Thank you for these insightful videos…. I was dumped after an amazing, loving and caring 3.5 months relationship with a FA😢😢😢…. I never saw the break coming 😢Still love him so much! Miss him every day and find these videos so helpful in resisting the urge to reach out to him 🙏🙏🙏🙏
My FA dumped me 6 months ago for another after a good four-year relationship/situationship. He monkey branched but wanted to remain as friends. Nope. NC since then. I am 70% secure and 30% FA myself. I am independent, like my space, have family and friends and activities of my own. I guess that's how we lasted so long. Your channel has been helpful in understanding the dynamics of FA's.
@@healingwithcharlie Thanks. He texted me today to ask how I was doing, and to tell the dog, “happy birthday “. (I knew it would happen at some point. 😁)
Well… Now I finally understand why my ex went from applying for a house to move in together to dumping me 2 weeks later (after 3 years together) and told me she loved me while crying the last time I saw her (the actual breakup) before ghosting me. Not understanding was making it impossible for me to start healing. It's been a month and I can finally start… Thank you.
Your explanations fit exactly my experiences with a fearful avoidant. At the beginning he was very charming, humorous and attentive, sending me very long messages. At some point he started not responding for days and then suddenly ghosted me. I asked him if he was okay. He then apologized with a long message and said that he was torn and didn't know where the contact would develop and that it was difficult for him to talk about it. I was ghosted a second time after a while, it's been two years now and I have the feeling that this person didn't care about me at all. that just hurts.
Everything you said there was on point. Is not easy to be at the receiving end . Thanks for your teachings. Came across your videos after i got dumped but now i know why.
@SS-in1ts well it seems you have advantage as you already know what you're partner attachment style is so maybe work on it if you really love and want to be the person. Sometimes we have to check ourselves cos they also say when they're triggered, which can only be caused by us their partner
Because things were going to well, or there was a conflict they didn't want to talk through, or they have too many insecurities they believe make them unworthy of love, or you pushed for a commitment, or *insert anything*... Seriously.
They block, they ghost, they monkey branch, rebound, move on with ease, no guilt, no shame, no remorse, no empathy for anyone but themselves, just stonecold and utterly heartless towards people they only hours, days or weeks earlier claimed to love.
That's the most painful part but if you listen to his videos and the other coaches, it seems like some of them don't know why they do that. Is sad and painful to find ourselves at the receiving end. 😢
@@jimmycash3171 Sadly, these coach videos are just full, so very full of people (like me) who have been utterly destroyed by these monsters, who then goes on to someone else like you never excisted. So because trauma happened to them, they now cause trauma to others.
@Cornelius1212 The avoidant that was in & out of my life for 3 &1/2 years was talking about living together/marriage in November 2023. He ended things early January 2024 saying he loved me but wasn't in love with me - this was a Saturday - 2 days later he asked a workmate out. Their 1st date was the following Sunday (8 days after we ended) and again 3 days later at which point he has since told me that he knew he wanted to do life with her - she is "the one"! He called me a few nights ago (7 weeks post break up & 6 weeks dating the new person) drunk and was Mr Chatterbox revealing the above & that they have already; exchanged "I love you", been away for a weekend, posted an outing on Facebook, have booked an overseas holiday for May! She apparently makes him laugh! She has given him a reason to be the best version of himself! Throughout our relationship he was a depressed alcoholic who never got off the couch! Meanwhile, he said he missed me, I'm his best friend & he loves me!!!
This is how narcissists act . I would highly recommend the The Little Shaman here on youtube she does an exquisite job of explaining how narcissists function and how to detach from them . They are toxic people and it is if they act consciously or unconsciously is completely irrelevant since they don't take accountability .
@@agotahorvath Nah, this is also very, very much within range of the average FA. If you read any post under any coach regarding FAs, you'll instantly see just how common this type of behaviour is of the FA. The list of people who've been utterly destroyed by FAs is endless. And yes, they are very similar to narcissists in that FAs also don't take any accountability although for different reasons such as shame and guilt, but they are just as stonecold and void of empathy when they are triggered and push you away.
I broke out from 5 months no contact with my ex this weekend by sending her a text asking her to connect. I haven't had any answer... Now I am dying inside.
Its a minefield. They are extremely emotionally unstable, like very immature children. So its very likely to blow up in your face and they'll most likely see it as a critique of them, as a sign of you wanting to leave, as a sign that they are "bad" etc. which will cause shut down, deactivation and the break up.
@Cornelius1212 hmmmm I hold no resentment or anger towards my ex so perhaps I could construct the delivery in a way that doesn't make it seem like "here fix yourself you're a horrible person"
Timing is important. If they’re pulling away, it likely won’t help them see reason in the moment. You stand a better chance at sharing this when they’re in a more open-minded headspace, ideally if they’re coming back to you on their own
I tried to give the information to my ex, and she was non receptive. It was like an open book test she didn't want the answers to. She said she was getting into therapy, but truthfully don't think she will. She had told me that for almost 3 years before the breakup. Everything else took priority. Trips, concerts, etc. I love her so much, and the person treating me this way isn't the person I knew. She didn't even tell my son bye, who she was the only other stable parental figure to him. I have 50/50 with his mother. The whole situation makes me incredibly sad.
@haydenstorm30 I honestly resonate with you man I insisted she take therapy before the breakup too. She probably went to 2 sessions before we broke up and I don't even know if she's still going. Everything besides her mental health is being prioritised too... just suppressing it even more and just running from the inevitable.
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Thank you for these insightful videos…. I was dumped after an amazing, loving and caring 3.5 months relationship with a FA😢😢😢…. I never saw the break coming 😢Still love him so much! Miss him every day and find these videos so helpful in resisting the urge to reach out to him 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Focus on your anxious attachment
My FA dumped me 6 months ago for another after a good four-year relationship/situationship. He monkey branched but wanted to remain as friends. Nope. NC since then. I am 70% secure and 30% FA myself. I am independent, like my space, have family and friends and activities of my own. I guess that's how we lasted so long. Your channel has been helpful in understanding the dynamics of FA's.
I’m glad my videos have been helpful! I wish you all the best on your healing journey :)
@@healingwithcharlie Thanks. He texted me today to ask how I was doing, and to tell the dog, “happy birthday “. (I knew it would happen at some point. 😁)
Nit picking in order to push you away when things get a little too comfortable,
Well… Now I finally understand why my ex went from applying for a house to move in together to dumping me 2 weeks later (after 3 years together) and told me she loved me while crying the last time I saw her (the actual breakup) before ghosting me. Not understanding was making it impossible for me to start healing. It's been a month and I can finally start… Thank you.
Your explanations fit exactly my experiences with a fearful avoidant. At the beginning he was very charming, humorous and attentive, sending me very long messages. At some point he started not responding for days and then suddenly ghosted me. I asked him if he was okay. He then apologized with a long message and said that he was torn and didn't know where the contact would develop and that it was difficult for him to talk about it. I was ghosted a second time after a while, it's been two years now and I have the feeling that this person didn't care about me at all. that just hurts.
Everything you said there was on point. Is not easy to be at the receiving end . Thanks for your teachings. Came across your videos after i got dumped but now i know why.
It’s awful. My partner is leaving it ambiguous and I don’t want to end it over text but after a month I’m thinking I’ll have to.
@SS-in1ts well it seems you have advantage as you already know what you're partner attachment style is so maybe work on it if you really love and want to be the person. Sometimes we have to check ourselves cos they also say when they're triggered, which can only be caused by us their partner
Hope it gives you some sense of clarity in closure. I know how difficult these times can be so I wish you all the best :)
FA WOMAN HERE! SPOT ON CHARLIE! 🎉
Thank you so much for this I’m an fa and appreciate these videos!!
Because things were going to well, or there was a conflict they didn't want to talk through, or they have too many insecurities they believe make them unworthy of love, or you pushed for a commitment, or *insert anything*... Seriously.
Brilliant!
They block, they ghost, they monkey branch, rebound, move on with ease, no guilt, no shame, no remorse, no empathy for anyone but themselves, just stonecold and utterly heartless towards people they only hours, days or weeks earlier claimed to love.
That's the most painful part but if you listen to his videos and the other coaches, it seems like some of them don't know why they do that. Is sad and painful to find ourselves at the receiving end. 😢
@@jimmycash3171 Sadly, these coach videos are just full, so very full of people (like me) who have been utterly destroyed by these monsters, who then goes on to someone else like you never excisted. So because trauma happened to them, they now cause trauma to others.
@Cornelius1212 The avoidant that was in & out of my life for 3 &1/2 years was talking about living together/marriage in November 2023. He ended things early January 2024 saying he loved me but wasn't in love with me - this was a Saturday - 2 days later he asked a workmate out. Their 1st date was the following Sunday (8 days after we ended) and again 3 days later at which point he has since told me that he knew he wanted to do life with her - she is "the one"!
He called me a few nights ago (7 weeks post break up & 6 weeks dating the new person) drunk and was Mr Chatterbox revealing the above & that they have already; exchanged "I love you", been away for a weekend, posted an outing on Facebook, have booked an overseas holiday for May! She apparently makes him laugh! She has given him a reason to be the best version of himself!
Throughout our relationship he was a depressed alcoholic who never got off the couch!
Meanwhile, he said he missed me, I'm his best friend & he loves me!!!
This is how narcissists act . I would highly recommend the The Little Shaman here on youtube she does an exquisite job of explaining how narcissists function and how to detach from them . They are toxic people and it is if they act consciously or unconsciously is completely irrelevant since they don't take accountability .
@@agotahorvath Nah, this is also very, very much within range of the average FA. If you read any post under any coach regarding FAs, you'll instantly see just how common this type of behaviour is of the FA. The list of people who've been utterly destroyed by FAs is endless. And yes, they are very similar to narcissists in that FAs also don't take any accountability although for different reasons such as shame and guilt, but they are just as stonecold and void of empathy when they are triggered and push you away.
I broke out from 5 months no contact with my ex this weekend by sending her a text asking her to connect. I haven't had any answer... Now I am dying inside.
Sorry to hear that.
Did your ex reply you?
@@huiminloh332 no
whatre your thoughts on presenting attachment style information to a FA ex?
Its a minefield. They are extremely emotionally unstable, like very immature children. So its very likely to blow up in your face and they'll most likely see it as a critique of them, as a sign of you wanting to leave, as a sign that they are "bad" etc. which will cause shut down, deactivation and the break up.
@Cornelius1212 hmmmm I hold no resentment or anger towards my ex so perhaps I could construct the delivery in a way that doesn't make it seem like "here fix yourself you're a horrible person"
Timing is important. If they’re pulling away, it likely won’t help them see reason in the moment. You stand a better chance at sharing this when they’re in a more open-minded headspace, ideally if they’re coming back to you on their own
I tried to give the information to my ex, and she was non receptive. It was like an open book test she didn't want the answers to. She said she was getting into therapy, but truthfully don't think she will. She had told me that for almost 3 years before the breakup. Everything else took priority. Trips, concerts, etc. I love her so much, and the person treating me this way isn't the person I knew. She didn't even tell my son bye, who she was the only other stable parental figure to him. I have 50/50 with his mother. The whole situation makes me incredibly sad.
@haydenstorm30 I honestly resonate with you man I insisted she take therapy before the breakup too. She probably went to 2 sessions before we broke up and I don't even know if she's still going. Everything besides her mental health is being prioritised too... just suppressing it even more and just running from the inevitable.