Thank you for putting you and your story out there so that complete strangers can realize uncomfortable truths. It is a kindness I never expected, thank you and blessings!
I understand from therapy and learning that a child cannot conceive of his care-giver/chief guardian mistreating him. That is such a poignant point you made. It makes me sad for our child selves; such willing, hopeful little problem-solvers that we are, desiring only simple harmony and safety. What you said brought up, not memories exactly, just a feeling of being that age and as happy as i could be, knowing they were good people, but that feeling of anxiety always at the back of everything. Gabore Maté reckons the child feels the mother's emotions - literally. I always felt worried about and responsible for my mum, as well as being angry that she and my dad couldn't get along. I'm close in age to you, and have never wanted kids even though I have taught them and enjoy their company. I sometimes think I didn't need my own, because it was hard enough looking after my parents, if that makes sense!
@jenny you nailed it. The simple reason I never had kids is because I took care of my mother emotionally since I was 5 years old and now I feel like a retired person enjoying my freedom. And I’m also 40. Yep, raised my mom emotionally, no need to have children. Simply didn’t have the emotional energy.
Thanks for sharing your story. Resonated with so much of it. My folks just did basic needs, no emotional needs met and I was more attached to the dog than my parents. In fact I just realised why I want to move somewhere I can have a dog again!
Ha! Nice to meet GI Joe.. as a child of the 80s I distinctly remember sitting seatbelt free on those leg burning car seats as well! 😆 Quality content as always. So many things on TH-cam make you feel like you’re literally losing brain cells while watching, and your videos are the opposite. Cheers for the new and improved neural pathways, every time!
I tried to but my mother as a child craving her love, she froze, and became like a plank of wood, and pushed me away, it took me years and a special person who came into my life to overcome the fear of hugging some one. I couldn't even write the word love on a card, it just felt false, as I didn't feel love, and my mother would sign my birthday card with her name, or not sign it at all, yet my siblings cards would say from mom. Funny how these little things can have such a huge impact on a child's mind.
Your story reminded me of one of mine. After I cut contact with my parents, my daughter received a birthday card from them, the first handwritten note I have *ever* seen from my father, with a large amount of money in it. It made her very uncomfortable, and it broke my heart.
Exactly what I did with relationships. Finally in my 40’s I quit blaming myself for everything and finally started to accept people for who they were if I stopped chasing. All the adults in my immediate life: parents, spouse, upped their manipulation and shame and showed me what I was really surrounded with. So much more peace now creating an authentic life. I appreciate you sharing ❤️
My mother was also inconsistent because of being in a violent marriage and unhealthy dependence on my older sister. She never really made space for me in her life. My attachment was anxious avoidant. I chased my mother until I realized she is a narcissist at 38. My avoidance allowed me to ignore how my family has always shunted me to the side and how I lived my whole life trying to get attention from her instead of her obsessive focus on my sister. Thanks for sharing your memories! I loved the story.
I feel you on this one. My mom was also in a violent marriage and both of my parents are inconsistent and violent emotionally. I’ve developed anxious avoidant as well and chase after people who are unavailable. It’s been 6 years now for me to physically separate from my family but only after being in therapy that I start to unravel the craziness behind all of my family trauma
Because my mother remarried a good man who adopted me, our family is still dysfunctional but not to the point that I’ve had to completely separate but drawing boundaries and creating distance while figuring out what connection I can maintain were my work over the last few years of therapy. I’m now in training to be a LMFT because of my experience and plan on specializing in family trauma like our goodly friend on this channel. Hugs to you and cheers on your recovery journey!
Thank you for sharing your story. My father was alcoholic narcissistic man. My mother was absent physically mentally. I have to be a mother figure to my sibling. From age 6-24 years old. I never had childhood. I had to grow up before my time. My heart goes out to everyone who went through the same thing. You are a great man, they're changing a lot of people life. You're my hero. I'm glad to find you channel. God bless you. ♥️🙏
Wow, Patrick... you just helped me find a missing piece of my jigsaw. At 56, and after years of therapy (on and off), I no longer blame nor resent my parents for their lack - it was what it was - they did their (unaware) best. But at 7, I started to learn the piano so that I could play the tunes from my mother’s childhood-youth-young adulthood that would temporarily lift her out of her depression - sometimes, I could hear her quietly singing along. Depression was her addiction, and the cause of her distraction from her children. My father was charismatic, aggressive (undiagnosed PTSD) and, thankfully, mostly absent. When he was home, we were all hyper vigilant. I learnt and practiced, for the next 8 years, all the popular tunes from her era and at the time I believed these were tunes that I loved too. My ‘love’ of piano faded after leaving home at 18. Now I understand why I don’t need to feel such guilt for giving it up. Thank you.
You completely described my life, LITERALLY right down to the 1964 Valiant with NO air conditioning and crank windows. I know all about burning your legs. And the alcoholism.
What if at 6 years old, there was no go to person. I'm thinking about it and my stepdad was at work, my mum was asleep in bed, I know I went to school but I have really sketchy memories of school time. these videos have really made me think, and I'm starting to understand why I get in my own way.
I had a pink panter when I was a little girl. My narcissistic parents always allowed other people's children take my and my siblings' toys. We are not allowed to object to them because other children's needs were more important than ours. This boy broke the neck of my pink panther. I was really upset because I felt that my pink panther was dead but my parents didn't care. I mourned my pink panther quietly because I was afraid of my dad's rage. I also remember my mother taking my yellow toy car from me and giving it to the neighbour's son. She wanted to be seen as a selfless person at the cost of my sadness. I cried and begged her not to give it to this boy but she didn't care. She told me that I am a selfish girl. How dare I put my needs first although I was older than him but I was just 10. I went to bed and continued to cry quietly. In very early ages I learned that my needs are not important and in order to deserve my parents' love I should do whatever they wanted and even being my mom's mom when I was a teenager instead of talking about my needs.
I really felt your inner child there, all your descriptions of situations in detail. It sounds like you're really on your journey to wellness, maybe more so as I see your comment was a year ago. Sending you hugs from a stranger over here 🙂
I remember once calling out my fathers name and then being unable to respond when he asked me what I wanted, because the reason I had asked for his attention was not to communicate a need, but simply to get attention. I guess I was already attention deprived, even though I was only 6.
Thank you very much for being open about your own experiences. It is even more valuable as you are a therapist. It is extremely therapeutic. Being in the "ivory tower" of psychiatric authority (pure, untouchable, never vulnerable) undermines therapeutic processes, but still most therapists do it. Thank you for helping people REALLY.
An illuminating deep dive into how an attachment style forms. Sometimes we feel shame about feeling needy, or feeling isolated, etc., but this is a reminder that not only is there a good reason for our behavior, but that our behavior makes sense given our past trauma.
Patrick, I have seen several therapists I'm my 62 years and never one that addressed childhood trauma. Thank you for your insight. Have you ever come across some one who was adulted as a child? My parents had a horrible realtionship, arguing all the time and my mother would tell me that I needed to stick up for her and tell my father he was a bad person for hurting her. On the other spectrum when I was able with my father which was not often, my mother wouldn't allow it, he would tell me he would be leaving us soon but that he would always love me he just couldn't take it anymore. Always in the middle. Writing this I understand now why I've always been caught in triads
I am in therapy and my amazing therapist educated me on covert narcissism. Never would have imagined my mom to be a narc, but she is. I see it now. I am learning ever since. Thank you so much for rising awareness!
A month or so ago I felt the desire to see my Barbie I loved as a kid. I have no idea what happened with that Barbie, but I cried for ages and HAD to get the doll. Then I had this weird issue with expecting the doll to have disappeared or changed overnight (in an evil way). It's bizarre. Every morning now I'm a little less afraid Barbie will be gone. I wish I could remember.
Wow . . . just wow! Thank you for sharing your story with us, Patrick. And even after that kind of a childhood, you turned out damn amazing! Thanks for continuing on with this series. Hearts and minds are being healed!
Very very relatable! Being completely ignored most of the time was the norm for me as well. It has taken me decades to finally begin to recognise my own propensity to neglect myself in order to cater to my partner and or others. it has been such a gradual dawning too... this mindset seems to go right to the core. Overcoming self negation has become my mission now
I'm still picking my childhood apart, but I want to thank you very deeply for these videos. They are really helping me to see what is normal and what is not. I still struggle everyday with my partner because we both come from dysfunctional and yet very different families, and we have a lot of work to do together, but I think your videos are really helping me hold up my end. Thank you very much for the work you are doing!
😱 a little over a month ago, when I had finally taken assertive steps to leave my NEx, I had this dream/flashback of the day my mom took me to toys r us for my birthday so I could pick out a toy. I remember waking up so confused/ ecstatic because I struggle remembering things events and details from my childhood. On this day, I saw a Pocahontas play set ( 1995ish) that I was instantly OBSESSED with. I remember grabbing it and it being a large rectangular box that I had to extend my arms to hold. I COULNT wait to take it home so I could take out Pocahontas and Meeko (her raccoon friend) and all the little nick backs it came with ( a canoe and ore, little apples, sunflowers, so many accessories!! I was DYING to set up the scene from the movie at my home. My mother’s response to this was to try to convince me to get something “better/larger” because the one I picked out was (I guess) under the budget she had allocated for my birthday gift. (My mother grew up extremely poor and often went without toys and other non essential items - and at this point thanks to my dad being a workaholic at his business and practically a ghost in my life, we were comfortably well off) but I was turning like 8, and had limited capacity of the monetary value of toys and budgets - and all I knew was that this is the toy I wanted. She insisted a couple of times and I didn’t budge. I don’t remember her actual response but I do know that I ended up with the Pocahontas set and remember very vividly setting up the Pocahontas at hone with joy. When I woke up that morning - I told my NEx the entire story (to which he blew off completely as insignificant). I’m glad he had called me (he actually woke me up from the dream 😒) but since I told him the whole dream/memory as soon as I woke up I now have it stored and have gone back to it a few times. I, too, bought the Pocahontas set (one with less accessories, but the SAME set) off eBay. Once it arrived, I was unable to remove it from the shipping box because I wanted to avoid the memory of me talking to NEx ( at this point of shipment I had initiated no contact which I’m proud to say is still going strong) This past weekend I finally took it out of the shipping box to reveal Pocahontas and company. I have not yet removed her from the packaging (it’s in its original 1990s Mattel package) and I’m not sure why. Definitely some type of avoidance with this toy/story. But I’ve been convinced, today I am going to take them all out today. 😃 I’ve reflected so much on that story and listening to your story made me realize a lot of things that allowed me to go even deeper into the thoughts. Thank you for sharing; and for allowing the space for me to put this somewhere where it “fits in”.
I, too, bought my favorite stuffed animal that i lost in one of our million moves as a kid. I loved camey they camel and have thought about him often as an adult. A couple of weeks ago, i searched eBay and found the exact stuffy and have been sleeping with it every night. I know it's not the same one, but this is the one my adult self got for my inner child. My adult self understands the value of this stuffy to that child and is willing to show her love by prioritizing the things she values.
I shouldn’t have listened to this episode at work. It hit me so hard and I’m trying not to cry at my desk. This has been helpful because I’ve come to a standstill with therapy and I don’t know what to focus on to progress. I see now that I need to focus on my inner child. So far this series has hit home every time. I feel validated as opposed to feeling like I’m being an irresponsible drama queen. Thank you for this.
As a child I loved my dog more than anyone on earth and would even lie that I had a “ sister” named Daisy. I also attempted to ONLY get stuffed toys for a gift: one at Xmas was the max but I slept with a large stuffed dog who looked like a pancake by the time I was a teenager. One day he was missing from my bed and my mother announced he had been picked up by the garbage man. I cried for days and my parents were very upset with me. When I had the flu my father loaded my old real dog into the trunk and had her put down at the vet. When I realized she was gone and didn’t get to say goodbye I started screaming and recall blacking out. I was inconsolable and both parents were furious: “ We knew you would overreact like this.” When my daughter was accepted into veterinary college my father asked if “ it was too late for her to become a “ real” doctor.” Thanks for sharing your personal Flash story: I never connected my stuffed dog and my real dog being thrown away like trash because they were past their prime. And I had to take care of the narcissist who was 90 and literally refused to accept his diagnosis even when drs tried everything to get him to accept it. Then he actually announced, “ You, you make a good…slave.” I am proud of myself for telling him that if he ever said to his granddaughter she wasn’t as good as a “ real dr” when she could diagnose 7 species instead of just one he would not be invited to her graduation. I keep all my dogs’ cremation urns ( sadly nothing was done for Daisy) . I did not keep his.
I was already aware as a child, that our family system was broken, and I thought " I wish mum and dad were alcoholics or something like that, so I would get help..." I was so desperate all the time. Now I know that also without drugs or substances,one's nervous system can be totally disregulated and aggressive, but the hardest thing is to be validated in your experiences
My dad was a Vietnam vet who was also my world. He also happened to be an alcoholic drug user who gave up drugs sometime in my adolescent years. He was my person. Ha ha! Almost a year ago, I went to eBay and bought a playground kid so I could connect to my inner kid. Glad to know I’m in the right track! 😆
Very sad, I feel so sorry for the kid you've been, and I send a big hug to him and to you. Thank you so much, really so much, for sharing some element of your life, you cannot imagine, how comforting that is for me, I feel for a moment, that I'm not an alien, sent in this world just to endure a punishment. A lot of love. Thank you.
"I chased my mother because she was inconsistent." This sentence resonates with me so much. My mother was the same way. She was there for me one minute and emotionally unavailable the next. 😔 It led to a life of one-sided relationships with friends and dates. I would chase approval because I really wanted others to care about me.
Your description of your childhood is so similar to mine, right down to the bar being next to the five & dime. So much of my childhood was spent growing up in bars that my step-dad used me to hustle other drinkers in games of pool. It helps to know that there are others who understand this type of bizarre childhood as it can feel so isolating sometimes. Thank you for your videos. ❤
I have a question. My parents were not alcoholics that made us spend time at bars, but they would take us places we didn't want to go (or weren't told about) and make us wait for them. For example, my mom would ask me if I wanted to go on a walk with her. After I got in the car for the walk she would tell me "she just had to make a few stops" and then I'd end up waiting in the car for an hour while she grocery shopped. I know parents have to do this to their kids to an extent, but this is a massive trigger for me now as an adult. If I show up to a plan only to have it changed in a way thats going to require me to wait (greater than 20 minutes or so), I get super irrational and angry about it. Could this be similar to the lack of availability you talked about in your own story, just without the alcohol?
I remember a Lot of waiting in the car too. My mom would go to someone's house say to pick something up, and then talk an eternity. I think I don't talk much because I could sense she was overstepping her stay with everone she met.
You’ve saved me from going absolutely crazy, whilst on the midst of emotional flashbacks and journey to healing and honouring my little child inside. You have opened my eyes so much and to you, I am truly grateful ❤
That GiJoe is cute.......I recently retrieved my collector dolls out of storage unit and put them in shadow boxes and hung up on my wall...it looks really good....it gives me tremendous comfort ......I guess I’m making a connection with my inner child when I did this
This video is devastatingly relatable. Down to the exact year where an important childhood toy came into my life. Unfortunately though buying childhood toys on eBay to replace lost moments of childhood lead to kind of weird hoarder situations with said toys because I started it well before I started therapy.
Thank you for sharing your story! It’s very encouraging to hear, especially since I had alcoholic parents. They were both from conservative catholic backgrounds in upstate NY. Still trying to figure out what happened when I was little, I have dreams and memories with a feeling of such sadness and loss that sometimes I don’t even want to know or look at it, but it has haunted me for so long it’s time to do the work. This video encourages me to get to it and understand why and how I became the person I am so I can change some of these unsuccessful coping skills and have a more fulfilling life! 🙏
Found the same style “Carebear” I had as a child online and purchased 🤗 Something inside tells me he is going to be calming aid in my childhood trauma journey! From my heart to yours “Thank you Patrick” for your videos 🙏🏼❤️
Oof my mom being narcisstic but giving me a good memory every once and while was just enough for me to have hope she was going to change. Looking back I wanted to think I was stupid for keeping hope up but I also know I was a child that so desperately didn't want to see my mother for what she was which was a lost cause that would never put me before her own ego. Haven't talked to her in almost 4 years and it's been the best years of my life so far.
I loved hearing you talk about this memory with all the details. It sounds like you really love this child, it’s life changing I guess to love our inner child. Strangely, my dad was a full time minister/pastor and my story is not too different from yours! He grew up with a narcissistic father who broke plates and smacked things scaring the hell out of them. My dad never got any counselling and went to be a minister. he turned into a covert narcissist drowning himself in ministry of a home church. We had inappropriate contact with adults who were in our house 24/7. No one cared for our homework and I went every day to school dreading punishment for missed homework or supplies that I didn’t have. Ministry did to me what alchemist did to you, isn’t that unbelievable. We stayed up late at churches and never got enough sleep before school. My brother got into addiction at the age of 15 and passed away at the age of 30 from an overdose. My sister is likely an NPD who has no developed self and lastly my mother never had a voice or a self and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 4 years ago. I believe it’s due to emotional abuse.
Wow! What a poignant story. I'm feel so grateful that you found a good therapist and now you are able to share the good therapist gift with us. My inner child felt love coming through listening to this video. I thought every kid growing up in our generation spent hours in the car waiting for their parents to return from errands or socializing? We didn't have screens back then to entertain us like today's kids. Sometimes my mom would buy us a big bag of candy and let us "eat ourselves sick" as she liked to say. I guess I am lucky I am not diabetic. What a wonderful and helpful video. Thank you.
Wow. I appreciate this video. It addressed the glimpses of hope we cling to when you have narcissistic or alcoholic parents.. or both. Like, my mother would always make Xmas a huge production with all the decorations and gifts galore. From the outside looking in, everything seemed like holiday magic. And ppl, including me, would suggest that those moments made her an amazing loving mother. I can’t even remember most of those “beautiful” holidays. And one nice day out the year doesn’t make her loving. She wasn’t even loving on those holidays. She just did loving things with no true meaning. I would’ve traded all those gifts for parents who actually saw and loved me.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. It totally resonated. Unemotionally unavailable people and care taking of moods. I love the idea of buying a childhood toy to make that connection. 🙏🏻💜
I COMPLETELY resonate with everything you've mentioned! Thank you so much for making these videos! My stepmother is also an LCSW and worked to help abused children, but what I'm realizing is that she chose her marriage and turned her cheek to my father's abuse instead of protecting my sisters and I as children. It's unfortunate that I find validating situations in your videos, bc I wanted her to be my savior from both my alcoholic father and mother, but that wasn't the case. I have watched MANY of your videos and find peace and solace bc of the trauma in my life to FINALLY have validation!!! I watch you on ROKU, where I can't comment as much as I wish. But you've been a BIG part of me learning to overcome my childhood trauma and I want you to know that! Btw, my childhood figures were "he-man" and I bought DVD'S for my niece and nephew to be raised upon and they LOVED IT! (I bought action figures on Ebay also, but I didn't have the heart to give it to them as I knew they would destroy them. They are safe with me (including "Battlecat!" )💛❤
My mother was always angry. Example: When I got accepted to Denver University, she just cruelly insulted me. She was like a rabid dog. My mother made me mix her drinks, starting when I was in third grade. I could mix almost any drink by fourth grade. I was always terrified about going home from school. I couldn’t concentrate in class, because of feasting going home all day, and I was always trying to figure out how to “fix” my mother, so she wouldn’t be angry. I also had a narcissistic father, and I was so relieved when he died.
At the end talking about childhood toys. I still have 90% of mine. Love are still in storage at my grandparents house. Which my mom still owns. Grandparents have been gone for a long time now. My mom saved even partially broken toys too. Lol It's really neat for me when looking for something and come across a old too. Or when I see my boys play with a old toy of mine.
Wow wish I’d seen this type of video earlier. Thank you for posting and please keep posting them. Growing up in abuse makes it really hard to see from a healthy perspective all the craziness inside my family and of course I’ve had tendency to also get attached to unavailable people and friends. It’s been much grief and sorrow and fear and anxiety being blindsided for 20 some years and continuing to be blamed chasing my unpleasing parents. Please keep posting these videos, they really help my inner child to stop blaming herself. Thank you. 🙏
Yes indeed, bars... like jail for kids...My favorite part was the cigarette machines! If grocery stores in New England sold cold beer perhaps everything would have been ok...😆
OMG bro, once again you describe my life all the way down to the GI Joe- and even a heartfelt moment between my mom and one of the action figures. It wasn't Flash, though, it was Firefly LOL! Man I really appreciate your approach to all of this because I can relate to moments just like this where I want to latch on to those one-off memories that make me think "hey, it wasn't so bad." For example, when my mom bought me Firefly it was on a trip she made down to LA for 3 days. Yes, she left me, a 9 year old, alone. She was an alcoholic with BDP or narcissism or both, I really don't know. The point is, it's the patterns that make the difference, not the one-off moments.
When I was a kid my dad and his girlfriend punished me by not allowing me to have a room or any of my belongings anymore. I assumed they tossed everything but when I was 30 my dad contacted me after 20 years of not speaking he gave me my childhood toys back. I repressed a lot of feelings I had and when I opened that tote from when I was 9 years old all those feelings came flooding back . It was like my own time machine and it kicked started my healing and my forgiving my family .
Thank you Patrick for sharing your vulnerability with us. Your story truly resonates with mine and helped me see through the seemingly "loveable" picture with my parents I created in my memory. What a meaningful work that you do! Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your story. It helps tremendously to better comprehend and connect some dots. In seeking help for my own inner child issues, I now can see glimpses of how I hurt my own children. It grieves me to think about it. It's very sad how much we all have suffered. Your story is very heartfelt. I'm so happy for your healing.
I had to wait for adequate parent care every day until my father came home after work. And now I wait on inconsistent men to give me intermittent love and attention
Thank you for sharing your story and your willingness to be vulnerable with the world. I really appreciate it and your guidance really does help so thank you for that as well!
I so hear you Patrick when you say you love vintage stuff (5 and dime) and you are probably dating yourself. I also bought myself online some books that I used to read and love as a child (as of course none of my caregivers bothered to keep my childhood books, toys drawings that I made for me...everything which was important to me is lost, thrown away, gone...which is rather symbolic of how little they were considering me). Reading these childhood books, I feel I am connecting to my inner child and showing her that I really appreciate our time together. And she feels I am genuinely interested in her. I am reparenting myself, I guess
There are some similarities in my experience and yours (you're a year older than I am), but in my case, I spent a lot of time at bars because my parents owned one. And when my father had a day off for errands, I would sometimes tag along (I wouldn't get to spend time with him otherwise), and we'd inevitably spend hours at a bar he didn't own.
I would also like to briefly share that at age 59, I still have in my garden shed, the only gift I can recall my narcissistic dad buying for me. It's also an action figure of sorts. He gave it to me for Christmas just a few months after my mother passed. Interesting that I've held onto it for so many years and that there can be so much emotion attached to an object.
I've been in each of these attachment styles throughout my relationships. Thankfully I've been able to work on myself. My new fiance and I share a very healthy and loving relationship. He has helped me so much by just giving me the loving and nurturing environment I needed to really find myself and begin to address the childhood trauma issues. Unfortunately, my childhood was so messed up, I can't think of any toys that I really valued and loved.
Great video. I'm slowly becoming comfortable with the ending prayer. I never considered attachment styles relating to my inner child. it makes a lot of sense because I have a lot of self hate and you can't 'self love yourself' into a new relationship with a hurt and scared child.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Personal experience packs an emotional punch, and helps me remember I'm not alone. I'm sorry that your childhood was like that, and i want to express that I'm grateful that you transformed your pain into the superpower of helping others in this compassionate way!!
It's great hearing a bit about your own childhood and see you talk about that GI Joe. My brother and I were *always* super excited to buy G I Joes when we were kids. We live in a third world country, so things weren't (and still aren't) as available especially if they're products from America or anywhere else overseas. All we knew was that after school, hopefully our mom would take us to a mall where she needed to get some things but my brother and I would be eager to go to the one small shop that was just called "The Discount Shop" all because it was the only one that *sometimes* had a few of those G I Joe action figures though they were overpriced. So we'd go, and hopefully they'd have some G I Joe action figures, literally just two or three at the most for sale. And if we couldn't successfully beg our mom to buy a couple of them, we'd at least get to see them through the transparent parts of the packaging. Also I think your mom disliked your video.
I've been so desperately dependent on others' moods all my life and am only recently coming to the realization of how it has shaped me, molded me, and almost destroyed me. Thank you for these insights. I'm into the Bradshaw book and starting his meditations. Right now I'm in deep grief, but at least I finally know why. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to figure it out. You and your work are a blessing.
This is my attachment style. I chase emotionally unavailable people and then caretake them when they are in a bad mood.
Me too
Yep, same here.
Sad
Me
Yup, I here you.
Thank you for putting you and your story out there so that complete strangers can realize uncomfortable truths. It is a kindness I never expected, thank you and blessings!
You put it well:)
I understand from therapy and learning that a child cannot conceive of his care-giver/chief guardian mistreating him. That is such a poignant point you made. It makes me sad for our child selves; such willing, hopeful little problem-solvers that we are, desiring only simple harmony and safety. What you said brought up, not memories exactly, just a feeling of being that age and as happy as i could be, knowing they were good people, but that feeling of anxiety always at the back of everything. Gabore Maté reckons the child feels the mother's emotions - literally. I always felt worried about and responsible for my mum, as well as being angry that she and my dad couldn't get along. I'm close in age to you, and have never wanted kids even though I have taught them and enjoy their company. I sometimes think I didn't need my own, because it was hard enough looking after my parents, if that makes sense!
I can relate to this. I realize now that the intervention I proposed in my sophomore year could never have been successful...
@jenny you nailed it. The simple reason I never had kids is because I took care of my mother emotionally since I was 5 years old and now I feel like a retired person enjoying my freedom. And I’m also 40. Yep, raised my mom emotionally, no need to have children. Simply didn’t have the emotional energy.
Props for mentioning Maté.
@@tiptopdadddy Ta!
It makes totaly sense. You describe me exactly. Wow I've never related to so many people on one channel :)
Thanks for sharing your story. Resonated with so much of it. My folks just did basic needs, no emotional needs met and I was more attached to the dog than my parents. In fact I just realised why I want to move somewhere I can have a dog again!
Hugs to you! My husband has a similar story. Hope you’re able to get a dog.
Dogs rock
thank you for Vulnerability- Our mom protected Molester Sibling " KAREN@ "" and called me out as FILTHY MINDED LITTLE Liar.
Ha! Nice to meet GI Joe.. as a child of the 80s I distinctly remember sitting seatbelt free on those leg burning car seats as well! 😆 Quality content as always. So many things on TH-cam make you feel like you’re literally losing brain cells while watching, and your videos are the opposite. Cheers for the new and improved neural pathways, every time!
I tried to but my mother as a child craving her love, she froze, and became like a plank of wood, and pushed me away, it took me years and a special person who came into my life to overcome the fear of hugging some one.
I couldn't even write the word love on a card, it just felt false, as I didn't feel love, and my mother would sign my birthday card with her name, or not sign it at all, yet my siblings cards would say from mom.
Funny how these little things can have such a huge impact on a child's mind.
Your story reminded me of one of mine. After I cut contact with my parents, my daughter received a birthday card from them, the first handwritten note I have *ever* seen from my father, with a large amount of money in it. It made her very uncomfortable, and it broke my heart.
Exactly what I did with relationships. Finally in my 40’s I quit blaming myself for everything and finally started to accept people for who they were if I stopped chasing.
All the adults in my immediate life: parents, spouse, upped their manipulation and shame and showed me what I was really surrounded with.
So much more peace now creating an authentic life.
I appreciate you sharing ❤️
My mother was also inconsistent because of being in a violent marriage and unhealthy dependence on my older sister. She never really made space for me in her life. My attachment was anxious avoidant. I chased my mother until I realized she is a narcissist at 38. My avoidance allowed me to ignore how my family has always shunted me to the side and how I lived my whole life trying to get attention from her instead of her obsessive focus on my sister. Thanks for sharing your memories! I loved the story.
I feel you on this one. My mom was also in a violent marriage and both of my parents are inconsistent and violent emotionally. I’ve developed anxious avoidant as well and chase after people who are unavailable. It’s been 6 years now for me to physically separate from my family but only after being in therapy that I start to unravel the craziness behind all of my family trauma
Because my mother remarried a good man who adopted me, our family is still dysfunctional but not to the point that I’ve had to completely separate but drawing boundaries and creating distance while figuring out what connection I can maintain were my work over the last few years of therapy. I’m now in training to be a LMFT because of my experience and plan on specializing in family trauma like our goodly friend on this channel. Hugs to you and cheers on your recovery journey!
Thank you for sharing your story. My father was alcoholic narcissistic man. My mother was absent physically mentally. I have to be a mother figure to my sibling. From age 6-24 years old. I never had childhood. I had to grow up before my time. My heart goes out to everyone who went through the same thing. You are a great man, they're changing a lot of people life. You're my hero. I'm glad to find you channel. God bless you. ♥️🙏
I feel so blessed I found his videos!!
Wow, Patrick... you just helped me find a missing piece of my jigsaw.
At 56, and after years of therapy (on and off), I no longer blame nor resent my parents for their lack - it was what it was - they did their (unaware) best. But at 7, I started to learn the piano so that I could play the tunes from my mother’s childhood-youth-young adulthood that would temporarily lift her out of her depression - sometimes, I could hear her quietly singing along. Depression was her addiction, and the cause of her distraction from her children.
My father was charismatic, aggressive (undiagnosed PTSD) and, thankfully, mostly absent. When he was home, we were all hyper vigilant.
I learnt and practiced, for the next 8 years, all the popular tunes from her era and at the time I believed these were tunes that I loved too.
My ‘love’ of piano faded after leaving home at 18. Now I understand why I don’t need to feel such guilt for giving it up.
Thank you.
You completely described my life, LITERALLY right down to the 1964 Valiant with NO air conditioning and crank windows. I know all about burning your legs. And the alcoholism.
What if at 6 years old, there was no go to person. I'm thinking about it and my stepdad was at work, my mum was asleep in bed, I know I went to school but I have really sketchy memories of school time. these videos have really made me think, and I'm starting to understand why I get in my own way.
I had a pink panter when I was a little girl. My narcissistic parents always allowed other people's children take my and my siblings' toys. We are not allowed to object to them because other children's needs were more important than ours. This boy broke the neck of my pink panther. I was really upset because I felt that my pink panther was dead but my parents didn't care. I mourned my pink panther quietly because I was afraid of my dad's rage. I also remember my mother taking my yellow toy car from me and giving it to the neighbour's son. She wanted to be seen as a selfless person at the cost of my sadness. I cried and begged her not to give it to this boy but she didn't care. She told me that I am a selfish girl. How dare I put my needs first although I was older than him but I was just 10. I went to bed and continued to cry quietly. In very early ages I learned that my needs are not important and in order to deserve my parents' love I should do whatever they wanted and even being my mom's mom when I was a teenager instead of talking about my needs.
Sounds like my life. Bikes, toys, tv, food. Lol. 😞
I’m so sorry experienced that! Our parents were such sick people!
I so relate to your experience.
I really felt your inner child there, all your descriptions of situations in detail. It sounds like you're really on your journey to wellness, maybe more so as I see your comment was a year ago. Sending you hugs from a stranger over here 🙂
@@SamJones-ql3ze thanks a lot 😊
I remember once calling out my fathers name and then being unable to respond when he asked me what I wanted, because the reason I had asked for his attention was not to communicate a need, but simply to get attention. I guess I was already attention deprived, even though I was only 6.
That just made me cry! Hope your life is so much better now!
Thank you very much for being open about your own experiences. It is even more valuable as you are a therapist. It is extremely therapeutic. Being in the "ivory tower" of psychiatric authority (pure, untouchable, never vulnerable) undermines therapeutic processes, but still most therapists do it. Thank you for helping people REALLY.
An illuminating deep dive into how an attachment style forms. Sometimes we feel shame about feeling needy, or feeling isolated, etc., but this is a reminder that not only is there a good reason for our behavior, but that our behavior makes sense given our past trauma.
Patrick, I have seen several therapists I'm my 62 years and never one that addressed childhood trauma. Thank you for your insight. Have you ever come across some one who was adulted as a child? My parents had a horrible realtionship, arguing all the time and my mother would tell me that I needed to stick up for her and tell my father he was a bad person for hurting her. On the other spectrum when I was able with my father which was not often, my mother wouldn't allow it, he would tell me he would be leaving us soon but that he would always love me he just couldn't take it anymore. Always in the middle. Writing this I understand now why I've always been caught in triads
I am in therapy and my amazing therapist educated me on covert narcissism. Never would have imagined my mom to be a narc, but she is. I see it now. I am learning ever since. Thank you so much for rising awareness!
A month or so ago I felt the desire to see my Barbie I loved as a kid. I have no idea what happened with that Barbie, but I cried for ages and HAD to get the doll. Then I had this weird issue with expecting the doll to have disappeared or changed overnight (in an evil way). It's bizarre. Every morning now I'm a little less afraid Barbie will be gone. I wish I could remember.
Thank you for your generosity.
Wow . . . just wow! Thank you for sharing your story with us, Patrick. And even after that kind of a childhood, you turned out damn amazing! Thanks for continuing on with this series. Hearts and minds are being healed!
Very very relatable! Being completely ignored most of the time was the norm for me as well.
It has taken me decades to finally begin to recognise my own propensity to neglect myself in order to cater to my partner and or others.
it has been such a gradual dawning too... this mindset seems to go right to the core.
Overcoming self negation has become my mission now
Happy Sunday everyone! I hope everyone reading this is having a relaxed day.
Thank you for sharing. Making backflips for love is exhausting.
My "good" memories are tainted
I'm still picking my childhood apart, but I want to thank you very deeply for these videos. They are really helping me to see what is normal and what is not. I still struggle everyday with my partner because we both come from dysfunctional and yet very different families, and we have a lot of work to do together, but I think your videos are really helping me hold up my end. Thank you very much for the work you are doing!
Beautiful! Thank you for being so vulnerable.
😱 a little over a month ago, when I had finally taken assertive steps to leave my NEx, I had this dream/flashback of the day my mom took me to toys r us for my birthday so I could pick out a toy. I remember waking up so confused/ ecstatic because I struggle remembering things events and details from my childhood.
On this day, I saw a Pocahontas play set ( 1995ish) that I was instantly OBSESSED with. I remember grabbing it and it being a large rectangular box that I had to extend my arms to hold. I COULNT wait to take it home so I could take out Pocahontas and Meeko (her raccoon friend) and all the little nick backs it came with ( a canoe and ore, little apples, sunflowers, so many accessories!! I was DYING to set up the scene from the movie at my home.
My mother’s response to this was to try to convince me to get something “better/larger” because the one I picked out was (I guess) under the budget she had allocated for my birthday gift. (My mother grew up extremely poor and often went without toys and other non essential items - and at this point thanks to my dad being a workaholic at his business and practically a ghost in my life, we were comfortably well off) but I was turning like 8, and had limited capacity of the monetary value of toys and budgets - and all I knew was that this is the toy I wanted. She insisted a couple of times and I didn’t budge. I don’t remember her actual response but I do know that I ended up with the Pocahontas set and remember very vividly setting up the Pocahontas at hone with joy.
When I woke up that morning - I told my NEx the entire story (to which he blew off completely as insignificant). I’m glad he had called me (he actually woke me up from the dream 😒) but since I told him the whole dream/memory as soon as I woke up I now have it stored and have gone back to it a few times.
I, too, bought the Pocahontas set (one with less accessories, but the SAME set) off eBay.
Once it arrived, I was unable to remove it from the shipping box because I wanted to avoid the memory of me talking to NEx ( at this point of shipment I had initiated no contact which I’m proud to say is still going strong)
This past weekend I finally took it out of the shipping box to reveal Pocahontas and company. I have not yet removed her from the packaging (it’s in its original 1990s Mattel package) and I’m not sure why. Definitely some type of avoidance with this toy/story. But I’ve been convinced, today I am going to take them all out today. 😃
I’ve reflected so much on that story and listening to your story made me realize a lot of things that allowed me to go even deeper into the thoughts.
Thank you for sharing; and for allowing the space for me to put this somewhere where it “fits in”.
I, too, bought my favorite stuffed animal that i lost in one of our million moves as a kid. I loved camey they camel and have thought about him often as an adult. A couple of weeks ago, i searched eBay and found the exact stuffy and have been sleeping with it every night.
I know it's not the same one, but this is the one my adult self got for my inner child. My adult self understands the value of this stuffy to that child and is willing to show her love by prioritizing the things she values.
I shouldn’t have listened to this episode at work. It hit me so hard and I’m trying not to cry at my desk. This has been helpful because I’ve come to a standstill with therapy and I don’t know what to focus on to progress. I see now that I need to focus on my inner child. So far this series has hit home every time. I feel validated as opposed to feeling like I’m being an irresponsible drama queen. Thank you for this.
As a child I loved my dog more than anyone on earth and would even lie that I had a “ sister” named Daisy. I also attempted to ONLY get stuffed toys for a gift: one at Xmas was the max but I slept with a large stuffed dog who looked like a pancake by the time I was a teenager. One day he was missing from my bed and my mother announced he had been picked up by the garbage man. I cried for days and my parents were very upset with me. When I had the flu my father loaded my old real dog into the trunk and had her put down at the vet. When I realized she was gone and didn’t get to say goodbye I started screaming and recall blacking out. I was inconsolable and both parents were furious: “ We knew you would overreact like this.” When my daughter was accepted into veterinary college my father asked if “ it was too late for her to become a “ real” doctor.” Thanks for sharing your personal Flash story: I never connected my stuffed dog and my real dog being thrown away like trash because they were past their prime. And I had to take care of the narcissist who was 90 and literally refused to accept his diagnosis even when drs tried everything to get him to accept it. Then he actually announced, “ You, you make a good…slave.” I am proud of myself for telling him that if he ever said to his granddaughter she wasn’t as good as a “ real dr” when she could diagnose 7 species instead of just one he would not be invited to her graduation. I keep all my dogs’ cremation urns ( sadly nothing was done for Daisy) . I did not keep his.
One of my favourite channels. Thanks Patrick.
Its simultaneously helpful relief and a gut punch when you have the Oh RIGHT?! moments watching these videos. Thank you.
It's really only been since watching Patrick that I've had my aha! moments. I hear what you're saying
I was already aware as a child, that our family system was broken, and I thought " I wish mum and dad were alcoholics or something like that, so I would get help..." I was so desperate all the time. Now I know that also without drugs or substances,one's nervous system can be totally disregulated and aggressive, but the hardest thing is to be validated in your experiences
My dad was a Vietnam vet who was also my world. He also happened to be an alcoholic drug user who gave up drugs sometime in my adolescent years. He was my person.
Ha ha! Almost a year ago, I went to eBay and bought a playground kid so I could connect to my inner kid. Glad to know I’m in the right track! 😆
Very sad, I feel so sorry for the kid you've been, and I send a big hug to him and to you. Thank you so much, really so much, for sharing some element of your life, you cannot imagine, how comforting that is for me, I feel for a moment, that I'm not an alien, sent in this world just to endure a punishment. A lot of love. Thank you.
"I chased my mother because she was inconsistent." This sentence resonates with me so much. My mother was the same way. She was there for me one minute and emotionally unavailable the next. 😔 It led to a life of one-sided relationships with friends and dates. I would chase approval because I really wanted others to care about me.
Your description of your childhood is so similar to mine, right down to the bar being next to the five & dime. So much of my childhood was spent growing up in bars that my step-dad used me to hustle other drinkers in games of pool. It helps to know that there are others who understand this type of bizarre childhood as it can feel so isolating sometimes. Thank you for your videos. ❤
I have a question. My parents were not alcoholics that made us spend time at bars, but they would take us places we didn't want to go (or weren't told about) and make us wait for them. For example, my mom would ask me if I wanted to go on a walk with her. After I got in the car for the walk she would tell me "she just had to make a few stops" and then I'd end up waiting in the car for an hour while she grocery shopped. I know parents have to do this to their kids to an extent, but this is a massive trigger for me now as an adult. If I show up to a plan only to have it changed in a way thats going to require me to wait (greater than 20 minutes or so), I get super irrational and angry about it. Could this be similar to the lack of availability you talked about in your own story, just without the alcohol?
I remember a Lot of waiting in the car too. My mom would go to someone's house say to pick something up, and then talk an eternity. I think I don't talk much because I could sense she was overstepping her stay with everone she met.
You’ve saved me from going absolutely crazy, whilst on the midst of emotional flashbacks and journey to healing and honouring my little child inside. You have opened my eyes so much and to you, I am truly grateful ❤
That GiJoe is cute.......I recently retrieved my collector dolls out of storage unit and put them in shadow boxes and hung up on my wall...it looks really good....it gives me tremendous comfort ......I guess I’m making a connection with my inner child when I did this
So brave of you to share your story and it brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing.
I'm crying! Such a great video!! Thank you so much!!! WOW
This video is devastatingly relatable. Down to the exact year where an important childhood toy came into my life. Unfortunately though buying childhood toys on eBay to replace lost moments of childhood lead to kind of weird hoarder situations with said toys because I started it well before I started therapy.
Thank you for sharing your story! It’s very encouraging to hear, especially since I had alcoholic parents. They were both from conservative catholic backgrounds in upstate NY. Still trying to figure out what happened when I was little, I have dreams and memories with a feeling of such sadness and loss that sometimes I don’t even want to know or look at it, but it has haunted me for so long it’s time to do the work. This video encourages me to get to it and understand why and how I became the person I am so I can change some of these unsuccessful coping skills and have a more fulfilling life! 🙏
you just nailed it for me. a really depressed needy mom and a father who was a compulsive gambler who was absent from our lives.
"Thank GOD for therapy!"
Hahahha, that line totally cracked me up, a nice bit of levity :D Thank you Patrick, so glad I found your channel.
Found the same style “Carebear” I had as a child online and purchased 🤗
Something inside tells me he is going to be calming aid in my childhood trauma journey! From my heart to yours “Thank you Patrick” for your videos 🙏🏼❤️
Oof my mom being narcisstic but giving me a good memory every once and while was just enough for me to have hope she was going to change. Looking back I wanted to think I was stupid for keeping hope up but I also know I was a child that so desperately didn't want to see my mother for what she was which was a lost cause that would never put me before her own ego. Haven't talked to her in almost 4 years and it's been the best years of my life so far.
I loved hearing you talk about this memory with all the details. It sounds like you really love this child, it’s life changing I guess to love our inner child.
Strangely, my dad was a full time minister/pastor and my story is not too different from yours! He grew up with a narcissistic father who broke plates and smacked things scaring the hell out of them. My dad never got any counselling and went to be a minister. he turned into a covert narcissist drowning himself in ministry of a home church. We had inappropriate contact with adults who were in our house 24/7. No one cared for our homework and I went every day to school dreading punishment for missed homework or supplies that I didn’t have. Ministry did to me what alchemist did to you, isn’t that unbelievable. We stayed up late at churches and never got enough sleep before school.
My brother got into addiction at the age of 15 and passed away at the age of 30 from an overdose. My sister is likely an NPD who has no developed self and lastly my mother never had a voice or a self and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 4 years ago. I believe it’s due to emotional abuse.
Wow! What a poignant story. I'm feel so grateful that you found a good therapist and now you are able to share the good therapist gift with us. My inner child felt love coming through listening to this video. I thought every kid growing up in our generation spent hours in the car waiting for their parents to return from errands or socializing? We didn't have screens back then to entertain us like today's kids. Sometimes my mom would buy us a big bag of candy and let us "eat ourselves sick" as she liked to say. I guess I am lucky I am not diabetic. What a wonderful and helpful video. Thank you.
I love your channel. Thank you for doing these. ❤️
your videos are so helpful. thank you
Your channel is the BEST!!!!
Patrick, where are you located? I'm loving these "Inner Child" videos. Pure gold man. Pure gold.😊😊😊
Wow. I appreciate this video. It addressed the glimpses of hope we cling to when you have narcissistic or alcoholic parents.. or both. Like, my mother would always make Xmas a huge production with all the decorations and gifts galore. From the outside looking in, everything seemed like holiday magic. And ppl, including me, would suggest that those moments made her an amazing loving mother. I can’t even remember most of those “beautiful” holidays. And one nice day out the year doesn’t make her loving. She wasn’t even loving on those holidays. She just did loving things with no true meaning. I would’ve traded all those gifts for parents who actually saw and loved me.
"When you were six years old, who was your person." This stung. Even at six, I knew I had no safe adult who wanted me around.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. It totally resonated. Unemotionally unavailable people and care taking of moods. I love the idea of buying a childhood toy to make that connection. 🙏🏻💜
I COMPLETELY resonate with everything you've mentioned! Thank you so much for making these videos!
My stepmother is also an LCSW and worked to help abused children, but what I'm realizing is that she chose her marriage and turned her cheek to my father's abuse instead of protecting my sisters and I as children. It's unfortunate that I find validating situations in your videos, bc I wanted her to be my savior from both my alcoholic father and mother, but that wasn't the case. I have watched MANY of your videos and find peace and solace bc of the trauma in my life to FINALLY have validation!!! I watch you on ROKU, where I can't comment as much as I wish. But you've been a BIG part of me learning to overcome my childhood trauma and I want you to know that!
Btw, my childhood figures were "he-man" and I bought DVD'S for my niece and nephew to be raised upon and they LOVED IT! (I bought action figures on Ebay also, but I didn't have the heart to give it to them as I knew they would destroy them. They are safe with me (including "Battlecat!" )💛❤
My mother was always angry.
Example: When I got accepted to Denver University, she just cruelly insulted me.
She was like a rabid dog.
My mother made me mix her drinks, starting when I was in third grade.
I could mix almost any drink by fourth grade.
I was always terrified about going home from school.
I couldn’t concentrate in class, because of feasting going home all day, and I was always trying to figure out how to “fix” my mother, so she wouldn’t be angry.
I also had a narcissistic father, and I was so relieved when he died.
I grew up in a bar, too! I remember that blinding light every time the door opened, too!
At the end talking about childhood toys.
I still have 90% of mine.
Love are still in storage at my grandparents house. Which my mom still owns. Grandparents have been gone for a long time now.
My mom saved even partially broken toys too. Lol
It's really neat for me when looking for something and come across a old too.
Or when I see my boys play with a old toy of mine.
I appreciate your personal examples so much! Thank you for making this content.
Wow wish I’d seen this type of video earlier. Thank you for posting and please keep posting them. Growing up in abuse makes it really hard to see from a healthy perspective all the craziness inside my family and of course I’ve had tendency to also get attached to unavailable people and friends. It’s been much grief and sorrow and fear and anxiety being blindsided for 20 some years and continuing to be blamed chasing my unpleasing parents. Please keep posting these videos, they really help my inner child to stop blaming herself. Thank you. 🙏
I feel you. It's brave that you shared your story. Love 🙏
Yes indeed, bars... like jail for kids...My favorite part was the cigarette machines!
If grocery stores in New England sold cold beer perhaps everything would have been ok...😆
I can so relate to this. Thank you for sharing.
OMG bro, once again you describe my life all the way down to the GI Joe- and even a heartfelt moment between my mom and one of the action figures. It wasn't Flash, though, it was Firefly LOL!
Man I really appreciate your approach to all of this because I can relate to moments just like this where I want to latch on to those one-off memories that make me think "hey, it wasn't so bad."
For example, when my mom bought me Firefly it was on a trip she made down to LA for 3 days. Yes, she left me, a 9 year old, alone. She was an alcoholic with BDP or narcissism or both, I really don't know. The point is, it's the patterns that make the difference, not the one-off moments.
When I was a kid my dad and his girlfriend punished me by not allowing me to have a room or any of my belongings anymore. I assumed they tossed everything but when I was 30 my dad contacted me after 20 years of not speaking he gave me my childhood toys back. I repressed a lot of feelings I had and when I opened that tote from when I was 9 years old all those feelings came flooding back . It was like my own time machine and it kicked started my healing and my forgiving my family .
🤗❣thank you for your honesty and vulnerability
Thank you Patrick for sharing your vulnerability with us. Your story truly resonates with mine and helped me see through the seemingly "loveable" picture with my parents I created in my memory. What a meaningful work that you do! Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your story. It helps tremendously to better comprehend and connect some dots. In seeking help for my own inner child issues, I now can see glimpses of how I hurt my own children. It grieves me to think about it.
It's very sad how much we all have suffered. Your story is very heartfelt. I'm so happy for your healing.
I had to wait for adequate parent care every day until my father came home after work. And now I wait on inconsistent men to give me intermittent love and attention
Thank you for sharing your story and your willingness to be vulnerable with the world. I really appreciate it and your guidance really does help so thank you for that as well!
Thank you Patrick! Always looking forward to the next video.
I so hear you Patrick when you say you love vintage stuff (5 and dime) and you are probably dating yourself. I also bought myself online some books that I used to read and love as a child (as of course none of my caregivers bothered to keep my childhood books, toys drawings that I made for me...everything which was important to me is lost, thrown away, gone...which is rather symbolic of how little they were considering me).
Reading these childhood books, I feel I am connecting to my inner child and showing her that I really appreciate our time together. And she feels I am genuinely interested in her. I am reparenting myself, I guess
Thank you. Hope you heal
Thank you for sharing this story. It really struck a cord.
I struggle to remember my childhood, but my person was my Dad. I know what I'm talking about in therapy next week. 😅
Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you Patrick much appreciated all of your work ❤️
Thank you Mr. Teahan. You make me feel seen and understood.
There are some similarities in my experience and yours (you're a year older than I am), but in my case, I spent a lot of time at bars because my parents owned one. And when my father had a day off for errands, I would sometimes tag along (I wouldn't get to spend time with him otherwise), and we'd inevitably spend hours at a bar he didn't own.
I would also like to briefly share that at age 59, I still have in my garden shed, the only gift I can recall my narcissistic dad buying for me. It's also an action figure of sorts. He gave it to me for Christmas just a few months after my mother passed. Interesting that I've held onto it for so many years and that there can be so much emotion attached to an object.
Yes, in every way. Thanks for your dedicated videos Patrick.
Cool !!! Love GI Joe. I’m a girl and loved mine in the 70’s. Mine actually had the scar on his face 👊
I've been in each of these attachment styles throughout my relationships. Thankfully I've been able to work on myself. My new fiance and I share a very healthy and loving relationship. He has helped me so much by just giving me the loving and nurturing environment I needed to really find myself and begin to address the childhood trauma issues. Unfortunately, my childhood was so messed up, I can't think of any toys that I really valued and loved.
Great video. I'm slowly becoming comfortable with the ending prayer.
I never considered attachment styles relating to my inner child. it makes a lot of sense because I have a lot of self hate and you can't 'self love yourself' into a new relationship with a hurt and scared child.
Thank you for sharing🥰
Sadness i feel you 😢
Thank you . More personal stories please. This one hit home.
This was so great, thanks for sharing.
Partrick you are saving me.
Great explanation of codependency. Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Personal experience packs an emotional punch, and helps me remember I'm not alone.
I'm sorry that your childhood was like that, and i want to express that I'm grateful that you transformed your pain into the superpower of helping others in this compassionate way!!
Patrick thank you so much!!!
This made me realize a lot of things about my own attachement style! Thank you!
It's great hearing a bit about your own childhood and see you talk about that GI Joe. My brother and I were *always* super excited to buy G I Joes when we were kids. We live in a third world country, so things weren't (and still aren't) as available especially if they're products from America or anywhere else overseas. All we knew was that after school, hopefully our mom would take us to a mall where she needed to get some things but my brother and I would be eager to go to the one small shop that was just called "The Discount Shop" all because it was the only one that *sometimes* had a few of those G I Joe action figures though they were overpriced. So we'd go, and hopefully they'd have some G I Joe action figures, literally just two or three at the most for sale. And if we couldn't successfully beg our mom to buy a couple of them, we'd at least get to see them through the transparent parts of the packaging. Also I think your mom disliked your video.
Patrick,
You are a credit to your profession. Thank you for your high quality informational videos for overcoming childhood.
You rock!
That G I Joe is so sweet!
I've been so desperately dependent on others' moods all my life and am only recently coming to the realization of how it has shaped me, molded me, and almost destroyed me. Thank you for these insights. I'm into the Bradshaw book and starting his meditations. Right now I'm in deep grief, but at least I finally know why. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to figure it out. You and your work are a blessing.
Amazing content....so much resonates ✨🌻 #kudos
My mind is blown right now. My gi joe was a box that had a play kitchen inside. The connection I needed wasn’t material at all.