It's hard for me to comprehend how someone could hate these types of talks, my ex hated your videos, anything that had to do with introspection and unraveling yourself or others would tick her. When you think like this it's so much easier to understand yourself and others. Thank you for sharing Daniel!
New information that challenges old beliefs requires changing. Most humans are mentally lazy and try to conserve energy. Changing one belief causes a ripple effect and requires reflecting on multiple beliefs in th system. The ego likes to have certainty which is why religions exist is to give people a sense of hope of ambiguity. Without hope people would feel lost. People will grab on to ideas & not let go bc it's all they have. They're afraid of the unknown or death. Really comes down to a fear of death when you challenge beliefs
Mine too! I remember one time I was listening to Daniel and he was on the phone with me, he literally hung up and I was like wtf??? He said “I don’t want to listen to that, it’s making me uncomfortable”
I know it is my own fault (I shouldn't expect anything from anyone) but I have been shocked and even disappointed at how the vast majority of the population is much more concerned with comfort than with truth
This. I’ve been going through this a lot lately, just fully coming to terms with how resistant people can be to the truth, and how they will cling to anything comfortable or familiar to avoid the truth, even if it is their “comforts” which are actually causing them a great deal of unnecessary misery.
Your videos were exactly what I needed in my life and I can say with no exaggeration, that the message you've sent in your videos has changed my life for the better. I am a fundamentally different and better person now than I was before I found this channel. But it's been hard. It's been about 2 and a half years and I've been so eager to share this message with other people, and no one I've found has had anywhere near the same reaction as I did to this life-changing information. I still share the information where I can in the offchance it does reach the right person, but it might be better to focus on my own healing instead of helping others who probably won't listen.
Backfire effect.. Literally learned about it yesterday. People will lock deeper into their beliefs & go into deeper denial if you try to prove them wrong. Identity protective cognition is when people try to protect their identity from external threats to identity. Which shuts down the rational brain & only selectively hears what affirms biases and prior knowledge. Too much truth sends too much cognitive dissonance which is painful. People fall into dissosation because of pain. Escapism is all about pain. It's an unconscious state of being. A different reality that is filtered. It's strange but it's how beliefs work. I believe getting past the critical factor is not easy with people. It's like you have to identify with their beliefs from the inside to shift a perception. Giving a sense of respect & validation. The mind tends to shutdown and become closed minded when threatened. Creating confirmation & trust with the inner self-talk but shifting it slightly seems to create enough questioning that isn't as threatening to the identity or ego to lock into a fixed attitude/mindset. Wish it wasn't so tricky but directly trying to reason with logic is going to lead to a closed mind. Being playful & respectful can lead to a more open mind. Still depends on the level of belief. I believe people have to hit rock bottom to get through self-deception, denial.. Who knows.. This is kinda the game of life. Waking up to truth ain't easy. Mind is amazing at Self-deception mechanisms.
What if someone is in a cult and you try to convince them that they are in one? Should we not help those that are in denial? They of course don’t think they are in a cult and that their way of living is the truth. Some people can say that religion is a cult to. 🤷♀️
@@mariahconklin4150 I would think pointing out inconsistencies over time, not too directly, is what would work the best, but who can be so patient and disciplined to do that
@@efehansahin2172 idk I’m pretty stuck in my Christianity and now I see the world so different. At this point I don’t want to have to follow a set of rules but just be my true authentic self hard part is that I don’t believe the same way others do and don’t believe in things such as mental illness and personality disorders I think that’s all based on trauma for people so 99.9 percent of people believe in mental illness.
@@mariahconklin4150 we don't believe in "mental illness" as seen in society anyway. I also am pretty stuck in my "religion" as I don't believe in the entire show that is running for almost two years now. I even believe there is something evil behind this 🤔🧐.
* Daniels TALKS are turning out to be the best form of THERAPY I have ever found ! .......... Leaves you with no more Questions !!! * REAL Human SHARING his experiences & knowledge & honesty, GOOD WORK ! Must be rewarding now !
I do sometimes try to convince people they are wrong about something, or doing something wrong, because what is happening negatively affects others or situations. But Daniel is right - people just double down into protecting themselves and will attack you to destroy you. I need to learn to let it go and let it run its course.
Lmfao this is so tragically true. I've been in therapy (first experience) to start to treat a sexual trauma. After few months, the so-called mental health professional (clinician psychologist) decided to push me to a psychiatrist, I did it and I tried to clarify some stuff with that professional I wanted to pursue the therapy with her and having a psychiatrist besides too. She stopped the process by email a month after and didn't manage to just accept a direct interaction with me or with the psychiatrist when I tried to reach her to understand why is she doing this. This betrayal and abandonment have never been fully healed. I saw directly how people have never sympathised with me BC well I was the victim here, the trauma survivor who has been reactivated by this psychotherapeutic sessions interruption. People (caregivers) actually have defended that professional and rejected my suffering, my pain on me who was in charge alone to get a solution. Because people don't fucking care about their actions, what matters is wether or not they have troubles. At some point, I tried to talk, discussed and explained but I learnt in the hard way: even the most "noble" persons will protect themselves and gaslight you if you are "complaining" about a situation. I stopped to expose myself to people who deny my humanity. I don't care about other people opinions on a violence they've never been exposed to. My journey is my own, if you want to help me, you are welcome. If you don't, stay away
I got you. What you've shown me so far feels pretty on point. I got some thoughts. Everyone has their own journey. Just like you are having yours, so are they. If they are resisting your ideas or persuasion, they feel uncomfortable and will try to address it. Except they don't know how to address it, so they attack you instead. They need to find equilibrium, stabilize. Children will cry and get mad, and it has a lot to do with not knowing how to handle it. Emotions aren't bad, but they are powerful. They have helped us survive... Natural selection has given us a unique toolset, and we have learned how to cope or thrive in a given environment. I have plenty of issues. But if I am trying to persuade someone, I have be ok with accepting that I am not doing it for them. I am doing it for myself. And, if I end up hurting them or not feel validated, then my choice to engage has caused this result. What am I trying to say? I think we are all trying to share or even create reality through socializing with others. Our brains are powerful in that sense. But, if we translate our thoughts into actions, it can look like we are just trampling through our neighbor's garden. Instead of being respectful. But I say this... when I am usually the one that sets fire to people's gardens. I still haven't quite worked out why I feel so compelled to act that way. I feel threatened by the world? Maybe. I don't know.
Hey Daniel, I love your channel and your spirit to help others. It's people like you, that give me the feeling that I'm not alone with my ideas and my mindset. I've learned a lot from your videos. There's noone in my life that taught me anything about self healing or childhood traumas. I never felt more understood than by watching your channel. I'm very thankful for all the transparency you provide and you're also a very authentic person. Greetings from Austria.
This is very relatable. I love the honesty about how when you get shot down by people who are unwilling or not open to hearing your perspective, it discourages you and makes you feel diminished and less confident/less enthusiasm & emotional energy to want to express yourself and influence the people who actually are open to your beliefs and would benefit from your way of thinking.
Thanks Daniel for sharing you thoughts 👍. It is always hard to put yourself out there. You have to really want to share. I think this channel is a great place to share when so many people are not interested in listening let alone learning.
Youre right. I had to get so sick of what my life circumstances were, while also seeing that i was the only person that could have gotten me to a different place. We think we can be neutral, take life as it comes, stay safe by not making the difficult decisions. If you dont make the decision, eventually it becomes too late to choose your consequences; they will be chosen for you. I definitely wish i learned that bit a little earlier. 😅 Learning about attachment styles and manipulative communication did give me the background to see what i had to see, to be willing to change. I really thought i felt bad because i was bad.
That stress and pain of wanting to convince others, pings my old desire of wanting my mother's approval. I so wanted her to believe my narrative, that I wasn't lying, that I wasn't bad. That same striving continued in romantic relationships but I didn't recognize it, being manipulated to strive to prove my value, being required to show through sacrifice or suffering my loyalty. I didn't understand why I was required to let go of my truth and embrace theirs, when they weren't embracing mine. I knew in my heart I was not a liar, and that's what each told me. I do not have to work to convince anyone of my truth, my worth, my value. If they want to dismiss my ideas because they aren't open minded enough to fully engage, it is not my responsibility to ensure that they are gaining the knowledge I am attempting to share. It is not my responsibility to teach someone why they should want to connect, why they should value other humans. It was always their loss that they weren't open to me, not mine. That is a desire I still struggle with, especially when the people I love aren't authentically connecting with me. It sucks when someone pretends to be emotionally available and safe, and then suddenly they're not. You wonder why they chose this hill to die on, but then it becomes each hill. Much easier when it's a bunch of random internet strangers being narrow minded, versus family!! 😂
Thank you for another video, Daniel. I do the same as you and I don't try to convince anybody to follow the same path as me, they must wake up when it's their time (and they probably need to hit rock bottom first). Even if they are members of my family, I don't tell them anything about that.
Preaching to the converted is such a very underrated activity. Because there is often a profound need to have your own thoughts reflected back to you, especially when those thoughts have not fully formed, or are painful, or lead you to feel alienated and alone. That's why your work is so worthwhile, Daniel.
Can I just say, I found your channel recently and I find that every single one I watched had a valuable or interesting perspective and the appropriate amount of real emotions. Thank you for sharing
Revisiting all your videos again. I find them uniquely therapeutic not just for your insights about psychology, but also the lifeyness of your storytelling and zest for nature and the world. Thank you! Please post more and longer videos! lol
I personally find your videos to be thought provoking and of much help in my healing journey and am thankful that I stumbled upon your channel. Thought I'd contribute to the positive comments to help counter the negativity of those nasty comments :)
Could it be that trying hard to convince other people that we're right (which is different from simply laying out, just presenting our opinion, view, conviction, argument), comes from our childhood experiences of attempting so desperately (and yet, unsuccessfully) at making our parents believe that what we felt was true, valid, serious, important? Could it be seen as reenactment of such trauma?
Can we all stop to turn to personal biography of an individual to find all the answers ? Sometimes a situation is wrong, we are trying to vocalize our opinions about it, that's all
thanks for having the bravery to be so open n honest, dont take any hate comments personally, easier said than done, but haters obviously have their own problems n issues that they need to work on, and remind yourself that the positive comments far outweigh the few negative comments, I think some people may not like you because you speak the truth, and that you are open n honest.
People lie and project and violate. It's not that you can't convince them. They do the same with me. If something bothers people they need me to use their reverse psychology.
You just helped me by seeing the parallels when I wasn't able to get a girlfriend from not willingly to start learning from my relationship with my mother (nor my sisters for that matter) although its been a slow start down that road, I can't let my addictions make it easy to crash
Daniel, could you please consider making a video specifically to act as a "starter kit" for going on the path to healing? Something to explain to a complete newcomer to this kind of emotional work how it all works from your perspective, and where they should start? You can get a decent idea if you watch a lot of your different videos, but having it all in one video would be super useful.
I know what it is like to be violated. A year ago, I broke out of my family. At that time - I was occasionally playing football - my father rushed out of his car. I sprinted quickly. My heart was beating. That was the last time I have been at this small park. I was only a child who was starting to grow up.
I hit my bottom after I nearly lost a relationship with a woman that I really love nearly broke up with me because of my pornography addiction. I’ve stopped looking at pornography entirely and I’m definitely healthier and happier than I was years ago but I’ve realized that I have other struggles like I don’t connect very easily with other people. That’s been a struggle in my life for a very long time.
If people aren't teachable, they probably should not watch this channel. It is great that you are so true and open about your path of learning. As a musician, I can only say that learning is never over. It is a life long process.
The adage once was, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Now perhaps the adage should be, when the message is needed the video will appear in your feed. Anyhow this was just the right message for me. I was sitting here, despondent that folks were looking data contrary to their views right in the eye and ... sticking to their views. Let it go and focus instead on what I need to do next.
Most people don't care about grieving and healing. I do totally agree and walk this unpopular path and being ridiculed and shunned mostly because of it....people are scared of the truth...you are right!
Also, people know when you’re trying to convince them instead of laying out the information and respecting their autonomy to decide. They will always unconsciously tell you to shove it if they detect that.
I'd even go a step further and say that "laying out the information" rarely works. People are highly skeptical of new information that challenges their existing beliefs. And it makes sense, really. When you introduce a new fact, how is the person supposed to tell whether the fact is true or false? They only have your say-so, or the say-so of the source that you're citing. They don't have firsthand knowledge that the fact is true. This might seem like an impediment when you're trying to convince someone of something, but imagine if people didn't have some defenses. Then you'd be able to convince anyone of anything just by making up some statistic or fact.
@@trucid2 so they can decide what they think. I suppose you can say that I attempted to change their mind, but I’m in no way reliant on their mind being changed. So I might have had to clarify: when people see that you need to change their mind*
All these videos have been so on the nose lately. I prefer to be alone cause I find trying to convince people of my truth addicting and then I get burn out. I only do this cause they are already crushing my boundaries
"Don't teach the pig to sing, it wastes your time and irritates the pig." One of the most difficult things to do is letting people blindly walk into an abyss. I still haven't learned, and go stand in their way, even though I know it's not only useless, but will harm me.
Hey Daniel. Minor thing, -- you said in 2 videos about DBT, or CBT, some people said that it worked for them and didn't work for them. To be honest, I did a self-directed DBT book, and I got great value out of it. What it did is it provided a structure, framework, and a written laid out multi-functional plan and blueprint. It also saved me a lot of money, I pirated the book for free but paying for it would be like 30$. And, that is not to say, that it Alone is enough. I would also say some of the helpful things and approaches you mention are actually part of 'DBT' itself. And to emphasize, this was a self-directed DBT, so basically self-therapy. It helps its not gate keeped by expensive therapists and just using the word "DBT" to intellectually make themselves sound way more qualified and such. For example emotional Awareness is a corner stone to DBT, which BTW I would say CBT really truly is ineffective but I think lots of people would benefit from Self-DBT, With the caveat of giving more tools and confidence but not the end all be all, journaling and grieving to be part of it, or added to it. So there's my two cents. Also to be frank, I think most therapists who say they do DBT can't and don't even teach the full framework, or the client know on paper how it's strung together. But yeah, I found it a bit contradictory to kind of generally look down at 'DBT' when the methods and practices are in it and elsewhere. Sure you don't have to dress it up under 'DBT' and therapists using that to obscure things. Also the formal idea behind the naming of 'Dialectical', does hold great meaning. Holding two opposing ideas and balancing, I.e. it's about Acceptance Plus Change. Both can be true. Anyway thank you for this video. I love them all.
When I'm dealing with people who are usually locked down (not to the point of being true narcissists or psychopaths, of course), I start and punctuate the conversation with a great deal of appreciation for the person they were originally, when they were babies. - "You and I, as babies, we were this incredibly curious little being, incredibly loving and greedy for love, capable of tremendous learning in a very short time, having this need to trust people who guide us, having this need to explore the world, to imagine, to dream, to laugh, to live our deep emotions to the fullest, to meet friends, whether human or non-human 🐶🐱🐰🐥, needing justice, fair and healthy things, to be understood, time too,.." ...then I slowly come to question, in a naive tone: "When did you lose this incredible curiosity, in your opinion? Since when do you control emotions? Who taught you to do that? Do you remember?" ...and sometimes I can gently « put the worm in the apple » like that. 🤷🏼♀️
Without willingness first, there is no opening to reason/logic, but instead the mechanisms of fight/flight just turn on. New information often feels like a weapon being welded against the person one is trying to convince. New information FEELS like a threat to safety. Folks have to feel safe, accepted, and at least somewhat loved above all else. Another reason why loving our “enemies” works better than eye-for-an-eye.
At first, it seems that no one can be helped, no one can be brought to understanding--directly anyway--those things that were unique and personal. It seems ironic in a way that those most formative things--those things that perhaps we most wish to share and have others see--resist being seen, especially by those who remain distant or disconnected from themselves. How important it is to trust ourselves with seeing the things that others can seemingly not see! Nevertheless, your sharing of your own personal story here resonates, so perhaps it can be seen after all? It seems contradictory or impossible because many of those that watch your content you likely do not know, yet what you share about your own journey speaks, somehow, through those connections we all share. How strange and fascinating. Thanks Daniel!
How many therapist's does it take to change a light bulb? First the light bulb has to want to change. 😆 sorry if I am insensitive but I totally understand what you mean. Or maybe they are privileged too. If someone doesn't think there is a problem maybe it is because they are not affected personally by it or denial. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.
people only understand at their level of perception and experiences, and the empathy its missing along the road , when missing a argument they invent or ignore .. happiness it's a tool for them and not a state of peace of spirit
Preaching the the choir somewhat, but I'm glad to receive your reassurrance in this world of deception and denial. Sometimes one just needs to rest assurred in one's legitimacy to proceed in the difficult task of breaking out into freedom.
I prefer to be silent and let others talk. The more they talk, the more relaxed I become. Because I know I've done my work and because I know truth. That is much more enjoyable than trying to convince people. You don't even have to convince them. Life will convince them sooner or later 😜😜 also helps me getting along with my father much better because I can see behind his behavior and I know exactly what he is acting out. His own traumatic experiences as a child.
I too find that in many cases all it takes is to come without judgement and hold a mirror up to someone. If they have a trace of honesty in them they will get it.
In order to be persuasive one has to use facts already in their possession. When you introduce new facts for the purpose of persuasion, it's like telling them that the moon is made of cheese. They're not going to accept them. Try to relate to something they've already experienced to make them realize that what you're telling them is consistent with their own experience. Of course, this requires you either knowing the person pretty well or them engaging you in a socratic-type dialog.
Not listened to the end yet but the developmental modal that systems like spiral dynamics lay out would say-once we humans move to post modern level,that’s then when potentially the interior world starts to get going... Then from that there’s another line which is Wake up then Clean up then Grow up then finally Show up- I still find humour is the finest way to get a point across. Multi levelled multi layered humour can be very sophisticated way of showing a higher perspective that whether we jive with it or not is the natural unfolding of human consciousness
Its easy to think that most if not all of this is bc people are shut down n dont even want to think about what you have to say as it relates to very personal things in their life by extension. But it's also a sad reflection of our society in general n why people are becoming less social n more isolated in general. People arw afraid to debate anything anymore in person anyway..many cannot think on their feet and are accustom to giving uninterrupted and all the time in the world to write in the commmets section which is not the same thing as an honest give and take even if it ends with an agree to disagree type thing. The younger generation in particular has grown up with an attitude of ghosting people and cancel culture so they never even have the debate about the issues. Some dont even speak to people they knew and loved all of their life bc of who they support for president.. So you have people who are like this themselves or the people who arent sure if the other person is like this n so unless its extremely important they don't even have more complicated yet enrich don't conversations.
You have so much to give to people and the World, that I think you are only experiencing the burn-out process :) Cleanse and heal yourself, Daniel, and then come back to therapy :)
People don't allow me to feel how I feel or be myself. If I need to hurt then they will say "you're never going to be happy because ..." Something they want me to do (sex). They don't allow me to feel my grief and sadness. That's none of their business. Also this huge expectation to be happy and not feel grief. People expect happiness. That's none of their business. It really is none of their business. But like any rapists. If you don't do... "Get naked" you're not allowed to be you. Your self. People are never satisfied. They really aren't. I've learnt that. They're going to do what I tell them not to do. And I'm going to do what they don't want. It goes both ways. It really does go both ways. That's what I've noticed about these projectors and reverse psychology people. they're talking about themselves. As any celebrity has said. "It's about them, not you". It really is about them.
Has anyone else had to block people in their family/ friends during the pandemic? Not just anyone but family and friends you were really close to before this time. I sadly had to block some family and friends over nonsense, i sympathise that it is hard mentally for everyone, but i have a duty to protect myself which takes priority over my sympathy for abusive family members and friends is how i see it.
I find that most people aren’t interested in any ideas that make them feel uncomfortable or challenge the way they go about their lives. Thinking of myself, I am incredibly interested in ideas, but I still disagree with certain points you make. Not from a logical point of view, but a belief system you’re pushing up against. I also realize that just because I feel uncomfortable with it, doesn’t mean that I’m right and you’re wrong, nor vise versa. I used to try to convince people of the idiocy of believing in God, religion, and other belief systems that I deemed as “stupid”. I came up against the same issue you speak of here. So I thought to myself, let it go. As I examined myself and my own belief systems more, I realized that I really don’t know much about anything. Independent of IQ, most of us walk around with various thoughts and beliefs that are “good enough” to get us from A to B. Considering I don’t really know the first thing about “truth”, who the hell am I to challenge someone else’s belief….in God…for example? So with that in mind, and realizing that most people (including myself sometimes) are happy and comfortable in their/my own delusions, I decided to stop trying to challenge others as much.
I mean, when you present rational arguments and people continue in their ways and won't change then you are just wasting your time and energy. You can't make anyone believe you or change, that is on them. The people I have tried to convince just want validation that their toxic behavior is ok and use their upbringing as an excuse to traumatize other people.
Comes down to respect & validation. Making people feel wrong creates pain of being bad. The brain is a survival machine. Being wrong is threatening. Being wrong in the past meant ostrasisim or death. Soo self-deception is a powerful way to survive. People don't naturally want to go into self-deprecation or examine being wrong. Also depends on emotional maturity & EQ. Most people in American society are still children in larger bodies. Lacking the ability to self-regulate to prevent being fully driven by emotions.
🤔 There are fields where one should NOT give up trying to convince people, because lives are at stake. I'm not saying that you have to do it anyhow: there are techniques (maieutics, non-violent communication, refusal of debate but focus on ethics, etc.). I think for example about talking to someone who abuses other people without necessarily realizing it (those who make racist jokes, who make sexist remarks, who eat animals or their secretions, who infantilize or discipline children, who mistreat their pets, ...): of course you have to intervene! And if a door is opened, "convince" the person to evolve, right now and forever. ✊🏼
reaching out with content for another person is really for my own delectation. mostly. sad seeing mishaps happen. is it my business? more foolish emmeshment pushed by society. ?
There is a book called How To Have Impossible Conversations, it basically says try to understand the person you are talking with, ask them why they think the way they do using the Socratic method and don't be, "The Messenger." It says you cannot change people but you can instil doubt which is often the prerequisite to change. "Don't shoot the messenger," as the old saying goes, and don't be that messenger unless you are prepared to be shot at. Sometimes though I just like a bit of an argy bargy!
That's the same conclusion I get too. The people who can understand are the ones who already know, the ones who don't have to be dealt with in a different, more patient, or more distant way (or both). Edit: And then there's also nidotherapy, if you can cause an impact into the real world sometimes people look at the evidence and are able to be convinced, even to the point of being confused as to why they haven't noticed that before, unless they are too delusional.
My fiance's mother has been on methadone for 10 plus years, her son, daughter, and brother won't talk to her and she blames everyone else. She seems dissociated and narcissistic. Always expecting a lot out of people especially financially. I don't see her as a bad person, I think she's made the choice to stay away from what her traumas are. Trying to unveil some of these issues with her is like pulling teeth but I feel that it's helping. However it's very draining and intense for me when certain points have to be argued due to her denial/detached sense, this video is helpful but I'm not sure how to work on this issue without trying to convince her she's wrong? I just had this conversation last night and again last week. I spoke to her about coming in with her son for a therapist appointment. She said why, to cut me down as a mother? I don't know why he would need therapy? - I said because he's been depressed and numb for years and he wants to uncover his self. She could not understand at all. She said that there's nothing wrong even with herself, and that she came from a very loving family (everyone else says different) the brother has night terrors in his 50s from the abuse of their parents. She believes that spanking is a great parenting tool hence why the world is so bad now due to the decline of spanking. Old people are always so well mannered because of spanking. I completely disagreed and used a lot of factual knowledge from child psychology and dove into generational cycles. And touched on how "bad the world was" during the great period of spanking lol. WW2, prostitution was higher, alcoholism was higher, no women's rights, it was normal to hit women, Jim crow era, etc. I differentiated training kids vs raising kids. She usually blocks out anything that was negative, Denies her upbringing being a factor. Lots of denial and even lying. When I ask her if she hit her kids she diverted eye contact to the left so many times while telling me never. Further into the conversation she slips and tells me she only spanked the daughter until cps was called. As we go deeper into the conversation she ended up admitting more and more. Like dealing drugs around her kids, cps being called several times, her lengthy arrest record, her mother being paranoid schizophrenic from abuse. Her sons dad was murdered by the cops due to them wanting to protect her from the physical abuse he put her through, they won a lawsuit from it and the dead father's mother blames her for the death. It goes on and on. My point is that people can be so far dissociated but just talking for an hour with her brought a lot to light I think even for her. I don't want to argue points with her but it did seem to help in ways, however we won't really know until she goes into this therapist session to see if there's been any change in her mind, any take away. I'm always the one left totally drained though after these conversations and maybe even depressed for a few days after. It's beyond difficult to convey to someone what is functional, and emotionally healthy. It's like is it even worth it? We shall see next week, hopefully she lets some walls down and doesn't walk out.
She is NOT your responsibility .. trust people like her very very rarely heal, they just dont want to heal and people need to want to heal you cant make them heal.. please dont feel responsible for her it's a slippery slope.. even if she acknowledges some of her wounds you cant make her change unless she wants to and it doesnt sound like she does..
I still don’t go along the sentiment too much here I’ve just been reacquainted we an old friend after 20 years-he’s now a teacher Wonderful and inspiring as he is he is very modernist based-a very outer world view of life and outer growth often. He does some very creating things in class but alas like our entire cultures,out recent several decades of say academia has never shown human development and growth and higher levels of consciousness as even a thing-this is large part also comes from a post modern world view which is ‘we are all the same’ etc-yes and no...we have and unfold ideally into higher levels of development in our own life-especially once we turn inward journey stuff etc I have after many many hours of discussions shown this concept to my friend- I’m sure he’ll be subtly including a developmental yet age appropriate moment or two when he goes back to class in the coming years And a lot of our discussions were done in a humorous way etc I just generally don’t like that sentiment the title of this video shows-quite partial and annoying really
Study the life of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and his message I promise it will open your mind and eyes. Islam is the truth. Our God is one God.
Recently found your cannel and I wanted to thank you for sharing you wisdom with us. Your words help me to remember to stay focused on what's the most important for me: authenticity and inner peace ❤🩹
It's hard for me to comprehend how someone could hate these types of talks, my ex hated your videos, anything that had to do with introspection and unraveling yourself or others would tick her. When you think like this it's so much easier to understand yourself and others. Thank you for sharing Daniel!
New information that challenges old beliefs requires changing. Most humans are mentally lazy and try to conserve energy. Changing one belief causes a ripple effect and requires reflecting on multiple beliefs in th system. The ego likes to have certainty which is why religions exist is to give people a sense of hope of ambiguity. Without hope people would feel lost. People will grab on to ideas & not let go bc it's all they have. They're afraid of the unknown or death. Really comes down to a fear of death when you challenge beliefs
Mine too! I remember one time I was listening to Daniel and he was on the phone with me, he literally hung up and I was like wtf??? He said “I don’t want to listen to that, it’s making me uncomfortable”
If she is your "ex" it means that you are better now.
@@Emmiee114 Not everyone can evolve in life. That's why he felt uncomfortable.
@@rodrigothome9001 true! His presence in my life was hindering my own personal development and I’m glad I broke it off.
I know it is my own fault (I shouldn't expect anything from anyone) but I have been shocked and even disappointed at how the vast majority of the population is much more concerned with comfort than with truth
This. I’ve been going through this a lot lately, just fully coming to terms with how resistant people can be to the truth, and how they will cling to anything comfortable or familiar to avoid the truth, even if it is their “comforts” which are actually causing them a great deal of unnecessary misery.
Not shocking at all
We are a REDUNDANT species
@@fndngnvrlnd elaborate
Your videos were exactly what I needed in my life and I can say with no exaggeration, that the message you've sent in your videos has changed my life for the better. I am a fundamentally different and better person now than I was before I found this channel.
But it's been hard. It's been about 2 and a half years and I've been so eager to share this message with other people, and no one I've found has had anywhere near the same reaction as I did to this life-changing information.
I still share the information where I can in the offchance it does reach the right person, but it might be better to focus on my own healing instead of helping others who probably won't listen.
Backfire effect.. Literally learned about it yesterday. People will lock deeper into their beliefs & go into deeper denial if you try to prove them wrong.
Identity protective cognition is when people try to protect their identity from external threats to identity. Which shuts down the rational brain & only selectively hears what affirms biases and prior knowledge.
Too much truth sends too much cognitive dissonance which is painful.
People fall into dissosation because of pain. Escapism is all about pain. It's an unconscious state of being. A different reality that is filtered. It's strange but it's how beliefs work.
I believe getting past the critical factor is not easy with people. It's like you have to identify with their beliefs from the inside to shift a perception. Giving a sense of respect & validation. The mind tends to shutdown and become closed minded when threatened. Creating confirmation & trust with the inner self-talk but shifting it slightly seems to create enough questioning that isn't as threatening to the identity or ego to lock into a fixed attitude/mindset.
Wish it wasn't so tricky but directly trying to reason with logic is going to lead to a closed mind. Being playful & respectful can lead to a more open mind. Still depends on the level of belief. I believe people have to hit rock bottom to get through self-deception, denial..
Who knows.. This is kinda the game of life. Waking up to truth ain't easy. Mind is amazing at Self-deception mechanisms.
A very profound comment..
What if someone is in a cult and you try to convince them that they are in one? Should we not help those that are in denial? They of course don’t think they are in a cult and that their way of living is the truth. Some people can say that religion is a cult to. 🤷♀️
You can’t just be like, “yes what you’re doing is totally sane…” I guess it’s sane to that person 🤔
@@mariahconklin4150 I would think pointing out inconsistencies over time, not too directly, is what would work the best, but who can be so patient and disciplined to do that
Heavily grieving tonight. It was nice to see one of your videos pop up.
Congrats. Hoping to get to that phase myself soon.
♥️
Before even attempting to have a discussion with someone, one needs to establish the ground rules:
- ego
I met some people who I think I could give some insight but they are too stuck anyway.
@@efehansahin2172 As the film says, 'some men, you just can't reach.'
@@efehansahin2172 idk I’m pretty stuck in my Christianity and now I see the world so different. At this point I don’t want to have to follow a set of rules but just be my true authentic self hard part is that I don’t believe the same way others do and don’t believe in things such as mental illness and personality disorders I think that’s all based on trauma for people so 99.9 percent of people believe in mental illness.
@@mariahconklin4150 we don't believe in "mental illness" as seen in society anyway.
I also am pretty stuck in my "religion" as I don't believe in the entire show that is running for almost two years now.
I even believe there is something evil behind this 🤔🧐.
* Daniels TALKS are turning out to be the best form of THERAPY I have ever found ! ..........
Leaves you with no more Questions !!!
* REAL Human SHARING his experiences & knowledge & honesty, GOOD WORK ! Must be rewarding now !
I do sometimes try to convince people they are wrong about something, or doing something wrong, because what is happening negatively affects others or situations. But Daniel is right - people just double down into protecting themselves and will attack you to destroy you. I need to learn to let it go and let it run its course.
Lmfao this is so tragically true. I've been in therapy (first experience) to start to treat a sexual trauma. After few months, the so-called mental health professional (clinician psychologist) decided to push me to a psychiatrist, I did it and I tried to clarify some stuff with that professional I wanted to pursue the therapy with her and having a psychiatrist besides too. She stopped the process by email a month after and didn't manage to just accept a direct interaction with me or with the psychiatrist when I tried to reach her to understand why is she doing this. This betrayal and abandonment have never been fully healed. I saw directly how people have never sympathised with me BC well I was the victim here, the trauma survivor who has been reactivated by this psychotherapeutic sessions interruption. People (caregivers) actually have defended that professional and rejected my suffering, my pain on me who was in charge alone to get a solution. Because people don't fucking care about their actions, what matters is wether or not they have troubles. At some point, I tried to talk, discussed and explained but I learnt in the hard way: even the most "noble" persons will protect themselves and gaslight you if you are "complaining" about a situation. I stopped to expose myself to people who deny my humanity. I don't care about other people opinions on a violence they've never been exposed to. My journey is my own, if you want to help me, you are welcome. If you don't, stay away
I got you. What you've shown me so far feels pretty on point.
I got some thoughts. Everyone has their own journey. Just like you are having yours, so are they. If they are resisting your ideas or persuasion, they feel uncomfortable and will try to address it.
Except they don't know how to address it, so they attack you instead. They need to find equilibrium, stabilize. Children will cry and get mad, and it has a lot to do with not knowing how to handle it.
Emotions aren't bad, but they are powerful. They have helped us survive... Natural selection has given us a unique toolset, and we have learned how to cope or thrive in a given environment.
I have plenty of issues. But if I am trying to persuade someone, I have be ok with accepting that I am not doing it for them. I am doing it for myself.
And, if I end up hurting them or not feel validated, then my choice to engage has caused this result.
What am I trying to say? I think we are all trying to share or even create reality through socializing with others. Our brains are powerful in that sense. But, if we translate our thoughts into actions, it can look like we are just trampling through our neighbor's garden. Instead of being respectful.
But I say this... when I am usually the one that sets fire to people's gardens. I still haven't quite worked out why I feel so compelled to act that way.
I feel threatened by the world? Maybe. I don't know.
Hey Daniel, I love your channel and your spirit to help others. It's people like you, that give me the feeling that I'm not alone with my ideas and my mindset. I've learned a lot from your videos. There's noone in my life that taught me anything about self healing or childhood traumas. I never felt more understood than by watching your channel. I'm very thankful for all the transparency you provide and you're also a very authentic person.
Greetings from Austria.
This is very relatable. I love the honesty about how when you get shot down by people who are unwilling or not open to hearing your perspective, it discourages you and makes you feel diminished and less confident/less enthusiasm & emotional energy to want to express yourself and influence the people who actually are open to your beliefs and would benefit from your way of thinking.
Thanks Daniel for sharing you thoughts 👍. It is always hard to put yourself out there. You have to really want to share. I think this channel is a great place to share when so many people are not interested in listening let alone learning.
Thank you Daniel. Your videos are much needed ❤
Youre right. I had to get so sick of what my life circumstances were, while also seeing that i was the only person that could have gotten me to a different place. We think we can be neutral, take life as it comes, stay safe by not making the difficult decisions. If you dont make the decision, eventually it becomes too late to choose your consequences; they will be chosen for you. I definitely wish i learned that bit a little earlier. 😅
Learning about attachment styles and manipulative communication did give me the background to see what i had to see, to be willing to change. I really thought i felt bad because i was bad.
That stress and pain of wanting to convince others, pings my old desire of wanting my mother's approval. I so wanted her to believe my narrative, that I wasn't lying, that I wasn't bad. That same striving continued in romantic relationships but I didn't recognize it, being manipulated to strive to prove my value, being required to show through sacrifice or suffering my loyalty. I didn't understand why I was required to let go of my truth and embrace theirs, when they weren't embracing mine. I knew in my heart I was not a liar, and that's what each told me.
I do not have to work to convince anyone of my truth, my worth, my value. If they want to dismiss my ideas because they aren't open minded enough to fully engage, it is not my responsibility to ensure that they are gaining the knowledge I am attempting to share.
It is not my responsibility to teach someone why they should want to connect, why they should value other humans. It was always their loss that they weren't open to me, not mine. That is a desire I still struggle with, especially when the people I love aren't authentically connecting with me. It sucks when someone pretends to be emotionally available and safe, and then suddenly they're not. You wonder why they chose this hill to die on, but then it becomes each hill.
Much easier when it's a bunch of random internet strangers being narrow minded, versus family!! 😂
Thanks, Daniel. 😊
Thank you for another video, Daniel. I do the same as you and I don't try to convince anybody to follow the same path as me, they must wake up when it's their time (and they probably need to hit rock bottom first). Even if they are members of my family, I don't tell them anything about that.
Preaching to the converted is such a very underrated activity. Because there is often a profound need to have your own thoughts reflected back to you, especially when those thoughts have not fully formed, or are painful, or lead you to feel alienated and alone. That's why your work is so worthwhile, Daniel.
Yes, and we can get into more meaningful discussions rather than just an introduction all the time.
"You cannot reason someone out of a position they did not reason themselves into"
Can I just say, I found your channel recently and I find that every single one I watched had a valuable or interesting perspective and the appropriate amount of real emotions.
Thank you for sharing
Thanks -- glad to hear it!
Revisiting all your videos again. I find them uniquely therapeutic not just for your insights about psychology, but also the lifeyness of your storytelling and zest for nature and the world. Thank you! Please post more and longer videos! lol
I personally find your videos to be thought provoking and of much help in my healing journey and am thankful that I stumbled upon your channel. Thought I'd contribute to the positive comments to help counter the negativity of those nasty comments :)
It’s so nice to know someone out there with a brain like yours exists.
I have a feeling that society is going south.
And if I can NOT get out in time - I will be dragged in to the deepest parts of hell.
Thank you Daniel, as always🙏
Could it be that trying hard to convince other people that we're right
(which is different from simply laying out, just presenting our opinion, view, conviction, argument), comes from our childhood experiences of attempting so desperately (and yet, unsuccessfully) at making our parents believe that what we felt was true, valid, serious, important? Could it be seen as reenactment of such trauma?
Ding ding ding
Can we all stop to turn to personal biography of an individual to find all the answers ? Sometimes a situation is wrong, we are trying to vocalize our opinions about it, that's all
Thank you for your work
thanks for having the bravery to be so open n honest, dont take any hate comments personally, easier said than done, but haters obviously have their own problems n issues that they need to work on, and remind yourself that the positive comments far outweigh the few negative comments, I think some people may not like you because you speak the truth, and that you are open n honest.
Thanks 😊
People lie and project and violate. It's not that you can't convince them. They do the same with me. If something bothers people they need me to use their reverse psychology.
You just helped me by seeing the parallels when I wasn't able to get a girlfriend from not willingly to start learning from my relationship with my mother (nor my sisters for that matter) although its been a slow start down that road, I can't let my addictions make it easy to crash
What does ur mom have to do with ur girlfriend
@@thedon5266 if I can't get along with my mom, I won't get along with women in general
yup, I can relate, so true.... thanks Daniel
Daniel, could you please consider making a video specifically to act as a "starter kit" for going on the path to healing? Something to explain to a complete newcomer to this kind of emotional work how it all works from your perspective, and where they should start? You can get a decent idea if you watch a lot of your different videos, but having it all in one video would be super useful.
Definitely, core messages are best shared with receptive ears👂!!!
thaaankkkkkkkyooou
Love you Daniel! Feel like I’m in your tribe and appreciate the vibe ✨
Love this Daniel. Shared
I know what it is like to be violated.
A year ago, I broke out of my family.
At that time - I was occasionally playing football - my father rushed out of his car.
I sprinted quickly. My heart was beating. That was the last time I have been at this small park.
I was only a child who was starting to grow up.
I hit my bottom after I nearly lost a relationship with a woman that I really love nearly broke up with me because of my pornography addiction.
I’ve stopped looking at pornography entirely and I’m definitely healthier and happier than I was years ago but I’ve realized that I have other struggles like I don’t connect very easily with other people. That’s been a struggle in my life for a very long time.
Fantastic insight! Congrats and thank you 😊
This really resonates with me! I also try to remember that it’s time, energy being expended. I want to add to this comment
So true ... For me too. same. Still tweaking daily.
thank you for sharing all these thoughts, your videos help a lot
If people aren't teachable, they probably should not watch this channel. It is great that you are so true and open about your path of learning. As a musician, I can only say that learning is never over. It is a life long process.
The adage once was, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Now perhaps the adage should be, when the message is needed the video will appear in your feed. Anyhow this was just the right message for me. I was sitting here, despondent that folks were looking data contrary to their views right in the eye and ... sticking to their views. Let it go and focus instead on what I need to do next.
This is the kinda shit that makes me think god might exist or were in a simulation. These things have almost movie plot-like timing.
This is gold
Most people don't care about grieving and healing. I do totally agree and walk this unpopular path and being ridiculed and shunned mostly because of it....people are scared of the truth...you are right!
Yep. You're right.
Also, people know when you’re trying to convince them instead of laying out the information and respecting their autonomy to decide. They will always unconsciously tell you to shove it if they detect that.
I'd even go a step further and say that "laying out the information" rarely works. People are highly skeptical of new information that challenges their existing beliefs. And it makes sense, really. When you introduce a new fact, how is the person supposed to tell whether the fact is true or false? They only have your say-so, or the say-so of the source that you're citing. They don't have firsthand knowledge that the fact is true. This might seem like an impediment when you're trying to convince someone of something, but imagine if people didn't have some defenses. Then you'd be able to convince anyone of anything just by making up some statistic or fact.
Haha. That's so silly.
@@trucid2 no. The point of laying out the information is not to change someone’s mind. It’s only to give them the information.
@@pod9363 Why are you giving them information if not to change their mind? Sounds disingenous.
@@trucid2 so they can decide what they think. I suppose you can say that I attempted to change their mind, but I’m in no way reliant on their mind being changed. So I might have had to clarify: when people see that you need to change their mind*
Couldn’t agree more.
All these videos have been so on the nose lately. I prefer to be alone cause I find trying to convince people of my truth addicting and then I get burn out. I only do this cause they are already crushing my boundaries
Excellent video
"Don't teach the pig to sing, it wastes your time and irritates the pig."
One of the most difficult things to do is letting people blindly walk into an abyss. I still haven't learned, and go stand in their way, even though I know it's not only useless, but will harm me.
Hey Daniel. Minor thing, -- you said in 2 videos about DBT, or CBT, some people said that it worked for them and didn't work for them.
To be honest, I did a self-directed DBT book, and I got great value out of it.
What it did is it provided a structure, framework, and a written laid out multi-functional plan and blueprint.
It also saved me a lot of money, I pirated the book for free but paying for it would be like 30$.
And, that is not to say, that it Alone is enough.
I would also say some of the helpful things and approaches you mention are actually part of 'DBT' itself.
And to emphasize, this was a self-directed DBT, so basically self-therapy.
It helps its not gate keeped by expensive therapists and just using the word "DBT" to intellectually make themselves sound way more qualified and such.
For example emotional Awareness is a corner stone to DBT, which BTW I would say CBT really truly is ineffective but I think lots of people would benefit from Self-DBT, With the caveat of giving more tools and confidence but not the end all be all,
journaling and grieving to be part of it, or added to it.
So there's my two cents.
Also to be frank, I think most therapists who say they do DBT can't and don't even teach the full framework, or the client know on paper how it's strung together.
But yeah, I found it a bit contradictory to kind of generally look down at 'DBT' when the methods and practices are in it and elsewhere.
Sure you don't have to dress it up under 'DBT' and therapists using that to obscure things.
Also the formal idea behind the naming of 'Dialectical', does hold great meaning. Holding two opposing ideas and balancing, I.e. it's about Acceptance Plus Change. Both can be true.
Anyway thank you for this video. I love them all.
When I'm dealing with people who are usually locked down (not to the point of being true narcissists or psychopaths, of course), I start and punctuate the conversation with a great deal of appreciation for the person they were originally, when they were babies.
- "You and I, as babies, we were this incredibly curious little being, incredibly loving and greedy for love, capable of tremendous learning in a very short time, having this need to trust people who guide us, having this need to explore the world, to imagine, to dream, to laugh, to live our deep emotions to the fullest, to meet friends, whether human or non-human 🐶🐱🐰🐥, needing justice, fair and healthy things, to be understood, time too,.." ...then I slowly come to question, in a naive tone: "When did you lose this incredible curiosity, in your opinion? Since when do you control emotions? Who taught you to do that? Do you remember?" ...and sometimes I can gently « put the worm in the apple » like that. 🤷🏼♀️
Without willingness first, there is no opening to reason/logic, but instead the mechanisms of fight/flight just turn on. New information often feels like a weapon being welded against the person one is trying to convince. New information FEELS like a threat to safety. Folks have to feel safe, accepted, and at least somewhat loved above all else. Another reason why loving our “enemies” works better than eye-for-an-eye.
Daniel, I have been scared for my life many times.
*_We need a video about physical aging, dawg!_*
At first, it seems that no one can be helped, no one can be brought to understanding--directly anyway--those things that were unique and personal. It seems ironic in a way that those most formative things--those things that perhaps we most wish to share and have others see--resist being seen, especially by those who remain distant or disconnected from themselves. How important it is to trust ourselves with seeing the things that others can seemingly not see! Nevertheless, your sharing of your own personal story here resonates, so perhaps it can be seen after all? It seems contradictory or impossible because many of those that watch your content you likely do not know, yet what you share about your own journey speaks, somehow, through those connections we all share. How strange and fascinating. Thanks Daniel!
How many therapist's does it take to change a light bulb?
First the light bulb has to want to change. 😆 sorry if I am insensitive but I totally understand what you mean. Or maybe they are privileged too. If someone doesn't think there is a problem maybe it is because they are not affected personally by it or denial. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.
Failure wakes me up
people only understand at their level of perception and experiences, and the empathy its missing along the road , when missing a argument they invent or ignore .. happiness it's a tool for them and not a state of peace of spirit
Daniel the world is evil and I shouldn't take my healthiness for granted.
I love your content
thank you :)
Wow it's like you're talking about my life
Preaching the the choir somewhat, but I'm glad to receive your reassurrance in this world of deception and denial. Sometimes one just needs to rest assurred in one's legitimacy to proceed in the difficult task of breaking out into freedom.
I prefer to be silent and let others talk. The more they talk, the more relaxed I become. Because I know I've done my work and because I know truth. That is much more enjoyable than trying to convince people. You don't even have to convince them. Life will convince them sooner or later 😜😜 also helps me getting along with my father much better because I can see behind his behavior and I know exactly what he is acting out. His own traumatic experiences as a child.
wow----beautiful
I too find that in many cases all it takes is to come without judgement and hold a mirror up to someone. If they have a trace of honesty in them they will get it.
In order to be persuasive one has to use facts already in their possession. When you introduce new facts for the purpose of persuasion, it's like telling them that the moon is made of cheese. They're not going to accept them.
Try to relate to something they've already experienced to make them realize that what you're telling them is consistent with their own experience. Of course, this requires you either knowing the person pretty well or them engaging you in a socratic-type dialog.
Not really to do with this video but with your videos in general: I always wonder what you think of ACA, and specifically the text ‘the solution’.
Not listened to the end yet but the developmental modal that systems like spiral dynamics lay out would say-once we humans move to post modern level,that’s then when potentially the interior world starts to get going...
Then from that there’s another line which is
Wake up then Clean up then Grow up then finally Show up-
I still find humour is the finest way to get a point across.
Multi levelled multi layered humour can be very sophisticated way of showing a higher perspective that whether we jive with it or not is the natural unfolding of human consciousness
Its easy to think that most if not all of this is bc people are shut down n dont even want to think about what you have to say as it relates to very personal things in their life by extension. But it's also a sad reflection of our society in general n why people are becoming less social n more isolated in general. People arw afraid to debate anything anymore in person anyway..many cannot think on their feet and are accustom to giving uninterrupted and all the time in the world to write in the commmets section which is not the same thing as an honest give and take even if it ends with an agree to disagree type thing. The younger generation in particular has grown up with an attitude of ghosting people and cancel culture so they never even have the debate about the issues. Some dont even speak to people they knew and loved all of their life bc of who they support for president.. So you have people who are like this themselves or the people who arent sure if the other person is like this n so unless its extremely important they don't even have more complicated yet enrich don't conversations.
❤❤❤
Good decision
👍
Oh, you’re definitely an INFJ.
You have so much to give to people and the World, that I think you are only experiencing the burn-out process :) Cleanse and heal yourself, Daniel, and then come back to therapy :)
People don't allow me to feel how I feel or be myself. If I need to hurt then they will say "you're never going to be happy because ..." Something they want me to do (sex). They don't allow me to feel my grief and sadness. That's none of their business. Also this huge expectation to be happy and not feel grief. People expect happiness. That's none of their business. It really is none of their business. But like any rapists. If you don't do... "Get naked" you're not allowed to be you. Your self. People are never satisfied. They really aren't. I've learnt that. They're going to do what I tell them not to do. And I'm going to do what they don't want. It goes both ways. It really does go both ways. That's what I've noticed about these projectors and reverse psychology people. they're talking about themselves. As any celebrity has said. "It's about them, not you". It really is about them.
Well I don't know I failed with two guys both same. Why would I have that two times that's weird
Has anyone else had to block people in their family/ friends during the pandemic? Not just anyone but family and friends you were really close to before this time. I sadly had to block some family and friends over nonsense, i sympathise that it is hard mentally for everyone, but i have a duty to protect myself which takes priority over my sympathy for abusive family members and friends is how i see it.
Yes, also stood away from groups, family whatsapp groups, just too much nonsense and negativity
I find that most people aren’t interested in any ideas that make them feel uncomfortable or challenge the way they go about their lives. Thinking of myself, I am incredibly interested in ideas, but I still disagree with certain points you make. Not from a logical point of view, but a belief system you’re pushing up against. I also realize that just because I feel uncomfortable with it, doesn’t mean that I’m right and you’re wrong, nor vise versa.
I used to try to convince people of the idiocy of believing in God, religion, and other belief systems that I deemed as “stupid”. I came up against the same issue you speak of here. So I thought to myself, let it go.
As I examined myself and my own belief systems more, I realized that I really don’t know much about anything. Independent of IQ, most of us walk around with various thoughts and beliefs that are “good enough” to get us from A to B. Considering I don’t really know the first thing about “truth”, who the hell am I to challenge someone else’s belief….in God…for example?
So with that in mind, and realizing that most people (including myself sometimes) are happy and comfortable in their/my own delusions, I decided to stop trying to challenge others as much.
Have you ever watched Contrapoints' videos? Her level of thoughtfulness reminds me of your work. Certainly a different style and content!
I haven’t watched her videos, but thank you for the idea!
So you mean people stay in their echo chamber.
I mean, when you present rational arguments and people continue in their ways and won't change then you are just wasting your time and energy. You can't make anyone believe you or change, that is on them. The people I have tried to convince just want validation that their toxic behavior is ok and use their upbringing as an excuse to traumatize other people.
Comes down to respect & validation. Making people feel wrong creates pain of being bad. The brain is a survival machine. Being wrong is threatening. Being wrong in the past meant ostrasisim or death. Soo self-deception is a powerful way to survive. People don't naturally want to go into self-deprecation or examine being wrong.
Also depends on emotional maturity & EQ. Most people in American society are still children in larger bodies. Lacking the ability to self-regulate to prevent being fully driven by emotions.
🤔 There are fields where one should NOT give up trying to convince people, because lives are at stake.
I'm not saying that you have to do it anyhow: there are techniques (maieutics, non-violent communication, refusal of debate but focus on ethics, etc.).
I think for example about talking to someone who abuses other people without necessarily realizing it (those who make racist jokes, who make sexist remarks, who eat animals or their secretions, who infantilize or discipline children, who mistreat their pets, ...): of course you have to intervene!
And if a door is opened, "convince" the person to evolve, right now and forever. ✊🏼
Do not try and teach a pig to sing 🐖;
It just wastes your time and it angers the pig 🐽.
Hahaha!
reaching out with content for another person is really for my own delectation. mostly. sad seeing mishaps happen. is it my business? more foolish emmeshment pushed by society. ?
There is a book called How To Have Impossible Conversations, it basically says try to understand the person you are talking with, ask them why they think the way they do using the Socratic method and don't be, "The Messenger." It says you cannot change people but you can instil doubt which is often the prerequisite to change.
"Don't shoot the messenger," as the old saying goes, and don't be that messenger unless you are prepared to be shot at.
Sometimes though I just like a bit of an argy bargy!
That's the same conclusion I get too. The people who can understand are the ones who already know, the ones who don't have to be dealt with in a different, more patient, or more distant way (or both).
Edit: And then there's also nidotherapy, if you can cause an impact into the real world sometimes people look at the evidence and are able to be convinced, even to the point of being confused as to why they haven't noticed that before, unless they are too delusional.
This title sounds so unlike Daniel
Howso
And this is why you’re probably still single like me. No one wants to grow up. 🤷♀️🙄
My fiance's mother has been on methadone for 10 plus years, her son, daughter, and brother won't talk to her and she blames everyone else. She seems dissociated and narcissistic. Always expecting a lot out of people especially financially. I don't see her as a bad person, I think she's made the choice to stay away from what her traumas are. Trying to unveil some of these issues with her is like pulling teeth but I feel that it's helping. However it's very draining and intense for me when certain points have to be argued due to her denial/detached sense, this video is helpful but I'm not sure how to work on this issue without trying to convince her she's wrong? I just had this conversation last night and again last week.
I spoke to her about coming in with her son for a therapist appointment. She said why, to cut me down as a mother? I don't know why he would need therapy? - I said because he's been depressed and numb for years and he wants to uncover his self. She could not understand at all. She said that there's nothing wrong even with herself, and that she came from a very loving family (everyone else says different) the brother has night terrors in his 50s from the abuse of their parents.
She believes that spanking is a great parenting tool hence why the world is so bad now due to the decline of spanking. Old people are always so well mannered because of spanking.
I completely disagreed and used a lot of factual knowledge from child psychology and dove into generational cycles. And touched on how "bad the world was" during the great period of spanking lol. WW2, prostitution was higher, alcoholism was higher, no women's rights, it was normal to hit women, Jim crow era, etc. I differentiated training kids vs raising kids.
She usually blocks out anything that was negative, Denies her upbringing being a factor. Lots of denial and even lying.
When I ask her if she hit her kids she diverted eye contact to the left so many times while telling me never. Further into the conversation she slips and tells me she only spanked the daughter until cps was called.
As we go deeper into the conversation she ended up admitting more and more. Like dealing drugs around her kids, cps being called several times, her lengthy arrest record, her mother being paranoid schizophrenic from abuse. Her sons dad was murdered by the cops due to them wanting to protect her from the physical abuse he put her through, they won a lawsuit from it and the dead father's mother blames her for the death.
It goes on and on. My point is that people can be so far dissociated but just talking for an hour with her brought a lot to light I think even for her. I don't want to argue points with her but it did seem to help in ways, however we won't really know until she goes into this therapist session to see if there's been any change in her mind, any take away.
I'm always the one left totally drained though after these conversations and maybe even depressed for a few days after. It's beyond difficult to convey to someone what is functional, and emotionally healthy. It's like is it even worth it? We shall see next week, hopefully she lets some walls down and doesn't walk out.
She is NOT your responsibility .. trust people like her very very rarely heal, they just dont want to heal and people need to want to heal you cant make them heal.. please dont feel responsible for her it's a slippery slope.. even if she acknowledges some of her wounds you cant make her change unless she wants to and it doesnt sound like she does..
I still don’t go along the sentiment too much here
I’ve just been reacquainted we an old friend after 20 years-he’s now a teacher
Wonderful and inspiring as he is he is very modernist based-a very outer world view of life and outer growth often.
He does some very creating things in class but alas like our entire cultures,out recent several decades of say academia has never shown human development and growth and higher levels of consciousness as even a thing-this is large part also comes from a post modern world view which is ‘we are all the same’ etc-yes and no...we have and unfold ideally into higher levels of development in our own life-especially once we turn inward journey stuff etc
I have after many many hours of discussions shown this concept to my friend-
I’m sure he’ll be subtly including a developmental yet age appropriate moment or two when he goes back to class in the coming years
And a lot of our discussions were done in a humorous way etc
I just generally don’t like that sentiment the title of this video shows-quite partial and annoying really
And this is why a loving god will allow a tribulation period
Study the life of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and his message I promise it will open your mind and eyes. Islam is the truth. Our God is one God.
Recently found your cannel and I wanted to thank you for sharing you wisdom with us. Your words help me to remember to stay focused on what's the most important for me: authenticity and inner peace ❤🩹