Understanding Our Inner Critic - Esther Perel & Dick Schwartz
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ต.ค. 2024
- My colleague Dick Schwartz, PhD joins me for a conversation about our critical voice. We discuss why we have this inner voice and how we can better understand its motivations.
This clip is a part of a longer conversation with Dick Schwartz for Sessions, my online community for therapists, clinicians, and coaches. Each month on Sessions, we tackle an important, challenging issue with recognized experts in the field.
Learn more about becoming a member of Esther Perel's professional community here: sessions.esthe...
This is one of the best videos I have seen on the subject. All the other videos talk about accepting the voice or separating reality from Untruth. This is the only video that said that the voice was actually trying to help you.
Look into dick Schwartz (guy in video - founder of this process - IFS) he has amazing videos and content
Two of my favorite therapists! I absolutely love Dicks work (Internal Family Systems therapy) and I use it in my daily life for myself and with my partner. I also use it with all of my coaching clients and everyone finds it very helpful and illuminating. It's the one therapeutic modality across the board that I've seen work over and over again with pretty much anyone. Genius work!
Your 'partner'? Hmm
@@Andrew-yw6kt what? Lol
@@marcelusdarcyThe 'partner' word is uh, err, um...
Also, instead of calling him DICK can't we just call him Richard, Rich, Richie, Dr Schwartz, anything but DICK! The word has been ruined.
How would you like to be called Dick, huh???😡
You wouldn't like to be called the female variant would you?
@@Andrew-yw6kt it's just gender neutral
This is a different and pragmatic approach (than what I've previously been exposed to) to exploring more about how to deal with shame. I think I could greatly benefit from this approach.
Did you ever get to do it? if yes, what has been the results?
This lady is smart and productive. She is helping thousands of people on a most personal basis. Who else can say this?
I always love Esther and anything she produces soooo much .
Thank god for you, Esther. You Beautiful Soul. : )
I agree.
Esther! I am so delighted that you met with Dick. Please meet with someone that teaches Nonviolent Communication, next!
Been rockin with Esther. Can dig this guy too.
I appreciate everything Esther teaches. Thank you for posting.
This is wonderful! 🧡Thank you Dick Schwartz and Esther. I love you Esther! 🧡xx
I love your job, thanks for your lesson.
But ALSO
I've come to realise
That if you lack the self compassion and mildness to heal and neutralise the "radicalised helper", then it becomes harder to lend others the same compassion and mildness
I mean to say, if you find yourself self critical, you can also project that criticism outwards, too
Wonderful! My boyfriend is extremely critical of himself and puts himself down a lot. So thank you for the advice 😌
Great video... check out Paul Gilbert's Compassion Focused Therapy which is very helpful for self-critical voices.
Wow.... one of the best insights I have ever had so far... happy to understand a bit more what is going on inside... it is a wonderful adventure.... Thank you Esther very much for all your work... I am your big fan ;)
Love IFS and Dick Schwartz (and the sources of his inspiration/method)
Thanks for your support!
It was veeeeery helpful to watch these only 5 minutes. I feel alleviated already and will try to practice this daily. Thank you!
My late dad was e tremly critical. 😔
I visualized talking to him telling him I'm a mature adult n I stand on my own now. He can rest n relax.
He can tell me that he's proud of me .....I've been married for 45 year's and am retired. I chose a good person. Husband n I built a life for ourselves.
TH-cam has hypnosis n meditation on this subject as well. I use it.
❤ Rose
The 8 Cs are genius.
Thank you! Ask the other parts to step aside so you can better see the critic part and approach it with gentle curiosity. Got it! 💗
Hmmm. Interesting that the voice serves a protective means...I like that!
wow Dick Schwartz, Internal Family System ! Thank you !
Dick Schwartz is a blessing. Thank you so much for this!
Two of my favorite people. 🙏🙏
Wow! So much clarity!
I know how to do this. I used to do this but I stopped. It's hard for you to stop because you think if you stopped that critical voice inside of your head you think something bad is going to happen. Like you think you're going to fail, fall short, whatever. And you're so terrified and anxious of that you just won't let that critical voice go. What you don't know is that you're wrong about that. You're scared because you don't know what will happen once that critical voice because that was the only way you know how to operate. You think something bad is going to happen once you stop that inner critical voice.
You just have to take that leap of faith. Just risk that failure and risk that bad thing happening. That's how you stop that critical voice once and for all. Then you will realize that voice was actually only holding you back.
If you're just wishy washy about it, like oh I wish...I would like it if it would stop..its a little inconvenient....you won't do it. You'll only do it when you're desperate and you feel like you'll die without doing it because the misery became so heavy that you can no longer handle it you will be pushed to take that leap of faith. Like death seems better than current way of life.
Just take that risk and jump that's how you stop that critical internal voice forever
Wow! That was clear as mud. Thanks for sharing
Thank you for sharing. It gave me such clear insight to how this works
Taking a leap of faith doesn't work for me. I've tried it numerous times, but because that particular leap of faith doesn't guarantee anything in the future, it feels like a one-time success. IFS works because you finally get to understand the underlying issue. It takes out the critic with all its roots in your system. I'm a big fan!
watching the thumbnail I thought it's Eckhart Tolle :D
This is a well of wisdom...
Thank you so much.
I find this perspective to be a too narrow one. What about the inner critic being an internalized voice of an abuser? Being it dysfunctional parent, a person gaslighted and abused in a relationship etc. He didn’t address any of those options at all while those are the reasons when the inner critic can become a really destructive force. Moreover he claimed that the inner critic is there to protect you. I would most certainly disagree with that but even if this could be the case for some it certainly isn’t for all.
I think if an inner critic is an internalised voice of an abuser, then based on my understanding of the approach discussed in this video, the person still needs to create space with the inner critic.
I agree with you. Those with the negative inner critic wouldn't see it as protective . It seems to many as an intrusion.
The thing is, he states that when the person gets into a mindful place and is able to have curiosity, then the realization that the critic is trying to protect will come. Not when the person is hating it or trying to fight it.
Also, they do state that the inner critic originated earlier in life and to look at who the voice is echoing.
For people who can’t get to this place, it would be a signal of needing more support, perhaps from a professional who can walk through the difficult journey with the client :)
Good point, many times the critic comes from an internalized voice of an abuser. Here is how I look at using ifs with this. The critic is basically a copy of this that has been put in place to protect the inner child or exile from being abused in the future. Often the critic or protector part feels that if it is criticizing you first, then it will prevent it from happening from an external abuser like what happened in the past, so it’s intention is to protect by mimicking the abuser. I have been able to get these kind of critic parts to soften by doing ifs work, which revealed a vulnerable exile part. I am no longer suicidal since the session I had that did this, so I see it as incredibly powerful.
@@silencio1234 cc
For the literal secret of life listen to Andy Stanley’s Better decisions, Fewer Regrets series. AMAZING advice, even if you’re not religious.
Love this
I love my inner voice. It keeps me awear of things going on around me .
Xxxx thank you inner voice
Great insight. What a great share.
Pp
That is insanely good thank you!!
Amazing video. thank you :)
Mine keeps telling me to off myself so...I don't think this applies so much
Pls don't listen to this voice. Are you OK? :(
@@pure_Chaos89 yeah thanks
Esther, you are the best🙂
It has to be hard to grow up without parents.
Thank you Both! 🤗
My inner critic isn't another person in my head-- it's me...
It's a part of you. Your true self is the one who doesn't want it, who tries to argue back
Love this video 👊💯😍😍😍
Thank you very much
All class.
Awareness, Mindfulness, Reflection are great. His reframe that your inner critic is trying to help you doesn’t resonate with me. I find the construct of his IFS model confusing and unnecessarily complex. Check out chair work from Gestalt or how it’s conceptualized in EFT for what I feel is a more natural and flowing way to do inner child work.
I believe he refers to this exact method in his book as a way to simplify the parts conversation. I'm only a few chapters in.
I've tried both Gestalt and EFS, and I find that IFS is the only intuitive therapy so far that addresses the root causes. It genuinely shifts something, where as Gestalt and EFS are temporarily successful.
Yay for Gestalt Therapy leading the way for other modalities that explore parts of self!
This is bull. I've wasted so much money on IFS. Parts don't talk back to you. I never heard a thing except money emptying out of my checking account. I have to say that this woman asked good questions though.
Not bull, actually works. If you cannot hear yourself it is most likely because you have ignored the parts of you for too long. Then they no longer talk to the healthy parts because there are not healthy parts to listen and those parts don’t trust you. This is very similar to inner child work. You have to be open to listening and it is a practice that can take a while.