It turns out that 9 in 10 of you watching aren’t subscribed yet! 😲 If you’re enjoying our videos, subscribing is a quick and easy way to make sure you never miss out on new episodes with our expert and celebrity guests. Plus, you hitting subscribe really helps us to get the word out and help others with our content! No matter what, we love reading every one of your comments and we're so grateful to have you here! 🙏
As a first born daughter from an African-British household, being with a man demands too much of me. I have already been raised as a second mum by parents from a young age to take care of siblings, it’s mentally exhausting. So unless a man wants to be with me to help make my life easier I’m not interested. I’m good on my own, prove to me that being with you is beneficial.
@ Same! Unfortunately we’ve been socialized to not use it for our benefit. For those of us who have learned about our power and how to use it to our advantage. We have a duty to teach those willing to listen and share information to those who are unaware. Women are worth more than gold
@@khadijaknox2734 I love your comment. I too love listening to Chidera because she helps me stand in my power, rather than be in a position of fear, pain and despair. My boyfriend obviously thinks otherwise upon hearing my thoughts and hopes I stop listening to these 'feminist rituals' 😂I dislike that standing up for yourself as a woman and demanding your needs to be met is framed as being problematic.
I agree with Chidera that investing in potential very rarely works. Shared values is key here. It’s smarter to select someone who can improve your life instead of dragging you down. There are tons of brilliant and good hearted people in the world who never rise above their circumstances and end up using women’s time and resources to live out a fantasy instead of taking action.
Only when you are poor at chosing the right partner. Many women go with mundane things and end up being blinded by the physical and sex over sustenance.
Am 45. A 50 year old man proposed to me clearly telling me he wants me to be close to her 70 year old mom who is a a stroke survivor. I make double what he makes and work full time. I rejected him right away. Mutual friends convinced me to talk to him more. I did for six months and walked away for good. Nothing in there for me except to cook and clean after him and his mom, fulfil his sexual needs and pay my own bills too because he keeps calling me boss babe. I blocked him and his mom. I was an idiot for wasting six months and not trusting my instincts.
I just love this interview. She is speaking facts as unfortunate as it sounds. I feel like she’s saying that we as women must pay more attention to the reality of the world we live in and move accordingly. We can consider “love” but it must include the practical in addition to the emotional.
As someone who has been in a relationship for 16 years, married for 12 of those years, you are absolutely correct. I have been on a journey that has taught me a lot about how men operate, and how women's desire to be loved solely has betrayed them time and time again. I was one of those women. I wanted from my husband what he could not deliver unconditional love. I had to seek it from within and set boundaries being very intentional on what I would and would not approve. It took action of me changing and my new definition of self love to see this. Men are very conditional and love through the lens of how it benefits them first and foremost. If they value you, they will invest in you. Don't get me wrong my husband loves me and puts me and our daughter first. I am also very well looked after and do not have to worry financially, however, I fully understand that because it benefits him also to look after me, it makes it very easy for him to do so without resentment, because he is naturally a nurturer and that extends beyond financially. What Chidera is speaking on is correct, she understand the psychology of men and patriarchy and is intelligent to use it to her benefit.
What an incredible conversation! I was happily surprised to see that she was a guest because while she has unconventional views, she's super intelligent and well-informed, so her perspective can add insight and dimension even if you disagree -- unless you're being completely close-minded. Definitely sending this to some people to watch because there's so much to bite into here.
I have seen this girl around before and previously wrote her off because sometimes I find her rhetoric/delivery inflammatory and separatist. In general, I have a hard time resonating with world views that frame men and women in competition with one another. I was surprised to see how much I agreed with some of her takes here. I think it made a big difference to have had an interviewer who received her perspective with genuine curiosity and openness, it made for a stimulating conversation and opened my mind as well.
Really enjoying this interview. Chidera's comparison of marriage to the lowest paid form of sex work, it is so valid. So many men believe they are owed sex and and cleaning and cooking and children and that women should be happy to just be asked to enter this arrangement because they are a 'high value' man. If women don't fawn over them and flock to them, men are disgruntled. Women just want to be safe and be respected. I really respect women who opt out of this system and build sisterhood with their friends, reject the idea that we are meant to have children and reject the current system in all its forms.
I agree 💯 here with you. Lots of comments agree and a few expectedly defensive - because how scary to have women finally know their worth and act on it ❤
@@EssentialHealthwithAmanda Bemusing not scary. Worth is mostly determined by what someone is prepared to pay for it. Otherwise it ends up on the reduced items shelf.
@@wirralh770 You've seemed to conveniently forget that women collectively bring far more value than any "high value" man full stop. Life starts and stops with us. Your so-called "average" woman can determine as to whether future generations will exist. Men are not the prize collectively. The "high value" ones offer security and stability financially, and even with that being said, women today are ensuring that they secure their own financial futures
A wonderfully articulate and radically self-advocating woman. Very inspiring and im so excited about this next wave of feminism for what it means in the day to day lives of women. A lot of people seem to like hearing from her while saying "even though I dont agree with all the things she says". I'm really curious which specific parts of what she is saying people actually disagree with, including Paul.
I think it’s in how she says it. I appreciate her mind and the perspective she brings to things but it’s all a touchy subject. Human beings are selfish and if we (men and the society) can be open-minded to an equally beneficial relationship; we would see she isn’t far from the truth
Me. I am also one of those who do not agree with everything thing she says. I think for me, it is the shock that I actually agree with more than I am willing to admit. I am still working this out with myself. Excellent conversation 👏🏿
She's incredible, and i feel seen now that as I've grown, i have less desire for relationships and i thought something was wrong with me. But it is okay to live your life in a way that works for you.
I love that Paul understands the value of having an open, observant mind and giving us the opportunity to look at ourselves to see why some things don’t sit well. Then and only then can we choose to release projection and invite ourselves in to respect and have more compassion for others.
Assets matter - the free labour women provide in marriages demands some "payback"!! Pauls situation with his wife is exceptional - definitely not the norm!!
Chidera is absolutely right about most of this. And I get that things turned out well for his wife cashing out her retirement...but that is indeed an exception and I wouldn't suggest any woman doing that. Women are always pushed the exception and thats what most women chase at detriment of themselves.
The interviewer is beautiful, gorgeous, refreshibg and honest. He was able to state he disagreed without tearing her apart or engaging in a battle of opinions. . She left as she came ..in tact in her own world. I have subscribes. I dont even know how this video camenup on my feed because I stay away from any sort if topic that features dominitrix. But hey, I watched the whole bloody interview. Power to this lady, she sooke her truth and held her own. Beautiful
people don’t like it when others challenge or don’t go along with the social norms they’ve accepted, succumbed to, or that they even want for themselves - whether conforming to those norms actually works for them or not. we don’t like it when people deviate from the crowd/majority. it can be confronting. and it shows in some of these comments. that’s humanity for you, though: “be like me so i can feel comfortable with myself, my choices, and with you.” it’s refreshing to see honest, self-aware, open-minded comments here too!
Chidera is amazing! She is a necessary voice for today's black woman. And yes the host is an outlier of men. Most women who build a bear, end up getting cheated on and left when that man is built.
❤❤❤ been a follower of her and her books for a couple of years. Her work along with therapy, reading, decentering men, meditation, and yoga helped me heal and get into my inner power. ♥️
I always always value Chidera’s thoughts, even if I don’t always agree with her opinions. I’m so glad you had her come on here Paul❤️ the conversation duo the world absolutely needed👌🏻
I don't think we understand this huge offering of hers. Choosing to speak on these things on large platforms, accepting all the backlash that comes from it- all to show women around the world another way to operate. Her drive to uplift and empower comes from a pure place, and I so respect her for that.
Looooooove this! Thank you so much for elevating her movement and having capacity for this conversation. Especially as a black man. This is so awesome! 👏🏾
I thoroughly loved Chidera, what an amazing woman. The interview had me hooked and loved the thinking outside box with such precision and articulate with her word. I was devastated that the interview came to an end. Really appreciated this!
Brilliant conversation, I’m so glad you had her as a guest. It’s an opportunity for us to really listen to her as a thought leader. Her podcast is much more abrasive which I also enjoy. But this allows her to connect her views and brand to the systems of sexism/patriarchy that leads to violence against women. So women do therefore have to be careful/strategic about who we partner with in a violent/transactional society. She’s a gem! And so is your podcast Paul!
“Dating is a Choice & It’s important to interrogate those choices” for me resounds with Stevie Wonders lyric “When you believe in things you don’t understand.. you suffer”
I've loved many men and my dream was to find a good man, marry and have kids. But men always took advantage of me. That is why at 33 I have given up on men. No more wasted effort, cooking food and waiting for him to be 2 hours late, getting insulted and abused and cheated on. The rest of my life is for me.
Great interview! Slumflower is a force and while i don't agree with some of her views .... I do get in patriarchal world why her views exist, it's to combat what's going on with men targeting women and other social issues and she definitely brings conversation to the forefront
This was my first time watching this podcast but I'm a long time supporter of Chidera and all of her iterations. Her books and online presence have helped me demand more from romantic prospects, and reframe my approach to money and men. Chidera is a truth teller! This conversation was so beautiful, Paul your speaking voice is incredible! So relaxing to listen to you both, as you both are brilliant and open-minded! ❤
I've never watched your videos and I appreciated that you treated her with the utmost respect, and listened to understand and learn vs listening to respond, or to judge/ make her feel like she must justify her lifestyle to you vs sharing it. I also loved your level of enthusiasm and curiosity! You all have a great rapport, and no one would think this is the first time you've spoken. My only constructive criticism is that I would have loved to listen to Chidera, the BDSM expert in this exchange, give the definition of BDSM. That would have created an opportunity for the audience to be taught new information with all of the experience, context, insight, and nuance she brought to the answers of each question you posed. Great interview.
I appreciate you really listening and being open to her because it allowed me to learn so much from this conversation and is feeding into my new desire to expect more from my romantic relationships with people who are more privileged than me in this world. I was already a fan of slumflower and now I’m a new fan of you 🥰
That's crazy. Because we clearly are. That's why there's so much emphasis on dominating women and making us believe that we need to be led ,control, shamed and be attached to a male to have some kind of worth. The amount of abuse women and girls go through in this world. Is all to make women feel small and not to be empowered.
Wow amazing podcast and a very thought provoking podcast.I feel empowered as a woman listening to Childeria. Taking back your power as a woman in society is so refreshing to listen to.
Great insight into a world I am totally uneducated in. So much truth in her words but also feels so alien! As I get older I can really see how all of us are fixed in this specific roles that in our modern world really are nonsense! I do love being married though ❤
I’m more in love with the commentary and how Paul finds a way to explain perspectives better cos it’s important not to be distracted with who the messenger is or how it is being delivered. Let’s focus on the message and let’s be open minded to see how life can be better for both parties in a romantic partnership.
Paul, I love what your wife did for you. She's a real woman. But you were 25. That's very young. You had tons of ambition and potential. I probably would have done the same if I was at that age. But there's no way im doing that for a 50 year old who's approachineg retirement. He's starting to wind down at that age and will very rarely have that burning ambition to spur him to be better.
Her childhood is exactly like mine. Exactly. I guilt tripped myself into talking to her again but haven't seen her face to face in 6 years. She's too old to change so I'm not going to force her. The weekly phone call to check on her will have to suffice.
This was a great conversation! I follow her on Instagram and, as you said at the end, she has a gift of elevating the conversation around women's experiences with men. Her voice is truly needed!
what a great episode. first time listening to this podcast, never heard of Chidera, really enjoyed hearing her story and perspectives even the ones that I don't agree with. subscribed!
HONESTLY! Like the woman emptied out her RETIREMENT FUND for her husband’s business - that selflessness is to another level. That could have gone left but I’m glad it didn’t
She is right in a lot she says, but marriage being enslavement is not my story. I adore marriage and my husband is everything to me, and I to him. She's bitter from experience of herself and seeing the pain other women go through. In part, I feel most women shouldn't do it (unless they had a man with my values) and I feel like the bar is so low, I'd never want another man a long as i Iive if I lost mine to illness, or example. Marriage is only enslavement if you marry someone not worthy of you and you let it be. It's A-OK to be alone otherwise. Great conversation ❤
She acknowledges that this is a lot of women's experience as you also do in saying you wouldn't want another man if not for your husband and the bar is low. Unfortunately a lot of women settle for men who mistreat them because of this low bar. She said in the interview she is open to marriage she just has high expectations and wants to be cared for! It sounds like you actually agree with eachother entirely 😊
@lapril95 i guess so, you're right. I wish more women had her sense of value and worth. I think she states things in a very shocking and attention seeking obnoxious way at times-BUT- after understating her more and more as the podcast went on, I can see it's very intelligent on her part - as it sparks healthy debate. Paul was the perfect person to have this chat with her, as he has such a beautiful communication style and he really gives people space to express themselves without it spiraling into a heated exchange. I've sent this podcast to all of my friends this , sadly, some of which are either alone or settling for less than they deserve! I cannot get on board with a couple of things she said though. For example, I've built a beautiful life with my husband, always being the highest earner - and I've encouraged his development and confidence. But I loved him and wanted to, and it's only in our 12th year together did he match my equal pay. Year 15 approaches and he's set to be overtaking me now..... but I rest more, I can slow down..... he worships and appreciates me in ways now that he's always prayed for- booking the trips, buying the presents... to see him finally reach his potential has been a beautiful journey and I respect him more than I ever have for watching his growth and determination. I love him deeper, and he does for me too. It's a path I'd take again, a thousand times over. I knew he was worth it and I've loved the jounrey. My only real fear in life at this point; is losing one another. It's a rare type of love, which I'm acutely aware of, but I'd never advocate refusing to love someone based on material things. If they respect you and the deep, emotional care and support is always present and they're hustling hard - give it a chance I say! 💯
Totally diaagree with most of what she said, but she articulates herself and views very well. Ahes doing what makes HER happy, and that's what counts. Not sure how young she is, but this may be a generational thing. Absolutely love that she promotes therapy, and healthy child:parent relationships.
How can you have a progressive view of love and talk about how problematic it can be when woman romanticise love which js a great point but then be financially entitled and want a man who pays for everything? This sounds like you were just weaponising feminism to suit your needs.
This woman is like dynamite 🧨 she is spot in her analysis of everything!! Unreal 10/10 interview. And I agree with that love for women has to include financial secruity. Now i disagree with it all being built already because a successful man will always be striving for more. Everyone women has to decide what their baseline struggle can be!
It's such a dismissive comment to say "Heal" rather than sit with the discomfort this conversation brings up. When someone has healed but not to the end result of acceptance the oppression with "understanding and compassion" that doesn't mean they ain't healed
Oh my goodness. Evrey. Single. Thing. This fabulous guest is saying is resonating. Sadly but I’m hoping my dad breaks up with my mum and he comes back!!!
It turns out that 9 in 10 of you watching aren’t subscribed yet! 😲
If you’re enjoying our videos, subscribing is a quick and easy way to make sure you never miss out on new episodes with our expert and celebrity guests.
Plus, you hitting subscribe really helps us to get the word out and help others with our content!
No matter what, we love reading every one of your comments and we're so grateful to have you here! 🙏
As a first born daughter from an African-British household, being with a man demands too much of me. I have already been raised as a second mum by parents from a young age to take care of siblings, it’s mentally exhausting. So unless a man wants to be with me to help make my life easier I’m not interested. I’m good on my own, prove to me that being with you is beneficial.
Don't blame you! Why should women be expected to be with a man who adds no value?
th-cam.com/video/u6Rl7FuSXxA/w-d-xo.html
I AM YOU; YOU ARE ME. I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME WAY
SAME PREACH
🙌
This was a great interview. She has become one of my most favorite people to listen to. Chidera is saving lives of women across the world!
I really wish more women really knew their power!
@ Same! Unfortunately we’ve been socialized to not use it for our benefit. For those of us who have learned about our power and how to use it to our advantage. We have a duty to teach those willing to listen and share information to those who are unaware. Women are worth more than gold
@@khadijaknox2734 I love your comment. I too love listening to Chidera because she helps me stand in my power, rather than be in a position of fear, pain and despair. My boyfriend obviously thinks otherwise upon hearing my thoughts and hopes I stop listening to these 'feminist rituals' 😂I dislike that standing up for yourself as a woman and demanding your needs to be met is framed as being problematic.
@@melissamillion6869💯✨💗your bf better be careful, he is saying things that make him sound like an ex boyfriend 🤣🔥❤️
I agree with Chidera that investing in potential very rarely works. Shared values is key here. It’s smarter to select someone who can improve your life instead of dragging you down. There are tons of brilliant and good hearted people in the world who never rise above their circumstances and end up using women’s time and resources to live out a fantasy instead of taking action.
Only when you are poor at chosing the right partner. Many women go with mundane things and end up being blinded by the physical and sex over sustenance.
We all been there u end up disappointed
@@KADIMO_parents aren’t teaching young girls how pick the right partner.
Parents are teaching, unfortunately they are also teaching people to deceive, pretend or be unaware...pretending to be the right partner.
Am 45. A 50 year old man proposed to me clearly telling me he wants me to be close to her 70 year old mom who is a a stroke survivor. I make double what he makes and work full time. I rejected him right away. Mutual friends convinced me to talk to him more. I did for six months and walked away for good. Nothing in there for me except to cook and clean after him and his mom, fulfil his sexual needs and pay my own bills too because he keeps calling me boss babe. I blocked him and his mom. I was an idiot for wasting six months and not trusting my instincts.
Good! Value yourself always
Good for you
You did good
Clapping for ya 🤎🤎🤎 Dodged a stray or 2 😂
Thank you for sharing, setting boundaries and looking out for yourself.
I just love this interview. She is speaking facts as unfortunate as it sounds. I feel like she’s saying that we as women must pay more attention to the reality of the world we live in and move accordingly. We can consider “love” but it must include the practical in addition to the emotional.
Facts to u?
As someone who has been in a relationship for 16 years, married for 12 of those years, you are absolutely correct. I have been on a journey that has taught me a lot about how men operate, and how women's desire to be loved solely has betrayed them time and time again. I was one of those women. I wanted from my husband what he could not deliver unconditional love. I had to seek it from within and set boundaries being very intentional on what I would and would not approve. It took action of me changing and my new definition of self love to see this.
Men are very conditional and love through the lens of how it benefits them first and foremost. If they value you, they will invest in you. Don't get me wrong my husband loves me and puts me and our daughter first. I am also very well looked after and do not have to worry financially, however, I fully understand that because it benefits him also to look after me, it makes it very easy for him to do so without resentment, because he is naturally a nurturer and that extends beyond financially. What Chidera is speaking on is correct, she understand the psychology of men and patriarchy and is intelligent to use it to her benefit.
@@kwameopoku3576 Yes to me and a few others out there. As I’m the only one I can control then that’s all that matters to me.
What an incredible conversation! I was happily surprised to see that she was a guest because while she has unconventional views, she's super intelligent and well-informed, so her perspective can add insight and dimension even if you disagree -- unless you're being completely close-minded. Definitely sending this to some people to watch because there's so much to bite into here.
I have seen this girl around before and previously wrote her off because sometimes I find her rhetoric/delivery inflammatory and separatist. In general, I have a hard time resonating with world views that frame men and women in competition with one another. I was surprised to see how much I agreed with some of her takes here. I think it made a big difference to have had an interviewer who received her perspective with genuine curiosity and openness, it made for a stimulating conversation and opened my mind as well.
Starting a Petition for the Paul and Chidera talk show 🎙️
absolutely !! the interviewer was wonderful
I’m 5 minutes in and I feel SO seen already my word! This is game changing for young black women!! Thank you for this!
Really enjoying this interview. Chidera's comparison of marriage to the lowest paid form of sex work, it is so valid. So many men believe they are owed sex and and cleaning and cooking and children and that women should be happy to just be asked to enter this arrangement because they are a 'high value' man. If women don't fawn over them and flock to them, men are disgruntled. Women just want to be safe and be respected. I really respect women who opt out of this system and build sisterhood with their friends, reject the idea that we are meant to have children and reject the current system in all its forms.
The high value man wants a high value woman, not an entitled average one who thinks she's a prize
I agree 💯 here with you. Lots of comments agree and a few expectedly defensive - because how scary to have women finally know their worth and act on it ❤
@@EssentialHealthwithAmanda Bemusing not scary. Worth is mostly determined by what someone is prepared to pay for it. Otherwise it ends up on the reduced items shelf.
@@wirralh770 you find it bemusing for women to know their worth? Are you ok 🤣
@@wirralh770 You've seemed to conveniently forget that women collectively bring far more value than any "high value" man full stop. Life starts and stops with us. Your so-called "average" woman can determine as to whether future generations will exist. Men are not the prize collectively. The "high value" ones offer security and stability financially, and even with that being said, women today are ensuring that they secure their own financial futures
A wonderfully articulate and radically self-advocating woman. Very inspiring and im so excited about this next wave of feminism for what it means in the day to day lives of women. A lot of people seem to like hearing from her while saying "even though I dont agree with all the things she says". I'm really curious which specific parts of what she is saying people actually disagree with, including Paul.
I think it’s in how she says it. I appreciate her mind and the perspective she brings to things but it’s all a touchy subject. Human beings are selfish and if we (men and the society) can be open-minded to an equally beneficial relationship; we would see she isn’t far from the truth
Me. I am also one of those who do not agree with everything thing she says. I think for me, it is the shock that I actually agree with more than I am willing to admit. I am still working this out with myself. Excellent conversation 👏🏿
She's incredible, and i feel seen now that as I've grown, i have less desire for relationships and i thought something was wrong with me. But it is okay to live your life in a way that works for you.
I love that Paul understands the value of having an open, observant mind and giving us the opportunity to look at ourselves to see why some things don’t sit well. Then and only then can we choose to release projection and invite ourselves in to respect and have more compassion for others.
Assets matter - the free labour women provide in marriages demands some "payback"!! Pauls situation with his wife is exceptional - definitely not the norm!!
Chidera is absolutely right about most of this. And I get that things turned out well for his wife cashing out her retirement...but that is indeed an exception and I wouldn't suggest any woman doing that. Women are always pushed the exception and thats what most women chase at detriment of themselves.
Absolutely, I would never DREAM of gambling my retirement on a 25 year old boy. Very lucky for her that this paid off it could have been awful!
For every one of his wife, there's 5 women who lived to regret that decision. I'm not taking that risk. Ever.
Time will tell if she is the exception... As Chidera said it was a huge gamble.
The interviewer is beautiful, gorgeous, refreshibg and honest. He was able to state he disagreed without tearing her apart or engaging in a battle of opinions. . She left as she came ..in tact in her own world. I have subscribes. I dont even know how this video camenup on my feed because I stay away from any sort if topic that features dominitrix. But hey, I watched the whole bloody interview. Power to this lady, she sooke her truth and held her own. Beautiful
people don’t like it when others challenge or don’t go along with the social norms they’ve accepted, succumbed to, or that they even want for themselves - whether conforming to those norms actually works for them or not. we don’t like it when people deviate from the crowd/majority. it can be confronting. and it shows in some of these comments. that’s humanity for you, though: “be like me so i can feel comfortable with myself, my choices, and with you.” it’s refreshing to see honest, self-aware, open-minded comments here too!
Comeplety agree!
Chidera is amazing! She is a necessary voice for today's black woman. And yes the host is an outlier of men. Most women who build a bear, end up getting cheated on and left when that man is built.
❤❤❤ been a follower of her and her books for a couple of years. Her work along with therapy, reading, decentering men, meditation, and yoga helped me heal and get into my inner power. ♥️
Cheering for you Queen! 👑🔥✨✨❤️❤️❤️
I always always value Chidera’s thoughts, even if I don’t always agree with her opinions. I’m so glad you had her come on here Paul❤️ the conversation duo the world absolutely needed👌🏻
What an outside of the box thinker that really knows how to get our community to have hard conversations and debates.
First 20 minutes and I've learnt so much!
Paul is a great interviewer, he allows guests to answer fully and his questions are so relevant.
I don't think we understand this huge offering of hers. Choosing to speak on these things on large platforms, accepting all the backlash that comes from it- all to show women around the world another way to operate. Her drive to uplift and empower comes from a pure place, and I so respect her for that.
Looooooove this! Thank you so much for elevating her movement and having capacity for this conversation. Especially as a black man. This is so awesome! 👏🏾
I thoroughly loved Chidera, what an amazing woman. The interview had me hooked and loved the thinking outside box with such precision and articulate with her word. I was devastated that the interview came to an end. Really appreciated this!
So happy you enjoyed! 🙌
She is incredibly intelligent, whether you agree with her or not
Long time
Do u agree with her
Brilliant conversation, I’m so glad you had her as a guest. It’s an opportunity for us to really listen to her as a thought leader. Her podcast is much more abrasive which I also enjoy. But this allows her to connect her views and brand to the systems of sexism/patriarchy that leads to violence against women. So women do therefore have to be careful/strategic about who we partner with in a violent/transactional society. She’s a gem! And so is your podcast Paul!
“Dating is a Choice & It’s important to interrogate those choices” for me resounds with Stevie Wonders lyric “When you believe in things you don’t understand.. you suffer”
Her mind is switched on. Absolutely love this interview & her ! 🌹
I love Childera, she’s a fresh breath of air in a world which is middle class, polite feminism.
I've loved many men and my dream was to find a good man, marry and have kids. But men always took advantage of me. That is why at 33 I have given up on men.
No more wasted effort, cooking food and waiting for him to be 2 hours late, getting insulted and abused and cheated on. The rest of my life is for me.
Good girl! And she’s clear and concise. Peckham really birthed some greats ❤
BRILLIANT!!!! SO TRUE! I absolutely love her!
Omg my two favourite people in one podcast! HEAVEN ❤
IN CHIDDY WE TRUST
such an unexpected but pleasant surprise guest!! love slumflower she's going places and I love that for her
Great interview! Slumflower is a force and while i don't agree with some of her views .... I do get in patriarchal world why her views exist, it's to combat what's going on with men targeting women and other social issues and she definitely brings conversation to the forefront
This was my first time watching this podcast but I'm a long time supporter of Chidera and all of her iterations. Her books and online presence have helped me demand more from romantic prospects, and reframe my approach to money and men. Chidera is a truth teller! This conversation was so beautiful, Paul your speaking voice is incredible! So relaxing to listen to you both, as you both are brilliant and open-minded! ❤
His voice is soooo soothing. 💚
I've never watched your videos and I appreciated that you treated her with the utmost respect, and listened to understand and learn vs listening to respond, or to judge/ make her feel like she must justify her lifestyle to you vs sharing it. I also loved your level of enthusiasm and curiosity! You all have a great rapport, and no one would think this is the first time you've spoken. My only constructive criticism is that I would have loved to listen to Chidera, the BDSM expert in this exchange, give the definition of BDSM. That would have created an opportunity for the audience to be taught new information with all of the experience, context, insight, and nuance she brought to the answers of each question you posed. Great interview.
I appreciate you really listening and being open to her because it allowed me to learn so much from this conversation and is feeding into my new desire to expect more from my romantic relationships with people who are more privileged than me in this world. I was already a fan of slumflower and now I’m a new fan of you 🥰
Estranged from my Nigerian parents too!! And entire family. So grateful for Chidera spreading light on that topic ❤️🔥
I wasted 25 years of my life trying to please my Nigerian parents and family members. Never again. This is the end.
Absolutely loved this because I am the ONLY woman I have heard say that women are higher than men.
yes, we are indeed! i love her
That's crazy. Because we clearly are. That's why there's so much emphasis on dominating women and making us believe that we need to be led ,control, shamed and be attached to a male to have some kind of worth. The amount of abuse women and girls go through in this world. Is all to make women feel small and not to be empowered.
Wow amazing podcast and a very thought provoking podcast.I feel empowered as a woman listening to Childeria. Taking back your power as a woman in society is so refreshing to listen to.
She is all about 💰💰💰
Great insight into a world I am totally uneducated in. So much truth in her words but also feels so alien!
As I get older I can really see how all of us are fixed in this specific roles that in our modern world really are nonsense! I do love being married though ❤
I’m more in love with the commentary and how Paul finds a way to explain perspectives better cos it’s important not to be distracted with who the messenger is or how it is being delivered. Let’s focus on the message and let’s be open minded to see how life can be better for both parties in a romantic partnership.
I am in absolute awwe of this episode. I love both perspectives! Just beautiful!
Paul, I love what your wife did for you. She's a real woman. But you were 25. That's very young. You had tons of ambition and potential. I probably would have done the same if I was at that age. But there's no way im doing that for a 50 year old who's approachineg retirement. He's starting to wind down at that age and will very rarely have that burning ambition to spur him to be better.
I love Chidera. Definitely my inspiration.
Her childhood is exactly like mine. Exactly. I guilt tripped myself into talking to her again but haven't seen her face to face in 6 years. She's too old to change so I'm not going to force her. The weekly phone call to check on her will have to suffice.
This was a great conversation! I follow her on Instagram and, as you said at the end, she has a gift of elevating the conversation around women's experiences with men. Her voice is truly needed!
Chidera is here.. go girl!
This is an amazing interview! She has a new follower. ❤
This was Soooooooooooo FUN to listen to! Omgggg!! So provocative. Thank you for taking the leap and inviting her in she was amazing & unique❤
what a great episode. first time listening to this podcast, never heard of Chidera, really enjoyed hearing her story and perspectives even the ones that I don't agree with. subscribed!
Welcome to We Need To Talk 💘
I thoroughly enjoyed this interview!
I’m not easily impressed… Chidera impressed me.
Each to their own
The sub letter was absolutely beautiful.
Even if I don’t resonate with everything said I loveeee how intelligent, eloquent and charming she is. Really interesting conversation
Fantastic interview, it has to be harder to enter marriage and easier to exist….. 100% agree to this
SLUMFLOWER IS IN THE BUILDING
👏👏👏 she is my fave person on the internet
Wow. What an interview. What a woman.
What an incredible interview informative thought provoking ❤
Good job Paul, so glad to see this kind of interview and guess in the show.
36:54 lol that is such a huge risk... glad it worked out but please women no
Exactly!! Good for them but no!! This is how women choose hell with a possibility of heaven instead of avoiding hell all together.
HONESTLY! Like the woman emptied out her RETIREMENT FUND for her husband’s business - that selflessness is to another level. That could have gone left but I’m glad it didn’t
So many women do this and lose so much.
We REALLY need to talk after this episode.
😂
This is probably the most interesting interview I’ve ever seen in my life. I love this
❤ I had something to say about this but speechless now and loved it.
If you’re a woman watching this? LISTEN. Check out Princella the queen maker too. LISTEN or be damned x
I know that’s right!!! ❤️
LOL… I’m a Princella watcher and was going to recommend her channel after watching the whole video.
I love her!! SLUMFLOWER!!! She is the truth 🙌
First saw her on the Madame Joyce show. She's very intelligent and eloquent in her opinions.
She is right in a lot she says, but marriage being enslavement is not my story. I adore marriage and my husband is everything to me, and I to him.
She's bitter from experience of herself and seeing the pain other women go through. In part, I feel most women shouldn't do it (unless they had a man with my values) and I feel like the bar is so low, I'd never want another man a long as i Iive if I lost mine to illness, or example.
Marriage is only enslavement if you marry someone not worthy of you and you let it be. It's A-OK to be alone otherwise.
Great conversation ❤
She acknowledges that this is a lot of women's experience as you also do in saying you wouldn't want another man if not for your husband and the bar is low. Unfortunately a lot of women settle for men who mistreat them because of this low bar. She said in the interview she is open to marriage she just has high expectations and wants to be cared for! It sounds like you actually agree with eachother entirely 😊
Thank you for sharing your story! I love to hear from woman happy in marriage as it's something I aspire to
@lapril95 i guess so, you're right. I wish more women had her sense of value and worth. I think she states things in a very shocking and attention seeking obnoxious way at times-BUT- after understating her more and more as the podcast went on, I can see it's very intelligent on her part - as it sparks healthy debate. Paul was the perfect person to have this chat with her, as he has such a beautiful communication style and he really gives people space to express themselves without it spiraling into a heated exchange.
I've sent this podcast to all of my friends this , sadly, some of which are either alone or settling for less than they deserve!
I cannot get on board with a couple of things she said though. For example, I've built a beautiful life with my husband, always being the highest earner - and I've encouraged his development and confidence. But I loved him and wanted to, and it's only in our 12th year together did he match my equal pay. Year 15 approaches and he's set to be overtaking me now..... but I rest more, I can slow down..... he worships and appreciates me in ways now that he's always prayed for- booking the trips, buying the presents... to see him finally reach his potential has been a beautiful journey and I respect him more than I ever have for watching his growth and determination. I love him deeper, and he does for me too. It's a path I'd take again, a thousand times over. I knew he was worth it and I've loved the jounrey.
My only real fear in life at this point; is losing one another. It's a rare type of love, which I'm acutely aware of, but I'd never advocate refusing to love someone based on material things. If they respect you and the deep, emotional care and support is always present and they're hustling hard - give it a chance I say! 💯
What a great conversation!
Totally diaagree with most of what she said, but she articulates herself and views very well. Ahes doing what makes HER happy, and that's what counts. Not sure how young she is, but this may be a generational thing.
Absolutely love that she promotes therapy, and healthy child:parent relationships.
Curious about what you disagree with and why?
Shes 30 I believe
@lapril95 I Have the same question as you.
I really appreciated this interview. I agreed with quite a few of her points. Thanks Paul!
Excellent conversation 👌🏾✨
Great interview. She embraces the same feminist like me. She speaks with facts.
Such a brilliant conversation 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
doesn’t seem to particularly care if her clients are married or not, but she’s a feminist 🤷♂️
I love this girl so much
LOVED everything about this!! Subscribed & liked
Love herrrrrr❤❤❤❤ great episode
Simply Exquisite!!!❤❤❤
How can you have a progressive view of love and talk about how problematic it can be when woman romanticise love which js a great point but then be financially entitled and want a man who pays for everything? This sounds like you were just weaponising feminism to suit your needs.
She is all about the💰If a man is stupid enough then good luck for him. She is much less distasteful here than she normally is.
27:21 I completely agree with her take on Love and relationships. ❤👏🏽
Great interview, I don't know her, I'm glad I do now💞💞
What’s her socials ? I can only find a old page from 2018
@1:02:35 you are mistaken Mr. Paul. Men want women and women want love.
There's a difference 🤭
This woman is like dynamite 🧨 she is spot in her analysis of everything!! Unreal 10/10 interview. And I agree with that love for women has to include financial secruity. Now i disagree with it all being built already because a successful man will always be striving for more. Everyone women has to decide what their baseline struggle can be!
Her shoes darling 😍
She needs to heal😂
It's such a dismissive comment to say "Heal" rather than sit with the discomfort this conversation brings up. When someone has healed but not to the end result of acceptance the oppression with "understanding and compassion" that doesn't mean they ain't healed
@@EssentialHealthwithAmanda 💰💰💰
Thank you Paul ❤
She is not as unpalatable on this podcast as she normally is.
His wife is Lady Luck, because that was a MFN GAMBLE‼️‼️‼️😬😬😬
Honestly It doesn't turn out well most times. Investing in a man financially is a huge risk..The movie THE ACRIMONY tells you all you need to know.
@ChiddyAnn Specially as a black woman. Very risky. Would never do it. But glad it turned well for her tho
Ibo girls (we) rule
This was so validating for me in a lot of ways
Oh my goodness. Evrey. Single. Thing. This fabulous guest is saying is resonating. Sadly but I’m hoping my dad breaks up with my mum and he comes back!!!
Please do a live show next year Paul