"Allowing him to quit his job" "He's home, and the kids are home, and I'm still working full time" Sounds like someone really resented being the provider.
Actually when you look it up, most women don’t like being the provider. IMO I don’t think anyone should be a provider, the more equal a relationship is, usually it translates into a happier relationship.
@@nickhamerlynck7919 if there are no children, yes. When there are children though, one should stay home, they are still providing. One provides income, the other provides child care and house management. It just so happens that biologically, women are more inclined to the latter than the former.
@@nickhamerlynck7919 this MIGHT work in dating, but generally does NOT work in marriage. The are a few exceptions, but equality in marriage, or higher status for the wife statistically results in divorce.
@@Aetriex imo that creates a lot of stress on both sides. I understand the need and want to have a parent raising your kids instead of some stranger. But especially if one person doesn’t like their job, it’s incredibly draining and can make them feel stuck and very stressed. Then you have a parent who’s basically attached to this baby 24/7 with no breaks, incredibly stressful. I like the European method. Both parents have extended time off for paternity leave up to 1 year! Fully paid. Both parents have it, that’s incredibly helpful for new parents to have that. People can’t do it all for long, they can’t work, take care of a baby, maintain a relationship, while taking care of themselves. It’s too much for a couple. It needs to be equal sides.
This woman sounds like a wackadoodle. “How do I teach my kids that marriage is for better or for worse, that it’s forever?” 🤔 Ummm, let’s see, don’t get divorced.
😂😂😂😂 That was insane ... She asks how to teach her kids good marriage but divorced their father, entered another relationship before moving on and when new partner wants to be married she is wondering if ex husband was the one all along and keeping current partner in limbo...
I can’t stand lame excuses for divorce. She still calls the man her best friend, and claims it just couldn’t work with marriage? Um… I wish John had challenged this. She doesn’t sound like someone who should be dating. And if multiple counselors told her she was the one who needed change, maybe it was TRUE.
Maybe not pity. She's sifting through the fact that she could have made peace with a husband who doesn't work when her belief system is a man should work. She's blaming herself to a certain extent that she didn't like certain things but allowed them and she slowly resented and regretted what had become their life. If she had been honest with herself, she would have divorced him still probably but wouldn't regret it.
This is what happens when folks look for happiness in their relationship and not within themselves It's not your partners job to make you happy, if you make it their job you'll never be happy
No it's up to both of you to bring joy to a relationship. To share. That's a healthy relationship. But it's not up to your partner trying to keep trying to fix you to be happy.
I have never understood this concept because when you look for happiness within only yourself you are not including your spouse and that is not a partnership. Your spouses behavior is going to either make you feel safe or unsafe and that is what leads to happiness or being unhappy.
she was lied to on tiktok and thought she'd hop on the dating apps and get piped down by chad every night. Then once that failed reality is setting in that her life is essentially over and maybe it wasn't so bad before.
Working from home doesn’t mean you have time to take care of kids. This lady sounds like a nightmare. Modern woman typical feminist resents her man if she earns more. She a western 304.
I laughed when she said "I don't want to be the only one working, I miss my kids".....now you know what 99 percent of men have felt throughout entire human history......what a piece of work. Also women "i work so hard at home"
That greener grass on the other side of the fence could be due to a septic tank issue. So be careful with the choices you make. It’s no fun living in regret.
She’s having a hard time taking accountability for her part in her failed marriage. And she thinks she can just move on without facing the consequences of her past actions or coming to terms with the fact that she loves her husband. There’s a lot to unpack here.
I think a guy who can't keep goals and decides to quit his job, was probably enough consequences to live with during marriage and after marriage since she won't even be getting financial support.
@@dearbrave4183 yeah, but you dont destroy your marriage and your family over your husband being a loser. The biggest problem are the kids. 3 and 7, wow. Poor babies now live in a broken home because the lady cant keep her vows.
She tore her family apart and now already in a new relationship but can’t get over her ex. Omg! Get your act together lady! I feel very sorry for her children who are the ones suffering the most.
Please don't insult ladies like my wife and daughters. That was a typical Western woman. A lady is someone far, FAR above her class. A lady is someone who looks at her tired husband losing the war against a misandric world and says, "Ramon, I want you to know you're the man I admire most in all the world." A lady protects and cherished her husband's nuts, instead of kicking them when he's down. That is no lady. That's a harpie.
Society makes divorce sound like an easy, no pain solution for an unhappy relationship. The truth is it's painful and has consequences for both people.
you can’t have it all, a weak husband that you can boss around and a tough one who works hard and earns a lot, a big career and tons of time with your kids. gotta make choices!
@@auroramothergoddess Did I say it was alright for men to do it too? Why do you point out one fault to justify another? You sound like an angry woman who hates men.
She needs another relationship to distract her from facing her flaws and to be the scapegoat for anything else that goes wrong. People like her can't be alone.
@@auroramothergoddess men and women are different… Our rules are different. It’s mere biology and evolution… she’s a liability… the value of women with children, exponentially plummets…
She straight up had a new relationship. Councilor told her SHE needs to change. My guess; she already had the hots for that new guy, the excitement, the tickle of something new and sent her marriage into failure. Now that the dopamine rush of something new has worn off she’s left with the realization she’s put the kids in a broken home and now has to carry the full financial burden and responsibilities and hates it. Well, duh…
No it wasn't that she had hots for other guy Christoph. She didn't like that she was the provider of the household, she said it herself. Even the councillors said that she has to change - again not my words. 😂. She didn't like that she was working while her husband was unemployed sitting at home. I'm sure she wouldn't have any problem if it was vice versa. Food for thought 😅
Yup, exactly the situation I went through with my ex. Best thing I ever did was showed her the door and said “ok, well best of luck” and moved on. And by moved in I don’t mean on other relationships.
I'm sure people will call me judgemental but I don't think you should be "living like you're married" with anyone you're not married to when you have kids. It doesn't seem like much time has passed either.
I agree. It must be really confusing for her children. It's enough change for them to have separated parents and a new apartment but now another man with mom living there? Yikes. I also don't want to sound judgemental but it's a bit selfish on her part I think.
Don't worry about "judging", we're suppose to use good judgement in life to access a situation to make decisions in life, we judge everyday and it's a good thing. Now, on to your comment, your statement about her living like she's married around the children is correct.
Women are never happy when they’re the breadwinner and working constantly. A lot of women lie to themselves and convince themselves they want that. But they don’t. Sometimes it’s OK, temporarily, if the money is really really good… like my wife works with me (we own a small biz), BUT she’ll be able to focus on motherhood in like 4-5 years once we have 6 total rentals (we have 3 rentals now). This woman should acknowledge that motherhood and being a woman is the ultimate goal, once you’re able to settle down and retire or at least be “financially stable” enough for the mom to quit working. Being a workhorse, as a woman, isn’t the key to happiness But a lot of these feminist women convince themselves to be working hard 40 hours a week, into their age 40s and 50s, and they wonder why they’re unhappy and bitter. Bcuz science and genetics cause women to not be happy in this role. Just like men can’t possibly be happy with a beta, weak role where he’s not respected and is not a leader in his household.
@@charlesg7926 This has to be copy pasta. For anyone that feels pulled into this guy’s manifesto: Live life your best way and leave other people to their business.
@@charlesg7926 That was our goal too. Like I have went from wanting to be a Commercial Pilot to just a flexible IT job. I want to work but not overwork. I want to spend time with my kids. I want my husband to be the breadwinner. But I did support him to get through his Electrical Engineering degree. Hopefully we get there. I'm feeling the burn out. Im not a feminist. Never labeled it. I just work hard. But I can see Naturally how women want to stay home. But some men just want to do nothing and be head of household.🙄
@@sarrahconley3143 Yeah that’s true, lazy man are a big problem too and it’s why some women feel they have to step up. Also sometimes emasculation of men causes them to become lower-T and then they doubt themselves and become lazier and more timid. It works both ways
Most women monkey branch. Most women move on very fast. Its called "war brides", look it up. Also, men, dont get married. No advice can fix a marriage. Nature doesn't take advice, it just does what it wants.
It's easy to say for better or worse when times are good, but when things get tough people seem to treat the sanctity of marriage like a dating relationship. The reality is she quit on the marriage and she is trying to justify it by down playing it; and now she is starting to realize she can't because those emotions are bubbling up. Divorce is serious and devastating for all involved.
But if you listen closely, sounds like the guy is what we used to call a B-U-M. He doesn't have a job, lives with her parents...I don't know many women who want to stay married to someone so unmotivated.
@@reedriter I agree that sucks and he sounds like a soy boy to be honest. However, at the end of the day she still chose to marry him. There had to be warning signs before they got married. If he was a bum before she got married what does she expect... if he was a highly motivated guy before marriage and something happened along the way maybe he needs help or therapy to get his mojo back.
@@jeffkelly9197 Or maybe she should try to be satisfied with her being the earner of the family and him being the stay at home dad, but we got very few actual details of their issues. Right at the beginning John asked her why they got divorced and she glossed right over it with the vague statement that, "some people are better off being friends." She also admitted that both of their counselors came to the conclusions that she had issues to resolve, but it's really hard to solve interpersonal issues when you aren't willing to acknowledge your own shortcomings.
I feel for people going through divorce because it must be hard but I don’t understand how parents can jump into another relationship so quickly after divorcing. I just think it must be so confusing and upsetting for the children involved.
Exactly. She's so worried about her little kids but she's got some new dude living in the apartment. And then they break up and he leaves. She needs to stay clear of men, raise her babies, and go get therapy.
She not only jumped into a new relationship, she brought him into the same apartment with her kids. It's a bad idea for everyone in the household to be living together unmarried with kids when one of the adults isn't the biological or legal parent of the kids.
Come of John. The best thing for her is a wake up call. Gloves were really on for this one. I feel so bad for her kids and always fear a boyfriend living in the house with young ones so vulnerable.
@@Immigrantlovesamerica He mentions some the other issues are for another call, so he might've felt that he only had time ton address the issue at hand. He might've been able to get to the real issue there been more time allowed.
The kids say they miss their house, and she has no idea what they are saying? This woman has destroyed her children's childhood and is living in a fantasy world.
@TheElochai at the beginning she said all the counselors she met with told her she needed to change which means she shopped counselors to tell her what she wanted and they never did, they told her what she needed to do and that was stop being the problem. Then she said layer that she's having some arguments that made her realize it was on her, meaning the arguments reminded her of her marriage and she realizes she is thw common denominator and was probably the issue. And yes your correct, if people have a bunch of significant issues with someone else thwy don't leave those out of the story. She never said who wanted the divorce either.....maybe it was him who wanted it. The lady sounds very self centered but I only have one incomplete side of thw story so I may be wrong.
He lived with her parents after the divorce, and all of her marriage counselors said she was the problem. Did he ever consider she might need to do a little bit more than grieve the relationship?
Doesn't matter a woman will never be held accountable. In the end she will be convinced she's a queen and will move on that's it. It's a complete waste of time to even talk to these witches
@@hudsonmilbankim not saying she’s right, but as if parents are perfect. Plenty of despicable parents who would choose their in law just to mess with their kids and make it even clearer they don’t like them. Parents taking him in is weird AF and not an indication whatsoever of who’s to blame.
Yeah she totally is still “ in-it” with her previous husband. It’s not fair to her current boyfriend. She doesn’t know what she wants and needs to LET GO! Until then she won’t feel settled.
If the dude moved in with HER parents after she divorced him for a second time says a lot. She is the problem. Happiness comes from yourself only, not from someone else.
She’s guilty, when she got asked point blank why she had no answer, which tells me she was busy with someone else, her kids find her at fault, she made her own bed and she gets to sleep in it
I broke up with a few girlfriends when I was young and this is 100% the advice I needed. You have to let the relationship die. Otherwise you’re constantly revisiting that pain over and over. Don’t stay ‘friends’, you can be friendly with each other when you bump into each other, but you can’t be friends.
The bizarre things people do. It looks like this lady doesn’t think her decisions through very well. She didn’t think about compatibility with a less motivated spouse. She didn’t think about her first divorce, or her second. She just reacts to her emotions and let’s them lead important decisions. Poor lady. She is going to suffer her whole life until she can conquer this tendency.
Wouldn't it be something if the (ex)husband heard this and called in and we got his side of the story? She glosses over ALOT of the things that were what she considers as the reasons for the divorce.
She and her ex both have the same character flaw: both are fickle and impulsive people who don't have the discipline for long term goals. He probably a "fun" and charming guy who didn't want to work, and she's an immature woman herself. No wonder they are best friends and were attracted to each other.
@@The_Man8719TwitchTVPeople are attracted to and attract like-minded people with similar character, discipline, and values (or lack thereof). If you want be with someone of high character, discipline, and values (and thus a successful relationship), you have to first develop those traits yourself.
She lost me when she said she's already living with another guy. She needs to greatly improve her emotional intelligence, which she currently has little of. But she's not unique. My parents got divorced after 21 years of marriage and were still good friends. It was weird for 10 years after that. My parents also had zero emotional intelligence.
Exactly. She is going to destroy the growth of her children being impulsive and jumping in with boyfriends. She didn’t own her fault in any of the conversation. The flag arose when she said when they went to marriage counseling and all the counselors informed her that she needed to change. Clearly that is still the case.
Getting divorced after 21 years and staying friends for 10 is insane why even get divorced 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭😭 I am so sorry man that actually makes no sense and would infuriate me
@@notreallyafamousartist695my wife (17 years together total) called me her best friend, said she loved me, loved hearing me and our daughter laugh and playing through the house, enjoys the time we spend together, said she finds me physically attractive and enjoys having sex with me….but isn’t in love with me anymore and maybe wants to divorce me. I too am genuinely confused….
Ive learned that if the grass looks greener on the other side, its probably fertilized with bs. The fact is every committed relationship has on average 10 problems that will never be solved. This is where compromise comes in and both people have to give. So if you leave your spouse over a problem you wont compromise on, and go be with someone else, now youve added 10 more problems. The more you do this, the more problems youre adding to your life. Just compromise in the first place, and be happier in the long run.
People fail to realize, that unless you AND your partner are dead set on putting each other first, it won't ever work. At the same time it's funny how you can tell so much about someone by their voice.
That's never how our very happy marriage of 36years ever worked. She puts me first, and I put God first. Together, all 3 of us, starting with God, put the kids first. Woman was created for man, and not man for woman. All was created by and for God. All else is sinking sand.
@@BlueDauntless Depends on what putting the kids first means. If it is to coddle and excuse their crap, yeas, absolutely! If however it is to not just love and help them BUT also to train and discipline them you find something else. 36 years and we have never had a second honeymoon or even a date night; and we're happy and together. Our kids now replicating it as we replicated our parents. That's not for everyone, but neither is the never put kids first modern SELFISHNESS.
Great Advice from John - telling it like it is: ‘ you’ve got no business dragging someone new into this mess’. She made this choice - the kids are little now but they don’t be forever 7 turns into 17 in the blink of an eye.
These kinds of stories make me believe that the vast majority of women want to stay home with their children and not have a career. She is bitter that he as the man became a stay at home parent and homemaker while she was the bread winner. She lost respect for him because of that. She wanted to be the one with her kids and wanted him to be the one working, but she doesn't want to admit that part because we are now taught that women always want a career and being a stay at home mom is beneath them. EDIT: Holy hyperbolic replies, batman!
I'm very progressive and all, but I suppose I would feel taken advantage of if my husband became a stay at home dad... I still feel the work division would not be fair...
Then if women want to stay home they should not get expensive educations. Let them go to tenth grade, maybe finishing school if they're upper class, and get married off at 17 the way our grandmother's did, and stay home, shut up, and crank out babies every year.
@Christine Butler I agree with not getting expensive educations, but you are clearly mocking. You don’t have to be barefoot and pregnant, just don’t get into crazy amounts of debt or go to grad school and accrue cray amounts of debt. I went to college debt free, plan to work until 29/30 and then have a family, raise them and return back to work or school when they’re raised. Women don’t have to be educated to the minimum Christine, that’s very limited thinking. Women do have to be savvy and think about finances. If someone doesn’t want to go to college that’s fine too, but there can be a balance (women I know was able to balance it).
I am all for dynamics where the woman is the breadwinner snd the man stays home. Personally I’m not attracted to men who want to be stay at home dads. I am attracted to men who will allow me to be a stay at home mother. If she wanted to do that it should have been a hot topic before the kids and two marriages.
"How do I show my kids that marriage can work when I couldn't make my marriage work?" You can't.... Just go on with your life being selfish and immature and ruining everyone else's life in the process.
My mom cheated on my dad 15 years ago and left him for her “soul mate” which lasted a whopping 3 years before imploding. To this day I have 0 respect for her and am just now getting to the place where I want to be around her for more than 5 minutes. She has no clue what she has done to her kids.
Tough. So basically this calls is about her knowing that she’s setting a bad example for her kids, not having a real reason for divorce other than not wanting to work through problems, but doesn’t want to do the thing to set a good example. Very nice 👍🏼
Perhaps, but I married my husband with three kids, ages 3, 5, and 7, at the time, and we're now coming up on our 17 year anniversary. One of my stepdaughters is engaged to be married and I am working hand in hand with her to plan her wedding. I have a great relationship with all 3 of my step kids and it's hard to imagine life without them or my husband. My point is, it CAN work, it's a case by case thing. Not saying it's easy for anyone, but I know my step kids would say they were better off with me in their life (they have told me that several times), and I say the same about them.
What a crazy lady… so you ruined your kids’ childhoods and home life because you felt like quitting and you can’t even explain why? Sounds to me she just lost feelings at that time because he wasn’t working. Sucks when innocent kids are involved. Once you decide to have kids you have the OBLIGATION to try your absolute best in making the relationship work, and not give up due to boredom only to regret it a year later….
I disagree. I don't financially support my best friend or have to share chores in my house. Sure, arousal might be part of it but she said he didn't want to work and was staying at home with the kids. That is a fundamental division of values that cannot survive a marriage. #1 cause of divorce, $$$$
@@auroramothergoddess As do I. I hope it isn't in all cases and is sometimes more of a catch phrase because I see so many people describe their relationships/engagements/marriages this way. Time will tell. Funny enough, the only time I ever heard that phrase to describe myself to her from my college sweetheart was exactly the time when we split off.
@@JBCookies8885 I can agree with you though it can play hand in hand. A stay at home father who displays what it sounded like he may have displayed actions wise from the call is not arousing to a woman I would argue, whether money is involved or not. My Dad's best friend was divorced just a couple years ago on the exact same premise; never could make any forward trajectory or consistency around his working life.
@@andrewcoffey6072 Yes a non working guy who doesnt care he isnt working is just sad and if he doesnt himself FEEL sad about that I would be done....many women would be done.
She will never be satisfied with anything or anyone. Her soul is lacking and she is looking for something external to fill it. sacrificed her marriage and children's stability in the process. Whew!! she has a lot of inner work to do. So sorry she destroyed a home. She'll face the consequences and bet you there will be many
Yup. It's sad because she ruining her kids life. If she wants to mess up her own life then fine, she's an adult. But she gave up on her husband and gave up on her children's well being. She sucks
Most women end up resenting a husband who doesn't work. Call it sexist or whatever but the majority of women feel that way even if they won't admit it. She never said why he wouldn't work but she agreed to let him be the stay at home husband.
@@DansyoungWhy, when that’s his JOB and he’s wired for that role?? Women are wired for keeping up with the home !!! If you’re tired of providing for your family then you have being a real man issues !!
@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 I would argue that when your in a relationship you are supposed to work TOGETHER as a team. Ying and Yang, both parties help each other out for the common goal of a relationship. But I seem to be of a dying breed with such crazy ideas.
I feel like half the people we know are already divorced and the other half are now on their way to divorce. It sucks . And the thing is that divorce doesn’t solve your problems.
My buddy’s wife of 16 years cheated on him. They had one child. Now he’s with a new woman with 3 kids under 7. Some people love drama and misery. And don’t get me started on the money and debt he’ll be taking on. The girl he’s with now got divorced because her and her ex “grew apart”. grow up people.
You have to be emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, spiritually healthy before entering a relationship. But all we see are broken people going from relationship to relationship to fill that void .
I think that sounds good on paper but nobody is that "perfect". We are all broken someway, somehow. We just have to be open to learn and to grow when we are the one falling short at a particular situation.
What a train-wreck. Heartbreaking call. Its clear to me that she knows she did not put in the work to save the marriage. Shea as much as said it. Worst part is her jumping into another relationship so soon. Her poor kids. I hope her ex finds someone decent and HE can show those kids what a healthy marriage looks like. She likely has no clue.
After hearing stories about how life sucks after divorce - it really convinced me that maybe life generally is the same wherever you are - and we just translate this into a "life sucks" scenario.
It's not humans are not meant to be alone. We're social creatures. The problem is that we are not doing our self work. We don't have boundaries and we deal with toxic people. The solution to having a bad boss isn't to quit your job and never work again. the solution is to build better boundaries. Shutting down and isolating yourself from love, companionship, emotional support is not the solution to this problem. We just have to do a better job of picking.
She listed all she did wrong... How would it look like when she took responsibility? I guess I ask, because i think of conversations with my father. Some good friends tell me he never took responsibility... but he agrees with some bad things he did.... So does she... so whar would be the difference?
2:36 oh, what? Working in the house? So... housework? Domestic chores? And then he stayed at home while she missed kids and worked more... and *this dynamic* upset her... this is kind of a reverse dynamic. She doesn't sound heartbroken, she sounds sour. I want to hear his side. She has said it's his problem, for both times it sounds like. Edit to add, in the call I'm pretty certain she said during covid he quit his job so he could watch kids while she worked. I feel like that was a mutual decision, especially when outside childcare was out the window.
Not only that but she also said the therapists were saying it was HER that was the problem if you go back and listen (may have been a slip of the tongue but she said it clearly)
@@babbahassa Yes, I caught that! That she needed to change and she "tried" and couldn't. I'm not sure it was a slip of the tongue, because of that. This guy sounds like he was trying to work with her and she seems upset about something petty or is not satisfied. Her tone is even more telling. I've heard cheaters call in more remorseful!
No she said she 'let' him quit in Feb 2019 to try to help the marriage (???) and then she filed for divorce Jan 2020 when covid started, and moved herself and kids out of the house in the following four months. So covid childcare apparently was not an issue. Or childcare in general I guess.
I love listening to women like this. I’m pregnant right now and I’m worried about what kind of mother I’ll be. But no matter what, I now know I won’t be the worst one!
@@auroramothergoddess because you took a vow? Why would you take a vow then?.. you can stand in front of your family and friends and say to each other.. "yes, we "love" each other now, but if this thing gets hard, Im out". Lovely vows. Are you serious???
@@auroramothergoddess relationships are like rollercoasters. You learn the most about someone when you're in conflict. Conflict resolution is a large part of marriage, actually most of human relationships
Sometimes it's best to accept the good with the bad regarding our spouses. Accept each other's flaws for the sake of keeping the family together. Continue to work at being better human beings
@@chiobabe2180 When will you women realize. Life is not always going to be amazing. You're going to have bumps in the road. Nothing disgusts me more when women throw away a good marriage over money. Marriage is a sacrifice for both parties. Money should not matter if you truly value marriage. It's chicks like you who make men want to give up on finding a woman. Maybe he ran into rough times. She even said he's back up on his feet again and thriving. He's doing better than her and you can tell by her emotion in the video.
@@ryanj357 he wasn’t a good husband. He was a lazy male in his feminine. What men don’t realize is women care MORE abt you being a provider first & foremost. It’s the natural order of things. He’s not doing better he’s barely making it because he HAD to after she left. He’s not out here making 6 figures get real. Always assume the woman is unhappy if she’s paying all the bills. Nobody wants an emotional Broke man. Ofcourse you’re in tune with your feelings, bum you not at work you at home all day! 🤢
Divorced people with kids should feel like a failure in a sense. Kids of divorced parents live altered lives they didn’t ask for. So yes, feel some sense of failure because the home unit failed
As a child of divorce I never felt that it affected me too badly… But I have seen what happy, long marriages look like and I know my quality of life and emotional security would be better if I had grown up with happy, married parents. My mom and dad probably couldn’t have made their marriage work, knowing them as individuals. I think the message is more to be careful who you marry in the first place, probably do pre-marital counseling. Rather than advising people to “stay married for the kids” no matter what.
@@auroramothergoddess Just because a lot of people get divorced doesn't change the fact that they messed up and have failed. I'm not saying there's not moving forward and you're evil if you get divorced but it is a major failure of your family.
Adults have to realize kids don't think like adults, not in the least... This lady is trying to push an adult way of thinking and knowledge on them. There is value in also teaching kids that life doesn't always go the wya you want it to, it doesn't always go perfectly, it's not all rainbows and butterflies all the tine.
I got a daughter with the ex. Our conversations are mainly about our daughter, we veer into other topics sometimes, nothing about rekindling what we had, we both know that chapter is over. Most of her calls I ignore too. She is the mother of our child and that is it. I know I made the wrong decision to be with her and that is it. I put myself in the pit and got out before I got deeper in. I am wiser, healed and whole amen!
Its annoying the stigma around stay at home parents. It doesn’t matter if that parent is mom or dad, if they are committed to the role, it is a full time non paying job.
She immediately came across to me as very pretentious, self-centered woman where nothing her husband can do will be good enough for her. (e.g., she "allowed" him to quit his job to stay home with their kids, then proceeds to talk negatively about him not working.)
This woman got a little dose of reality of the guys side of bringing home the check and the woman staying home. She didn't like being the sole money maker. But with saying that the man never should of quit his job to be a stay at home dad. My parents were married for 47 years and were together till death. I am 44 and in all my life I have never seen a married couple be as committed and respectful to one another like them. They were a Team and put each other first before anyone! I never see that in couples ever anymore.
Well that’s what the Bible says to do 🤷🏽♀️ . God 1st, your partner is 2nd, children 3rd. How many people truly follow that? Your parents did it right 😊💕.
I am not sure if it all her fault. I kind of like that she does not start complaining about him. It sounds like someone says it is all her fault and she just accepts it. I am surprised John does not see that.
Mistake #1 was getting married to begin with, at best nowadays in America there is a less than 50% chance of the marriage not ending up in divorce …………………………………. act accordingly …………………………
@@junebyrne4491She did complain. He was staying home with the kids, which is completely reasonable at ages 3 and 7, and she was clearly disgusted by the fact that he didn't want to be at work at some dumb job. She kept listing that as her only grievance, and said everything else was great. What a strange take. Your kids are worth more than your 9-5.
a 7 and 3 year old can't comprehend any of this....she threw in the towel TWICE with her husband, sounds chaotic to me, i feel so bad for the kids. she sounds so selfish, IMO.
First, am so grateful because so many stories today are about how much better life is after divorce. It’s good to hear not everybody experiences it as only a benefit. She seems ambivalent about the partners in her life. I’d guess as long as she refers to her ex-husband as her “best friend” no other relationships are going to be long-term because what new man would tolerate that disrespect? If it’s no different to her if it’s one or another man in the role then that’s all it is to her - a role to fill - and the individuals don’t have any unique value to her, personally, in her life. Everybody I know who’s been married over 50 years says “marry your best friend.” If you’re human the romance fades but if you’re lucky, the friendship stays. If she married him twice and he’s still not good enough for her then that’s something she has to work out with herself - hope she stops dragging these men and the kids through her process.
He quit his job to stay home with the kids. Now they’re divorced and she’s in another relationship. There’s a disconnect between what society tells men they should be and what women deep down instinctively want men to be. Want to be a good husband and good father, focus on your career and finances!
Being a stay at home parent is a very risky thing to do. People consider the stay at home spouse to have just been unemployed and getting a free ride from the working spouse. If they divorce they are the bad guy because they get payments from the other spouse and also have to figure out how to get back into the workforce after being away so long. I would never put myself in that position.
I wish I stuck it out "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" -- I shouldn't have ever thought that divorce was an option. I miss my ex-wife so much.
This again shows that marriages with a stay-at-home dad don't work long term. Women become resentful and agitated when they're the sole breadwinner, unlike men who are often more proud and driven when they're the breadwinner for a stay-at-home mom.
@@Peem_pomI would love for my wife to stay at home if that was her desire, however she likes material possessions too much and doesn’t like the idea of “being poor” but has voiced a desire to not work…..kinda think she regrets marrying a broke fireman
@@isay207 alcoholism is a disease so that's covered by the sickness and health clause of your wedding vows. Emotional abuse is so vague I can't answer that. So many people conflate simply doing or saying something they didn't like as "emotional abuse"
@@cameronwilliams8230My husband became a drug addict. Destroyed our home and lives. I took the vows and stuck it out as much as I could until he waived a knife in my face. Then I left. Someone’s addiction or alcoholism where the life of the spouse is ruined doesn’t fall under the sickness. I thought that and almost destroyed my own life. No thank you.
I was married 35 years. He stole and blew over $35k we had set aside to buy a piece of land to retire on. He blew it in five months. Then I found out he was having multiple affairs with men and women. He started drinking a liter of whiskey a day-straight from the bottle. He was constantly overdrawn and had our house in default. I had to file for divorce because nothing was changing and it was getting worse. He was verbally abusive the year we were forced to live together through covid, waiting for the divorce. Divorce was finally granted and thankfully I did not have to take on any of the huge amount of debt he had gathered over the last two years that I had no clue about. Ten months later he was found dead in his car. I will never ever get married again. I retired at age 52 and now I live my life how I want without any drama.
This is my situation right now. Married to the same woman twice (20 years total) and now she's leaving for the same lame reason as last time. This is all playing out like deja-vu, she pulled away and wants to be single but still have the benefits of marriage. Only problem now is our kids are 17, 16. and 13.
She will never learn, if you are finished, screw what she wants at this point, file for divorce and full custody. Go scorched earth, she was probably cheating. Do not play nice or be accommodating, show your children there are consequences for the choices that we all make. Stand up to her!
0:29 "I divorced my best friend" 2:47 "WE could have worked it out" SHE breaks it, but expects HIM to fix it! No taking responsibility at all here; it's all HIS fault that SHE broke it.
A lot of people are being really hard on her here. I’ve been in this position and it’s inevitable you will feel resentful as a female provider. You come home and do the housework and be a mum.
"Allowing him to quit his job"
"He's home, and the kids are home, and I'm still working full time"
Sounds like someone really resented being the provider.
Bingo. She wanted to be the one to stay at home.
Actually when you look it up, most women don’t like being the provider. IMO I don’t think anyone should be a provider, the more equal a relationship is, usually it translates into a happier relationship.
@@nickhamerlynck7919 if there are no children, yes. When there are children though, one should stay home, they are still providing. One provides income, the other provides child care and house management. It just so happens that biologically, women are more inclined to the latter than the former.
@@nickhamerlynck7919 this MIGHT work in dating, but generally does NOT work in marriage.
The are a few exceptions, but equality in marriage, or higher status for the wife statistically results in divorce.
@@Aetriex imo that creates a lot of stress on both sides. I understand the need and want to have a parent raising your kids instead of some stranger. But especially if one person doesn’t like their job, it’s incredibly draining and can make them feel stuck and very stressed. Then you have a parent who’s basically attached to this baby 24/7 with no breaks, incredibly stressful. I like the European method. Both parents have extended time off for paternity leave up to 1 year! Fully paid. Both parents have it, that’s incredibly helpful for new parents to have that.
People can’t do it all for long, they can’t work, take care of a baby, maintain a relationship, while taking care of themselves. It’s too much for a couple. It needs to be equal sides.
This woman sounds like a wackadoodle. “How do I teach my kids that marriage is for better or for worse, that it’s forever?” 🤔 Ummm, let’s see, don’t get divorced.
😂
Lol 😂
😂😂😂😂
That was insane ...
She asks how to teach her kids good marriage but divorced their father, entered another relationship before moving on and when new partner wants to be married she is wondering if ex husband was the one all along and keeping current partner in limbo...
😂Wackadoodle...I think I may need to use that one.😂
common sense is not common
I can’t stand lame excuses for divorce. She still calls the man her best friend, and claims it just couldn’t work with marriage? Um… I wish John had challenged this. She doesn’t sound like someone who should be dating. And if multiple counselors told her she was the one who needed change, maybe it was TRUE.
True. There is no such thing as divorcing and still being friends. BS!
I had to replay 3x to find out what was the reason for the divorce bc I thought I missed it.
She said the guy just wouldn’t stick to goals. That’s kind of a problem.
@@SpeedfreakUK wouldn't stick to HER goals, she sounds like a lousy partner.
She sounds like a mess, he's probably better off not dealing with her.
She wanted the divorce and she got it. Now she’s suffering the consequences of her actions and wants pity.
Maybe not pity. She's sifting through the fact that she could have made peace with a husband who doesn't work when her belief system is a man should work. She's blaming herself to a certain extent that she didn't like certain things but allowed them and she slowly resented and regretted what had become their life. If she had been honest with herself, she would have divorced him still probably but wouldn't regret it.
This is what happens when folks look for happiness in their relationship and not within themselves
It's not your partners job to make you happy, if you make it their job you'll never be happy
Bingo
Thank u, some1 said it
No it's up to both of you to bring joy to a relationship. To share. That's a healthy relationship. But it's not up to your partner trying to keep trying to fix you to be happy.
Stop giving advice
I have never understood this concept because when you look for happiness within only yourself you are not including your spouse and that is not a partnership. Your spouses behavior is going to either make you feel safe or unsafe and that is what leads to happiness or being unhappy.
She divorced him bc she resented him being home with the kids. Now the kids get no parent at home with them. Praying for those kids.
she was lied to on tiktok and thought she'd hop on the dating apps and get piped down by chad every night. Then once that failed reality is setting in that her life is essentially over and maybe it wasn't so bad before.
She works from home, he wanted to quit....to do what...freeload.
@@karenlubeck3294take care of the kids. It goes both ways Karen
Working from home doesn’t mean you have time to take care of kids. This lady sounds like a nightmare. Modern woman typical feminist resents her man if she earns more. She a western 304.
I laughed when she said "I don't want to be the only one working, I miss my kids".....now you know what 99 percent of men have felt throughout entire human history......what a piece of work. Also women "i work so hard at home"
That greener grass on the other side of the fence could be due to a septic tank issue. So be careful with the choices you make. It’s no fun living in regret.
Love this analogy lol
Effing plato right here
😂😂😂😂😂 We put. There could be poop floating around Underneath all that green.
Well said 👏🏼
The best.
She’s having a hard time taking accountability for her part in her failed marriage. And she thinks she can just move on without facing the consequences of her past actions or coming to terms with the fact that she loves her husband. There’s a lot to unpack here.
She never mentioned Kevin at sales department, the work husband.
Bingo. Nailed it
did she says she "allowed" him to quit his job?
I think a guy who can't keep goals and decides to quit his job, was probably enough consequences to live with during marriage and after marriage since she won't even be getting financial support.
@@dearbrave4183 yeah, but you dont destroy your marriage and your family over your husband being a loser. The biggest problem are the kids. 3 and 7, wow. Poor babies now live in a broken home because the lady cant keep her vows.
The in-laws taking in the ex-husband speaks volumes. It's almost like they're apologizing for what their daughter has put him through.
Not necessarily, I won’t elaborate, but sometimes in-laws are just being kind/neighborly.
Or they don’t want the jobless father of their grandchildren to be homeless.
Or they really care about him and the well being of their daughter's family.
Exactly 🎯
@@AnnaNicoleVinopaljobless father? She MADE HIM QUIT HIS JOB TO STAY HOME WITH THE KIDS DID YOU not listen!?
She tore her family apart and now already in a new relationship but can’t get over her ex. Omg! Get your act together lady! I feel very sorry for her children who are the ones suffering the most.
Please don't insult ladies like my wife and daughters. That was a typical Western woman. A lady is someone far, FAR above her class. A lady is someone who looks at her tired husband losing the war against a misandric world and says, "Ramon, I want you to know you're the man I admire most in all the world." A lady protects and cherished her husband's nuts, instead of kicking them when he's down. That is no lady. That's a harpie.
Right! Thank you!
Exactly, i’ve lost all respect for the host of this show not pointing it out.
Super common
She is a loser.
Society makes divorce sound like an easy, no pain solution for an unhappy relationship. The truth is it's painful and has consequences for both people.
No-fault divorce today is one reason for so many divorces. Bad law.
Unhappy relationship is also painful and has consequenxes
@@RearviewMirror-ij2prYeah totally better to force people to stay married to you 😂
@@brandiphillips5775 you don't get the concept of marriage do you?
….and the children. In fact, it’s the children who suffer the most
"I can't help but feel like I've failed them."
You have.
What a life without a dad...
@@arroww1323Life.
@@arroww1323 he has no excuse not to be in their lives.
The whole video was her rationalization gears spinning to justify her lame excuse for divorcing
@@georgevue8175 He is well rid of her. This gives him a chance to find a far better match.
you can’t have it all, a weak husband that you can boss around and a tough one who works hard and earns a lot, a big career and tons of time with your kids. gotta make choices!
or a tough one who bosses you around. (fixed it!)
Indeed hard to have both, as it's also hard to please this women.
@@ChloeLayneXO what does this mean? You got two dudes?
I would choose the hard-working one with the career.
BS. A man is not weak if cares for the kids.
Those who think the grass is greener, usually end up playing in the mud. Case in point.
😂😂
Fucking genius
She shouldn’t be going out rushing into another relationship. She’s needy.
Lol wow men do this all the time and no one bats an eye
@@auroramothergoddess Did I say it was alright for men to do it too? Why do you point out one fault to justify another?
You sound like an angry woman who hates men.
I agree! Some people just don't know how to be alone. It's sad.
She needs another relationship to distract her from facing her flaws and to be the scapegoat for anything else that goes wrong. People like her can't be alone.
@@auroramothergoddess men and women are different… Our rules are different. It’s mere biology and evolution… she’s a liability… the value of women with children, exponentially plummets…
She straight up had a new relationship. Councilor told her SHE needs to change. My guess; she already had the hots for that new guy, the excitement, the tickle of something new and sent her marriage into failure. Now that the dopamine rush of something new has worn off she’s left with the realization she’s put the kids in a broken home and now has to carry the full financial burden and responsibilities and hates it. Well, duh…
Yea exactly. Such a woman thing to do. This lady is a fool
I’m pretty sure she was divorced from her husband, for the 2nd time, before she started this new relationship.
No it wasn't that she had hots for other guy Christoph. She didn't like that she was the provider of the household, she said it herself. Even the councillors said that she has to change - again not my words. 😂. She didn't like that she was working while her husband was unemployed sitting at home. I'm sure she wouldn't have any problem if it was vice versa. Food for thought 😅
Yup, exactly the situation I went through with my ex. Best thing I ever did was showed her the door and said “ok, well best of luck” and moved on. And by moved in I don’t mean on other relationships.
Bingo ✅
I'm sure people will call me judgemental but I don't think you should be "living like you're married" with anyone you're not married to when you have kids. It doesn't seem like much time has passed either.
Exactly. I caught that too. She shouldn’t be going out rushing into another relationship in her current frame of mind. She’s needy.
I agree. It must be really confusing for her children. It's enough change for them to have separated parents and a new apartment but now another man with mom living there? Yikes. I also don't want to sound judgemental but it's a bit selfish on her part I think.
Don't worry about "judging", we're suppose to use good judgement in life to access a situation to make decisions in life, we judge everyday and it's a good thing. Now, on to your comment, your statement about her living like she's married around the children is correct.
I agree with you. This is gross behavior.
At all but especially when you have kids
The grass is not greener on the other side, just wait till he meets someone who appreciates him
Women are never happy when they’re the breadwinner and working constantly. A lot of women lie to themselves and convince themselves they want that. But they don’t. Sometimes it’s OK, temporarily, if the money is really really good… like my wife works with me (we own a small biz), BUT she’ll be able to focus on motherhood in like 4-5 years once we have 6 total rentals (we have 3 rentals now). This woman should acknowledge that motherhood and being a woman is the ultimate goal, once you’re able to settle down and retire or at least be “financially stable” enough for the mom to quit working. Being a workhorse, as a woman, isn’t the key to happiness
But a lot of these feminist women convince themselves to be working hard 40 hours a week, into their age 40s and 50s, and they wonder why they’re unhappy and bitter. Bcuz science and genetics cause women to not be happy in this role. Just like men can’t possibly be happy with a beta, weak role where he’s not respected and is not a leader in his household.
@@charlesg7926 This has to be copy pasta. For anyone that feels pulled into this guy’s manifesto: Live life your best way and leave other people to their business.
@@charlesg7926 you almost made it and then you fumbled right before the end zone 😂
@@charlesg7926 That was our goal too. Like I have went from wanting to be a Commercial Pilot to just a flexible IT job. I want to work but not overwork. I want to spend time with my kids. I want my husband to be the breadwinner. But I did support him to get through his Electrical Engineering degree. Hopefully we get there. I'm feeling the burn out.
Im not a feminist. Never labeled it. I just work hard. But I can see Naturally how women want to stay home. But some men just want to do nothing and be head of household.🙄
@@sarrahconley3143 Yeah that’s true, lazy man are a big problem too and it’s why some women feel they have to step up. Also sometimes emasculation of men causes them to become lower-T and then they doubt themselves and become lazier and more timid. It works both ways
She DID teach them they can quit. There's no way out of it.
Absolutely!
"My husband became a loser" is no reason to divorce and destroy their home. She's so delusional it hurts.
Twice!
The father should have put her in her place and never did. Thats the sad part. He probably is happy to leave.
Yup, she is just a quitter, get over it
She’s full of crap . Already involved with someone else. She is the problem.
Most women monkey branch. Most women move on very fast. Its called "war brides", look it up. Also, men, dont get married. No advice can fix a marriage. Nature doesn't take advice, it just does what it wants.
It's easy to say for better or worse when times are good, but when things get tough people seem to treat the sanctity of marriage like a dating relationship. The reality is she quit on the marriage and she is trying to justify it by down playing it; and now she is starting to realize she can't because those emotions are bubbling up. Divorce is serious and devastating for all involved.
But if you listen closely, sounds like the guy is what we used to call a B-U-M. He doesn't have a job, lives with her parents...I don't know many women who want to stay married to someone so unmotivated.
Absolutely
@@reedriter while that may or may not be true divorce is not the answer it super sucks but.
@@reedriter I agree that sucks and he sounds like a soy boy to be honest. However, at the end of the day she still chose to marry him. There had to be warning signs before they got married. If he was a bum before she got married what does she expect... if he was a highly motivated guy before marriage and something happened along the way maybe he needs help or therapy to get his mojo back.
@@jeffkelly9197 Or maybe she should try to be satisfied with her being the earner of the family and him being the stay at home dad, but we got very few actual details of their issues. Right at the beginning John asked her why they got divorced and she glossed right over it with the vague statement that, "some people are better off being friends." She also admitted that both of their counselors came to the conclusions that she had issues to resolve, but it's really hard to solve interpersonal issues when you aren't willing to acknowledge your own shortcomings.
I feel for people going through divorce because it must be hard but I don’t understand how parents can jump into another relationship so quickly after divorcing. I just think it must be so confusing and upsetting for the children involved.
Exactly. She's so worried about her little kids but she's got some new dude living in the apartment. And then they break up and he leaves. She needs to stay clear of men, raise her babies, and go get therapy.
She not only jumped into a new relationship, she brought him into the same apartment with her kids. It's a bad idea for everyone in the household to be living together unmarried with kids when one of the adults isn't the biological or legal parent of the kids.
Facts it’s mental damage for children 👶. If you divorce what till they move out
@@megalodon1726 Typical modern woman.
@@roolyfe True.
Come of John. The best thing for her is a wake up call. Gloves were really on for this one. I feel so bad for her kids and always fear a boyfriend living in the house with young ones so vulnerable.
Yes. They are exposed by bringing home a complete stranger. Many abuses happen this way.
Yes u are so right. I don't see how people do this so quick and easy
I dont get john. He's often right about many things, but he seems to be too accepting of divorce.
@@Immigrantlovesamerica He mentions some the other issues are for another call, so he might've felt that he only had time ton address the issue at hand. He might've been able to get to the real issue there been more time allowed.
The kids say they miss their house, and she has no idea what they are saying? This woman has destroyed her children's childhood and is living in a fantasy world.
I dated someone like this girl, it's was an amotional roller-coaster, she never knew what she wanted in life.
Very draining. I’ve experienced it too. One day I ghosted her cos the torture was too much. It’s been over 5 years now
@@dialac1 The best decision.
I, I, I, I, I, me, me, me, me, my, my, my, my...
No idea why this didn't work out for you.
Yep. All about her.
@@jimbrown4640She wants to fix herself. She didn’t go into the details about why they divorced. It’s not a we us situation anymore.
Narcissism 101
@TheElochai at the beginning she said all the counselors she met with told her she needed to change which means she shopped counselors to tell her what she wanted and they never did, they told her what she needed to do and that was stop being the problem. Then she said layer that she's having some arguments that made her realize it was on her, meaning the arguments reminded her of her marriage and she realizes she is thw common denominator and was probably the issue. And yes your correct, if people have a bunch of significant issues with someone else thwy don't leave those out of the story. She never said who wanted the divorce either.....maybe it was him who wanted it. The lady sounds very self centered but I only have one incomplete side of thw story so I may be wrong.
@@scottwall8419 the guy is living at her parents house, what decent women wants a man like that around?
He lived with her parents after the divorce, and all of her marriage counselors said she was the problem. Did he ever consider she might need to do a little bit more than grieve the relationship?
the fact the parents took him in, tells me they do not blame him for the breakdown.
Doesn't matter a woman will never be held accountable. In the end she will be convinced she's a queen and will move on that's it. It's a complete waste of time to even talk to these witches
@@lwedel3361 Amen, when HER parents chose him over her, you know she was the problem.
he must be a lovely man and no doubt they want to keep the relationship with their grandchildren. @@hudsonmilbank
@@hudsonmilbankim not saying she’s right, but as if parents are perfect. Plenty of despicable parents who would choose their in law just to mess with their kids and make it even clearer they don’t like them. Parents taking him in is weird AF and not an indication whatsoever of who’s to blame.
Yeah she totally is still “ in-it” with her previous husband. It’s not fair to her current boyfriend. She doesn’t know what she wants and needs to LET GO! Until then she won’t feel settled.
Deceitful behind her boyfriends back. Shows her true colors
Most men are weak and put up with this mess
She wants it all.
If the dude moved in with HER parents after she divorced him for a second time says a lot. She is the problem. Happiness comes from yourself only, not from someone else.
Ramanwod- some grandparents will do anything to stay close to their grandchildren.
She’s guilty, when she got asked point blank why she had no answer, which tells me she was busy with someone else, her kids find her at fault, she made her own bed and she gets to sleep in it
Divorce never ends for the kids. Its been 43 years since mine divorced and it still hits me hard at times
It does. Quit being a big baby and move on.
@Spiritbomb88 quit being an a hole and move alkng
What a heartless and unnecessary response.
They said "at times", it doesn't mean it's impeding their life.
It leaves a mark when parents fight all the time.
I feel sorry for whatever man chooses to marry her next he’s going to regret it
Yep. She will tear him down hard and leave a trail of ruined men.
She wants to teach her kids not to quit their marriage if things get tough, yet she quit her marriage when things got tough. That's called hypocrisy.
"It's like someone is dead but you're still picking up the phone to call them ." I felt that one
I broke up with a few girlfriends when I was young and this is 100% the advice I needed. You have to let the relationship die. Otherwise you’re constantly revisiting that pain over and over. Don’t stay ‘friends’, you can be friendly with each other when you bump into each other, but you can’t be friends.
The bizarre things people do. It looks like this lady doesn’t think her decisions through very well. She didn’t think about compatibility with a less motivated spouse. She didn’t think about her first divorce, or her second. She just reacts to her emotions and let’s them lead important decisions. Poor lady. She is going to suffer her whole life until she can conquer this tendency.
Wouldn't it be something if the (ex)husband heard this and called in and we got his side of the story? She glosses over ALOT of the things that were what she considers as the reasons for the divorce.
She and her ex both have the same character flaw: both are fickle and impulsive people who don't have the discipline for long term goals. He probably a "fun" and charming guy who didn't want to work, and she's an immature woman herself. No wonder they are best friends and were attracted to each other.
Maybe they should consider remarrying.
(To her ex)
Help me understand how this comment helps anyone?
@@The_Man8719TwitchTVPeople are attracted to and attract like-minded people with similar character, discipline, and values (or lack thereof). If you want be with someone of high character, discipline, and values (and thus a successful relationship), you have to first develop those traits yourself.
You are 100% spot on!
She lost me when she said she's already living with another guy. She needs to greatly improve her emotional intelligence, which she currently has little of. But she's not unique.
My parents got divorced after 21 years of marriage and were still good friends. It was weird for 10 years after that. My parents also had zero emotional intelligence.
Hope she got out of live in relationship.
Exactly. She is going to destroy the growth of her children being impulsive and jumping in with boyfriends. She didn’t own her fault in any of the conversation. The flag arose when she said when they went to marriage counseling and all the counselors informed her that she needed to change. Clearly that is still the case.
Getting divorced after 21 years and staying friends for 10 is insane why even get divorced 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭😭 I am so sorry man that actually makes no sense and would infuriate me
@@notreallyafamousartist695my wife (17 years together total) called me her best friend, said she loved me, loved hearing me and our daughter laugh and playing through the house, enjoys the time we spend together, said she finds me physically attractive and enjoys having sex with me….but isn’t in love with me anymore and maybe wants to divorce me. I too am genuinely confused….
Ive learned that if the grass looks greener on the other side, its probably fertilized with bs. The fact is every committed relationship has on average 10 problems that will never be solved. This is where compromise comes in and both people have to give. So if you leave your spouse over a problem you wont compromise on, and go be with someone else, now youve added 10 more problems. The more you do this, the more problems youre adding to your life. Just compromise in the first place, and be happier in the long run.
People fail to realize, that unless you AND your partner are dead set on putting each other first, it won't ever work. At the same time it's funny how you can tell so much about someone by their voice.
This sounds like an immature couple who wouldn't put the effort in on both sides it's very hard work to stay married
That's never how our very happy marriage of 36years ever worked. She puts me first, and I put God first. Together, all 3 of us, starting with God, put the kids first.
Woman was created for man, and not man for woman. All was created by and for God. All else is sinking sand.
@@JRRodriguez-nu7pothe spousal relationship comes first. Then the kids. Making the kids the center of the home leads to brats.
@@BlueDauntless Depends on what putting the kids first means. If it is to coddle and excuse their crap, yeas, absolutely! If however it is to not just love and help them BUT also to train and discipline them you find something else. 36 years and we have never had a second honeymoon or even a date night; and we're happy and together. Our kids now replicating it as we replicated our parents. That's not for everyone, but neither is the never put kids first modern SELFISHNESS.
This!!!! People don’t understand that fact!
What a train wreck. Feel sorry for the kids. And that new guy needs to run away fast
Great Advice from John - telling it like it is: ‘ you’ve got no business dragging someone new into this mess’. She made this choice - the kids are little now but they don’t be forever 7 turns into 17 in the blink of an eye.
These kinds of stories make me believe that the vast majority of women want to stay home with their children and not have a career. She is bitter that he as the man became a stay at home parent and homemaker while she was the bread winner. She lost respect for him because of that. She wanted to be the one with her kids and wanted him to be the one working, but she doesn't want to admit that part because we are now taught that women always want a career and being a stay at home mom is beneath them.
EDIT: Holy hyperbolic replies, batman!
Women naturally were created to be a home maker not men
I'm very progressive and all, but I suppose I would feel taken advantage of if my husband became a stay at home dad... I still feel the work division would not be fair...
Then if women want to stay home they should not get expensive educations. Let them go to tenth grade, maybe finishing school if they're upper class, and get married off at 17 the way our grandmother's did, and stay home, shut up, and crank out babies every year.
@Christine Butler I agree with not getting expensive educations, but you are clearly mocking. You don’t have to be barefoot and pregnant, just don’t get into crazy amounts of debt or go to grad school and accrue cray amounts of debt. I went to college debt free, plan to work until 29/30 and then have a family, raise them and return back to work or school when they’re raised. Women don’t have to be educated to the minimum Christine, that’s very limited thinking. Women do have to be savvy and think about finances. If someone doesn’t want to go to college that’s fine too, but there can be a balance (women I know was able to balance it).
I am all for dynamics where the woman is the breadwinner snd the man stays home. Personally I’m not attracted to men who want to be stay at home dads. I am attracted to men who will allow me to be a stay at home mother. If she wanted to do that it should have been a hot topic before the kids and two marriages.
The grass is greener on whatever side you water it!!
"How do I show my kids that marriage can work when I couldn't make my marriage work?"
You can't.... Just go on with your life being selfish and immature and ruining everyone else's life in the process.
Spot on!
Better council than he offered.
My mom cheated on my dad 15 years ago and left him for her “soul mate” which lasted a whopping 3 years before imploding. To this day I have 0 respect for her and am just now getting to the place where I want to be around her for more than 5 minutes. She has no clue what she has done to her kids.
She sounds like a real piece of work.
A c÷=%
She is a special one, dude is at fault too, not a leader. Dude accepted to be a stayed home dad, no bulls at all.
@@banditlegal7452that could have just been the season they were in. And eventually he could have found another job. But she just quit.
This was a riot. “How do I teach my kids that marriage is forever?” I litterally laughed out loud.
Tough. So basically this calls is about her knowing that she’s setting a bad example for her kids, not having a real reason for divorce other than not wanting to work through problems, but doesn’t want to do the thing to set a good example. Very nice 👍🏼
Divorce rate for second marriages with minor kids is over 75%. Just raise the kids alone and date after they leave the house.
Perhaps, but I married my husband with three kids, ages 3, 5, and 7, at the time, and we're now coming up on our 17 year anniversary. One of my stepdaughters is engaged to be married and I am working hand in hand with her to plan her wedding. I have a great relationship with all 3 of my step kids and it's hard to imagine life without them or my husband. My point is, it CAN work, it's a case by case thing. Not saying it's easy for anyone, but I know my step kids would say they were better off with me in their life (they have told me that several times), and I say the same about them.
@@Rosemari753I’m not sure if she means 2nd marriages or marrying the same person, a second time. That was the case in this story.
This is a far off statistic. Google better. Lol
90% for third marriages.
But what to do about her itch?
It's too strong, needs scratching. You're suggesting she wait 20 years?
It would be gone by then.
What a crazy lady… so you ruined your kids’ childhoods and home life because you felt like quitting and you can’t even explain why? Sounds to me she just lost feelings at that time because he wasn’t working. Sucks when innocent kids are involved. Once you decide to have kids you have the OBLIGATION to try your absolute best in making the relationship work, and not give up due to boredom only to regret it a year later….
Right I thought same thing she’s bitter she gotta work and he’s at home and she just gave up because of that she is toxic as hell
She’s not crazy, she just wants an ambitious man.
@@sweetstorm7652 too late to want that after all these kids, DONT ya think? She knew who the heck she married.
she got tired of being the provider.
And now she's living with another man in the house with her kids. Exposing them to God knows what. Horrible woman
"Much better friends than married people" "my best friend" in other words he doesn't arouse me
Anytime I hear “best friend” describing a partner that’s exactly what I think
I disagree. I don't financially support my best friend or have to share chores in my house. Sure, arousal might be part of it but she said he didn't want to work and was staying at home with the kids. That is a fundamental division of values that cannot survive a marriage.
#1 cause of divorce, $$$$
@@auroramothergoddess As do I. I hope it isn't in all cases and is sometimes more of a catch phrase because I see so many people describe their relationships/engagements/marriages this way. Time will tell. Funny enough, the only time I ever heard that phrase to describe myself to her from my college sweetheart was exactly the time when we split off.
@@JBCookies8885 I can agree with you though it can play hand in hand. A stay at home father who displays what it sounded like he may have displayed actions wise from the call is not arousing to a woman I would argue, whether money is involved or not. My Dad's best friend was divorced just a couple years ago on the exact same premise; never could make any forward trajectory or consistency around his working life.
@@andrewcoffey6072 Yes a non working guy who doesnt care he isnt working is just sad and if he doesnt himself FEEL sad about that I would be done....many women would be done.
She will never be satisfied with anything or anyone. Her soul is lacking and she is looking for something external to fill it. sacrificed her marriage and children's stability in the process. Whew!! she has a lot of inner work to do. So sorry she destroyed a home. She'll face the consequences and bet you there will be many
Yup. It's sad because she ruining her kids life. If she wants to mess up her own life then fine, she's an adult. But she gave up on her husband and gave up on her children's well being. She sucks
Most women end up resenting a husband who doesn't work. Call it sexist or whatever but the majority of women feel that way even if they won't admit it. She never said why he wouldn't work but she agreed to let him be the stay at home husband.
Flip the genders, would it be ok for a man to just get sick of being the provider for the family?
@@DansyoungWhy, when that’s his JOB and he’s wired for that role?? Women are wired for keeping up with the home !!! If you’re tired of providing for your family then you have being a real man issues !!
@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 wow that’s pretty sexist. This is 2023, sometimes women are the bread bringers.
@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 I would argue that when your in a relationship you are supposed to work TOGETHER as a team. Ying and Yang, both parties help each other out for the common goal of a relationship. But I seem to be of a dying breed with such crazy ideas.
@@Dansyoung men are providers and women are nurturers. That’s why there are so many divorces. Deviate from natures plan and no one is happy.
If she wants to set a good example of not giving up in marriage she should make it work with him and not give up
Should've pushed harder at the "many therapists told me to change who I am" remark. Why did they say that?
Exactly
I feel like half the people we know are already divorced and the other half are now on their way to divorce. It sucks . And the thing is that divorce doesn’t solve your problems.
Very, very wise. This short video just threw on the e-break to a trauma cycle I have been stuck in for months. Thank you so much John.
My buddy’s wife of 16 years cheated on him. They had one child. Now he’s with a new woman with 3 kids under 7. Some people love drama and misery. And don’t get me started on the money and debt he’ll be taking on. The girl he’s with now got divorced because her and her ex “grew apart”. grow up people.
Loyalty is missing these days and children are the casualties. Really messed up.
Your friend is a typical “captain save a hoe”
You have to be emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, spiritually healthy before entering a relationship. But all we see are broken people going from relationship to relationship to fill that void .
👍
And you can grow together with a partner too. Two people learn to be in a relationship
I think that sounds good on paper but nobody is that "perfect". We are all broken someway, somehow. We just have to be open to learn and to grow when we are the one falling short at a particular situation.
THANK YOU
Ain't that the unfortunate truth.
What a train-wreck. Heartbreaking call. Its clear to me that she knows she did not put in the work to save the marriage. Shea as much as said it. Worst part is her jumping into another relationship so soon. Her poor kids. I hope her ex finds someone decent and HE can show those kids what a healthy marriage looks like. She likely has no clue.
Just when people think single life is bad 🤣
Get spiritual we are going to be dead a long time.
I don't know anyone who thinks that. If anything quite the opposite.
After hearing stories about how life sucks after divorce - it really convinced me that maybe life generally is the same wherever you are - and we just translate this into a "life sucks" scenario.
The single life just keeps looking better and better.
Keep coping
It's not humans are not meant to be alone. We're social creatures. The problem is that we are not doing our self work. We don't have boundaries and we deal with toxic people. The solution to having a bad boss isn't to quit your job and never work again. the solution is to build better boundaries. Shutting down and isolating yourself from love, companionship, emotional support is not the solution to this problem. We just have to do a better job of picking.
@@ineedhoez many humans do not need that much social interaction
@@LalienXcalm down fat boy
@ineedhoez this is great, wise advice....oddly from a person who's name is "I need hoes"! 😂
She has taken no accountability for her actions.
She listed all she did wrong...
How would it look like when she took responsibility?
I guess I ask, because i think of conversations with my father. Some good friends tell me he never took responsibility... but he agrees with some bad things he did....
So does she... so whar would be the difference?
When are women accountable for anything?
2:36 oh, what? Working in the house? So... housework? Domestic chores? And then he stayed at home while she missed kids and worked more... and *this dynamic* upset her... this is kind of a reverse dynamic. She doesn't sound heartbroken, she sounds sour. I want to hear his side. She has said it's his problem, for both times it sounds like.
Edit to add, in the call I'm pretty certain she said during covid he quit his job so he could watch kids while she worked. I feel like that was a mutual decision, especially when outside childcare was out the window.
Not only that but she also said the therapists were saying it was HER that was the problem if you go back and listen (may have been a slip of the tongue but she said it clearly)
@@babbahassa Yes, I caught that! That she needed to change and she "tried" and couldn't. I'm not sure it was a slip of the tongue, because of that. This guy sounds like he was trying to work with her and she seems upset about something petty or is not satisfied. Her tone is even more telling. I've heard cheaters call in more remorseful!
@@josephinenelan4204 you have to read between the lines. I’m willing to bet you she was cheating and monkey branched to her new boyfriend.
No she said she 'let' him quit in Feb 2019 to try to help the marriage (???) and then she filed for divorce Jan 2020 when covid started, and moved herself and kids out of the house in the following four months. So covid childcare apparently was not an issue. Or childcare in general I guess.
I love listening to women like this. I’m pregnant right now and I’m worried about what kind of mother I’ll be. But no matter what, I now know I won’t be the worst one!
🤣🤣 she thought she could do better now she misses the old one. When will they learn
I have to question anyone who marries and divorces the same person twice. Get it together.
"For better or WORSE"
People dont get this concept. Stop being selfish people and bringing kids into this. Arg.
Why would you stay with someone if the relationship got worse ?🤣🤣🤣
@@auroramothergoddess because you took a vow?
Why would you take a vow then?.. you can stand in front of your family and friends and say to each other.. "yes, we "love" each other now, but if this thing gets hard, Im out".
Lovely vows.
Are you serious???
@@auroramothergoddess relationships are like rollercoasters. You learn the most about someone when you're in conflict. Conflict resolution is a large part of marriage, actually most of human relationships
@@auroramothergoddessbecause life has ups and downs. You owed to be with your spouse through it all. So don’t bail when it gets difficult.
Sometimes it's best to accept the good with the bad regarding our spouses. Accept each other's flaws for the sake of keeping the family together. Continue to work at being better human beings
This just goes to show that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Truth!
He was a broke househusband
@@chiobabe2180 When will you women realize. Life is not always going to be amazing. You're going to have bumps in the road. Nothing disgusts me more when women throw away a good marriage over money. Marriage is a sacrifice for both parties. Money should not matter if you truly value marriage. It's chicks like you who make men want to give up on finding a woman. Maybe he ran into rough times. She even said he's back up on his feet again and thriving. He's doing better than her and you can tell by her emotion in the video.
@@ryanj357 he wasn’t a good husband. He was a lazy male in his feminine. What men don’t realize is women care MORE abt you being a provider first & foremost. It’s the natural order of things.
He’s not doing better he’s barely making it because he HAD to after she left. He’s not out here making 6 figures get real.
Always assume the woman is unhappy if she’s paying all the bills. Nobody wants an emotional Broke man. Ofcourse you’re in tune with your feelings, bum you not at work you at home all day! 🤢
The grass is green where you water it.
In new relationship “acting like you are married” is rushing a relationship.
Divorced people with kids should feel like a failure in a sense. Kids of divorced parents live altered lives they didn’t ask for. So yes, feel some sense of failure because the home unit failed
Divorce rates are 50/50 in America so get off your high horse
@@auroramothergoddess America is a shitshow right now.... He's not on a high horse he's right
As a child of divorce I never felt that it affected me too badly… But I have seen what happy, long marriages look like and I know my quality of life and emotional security would be better if I had grown up with happy, married parents. My mom and dad probably couldn’t have made their marriage work, knowing them as individuals. I think the message is more to be careful who you marry in the first place, probably do pre-marital counseling. Rather than advising people to “stay married for the kids” no matter what.
@@auroramothergoddess Just because a lot of people get divorced doesn't change the fact that they messed up and have failed. I'm not saying there's not moving forward and you're evil if you get divorced but it is a major failure of your family.
@@littleripper312 how exactly did they fail ? Please enlighten me
Adults have to realize kids don't think like adults, not in the least... This lady is trying to push an adult way of thinking and knowledge on them. There is value in also teaching kids that life doesn't always go the wya you want it to, it doesn't always go perfectly, it's not all rainbows and butterflies all the tine.
That is true. Also kids don't really know much.
I got a daughter with the ex. Our conversations are mainly about our daughter, we veer into other topics sometimes, nothing about rekindling what we had, we both know that chapter is over. Most of her calls I ignore too. She is the mother of our child and that is it. I know I made the wrong decision to be with her and that is it. I put myself in the pit and got out before I got deeper in. I am wiser, healed and whole amen!
You are a smart and level headed man congrats on realizing your situation I bet u feel better today
@@ryanchilcoat2394I appreciate your positive feedback Ryan. Yeeeeees I am joyful, happy, content, at peace and focused, amen!
All for a 10 second tickle!
Imagine being these people's children. 🙈🙉🙊
Its annoying the stigma around stay at home parents. It doesn’t matter if that parent is mom or dad, if they are committed to the role, it is a full time non paying job.
She immediately came across to me as very pretentious, self-centered woman where nothing her husband can do will be good enough for her. (e.g., she "allowed" him to quit his job to stay home with their kids, then proceeds to talk negatively about him not working.)
Woman nukes her marriage hoping to find a man who makes more money and is sad she can’t and life sucks.
I really doubt any counselor told her to “change who she is”.
Yeah any counselor like that shd change their job.
Counselor probably gave her advice to better herself and she took it as an attack on her core character. A shame.
This woman got a little dose of reality of the guys side of bringing home the check and the woman staying home. She didn't like being the sole money maker. But with saying that the man never should of quit his job to be a stay at home dad. My parents were married for 47 years and were together till death. I am 44 and in all my life I have never seen a married couple be as committed and respectful to one another like them. They were a Team and put each other first before anyone! I never see that in couples ever anymore.
Well that’s what the Bible says to do 🤷🏽♀️ . God 1st, your partner is 2nd, children 3rd. How many people truly follow that? Your parents did it right 😊💕.
@kanajingly8957Why don’t you step off your self righteous soap box.
John has that Dave Ramsey “blue pill matrix” energy. Hold her accountable. She ran. She quit.
naw, its not in his beta male dna to do so
I am not sure if it all her fault. I kind of like that she does not start complaining about him. It sounds like someone says it is all her fault and she just accepts it. I am surprised John does not see that.
Just because you have kids, doesn't mean you need to stay! Am a right ladies?
Mistake #1 was getting married to begin with, at best nowadays in America there is a less than 50% chance of the marriage not ending up in divorce …………………………………. act accordingly …………………………
@@junebyrne4491She did complain. He was staying home with the kids, which is completely reasonable at ages 3 and 7, and she was clearly disgusted by the fact that he didn't want to be at work at some dumb job. She kept listing that as her only grievance, and said everything else was great. What a strange take. Your kids are worth more than your 9-5.
When multiple therapists are telling the WOMAN that she needs to change who she is…SHE’S the problem for sure.
a 7 and 3 year old can't comprehend any of this....she threw in the towel TWICE with her husband, sounds chaotic to me, i feel so bad for the kids. she sounds so selfish, IMO.
This makes me really sad she destroyed this relationship you should not have divorced.
First, am so grateful because so many stories today are about how much better life is after divorce. It’s good to hear not everybody experiences it as only a benefit.
She seems ambivalent about the partners in her life. I’d guess as long as she refers to her ex-husband as her “best friend” no other relationships are going to be long-term because what new man would tolerate that disrespect?
If it’s no different to her if it’s one or another man in the role then that’s all it is to her - a role to fill - and the individuals don’t have any unique value to her, personally, in her life.
Everybody I know who’s been married over 50 years says “marry your best friend.” If you’re human the romance fades but if you’re lucky, the friendship stays.
If she married him twice and he’s still not good enough for her then that’s something she has to work out with herself - hope she stops dragging these men and the kids through her process.
🚩 divorced her best friend TWICE!
I doubt the counselor said "lady change" and she just sounds bitter that she's the breadwinner.
He quit his job to stay home with the kids. Now they’re divorced and she’s in another relationship. There’s a disconnect between what society tells men they should be and what women deep down instinctively want men to be. Want to be a good husband and good father, focus on your career and finances!
Being a stay at home parent is a very risky thing to do. People consider the stay at home spouse to have just been unemployed and getting a free ride from the working spouse. If they divorce they are the bad guy because they get payments from the other spouse and also have to figure out how to get back into the workforce after being away so long. I would never put myself in that position.
I can’t believe the delivery of this. You’re on point. ❤️
I wish I stuck it out "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" -- I shouldn't have ever thought that divorce was an option. I miss my ex-wife so much.
so go call her and beg for her back....or accept reality and move on like cmon
@@ykonratev Tried.... she's long gone.
@@LifeTheExperiencesorry, bud. Know the feeling 😢
You don't feel you've failed them, you have failed them.
This again shows that marriages with a stay-at-home dad don't work long term. Women become resentful and agitated when they're the sole breadwinner, unlike men who are often more proud and driven when they're the breadwinner for a stay-at-home mom.
You are so right about that.
Unfortunately that doesn't work either bec men have no gratitude for the SAHM often
@@Peem_pomI would love for my wife to stay at home if that was her desire, however she likes material possessions too much and doesn’t like the idea of “being poor” but has voiced a desire to not work…..kinda think she regrets marrying a broke fireman
Man this is tough. I'm old school, unless he's cheating or hitting you, you need to stick with it. Also, divorce is very rarely one person's fault.
What about alcohol or emotional verbal abuse
@@isay207 alcoholism is a disease so that's covered by the sickness and health clause of your wedding vows. Emotional abuse is so vague I can't answer that. So many people conflate simply doing or saying something they didn't like as "emotional abuse"
@@cameronwilliams8230My husband became a drug addict. Destroyed our home and lives. I took the vows and stuck it out as much as I could until he waived a knife in my face. Then I left. Someone’s addiction or alcoholism where the life of the spouse is ruined doesn’t fall under the sickness. I thought that and almost destroyed my own life. No thank you.
Financial abuse is also a thing...
Divorcee are often one persons fault and only one person usually wants them
I was married 35 years. He stole and blew over $35k we had set aside to buy a piece of land to retire on. He blew it in five months.
Then I found out he was having multiple affairs with men and women. He started drinking a liter of whiskey a day-straight from the bottle.
He was constantly overdrawn and had our house in default.
I had to file for divorce because nothing was changing and it was getting worse.
He was verbally abusive the year we were forced to live together through covid, waiting for the divorce.
Divorce was finally granted and thankfully I did not have to take on any of the huge amount of debt he had gathered over the last two years that I had no clue about.
Ten months later he was found dead in his car.
I will never ever get married again. I retired at age 52 and now I live my life how I want without any drama.
I'm so sorry to hear this. Hope that you have a full life, no drama and lots of peace. You deserve it.
This is my situation right now. Married to the same woman twice (20 years total) and now she's leaving for the same lame reason as last time. This is all playing out like deja-vu, she pulled away and wants to be single but still have the benefits of marriage. Only problem now is our kids are 17, 16. and 13.
She will never learn, if you are finished, screw what she wants at this point, file for divorce and full custody. Go scorched earth, she was probably cheating. Do not play nice or be accommodating, show your children there are consequences for the choices that we all make. Stand up to her!
When a woman decides to break up one time, make it the last time. NEVER take that woman back no matter what.
0:29 "I divorced my best friend"
2:47 "WE could have worked it out"
SHE breaks it, but expects HIM to fix it! No taking responsibility at all here; it's all HIS fault that SHE broke it.
She's the root cause, even the parents know it. Poor kids.
I don't know anyone who isn't genuinely pained inside after their divorce, even to the slightest degree.
It wouldn't sit well with me either if my husband didn't want to work. It's not even the amount of money it's the character behind that desire.
A lot of people are being really hard on her here. I’ve been in this position and it’s inevitable you will feel resentful as a female provider. You come home and do the housework and be a mum.
Why did she "let" him quit his job to try to improve the marriage? That doesn't make sense.
And what if they agreed that he stay home since he lost his job or whatever so one of them raises their kids? But then decided she didn’t like it?