I'm 77 years old and experienced a similar upbring. My parents had 5 children, 4 girls and me. He wasw an alcoholic and would come home drunk, try to have sex with my mother and she would kick him out of bed. He would then come into the bedroom that we three youngest shared and climb into bed with my older sister. I finally realized that he was molesting her and told my mother. This was back in the 1950s. My mom had five kids, she struggled to get my fathers paycheck before he spent it in the bars and there were no social services as they exist today. She did nothing. Then he started climbing into bed with me and sexually abusing me. Realizing that mom was not going to help, Ii took the abuse. When he started trying to get into my younger sister's bed, I would sacrifice myself to keep her safe. This went on for several years. He eventually stopped with me and my younger sister but continued to molest my older sister. I would tell my mom when he did it but I think she was just grateful that he wasn't raping her instead of my sister. Both parents are dead now and, to this day my remaining sister refuses to admit what they knew was going on. The sister he abused had a very sad life, constantly finding herself with older men who abused her. She died a few years ago from kidney failure due to alcoholism. The young man in this video and myself are, sadly, not exceptional in that there are many, many victims out there who for many reasons are unable or unwilling to tell their stories for fear of betraying their family secrets. My heart is with you Ryan.
I am sickened since the Internet was invented, to learn of hundreds of thousands of children being raped AT HOME and Church. Now finding so many foreign countries also, especially poor Countries. 😢
My heart breaks for what you had to endure. You were a brave boy and your younger sister had a guardian angel💖 Much respect, peace be with and surround you.❤
Imho most men I date with a sexually abused past are not coping well and do not make healthy good partners. I'm not surrounding myself with that. I'm no good if I don't take care of myself first.
My father would use me as a punching bag and I was about 8 years old. He would beat and punch me so hard I was seeing stars 🌟. My only defence was to stop talking to him. Sometimes 2 years would go by and not a single word communicated to him. He was a monster with my mum. The whole family is truly dysfunctional and not communicating with any of them. I haven't cried a tear since he died. If the family was asked what life was like when we were young they all say it was wonderful and fun.they even deny the abuse to this day. Good luck guys ❤
My heart goes out to you! I was lucky to grow up in a loving family with a mother and father who cared for me and loved me unconditionally. I don’t know how you can recover from such an experience I hope you have found the help that you need and the support and love you deserve and I hope that you break the cycle of abuse and live a wonderful life with people around you who love you.
I have a similar story. However I dissociated while they were sexually abusing me. So for many years I didn't exactly know why I felt the way I did about them. Then at 32 flashbacks started happening and thankfully I got right into therapy and discovered that I had D.I.D. which I was in denial of for almost the next 20 some years. I've been in therapy most all of my adult life and have learned a lot that I wished I'd learned earlier. Things like self esteem and confidence, but they've been steadily coming finally. It's a journey I had no choice in, other than choosing to get help. Which I'm glad my younger self did and stayed with for now 37 years. Just wanted to share that it does get better. Still healing, still discovering, still here. Thank you for sharing yours!!
That was unreal! Huge respect to Ryan for sharing his story. Feel very emotional listening to that. So can't really verbalise my thoughts only at the moment to say what an incredibly brave young man he is to be able to turn the darkness of his trauma into light. . I thank God for his healing and wish him peace and good things as he navigates his future. . As you say Tom, Ryan is incredibly mature and articulate particularly for his age. An incredibly raw account of abuse, manipulation and the repercussions of trauma so very eloquently conveyed 💙
Healing in its many forms can take time, but this lad is an example of healing and a beautiful example of resilience. Being resilient is being strong inside. Blessings!
I work as a trauma counselor and with men with childhood sexual abuse survivors. This man is very articulate and explained grooming and how pedophiles work so clearly. Truly a great interview.
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What an incredible young man. His openness and honesty will help so many others in the same position and hopefully stop others from being there in the first place. To make something positive out of such a terrible experience is really difficult and I’m so glad that he’s still here with us and living his life in such a productive way.
I listened to the whole discussion and I watch you, how you handled the questions and there was no hatred or anger in your eyes. Your eyes didn’t alter from that a decent lad with a trusting heart. You even gave this person the respect of recognising his position within your family. A position that he abused! Strange that this thread should come up but well here goes: When I was 15yrs old, I stopped at a mate’s house over the weekend. This mate was 21yrs old. I was just a kid and didn’t really pull my weight that weekend. My mate’s dad didn’t like me as they were a religious family and I was gay. Same as my 21yr old mate. His dad packed my bag up and told my mate to go hand me my stuff and don’t come back. I had to leave. If I’m being honest, I could have got the train home but I wanted to stay in the town I was at. I was a kid. So I rang another mate and he said I could stop there. Again, his mum didn’t like me because I was gay and I can’t stay, despite my 20yr old mate being so. I was stuck. The trains had finished for the evening (just local ones that didn’t run all night). Bearing in mind, I’d told my mum I was safe and not to worry, that I was going to stop at a different mates house. I looked older for my age with a tache! So I could get into the local social club and we went as there was a party. Some bloke (35yrs old) took a shine. My 20yr old mate fancied him, I was not active in any way like this. The 35yr old offered to drop my mate and me off at his house and the plan was we sneak in, while his mum was asleep. When we arrived at the house, my mate got out and the bloke in the car told me to sit in the front for a second. I could tell he was drunk so I gave my mate my bag as I wasn’t stopping in the car. The bloke drove off with me. From Ormskirk to Wigan! Each time we stopped at some lights, I wanted to jump out. I was petrified and sat in silence. The further we drove, the less likely I was to jump out as the streets were deserted by this time. I was taken in his house and despite me telling him I hadn’t done anything like that, he attacked me in bed nine times over and over until about 5am. He told me to do something to myself that I now know as an adult, had the police been involved, it would have been hard to prove I didn’t welcome the attacks. The following day, I woke up and he was apologetic but I hated him. I had to shower, and to this day I still remember him telling me “At least you’re clean”! 🤬 He drove me back to Ormskirk for me to collect my stuff then drove off again telling me to tell no one or else. My mate wouldn’t talk to me like I’d taken his date the night before! I told him what happened to me and he told me I deserved it. I got the train home and never told a soul for 5yrs. I couldn’t tell my family as they used to ridicule me for being gay. I returned to that social club when I was 20yrs old to meet up with my mate who said this stuff. We had got in touch and I was ok with him. We’d made up. When I arrived at the social club I’d heard this person got wind of it and told my mate he wants to do me again! That he was doing the rounds in the town and he would return. I was ready for him. He didn’t return. Fast forward and I eventually told my family. They were horrified. I couldn’t tell them, my reason for not telling them was due to ridicule. I had to go through many counselling sessions decades later because it didn’t leave me. It did eventually. I remember this piece of shit’s name, the name of the social club, the car he had and even the lean-to he had outside his front door. The one he made me crouch down as he took me into his house so the neighbours didn’t see me. I don’t get flashbacks anymore but I’d still love to tell him what he did to me that one night, changed my life for good! You are a remarkable person and I wish you nothing but happiness in your life. What happened to me was one night. How you cope, I’ve no idea. You will deffo be going to heaven lad! 😉😉😉👊🏼
Such a brave, compassionate, intelligent, young man! I can’t imagine the trauma. This video and conversation is so important and I hope it gets more than 10,000 views! Great interview. 🙏 ❤
Wow. Amazing talk. Completely compelling. I've never listened to a conversation like it - clear, concise, evocative, truthful, emotional, heartfelt... Thank you, guys, for sharing. This is strength, this is the basis for real role-modelling. You're the personification of power, I'm humbled.
The most powerful conversation I've ever heard on the internet. You 2 survived horrible life experiences. You don't need to do anything to prove yourselves as good men. You deserve love, honesty, and admiration just for being born. The good works and self-healing you are both involved in are icing on the top of the great cakes you already are.
Both of these lads are such an inspiration, so humble and transparent, it's almost like two distant friends catching up an putting it all out there, the feeling of saying it out loud can be phenomenal, trust me, I know
Hi Tom and Ryan, I just want to say how much I appreciate your openness and courage in sharing your stories. It's not easy to talk about personal trauma, and I commend you both for doing it in such an authentic and meaningful way. I instantly related to your experiences because I've lost four significant people in my life, including two best friends and my brother, all to suicide. Another brother of mine passed away when I was just seven, and these events sparked something in me that I believe you both might understand. I’ve found that through my own experiences, I’ve developed this ability - almost like a sixth sense - to look into someone’s eyes and know that there’s something not quite right. It’s as if I can see their trauma, or sense that something is off, even without them saying a word. I’ve noticed that this ability seems to be stronger in those of us who’ve faced trauma early on in life. I often call it my gift and my curse, because while it allows me to connect with others on a deep level, it also brings the weight of their pain into my life. There have been times when I’ve shared my story with someone and seen a spark of recognition or relief in their eyes - like they’ve finally been understood. It’s moments like these that remind me why I need to keep sharing and connecting, no matter how hard it is. I feel like you both understand that need to keep pushing forward and using your experiences to help others. It’s almost like we’re driven by this unexplainable urge to reach out and let people know they’re not alone, and it’s incredible to see you both doing just that. I’m curious if either of you have had similar experiences - that sense of walking into a room and just knowing when someone else has been through trauma. It’s something I can’t ignore and often feel compelled to speak up about, even when it’s heavy or uncomfortable. I’ve found it’s not something everyone can see, which can be frustrating, but I think it’s why I connect with people the way I do, and it seems like you both might have this same ‘gift.’ Thank you both for your bravery and honesty. You’re making a difference, and it’s inspiring to see you bring light to others who may be struggling in silence."
I so wish i had your strength, you're so strong. I find it easy to message or talk to a counselor over the phone about what I went through, which was similar to you but in a way i brought it upon myself because i was working the streets to feed a drug habit, the most violent of the situations still haunts me and it was somebody i didn't even know. You were hurt by somebody who should have cared for you, somebody i assume you loved as a family member. I can't even begin to imagine what you went through, the confusion, the betrayal, i hope you continue to heal. You really do shine and glow despite whats happened to you ❤
Hi. I grew up in Barnsley and Penistone in the 70’s-80’s and I’m really happy that I came across your page. I have realised in my 53rd year that even though I didn’t actually suffer sexual or physical abuse I still developed trauma due to being gay. It was hammered home that parents and grandparents were very anti gay and the comments that were just thrown around just caused depression. I would wake every day and hated that I still had the gay feelings and was worried that they would find out. It led to me trying to take my own life and had to get married to try and be normal. Even though I’m in a same sex relationship I still suffer with depression. I have now realised I don’t have to dwell on the past and I need to own my future. The level of Ryan’s emotional intelligence is way past his years and the way he has coped is mind blowing.
This is such an important conversation. Hopefully it will be seen by someone who is in a similar situation and state of mind as Ryan was on that final life changing and saving day. It should be shown to law enforcement trainees and social workers.
58 years old male and yet hardly a day goes by without some memory of 14 years of SA throughout the foster care system, foster homes and then even my adopted family. Thank you for sharing. Even through the trauma it gives me hope that the secrets are being revealed. I wish the best to both of you on your adventures through your lives.
Ryan. 1st of all, just wanted to say, your absolutely gorgeous! 2nd, THANK YOU For sharing these details. There will be a small detail in what you said that somebody will connect to, that will allow them to realize. That is wat happend to me....or that is how i feel too. I WILL BE OK!
@@theedgeofthebed I have no words other than you are an incredible, brave, intelligent, young man! I have never been abused, but I know people who have been and I think what you’re doing is so important and so impactful! 🙏 I’m impressed to see how many people you are affecting just in your comments. Keep on doing what you do and I wish you much joy and love and support in your life.! 👍❤
I'm so sorry you had to experience such a horrific act by your step-father. But, I am also so happy for you that you had the courage to finally speak out. I'm glad you are sharing your story in hopes of helping others before it's too late. Bless you.
This is such a sad and tragic story. I give Ryan so much credit for his courage and honesty. Tom, you are an amazing interviewer...Kind, empathetic and extremely articulate. I hope this story helps other that have gone through anything as horrible as this. You both are true survivors..
This is difficult to watch, such a horrific experience for a child to endure at the hands of one of the people they should be able to trust unconditionally. It takes a very brave man to speak so openly and in such unvarnished detail.
Thank you for sharing about your PTSD I suffer pretty much every night and every morning and wake up and cry for a couple of hours and try to get some more sleep and then I don't want to but I do I don't want to wake up again because I don't want to go through the process of crying for a couple of hours again and getting my brain to start working on something else that I need to do and get done instead of weeping and making a full body towel soaking wet with tears. I found on my own that I tried to block out some memories that were very painful and somehow that worked yet the feelings associated with the memories and the facts remained and only became worse because I didn't know what was making it spiral so badly and recently I've remembered by thinking and forcing myself to remember recall what reality was instead of letting my emotions shape false reality.
Ryan, thank you for being so open, vulnerable and sharing your story. Tom, thank you for sharing as well. I hope that this video reaches many viewers. I was sexually abused by a close family friend from ages 7 to 11. It only stopped because my family moved away from that area. It's been a long road to recovery, especially when you're raised to suppress your emotions as a male. To not do so was considered a sign of weakness. Blessings to you both and your futures 💙
What an incredible conversation between two enlightened men who have endured but worked on trauma. Thank you for creating this safe space, Tom. A 70-year-old woman in Australia is sending you love and hugs. (Ex Bradford Lass loving the accents)xxx
I went through that kind of abuse. I am gay was not old enough to know I was then. My shame and self loathing was because my body reacted to the stimulation. Hated myself and felt like my body betrayed me by reacting that way. I assume you’re both straight. People in my life tried to convince me that being gay was a result of my abuser. I told a teacher who told a cop. He’s still a successful wealthy man who was married to my mother and nothing happened to him. It was great being a young gay boy in the 80s. I was the locked up seriously. How much proof did they need
Its terrible when the person closest to you , who gave you life takes the side of the abuser. I remember a case ofa stepfather who went to prison for molesting his stepdaughter. THe mother chose to forgive him and took him back. It was on a tv show years back. Ill never forget the look in the daugher's face.
Yeah, people will ask "do you thing that abuse made you gay?", but being gay and had something happen to me when I was 12, the person could tell that I was probably gay or a "sensitive boy", so he took advantage of that, and felt more comfortable doing what they did. I know another gay friend that said his older more macho brother molested him over a few years. But he was already gay, a more effeminate sensitive type.
@supernovaleon2447 you are insane for making such an assumption. The majority of "gay men". That is your way of justifying someone being gay. By that same logic lesbian must be lesbian because they were molested by a female? Or by a man? Being molested does not influence sexual orientation. You are born gay. Believe me i know, i fought it doe many years and no, not me nore my str8 twin brorher weremolesred as kids. That said, abusers are vile and often perpetrated against the most vulnerable, regardless of gender
“You took my little boy away from me & for that, you’re gonna pay.” I kept hearing this phrase over & over while watching this video- & it was the voice of an uncle who abused me first sexually then physically. Come shortly after the 30:09 mark of this video I had to pause. The first time Ryan stated his abuse went from sexual to physical & verbal, my uncle’s voice & statement kept going through my head. I began to recall sessions w my counselor, feeling confused about why he became physically violent & disgusted w me whereas he treated me more favorably & lovingly during the period of my childhood years when he was sexually abusing me. I remember the confusion I felt, trying to make sense of why/how things changed like that in his treatment of me. My counselor theorized that my uncle’s resentment of me which led to him becoming physically violent towards me was that I hit puberty & started maturing. It made the most sense considering that this started during the time I returned home after being out of state at a boarding school for two years. My mum sent 3 of us away at the suggestion of a friend of hers after my dad’s passing. My uncle was very active in our lives. I just remember not being able to understand why he was so emotional at my send off only to be disgusted & hateful towards me upon my return. I have to wonder now if such was the case w Ryan. I’m sorry just felt I needed to comment. Going back to the video now & will log off afterwards.
New sub here , what a very articulate emotionally intelligent young lad wow ! This is incredible I wish him all the best in the future! I would be so proud of him if he was my son 😊
What a fantastic interview - I was spellbound. Tom, fantastically put questions and Ryan so many people are going to be helped by you. I wish you both well in whatever you do in the future. If I can be of any help to either of you, in any way, then please get in touch.
I think you are an amazing young man RYAN GADSBY . very strong and the wisdom that you share . Its like this is your purpose in life is a strange way.. Take Care and keep up the good work mate..
it happened to me except it was my female cousin. unfortunately we were both the same age. People dont realize its not only adults kids can do this too.
As I child I slowly became aware of my father’s demeaning treatment , his constant sour temper . My brothers and I were your normal rambunctious kids , but this angered him to no end. He didn’t want us in the house when he was home and he trained us to be silent if we wanted the privilege of staying in his presence. This never changed . As I got older , I didn’t like his presence either . He treated strangers better than us , and I was aware of how unfair this was but also confused by it. How is he so nice to everyone else , a good provider, well respected but so hateful to his own kids? As an adult now, I can understand that severe truama as a child can cause people to block out that pain in most of what they do making them seem like very successful people , but in private the evil side of their personality shows itself. My father has dementia now , and for the first time ever I enjoy his kind company. The emotional suffering is over and I’m finally able to forgive him.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm 64 and I was born gay and it was a hard road still is but I've always said at least I didn't get sexually abused when I was a gay child I always looked to like the Bible does say look to your brother he's probably got it a lot worse no children should have to look at devastation and think oh mine's not so bad it's a terrible world we live in but there's a lot of good people in it we've got to change the world and make it a better place for all of us. Your secret can make you sick and I'm proud of you you doing the right thing do not be ashamed you have nothing to be ashamed of. The only way to stop the monster says to tell our stories.
Thank you for sharing. I am so proud of you for helping others. I am wondering how your Mother has coped with this. She is a victim as well. I know this broke her heart.
When we are in abusive homes we are not taught how to ask for help. We are taught that we are worthless and that no one wants to help us. We are not taught to feel good about ourselves but our abusers project their own self hatred onto us and try to convince us that we are worthless. Because our boundaries are violated we don't value ourselves, but often protect our abusers. Historically their pleasure is more important than our worth.
What a wonderful person you are! Through all your pain and grief, you have grace! Just as Jesus has unlimited grace toward all who believe in him, you had grace towards a sinner! And, you seem to have forgiven yourself! God bless you!
I'm 37 today, but when I was around 14 my father became good chums with a man in his early 40's who was recently divorced. My mother being compassionate would have the man invited for dinners and lunches with our family so many times and it went on for years. I had two younger brothers who were luckily never targeted. The man would pay a lot of attention to me and was always very kind. I liked him and held him in respect. But he was a wolf in sheep's clothing as he was just waiting for me to turn 16. The day I turned 16 he started to behave differently, looking at me in ways making me very uncomfortable, staring at the wrong places when my mum and dad would get a little busy around the house. Computers were a new thing in those days and he started inviting me to show me some cool games he had bought. My parents were not very comfortable with his invites, but my curiosity one day urged me to go to his place and that's when he spoke about learning some physical therapies for stress relief and talked me into getting a free of cost body therapy. At that age even a mild sensual touch can evoke a tense reaction - I was never gay but he said to me...see you're enjoying it as you're excited. He used that as a weapon against me and abused me in the most perverted ways till I turned 18 and left home for another city for further studies. I confided in my father and revealed it all to him, who I guess confronted him and cut all ties with that vile man. The man since has moved elsewhere and never got in touch with us again. My father reprimanded me for going to that man's place and to have allowed him to manipulate and abuse me for two years...but it is not that easy.
By calling email "edge of the bed" Doing this takes the power out of it. I too am a survivor of sexual abuse 2 years old - 8 years old. It's very hard for anyone to live or want to live with their abuser being on them after you out aged their perversion
You are so brave, I really hope that you speaking up (without shame) will help other Men/Boys from opening up to someone, I'm glad you're still on this earth and wish you a happy life
I was s.a from age of 7-11 by my babysitter..coming out was the worse thing i did..it caused my mum to have a mental breakdown and still now at 38 i wish id of kept quiet..my abuser got 10 year i got a life sentence because i cant keep a relationship i trust no men
Great very important talk. I would encourage any host to not interrupt your guest. Let them talk freely. Give them more air space before you start asking questions.
Never leave your small child alone with ANYONE. I was abused by a playmate when I was 6. He was like 4 to 5 years old and obviously was abused by someone and then repeated the behaviour on me
@@TayWoode it was the 1960's. No tv, no sex education, a little boy's first encounter. I was a little innocent child who did not know a thing back then
@@caper770 oh that’s awful, did you just go along with it coz you thought it was what people did? You should’ve pushed him off especially if he was younger, I bet he didn’t think anything of it if it was happening to him which sounds like it obviously was 😞
Im 61 girl who has been seriously trying to heal through a theropist lately Ive gotton more underderstanding 32:14 from you at 3am . Im a pretty woman. although feel so ugly wen I look in the mirror alot. My stepfather I hate him he has died. And his son my half brother and I have this hateful relationship. He calls me aliar to myself and all my family.I bellive he was hurt too. much drug use. And up and down with self esteem from being quiet and scared it would be found out. MY God help us all..
I'm incredibly sorry you went through this Ryan. It's horrific. I could be wrong but has it occurred to you that what you thought was love for him was in fact Stockholm syndrome? Given the abuse and the emotional manipulation and abuse it sounds like it could be quite likely. Anyways, thank you for sharing your story. You're strong and courageous inspite of what he put you through.
Just wanted to chime in a bit. You’re correct, though the usual term now is trauma bond. There are psychological responses to abuse that form powerful attachments, especially where grooming is involved & these are things that can be worked through. However, as a fellow survivor, I believe in balance. I remember becoming a bit frustrated personally (not everyone feels this way) when it seemed like all my feelings were almost being “dismissed” as “well that’s the trauma bond, that’s the grooming”. It is important to be self-aware about that but I also believe there is another element that children often love their parents/caregivers, even when they’re abusive or inadequate. And I had to reach a point of acceptance where I can identify & accept the effects of grooming that led to certain feelings, but that it’s also okay for me to have some part of me that loves the person. It’s okay to have the confusing & conflicting feelings that others may turn their nose up at if I tell them. So I feel it’s a bit of both. Feelings are valid. Didn’t mean to hijack your comment, just saw it as an opportunity to give my perspective on it 🩵
By helping others and reliving your accounts all the time do you really still move forward? The reason I asked yes I was abused but in a physical way, not sexual I just kind of related to some of it, but I don’t relive it.
Interesting that he said he initially felt sorry for his stepfather. I do wonder why abusers abuse those they deem to love. I suppose it's an illness or an addiction or something they can't stop. I reckon many abusers detest what they do to other innocent people. I personally would forgive my abuser because I would see them as vulnerable. But we're all different. Some people say they want to do harm to their abusers but me personally , I don't think I could do that. I would want to move forward and leave the past and the abuser behind me and try get some sort of psychological help from therapy.
Narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths have zero empathy and are incapable of feeling normal human emotions or remorse for their actions. That’s why they are able to behave in monstrous ways.
I can guareantee he chose yr mother as an excuse to rape her children. He was not a nice dad first who randomly fell into abuse secondly. 100% the nice dad you had was all one big fakery lie. SHAME ON YR MOTHER FOR LETTING HIM LOCK THE BATHROOM DOOR WITH YOU IN THERE. EVIL. SHAME IN HER FOR NOT PROTECTING YOU WHEN SHE WAS LITERALLY TOLD RUMOURSCABOUT HIS SEXUAL ABUSE. SHAME ON HER. SHE SOLD YOU OUT FOR GROCERY MONEY AND RENT.
Narrative over the truth, control over one's actions. They're over history this is happened over Romans Egyptians and other cultures in the past. Put the 21st century makes it easy for people to have access to their desires and a click.
Its odd that the step dad was straight but chose to abuse a boy (and perhaps his prior victims, his step grand children were male too?). The sexual orientation is very confusing .
It’s nothing to do with sexuality, if his step gay was gay he would sleep with men , he was a control freak who got off on young children , he was a pedophile , he wasn’t gay or bi ,
27:35 I know it may seem a reasonable thing to wonder about, but it's unfair to ask a victim of abuse to consider what made their abuser an abuser. Especially in Ryan's case, he'd been groomed into considering his abuser's feelings during the abuse, to the point he felt guilty about reporting him. Plenty of people suffer horrific childhood and don't become psychopathic, narcissist child abusers.
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So brilliant to see two guys talk about trauma in a very compassionate space.
I'm 77 years old and experienced a similar upbring. My parents had 5 children, 4 girls and me. He wasw an alcoholic and would come home drunk, try to have sex with my mother and she would kick him out of bed. He would then come into the bedroom that we three youngest shared and climb into bed with my older sister. I finally realized that he was molesting her and told my mother. This was back in the 1950s. My mom had five kids, she struggled to get my fathers paycheck before he spent it in the bars and there were no social services as they exist today. She did nothing. Then he started climbing into bed with me and sexually abusing me. Realizing that mom was not going to help, Ii took the abuse. When he started trying to get into my younger sister's bed, I would sacrifice myself to keep her safe. This went on for several years. He eventually stopped with me and my younger sister but continued to molest my older sister. I would tell my mom when he did it but I think she was just grateful that he wasn't raping her instead of my sister. Both parents are dead now and, to this day my remaining sister refuses to admit what they knew was going on. The sister he abused had a very sad life, constantly finding herself with older men who abused her. She died a few years ago from kidney failure due to alcoholism. The young man in this video and myself are, sadly, not exceptional in that there are many, many victims out there who for many reasons are unable or unwilling to tell their stories for fear of betraying their family secrets. My heart is with you Ryan.
💔🙏🏽
I am sickened since the Internet was invented, to learn of hundreds of thousands of children being raped AT HOME and Church. Now finding so many foreign countries also, especially poor Countries. 😢
Sorry for your Trauma 😢 Love and Respect 🙏 Thank's
My heart breaks for what you had to endure. You were a brave boy and your younger sister had a guardian angel💖 Much respect, peace be with and surround you.❤
What a brave man. The epitome of a warrior in my eyes. These are the type of males I like to surround myself with. What an inspiration.
Thankyou!
Imho most men I date with a sexually abused past are not coping well and do not make healthy good partners. I'm not surrounding myself with that. I'm no good if I don't take care of myself first.
My father would use me as a punching bag and I was about 8 years old. He would beat and punch me so hard I was seeing stars 🌟. My only defence was to stop talking to him. Sometimes 2 years would go by and not a single word communicated to him. He was a monster with my mum. The whole family is truly dysfunctional and not communicating with any of them. I haven't cried a tear since he died. If the family was asked what life was like when we were young they all say it was wonderful and fun.they even deny the abuse to this day. Good luck guys ❤
My heart goes out to you! I was lucky to grow up in a loving family with a mother and father who cared for me and loved me unconditionally. I don’t know how you can recover from such an experience I hope you have found the help that you need and the support and love you deserve and I hope that you break the cycle of abuse and live a wonderful life with people around you who love you.
I have a similar story. However I dissociated while they were sexually abusing me. So for many years I didn't exactly know why I felt the way I did about them. Then at 32 flashbacks started happening and thankfully I got right into therapy and discovered that I had D.I.D. which I was in denial of for almost the next 20 some years. I've been in therapy most all of my adult life and have learned a lot that I wished I'd learned earlier. Things like self esteem and confidence, but they've been steadily coming finally. It's a journey I had no choice in, other than choosing to get help. Which I'm glad my younger self did and stayed with for now 37 years. Just wanted to share that it does get better. Still healing, still discovering, still here. Thank you for sharing yours!!
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Therapy is the key. Thanks for sharing. Keep healing 👇💪 Peace be with you✌
Glad that you're still here ❤️❤️
That was unreal! Huge respect to Ryan for sharing his story. Feel very emotional listening to that. So can't really verbalise my thoughts only at the moment to say what an incredibly brave young man he is to be able to turn the darkness of his trauma into light. . I thank God for his healing and wish him peace and good things as he navigates his future. . As you say Tom, Ryan is incredibly mature and articulate particularly for his age. An incredibly raw account of abuse, manipulation and the repercussions of trauma so very eloquently conveyed 💙
Healing in its many forms can take time, but this lad is an example of healing and a beautiful example of resilience. Being resilient is being strong inside. Blessings!
I work as a trauma counselor and with men with childhood sexual abuse survivors. This man is very articulate and explained grooming and how pedophiles work so clearly. Truly a great interview.
any of your survivors subject to counter terrorism clinical consultancy?
any of your survivors been ignored by the police for nearly 20 years?
stat.medact.org/wp-uploads/2024/07/Unhealthy-Liaisons-WEB-final-2.pdf
2 vulnerable and strong guys supporting each other. Beautiful to see.
What an incredible young man. His openness and honesty will help so many others in the same position and hopefully stop others from being there in the first place. To make something positive out of such a terrible experience is really difficult and I’m so glad that he’s still here with us and living his life in such a productive way.
That’s very kind, Thankyou so much! 😊
@@theedgeofthebed you’re very welcome.
I listened to the whole discussion and I watch you, how you handled the questions and there was no hatred or anger in your eyes. Your eyes didn’t alter from that a decent lad with a trusting heart. You even gave this person the respect of recognising his position within your family. A position that he abused!
Strange that this thread should come up but well here goes:
When I was 15yrs old, I stopped at a mate’s house over the weekend. This mate was 21yrs old. I was just a kid and didn’t really pull my weight that weekend. My mate’s dad didn’t like me as they were a religious family and I was gay. Same as my 21yr old mate.
His dad packed my bag up and told my mate to go hand me my stuff and don’t come back. I had to leave. If I’m being honest, I could have got the train home but I wanted to stay in the town I was at. I was a kid. So I rang another mate and he said I could stop there. Again, his mum didn’t like me because I was gay and I can’t stay, despite my 20yr old mate being so. I was stuck. The trains had finished for the evening (just local ones that didn’t run all night). Bearing in mind, I’d told my mum I was safe and not to worry, that I was going to stop at a different mates house.
I looked older for my age with a tache! So I could get into the local social club and we went as there was a party. Some bloke (35yrs old) took a shine. My 20yr old mate fancied him, I was not active in any way like this. The 35yr old offered to drop my mate and me off at his house and the plan was we sneak in, while his mum was asleep. When we arrived at the house, my mate got out and the bloke in the car told me to sit in the front for a second. I could tell he was drunk so I gave my mate my bag as I wasn’t stopping in the car. The bloke drove off with me.
From Ormskirk to Wigan!
Each time we stopped at some lights, I wanted to jump out. I was petrified and sat in silence. The further we drove, the less likely I was to jump out as the streets were deserted by this time.
I was taken in his house and despite me telling him I hadn’t done anything like that, he attacked me in bed nine times over and over until about 5am. He told me to do something to myself that I now know as an adult, had the police been involved, it would have been hard to prove I didn’t welcome the attacks.
The following day, I woke up and he was apologetic but I hated him. I had to shower, and to this day I still remember him telling me “At least you’re clean”! 🤬
He drove me back to Ormskirk for me to collect my stuff then drove off again telling me to tell no one or else. My mate wouldn’t talk to me like I’d taken his date the night before! I told him what happened to me and he told me I deserved it.
I got the train home and never told a soul for 5yrs. I couldn’t tell my family as they used to ridicule me for being gay.
I returned to that social club when I was 20yrs old to meet up with my mate who said this stuff. We had got in touch and I was ok with him. We’d made up. When I arrived at the social club I’d heard this person got wind of it and told my mate he wants to do me again! That he was doing the rounds in the town and he would return. I was ready for him. He didn’t return.
Fast forward and I eventually told my family. They were horrified. I couldn’t tell them, my reason for not telling them was due to ridicule.
I had to go through many counselling sessions decades later because it didn’t leave me. It did eventually.
I remember this piece of shit’s name, the name of the social club, the car he had and even the lean-to he had outside his front door. The one he made me crouch down as he took me into his house so the neighbours didn’t see me.
I don’t get flashbacks anymore but I’d still love to tell him what he did to me that one night, changed my life for good!
You are a remarkable person and I wish you nothing but happiness in your life. What happened to me was one night. How you cope, I’ve no idea. You will deffo be going to heaven lad! 😉😉😉👊🏼
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Such a brave, compassionate, intelligent, young man! I can’t imagine the trauma. This video and conversation is so important and I hope it gets more than 10,000 views! Great interview. 🙏 ❤
Wow. Amazing talk. Completely compelling. I've never listened to a conversation like it - clear, concise, evocative, truthful, emotional, heartfelt...
Thank you, guys, for sharing. This is strength, this is the basis for real role-modelling. You're the personification of power, I'm humbled.
The most powerful conversation I've ever heard on the internet. You 2 survived horrible life experiences. You don't need to do anything to prove yourselves as good men. You deserve love, honesty, and admiration just for being born.
The good works and self-healing you are both involved in are icing on the top of the great cakes you already are.
Both of these lads are such an inspiration, so humble and transparent, it's almost like two distant friends catching up an putting it all out there, the feeling of saying it out loud can be phenomenal, trust me, I know
Such an articulate young man, inspirational the way he has survived and thrived after such horrendous abuse.
Tom...your responses of compassion and understanding in listening to this wonderful young man is spot on. Just wonderful.
Hi Tom and Ryan,
I just want to say how much I appreciate your openness and courage in sharing your stories. It's not easy to talk about personal trauma, and I commend you both for doing it in such an authentic and meaningful way. I instantly related to your experiences because I've lost four significant people in my life, including two best friends and my brother, all to suicide. Another brother of mine passed away when I was just seven, and these events sparked something in me that I believe you both might understand.
I’ve found that through my own experiences, I’ve developed this ability - almost like a sixth sense - to look into someone’s eyes and know that there’s something not quite right. It’s as if I can see their trauma, or sense that something is off, even without them saying a word. I’ve noticed that this ability seems to be stronger in those of us who’ve faced trauma early on in life. I often call it my gift and my curse, because while it allows me to connect with others on a deep level, it also brings the weight of their pain into my life.
There have been times when I’ve shared my story with someone and seen a spark of recognition or relief in their eyes - like they’ve finally been understood. It’s moments like these that remind me why I need to keep sharing and connecting, no matter how hard it is. I feel like you both understand that need to keep pushing forward and using your experiences to help others. It’s almost like we’re driven by this unexplainable urge to reach out and let people know they’re not alone, and it’s incredible to see you both doing just that.
I’m curious if either of you have had similar experiences - that sense of walking into a room and just knowing when someone else has been through trauma. It’s something I can’t ignore and often feel compelled to speak up about, even when it’s heavy or uncomfortable. I’ve found it’s not something everyone can see, which can be frustrating, but I think it’s why I connect with people the way I do, and it seems like you both might have this same ‘gift.’
Thank you both for your bravery and honesty. You’re making a difference, and it’s inspiring to see you bring light to others who may be struggling in silence."
Hi Tom, thanks for having this interview with Ryan. I can't imagine what he went through from abuse from his Step Father.
I so wish i had your strength, you're so strong. I find it easy to message or talk to a counselor over the phone about what I went through, which was similar to you but in a way i brought it upon myself because i was working the streets to feed a drug habit, the most violent of the situations still haunts me and it was somebody i didn't even know. You were hurt by somebody who should have cared for you, somebody i assume you loved as a family member. I can't even begin to imagine what you went through, the confusion, the betrayal, i hope you continue to heal. You really do shine and glow despite whats happened to you ❤
Hi. I grew up in Barnsley and Penistone in the 70’s-80’s and I’m really happy that I came across your page. I have realised in my 53rd year that even though I didn’t actually suffer sexual or physical abuse I still developed trauma due to being gay. It was hammered home that parents and grandparents were very anti gay and the comments that were just thrown around just caused depression. I would wake every day and hated that I still had the gay feelings and was worried that they would find out. It led to me trying to take my own life and had to get married to try and be normal. Even though I’m in a same sex relationship I still suffer with depression. I have now realised I don’t have to dwell on the past and I need to own my future. The level of Ryan’s emotional intelligence is way past his years and the way he has coped is mind blowing.
Ryan, you are an amazing young man and role model for others. So brave and strong. Wishing you all the best 😊
This is such an important conversation. Hopefully it will be seen by someone who is in a similar situation and state of mind as Ryan was on that final life changing and saving day. It should be shown to law enforcement trainees and social workers.
58 years old male and yet hardly a day goes by without some memory of 14 years of SA throughout the foster care system, foster homes and then even my adopted family.
Thank you for sharing. Even through the trauma it gives me hope that the secrets are being revealed. I wish the best to both of you on your adventures through your lives.
Thanks for sharing, I can 100% know how he feels. I was molested by a family member when I was 9yrs old. Great story and very brave and touching.
What a mature lovely lad. You really have an amazing head set. What an amazing person you are. Think you talked better that than the interviewer!
Praying for all that has and or going through this terrible evil. 😢
Thanks for sharing your story i believe you really help other young men experiencing this.
It's so important to hear survivor stories, including those of men who experienced CSA. Thank you.
Ryan. 1st of all, just wanted to say, your absolutely gorgeous! 2nd, THANK YOU For sharing these details. There will be a small detail in what you said that somebody will connect to, that will allow them to realize. That is wat happend to me....or that is how i feel too. I WILL BE OK!
Hi can I just say inspiring you are I was abused for 6 years by a family friend than finally got out thank you for telling your story xx
Thankyou so much! Sending love - Ryan xx
@@theedgeofthebed I have no words other than you are an incredible, brave, intelligent, young man! I have never been abused, but I know people who have been and I think what you’re doing is so important and so impactful! 🙏 I’m impressed to see how many people you are affecting just in your comments. Keep on doing what you do and I wish you much joy and love and support in your life.! 👍❤
Very brave young fellow. As a survivor, I'm 68, my abuse started around age 10. You will get stronger over time.
God bless you.
I'm so sorry you had to experience such a horrific act by your step-father. But, I am also so happy for you that you had the courage to finally speak out. I'm glad you are sharing your story in hopes of helping others before it's too late. Bless you.
This is such a sad and tragic story. I give Ryan so much credit for his courage and honesty. Tom, you are an amazing interviewer...Kind, empathetic and extremely articulate. I hope this story helps other that have gone through anything as horrible as this. You both are true survivors..
This is difficult to watch, such a horrific experience for a child to endure at the hands of one of the people they should be able to trust unconditionally. It takes a very brave man to speak so openly and in such unvarnished detail.
Thank you for sharing about your PTSD I suffer pretty much every night and every morning and wake up and cry for a couple of hours and try to get some more sleep and then I don't want to but I do I don't want to wake up again because I don't want to go through the process of crying for a couple of hours again and getting my brain to start working on something else that I need to do and get done instead of weeping and making a full body towel soaking wet with tears. I found on my own that I tried to block out some memories that were very painful and somehow that worked yet the feelings associated with the memories and the facts remained and only became worse because I didn't know what was making it spiral so badly and recently I've remembered by thinking and forcing myself to remember recall what reality was instead of letting my emotions shape false reality.
Hope you have people loving supporting helping you in your life. Love to you. I know there is a Devine purpose for your life. ❤
@@georgiayoung9124 thank you!
Please seek counseling and talk therapy. It’s not your fault. Praying for you 🙏🏽
Fantastic interview, and very powerful message . My mother use to say you never know how good your bad luck can be. ❤
So brave to share and a very articulate conversation between 2 men
Ryan, thank you for being so open, vulnerable and sharing your story. Tom, thank you for sharing as well. I hope that this video reaches many viewers.
I was sexually abused by a close family friend from ages 7 to 11. It only stopped because my family moved away from that area. It's been a long road to recovery, especially when you're raised to suppress your emotions as a male. To not do so was considered a sign of weakness.
Blessings to you both and your futures 💙
To suppress your emotions as a male is bullshit. It causes way more harm than good. That is old school thinking. I heard it all my life as well.
Great convo. Thanx for your openness and honesty. Your sharing the story does make a difference for others.
What an incredible conversation between two enlightened men who have endured but worked on trauma. Thank you for creating this safe space, Tom. A 70-year-old woman in Australia is sending you love and hugs. (Ex Bradford Lass loving the accents)xxx
Thanks so much for the kind words! X
So heartbreaking! Such a brave young man to speak out. I can’t imagine hurting a child.
Thank you for sharing your story Ryan. May peace and love surround you.
Sending your guest hugs and love. I could not imagine.
In awe of Ryan 💛 he is incredible - thank you for platforming his story and message Tom
I went through that kind of abuse. I am gay was not old enough to know I was then. My shame and self loathing was because my body reacted to the stimulation. Hated myself and felt like my body betrayed me by reacting that way. I assume you’re both straight. People in my life tried to convince me that being gay was a result of my abuser. I told a teacher who told a cop. He’s still a successful wealthy man who was married to my mother and nothing happened to him. It was great being a young gay boy in the 80s. I was the locked up seriously. How much proof did they need
Its terrible when the person closest to you , who gave you life takes the side of the abuser. I remember a case ofa stepfather who went to prison for molesting his stepdaughter. THe mother chose to forgive him and took him back. It was on a tv show years back. Ill never forget the look in the daugher's face.
Yeah, people will ask "do you thing that abuse made you gay?", but being gay and had something happen to me when I was 12, the person could tell that I was probably gay or a "sensitive boy", so he took advantage of that, and felt more comfortable doing what they did. I know another gay friend that said his older more macho brother molested him over a few years. But he was already gay, a more effeminate sensitive type.
I feel that the majority of gay men have been abused at some point. So the two aspects are most likely connected.
@supernovaleon2447 you are insane for making such an assumption. The majority of "gay men". That is your way of justifying someone being gay. By that same logic lesbian must be lesbian because they were molested by a female? Or by a man? Being molested does not influence sexual orientation. You are born gay. Believe me i know, i fought it doe many years and no, not me nore my str8 twin brorher weremolesred as kids. That said, abusers are vile and often perpetrated against the most vulnerable, regardless of gender
@@supernovaleon2447you feel or you know this as fact?
“You took my little boy away from me & for that, you’re gonna pay.”
I kept hearing this phrase over & over while watching this video- & it was the voice of an uncle who abused me first sexually then physically.
Come shortly after the 30:09 mark of this video I had to pause. The first time Ryan stated his abuse went from sexual to physical & verbal, my uncle’s voice & statement kept going through my head.
I began to recall sessions w my counselor, feeling confused about why he became physically violent & disgusted w me whereas he treated me more favorably & lovingly during the period of my childhood years when he was sexually abusing me. I remember the confusion I felt, trying to make sense of why/how things changed like that in his treatment of me.
My counselor theorized that my uncle’s resentment of me which led to him becoming physically violent towards me was that I hit puberty & started maturing. It made the most sense considering that this started during the time I returned home after being out of state at a boarding school for two years. My mum sent 3 of us away at the suggestion of a friend of hers after my dad’s passing. My uncle was very active in our lives.
I just remember not being able to understand why he was so emotional at my send off only to be disgusted & hateful towards me upon my return.
I have to wonder now if such was the case w Ryan.
I’m sorry just felt I needed to comment. Going back to the video now & will log off afterwards.
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Don't apologizes. Talk it out, it's healing.
Thank you for having this discussion and being so courageous.
New sub here , what a very articulate emotionally intelligent young lad wow ! This is incredible I wish him all the best in the future! I would be so proud of him if he was my son 😊
What a fantastic interview - I was spellbound. Tom, fantastically put questions and Ryan so many people are going to be helped by you. I wish you both well in whatever you do in the future. If I can be of any help to either of you, in any way, then please get in touch.
Ryan is such a brave young man to tell his story and I wish him all the best for the future
I think you are an amazing young man RYAN GADSBY . very strong and the wisdom that you share . Its like this is your purpose in life is a strange way.. Take Care and keep up the good work mate..
Thanks for sharing and good luck on your journey💚
Thank you for sharing your story. i admire you for speaking out. well done you
I feel so sorry for this guy! This is heartbreaking 💔
it happened to me except it was my female cousin. unfortunately we were both the same age. People dont realize its not only adults kids can do this too.
As I child I slowly became aware of my father’s demeaning treatment , his constant sour temper . My brothers and I were your normal rambunctious kids , but this angered him to no end. He didn’t want us in the house when he was home and he trained us to be silent if we wanted the privilege of staying in his presence. This never changed . As I got older , I didn’t like his presence either . He treated strangers better than us , and I was aware of how unfair this was but also confused by it.
How is he so nice to everyone else , a good provider, well respected but so hateful to his own kids?
As an adult now, I can understand that severe truama as a child can cause people to block out that pain in most of what they do making them seem like very successful people , but in private the evil side of their personality shows itself.
My father has dementia now , and for the first time ever I enjoy his kind company. The emotional suffering is over and I’m finally able to forgive him.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm 64 and I was born gay and it was a hard road still is but I've always said at least I didn't get sexually abused when I was a gay child I always looked to like the Bible does say look to your brother he's probably got it a lot worse no children should have to look at devastation and think oh mine's not so bad it's a terrible world we live in but there's a lot of good people in it we've got to change the world and make it a better place for all of us. Your secret can make you sick and I'm proud of you you doing the right thing do not be ashamed you have nothing to be ashamed of. The only way to stop the monster says to tell our stories.
Thank you for sharing. I am so proud of you for helping others. I am wondering how your Mother has coped with this. She is a victim as well. I know this broke her heart.
When we are in abusive homes we are not taught how to ask for help. We are taught that we are worthless and that no one wants to help us. We are not taught to feel good about ourselves but our abusers project their own self hatred onto us and try to convince us that we are worthless. Because our boundaries are violated we don't value ourselves, but often protect our abusers. Historically their pleasure is more important than our worth.
What a wonderful person you are! Through all your pain and grief, you have grace! Just as Jesus has unlimited grace toward all who believe in him, you had grace towards a sinner! And, you seem to have forgiven yourself! God bless you!
Was abused from 8 to 18 years old. Difficulty in coping terribly depressed
Hope you're in therapy. If not get into some. It's so important. Stay 💪
I'm 37 today, but when I was around 14 my father became good chums with a man in his early 40's who was recently divorced. My mother being compassionate would have the man invited for dinners and lunches with our family so many times and it went on for years. I had two younger brothers who were luckily never targeted. The man would pay a lot of attention to me and was always very kind. I liked him and held him in respect. But he was a wolf in sheep's clothing as he was just waiting for me to turn 16. The day I turned 16 he started to behave differently, looking at me in ways making me very uncomfortable, staring at the wrong places when my mum and dad would get a little busy around the house. Computers were a new thing in those days and he started inviting me to show me some cool games he had bought. My parents were not very comfortable with his invites, but my curiosity one day urged me to go to his place and that's when he spoke about learning some physical therapies for stress relief and talked me into getting a free of cost body therapy. At that age even a mild sensual touch can evoke a tense reaction - I was never gay but he said to me...see you're enjoying it as you're excited. He used that as a weapon against me and abused me in the most perverted ways till I turned 18 and left home for another city for further studies. I confided in my father and revealed it all to him, who I guess confronted him and cut all ties with that vile man. The man since has moved elsewhere and never got in touch with us again. My father reprimanded me for going to that man's place and to have allowed him to manipulate and abuse me for two years...but it is not that easy.
You're a very brave young man.
By calling email "edge of the bed" Doing this takes the power out of it.
I too am a survivor of sexual abuse 2 years old - 8 years old. It's very hard for anyone to live or want to live with their abuser being on them after you out aged their perversion
Sending love, Thankyou for sharing - Ryan
You are so brave, I really hope that you speaking up (without shame) will help other Men/Boys from opening up to someone, I'm glad you're still on this earth and wish you a happy life
I almost cried watching this.
I was s.a from age of 7-11 by my babysitter..coming out was the worse thing i did..it caused my mum to have a mental breakdown and still now at 38 i wish id of kept quiet..my abuser got 10 year i got a life sentence because i cant keep a relationship i trust no men
Devil always work close to home
Great very important talk. I would encourage any host to not interrupt your guest. Let them talk freely. Give them more air space before you start asking questions.
Never leave your small child alone with ANYONE. I was abused by a playmate when I was 6. He was like 4 to 5 years old and obviously was abused by someone and then repeated the behaviour on me
Do you mean 4 to 5 years older than you?
@@TayWoode Nope. That was his age. 4 to 5
@@caper770 holy crap, that’s insane, couldn’t you fight him off if he was that age and you’re older?
@@TayWoode it was the 1960's. No tv, no sex education, a little boy's first encounter. I was a little innocent child who did not know a thing back then
@@caper770 oh that’s awful, did you just go along with it coz you thought it was what people did?
You should’ve pushed him off especially if he was younger, I bet he didn’t think anything of it if it was happening to him which sounds like it obviously was 😞
Im 61 girl who has been seriously trying to heal through a theropist lately Ive gotton more underderstanding 32:14 from you at 3am . Im a pretty woman. although feel so ugly wen I look in the mirror alot. My stepfather I hate him he has died. And his son my half brother and I have this hateful relationship. He calls me aliar to myself and all my family.I bellive he was hurt too. much drug use. And up and down with self esteem from being quiet and scared it would be found out. MY God help us all..
obviously his mother did know. & it is dreadful to find him believing otherwise
Thank you for sharing guys both handsome just asking what does Ryan do now for future plan did he finish college? 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Brave young man!
I would have been very interested to know how his mother reacted after he disclosed.
.
I remember watching a documentary and they did brain scans on pea-dough-files and they all had something on the front lobe of their brains.
I'm incredibly sorry you went through this Ryan. It's horrific.
I could be wrong but has it occurred to you that what you thought was love for him was in fact Stockholm syndrome?
Given the abuse and the emotional manipulation and abuse it sounds like it could be quite likely.
Anyways, thank you for sharing your story.
You're strong and courageous inspite of what he put you through.
Just wanted to chime in a bit. You’re correct, though the usual term now is trauma bond. There are psychological responses to abuse that form powerful attachments, especially where grooming is involved & these are things that can be worked through.
However, as a fellow survivor, I believe in balance. I remember becoming a bit frustrated personally (not everyone feels this way) when it seemed like all my feelings were almost being “dismissed” as “well that’s the trauma bond, that’s the grooming”. It is important to be self-aware about that but I also believe there is another element that children often love their parents/caregivers, even when they’re abusive or inadequate. And I had to reach a point of acceptance where I can identify & accept the effects of grooming that led to certain feelings, but that it’s also okay for me to have some part of me that loves the person. It’s okay to have the confusing & conflicting feelings that others may turn their nose up at if I tell them. So I feel it’s a bit of both. Feelings are valid.
Didn’t mean to hijack your comment, just saw it as an opportunity to give my perspective on it 🩵
met at a church....
By helping others and reliving your accounts all the time do you really still move forward? The reason I asked yes I was abused but in a physical way, not sexual I just kind of related to some of it, but I don’t relive it.
Why would someone make this up? It does happen and needs to be exposed 😢
How tragic....
feed back from Tom wow
Interesting that he said he initially felt sorry for his stepfather. I do wonder why abusers abuse those they deem to love. I suppose it's an illness or an addiction or something they can't stop. I reckon many abusers detest what they do to other innocent people. I personally would forgive my abuser because I would see them as vulnerable. But we're all different. Some people say they want to do harm to their abusers but me personally , I don't think I could do that. I would want to move forward and leave the past and the abuser behind me and try get some sort of psychological help from therapy.
No. They are monsters who do not deserve forgiveness
Just to clarify - you were abused, yes ?
Narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths have zero empathy and are incapable of feeling normal human emotions or remorse for their actions. That’s why they are able to behave in monstrous ways.
It takes so much courage to come forward and go to the police and they lose the files!!! Cannot believe how useless they are!
Turn bad to good.
❤️🙏❤️
I can guareantee he chose yr mother as an excuse to rape her children. He was not a nice dad first who randomly fell into abuse secondly. 100% the nice dad you had was all one big fakery lie.
SHAME ON YR MOTHER FOR LETTING HIM LOCK THE BATHROOM DOOR WITH YOU IN THERE. EVIL. SHAME IN HER FOR NOT PROTECTING YOU WHEN SHE WAS LITERALLY TOLD RUMOURSCABOUT HIS SEXUAL ABUSE. SHAME ON HER. SHE SOLD YOU OUT FOR GROCERY MONEY AND RENT.
So what happened to this young guy?
He will never get past this. Thanks to therapy he will forever have professional victim as his identity. "I am a Sex Abuse Victim" God is not in him
Narrative over the truth, control over one's actions. They're over history this is happened over Romans Egyptians and other cultures in the past. Put the 21st century makes it easy for people to have access to their desires and a click.
Its odd that the step dad was straight but chose to abuse a boy (and perhaps his prior victims, his step grand children were male too?). The sexual orientation is very confusing .
Some abusers aren’t fussy who they destroy!
It’s nothing to do with sexuality, if his step gay was gay he would sleep with men , he was a control freak who got off on young children , he was a pedophile , he wasn’t gay or bi ,
12:12 - 12:17 the fuck?
Ballocks
I can't hear past the accents. 50% unintelligible.
Just roll with the 50% you understood. The other 50% was pretty much as upsetting!
27:35 I know it may seem a reasonable thing to wonder about, but it's unfair to ask a victim of abuse to consider what made their abuser an abuser. Especially in Ryan's case, he'd been groomed into considering his abuser's feelings during the abuse, to the point he felt guilty about reporting him.
Plenty of people suffer horrific childhood and don't become psychopathic, narcissist child abusers.
EUROPE RIGHT. ! 🍀