Surviving Divorce: David Sbarra at TEDxTucson 2012
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 มิ.ย. 2024
- David A. Sbarra, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Arizona where he serves as Director of Clinical Training. Dr. Sbarra teaches advanced graduate courses in psychotherapy, he is the author of numerous research papers and book chapters concerning divorce, stress, coping, and both mental and physical health. In addition to his is work as a professor of psychology, Dr. Sbarra maintains a small clinical practice in Tucson.
David's TEDx talk describes his latest research on divorce and healing in the aftermath of marital separation. Nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce, and David's research is illuminating new ways to promote recovery after this stressful life event.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
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Married almost 22 years and my marriage is over. I’ve never experienced this pain before.
Same here.. 22 years, the love of my life walked out to live with another woman. Hes surrounded by women and friends and is happy. My life is ruined and the pain is indescribable 💔 im sorry you feel like this too. Mine happened about a month ago too. We are identical in our situation, and I'm so sorry your suffering too.
I'm with you also Ferrum, 22 years and he switched up. However I could not and would not take it to heart. This was his undoing so we chose to walk away respectfully. 20 + years is a life prison term and we've paroled about. Time to live freely and discover yourself before the next relationship comes. It'll happen, you'll see. 🥰
Hi 💢, sending you a lot of love and positive energy. The Relationship restorer(Dr Steve) who helped me with my divorce situation can help you out. He can help you with your divorce problems and restore your Relationship. I will advise you seek his help thanks....🙏💓
Send him a text message on Whatsapp 💓
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25 years next week for me and we’re in middle of divorce. I have days where I’m optimistic and days where I grieve to reconcile. I lost my 13 yo brother to a car accident when I was 11 years old, and there are moments when my emotions are worse than what I felt that day. There’s no infidelity, but there has been emotional neglect for many years that finally caught up with us. Combined with financial issues and work life balance issues, everything came off the rails. Good luck to everyone out there going through this. Regardless of the scenario the emotions are probably the same and we have to hope for brighter days.
Thank you brother. Going through a separation/ divorce after 11 years married. We came to the conclusion amicably after months of heartache and tears. I realized I can’t hold on or control any longer.
I agree there are days I’m excited and optimistic and resolute in our decision. Other days I feel an overwhelming sadness and grief. I can’t play the “what if” game. We must move forward for ourselves and our kids.
I am currently going through divorce with my husband of 9 years. It literally feels like death. The betrayal and all of this has seriously given me PTSD. I expected for my husband and I to be together forever and this happened! He was the only man I have been with. He just turned into a nightmare because of our issues. I was not innocent in all of this but I would have never thought of cheating on him like he did to me. The first time it happened I said ok we can get through this. But he turned it into a habit and said he wanted a divorce. He had it in his mind for a while that he wanted to leave and he finally did it. Everyone tells me its not my fault and he has personal issues but I still struggle with the guilt of feeling like I was a bad wife. I also deal with the guilt of loving someone that doesn't even respect me. When we first got married he was the most loving and kindest person. I thank God we have no children in this ordeal. I hate myself for still loving him and wanting to work this out. I have the support at my fingertips emotionally, mentally and spiritually. But I need a lot of work. I have nightmares, i cant sleep, i have mental images of him being intimate with other women racing through my head and I starting to find myself becoming bitter. I pray so hard to just get through the day and to block these thoughts. I have never in my life gone through anything so devastating and heartbreaking!
Oh justin, I am going through exact thing. How are you feeling now? Do you feel better now?
Hi 💢, sending you a lot of love and positive energy. The Relationship restorer(Dr Steve) who helped me with my divorce situation can help you out. He can help you with your divorce problems and restore your Relationship. I will advise you seek his help thanks....🙏💓
Send him a message on Whatsapp 💕
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I'm so sorry. I'm going through this pain too. How are you coping
i had a divorce, it was the worse. your whole life stops
Sleep, such an easy concept, yet after 10 years of laying next to your partner, sleep doesnt come easy when they’re no longer there.
Hello friend, I can connect you to the powerful relationship healer that helped me get my ex back after separation, he can also help you..
Message him on whatspp.
♱18287990585⏭⏭⏭???????¿????¿???
So true
He is so so correct about sleep!! When i don't get good sleep, my propensity to go into infinite loops of negative thought is several times higher.
Divorced after 5 years known for 10 since 13. Hardest thing ever and the world has no remorse for you. Coming from a place where divorce isn’t common this was the hardest thing ever but i was tired of not receiving enough love or the love I felt I deserved. I now know there’s others out there willing to give 10x the amount of love I received in the past.
Love and prayers brother. I know that won't help most likely but what else can we do for each other when we are suffering? I hope you find peace very soon.
@@jon3464 love and prayers are mighty enough:) same to you friend
I solved this problem back in 1997. That's the year I chose not to marry. Now I'm 50 with tons of surplus income, hobbies, several awesome friends and I'm well on my way to an early retirement.
+Vention1MGTOW And I'm the dumbass who married the same girl i dated for 10 years. I'm 32 and headed for divorce, but i think I'll be just fine.
pathmanp1
Man, I'm sorry as hell. That's going to suck.
+Vention1MGTOW I hate you
+Mike Stanis Good for you.
+james lachs I'm joking, I'm trying to sound jealous and not literally angry
I feel you guys in the comments. I was only 5 years in with 2 young kids. I’m about a month out of the finalized divorce, and still I’ve never experienced anything this painful besides forgiving multiple affairs over the years I guess. Trying to figure out the whole single dad thing and keep myself together for the kids that depend on me every day is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Watching all my friends happily get married and have kids just makes me more bitter when I should be happy for them. Growing up you think “oh that won’t happen to me, my marriage is going to be forever” but sometimes no matter how hard you try it fails. I know people go through it all the time and people get through it, but it’s a harsh reality. I thought my marriage would be forever and it did nothing but shake the very idea of what I thought marriage was. How do people get through this and still have some faith in having a happy marriage one day without holding on to the “no one’s ever going to hurt me like this again” mentality? It just seems so out of reach right now.
22 years of marriage I never expected it end and I never thought we would just grow apart 😪 heartbreaking 💔
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
Hope you are healing! 28 years here
Same here. I hope you’re doing ok now
@@smurray7433 hello
@@sandramichaelson1272 hello
My marriage of 10 years just ended. What really hurts my wife said she wanted to start a family then the next week she told me she didn’t love me anymore. I’ve never felt hurt like this
Omg that's awful! I'm so sorry! I hope in the future you find a wife and experience having a family with a devoted partner.
same boat
The best thing my ex ever did for me was to tell me get get out.
I hope one day i feel this way
Me too!😢
I think it’s good to feel the pain of a heartbreak, it shows that you are not cold hearted. You don’t stop loving someone overnight, and for those who do, something is wrong.
What you have no one to go to? I went through divorce and had to pull myself together on my own. There was no one and I had to protect my son and be strong for him. I had to navigate alone and deal with a tough job. It had no safety net. This is the reality for so many people too.
The only thing more sadistic than marriage is re-marriage.
Hello
I used to think singlehood was reserved for a special portion of the population. People who had a lot to do with their lives and were best forging ahead on their own. Now, I strongly hold the view that it is marriage that is for a special few. People who can remain loyal throughout all the changes their partners will go through in the years. People who are incredibly selfless. This is to say, if you know you have even one selfish bone in Your body, DO NOT GET MARRIED.
Agreed. The words I have heard for the past month have been cold, yet selfish. I always thought marriage was compromising and working through things but with today's society, it's we hit a tough patch, let's just get a divorce. The other divorces are from lying and infidelity.
I just got hit with, "I've been unhappy for years and I want a divorce". What?! He's telling me we can't work through this? I'm lost.
@@SadRahne sorry to hear that. I am going though the same thing but I infidelity happened on her side. I forgave but apparently thay was the wrong thing to do as she did the same thing again and started lying even more. Had to let go. It's hard but I keep asking myself whenever I keep thinking about it if I would really be happy if I had not let go
Horrible advice. I am selfish. I also met and married someone that changes that in me. It made me a better person. Now married 24 years.
@@tonysunshine5727 There are always exceptions to the norm. But in general, I would not advise a selfish person to marry with the thought that marriage would magically cure them.
My trick to getting good sleep during divorce was to purchase an electric blanket - when the bed felt cosy and inviting I found I nodded off straight away - no fretting over sleepless nights and I felt much more able to deal with the break down.
Yeah, well you weren't arrested, or jailed for groundless allegations. As a woman, I also doubt that your friends and family abandoned you, saying "You must have done something, or this wouldn't have happened to you." Or "You deserved it because if you were really committed to her, she would have been happy."
I'm kind of guessing, but I also doubt your children weren't taken from you.
If getting an electric blanket was all you needed, you didn't have much to deal with.
Devastating isn't the word, so sadly 'get sleep and some of these things here' mean well, but when your wife and marriage were your life and you have to call it because you gave everything and got little in return, the feeling of betrayal and waste is incredibly deep and overwhelming and it isn't a quick fix. When I see people get divorced and remarried within a couple or few years, it just means they really didn't have deep all consuming love, so they don't know what it means to some people. Years and it still hurts. So if this is the best from 'years of study', then sorry but it needs more study with people who were truly devastated by their divorce.
My husband just told me he is done. The grief and pain I have is unbearable... I hope one day I'll be okay.
@AYODELE AGBEMUKO don't be ridiculous
@@moirasadventures3658 how are you feeling now? 🌹
@@moirasadventures3658 Thanks to Dr David for bringing my ex love back to my life again with his powerful love spell. He can also help you..
@@moirasadventures3658 mssg me on whatspp, so we can talk better
sleep like a baby? are you kidding me? I can't sleep worth a crap going through this. it's terrible
Cody 81 - I hear you my friend. Going through the same thing right now. I think it's normal to not be able to sleep well at certain times in life - this is certainly one of them. It will pass with time - maybe lots of time - but eventually it will pass. Sleep is something that cannot be forced. "Trying" too hard to sleep only leads to more frustration and more wakefulness. Peaceful acceptance of not being able to sleep and repeating the mantra - "eh, I will sleep again some day" is the way to go. It sucks. I know.
yea sleeping is the hard part. @cody81 but you right JC K it will pass in time, you got to be to give your self that time and not beat yourself up
Are you sleeping now? Tell me. Coz its so hard now, everything is fresh, and I dont know how to move on. Hurst so much.
i have do days divorce break up. i know what you mean. the onlu thing that is kinad helping me right now. is to hear meditation till sleep. or hypnosis even tho i don-t think im getting hypnotize, the point is. that someone is talking and not your mind. so you are concentrating on the audio. it helps
I didn't sleep good before. Now it's terrible. I can't sleep. I can't stay awake. How do you get past this?
I'm married to a narcissist. I love her and care for her deeply. We have a 10 yr old daughter. She had a 5 year long affair and has had ZERO remorse about it, I've been utterly devastated the past year clinging to hope, praying she would see my pain and have compassion. That day has yet to come. Most men would've left at the discovery of an affair, I had to be hospitalized and medicated because I was hysteric and in such grief I couldn't go to work. I ended up losing my job because of it, it consumed me. All the years of lies came together like a puzzle and it literally brought me to my knees. I still love her with all my heart and I don't know what to do
Brandon Watkins find out what MGTOW is all about
I am sorry for your pain. I hope you will get the courage and strength to make the best choice for you and for your daughter. Ask youself this, what advice would I give my daughter who is in the same situation?
My narcissistic girlfriend just left me for somebody else, she has zero remorse neither. Hope you're OK buddy
veg An archist they never regret hurting you they have too many options
Dump her
I just found out the cure for divorce... Don't get married.
100% guaranteed!
Just found out the cure to not die...don't be born.
Rey Louis I don't think you are asked, or you ask your mother and father to birth you?
i said that in my college class and everybody looked at me like i was some sort of monster lol when i said "dont want divorce dont get married" lol
Truth, couldn’t agree any more.
Thank you. Found this really helpful and I love simple, straight-forward ideas. Sleep more seems common sense but I don’t sleep enough in general and can see I’m even more depleted now that I’m going through such a painful, life altering experience. Thanks for the reminder to be compassionate towards myself and to take better care of myself right now. Going to try to treat myself the way I would a friend going through the same thing.
I'm in the middle of a divorce and I can't wait till it's done
Amazing talk by Dr. Sbarra! Surviving divorce is a process and self-compassion is just the start of being able to recover to face challenges. Divorced parents should understand that they still have responsibilities to themselves, and especially to their kids.
Mr. Sbarra, I enjoyed your video. Your tips are some of the most essential things that an individual going through divorce can do. I talk to my clients on the regular about this and they all admit to the effectiveness of these tips. Thank you!
I wish I could turn back time.
That feeling comes and go. Experiencing it right now myself. But although its hard to imagine the future is ours to plan out anyway we want
Me too! Me too!
Petal_of_Red me too
Petal_of_Red i
Same wish, to turn back time to do things better.
My husband and I just recently decided to separate.we have no children,and part of me is glad coz I would hate to put a child through this.my husband was abusive and I finally mustered the courage to do what is best for me.I do cry alot and of course it hurts like hell but I know God will give me the strength to get through this and I feel my life will get better once I am done grieving.
Nice Video! Sorry for chiming in, I would love your initial thoughts. Have you ever tried - Taparton Returning Love Takeover (probably on Google)? It is an awesome exclusive guide for learning how to stop divorce minus the headache. Ive heard some interesting things about it and my friend after a lifetime of fighting got cool results with it.
Nice video content! Apologies for the intrusion, I am interested in your thoughts. Have you ever tried - Taparton Returning Love Takeover (just google it)? It is a smashing exclusive guide for learning how to stop divorce minus the headache. Ive heard some incredible things about it and my mate after many years got excellent results with it.
+TEDx Talks
Appreciate Video! Excuse me for butting in, I would appreciate your initial thoughts. Have you heard about - Taparton Returning Love Takeover (do a google search)? It is an awesome one of a kind product for learning how to stop divorce minus the headache. Ive heard some great things about it and my close friend Aubrey got great success with it.
Kudos for the Video! Sorry for the intrusion, I would appreciate your thoughts. Have you researched - Taparton Returning Love Takeover (do a google search)? It is a smashing exclusive guide for learning how to stop divorce without the hard work. Ive heard some interesting things about it and my friend Sam after many years got amazing results with it.
Lovely video content! Forgive me for the intrusion, I would love your opinion. Have you tried - Taparton Returning Love Takeover (Sure I saw it on Google)? It is a good one off guide for learning how to stop divorce without the normal expense. Ive heard some incredible things about it and my friend after many years got amazing success with it.
I am going through the divorce now and the things mentioned in the video are easier said than done, especially the advice about the sleep sucks :D I guess it also depends on who initiates the divorce, in my case I was the one who was left behind and my soon to be ex is happy and in a new relationship already. I could not sleep well for a couple of weeks until I saw a doctor and got pills few days ago. But I am trying to be more compassionate with myself and stop blaming myself for everything. And just today, I decided to start viewing my divorce as a blessing and told God I trust his actions and plans with me. I believe time will show why certain things happen the way they do...
How are you now Tatiana?
@@minaanim8206 much better, thank you :)
Don’t let that weigh you down my dear, you can find someone to always pour out your heart to, let it all out
@@rosasdempsey3229 thank you for your kind words, I have accepted to be alone if I have to and decided to just love myself first :)
@@Tatiana-cd1vu I am going through a divorce myself. And it's the hardest thing in my life so far. I don't know what to do and how to start over living my life alone. I have some good days but the bad days are killing me from the inside. I am afraid to get really ill because this can't be good for my body and soul. I believe in God and His plan. The loneliness kills me day and night. Any advice Tatiana?
Wife told me 2 weeks ago today that she no longer loves me and wants a divorce and to move out, married 9 yrs..didn't see it coming..i am a mess..no job..no home anymore..just lost..feeling hopeless..
I feel the same...my wife had destroyed my life and I live abroad...no support whatsoever. Feeling hopeless and lost
@@christianmedwid852 .Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
@@christianmedwid852 .Message him on Whatsapp
I love being married. My wife is my best friend. She is my lover. She is my anchor. She is my craziness. She means everything. I almost lost her this year due to my neglect and depression. Luckily I got another chance and it has been great. I know what it means to get divorced. The guilt shame embarrassment and worst of all the loss or death of what was once great. I have gotten another chance and I am happy. Please don't forget that marriage can be great if you want it to be. Never take it for granted and live every minute of it.
Your wife should support you through depression. No abandon you at your lowest point. All the best.
Hello
Hello dear
@@thosethickstringsit isn't that simple. When you're not feeling loved and cared for it is very painful. It is compounded when your spouse continues to isolate you and spends time drinking and drinking and spending time with their 'friend' and states it is because their 'friend' understands them. When you tell them that they need to stop drinking because that's elevating their depression and that they need to make choices to spend more time with the family and they tell you they're going to continue to drink because that's what they want to do. Then you become depressed and lonely and you feel you are completely unimportant to them.
While the pain and devastation for myself has been horrendous, it is the pain and children of my children that hurts the most.
So helpful to hear advice from men gone through the process. Gives me hope that I can GROW through this too!
Great talk. I was married for 19 years. Its has been difficult but good at the same time
David Sbarra really knows his stuff. Marital separation and dissolution of marriage are complicated life situations and need to be addressed and implemented as such. He uses many great analogies in this video so people can really connect with his lecture on a human level. great, great video..I hope many people filing for a divorce in Connecticut will watch this entire video before following through the process..best idea was writing in your diary or journal to get past the bullshit of divorce...there comes a time when we need to move on and stop the journaling and writing about your loss and sadness.
This is actually a very helpful talk. Thank you. Sleep is critical. I play a lot of sleep music with rain sounds to help me sleep these days. It was so important to admit I wasn't alone...and that no one prepared me for this. That on its own was self compassion.
33m/ going onto 34. I am not going through a divorce but just haven't been able to get out of my own head, tackle my demons and reach my potential. All these points really help, especially the not journaling, as I am one of those people who brute. I am glad I stumbled upon your video and is actively working on pulling myself together.
Wish me luck.
How are you
Hello
@@Jakeryanshow hello
Hello
Hello
That's my former professor from 7ish years ago! How cool! Bear down.
I have no words to describe how amazing are these researchers who spend their lives on a mission to improve other people's lives.
Thanks Dr Sbarra. You are making a difference.
15 years or marriage, 3 kids, I wanted and asked for help, she did not want to, 2 months after I was forced to sign those papers. I have never felt so much pain. Now practically I do not exist, she does not even care.
Your are so right when you used the word 'forced'. Yes, indeed, the divorce petitioner, forces, the divorcee to sign those papers...sadly, I can totally and completely relate...
Married 40 years
Death is better than divorce
I am trying to start a new life
Just as painful
Just as deadly
13 years of marriage, then she stabs me in the back. SMH! 😡
I did and still do believe in marriage although i was thru a very bad divorce and BESET with 5 other huge
tragedys at the SAME time.
Thru the ashes of a huge outa control fire,it still took a decade to get on track
Everyones different and grieve/ suppress differently.
Despite it all its about being with the right person, the communication but i believe the level or complete TRUST is most important.
Trust and truth go hand in hand,they both build many positive emotions and you never have to remember what you said.
Hang in there anyone in pain
Hey come back and redo this speech after you've experienced my pain.
nicinacnoo You’re not the only one going through rough times.
do not get married.
I have been journaling everyday for the last 30 years- emotional journaling. I have PTSD, depression, anxiety and have been divorced for 1 year. I realized that journaling has kept me in a loop of my life… I am crying out for help for the same things over and over again. I’m pushing rewind and play everyday. It’s a horrible cycle. I am going to take a break from journaling for 30 days and see if anything changes. Thanks
Great talk!
Thank you so much for this video, I really needed to hear it.
Hello Karen
How are you doing, hopefully better.
Can’t believe it’s been 4 years since you posted this comment.
Would love to get a reply, take care and stay safe.
Hello
Love this!!
For guys considering filing for divorce. The whole process nearly killed me, but in the end it was the best decision I ever made. Female on male psychological abuse is real, and very dangerous. If you are considering it, and your spouse isn’t willing to get help, then my advice is that it’s time to bail.
Thanks for sharing. My marriage is broken and my wife isn't responding to my pleas for help and professional counselling. Her resentment is too deep and she has been stonewalling me each time I try to pacify her. An informal separation seems inevitable in a month's time which is the deadline that I give myself in hoping she can return to me. So I am trying to get myself mentally prepared for the worst and I feel hurt that she always guilt-trip me with her stonewalling.
@@Almsoo7 hey how are things going now? I'm going through the same thing.
@@MrCkm1971 she initiated divorce in end November, then moved out abruptly in December. I tried pleading with her initially but to no avail, then went into no contact for about 2 months. We recently sort of patched up but I am not sure where it is heading because the problems are still present and she prefers staying separately in her own house for now. Hope ur marriage can be salvaged, u may want to look up attachment theory, it may help u understand urself and ur wife.
@@Almsoo7 sorry to hear about her moving out. Stay strong man and thanks for the recommendation. We aren't separated quite yet but it's headed that way.
@@MrCkm1971 I suggest u discuss with her if a temporary separation will help u guys to see things better to let the resentment feelings subside, but not to the extent of heading for a divorce if both parties still have feelings for each other.
Married 9 years started to end slow then all of a sudden. We all cope in our own ways!
Your talk helps a lot. Thank you.
Hello
For everyone who had their partner initiate the divorce and end up with a new partner. Feel good knowing the exact same thing will happen to their new partner.
Thanks, Doc. Needed to hear a lot of that, and I feel like I am on the right track. I have my journal next to the laptop. I brood, and I write. Learned that's a no-no.
Hello
@@neilinaluaracailie 👋
@@822mickey thanks for replying to my text. I really appreciate your response. I would like us to continue this conversation please.
Hello dear
@@822mickey please I want to introduce you to something more profitable.
Thank you. I am sending this to my sister in hopes that she can pull herself up before she loses her children. She has the sleep like a baby part down, but that is all she is doing. I’m so worried about her.
There are many components to saving your partnership. One resource I discovered that succeeds in merging these is the Pavs Partner Pundit (check it out on google) without a doubt the best plan that I've heard of. look at the amazing information .
My ex was basically the lead in our relationship, I failed in securing a high paying job, not finishing college and just losing any ambition I had prior to our marriage. I felt so low and hearing her cry and say she wanted to end it I couldn’t help but agree and I regret it. We didn’t reach 2 years but I knew her for 6 years. I thought if I argued I had nothing to back up my words. But I’m also glad it happened to me because it just meant I had to become a better version of me in all aspects
you are so right on, i totally use mindful self compassion always
So good. Thank you.
Hello
Thank you. I NEEDED this!
Hello
The last 20 sec’s truly helped me. I really appreciate it...
Hi Desmond, how are you feeling now? Going through a painful divorce and seems like the pain will never go
@@businessgrowthsquare I'm dying inside. Husband walked out on me and wants a divorce. How are you coping
@@danielleg2616 I am still in pains dear. Been a rollercoaster journey. Fine today and sad tomorrow. So sorry and I don't really know what to advise you. It's a painful journey I do not wish no one
My ex chose divorce after 13 years of marriage. I tended to her needs. Did all the cooking, cleaning and laundry. Ate crow from her mother every time she came over (which was often). She decided that the marriage needed to end. She changed her mind. She demonizes me constantly and I did nothing wrong. Marriage is a sham.
I personally don't believe in marriage and my life is AWESOME. =)
Oh stop bragging LOL I'm glad your life is awesome stay that way unfortunately I got married and now I'm not because she is a narcissistic greedy selfish b****
💗 love it
We thank you 🙏🏿
Getting a hold of your emotions is very important in starting the healing process.
My ex came back to me few days ago ❤️ I got help from a Relationship Restorer Dr Steve Who was able to mend back my broken relationship and make my ex to come back and beg for a second chance. He can bring your ex back
Divorcing within a year after 13 years, feel so bad.
This is a fabulous video.
you don't need a phd for thiss... but marriage is not worth the investment or risk in the present day, and when life turns sour, your best friend is a pilow. the brain is an incredible machine, give it a problem, and it'll find ways to solve it. look after it. enlightenment comes at weird times, under a tree, shower, in the middle of the night, watching youtube... have faith in yourself, and if no one comes along with you, walk it alone. your survival by itself adds utility to this world.
I am absolutely sick going through my divorce. My ex is a severe alcoholic and it seems like nobody in the system is holding her accountable for her behavior as a mother. Everyone is holding me accountable for protecting my son from her. It cost 12000 dollars to have a limited supervised access schedule put in place and the kicker is that children's aid already revoked her privilege to be alone with him. Because I was in the home there was no court order leaving me to pay to get it done. And as an honest man i got screwed going up against a pretty little lyer in court. Shame on the system.
The system was designed to protect women, i am sorry you had to go through all these
The court system is against men sadly
I am in the process of divorcing from my husband of 5 years, together for 11 years. I alternate between feeling liberated, at the end it became a toxic partnership. Then feeling overwhelming grief, he moved on after a month and I am not there. I had to cut contact with him. This is a pattern of separation/reconciliation. I am angry, lonely, sad and like I said relieved. It's the weirdest experience of my life.
My son died of depression during the divorce process with kids.. rip Tanner
I’m devastated. 2 little boys 10 years. I honestly don’t know what to do
How are you now?
im 22,my dad actually told me not to get married, hes not even divorced either lol. he was just like dont get married u will thank me later son .
my dad never gave talks about that guess he wants me to learn that lesson on my own when I meet the right guy
MGE well said about the impatience.
I think there are alot of marriages out there that are just grinding along because divorce is so expensive.
Marriage really only benefits woman. When you think about it, the entire day is all about her, the dress, the hair, the bridesmaids, etc, Man has nothing to gain from being married. It's nothing more than a legal contract.
Best bit of advice a dad could ever tell their children.
My brother who is 22 now got told the same thing by our dad who has never married. He is a lonely man and left a lot of relationships as well as me before my brother came along. I am 10 years older and have a different Mum. To my brother, that advice comes from a place of heartbreak and bitterness and does want to get married. His Mum met a lovely man and now has a great step Dad. He lives and breathes marriage can be wonderful.
Thank YOU
whats worse is being married for 15 years feeling unloved and fighting to feel loved and in the final year realizing i wasnt and will never be.
Started dating sophomore year of highschool, off and on a couple times, then married 24 years. Im so untethered
It has been devastating, the end of a life bc of his betrayal. But I’ve used this major transition as a reason for transformative change. To grow. To be better and have better.
....When things get to a real low in life, something kicks in, some strange energy, this is some kind of safety switch if you like, you become very alert, and faster in thinking, when this energy happens you start to lift yourself out of what is around you that is bringing you down, i know, because this has happened to me in times of high stress. There is some force that is in all of us, and emerges in times of crises.
Great video
I thought I was watching the Tedx and it was one of those darn ads. I was wondering when the guy was going make the point.
I have found it almost impossible to sleep have gone from 6-8 hours a night to 1-2 sometimes no sleep since divorce was brought up. My mind can't stop racing.
My recommendation for Marriage 2.0 in today's world:
1) Subject to a 4-year renewal period (non-renewal results in dissolution of union)
2) Does not involve the state whatsoever
3) Terms of separation is based on post-nup signed during the contractual period
4) All parties represented by a taxpayer-funded family mediator, not an expensive lawyer with a vested interest in separating your from your money!
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I absolutely hate my ex for breaking my heart
Needed this. I’ve been with my wife for 5 years and married for nearly 3 (short I know) but few like I’ve lost the great love of my life. The person who meant the world to me in every way, I have a tendency to brood, self blame, and despair in an uncomfortable companion.
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I’m sorry mate, I know exactly how you feel. Hope you’re doing better 5 months on… I know I’m not!
I’m there right now and it’s brutal.
Wife who I’ve been with ten years left me ten months ago. Really painful that she won’t work on it, it’s hard to accept and let go
I have 2 weeks separated from my husband or 9 years, 12 yrs together. Our marriage had become so toxic. I had enough walking on egg shells. This is such a hard process. Especially with kids ....
Going thru a divorce I thought this is what I wanted together for ten years married for 6 I travel around the U.S. for work and it would take my mind off but when I return back I feel her presence and the lack of presence of my kids daily. I try to use drugs to cope I’m 35 I literally think of my family every minute of the day, no one knws how bad I just want to not wake up it’s sick I hide the pain I’m losing my mind it’s been 4 years and it still feels like yesterday.
Thank u 😊
"No Jesus, No Peace In Relationships". It is a good read for relationship rescue.
Where did you find that hairball? My church ganged up on me and supported my wife's groundless allegations of child abuse, domestic violence, and claims that I put my daughter into the hospital. Kind a weird though, there were no hospital records, and my daughter openly said that she wanted to live with me... It didn't stop the pastor's wife from showing up at every hearing. I didn't stop the pastors wife from colluding, even pressuring my wife to go to the police to have me arrested on groundless claims.
Do I need to point out that Christ remained single? AND advocated to remain single? Yup, and ditto for Apostle Paul. You have been brainfucked by a gynocentric religious community that has been overtaken by women. Jesus never promised peace, the promise for truth seekers is rejection, and persecution. Just like, say Christ himself! Or Paul! Or the majority of the Apostles!
well put
I’m currently in the beginning of my divorce with my wife of 12 years. I feel empty and depressed cause I still have hope we can work out but at the same time there is this deep strong feeling this is it and it’s over. I’m working out to keep my mind off of it but I feel I lost something and I can’t find it searching everywhere
Awesome
I got divorced while I was stationed in Germany. I felt so alone, stranded and in constant pain. I gave her my everything, only to have my heart ripped out and shredded into pieces. I promised myself to never love or open myself up to anyone ever again.
Hi, get help from Dr Steve to bring your ex back and attract your (SP) someone you love to you, you might have try others Spellcasters and they disappoint you, but I can assure you 100% and also staking my life on it that Dr Steve can help you and make your ex beg you for a second chance because he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. I will advise you seek his help now thanks.
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Married for 9 years going on 10 but he cheated on me and move out. The most painful thing happened to me.
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
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btw, the speaker's marriage did not work out due to his homosexuality. Not a criticism.
Lool
Has this guy ever been divorced? You can’t explain divorce any more than you can describe love.
Hi 💢, sending you a lot of love and positive energy. The Relationship restorer(Dr Steve) who helped me with my divorce situation can help you out. He can help you with your divorce problems and restore your Relationship. I will advise you seek his help thanks....🙏💓
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+2 3 4 7 0 3 0 8 9 4 8 9 2.
Hello
I mean is there a support group for this stuff?? Married over 20 + years, grew to be friends only; my choice because I am no longer in love and have tried. It's over, but just would like a support group to know that I am not alone
I’m divorcing my narcissist husband after 11 years of physical, emotional and mental abuse.Being kicked, threatened with death and screamed-at, it isn’t really about losing love, as trying to navigate through the legal system. I have an amazing divorce attorney, but the legal system in my state doesn’t care if the spouse ruins you in the process. He’s neglected to pay the house payment, which I can’t because I have MS and am on disability. So, I probably will lose my home, plus my credit is ruined. My attorney wrote a letter to the judge asking for penalties and jail time; nothing. That’s the worst part. How do I put my life back together when I’ve already been ruined? That’s the pain I face everyday.
This book is a must read: Separation and Divorce-surviving with your children by Bridget Michaels.Very recommended! X
After my ex file for divorce in May, she was already sleeping with someone else in August, after 12 year marriage and 2 kids.
I’m sorry to hear this, it is not the end of the world, your kids need you
They are all whorwing around.
It was just your turn and now your turn is over.
Make sure you love your children to the fullest and tell them weekly it's not there fault and speak to them on a level that they can understand without bad mouthing the whorw.
Hello
Self love and self compassion- very good!
I am in the process of breaking up with my first girlfriend. We were together for 6 years from 18-24. We have lived together for 4.5 years. I've never felt so much pain. Neither of us cheated. We loved each other so much. But we had a huge heap of serious family, and money issues. Sort of like if Romeo and Juliet got an apartment together and fought so loud the cops came (3 times). My parents have said messed up things to her and so have her parents to me. She has broken up with my about 50 times, and this last time she is denying having done it and I won't let her take it back. Her clothes are going to be sitting in 10 huge trash bags filling up my only bathroom for another 6 days. I can't wait till this is over. Please help me.
I know its been a long time man, but how are you doing now?
35 years married 40 years together and she has moved on with seemingly zero regrets. Completely gutted. Office romance took her out. My grown sons are shattered but she doesnt seem to care for anything other than her happiness. All i know is that I HAVE to be better for them.
I understand your pain. The same is happening to me after 31 years. She's found a richer, younger guy, with no regrets, no remorse. I have been in love with my own fantasy of who I thought she was. She was not willing to fight very hard to save our marriage when it went through some tough times. Maybe it will be for the best. Ultimately, I don't want to be with someone if they are not as committed as I am.