How to comfort someone with dementia
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 ก.พ. 2019
- Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.)
In today’s video, I’m talking about what to do if your love done with dementia knows they have problems with their brain and they become upset, frustrated, or sad by their problems. I’ll share how you can respond in those situations and what you can do to prevent those situations from happening in the first place. I hope you find it helpful.
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacare
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I am glad to see I am doing pretty well as caregiver to my husband of 71 years. He is happy to have me help him with dressing and checking on him if he is slow to return from the bathroom. I am at the point of bathing him and changing his diapers. I explained to him I have always been his partner and helpmate and I am here for him whenever he needs me. I am also aware I am slipping mentally and while it concerns me, I am so fortunate that our daughter who was recently widowed has taken us in to live with her and drives us to doctors and stores etc. and she is happy to have us with her. Of course we have periods when things get frustrating but so far we are able to cope.
Yes you are all lucky to have each other. My husband is progressing and I too can see the toll on me, age 73 he is 75. I am grateful that he is able to do self care needs on his own…thank you for sharing about yourself.
My psychiatrist of 25 years had to tell me he was diagnosed with alzheimers and would be closing his practice in six months. We both burst into tears and cried together. Over the remaining sessions I saw periods of frustration I'd never witnessed before. It was heartbreaking, neither of us could pretend everything was going to be ok.
Your advice has been useful in only 24 hours! I’m lucky that my 90 year old father in a nursing home thinks he’s stuck at an airport and his flight is delayed. He just called me and I assured him that everything is paid for and to just try and relax till the flights resume. I used to make the mistake of trying to correct him and since I watched your videos, I know better what to do. ❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️
Your videos are a blessing. Caregiving is one long grieving process. The person you knew is slipping away and there's nothing you can do about it. Your videos make it a little easier to help them and yourself. ♥
My friend is in late stage dementia. I sing to her that calms her down and she even remembers a word here or there.
That's beautiful!
What a great idea!
That’s wonderful. My mom has dementia but remembers the words to old hymns when I play them for her. My late dad who had Alzheimer’s and had lost his ability to speak would even amazingly start singing along with Christmas carols! There must be something about music that is stored in a protected place in the brain. Could that be possible or does that make sense?
Dad is mentioning that he should remember something, but he just can't, so he knows that his brain is not working properly. So this video was perfect! I have been reassuring him that it is ok, that he is not alone, and that we are there for him. He has been diagnosed with vascular dementia. I have been watching your videos for some time now, and each time I find them to be helpful, as well as, soothing for me. I am so very grateful. It is a lonely journey, for everyone.
Thank you, I don't know what I would do without TH-cam and people like you right now
As a rookie "Loved One" I just want to thank you for your wonderful efforts....they help people on both sides of this problem more than you know.
Thank you so much for your support and information. You are a true blessing 🙏🏻
I have been following for a while and you are amazing!! Thanks for all you do!!
When I see my 90 year old mother struggling slightly with some thing I've learned to ask her; hey mom, do you need more time or do you need help? This lets her know that I'm here if she needs me but I'm also supporting her choice to be independent if that's what she wants. This works really well in a lot of situations for us. If she's verging on frustration then she usually turns the task over for me to do. But if she's just hit a snag and is working it out for herself she'll say she just needs more time. We use this strategy for a lot of things and she seems to like it. It may mean that things will take more time for us to accomplish the task but she retains her sense of independence as much as she is able to manage which seems to help her self-esteem greatly.
Thank you so much for making these videos ❤ you are a true blessing to many!!!
This is great. Thank you for the suggestions and advice.
Thank you so much for the excellent explenations !!
I like your approach and ideas! Thank you! Dignity and support is very important!
So grateful to have discovered your channel, fellow "Care Blazer" !!! That is such a cool title to have! Your work is truly invaluable, and I can't thank you enough for sharing these incredibly useful tips so that we can learn how to navigate the world through the minds of our aging, or ailing loved ones with dementia, or dementia-like symptoms. You have truly helped me understand a lot more, and I believe that implementing these strategies in our own relationships with said loved ones will certainly increase their levels of self worth feel the dignity and respect they truly deserve! I hope I didn't TL;DR you here, but I felt moved to share! I'm liking this video, and more... And I'll be sharing with my family members that I know will feel the same! May God bless you and thank you!
You are simply the BEST!! Thank you for all you contribute to our families ❤️
Thank you so much for your videos and tips!
I couldn't be more grateful for the help you give to all who are dealing with someone with dementia.
Thank you so much, Dr. Natali!
Spot on you really nailed this one for me a total help for me 🙂 thank you again Dr. Natalie
You have really helped me.
As a caregiver I so appreciate your help. Thankyou and May God bless your Christmas and New Year.
Needed this video today. Had one of those days that was mentioned in your video. You give me courage to say Linda go back and try to work this out. Thanks.
These videos are VERY helpful!!
Dr.Natali, this was the first time I saw this video - it was right on point with my situation with my wife! It's been about four months since I first noticed these things and you have highlighted them perfectly. I have watched many of your videos but there is so much information in them that I am struggling to take in all the data, however it is all relevant and I am working through them as I can.
Thank you for being there, it is a comfort to me and hopefully my wife is finding a bit more understanding from me of her situation.
Each and every video sooo helpful.
Great advice and thank you. 😊
Usable , & practical interventions. As always, your capability to teach and present a difficult subject in layman's terminology is deeply appreciated. Best regards
Thank you for your videos ❤❤❤
Your videos have guided and walked me through the last 3 years. We are sadly coming to the end now, but I couldn’t have done it without you. My loved one is in a decline, it’s very clear. It’s been a battle from day 1 but I’m just so incredibly grateful to you. I remember when I felt so bad for wishing she would die, not for my own benifit, but for her own benifit, and I felt so bad. And I realised that feeling that way was just a way of me showing love and care. You have been my lifeline as a fellow careblazer xx
Thank you for teaching me to understand what’s happening to me; I’m in the beginning stages;
one day I’ll think I am but then I get better & I think the diagnosis is wrong!
I am sad & frustrated🤢😳
Oh yes I am afraid & sad!
julia batliner my loved one has now sadly passed away, but the stages of dementia were incredibly sad and daunting for everyone involved. Sometimes I feel I miss her so much, sometimes I feel guilty for being glad that she has been put out of her misery and suffering, and sometimes I feel like we have had to grieve her loss twice (once when dementia took hold of her, and once more when death took hold of her). Dementia is an awful terrible horrifying thing for all involved, I am here for you even though I have laid my loved one to rest many months ago. Please leave a message here if you would like any extra support, I’m not an expert, but I’ve been through all the stages with a loved one and if I can at least provide peace of mind somehow, I’ll be happy to. You are doing an amazing and thankless job. Now my loved one has passed away, I feel I can talk to her at her grave as though I did when she had her mind, and I feel like I have her back somehow even though she’s gone. It’s a bizarre pot of emotions, they all make sense and also none of them make sense. Keep on keepin on fellow careblazer xxx
@@jojo1234a
What a kind & helpful human, you are.
Thank You so much! I'll be watching and rewatching all of your videos. Today I have a different 94 year old Dad than I had yesterday. He has been gradually losing his memory for a few years now but today was a new side of him that I have never seen. He's been asking where my mother is (she passed in 1985) and not knowing the city or country we live in. I see the frustration and confusion in his eyes. My heart is breaking. I live with him and my step mother. I'm sure with all of the support out there we can do our best for him.
Excellent. Thank you
Thank you. You are a very kind and thoughtful Lady. Your video's will be of great help for people to understand what it's like 💜
My mom is at this phase of her vascular dementia, and gets very sad when she is lucid. She often says that her head feels "strange" but is not able to explain. But I am glad to hear that some of the things I say/do are the suggestions given in the video! Thank you.
Great video. Thankyou
Thank you Dr.Natalie for your insights. I have been trying to help my husband in the ways that you suggest. Sometimes I get it right and sometimes I don’t. Just having someone address the issues we have makes life easier. We are on a waiting list for a specialist so it’s a little bit like being lost in the woods.
Thank you. Really appreciate your help. Loved the ending hahaha. I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who gets tongue tied hahahaha 🤗
Thankyou...your video came right when my mom was texting me all upset..we've been having lots of rain and the first clear day she's up very early and stressing about three recycle bag and wants to put most of her clothes bagged so we can donnate, because she's worried about all I will have to go through when she's gone..she can still text but is forgetting to send sometimes and that makes her upset.its time for taxes she's upset...I tried different ways to help with her when.she gets restless, it's touch and go she can get very mean and defensive. .but she still can remember some of this after a little time and tell me she's sorry..your advice has helped so much..I have more of a conflict with my brother he wants to put her in a home, and I no she's not ready for that at all and it would make her very aggressice..she's not a people person and it wouldn't be good for her or me...I would have to be there 24-7 and they would have to give her drugs or something to calm her..
This is very practical and useful, thank you
Glad it was helpful. 💖
You are a world of valuable wise, great information! Thank you so much. Question: My husband should not me driving. the doctor told him and me. He is in his 11th year of Parkinson's.
My mom knows what she has. She knows the outcome of this. When she is “with it” she says talk to me before I’m too stupid to have a conversation. She watched her mom and grandma suffer thru it. She is progressing fast but still understands what’s happening. It’s hard to watch her understand it and then not know her husband and try to kick him out because her first husband is coming home. And he passed away and they divorced in the mid 90s. He’s been dead since 2015. But she goes back in time. It’s hard on my step dad.
Dr Natalie thank you for your video your videos really help me out a lot taking care of my wife it's easier now I still get frustrated now I know how to handle my problem it's easier thank you
Familiar music is a great salve when things get bad. My sweetie goes through periodic grieving for her lost self... Easy to join in with that.. it is very sad..seeing your life partner dying by millimeters..
I’m so sorry.
❤wow such great advice people please share
Dr. Natalie, this is great advice! Thank you for all of your help! :-)
You are so welcome! I'm glad it's helpful.
I just began listening recently and already I’m not as worried or concerned as I was before! You give to me many tools I will hope to use in the future when needed!
Relaxed sister😊
Thank you
Hi Dr. Natali, I can't tell you how much I appreciate and look forward to your videos. I still say the wrong things from time to time, I blurt stuff out, you know reality checks. They're rare now but I don't think ahead always. I'm not sure where my Dad is now I would think he's mid stage now, he's not as frustrated, and he thinks it's Christmas. He's very sick with a cold, very weak, shaky, but he's still able to move around. Dad looks for his Mom & Dad, he's easily disoriented, his personality is actually sweeter and quieter, he was always kind of a crusty guy (but he's our crusty guy). Thank you for this wisdom.
Thank you so much for this video. I look forward to you every week. This week's video was so point on what I'm dealing with mom. She does get very sad when she can't remember something. It's so sad to see her go thru this everyday. I am working so hard to understand what she's going thru and I'm going to use your ideas and try to head it off before she gets frustrated. I don't understand when she does say mean things to me I tell myself she doesn't mean it. I take each day at a time and am greatful I still have her. Thank you again for your videos
Keep up the good work, Carol. I know it's not easy but it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job.
Seeing the triggers has been really helpful. Makes Mum's day much happier and allows the words she needs to come. The days words don't come she's able to shake it off with a laugh. The moments of sadness have been Precious moments as well. Mahalo nui~Thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement ♥️
Could you please leave the slides up for several more seconds so we can read them. Thanks so much . My husband was a successful CPA who now cannot complete his own taxes... It's sooo hard on him.
Good suggestion about the shoes. I suppose it would be good to emphasise how smart they look, how they are the colour they usually wear, or how comfortable this type is rather than the design being for people who have difficulties.
Thank you 😔
Thank you. Because my words are getting stuck in my head. 😢
I like you videos Some of, these methods can be used for someone that has a TBI. ( Traumatic brain injury )
i want to share this video with my loved one
I recently discovered your wise guidelines which I found very helpful for my family situation.
Any chance you could share the content in other languages like Spanish. Google and TH-cam have translation tools to subtitle videos. This will multiple extend and multiple your outreach to other countries across Americas.
Thanks for your content.
How important is a diagnosis of dementia and obtaining professional advice related to the diagnosis for careblazers? Do you have a video on this?
It is fascinating to see what my mother does to her shoelaces in the nursing home. She turns them into a massive clump of knots. She cannot tell me why she does it. So I just bought several pairs of the cheap tennis shoes and let her have her activity. I will get her velcro shoes at some point but for now I can usually untangle the knots. What is more disturbing is when I ask her if she would like a relative to visit her, she says no, just let them think I’m dead. I have no comeback for that. So at this time she is definitely aware something is wrong with her.
I moved my mom in with me in October. I now find myself being the forgetful one. I know this is off subject, but is this common? I’m afraid I’m getting dementia and it’s scaring me. I’m 45 y/o.
Mom is at the moderate to severe stage and accepts all the help I can give her. A year or two ago she would refuse, saying she didn’t need it. But I told her I was here to help with whatever she needed and to not feel bad, that’s what family is for. I think that helped.
PS: I love the bloopers at the end. 😂
I'm 51 and I cant remember nothing nomore. I wonder if I'm getting dementia. I take care of my 80 year old mother who is in the severe stage of dementia. She had 2 sisters died with dementia
My 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 r with u and your mother
Oh my heavens. I am a (paid) caregiver. Family caregivers suffer from stress and lack of sleep. The stress alone is enough to affect your memory. Stay in touch with your GP. It's enough to do just looking after the person, but in the back of your mind is all the 'stuff'- like legal, shopping lists, phone calls to return, scheduling, bills etc., which all takes energy. There just isn't memory room left. Multi tasking takes a ton of energy.
(J) moms stage 6, how do I help mom with her frustration and sadness. What are some possible answer to these questions. Is this the way my life is going to be, do all women go through this, why does this have to happen to me, what did I do wrong. Every morning when helping and through the day. She's always had confidence issues and when she was younger they were variety of these questions she said to herself. Enjoy your videos find them helpful. 🌹
I am my husbands caregiver and He had a subdural hematoma 12 yrs ago which he recovered from very well. For the last year or so he is having dementia. When he doesn't understand what is happing to him I blame the brain injury and have him feel the damage on his skull. I explain how his brain was being compressed with blood and how he had to have rehab. The thing he hated most in rehab was having to step on pillows and walk on grass barefooted. That seems to get him out of his funk. Music from his youth also works wonders. He will listen for hours. My husband is from another country and we have always had some problems understanding each other. I think that helps me. I can blame the lack of language.
Thanks for the video. What do you suggest I do for a loved one who gets angry about changing soiled depends or taking shower? I noticed at first they start repeating I don't feel well and then there's a mood swing.
Did you find a way? I am dealing with this now.
I’m interested too. My mom has also taken to hiding soiled depends. I think she believes she’ll get in trouble if anyone knows she soiled her underwear. Sometimes she rolls them up in hand towels and puts them in the clothes hamper, or puts them in a shoe box in her closet. I periodically check for smells around her space, and no longer empty the hamper into the washer without checking first.
My 92 year old mother lives on her own with stage 4-5 Alzheimers. She has a daily carer for an hour each morning. The carer always say they had a lovely chat with her about times long since past. Mother is deaf and refuses to wear hearing aids so this is debatable. She puts on a great act for them but when she is in a family chat situation, her attention,understanding and ability to contribute, are pitiful. Mother is aware that her brain is limited but insists she can manage household tasks on her own. Her constant denial and total confusion irritate and confound us. She will be 93 soon, and we, her family, wonder just how much longer she will exist in her self- created and limited bubble.
My grandmother has advanced Alzheimer’s. Last night she realized she’d forgotten my mother’s passing in 1990 and could not be consoled. She’s also forgetting the meanings of certain words like “relax,” “calm down”, and sometimes “okay.” Can you recommend any strategies how to help them cope?
Try to communicate a feeling of being relaxed & safe by your expressions & behaviours. Be slow, gentle, soft, quiet, calm, smooth in your movements, sit close, make soothing noises. Have pictures & things around you that she will associate with reassuring events & people. Have colours she likes around & pictures of flowers & birds etc if these will help distract her from worries.
Sometimes, when l phone the residence, where Richard, my husband lives, and the staff hands him the phone so he can talk with me, he goes on and on about things that don't make sense. I listen and try to calm him, which doesn't work when he's in this frame of mind. After l finally say the usual, " l love you" and finish the call, l find myself crying, and missing him, but putting distance between the next phone call. My daughter, who is his step- daughter, and not as emotionally connected as me," gets after me" for my distance at times. Any advice , Natali ?
My love one becomes belligerent aggressive and sometimes quite abusive when something simple may be asked of her assuming she should know. She is given anti-anxiety medication which does help minimize these affects. My default action can be supportive and empathetic with words of encouragement often mollifying the circumstances. Thanks for the presentation always helpful to get some reinforcement.
My sister has lived in her home on her own for 40 she has carers that come in during the day family take over at night, when the carer arrives she gets upset and goes to her bedroom and refuses to come out until they leave, we have told her there only there to keep her company, make sure she's safe any other advice on this thanks.
I think my mom in her last stage of dementia . The physical part of her body is really declining . Her mental state she still remember names . . It is times she get up and move behind my back but went I go to turn or transfer her she can’t do nothing . And she scary of everything . . Why is every times I Change her she have Bm smears and sometime lg amount of Bm some times no urine but just smears of Bm Is this a health issue? I transfer her up out the bed everyday to the wheel chair or a recliner . She is very hard to handle because she resist most of the time .
My husband sleeps a lot. Is this normal in dementia?
How do you explain to your loved one that you cannot continue to look after them anymore.
My mother is only 79 and seems to be in a late stage of dementia. She was upset the other day when she realized she didn’t remember having her hair washed. I tried to explain that she has dementia and it steals her memories. What is a better way to deal with this?
LO has diabetes, gets so frustrated when he doesn't control it like he used to. Throws pump or cgm receiver in frustration. Won't allow me to help at that point. I just tell him it's not his control, it's the brain having a glitch and not using insulin properly. He doesn't believe that, yet according to dr this is probably whats happening. Any suggestions?
Dr Natalie you are a caring calm awesome dr.But putting one in a nursing home needs to be done before the violence ,the aggression,the verbal abuse etc. Talking is through the families are not prepared for any of this!! Please help the families cope not put everyone on hold for one!!! I will NEVER go through any of this shit again!! I am traumatized for the rest of my life from trying to help not my partner of 25 yrs!!! It's not worth it!!The families are what matters not one whose life is over anyway!!!
Hi Dr. Natali, My sister and I are trying to care for our 80 year old mom with Stage 6 Alzheimer's. We cannot get her to wash her hair. She is very defiant. She will go a week or more without bathing or washing her hair. We need some guidance..... please ;0(
What have you done?
We have started her on a schedule that is marked on the calendar of when she HAS to wash her hair. It does not always work, but still trying. Any suggestions?
There are products on the market like no rinse bath products and I have hair shampoo that doesn't need rinsing. My husband stoops over and can't lean back, it's hard to lift him out of the tub, so I have these products that I can use while he sits down. He stays clean and he can relax and not get stressed about bathing. You can get these products at drug stores.
My mother is now 93 and on her 3rd set of carers assigned by Adult Social Care. She repeats the same question 7 times without embarrassment or the slightest shame. Her conversation goes in a loop of holidays, how the family are and where is her car. Mother was stopped from driving some 8 years ago. She does not forget her words, she simply has such a limited vocabulary that we expect nothing more from her. Mother's memory is now back to 40 years ago and reasonably clear. Ask her about what she did this morning and she says that no one has been to visit, despite her carer being there. Mother has no recollection of anything from one minute to another. Conversation is excruciating and quite meaningless.
Is it important for a person to hear a diagnosis of dementia from their doctor?
Excellent video Natalie. What would you suggest when it comes to transitioning from regular underwear to disposable underwear/ adult Depend etc . Thank you
Can long term depression mimic the symptoms of dementia & skew the diagnosis?
Hi Janet, The short answer is yes. Dr. Natali actually did a video on this that may be helpful: th-cam.com/video/fvbwAhAJCoQ/w-d-xo.html
You said to ask about a topic that I’d like covered. I hope you read mine. The nursing home environment is horrible. Every time I visit, there is always something missing. My Dads shoes go missing. His hearing aids, clothes, glasses , hiss tv, his wheelchair and even his Bible. How can I have a nice visit with this happening? I can’t take it. My Dad thinks I’m mad at him but I’m mad for him. Please help.
HI CitySurviver, This is Trisha. Dr. Natali's social media manager. I'm sorry to hear about your situation;. Here is a TH-cam video she made that I hope can help you with your situation. 💖 th-cam.com/video/wPcyR2IOIzw/w-d-xo.html
@@DementiaCareblazers Thank you for responding.
Kindly give us tips on how to manage a dimentia patient when he keeps on knocking on the door on me and maids bedroom alternately at the wee hours of the night just to give him the doorkey and keeping us awake for a whole night coz he wanted to get out of the house without any reason. We are now experiencing it with my dimented father and then when morning comes he keeps on yelling on us and i just told him that we just wanted him to be safe inside our house but he doesnt believe in it..
My uncle took two knives from the kitchen. I have looked everywhere for them and nothing.
How to cope with feeding when my wife does not swallow her food even when it’s liquidised cut up small etc but will chew chew chew and increase saliva until it runs out of her mouth
my mother does this too. please, if anyone know what to do when this happens please help us understand🥺
No captions. 😒😒
How do you comfort a patient when she cries and carries on when the aide tries to bathe her? She actually starts screaming when they come in her house. She tells me don't open the door. Don't let them in the house.
This lesson is a biggy.
Hi. Your videos make good points. However, you tend to talk too much! Please just get to the point early on in the video.
Thank you
It is fascinating to see what my mother does to her shoelaces in the nursing home. She turns them into a massive clump of knots. She cannot tell me why she does it. So I just bought several pairs of the cheap tennis shoes and let her have her activity. I will get her velcro shoes at some point but for now I can usually untangle the knots. What is more disturbing is when I ask her if she would like a relative to visit her, she says no, just let them think I’m dead. I have no comeback for that. So at this time she is definitely aware something is wrong with her.
I'm so sorry, Brenda!
I want to thank you with all the videos. These videos has helped me cope withmymom's dementia .
That's pretty good!!! The children must have toys!!! Whatever works to keep her under control!!!!
Also she doesn't want anyone to see her there or feels like they all left her for dead anyway! She doesn't care about them anyway or she would ask to see them!! Just say OK !!!!
My husband want let me set up his meds and he is not taking them as he should. How can I get him to let me do it? I keep asking but his way is the only way..