Thank You Divorce! | Shawn Bradford | TEDxSouthMountainCommunityLibrary
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ก.ย. 2024
- How divorce opened my eyes to my unhealthy relationship patterns and ultimately led to a reunion with my ex and a deeper connection with myself. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Most people can’t fathom spending a season of life alone, just to know yourself better. While separated from my ex wife, I spent time working on me. Exercising, reading, and going to the movies by myself.
Alex Haneman Whats so dangerous about that?
I've been single for over 20 years and have become use to it so much that I'm sure that I'll struggle getting back into a serious relationship. I've tried in the past and found that I run as soon as things become difficult.
I think for some people it just feels like life is a waste without someone to experience with. You can enjoy alone time but this would be more fun with other people
Spending life with a suitable companion is my preference. But my fear of being alone has made me put up with treatment I shouldn't have. Taking however many seasons necessary to find happiness within myself is my goal, so I am not afraid to speak up for myself in the future.
@Alex Haneman cool beans
So here is the summary.
1. Confused woman blames everything on her husband.
2. Divorced him cause he didn't do enough.
3. Dates and screws everyone as many as she can to feel better about herself
5.. Ends up being totally lost, and then tried to help others.
6. was gonna be a life coach but realized she's a total mess.
7. meets her ex husband one day at the park and realized she's a total mess up and he wasn't so bad after all.
8. asks him wanna get married again? despite banging the entire tinder town.
9. gets back with the husband, poor husband.
10. now she's on Ted x to brag about it.
what a life coach
The end
she can do so because she's "empowered"
God forbid if a man did this..he would be crucified..dont u love equality?😉
I would say that's about right..you called it
What an expensive lesson. The man had to pay for everything while she was doing some soul searching.
For many men that would be bad enough to not even think about getting back with that kind of woman.
wow thank you....
You were NOT married to a Narcissist !
Many people are or were. It is Heartbreaking
You believe their promises but they do it all over again. It takes years to recover if that is ever possible.
No her husband was!
You might like Dr. Ramami's TH-cam videos on narcissism.
@@sfranken2228 Exceptional
Reason we dont want another relationship! The anguish was so overwhelming, we just don't have the energy to try at it again. Single and alone is better.
@@evenshine9515 Even I know it can be very scary to remarry again due to our past experiences. It’s okay to spend and live a happy alone but having that special and trust worthy partner to share everything with feels totally different.
Most people who initiate divorce while the other does not want it never look back...because they have planned way in advance how to get out of the situation with as much of the benefits from the work of the marriage...financial or otherwise ....and do not care about the other person. They have moved on.
While it really is great that she 'found herself', the fact she probably destroyed her husband's life for years in the meantime and potentially messed up her kids shouldn't be discounted. Her husband is a saint for taking her back.
At least she probably brought some new techniques to the table that she learnt with her dates.
@@Pyrrhic537 I wouldn't have taken her back. She is a walking red flag and is ready to bounce any moment if the next man offered her more.
I went through the same, from forcing intimacy to trying a second time. He wanted me and the 3 kids but I couldn't get the trust back, even when we did try again after 3 years. Funny I'm a matchmaker and landed up fixing others. I was ok at it, 50% success rate, but it wasn't till I fixed me till I found love again. It's like the air mask on the airplane, look after yourself first if you want to help others. Now I'm fab at it. Love starts with you. Remember when you point a finger one is pointing away and 3 pointing back. After 10 years I live next door to him. He's with someone else and I'm happy for him. I'll always love him but I'm not in love with him. Thank you Divorce. You gave me ....me back. :)
This is exactly how my wife feels about me, I'm trying to fix it but am afraid that 5-10 years down the road she'll still have that thought in the back her head telling her "you need to love yourself first." She told me, which absolutely broke my heart, "It's not that I dont love you, it's just that I'm not in love with you anymore." Never hurted so much in my life before until hearing that. If you can give me some advice on what he could've possibly done to save the marriage or rekindle the flame, that'll be really great. She says she wants nothing to do with me anymore, but I'm hanging on to this marriage by a thread and will do what it takes to make it work out again.
@@yanglers6219 was there cheating involved because that would be a different way to move?
❤
I hope Everything is fine now
LOL, "hey man, I don't think it's all these guys I am banging, it must be me, it must be insecurity, yeah, it can't be that I am an arrogant, prideful POS, I just need to get up in front of an audience and tell them that I just needed to love myself." And the comments here are praising this delusion, which is why the internet is a waste of everyone's time.
When she said, “Regardless if he said yes or no at getting back together...she would be okay”, I truly felt that. The pain from my separation, divorce pending, gets smaller everyday and and less frequent. This season of singleness is what I need to better myself. God knows exactly what he is doing.
When I said: we are done. I felt great not sad at all that I scared myself.
Hi Candace! How are you?! Im about to be 1 year out from my divorce
I'm struggling with separation with 2 kids.... I want to see the light. Pain is so big 😢
@@angievivienI’m going through separation right now and I’m also in a lot of pain, but I know that we will be okay. It is going to hurt for sometime, but if we truly focus on ourselves and learn how to be happy with just ourselves we will be healed. We will go through it and become stronger, wiser, and happier. Sending hugs to you, know that you are not alone and we will be happy again one day. ❤
@@АселяИбраимова-г8пIt’s very important to let your feelings happen (it will fade) and not to find something to cope with to get your mind off of it
This is a great talk. Unfortunately my ex left for another women even tho I wanted to work it out, it wasn't in the cards. The betrayal was too deep and I'll never trust him or anyone else again. I like my time to myself now with out the abuse I endured and my validation isn't needed from a man. The talk about a relationship with thyself is sooooo true tho. I'm working on this now.
Hello. Dear friend. I'm truly sorry to hear about the painful experience you've been through. Discovering that your ex-partner left for another person can be incredibly hurtful and can shatter the trust you once had. It's understandable that such betrayal has left you feeling deeply wounded and hesitant to trust again. It's important to acknowledge and honor your emotions during this difficult time. Betrayal can cause immense pain, and it takes time to heal from such wounds. It's okay to feel anger, sadness, and even a sense of disbelief. Give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the relationship and the trust that was broken. I'm glad to hear that you're focusing on yourself now and taking the time to heal and rebuild. Prioritizing your well-being and finding solace in your own company is a powerful step towards self-empowerment. You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and love, and it's important to set boundaries to protect yourself from any form of abuse. Rebuilding a relationship with yourself is indeed crucial. It allows you to reconnect with your own desires, needs, and values. Take this time to rediscover your passions, invest in self-care, and nurture your personal growth. Surround yourself with positive influences and supportive friends who uplift and encourage you on this journey. While it's understandable that you may feel hesitant to trust again, it's important to remember that not everyone will betray your trust. As you continue to heal, you may find that there are people who genuinely care about your well-being and can be trusted. However, it's essential to take things at your own pace and only open yourself up to new relationships when you feel ready. Remember, healing is not a linear process, and it's okay to have good days and bad days. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this journey of self-discovery and healing. If you ever need someone to talk to or lend an ear, please know that I'm here for you. Wishing you strength, resilience, and a renewed sense of self as you continue to work on rebuilding your life. Looking forward to hearing from you soon ❤❤❤ 0:01
Oh really my wife died 3years ago
Other people can't complete you or make you happy. You must complete yourself and THEN you are able to offer so much in a relationship. That's a lot of pressure to put on another human, to make you happy.....
My soon to be ex would say "You have to make me happy" repeatedly.. Man have I tried.. But I also did my own work in therapy and she fought me every step of the way.
Now it over after 40 years. I have done all I can. I will be ok.
I’ve been through a divorce. During my time of separation, I took the time to work on myself.
I remarried & got therapy because I didn’t want to repeat what happened in my first marriage.
May I ask if during the period between your marriages, what did you do to work on yourself? How did you get back out and start dating again?
Candace I read a lot of books on marriage & boundaries. Then I got a therapist. I didn’t date, just focused on working and raising my daughter.
How I began to date again? I met my wife on Instagram (slid in the DM). 6 months later we married.
@@ScaryToRemarry well good on you.
Does Second marriage success?
you can remarry when you don't feel good with your partner how easy .
I am glad her life came full circle. This, however, is a common and tragic theme. She was unhappy with herself, but her husband got blamed and was held responsible. Her actions may have helped her, but I suspect that her husband and the kids were forever scarred.
Exactly, she was the narcissistic toxic one in that relationship.
@@melis6294 Hi Meli, I disagree. Narcissistic personalities never take responsibility and always blame the other. She is not a narcissist.
@@mikeycapone2578 thank you Mikey....seems like it would be a no-brainer but I guess not.
No they were not scarred at all.
@@mikeycapone2578 ok, then BPD 👍🏼
This is not good advice. Your husband was not a passive aggressive man or a narcissist clearly.
Exactly my thought!
She was the narcissistic.
@Meli I think you might be right. Yelling at her husband for not loving her enough? Is it possible he or the other men were dismissive avoidants or was she the one with the issue? She is very controlling and grandiose. Something doesn’t feel right to me. I could just as easily be wrong and her story could truly be about the “growing up” experience that she had. It’s easy to be critical of miracle stories.
How are you doing
The saying goes......
You cant love anyone else unless you learn to love yourself.
the worlds wisdom is canned in one liners.
It’s great that she realised the error of her ways but I still see a woman who is focussed entirely on herself. No acknowledgement of the untold pain that she probably caused her husband in rejecting him and separating him from his children. It’s hardly a mic drop moment when she announces that she decided that she wanted him back in her life but could ‘take him or leave him’. As far as I’m concerned the perfect end to this would be to discover that some time after this video the husband realised that she is a totally self centred narcissist and discards her for a better model.
Yep relationships are mostly about giving, & then take some, from both sides. When women can stop thinking the ability to recieve something intimate from them is some divine gift worthy of worshipping them & must giving them untold amounts of praise, constant feeling of happiness/ problem fixing and money-- then maybe I'll consider dating some again. Which I'm not counting on any time soon 😂
Self exploration- the most essential tool to keep oneself happy
How does one do this??
Yes! It took me a long time to learn that. Always on that journey!
Sounds good. How does on learn more about this
Word
"I am not happy, I want a divorce, I want to discover myself, I want to bang other dudes and then I want you to take me back like nothing ever happened". Sorry but "No, it's not going to happen".
Thank you! Yes, Divorce can be a blessing (and yes.. this is a Christian man saying this...), and not just for one gender. However, many times, divorce is the blessing from the other side. Sometimes.. the person who wants the divorce most is the person who was the real problem or needing to grow up.
Wow! Thanks for sharing this insight. Eye opening indeed.
@@ignacioveiga2539 , that perhaps is sarcasm on your part, but these days, far too many people still need to hear it. The sad thing is far too often it is most true when it is the woman demanding the divorce. After a generation span that concluded with the five years of the most delusional pandering to feminism ever, it needs to be said that more often than is accepted, the woman was the real problem, be it with unrealistic expectations, seeing her worth too much in the marriage, or even being the overbearing, manipulative, and downright abusive one. Also, as I left a relationship where the woman was the gas lighter, I have first hand knowledge this is more the case than many believe.
David Welsh it isn't sarcasm. I was genuinely thanking you. Let's leave it there. Bye
@@ignacioveiga2539 , nods. My apologies then.
David Welsh in fact it looks as though you were describing my own experience. It's been one year since my divorce and just now starting to see a thread of hope. I wish you happiness and peace of mind, and may you not perceive any kind gesture as sarcasm in the future. Blessings to you.
Scott is a simp!
Dumpster fire gives Tedx talk.
I love myself way to much to be married!! It’s not worth it !!! Marriage will destroy men !! She will take everything from him and head over to the next man like nothing happened in life !!!
lol, sounds like she realized she hit the wall and the market wasn't as good to her as she remember. Poor simp took him back though.
How can people get back together after they dated other people. This is beyond me...
Glad for you, but you where not married to a Narcissist !
Exactly what I was thinking. He sounds like a decent human.
I was thinking that also
Exactly
Sooo true!!!
Ikr. They're a different breed of toxic. Only those with that history can relate to the craziness they bring to us... although my codependent nature needs alot of work🤪🙏
Divorce is not the reason why you are better. You are better because you decided to be after marriage not on it, staying, fighting, learning and transforming it. Thousands of stories of transformed marriages after tough times, but the world will advice you to divorce, that’s the easy path.
I think you missed the point. Divorce was only a part of her story that helped give her the insight she needed to change herself. Without the divorce she may have just stayed miserable in her marriage and devolving as a human instead of reuniting as a healthier, more whole self with the wisdom to now help others get more in touch with their inner selves.
No. She took her marriage for granted and didn't see it until after the divorce.
This woman sounds like she just wanted to be on TEDTalk.
Her story is utter nonsense.
Women like this one make me anti relationship anti marriage
Let's see....He's lost the house, the kids, alimony, child support. He's paying for his own residence. She proposes putting it back together. Luckily, he says "yes". Hmm. How surprising is that?
Divorce can be a blessing.
Yes it can be a huge blessing at times.
Ugh. Nothing in my heart that feels good about divorce. We are there and honestly it needs to happen and I need to let go. Just don’t want to deal with this at all.
yes… I know😞….
So sorry. Everything has its time and even bad life events come to a close eventually. Stay strong. Praying for you.
That’s my EX …
It takes time …
Bitterness is a terrible quality
I know you split 50/50 you got the inside of the house he got the out side
This is a common problem. Women believe it’s a man’s job to make them happy. Then they blame the man!! Many more women will watch this and understand that you can make your self happy and not leave a marriage.
Lady shud not have married at all ... Her character is flawed..... MULTIPLE DATING RIGHT AFTER MARRIAGE IS CHARACTER FLAW
Domestic abuse is a character flaw
@@nicolemurphy2629 Yeah? She didn't claim any abuse from her husband. She alleged that she was not happy but I believe the problem was that she was argumentative with everything and just wanted to play the field.
It sounds like this woman was the problem
3 kids and she teaches about relationships? Who paid for that school? Her X. He is paying a fortune in CS and support for her. She probably got the house. Half his retirement. Men don't have a chance.
Yup let's assume she did that of course you would why? Because she is a women men are funny they will just pass a judgement on women and will cry when the same things happen to them
@@i_am_iraSEMA
single mums are the biggest losers
@@i_am_iraSEMA So you were at work all day and the kids went to daycare and missed out in proper parenting from a parent....
You ruin your kids without a proper male father in the house.
90% of people in prison - fatherless homes
70% of teen runaways - fatherless homes
83 % of teen drug addiction - fatherless homes
93 % of teen suicides - fatherless homes
Don't you damn well tell me you're doing a good job.
a single father is a much better parent than a single mother. However, both parents at home is best, and by best is when the father is the leader of the house and not a SIMP
@@i_am_iraSEMA then you chose poorly for a husband and father for your children...
That's what I thought. Getting a divorce is very expensive, it looks like on top of that the man left her the house and probably was giving her child support. All of that expensive ordeal just for her to realize later that all the time it was her who was the narcissistic.
Few men are ok with going through with all of that to later get back with the woman.
I served my parents, my country, my ex wife and my kids. Never myself. Wife moved to another state but wanted to remain married. I spent enough time away from my wife and family after the Military and current airline career. She loved my choice of employment. We divorced after 28 years. I picked up the pieces and when through a 3.5 year family court battle. I ended up with the love and respect of all my kids. I traded $ for family.
I started slowly caring of myself. I had two short relationships. I gave up dating and enjoy the peace and quiet. When I need noise in my life, I invite my 6 year old grandson to stay for a few days. I know its possible that one woman out there is my match, but the risks are too large. In my opinion, Its always what they need or want over everyone else's. Including their own children. I'm not bitter and I explained to our children. American women have been sold for two generations they can have everything with no regrets or personal responsibility. If something doesn't work out, its never their fault. We cannot as a society hold people accountable after we condoned it for decades. Each person must hold themselves to a higher standard. Fire away.
When your ready love will come your way. Keep an open heart and mind, now that you're loving youself.
@@SharonKenny plus a closed wallet and refused to marry. If they fly like the last two women, it was not love!!
Thank you for your service …
She doesn't mention how much her ex has to pay her.
Amazing story. Love it, but also wondering if the husband said ok fine I'll get back together with you but you better do a TED talking about how you dun f'd up 😂😂
You can tell she's fairly demanding, which is going to burn out a lot of guys who look past looks.
Oh My God!!! I needed to hear this... thank you so much
Thank you for watching! So happy it resonated with you!
Thank you so much. I am so happy you enjoyed it. Thank you for watching! :)
My wife left me in 2015, I’m still lost I don’t think I’ll ever recover.
Hi Nathan, how are you feeling now? How is life?
Of course her husband took her back she was probably bleeding him dry he figured out why not come back I can raise the kids and then when they're all grown up we can just get a divorce again because that's exactly what's going to happen he didn't come back for her he came back for the children. He figured it's cheaper to keep her for a while more.
I agree. He just wanted to see his children full time and figured she finally got that FOMO feeling out of her system after sleeping with a quite number of men.
Divorce does not mean new life! Or no problems! Ha!
Hello. My dear friend. I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to respond to your comment about divorce not necessarily leading to a new life or a life without problems. You're absolutely right; divorce does not automatically guarantee a fresh start or a life free of challenges. It's a significant life change that can bring its own set of difficulties and adjustments. Divorce can be a complex and emotionally challenging process for all parties involved. It often involves a range of emotions such as grief, anger, confusion, and even relief. It can also bring about financial and logistical complications, as well as the need to redefine relationships with mutual friends and family members. While divorce may not instantly solve all problems, it does offer an opportunity for growth, self-discovery, and the chance to create a new chapter in life. It can be a time to reassess priorities, rediscover personal interests, and cultivate a sense of independence. It's important to acknowledge that this journey may take time and involve its own set of hurdles. It's crucial to have a support system in place during this transitional period. Friends, family, or even professional counselors can provide guidance, empathy, and a listening ear. They can help navigate the emotional rollercoaster that often accompanies divorce and assist in finding practical solutions to the challenges that arise. Remember, healing and rebuilding after divorce is a personal process, and everyone's experience is unique. It's essential to be patient with yourself and allow time for self-reflection and self-care. By focusing on your own well-being and personal growth, you can gradually work towards creating a new life that aligns with your values and aspirations. If you ever need someone to talk to or if there's anything I can do to support you during this time, please don't hesitate to reach out. I'm here for you, and I believe in your strength and resilience. Wishing you strength, peace, and a brighter future ahead. Looking forward to hear from you soon❤❤ 0:01
Good for you. Your 3 kids are better off now
Uhh no, you went back because you realized no one wants a divorced woman with 3 kids...end of story.
Also, she mentioned that she was fighting with her last boyfriend in the car about him not doing enough - yes, like not paying her bills and vacations....she knew right then and now that being married was a better deal for her because no one was going to be the surrogate daddy for her kids and beta provider.
Men, listen to this, stay single or you could get sucked into this dumpster fire too.....
I’m so related to your history.
Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your history.
I’m going though this process after 12 years marriage.
So Bless to have an opportunity to start a New Life, to discover myself and enjoy this journey.
Hello dear friend . Thank you for sharing your heartfelt message and for expressing your connection to my story. I appreciate your kind words and support. It's comforting to know that we can find solace in each other's experiences during challenging times. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a similar process after 12 years of marriage. It can be a daunting and emotional journey, but it's also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Embracing this new chapter in your life can lead to amazing possibilities and a chance to rediscover yourself. Starting a new life may feel overwhelming at first, but remember that you have the strength within you to navigate this path. Take this time to reflect on your desires, dreams, and aspirations. Explore new interests, hobbies, or activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with a support system of loved ones who can provide encouragement and understanding throughout this journey. Self-discovery is a beautiful process that allows us to understand ourselves on a deeper level. Embrace the opportunity to reconnect with your passions, values, and personal growth. This journey may have its ups and downs, but it can also lead to a stronger and more authentic version of yourself. Remember to be patient and kind to yourself during this time of transition. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your previous relationship while also embracing the excitement of new beginnings. Seek support from friends, family, or professionals who can provide guidance and a listening ear when needed. I admire your courage and optimism as you embark on this journey. May you find joy, fulfillment, and a renewed sense of self along the way. If you ever need someone to talk to or share your experiences with, please know that I'm here for you. Wishing you strength, resilience, and happiness as you navigate this new chapter in your life. Warm regards. I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon ❤❤❤ 0:01 0:01
Yeah I'm with you
How are you doing
I guess, I just got a better understanding of why my wife decided to restore our marriage, after four months of separation and being with another guy. We have five kids. Most likely she went through a similar thought process.
Maybe he just dumped her and she had nowhere else to go.
@@davidallen6170 Do you really think, a woman would stay with a man, just because she has nowhere else to go?
I believe, many woman, especially with little children, totally underestimate the contribution of their male partner / childs father. They only find it out, once he is not around. It happens so many times, including my case.
@@m.l.5284 I don't doubt that she underestimated your contribution to the family but that is not the reason why she left you in the first place.
She is probably seeking the BBD, bigger better deal, and quickly learned that her boyfriend was not willing to play along.
Don't take it personally when she leaves you again for another Chad or Tyrone.
Cheaters cheat and nobody cheats once.
@@davidallen6170 Yes, this is what she did. Seeking the BBD. Then she found out, the grass isn't greener on the other side, especially when it comes to being a single mom. So she came back. 100% the story of the video.
@@m.l.5284 Best of luck to you M.L. Your children will remember that you were the one who stayed behind to care for them.
Long story short, I realized I was the problem and because I was keeping my ex-husband in the financial hole and his kids away from him he decided to get back together with me
Not really… There was never any financial problems ….
I think she was just trying to say that bitterness is a terrible quality…
I’m the guy she was talking about
I would’ve left the sleeping kids in the car for 2 minutes. 😂
No that's really dangerous, I think I would just make do without the milk!
@@JosannaMonik How is that "really dangerous"? It was night time. Sleeping children locked in a car at night for 2 minutes is not dangerous. Locked in a car in the daytime in sunlight, yes.
@Jose Diaz What law are you referencing?
Most fast food places sell individual milks in the drive thru
@@MayaLiladiVento The children are vulnerable to kidnapping, the car could have been stolen. That's a start.
To parent biological children together as a loving married couple and be a family Is the best feeling in life and well worth multiple attempts.
Wish my wife didn’t give up so easily.
@@joshallen7169 I'm sorry your wife gave up. I'm trying not to give up on my own marriage.
Taking time to reinvent yourself is a MUST!!!
Three minutes in and tears come to my face as that was my reality with 4 kids all under 8, while being married "go to the bank, since you have the kids, you can use the fast lane" 😔
almost 14 minutes of 'Me & Myself' and 'I'.
haha....gonna turn it off now....thanks.
The most important thing for any child is consistency thus why shared parenting is so important. It's also helps by giving everyone involved an outlet esp the mother with care. You just have to understand and be rigid in what your emotions are as it is the children that will suffer the most confused thinking in the process. Consistency also works by having a solid and consistent force throughout the children's life regardless of separated parents individual And potentially changing relationship statuses over a any period of time.
I agree with you, but sometimes one of the parents doesn't understand marriage and their relationship with their spouse and ends up hurting it. In the same way, they don't get how to have a good relationship with their kids, and that's really bad. In this case, all the responsibility falls on the other parent.
@user-sunlight9 yes the point is when the basic concept of responsibility n respect is their. To me no matter what happens in the end. Separate fact from fiction and focus on the children without being overbearing. We all want happiness. But still the dynamics of an individual situation must be understood and faceted into the plan. To hate another's partner, shows a clear lack of emotional maturity. Fact are fa t . Hear say is hearsay. When you don't know the facts, I adopt a neutral disposition and focus on the important things not feeling the need to be a rescuer. Rather just a solid foundation to help absorb the complexity and ups n downs of human relations for as positive an out as possible.
@@noelafflick9945 You speak so well and wisely.
@@user-sunlight9 I try my best to take all perspectives into account.
Shawn, that is a very expensive way to find out about yourself!
When my husband died after a nine-year battle with dementia, we had been married 66 1/2 years. Our marriage was complicated; like trying to mix oil and water. There is a great deal to be said for remaining single.
Hello. Dear friend. I'm truly sorry to hear about the passing of your husband after his long battle with dementia. Losing a loved one, especially after such a lengthy marriage, can be an incredibly challenging and emotional experience. My deepest condolences go out to you during this difficult time. It sounds like your marriage had its complexities, and you describe it as trying to mix oil and water. Relationships can be intricate, and each one has its own unique dynamics. It's understandable that you may have faced challenges and difficulties throughout your journey together. It's interesting that you mention the value of staying single. Being single can offer a sense of independence, freedom, and self-discovery. It allows you to focus on your own needs, desires, and personal growth without the compromises and complexities that can come with a partnership. There can be great fulfillment in embracing a single life and finding joy in your own company. However, it's important to remember that everyone's experiences and preferences are different. Some individuals find immense happiness and fulfillment in committed relationships, while others thrive in their independence. It's about finding what works best for you and what brings you the most contentment and peace. During this time of grieving and adjustment, it may be helpful to surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and family who can provide comfort and understanding. Sharing your feelings and memories with loved ones can be a healing process and a way to honor the life and legacy of your late husband. Please know that I'm here for you if you ever need someone to talk to or simply lend an ear. Grief can be a complex and individual journey, and it's important to give yourself the time and space to process your emotions at your own pace. Sending you love, strength, and support as you navigate this new chapter of your life. Looking forward to hearing from you soon❤❤ 0:01
Hello 👋
Published a book on finding true WHOLENESS after divorce called “THE SUN ALWAYS PIERCES THROUGH”
I love how honest she is to herself and to people around her. You can see vulnerability without conditions. There’s no wonder why she has deeper relationships with people now. That’s what I call freedom!
I think the best thing that ever happened to her is the gift of self-acceptance. The humility to put down pride and accept “I have these good about myself… but also I have these bad issues about my self. Coz the moment you can accept who you are who has issues, insecurities, weakness and flaws and all is the moment you can now choose to bring it out to the light to get healed, be loved, and be with real people. People who believes that there are no perfect humans out there and that we are all flawed, even the Bible tells us so. The comfort in that truth is the freedom to see yourself in contrast to an empty background. That their is no need to be ashame coz everybody is the same, that we all need help and hiding would just make you stick out from all humans who are all navigating life in their brokenness and imperfections. You can now focus on unpacking all your bagages on the table and sort things out, focus on healing yourself and see all your flaws before you can even point fingers on anybody else. Coz the reality is, this world will make you compare yourself to one another, and you don’t want to get caught in that trap. It’s a very sad life to live in the darkness believing those traps. You don’t want to live tip toeing on this earth. You wanna to be free no matter what you’ve done or imperfect you are. I only found my freedom when i got to know Jesus Christ and the God whom good gifts come from. I couldn’t see my issues until I decided to let God be part of my life.
It is great that she found herself, never mind the fact she probably destroyed her husband's life and potentially messed up her kids.
Guys don't get married unless you know what your woman wants, and good luck figuring out what that is.
Learned it the hard way
Ahahahahha. Yes so true. If I could do it all over again I would NOT have gotten married. Or at least. I wouldn’t have had any kids.
Not to be abused and belittled would be a great start
Some kind of intimacy more often than once every 6 years yeah
This one was awesome...
here's a few tips for saving your partnership
Try to discuss more
Cooperate with each other more
Try to give and take more
(I discovered these and the reasons they work on Pavs partner pundit site )
Thank you! I appreciate that!
This doesn't seem like a problem... You went to swimming all day.. your choice... you didn't have milk at home.. your management... and the struggle you showed to reach to the gallon of milk is a joke... just take a time and see some videos here about how ladies in Africa fetch water every day...!!
Attention all public speakers! Please take a drink of water when your mouth is dry - Thank you, Yours truly: all misophonia victims;)
07:50 that’s good stuff! Get to know yourself before you attempt to get to know anyone else. Self exploration is a scary thing!! I just started learning about attachment wounds and the disorder it produces. I was these kinds of tools were introduced in grade school!!
I wish so as well, but we can do our part by talking about it and teaching it to the kids in our lives. Thank you so much for sharing!
Hello there
Mandi H so much truth in your statement. After I remarried, I got a therapist to help me work on my brokenness. Therapy is a great investment!
Ms Shawn Bradford I agree!
RC Blakes has some good advise on his Queenology series. Bless you
Thanks for this video great info
So beautiful and powerful. My favorite Ted talk of all time.
You wonder why men are not getting married these days. Thier slowly figuring out it's a scam.
Waste of time. Just get someone else's wife pregnant and let some other sucker deal with the problems. That's the meta.
And women feel the same way. So...
I love this talk. Valuable information. I lost total respect and trust for my ex husband so I would never want him back but this helped me to stop questioning will I ever find love again. I have my kids full time since the seperation and then divorce. Busy between works and taking care of them but I am much happier now. I feel lonely sometimes but it is still so much better than feeling lonely while still in marriage. I don't date because I don't have time for anyone else other than my kids and myself. I think it's a good thing so I can focus on working on myself and not rushing into another relationship. I have learned dyi projects, worked out at the gym to loose weight and feel good not only about my appearance but also my inner self. I like me now than before.
Kids can be an emotional rock but your still the parent to them not them to you. Lower age is more risky where older age comes with more fixed personality traits. They can be resistant which is why it of vital importance to know who takes the lead and who takes the more submissive role in the parental equation.
So many hard and lonely moments. My first "out of milk" incident was a cockroach climbing on the ceiling while I held my sleeping daughter. I swear it almost broke me lol.
Hope you are better now. If not ready, find a supportive community. It makes the weight lighter ♥️
This was me!!!! I wanted to call him so bad, but I couldn’t 😢😢😢😢
This is so depressing.
Yep i know..especially when it hits close
that's why you got divorced it's only you no body else
Great talk, thank you.
Thank you!
Ms Shawn Bradford you’re pretty
Many of us have walked this path. Very few of us are given audience.
Yeah, you’re right, you’ve a very good idea. Hope you enjoy watching the video as well too. Looking forward to hear from you soon ❤❤ 0:01
Hope I can hear from you soon?
who filed for divorce ?? and what lead to it? omg i’m dying to know lol… wish you could set the table that way
wow great talk , thank you divorce for bringing problems to the light
Yes, loved the way you worded that. We have to bring what we are trying to hide into the light for examination.
Is there one of these where you don’t get back together?? Cause my husband does not want me ever. I need another ending to these.
Soooo u did all that dating and healing just to end up with ur husband still. This was not helpful at all
Excellent! A life lesson for every type of relationship.
Smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 6 years wife cheating through the help of an hacker who helped cloned her cell and i got access to all her text messages, Whatsapp, Facebook, snapchat, Instagram, Twitter both deleted and incoming ones without touching it. I’m here in Australia and able to access his phone while she was away cheating in UK and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . Contact this Genius-Tracker via Gmail (geniustracker701) or Via WhatsApp him +1 (724) 330-3252. Thank me later...
Thank you for sharing your kind words. Much appreciated! :)
@@msshawnbradford2731 it’s indeed a life lesson for every type of relationship to be honest.
That's why you have so much trouble with relationships because it's all about you nobody else
Hearing you talk again confirms my decision to never get married.I really dodged a bullet!
@prt d lol.
prt d why 😆
🦋be thankful for your scars & rise above all the problems & love without end because life is hard
You just spoke nothing but facts.
Though I agree with everything she mentioned, however in abusive relationships its totally different story. That been said, thank you for your courage and being open about yourself, it takes huge courage to do it. ❤️❤️❤️
What did she say about an abusive relationship ?
Agree, there's no getting back together in an abusive relationship, it's hard enough to get out in the first place
Common theme: me, me, me
I wouldnt have taken you back. 2 other "relationships" Glad you figured out it was your fault....
Plenty of one night stands in the middle of those relationships
Isn't it strange that you need to be a complete person to offer something to somebody else yet you want to be in a relationship because you have a void ⁉️
The human experience with all its full spectrum of emotions is so very fascinating.
Milk is never worth that! Get it another day
Marriage is not worth it for a guy. The odds are against us in every direction. I did it for 18 years and gave it my all!! I was abused mentally and in the end she tried physically when I called it quits. I did a great deal of damage to be honest for which I am contending with right now. I don’t know if I will ever get back to my old positive and go getter self but am trying.
I’m happy with my very cool dog, my motorcycle and my kids who I intend to do my best for for the rest of my life.
Women? They look nice but at this point, I won’t bother with again.
There are assholes on both sides of gender. My ex husband was also emotionally abusive. By the time I got out of our seven year relationship I wasn’t myself anymore. Looking back I can see how he pushed my boundaries little by little until they were completely gone. I let him change me because I loved him and wanted to make him happy. Which, in the end, made me hate myself. I’m so sorry that you had endure emotional abuse it is one of the worst things a person has to deal with. I hope you can heal one day.
Incredible story.....this is something I need to do do for myself, don't know how to start tho....any advice out there to help me? We broke up and had a good woman and I wish to God I could fix it.....I am exactly how she was....I just don't know myself
Well done🙌🏼 Thanks for sharing an awesome story
People are so quick to just get up and walk away. They don’t want to actually work through things or talk things out or try and figure out different ways to make it work and keep going. They just call it quits and walk out like it’s nothing. It’s sad. Honestly no situation is too awkward or uncomfortable to walk out. If you realize you can work out anything together no matter what it’ll be okay.
Wow, please educate yourself about narcissistic abuse before you throw everyone who really tried everything and shattered her heart before she finally left. You just cannot know everything. Peace to you.
Disagree if I had left at first signs of abuse I would not be here 37 years later
@@nicolemurphy2629 You know at times some relationships needs much time to workout if the both parties can hold on.
@@richardmcguinn732 Hi Richard, with all due respect, if you chose the wrong partner or chose poorly, nothing can help.
@@mikeycapone2578 That’s why we’ve to be careful the kind of people we allow into our lives at the very beginning. But there’s nothing that can’t be fixed if we still got time to do so.
This was wonderful!
Doug Doug milk
Glad you worked it out, there is no getting back together with an abusive alcoholic but at least now I have figured out why I got with him in the first place and I am working through learning how to live a life I can be proud of on my own without looking for external validation to fulfill me.
How are you doing
Many thanks!
Amazing 💔💔💔
It's better in the end than the start...stay with it, it's pretty decent.
Thank you for your vulnerability and openness Shawn. This is hard to share in front of the world. I appreciate it.
Hello Ashley, do you mind if we can be friends?
Nice profile pics Ashley,
Such an adorable one.
How are you doing
My wife had been taught that there is nothing wrong to have a relationship with men of my community after giving birth to my kids.
Did you apologize to your husband for being a narcissistic monster. Breaking up your family because you had to find yourself. Moral of the story is she found out the grass isn’t greener.
This is just her story.
I got back with the father of my child. We have been married for 8 years.
It was the biggest mistake of my life. Even the kids are not happy. I spent the holidays with my grandmother begging me to leave him.
OMG Love everything that you said all this time I thought the problem was my marriage and listening to you made me realize that it’s me that needs to change thank you so much much really needed to hear this😮😮😮😊😊