An Island of Safety: How to Optimize Our Psychological Evolution
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ค. 2024
- From Wikipedia’s page on the elephant bird [en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elephan...]: “In September 2018, scientists determined that Vorombe titan [The elephant bird] reached weights of 730 kg (1,600 lb) and stood 3 m (9.8 ft) tall.”
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Also, the book about birds that I mentioned in the video is called "The Genius of Birds." www.amazon.com/Genius-Birds-J... It's a surprisingly good read.
i love the analogy, feeling safety that the oppressive and dysfunctional family no longer haunts you, let's you grow in beautiful and creative ways, that have nothing to do with survival but with a dream inside us
I'm ever so grateful to you for encouraging me,showing me the way to break out of my abusive family. I could never even think of breaking out of this system if I never heard you through your videos. You see,I'm from this poor country where mental health isn't even a thing! And if your videos weren't on TH-cam, for free,I would never had come across these ideas my entire life,I would've been stuck here for all my life!!!!
Thank you so very much for sharing, you literally prevented my soul from dying.
for me it was a struggle to truly break free. i would rent an apartment and the landlord would be invasive and abusive. i would get a job, only to be scapegoated after a while and treated unfairly. life has led be back around in circles to face my family of origin once again. all the old feelings come up, the brain fog, the powerlessness. but my time on the island was incredibly useful. my goal is to be able to be sround toxic people without losing myself, and healing these feelings of being in danger. because the truth is, im not a vulnerable child anymore. the only power they have over me is if they make me forfeit myself
Such an inspiration to those of us stuck in a broken system of being. I'm working through from trauma to enlightenment and can't wait to post a review but wow it's not a one week process. The more you share the more sure I am that I can make it to an island of my own.
It can be a lifetime process.
@@cynthiaallen9225 hi...you are so correct!!! I'm 67 & still working thru my destructive childhood & adulthood. Those who demeaned me have passed away & so far, I cannot grieve. They weren't good to me & I cannot totally miss them due to the hurtful memories of my times w/ them which were horrific. W/ my current caring therapist, I have begun to recognize me, as being ok. Blessings 🙋♀️
Som really great responses, John and Joyce.
I would only add that we can heal from past trauma and I believe it occurs when we have validating, trusting people around us who respect boundaries. That is the key to loosening (and lessening) the grip of trauma. I'm sure, just as our neolithic ancestors did, we as a species can create both societies that are defined by equity/wellness (and the minimization of trauma) but also that are fundamentally symbiotic with the natural world we are presently destroying.
I hope that one day I can experience such an island of safety myself. Working on it every day!
This is such a good time to dedicate your life to grieving,writing and solving a lot of internalized stuff you have in your life.Use this time wisely.Conect to yourself and learn to love and be compasionate to other people...
You are one of my favorite people on TH-cam
I adore love the way
None of your videos have mentioned the C word.
You are the only island of oasis left.
U r a good person, Dan!
Excellent, congratulations, and it breaks my heart that anyone has to lie / fawn to "survive" unhealthy environments and in order to be a "better" person when we should be able to free of harms from the outset in order to be the people we already were.
And I hate that there are so many harmful people that we have to resort to being an (healthy) island instead of a healthy community.
I was a feelance/contract worker for most of my career. It's better than being an employee.
Your words resonates so much - the journey of realising the danger & poison in the family system... attempts to find safety & to try and bridge the safe/unsafe seas.. in my case to no avail other than more, increased instability & suffering. I have often thought, what would my development & life have been without such chronic, course altering trauma. The bird island analogy is powerful. This is extremely helpful for me also regarding choices for my adopted son...recognising the unsafe seas he is swimming in & how & where I should create more islands of safety for him to grow & recover without constant additional threat & re-trauma (namely the large mainstream school environment). Thanks once again Daniel. You are a beacon✨🌤
Being broke and living in a crowded apartment feels like a bad environment for personal growth for me.
I can’t be assertive with my boss at work because I don’t wanna get fired and become financially destitute, and I can’t grieve my traumas because I never have a place of totally safe privacy.
Guess I just gotta save up like a mf.
One of your best yet, Daniel, thank you! Something James Joyce said about surviving, quoted to me years ago by another writer living far from his original home -- "Silence, exile, cunning." Do you think Joyce would have been able to write his great works if he hadn't done this? Decidedly not!
Thank you again for sharing your process with us Daniel. It has taken my whole life just to get to a place where I am conscious enough to try to create an island for myself. to even be aware that I have this thing called the self that needs protecting, and that it is precious. it's good to hear that healing and evolution is possible if we give ourselves the proper space in which to grow. I believe that our true selves are like seeds and just need the right environment, despite a life time of events that have stunted or stopped the natural unfolding
This is so profound, what an intelligent wonderful man . This is precisely what I did to heal from child abuse inflicted by my mother. Even in middle age I still have to check myself to make sure I'm on track but feeling safe enough to become self aware is the key . The world needs more people like this man . 👌
I almost watch all your vid. I feel like reading my own journals except the wise insights you provide. Please keep evolving 🕊
You’re so right Daniel. Building that island of safety within ourselves is essential in defending ourselves against a society filled with NPD predators who want to project and take out their unresolved issues on us. The other day, a couple of NPD Boomers tried bullying me, even physically assault me, and I was able to psychologically dismantle them and send them running with their tails between their legs... thanks to all this inner work. It pays off
I hate that ritual where you have to go and see your mother at Christmas, because this is expected, even though it is not something I want to do. I dread it. It is difficult to break away from one's parents.
Your story is so inspirational man. Been watching many of your videos.
Thanks for reminding me to keep fighting and knowing there is hope. Sometimes you forget there is during your current situation. I'm happy for you of being who you are, must be the best feeling in the world.
I live in a van next to a steel shed on a triangle of asphalt within a locked 8ft high chain link fence topped with barbed wire in a country town. Electricity...but no running water or toilet (I use a camping toilet and collect my own water.) No contact with family of origin. No fake friends. Feels great!
Survival of the friendliest-not the most cruel! This is an UNDENIABLE FACT!
Daniel, this is one of my favorite videos that you've done. I've gone through a very similar evolution, and it actually started with a similar situation - living in an extremely remote place. When you are living far away from people with free time to walk around in nature and think, it's incredible how many ideas begin to flow into your mind. For the first time I was able to reflect on what the hell I just experienced -- 25 years of primary school, college, family expectations, societal expectations, etc. It's been years since then, but with my new mind I find it very uncomfortable to visit my family and past friends, primarily because I now live in an alternate reality, of sorts. I have a technical background, so I'm lucky enough to scrimp by working part time. I intentionally do jobs that allow my mind to wander like a child's mind. I found that working in an office setting was killing my soul in a way that school tried to. Anyway, watching your videos makes me feel so much better because I can finally say, "someone out there has looked at the world and come to the same conclusions as myself!". I think that is because we came from similar backgrounds - your parents are very much like mine.
I forget the location but there's a larger family of Elephants that have never seen humans. Lucky for now.
Also, Paradise Birds should be mentioned. They have evolved into strinking and beautiful creatures without the constant pressure of predators.
It's true, modern life is a toxic hell. And the evolution selects those who can bear through it (typically not unharmed). There is just too much competition around that brings the worst in people. And some people still bring kinds into this hell.
I partly disagree. The island is useful to get perspective, but it is not a place for setting down roots. I think of it like a gear shift. It’s important to disengage the gears when they’re jammed, and set it straight. But this stops everything and is a process of deconstructing your life to its simplest parts. It’s wasteful to spend forever in this state. There comes a time where you need to re-engage the gears and start moving again; not because people are waiting on you, but because you owe it to yourself to trust yourself to re engage with the world. People aren’t meant to isolate themselves. And thing about those birds; they grew big and wonderful in their isolation; little good it did them when faced with an actual challenge.
Same could be said for modern technology in general; people have become so ultra specialized and ruminating, ruminating themselves into oblivion; little good all this intelligence does if it only serves to paralyze you. People shouldn’t distract themselves, remain stagnant in mundane work, leading a comfortably ignorant life to the day they die; but sequestering oneself in a fortress of their own creation is hardly an alternative. What we need is people who are both awake to their surroundings, but strong enough to deal with any circumstance without dissociating, distracting, or self-isolating.
I can’t help but feel like the attitude of external unfairness being something to avoid is a remedial measure, like a bandage while the bone is reset straight; not an ideal end-point. I don’t wanna die on 30 years of life support, I wanna die with booze and blood and mixed reviews and flowers on my tombstone.
I respect the hell out of these videos, they’ve helped me greatly, but there comes a time to stand up and be okay, world be damned, and tell the world to move.
One example I think of, in my own perspective of what you're saying, is engaging in a committed long-term relationship/marriage to a fellow imperfect human being who comes from their own dysfunctional family. There is no isolating from that. However, one must have a healthy sense of self in order to not self-destruct when presented with the mess. Oftentimes what lands a person on this healing journey are the anxieties of the self-work that must first take place in order to heal and gain the strength needed to survive the life of reality that you describe. Which sounds like your analogy of the gear shift. Thanks for your perspective.
You help me so much with this passion in your voice, difficult time for me right now. Greetz from germany
I love birds, just came in from out there where I feed them and they all know me. My safe haven, birds and my pet squirrel! 😉. And here you are talking 'birds'. LOVE! You are a great inspiration, so relate to ALL you speak of here. Thanks for the video. 👍
So well put! Thank you for sharing your experiences and your thoughts, if we would have known back then what we know now....🤗🤗🤗
This guy is the definition of the word "cool"
He’s beyond cool. He’s essential!
@@pod9363 he is cool
Hey Daniel, what about making a video about how to maintain our psychological health during this rough days?
This really hit home for me, and a great sense of appreciation that people like you exist and share your experience. It helps us outside, listening, to put things in perspective. I love your genuineness and integrity of thought. Namasthe 🙏
I love the island metaphor, Daniel. A place of true safety to be your true self! Thank you. Joe. UK.
Right on, Daniel. Agree with all of this. And Yellowstone! I was there for the first time around then too, and went back 15ish years later during a sabbatical from work to work the summer there. Yellowstone is beyond magical to me. Breathtakingly beautiful, and the WILDLIFE…
Excellent! Thank you for sharing !
thank you Daniel
recently i have been enjoying Aimee Falchuk teaching about pathwork lectures on youtube
i also like gemstone university teaching how to change my status to be a private person connected to the land instead of commerce
This is a beautiful point of view to think about! Thank you Daniel
This is an interesting take since I’ve always been taught that you cannot evolve without adversity. Like in the sense that Daniel has experienced many tragedies in his life, but this has evolved him as the man he is today, with the knowledge and all. If his life was perfect, without the hardship, I’m unsure that he would have the passion for psychology at all
I will take this profund speech as s New Year gift, cause I am reading this now.. it's so clear, truthfully and you post it with some kind of comprehensive energy that promotes insight,hope and more clarity about this human emocional evolving keys...the best for u!!!and thanks again
Wise words indeed. Great video.
That was Brilliant.
beautiful.
i am proud of the work you did on you.
I haven't felt safe and feel more and more unsafe as time progresses. So many new disturbing things keep happening, and I have none of the safety, except that my mom and boyfriend provide monetarily for me. I didn't finish even high school, I felt too bad for it and lost and lonely and alone I was. I only suffer more as I fight more, and I don't see I have been progressing at all...
Spot on, feeling safe emotionally n physically is the most important aspect of healing. Love your videos, so validating, resonates deeply with my experiences
Amazing content...thanks for your words of encouragement, hope and peace. I really respect you and I am so thankful for finding you. You bring order and hope to my inner world. Thank you
I am safe. I am comfortable. Two basics, and a starting point.
You are brilliant.Great inspiration and joy to listen to.Thank you
Lies bind, truth frees
I can't help but smile watching your videos :)
Appreciate this so much.... thank you, Daniel. 💖
Thank you very much! Great video🙏🏻
Thank you Daniel
your channel is really excellent!!!!!!
One of your best videos ever ✨
This is an inspiring start to this decade 💞
I agree with what you are saying and relate to it, and went through a similar experience. HOWEVER, I ALSO NOTICE SOME OF MY MOST ASTUTE, SENSITIVE AND DEVELOPED FRIENDS COME FROM SOME OF THE MOST DIFFICULT WAR TORN UNSAFE PLACES IN THE WORLD, OR ARE FROM HISTORICALLY OPPRESSED OR PERSECUTED POPULATIONS WHO WERE NOT SAFE TO SAY THE LEAST. How can we explain/ what do you think of this? Btw I really appreciate your videos and thank you for them. Would be so happy to get a reply if possible to this, because I can’t figure it out. Thanx again
So good!!!!
Renaturalization is key for not only for biome wellness but for human wellness.
....why do I associate "walking away" or "ignoring" with weakness?🤔🤔🤔
Hi Daniel, is it possible for one to heal in small ways while still stuck in their toxic family system, and if so, how?
Your psychological evolution is really helping others evolve. Thank you on behalf of everyone!
Love you Brother...
The psychotic energy that has flooded out of the collective unconscious in the wake of covid 19 is causing me to have dig deeper. I continue to ask myself "Is it me or has humanity completely lost its mind?"
It's NOT you!
whats that saying , its insane to try and fit in to a society which is insane , thats not right but its something like that . i just can not go along with this collective ... madness. we have raised a whole generation who are dysfunctional and seem to be willing to do anything for the fear to go away,
@@kristineopsommer Thank you!
@@NOT_SURE.. Right on---the fear factor is heavy duty and is blinding most of the population so that they are unable or unwilling to investigate truth for themselves and consequently, as you say, they just want the "fear to go away."
@@christinebadostain6887 i think thats what changes when you stop watching tv or reading the news , its all designed to install fear , and if you are lucky enough to realise the insanity of worrying what other people think of you , a lot of that fear lifts away , i have another saying , life begins where fear ends........thats not mine i saw in on the interweb somewhere
something about this mans eyes just pierces my very being
Who is your happy and safe place? And is there someone who looks, at you as their safe and happy place?
We can't find one unless we have started becoming one for others. Something to think about. :)
Why would you want to depend on another for safety and happiness? That's the whole point of healing, to be self sufficient and emotionally intelligent and mature enough not to burden someone else with that task that actually belongs to you alone.
@@themetamorphosisofgipsy it's not called dependency. It's called support. It's how you perceive it. And also the quality or lack of it. To heal doesn't mean to learn to become self sufficient. It means to learn to co exist the most supportive way. Something the world is unable to do. Coexistence is the most beneficial way to sustain, and yet also the most challenging. The reason why people leave and crave independence is not because it was a , safe and happy place. Because it wasn't. But be my guest and master healing and independence. Ill ask how's it going when you will have not one person to communicate with. If it doesn't make you insane and want company then your idea may have some worth. Human is, a social animal. Not meant for independence. :) my view point. You can challenge but do it once you have found healing with your independence. You can reply to me then. Though i may still choose to disagree given my experience of it. I have a happy and safe place. :)
@Wayne M your horse shit and reality does not have to be everyone's fate. Struggle in West is chronicled. Doesn't mean its every where ? good idea to open your eyes and learn for yourself.
You guys talk about free speech. So long it's what you can survive hearing :) grow up and stop being hypocritical. I was just saying what i know is something people are losing hope in. But it's not a lost hope in all societies. Definitely some are living truth. Might be good idea to learn from others if it matters enough. Matters to me. :) deep down even you could appreciate it. Yes it sucks when you can't and must be strong. But that's coping. Not thriving. I was talking about thriving. When I said that
I can cope with anything. I don't have to.
🖤
Also if you don't mind can you please share your day routine including time for your inner work, if you don't mind that helps you sleep peacefully? :)
I didn't subscribe but keep finding myself subscribed to this and multiple channels. Anyone else having this issue?
I don't personally buy the evolution paradigm.
It's cool. I'm not here to argue.
My question is how come these lovely birds
didn't evolve from birds to something else entirely?
After all that's the way evolution is meant to work.
Evolving one's self is a different issue as that is
an act of will rather than the random bumping
of unconscious chemicals.
Thanks Daniel for your inspiring work.
I really question if I'll ever have my "aha" moment, hell, I'd be happy with a gradual transition into being my true self. I don't know if it is how I was raised or what but I'm well into adulthood and I still have extremely low self esteem. I mean I feel I'm intelligent but I have never believed in myself enough to actually believe I could do something I wanted to do. I have worked punishing and soul destroying jobs my whole life because I never got whatever help I need and now my health has declined from putting up with it for years. At this point, though I love my hobbies and interests, I have ZERO clue about how to actually make rubber meet road and make progress towards something I actually want to do. I don't know if I am capable of breaking this cycle and feel like I'm hugely missing out on life because of some defect I can't even clearly identify. Maybe I just don't have what it takes and maybe this is all life has to offer me; It just makes me sad that I might not start a family or experience most of life because I am too damaged. I don't think I have the resources to be able to heal properly, with few friends and negative family. How is someone that struggles to have any belief in them-self supposed to be the sole defender and healer of themselves? I've been trying but there is a lot of times it feels like I've barely made any progress let alone be able to measure it.
There were also smaller species of the moa. :) nzbirdsonline.org.nz/species/little-bush-moa
Cool!
im afraid of travel... of unfamiliar places and people. i feel unsafe outside my house. how do i stop being afraid of the world?
Maybe there are a lot of things in your world that you should be afraid of because you can't escape their harms. But, it's also amazing how much other people's harmful thoughts intentionally frightened us, and we got into a habit of complying with not doing anything we thought was interesting in favor of not upsetting them or incurring their suppressing comments or wrath. Can you find one small thing (even though it too may feel huge) to try doing, and make arrangements to do it (with careful considerations of what you could do to escape the things that you fear could happen)? Then do it again, and later add more things to do? Sometimes just planning to do something (even if I don't do the big end goal thing) is just as fun doing the smaller parts of that big thing. And I feel confident that I made a decision not to do it although I had fun planning and know what it would take to accomplish it if I decide to do it at a later date.
Can you tell us what was the title of this book? I would like to read it too!
It's called "The Genius of Birds." www.amazon.com/Genius-Birds-Jennifer-Ackerman/dp/0399563121 It was a surprisingly good read.
@@dmackler58 Thanks for answering! I will read it!
@@Marcin558 Cool -- and I also love the 558 in your screen name. 58 is my lucky number!
@@dmackler58 Haha, cool to hear! I hope you will have a good day in that case 🤙
Thanks! You too!
I'm not too interested in the part about the parents but I can relate to the rest of it
Shouldn't the means and the end be the same?
To be an integrated and well person perhaps our goals in life need to be consistent with our daily self-actualization.
Do you have a book about this? Breaking free from society?
Alas, I don't have such a book. But I might just write one soon! Greetings!
Sounds familiar.
This is funny, Daniel. As a young man, I remember hearing a story about a female T-Rex that grew to an enormous size because she hadn't had children. One of the many reasons I never brought someone into this sh!thole. Also, presently, I don't believe Dinos ever existed, another lie.
😂 Yeah right! Thank you for not having offspring!
moderate poverty (Nietzsche) - (hope you're well Dan)
Biologist here.
Organisms evolve due to selective pressures, e.g. predation, sexual.
Where there are no selective pressures, there is no evolution.
Ergo, 'safe spaces' are the worst things for humans if we want to develop as individuals.
Speaking about personal growth and biological evolution can be confusing because we use the terms loosely at our own risk.
Biogeography
I want to devolve into a big, fat bird that can't defend itself, please show me how
lol
I kinda don´t wanna say it´s bullshit what you just said, but it´s not really the whole picture. Psychological evolution is inevitable and possible in the worst environments. It is not as quick in many cases, because (you got a point there) it´s just easier in environments where you feel subjectively safe enough to not be too overwhelmed to optimally develop. However, it is just not true that you develop, because of safety. You need challenge otherwise you cannot grow and there is no challange without the danger of "failure". And as far as I know it is maybe not wrong what you said about the birds, who couldn´t have evolved that way with certain predators at hand, but the biological concept you are presenting hasn´t generally turned out to be true. I had an ecology class last semester and I have to agree with my professor here as well, that the diversity hotspots are where there is a moderate/medium (not sure how to say that in English, you get me anyway) predator pressure. Just look at modern people: They are so "safe" but not growing very fast. People in the wilderness are often a lot more mature and insightful though they are less "safe". (Doesn´t mean, that I don´t think it´s important to break away from harmful ppl, you gotta know when you´ve learned your lesson.)
Well... You need both. You need resistance and struggle but the actual growth only happens when you are safe and doing nothing, comfortable, protected, safe.
So I think it's a balance.
I don't like the evolution talk but a great video about allowing yourself to evolve in today's upside down times
Love this message but it’s not ok to hate the poisoned. Especially when they’re supporting you. But lying seems to be the only way forward. Happy loving lying. You cannot share your truth.
Nothing like being a thrifty traveller to know how to stretch a buck.
I really like most of what you're saying here, but there's something that I don't understand. It's really great that you were able to get your degree, but don't you think that it's a little weird that there are apparently so many people that you don't respect? I'm not trying to invalidate your feeling of mybe not liking all of your professors or their ideas, it's just that it seems that you're still holding a grudge against them for some reason. And especially against your parents. It kind of seems to me that there are still a lot of unresolved feelings towards your parents that have been starting to show more and more over the last videos. I have been getting more of a feeling in your newer videos that you're actually still very much stuck in the past and do still project a lot on your parents. And it feels like you need to start doing more of what you've said s often and start owning, taking responsibility and leting go of those feelings, to forgive them in a way that lets you move on.
🙄
I do get it. But I don't think that something is really resolved if it still causes such strong reactions. Of course they are allowed in the process but but to me it's been important to find a way to find peace with what happened in the past and move on
@Wayne M No but by my grandmother
@Wayne M im really sorry that you had to go through this. That wasn't the point I was trying to make though. Of course you and everyone else is allowed to be affected by traumatic events that happened to them. It's more than okay to feel that. I was just trying to say that in my experience the next step to feeling those things is to find a way to be at peace with the past
@@andreaf9356 He sounds peaceful to me telling stories of his anguished past. How do you define "resolving past"? Never mention it again? Make happy statements about horrible things that happened in the past?
Thank you Daniel