"Everyone you meet always asks if you have a career, are married or own a house; as if life was some kind of grocery list. But nobody ever asks if you are happy." - Heath Ledger. Rest in peace, Heath.
Your idea of the dream board is essentially positioning 'happiness' to a future date. The key is to realise there is so much already right here to be grateful for.
@@alanyoung9200 I go to one called Andy's Man Club or AMC for short. You can go on their website to see if there is one local to you. If not, they also run an online group as well. Otherwise, just google "men's group (your area)" and see what's available.
The constant change is the best part about life. I’ve worked as a model, tattoo artist, resale, nonprofit work, I’ve been a working artist since I was 14, and because it still makes me the happiest, I continue to do it. When one part of your life isn’t making you happy, change it. It’s a great opportunity for better things to come! The goal is to always keep improving in the main areas (physical fitness, mental wellness, education, religion/spirituality, finance) even if it’s just by a little bit at a time, it’ll lead you somewhere bigger. Appreciate your videos.
That's awesome to hear, you've done nearly as many jobs as I have :) Think it's important that people start learning that it's OK not to know and even the people that seem to have it all figured out are usually just better at pretending.
I worked as an it guy for 7 years and it totally mad me miserable, until I found my passion in photography and quited it for good, a bit too late at age of 36, but late is better than never
I am 37 and left the corporate world to start my own business and develop property on the side. Listening to this while I am sanding down and painting the metal frame of a trailer as part of that. I said in my head ‘it’s not the destination it’s the journey’ and ‘find joy in the moment and the now’ before you said it. I’m so much happier
The crazy thing is: When you are 15 or 16 and get out of school, society expects that you will now find a Job that you will like your entire life. I was a metalworker for 12 years & recently i finished a new education as a social worker. The educatin system needs to spend more time & money on teaching what different jobs exist & what the requirements for these jobs are.
Yeah, seems like the UK in particular are pretty bad at giving any kind of career guidance. Guys end up in jobs they hate, buy themselves stuff on finance to make themselves feel better and then become trapped in that job paying for all that shit. It's a dangerous cycle. Congrats on making the career change, I bet you'll feel a real sense of accomplishment from a job like that.
Good to hear from you and very true points as always. I think many of us have fallen victim to this mentality, myself included. Apart from focussing more on the journey, I also like to remind myself of the important things I often take for granted, like safety, a roof over my head, food on the table and the health of my friends and family.
It's hard not to fall into the trap when it's what we hear all the time from friends and family. Spot on about appreciation as well. Not sure if you've heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs but want to do a series on this too - in the western world most of us have easy access to the essentials for life and it's so easy to take that for granted.
Thank you and it's true. We all have to make a certain amount to pay our bills but we must have at least a small amount of time to do what lights us up
" im doing thing that feel rignt to me " this is the quote i set up for me, idk why but this video appear in the right time for me.. im 22 years old and want used to be a creator videos and stuffs i had a little shy at first time though, but realize How important that mention is so important, thanks for your advices i dont give a damn and wil l started it 💯💯
Chasing happiness is futile. My favorite philosopher Arthur Shopenhauer said: "There is only one inborn error, and that is the notion that we exist in order to be happy". As a consequence, focusing on minimizing future pain and trying to make each day as bearable as possible for yourself and those around you is the best you can hope for.
You're not alone. I think things are changing for the newer generations but if you're a similar age to me - we were the last generation where our parents really could have a good life by following that life - that was before the internet. Since then, the world has changed a lot and that advice doesn't hold any more. I decided not to be angry about it and instead focus on the opportunities that area available to me that weren't to my parents - this channel is a prime example.
There is success and there is progress. And happiness is found in progress. Progress is in spirituality: prayer and meditation, yoga. But it also takes time. And it is also in the process of spiritual development that you have a taste of happiness, bliss. The ultimate bliss in found in the ultimate level: sat-chit-ananda.
Needed to hear this, thank you. Currently in sales always chasing KPIs being questioned on my performance is truly draining my mental health and causing me to be miserable and though it pays ok the job is not as competitive as it used to be which is causing me to question everything. Only thing keeping me with my current job is my shares don’t mature until August so ideally need to hold out until then and reevaluate my situation.
Spot on with this! I learned this quite some years ago with my music creation. The end result may be good and it will make me feel proud of my work, but it is the smaller pieces I found that fits in the melody that gives me the happiness. These doesn't grow on trees, and they are based on both luck and determination - but is badly needed for my melodies to actually have good enough content. And the answer to this is simple: It is because it is through the journey we do most of the learning. Learning something new is prieceless as long as you enjoy what you are doing.
The universality of our collective experience is that most to all people live and work in boxes. And we are stuck looking at screens all day. Boxes and screens. All of us. It's inhumane. We are being culled.
Very good reflection, Jay. If you intentionally seek happiness due to certain conditions, you will constantly be disappointed and frustrated. Contentment is different. You are getting wiser for sure, mate. Cheers.
I've met so many people that live their lives for a retirement that may never come or a retirement that may ultimately be very disappointing. Time and especially your youth, are arguably the two most important commodities you will ever have.
Hello dude. I just randomly fell on your video, and it resonates so well. I've also done so many things. Tried to make it as a pro golfer, army, carpenter, model, manual work, bodyguard, salesman, and CV writer, security consultant. We're very multi dimensional. I lived in Australia for years. They're way more free in their thinking than the british.
@JayWallace never too late. Although the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s were better than it is now. Used to be cheap to live out there. But out there, there aren't labels and snobbery like in the UK. I worked in a big public hospital as an orderly when I first went out there. Finding my feet. Most of my friends were doctors, scientists, etc. That wouldn't happen in the UK. In Oz jobs don't define people like here.
I used to think like that aswell. Did everything everybody does. Brought me a burnout at 29. I had to shake off everything incl wife and house to survive. I am still here, my son still has his father. I now live alone. Have a steady job and exercise regularly. Try to not think about my age. Turning 42 end of the month. Trying to make live worth while every day. Live for yourself not for others.
That's awesome man, takes a lot of courage to face up to things not being right and making a change. Everything will come good for you so long as you keep following your intuition and building a life that feels right for you
good on you Jay and once you get older and continue to follow your gut...you turn into happy man looking back and can say ...mhh yes, not perfect but hey I tried and hopefully don't have many regrets you have...have fun and enjoy every minute
I’m 36 and absolutely lost in life, I still live with parents would love to have is place, I got no friends, no skills no social skills . Don’t think anybody can be as low as me rock bottom is home 🏠
I think you'd actually be surprised how many guys are the in the same position as you, they're just not boasting about it on social media. You would be amazed at how much progress you can make when you stop comparing yourself to others and start taking little steps every day to build the life you want. I would strongly suggest you find a men's group in your area. I go to one called Andy's Man Club which are all over the country and online if there isn't one local to you. There are also a tonne of other ones available. I think it's highly likely that the things that's holding you back is the shame you feel - talking will help normalize the way you're feeling and make space for growth. Good luck brother, you can do this.
Agree to an extent. I think you can be happy on your own too and would argue that you're better that way than having anyone around you that doesn't support your goals. Thanks for the comment
Yeah, it is about growing up and take as much responsibility you can over your life. It is scary at first, but the reward is worth it; in my case the feeling of being free and content.
That's awesome, I think so many people want freedom but aren't prepared to pay the price for it which is taking responsibility. Hope you're making good progress and the content helps in some way
On a positive note: you drive a Honda! It's the right car 😜 (On a serious note: it's NOT about the journey... It's about the company. And not the one you work for 💝)
Want some sound advice on how to be happy? Remove unnecessary stressors from your life and don't take on too much just to prove that you're successful and lead a purpose driven life. Keep it simple. I'm in my 50's, never married, no kids, no debt, money in the bank, etc. Trust me on this....simple is better.
For sure. The complexity, the more room for error. I do eventually want a family but it's not something I would ever rush into and if it doesn't happen, I'd still be content.
@JayWallace What you need to keep in mind is that life is highly dynamic and not static. You might end up loathing lasting commitments in your 40's that you thought were cute and made in your 20's. I've seen it happen many times. Remember that you won't miss something you've never had.
You read my mind, simple as. People that choose to see life as only the extremes can't become consistency happy, ever, unless they change this mindset. Reality is raw, life is raw --not how we imagine it in our head. The obsession to wish things would become the way we want it to be is a path with no identity but rather obsessions and delusions. I think it's a path to narcissism because then you won't be connected with anything around you and instead see these people or things to manipulate in hopes of achieving your goals/objectives. Our thoughts aren't the centre of everything, but rather; perhaps, the centre of ourselves. To live is to connect with things like cooking, football, painting, debating, racing or people around us, in part that's happiness. Dead people or ones not living but alive physically, can't become happy.
Ironically, most people are running around trying to collect all these things in order to be approved by others when all we need to do is to be vulnerable with each other!
Life is like a train with many stops. Some stops will be happier than others and life is not about happiness. It can have happy moments, but to say to be happy or to have a happy life is not achievable for any human. IF one thinks it is they just will be miserable chasing that false idea. I am 55 and have had many train stops already. My mom died of a horrible dementia which also taught me life lessons. Was I happy when she was sick, of course not. But life is not about making us happy. Once we get past that ridiculous notion "When I...I will be happy." Then we can live our life that is messy and unpredictable. Yes, we can all have happy moments, however, acceptance is the key to freedom. Not a bigger house, being married, and all the rest. People get stuck in the idea of a happy life. It is keeping them from a meaningful life and will actually make them feel defeated if they really believe this is something they can achieve.
That's a beautiful analogy. I think there are people that would have used the things you've been through to confirm their belief that the world is a bad place. You've used it to grow and that's ultimate maturity. Thank you for sharing your story
@@JayWallace You are welcome. And if we all live long enough we all will have some trauma. It is inevitable. But most of us also will have tremendous joys too. Living is a curvy road and there is not just a path of happiness or just a path of despair and crises. The paths change and life is never stagnant.
The irony of all of this, is many of us are struggling. Even if we have "made it". The standard is hard to keep up. I wish we'd all just drop the pretense and be nicer to each other.
@ no worries. Much more articulate with a real message compared to other people on TH-cam and you are right. It’s easy to delay your happiness in your own mind until you reach a certain point. But as you say that point never comes because you constantly move the goal posts after your new normal anyway. Enjoying the journey is the ultimate key to being content and at peace.
I am pretty much stuck in IT (developer) where our software doesn't interest or fulfill me to improve or add features to. Though it is objectively useful. But with a family you're not really allowed to switch around things a lot, if at all, without messing up a lot. "All I need to do", right now, is being a good father and husband. But there's barely a lot of time to collect more "data points" in the evening. I'm watching/listening here at the side at work. Easily distracted, but getting my work done nontheless. Just never at 100% efficiency.
Yeah I understand that things are much harder when you have a family and financial obligations, people relying on you. I have a lot of friends/family that have young ones and that in itself has given them the purpose they were missing. Sounds like you enjoy the job but just not the particular industry/software. Maybe there some room there to transition to a company that does something that lights you up a bit more and stay within development?
I find contentment in small pleasures, im not chasing after a big lifestyle with girls and cars money, that isn't me , my interests are more on the creative side of things!
Yeah it's a funny world we live in, growing up with this message and trying to live up to a standard that we don't even know who set in the first place.
I’m the same age as you and exhausted.. the main thing that gets me is that just to have 4 walls and a roof I will be working for the next 30 odd years, this thought has been stuck in my head for a few years and this year has just been on a loop and mentally drained the life out of me… I can’t see a way out of it as it’s the truth
Yeah it's tough, particularly in the western world - cost of living is sky-high and wages are at an all-time low - perfect storm for misery. Problems always present opportunities though, The fact you're uncomfortable and thinking about a different way of living is a good thing and is the fuel you can use to make changes if you wish. If you were living a comfortable life, you might never ask these bigger questions like "what do I really want?"
I'm a carer and I hate it I like the caring part but not the whiplashing that comes about on an hourly basis from nurses or selfish elderly people who still have their witts about them. Your initially a slave but I do it for the ones who need care
Yeah I did care work for a year and it was tough. I was the same and did the work for the people that I really cared for and had to suck it up for the bitter and resentful few that I had to care for. If that it's something that interests you, then social workers are typically paid quite well and I think the government are offering free funding for courses. Worth checking out. You'd still be making a difference but getting paid more and not having to work all those silly hours. You need to look after you first.
You're right, there's always something else you can do or another door that opens when one closes, but the key is to truly know that deep within and to experience a certain sense of peace. It's only truly over when you're no longer here until then, anything is possible.
"Everyone you meet always asks if you have a career, are married or own a house; as if life was some kind of grocery list. But nobody ever asks if you are happy." - Heath Ledger. Rest in peace, Heath.
Spending the worst times of my life with others who could help me (support structure) has been easier than fighting the fight alone.
Massively agree. The men's group I go to has been life-changing for me and I've seen guys come in and transform over the months.
Your idea of the dream board is essentially positioning 'happiness' to a future date. The key is to realise there is so much already right here to be grateful for.
Yeah exactly my point, you're putting off your happiness for when X, Y, Z happens
Interested in your men’s group,feel I need something like this , More information please .? Am in Scotland
@@alanyoung9200 I go to one called Andy's Man Club or AMC for short. You can go on their website to see if there is one local to you. If not, they also run an online group as well.
Otherwise, just google "men's group (your area)" and see what's available.
The constant change is the best part about life. I’ve worked as a model, tattoo artist, resale, nonprofit work, I’ve been a working artist since I was 14, and because it still makes me the happiest, I continue to do it. When one part of your life isn’t making you happy, change it. It’s a great opportunity for better things to come! The goal is to always keep improving in the main areas (physical fitness, mental wellness, education, religion/spirituality, finance) even if it’s just by a little bit at a time, it’ll lead you somewhere bigger. Appreciate your videos.
I agree - The ability to change isn't always easy but nothing worth doing is. You keep driving until you can't anymore.
That's awesome to hear, you've done nearly as many jobs as I have :) Think it's important that people start learning that it's OK not to know and even the people that seem to have it all figured out are usually just better at pretending.
@@JayWallace nobody ever has it 100% figured out. Pretending indeed.
I worked as an it guy for 7 years and it totally mad me miserable, until I found my passion in photography and quited it for good, a bit too late at age of 36, but late is better than never
@ 36 is still young!!! Go for it!! Grandma Moses didn’t even start painting until she was 78!!
Always celebrate the small things everyday. Life is very short. Don’t wait the big big achievements
Gratitude is one of those things that can be hard to practice sometimes but always has the biggest payoffs
I am 37 and left the corporate world to start my own business and develop property on the side. Listening to this while I am sanding down and painting the metal frame of a trailer as part of that. I said in my head ‘it’s not the destination it’s the journey’ and ‘find joy in the moment and the now’ before you said it. I’m so much happier
That's so awesome man, love to hear what people are up to when they're watching and how it's affected them. Sounds like you're on an exciting journey
Good luck!
Good luck from me too. I wish you to succeed.
you need something to do......someone to love.....something to look forward to
What you're doing now, who you're doing it with and where you're going.
Table tennis, my pet Gerbil "Gonad", Christmas.
Almost nothing material is needed for a happy life, for he who has understood existence.
~Marcus Aurelius (121 - 180)
The crazy thing is: When you are 15 or 16 and get out of school, society expects that you will now find a Job that you will like your entire life. I was a metalworker for 12 years & recently i finished a new education as a social worker. The educatin system needs to spend more time & money on teaching what different jobs exist & what the requirements for these jobs are.
Yeah, seems like the UK in particular are pretty bad at giving any kind of career guidance. Guys end up in jobs they hate, buy themselves stuff on finance to make themselves feel better and then become trapped in that job paying for all that shit. It's a dangerous cycle.
Congrats on making the career change, I bet you'll feel a real sense of accomplishment from a job like that.
"Happiness "is an illusion. Happiness and contentment are two different things.
Well said. I do think we can find what we would label "happiness" in the pursuit of our goals
Spreading the wisdom to YT and to men’s group. Right on mate, you are a force for good keep going!
Cheers brother, appreciate it!
Good to hear from you and very true points as always. I think many of us have fallen victim to this mentality, myself included. Apart from focussing more on the journey, I also like to remind myself of the important things I often take for granted, like safety, a roof over my head, food on the table and the health of my friends and family.
It's hard not to fall into the trap when it's what we hear all the time from friends and family.
Spot on about appreciation as well. Not sure if you've heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs but want to do a series on this too - in the western world most of us have easy access to the essentials for life and it's so easy to take that for granted.
Very eloquently put. My philosophy is do what you love, and if you can find happiness and make money from it, it's a bonus!
Thank you and it's true. We all have to make a certain amount to pay our bills but we must have at least a small amount of time to do what lights us up
Thank you for this. I really needed this advice right now.
I love this video so much!! All of this resonates deeply. Thank you for making this video.
You're most welcome, thanks for investing your time in me.
I am postman and i love it, it's very relax job and i got accounting background, i hate to wok in office jobs.
I'm really pleased for you as working outside in fresh air is very good for your body and mind I'm so pleased your happy🌈
" im doing thing that feel rignt to me " this is the quote i set up for me, idk why but this video appear in the right time for me.. im 22 years old and want used to be a creator videos and stuffs i had a little shy at first time though, but realize How important that mention is so important, thanks for your advices i dont give a damn and wil l started it 💯💯
Chasing happiness is futile. My favorite philosopher Arthur Shopenhauer said: "There is only one inborn error, and that is the notion that we exist in order to be happy". As a consequence, focusing on minimizing future pain and trying to make each day as bearable as possible for yourself and those around you is the best you can hope for.
I feel quite betrayed by society
You're not alone. I think things are changing for the newer generations but if you're a similar age to me - we were the last generation where our parents really could have a good life by following that life - that was before the internet.
Since then, the world has changed a lot and that advice doesn't hold any more.
I decided not to be angry about it and instead focus on the opportunities that area available to me that weren't to my parents - this channel is a prime example.
There is success and there is progress. And happiness is found in progress. Progress is in spirituality: prayer and meditation, yoga. But it also takes time. And it is also in the process of spiritual development that you have a taste of happiness, bliss. The ultimate bliss in found in the ultimate level: sat-chit-ananda.
Thank you for sharing
Progress is a great concept in order to maintain a level of satisfaction. Stagnation kills the mind, the soul and the body.
Needed to hear this, thank you.
Currently in sales always chasing KPIs being questioned on my performance is truly draining my mental health and causing me to be miserable and though it pays ok the job is not as competitive as it used to be which is causing me to question everything.
Only thing keeping me with my current job is my shares don’t mature until August so ideally need to hold out until then and reevaluate my situation.
Spot on with this! I learned this quite some years ago with my music creation. The end result may be good and it will make me feel proud of my work, but it is the smaller pieces I found that fits in the melody that gives me the happiness. These doesn't grow on trees, and they are based on both luck and determination - but is badly needed for my melodies to actually have good enough content.
And the answer to this is simple: It is because it is through the journey we do most of the learning. Learning something new is prieceless as long as you enjoy what you are doing.
Exactly, love how you can apply this to your work in music as well. Thanks for sharing
Be happy today!
Life is a journey not a Destination
I not quite sure who’s the stupidest you are him.
That's so clever. Never heard it before
The universality of our collective experience is that most to all people live and work in boxes. And we are stuck looking at screens all day. Boxes and screens. All of us. It's inhumane. We are being culled.
Very good reflection, Jay. If you intentionally seek happiness due to certain conditions, you will constantly be disappointed and frustrated. Contentment is different. You are getting wiser for sure, mate. Cheers.
Ah thanks Bhante, great to hear from you again. I did send you a message on FB (I think)
Wow. Needed that. Thank you.
You're most welcome, glad it helped.
I've met so many people that live their lives for a retirement that may never come or a retirement that may ultimately be very disappointing. Time and especially your youth, are arguably the two most important commodities you will ever have.
Hello dude. I just randomly fell on your video, and it resonates so well. I've also done so many things. Tried to make it as a pro golfer, army, carpenter, model, manual work, bodyguard, salesman, and CV writer, security consultant.
We're very multi dimensional. I lived in Australia for years. They're way more free in their thinking than the british.
Damn you've had more careers than I have! I did consider moving to Oz briefly but never pulled the trigger
@JayWallace never too late. Although the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s were better than it is now. Used to be cheap to live out there. But out there, there aren't labels and snobbery like in the UK. I worked in a big public hospital as an orderly when I first went out there. Finding my feet. Most of my friends were doctors, scientists, etc. That wouldn't happen in the UK. In Oz jobs don't define people like here.
I used to think like that aswell.
Did everything everybody does. Brought me a burnout at 29. I had to shake off everything incl wife and house to survive. I am still here, my son still has his father.
I now live alone. Have a steady job and exercise regularly. Try to not think about my age. Turning 42 end of the month. Trying to make live worth while every day.
Live for yourself not for others.
That's awesome man, takes a lot of courage to face up to things not being right and making a change. Everything will come good for you so long as you keep following your intuition and building a life that feels right for you
Absolutely brilliant. Just subscribed. I am in the process of going through the adhd diagnosis. Keep this up please.
Welcome to the channel and best of luck with the diagnosis, I know it can be a frustrating process.
good on you Jay and once you get older and continue to follow your gut...you turn into happy man looking back and can say ...mhh yes, not perfect but hey I tried and hopefully don't have many regrets you have...have fun and enjoy every minute
Thank you, I am learning to trust my intuition more after years of low-confidence. Wish you all the best
The constant pushing of “self improvement” doesn’t help. Happiness is a choice not a process or outcome.
Self improvement helped me and it absolutely is a process and outcome. I think it largely depends on the individual.
To have patience with oneself is to have self-love 🌹
Very true
Its not different desires, its different values an perspectives
Very true, values I guess is the deeper version of that, thanks for your insight.
I’m 36 and absolutely lost in life, I still live with parents would love to have is place, I got no friends, no skills no social skills . Don’t think anybody can be as low as me rock bottom is home 🏠
I think you'd actually be surprised how many guys are the in the same position as you, they're just not boasting about it on social media. You would be amazed at how much progress you can make when you stop comparing yourself to others and start taking little steps every day to build the life you want.
I would strongly suggest you find a men's group in your area. I go to one called Andy's Man Club which are all over the country and online if there isn't one local to you. There are also a tonne of other ones available. I think it's highly likely that the things that's holding you back is the shame you feel - talking will help normalize the way you're feeling and make space for growth.
Good luck brother, you can do this.
Andy man club full of willy wavers I suffer austism and got piss taken out of me.
Rock bottom is good. Now the only way to go is up. one step at a time lad
If you're struggling, you've got to have a happy home life with a good family and feel that everyone's 'in it together'. If not, then well.....😢
Agree to an extent. I think you can be happy on your own too and would argue that you're better that way than having anyone around you that doesn't support your goals. Thanks for the comment
Not everyone is lucky enough to have a supportive family.i say like yourself support yourself and find joy in all small achievements blessings to you🌈
Yeah, it is about growing up and take as much responsibility you can over your life. It is scary at first, but the reward is worth it; in my case the feeling of being free and content.
That's awesome, I think so many people want freedom but aren't prepared to pay the price for it which is taking responsibility. Hope you're making good progress and the content helps in some way
On a positive note: you drive a Honda! It's the right car 😜 (On a serious note: it's NOT about the journey... It's about the company. And not the one you work for 💝)
Great video. Subbed.
I WILL BE HAPPY WHEN ! I used to think that I will be happy when I graduate from public school, high school, get a job, retire, find a girlfriend.
Yeah it's a terrible mentality to have, hopefully you found some wisdom in the vid
I'm 38 and may I share my life advices - Always trust the guy with the Honda and never fight the guy on a bicycle. Thanks.
Haha, can't beat the trusty Honda!
Very good message. Resonated with me quite a bit
That's great to hear I could help in some way. Hope you're good
don't be happy be content being grateful is a start looking at what you do have rather than what you don't.
Gratitude is powerful
Want some sound advice on how to be happy? Remove unnecessary stressors from your life and don't take on too much just to prove that you're successful and lead a purpose driven life. Keep it simple. I'm in my 50's, never married, no kids, no debt, money in the bank, etc. Trust me on this....simple is better.
For sure. The complexity, the more room for error. I do eventually want a family but it's not something I would ever rush into and if it doesn't happen, I'd still be content.
@JayWallace What you need to keep in mind is that life is highly dynamic and not static. You might end up loathing lasting commitments in your 40's that you thought were cute and made in your 20's. I've seen it happen many times. Remember that you won't miss something you've never had.
You read my mind, simple as.
People that choose to see life as only the extremes can't become consistency happy, ever, unless they change this mindset.
Reality is raw, life is raw --not how we imagine it in our head. The obsession to wish things would become the way we want it to be is a path with no identity but rather
obsessions and delusions.
I think it's a path to narcissism because then you won't be connected with anything around you and instead see these people or things to manipulate in hopes of achieving your goals/objectives.
Our thoughts aren't the centre of everything, but rather; perhaps, the centre of ourselves.
To live is to connect with things like cooking, football, painting, debating, racing or people around us, in part that's happiness.
Dead people or ones not living but alive physically, can't become happy.
Ironically, most people are running around trying to collect all these things in order to be approved by others when all we need to do is to be vulnerable with each other!
Life is like a train with many stops. Some stops will be happier than others and life is not about happiness. It can have happy moments, but to say to be happy or to have a happy life is not achievable for any human. IF one thinks it is they just will be miserable chasing that false idea. I am 55 and have had many train stops already. My mom died of a horrible dementia which also taught me life lessons. Was I happy when she was sick, of course not. But life is not about making us happy. Once we get past that ridiculous notion "When I...I will be happy." Then we can live our life that is messy and unpredictable. Yes, we can all have happy moments, however, acceptance is the key to freedom. Not a bigger house, being married, and all the rest. People get stuck in the idea of a happy life. It is keeping them from a meaningful life and will actually make them feel defeated if they really believe this is something they can achieve.
That's a beautiful analogy. I think there are people that would have used the things you've been through to confirm their belief that the world is a bad place. You've used it to grow and that's ultimate maturity. Thank you for sharing your story
@@JayWallace You are welcome. And if we all live long enough we all will have some trauma. It is inevitable. But most of us also will have tremendous joys too. Living is a curvy road and there is not just a path of happiness or just a path of despair and crises. The paths change and life is never stagnant.
The irony of all of this, is many of us are struggling. Even if we have "made it". The standard is hard to keep up. I wish we'd all just drop the pretense and be nicer to each other.
True!
Wise chap 😊
Why thank you
@ no worries. Much more articulate with a real message compared to other people on TH-cam and you are right. It’s easy to delay your happiness in your own mind until you reach a certain point. But as you say that point never comes because you constantly move the goal posts after your new normal anyway. Enjoying the journey is the ultimate key to being content and at peace.
It’s definitely a lesson more for ambitious or goal orientated people I would say.
I am pretty much stuck in IT (developer) where our software doesn't interest or fulfill me to improve or add features to. Though it is objectively useful. But with a family you're not really allowed to switch around things a lot, if at all, without messing up a lot.
"All I need to do", right now, is being a good father and husband. But there's barely a lot of time to collect more "data points" in the evening. I'm watching/listening here at the side at work. Easily distracted, but getting my work done nontheless. Just never at 100% efficiency.
Yeah I understand that things are much harder when you have a family and financial obligations, people relying on you.
I have a lot of friends/family that have young ones and that in itself has given them the purpose they were missing.
Sounds like you enjoy the job but just not the particular industry/software. Maybe there some room there to transition to a company that does something that lights you up a bit more and stay within development?
Thanks for sharing
good advise at the end of your vid
Thank you, hope it helped.
As the wise man Solomon once said, “vanity of vanities..a chasing after the wind”
I find contentment in small pleasures, im not chasing after a big lifestyle with girls and cars money, that isn't me , my interests are more on the creative side of things!
hes waking up and there are many like him its like being like a donkey all your life and realizing you are chasing carrots.
Yeah it's a funny world we live in, growing up with this message and trying to live up to a standard that we don't even know who set in the first place.
Speed X2 im gona learn this in 9 minutes 😂
But I'll sound like a chipmunk...
Welcome to the matrix.
Are you ok mate???? You look rough…. Hang in there….
I’m the same age as you and exhausted.. the main thing that gets me is that just to have 4 walls and a roof I will be working for the next 30 odd years, this thought has been stuck in my head for a few years and this year has just been on a loop and mentally drained the life out of me… I can’t see a way out of it as it’s the truth
Yeah it's tough, particularly in the western world - cost of living is sky-high and wages are at an all-time low - perfect storm for misery.
Problems always present opportunities though,
The fact you're uncomfortable and thinking about a different way of living is a good thing and is the fuel you can use to make changes if you wish.
If you were living a comfortable life, you might never ask these bigger questions like "what do I really want?"
I'm a carer and I hate it
I like the caring part but not the whiplashing that comes about on an hourly basis from nurses or selfish elderly people who still have their witts about them. Your initially a slave but I do it for the ones who need care
Yeah I did care work for a year and it was tough. I was the same and did the work for the people that I really cared for and had to suck it up for the bitter and resentful few that I had to care for.
If that it's something that interests you, then social workers are typically paid quite well and I think the government are offering free funding for courses. Worth checking out. You'd still be making a difference but getting paid more and not having to work all those silly hours.
You need to look after you first.
@JayWallace I really appreciate your lovely comment
Thanks you very much. You made a difference
chase is better than the catch
Very true.
i think people are more atheistic and completely seperated from higher power than ever cliché that its sounds but
Yeah it's all about looking like you have it all together and we're all chasing this standard and have no idea who even set it in the first place!
Im a nihilist
You're talking about Andy's mans club aren't you
I am
@JayWallace Fair play, I go myself on occasion, hope it helps you.
I would be very impressed for you if you could just run 5miles in 20 min. Coool
5 kilometers, a little more achievable!
@@JayWallace Gd1
Mate you need to read Fromm. Sane society book. Get some rest.
Just googled and amazed I've never heard of him, will add to the read list
@@JayWallace thank you for your video
Ironically, you could’ve told the story in five minutes
Could have told it 1 but the people that won't spend 18 minutes watching probably aren't ready to make changes anyway. Peace, brother
@@JayWallace 100%
You're right, there's always something else you can do or another door that opens when one closes, but the key is to truly know that deep within and to experience a certain sense of peace.
It's only truly over when you're no longer here until then, anything is possible.
Anything is possible, so true.
Eh, I'll be happy when the housing crisis is solved because changing your way of thinking in the face of real world problems is cope too.
It's not easy but I'm choosing to focus on what I can do, now. Rather than what I might be able to do if X.Y, Z happens.