I went travelling - It didn't fix anything.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ส.ค. 2024
- One of my last videos was about how I planned to leave the UK and see what the world had waiting for me. At the time I wasn't happy with my job, I was experiencing a lot of stress, anxiety and depression and I just felt like I needed to get away from it all and get a fresh start.
This video is an update on that experience and all that's happened between then and now.
I've been battling depression for a really long time.
You have no idea how much your honesty has helped me.
For what it's worth, I hope you can understand the value in your honesty and how much you are helping people who are struggling.
I hope that, in understanding this, it brings meaning and positivity in your life, however big or small.
I really do hope you continue.
Thank you for the kind words and it really does make me feel good to know these videos are helping.
I've been pretty bad recently too and it's such a terrible place to be but there's always hope. If you're a guy - there's a group called Andy's Man Club, they're all over the UK - check it out.
It make me relieved that im not the only one experiencing this feeling, thank you, you're so brave as a man to share this.
I’ve been following you from Belgium and it’s nice to hear news from you. The video does help. Wishing you the best, mate.
Thanks for the feedback, good to be back
Hoe gaat het daar in België?
Hey Jay, I love your incredibly eloquent and honest streams of thought. I’m at the same stage of life as you, and am having an almost identical experience. I left for Australia 6 months ago, after my industry crashed in the UK - and feel that same lonely, aimless hollowness, even though I’m living my dream, sitting on a beautiful beach off Sydney. But your videos are reminders that none of us are alone in this feeling. Thank you for your invaluable advice, honesty and courage buddy - and know that you’re really making a difference with these videos. Keep up the good work.
All the best mate. I think a lot of us young men in Britain feel the same. Society has changed rapidly. You nailed it- men need purpose and in this country we are atomised. In the past men fought for their country, their family and their communities. With all that being stripped from us a lot of us young men feel lost. Keep your chin up mate, plenty of good to be found in your own life and life in general.
Thanks, yeah I agree, I think Men in particular are having a hard time at the moment and there's a lot of lost guys out there who need direction.
I'm hoping I come through this patch and my videos can serve as some kind of example that anyone can build a meaningful life for themselves.
@@JayWallace sounds like you’ve certainly got your life in order, although you’re unemployed you have experience, some money behind ya and you’re self aware. Tough times come and go but they make tough people. Keep doing the videos for a while bro it creates communities for men who otherwise no longer have them.
I wish I had the answers mate. I had some health problems for a couple of years and lost my job, friends and my music career. When your health falls apart you care about nothing other than getting better. So I neglected friendships, couldn’t socialise etc. now that I’m a lot better I got a job, got back to the gym etc.. and now I have realised that I have almost no friends. Only just started to care but it hit me hard and I resonate exactly with what you are saying. The worst is seeing old friends who have moved on without you and still meet up with other old friends. Also seeing people who seemingly have a huge circle of friends and living there best life.
Hi Jay, I'm male 45 UK so a little bit older, and I love your videos.
A lot of what you say resonates with me particularly about meaningful work and I could totally understand you not wanting to go back to white collar work even if it's well paid and "powerful", as good as a banging Excel or PowerPoint presentation is it never has quite the same satisfaction as building a wall or plastering a wall or painting one with immediately visible results. I think a lot of men and boys learn through activity based play and problem solving work based around physical tasks. Of course as you point out blue collar work can be physically hard and dangerous, it's not for the faint hearted.
I'm really sorry your trip to Thailand wasn't as expected. It sounds like it was mixed, with some good things but more bad. But I've also been guilty of trying to relive what I would call past glories in the same way at a later age.
An example, I saw Oasis in late 97 on the "Be Here now" album tour in Manchester a homecoming show for them and what a show! It was their 3rd album, which wasn't great, but "D'you know what I mean?" was a massive hit and live their were at their zenith, walls of amps, big sound, Liam still had his voice etc.
I just saw Noel Gallagher last week and his solo material is stellar and the 2nd half of his set was all Oasis classics/B-sides the ones he sang and it was good, but in a different way, and I had to change the tint on my metaphorical glasses to give it justice.
I was 19 when I saw oasis in 97 as you were 19 when you went to Thailand in 2009.
Things are different when we repeat them but later on because we ourselves have changed. And it's OK to feel confused and a bit fucked up or directionless. You'd closed a couple of big stressful chapters in your life that consume energy and probably you needed to take stock of that with some distance and perspective from afar.
Sometimes we also seek but don't find.
"To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield" (Tennyson).
It is hard to work on oneself I find. Ive suffered depression and c-PTSD but I very much appreciate your videos and your candour. It's simply very brave.
Don't feel obligated to do them but if you enjoy it and like sharing and feel people will benefit and that you will then please do.
I think you can see people do genuinely find them interesting.
Honestly, whatever you think of yourself, I think your honesty is to be saluted. I'm on twitter by all means DM me there (I hate the gushy term "reach out").
All the best
Thanks for sharing that story - I bet Oasis in their prime were incredible!
I think you hit the nail on the head there and I think it really boils down to one thing - expectations. When we go into something new with an open mind it could be good or bad and if it's good we create these awesome memories for ourselves.
I think the problem lies in thinking we can't have more of these experiences, like there's only a finite amount of them and that the best thing we can do is to try and relive the old ones
Thanks for "reaching out" 🤣 - that term was used a lot in sales. Glad the videos are helpful in some way
@@JayWallacey'know, it was their time and mine because I stopped saying no all the time and said yes. I was there then for "Be here now" and homecoming shows always have extra zing. It was a special time.
You're right were crushed by expectations, often other people's, sometimes our own, which often come from other people or marketing and advertising. Also your right we need to try new things with an open mind and accept they might not go as we expect them to. If it's good then good good double good. But if it's "bad" what did it actually teach us about ourselves. Some people believe in divine fate or intervention and believe something bad May happen for a reason.
The only thing I disagree with respectfully is I think we can have more of the experiences, they will be the same or similar but our view has become jaded and we don't let ourselves experience them the same. It's hard to retain youthful enthusiasm for things somehow.
"reaching out" sounds like some over gushy Diana Ross song modern mental health vocab is awful!
Well done Brother keep being authentic keep being you. 🙏
it sounds like you have pinned your happiness on a future event rather than focusing on what you have here and now and trying to see the beauty already in front of you. I haven't been travelling but I have been through the exact feelings you're describing, I am actually going through something similar right now, im 36, married and feel like I am having an existential crisis, wondering what on earth I am doing here, not really feeling happy with what I have. Im quite introvert and dont really have friends but have slowly started to find some joy and meaning being creative, for me, writing music and book ideas. My advice would be to focus on finding happiness in the present moment, be grateful for what you have already and not some future idea, dont postpone happiness to later on some distant object, it will never quench that thirst. It sounds like your expectations in life have not met what you thought they would be. Perhaps the trouble is having expectations? :) Just enjoy the ride, go nice walks at home, take care of your physical health, find a hobby and immerse yourself in being creative and trying to find peace within and from the simple things.
Hi Jay, So nice you're back! Another great video with helpful insights. I hope you continu to share your life and thoughts with us. Don't underestimate the value of your content! Hope to hear from you soon!
Thank you, this means a lot
Hey great raw content and very relatable for lots of people!
I'm 48 amd have had similar struggles with my career(trained as an engineer and chartered accountant)...stepped in and out of it over the years amd have finally just found a much simpler job in payroll in a hospital that I am way overqualified for but love the lack of stress and actually enjoy helping people with their taxes etc. I used to think I hate office jobs and don't want to do it forever. But now I have reframed my thinking around it and I look st the positives, decent enough salary, no stress, flexible hours, work with a lovely bunch of people that I love connecting with each day, paying into a pension, finish up at 330pm everyday...life could be way worse. I can put up with it being sometimes monotonous. I think very few people find their ideal passion to work in. Not saying you shouldn't strive for it but in the meantime take a job that doesn't take up too much of your headspace and focus on stuff u enjoy in your spare time as a hobby.
Best video in a while mate, thanks for sharing this. I've recently quit my job and bougt a house, and while I thought it was going to be this completely freeing experience I've come to many of the same realisations as outlined here. Please do keep posting!
For me, I have no travel bug in me at all at the moment. I think I have realised what you have realised without having to go "somewhere else", at least not in the physical sense. For me it is examining my hobby, my interests, what do I like to do. Finding that pleasure inside myself without ever having to look to the outside world. An excellent video though. I hope you keep making them. Ask and you shall receive. Keep asking with a sincere desire to find answers and you will find what you are looking for.
Thanks, I think you said it right there - the mind is a problem solving machine. Instead of asking "why is this happening to me?" etc, we could ask "how can I fix this?"
I’ve been watching your videos for the past couple of days, and I enjoy listening to you being so genuine and vulnerable. It’s not often that I find people on the internet to be open and honest. I hope you continue making videos about your journey.I work as a nurse in New Orleans, and I just drove home today after a 12h shift, listening to you video. A lot of people struggle with what you’re going through, we just aren’t open about it. I’ll be 32 Tuesday and I feel so lost. I’m not saying that I’m glad to hear you struggle, but I am glad to know I’m not alone. Thanks for being so open.
I can relate to this a lot mate! I've got the same ideology as you explain which is a little eye opening haha, I've booked off the whole of December to fly into Hanoi... I uploaded a video a while back, and have been recording life updates ever since, just not uploaded any... but they are very much similar to yours! i admire your courage for uploading these honest vids. Ultimately, I think the people who are following you and the community you've created feel similar. Power through Jay, you're stronger than you think and the lessons you learn now will stay with you for a long time! If you're ever in Suffolk, hit me up! I'm a groundworker and have also spent 10 years in an office environment but when covid hit, i couldnt do it any more - So I'm back on the tools now!
I was a little bit in lower mood and decided to go for a trip alone, and after seeing all the groups and couples i returned with suicidal thoughts. Never again.
Yeah it can definitely be tough being somewhere strange and new on your own. It's a great challenge but I feel like there's a lot of content promoting solo travel and people need to be aware it's not for everyone
Peace and contentment is found from within, it sounds wishy washy but its true. You cannot run from the demons inside your head, external circumstances are a massive factor but as you know someone can seemingly have it all and still be miserable. I have learnt to be a lot easier on myself, have more love for myself, and try to be grateful for what i do have rather than what I dont. I try to do nice things for other people. I gice myself compassion rather than beating myself up. I am not perfect, i have a lot of work to do, but i definitely feel more at peace now than ever before.
Always interesting. Your videos contain considered reflections on basic life questions and have value, I think. I hope you continue to post, at least every now and again. Take care!
Thanks, I appreciate the feedback. I think I've gone wrong in the past by putting too much pressure on myself to stick to a schedule. Glad the videos help, even if they're only occasional!
I have zero desire to travel these days. I did a little bit in my 20's, but sadly never got to do the big trips to the UK and USA. Mostly Asia. Nowadays it just seems too stressful and too expensive. And it's all just escapism really. It is so hard to find comfort in this world but I am trying to focus on improving my health and fitness and trying to make new connections with other people around me such as neighbours and other people I see on my daily runs etc. I don't have a career and don't care about having one. Freelanced for years until that was destroyed by AI. Now I just do casual garden work. I need my freedom and autonomy.
Thanks for the reply, great to hear that you're discovering what works for you and what makes you happy.
I still love to travel but I've learned that doing it solo is not for me.
I planned to go travelling for 3 months, after 1 month of travelling I came back. Because I realised, travelling just doesn't fix my problems.
True happiness really does come from withing, from self love, self worth and breaking negative thinking patterns. It comes from acceptance and understanding within yourself. If your internal experience is generally extremely negative and this can cause your perception and therefore almost all of our external experiences to be negative, too. I think it's not really about being positive, so much as it is about training yourself to be realistic rather than negative.
As we go about our daily lives, we can sometimes get bogged down by the mundane or unpleasant things that happen and we can forget how much we have to be grateful for. And even in the darkest times of your life, there are still things to be grateful for. Sometimes finding them can be the difference between making it through these times and not, so it's a good idea to get in the habit of practicing gratefulness every day. If you are feeling truly grateful, it's hard to be unhappy-even when things are not going as well as they could be. Practicing gratitude has other benefits as well. People who practice gratitude are: Less self-centered. Less judgmental.
More generous. Happier. Less depressed.
There are people who are grateful for nothing and they are generally miserable people who never feel like anything is enough and their life is a constant struggle to fill that emptiness. Because of the society we live in, many people have come to believe that getting or owning more things will make them happy, or that a perfect romance is going to come along and complete. People are looking outside of themselves for validation and completion. And they are not finding it, because the truth is, if what you already have doesn't make you happy, what makes you think more will?
Lliving more intentionally and Practicing gratitude is learning to appreciate and be grateful for what you already have. Not just material things but also spiritually, emotionally or any other way. For example, when you're deciding whether or not you can afford the latest model car, remember to be grateful that you already have one when so many others don't. There are so many people in so many different situations in this world. While you shouldn't feel guilty for that, practicing gratitude is a way to remind yourself that things aren't as bad as we sometimes imagine them to be.
There are so many things, from the big to the small, for which to practice gratitude. If you ate today, you can be grateful you ate, because so many didn't. If you didn't eat, you can be grateful you can breath when so many others cannot. Every day we are alive and walking around on this earth is a day to practice gratitude. There are so many amazing things about life and living. If someone only ever focuses on what they don't have and what they can't do, they will always be unhappy. There is always something you can't do. There will always be things you don't have. If you can learn to be happy with what you already have, everything else is a bonus.
Reality is usually not as black and white as we initially perceive it to be. We have a choice, we don't have to be miserable and negative and angry, the way so many people are. We can reflect on things you are grateful for every day, and it opens your mind up to a whole new way of looking at things.
Negativity is generally just another habit people have gotten into over time, sometimes it can be aa fear of something. Sometimes negativity comes from bad experiences one has endured time and time again. It also can be the result of having people they love hurt, disappoint, or betray them. Once someone gives up on happiness they tend to (expect) things to go wrong for them in their lives.
Even when things are "going well" for them they refuse to enjoy the moment because they hate the possibility of being "fooled again". The glass is always half empty in their eyes.
The truth is no matter who you are or what you do you're going to have some "good times" and "bad times" in your life. The key is learning to ride the waves. Life is a series of "moments" and you have decide to enjoy those (good moments) when you have them and also understand that bad moments are just as temporary. Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself. To some extent if one knows what makes them happy they can (choose) to think about and do those things when they want to.
Thank you for taking the time to write this insightful reply, I appreciate it.
You are right, appreciation and gratitude for all the good that's in your life is very helpful.
The only exception I've found is that when you're feeling low and like you're struggling to keep your head above the water, it's very difficult to be grateful for the water.
I believe there are certain, basic survival criteria which is very individual that needs to met before you can effectively practice gratitude. I'll cover my thoughts on this in another video.
Love the videos, Jay. Keep up the great content brother.
Thank you Brother
I recently came across Dr. K's guide. And it helped me to seek answers for different mental health issues such as Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, ADHT etc. It helped me and I am sure that it will help you too 😊 Please go through it if you can
Love this. I really enjoy seeing that other people are going through the same things I am.
You've got me thinking of one of my favorite quotes: "Happiness is only real when shared" - it's from the movie "Into the Wild". For me, it's more true as I've gotten older - I don't get the same level of enjoyment from things as I used to.
I think it's important to find purpose in acts of service - providing something for people that adds value to them. A friend of mine gave me a piece of advice a few weeks ago, he said "It takes one step away from your current path to lead a different life".
I wish you the best!
Absolutely love that film. It funny, it actually inspired my wanderlust when I was younger and it wasn't until I watched it again recently that I noticed that line about sharing the experience and it really hit me.
Thanks for the kind words.
I believe we all have a battery level in energy. When you are busy filling someone els cup, you will feel empty. With other words; working on selfworth and healing your own (child hood) trauma and invest in living a abundant life with yourself first, is the key to truly helping others as well. Coming from a strong foundation in your own Soul, is the effective way to share your own developed energy with others. Everything else than this will always be a external element that makes you happy. Co-dependent energy is low vibrational and keeps people depressed. Love yourself firs before you truly can love others is key imo.
Your videos are helping! I am turning 30 this year and have been struggling with depression, anxiety and trauma since my teen years. Unemployed, unsure what to do next. So your story is relatable and its always nice to know that you are not alone with your problems.
🙂
I've always loved your videos, I don't know if they're helping but this honesty is so refreshing, especially on this app and they feel deep. However i think you shouldn't make them to help people, it feels like you also need them wich is okay. Do them for yourself also if you feel like it but stay geniune ! I also feel like you have many expectations about things in life and that maybe you should let go of them. For me at least the many disillusions I went through started to feel more agreable from the time I started to consider them absurd, interesting in their unexpectedness or at least just not that big of a deal. It's aso interesting to reflect on why we had those expectations in the first place and why thos aren't fulilling. They maybe can move us to other approaches, ùore maturity or at least a more realistic portrayal of our emotional needs.
Beautifully said and you seem to have got somewhere, emotionally, that I aspire to - to be able to observe the way my mind works not get caught up in it.
You're right - making these vids does help and I think it helps others to realize they're not alone or broken in any way for feeling the same but the moment I start to make content for others, it changes the dynamic of the channel and I suddenly don't want to make anything.
It's like there's a compass in my life that always redirects me to authenticity.
Thank you for the update. So far I have enjoyed every video of yours I watched. it's just comforting in way; knowing that others have very similar struggles. whenever you feel like it keep sharing your thoughts - they are precious ones. all the best!
Respect to you Jay for always being transparent. And you know what, you did something Ive probably never gonna have the balls to do, putting yourself out there.
I hate to be negative, but deep down do you think some of us are just not meant to be truly happy? I cant even find any happiness in anything..
Love your content & its just so raw & something that deserves so much more spotlight on.
Thank you for this reply.
I have to admit that I've questioned life in the same you are now and it makes me sad to think that there's so many people out there who feel like a life of at least fulfillment, if not happiness, isn't on the cards for them.
All I can say is that through my own experience, getting stuck in my head and going around in circles makes me feel bad - having an idea, acting on it and then reassessing the situation makes me feel like I'm moving.
I might not be moving in the right direction, but at least now I'm sure what isn't the right direction.
Don't ever give up on the idea of finding meaning in your life, it is out there but you're going to have to put in the hours to find it.
That's exactly what I'm doing now and I hope that me posting my worst moments and carrying on trying serves as some kind of inspiration for you.
@@JayWallace thanks for taking such time for the detailed reply Jay. I'm sure I can speak on behalf of all your viewers, that you seem such a great guy. The way you articulate yourself in your videos is always so refreshing to see.
You're definitely going about it the right way by trying something, if it doesn't work, so be it I guess. We know not to try that approach. Loneliness is so confusing and so relentless. I hope we can all find our path sooner rather than later 🙏🏽
Really insightful, I’ve started to come to the realisation myself that the grass often isn’t greener on the other side. It’s a shame I didn’t come to that realisation sooner because I could have avoided some bad mistakes I’ve made. Good to know other people feel a similar way.
Thanks, I'm glad the vids help. I would say you've never made a mistake, only learned a lesson. I meet people that don't realise they've wasted their lives until way into their 60s and that must be a much harder pill to swallow.
Better to have tried than to always wonder if you should have gone. Always appreciated the honesty of this channel. If you don't make any more videos, I wish the best for you mate! Good luck
13:40 me too, thank you for the video!
Yeah it hits really hard I agree.. keep doing video if it helps you it can help us too.
Hey mate, I was only thinking the other day you’d not posted in a while so it’s good to see you again and I’m sorry to hear about how your trip went
As for your videos I like them, they’re honest and helpful so keep going with them as, you have that community on here now and you’re a good bloke
Thanks mate, really appreciate the feedback. Checkout out your channel earlier to see if you were still posting, congrats on the perseverance.
@@JayWallaceNo problem at all mate and thank you back for looking, means a lot
I get it. This is the "geographic cure" and is an illusion... Everywhere you go, there you are. Thanks
I definitely think your videos are helpful. My situation isn't the same but seeing someone going through similar things and how you get through it and just go day to day is always good to hear. Even if it doesn't directly help. Or even times where I might disagree with you. I appreciate the perspective and the authenticity of your channel and content.
Right now, I'm currently unemployed. I take care of my daughter while also trying to pursue game dev. However, I don't have much to show for right now. Thoughts always plague my mind of not doing enough especially when it comes to financial matters as I don't currently bring in any money. My wife always reassures me that I'm helping in other ways and pursuing my interests which she wholeheartedly supports. But I just can't keep those nagging thoughts down like maybe I'm a bit useless? Obviously, I know this isn't the case but it's hard to think about sometime.
Also, I can understand why going into a trade might be low stress. I did landscaping for years and it was really nice not having to think about work after I was done. There was something calming too about going in, knowing what I need to do, and just doing the job. Ultimately, I decided I wanted something that was a bit more creative, but I understand the appeal.
Thanks for sharing your insights, it's great to know the vids are helping in some way.
It is tough being unemployed. Sounds like we're in a really similar position as my GF brings in the bacon atm - even though we still split bills I can't get over this cultural-ingrained idea that, as a man, I have to be the main earner.
I would imagine there's added pressure with a little one as well so kudos to you for the determination to make a dream a reality.
Wish you all the best.
I can’t remember if you mentioned it in another video, but are you going to therapy? Therapy has been a life changer for me. If you aren’t going, I highly recommend it. I put it off for so long because I thought I needed to “know” what my problem was before going to therapy, but it’s the opposite, you go because you feel something is wrong but you can’t quite put your finger on what it is 100%
Every time I see you uploading a new vid, I usually instantly click it. I've seen you mention a few times that you haven't posted in some time because you haven't had the best week / month, and feel like you can't really give advice. But for me personally (and probably a lot of others as well), that's not why I watch your videos. For me it's that a lot of the things you say feel very relatable, which makes me feel like I'm not going through this stuff alone. There's more people out there that are going through the same / similar things. Of course it's good for you if you've had a good week / month and you are able to share the reasons about why this happened, but just know that it's not expected in any way. I just enjoy your videos, no matter if you have something positive to share or had a tough week instead.
Something I've learned along the way is that how you feel is almost never a permanent thing. Some days / weeks you feel great and things seem to all work out, and sometimes you just feel kind of bad without having a clear explaination. How people feel will almost always fluctuate, and that's okay.
Also, one last thing. First and foremost, I'm definitely not qualified in any way to give advice on this topic so take this with a grain of salt, it's just my two cents.
I feel like you are really trying to find this 'one thing' that will make you feel better, and then everything else would fall into place. Moving to a new country, looking for a new job, reading a lot of self help books, going for a walk every morning etc. But I think there's almost never one single thing, or one goal you can achieve, in order to feel better. More often than not, I find that when I have a good day or week, the cause lies more in seeing purpose in the small things. Simple things like enjoying a conversation with someone you care about, doing a boardgame night with some friends, seeing my 3 year old cousin, or even just looking forward to something fun you've planned. What I've seen a lot is that people set a really high goal for themselves that's important to them, expecting to feel like they're on top of the world when they finally reach it. And then when they do, they feel nothing but... emptiness. The thing is, emotions are a weird thing and usually don't work the way you expect them to work. When you think you have to reach goal X in order to finally feel how you've been wanting to feel, your emotions / feelings will have different plans.
Now of course I'm not saying people shouldn't set goals to themselves, because that would obviously be silly. But I do think it's valuable to lower the expectations of a single goal you've set for yourself, and try to see the purpose in small things instead, whatever those 'small things' might be for you. And also, being proud of small steps of improvement instead of being frustrated / blaming yourself that your life currently isn't at the place you want it to be. That's where the small steps come in, because small steps will 'snowball' into big steps eventually.
Hey Jay, great video - I'm in exactly the same situation but without a girl friend. For me, I've travelled quite alot and have felt the same feelings. I agree that a change of scenery won't necesarily help but a change of mentality certainly can - and sometimes being outside your comfort zone can be the trigger. Whenever I have travelled as a tourist, I have felt lonely and not able to share it with anyone.. but one way of compensating for that is by involving yourself in meaningful communities. Not just meeting other travellers which as you say is generally fleeting - but actually doing some voluntary work, working in a community, basing yourself somewhere.. and developing connections from grass roots. It's not so easy but it requires a different mindset and attitude. Ultimately, the way I see it is that man/woman needs purpose, community, relationships amongst other things to be happy - I find that volunteering is a great way to take the pressure of yourself and just focus on giving back to others - developing them.. but that of-course doesn't solve the issue of finances.. but I do wonder if you may be better suited to a more 'hybrid lifestyle'. Not all people can do that but in this day an age, more and more jobs are remote and offer flexiblity.. it sounds like you may possibly be able to continue doing remote sales but in a limited capacity (or perhaps consultancy).. and in your spare time, involving yourself in more communal work. I know there are obviously many more things to consider but I'm just speaking from my personal experience and how I'm feeling. It's something that I plan to do myself very soon but struggling with some health issues at the moment. I think your intention to travel was correct but perhaps going back out with your girl-friend with more of a focus on 'cultural integration' would be a possibility. Finding purpose and community can be achieved - and I truly believe these to be the most important things. How easy is it to do volunteering and find a community in the UK? Not easy... in my opinion.. I find i difficult in the UK to step outside of myself.. I find it hard to make friends here and frankly it can be quite depressing. Im sure many will disagree with that last part but we all experience reality differently. Anyway, keep up the great work. I just pm'ed you through email so feel free to reach out to chat.
@jay I was just wondering some days ago how you've been! Great to hear an update. Just tuned in and listening now..
Ive tried travelling alone in the past and realized as well that even though aspects were fun at the time there was no one I had a deep connection with to share the moments with exactly as you say. I was in a similar boat as you at one point (im 33) but a while back I changed jobs (forcing myself to go to office at least once per week), recently went on vacation with my partner and have started to make friends through friend finder apps and I think overall Im much happier for it. good luck. oh and another important thing i find is just to do regular exercise or sport or physical hobby
Hey Jay,
Nice to hear from you again. I completely resonate with your feelings. It’s no wonder-we lonely people are all the same, even though we might think we’re different. We all have this illusion that if we leave our current place and travel somewhere new, we can somehow leave our old selves behind and start fresh. But we can’t. Deep down, we’ll always be the same person we’ve always been. External circumstances rarely change who we are, unless maybe they’re extremely positive or extremely negative and harsh. I don’t know. I’m just brainstorming here.
But I do think you’ve already come a long way compared to many of us who struggle with the same issue-feeling lonely. You had the courage to open up and be vulnerable. People rarely do that nowadays, and as others have commented, this is by far the most valuable thing in your posts.
Just throwing it out there-if you ever decide to travel again, why not share your journey with the rest of us? I understand it’s not the same as sharing the experience with someone in person, but some travel vloggers do it, LOL. Anyway, keep posting these videos to keep us updated on your life journey, no matter how often or rarely you do it. Also, don’t feel pressured to come up with something positive or ‘interesting,’ or something of a breakthrough. I’ve enjoyed every single video you’ve posted.
They do help me a lot, because i can relate to your challenges in life! It seems like i have the same ones, being in my mid 30s without a real purpose and a lot of questions…so please keep up with the videos! :) Greetings from Germany
Glad the videos help in some way :)
Don't stop asking questions and you'll find purpose
that's a nice perspective in life. thx for sharing!
Happy comes from within, not from external things.
External things are only important if I'm happy, otherwise everything else meaningless.
You are right but we also have basic needs which need to be met before we can look within - a roof over our head, clothes on our back, a regular meal etc.
So there are some external things which are needed for the feeling of happiness to occur.
Yes this content is useful
make videos. Youve naturally cultivated an audience with raw content, its refreshing.
Thank you.
I worked really hard to get my dream car, it didn’t solve any problems. In fact it caused more!
Same. Just ended up with more financial stress. It's amazing how quick I got used to it and it felt no different to driving my old banger.
If you wanna go down the hands on route that’s all good man! Although just a note that my dad has been self employed, with his own business working on cars for 30 years and has hated it for at least 20 😂 the stress is physical and mental, because people are expecting the work to be done to deadlines, working in shit weather, body breaks down much faster. That’s why I’m becoming a software engineer, leverage on time and physical health.
However, there are so many trades and sub industry’s with more team work that I’m sure are engaging and physically less tough.
Thanks for the insight, a lot of my family are trades and it's for that reason I thought I would go into Sales. I'm considering engineering atm, seems to be a good mix of hands-on stuff and problem-solving. Also gives me the chance to go into management when my body starts to break down!
Hi Jay, you 'didn't make a video as thought your next video would be a revelation of discoveries and successes,' in my opinion you HAVE had those things, you realised that you were working towards goals that didnt mean as much as you thought they did. I'm in a similar situation to you, I have enough money to pretty much do what I want, but now I have no purpose because I have Too Many options, life is simpler when you have limited choice. I also agree that experiences are better when they are shared with someone you care about. My suggestion would be if you are struggling to make a decision on what to do, just try a new direction, or pick up and old direction for a while, and see if it inspires you, better to fail when trying than to fail to try.
I wouldn’t say the videos help per se, but they’re most certainly appreciated. I’m 5 months into a relocation for similar reasons. 29, trying to escape my depression, my normality with an adventure. Thankfully I did have one good friend in the city where I moved prior, but the saying is true. “A man is whatever room he’s in.” We can’t escape the experience of our own thoughts. But we can be diligent to keep good people near us.
Well I guess at least there's some reason you watch even if you don't find them helpful. Good luck with your move, it's a challenging time but also exciting if you're in the right headspace.
Haha yeah. I’ve been subbed for a long time. Your content is great. By not being helpful, I more so meant that I don’t usually seek “self help” solutions online. However that doesn’t take away from the utter art of your honesty in these vids. Hope I didn’t come off as a dick 😂
Btw, do you miss the BMW?
@@tjwithanak7517 Didn't take any offense so don't worry, I'm glad if people find it helpful in any way.
Uhm, not really. It was a beautiful car to drive but I was also paranoid of it going wrong and costing a fortune to fix.
If I had a lot of disposable income, I wouldn't hesitate to buy one again but a car is a car at the end of the day and it's amazing how quick you get used to whatever you're driving.
jay. I mean this with sincerity.
try this and if doesn't work at least you know
1) go and gym and lift some weights. When you finish a workout your body releases endorphins and you feel great
PLus when you see your arms are getting bigger you will view the gym as a rewarding project
Trust me. Give it a try. I don' think you will regret it.
2) WHen you wake up be grateful for your health. Phone your mum and tell her you love her
3) The other thing is finding the truth.
"Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest." 13:28
Thanks for this appreciate, appreciate the suggestion.
I used to go to the gym 5 days a week but I started experiencing really low moods after heavy lift days. It's really strange but not uncommon, no one seems to have found an answer at the moment.
I have a half marathon coming ip in October so I run most days in prep for that.
Have you read any carl jung? His view of psychology is really interesting if not empirically provable. I good video i recommend on depression is from academy of ideas - How Depression Facilitates Self-Transformation
Maybe you have already found your career/life path without even realising it? You have already identified a potential gap in the market for people (particularly men) looking for some sort of life guidance and inspiration. This channel could be that... Best of luck in life
Thanks, I appreciate it. I was offering coaching for a while and had some real success with the guys I was working with but I just didn't feel like now was the right time.
I'm going to continue sharing my journey, keep an open mind and see where it takes me.
Bro maybe try traditional marriage i dont know it works for many people you are a good looking guy and successful you'll have many options.....wish you the best,hopefully one day we will find out being lonely for a long time was the path to a better life
And maybe not but tye treasure is in the journey o guess 😄
I can relate to a lot of this, but there is an aspect I can't, and this may be because of your depression (So understand this is not a criticism, just an observation). I can't relate to the lack of appreciation for what you have and the almost total lack of attempt to live in the moment. I'm bad at this, but you seem really bad at it.
Yeah I get that and a low mood or depression makes it very difficult to see things accurately sometimes instead of being colored in gray.
I understand I have a lot to be thankful for. You should check out a reply I sent to one of the other comments on gratitude.
Challenge: find a positive title on any of your videos lol it's so overwhelmingly pessimistic/negative that I considered the possibility that this channel is satire. Relate to all of them though, sadly.
Hi jay it's so nice to see you back I find your talk open and honest and makes me feel not alone , I think your journey in bankok is a good thing to heal yourself, I hope things will work with your girlfriend and somehow some day you will find meaning in love and belonging with someone who will care and take care for you . Speaking about my self I still didn't figure out lif yet in everything this year has been a wrecking ball all I'm doing is trying to survive
Thanks for the welcome back and sorry to hear you're going through a hard time lately.
The last year has been really tough for me with all sorts of things going on but I've been in this place before and I always find meaning and growth at the end of it.
Hang on in there and try to focus on the lessons you're learning and the growth you're experiencing.