Instead of hosting an expensive wedding, we bought a beach house. We held the ceremony on the dune path in front of our house and the reception was catered by a taco truck. My wife's wedding dress cost $32 and she looked absolutely stunning.
I always thought I wanted an extravagant wedding then I realized I just wanted an extravagant wedding so I can end up with extravagant photos. This is when I realized I can just spend a fraction of the cost just to focus on the photoshoot.
I'm a photographer. It BLEW MY MIND that some photographers charge $20k for wedding photos. It is definitely gonna cost more than a one or two hour shoot since it is an all day affair with a lot of pressure to get certain shots, but it shouldn't be $20k! I know some phenomenal photographers who would charge less than a quarter than that for wedding photos. Not discounting the fact that $2,000-$3,000 is a lot of money, but that's a pretty competitive price.
why not tell the vendors it's for a funeral (flowers, catering, etc.)? Maybe avoid the markups; I don't know if this is legal but/ other side of the coin is it legal for them to charge 2-3X just because it's for a wedding not just a regular party ?
We got married in my parents backyard, $5k budget, delicious taco truck, Trader Joe’s flowers, Costco alcohol, family and best friends only, and a dress code of “whatever you find most comfortable.” It was the best decision we could have made. To me the absolute biggest and best reason to not have an expensive wedding is that any money you don’t spend can go toward your life and goals as a couple. We expedited buying a house, future retirement, and just living an overall better life because we didn’t sink our life savings into a wedding. People should do what they want, but I think it’s really dangerous how normalized it is to go into debt or just make really bad financial decisions for a one day event that has zero impact on the quality of your life or the strength of your marriage.
This makes so much sense to me. People just want to have a fun, casual time celebrating the newly married couple. Some good (not expensive) food, drinks, music and dancing is what is fun for me at a reception.
My friend's eloping & then going on her honeymoon. When she & her husband get back in about a month, they'll have a party with their friends & families.
@@lowkey_babe77 I met a woman whose friend took out a loan for her wedding. She ended up divorcing her husband & is STILL paying off the loans she took out for the wedding.
Experienced divorce lawyer here. I once had a case where the couple spent over $100,000 for a wedding. She filed for divorce 14 months later. Skip the big, lavish wedding. If you really love each other, do what makes you happy!
It's like that bride only wanted to get married for the sake of having a big lavish wedding. Then once that was done with she decided to get a divorce and someday do it all again.
My husband and I got married on a public beach in Florida in 2019, had 12 guests, and reception dinner at a local restaurant, cake from Publix, flowers from Trader Joe’s and my wedding dress was $75 from ASOS. TOTAL including literally everything (photographer and travel expenses, etc etc) was less than $5,000 for a 5 day trip to the beach and wedding. We didn’t go into debt and we had a great time!! We’re also still happily married :) One thing I would do differently is I would’ve done my own hair but that’s it!
but surely you still remember how you had to work a lot harder to pay for it before and especially after the wedding. So what are you trying to act here ? :)))
Recently attended an international bach that ran me close to $2k and going to an international wedding for the same person. Neither destinations were culturally significant for the person, but just what they wanted. Influencer-level weddings have been normalized in a lot of circles around me to the point where I feel like I can't speak out about it, so thanks for this video!
I just wish brides sent out an anonymous (or even not) survey asking people what they can afford BEFORE choosing their bachelorette itineraries. I guess it's two philosophies: 1) it's my bachelorette, I'll do what I want and people can say no (but will likely feel pressure not to) 2) I want all my friends to be able to come, so I'll keep equity in mind. 🤷🏻♀️
Same here and those 2 friends couldn’t understand that we couldn’t afford to go as we had some unfortunate things happen, we had more serious issues going on than some overseas wedding’s. My partner quit his job 7 months prior as he fell into a depression from his job in retail and wanted to study to get into a different field, then we were served with an eviction notice 6 months later and had depleted our savings which was meant to be our house deposit. Moving our life if 14 years in that apartment was super expensive and nobody wanted to help us move out of spite for not going to the Kardashian style wedding, even though I had helped them many times when they were in bad situations. Funnily enough the only nice person in this situation was my landlord who gave us 3 months notice with an option to extend as she loved us but wanted her daughter in their as it was close to her uni, a lovely lady who had more care towards us then my friends 😢😂 My friends turned on me, we’re just different people, while they’re trying hard to live some Kardashian life, me and my partner are watching David Ramsey and saving to get a down payment for a home. I’m just not interested in how they live, constantly eating out at restaurants, shopping for no reason but spending a lot, upgrading your perfectly fine SUV to a new fancier SUV so you’re family is “safer” 🤮 etc, it’s just cringe, I honestly have to try hard not to be mean and cringe at them, one them is my sister too so that’s particularly hard, it’s exhausting 😂
I just got married two weeks ago. We had 50 guests of our closest family and friends. It was intimate and so great to look around the room and know everyone’s face there. We also emailed/texted our invitation, didn’t have bridesmaids, and asked for no gifts.
I think the bottom line is - we've become too self-absorbed. Yes weddings are definitely your day, but you can also be thoughtful/considerate and moderate your expectations accordingly.
14:43 I’m SO glad you’re addressing bachelorette parties!!! I was the first to get married and have a child, so all my friends were at my bachelorette party, which was a night out in our hometown. When my friends started getting married, it was Nashville, Vegas, Ft. Lauderdale, etc. for theirs. If it was a drivable distance and I didn’t have to take off work, I’d go, but I missed many of them and my friends were honestly kind of mad. I had an infant or toddler and a limited amount of PTO, most of which I used on my daughter when she was sick with constant ear infections the first two years of her life. If I had PTO days to actually use for fun, I wanted to spend them with my baby and my husband.
One of my friends who was the first to get married had a Bach party in Key West (we went to school in Miami) but I had moved away by that point and didn’t have the cash to do that and the wedding that was at a fancy hotel. She was SO kind about it, and when the rest of the group has gotten married, she couldn’t always do the Bach parties bc she had kids and no one was mad! Bc WHAT?!! You’re friends! You should understand each other. Just be open and communicate. I’m very thankful we’ve had this relationship.
My friend is having a destination wedding in Maui and a bachelorette in Cabo… I’m a bridesmaid (1 of 12) so I’m expected to go. I just moved across the country and switched jobs when I was told about the bachelorette and I asked my friend what the estimated cost for the bach was, since the flight to the wedding alone will put me out ~$800 and I don’t have PTO with my job… The Bach is next week and we are already more than double what I was told to budget and every day a new cost is being added. 😵💫 Everyday is also a themed outfit… it’s so stressful especially since im a really frugal and financially responsible person. My friend (bride) already expressed her frustration to me that her other friend (not a member of the bridal party) is missing the Bach for his dirty 30 trip to Thailand, so there is clearly no option to opt out without damaging the friendship….
@whoisceleste we are experiencing the same exact thing. It is making me question whether I will still be as close to this person after all is said and done. Our values have diverged more than I realized due to our differing relationships with social media. If I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, I would have said no to being a bridesmaid. It's feeling like a job with a growing contract I can't deliver on without sacrificing more than I anticipated. Like a sorority I can't opt out of or get a scholarship for. My therapist had to really force me to realize that I had a choice to say no even though it felt like I didn't (without being a "bad" friend).
@@anonygirlyI had to set aside money in abudget for weddings from the time I was 18 until the time I was 35. I kind of knew which of my friends, siblings, and cousins would ask me to be in their weddings, and I had an idea of when they would be getting engaged and tying the knot. I HATED moving money to a savings account for weddings every single month, especially when there wasn’t even one currently on my calendar, but that I knew would be coming eventually so I had to make sure I had money set aside for it. I am honored to have been a part of so many peoples special days, I don’t want to act angry, but the day I was in my last wedding, was the best day ever!!!! The weddings got very expensive for me since I was the first in my friend group and family to have kids, because everybody would ask my two adorable girls to be in their weddings as flower girls…I kid you not, that tripled the price for the dress, hair, etc. I’m so glad my days of being a bridesmaid are over!!! But now, I’m saving for my daughters’ future weddings. It never ends!!! 🤣🤣🤣
My best friend had the most beautiful and special wedding at her parents place. Granted, they own a beautiful property in Northern California with gardens and plenty of space. But the wedding was special because the bride and groom decided on a potluck event. They had friends play music instead of hiring anyone. They asked everyone to bring a dish and had people sign up for main, sides, etc. Friends provided wine they made themselves, flowers they grew, etc. The bridesmaids were given a volor to wear and they bought or borrowed dresses (second hand is souch more affordable). The community just came together and it was the best wedding I've ever been to. They paid maybe $5,000 out of pocket.
My cousin’s wedding (I already agreed to be a bridesmaid in in 2022) is in May in Paris and the tickets were going to be $2,000 each for my husband and I. That’s $4,000 only in travel 🙃 I told her we couldn’t make it and luckily she was very understanding. Thank goodness. It caused me so much anxiety.
My husband (29M) and I (27F) dated for 9 years. We skipped getting engaged (which could be a whole other video you could do). We didn't tell anyone in advance and had fun texting and calling people the next day. We live outside of D.C., these were our costs: Marriage License ($30), Certificate Fee ($3), Officiant/Lawyer ($75), White Dress from Amazon ($40), Suit (already owned), Fancy Dinner with Tip ($200).
Eloped in Hawaii (a whole week!) for a FRACTION of the cost of a 5 hour wedding/reception. basically a wedding and honeymoon all in one. No regrets at all! No drama, no dj, no paying for other people to eat, I couldn’t bring myself to having a “typical” wedding
I got married in 2016. I DIYed a lot of my wedding. Mainly due to living in a rural area where there wasn’t a lot of options for different wedding services at the time. These are some things that I did. 1. I bought all my bridesmaids dresses (& shoes) at JC Penney’s and dyed them myself. We also paid for all of the groomsmen’s outfits and shoes. 2. No florist in the area locally that decorated for weddings, so we bought faux flowers at Dollar Tree & made our own bouquets, table bouquets, reception & ceremony floral decor. 3. We DIYed a wedding arch with tree branches from the park we were getting married in (also free) 4. Let family friends cater our reception that had their own restaurant business. They added their own touches by getting custom catering outfits that perfectly matched our decor and served everyone at the tables. It was such a special touch that I still remember. 5. Let in-laws who were getting into event planning pitch in and help decorate. They were a huge help. They made special details like folding napkins for the reception in an intricate way and helped with table arrangements. 6. Anyone that you know that has a skill in something, let them help you. Our wedding would have been a total disaster if it weren’t for the help that was extended to us 7. I didn’t have a bachelorette party. I just had a wedding shower and let a family member host it. 8. Did my own bridal makeup after learning some tutorials on TH-cam and hired a girl fresh out of Cosmetology school to do my bridal hair. 9. Bought press on nails for my bridesmaids for their wedding nails
I got married back in 2009. We made a pact that we only spend cash on the wedding, not credit but cash only. I truly love how our wedding turned out. I'm listing some of the things we did. These may not all translate in 2024 but it definitely made a difference for us! I found my dress at David's Bridal for $100, it was absolutely beautiful. The alternations were more than dress lol The guys wore black shirts and we bought them the ties We got married at a civic center and had the reception in the same place. It was so pretty and the tables, chairs, etc was all their We rented our linens I got my makeup done at the mall-I paid for the products and that was it! The photographer stayed all day, edited the pics, and we were responsible for printing the ones we wanted I found my cake maker online she was a home baker and omg the cake was beautiful and delicious
Forget the cost! Why not just choose to get married in front of your immediate family and close friends at a nice resort hotel over a long weekend? I guarantee it will be more meaningful and memorable for all involved.
This is what I’ve been having in mind lately for when it’s my time to be wed. Would save a big blowout celebration for vowel renewal / reaching a milestone year within the marriage instead
My husband and I got married to each other as a second marriage. We had a secret wedding the court house on our actual anniversary of our first date and 4 months later we hosted a garden cocktail party and invited our closest friends and family. They all thought they were attending an engagement party and announcement after being together for 6 years but we instead had a ring exchange and a fabulous party. Everyone was surprised and it was beautiful! We had 50 guests and I made most of the food. A friend of mine who owned a wonderful BBQ place provided meat and we had a bar. Lovely!
Just got married at a courthouse. It was not free. The marriage license was $110. It was $23 to reserve a time to go into the courthouse for the ceremony (they do take walk-ins, but it's never guaranteed). The fee for them to conduct the 5 minute ceremony was $104. So altogether $237 to get married at the courthouse. This is California BTW. Still affordable, but not free.
All these service industries don’t understand that with the ridiculous markups that they are doing post covid will just turn off customers from utilizing their services and will affect them long term 🤷🏽♂️. Supply-Demand curves are undefeated.
We had a surprise wedding and it was awesome! Our families were getting together to celebrate my husband's birthday and we showed up all dressed up and with our officient. It was the best night of my life! We had so much fun. And very cost effective. 0 stress.
My husband and I eloped in a park with two close friends, then we went camping for the weekend! It’s been 3 years and I don’t regret it at all nor do I feel like I ‘missed out’ in anyway. Not everyone wants or can afford a big wedding so it’s great to see that getting normalized too. Loved this video btw 👏
I worked as a wedding photographer for quite a few years and I understand why they charge so much. There is a lot of back and forth emailing with planners or brides, consultations, there is usually a long drive to a wedding which takes gas, if it’s in the city it’s parking fees. You have to take so much equipment with you, back up cameras, lenses, lights, all kinds of batteries, memory cards etc…those things aren’t cheap, you also have to have insurance, also pay assistant or a second shooter per hour, and real editing doesn’t take “an afternoon”. If you want to do a quality editing, it takes a lot more than an afternoon to do. It takes culling, Clearing up skin, straightening verticals/horizontals, remove some objects, on top of editing with presets or actions to “your style”. You can’t just batch edit everything and think it looks good. Also taxes take up a lot too. So at the end of the day, out of $5000 a good chunk of change is gone and you make per hour good money, but it’s not that great considering all the time you spend per wedding. If you do an engagement shoot, and a wedding, you can easily spend 40 hours working with just one couple between all the emailing, consultations, driving, shoots, editing etc.
yes ! there's a lot of work happening that people don't see and are aware of. i mean, if someone only takes 50 pics at a wedding they surely only do need an afternoon but not for the amount of photos a photographer usually takes. also: the product people pay for are edited photos not raw files. it's strange to want to have them if it's not stated in the contract.
THIS!!! I shoot wedding myself and it’s just not the x hours you are present at their wedding, there’s a shit ton of work that happens before you arrive that day and after you leave. Hate that there’s so many people around who just don’t get that.
Yes, and also forgot to mention the “post wedding hangover” that most of us would get after a wedding without drinking a single drop of alcohol. You wake up the next day feeling legit hangover, like you were run over by a truck, headache and no energy. I stopped shooting weddings, coz it would be so bad, that by the reception time I would be already taking advil, coz I would get a massive headache from caring backpack and two cameras around my neck and shoulders. The toll it was taking on my body was insane.
I got married almost 5 years ago in a mountain town where I was a river rafting guide at a local brewery off the river. I totally lied to the venue and said the event was for a family reunion in an effort to save on costs, because I was so scared of being charged double for the venue when they heard the big "W" word. The manager of the brewery found out that wasn't true when I showed up with my bridesmaid one day and tried to covertly start planning out how we were going to stage the space. Luckily when I was honest and explained that I was a broke local raft guide paying for the wedding and party myself, the brewery manager was super understanding and just asked that we let her use some of the wedding photos for marketing/promoting the venue. I was okay with that because they had a beautiful venue that was not being used for events at all, and there was definitely an opportunity for them as a business if they started being open to more events. I had a blast and kept the costs in check by taking a DIY approach to everything. It was super fun and truly the best party I've ever thrown. Me and my husband did it our own way, true to who we are and what we care about.
My husband and I got married at the New York Manhattan Bureau (more commonly referred to as "City Hall") - it's actually a very beautiful building in downtown Manhattan, and the vibes are filled with everyone who is so happy it's also their special day! A downtown NYC open bar + a restaurant buyout for the evening for our reception, being careful to not mention "wedding", came to about $20k. We enjoyed the "compromise" of being able to celebrate with friends and family but also not have to go through the whole logistics and expenses that weddings call for.
one thing i’ve always thought was such a HUGE contribution to cost of weddings are the venues. I got married in a community center gym for $700 and i was able to decorate and make it look more presentable and it honestly saved me thousands. We were getting quoted $5k-$10k for just the venues alone & you had to use whichever caterer they worked with which some people like but i personally did not. I liked the freedom of being able to choose & shop around for caterer/bartenders.
I loved your take! Very balanced. Shelby if you are going to keep going on the wedding series, I’d love a deep dive on big engagements. The diamond ring is a fairly new expectation and there is a lot behind the mark up of the rings and how it was marketed to the general population as a way of proving your love to your fiancé. It’s a super interesting topic!
I am 100% the "no" wedding guest. I will spend the money the wedding would have cost me to attend on a gift for the couple, in order to not have to go, and sometimes that's a lot. I declined my best friend's destination wedding because frankly, I'm not spending my entire week of vacation for that summer on attending anyone's wedding. --- In general a lot of people seem to forget that getting married and having a wedding are not the same thing.
It's insane to me, as a European, that there is pressure not only on the people getting married but also on the people attending (spending a lot of money to attend a destination wedding, being dressed a certain way,...) This is all so boring and unnecessarily stressful.
I love the description of being a prop. Especially when you do EVERYTHING for a bride and then they only hang out with married couples from then on! I believe there are tax advantages to a non-profit as a location. Covering that angle with a cool accountant buddy would be interesting.
My fiancé and I are eloping on a mountain top in September. I did buy a wedding gown from a bridal shop and we booked an amazing photographer. We booked a cabin near the mountain and we booked a honeymoon cabin in the Southern part of WV. We are doing a a party the following weekend with our family and closest friends. We are not asking our parents for help, and we are saving for the elopement/party. It’s mind blowing to me that people are able to spend that much on a wedding when in reality, every person I’ve talked to regrets spending that much. They all say they would elope if they could go back in time.
I am not into those bachelorette parties, I’m more shy than my husband. My female in-laws took me to Royal Botanical Gardens and we had tea, and it was wonderful.
Planning my own wedding has made me realize how slimy the wedding industry/wedding vendors are. I'm in a local wedding facebook group and someone posted asking for any budget friendly (insert vendors here) and she got flamed for simply asking. And although some vendors did respond nicely and offered what they could, another vendor posted after saying that vendors who charge less for what they should be charging harm the industry and harm other vendors who are charging appropriately. In some ways, I get it. But for the most part, I just thought this all sounded so greedy.
You’re likely reading the comments of people who worked at their craft for below minim wage for YEARS and finally see the value in their skill and expertise. And they want other people who are charging below a living wage to do the same. There certainly are all kinds of budgets across all types of commerce, but these people who come in and say things like that, or things like ‘don’t charge an arm and a leg’ imply that their perspective of a job they don’t do and a skill they don’t have is superior to the person trying to make a living. They’re also OFTEN people showing off their designer handbag in their photos they post, driving expensive cars, posting photos of all their vacations. But they want cheap photos. It’s exhausting. People don’t walk into a Gucci store and start saying ‘greedy,’ or asking for ‘budget friendly’ bags, or whine and moan about how the purse they want costs an arm and a leg. Or something with a lower price point, but the same idea: Stanley cups- lol. People will give a thousand dollars a year to Starbucks but ask for ‘just a few photos’ when it comes to a self employed artist. It’s exhausting that people are always so quick to ask for discounts with a small business but give so much money to big corporations- and then call the small business greedy.
My neighbor spent $250,000 on his daughter's wedding two years ago which I thought was crazy and then I was talking to one of his friend's shortly after and he actually said that was on the cheaper side and when his daughters get married it would be more like $350,000. The same neighbor also went to a wedding last year that was closer to $400,000. I don't even understand how this is even real. These are Indian people for reference.
Oh then that's a totally different ballgame. From what I understand about Indian weddings (which is very little) is that traditionally they are very huge affairs that last multiple days. I could totally see it being that much if you have hundreds of guests and the wedding lasts for like 3 days
I planned my wedding on a budget and had a wonderful time! We kept it under 10,000 with 100 guests. A day to get down with my bad self and party with my family, we definitely did not have to go into debt for it and it was beautiful ❤. My hot take is that it matters to have your inner circle there to represent you in that initiation of the next chapter of your life. I agree that it is overpriced in the consumer world. But there are many creative ways to still have fun and respect the people who know, love, and raised you. That lifelong commitment is not meaningless and should be witnessed and acknowledged by your community.
The reason services charge more for a wedding is that they end up putting more work in overall. I don't work in the wedding industry, but ask any makeup artist, florist, videographer etc and they'll tell you that people have higher demands than for non-weddings. These people are just charging for their time that inevitably gets used up with extra emails, requests, and questions from day one. I guess blame the people who are very demanding. I have friends that no longer do weddings anymore as the extra cash isn't worth the hassle of dealing with demanding people.
We had a late lunch wedding and reception. The venue already had fresh flowers in the tables from the morning brunch. I had friends make my wedding dress, do my photography, and make my wedding cake! It was a lovely day celebrating our commitment, not just entertaining our guests.💗
Love this! My husband and I married in 2002. We opted for a Friday evening wedding as it was HALF the cost of Sat/Sun. We were on a budget and it was an easy way to save… especially on the venue/food. I remember my mom saying “people may not come bc it’s a Friday wedding” my response was they will know well in advance the day/time and if they want to be there, they will! Wedding costs these days are out of control.
Fairly frequent wedding singer here. Small weddings make for FAR FAR happier couples IMO. (on the day, I mean). Ive played some massive weddings and often get asked to call last orders since I have a mic - the look on the brides face every time is one that shouts "ITS OVER ALREADY"?" Don't spend your life savings on weddings folks. Its over in a flash.
wedding registries are super weird (my now-husband and i lived together for 6 years before we got married); we just had a link/qr code for a honeymoon fund and we actually used the money for the honeymoon food & experiences and it was so great knowing that our friends/family helped make that happen for us.
also no garter toss, no flower bouquet, no bridesmaids/groomsmen, no super strict dress code.. like, i just did all the things i love at weddings and just didn't do all the things i didn't care for... it was great, lol.
Slightly old source but in 2014 Andrew Francis-Tan and Hugo M. Mialon published a study that found evidence that "marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony"
I’d also like to add that unless you’ve had a wedding before, you wouldn’t know how expensive a “small” decision can turn out. For example, IMO it’s rude for a guest to RSVP and then cancel last minute or no show. The couple is still paying for that guest’s meal which is paid weeks or months in advance to the venue (and usually nonrefundable). Also, giving a +1 to anyone who isn’t married or in a long term relationship can be tough bc it makes the wedding less intimate and more costly. Guests can be offended by not getting a +1 but it’s important to put yourself in the couples shoes.
We went to the district court, bought a goodwill dress and nice shirt. It was so us. We did not invite anyone! We took photos on our phones with self timer. My wedding day was perfect. In total we paid $100 for the day including our filing fees.
It depends heavily on the price point. Its like the divide between state schools and expensive private schools. Both fill the same purpose. It doesnt have to be expensive. Either way your gonna have a good time with people you love
Social media has made an industry of weddings rather than the joyful celebration of a couple celebrating a commitment to a lifetime commitment, it’s sad because who even believes what they’re seeing on social media anyway. Really enjoying the commentary videos with hot topics with things that need to be said
We went to a friends wedding this past September, held in the backyard of the bride’s family’s cabin. It was BEAUTIFUL & so much fun! Our entire friend group constantly talks about how great it was & my fiancé & I want something exactly like that 🥹
As a wedding videographer that’s full time.. there’s a big reason we charge so much, there’s only so many weekends in a year. And the main thing is, we spend so so many hours after the wedding that doesn’t compare to how long we are at a wedding. People also forget taxes as well. The amount they pay is not actually what we get. If we all only charged 3 grand a wedding there wouldn’t be many of us left. Some of us live in cold regions so a lot of our weddings are squeezed into one time of the year. It’s quite upsetting watching people get angry at charging so much. It’s like people want us to struggle. Especially other vendors tearing them down. I would never judge a vendor if they charged 200$ to 100k a wedding. You don’t have to pay for that vendor that’s super expensive unless you want to. There’s millions of us to choose from. I charge 4,000 now, and I’m still on the edge on undercharging. I wish I charged more for 2024.
Im not willing to do these extravagant bachelorette parties or weddings except for immediate family members. I attended my 3 sisters weddings and only 2 had bachelorette parties. I will not do this for anyone else. With that said, my wedding will not require any of this from my friends and family. My bachelorette party will also be normal. I travel plenty with my partner and have more disposable income and freedom to take time off since I'm self employed. It's not fair to impose these standards on other people. My partner and I have no desire to incur debt paying for a wedding, bachelorette party, engagement rings, etc. We want to spend our money on things that matter much more in the long run. Don't allow yourself to be influenced by these crazy expectations 😮
I got married this past summer and looked hard into the tipping culture to make sure we were budgeting properly for it. Small business owners actually don’t require a tip. It’s appreciated but many of them say they’d rather get a review online. However, it is customary to tip say, your day-of coordinator, DJ, and florist delivery people. I happily skipped a bachelorette party and we did not do a bridal/groom party. We just had our siblings up at the alter with us! We also ordered batch flowers to save money and invited family over to help us make bouquets/centerpieces. We purposefully prioritized a pretty outside venue so we didn’t have to do as much decor, and got married in the town that my parents live in so that we could get help organizing from family. It turned out that afforded us some local discounts too :)
As a wedding photographer I've never asked for nor expected a tip. Some of my couples do and I split it with my 2nd shooters and assistants. But that broke a piece of me that people actually do that especially if they are a vendor that is inflating their operating costs.
I think it is perfectly acceptable to charge more for a wedding being a service provider. they can’t take other calls they can’t multitask. They have to lug their stuff to an uncomfortable space with poor ergonomics then cover valet tips water and snacks. They are potentially going to be videotaped and posted on social. They are signing away their rights to their likeness in addition to their service. They also probably do not double book that day to cover any event delays or emotional do overs for makeup etc.😊
In my group of friends, contributing to to honeymoon fund has been the standard. This makes a lot more sense to me, given how much the wedding costs the bride and groom. I almost see it as an optional entrance fee for the wedding lol. It allows the couple to do something fun after the wedding or even put it towards a house or their future in some way. It makes a lot more sense to me than buying them some gift that they probably don't need.
This whole bachelorette party thing is completely out of control. One day, I will either just hang with my closest friends the evening before the wedding or be like „let’s go to the day spa and I’ll pay for it“. I have to attend a bachelorette party this year and I am SO happy it’s a one hour drive from where I live, it’s one night and we are four people splitting the cost so we should be fine. I don’t get how we got from „one evening before the wedding“ to „let’s go on a whole ass holiday together“
So as a bride who just wants money for the honey moon, both me and my friend whose getting married this year were told we better make a registry or people would buy us gifts anyway but wouldn't know what we wanted. But if you already have a house or apartment like most people do when they get married the only things you can put on the list are either upgrades to things you have or expensive things you havent been able to buy for yourself but want.
Hi Shelby! As a wedding photographer I must say that we don't give out RAWs not because it's hard to send but rather it's not our final product. Just like if something is not finished then it's not done. When editing photos it does take a long time because there will be mulitple weddings or sessions so it gets stacked up. Also being a human we have to take care of ourselves and photography is our job. You are supporting a small bussiness and the person behind it. Photographers who are in the luxury wedding offer an unqiue experience. The price we put out gets taken out due to taxes. We don't keep the full price but rather a percentage. Most of it goes to taxes sadly. Please be considerate on people who work behind the scence of weddings.
yes ! it's sad when couples are okay with paying thousands for a dress and see its value (good for the dressmaker tho) but don't see the same effort that goes into doing photography.
Nicely said 👏🏻 People are clueless how much photographers/videographers in US have to put aside for taxes and cost of doing the business (~40%). Nobody pockets 100% of the rate. Thankfully I don’t shoot weddings but totally get why wedding photographers charge so much.
i designed my own save the dates and wedding invites... and texted/emailed them to everyone haha everyone was RSVP-ing on a website anyways so i found there was no point for the added cost of mailing invites
Weddings are crazy expensive. I got married in 2021 and had a “cheap” wedding - yet it still cost $20K. We were lucky enough to get to use a friend’s backyard for the venue and only had about 80 guests. I used my mom’s dress and had it redone for only $600 and did my own hair and makeup. We bought alcohol from Costco to save on open bar expenses. But food, chairs, a DJ, photos, etc still add up. It’s insane how much everything costs these days. My parents paid for everything and we were so lucky. If they had not, we probably would have eloped.
I’m currently planning a wedding and it’s insane!! I don’t want to lose sight of the entire point, which is marrying the love of my life. It is very easy to get lost in the insanity of the business
My husband and I got married on a Monday and were able to get 50% off all the major bookings like venue, photographer, and DJ compared to a Saturday wedding. Plus, we were all still able to party and enjoy the night because it was the Monday of Thanksgiving week and people were off for the holiday week!
I’m so happy that you’re bringing awareness to these kinds of situations. You have all good points. Personally, my husband and I got married during Covid and had a backyard bbq themed wedding but rented out a VRBO (so we could stay and other friends & family) & it was a wedding themed but very low budget. Dress, food, decor, all lower budget. I think total we spent MAYBE 4k on a 50 person wedding and had help from family. We didn’t want to start our marriage in debt. We honestly didn’t even go on a honeymoon until a year or so after! We still hear from people that attended our wedding that it was one of the funnest yet. It was super laid back. We had music going, people were dancing or playing yard games and it was less stress. I will say, the day itself goes by SOOOO fast and honestly it is a stressful time… so if anyone wants to elope, do a budget wedding, or get married at their church then go for it! Or even if you want a big extravagant one, It’s your day and the people who really love and support you will be there and not judge. & from personal experience, I will say… the simpler… THE BETTER!
My husband and I got married at his parents' house with aJustice of the peace, family, and some close friends. My dress was one I'd already bought from Marshalls, while my husband wore nice clothes he already owned. We went out for dinner afterwards. No bachelor or bachelorette parties, and the honeymoon was a big family trip to Hawaii to see my SIL's graduation.
Shelby, loving this series! Talking about those timely, but difficult convos which help to free ourselves of rigid societal pressures. I used to be a part time weekend catering employee, there were so many couples/families who really couldn't afford the wedding they paid for. Day of declined credit cards for the day of necessary extras, having to ask extended family members for baseline wedding expenses after the couple/their parents max out their credit and resources early in the process. I witnessed so many wedding day financial fights between families to where it ruined the day for themselves completely. I've been a bartender where they couldn't tip us until a couple of weeks later due to finances. I hope that couples get back to the wedding they can afford and put the financial focus on their future to include their savings, investments and home.
I got so lucky with my wedding. We had it in my parents backyard, only bout 30-40 people came (during 2021 covid, so kinda had to be that small), no bridal party or bachellorette party. We got a bunch of sushi and my mom and aunt made the rest of the food, bought a bunch of alcohol and set up a mini bar, made a collaborative playlist and had my brother monitor it for the night, rented tents and set up a dance floor under one, and a couch/hang area in the other..... The ceremony was quick and my husbands sister married us. Also my sister's partner at the time happened to do photography, so I asked them to do a few pictures of us as a wedding gift.... We didn't have a registry for gifts (even though I was 23 and didn't have much lol) and didn't send out fancy invitations. My husband also ended up paying for hotel rooms for most of the guests we had! Even my dress was lucky- my 6 beautiful friends split the cost of the dress that I ordered online, final sale and it just happened to fit perfectly. It honestly was such a special day because it was intimate, emotional for all, and just full of so much love. Everyone I talk to who came has changed their minds about weddings now, and love the small, intimate weddings. I would do it all over again the same way if I could!!!! No need for expensive things and over the top gestures.
I’ve lived on my own supporting myself since age 15, got married at 18, we had it at a park with dollar store decorations and like 5 people attended. Tbh even if I had money I wouldn’t waste it on a party
Me and my husband had always toyed with the idea of just going to Vegas to get married because we didn’t wanna spend on a wedding and literally on a whim decided to JUST DO IT, booked the trip to Vegas literally only a month before, told no one except our parents. We had a very intimate ceremony just the 2 of us and such a romantic fun weekend!! I am so glad we did it this way. We will say tho we do regret not planning it more in advanced so it could of given our parents the time to plan to join us but they were happy for us regardless ❤
When I got married I did a Sunday afternoon because the venue was about 50% for that time. & because it was the end of the weekend they had a lot of greenery left over, I still had my own flowers but all of the extra greenery stuff that would’ve normally got thrown away the venue left up for me for free. We also only had our immediate family, parents and siblings. That was a strategy for budgeting and also it was so much better because it wasn’t like putting on a show for people. We actually had fun & it was zero pressure. At one point I didn’t know what I was supposed to do and I just stopped and started laughing and asked our wedding attendant who was part of the venue. That would’ve been really awkward if it had been in front of people who were not as close to me but because it was only Family it was just funny & not embarrassing at all. & I have friends who have had destination weddings and they didn’t invite anyone, they just live streamed it & as far as I know no one got their feelings hurt. They had a reception when they came home & that was way better.
Me and my husband spent less than 1000$ on our wedding, initially we thought of booking a table at a restaurant, but since it was during Covid, because of the restrictions we could not do it, we ended booking an airbnb with a large table, had sushi for dinner and I have only the best memories. My friend was the photographer and when people see our wedding photos, many have said oh it looks like you spent a lot of money, when in reality we did not. I am happy that we managed to get married during that time, because many postponed their weddings, no regrets, still happily married.
I’m glad I distanced myself from most of my former sorority sisters and high school friends. I’d be in so much debt 😅 Most of my current friends are so chill about these types of things, as is my entire extended family. I think I lucked out. The elopement trend really caught on with a lot of them, and I’ll probably do the same.
My sister married in Hawaii with just her and husband. She says it was the best decision ever. It was just their love and they spent wedding money on a 2 week honeymoon instead.
We had a micro wedding with only 16 guests at a boutique hotel on Sunny Isles Beach. Here was the breakdown: $160 a head plus $1,200 that included the food, a champagne toast, wine, the tables and linens (including set up), the officiant, some florals (the bouquet, 2 center pieces, and floral on the wedding arch they included, set up of the ceremony area in front of the Beach including chairs, as well as 2 hours of photography (paid for 2 extra hours as well, cant rememver the price but not bad). I paid $250 for a performer to come and sing after dinner, $100 for a violinist during the ceremony. I did splurge on a celebrity hair stylist, it was $750 plus tip. I did my own makeup so free. The dress was $1,000. The engagement pictures were under $300. The cake was from Nothing Bundt cakes, I think around or under $75. I didn't have a wedding party which also saved costs. The shoes were $30. We paid about $500 for a custom suit from men's warehouse. I bought decorations from Lings moments and Amazon, spent around $300. I paid for a month of planner/day of coordinator, $1,200. The invitations and thank notes were under $100 I made on Vista print I think it was. I also bought a second dress that was $250 and the engagement pictures dress was $200. 1 night stay was included from the hotel but we paid for an extra day which as $700. I'm probably missing some things but it was about 12k for the whole thing. It wasn't cheap but it also wasn't near the average price people spent on weddings. It was perfect and I loved it. We had the money and didn't go into any debt.
I was at a wedding you and Monica shot on Oct 12th 2019 (rather than mention whose wedding it was lol). It was the last time I saw my ride or die best friend of 15 years. We had such an amazing day. I didn’t know of course that it would be the last time we would see each other (there was a a lot of laugh-crying). So whenever I see your videos, you take me back to that day.
When I bought my wedding dress, they asked for a tip, but I opted out. The tip was for the stylist who helped me. One thing I noticed at another shop where I didn't buy my dress was that after my appointment, the front desk handed me a sheet of paper with all of their stylist's venmo QR codes and pointed out which one was for my stylist. This was in LA, not sure if that matters. One thing to note too. It is DIFFICULT to find a bridal salon in LA that doesn't charge $25-$50 to try on dresses. I live in MdR and I went to 7 salons that didn't charge, but I had to travel as far out as Orange County to find places that didn't charge. Almost all of the salons by me on the west side charged for an appointment (the only ones within 30 minutes of me were Grace Loves Lace and Anthropologie). I was bummed because there were a bunch of dresses in my price range that I saw online that I was dying to try on, but they were only being sold at salons that charged and I didn't want to risk the money when I'm already spending so much for a wedding. $50 at each salon adds up quick! When I talk to my friends in the midwest, this doesn't seem to be the case though. Maybe just a thing in HCOL cities?
We had our wedding at city hall and then at a restaurant and we didn’t spend $4000 and we made back $12,000 from our parents and guests. It’s your wedding and both of you decided on how small or big you want it to be or where to have it.
We didn’t register for anything. We were both in our 30’s and each had a home full of things to merge. We gave lots away and didn’t need more. We also didn’t do a lot of the traditional wedding things like garter/bouquet toss, certain dances, etc. We did do a micro wedding, which I loved, and we saved a lot of money but we still spent a ton.
I like your commentary series :) Lots of good stuff! I like how you are incorporating a lot of good material, video clips, statistics...The clip of the woman telling her friend about the trip to Greece was hysterical. And I think this is the first time you said shit on your main channel. You are letting your personality shine differently. It is good :D I like the color themes you are using for the narrative, pinks, purples, pastels soft and calming. You are easy to look at and your voice is interesting, your lisp is good and holds the listeners attention. Like I said before, you are already used to speaking to the camera and you talk well in a smooth flow without blunders and stuttering. You can talk for a long time and continue to hold interest. Holding the mic is kind of funny. I like it. It is like so in the face. Like, "do you see my mic? This is the commentary series". :D No! It is funny in a good way!! Is it heavy to hold for so long? No! it is good!! I'm just wondering. I saw you show the statistics for the commentary series vs others. I am happy for you. I think you should take this exact forum and copy it onto a podcast. Maybe you are seeing how it goes here first? PS I was thinking of changing my wardrobe to eliminate color and go all neutral. Seriously.
As a wedding photographer myself (who also does other work) I will have to say that I'm not sure how many people inflate their prices just because of a "wedding tax". My prices are generally the same across the board regardless of it's a wedding or not. It's sad to hear vendors are doing that honestly. I will have to say before I was a wedding photographer my wife and I had a small wedding and honestly I loved it. Did we get great pictures? No. That's the one thing I wish we would have had but small weddings are where it's at.
I have so many thoughts. I’ve been a bridesmaid six times (4 of those were in the same year). I’m getting married this summer and feel like I have a good perspective. We are having a Friday wedding which was cheaper, told my bridesmaids to wear and shade of blue cocktail dress they want, and keeping the entire event understated and timeless. I lucked out with flowers because one of my students family’s owns a floral shop. My bachelorette we are staying in Miami, but our boat day my aunt is doing since she lives there. My whole outlook has been to keep it easy, stress free, and as inexpensive as possible for everyone. Keeping the focus on the love and relationships with people there to celebrate us!
Our wedding was under $700. We went to the city hall, filed an application, and came back a day later for the ceremony. Our closest friends showed up and that was that. The price tag is up to you! Being expensive isn't a requirement, it's a luxury. What others think doesn't even come into the equation, so there is no "pressure" from anyone.
When my husband and I were getting married we thought about just going to city hall and having a ceremony there, but we realized that for $100 more we could just get an officiant and hosting it at my parents house and be able to have 30 people there rather than the 5 including us at City Hall. We managed to luck out and had 2 amazing friends that made major contributions to our wedding by making the cake and taking photos. For catering we made our own charcuterie board from locally bought meats and cheese, and had burgers, hot dogs, and some finger foods for people to eat. Over all for food, decorations, and the shirts and vests we bought we spent under $3000 including a 3 day get away to a close city. We don't regret throwing a small wedding and keeping the pricing so low. It was exactly what we wanted, and if we had waited for a bigger grander wedding my dad wouldn't have been around to attend.
When my husband, and I decided to get married we went to a local church and we were married by the clergy..We actually left work that day and got married and then told our families that we were hitched afterwards..We decided to keep it simple because we wanted to spend our money on our amazing honeymoon and honestly I have no regrets.. My sister-in-law took our casual pics in my mother-in-law's beautiful garden ..I weighed my options and a fun packed honeymoon in Mexico won the debate..😎
Instead of hosting an expensive wedding, we bought a beach house. We held the ceremony on the dune path in front of our house and the reception was catered by a taco truck. My wife's wedding dress cost $32 and she looked absolutely stunning.
That's so cool especially having a beach house which is for long term use and has a location for the wedding 😍
Love this!!
I love it
I always thought I wanted an extravagant wedding then I realized I just wanted an extravagant wedding so I can end up with extravagant photos. This is when I realized I can just spend a fraction of the cost just to focus on the photoshoot.
As in, spend on the photo shoot / trip, or spend on the wedding? Wym?
@@missmia196 forget the wedding, get professional photos done and call it a day.
I'm a photographer. It BLEW MY MIND that some photographers charge $20k for wedding photos. It is definitely gonna cost more than a one or two hour shoot since it is an all day affair with a lot of pressure to get certain shots, but it shouldn't be $20k!
I know some phenomenal photographers who would charge less than a quarter than that for wedding photos. Not discounting the fact that $2,000-$3,000 is a lot of money, but that's a pretty competitive price.
why not tell the vendors it's for a funeral (flowers, catering, etc.)? Maybe avoid the markups; I don't know if this is legal but/ other side of the coin is it legal for them to charge 2-3X just because it's for a wedding not just a regular party ?
It’s like a lot of couples are paying for a day of happiness and a lifetime of debt.
And lots of added stress w planning and wedding drama
With happiness not even being guaranteed 😅
Realistically the parents are paying for all of it.
Especially in the US. Many Other countries and cultures are more settled about this. It’s all about family and CLOSE friends.
Ha...in some countries like India it is far worse than the US...and always has been. Families go into financial ruin for weddings. It is sad, really.
We got married in my parents backyard, $5k budget, delicious taco truck, Trader Joe’s flowers, Costco alcohol, family and best friends only, and a dress code of “whatever you find most comfortable.” It was the best decision we could have made.
To me the absolute biggest and best reason to not have an expensive wedding is that any money you don’t spend can go toward your life and goals as a couple. We expedited buying a house, future retirement, and just living an overall better life because we didn’t sink our life savings into a wedding.
People should do what they want, but I think it’s really dangerous how normalized it is to go into debt or just make really bad financial decisions for a one day event that has zero impact on the quality of your life or the strength of your marriage.
This makes so much sense to me. People just want to have a fun, casual time celebrating the newly married couple. Some good (not expensive) food, drinks, music and dancing is what is fun for me at a reception.
Sounds fun!!
FACTS!!!
My friend's eloping & then going on her honeymoon. When she & her husband get back in about a month, they'll have a party with their friends & families.
@@lowkey_babe77 I met a woman whose friend took out a loan for her wedding. She ended up divorcing her husband & is STILL paying off the loans she took out for the wedding.
Experienced divorce lawyer here. I once had a case where the couple spent over $100,000 for a wedding. She filed for divorce 14 months later. Skip the big, lavish wedding. If you really love each other, do what makes you happy!
It's like that bride only wanted to get married for the sake of having a big lavish wedding. Then once that was done with she decided to get a divorce and someday do it all again.
My husband and I got married on a public beach in Florida in 2019, had 12 guests, and reception dinner at a local restaurant, cake from Publix, flowers from Trader Joe’s and my wedding dress was $75 from ASOS. TOTAL including literally everything (photographer and travel expenses, etc etc) was less than $5,000 for a 5 day trip to the beach and wedding. We didn’t go into debt and we had a great time!! We’re also still happily married :) One thing I would do differently is I would’ve done my own hair but that’s it!
Do you remember that big wedding we went to around 10 years ago?
No...?
Neither do I. And neither do about 95% of the other guests.
And that couple is 50% likely to be divorced.
@@nancydineen6797😂😭💀
but surely you still remember how you had to work a lot harder to pay for it before and especially after the wedding.
So what are you trying to act here ? :)))
I'll never forget that wedding."
"I wasn't invited."
My entire extended family and our friends remember my brother's wedding from 2017 and my aunt's wedding from 2005...
Recently attended an international bach that ran me close to $2k and going to an international wedding for the same person. Neither destinations were culturally significant for the person, but just what they wanted. Influencer-level weddings have been normalized in a lot of circles around me to the point where I feel like I can't speak out about it, so thanks for this video!
Weird I have a friends sister who seemed to have exactly this Bach/ wedding recently
I just wish brides sent out an anonymous (or even not) survey asking people what they can afford BEFORE choosing their bachelorette itineraries. I guess it's two philosophies: 1) it's my bachelorette, I'll do what I want and people can say no (but will likely feel pressure not to) 2) I want all my friends to be able to come, so I'll keep equity in mind. 🤷🏻♀️
Same here and those 2 friends couldn’t understand that we couldn’t afford to go as we had some unfortunate things happen, we had more serious issues going on than some overseas wedding’s. My partner quit his job 7 months prior as he fell into a depression from his job in retail and wanted to study to get into a different field, then we were served with an eviction notice 6 months later and had depleted our savings which was meant to be our house deposit. Moving our life if 14 years in that apartment was super expensive and nobody wanted to help us move out of spite for not going to the Kardashian style wedding, even though I had helped them many times when they were in bad situations. Funnily enough the only nice person in this situation was my landlord who gave us 3 months notice with an option to extend as she loved us but wanted her daughter in their as it was close to her uni, a lovely lady who had more care towards us then my friends 😢😂
My friends turned on me, we’re just different people, while they’re trying hard to live some Kardashian life, me and my partner are watching David Ramsey and saving to get a down payment for a home. I’m just not interested in how they live, constantly eating out at restaurants, shopping for no reason but spending a lot, upgrading your perfectly fine SUV to a new fancier SUV so you’re family is “safer” 🤮 etc, it’s just cringe, I honestly have to try hard not to be mean and cringe at them, one them is my sister too so that’s particularly hard, it’s exhausting 😂
I just got married two weeks ago. We had 50 guests of our closest family and friends. It was intimate and so great to look around the room and know everyone’s face there. We also emailed/texted our invitation, didn’t have bridesmaids, and asked for no gifts.
Can I ask how much this ended up costing? This is the kind of wedding I'd like to have too!
I think the bottom line is - we've become too self-absorbed. Yes weddings are definitely your day, but you can also be thoughtful/considerate and moderate your expectations accordingly.
14:43 I’m SO glad you’re addressing bachelorette parties!!! I was the first to get married and have a child, so all my friends were at my bachelorette party, which was a night out in our hometown. When my friends started getting married, it was Nashville, Vegas, Ft. Lauderdale, etc. for theirs. If it was a drivable distance and I didn’t have to take off work, I’d go, but I missed many of them and my friends were honestly kind of mad. I had an infant or toddler and a limited amount of PTO, most of which I used on my daughter when she was sick with constant ear infections the first two years of her life. If I had PTO days to actually use for fun, I wanted to spend them with my baby and my husband.
its sad how brides just expect their friends to spend boatloads of money on them. its so entitled
One of my friends who was the first to get married had a Bach party in Key West (we went to school in Miami) but I had moved away by that point and didn’t have the cash to do that and the wedding that was at a fancy hotel. She was SO kind about it, and when the rest of the group has gotten married, she couldn’t always do the Bach parties bc she had kids and no one was mad! Bc WHAT?!! You’re friends! You should understand each other. Just be open and communicate. I’m very thankful we’ve had this relationship.
My friend is having a destination wedding in Maui and a bachelorette in Cabo… I’m a bridesmaid (1 of 12) so I’m expected to go. I just moved across the country and switched jobs when I was told about the bachelorette and I asked my friend what the estimated cost for the bach was, since the flight to the wedding alone will put me out ~$800 and I don’t have PTO with my job…
The Bach is next week and we are already more than double what I was told to budget and every day a new cost is being added. 😵💫 Everyday is also a themed outfit… it’s so stressful especially since im a really frugal and financially responsible person. My friend (bride) already expressed her frustration to me that her other friend (not a member of the bridal party) is missing the Bach for his dirty 30 trip to Thailand, so there is clearly no option to opt out without damaging the friendship….
@whoisceleste we are experiencing the same exact thing. It is making me question whether I will still be as close to this person after all is said and done. Our values have diverged more than I realized due to our differing relationships with social media. If I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, I would have said no to being a bridesmaid. It's feeling like a job with a growing contract I can't deliver on without sacrificing more than I anticipated. Like a sorority I can't opt out of or get a scholarship for. My therapist had to really force me to realize that I had a choice to say no even though it felt like I didn't (without being a "bad" friend).
@@anonygirlyI had to set aside money in abudget for weddings from the time I was 18 until the time I was 35. I kind of knew which of my friends, siblings, and cousins would ask me to be in their weddings, and I had an idea of when they would be getting engaged and tying the knot. I HATED moving money to a savings account for weddings every single month, especially when there wasn’t even one currently on my calendar, but that I knew would be coming eventually so I had to make sure I had money set aside for it. I am honored to have been a part of so many peoples special days, I don’t want to act angry, but the day I was in my last wedding, was the best day ever!!!! The weddings got very expensive for me since I was the first in my friend group and family to have kids, because everybody would ask my two adorable girls to be in their weddings as flower girls…I kid you not, that tripled the price for the dress, hair, etc. I’m so glad my days of being a bridesmaid are over!!! But now, I’m saving for my daughters’ future weddings. It never ends!!! 🤣🤣🤣
My parents just had a pot luck in their backyard, a few kegs of beer, and played some records. That's the way to do it.
Fine except a potluck is takky for a wedding... why should others pay for their wedding
My best friend had the most beautiful and special wedding at her parents place. Granted, they own a beautiful property in Northern California with gardens and plenty of space. But the wedding was special because the bride and groom decided on a potluck event. They had friends play music instead of hiring anyone. They asked everyone to bring a dish and had people sign up for main, sides, etc. Friends provided wine they made themselves, flowers they grew, etc. The bridesmaids were given a volor to wear and they bought or borrowed dresses (second hand is souch more affordable). The community just came together and it was the best wedding I've ever been to. They paid maybe $5,000 out of pocket.
These stories feel much more natural and communal, as well. Better for humans and for Earth.
My cousin’s wedding (I already agreed to be a bridesmaid in in 2022) is in May in Paris and the tickets were going to be $2,000 each for my husband and I. That’s $4,000 only in travel 🙃 I told her we couldn’t make it and luckily she was very understanding. Thank goodness. It caused me so much anxiety.
Charging people to attend your wedding is totally classless and indicative of someone who can’t afford the wedding they are having.
My husband (29M) and I (27F) dated for 9 years. We skipped getting engaged (which could be a whole other video you could do). We didn't tell anyone in advance and had fun texting and calling people the next day. We live outside of D.C., these were our costs: Marriage License ($30), Certificate Fee ($3), Officiant/Lawyer ($75), White Dress from Amazon ($40), Suit (already owned), Fancy Dinner with Tip ($200).
As many wise people have said, it doesn't matter how expensive marriages are, the divorce will always be more costly.
Eloped in Hawaii (a whole week!) for a FRACTION of the cost of a 5 hour wedding/reception. basically a wedding and honeymoon all in one. No regrets at all! No drama, no dj, no paying for other people to eat, I couldn’t bring myself to having a “typical” wedding
I got married in 2016. I DIYed a lot of my wedding. Mainly due to living in a rural area where there wasn’t a lot of options for different wedding services at the time. These are some things that I did.
1. I bought all my bridesmaids dresses (& shoes) at JC Penney’s and dyed them myself. We also paid for all of the groomsmen’s outfits and shoes.
2. No florist in the area locally that decorated for weddings, so we bought faux flowers at Dollar Tree & made our own bouquets, table bouquets, reception & ceremony floral decor.
3. We DIYed a wedding arch with tree branches from the park we were getting married in (also free)
4. Let family friends cater our reception that had their own restaurant business. They added their own touches by getting custom catering outfits that perfectly matched our decor and served everyone at the tables. It was such a special touch that I still remember.
5. Let in-laws who were getting into event planning pitch in and help decorate. They were a huge help. They made special details like folding napkins for the reception in an intricate way and helped with table arrangements.
6. Anyone that you know that has a skill in something, let them help you. Our wedding would have been a total disaster if it weren’t for the help that was extended to us
7. I didn’t have a bachelorette party. I just had a wedding shower and let a family member host it.
8. Did my own bridal makeup after learning some tutorials on TH-cam and hired a girl fresh out of Cosmetology school to do my bridal hair.
9. Bought press on nails for my bridesmaids for their wedding nails
As a full time wedding photographer I TOTALLY agree with you on tipping.
I got married back in 2009. We made a pact that we only spend cash on the wedding, not credit but cash only. I truly love how our wedding turned out. I'm listing some of the things we did. These may not all translate in 2024 but it definitely made a difference for us!
I found my dress at David's Bridal for $100, it was absolutely beautiful. The alternations were more than dress lol
The guys wore black shirts and we bought them the ties
We got married at a civic center and had the reception in the same place. It was so pretty and the tables, chairs, etc was all their
We rented our linens
I got my makeup done at the mall-I paid for the products and that was it!
The photographer stayed all day, edited the pics, and we were responsible for printing the ones we wanted
I found my cake maker online she was a home baker and omg the cake was beautiful and delicious
Forget the cost! Why not just choose to get married in front of your immediate family and close friends at a nice resort hotel over a long weekend?
I guarantee it will be more meaningful and memorable for all involved.
This is what I’ve been having in mind lately for when it’s my time to be wed. Would save a big blowout celebration for vowel renewal / reaching a milestone year within the marriage instead
My husband and I got married to each other as a second marriage. We had a secret wedding the court house on our actual anniversary of our first date and 4 months later we hosted a garden cocktail party and invited our closest friends and family. They all thought they were attending an engagement party and announcement after being together for 6 years but we instead had a ring exchange and a fabulous party. Everyone was surprised and it was beautiful! We had 50 guests and I made most of the food. A friend of mine who owned a wonderful BBQ place provided meat and we had a bar. Lovely!
Its free to get married at city hall. Do a little party shouldn't cost much at all.
Just got married at a courthouse. It was not free. The marriage license was $110. It was $23 to reserve a time to go into the courthouse for the ceremony (they do take walk-ins, but it's never guaranteed). The fee for them to conduct the 5 minute ceremony was $104. So altogether $237 to get married at the courthouse. This is California BTW. Still affordable, but not free.
I love these solo podcast style videos Shelby!!!
All these service industries don’t understand that with the ridiculous markups that they are doing post covid will just turn off customers from utilizing their services and will affect them long term 🤷🏽♂️. Supply-Demand curves are undefeated.
We had a surprise wedding and it was awesome! Our families were getting together to celebrate my husband's birthday and we showed up all dressed up and with our officient. It was the best night of my life! We had so much fun. And very cost effective. 0 stress.
I love this!!!
My husband and I eloped in a park with two close friends, then we went camping for the weekend! It’s been 3 years and I don’t regret it at all nor do I feel like I ‘missed out’ in anyway. Not everyone wants or can afford a big wedding so it’s great to see that getting normalized too.
Loved this video btw 👏
I worked as a wedding photographer for quite a few years and I understand why they charge so much. There is a lot of back and forth emailing with planners or brides, consultations, there is usually a long drive to a wedding which takes gas, if it’s in the city it’s parking fees. You have to take so much equipment with you, back up cameras, lenses, lights, all kinds of batteries, memory cards etc…those things aren’t cheap, you also have to have insurance, also pay assistant or a second shooter per hour, and real editing doesn’t take “an afternoon”. If you want to do a quality editing, it takes a lot more than an afternoon to do. It takes culling, Clearing up skin, straightening verticals/horizontals, remove some objects, on top of editing with presets or actions to “your style”. You can’t just batch edit everything and think it looks good. Also taxes take up a lot too. So at the end of the day, out of $5000 a good chunk of change is gone and you make per hour good money, but it’s not that great considering all the time you spend per wedding. If you do an engagement shoot, and a wedding, you can easily spend 40 hours working with just one couple between all the emailing, consultations, driving, shoots, editing etc.
yes ! there's a lot of work happening that people don't see and are aware of. i mean, if someone only takes 50 pics at a wedding they surely only do need an afternoon but not for the amount of photos a photographer usually takes.
also: the product people pay for are edited photos not raw files. it's strange to want to have them if it's not stated in the contract.
THIS!!! I shoot wedding myself and it’s just not the x hours you are present at their wedding, there’s a shit ton of work that happens before you arrive that day and after you leave. Hate that there’s so many people around who just don’t get that.
That part...
Yes, and also forgot to mention the “post wedding hangover” that most of us would get after a wedding without drinking a single drop of alcohol. You wake up the next day feeling legit hangover, like you were run over by a truck, headache and no energy. I stopped shooting weddings, coz it would be so bad, that by the reception time I would be already taking advil, coz I would get a massive headache from caring backpack and two cameras around my neck and shoulders. The toll it was taking on my body was insane.
A photographers time is not as valuable as an attorney or surgeon. It’s just not. Photographers are borderline criminals
I got married almost 5 years ago in a mountain town where I was a river rafting guide at a local brewery off the river. I totally lied to the venue and said the event was for a family reunion in an effort to save on costs, because I was so scared of being charged double for the venue when they heard the big "W" word. The manager of the brewery found out that wasn't true when I showed up with my bridesmaid one day and tried to covertly start planning out how we were going to stage the space. Luckily when I was honest and explained that I was a broke local raft guide paying for the wedding and party myself, the brewery manager was super understanding and just asked that we let her use some of the wedding photos for marketing/promoting the venue. I was okay with that because they had a beautiful venue that was not being used for events at all, and there was definitely an opportunity for them as a business if they started being open to more events. I had a blast and kept the costs in check by taking a DIY approach to everything. It was super fun and truly the best party I've ever thrown. Me and my husband did it our own way, true to who we are and what we care about.
Girl this spoke to my soul on how I feel about weddings and the cost and the level of expectation! So well done!
My husband and I got married at the New York Manhattan Bureau (more commonly referred to as "City Hall") - it's actually a very beautiful building in downtown Manhattan, and the vibes are filled with everyone who is so happy it's also their special day!
A downtown NYC open bar + a restaurant buyout for the evening for our reception, being careful to not mention "wedding", came to about $20k. We enjoyed the "compromise" of being able to celebrate with friends and family but also not have to go through the whole logistics and expenses that weddings call for.
I love these research series. Very informative and entertaining to listen to during my drives. Keep up the good work ❤
one thing i’ve always thought was such a HUGE contribution to cost of weddings are the venues. I got married in a community center gym for $700 and i was able to decorate and make it look more presentable and it honestly saved me thousands. We were getting quoted $5k-$10k for just the venues alone & you had to use whichever caterer they worked with which some people like but i personally did not. I liked the freedom of being able to choose & shop around for caterer/bartenders.
I loved your take! Very balanced. Shelby if you are going to keep going on the wedding series, I’d love a deep dive on big engagements. The diamond ring is a fairly new expectation and there is a lot behind the mark up of the rings and how it was marketed to the general population as a way of proving your love to your fiancé. It’s a super interesting topic!
I am 100% the "no" wedding guest. I will spend the money the wedding would have cost me to attend on a gift for the couple, in order to not have to go, and sometimes that's a lot. I declined my best friend's destination wedding because frankly, I'm not spending my entire week of vacation for that summer on attending anyone's wedding. --- In general a lot of people seem to forget that getting married and having a wedding are not the same thing.
It's insane to me, as a European, that there is pressure not only on the people getting married but also on the people attending (spending a lot of money to attend a destination wedding, being dressed a certain way,...) This is all so boring and unnecessarily stressful.
If you want a destination wedding ? Unless you pay for my flight and hotel ,I won’t be there.
Interesting what you say about being a prop and a big wedding being about status. Totally agree!
I love the description of being a prop. Especially when you do EVERYTHING for a bride and then they only hang out with married couples from then on! I believe there are tax advantages to a non-profit as a location. Covering that angle with a cool accountant buddy would be interesting.
My fiancé and I are eloping on a mountain top in September. I did buy a wedding gown from a bridal shop and we booked an amazing photographer. We booked a cabin near the mountain and we booked a honeymoon cabin in the Southern part of WV. We are doing a a party the following weekend with our family and closest friends. We are not asking our parents for help, and we are saving for the elopement/party. It’s mind blowing to me that people are able to spend that much on a wedding when in reality, every person I’ve talked to regrets spending that much. They all say they would elope if they could go back in time.
I am not into those bachelorette parties, I’m more shy than my husband.
My female in-laws took me to Royal Botanical Gardens and we had tea, and it was wonderful.
Planning my own wedding has made me realize how slimy the wedding industry/wedding vendors are. I'm in a local wedding facebook group and someone posted asking for any budget friendly (insert vendors here) and she got flamed for simply asking. And although some vendors did respond nicely and offered what they could, another vendor posted after saying that vendors who charge less for what they should be charging harm the industry and harm other vendors who are charging appropriately. In some ways, I get it. But for the most part, I just thought this all sounded so greedy.
You’re likely reading the comments of people who worked at their craft for below minim wage for YEARS and finally see the value in their skill and expertise. And they want other people who are charging below a living wage to do the same. There certainly are all kinds of budgets across all types of commerce, but these people who come in and say things like that, or things like ‘don’t charge an arm and a leg’ imply that their perspective of a job they don’t do and a skill they don’t have is superior to the person trying to make a living. They’re also OFTEN people showing off their designer handbag in their photos they post, driving expensive cars, posting photos of all their vacations. But they want cheap photos. It’s exhausting.
People don’t walk into a Gucci store and start saying ‘greedy,’ or asking for ‘budget friendly’ bags, or whine and moan about how the purse they want costs an arm and a leg. Or something with a lower price point, but the same idea: Stanley cups- lol.
People will give a thousand dollars a year to Starbucks but ask for ‘just a few photos’ when it comes to a self employed artist.
It’s exhausting that people are always so quick to ask for discounts with a small business but give so much money to big corporations- and then call the small business greedy.
As a person struggling to have a wedding, couldn’t agree 100% more with this video.
My neighbor spent $250,000 on his daughter's wedding two years ago which I thought was crazy and then I was talking to one of his friend's shortly after and he actually said that was on the cheaper side and when his daughters get married it would be more like $350,000. The same neighbor also went to a wedding last year that was closer to $400,000. I don't even understand how this is even real. These are Indian people for reference.
Oh then that's a totally different ballgame. From what I understand about Indian weddings (which is very little) is that traditionally they are very huge affairs that last multiple days. I could totally see it being that much if you have hundreds of guests and the wedding lasts for like 3 days
I planned my wedding on a budget and had a wonderful time! We kept it under 10,000 with 100 guests. A day to get down with my bad self and party with my family, we definitely did not have to go into debt for it and it was beautiful ❤.
My hot take is that it matters to have your inner circle there to represent you in that initiation of the next chapter of your life. I agree that it is overpriced in the consumer world. But there are many creative ways to still have fun and respect the people who know, love, and raised you. That lifelong commitment is not meaningless and should be witnessed and acknowledged by your community.
The reason services charge more for a wedding is that they end up putting more work in overall. I don't work in the wedding industry, but ask any makeup artist, florist, videographer etc and they'll tell you that people have higher demands than for non-weddings. These people are just charging for their time that inevitably gets used up with extra emails, requests, and questions from day one. I guess blame the people who are very demanding. I have friends that no longer do weddings anymore as the extra cash isn't worth the hassle of dealing with demanding people.
We had a late lunch wedding and reception. The venue already had fresh flowers in the tables from the morning brunch.
I had friends make my wedding dress, do my photography, and make my wedding cake! It was a lovely day celebrating our commitment, not just entertaining our guests.💗
Love this! My husband and I married in 2002. We opted for a Friday evening wedding as it was HALF the cost of Sat/Sun. We were on a budget and it was an easy way to save… especially on the venue/food. I remember my mom saying “people may not come bc it’s a Friday wedding” my response was they will know well in advance the day/time and if they want to be there, they will! Wedding costs these days are out of control.
Fairly frequent wedding singer here. Small weddings make for FAR FAR happier couples IMO. (on the day, I mean). Ive played some massive weddings and often get asked to call last orders since I have a mic - the look on the brides face every time is one that shouts "ITS OVER ALREADY"?" Don't spend your life savings on weddings folks. Its over in a flash.
Reward the marriage with a wedding after being married 10 years.
THIS!!!!!
What do u mean????????
@@lowkey_babe77
This is so much more meaningful!!!
This series is so good. Keep it up. Your channel is going to blow up
wedding registries are super weird (my now-husband and i lived together for 6 years before we got married); we just had a link/qr code for a honeymoon fund and we actually used the money for the honeymoon food & experiences and it was so great knowing that our friends/family helped make that happen for us.
also no garter toss, no flower bouquet, no bridesmaids/groomsmen, no super strict dress code.. like, i just did all the things i love at weddings and just didn't do all the things i didn't care for... it was great, lol.
Slightly old source but in 2014 Andrew Francis-Tan and Hugo M. Mialon published a study that found evidence that "marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony"
Not surprising! Starting out a marriage with debt is crazy especially since the biggest motivator of divorce is money management.
I’d also like to add that unless you’ve had a wedding before, you wouldn’t know how expensive a “small” decision can turn out. For example, IMO it’s rude for a guest to RSVP and then cancel last minute or no show. The couple is still paying for that guest’s meal which is paid weeks or months in advance to the venue (and usually nonrefundable). Also, giving a +1 to anyone who isn’t married or in a long term relationship can be tough bc it makes the wedding less intimate and more costly. Guests can be offended by not getting a +1 but it’s important to put yourself in the couples shoes.
We went to the district court, bought a goodwill dress and nice shirt. It was so us. We did not invite anyone! We took photos on our phones with self timer. My wedding day was perfect. In total we paid $100 for the day including our filing fees.
It depends heavily on the price point. Its like the divide between state schools and expensive private schools. Both fill the same purpose. It doesnt have to be expensive. Either way your gonna have a good time with people you love
Social media has made an industry of weddings rather than the joyful celebration of a couple celebrating a commitment to a lifetime commitment, it’s sad because who even believes what they’re seeing on social media anyway.
Really enjoying the commentary videos with hot topics with things that need to be said
Half of those fancy weddings are going to wind up in divorce court in 7 years
We went to a friends wedding this past September, held in the backyard of the bride’s family’s cabin. It was BEAUTIFUL & so much fun! Our entire friend group constantly talks about how great it was & my fiancé & I want something exactly like that 🥹
The Princess Diana wedding in 1981 did inflate expectations back in the day. I do see that with social media, the pressure has grown.
As a wedding videographer that’s full time..
there’s a big reason we charge so much, there’s only so many weekends in a year. And the main thing is, we spend so so many hours after the wedding that doesn’t compare to how long we are at a wedding. People also forget taxes as well. The amount they pay is not actually what we get.
If we all only charged 3 grand a wedding there wouldn’t be many of us left.
Some of us live in cold regions so a lot of our weddings are squeezed into one time of the year.
It’s quite upsetting watching people get angry at charging so much. It’s like people want us to struggle. Especially other vendors tearing them down. I would never judge a vendor if they charged 200$ to 100k a wedding.
You don’t have to pay for that vendor that’s super expensive unless you want to. There’s millions of us to choose from.
I charge 4,000 now, and I’m still on the edge on undercharging. I wish I charged more for 2024.
Im not willing to do these extravagant bachelorette parties or weddings except for immediate family members. I attended my 3 sisters weddings and only 2 had bachelorette parties. I will not do this for anyone else. With that said, my wedding will not require any of this from my friends and family. My bachelorette party will also be normal. I travel plenty with my partner and have more disposable income and freedom to take time off since I'm self employed. It's not fair to impose these standards on other people. My partner and I have no desire to incur debt paying for a wedding, bachelorette party, engagement rings, etc. We want to spend our money on things that matter much more in the long run. Don't allow yourself to be influenced by these crazy expectations 😮
I got married this past summer and looked hard into the tipping culture to make sure we were budgeting properly for it. Small business owners actually don’t require a tip. It’s appreciated but many of them say they’d rather get a review online. However, it is customary to tip say, your day-of coordinator, DJ, and florist delivery people.
I happily skipped a bachelorette party and we did not do a bridal/groom party. We just had our siblings up at the alter with us! We also ordered batch flowers to save money and invited family over to help us make bouquets/centerpieces. We purposefully prioritized a pretty outside venue so we didn’t have to do as much decor, and got married in the town that my parents live in so that we could get help organizing from family. It turned out that afforded us some local discounts too :)
Tipping on inflated wedding prices. Nope
As a wedding photographer I've never asked for nor expected a tip. Some of my couples do and I split it with my 2nd shooters and assistants. But that broke a piece of me that people actually do that especially if they are a vendor that is inflating their operating costs.
Shelby’s takes are all refreshing
I think it is perfectly acceptable to charge more for a wedding being a service provider. they can’t take other calls they can’t multitask. They have to lug their stuff to an uncomfortable space with poor ergonomics then cover valet tips water and snacks. They are potentially going to be videotaped and posted on social. They are signing away their rights to their likeness in addition to their service. They also probably do not double book that day to cover any event delays or emotional do overs for makeup etc.😊
In my group of friends, contributing to to honeymoon fund has been the standard. This makes a lot more sense to me, given how much the wedding costs the bride and groom. I almost see it as an optional entrance fee for the wedding lol. It allows the couple to do something fun after the wedding or even put it towards a house or their future in some way. It makes a lot more sense to me than buying them some gift that they probably don't need.
This whole bachelorette party thing is completely out of control. One day, I will either just hang with my closest friends the evening before the wedding or be like „let’s go to the day spa and I’ll pay for it“. I have to attend a bachelorette party this year and I am SO happy it’s a one hour drive from where I live, it’s one night and we are four people splitting the cost so we should be fine. I don’t get how we got from „one evening before the wedding“ to „let’s go on a whole ass holiday together“
So as a bride who just wants money for the honey moon, both me and my friend whose getting married this year were told we better make a registry or people would buy us gifts anyway but wouldn't know what we wanted. But if you already have a house or apartment like most people do when they get married the only things you can put on the list are either upgrades to things you have or expensive things you havent been able to buy for yourself but want.
Hi Shelby! As a wedding photographer I must say that we don't give out RAWs not because it's hard to send but rather it's not our final product. Just like if something is not finished then it's not done. When editing photos it does take a long time because there will be mulitple weddings or sessions so it gets stacked up. Also being a human we have to take care of ourselves and photography is our job. You are supporting a small bussiness and the person behind it. Photographers who are in the luxury wedding offer an unqiue experience. The price we put out gets taken out due to taxes. We don't keep the full price but rather a percentage. Most of it goes to taxes sadly. Please be considerate on people who work behind the scence of weddings.
yes ! it's sad when couples are okay with paying thousands for a dress and see its value (good for the dressmaker tho) but don't see the same effort that goes into doing photography.
Nicely said 👏🏻 People are clueless how much photographers/videographers in US have to put aside for taxes and cost of doing the business (~40%).
Nobody pockets 100% of the rate.
Thankfully I don’t shoot weddings but totally get why wedding photographers charge so much.
Great video! I really enjoyed watching this!
i designed my own save the dates and wedding invites... and texted/emailed them to everyone haha
everyone was RSVP-ing on a website anyways so i found there was no point for the added cost of mailing invites
Weddings are crazy expensive. I got married in 2021 and had a “cheap” wedding - yet it still cost $20K. We were lucky enough to get to use a friend’s backyard for the venue and only had about 80 guests. I used my mom’s dress and had it redone for only $600 and did my own hair and makeup. We bought alcohol from Costco to save on open bar expenses. But food, chairs, a DJ, photos, etc still add up. It’s insane how much everything costs these days. My parents paid for everything and we were so lucky. If they had not, we probably would have eloped.
The podcast series is good. Keep it up!
I’m currently planning a wedding and it’s insane!! I don’t want to lose sight of the entire point, which is marrying the love of my life. It is very easy to get lost in the insanity of the business
My husband and I got married on a Monday and were able to get 50% off all the major bookings like venue, photographer, and DJ compared to a Saturday wedding. Plus, we were all still able to party and enjoy the night because it was the Monday of Thanksgiving week and people were off for the holiday week!
I’m so happy that you’re bringing awareness to these kinds of situations. You have all good points. Personally, my husband and I got married during Covid and had a backyard bbq themed wedding but rented out a VRBO (so we could stay and other friends & family) & it was a wedding themed but very low budget. Dress, food, decor, all lower budget. I think total we spent MAYBE 4k on a 50 person wedding and had help from family. We didn’t want to start our marriage in debt. We honestly didn’t even go on a honeymoon until a year or so after! We still hear from people that attended our wedding that it was one of the funnest yet. It was super laid back. We had music going, people were dancing or playing yard games and it was less stress. I will say, the day itself goes by SOOOO fast and honestly it is a stressful time… so if anyone wants to elope, do a budget wedding, or get married at their church then go for it! Or even if you want a big extravagant one, It’s your day and the people who really love and support you will be there and not judge. & from personal experience, I will say… the simpler… THE BETTER!
My husband and I got married at his parents' house with aJustice of the peace, family, and some close friends. My dress was one I'd already bought from Marshalls, while my husband wore nice clothes he already owned. We went out for dinner afterwards. No bachelor or bachelorette parties, and the honeymoon was a big family trip to Hawaii to see my SIL's graduation.
Shelby, loving this series! Talking about those timely, but difficult convos which help to free ourselves of rigid societal pressures. I used to be a part time weekend catering employee, there were so many couples/families who really couldn't afford the wedding they paid for. Day of declined credit cards for the day of necessary extras, having to ask extended family members for baseline wedding expenses after the couple/their parents max out their credit and resources early in the process. I witnessed so many wedding day financial fights between families to where it ruined the day for themselves completely. I've been a bartender where they couldn't tip us until a couple of weeks later due to finances.
I hope that couples get back to the wedding they can afford and put the financial focus on their future to include their savings, investments and home.
Right love thus too
I got so lucky with my wedding. We had it in my parents backyard, only bout 30-40 people came (during 2021 covid, so kinda had to be that small), no bridal party or bachellorette party.
We got a bunch of sushi and my mom and aunt made the rest of the food, bought a bunch of alcohol and set up a mini bar, made a collaborative playlist and had my brother monitor it for the night, rented tents and set up a dance floor under one, and a couch/hang area in the other.....
The ceremony was quick and my husbands sister married us. Also my sister's partner at the time happened to do photography, so I asked them to do a few pictures of us as a wedding gift.... We didn't have a registry for gifts (even though I was 23 and didn't have much lol) and didn't send out fancy invitations. My husband also ended up paying for hotel rooms for most of the guests we had!
Even my dress was lucky- my 6 beautiful friends split the cost of the dress that I ordered online, final sale and it just happened to fit perfectly. It honestly was such a special day because it was intimate, emotional for all, and just full of so much love. Everyone I talk to who came has changed their minds about weddings now, and love the small, intimate weddings.
I would do it all over again the same way if I could!!!! No need for expensive things and over the top gestures.
I’ve lived on my own supporting myself since age 15, got married at 18, we had it at a park with dollar store decorations and like 5 people attended. Tbh even if I had money I wouldn’t waste it on a party
Me and my husband had always toyed with the idea of just going to Vegas to get married because we didn’t wanna spend on a wedding and literally on a whim decided to JUST DO IT, booked the trip to Vegas literally only a month before, told no one except our parents. We had a very intimate ceremony just the 2 of us and such a romantic fun weekend!! I am so glad we did it this way. We will say tho we do regret not planning it more in advanced so it could of given our parents the time to plan to join us but they were happy for us regardless ❤
When I got married I did a Sunday afternoon because the venue was about 50% for that time. & because it was the end of the weekend they had a lot of greenery left over, I still had my own flowers but all of the extra greenery stuff that would’ve normally got thrown away the venue left up for me for free.
We also only had our immediate family, parents and siblings. That was a strategy for budgeting and also it was so much better because it wasn’t like putting on a show for people. We actually had fun & it was zero pressure. At one point I didn’t know what I was supposed to do and I just stopped and started laughing and asked our wedding attendant who was part of the venue. That would’ve been really awkward if it had been in front of people who were not as close to me but because it was only Family it was just funny & not embarrassing at all.
& I have friends who have had destination weddings and they didn’t invite anyone, they just live streamed it & as far as I know no one got their feelings hurt.
They had a reception when they came home & that was way better.
I had a backyard wedding and it was beautiful and so much less stressful
Me and my husband spent less than 1000$ on our wedding, initially we thought of booking a table at a restaurant, but since it was during Covid, because of the restrictions we could not do it, we ended booking an airbnb with a large table, had sushi for dinner and I have only the best memories. My friend was the photographer and when people see our wedding photos, many have said oh it looks like you spent a lot of money, when in reality we did not. I am happy that we managed to get married during that time, because many postponed their weddings, no regrets, still happily married.
Half of all marriages end in divorce. The #1 reason for divorce is financial problems. Yeah, go into debt for a wedding ... come out with a divorce.
Add onto that people getting married 3 times, and asking for gifts +the cost to attend each time
I’m glad I distanced myself from most of my former sorority sisters and high school friends. I’d be in so much debt 😅 Most of my current friends are so chill about these types of things, as is my entire extended family. I think I lucked out. The elopement trend really caught on with a lot of them, and I’ll probably do the same.
My sister married in Hawaii with just her and husband. She says it was the best decision ever. It was just their love and they spent wedding money on a 2 week honeymoon instead.
We had a micro wedding with only 16 guests at a boutique hotel on Sunny Isles Beach. Here was the breakdown: $160 a head plus $1,200 that included the food, a champagne toast, wine, the tables and linens (including set up), the officiant, some florals (the bouquet, 2 center pieces, and floral on the wedding arch they included, set up of the ceremony area in front of the Beach including chairs, as well as 2 hours of photography (paid for 2 extra hours as well, cant rememver the price but not bad). I paid $250 for a performer to come and sing after dinner, $100 for a violinist during the ceremony. I did splurge on a celebrity hair stylist, it was $750 plus tip. I did my own makeup so free. The dress was $1,000. The engagement pictures were under $300. The cake was from Nothing Bundt cakes, I think around or under $75. I didn't have a wedding party which also saved costs. The shoes were $30. We paid about $500 for a custom suit from men's warehouse. I bought decorations from Lings moments and Amazon, spent around $300. I paid for a month of planner/day of coordinator, $1,200. The invitations and thank notes were under $100 I made on Vista print I think it was. I also bought a second dress that was $250 and the engagement pictures dress was $200. 1 night stay was included from the hotel but we paid for an extra day which as $700. I'm probably missing some things but it was about 12k for the whole thing. It wasn't cheap but it also wasn't near the average price people spent on weddings. It was perfect and I loved it. We had the money and didn't go into any debt.
I was at a wedding you and Monica shot on Oct 12th 2019 (rather than mention whose wedding it was lol). It was the last time I saw my ride or die best friend of 15 years. We had such an amazing day. I didn’t know of course that it would be the last time we would see each other (there was a a lot of laugh-crying). So whenever I see your videos, you take me back to that day.
When I bought my wedding dress, they asked for a tip, but I opted out. The tip was for the stylist who helped me. One thing I noticed at another shop where I didn't buy my dress was that after my appointment, the front desk handed me a sheet of paper with all of their stylist's venmo QR codes and pointed out which one was for my stylist. This was in LA, not sure if that matters. One thing to note too. It is DIFFICULT to find a bridal salon in LA that doesn't charge $25-$50 to try on dresses. I live in MdR and I went to 7 salons that didn't charge, but I had to travel as far out as Orange County to find places that didn't charge. Almost all of the salons by me on the west side charged for an appointment (the only ones within 30 minutes of me were Grace Loves Lace and Anthropologie). I was bummed because there were a bunch of dresses in my price range that I saw online that I was dying to try on, but they were only being sold at salons that charged and I didn't want to risk the money when I'm already spending so much for a wedding. $50 at each salon adds up quick! When I talk to my friends in the midwest, this doesn't seem to be the case though. Maybe just a thing in HCOL cities?
We had our wedding at city hall and then at a restaurant and we didn’t spend $4000 and we made back $12,000 from our parents and guests. It’s your wedding and both of you decided on how small or big you want it to be or where to have it.
We didn’t register for anything. We were both in our 30’s and each had a home full of things to merge. We gave lots away and didn’t need more. We also didn’t do a lot of the traditional wedding things like garter/bouquet toss, certain dances, etc. We did do a micro wedding, which I loved, and we saved a lot of money but we still spent a ton.
Im addicted to your videos Shelby 😂🤦🏽♂️ even topics I don’t really care about, you make the videos really pleasant entertaining and informative. ❤️💯
I like your commentary series :) Lots of good stuff! I like how you are incorporating a lot of good material, video clips, statistics...The clip of the woman telling her friend about the trip to Greece was hysterical. And I think this is the first time you said shit on your main channel. You are letting your personality shine differently. It is good :D I like the color themes you are using for the narrative, pinks, purples, pastels soft and calming. You are easy to look at and your voice is interesting, your lisp is good and holds the listeners attention. Like I said before, you are already used to speaking to the camera and you talk well in a smooth flow without blunders and stuttering. You can talk for a long time and continue to hold interest. Holding the mic is kind of funny. I like it. It is like so in the face. Like, "do you see my mic? This is the commentary series". :D No! It is funny in a good way!! Is it heavy to hold for so long? No! it is good!! I'm just wondering. I saw you show the statistics for the commentary series vs others. I am happy for you. I think you should take this exact forum and copy it onto a podcast. Maybe you are seeing how it goes here first?
PS I was thinking of changing my wardrobe to eliminate color and go all neutral. Seriously.
Another well done video I love when you tackle these interesting subjects and are so HONEST about them which is refreshing. very well done
As a wedding photographer myself (who also does other work) I will have to say that I'm not sure how many people inflate their prices just because of a "wedding tax". My prices are generally the same across the board regardless of it's a wedding or not. It's sad to hear vendors are doing that honestly. I will have to say before I was a wedding photographer my wife and I had a small wedding and honestly I loved it. Did we get great pictures? No. That's the one thing I wish we would have had but small weddings are where it's at.
I have so many thoughts. I’ve been a bridesmaid six times (4 of those were in the same year). I’m getting married this summer and feel like I have a good perspective. We are having a Friday wedding which was cheaper, told my bridesmaids to wear and shade of blue cocktail dress they want, and keeping the entire event understated and timeless. I lucked out with flowers because one of my students family’s owns a floral shop. My bachelorette we are staying in Miami, but our boat day my aunt is doing since she lives there. My whole outlook has been to keep it easy, stress free, and as inexpensive as possible for everyone. Keeping the focus on the love and relationships with people there to celebrate us!
Our wedding was under $700. We went to the city hall, filed an application, and came back a day later for the ceremony. Our closest friends showed up and that was that. The price tag is up to you! Being expensive isn't a requirement, it's a luxury. What others think doesn't even come into the equation, so there is no "pressure" from anyone.
When my husband and I were getting married we thought about just going to city hall and having a ceremony there, but we realized that for $100 more we could just get an officiant and hosting it at my parents house and be able to have 30 people there rather than the 5 including us at City Hall.
We managed to luck out and had 2 amazing friends that made major contributions to our wedding by making the cake and taking photos. For catering we made our own charcuterie board from locally bought meats and cheese, and had burgers, hot dogs, and some finger foods for people to eat.
Over all for food, decorations, and the shirts and vests we bought we spent under $3000 including a 3 day get away to a close city. We don't regret throwing a small wedding and keeping the pricing so low. It was exactly what we wanted, and if we had waited for a bigger grander wedding my dad wouldn't have been around to attend.
My plan is to elope and combine my wedding & honeymoon with just my fiance and I. That's it.
Awesome video and I'm excited to hear more about what you found.
When my husband, and I decided to get married we went to a local church and we were married by the clergy..We actually left work that day and got married and then told our families that we were hitched afterwards..We decided to keep it simple because we wanted to spend our money on our amazing honeymoon and honestly I have no regrets.. My sister-in-law took our casual pics in my mother-in-law's beautiful garden ..I weighed my options and a fun packed honeymoon in Mexico won the debate..😎