss.
How to be miserable: bang on the first date , be greedy , be angry, lie always, be lazy , worship alcohol, be prideful, be envious,be self-centered ,,,,
My mom was a stay at home mom since I was 7. She had all the money, my dad wouldn't do anything without her. She would do the budget and was never, ever put in a situation where she felt as weak or vulnerable because she stayed home. Guess what? She didn't recommend it to either of her daughters as a permanent situation.
“The amazing thing today is: WE HAVE THE CHOICE!” Totally agree with you! Everyone should do what they want to but they have to know the cost they will pay in a long run whatever they want to be full time in the work force, full time at home, or part time in both.
My mom was a housewife. Dad left us when I was 13 (and my brother 10). We had NO money. NO income. Nothing. My mother's mom came to live with us, and she had a state pension of only 150$ a month (we were living in a poor Eastern European Country, but 150$ a month was not enough to pay the bills and to buy food. Often times they would cut our electricity and we couldn't afford to go grocery shopping). I swore to myself that I will become a career woman and that I will never depend on my husband for anything. I currently work in IT and make 20k$ a month. I am happily married with my boyfriend of 13 years, but if he wants to leave tomorrow, he is free to do so. :) This video hurts me in a lot of ways, but I want to stay up-to-date with what's going on, so thanks Shelby for this! :)
I’m a solo, full-time working mom also running a small company full time. I’m exhausted. I lost everything to my ex-husband including the home I bought before I even met him and my 401k. I’m 53 and have been single for 10 years and will never date or marry again. Ladies… listen up… GET A PRENUP no matter which side you’re on!!!
Thank you! It can be tempting to try for the illusion of a perfect little life, protected from poverty and society by a "strong man." I see why some might see it as a kind of pleasant bargain, but it is a fantasy, period. Women who fail to put any significant income on the books will find life impossible if they ever get injured or divorced or sick or simply stay alive long enough.
Thank you for sharing and warning others. Did you lose those things because you didn’t have a prenup? I read somewhere that they can still get half of your assets even with prenup but I’m not sure how that works. I guess it depends in the state.
Men usually get screwed over way more than women in a divorce. Just sayin. After my own parents divorced, my father had nothing. He dated his share of women but made it clear that he would never get seriously involved with a woman ever again. He still managed to retire 20 years later when he turned 57. He would have never been able to do that if he had remarried. He's 84 now and enjoys his 4 children, his 7 grandchildren, and his 5 great-grandchildren.
My aunt was with my ex-uncle in law for almost 30 years (started dating at 20-ish). About 10 years in they got married and had 2 kids not long after. They both decided she should be a stay at home wife to raise the kids, tend to the house, pets, etc. He retired from the Navy in his younger 30's and got a high paying gov job doing programming of some sort at the Pentagon. They moved to a huge house and seemed to be the perfect couple with the perfect life. Unbeknownst to myself and the rest of our family/friends, he became verbally abusive to her and the children to the point that they were too afraid to leave or tell anyone, but my aunt started secretly recording his abusive rants and eventually got up the courage to take that to a lawyer and fled with the kids in tow. In the divorce proceedings he tried to fight for custody of the kids saying my aunt had no money and no job and that she wasn't fit as a mother, but the judge gave HER full custody given all his recorded violent tendencies and the fact that she had raised the children mostly on her own up to that point. Once that happened he basically said he didn't care about the kids and started dating another woman. He did everything he could to hide all of his assets and acted as if he was taking huge losses in his business so he wouldn't have to pay any money. He did eventually have to pay my aunt child support but it was much less than it should have been for what he made, and her and the kids had to make substantial concessions to their quality of life. That was all at least 10 years ago now and my aunt is still struggling to get a career started. Not being in the workplace for 20+ years meant she had no relevant work experience and she had no money saved up either. I say all of this to say that being a stay at home wife/mother may seem like a great idea to some women, but people fall out of love all the time. Nobody thinks it will happen, but just because you don't think it will happen doesn't mean you shouldn't plan for it.
So many comments here are about “how to prepare/protect yourself in a divorce” , it should be “how to prepare yourself for happiness & love”. For a female, when the body count gets to 5 , she has dropped her marriage-success rate to 20% , which is 80% failure
Culture doesn’t encourage the values that lead to happiness, for men & women. The trad movement needs work, but its a start at the most important things the world has to offer . Choice is essential, but doesn’t work with heavy satanic propaganda . Informed consent requires at least equal time from both sides ,and thats been missing for a long time .
@@guysumpthin2974 Relationships are a 2-way street. One person can do everything in their power to make it work but they can't control the other person. Both parties need to do their part. Also, where are you getting those stats? Women who've had more than 5 partners (in their lives??) have a 20% marriage success rate? What constitutes the "body count"? Anyone she's had sex with? Only committed relationships? What about men? What about women that are in long term relationships but not married? Do women who've only ever been with their husband have a lower divorce rate? Does ANY of this matter? If you want companionship and you haven't found the right person you keep looking. Some people aren't even looking for the right person and randomly find them. Some people find that person earlier in life, some later, some never do. Some find that person after they got married to the wrong person. Some people get married to the wrong person and simply never leave. Some people find the right person and loose them for one reason or another and never search for someone else. Some people THINK they've found the right person and eventually realize their partner isn't who they appeared to be. There's so many variables that make up why people are/aren't together. %'s can't possibly begin to tell the whole story. A friend of mine only dated one guy in high school, and they got married after college. They got divorced 6 or 7 years later because he was cheating on her and stealing her money. She's since remarried and seems substantially happier now than she ever was with her previous partner. She didn't marry the first person she dated either because she didn't want to make the same mistake twice; it took time to find the RIGHT person. I'm sure she falls into a bunch of different categories that'll reduce her life into a percentage and portray her in all kinds ways, but none of that actually explains her situation.
As a working mum of a ten month old, ladies, choose your partners wisely. It doesn't have to be exausting and horible. Women are not genetically predisposed to do more housework and childrearing. Choose a life partner who will truly be your equal, and you won't feel like you have to do two jobs. Because you won't have to. I have no childcare help, we don't live close to family, it's just myself my husband my baby, we are not wealthy, we don't have housekeeping help. but we raise our child 50-50 and we take care of our house 50-50. It is possible. Men who want to be involved fathers & partners do exist, and the ones who don't want to be honestly aren't worth having a child with.
I would consider myself a “trad wife”. I stay home with my 2 daughters and I keep a beautiful, clean home and make 3 meals a day. Honestly, nothing has ever been more fulfilling in my life than doing this. I’ve worked and I’ve also had my own business but at the end of the day I just want to be an amazing wife and mother to my children. I am extremely blessed to have a husband who works hard and provides for our family. I have always felt that my daily efforts are worthwhile. I know this life isn’t for everyone but for some of us it works.
It works until it doesn’t, and the stats show time and time again that it doesn’t work for most. I sincerely hope you have a backup plan and measures in place should something happen.
You did a really good job with this video! I love how you looked at this topic from multiple angles, and with fairness! Bc of where im at in life/my faith journey this lifestyle has been increasingly intriguing to me. However, not to the extent of no possible job, no personal goals, no personal income, etc. way of being. Maybe just elements of this lifestyle stand out to me! I think you nailed it when you compared it to watching the Kardashians. To a degree, these lifestyles look very glamorous! I also love that you pointed out this is a rich/leisure person aesthetic, and that a lower class person living this lifestyle wouldn’t be as interesting to us. Just really love your approach with this vid🤍
Some moms actually like being home with their children. It's not out of necessity . It's the desire to spend as much time with your children as you can so you don't miss a moment of them growing up. I've been both a SAHM and WM and SAHM was way better.
You realize that desire can also only be fulfilled if your SO is financially stable enough? Which might not be the case with everyone. Good for you for having your experience, but not everyone who wants to stay home with their kids can always afford it.
I think you can if you make sacrifices- ie job chosen and where you live. The lifestyle you want is something that can be achieved but it may mean moving to a rural place where houses are cheaper and taking a job that is less desirable but pays more on the husband part. Living on a strict budget.
There is literally nothing traditional about the stuff people say is traditional. "How things were in the 50s" is not the traditional normal human experience. Humans existed for over 40 thousand years before a 10 year span 70 years ago.
The 1950s style really only lasted a very short period (between the prosperous post WWII period and the 1960s) and was a kind of failed social experiment.
We can only talk about what was traditional given the culture, time and country we live in. We can’t possibly encompass every single culture across time to shape a traditional model. So for the western civilization as we know it they doing traditional the right way
Lol yes. And it's only representative of a small portion of the population in the US only. These things just weren't the case for non upper class people and these things were not the case for most of the people outside of the country. Oh yeah I forgot to mention it was only particular "types" of people in the US. Minorities did not get the same "luxury".
@@Justforthefifteendon't forget who you are in that country as well. It's not like any of this was done by minorities because minorities were not given the same courtesy. This was white men coming home from war that got these perks and the white women that went along with them. This did not extend to minorities. Pretty sure all the redlining was going on at this time.
Very good video and points out many perspectives on both sides. From my personal experience, I dated a very wealthy man who preferred more of the Trad Wife lifestyle and really liked having the power within the relationship. For him it wasn’t about love, it was about, “you need to look and act this way, so you make me look good and I will pay for everything.” - type of situation. It got to the point where it became emotionally, physically and financially abusive and we weren’t even married. He even wanted me to get ‘enhancement surgeries’ done so I would look a certain way he thought was more beautiful, or an improved physical version of myself. I learned my lesson the hard way about the ‘trad wife’ trend, but I know it could have been harder if we had gotten married. I cannot imagine what life would be like, how my nervous system would be even more damaged and how scary life could be. I think being a Trad Wife could be very dangerous and it’s always good to have some kind of part-time job, even when you have kids, no matter how amazing your husband is. It’s also better for your mental health to have friends and a work life outside your home.
Traditional lifestyles of couples for most of human history. Man and woman both work the fields. Man does more physically intensive work that it's harder for women to do. Both raise the kids. Woman might get a short break during nursing but quickly must return to work or everyone starves. Often times has to work while a child is attached to them. Alternative life style is woman still does similar task, but men expand their task list to hunting. Men are the hunters over women pretty much everywhere, but women still do agricultural work. Generally, in most societies, it was a mix of both, and men have ALWAYS had to also work fields and help produce a stable crop. This entire idea of women not working and sitting around not doing anything is a literal fantasy. As humans acquired more resources it became a status symbol to have enough wealth that your woman doesn't have to do anything. This life style is insane for most humans as not doing anything is not stimulating in anyway. No, cleaning a house is not the level of stimulation required for most people not to go bonkers. This entire tradwife trend is hankering back to a time where people picked a random IDEAL and tried to obtain it, and the closer we got the more we realized it wasn't all it's cracked up to be. Even if you have qualms with the kinds of messages sold to women today, implying that the solution exist in a very minor portion of human history that had a ton of social issues and didn't work out that well (hence its lack of longevity) is foolish at best. Driving your arguments on how society should be based off random dreams about what might be cool is foolish, no matter what you pick those arbitrary dreams to be. I wish this whole lack of perspective and validation through calling stuff "traditional" would just end already. It's absolutely ridiculous.
That's not traditional that's the way things were. Before the industrial complex we didn't have the ability for one person to not work because everybody had to work their land to make their food.
Great video! I don't usually watch too many commentary videos, but decided to click on this one today and I honestly enjoyed it! You explain your thoughts really well! Thanks for the clear breakdown!
My trad wife has her own savings, IRA, education, and the ability to leave. We’re happy as we are and we don’t allow her be completely dependent should the (sadly statistically probable) thing come to pass. It keeps the power dynamic in check.
@@Justforthefifteen I feel like your reading comp wasn’t great on this one chief… there’s a power dynamic if one person earns all of and keeps all of the money.
I figured out what this slow flickering of the light in the kitchen is. It's almost certain a strobing effect of the LED lights over there. If you look closely you can see a dark bar going upwards all the time, classic strobing effect. You probably want to set the shutter speed to fixed 1/60 or find some 50/60Hz anti-flickering setting. Once you see you can not ignore it :)
These mindsets you present are so wild. People live with such a huge range of variety and it seems like many others get offended by it. Thanks for putting all of this together!
Ask any person in their '60's -- my mom was a a mom during the 1950's-1960's. She was angry and resentful and grew older to speak to her resentment that she didn't get the same educational opportunities as her siblings. Her father (my grandfather) allowed her to major in anything other than home ec. This movement is disrespecting an entire generation of women who fought for equal rights. Think about it -- in those days SA or DV were shoved under the rug and a lot of women died. And you're right -- it's become more and more imperative for families to have 2 incomes.
My mom was a trad wife and once my parents divorced, she was left with very little. That was an eye opening experience for a preteen. What my mom went through was my impetus to always depend on myself financially. It’s incredibly empowering. I loved your emphasis on prenups for trad wife’s. Financial protection is so important.
@@ohthechitchat so what are you saying ? Men shouldn't dare want something else? That they should stay for a lazy bedroom or an obese frumpy house frau that cheats?
I was so interested to hear your take on it, Shelby because I would assume you lean toward feminism and I know you are not religious - contrary to myself - and also super intelligent! I think you provided a healthy outlook on the topic because too many feminists shame women for this lifestyle. You focus on financials but actually trad wives were never anti-income, just anti-job / pro home-based income such as crafts, selling baked goods/eggs/milk, sewing, even investing! Now we have online income, so I can be a "modern trad wife" too. And any potential husband should add value to my life (and vice versa) in every sense of the word or I'm not marrying them, otherwise men are a liability. I know you're not religious, but read Proverbs 31 in the Bible for the ultimate trad wife with all the best values! She had money!
Man or woman, it all boils down to you finding a mate who actually has integrity, morals, trustworthiness, and loyalty, isn't a cheater, bad with money, etc.
Great video! I’m glad you are bringing light to this problematic trend. These women on social media successfully promoting this lifestyle are….. career women! They are running their own business online and good for them but not good for influencing a lifestyle onto young viewers that they do not actually live.
Go ahead and live this lifestyle if you're independently wealthy and have a great pre-nup. Otherwise, you're playing Russian roulette with poverty or domestic abuse.
You do realize that women only become trad wives to amazing loving trad husbands who aren't awful lazy pieces of shits? They vet their man correctly. 'Poverty' and 'domestic abuse' literally only happens when you choose the wrong guy and a trad wife's standards are too high for her to end up with one.
I guess I am a trad wife but I do alot of things to protect myself. I make sure my name is on all our bills, keep credit cards and at least 1 separate bank account. I "work" an on call job like catering so I have work history when in reality I only work 10 days a year........there are things you can do. If you can keep a toe in your field, do it.
@guysumpthin2974 my reasoning isn't because I think he may leave me or anything, It's two reasons actually. We married right around 911 and he was in the marines. I had to protect myself in case he died in Iraq. Also, because I saw my mom struggling to get back into the workforce and fix her not bad but lack of credit after 20 years of being a stay at home mom. There are many ways to live life and my way is not everyone's but I am happy but not unprepared.
That is the smart thing to do. I've known way to many cases of marriages in which the wife is completely in the dark about all the finances, sometimes to the point of being robbed of everything when a divorce happens. A relationship between equals means that both of you are active participants in every aspect of life, and that includes dealing with bills, properties, and every legal aspect of your lives together. I don't understand why some people think of it as a contest.
@olgahapitan312 Yeah, we have annual meeting lol, like a business. And set goals and get on the same page. You have to divide labor somehow but we can't be in the dark for sure. My man manages my retirement but I have to be the one to get it out and we have serious security for that. I feel very safe should anything happen. 😌
I’m an upper middle class stay at home mom. I stay home by choice bc I prefer to raise my own kids vs paying someone to do it- but it’s not glamorous. It fucking hard bc I’m literally working 24/7. If my baby wakes up at 3am I have to handle it. And husband is a considerate man but he works a ton so anything outside of financials really does fall on me. This wasn’t my original plan- I got a college degree and I worked for 10 years before I decided to stay home, this was never my husbands idea but he supported my desire- I love being home with my kids but I want to go back to work in some form when both of my kids are in school. I do have a prenup so I do get half of everything which should be a requirement before any woman stays home.
And if I don’t feel like cooking bc I’ve had a difficult day then I get to tell my husband “we’re going out to eat bc I can’t handle dinner” and his answer is always “of course honey whatever you need”
Shelby I love this content from you. Keep it coming! This is a topic that I think about a lot lately and talk about with friends. So interesting to see where fellow female (and male!) friends fall on this thought spectrum. Thank you for presenting this in such a beautiful, eloquent, nuanced way. I see the amount of work that goes into this and seriously keep it coming. Love your thoughts.
I was like Trad wife what's that? lol your best one yet!!! My mom on mommy's day when I was young ran down to kiss her in the guest room because she finally decided to divorce my dad. She said two things to me 1. I could be president if I wanted and 2. Always have your own money. To this day the best advice I have ever gotten ❤
I mean you hit the nail on the head. It's not the trad wife lifestyle people want, it's the wealth and free time. And people can't or choose not to see past that to all the downsides and potential consequences
This is the best video I've seen on the topic! I like how you really looked at things from multiple view points and gave a balanced breakdown of the pros and cons
I was a stay at home mum for five years and it took awhile to catch back up. I am now earning more than most of my friends and find it easy to find new jobs. But I would never encourage staying at home without a back up plan. It is so risky. People do change and what if your spouse dies what do you do then.
prenup, life insurance, name on the bills, wfh or part time job, and thats just to name a few. its a difference between being a stay at home mom and a tradwife.
@@gitanastanciauskaite3893 literally said it doesn’t excuse the rest of his speech, but that quote in particular is absolutely false and being spread as if it was true. The way you want to ignore facts and reality is dangerous tbh.
I’m not defending Harrison Butker, but I’m pretty sure the response Shelby references in the video was found to be a false quote. I don’t believe he ever said that. 3:04
I think you have a point saying that Trad wives are problematic. But I think Nara is a very bad example. First she is German, the way she acts is very normal for a typical German Person (not only woman). Also she is a successful model in addition to being a tiktoker. I am a manager for one of the big IT companies and I am also baking my own bread, cooking my own jam, made cheese last week and also make my own Joghurt. And my Partner is doing the same. So did my mom and a lot of my friends. This is just what a lot of Europeans do in their down time. There is a huge movement in Europe that does not like to consume over processed food. And I think this is just a cultural difference and very normal behaviour for a German household/cooking channel.
surely there's some cultural differences, I am married to a french man and he's always looking for his fresh baked bread. However Nara does cereal from scratch, gum from scratch, and even her husband's moisturizer from scratch. It has become more like a flex that she has this much time on her hands and she's not really showing work that is necessary such as cleaning dishes and doing laundry. I don't think Europeans do that in their free time lol
it's so much pressure on a man to assume he will be solely financially responsible for your family. husband and wives are EQUALS. figure out what roles make sense and you do you. ALSO, love that you are branching out on commentary content Shelby. Go for whatever makes you happy and your supporters will always support you!
When I saw this title I was like wtf is a trad wife hahaha. Then you started talking about that speech I was like ohhhh right, the whole traditional wife thing. I don't have TikTok and was not really aware this was a thing. Interesting discussion! I'm super independent and can't imagine anything worse lol. I totally get that some people want to be stay at home mothers, but that's a different thing.
I was never a bored housewife. I shopped, cooked, cleaned, crafted, gardened, paid bills, planned birthday parties, decorated my house, went to my children's school functions, etc.
I think it's different because you probably chose that life versus women back then didn't have a choice and not all of them wanted to be a housewife. Also you have more legal rights today than women in the 50s /60s
The worse part of it is those women had nothing else to do but gathering in gossip clubs and unite all against one (the youngest/ the prettiest/the brightest/you name it) to bully her and make her life miserable. Ones she was gone (one way or another) they would pick another victim. Most of them secretly hated everyone(husband and kids included) but put their hatred on the most vulnerable ones. Because when you are stuck on a small community, you have to either submit the hierarchy of the gossipers of leave. Otherwise they poison all the doctors/nurses/obstetricians against you, as well as other life important services. So the whole life time and energy was spent pleasing the influencilal gossipers FIRST. And than MAY BE pick up the crumps left for you and try to enjoy.
Another amazing video!!! I do not want kids but want an equal partner. No weaponized incompetence for me. I am a loud and proud independent working woman. I want a partner that is just as intellectual, loving, giving, silly, and kind as I! And that is always willing to learn and grow through the complexities of life. I will not settle for anything less. I have amazing friends, family, and even coworkers!!! I feel extremely blessed. Can’t wait to find my partner to share these special moments with me.
as a man I can tell you its a bit of a turn off when a woman says she is "Independent working woman" so you might want to keep that under wraps. the qualities you are seeking are good ones and there are men who do have them. you may have to kiss a few frogs before finding your prince. I wish you the best and am sure it will work out for you
i see you babes but it is unhealthy for either party to be independent in a relationship. It won't work if the 2 of you don't depend on eachother in some ways and pick up the slack in others. Be realistic. Men and women are different but complimentary. There is a dynamic of feminity and masculinity which isn't something to be worried about- it's beautiful. Going too far against or for the 'trad wife' isn't healthy. Good luck
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Loved his comeback. Shelby, you find some great material. Love your work. Just stay the way you are and do what you do. At least I will be happy. 💓My wife is a working mother and continues to work hard. We have been married 46 years in two weeks' time. Yes, we were 17 and 18 when married. She was a stay at home mum when the kids were young and bored shitless at the time. You can only watch so much Thomas the Tank Engine! When the kids went to school it was back to work and still working hard. They say behind every great man, there is a greater woman and that's the truth.
You changed my mind with this video. I saw it a week ago and didn't want to watch it because of my perceptions of trad wives. Your separating them from stay at home moms made me recognize the problems with trad wives. I appreciate the points you made!
This is just me but I will forever continue being full time working mom rather than to rely on a man to pay for everything for me. I just can‘t morally, I work hard and I value my independence so much. And like you mentioned in the video so many risks with that situation ending. Ideally in the near future of course finding a partner who I can meet eye to eye and us supporting each other. That‘s the goal 😍
A woman can have multiple identities. She can be a trad wife but it doesn’t necessarily mean her life is only limited to that. She can also be a small business owner, an investor who makes passive income on the side, a social media creator, a realtor…when she doesn’t make the pizza dough… It all depends on how well she can manage her time. I’m not sure if I’m a trad wife but I do enjoy cooking for my family everyday (sometimes I make things out of scratch too) & taking of my baby, but at the same time I still bring a decent income to the family. My partner does participate in nursing the baby which helps a lot but still I think even with all the housework you still got time to do your own stuff, you just need to find the right formula for your life.
I’m a working mum. Currently on maternity leave as I had my 2nd child 4 months ago, being a trad wife is appealing but I think it would be very lonely, I’m glad I have a child in school, as I get to see other mums, who have become my best friends since my son started school. I think even if I was wealthy, and could be be a “ trad wife” I think I’d be very board, crippled with anxiety at constantly having to be perfect, and become so isolated due to the anxiety. Hats off to all the trad wives out there, and major hats off to all the working mums, doing a 9-5, and still going home to do everything else. Xx
I've seen several videos about trad wives and this was my favorite. I really appreciated how Shelby didn't try to villanize either side. I have worked professionally, and I've also been a stay-at-home mom. There are challenges either way, as well as rewards. And most of us just don't really understand the dynamics of other families well enough to know exactly how things are working out. I also appreciate the distinction between a tradwife and a SAHM. It does feel like people promoting the tradwife life are doing it in a very performative way. Most stay at home moms are not filming themselves every time they make breakfast or lunch, and they're definitely not filming when the food burns or doesn't taste right. I think it is a very beautiful, aesthetic thing to watch things like Nara's channel, but we have to be really careful about glamorizing or romanticizing those kinds of videos too much, because it's a performance and not every single thing about that life is being shared. I definitely dislike the influencers who try to demonize people who don't support the trad wife life. Those videos give me the ick. I do not want to be subservient and submissive to my husband. It reminds me of a book called Fascinating Womanhood. Someone gave it to me as a joke when I got married and I still have it because it is so appalling and it gives a lot of food for thought. It's like a psychological cautionary tale. Seriously the stuff in there is really crazy. Very Stepford Wives dystopian weird stuff but a lot of people believe it!
I’m the daughter of someone who chose to be a trad wife and the reason I didn’t become one is because she was the first person to point out the cons and fight for my and my sibling’s quality of education. Girls need to understand once you’re IN the trad lifestyle, you’re IN IT FOR LIFE and you’re signing up your kids too for whatever the consequences end up being (good or bad). That’s it.
I have a degree, but I chose to stay home and raise my two kids (now teenagers). I didn’t want to miss anything. I did sub at their schools for a while, only because I could be on their schedule. Yes, I could have pursued a career, but I don’t have any regrets putting my kids as my priority. I understand not all families are able to do this. I feel blessed that I could.
Moral of the story… these lifestyles are for privileged people who actually HAVE the option of choosing. The rest of us do not.. for a multitude of reasons. Whatever life you choose to live or are able to live I should say.. that’s all you. Why do we all need to hear about it? Influencers, trends, so on and so forth. I miss the days where people would lead their lives quietly and we’d all do what we did by choice and not because we seen it on Instagram or TikTok. Whatever.. I will enjoy my college degree and my success because when you work hard to get somewhere then feel like crap about it because you saw a so called “better option” on the internet.. what does that say??? I used to think social media was informing but now I realize it just creates problems, stress, and anxiety.
>could be building a people and organizing >instead selfishly condemns any others trying to do so >ultimately her purpose is to keep the status quo This is why Women are not leaders nor inventors.
I grew up in the 50-60s and my mother was a trad-wife until we were in high school. I didn’t want a trad-wife because with dual incomes we could live a much better life. Of course, two careers requires child care, nanny in our situation and it worked out extremely well. And our daughter is a senior executive several years older than Shelby. Maybe it’s in the genes.
i guess it just comes down to how you measure success in life right? For me being a senior executive isn't the life goal but having one of the most beautiful experiences a human can- to be a parent and have a family.
With respect to trends there is an element of status. People “want “ this life because they think it makes them official and legitimate but when it’s off trend they will pivot.
As for part of taking care of the kid when they are young, this is kinda good in my country (Czech Republic), for up to 3 years state pay maternity leave (its not huge amount though) and your employer has to hold your job (if there is a second kid, the time starts again), so even though its maybe too much and I think 1 - 2 years would have been enough woman have more choices and can keep their career as well.
I I was a single working mom (26 years) and yes it is a hard life but it also has it's rewards of joy and love watching your children grow up. Now that the children are grown I prefer the Trad wives lifestyle. The real Trad wives not the influencers. The ones who love to have dinner prepared for there husband, laundry cleaned, shopping completed and yes the vacuuming. I would much more enjoy pleasing my husband than my boss. Now the financial aspect don't be dumb be involved in household economics things happen in life and we do need to be aware and prepared.
Yeah but you know what's even better? Having your husband do some of these tasks and not leaving all of it to you and not treating you like a stay-at-home made. My husband cooks and cleans we both cook and clean. The best thing is having a partner that shares these tasks with you.
Relationships are always going to be complex. I think that husbands and wives need to be in agreement. I know my wife wanted to stay at home and we have done that with 4 kids. 3 of our 4 kids are neurodivergent and have had multiple therapies a week. We're clearly not millionaires. Life isn't perfect, but I'm so happy with my family. I just think everyone needs to find what they want in a family.
This is the healthiest interpretation of this movement I have seen. I admit I have been curious about this growing trend to see if it truly had steam, or was just a small group of people desperately trying to swing the pendulum of society.
Our solution was for me to work part time, we don’t have children yet. I love working part time. It makes perfect sense for me. I make decent income and get to help with our finances.I get to leave the home and do a career I like but I also get to focus on our home life and my hobbies.
I loved this video! Great way to explain both sides. I just want to add my piece. A woman might want all the things like career and traveling in her 20s. Once she becomes a mom, priorities change. Most women want to be close and care for their kids (it is our nature). That is why it is important to marry a good guy, and prioritize the relations with your husband. The women in their 40s and 50s on tik tok who talk about their failed marriages, don’t say what led to cheating from their husbands and divorce. A good man who cherish his wife and kids doesn’t just run of with a strange woman for no reason.
i loved this topic shelby! you had such great insights on the repercussions of this lifestyle especially when it comes to things like skills, education, and overall job experience. I strongly agree that women who decide to be stay-at-home/trad wives should definitely protect themselves financially and legally because if circumstances change and the need to leave arises, they need to be ready for it in all facets. i'm so glad that people are talking openly about this too because those tiktoks that romanticize the trad wife life gives the false narrative that things will work out and someone will always provide for you but that may not always be the case!
I don’t think anyone has a problem with someone who wants to be a traditional stay at home wife. What people are saying is, everyone should be able to make the choice for themselves. It shouldn’t be forced upon people to adhere to a certain role that isn’t right for them
I am a working mom of 3 kids. We can afford for me to stay at home, but I choose to work because it is a different mental space and the link to my own self pre kids. Caring for kids full time is very exhausting and repetitive.
21:04 That makes sense and is fair: If out of the workforce for a substancial amount of time starting from scratch instead of where you left off, holding positions that would to go to more multi-year dedicated and reliable office employees looking for promotions - the choice is one or the other otherwise it is unfair. Also, think of these past five years back to 2019. Jobs changed so much and the new technology and other skills needed to perform and be productive; they are almost completely different jobs. Yes, the objective is the same but it is like comparing farming in 1800 with today - totally different methods.
Absolutely not for me. I’m 27 but I stopped dating months ago. Being a mother is a self sacrificial role in itself. My favorite part about making my own six figures income and being child free is that it gives me the freedom to put myself first. I’m not giving that up for the glamorized relationships with men and children, that can actually end really badly.
Im curious if women raised by trad mom felt they were either encouraged or discouraged to pursue education and a career. You would think if the trad wife life is so ideal that the daughters would not be raised to pursue higher education, but rather homemaker skills
You did kinda take too long to upload this one been talking about it for a bit, and by now, there's been a lot said about it, but so very enjoy your comentary videos. Please don't be discouraged!
Shelby I miss your podcasts! I really wanted to listen to this while I drive but I had to prioritize maps and TH-cam won’t play in the background for me haha
I’m a guy, and while I’m too young to know exactly what it feels like, I really don’t want the pressure of being the sole provider for a family. I think both parents should work if they can and if we are going to be considered equal partners, that men should care for the kids and house just as much as the mom. I’m not a woman so I don’t know what that feels different by comparison, but I really like kids and would absolutely love to spend tons of time with them. I think both parents should work so that they can share the responsibility, but also share the joy of taking care of the family emotionally. Being the husband of a trad wife sounds very not ideal to me. But in the end, everyone can make their own choices. The only extremely important and objective truth is “pick your life partner VERY carefully and get a prenup”. 56% of marriages ending in divorce is no joke.
Everyone’s opinions are different. I got my degree right after hs and got married. I worked for about 10 years and started staying home when my kids were 2 & 5. Career, kids with work, and then SAHM when we were financially ready to do that. I think it’s dangerous to not have anything under your belt incase of an emergency happening with your spouse or an affair situation. Always think of what ifs and always have a backup plan.
My Grandmother was a trad wife in the 40's and 50"s and it was no picnic because as lower middle class there were always money concerns. My Grandmother did all kinds of things to raise extra money. At one point she was raising Canaries to sell. I think overall she was happy but I also know she would have died poor if something had ever happened to my grandfather.
I'm with the tradwives. My wife and I have lived this way for 16 years now (13 with a son) and we're both very glad we did. That being said, both the husband and wife need to be traditional for it to work. And I'd actually recommend courting rather than just dating. Ask the important questions right away, so that feelings have very little chance of being caught. Because as we all know, once you've fallen "in love" with a person, it's easy to ignore or downplay red flags. So yeah, courting, even if you don't think you'll want to be a tradwife or traditional husband.
When you allow someone to feed you, you also run the risk of them starving you. I kinda left the work force due to extreme burn out and asked my partner for a year off. He agreed under one condition that I have a part-time job. I got the keep my resume up-to-date while working for less than 10 hours a week. All that money went straight to my pocket while being taken care of
I believe that community property states (only 9 states) do level the assets division playing field a bit, but individual results may vary. Even in a community property state, anyone that has personal assets before getting married, or can anticipate they or their spouse to be could inherit significant assets during their marriage would be wise to look at a pre-nup. Great commentary video Shelby.
I totally agree that it’s dangerous to promote a lifestyle where the woman is totally financially dependent upon her husband. Being left with no options can be so devastating. I’m somewhere between a working mom and a SAHM. I’m a real estate agent and I own my own agency, so I’m able to work from home, take my daughter with me when I go to work, and make my own schedule. I could not imagine having to work 9-5 while trying to do all of my mom duties. Being a mom is a full time job. I would love to see society shift to a more parent-friendly attitude toward work. Whether that be more remote work, shorter work days, cheaper daycare, or better programs for moms who do stay home full time. While being financially dependent upon your spouse is a very vulnerable position to be in, so many families are forced into it because of the cost of childcare and the demands of parenthood.
In my case, I am always scared of what I wish for… because of all the bad scenarios. I can understand both sides. I prefer a happy medium where I feel inspired to work and be a mother with flexibility to be with them
My sister has a very religious friend who is considering just being a trad wife for the rest of her life. She is thinking of marrying a guy that she has only dated for 4 months, everyone in her family has tried to talk her out of it but she refuses to listen. The people who are most supportive though are her other religious friends who make it seem like she is doing some really honorable thing. My sister and her have been friends since middle school and she is the only real friend she still has outside of her church community. My sister doesn't know what is the best way to deal with this situation because she wants to be honest but also not lose her.
did it ever occur to you that perhaps this is the right thing for her? Not everyone is a fiercely independent strong woman. Why does our femininity have to be such a big problem? Also 4 months doesn't mean anything if you vet your partner correctly. Time doesn't matter. Would you rather have her be his forever girlfriend? I cannot stress enough on how cocky you sound. Some women like being girl bosses- great and others feel strength in traditional feminine roles with a loving awesome husband. What's the big deal? As long as the husband respects her and loves her, there will be no power imbalance in the relationship. Both of them will depend on eachother and pick up the slack. It's a beautiful yin and yang.
So I’m not against traditional or non traditional about a wife/mom going to work or staying home. Now I do not enjoy seeing the “trad wife” online. They put a nine realistic expectation of how our normal life should look. I stay home with my kids. I promise you , I don’t wake up look like that way. Half of the time I’m in comfy clothes. It is rewarding to me being my kids mom and being home with them for every milestone. Now that being said, oh how is hard at times. You do feel worn out because you are with them 24/7 but again it was a choice. Also having a good partner to be that.. your partner in life/parenting makes better. I do not want to be in the 50’s were the husband never helped just expected for the wife to do everything.
Wow yeah, not all of us get married when we are 20 years old. Some of us actually have to make a living and go support ourselves. I’ve never been married and I have a successful career in human resources after going through college getting a masters And you expected me just to wait around between the ages of 18 to 36 and hope that a man was going to be able to support me? When I haven’t even met my husband yet? yeah there’s all kinds of problems with the scenario. Also had a friend whose mom was a stay at home wife she had three kids and the husband end up passing so the mom never had a job until she was in her 50s so her and her sister were always supporting her financially I was never taught to depend on someone else’s income for my own income when I can just make my own money. When I get married, that’ll be double income for me and my husband and my kids.
As a person that got married at 22 ya do not recommend. We both have always been financially independent and maintain our financial Independence but we definitely agree that we did not need to get married at 22
no one expects anything from you. Just let trad wives do their thing. Not everyone measures success the same way you do. I love how your first paragraph betrays what really bothers you about trad wives- the fact that they are happy, successful, married, well off, beautiful and only in their early 20's. You are jealous that you don't have a wonderful husband who wants to take care of you and raise a loving family with you. You don't have the ideal relationship in which the wife and husband can depend on eachother and pick up the slack together. Oh no, you have to be fiercely independent, see only the worst in men, spend all of your most fertile years studying/working and STRUGGLING only to finally get your life together in your 30's or 40's when no desirable man wants to be with a woman your age (no not because they are sexist pigs but rather because they have a lot of young fertile amazing women to choose from already so why would they find a hyperindependent older woman like you attractive). I say all of this to make you realize that you don't have to crap all over trad wives to do your thing. It's reasonable for you to want a dual income home in this economy but really cruel of you to think of yourself as superior to trad wives.
My opinion is that it takes humbleness to be a housewife but for me I believe its ok to do whatever works for the time being and bad partners will be bad no matter what
I became a stay at home mother at 21 and I’m living my best life. At times it’s hard but I’d rather raise my own child than having a stranger with views different than mine, raising MY child. And this is coming from a person who was raised by a single mom who worked hard, had no help and could never be home with me. I hated when my mom worked because she was always stressed out. Stay at home moms are amazing and so are trad wives who stay home and take care of their families. Rather have women who love and care for their families than women who care more about their careers. I talked to an old friend from elementary school who is studying to become a doctor and even she said “wow being a stay at home mom is the goal. I wish I could do that.” Everyone has different values. I’m lucky enough to have a husband who supports whatever I want to do and I find that because I am a stay at home mother, I have more time to do my hobbies like art, writing and photography.
Good for you, but to insinuate that working moms don’t care as much about their children is just NASTY. “Rather have women who love and care for their families than women who care more about their careers.” Shame on you.
@nessness_x Yes. That's a horrible thing to assert and completely privileged as most women have to work to provide for their kids and families. And if anything ever happens in her marriage, she's going to be starting over on her own.
@@saphiaer my husband works from home and spends a lot of time with us whenever he has the chance. And because one of us has to have a career or we would be homeless. I just chose to be the mother at home. Men can be stay at home dads too but I find that most women would rather be at home with their kids because they don’t want to miss those precious moments with their growing children.
@@nessness_x there are women out there that do prioritize their careers over their families. I’m just stating the facts. Not every women is like that of course.
omg some of these comments are...a lot. Just wanted you to have some more normal comments down here. nice commentary, shelby! you raised a lot of great points. i could never ever be a trad wife - in fact I would opt to work just so i could pay for a cleaner, nanny, and take out instead of having to do it myself. 😂 absolutely no patience for that nonsense. i really hope young women are not getting fooled by the pretty veneer being put out there.
I think you're pretty spot on with all this.
My wife is a stay-at-home mom, but it was mostly because I made enough to support our family, and she wanted to keep them out of day care. Then we ended up home schooling as well. She does run a photography business and Etsy shop on the side so she's still bringing on money. We are 100% equal partners in our marriage and I wouldn't have it any other way. She is a boss.
This. ❤
How to be miserable: bang on the first date , be greedy , be angry, lie always, be lazy , worship alcohol, be prideful, be envious,be self-centered ,,,,
awesome !
My mom was a stay at home mom since I was 7. She had all the money, my dad wouldn't do anything without her. She would do the budget and was never, ever put in a situation where she felt as weak or vulnerable because she stayed home. Guess what? She didn't recommend it to either of her daughters as a permanent situation.
The trad wives online are all RICH. They literally wear $500+ clothing in their videos and flaunt their wealth
Thank you! That is a huge point.
Real trad wives don't use social media.
A lot of influencers are like this. Their lives are a lot more interesting to look at when they have wealth and nice things.
Trad wives in the 50s and 60s were also rather wealthy. The vast majority of families of the time were duel income because they had to.
“The amazing thing today is: WE HAVE THE CHOICE!” Totally agree with you!
Everyone should do what they want to but they have to know the cost they will pay in a long run whatever they want to be full time in the work force, full time at home, or part time in both.
Thank you for this video Shelby
Beautifully put. Everyone has a different measure of success and they should be able to live their life as they see fit
Media influence & educational institutions($) have been heavily one sided(family destruction) for a very long time
My mom was a housewife. Dad left us when I was 13 (and my brother 10). We had NO money. NO income. Nothing. My mother's mom came to live with us, and she had a state pension of only 150$ a month (we were living in a poor Eastern European Country, but 150$ a month was not enough to pay the bills and to buy food. Often times they would cut our electricity and we couldn't afford to go grocery shopping). I swore to myself that I will become a career woman and that I will never depend on my husband for anything. I currently work in IT and make 20k$ a month. I am happily married with my boyfriend of 13 years, but if he wants to leave tomorrow, he is free to do so. :) This video hurts me in a lot of ways, but I want to stay up-to-date with what's going on, so thanks Shelby for this! :)
I’m a solo, full-time working mom also running a small company full time. I’m exhausted. I lost everything to my ex-husband including the home I bought before I even met him and my 401k. I’m 53 and have been single for 10 years and will never date or marry again. Ladies… listen up… GET A PRENUP no matter which side you’re on!!!
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing. Wholeheartedly agree with a prenup!!!
Thank you! It can be tempting to try for the illusion of a perfect little life, protected from poverty and society by a "strong man." I see why some might see it as a kind of pleasant bargain, but it is a fantasy, period. Women who fail to put any significant income on the books will find life impossible if they ever get injured or divorced or sick or simply stay alive long enough.
Thank you for sharing and warning others. Did you lose those things because you didn’t have a prenup? I read somewhere that they can still get half of your assets even with prenup but I’m not sure how that works. I guess it depends in the state.
Hi. I'm so sorry. Thanks for sharing. I hope you can become better soon. Happy belated Mothers' Day too : )
Men usually get screwed over way more than women in a divorce. Just sayin.
After my own parents divorced, my father had nothing. He dated his share of women but made it clear that he would never get seriously involved with a woman ever again. He still managed to retire 20 years later when he turned 57. He would have never been able to do that if he had remarried.
He's 84 now and enjoys his 4 children, his 7 grandchildren, and his 5 great-grandchildren.
My aunt was with my ex-uncle in law for almost 30 years (started dating at 20-ish). About 10 years in they got married and had 2 kids not long after. They both decided she should be a stay at home wife to raise the kids, tend to the house, pets, etc. He retired from the Navy in his younger 30's and got a high paying gov job doing programming of some sort at the Pentagon. They moved to a huge house and seemed to be the perfect couple with the perfect life.
Unbeknownst to myself and the rest of our family/friends, he became verbally abusive to her and the children to the point that they were too afraid to leave or tell anyone, but my aunt started secretly recording his abusive rants and eventually got up the courage to take that to a lawyer and fled with the kids in tow.
In the divorce proceedings he tried to fight for custody of the kids saying my aunt had no money and no job and that she wasn't fit as a mother, but the judge gave HER full custody given all his recorded violent tendencies and the fact that she had raised the children mostly on her own up to that point. Once that happened he basically said he didn't care about the kids and started dating another woman. He did everything he could to hide all of his assets and acted as if he was taking huge losses in his business so he wouldn't have to pay any money. He did eventually have to pay my aunt child support but it was much less than it should have been for what he made, and her and the kids had to make substantial concessions to their quality of life. That was all at least 10 years ago now and my aunt is still struggling to get a career started. Not being in the workplace for 20+ years meant she had no relevant work experience and she had no money saved up either.
I say all of this to say that being a stay at home wife/mother may seem like a great idea to some women, but people fall out of love all the time. Nobody thinks it will happen, but just because you don't think it will happen doesn't mean you shouldn't plan for it.
Shelby ❤❤❤
So many comments here are about “how to prepare/protect yourself in a divorce” , it should be “how to prepare yourself for happiness & love”. For a female, when the body count gets to 5 , she has dropped her marriage-success rate to 20% , which is 80% failure
Culture doesn’t encourage the values that lead to happiness, for men & women. The trad movement needs work, but its a start at the most important things the world has to offer . Choice is essential, but doesn’t work with heavy satanic propaganda . Informed consent requires at least equal time from both sides ,and thats been missing for a long time .
@@guysumpthin2974 Relationships are a 2-way street. One person can do everything in their power to make it work but they can't control the other person. Both parties need to do their part.
Also, where are you getting those stats? Women who've had more than 5 partners (in their lives??) have a 20% marriage success rate? What constitutes the "body count"? Anyone she's had sex with? Only committed relationships? What about men? What about women that are in long term relationships but not married? Do women who've only ever been with their husband have a lower divorce rate? Does ANY of this matter? If you want companionship and you haven't found the right person you keep looking. Some people aren't even looking for the right person and randomly find them. Some people find that person earlier in life, some later, some never do. Some find that person after they got married to the wrong person. Some people get married to the wrong person and simply never leave. Some people find the right person and loose them for one reason or another and never search for someone else. Some people THINK they've found the right person and eventually realize their partner isn't who they appeared to be. There's so many variables that make up why people are/aren't together. %'s can't possibly begin to tell the whole story.
A friend of mine only dated one guy in high school, and they got married after college. They got divorced 6 or 7 years later because he was cheating on her and stealing her money. She's since remarried and seems substantially happier now than she ever was with her previous partner. She didn't marry the first person she dated either because she didn't want to make the same mistake twice; it took time to find the RIGHT person. I'm sure she falls into a bunch of different categories that'll reduce her life into a percentage and portray her in all kinds ways, but none of that actually explains her situation.
People in the USA army are mostly criminals.
As a working mum of a ten month old, ladies, choose your partners wisely. It doesn't have to be exausting and horible. Women are not genetically predisposed to do more housework and childrearing. Choose a life partner who will truly be your equal, and you won't feel like you have to do two jobs. Because you won't have to. I have no childcare help, we don't live close to family, it's just myself my husband my baby, we are not wealthy, we don't have housekeeping help. but we raise our child 50-50 and we take care of our house 50-50. It is possible. Men who want to be involved fathers & partners do exist, and the ones who don't want to be honestly aren't worth having a child with.
I would consider myself a “trad wife”. I stay home with my 2 daughters and I keep a beautiful, clean home and make 3 meals a day. Honestly, nothing has ever been more fulfilling in my life than doing this. I’ve worked and I’ve also had my own business but at the end of the day I just want to be an amazing wife and mother to my children. I am extremely blessed to have a husband who works hard and provides for our family. I have always felt that my daily efforts are worthwhile. I know this life isn’t for everyone but for some of us it works.
It works until it doesn’t, and the stats show time and time again that it doesn’t work for most. I sincerely hope you have a backup plan and measures in place should something happen.
@@tiahnarodriguez3809, totally agree.Life is full of nasty surprises,there must be a plan b.
You are fortunate to be the exception. Many men these days can’t or don’t want to be completely financially responsible.
and that's great, no one wants to ban u from being a tradwife
You did a really good job with this video! I love how you looked at this topic from multiple angles, and with fairness!
Bc of where im at in life/my faith journey this lifestyle has been increasingly intriguing to me. However, not to the extent of no possible job, no personal goals, no personal income, etc. way of being. Maybe just elements of this lifestyle stand out to me! I think you nailed it when you compared it to watching the Kardashians. To a degree, these lifestyles look very glamorous! I also love that you pointed out this is a rich/leisure person aesthetic, and that a lower class person living this lifestyle wouldn’t be as interesting to us. Just really love your approach with this vid🤍
Some moms actually like being home with their children. It's not out of necessity . It's the desire to spend as much time with your children as you can so you don't miss a moment of them growing up. I've been both a SAHM and WM and SAHM was way better.
You realize that desire can also only be fulfilled if your SO is financially stable enough? Which might not be the case with everyone. Good for you for having your experience, but not everyone who wants to stay home with their kids can always afford it.
I think you can if you make sacrifices- ie job chosen and where you live. The lifestyle you want is something that can be achieved but it may mean moving to a rural place where houses are cheaper and taking a job that is less desirable but pays more on the husband part. Living on a strict budget.
Same for some men of character, “don’t want to miss a thing”
Real love : “the most valuable thing on earth” - the owners manual
Both spouses must be “of the 7 virtues” , not the 7 deadly sins , otherwise it just ends badly, with generally miserable kids
Thank you for having such a great discussion! Shelby, you do such an incredible presentation!
There is literally nothing traditional about the stuff people say is traditional. "How things were in the 50s" is not the traditional normal human experience. Humans existed for over 40 thousand years before a 10 year span 70 years ago.
The 1950s style really only lasted a very short period (between the prosperous post WWII period and the 1960s) and was a kind of failed social experiment.
We can only talk about what was traditional given the culture, time and country we live in. We can’t possibly encompass every single culture across time to shape a traditional model. So for the western civilization as we know it they doing traditional the right way
Lol yes. And it's only representative of a small portion of the population in the US only. These things just weren't the case for non upper class people and these things were not the case for most of the people outside of the country. Oh yeah I forgot to mention it was only particular "types" of people in the US. Minorities did not get the same "luxury".
@@Justforthefifteendon't forget who you are in that country as well. It's not like any of this was done by minorities because minorities were not given the same courtesy. This was white men coming home from war that got these perks and the white women that went along with them. This did not extend to minorities. Pretty sure all the redlining was going on at this time.
Literally nothing?
Very good video and points out many perspectives on both sides. From my personal experience, I dated a very wealthy man who preferred more of the Trad Wife lifestyle and really liked having the power within the relationship. For him it wasn’t about love, it was about, “you need to look and act this way, so you make me look good and I will pay for everything.” - type of situation. It got to the point where it became emotionally, physically and financially abusive and we weren’t even married. He even wanted me to get ‘enhancement surgeries’ done so I would look a certain way he thought was more beautiful, or an improved physical version of myself. I learned my lesson the hard way about the ‘trad wife’ trend, but I know it could have been harder if we had gotten married. I cannot imagine what life would be like, how my nervous system would be even more damaged and how scary life could be. I think being a Trad Wife could be very dangerous and it’s always good to have some kind of part-time job, even when you have kids, no matter how amazing your husband is. It’s also better for your mental health to have friends and a work life outside your home.
Traditional lifestyles of couples for most of human history. Man and woman both work the fields. Man does more physically intensive work that it's harder for women to do. Both raise the kids. Woman might get a short break during nursing but quickly must return to work or everyone starves. Often times has to work while a child is attached to them. Alternative life style is woman still does similar task, but men expand their task list to hunting. Men are the hunters over women pretty much everywhere, but women still do agricultural work. Generally, in most societies, it was a mix of both, and men have ALWAYS had to also work fields and help produce a stable crop.
This entire idea of women not working and sitting around not doing anything is a literal fantasy. As humans acquired more resources it became a status symbol to have enough wealth that your woman doesn't have to do anything. This life style is insane for most humans as not doing anything is not stimulating in anyway. No, cleaning a house is not the level of stimulation required for most people not to go bonkers. This entire tradwife trend is hankering back to a time where people picked a random IDEAL and tried to obtain it, and the closer we got the more we realized it wasn't all it's cracked up to be.
Even if you have qualms with the kinds of messages sold to women today, implying that the solution exist in a very minor portion of human history that had a ton of social issues and didn't work out that well (hence its lack of longevity) is foolish at best. Driving your arguments on how society should be based off random dreams about what might be cool is foolish, no matter what you pick those arbitrary dreams to be. I wish this whole lack of perspective and validation through calling stuff "traditional" would just end already. It's absolutely ridiculous.
That's not traditional that's the way things were. Before the industrial complex we didn't have the ability for one person to not work because everybody had to work their land to make their food.
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite There's always been prostitution for the pretty. 🥂
Great video! I don't usually watch too many commentary videos, but decided to click on this one today and I honestly enjoyed it! You explain your thoughts really well! Thanks for the clear breakdown!
My trad wife has her own savings, IRA, education, and the ability to leave. We’re happy as we are and we don’t allow her be completely dependent should the (sadly statistically probable) thing come to pass.
It keeps the power dynamic in check.
All that’s assuming that power dynamics is what makes a marriage… is that what you thinking when you see your spouse you already failed
@@Justforthefifteenwhy? Can you specify?
how do the savings and IRA get funded?
@@kml. IRA and spousal IRA.
1 savings account.
@@Justforthefifteen I feel like your reading comp wasn’t great on this one chief… there’s a power dynamic if one person earns all of and keeps all of the money.
I figured out what this slow flickering of the light in the kitchen is. It's almost certain a strobing effect of the LED lights over there. If you look closely you can see a dark bar going upwards all the time, classic strobing effect. You probably want to set the shutter speed to fixed 1/60 or find some 50/60Hz anti-flickering setting. Once you see you can not ignore it :)
I had to go back to see what you were talking about. Now I can't see how I didn't notice it!
I thought it was my imagination at first and then maybe a person was walking in front of light.. thank you for explaining!😊
These mindsets you present are so wild. People live with such a huge range of variety and it seems like many others get offended by it. Thanks for putting all of this together!
Ask any person in their '60's -- my mom was a a mom during the 1950's-1960's. She was angry and resentful and grew older to speak to her resentment that she didn't get the same educational opportunities as her siblings. Her father (my grandfather) allowed her to major in anything other than home ec. This movement is disrespecting an entire generation of women who fought for equal rights. Think about it -- in those days SA or DV were shoved under the rug and a lot of women died. And you're right -- it's become more and more imperative for families to have 2 incomes.
so true
My mom was a trad wife and once my parents divorced, she was left with very little. That was an eye opening experience for a preteen. What my mom went through was my impetus to always depend on myself financially. It’s incredibly empowering. I loved your emphasis on prenups for trad wife’s. Financial protection is so important.
I'm betting your mother was the one who initiated the breakup and divorce, not your father.
@@AUMINER1you are insecure please seek god
Hi. Thanks for sharing
@@AUMINER1so what are you saying ? Women shouldn't dare want something else? That they should stay for money?
@@ohthechitchat so what are you saying ? Men shouldn't dare want something else? That they should stay for a lazy bedroom or an obese frumpy house frau that cheats?
Thanks!
I was so interested to hear your take on it, Shelby because I would assume you lean toward feminism and I know you are not religious - contrary to myself - and also super intelligent! I think you provided a healthy outlook on the topic because too many feminists shame women for this lifestyle. You focus on financials but actually trad wives were never anti-income, just anti-job / pro home-based income such as crafts, selling baked goods/eggs/milk, sewing, even investing! Now we have online income, so I can be a "modern trad wife" too. And any potential husband should add value to my life (and vice versa) in every sense of the word or I'm not marrying them, otherwise men are a liability. I know you're not religious, but read Proverbs 31 in the Bible for the ultimate trad wife with all the best values! She had money!
Man or woman, it all boils down to you finding a mate who actually has integrity, morals, trustworthiness, and loyalty, isn't a cheater, bad with money, etc.
Great video! I’m glad you are bringing light to this problematic trend. These women on social media successfully promoting this lifestyle are….. career women! They are running their own business online and good for them but not good for influencing a lifestyle onto young viewers that they do not actually live.
Go ahead and live this lifestyle if you're independently wealthy and have a great pre-nup. Otherwise, you're playing Russian roulette with poverty or domestic abuse.
Exactly
Well said
You do realize that women only become trad wives to amazing loving trad husbands who aren't awful lazy pieces of shits? They vet their man correctly.
'Poverty' and 'domestic abuse' literally only happens when you choose the wrong guy and a trad wife's standards are too high for her to end up with one.
Great summary!
@@ABiteBetterbyEva Hi. Your profile picture is cute
I guess I am a trad wife but I do alot of things to protect myself. I make sure my name is on all our bills, keep credit cards and at least 1 separate bank account. I "work" an on call job like catering so I have work history when in reality I only work 10 days a year........there are things you can do. If you can keep a toe in your field, do it.
If it feels like a contest/war strategy, it’s not a real marriage
@guysumpthin2974 my reasoning isn't because I think he may leave me or anything, It's two reasons actually. We married right around 911 and he was in the marines. I had to protect myself in case he died in Iraq. Also, because I saw my mom struggling to get back into the workforce and fix her not bad but lack of credit after 20 years of being a stay at home mom. There are many ways to live life and my way is not everyone's but I am happy but not unprepared.
That is the smart thing to do. I've known way to many cases of marriages in which the wife is completely in the dark about all the finances, sometimes to the point of being robbed of everything when a divorce happens. A relationship between equals means that both of you are active participants in every aspect of life, and that includes dealing with bills, properties, and every legal aspect of your lives together. I don't understand why some people think of it as a contest.
@olgahapitan312 Yeah, we have annual meeting lol, like a business. And set goals and get on the same page. You have to divide labor somehow but we can't be in the dark for sure. My man manages my retirement but I have to be the one to get it out and we have serious security for that. I feel very safe should anything happen. 😌
Always great to see that almost all females are disloyal backwards in relationships
I’m an upper middle class stay at home mom. I stay home by choice bc I prefer to raise my own kids vs paying someone to do it- but it’s not glamorous. It fucking hard bc I’m literally working 24/7. If my baby wakes up at 3am I have to handle it. And husband is a considerate man but he works a ton so anything outside of financials really does fall on me. This wasn’t my original plan- I got a college degree and I worked for 10 years before I decided to stay home, this was never my husbands idea but he supported my desire- I love being home with my kids but I want to go back to work in some form when both of my kids are in school. I do have a prenup so I do get half of everything which should be a requirement before any woman stays home.
And if I don’t feel like cooking bc I’ve had a difficult day then I get to tell my husband “we’re going out to eat bc I can’t handle dinner” and his answer is always “of course honey whatever you need”
And that’s okay too and you should have that choice.
Shelby I love this content from you. Keep it coming!
This is a topic that I think about a lot lately and talk about with friends. So interesting to see where fellow female (and male!) friends fall on this thought spectrum. Thank you for presenting this in such a beautiful, eloquent, nuanced way. I see the amount of work that goes into this and seriously keep it coming. Love your thoughts.
I was like Trad wife what's that? lol your best one yet!!! My mom on mommy's day when I was young ran down to kiss her in the guest room because she finally decided to divorce my dad. She said two things to me 1. I could be president if I wanted and 2. Always have your own money. To this day the best advice I have ever gotten ❤
I mean you hit the nail on the head. It's not the trad wife lifestyle people want, it's the wealth and free time. And people can't or choose not to see past that to all the downsides and potential consequences
This is the best video I've seen on the topic! I like how you really looked at things from multiple view points and gave a balanced breakdown of the pros and cons
I was a stay at home mum for five years and it took awhile to catch back up. I am now earning more than most of my friends and find it easy to find new jobs.
But I would never encourage staying at home without a back up plan. It is so risky. People do change and what if your spouse dies what do you do then.
prenup, life insurance, name on the bills, wfh or part time job, and thats just to name a few. its a difference between being a stay at home mom and a tradwife.
Well done, Shelby! Great topic to cover.
When women had more BABIES then thoughts?!?!!? Where do I even BEGIN with this?
Such a crap video. Feminist crap vomitted.
It’s a fake quote! Doesn’t excuse the rest of his speech but that quote isn’t anything he ever said.
@@laurenroberts5668So what?! Why we have a need to always excuse men for anything! Just no. He said enough.
@@gitanastanciauskaite3893 literally said it doesn’t excuse the rest of his speech, but that quote in particular is absolutely false and being spread as if it was true. The way you want to ignore facts and reality is dangerous tbh.
@@laurenroberts5668 Oh sorry I read that wrong!
I’m not defending Harrison Butker, but I’m pretty sure the response Shelby references in the video was found to be a false quote. I don’t believe he ever said that. 3:04
I think you have a point saying that Trad wives are problematic. But I think Nara is a very bad example.
First she is German, the way she acts is very normal for a typical German Person (not only woman). Also she is a successful model in addition to being a tiktoker.
I am a manager for one of the big IT companies and I am also baking my own bread, cooking my own jam, made cheese last week and also make my own Joghurt.
And my Partner is doing the same. So did my mom and a lot of my friends. This is just what a lot of Europeans do in their down time.
There is a huge movement in Europe that does not like to consume over processed food.
And I think this is just a cultural difference and very normal behaviour for a German household/cooking channel.
surely there's some cultural differences, I am married to a french man and he's always looking for his fresh baked bread. However Nara does cereal from scratch, gum from scratch, and even her husband's moisturizer from scratch. It has become more like a flex that she has this much time on her hands and she's not really showing work that is necessary such as cleaning dishes and doing laundry. I don't think Europeans do that in their free time lol
Ok
it's so much pressure on a man to assume he will be solely financially responsible for your family. husband and wives are EQUALS. figure out what roles make sense and you do you. ALSO, love that you are branching out on commentary content Shelby. Go for whatever makes you happy and your supporters will always support you!
When I saw this title I was like wtf is a trad wife hahaha. Then you started talking about that speech I was like ohhhh right, the whole traditional wife thing. I don't have TikTok and was not really aware this was a thing. Interesting discussion! I'm super independent and can't imagine anything worse lol. I totally get that some people want to be stay at home mothers, but that's a different thing.
I was never a bored housewife. I shopped, cooked, cleaned, crafted, gardened, paid bills, planned birthday parties, decorated my house, went to my children's school functions, etc.
Hi. Thanks for sharing. Congratulations for being married. Happy belated Mothers' Day too : )
I think it's different because you probably chose that life versus women back then didn't have a choice and not all of them wanted to be a housewife. Also you have more legal rights today than women in the 50s /60s
@@juliamrtn4837 so what. It was obviously the better choice.
Congratulations!
The worse part of it is those women had nothing else to do but gathering in gossip clubs and unite all against one (the youngest/ the prettiest/the brightest/you name it) to bully her and make her life miserable. Ones she was gone (one way or another) they would pick another victim. Most of them secretly hated everyone(husband and kids included) but put their hatred on the most vulnerable ones. Because when you are stuck on a small community, you have to either submit the hierarchy of the gossipers of leave. Otherwise they poison all the doctors/nurses/obstetricians against you, as well as other life important services. So the whole life time and energy was spent pleasing the influencilal gossipers FIRST. And than MAY BE pick up the crumps left for you and try to enjoy.
keep leaning into the commentary! you articulate these topics really well.
thank you!!
This was more balanced than I was expecting. Great job, Shelby!
Another amazing video!!! I do not want kids but want an equal partner. No weaponized incompetence for me. I am a loud and proud independent working woman. I want a partner that is just as intellectual, loving, giving, silly, and kind as I! And that is always willing to learn and grow through the complexities of life. I will not settle for anything less. I have amazing friends, family, and even coworkers!!! I feel extremely blessed. Can’t wait to find my partner to share these special moments with me.
as a man I can tell you its a bit of a turn off when a woman says she is "Independent working woman" so you might want to keep that under wraps. the qualities you are seeking are good ones and there are men who do have them. you may have to kiss a few frogs before finding your prince. I wish you the best and am sure it will work out for you
i see you babes but it is unhealthy for either party to be independent in a relationship. It won't work if the 2 of you don't depend on eachother in some ways and pick up the slack in others. Be realistic. Men and women are different but complimentary. There is a dynamic of feminity and masculinity which isn't something to be worried about- it's beautiful. Going too far against or for the 'trad wife' isn't healthy. Good luck
Great video. Interesting topic. How much raw footage do you use on your final edit? Most movies only use 30% of their raw footage.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Loved his comeback. Shelby, you find some great material. Love your work. Just stay the way you are and do what you do. At least I will be happy. 💓My wife is a working mother and continues to work hard. We have been married 46 years in two weeks' time. Yes, we were 17 and 18 when married. She was a stay at home mum when the kids were young and bored shitless at the time. You can only watch so much Thomas the Tank Engine! When the kids went to school it was back to work and still working hard. They say behind every great man, there is a greater woman and that's the truth.
You changed my mind with this video. I saw it a week ago and didn't want to watch it because of my perceptions of trad wives. Your separating them from stay at home moms made me recognize the problems with trad wives. I appreciate the points you made!
This is just me but I will forever continue being full time working mom rather than to rely on a man to pay for everything for me. I just can‘t morally, I work hard and I value my independence so much. And like you mentioned in the video so many risks with that situation ending.
Ideally in the near future of course finding a partner who I can meet eye to eye and us supporting each other. That‘s the goal 😍
A woman can have multiple identities. She can be a trad wife but it doesn’t necessarily mean her life is only limited to that. She can also be a small business owner, an investor who makes passive income on the side, a social media creator, a realtor…when she doesn’t make the pizza dough… It all depends on how well she can manage her time. I’m not sure if I’m a trad wife but I do enjoy cooking for my family everyday (sometimes I make things out of scratch too) & taking of my baby, but at the same time I still bring a decent income to the family. My partner does participate in nursing the baby which helps a lot but still I think even with all the housework you still got time to do your own stuff, you just need to find the right formula for your life.
I’m a working mum. Currently on maternity leave as I had my 2nd child 4 months ago, being a trad wife is appealing but I think it would be very lonely, I’m glad I have a child in school, as I get to see other mums, who have become my best friends since my son started school. I think even if I was wealthy, and could be be a “ trad wife” I think I’d be very board, crippled with anxiety at constantly having to be perfect, and become so isolated due to the anxiety. Hats off to all the trad wives out there, and major hats off to all the working mums, doing a 9-5, and still going home to do everything else. Xx
No children, no eggs.
Loving the commentary videos Shelby!
I've seen several videos about trad wives and this was my favorite. I really appreciated how Shelby didn't try to villanize either side. I have worked professionally, and I've also been a stay-at-home mom. There are challenges either way, as well as rewards. And most of us just don't really understand the dynamics of other families well enough to know exactly how things are working out. I also appreciate the distinction between a tradwife and a SAHM. It does feel like people promoting the tradwife life are doing it in a very performative way. Most stay at home moms are not filming themselves every time they make breakfast or lunch, and they're definitely not filming when the food burns or doesn't taste right. I think it is a very beautiful, aesthetic thing to watch things like Nara's channel, but we have to be really careful about glamorizing or romanticizing those kinds of videos too much, because it's a performance and not every single thing about that life is being shared. I definitely dislike the influencers who try to demonize people who don't support the trad wife life. Those videos give me the ick. I do not want to be subservient and submissive to my husband. It reminds me of a book called Fascinating Womanhood. Someone gave it to me as a joke when I got married and I still have it because it is so appalling and it gives a lot of food for thought. It's like a psychological cautionary tale. Seriously the stuff in there is really crazy. Very Stepford Wives dystopian weird stuff but a lot of people believe it!
I’m the daughter of someone who chose to be a trad wife and the reason I didn’t become one is because she was the first person to point out the cons and fight for my and my sibling’s quality of education. Girls need to understand once you’re IN the trad lifestyle, you’re IN IT FOR LIFE and you’re signing up your kids too for whatever the consequences end up being (good or bad). That’s it.
I have a degree, but I chose to stay home and raise my two kids (now teenagers). I didn’t want to miss anything. I did sub at their schools for a while, only because I could be on their schedule. Yes, I could have pursued a career, but I don’t have any regrets putting my kids as my priority. I understand not all families are able to do this. I feel blessed that I could.
Hi. Thanks for sharing. Happy belated Mothers' Day too : )
WOW THIS WAS SURPRISINGLY DELIVERED REALLY WELL!
You new here? Shelby has always been delivering quality content like this.
thank you!!!
Ballerinafarm's father in law owns JetBlue...their lifestyle is definitely not self funded!
Moral of the story… these lifestyles are for privileged people who actually HAVE the option of choosing. The rest of us do not.. for a multitude of reasons. Whatever life you choose to live or are able to live I should say.. that’s all you. Why do we all need to hear about it? Influencers, trends, so on and so forth. I miss the days where people would lead their lives quietly and we’d all do what we did by choice and not because we seen it on Instagram or TikTok. Whatever.. I will enjoy my college degree and my success because when you work hard to get somewhere then feel like crap about it because you saw a so called “better option” on the internet.. what does that say??? I used to think social media was informing but now I realize it just creates problems, stress, and anxiety.
>could be building a people and organizing
>instead selfishly condemns any others trying to do so
>ultimately her purpose is to keep the status quo
This is why Women are not leaders nor inventors.
I grew up in the 50-60s and my mother was a trad-wife until we were in high school. I didn’t want a trad-wife because with dual incomes we could live a much better life. Of course, two careers requires child care, nanny in our situation and it worked out extremely well. And our daughter is a senior executive several years older than Shelby. Maybe it’s in the genes.
i guess it just comes down to how you measure success in life right? For me being a senior executive isn't the life goal but having one of the most beautiful experiences a human can- to be a parent and have a family.
@@alyzak.8997 I agree with you, there’s nothing better than a cohesive, loving family. It’s hard work and took some luck for us to succeed at both.
With respect to trends there is an element of status. People “want “ this life because they think it makes them official and legitimate but when it’s off trend they will pivot.
As for part of taking care of the kid when they are young, this is kinda good in my country (Czech Republic), for up to 3 years state pay maternity leave (its not huge amount though) and your employer has to hold your job (if there is a second kid, the time starts again), so even though its maybe too much and I think 1 - 2 years would have been enough woman have more choices and can keep their career as well.
I love commentary videos!❤
Good job, Shelby. The bottom line is you can't get through life without regrets. Choose carefully and be happy you have a choice.
Excellent coverage of important life choices.
I I was a single working mom (26 years) and yes it is a hard life but it also has it's rewards of joy and love watching your children grow up. Now that the children are grown I prefer the Trad wives lifestyle. The real Trad wives not the influencers. The ones who love to have dinner prepared for there husband, laundry cleaned, shopping completed and yes the vacuuming. I would much more enjoy pleasing my husband than my boss. Now the financial aspect don't be dumb be involved in household economics things happen in life and we do need to be aware and prepared.
Yeah but you know what's even better? Having your husband do some of these tasks and not leaving all of it to you and not treating you like a stay-at-home made. My husband cooks and cleans we both cook and clean. The best thing is having a partner that shares these tasks with you.
Rather husband than the boss… that’s a cool short phrase.
When you record, can you do it mostly one take?
Relationships are always going to be complex. I think that husbands and wives need to be in agreement. I know my wife wanted to stay at home and we have done that with 4 kids. 3 of our 4 kids are neurodivergent and have had multiple therapies a week. We're clearly not millionaires. Life isn't perfect, but I'm so happy with my family. I just think everyone needs to find what they want in a family.
This is the healthiest interpretation of this movement I have seen. I admit I have been curious about this growing trend to see if it truly had steam, or was just a small group of people desperately trying to swing the pendulum of society.
Our solution was for me to work part time, we don’t have children yet. I love working part time. It makes perfect sense for me. I make decent income and get to help with our finances.I get to leave the home and do a career I like but I also get to focus on our home life and my hobbies.
I loved this video! Great way to explain both sides. I just want to add my piece. A woman might want all the things like career and traveling in her 20s. Once she becomes a mom, priorities change. Most women want to be close and care for their kids (it is our nature). That is why it is important to marry a good guy, and prioritize the relations with your husband. The women in their 40s and 50s on tik tok who talk about their failed marriages, don’t say what led to cheating from their husbands and divorce. A good man who cherish his wife and kids doesn’t just run of with a strange woman for no reason.
i loved this topic shelby! you had such great insights on the repercussions of this lifestyle especially when it comes to things like skills, education, and overall job experience. I strongly agree that women who decide to be stay-at-home/trad wives should definitely protect themselves financially and legally because if circumstances change and the need to leave arises, they need to be ready for it in all facets. i'm so glad that people are talking openly about this too because those tiktoks that romanticize the trad wife life gives the false narrative that things will work out and someone will always provide for you but that may not always be the case!
I don’t think anyone has a problem with someone who wants to be a traditional stay at home wife.
What people are saying is, everyone should be able to make the choice for themselves. It shouldn’t be forced upon people to adhere to a certain role that isn’t right for them
I am a working mom of 3 kids. We can afford for me to stay at home, but I choose to work because it is a different mental space and the link to my own self pre kids. Caring for kids full time is very exhausting and repetitive.
21:04
That makes sense and is fair: If out of the workforce for a substancial amount of time starting from scratch instead of where you left off, holding positions that would to go to more multi-year dedicated and reliable office employees looking for promotions - the choice is one or the other otherwise it is unfair. Also, think of these past five years back to 2019. Jobs changed so much and the new technology and other skills needed to perform and be productive; they are almost completely different jobs. Yes, the objective is the same but it is like comparing farming in 1800 with today - totally different methods.
Absolutely not for me. I’m 27 but I stopped dating months ago. Being a mother is a self sacrificial role in itself. My favorite part about making my own six figures income and being child free is that it gives me the freedom to put myself first. I’m not giving that up for the glamorized relationships with men and children, that can actually end really badly.
Im curious if women raised by trad mom felt they were either encouraged or discouraged to pursue education and a career. You would think if the trad wife life is so ideal that the daughters would not be raised to pursue higher education, but rather homemaker skills
You did kinda take too long to upload this one been talking about it for a bit, and by now, there's been a lot said about it, but so very enjoy your comentary videos. Please don't be discouraged!
Shelby I miss your podcasts! I really wanted to listen to this while I drive but I had to prioritize maps and TH-cam won’t play in the background for me haha
I’m a guy, and while I’m too young to know exactly what it feels like, I really don’t want the pressure of being the sole provider for a family. I think both parents should work if they can and if we are going to be considered equal partners, that men should care for the kids and house just as much as the mom. I’m not a woman so I don’t know what that feels different by comparison, but I really like kids and would absolutely love to spend tons of time with them. I think both parents should work so that they can share the responsibility, but also share the joy of taking care of the family emotionally. Being the husband of a trad wife sounds very not ideal to me. But in the end, everyone can make their own choices. The only extremely important and objective truth is “pick your life partner VERY carefully and get a prenup”. 56% of marriages ending in divorce is no joke.
Everyone’s opinions are different. I got my degree right after hs and got married. I worked for about 10 years and started staying home when my kids were 2 & 5. Career, kids with work, and then SAHM when we were financially ready to do that. I think it’s dangerous to not have anything under your belt incase of an emergency happening with your spouse or an affair situation. Always think of what ifs and always have a backup plan.
My Grandmother was a trad wife in the 40's and 50"s and it was no picnic because as lower middle class there were always money concerns. My Grandmother did all kinds of things to raise extra money. At one point she was raising Canaries to sell. I think overall she was happy but I also know she would have died poor if something had ever happened to my grandfather.
I'm with the tradwives. My wife and I have lived this way for 16 years now (13 with a son) and we're both very glad we did. That being said, both the husband and wife need to be traditional for it to work. And I'd actually recommend courting rather than just dating. Ask the important questions right away, so that feelings have very little chance of being caught. Because as we all know, once you've fallen "in love" with a person, it's easy to ignore or downplay red flags. So yeah, courting, even if you don't think you'll want to be a tradwife or traditional husband.
When you allow someone to feed you, you also run the risk of them starving you. I kinda left the work force due to extreme burn out and asked my partner for a year off. He agreed under one condition that I have a part-time job. I got the keep my resume up-to-date while working for less than 10 hours a week. All that money went straight to my pocket while being taken care of
I believe that community property states (only 9 states) do level the assets division playing field a bit, but individual results may vary. Even in a community property state, anyone that has personal assets before getting married, or can anticipate they or their spouse to be could inherit significant assets during their marriage would be wise to look at a pre-nup. Great commentary video Shelby.
I totally agree that it’s dangerous to promote a lifestyle where the woman is totally financially dependent upon her husband. Being left with no options can be so devastating.
I’m somewhere between a working mom and a SAHM. I’m a real estate agent and I own my own agency, so I’m able to work from home, take my daughter with me when I go to work, and make my own schedule. I could not imagine having to work 9-5 while trying to do all of my mom duties. Being a mom is a full time job.
I would love to see society shift to a more parent-friendly attitude toward work. Whether that be more remote work, shorter work days, cheaper daycare, or better programs for moms who do stay home full time.
While being financially dependent upon your spouse is a very vulnerable position to be in, so many families are forced into it because of the cost of childcare and the demands of parenthood.
In my case, I am always scared of what I wish for… because of all the bad scenarios. I can understand both sides. I prefer a happy medium where I feel inspired to work and be a mother with flexibility to be with them
Loving your commentary series!
My sister has a very religious friend who is considering just being a trad wife for the rest of her life. She is thinking of marrying a guy that she has only dated for 4 months, everyone in her family has tried to talk her out of it but she refuses to listen. The people who are most supportive though are her other religious friends who make it seem like she is doing some really honorable thing. My sister and her have been friends since middle school and she is the only real friend she still has outside of her church community. My sister doesn't know what is the best way to deal with this situation because she wants to be honest but also not lose her.
did it ever occur to you that perhaps this is the right thing for her? Not everyone is a fiercely independent strong woman. Why does our femininity have to be such a big problem? Also 4 months doesn't mean anything if you vet your partner correctly. Time doesn't matter. Would you rather have her be his forever girlfriend?
I cannot stress enough on how cocky you sound. Some women like being girl bosses- great and others feel strength in traditional feminine roles with a loving awesome husband. What's the big deal?
As long as the husband respects her and loves her, there will be no power imbalance in the relationship. Both of them will depend on eachother and pick up the slack. It's a beautiful yin and yang.
Great job on this topic! Not a Trad Wife and am way too independent for that lifestyle. No judgement, though, you nailed it…. Protect yourself.
Love this video! Your channel is amazing ❤
Great video
So I’m not against traditional or non traditional about a wife/mom going to work or staying home. Now I do not enjoy seeing the “trad wife” online. They put a nine realistic expectation of how our normal life should look. I stay home with my kids. I promise you , I don’t wake up look like that way. Half of the time I’m in comfy clothes.
It is rewarding to me being my kids mom and being home with them for every milestone. Now that being said, oh how is hard at times. You do feel worn out because you are with them 24/7 but again it was a choice.
Also having a good partner to be that.. your partner in life/parenting makes better. I do not want to be in the 50’s were the husband never helped just expected for the wife to do everything.
I stay at home while my daughter works full time and I watch her kids and do housework and take care of my disabled sister. Am I a trad wife?
Wow yeah, not all of us get married when we are 20 years old. Some of us actually have to make a living and go support ourselves. I’ve never been married and I have a successful career in human resources after going through college getting a masters
And you expected me just to wait around between the ages of 18 to 36 and hope that a man was going to be able to support me? When I haven’t even met my husband yet? yeah there’s all kinds of problems with the scenario. Also had a friend whose mom was a stay at home wife she had three kids and the husband end up passing so the mom never had a job until she was in her 50s so her and her sister were always supporting her financially
I was never taught to depend on someone else’s income for my own income when I can just make my own money. When I get married, that’ll be double income for me and my husband and my kids.
As a person that got married at 22 ya do not recommend.
We both have always been financially independent and maintain our financial Independence but we definitely agree that we did not need to get married at 22
no one expects anything from you. Just let trad wives do their thing. Not everyone measures success the same way you do.
I love how your first paragraph betrays what really bothers you about trad wives- the fact that they are happy, successful, married, well off, beautiful and only in their early 20's. You are jealous that you don't have a wonderful husband who wants to take care of you and raise a loving family with you. You don't have the ideal relationship in which the wife and husband can depend on eachother and pick up the slack together. Oh no, you have to be fiercely independent, see only the worst in men, spend all of your most fertile years studying/working and STRUGGLING only to finally get your life together in your 30's or 40's when no desirable man wants to be with a woman your age (no not because they are sexist pigs but rather because they have a lot of young fertile amazing women to choose from already so why would they find a hyperindependent older woman like you attractive).
I say all of this to make you realize that you don't have to crap all over trad wives to do your thing. It's reasonable for you to want a dual income home in this economy but really cruel of you to think of yourself as superior to trad wives.
Great video, Shelby. Thank you.
My opinion is that it takes humbleness to be a housewife but for me I believe its ok to do whatever works for the time being and bad partners will be bad no matter what
I became a stay at home mother at 21 and I’m living my best life. At times it’s hard but I’d rather raise my own child than having a stranger with views different than mine, raising MY child. And this is coming from a person who was raised by a single mom who worked hard, had no help and could never be home with me. I hated when my mom worked because she was always stressed out. Stay at home moms are amazing and so are trad wives who stay home and take care of their families. Rather have women who love and care for their families than women who care more about their careers. I talked to an old friend from elementary school who is studying to become a doctor and even she said “wow being a stay at home mom is the goal. I wish I could do that.”
Everyone has different values. I’m lucky enough to have a husband who supports whatever I want to do and I find that because I am a stay at home mother, I have more time to do my hobbies like art, writing and photography.
Good for you, but to insinuate that working moms don’t care as much about their children is just NASTY. “Rather have women who love and care for their families than women who care more about their careers.” Shame on you.
@nessness_x Yes. That's a horrible thing to assert and completely privileged as most women have to work to provide for their kids and families. And if anything ever happens in her marriage, she's going to be starting over on her own.
@@nessness_xalso why call out women who care about their careers in a negative light but no mention of men
@@saphiaer my husband works from home and spends a lot of time with us whenever he has the chance. And because one of us has to have a career or we would be homeless. I just chose to be the mother at home. Men can be stay at home dads too but I find that most women would rather be at home with their kids because they don’t want to miss those precious moments with their growing children.
@@nessness_x there are women out there that do prioritize their careers over their families. I’m just stating the facts. Not every women is like that of course.
It is all about what you want and how you want to live it. It's a personal decision.
omg some of these comments are...a lot. Just wanted you to have some more normal comments down here.
nice commentary, shelby! you raised a lot of great points. i could never ever be a trad wife - in fact I would opt to work just so i could pay for a cleaner, nanny, and take out instead of having to do it myself. 😂 absolutely no patience for that nonsense. i really hope young women are not getting fooled by the pretty veneer being put out there.
hahah the comments are interesting for sure! and thank you!!