I’m 74, two marriages-one with an overt narcissist for 7 years, and one with a covert narcissist for 40 years. This is giving me the hope for spending my remaining years with my authentic truth, and I thank you sincerely!
I carry around a small photo of me when I was 2years old and when I notice myself going into automatic put down I take the photo out or just think of it and then say to that baby girl exactly what I would to any small child, that its, okay, you just made a mistake, thats because your only human and that's how we learn, and you just learned how not to do something and got a little wiser. Or well done, you did good because you tried hard and did your best and that's enough. It's okay. You're okay. It's gonna be okay.
@@BarbaraMerryGeng In the description given here, there wasn't any correcting of the inner child, only protection and then loving words of reassurance in her inherent goodness and that it's okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are a part of living and that's okay. That's the reparenting part. It's not about correction of the inner child, it's about helping the inner child self, now an adult, learn new ways to talk to oneself and perceive oneself. It's being the parent the child never received. It's good to listen to the inner child who has learned only how to feel shameful, but sometimes that can't even happen if we don't first stop the inner critic from it's onslaught of negative spiraling.And then help the inner child remember their positive qualities when those are temporarily lost from the negative spiraling down. There is power in doing this for ourselves. People can assist with this, but ultimately if we don't do it ourselves then we're always at risk of being constantly thrown off balance.
You are more successfully human than loads of "normal" folks walking around on the planet!! So glad you have come to value yourself at this foundational level. I was 53 before I began my self-protection journey in earnest, which was two years ago this week. Your work in this arena has been like a life preserver for me amidst the chaos of my breaking away from the layers of negative authority figures' voices. When those voices subside, it is wonderful, but also scary. I am then responsible to define myself, but I didn't have the chance to do so earlier, so it feels like flying blind. But all freedom lies on the other side of personal responsibility, so I'll continue to re-parent myself for the rest of my life.
@mephista55 I also turned 40 (at the start of May) and learning this stuff is helping me realise I exist AND I deserve to give myself the best possibility in life.
I stopped reading to come over here and tell you that I'm only at the Dedication on the damn inside cover, and I'm sitting on my couch sobbing. lol The quotes he chose stopped me in my tracks, especially the one about the bud, its brought me to my knees. I cried the biggest tears that I've ever cried in my life. (I fully realize that I havent even started the book, yet and that I should buckle up lol) But I feel like with each drop that fell, it took the weight of a million elephants with it. You're helping me smash through a door that I didnt even realize I was guarding for 38 years. Fort mother fucking Knox. Im feeling some sort of positive shift that I've never felt before. Thank both you and Mr. Walker for pointing my compass in the right direction. I wish you the very best, Richard. Your work has changed my life, for the better, forever.
A couple months ago I found myself doing some "stinkin' thinkin'" and told myself "STOP. Just stop." And it worked. It was weird. It broke the train of thought. It doesn't work forever, maybe just for a few minutes or a couple hours. But, it worked. So, I've been doing that more often. I have the same postural, protective stance. I had to go to the gym and get a trainer to find an exercise program designed to help me stretch my chest and neck and strengthen the back muscles. It all goes hand-in-hand with the mental work. And it's a daily exercise (pardon the pun) to remind myself to stand tall, or tall-ish. LOL
You are a good teacher. Lately, I have deliberately changed my view, and hence the guilt, of what I did to survive my childhood. I did not and could not fight and just hid. I also disassociated and have had great guilt about it. Now I am compassionate towards the child in me. It was what kept me safe, and that is OK. When I recognize this , I have had no need to zone out and have been Present ever since. Yes, Richard, you are a wonderful human being. XXOO
As a sufferer of CPTSD and body dysmorphic disorder which is raising its ugly (ha, ha) head these days, I find this very valuable. Thank you for this video, as well as for the previous one, Richard. I have ordered a copy of CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving and I intend to work it. I think that a lot of things which I have found helpful up to date might have been derived from Pete Walker's book, actually. Before it arrives I am taking notes from both parts of this video. It's hard work! But I can do it. I've done so many difficult and courageous things in recent years, so wouldn't I win an epic battle with the inner gollum?
This series has become my best friend over the past few months. The videos are fascinating and full of value but I have to watch each of them multiple times because I keep disassocioating really hard when I put them on. That been like that for anyone else ?
RM-PC I’ve noticed in myself that sometimes when I zone out, I zone out over the most important information. I realize, rewind & then to my surprise it’s the bit I needed to hear most. Not just with this, a lot of info. This series has helped me a lot & Richard’s Heal the Super Ego course. I think it’s almost a year since I cleaned my act up post-CPTSD revelation 🥳
Oh ya happens to me all the time. But isn't it cool that you know!. So cool! I think.it is a way for spirit to get you to go deeper...little bits at a time , so to absorb it with love and kindness.
Same here. I have to replay the videos many times just because I have no recall and yes me too I tune out just when it was the most important piece of information! Work in progress with CCF, Pete Walker's book and Richard!!!
Yes. The same here. I think that my system just feels overwhelmed and instinctively shuts off. So much info and do much stuff connected with painful memories and events!
Hi, just want to say thank you. Last year I discovered your videos and your example encouraged me greatly. When saying that you tried everything in your healing process and you do not really know what worked in the end... well, I did the same. Tried everything that I could, Investested over 1000 hours in re-configuring my brain, learning, attending conferences, cleaning my inner world... and the results are amazing. Got a life. thank you for being generous with sharing your life.
Thank you Richard, thank you Pete. Really grateful for this. As someone with CPTSD I can relate it takes hard work. At 50 years old with too many years of abuse, it's never too late to start or thrive. Never give up or give up hope of getting through the bad days. It will and does get better.
I read Pete Walker's books & sought you out, Richard. You'd exposed me to narcissistic mothers, and to find you were also adhering to C-PTSD gives me so much hope and excitement to heal this shit. I'm not stuck this way, they (my parentals) created this in me. I choose to overthrow it all. Thank you for handing me a baton♡
also when the child is bending his head back and looking upwards his eyes tend to be looking upwards which makes the brain waves go into an alpha brain waves state where they are more susceptible to the experience being imprinted on a subconscious level
So, I'm not the only one who has always felt like I'm an animal, and not worthy of good things or to be loved. Just a doer, and if i can't do it, I'm worthless. That's why i turned into a workaholic. It was my only worth. I'm going to be honest and say i could not have made this new journey without first going no contact.
I ordered Pete Walker's book yesterday, finally. You have a gift for clear, thorough distillation. He is fortunate for your interest. Now I'm waiting for your book.
Richard, these could NOT have come at a better time -- this 2-part series was fantastic (one of the most helpful sources of information). I have severe C-PTSD as a result of an emotionally abusive set of parents who warped my self-esteem enough to make me a lifelong target for school and work bullies. I have attracted people who tear me down and not understood why (because who'd want a friend who'd treat you that way?). Then, I beat myself up for being stupid enough to fall for those suckers. Now, my Dad's still alive at a distance, and I'm approaching a bad situation. He hammers me down a lot and negs me. I've been vacillating between trying to reason with him for years to maintain some relationship with him or cut the cord because my health has taken a huge toll. A person who loves you doesn't tear you down gratuitously. You gave me some good advice here for strategies to put the beast at bay, draw the right boundary, and do what I really need to do -- whether I have support or not from anyone: heal, have a life of peace, and finally be a human being rather than a human doing (badly). THANK YOU!
I'm almost finished reading 'Homesteading in the calm eye of the storm' Really enjoyed it. I find that it underlines and adds to the very human and nuanced approach that Pete puts forth in his other books.
I like messy. Without messes, I'd have no purpose lol. Actually, I feel like I have to wait until the superego isn't noticing? Like waiting for the parents to just fuck off. They did that a lot.. it was awesome if I could go off by myself. See the problem? Guilt level ? There's some aspect there of not being allowed until I absolutely need to have the thing. And then sneaking around to get it? Knowing that I need & want the thing.. well that's functioning. Well.. that's lovely news.. staghelm?? Trouble, trouble! lol
Here's a link to the 14 inner critic attacks listed in Chapter 9 of Pete Walker's Book ("From Surviving to Thriving) - I put the book down months ago when I found Richie and then picked it up today to find Chapter 9 and lo and behold that's where my book mark was! pete-walker.com/shrinkingInnerCritic.htm
Thanks for this. I have only a few photos that include me from childhood , even though I'm the eldest. Presumably because I was the ' invisible ' ( unwanted ? This was pre the Pill. Yes, that old ) child ? Always in the background or looking unhappy. Recently I found some multi shot baby pics and felt so sad at looking at her/me as she was so solemn. Put them back in the box. However now ive read your post, I'm going to cut one out and keep it on me. She'll be my incentive to crack on with this work. Previously I'd have almost wanted to forget, in order to be able to move on. Maybe not the best approach as not holistic enough.
I wonder how much of this applies to a 75 yo woman? Seventy-five and just learning what happened to herself. How many goals can I set and dare to hope to reach?
Insight I just had from my own experience; kids with two families because their biological parents separated early will have two households with different rules to apply and because the parents were not in alignment from the start with their values the information the child picks up will often be conflicting so if they try obeying mom then go over to dad's place with other kids and a step mother, for example, they may be scolded or unfairly punished for doing what they've been told is right. This is extremely upsetting to anyone because it's a trust breakdown. The separated incongruent parents who moved on from each other create a cognitive dissonant experience for the child who wants to belong but clearly doesn't in either household. I hope that is coming through correctly. As an adult, you can know from that you would most likely feel tricked or punked in that scenario and think you are not safe anywhere in the world and that these adults are out of their mind sadistic. Since they cannot be integrous you take your own power to decide for yourself very early in life but without accurate information. This is very exhausting. The parents are not necessarily abusive in a direct way. The child may become rebellious against all authority figures and identify with fringe culture. That's right about the military training to keep your stuff organized meticulously because it's for your safety and sanity to know where your things are and rest and remain well and free from disease especially when you're putting high demand on your whole energetic system. You can't think very well about where your keys are so you need to take that responsibility off by doing always the same. This will help a lot. It can become obsessive but it also serves an important purpose in self care because nobody else can do it for you. It's too complicated and too much work. If you're traumatized and solitary it's a great thing to start creating routines around cleaning and make it fun for yourself and include rewards. If you're in a more extreme recovery situation living in a car or outside or couch surfing to get out of abusive situations then you'll benefit even more from getting your systems and daily habits very tightly in order. It will give you something to do as well besides stressing and you will gain confidence and a sense of accomplishment from it and then be ready to turn the page and get on with your real life you were meant to be living. Also it will stop some of the chaos and crisis's that happen when you're out of your mind confused and forgetting where your essential things are like your wallet and phone and bag etc etc so you can instead think of what you're doing. Thank you Richard for all that you're doing.
I knew I was in a bad situation. I knew I had to play the part to keep things calm. I didn't know how to get rid of the situation. I didn't know how bad it was and thank God I found out! Why the worried look on your face? I'm working through a spectrum here. Dark colors first. I don't even go close to black.. sort of a dark blue there.
Thank you for this! I'm glad you haven't stopped putting out videos. I've just got strong enough to keep listening to you before you'd piss me off too much. (I didn't like the cussing now I don't care) I can go back to Lisa when you upset me too much, she's just so soothing. lol I want to get Pete's book too. ty
Outstanding and very insightfull! Thank you a lot! :) (I even did my first "long" notes in English, maybe it'll be usefull for someone) (X) Perfectionism (or negative noticing / hyper vigilant) is how a toxic SuperEgo part is trying to stop us from healing, expanding and thriving, from emotional freedom -> Positive noticing -> Reinforce your positive traits, accomplishments, the things that people love you for and what you've done well in the world -> Recondisioning old neyropath ways (some of wich are all you've ever known) ! The old system will push back, but you can win. Be diligent and discipline in Self Care (reps / work ethic) because IT'S NOT NATURAL for someone with CPTSD: relaxed state can lead to toxic SuperEgo activation OR LEANING TOWARDS FEELING BAD. Also remember about Self Protection (push back + stop inner critic) - it's an important part of cycle in dealing with issues AND IN HEALING OUR SUPEREGO (which is supposed to help us understand what is right to do or what is wrong BUT NOT to shame us all the time or make feel guilty).
It is such a foreign feeling and hard to list your positive traits when you suffer with CPTSD. I'm ashamed to say that I Googled 'positive personal traits' :(. There's no Googling your accomplishments or what you are good at. It saddens me so much that I find it so hard to find them and list them. Not because they are not there, but the fact that I still don't think they are good enough or worthy of being recognised.
To me it's the opposite. I got too much complments for the smallest things by my mom as a kid. Therefore I had to put the trust into my own inner critic. The problem with that are when other people critizing me even when I have have done everything in my power to strive for perfection I then feel worthless and then rationalize why that person is stupid. By critizising what I have achieved, the person are implying that I am worthless. So then I instead feel enraged against that person. Like a narcessist. But I'm not a narcessist in that way I'm always sincere. I don't lie or manipulate. In fact, it's the opposite. Since I myself are so sincere with my thoughts and being outspoken, I also believe everybody else are as sincere as I am. Therefore I'm often a victim of manipulation and pathological liars. And since I also have such fragile ego when it comes to critizism, I'm also the perfect target to emotional abuse. So how can I fix a broken super ego in this regard?
Thank you so much for this!! Much of this I had thankfully started to figure out for myself, but not to this extent. You have given me much needed confirmation for my own self-healing. With so much information out there that pretty much all says the same thing, and doesn’t really give tools to aid in actual self-recovery, your videos have been so helpful to reinforce that there is a path to recovery, as a victim or a victim-abuser, and that the mechanics of it are truly simple, straightforward, and make sense! Thank you again!
Lots of work to be done, I'm 52, happily married contented children peaceful home, good career, yet cant seem to think of a positive response to the inner critic!
WOW. Yep. I've been trained for negative noticing my entire life... This made SO MUCH click for me. Thank you, Richard!! Been growing w/your channel for years and am still amazed at how much great content you're able to keep putting out.
This works great when those negative thoughts surface to our conscious and we become aware of them. But most of those negative neural pathways are in and from our subconscious/unconscious mind, and we are not even aware of those thoughts. The unconscious is driving the bus.
on it, as usual! Thank you for your efforts and sharing it with you. I've been studying your insights for intensely over the last 6 moths. Your teaching might have saved my life, brought me hope and skills to regain my life with more authentic self. you got my respect and appreciation!
Wow this is so great! I'm so thankful part 1 was in my feed on TH-cam! This is so relevant to me and I can't wait to start working with these teachings on myself. I also really appreciate your humor lol!!!! ❤
Could you clarify an example of what emotions may come up during self-care? Are there moments of grief or is this something where one will grind reps of viewing themselves positively?
I know you're asking Richard but though I'd just share that on occasions when I have imagined my 5 year old self, talked to her lovingly have brought me to tears. Perhaps because she/I was so in need of that love. It seems really sad what she went through. Gets me in touch with that grief.
It is wrong to tell your child that mother *loves* you, ("so much") in the very moments when your child is trying, somehow, to defend themselves from the abusive mother - the 'mother' who is adoring, adoring, adoring, and then explosive and vengeful, anxious and hysterical. I keep forgetting this. I keep getting confused. I keep minimizing and diminishing. Fuck that :)
This is a very balanced humanistic approach instead of dogmatic way to being born again....Now I'm with that all the way.... Regardless of the birth pains😟.1💚
Self-care is hard for me and my inner critic is the worst. Instead of beating myself up tho, I have been trying to be much more gentle and understanding about things. I had to reframe my entire mind and drop all dreams and expectations in order to achieve some inner peace. It has helped my mental health tremendously to just live in the moment and accept myself for the seductive extraterrestrial character i am.😁❤
42??? JC! You haven’t suffered nearly enough yet! Most info on this didn’t even exist when I needed it. What most don’t understand is just what a toll this can take on your body. The demons, over 58 years, ate my spine and stole my life. The last third gets to be mine unapologetically.
Good Afternoon! Time for tea? I prefer Earl Grey, thank you! Hope all is well. Was thinking...could you set up a chat room for us? When you don't post we lose touch with each other. Public support group thing. Especially being in solitary confinement. Just wondering. :) How's Pierre doing? Stay Safe!
Thank you Richard for explaining the root cause of codependency and CPTSD symptoms. I have used both emotional literacy course and the five-finger mnemonic exercise to catch any flashbacks that come my way. The emotional literacy does in fact work , it does help to reduce flashbacks. I am now able to figure out if someone is manipulating me, I now have a better feel for it. Then, I just set a hard boundary and say no, thank you. Thank you for the great courses that you offer they are greatly appreciated. I am peeling away each layer of the onion to heal the wounded inner child. I picked up a copy of Pete Walker's book Surviving to Thriving and I am almost done reading it. Thanks Again!
I really love how you explain the complicated psychological stuff for non specialists. Since I discovered your channel I feel I become more human.. And I will be 50 in 3 month. And when getting to this video I laughed myself out.. And you show here straight forward ways to change for a healthier life. Thank you so much
I found these videos very helpful in understanding Walker's method of quieting the inner critic since I am currently finishing up his book and working the strategies. Thank you. However, I do take exception to your dragging mindfulness. Even Walker says that mindfulness is a recommended part of self-care. From what you said in the video it sounds like your experience and/or knowledge of mindfulness is limited. It's true that there are a lot of self-styled gurus who will offer impossible results like "clearing your mind" as a desirable goal, but the mental health professionals who teach mindfulness do it in a way that DOES get a meditator back in touch with their body and emotions. This type of mindfulness was my first inroad to recognizing what I was experiencing with CPTSD and beginning the healing process, so I was bummed to see it minimized and misrepresented in these otherwise very helpful videos.
Same with the posture, only much worse. I needed cranial-sacral osteo n then alexander technique. Im now able to do qi gone n move my arms n neck 90% pain free. Some of this would be mecfs exaccerbated, but that came about in large part due to cptsr. I remember by ballet teacher making me afraid n crying cos i couldnt stand straight as she wanted me to unless i stopped myself breathing i was 5/6ish. I guess maybe even back then id lost touch wiv my body thinkin on it 🤔 i know i was at least 50% depressed all the years from age 4 ish
You are saying all the greatest things that I know are true and accurate and it's lovely! You look great for 42 happy birthday 🎈🎂 my "ok I am a human" birthday was this year at 38 ✅
Have you ever considered that this technique might work, but it’s destructive for a person and further fractures them? Like the idea that the inner critic is *someone else* is actually a lie because whether I like it or not, IT IS ME. And to rage against it, or try to control and manipulate it is just further abusing myself? It’s only a temporary fix if anything and also further divides me from others. What would happen if I were humble and curious to the voice instead? If I owned that the voice is me, and those beliefs are my beliefs? If I tried to show the voice unconditional love and acceptance? If I admitted how it makes me feel, and was open to the reason for wanting myself to feel that way. No judgment! If I could put my awareness on the root of the belief then I could change it at the source?
Fabulous ! The human part touched me a lot. I didn't know there was anyone else getting to that length of self-doubt. Thanks for sharing your personal experience then as well as your explanations.
Hi Richard. IAnd all that follows Richard. I've been battling cpstd all my life and spent 17 years unemployed becsusr of it and further abused to date by the same family friends etc. I need to ask when i do the emotional literacy do I need tu do it for individual people growing up or can I do it collectively as a narcistic abusive family. I didn't have cover anywhere. I feel broken and battered andI felt disconnected and alone whoever I was a round even now at 37 please help answer this question please I also was tortured in a captured hostile scenario when I was 5 please respond. Anyone guys x.
I object. When you speak discipline, tired people like me, are just planning their escape. First is to notice it, to cry for all the time that was stolen. Victims very often, have been weakened. If you apply discipline and strength training, it might end up in a head trip, as opposed to real change. It comes as it comes techniques are more accurate for total beginners, slackers if you d like, like myself. I know I
Lol wow you are so on point. The self protection video I was just like "yeah I can do that. Fuck the inner critic." But when you said "your goal today is to love yourself" i kind of had a panic attack. That's definitely an eye opener.
I think you narrowed the basis for a harsh inner critic to only being given negative messages as a kid. When about mixed messages? It's loads more confusing and just as damaging.
I’m 74, two marriages-one with an overt narcissist for 7 years, and one with a covert narcissist for 40 years. This is giving me the hope for spending my remaining years with my authentic truth, and I thank you sincerely!
Me too. I am 64. Better late than never, right? Lol.
I carry around a small photo of me when I was 2years old and when I notice myself going into automatic put down I take the photo out or just think of it and then say to that baby girl exactly what I would to any small child, that its, okay, you just made a mistake, thats because your only human and that's how we learn, and you just learned how not to do something and got a little wiser. Or well done, you did good because you tried hard and did your best and that's enough.
It's okay.
You're okay.
It's gonna be okay.
What a tender visual.
Very beautiful. Thanks for sharing
Why not let the child lead & you follow ? Why do you think she needs protection & correction ? Just curious ..
@@BarbaraMerryGeng In the description given here, there wasn't any correcting of the inner child, only protection and then loving words of reassurance in her inherent goodness and that it's okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are a part of living and that's okay. That's the reparenting part. It's not about correction of the inner child, it's about helping the inner child self, now an adult, learn new ways to talk to oneself and perceive oneself. It's being the parent the child never received. It's good to listen to the inner child who has learned only how to feel shameful, but sometimes that can't even happen if we don't first stop the inner critic from it's onslaught of negative spiraling.And then help the inner child remember their positive qualities when those are temporarily lost from the negative spiraling down. There is power in doing this for ourselves. People can assist with this, but ultimately if we don't do it ourselves then we're always at risk of being constantly thrown off balance.
Wonderful idea. I am going to put a picture of a of a drawing of little Sage on my phone.
Lessons are Teachers, not punishments.
This is very useful during the lockdown. Now I have time to think about it and make a plan.
You are more successfully human than loads of "normal" folks walking around on the planet!! So glad you have come to value yourself at this foundational level. I was 53 before I began my self-protection journey in earnest, which was two years ago this week. Your work in this arena has been like a life preserver for me amidst the chaos of my breaking away from the layers of negative authority figures' voices. When those voices subside, it is wonderful, but also scary. I am then responsible to define myself, but I didn't have the chance to do so earlier, so it feels like flying blind. But all freedom lies on the other side of personal responsibility, so I'll continue to re-parent myself for the rest of my life.
I am happy to hear you're human! I relate, turned 40 and realized I exsist ;)
How would you like to be 62 😂😑
@mephista55 I also turned 40 (at the start of May) and learning this stuff is helping me realise I exist AND I deserve to give myself the best possibility in life.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
Today us the oldest I've ever been and the youngest I'll ever be again. -Roosevelt
Today is the youngest I'll ever be again.
I stopped reading to come over here and tell you that I'm only at the Dedication on the damn inside cover, and I'm sitting on my couch sobbing. lol
The quotes he chose stopped me in my tracks, especially the one about the bud, its brought me to my knees. I cried the biggest tears that I've ever cried in my life. (I fully realize that I havent even started the book, yet and that I should buckle up lol) But I feel like with each drop that fell, it took the weight of a million elephants with it. You're helping me smash through a door that I didnt even realize I was guarding for 38 years. Fort mother fucking Knox.
Im feeling some sort of positive shift that I've never felt before. Thank both you and Mr. Walker for pointing my compass in the right direction. I wish you the very best, Richard. Your work has changed my life, for the better, forever.
Now i HAVE to get the book since it made such an impact
Stop being so emotional.
You'll be better when you do
A couple months ago I found myself doing some "stinkin' thinkin'" and told myself "STOP. Just stop." And it worked. It was weird. It broke the train of thought. It doesn't work forever, maybe just for a few minutes or a couple hours. But, it worked. So, I've been doing that more often.
I have the same postural, protective stance. I had to go to the gym and get a trainer to find an exercise program designed to help me stretch my chest and neck and strengthen the back muscles. It all goes hand-in-hand with the mental work. And it's a daily exercise (pardon the pun) to remind myself to stand tall, or tall-ish. LOL
@Beeblebrox One You're spot on.
Hello. Can you tell me, is the inner critic also the inner sabateur?
@@sandragrace4613 I would guess they're the same.
When the comfort zone becomes uncomfortable, it is time to let go, grow & THRIVE!!! 😋💖💖💖💖💖🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌😊😊😊😊😊☺
💜💜💜🌷💜💜💜
You are a good teacher. Lately, I have deliberately changed my view, and hence the guilt, of what I did to survive my childhood. I did not and could not fight and just hid. I also disassociated and have had great guilt about it. Now I am compassionate towards the child in me. It was what kept me safe, and that is OK. When I recognize this , I have had no need to zone out and have been Present ever since. Yes, Richard, you are a wonderful human being. XXOO
I did the same thing and am trying to get past that as well. Nice to hear someone else has been able to do so.
As a sufferer of CPTSD and body dysmorphic disorder which is raising its ugly (ha, ha) head these days, I find this very valuable. Thank you for this video, as well as for the previous one, Richard. I have ordered a copy of CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving and I intend to work it. I think that a lot of things which I have found helpful up to date might have been derived from Pete Walker's book, actually. Before it arrives I am taking notes from both parts of this video. It's hard work! But I can do it. I've done so many difficult and courageous things in recent years, so wouldn't I win an epic battle with the inner gollum?
This series has become my best friend over the past few months. The videos are fascinating and full of value but I have to watch each of them multiple times because I keep disassocioating really hard when I put them on. That been like that for anyone else ?
Oh definitely Yes🤔
RM-PC I’ve noticed in myself that sometimes when I zone out, I zone out over the most important information. I realize, rewind & then to my surprise it’s the bit I needed to hear most. Not just with this, a lot of info. This series has helped me a lot & Richard’s Heal the Super Ego course. I think it’s almost a year since I cleaned my act up post-CPTSD revelation 🥳
Oh ya happens to me all the time. But isn't it cool that you know!. So cool! I think.it is a way for spirit to get you to go deeper...little bits at a time , so to absorb it with love and kindness.
Same here. I have to replay the videos many times just because I have no recall and yes me too I tune out just when it was the most important piece of information! Work in progress with CCF, Pete Walker's book and Richard!!!
Yes. The same here. I think that my system just feels overwhelmed and instinctively shuts off. So much info and do much stuff connected with painful memories and events!
Hi, just want to say thank you. Last year I discovered your videos and your example encouraged me greatly. When saying that you tried everything in your healing process and you do not really know what worked in the end... well, I did the same. Tried everything that I could, Investested over 1000 hours in re-configuring my brain, learning, attending conferences, cleaning my inner world... and the results are amazing. Got a life. thank you for being generous with sharing your life.
Congratulations 👌💙
@@gracetoglory5020 this is sweet. thanks! best wishes to you
Thank you Richard, thank you Pete. Really grateful for this. As someone with CPTSD I can relate it takes hard work. At 50 years old with too many years of abuse, it's never too late to start or thrive. Never give up or give up hope of getting through the bad days. It will and does get better.
Julie Morlin agreed, I’m 49 and it does get better. There is hope for everyone.🍀
I read Pete Walker's books & sought you out, Richard. You'd exposed me to narcissistic mothers, and to find you were also adhering to C-PTSD gives me so much hope and excitement to heal this shit. I'm not stuck this way, they (my parentals) created this in me. I choose to overthrow it all.
Thank you for handing me a baton♡
I'm 54 and slowly getting there ("there" = being a person and not a meat puppet).
Thank you Richard that was very helpful. And yes you are loveable.
"Hello! I'm called Ewa Diva and I am a human being and I have the right to exist!" 😎 Thank you for this awesome explanation. 🙏
also when the child is bending his head back and looking upwards his eyes tend to be looking upwards which makes the brain waves go into an alpha brain waves state where they are more susceptible to the experience being imprinted on a subconscious level
Brilliant ❤️ Thanks Pete Walker ❤️ Thanks Richard ❤️
Thank you for posting this! Very helpful!
4:07 Same, good positive approach is automatically reframed as a set-up for abuse or abandonment. "Come closer love, so I can hit you harder".
So Basically ..Its like having a bucket of dirty water and spilling it out and then filling it up with Clean Spring Water!!!
I always screw up and NEVER get the first comment. Wait...
Happy Birthday to you, new human. Very glad to see you being yourself and teaching us. Very glad.
So, I'm not the only one who has always felt like I'm an animal, and not worthy of good things or to be loved. Just a doer, and if i can't do it, I'm worthless. That's why i turned into a workaholic. It was my only worth. I'm going to be honest and say i could not have made this new journey without first going no contact.
I ordered Pete Walker's book yesterday, finally. You have a gift for clear, thorough distillation. He is fortunate for your interest. Now I'm waiting for your book.
Richard, these could NOT have come at a better time -- this 2-part series was fantastic (one of the most helpful sources of information). I have severe C-PTSD as a result of an emotionally abusive set of parents who warped my self-esteem enough to make me a lifelong target for school and work bullies. I have attracted people who tear me down and not understood why (because who'd want a friend who'd treat you that way?). Then, I beat myself up for being stupid enough to fall for those suckers. Now, my Dad's still alive at a distance, and I'm approaching a bad situation. He hammers me down a lot and negs me. I've been vacillating between trying to reason with him for years to maintain some relationship with him or cut the cord because my health has taken a huge toll. A person who loves you doesn't tear you down gratuitously. You gave me some good advice here for strategies to put the beast at bay, draw the right boundary, and do what I really need to do -- whether I have support or not from anyone: heal, have a life of peace, and finally be a human being rather than a human doing (badly). THANK YOU!
Oh but I do feel I'm a horrible worthless thing. How to make it stop when I agree with it?
I wanted to let you know how grateful I am for your work, Richard; it is having an enormous positive effect on my life. Thank you.
I'm almost finished reading 'Homesteading in the calm eye of the storm'
Really enjoyed it. I find that it underlines and adds to the very human and nuanced approach that Pete puts forth in his other books.
I like messy. Without messes, I'd have no purpose lol. Actually, I feel like I have to wait until the superego isn't noticing? Like waiting for the parents to just fuck off. They did that a lot.. it was awesome if I could go off by myself. See the problem? Guilt level ? There's some aspect there of not being allowed until I absolutely need to have the thing. And then sneaking around to get it? Knowing that I need & want the thing.. well that's functioning.
Well.. that's lovely news.. staghelm?? Trouble, trouble! lol
Here's a link to the 14 inner critic attacks listed in Chapter 9 of Pete Walker's Book ("From Surviving to Thriving) - I put the book down months ago when I found Richie and then picked it up today to find Chapter 9 and lo and behold that's where my book mark was!
pete-walker.com/shrinkingInnerCritic.htm
Thanks for this. I have only a few photos that include me from childhood , even though I'm the eldest. Presumably because I was the ' invisible ' ( unwanted ? This was pre the Pill. Yes, that old ) child ? Always in the background or looking unhappy. Recently I found some multi shot baby pics and felt so sad at looking at her/me as she was so solemn. Put them back in the box.
However now ive read your post, I'm going to cut one out and keep it on me. She'll be my incentive to crack on with this work. Previously I'd have almost wanted to forget, in order to be able to move on. Maybe not the best approach as not holistic enough.
“Wasn’t actually human.”... been there.
I wonder how much of this applies to a 75 yo woman? Seventy-five and just learning what happened to herself. How many goals can I set and dare to hope to reach?
Insight I just had from my own experience; kids with two families because their biological parents separated early will have two households with different rules to apply and because the parents were not in alignment from the start with their values the information the child picks up will often be conflicting so if they try obeying mom then go over to dad's place with other kids and a step mother, for example, they may be scolded or unfairly punished for doing what they've been told is right. This is extremely upsetting to anyone because it's a trust breakdown. The separated incongruent parents who moved on from each other create a cognitive dissonant experience for the child who wants to belong but clearly doesn't in either household. I hope that is coming through correctly. As an adult, you can know from that you would most likely feel tricked or punked in that scenario and think you are not safe anywhere in the world and that these adults are out of their mind sadistic. Since they cannot be integrous you take your own power to decide for yourself very early in life but without accurate information. This is very exhausting. The parents are not necessarily abusive in a direct way. The child may become rebellious against all authority figures and identify with fringe culture. That's right about the military training to keep your stuff organized meticulously because it's for your safety and sanity to know where your things are and rest and remain well and free from disease especially when you're putting high demand on your whole energetic system. You can't think very well about where your keys are so you need to take that responsibility off by doing always the same. This will help a lot. It can become obsessive but it also serves an important purpose in self care because nobody else can do it for you. It's too complicated and too much work. If you're traumatized and solitary it's a great thing to start creating routines around cleaning and make it fun for yourself and include rewards. If you're in a more extreme recovery situation living in a car or outside or couch surfing to get out of abusive situations then you'll benefit even more from getting your systems and daily habits very tightly in order. It will give you something to do as well besides stressing and you will gain confidence and a sense of accomplishment from it and then be ready to turn the page and get on with your real life you were meant to be living. Also it will stop some of the chaos and crisis's that happen when you're out of your mind confused and forgetting where your essential things are like your wallet and phone and bag etc etc so you can instead think of what you're doing. Thank you Richard for all that you're doing.
"We must be militant in our effort to change, being passive will get us nowhere" LGM
I knew I was in a bad situation. I knew I had to play the part to keep things calm. I didn't know how to get rid of the situation. I didn't know how bad it was and thank God I found out!
Why the worried look on your face? I'm working through a spectrum here. Dark colors first. I don't even go close to black.. sort of a dark blue there.
My gym shut down during the plandemic. I'm angry.
Thanks, I’m reading that chapter in Pete’s book now. Everyday gets a little easier.
Thanks a lot Richard your videos have been a great help recently
Thank you for this! I'm glad you haven't stopped putting out videos. I've just got strong enough to keep listening to you before you'd piss me off too much. (I didn't like the cussing now I don't care) I can go back to Lisa when you upset me too much, she's just so soothing. lol I want to get Pete's book too. ty
Fighting against receiving love 🤫fighting against my self 🙄 Yep That’s about it 💁🏻♀️
Mine happened after abuse at age 38. I feel brainwashed & internalized everything yes. It's real bad.
Outstanding and very insightfull! Thank you a lot! :)
(I even did my first "long" notes in English, maybe it'll be usefull for someone)
(X) Perfectionism (or negative noticing / hyper vigilant) is how a toxic SuperEgo part is trying to stop us from healing, expanding and thriving, from emotional freedom
-> Positive noticing
-> Reinforce your positive traits, accomplishments, the things that people love you for and what you've done well in the world
-> Recondisioning old neyropath ways (some of wich are all you've ever known)
! The old system will push back, but you can win.
Be diligent and discipline in Self Care (reps / work ethic)
because IT'S NOT NATURAL for someone with CPTSD:
relaxed state can lead to toxic SuperEgo activation
OR LEANING TOWARDS FEELING BAD.
Also remember about Self Protection (push back + stop inner critic) - it's an important part of cycle in dealing with issues AND IN HEALING OUR SUPEREGO (which is supposed to help us understand what is right to do or what is wrong BUT NOT to shame us all the time or make feel guilty).
Нас тут несколько русскоговорящих. Я смотрю Ричарда с 2012. 3 толстенных тетради конспектов).
It is such a foreign feeling and hard to list your positive traits when you suffer with CPTSD. I'm ashamed to say that I Googled 'positive personal traits' :(. There's no Googling your accomplishments or what you are good at. It saddens me so much that I find it so hard to find them and list them. Not because they are not there, but the fact that I still don't think they are good enough or worthy of being recognised.
Thankyou for that video. Hope youre doing good :)
Letting you know my accomplishment. My PTSD has come down to 40 😃 with your help Richard 😃
Excellent stuff. Thank you Richard
Thank you Richard. Very helpful.
McKRAKEN. sorry. but you do have an exceptionally cool surname :D
Yin Yoga hold the pose for 3 to 5 mins
Thanks, Maggie! I was wondering what yin yoga is!
To me it's the opposite. I got too much complments for the smallest things by my mom as a kid. Therefore I had to put the trust into my own inner critic. The problem with that are when other people critizing me even when I have have done everything in my power to strive for perfection I then feel worthless and then rationalize why that person is stupid. By critizising what I have achieved, the person are implying that I am worthless. So then I instead feel enraged against that person. Like a narcessist. But I'm not a narcessist in that way I'm always sincere. I don't lie or manipulate. In fact, it's the opposite. Since I myself are so sincere with my thoughts and being outspoken, I also believe everybody else are as sincere as I am. Therefore I'm often a victim of manipulation and pathological liars. And since I also have such fragile ego when it comes to critizism, I'm also the perfect target to emotional abuse.
So how can I fix a broken super ego in this regard?
Thankyou for sharing pete's guidelines, and for asking him.
Ordered hos new bk. Thanks for broadcasting his third bks been written. 😊👍
Thank you so much for this!! Much of this I had thankfully started to figure out for myself, but not to this extent. You have given me much needed confirmation for my own self-healing. With so much information out there that pretty much all says the same thing, and doesn’t really give tools to aid in actual self-recovery, your videos have been so helpful to reinforce that there is a path to recovery, as a victim or a victim-abuser, and that the mechanics of it are truly simple, straightforward, and make sense! Thank you again!
HAPPY birthday to you Richard and happy birthday to all new humans!
Lots of work to be done, I'm 52, happily married contented children peaceful home, good career, yet cant seem to think of a positive response to the inner critic!
WOW. Yep. I've been trained for negative noticing my entire life... This made SO MUCH click for me.
Thank you, Richard!! Been growing w/your channel for years and am still amazed at how much great content you're able to keep putting out.
This makes so much sense. Thank you Richard for sharing this and the program. Be well xo from🇨🇦
This works great when those negative thoughts surface to our conscious and we become aware of them. But most of those negative neural pathways are in and from our subconscious/unconscious mind, and we are not even aware of those thoughts. The unconscious is driving the bus.
Hence the hypnotic affirmation stuff
Thank you. Yes this is very useful. Not easy but good.
on it, as usual!
Thank you for your efforts and sharing it with you.
I've been studying your insights for intensely over the last 6 moths. Your teaching might have saved my life, brought me hope and skills to regain my life with more authentic self. you got my respect and appreciation!
Wow this is so great! I'm so thankful part 1 was in my feed on TH-cam! This is so relevant to me and I can't wait to start working with
these teachings on myself. I also really appreciate your humor lol!!!! ❤
We are all so fortunate that you are a slave to your compulsion to serve. Cheers mate.
Thank you Richard and Pete. 💖💪😃
I also only recently was able to start thinking of myself as human. It's alright!
Could you clarify an example of what emotions may come up during self-care? Are there moments of grief or is this something where one will grind reps of viewing themselves positively?
I know you're asking Richard but though I'd just share that on occasions when I have imagined my 5 year old self, talked to her lovingly have brought me to tears. Perhaps because she/I was so in need of that love. It seems really sad what she went through. Gets me in touch with that grief.
@@bonnielucas6769 Thank you! This was an enlightening reply.
Richard, not only are you human, you are a WONDERFUL human. Thank you for sharing your therapy insights.
It is wrong to tell your child that mother *loves* you, ("so much") in the very moments when your child is trying, somehow, to defend themselves from the abusive mother - the 'mother' who is adoring, adoring, adoring, and then explosive and vengeful, anxious and hysterical. I keep forgetting this. I keep getting confused. I keep minimizing and diminishing. Fuck that :)
Thank you, again,for sharing. I’ve ordered his book and am looking forward to the journey of healing.
Yes happy birthday to you honey!! I'm so glad you were born!!!
This is a very balanced humanistic approach instead of dogmatic way to being born again....Now I'm with that all the way.... Regardless of the birth pains😟.1💚
Self-care is hard for me and my inner critic is the worst. Instead of beating myself up tho, I have been trying to be much more gentle and understanding about things. I had to reframe my entire mind and drop all dreams and expectations in order to achieve some inner peace. It has helped my mental health tremendously to just live in the moment and accept myself for the seductive extraterrestrial character i am.😁❤
I didn't discover that I was cute/handsome until a year ago, 43. Crazy. And you, my friend, are responsible.
42??? JC! You haven’t suffered nearly enough yet! Most info on this didn’t even exist when I needed it. What most don’t understand is just what a toll this can take on your body. The demons, over 58 years, ate my spine and stole my life. The last third gets to be mine unapologetically.
Good Afternoon! Time for tea? I prefer Earl Grey, thank you! Hope all is well. Was thinking...could you set up a chat room for us? When you don't post we lose touch with each other. Public support group thing. Especially being in solitary confinement. Just wondering. :) How's Pierre doing? Stay Safe!
I admire you so much, Richard! Been following you for years. You’re brilliant, funny, handsome and amazing human being!
Thank you Richard for explaining the root cause of codependency and CPTSD symptoms. I have used both emotional literacy course and the five-finger mnemonic exercise to catch any flashbacks that come my way. The emotional literacy does in fact work , it does help to reduce flashbacks. I am now able to figure out if someone is manipulating me, I now have a better feel for it. Then, I just set a hard boundary and say no, thank you. Thank you for the great courses that you offer they are greatly appreciated. I am peeling away each layer of the onion to heal the wounded inner child. I picked up a copy of Pete Walker's book Surviving to Thriving and I am almost done reading it. Thanks Again!
I really love how you explain the complicated psychological stuff for non specialists. Since I discovered your channel I feel I become more human.. And I will be 50 in 3 month. And when getting to this video I laughed myself out.. And you show here straight forward ways to change for a healthier life. Thank you so much
I found these videos very helpful in understanding Walker's method of quieting the inner critic since I am currently finishing up his book and working the strategies. Thank you. However, I do take exception to your dragging mindfulness. Even Walker says that mindfulness is a recommended part of self-care. From what you said in the video it sounds like your experience and/or knowledge of mindfulness is limited. It's true that there are a lot of self-styled gurus who will offer impossible results like "clearing your mind" as a desirable goal, but the mental health professionals who teach mindfulness do it in a way that DOES get a meditator back in touch with their body and emotions. This type of mindfulness was my first inroad to recognizing what I was experiencing with CPTSD and beginning the healing process, so I was bummed to see it minimized and misrepresented in these otherwise very helpful videos.
Compact, clear and helpfull information & explanation. Thanks for sharing this insight 🏆
Thank you, Richard, for all your work in this absolutely vital recovery.
Same with the posture, only much worse.
I needed cranial-sacral osteo n then alexander technique. Im now able to do qi gone n move my arms n neck 90% pain free.
Some of this would be mecfs exaccerbated, but that came about in large part due to cptsr.
I remember by ballet teacher making me afraid n crying cos i couldnt stand straight as she wanted me to unless i stopped myself breathing i was 5/6ish. I guess maybe even back then id lost touch wiv my body thinkin on it 🤔 i know i was at least 50% depressed all the years from age 4 ish
You are saying all the greatest things that I know are true and accurate and it's lovely! You look great for 42 happy birthday 🎈🎂 my "ok I am a human" birthday was this year at 38 ✅
"the answer to life, the universe and everything is: 42" (Douglas Adams)
The best 16 minutes ever! Thank you, RG.
Have you ever considered that this technique might work, but it’s destructive for a person and further fractures them? Like the idea that the inner critic is *someone else* is actually a lie because whether I like it or not, IT IS ME. And to rage against it, or try to control and manipulate it is just further abusing myself? It’s only a temporary fix if anything and also further divides me from others.
What would happen if I were humble and curious to the voice instead? If I owned that the voice is me, and those beliefs are my beliefs? If I tried to show the voice unconditional love and acceptance? If I admitted how it makes me feel, and was open to the reason for wanting myself to feel that way. No judgment! If I could put my awareness on the root of the belief then I could change it at the source?
Fabulous ! The human part touched me a lot. I didn't know there was anyone else getting to that length of self-doubt. Thanks for sharing your personal experience then as well as your explanations.
Hi Richard. IAnd all that follows Richard. I've been battling cpstd all my life and spent 17 years unemployed becsusr of it and further abused to date by the same family friends etc. I need to ask when i do the emotional literacy do I need tu do it for individual people growing up or can I do it collectively as a narcistic abusive family. I didn't have cover anywhere. I feel broken and battered andI felt disconnected and alone whoever I was a round even now at 37 please help answer this question please I also was tortured in a captured hostile scenario when I was 5 please respond. Anyone guys x.
I object. When you speak discipline, tired people like me, are just planning their escape. First is to notice it, to cry for all the time that was stolen. Victims very often, have been weakened. If you apply discipline and strength training, it might end up in a head trip, as opposed to real change. It comes as it comes techniques are more accurate for total beginners, slackers if you d like, like myself. I know I
Thank you, you helped me so much. Really hard work indeed but rewarding!
Lol wow you are so on point. The self protection video I was just like "yeah I can do that. Fuck the inner critic." But when you said "your goal today is to love yourself" i kind of had a panic attack. That's definitely an eye opener.
thanks for sharing this. May you be loved. May you be whole.
THANK YOU SO MUCH RICHARD! 👍👍❤️❤️‼️
Thank you Richard. Your videos are helping me so very much.
I think you narrowed the basis for a harsh inner critic to only being given negative messages as a kid. When about mixed messages? It's loads more confusing and just as damaging.
Wow:)
Thank you for this ! What excellent videos 👌
Also what do you mean by “reinforced”?
Do more of my positive traits?
I've had to do the spine straightening too. I was really tall as well and it stopped with me also. My slouching was about my self-loathing.