I’m a recovering FA and I realized I always rebounded like always. I was never just “alone” with my feelings whether it was having flings, texting people, anything to get my mind out of things. This second time being in love, I can’t even try and do that. I want to feel it and release it. Some days are really hard. Some days it gets better. But I know it’s whats best for me.
Yes stay alone to heal… my recent ex rebounds all the time and she never heals. Shes an avoidant. She’s done that for years… she has 3 kids with two different dads. She’s kind of destroying herself. She’s a good friend but that’s as far as it goes not because I wouldn’t like a relationship with her but because I have no choice. She’s not able to have a deep relationship. She still misses me. I can tell because she starts popping out of places where I usually am. Or she’ll post pics that she knows will grab my attention. But she won’t tell me unless she’s reaaally hurting. I have long history with her. We’ve known each other for over 10 years. The more I know her, the more I empathize for her but at the same time I realize it’ll never work. Kinda sad to be honest but I’m good knowing it’s not my fault. In my case she alwaaays comes back, but we just stay friends while spending time together. I purposely stay distant
I feel like when you’re saying this you feel like it’s all validated just because they went through trauma and it’s a complete normal thing when it’s not. These people have serious issues and they’re going to end up alone when they’re older
Unbelievable. It was more of a situationship and it didn't last long, but two FAs mean that the presence of closeness is being bringed up fast. He said that he's got afraid because of that, later that he "erased" his feelings for me in one day and then I found out he went straight into another relationship without working through his problems...only couple weeks later he's texting me saying that he wants to heal, asking me for help. All of that after him being very mean and verbally aggressive a lot of the time, to push me away, being triggered mostly by me being a caring person. I've sent him a video from this channel and that's where I'll stop myself. Needless to say - I've predicted it all happening, including sending him the video, it was all envisioned in my head, thanks to my hypervigilance.
I’m so happy for you that you spotted out early even though it probably didn’t help to heal yourself in the process but I understand the pain! Wish the best for you!
I was the rebound recently. Met this girl who was a FA a few months ago became good friends and spent alot of time together, I developed a crush, communicated this to her and she told me she just started dating my best mate. I set a boundary and asked for space to get over her, she pushed and broke that boundary after 2 weeks... I found out that she broke up with my mate and we started spending alot time together over a 4 week period, we became very close and were both very vulnerable with each other... she turned to me at one stage and said that she "found me very attractive" but wanted me to wait until she got the help and healed herself... I said ok. She ghosted me a week later and went back to my best mate... I asked her what happened and everything we discussed... she told me it was all in my head and she never saw me that way. Honestly broke my heart twice, and lost a group of friends because of it. She told everyone what happened and everyone thinks I'm crazy
Lmaao that's what happens when you're a low quality guy who will accept being a rebound, especially right after they dated your "best mate". Deserved imo
@@Hanson032 Your words right now may become your own emotional prison later. Don't buy into this weak/strong male bullshit and even if you do, don't look down on anybody for navigating their life but be compassionate. If you don't, you may find that you won't be able to accept help when you need it, because you were/are "weak".
I’ve been together with my FA for 5+ years and just out of nowhere she dumped me about a month or two ago. Maybe two to three weeks later she started talking to someone new and met him this past Friday. It hurts so badly but I’m attempting no contact in hope that she remembers all the good times we had because I do feel we had an amazing time together. I am working on myself in the meantime but I’ve just been an absolute wreck over this
How difficult as this feels, let go. Your whole system has changed into needing her to be part of yours and you can't imagine anybody else. The relationship is over. Empty that cup by becoming happy alone. Hope you are doing better
Wow - I’m in a very similar situation - except just one year and she left because I wasn’t a good partner. There was this guy who she would always rebound with - and three days after the breakup she respond to his text he sent while we were together asking if she wanted to grab some drinks. She says there is a path forward if I grow - and I believe her. She was my person - I saw the beautiful future with her 😢.
Omg this is so true, I am shocked. I never rebounded after long relationshipd that hurt a lot; in fact i always needed a ton of time to be able to fall for someone else. But after smaller situationships that don't hurt as much, I can start dating fairly quickly again
I'm FA, leaning secure after three years of therapy and conscious effort, just dated a FA that has the awareness that something needs work, but not the effort or understanding. Really wish this video had been posted two months ago when he choose to make out with his latest fling directly in front of me. :( Regardless, incredibly accurate. I wish my friends could understand this better.
I am so sorry you experienced that, I'm kind of extreme FA leaning DA, but I would never make out with a new fling in front of the last one! I applaud you for leaning secure after much hard work, I hope to one day get there as well, treasure yourself for the gem you are!
We we’re together for five years, lived together, each other’s first love. We are currently 24 and 26 ages. We were about to move so he could go to school. He broke up over text one day 4.5 months ago. I got no closure. He has blocked me and completely ignored me. I found out it only took him maybe two months to get with someone else. So since we do have that depth and time and commitment and he rebounded anyway it really makes me wonder what is wrong with me
Sorry to hear about what you're going through. Maybe he felt so bad and guilty about it that he can't face talking to you and wants to hide away. Not the best way to deal with it but some people do that, maybe from a lack of maturity. Maybe one day in the future he'll come back and try explain but, maybe by then you have found an amazing someone new and won't be available anymore.
Hey love. I see that this was 5 months ago and I hope you’re feeling a little better at this point. I just wanted to tell you it is NOT personal ❤ Nothing is wrong with you honey. What other people do usually has more to do with them than it has to do with you. That’s not to say there is nothing for you to take responsibility for, but the root cause of why people behave the way they do has so much more to do with them, their life/history and trauma than we will ever realize unless they tell us. Most people don’t even know for themselves, and if they do - revealing it is their choice. You are so young and have a gorgeous life ahead of you. Time is your most precious non-renewable resource, spend it so wisely and give it to people who are capable of truly loving you. Sometimes even when people want to love you so badly, they don’t have the tools/awareness/capabilities to do so. It can be so devastating for both parties (perhaps that’s why he rebounded, you never know). And on that note, just because someone is hanging around someone else now, doesn’t meant you won’t always be special to them in some way. Life is so dynamic and complex and there’s often room for two things to exist inside one person and still be very real, even when the things seem contradictory. I think that’s evidence of the fact that life is hard, and people are just doing the best they can with the ultimate, fundamental goal of survival (again, it isn’t personal). I hope you are able to learn and heal so much from this experience and I am wishing you the very best. ❤
I am so sorry you went through that, I hope you are in a great place by now, there for sure is nothing wrong with you!!! It sounds like what you were able to give him was beautiful and the next one that gets to receive that gift from you is absolutely incredibly blessed! You should applaud yourself for your ability to commit, love deeply, plan a future together and go all in. These are incredible traits that deserves to be treasured and treated with care, gratitude and and full reciprocity! Big hugs, and all the best ahead!
@@CarterSams This was a beautiful reply that I am sure has helped many, it felt like a warm hug to me as well as an FA trying to get over a DA and struggling. Thank you for this :)
I’m realizing that am one of those people and that I need to be alone to process the end of my relationship and be honest with myself to be able to move forward and take responsibility so am okay .
@@rideoutlondon mine doesn't tell me in words. but keeps reappearing and playing ridiculous mind games. wants to keep me on a string, if i pull back she lures me in. we have kids together and she has left me with them. the push pull is ridicuous. she goes and sees whoever she wants, but last time this happened she came to look after the kids (whilst in a casual rebound) and thought i was going on a date (i wasn't) she kept texting me and eventually said she wanted to talk but i had to come home that night. we did another 18 months (9 years in total) now triggered hugely and gone again and starting to rebound again. none of it makes any sense and i've been left with a trauma bond to deal with, 2 hurt kids and a good career i can't continue.
@@channelfever659 I have no advice just wanted to wish you and the kids the best and hope that you are able to have good days and good times together in between all the difficulties, I am so sorry you are in this situation, I hope both you and the kids get to spend time doing your favorite activities and feeling moments of strength and freedom amidst the chaos. Be as good a friend as you can to yourself through this, I really hope life can surprise you all positively soon!
How about my ex of 8yrs (our most serious relationship and very deep, though last 1-2 she started retreating) she jumped into a rebound 2 weeks after break up then another 2-3 weeks later with him she moved in with him to another country and got engaged. She had a brief affair with him 5 yrs ago that ended poorly as he was mentally unstable, but except for some texting here and there she had no contact with him until the break up. Even though she has been checked out of our relationship for a while, it seems way to rushed and reboundy to me. Her only other longest relationship she ever had was maybe a year long and none of them were particularly good and I know she has a problem with being alone, she needs constant attention and was often in this "go away, please don't leave me" state. She is def an avoidant, but perhaps an enmeshed DA rather than FA..idk.
I'm going through a rough patch right now with my FA partner. We were together 6 years. She's already talking to another person regularly and it's only been 23 days since our fight. Should I be worried and just give up or trust she'll come around? There was some microcheating from her for the last 2 months at least. I just don't know what to do.
I feel you so so much!! You know, I found that with FA‘s it’s just so difficult to understand sometimes why they act how they act. I’m trying to be gentle and understanding but it’s SO difficult when the person you love is moving on fast. BUT. Actually, what I observed is, that they don’t move on, they search for a connection that is NOT triggering them like before. They want to feel safe with someone and this need is actually so strong, that they will easily use a rebound as a coping mechanism. I know you love her so much, but you matter TOO. Please, don’t wait around for someone who doesn’t choose you, for whatever reason. I’m going through the exact same thing, I want and love him so much but he said he met someone else (and still thinks about me, that’s what he said). So rest assured, she’s not 'moving on', or at least not in a general, healthy sense. She’s doing it her own way and she wants to feel safe. Let her do and figure out for herself, in the meantime, try to shift your focus a little bit on yourself and your own heart and needs. You don’t need to be able to let go right now, you don’t need to able to accept everything she does, but you can choose to give it time and observe. Don’t push her, don’t pull her. Only she knows if she wants to stay. We break a birds wings if we hold it too tight.. I know it’s so hard, but I’m right here with ya❣️❣️
@@Ellael98 hey I just wanted to reply because your response was deep snd thoughtful. She reacted out after valentines day and apologised for playing mind games. She wants to meet tomorrow! Wish me luck!
@mary6087 such wonderful advice girl. I was in the same boat. I'm not going to kid you, it was extremely painful, loving someone who does such hurtful things for reasons we never understand. And compassion empathy and sadness for not only the hurt they caused us, but the hurt they must feel. I'm with you guys. Through that pain it got a little better and easier. I learned so much about myself. It sucked. We have to ask ourselves why we don't set boundaries, but when you do sometimes an FA can some how feel triggered. This advice given was the best. Trust me through much trial and denial after my ex FA left me and within like 3 weeks was out sexing it up, hard. I reached out after, and let me tell you. It was not worth it. I did it twice and each time was worse. Do not chase the FA. This can turn bad for you if you push them. Even expressing love can trigger a nasty response and action and push and it's not something your hurt heart needs right now. Right now, I agree with Mary, focus on yourself. I know easier said than done, but you can do it. The support on here alone can bring so much comfort. What I will say is my FA ex has told me he loves me while seeing someone else and just came across as very cruel. He made absolutely no sense in actions or logic. Be kind to yourself. The best love even will not change an FA unless they are self aware and seeking internal healing. Be kind, walk away from anyone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve. You can love someone and they not be good for you because they have their own journey before they can even be in a healthy relationship. And know after a while, I'd say about 3 months of no contact, or barely, you will feel stronger and better. Live, laugh and open up to different things. In time you will smile and feel firmer in how that relationship made you feel. And if it wasn't fair, appreciated, kind, nor consistent and considerate of you, that person wasn't ready. But that doesn't mean you can't play and date when you're ready. We live once friend. Never ever chase anyone who has not or hasn't yet seen the value in you and what you provide, nor project their healing or personal trauma onto you. Love or not, we do as Thais stresses, need to show up for ourselves.
So the FA should "avoid" a rebound because it will likely perpetuate the death cycle of the relationships for the FA and it also uses another person to help avoid their pain. What does it say about the rebound if they're okay being a rebound or they're just too naive or lonely to care? Very sad and unhealthy pairing.
Instead of the person getting therapy and healing they go and get someone that may be worse then the person they were with smh 🤦♀️ something in there mind is not right
@@rideoutlondon actually yes...a few weeks ago we ran into each other on a hike. It was kinda crazy. K invited her over for dinner that night. We kissed and stuff. We are talking again, but things are moving real slow. She seems interested though, and has been reaching out to me and talking to me
How to talk to U, join to the group U said in these where we get straight answers from U? In Ur Courses do U have live sessions & recorded videos to watch busy ppl?
@@nisanurazizah9966 We met and sparks flew so we traded numbers. We had one date (no sex) and agreed to see each other again. It looked promising. Then he ghosted me for two months. When he reappeared he explained that it was because his mother had died. (I googled it to be sure) We dated hard and exclusively for seven and a half months of bliss and then suddenly he dropped me with no warning saying “it’s not you it’s me” and “I shouldn’t have gotten into another relationship so soon.” He had said that he and his previous girlfriend had broken up seven months before we met. In those two months of ghosting he had asked her to get back together at his mom’s funeral. She said “No, you need therapy.” So in those two months of ghosting I realize in retrospect that he was getting over her again. Did I mention that his ex and I are doppelgängers? He was clearly trying to use me to replace her. Absolutely gutted. He future faked me big time. We’re in our 60’s and it hit me so hard. I thought I’d found my forever person.
Can any FA’s help me? Re what FA’s say during deactivating/breaking up and if they mean it. I got the typical FA list of grievances upon break up then blocked, but then after 48 hrs via email it got worse (saying he didn’t want kids, when I have one) he has since tried to get in touch but hasn’t once apologised so I can’t emotionally stretch to replying. I don’t know if what he said about kids was meant. It’s so painful 😢
I’m currently going through this. We were together 18 months then one day she was suddenly gone after a minor disagreement. When I asked her why she gave me a lot of wishy washy reasons, one of them saying she doesn’t want to be a step mum. All the other reasons were the exact opposite of what she said she wanted beforehand. I think she’s now in a rebound a few weeks after breakup. I feel as though the reasons she gave were to push me as far away as possible, given that I can’t do anything about having a daughter. All of these reasons she’s not mentioned again. In my heart I feel as though she didn’t know what she wanted and had a fight or flight crisis and now using the rebound to suppress the feelings of the break up.
I’m a recovering FA and I realized I always rebounded like always. I was never just “alone” with my feelings whether it was having flings, texting people, anything to get my mind out of things. This second time being in love, I can’t even try and do that. I want to feel it and release it. Some days are really hard. Some days it gets better. But I know it’s whats best for me.
Yes stay alone to heal… my recent ex rebounds all the time and she never heals. Shes an avoidant. She’s done that for years… she has 3 kids with two different dads. She’s kind of destroying herself. She’s a good friend but that’s as far as it goes not because I wouldn’t like a relationship with her but because I have no choice. She’s not able to have a deep relationship. She still misses me. I can tell because she starts popping out of places where I usually am. Or she’ll post pics that she knows will grab my attention. But she won’t tell me unless she’s reaaally hurting. I have long history with her. We’ve known each other for over 10 years. The more I know her, the more I empathize for her but at the same time I realize it’ll never work. Kinda sad to be honest but I’m good knowing it’s not my fault. In my case she alwaaays comes back, but we just stay friends while spending time together. I purposely stay distant
Fart Attacker.
@@joev7014 yes its very sad " forty years of just walking away " she said
I can't imagine how exhausting it must be
Rebounds fail 99%. Even normal relationships fail 70% in first year
I feel like when you’re saying this you feel like it’s all validated just because they went through trauma and it’s a complete normal thing when it’s not. These people have serious issues and they’re going to end up alone when they’re older
When their looks fade… they will be exhausted keeping the mask on
Unbelievable. It was more of a situationship and it didn't last long, but two FAs mean that the presence of closeness is being bringed up fast. He said that he's got afraid because of that, later that he "erased" his feelings for me in one day and then I found out he went straight into another relationship without working through his problems...only couple weeks later he's texting me saying that he wants to heal, asking me for help. All of that after him being very mean and verbally aggressive a lot of the time, to push me away, being triggered mostly by me being a caring person. I've sent him a video from this channel and that's where I'll stop myself. Needless to say - I've predicted it all happening, including sending him the video, it was all envisioned in my head, thanks to my hypervigilance.
I’m so happy for you that you spotted out early even though it probably didn’t help to heal yourself in the process but I understand the pain! Wish the best for you!
@@judyl544 thanks a lot!
I was the rebound recently. Met this girl who was a FA a few months ago became good friends and spent alot of time together, I developed a crush, communicated this to her and she told me she just started dating my best mate. I set a boundary and asked for space to get over her, she pushed and broke that boundary after 2 weeks... I found out that she broke up with my mate and we started spending alot time together over a 4 week period, we became very close and were both very vulnerable with each other... she turned to me at one stage and said that she "found me very attractive" but wanted me to wait until she got the help and healed herself... I said ok. She ghosted me a week later and went back to my best mate... I asked her what happened and everything we discussed... she told me it was all in my head and she never saw me that way. Honestly broke my heart twice, and lost a group of friends because of it. She told everyone what happened and everyone thinks I'm crazy
Lmaao that's what happens when you're a low quality guy who will accept being a rebound, especially right after they dated your "best mate". Deserved imo
@@Hanson032 Kind of fucked of you to say.
@@Hanson032 Your words right now may become your own emotional prison later. Don't buy into this weak/strong male bullshit and even if you do, don't look down on anybody for navigating their life but be compassionate. If you don't, you may find that you won't be able to accept help when you need it, because you were/are "weak".
I’ve been together with my FA for 5+ years and just out of nowhere she dumped me about a month or two ago. Maybe two to three weeks later she started talking to someone new and met him this past Friday. It hurts so badly but I’m attempting no contact in hope that she remembers all the good times we had because I do feel we had an amazing time together. I am working on myself in the meantime but I’ve just been an absolute wreck over this
How difficult as this feels, let go. Your whole system has changed into needing her to be part of yours and you can't imagine anybody else. The relationship is over. Empty that cup by becoming happy alone. Hope you are doing better
Wow - I’m in a very similar situation - except just one year and she left because I wasn’t a good partner.
There was this guy who she would always rebound with - and three days after the breakup she respond to his text he sent while we were together asking if she wanted to grab some drinks.
She says there is a path forward if I grow - and I believe her. She was my person - I saw the beautiful future with her 😢.
Omg this is so true, I am shocked. I never rebounded after long relationshipd that hurt a lot; in fact i always needed a ton of time to be able to fall for someone else. But after smaller situationships that don't hurt as much, I can start dating fairly quickly again
I'm FA, leaning secure after three years of therapy and conscious effort, just dated a FA that has the awareness that something needs work, but not the effort or understanding. Really wish this video had been posted two months ago when he choose to make out with his latest fling directly in front of me. :( Regardless, incredibly accurate. I wish my friends could understand this better.
I am so sorry you experienced that, I'm kind of extreme FA leaning DA, but I would never make out with a new fling in front of the last one! I applaud you for leaning secure after much hard work, I hope to one day get there as well, treasure yourself for the gem you are!
A secure fart attacker?
It would be helpful if you defined “rebound.”
We we’re together for five years, lived together, each other’s first love. We are currently 24 and 26 ages. We were about to move so he could go to school. He broke up over text one day 4.5 months ago. I got no closure. He has blocked me and completely ignored me. I found out it only took him maybe two months to get with someone else. So since we do have that depth and time and commitment and he rebounded anyway it really makes me wonder what is wrong with me
Sorry to hear about what you're going through. Maybe he felt so bad and guilty about it that he can't face talking to you and wants to hide away. Not the best way to deal with it but some people do that, maybe from a lack of maturity. Maybe one day in the future he'll come back and try explain but, maybe by then you have found an amazing someone new and won't be available anymore.
Hey love. I see that this was 5 months ago and I hope you’re feeling a little better at this point. I just wanted to tell you it is NOT personal ❤ Nothing is wrong with you honey. What other people do usually has more to do with them than it has to do with you. That’s not to say there is nothing for you to take responsibility for, but the root cause of why people behave the way they do has so much more to do with them, their life/history and trauma than we will ever realize unless they tell us. Most people don’t even know for themselves, and if they do - revealing it is their choice.
You are so young and have a gorgeous life ahead of you. Time is your most precious non-renewable resource, spend it so wisely and give it to people who are capable of truly loving you. Sometimes even when people want to love you so badly, they don’t have the tools/awareness/capabilities to do so. It can be so devastating for both parties (perhaps that’s why he rebounded, you never know). And on that note, just because someone is hanging around someone else now, doesn’t meant you won’t always be special to them in some way. Life is so dynamic and complex and there’s often room for two things to exist inside one person and still be very real, even when the things seem contradictory. I think that’s evidence of the fact that life is hard, and people are just doing the best they can with the ultimate, fundamental goal of survival (again, it isn’t personal). I hope you are able to learn and heal so much from this experience and I am wishing you the very best. ❤
I am so sorry you went through that, I hope you are in a great place by now, there for sure is nothing wrong with you!!! It sounds like what you were able to give him was beautiful and the next one that gets to receive that gift from you is absolutely incredibly blessed! You should applaud yourself for your ability to commit, love deeply, plan a future together and go all in. These are incredible traits that deserves to be treasured and treated with care, gratitude and and full reciprocity! Big hugs, and all the best ahead!
@@CarterSams This was a beautiful reply that I am sure has helped many, it felt like a warm hug to me as well as an FA trying to get over a DA and struggling. Thank you for this :)
@@eoKingNoodle Hope you feel better soon and I’m glad it helped. Thanks for telling me - that felt like a warm hug to me too. All the best!!
i also asked him if i lacked anything and he said encouragment is what he truly needed and i lacked on that
Thanks for this! Super helpful and insightful.
Best explanation of rebounds ive heard
She's the goat 🐐
I’m realizing that am one of those people and that I need to be alone to process the end of my relationship and be honest with myself to be able to move forward and take responsibility so am okay .
So is the best time to break no contact maybe sooner as they will just rebound… why not just go back to who they were with.
@@stevieberisha561 True but when they tell you they still want to be with you but can’t it’s difficult to let go.
@@rideoutlondon mine doesn't tell me in words. but keeps reappearing and playing ridiculous mind games. wants to keep me on a string, if i pull back she lures me in. we have kids together and she has left me with them. the push pull is ridicuous. she goes and sees whoever she wants, but last time this happened she came to look after the kids (whilst in a casual rebound) and thought i was going on a date (i wasn't) she kept texting me and eventually said she wanted to talk but i had to come home that night. we did another 18 months (9 years in total) now triggered hugely and gone again and starting to rebound again. none of it makes any sense and i've been left with a trauma bond to deal with, 2 hurt kids and a good career i can't continue.
@@channelfever659 sorry to hear this is what you have to deal with
@@channelfever659 I have no advice just wanted to wish you and the kids the best and hope that you are able to have good days and good times together in between all the difficulties, I am so sorry you are in this situation, I hope both you and the kids get to spend time doing your favorite activities and feeling moments of strength and freedom amidst the chaos. Be as good a friend as you can to yourself through this, I really hope life can surprise you all positively soon!
Watching Romantic Comedies, haha! So true eh :)
How about my ex of 8yrs (our most serious relationship and very deep, though last 1-2 she started retreating) she jumped into a rebound 2 weeks after break up then another 2-3 weeks later with him she moved in with him to another country and got engaged. She had a brief affair with him 5 yrs ago that ended poorly as he was mentally unstable, but except for some texting here and there she had no contact with him until the break up. Even though she has been checked out of our relationship for a while, it seems way to rushed and reboundy to me. Her only other longest relationship she ever had was maybe a year long and none of them were particularly good and I know she has a problem with being alone, she needs constant attention and was often in this "go away, please don't leave me" state. She is def an avoidant, but perhaps an enmeshed DA rather than FA..idk.
I'm going through a rough patch right now with my FA partner. We were together 6 years. She's already talking to another person regularly and it's only been 23 days since our fight. Should I be worried and just give up or trust she'll come around? There was some microcheating from her for the last 2 months at least. I just don't know what to do.
I feel you so so much!! You know, I found that with FA‘s it’s just so difficult to understand sometimes why they act how they act. I’m trying to be gentle and understanding but it’s SO difficult when the person you love is moving on fast. BUT. Actually, what I observed is, that they don’t move on, they search for a connection that is NOT triggering them like before. They want to feel safe with someone and this need is actually so strong, that they will easily use a rebound as a coping mechanism. I know you love her so much, but you matter TOO. Please, don’t wait around for someone who doesn’t choose you, for whatever reason. I’m going through the exact same thing, I want and love him so much but he said he met someone else (and still thinks about me, that’s what he said). So rest assured, she’s not 'moving on', or at least not in a general, healthy sense. She’s doing it her own way and she wants to feel safe. Let her do and figure out for herself, in the meantime, try to shift your focus a little bit on yourself and your own heart and needs. You don’t need to be able to let go right now, you don’t need to able to accept everything she does, but you can choose to give it time and observe. Don’t push her, don’t pull her. Only she knows if she wants to stay. We break a birds wings if we hold it too tight.. I know it’s so hard, but I’m right here with ya❣️❣️
@@Ellael98 hey I just wanted to reply because your response was deep snd thoughtful. She reacted out after valentines day and apologised for playing mind games. She wants to meet tomorrow! Wish me luck!
@@ItsOnlyLogixal Very good! But don’t forget: it’s YOUR heart and worth too and you need to set boundaries.
@@ItsOnlyLogixal so please take Care of yourself :)
@mary6087 such wonderful advice girl. I was in the same boat. I'm not going to kid you, it was extremely painful, loving someone who does such hurtful things for reasons we never understand. And compassion empathy and sadness for not only the hurt they caused us, but the hurt they must feel. I'm with you guys. Through that pain it got a little better and easier. I learned so much about myself. It sucked. We have to ask ourselves why we don't set boundaries, but when you do sometimes an FA can some how feel triggered. This advice given was the best. Trust me through much trial and denial after my ex FA left me and within like 3 weeks was out sexing it up, hard. I reached out after, and let me tell you. It was not worth it. I did it twice and each time was worse. Do not chase the FA. This can turn bad for you if you push them. Even expressing love can trigger a nasty response and action and push and it's not something your hurt heart needs right now. Right now, I agree with Mary, focus on yourself. I know easier said than done, but you can do it. The support on here alone can bring so much comfort. What I will say is my FA ex has told me he loves me while seeing someone else and just came across as very cruel. He made absolutely no sense in actions or logic. Be kind to yourself. The best love even will not change an FA unless they are self aware and seeking internal healing. Be kind, walk away from anyone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve. You can love someone and they not be good for you because they have their own journey before they can even be in a healthy relationship. And know after a while, I'd say about 3 months of no contact, or barely, you will feel stronger and better. Live, laugh and open up to different things. In time you will smile and feel firmer in how that relationship made you feel. And if it wasn't fair, appreciated, kind, nor consistent and considerate of you, that person wasn't ready. But that doesn't mean you can't play and date when you're ready. We live once friend. Never ever chase anyone who has not or hasn't yet seen the value in you and what you provide, nor project their healing or personal trauma onto you. Love or not, we do as Thais stresses, need to show up for ourselves.
Thais, do they return after this usually it is it dead in the water? This is spot on
So the FA should "avoid" a rebound because it will likely perpetuate the death cycle of the relationships for the FA and it also uses another person to help avoid their pain. What does it say about the rebound if they're okay being a rebound or they're just too naive or lonely to care? Very sad and unhealthy pairing.
Instead of the person getting therapy and healing they go and get someone that may be worse then the person they were with smh 🤦♀️ something in there mind is not right
FA hasn't rebounded yet as far as I can tell after 2 months but sure wish she'd come back
Any news
@@rideoutlondon actually yes...a few weeks ago we ran into each other on a hike. It was kinda crazy. K invited her over for dinner that night. We kissed and stuff. We are talking again, but things are moving real slow. She seems interested though, and has been reaching out to me and talking to me
@@laconsuela69 Amazing news. Keeps things slow and steady.
geez talk about knowing someone better than they know themselves.
How to talk to U, join to the group U said in these where we get straight answers from U? In Ur Courses do U have live sessions & recorded videos to watch busy ppl?
Please define rebounding in this context.
I would say jumping into another new relationship rather quickly
What the hell do you mean? Clear as day what she means
What do you mean rebound?
I was his rebound and it hurt like hell.
Me too. Hope you’re doing okay
How was that? What did he do in that rebound relationship? My bf of 7 years replaced me within only 1 months
@@nisanurazizah9966
We met and sparks flew so we traded numbers. We had one date (no sex) and agreed to see each other again. It looked promising. Then he ghosted me for two months.
When he reappeared he explained that it was because his mother had died. (I googled it to be sure) We dated hard and exclusively for seven and a half months of bliss and then suddenly he dropped me with no warning saying “it’s not you it’s me” and “I shouldn’t have gotten into another relationship so soon.”
He had said that he and his previous girlfriend had broken up seven months before we met. In those two months of ghosting he had asked her to get back together at his mom’s funeral. She said “No, you need therapy.”
So in those two months of ghosting I realize in retrospect that he was getting over her again. Did I mention that his ex and I are doppelgängers? He was clearly trying to use me to replace her. Absolutely gutted. He future faked me big time. We’re in our 60’s and it hit me so hard. I thought I’d found my forever person.
Can any FA’s help me? Re what FA’s say during deactivating/breaking up and if they mean it. I got the typical FA list of grievances upon break up then blocked, but then after 48 hrs via email it got worse (saying he didn’t want kids, when I have one) he has since tried to get in touch but hasn’t once apologised so I can’t emotionally stretch to replying. I don’t know if what he said about kids was meant. It’s so painful 😢
You deserve so much better...that's not normal
I’m currently going through this. We were together 18 months then one day she was suddenly gone after a minor disagreement. When I asked her why she gave me a lot of wishy washy reasons, one of them saying she doesn’t want to be a step mum. All the other reasons were the exact opposite of what she said she wanted beforehand. I think she’s now in a rebound a few weeks after breakup. I feel as though the reasons she gave were to push me as far away as possible, given that I can’t do anything about having a daughter. All of these reasons she’s not mentioned again. In my heart I feel as though she didn’t know what she wanted and had a fight or flight crisis and now using the rebound to suppress the feelings of the break up.
Crazy