Just found out I have CPTSD at 40 yrs old and I wasn't having panic attacks, I was having Emotional Flashbacks... Watching this in tears mate. Thank you.
Rage and anger are better than despair. There is no healthy function for despair. Some of us have to work up to healthy rage and anger to begin healing. Thank you for the work you do.
Also, you don’t have to forgive. All this forgiveness bullshit, it’s garbage. Some people can never be forgiven, esp if they’ve never even tried to apologise or repair the damage they did.
@@dotdashdotdash I think just start with forgiving yourself for allowing the abuse, and for not knowing. It's not about others, it's about how you relate to and interact with yourself. Send some compassion inwards.
Launa Casey whilst I completely agree with self compassion, I absolutely did not “allow” the abuse. There was no consent. That word may be right for you but I don’t think it fits for most childhood trauma.
@@carlabettles-theenergyroom2079 oh, I meant the self abuse...at some point you realize how horrible you've been to yourself, which needs acknowledgement and forgiveness.
I found myself laughing out loud to a stand up comedy set I was watching on TH-cam. That’s not happened in a while! Caught me by surprise but what a joy.
The core wound of parental rejection is behind all of our CPTSD. As infants when we suffer from attachment trauma it causes fear in humans because if we are not loved we wont be taken care of and we might die. When our primary carer is also verbally and physically abusing us it causes blind hopeless terror and obsessive compulsive people pleasing behaviour and the need to fix everyone and everything. If we can get these feelings to surface and connect to our conscious mind with the reason behind them, I call it a feeling realisation, then that is the beginning of the end of CPTSD. I say beginning of the end because after this you will have to deal with anger and letting it all go, that need for justice, you'll have to find a way that allows you to achieve that. In recent months that is what I have experienced. I worked on getting what was in my subconscious to surface (using affirmations) then had to work on how to forgive to set myself free from it all once and for all. I suppose this is what Pete Walkers methodology aims at achieving, getting the core feelings in our subconscious to surface so we can become aware of them, acknowledge, validate, grieve and finally be free of them. This is what all victims of abuse need to heal and to finally be free.
Thank you for all the work that you do. Literally who else do you know who posts daily content often times an hour long just for free and who maintains such a degree of consistency and quality. It's a gift that keeps on giving, one of my favorite and interesting channels to follow.
*BUMP* yessssss I've been reading about and understanding narcissism for a little over 8 yrs now. I feel like I've listened to everything there is on YT. I stumble upon RG's other channel yesterday. I am floored. I feel so much hope now!!
@@churchtroll I started off following a number of channels on narcissism but I have lost interest in many (they are focused on dealing with narcissists and less on dealing with yourself) and have gravitated to listening to Richard and, Sam Vaknin as well, because the discussions are deeper and more philosophical.
I have been doing this for over a year now. In the past, I would literally go into my very private backyard, away from “them”, and have a serious go at that voice. I used to believe that everyone had this obnoxious voice in their head. 😳. What a stunner to discover that’s not the truth. Eyes wide open now. I can honestly say, It only happens sporadically these days. Thank goodness. It happens only when I am seriously triggered, now days. I find it ironic that I learned a saying from “them” decades ago. “Better to part in anger, than not at all.” ❤️✌️❤️
"What if the screaming voices in your head are lying? What would happen if you questioned it or screamed back?!" That was one of the best advice I've ever got for a counselor couple of years ago,at that time I thought that I couldn't be helped. Excellent video! Thank you 🙏
This is great. Very useful. Funny story: a couple years ago, I dove into befriending my inner critic, using guided meditation. The critic's voice began to change. Instead of calling me lazy or useless, he started giving me rational feedback - things that are true, like "You suck at fixing cars," or "You have terrible handwriting." I found that, just like external feedback, it wasn't painful if it was true. It's the inner critic's lies that cause me pain. I can accept my actual faults. I have no interest in fixing cars.
I've been reading about and understanding narcissism for a little over 8 yrs now. I feel like I've listened to everything there is on YT. I stumbled upon RG's other channel yesterday. I am floored. I feel so much hope now! Thank you for the resources and methods you give to us freely! I've been dying for 48 years. I was the scapegoat...two narcissistic parents. No Contact for a few years, and only very limited contact for many, many years. But I couldn't get the Inner Critic out of my head and couldn't stop feeling like I'm in a war zone. I've learned so much, why I attract narcissists and codependent people, Boundary Crossers. BCs are everywhere...omg. Now, I read them pretty quickly and set boundaries. I just don't want to continue living wounded, but to come out of the scars and thrive. Thank you!
I had hypnosis to take me back to the first memory of my mothers narcistic rage, outside of myself i said to myself 'its not your fault' and laughed at the absurdity of her anger. This simple act was the start of reparenting myself, very effective for cptsd
What a beautiful, brilliant revelation when you asked the inner critic what use it is to repeat the same 44 message. It doesn't have an answer, because it's a recording. Wow...See this is just one of the ways my humble, humble self believes in you, because you present information we are supposed to already know in new, eye opening, exciting ways.
I've bought his book today morning. Actually I have been using Shut Up method for last 6 years and it works well for me. I also used to visualise an ugly dwarf with red nose sitting on the top of my shoe and each time my inner critic started I just kick him hard and then I laugh or just smile to myself. Worked well too.
Man Richard I hope you see my comment. I just wanted to say, parts work has changed my life the few times I’ve done it. But your info is like parts work 2.0. I’ve been meaning to get Pete’s book and now I’m definitely going to. Out of all the psychology and metaphysics and philosophy I’ve sifted through, yours is truly grounded and wholistic. The last year has been like my entire life of trauma on crack in a short condensed period of time, and I finally find myself completely dismantling despite having thought I was doing okay and managing. People seek me for zen advice and psychological wisdom but I am on my knees at this point. I’m so fucking grateful for your work as I am actively doing it and I’m already noticing a difference very very fast. Keep doing this shit! Please and thank you. I hope you sleep well at night, knowing that you are a light in the dark. Be at peace my friend
"...it's not even like artificial intelligence, it's a recording." Never a truer word...that was my mistake; giving the inner critic undue importance. There's no doubt that thoughts are powerful. They are the software by which we enslave or free ourselves. My experience validates the idea that the inner critic eventually shrinks into insignificance. I wasn't as effective with part two, good reparenting, but I became very good at embodying that role for my sister, another self-attack expert. So good that I've had to become kinder to myself to remain congruent with the way I treat her.
Wow!! Earlier today I shut up my inner critic, he was telling me to apologise to other people for being mean, but I told him to get out of my head!! He left.
Problem with communication and interaction with inner critic is the same as for communication with predatory personalities like narcs. We enter into Shared fantasy - even when we try to block it. Especially when we fight it. It is counter-intuitive and this is what keeps us trapped in trauma. Jung said What we resist, will persist. The solution is to change our perspective on it - and see it as annoyance, acknowledge inner critic and toxic people as part of life and let it be in the background while our focus shifts into our energy and our tasks.
At the risk of being thought of as a know it all, cuz I don’t, Gratitude was equally important. And finally, I’m grateful to have an opportunity to learn from @RichardGrannon
Add ways to "ground" yourself for when the grief & rage become so extremely overwhelming...you are forced to take some type of action. Drinking/drugging...cutting...breaking things...eating disorders...There's an endless list of ways we try to COPE. It takes time to heal and I needed ways to get out of the flashback, to "get out of my head" so I could deal with and process just a part of it. 100 gallons instead of the tsunami. Thank You Richard...
I am so good at ignoring the issue at hand, this is the light in my forest. Thank you, Richard. And as for your crossed finger reminder my friends, don't be ashamed of God; He won't be ashamed of you.
Fascinating and powerful stuff!! Thank you Richard and thank you Pete Walker! Last week I caught my inner critic off guard. It was chastising me when I was sitting down to write and unusually, I recognised what was happening and shouted 'SHUT THE FU**K UP! YOU DON'T GET TO SPEAK TO ME!' and it fecked off right away :) Most of the time I don't realise when it is my inner critic. Starting HTSE course this week. I'm gonna kick it's ass for as long as it takes.
This will sound kinda crazy... I used to say DELETE out loud when I would realize I was talking shit to myself, in my head. I got the idea from seeing someone do a pattern interupt to quit smoking. They would snap a rubber band on their wrist to distract them from wanting a cigarette. I settled for saying DELETE or STOP out loud and then would deliberatly think of something that made me happy. Now Im kinda looking forward to yelling at the people that did me dirty, back when I was little. Ive never gotten to do it IRL so it may be pretty cathartic.
I *KNEW* anger was a good strategy!!! I love the folded-arms philosophy response to the inner critic, I do that with actual people and it works great, I'm SO going to do that to the gollumasshole! Thanks, Richard and Pete!! ❤️💪🏻❤️
I´m using Cancel, cancel. And than positive cheerleader/positive parent voice. And touching fingers like during meditation. .... . It´s great. It worth the work, guys. Fingers crossed for you all. :-)
Thank you Richard and Pete Walker for this.I have been in therapy before and thought I had worked though this but with two Narcissistic relationships it has reactivated and has become quite nasty. These are great tool for fighting back and start hearing our true inner voice that has our welfare in mind.
Thank you so much Richard. I have purchased Pete Walkers book. I have purchased the Emotional Literacy Course, which I needed in order to keep growing. I was a person that if someone asked me how I feel, I had NO idea and was even shocked to be asked, dumb founded and speachless. I'm into all of it deep! Thank you both!
We were abandoned and neglected like derelict house's and now that we have gained agency we need to repair ourselves and make our minds into a happy home.
Constantly doing this for one’s self protection, I believe it doesn’t allow the pain and stress to manifest. With no pain or stress, no need for the 4-Fs. Which are damaging to one’s self. Self parenting, protecting your inner child! I pray I am interpreting this correctly! If I am, this already gives me hope! Thank you. 🙏
Richard! This is so bazaar as I took on this exact strategy and it helped but then inevitably the "inner child" would return. After YEARS of struggling with it I tried a more "Zen" approach and learned to accept my Inner Child and comfort it (make it feel safe). The approach actually brought back wonder and joy that I thought I would never see again. / This was a whole process in and of it'self but the results where permanent. Is it possible that different approaches for different folks? The Zen method was WAY harder as well as it took a level of honest & self reflection (meditation) that I think most people would struggle with. Food for thought buddy. Love your work! My favorite on TH-cam btw. Cheers!
You're right different approaches work for different people. After years of working on healing I found using a combination of Louise Hay's positive affirmations and Eckhart Tolle's methods of meditation worked for me. It brought up all the trauma in my subconscious to my awareness and in this way I was able to work through them and dissolve them away.
See what Richard Schwartz, founder of internal family systems says on this. The most humane and helpful approach I’ve ever come across. That inner critic is a part of you, literally a ‘part’ within the internal family of parts we all have. Your experience is universal and it’s brave of you to share.
thank you for pressing forward with your ministry helping those of us moving in a good direction towards a goal state living in the fullness of life but struggling to overcome fundamental damage to our psyche. thank you it's all-powerful teachings and making a difference in me along with so many others. .. then it's a ripple effect. be encouraged I'm very grateful
About a year ago, I tried to nail down the exact wording of the critic, instead of just a feeling, and came up with: "I'm a POS on the sidewalk." Only today, I started wondering, why the sidewalk? My first memory in life is me partly lying on the sidewalk in the sunshine watching a few ants go by and feeling good. Now how can that small child be a POS? Big breakthrough dear sir. Tears of joy. There are symbols and recordings, and we can separate from these.
Been following you since 2017 but its only now in 2021 after am i able to understand what you saying.the trauma had numbed me so much . Now the tears are unstoppable. Thanks Richard.
Great thoughts! Thank you - you allways help to make things clear. 🙏 Gollum was as well one of the "titles" I gave that internal voice. I have a "game" to de-power the negative thoughts by calling them paper tiger and imagine a crumpled piece of paper and play with it.
When you said the inner critic is a recording it makes me think back to the 90s with John Bradshaw talking about recordings/tapes. The tapes keep playing in your head. It's nice to be able to tie what I learned in the 90s in with what you say some 20-ish years later.
Just now,I'm reading Pete Walker's book on Cptsd and working on my toxic patterns of childhood, the road is a hard one but Pete's book is encouraging 🙏 Though, I heard about shrinking the critic after watching Richard's videos, thank you, Richard🙏After that,I've begun digging into information and one Russian psychologist and psychotherapist talked about Pete Walker's book on her channel, a pity I haven't found this book earlier, really helpful 👍🌹
Brilliant idea to question the critic because that's what narcs do..... totally depend on you yet they try and annihilate you at the same time which you'd have thought would have not been to their benefit - counter-productive, suicide even for them if you go down. Nice one, thank you. xxx Do appreciate the time and effort and self-revelation which goes into all your videos, you're priceless. xx Thanks again. x
I've been doing this for a while now but didn't think of it as reparenting, more like ruminating but stuff happen doing it. I changed my old reactions of letting a bossy person take control to being disgusted of their behavior, attitude and I knew it was a healthy response! I know I will stop being attracted to bullies continuing on this path and that feels great. At times I am pissed that I have to interact with them now and then but I chose to think of it as lessons, like little tests on my way. Ok, one more test, how did I handle it at that time? What did I feel, how did I act or did I choose not to act/react because I actually was in control. I get tired of the bullshit but I'm tired period from burnout so it's just one more brick to carry around. At least I have so much higher hope in my future social life from doing his psycho education. Thank you Richard and Pete Walker!
At about 17:16, it would have helped to have you give a reminder(it is a lot of stuff coming at some of us! I was adopted by parents who didn't know how to love unconditionally, + being adopted you have no real mirrors for yourself as you go through childhood-it is very lonely for a lot of us. And I had/have ADHD, so they thought I wasn't intelligent.) "Remember, these thoughts are coming from how your parents loved you etc" This is fantastic btw.
Thank you, really good that the Fortress mental health protection system exists and great that Pete Walker has contributed in this way. CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving really helped me, you quoted it so often I bought and read it despite being unable to focus and concentrate on any other books at the time. Your work is going from strength to strength and continues to provide much needed actionable information in an accessible way. I am so looking forward to reading your book. Truly grateful for all you do.
Ok ive not been long on your channel but you are amazing mate, honestly! Totally happy to Sub, keep up the amazing work, you are a good guy with al ot to give the world!
I think I’ve partially adopted this by speaking to myself in the kind way my girlfriend would speak to me. I thought I was a bit loopy for doing this but now after your video I know I need to take it further and develop the protective side.
Yes, I have done that in my imagination...have done that so many times until these emotions and feelings were gone and now I do not have any of these trigers....It was loooong tough journey, but worked for me, so it can work for others too ☀💖🤗
This is brilliant, Richie!!! Thank you for presenting in your fun, real way! Thanks much to Pete Walker! Very encouraging to know that true healing is possible!
I was blown away by the simplicity of the idea that I don't protect myself because my parents didn't protect me.
Parents, siblings, best friends, boyfriends. Nobody protected this child. Therefore I must not be worth protecting
Msg received
@@recoveringsoul755 now return it!!! 💪💁🏼♀️🙅🏼♀️
@@Deelitee return what, to whom? Parents are gone and I've forgiven them
@@recoveringsoul755 I just mean you are worth protecting. 🫶🏻
@@Deelitee OK thank you. You are too. I don't believe people are disposable, but lately it seems I am in the minority. Very tragic
Just found out I have CPTSD at 40 yrs old and I wasn't having panic attacks, I was having Emotional Flashbacks...
Watching this in tears mate. Thank you.
Rage and anger are better than despair. There is no healthy function for despair. Some of us have to work up to healthy rage and anger to begin healing. Thank you for the work you do.
YeZ ! Anger, is the inner being standing up for oneself !
Also, you don’t have to forgive. All this forgiveness bullshit, it’s garbage. Some people can never be forgiven, esp if they’ve never even tried to apologise or repair the damage they did.
@@dotdashdotdash I think just start with forgiving yourself for allowing the abuse, and for not knowing. It's not about others, it's about how you relate to and interact with yourself. Send some compassion inwards.
Launa Casey whilst I completely agree with self compassion, I absolutely did not “allow” the abuse. There was no consent. That word may be right for you but I don’t think it fits for most childhood trauma.
@@carlabettles-theenergyroom2079 oh, I meant the self abuse...at some point you realize how horrible you've been to yourself, which needs acknowledgement and forgiveness.
I'd have died without you. You taught me how to laugh freely , as well as live freely, THANK YOU
Mae West Me 2❤️💥🤗
+1
I found myself laughing out loud to a stand up comedy set I was watching on TH-cam. That’s not happened in a while! Caught me by surprise but what a joy.
I was getting to the limit..
Nos I have hope
Thanks yo Richard
Laura Mundy yay. Laughter is the best medicine ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
The core wound of parental rejection is behind all of our CPTSD.
As infants when we suffer from attachment trauma it causes fear in humans because if we are not loved we wont be taken care of and we might die.
When our primary carer is also verbally and physically abusing us it causes blind hopeless terror and obsessive compulsive people pleasing behaviour and the need to fix everyone and everything.
If we can get these feelings to surface and connect to our conscious mind with the reason behind them, I call it a feeling realisation, then that is the beginning of the end of CPTSD. I say beginning of the end because after this you will have to deal with anger and letting it all go, that need for justice, you'll have to find a way that allows you to achieve that.
In recent months that is what I have experienced. I worked on getting what was in my subconscious to surface (using affirmations) then had to work on how to forgive to set myself free from it all once and for all.
I suppose this is what Pete Walkers methodology aims at achieving, getting the core feelings in our subconscious to surface so we can become aware of them, acknowledge, validate, grieve and finally be free of them.
This is what all victims of abuse need to heal and to finally be free.
Thank you for explaining it so well. Wishing you healing and happiness always. :-)
Don’t forget the reparenting ❤️❤️❤️❤️🔥🔥🔥❤️
@@ananita6888 Thank you I wish you healing and happiness as well. We will all get there :)
Your words resonate with me Ana. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I wish you well on your journey. We seekers will get there. We have to. M
thank you. 🎯good verbalization of this "thing ".
Thank you for all the work that you do. Literally who else do you know who posts daily content often times an hour long just for free and who maintains such a degree of consistency and quality. It's a gift that keeps on giving, one of my favorite and interesting channels to follow.
Tomas Pilgrim yep agreed. Genuinely wants to help us all heal!
*BUMP* yessssss
I've been reading about and understanding narcissism for a little over 8 yrs now. I feel like I've listened to everything there is on YT. I stumble upon RG's other channel yesterday. I am floored. I feel so much hope now!!
Agree...Richard is a brilliant man with an accessible side which adds to his being a truly compassionate human being💛
@@churchtroll I started off following a number of channels on narcissism but I have lost interest in many (they are focused on dealing with narcissists and less on dealing with yourself) and have gravitated to listening to Richard and, Sam Vaknin as well, because the discussions are deeper and more philosophical.
Pete Walker is so kind and generous. And so are you. Thank you both ❤️💪
my inner critic told me: "you can´t change the past!" I told him to shut up, because I just DID change my past!!! HA!
😉😁👍💓
@@gracetoglory5020 😂👍🏼
The present changes the past based on our new perception.
Also thinking of the inner critic as just a recording is brilliant.
Or more specifically, the toxic super ego.
Indeed!
Pete Walker and Gavin De Becker have given humankind great gifts with their books.
I have been doing this for over a year now. In the past, I would literally go into my very private backyard, away from “them”, and have a serious go at that voice. I used to believe that everyone had this obnoxious voice in their head. 😳. What a stunner to discover that’s not the truth. Eyes wide open now. I can honestly say, It only happens sporadically these days. Thank goodness. It happens only when I am seriously triggered, now days. I find it ironic that I learned a saying from “them” decades ago. “Better to part in anger, than not at all.” ❤️✌️❤️
Yes I thought everyone had that voice too. Very encouraging to read about your progress!
@20 20 Really is a wondrous thing to see the collective coming into itself cos that's what makes us whole 1💚
“Better to part in anger, than not at all.” - Love this. Thank you!
to realize there’s a life without this voice is so foreign but hopeful to me my gosh
Re-L you have found the right place!!! You are on a better path. Stick with us. ❤️❤️❤️
"What if the screaming voices in your head are lying? What would happen if you questioned it or screamed back?!" That was one of the best advice I've ever got for a counselor couple of years ago,at that time I thought that I couldn't be helped.
Excellent video! Thank you 🙏
This is great. Very useful. Funny story: a couple years ago, I dove into befriending my inner critic, using guided meditation. The critic's voice began to change. Instead of calling me lazy or useless, he started giving me rational feedback - things that are true, like "You suck at fixing cars," or "You have terrible handwriting."
I found that, just like external feedback, it wasn't painful if it was true. It's the inner critic's lies that cause me pain. I can accept my actual faults. I have no interest in fixing cars.
Me too. I always ask, is it true?
I've been reading about and understanding narcissism for a little over 8 yrs now. I feel like I've listened to everything there is on YT. I stumbled upon RG's other channel yesterday. I am floored. I feel so much hope now!
Thank you for the resources and methods you give to us freely! I've been dying for 48 years. I was the scapegoat...two narcissistic parents. No Contact for a few years, and only very limited contact for many, many years. But I couldn't get the Inner Critic out of my head and couldn't stop feeling like I'm in a war zone. I've learned so much, why I attract narcissists and codependent people, Boundary Crossers. BCs are everywhere...omg. Now, I read them pretty quickly and set boundaries. I just don't want to continue living wounded, but to come out of the scars and thrive. Thank you!
Pete Walker's book is the best book I ever read. Game changer
I had hypnosis to take me back to the first memory of my mothers narcistic rage, outside of myself i said to myself 'its not your fault' and laughed at the absurdity of her anger. This simple act was the start of reparenting myself, very effective for cptsd
Get behind the satan!
What a beautiful, brilliant revelation when you asked the inner critic what use it is to repeat the same 44 message. It doesn't have an answer, because it's a recording. Wow...See this is just one of the ways my humble, humble self believes in you, because you present information we are supposed to already know in new, eye opening, exciting ways.
The same 44 message...🤣no... I'm sorry that's just mine that's just my crazy critic! She's always giving me 44 messages when I would do!
I've bought his book today morning. Actually I have been using Shut Up method for last 6 years and it works well for me. I also used to visualise an ugly dwarf with red nose sitting on the top of my shoe and each time my inner critic started I just kick him hard and then I laugh or just smile to myself. Worked well too.
The visualising of any cartoonist character does not help me. I visualise THEM. I address THEM. One of them is dead and I don't mind.
Awesome!
Ugly red dwarf lol good for you 😊
Man, you were born to bring light to people’s lives. This is brilliant.
Man Richard I hope you see my comment. I just wanted to say, parts work has changed my life the few times I’ve done it. But your info is like parts work 2.0. I’ve been meaning to get Pete’s book and now I’m definitely going to. Out of all the psychology and metaphysics and philosophy I’ve sifted through, yours is truly grounded and wholistic. The last year has been like my entire life of trauma on crack in a short condensed period of time, and I finally find myself completely dismantling despite having thought I was doing okay and managing. People seek me for zen advice and psychological wisdom but I am on my knees at this point. I’m so fucking grateful for your work as I am actively doing it and I’m already noticing a difference very very fast. Keep doing this shit! Please and thank you. I hope you sleep well at night, knowing that you are a light in the dark. Be at peace my friend
"...it's not even like artificial intelligence, it's a recording." Never a truer word...that was my mistake; giving the inner critic undue importance. There's no doubt that thoughts are powerful. They are the software by which we enslave or free ourselves. My experience validates the idea that the inner critic eventually shrinks into insignificance. I wasn't as effective with part two, good reparenting, but I became very good at embodying that role for my sister, another self-attack expert. So good that I've had to become kinder to myself to remain congruent with the way I treat her.
Ché perhaps another go????all the best. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Every day, every day...All the best to you too! @@majordeezee1659
@stevenstrumpf7 So true!
Wow!! Earlier today I shut up my inner critic, he was telling me to apologise to other people for being mean, but I told him to get out of my head!! He left.
Same happened to me in a supermarket. So odd that Richard mentioned a supermarket in this video , take care Cameron x
If we are mean to someone, they probably asked for it.
Problem with communication and interaction with inner critic is the same as for communication with predatory personalities like narcs.
We enter into Shared fantasy - even when we try to block it. Especially when we fight it. It is counter-intuitive and this is what keeps us trapped in trauma. Jung said What we resist, will persist.
The solution is to change our perspective on it - and see it as annoyance, acknowledge inner critic and toxic people as part of life and let it be in the background while our focus shifts into our energy and our tasks.
Pete Walker's books, "CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" and "The Tao of Fully Feeling" are amazing. I need to reread them.
At the risk of being thought of as a know it all, cuz I don’t, Gratitude was equally important. And finally, I’m grateful to have an opportunity to learn from @RichardGrannon
Add ways to "ground" yourself for when the grief & rage become so extremely overwhelming...you are forced to take some type of action. Drinking/drugging...cutting...breaking things...eating disorders...There's an endless list of ways we try to COPE. It takes time to heal and I needed ways to get out of the flashback, to "get out of my head" so I could deal with and process just a part of it. 100 gallons instead of the tsunami.
Thank You Richard...
I am so good at ignoring the issue at hand, this is the light in my forest. Thank you, Richard. And as for your crossed finger reminder my friends, don't be ashamed of God; He won't be ashamed of you.
Fascinating and powerful stuff!! Thank you Richard and thank you Pete Walker! Last week I caught my inner critic off guard. It was chastising me when I was sitting down to write and unusually, I recognised what was happening and shouted 'SHUT THE FU**K UP! YOU DON'T GET TO SPEAK TO ME!' and it fecked off right away :) Most of the time I don't realise when it is my inner critic. Starting HTSE course this week. I'm gonna kick it's ass for as long as it takes.
May the 4th Be with both you and Pete with gratitude 🙏
This will sound kinda crazy... I used to say DELETE out loud when I would realize I was talking shit to myself, in my head. I got the idea from seeing someone do a pattern interupt to quit smoking. They would snap a rubber band on their wrist to distract them from wanting a cigarette. I settled for saying DELETE or STOP out loud and then would deliberatly think of something that made me happy.
Now Im kinda looking forward to yelling at the people that did me dirty, back when I was little. Ive never gotten to do it IRL so it may be pretty cathartic.
Twice through so far, I'm listening again right now....
Thank you so much, Pete walker and Richard, I can't express just how helpful this is right now!😊
Thank you Richard!!!
Thank you for your time Richard!
I *KNEW* anger was a good strategy!!! I love the folded-arms philosophy response to the inner critic, I do that with actual people and it works great, I'm SO going to do that to the gollumasshole! Thanks, Richard and Pete!! ❤️💪🏻❤️
Gollumasshole! :-D
I´m using Cancel, cancel. And than positive cheerleader/positive parent voice. And touching fingers like during meditation. .... . It´s great. It worth the work, guys. Fingers crossed for you all. :-)
Thank You Richard. ~Peace
you deliver, fresh, authentic, personal experience coming from a place of peace. thank you.thank you.
Thank you Richard. Really helpful, talking back to the inner critic. Also having you as an ally when it starts, I don't think I'm alone anymore.
This is immensely helpful! Thank you, Richard and Pete!!!
Thank you Richard and Pete Walker for this.I have been in therapy before and thought I had worked though this but with two Narcissistic relationships it has reactivated and has become quite nasty. These are great tool for fighting back and start hearing our true inner voice that has our welfare in mind.
The last part is Awesome Richard. It's kinda... don't resist, let it dissolve on itself.
☺️ Thanks for making this video! 👍
Thank you so much Richard. I have purchased Pete Walkers book. I have purchased the Emotional Literacy Course, which I needed in order to keep growing. I was a person that if someone asked me how I feel, I had NO idea and was even shocked to be asked, dumb founded and speachless. I'm into all of it deep! Thank you both!
Thank you Richard. 💖 And a big shout out to Pete Walker too 💖
This is most helpful for where I am at right now.
We were abandoned and neglected like derelict house's and now that we have gained agency we need to repair ourselves and make our minds into a happy home.
Richard, your pioneering spirit and courage inspire me to keep trying to heal. Thank you.
Constantly doing this for one’s self protection, I believe it doesn’t allow the pain and stress to manifest. With no pain or stress, no need for the 4-Fs. Which are damaging to one’s self. Self parenting, protecting your inner child! I pray I am interpreting this correctly! If I am, this already gives me hope! Thank you. 🙏
I'm learning to protect myself by cutting ties to relationships that leave me feeling worthless. We teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate.
Richard! This is so bazaar as I took on this exact strategy and it helped but then inevitably the "inner child" would return. After YEARS of struggling with it I tried a more "Zen" approach and learned to accept my Inner Child and comfort it (make it feel safe). The approach actually brought back wonder and joy that I thought I would never see again. / This was a whole process in and of it'self but the results where permanent. Is it possible that different approaches for different folks? The Zen method was WAY harder as well as it took a level of honest & self reflection (meditation) that I think most people would struggle with. Food for thought buddy. Love your work! My favorite on TH-cam btw. Cheers!
PalaNickers Yes, I find that focusing on self compassion has helped the most.
You're right different approaches work for different people. After years of working on healing I found using a combination of Louise Hay's positive affirmations and Eckhart Tolle's methods of meditation worked for me.
It brought up all the trauma in my subconscious to my awareness and in this way I was able to work through them and dissolve them away.
See what Richard Schwartz, founder of internal family systems says on this. The most humane and helpful approach I’ve ever come across. That inner critic is a part of you, literally a ‘part’ within the internal family of parts we all have. Your experience is universal and it’s brave of you to share.
That was wonderful. Thank you Richard. I have tried questioning my inner critic on a number of occasions and I have found it very effective.
I have so been waiting for this
A world without freedom is not a world.
thank you for pressing forward with your ministry helping those of us moving in a good direction towards a goal state living in the fullness of life but struggling to overcome fundamental damage to our psyche. thank you it's all-powerful teachings and making a difference in me along with so many others. .. then it's a ripple effect. be encouraged I'm very grateful
About a year ago, I tried to nail down the exact wording of the critic, instead of just a feeling, and came up with: "I'm a POS on the sidewalk." Only today, I started wondering, why the sidewalk? My first memory in life is me partly lying on the sidewalk in the sunshine watching a few ants go by and feeling good. Now how can that small child be a POS? Big breakthrough dear sir. Tears of joy. There are symbols and recordings, and we can separate from these.
Been following you since 2017 but its only now in 2021 after am i able to understand what you saying.the trauma had numbed me so much . Now the tears are unstoppable. Thanks Richard.
Great thoughts! Thank you - you allways help to make things clear. 🙏 Gollum was as well one of the "titles" I gave that internal voice. I have a "game" to de-power the negative thoughts by calling them paper tiger and imagine a crumpled piece of paper and play with it.
You are being so nice and friendly with your terrorizing inner voice🙂. Almost like an understanding loving friend.
When you said the inner critic is a recording it makes me think back to the 90s with John Bradshaw talking about recordings/tapes. The tapes keep playing in your head. It's nice to be able to tie what I learned in the 90s in with what you say some 20-ish years later.
Just now,I'm reading Pete Walker's book on Cptsd and working on my toxic patterns of childhood, the road is a hard one but Pete's book is encouraging 🙏 Though, I heard about shrinking the critic after watching Richard's videos, thank you, Richard🙏After that,I've begun digging into information and one Russian psychologist and psychotherapist talked about Pete Walker's book on her channel, a pity I haven't found this book earlier, really helpful 👍🌹
Thank you for your videos! This is so helpful!
Brilliant idea to question the critic because that's what narcs do..... totally depend on you yet they try and annihilate you at the same time which you'd have thought would have not been to their benefit - counter-productive, suicide even for them if you go down. Nice one, thank you. xxx Do appreciate the time and effort and self-revelation which goes into all your videos, you're priceless. xx Thanks again. x
Just found u. Thankd so much for staying with the fortress. My life is turning around ANNND it makez sense
Thank you! Much appreciated!
Thank you!
This totally cracked me up, and I love it! Thank you :D
My body started rocking in circles when listening to this, I guess I am upgrading :) forever grateful to your soul
:) Pete Walker’s book was pivotal in my recovery. Thanks for sharing his work.
inner critic yelling from far away "you're still a piece of shit! you still suck!" had me rolling 🤣 I needed that so bad, thank you
This is most valuable!! Many thanks!
Thank you for the humor!!!!!
You flipping crack me up everytime. 😂😂🧡
I love that you use humor as part of your teaching
Thank you Richard. Always so worth every word and chuckle♥️
I've been doing this for a while now but didn't think of it as reparenting, more like ruminating but stuff happen doing it.
I changed my old reactions of letting a bossy person take control to being disgusted of their behavior, attitude and I knew it was a healthy response!
I know I will stop being attracted to bullies continuing on this path and that feels great.
At times I am pissed that I have to interact with them now and then but I chose to think of it as lessons, like little tests on my way. Ok, one more test, how did I handle it at that time? What did I feel, how did I act or did I choose not to act/react because I actually was in control.
I get tired of the bullshit but I'm tired period from burnout so it's just one more brick to carry around. At least I have so much higher hope in my future social life from doing his psycho education.
Thank you Richard and Pete Walker!
Education for the soul.
This is your best video ever!
So simple and amazing!! Thank you for all you do.
Listening to you is helping me heal. Thank you
Thank you from the heart Richard and also Pete. What I needed to hear and learn.
Love listening to you very enjoyable!! And of course life saving! Thank you!
At about 17:16, it would have helped to have you give a reminder(it is a lot of stuff coming at some of us! I was adopted by parents who didn't know how to love unconditionally, + being adopted you have no real mirrors for yourself as you go through childhood-it is very lonely for a lot of us. And I had/have ADHD, so they thought I wasn't intelligent.) "Remember, these thoughts are coming from how your parents loved you etc" This is fantastic btw.
Thank you for sharing Richard 🙏 this is very very important to me, cant wait to see a part two.
Love this too! Made me laugh as well! Looking forward to stage 2 xx
Hi Richard, thanks so much for all of your work and sharing with us.
Thank you, really good that the Fortress mental health protection system exists and great that Pete Walker has contributed in this way. CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving really helped me, you quoted it so often I bought and read it despite being unable to focus and concentrate on any other books at the time. Your work is going from strength to strength and continues to provide much needed actionable information in an accessible way. I am so looking forward to reading your book. Truly grateful for all you do.
Roots Home me 2 ❤️
Excellent Richard, thank you for this video.
Thank you both. 👍🏼 Looking forward to part 2.🌞
Thank you 🙏🏼 May we all heal 💟😌
Ok ive not been long on your channel but you are amazing mate, honestly! Totally happy to Sub, keep up the amazing work, you are a good guy with al ot to give the world!
Really useful Richard, thanks for posting.
I used this and the Socratic method and it worked! You are so wise, Mr. G.
The end part of this video is excellent, very powerful
I think I’ve partially adopted this by speaking to myself in the kind way my girlfriend would speak to me. I thought I was a bit loopy for doing this but now after your video I know I need to take it further and develop the protective side.
If she reads this she’s going to be well freaked out.
I guess that’s still a bit codependent and I need to make it my own 😅😂
Thank you Richard
Yes, I have done that in my imagination...have done that so many times until these emotions and feelings were gone and now I do not have any of these trigers....It was loooong tough journey, but worked for me, so it can work for others too ☀💖🤗
And yes, when you start to make fun of those past events, you are healing for sure or you are completely above it 😆😉👍👊💖
I tried to get this book from the library am so pleased you’re doing this xx
Thanks for your presence, insights, and humor. Appreciate you more than words can say.😌💜
LOVEEE watching ur videos making me understand myself better
I'm so grateful. I hadn't realized how much of a brush-up on this I needed. Still have work to do!
This is brilliant, Richie!!! Thank you for presenting in your fun, real way! Thanks much to Pete Walker! Very encouraging to know that true healing is possible!