My ex adored me she went of with French man who had money 3 weeks she said he was best in the world what sort of lady is this I was dealing I am fit at 60 and handsome she 68 with child brain but very hurtful with her attitude
My ex started to contact me again after three months of silence. He then started to message me. He said he was frightened to reach out to me. He ended it. I sent a message back, saying I was fine. Then it escalated. Sending memories to me, sending me poems, missing me. Then nothing for three weeks, so I changed my number and blocked him on everything. I can sense his frustration and I know he’s tried to reach out to me. I will ignore. Been three months and he doesn’t get access to me ever again. It does get better!! I promise you. X
I’m happy you did that… my ex girlfriend did the same thing to me… I realized she plays way too many games. It’s not worth it. She’s cut off for good. No hate, no bitterness, just done with it and I would rather be alone
@@gal1885 you can be, it just takes time. Remember not to blame yourself for everything. As time goes you’ll see all the red flags that person had and youll be able to identify them as not suitable to you and you’ll move on easier
She was doing this to me for nearly 2 months, I finally set a boundary with her. She accepted it and now I'm back in no contact feeling so low its like the breakup started all over again
Same here. Going as far as apologizing, saying she misses me and our love. Then I respond keeping it short without giving her the validation she was seeking and she goes back into hiding again.
same thing, she couldnt handle no contact...once a week would send me a random message about the cat or something she found of mine. I did experiment with ignoring these messages and she began to escalate and sound frantic in her texts. Now that the holidays are here the messages are coming more often, I dont reach out but cant bring myself to just keep ignoring them
Try responding with something like, “I love hearing from you but if you don’t want to continue what we started then it’s probably better if you don’t contact me.” When she contacts you again with something like I miss you, then invite her over. Do not go to her. Keep things fun and playful. She should be doing 100% of initiating contact
Unhealed avoidants want everything on their terms.. and they’re cold enough to just leave if they don’t get it.. they seem emotioless and uncaring.. and that’s a hard thing to experience .. Unhealed Avoidants should be avoided.. you’ll save yourself a LOT of heart ache and pain..
Unfortunately I learned they were Unhealed to late. This experience is new to me & it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I’ve just walked away and it’s extremely painful and full of heartache 😢. I’ve never had to give up on someone, and I have no clue on what to do to get through this pain.
Second time he pushed me away. Both times he went into zombie mode once I started setting boundaries with him. "I just... lost interest." First time he told me later it wasn't the truth and that he wanted to protect me from his issues, and this time it feels the same way. Only difference is that this time I'm sticking with no contact so that he feels the loss of something that was very special to both of us. This is so difficult for me because I love him like I've never loved a man before, but this is the kickstart he needs to work on himself before (inadvertently) hurting me any further.
3 months of no contact it’s videos like this that remind me to stay strong and wait for them to reach out rather then listening to my urges and reaching out myself. Thank you for your work!
It’s almost like your videos are in line with my life. My ex left me about 4 months ago after 6 1/2 years. I was a mess but have been putting in a lot of work and doing a ton of self reflection. She came over two days ago and it was amazing you could say. She came over again last night and stayed the night. It was an amazing two days and we are in a good place but have to take it slow.
From my experience, they are more likely to push away when you decide you will no longer put your needs in the back burner for them, but this is so necessary. And they need to feel the loss. They need to realize that they took you for granted. I'm currently going through this. I asserted boundaries and lost him. He wanted to keep me as a friend, but I knew that would only be enabling him and hurting me in the process by perpetuating this parasitic dynamic (it's not his intention. He's very emotionally unaware, especially due to a great deal of traumatic events that transpired back to back), so I said that I want something more with him and that even though I do also love him as a close friend, I can't remain in the dynamic and no longer wish to speak to him until he actually does the work to heal. It's hard, but we have to look out for ourselves.
They reached out after 3 months. I took them back and now we broke up again 3 months later. Lesson learned. Don’t take them back even if they tell you how much they changed
My DA reached out after 3 months to the day. I told her it's not going to work and that she should fix the relation with hereself first and seek therapy. I think she started to understand but I'm sceptical if she does the work or that we can have a good relationship.
I think they have so much practiced over their lifetime to avoid or 'deal coldly' with their own emotions! So you bring your emotions to the plate, all they could do is what a monkey would do when a flower garland is given into their hands! They tear, tamper, throw around.. pluck and waste it away and go bored to the next exciting thing at hand without even minding how much damage they have caused, may be they are aware but it makes no difference!
I refuse to be anyone's option! Fk em! If you don't want me, then i will give you the same energy. Not happy with my presence...🤷🏾♀️ Then i will bless you with my absence... Damn.
I found myself waiting, constantly waiting for an avoidant. And realised, that life is too short to not be happy and spend it with someone You love. How much time You lost in contact? Hoping they will reach out? Sure, work on yourself, but You can work on yourself during relationship. Time flies guys
These types of people are so very exhausting you can go years with this type of person. You cannot waste years with these people, they need to get help. In order to have a long lasting relationship. Get help!
Avoidant won’t miss you cause she or he will go for a rebound and then another rebound and in the end someone else will avoid them, and that will be the first person they gonna long for. Avoidant only love things that are beyond their reach.
After after 7 months of NC, i can honestly say i dont think he is going to reach out but thats ok, i learn to heal on my own and looking back im glad i never reached out.
Mine never come back either. The only ones who do are the hookups, if they want to hook up again. But the guys I dated…they ghost me and never come back…or they dump me for someone else and never come back.
Im 17 and just lost my first love, my best friend of 3 years. Coach Craig you have saved my life. I've watched hours of your videos and they literally keep me sane. Im so grateful. My ex and I had a very healthy relationship and he left so out of the blue. We never argued and we were best friends. He left 2 months ago and Ive been doing a month no contact. Im seeing him tomorrow at a mutual friend's birthday party. Because of you I have the strength and the correct strategies to face him again. I feel strong enough to be unborhered by his presence and to not have a breakdown when I see him. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!
@@MissBluebirddays He ignored me the whole time. I actually slipped and fell at one point, he was the nearest person to me and he didn't even bat an eye. He gave me no acknowlegement the entire time and I noticed him trying to avoid me. So it went pretty badly I guess
Avoidant or not, my ex got in a new relationship a week after she dumped me. Yes, he had been in the picture to a degree for some months. She doesn't feel any separation anxiety. I was the one who had anxiety, Meanwhile she was happy and excited in her new relationship. Their relationship have at this point lasted almost as long as ours did. Sometimes you just gotta count your losses and realize that the universe is not fair or takes favourites and that she might not ever feel any separation towards you
Assuming that she isn't narcissistic this is classic avoidance in action. She will likely rely on numerous forms of distraction like this for the rest of her life to avoid the introspection and having to unearth any disturbing feelings or confront repressed memories/traumas. The downside is that it stops them from being present and living their truest self. It's highly likely that the person you were dating is the person that you're mourning. Does she seem like a different person now that she's dating the new guy? If she came back tomorrow would you want her back or would you find that knowing what you know now, the relationship would not be fulfilling or genuine? Maybe it's better to ask yourself if the universe is actually on your side and has offered you an ex machina and got you the hell out of a bad place?
I'll play devil's advocate here with what Robert said and say that this could be classic rebound with this guy. If you think what you had was good then hold on to that, because if things don't work out with the guy then she will realise that. Don't assume her outward happiness is a real project of her internal feelings for you. But I would listen to Robert too mind. Either way, this is the time to work on yourself, regardless of what happens in the future. Just know your worth
Why would anyone should be waisting their precious time with people like avoidant ??? Life is sort ! Let them be how they wanna be ! Keep working on your own self!
I have been NO CONTACT for about weeks. I haven't had the need to talk with my avoidant. I have given this time to work on me. I got a promotion. I just feel like this is my season. I will not budge when it comes to NO CONTACT. He is a member of my church and in the choir. He is not a stranger to my family. He has known. Them over 30 years. He is also 10 years older than me. Yes, it was wonderful at the beginning. But soon, everything changed. I crave deep conversations, consistency are very important. He never asked me how my day went. I figured that maybe because he is a retired firefighter. Idk, but I noticed that he doesn't show emotions. I talked to him about this. He said he knows he needs to talk to me more. But it went one ear and out the other . I liss him, but i dont miss anyone with these traits. Loving someone shouldn't be difficult. There should be no confusion where you stand in his or her life. Im nobody option. Im the damn priority. Point Blank Periodod!!
Should always take note if it's a one-sided relationship where you're doing all the planning for dates or they're not being forthcoming with their availability, they're not making time for you, etc. At the end of the day, it's worth asking if you deserve the suffering they put you through. The selflessness can only take you so far until you need to recharge from the person who should be recharging you in the first place.
This is exactly what I did last August, as I knew very well, that on a particular date, it was his birthday , I did it on purpose to not wish him bitthday wishes to him . He emphasized the fact that it was his bitthday, I pursued the silence.. He was pissed off...
@michelebazinet9003 Oh goodness gracious, why does it matter to him anyway? He needs to move on with his life. Best wishes to you on your future endeavors.
i too think that's what needs to be one. my ex broke up with me almost 10 days ago and its not even a complete month yet that his birthday is gonna arrive. IK no matter how much i'd feel like wishing him a birthday text out of kindness or rekindling; i know it is not gonna be worth it. And, imma stay NC.
My Avoidant ex thought a relationship should be seeing each other once a month, not telling each other i love you because we should just assume that. Thats not normal and it was killing me so i had to bounce. Im not needy, was never codependent, just wanted a normal interdependent relationship.
I got discarded by an DA after 5 years.He ghosted me. I am secure and i stayed in the relationship because i thought he would evolve toward more secure attachment. When he ghosted i did not reach out to him , i let him go. And to be honest it feels so good . Its been 2 months and half of no contact . I am not interested in having him back , i wish for him to find the courage to go to therapy and heal.
@@Arysia8 When it's about feelings and emotions, we panic. 5years together require a lot of commitment and it scares us too. We want it but we don't feel safe in it. It's so sad to want love and being afraid of it. It requires a lot of energy to recognize we have issues. He will understand what he lost one day, don't worry. You seem a good and emphatic person and those are hard to find qualities today 💪
For the first time in 5 years of relationship with a lot of on and off....I have decided to stay in no contact....he decided to break up, again...in June. This time I focus on myself totally and I am happy by myself. Your videos help a lot thanks.
My avoidant after months of me making dinners looking after her kid buying her booze fixing things on her house. Then i realized she has never even offered me a glass of water in all this time.
🤷🏾♀️ Why cant people CONTROL their emotions and just move on? Why would anyone want someonee back who hurt them? 🤦🏽♀️ You don't ever go back to the person who broke you.. who disrespected you, who ripped your heart outta your chest..why? Get over this person... They're toxic!
If relationships are about bonding, connection, intimacy etc, then the definition of Avoidant certainly contributes to relationship break-ups and reconciliation. Collins Dictionary : Avoidant (of behaviour) demonstrating a tendency to avoid intimacy or interaction with others.
I was with a dismissive avoidant for 5.5 years and he proposed to me earlier this year. We were living together and one night asked me if we should get married due to a new job opportunity abroad that he applied for after we were engaged and knew how I felt about it, then told me he felt we were incompatible then slowly withdrew, made me uncomfortable, and when I sought closure he became very defensive and angry. I am in process of moving my things and it is very painful. There had been a couple additional self-sabotaging events that occurred in our relationship. I have experienced the “black and white” thinking and felt he threw in the towel without trying to work on things. He says he felt trapped and is not even sure he believes in marriage anymore. Overall this has been very hurtful. I always thought we were well matched bc I myself am a very independent person. Unfortunate.
Listening to you today I just discovered I‘m the avoidant! I always knew I have complex emotions and black and white way of thinking, and I get this fear and lack of trust all in a sudden and I end the relationship putting the blame on the other that i‘m not safe and not having my needs met, at the same time I would only get in a relationship if the other person applies tactics on me which is always obvious and I don’t like it at the same time. I even cried listening to this especially on how I reach out to the the person I broke up with made me feel so bad and I seriously need help, I find it difficult to communicate these feelings cause I‘m not able to understand it.
It would be really great friend, if you go consult a therapist. This is what I have started recently and it's really helping me, even just since a few sessions....
Exactly!!! I had an epiphany and realized how tired I am, ghosted his ass right back as he has done to me. I’m finally DONE ✅ my feelings for him faded overnight 😅
Yes he said to me last night your getting on me all the time , which made me so mad because am trying to work things out and for him am getting on him.
Amazing video again. Thank-you for doing these videos for us individuals suffering as the dumpees and trying to make sense of the breakup and all things attached. Thankyou
Approaching 5 months since breakup. Been in NC 3 weeks after. I have unfriended her on Facebook. It has helped in healing myself. She was an avoidant and myself anxious. Didn’t know about attachment styles until September. I’m learning a lot every day. Thanks for the videos and love your channel.
Excellent video, thank you! I started gaining a lot of clarity and perspective over the past week and I'm thankful that I am able to view my X as an avoidant without me being angry and emotional. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I watch these and wonder....why? Why want them back? I miss her but I don't miss the hot/cold, silent treatments, avoiding any significance conversations.....I miss the idea of her. Move on, love yourself first.
@@skyfall1481 theres other ways to help people become better than guiding them through a relationship that ultimately will leave them with years of trauma. Tough love and honesty is whats needed
Thankyou this helped so much. It’s day 10 of no contact with a guy I was only with for two and a half months but in that time the red flags 🚩 were evident! I listened to my body that STRONGLY reacted with repulsion when he would touch me so I’m proud of myself for listening to my body and not just giving in to him and his neediness. I subscribed and can’t wait to learn more from you both
Took 2 years of total silence for him to beg for my forgiveness. It happens. Of course, I forgave, and he did worse this past summer. I said never again this time. Day after, he broadcasted a new relationship. How do we handle this sort of situation in addition to absolute cut off?
Be happy he’s someone else’s problem now. He already wasted years of your life! I’m sorry, same thing happened to me and I wasted 5 years on a person who will never change.
@brendalee8724 agreed, and it was partly rhetorical. I want others to know they do return and to be very careful about letting them back in. Unfortunately, it's a constant pattern for some people
Breaks up happen usually for a reason, so being apart, is not really going to help all that much, in that it can get ever harder to re-approach that person..and what to then say to them. They may not or as avoidants address what they know is the issue bothering you, and, just test your interest to get back with them. Baby steps forward with me, drip by drip. Time marches on, opportunities lost, stress of it mounts, and, takes a stress/health toll. You have no idea what they really thing, for they avoid!
DA “loss/grief”comes later than Anxious..DA will “medicate” after with alcohol,work,etc..& as bad as it hurts…get a “fix” for that missed intimacy that they ran from with casual hookup or “situationships”..
I left my avoidant, she rebounded within a month and it didn’t even last 6 months and it’s over now. I bumped into her last week and she was so happy to see me and gave me the tightest bear hug ever I couldn’t breathe
Well, when I told her that she had a choice between showing me how she felt about me or going away she ghosted and eventually blocked me. So killed two birds with one stone there I guess.
After 8 yrs of this nightmare on & off, (he runs away when things are tough/don't go his way), I finally hopped off the rollercoaster ride! Up until now he would disappear for weeks or months, then start calling, deflecting, blaming me, not taking responsibility. I was desperate for love everytime & would cave in and take him back. Everytime like clock work, once the dust settled, I'd try to talk about fixing the issues. Then he'd run away again. This last & final time in august he called after months like usual. This time once he started talking about sex I told him that's not happening, ive been working on myself & i dedicate myself to the Lord. He threw a tantrums hungup on me & blocked me. He then reappeared off and on up until 3 weeks ago when his attempts of sex still failed and he told me to move on with my life, I don't love you anymore. Videos like this keep me going strong. To all the one's struggling as well, Do not accept less than true love, God bless 🙏🙏🙏 I cannot continue on like this anymore
Telling them "ABSOLUTELY NO SEX" separates the men from the boys!!! It's a SIN to indulge in fornication before marriage in the Holy Bible and I will stand by that to the death. I don't want to end up in Hellfire!! I LOVE JESUS AND OBEY.
Nothing. Nothing happens when they feel your absence. Life goes on. It is what it is. I'd love to give a success story I really would. But how often does the dice land on red 12?
We were together for 2 years. He left me when we were 10 months into the relationship. 1 month later we got back together, during that month he did all of those things. One year later he left me again by a voice massage. I blocked him, I'm not going through that again. I'm doing therapy, I really really loved him but its the most painful thing I ever had experience in my life!
@@tobebuilds Yeah ! You're right ! My apologies ! I'm the one being stupid ! I guess I'm still dealing with the consequences of falling in love with an avoidant ! My bad ! 🙏
The hardest part of no contact so far is our children, I am presently having them with me 3 days a week and with my wife 4 days a week which is very convient as my wife's place of residence is only 10mins away from our home, we have only been apart just over 2 weeks but it feels like an eternity and yes I made the usual mistakes in the first week being very emotional , I'm not going to say anything negative about my wife because it is counter productive. We have been a couple for 19 1/2 and married for 18 years with 4 children, oh just for the record I am a psychotherapist and registered nurse and have worked in mental health for the past 17 years, love your videos presently watch attachment styles
I saw all the red flags throughout the relationship. I understood this was from past truma and i tried too hard to be kind and comforting when it was something i sensed my partner wasn't use to. With that being said. An inadvertent test happened. And because my partner didn't get what they wanted the truth came spilling out with anger and tears. I just listened and remained silent. Didn't feel the need to say anything all though i had alot to say. Then the avoidance amplified. It was like playing hide and seek, now you see me now you don't. Then the grand finale, turned to back and walked away from me. I didn't chase, didn't say nothing. Just thought welp take care if that's how you feel. I did see her turn around halfway down the block. But i remained standing firm. Then she turned back and walked off again and finally turned the corner. And that's when i concluded to let it be and go focus that energy i gave out on myself.
The excuse was wishing me a happy birthday. Theres no reason for the avoidant to contact me again. I’ve seen that I was in a dominant phase I kept reaching out after the break up. He went NC. I’m now in feminine phase I have begun NC because that’s how I feel atm. I’m tired of chasing a brick wall. I feel like I’m getting over it but he’s coming back slowly. Honestly I don’t think I should go back. 😢❤
I’m scared I’m now the avoidant one due to so many bad experiences with dangerous men on the narcissistic spectrum. I have trouble discerning the difference between the two
My ex is a avoidant,sometimes they will send memes as a way to reach out to..one day he randomly sent a video of a cat because he knows i like cats and dogs and animals in general, i used to get very annoyed with this and confused, because he hasn't been in my life in almost 3 years lol but i guess to him it meant "something" that was his way of trying to "reconnect" with me avoidants are not always the best at "READING THE ROOM" EMOTIONALLY..
Craig could you please do a video on if your ex just wants to be single for a while? Mine left me 7 months ago for another guy but it turns out from what I've heard that they never got serious and although I still haven't heard from her so I'm sort of relying on hearsay, she seems to just be focused on her school and work and enjoying the single life in the meanwhile she also really enjoys alone time which she seems to be getting a lot of now. She hinted to it several times during our sixth year relationship particularly the last few years and having a lot of time alone was probably extra appealing given my anxious attachment style. I have a feeling there's a lot more people than we realize going through this kind of scenario or who might even think that their ex is in a rebound or new relationship when in fact it's something more like this. Especially where a lot of your viewers have an anxious attachment style like me
I like how Craig said that the weak partner will become like a baby crying to Mommy.. just like a cute little baby cat 🥰😅 but people don't beat yourself up, we start where we are.
In most cases there isn't a single weak partner. The anxious partner shows their weakness while the avoidant fakes it with their best pokerface. When they did the attachment experiments on infants they did brain scans on the avoidant and found them to be experiencing unbelievable stress and anxiety internally while looking physically calm and nonchalant. Anxious and avoidant are almost identical except for a seemingly small difference of opinion. The anxious fears abandonment, the avoidant expects it. They may have lived parallel lives but this small core belief influences so much in their lives beyond that point. The avoidant has an advantage over the anxious because they don't rely on anyone else but they've achieved this kind of falsely empowered state by complete fluke. To be fair on them, the avoidant and anxious both suffer are both pretty weak, unless they are doing the personal growth work.
Its been a year now, so its too late for me, I can say I was a champ in no contact, I have enjoyed watching the videos as 2023 has been probably the worst year of my life!! But after a year its pretty safe to say it failed
Yeah well mine came out of nowhere and snatched open my car door and assaulted me threatened to blow my brains out I hadn't spoken to her in a year I pressed charges it hurts!!!
My wife asked for a divorce. So, i left 3 days later upset. we could not talk about anything. She changed her name on social media and blocked me and went no contact. After 6 weeks I went back and spent 5 days and she said she was sick and lost 30 lbs. After 5 days she could talk to me but said she still wanted a divorce. I told her I loved her but left again. It's been two months total for all this. My wife fits the avoidant, and she has no contact. Her birthday and our 24th anniversary are coming up soon. Do I do anything or just nothing and say nothing? I feel like I should remember her birthday and our anniversary. I made it clear I will always love her and i still do but I'm giving up for now! Just moving on and accepting and I did not respond to the divorce papers and I'm not going to respond! I'm broke and can't get counselling. Starting a new job tomorrow! I enjoyed the video !
I cried every day for a month when I lost them - I feel your pain. If it hurts so much, then there was a real connection and attachment there - and they are hurting too.
I hope he's going through he will never meet one like me again. I know he is because i can see through other people and you can't lie or hide things from me ❤❤❤❤
There was a court case in Ireland recently to stop an ex husband writing to the dog who lived at the ex wife's house , She didn't want to read the letters to the Dog so she called in the Law.
Could unblocking at almost two months be a sign of regret on their part? Does it become a constant push and pull then through the relationship? Isn’t it healthier for both parties just to let them go? Thanks!!
One ex said months later “ I’ll be in Your area on such a day . Been thinking about You , I miss You in my way “ I was totally over Him at this stage , yay Me
I think they too have trauma and they don't want real love they don't want to feel anything. So they go for fake relationships. ❤ They don't want real at all.
It's very true. I've chased my wife for a year trying to fix the relationship. I started to give up over the last week or two and noticed she offerer to help with a job application and then was asking how I was getting on with the searches. Had an interview the other day she wished me good luck first thing that morning. To be fair thou. Not sure I want her back now she's been with someone else
Beacuse of my realtionship and break up with avoidant, I was sure Im anxiously attached. But few months after breakup I started dating a girl, and she was super anxious from the begging! Over texting, overthinking, attaching way tooo fast. It really pushed me away. She was only one month after breaking up with her fiance. So I had to stop meeting with her. Then I realized Im not really anxious, just relationship with avoidant made me feel constant anxiety from really logic and good reasons
I went from being a secure attachment to an anxious attachment with my girlfriend who is an avoidant attachment. I’ve slowly started to go back to my secure attachment style, and now that I understand she is very much an avoidant, I’m just gonna play the game with patience and see where it goes. We’re on NC break right now, while she goes through therapy to try and fix herself while also working in herself. Once she’s ready I’m gonna take things much slower instead of trying to rush us back into how we once were.
Every time I planned to do things myself , he offered accompany which I appreciated a lot. I know I am anxious type so I tried not to be needy. I asked if you would like to for real , I didn’t what you to feel obligated and pressured , and I didn’t really need your accompany. He said otherwise we didn’t do anything together. .. Now I am confused by this man with whom I have been 7 years together. Before I accepted his accompany happily. When I began to insist to do things by myself to try to not to be needy, thinking it was thoughtful for him (maybe I was wrong), he broke up with me 2 weeks ago, saying he was not attracted by me and I was not interested to him which was BS.
and yet people with avoidant attachment styles in general to become anxious, just as people with an anxious attachment style do become avoidant at times... and for good reason. nature finds a way 🥰
Just over 3 months of no contact after a 5 year relationship. She reached out after 2 months to see if I had something of hers. I nicely explained that I didn't. She said ok. Haven't heard from her since. Not sure if it was legit or an indirect. Time will tell.
I’m not disagreeing with those who say don’t take them back. Yet, you are thinking from your hurt and pain, and it may not be applicable to all situations
Yes, avoidants do acts of service. My avoidant sent the lawn man to my house and told the lawn man to say if l ask him who sent him to my house to say the neighbor sent him over to mow the lawn. However, I made an error and texted him to say thanks for sending the lawn man to cut my grass when l should not have responded. But, l am also an avoidant. I don't worry about someone who made a decision to leave the relationship. I let them sit with their decision. If they come back, they come back. But, if they don't l would move on to the next chapter in my life. However it turns out is how it turns out. Never chase an ex, if he comes back on his own, hopefully l'm still available, if not. It is what it is
![โอ้เธอช่าง... - บี้เดอะสกา ft. ต๋อง เทวัญ (Prod. by ป๋าเพชร) [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/zbWhiLFmVL0/mqdefault.jpg)
Do my Creative Healing Course and you'll transform your life. Heal your attachment issues, process the breakup, and you'll start to feel like heaven 😜
💓
Thank you! Feel free to email me a review! 😊
🙏🏾
Your most powerful weapon is walking away and living your life. Love yourself more than them
This
Right!
100%
Amazing
If u love someone set them free. If they come back RUN means nobody else wanted them either 😃
😂
😂😂😂 hell ya
LOVE THIS 😂
✨️❤✨️
😂😂😂😂😂 thank you!! I needed a good laugh and this comment left me in tears! 🤣🤣🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
Never give an avoidant another opportunity to disappoint you.
💯 they will.
My ex adored me she went of with French man who had money 3 weeks she said he was best in the world what sort of lady is this I was dealing I am fit at 60 and handsome she 68 with child brain but very hurtful with her attitude
Never sounds like a red pill advice. Be careful and slow to whatever you plan with them…
My ex started to contact me again after three months of silence. He then started to message me. He said he was frightened to reach out to me. He ended it. I sent a message back, saying I was fine. Then it escalated. Sending memories to me, sending me poems, missing me. Then nothing for three weeks, so I changed my number and blocked him on everything. I can sense his frustration and I know he’s tried to reach out to me. I will ignore. Been three months and he doesn’t get access to me ever again. It does get better!! I promise you. X
I’m happy you did that… my ex girlfriend did the same thing to me… I realized she plays way too many games. It’s not worth it. She’s cut off for good. No hate, no bitterness, just done with it and I would rather be alone
You’re so strong! I wish i could be too
@@gal1885 you can be, it just takes time. Remember not to blame yourself for everything. As time goes you’ll see all the red flags that person had and youll be able to identify them as not suitable to you and you’ll move on easier
Doing this myself. Blocked and deleted everything on day 1 (well day 1 of me saying enough of these shenanigans).
I feel like I’m being breadcrumbed just to see if I’m still there when they miss me enough. Then they get their fix and nothing changes
She was doing this to me for nearly 2 months, I finally set a boundary with her. She accepted it and now I'm back in no contact feeling so low its like the breakup started all over again
Same here. Going as far as apologizing, saying she misses me and our love. Then I respond keeping it short without giving her the validation she was seeking and she goes back into hiding again.
same thing, she couldnt handle no contact...once a week would send me a random message about the cat or something she found of mine. I did experiment with ignoring these messages and she began to escalate and sound frantic in her texts. Now that the holidays are here the messages are coming more often, I dont reach out but cant bring myself to just keep ignoring them
@@benf1111same shit happened to me. She would tell me she needs more time and space to process her feelings. Then she went radio silent smh
Try responding with something like, “I love hearing from you but if you don’t want to continue what we started then it’s probably better if you don’t contact me.”
When she contacts you again with something like I miss you, then invite her over. Do not go to her. Keep things fun and playful. She should be doing 100% of initiating contact
Unhealed avoidants want everything on their terms.. and they’re cold enough to just leave if they don’t get it.. they seem emotioless and uncaring.. and that’s a hard thing to experience .. Unhealed Avoidants should be avoided.. you’ll save yourself a LOT of heart ache and pain..
Unfortunately I learned they were Unhealed to late. This experience is new to me & it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I’ve just walked away and it’s extremely painful and full of heartache 😢. I’ve never had to give up on someone, and I have no clue on what to do to get through this pain.
@@megandoktor9911Just allow urslf to feel the way you do; express the pain and hurt as it is and as it comes. You will eventually be okay❤️
Hang in there. My girlfriend is just like that from a narcissistic ex in her past that made her this way. I am all out of fight
Second time he pushed me away. Both times he went into zombie mode once I started setting boundaries with him. "I just... lost interest." First time he told me later it wasn't the truth and that he wanted to protect me from his issues, and this time it feels the same way. Only difference is that this time I'm sticking with no contact so that he feels the loss of something that was very special to both of us. This is so difficult for me because I love him like I've never loved a man before, but this is the kickstart he needs to work on himself before (inadvertently) hurting me any further.
Not all avoidants are bad, please stop promoting your bitterness and bias viewpoint
3 months of no contact it’s videos like this that remind me to stay strong and wait for them to reach out rather then listening to my urges and reaching out myself. Thank you for your work!
Same here
3 and half months no contact its tough but necessary, let them come to us , if they them don't come back they never really cared
It’s almost like your videos are in line with my life. My ex left me about 4 months ago after 6 1/2 years. I was a mess but have been putting in a lot of work and doing a ton of self reflection. She came over two days ago and it was amazing you could say. She came over again last night and stayed the night. It was an amazing two days and we are in a good place but have to take it slow.
3 months here too as of Dec 4th. We're in it together
What if we are both prideful 😂 I’m just waiting for a miracle
Avoidants need to heal themselves. I am so tired of having to deny my needs and well being to accommodate the harmful behavior of the avoidant.
From my experience, they are more likely to push away when you decide you will no longer put your needs in the back burner for them, but this is so necessary. And they need to feel the loss. They need to realize that they took you for granted. I'm currently going through this. I asserted boundaries and lost him. He wanted to keep me as a friend, but I knew that would only be enabling him and hurting me in the process by perpetuating this parasitic dynamic (it's not his intention. He's very emotionally unaware, especially due to a great deal of traumatic events that transpired back to back), so I said that I want something more with him and that even though I do also love him as a close friend, I can't remain in the dynamic and no longer wish to speak to him until he actually does the work to heal. It's hard, but we have to look out for ourselves.
Omg...this is me. Everything I stood for and believed in..I didn't get because he did do. Espress his feelings etc.
#PREEEEAAACCCHH
Yesss
They reached out after 3 months. I took them back and now we broke up again 3 months later. Lesson learned. Don’t take them back even if they tell you how much they changed
3 months seems to be the norm with DAs ..had the exact thing happen to me with my DA....4 times🤯
3 months seems to be the norm with DAs ..had the exact thing happen to me with my DA....4 times🤯
They only want to gain the upper hand by then dumping you
My DA reached out after 3 months to the day. I told her it's not going to work and that she should fix the relation with hereself first and seek therapy. I think she started to understand but I'm sceptical if she does the work or that we can have a good relationship.
3 month free trial and then you pay with a lesson 😂
What do avoidants do when they realize they lost you? Easy. Nothing. They don't have feelings
Need to show them what are feelings, but with words!
I think they have so much practiced over their lifetime to avoid or 'deal coldly' with their own emotions! So you bring your emotions to the plate, all they could do is what a monkey would do when a flower garland is given into their hands! They tear, tamper, throw around.. pluck and waste it away and go bored to the next exciting thing at hand without even minding how much damage they have caused, may be they are aware but it makes no difference!
I refuse to be anyone's option!
Fk em!
If you don't want me, then i will give you the same energy.
Not happy with my presence...🤷🏾♀️
Then i will bless you with my absence...
Damn.
I concur
Very very well said
This is gold😊
Amen!!
WORD! 🎯
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️💫
I found myself waiting, constantly waiting for an avoidant. And realised, that life is too short to not be happy and spend it with someone You love. How much time You lost in contact? Hoping they will reach out? Sure, work on yourself, but You can work on yourself during relationship. Time flies guys
Good minds think alike
These types of people are so very exhausting you can go years with this type of person. You cannot waste years with these people, they need to get help. In order to have a long lasting relationship. Get help!
Agree
You ain’t lying!
37 yrs for me, get away if you can. They will NEVER CHANGE!!
Get a cat or dog. At least they are consistent and real with their love, with no BS. ❤
I agree. Thank god for my pomeranian ❤.
Avoidant won’t miss you cause she or he will go for a rebound and then another rebound and in the end someone else will avoid them, and that will be the first person they gonna long for.
Avoidant only love things that are beyond their reach.
This comment is Harsh, but true'
After after 7 months of NC, i can honestly say i dont think he is going to reach out but thats ok, i learn to heal on my own and looking back im glad i never reached out.
Agree with you..
They do not come back..
Mine never come back either. The only ones who do are the hookups, if they want to hook up again. But the guys I dated…they ghost me and never come back…or they dump me for someone else and never come back.
Sorry, no excuse for horrible behavior period. Childhood trauma doesn’t give you a license to abuse.
Exactly. It's their responsibility to learn to manage it so they don't hurt someone else
9 months of no contact and at this time zero desire to make contact. Doesn’t mean I don’t think of them but I’m ok with not being with them. 😅
Im 17 and just lost my first love, my best friend of 3 years. Coach Craig you have saved my life. I've watched hours of your videos and they literally keep me sane. Im so grateful. My ex and I had a very healthy relationship and he left so out of the blue. We never argued and we were best friends. He left 2 months ago and Ive been doing a month no contact. Im seeing him tomorrow at a mutual friend's birthday party. Because of you I have the strength and the correct strategies to face him again. I feel strong enough to be unborhered by his presence and to not have a breakdown when I see him. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!
How did it go?
I pray that all goes well and you can get some answers soon.
how did it go are you two together?
Why Did he left?
@@MissBluebirddays He ignored me the whole time. I actually slipped and fell at one point, he was the nearest person to me and he didn't even bat an eye. He gave me no acknowlegement the entire time and I noticed him trying to avoid me. So it went pretty badly I guess
Avoidants' hearts are not aligned with their heads ; hearts want to go North their head heads to South
well put, they are dissociated
True ...
Avoidant or not, my ex got in a new relationship a week after she dumped me. Yes, he had been in the picture to a degree for some months.
She doesn't feel any separation anxiety. I was the one who had anxiety, Meanwhile she was happy and excited in her new relationship. Their relationship have at this point lasted almost as long as ours did.
Sometimes you just gotta count your losses and realize that the universe is not fair or takes favourites and that she might not ever feel any separation towards you
Assuming that she isn't narcissistic this is classic avoidance in action. She will likely rely on numerous forms of distraction like this for the rest of her life to avoid the introspection and having to unearth any disturbing feelings or confront repressed memories/traumas. The downside is that it stops them from being present and living their truest self. It's highly likely that the person you were dating is the person that you're mourning. Does she seem like a different person now that she's dating the new guy? If she came back tomorrow would you want her back or would you find that knowing what you know now, the relationship would not be fulfilling or genuine?
Maybe it's better to ask yourself if the universe is actually on your side and has offered you an ex machina and got you the hell out of a bad place?
I'll play devil's advocate here with what Robert said and say that this could be classic rebound with this guy. If you think what you had was good then hold on to that, because if things don't work out with the guy then she will realise that. Don't assume her outward happiness is a real project of her internal feelings for you. But I would listen to Robert too mind. Either way, this is the time to work on yourself, regardless of what happens in the future. Just know your worth
Be brave bro, things always get better for you
The reason they got into it so fast was because of how hurt they was with you.
Just a long rebound, means nothing 😉
Why would anyone should be waisting their precious time with people like avoidant ??? Life is sort ! Let them be how they wanna be ! Keep working on your own self!
When u leave, they open a bottle of champagne. Thats the truth. So why have them back? 🎉
I have been NO CONTACT for about weeks. I haven't had the need to talk with my avoidant. I have given this time to work on me. I got a promotion. I just feel like this is my season. I will not budge when it comes to NO CONTACT. He is a member of my church and in the choir. He is not a stranger to my family. He has known. Them over 30 years. He is also 10 years older than me. Yes, it was wonderful at the beginning. But soon, everything changed. I crave deep conversations, consistency are very important. He never asked me how my day went. I figured that maybe because he is a retired firefighter. Idk, but I noticed that he doesn't show emotions. I talked to him about this. He said he knows he needs to talk to me more. But it went one ear and out the other . I liss him, but i dont miss anyone with these traits. Loving someone shouldn't be difficult. There should be no confusion where you stand in his or her life. Im nobody option. Im the damn priority. Point Blank Periodod!!
Should always take note if it's a one-sided relationship where you're doing all the planning for dates or they're not being forthcoming with their availability, they're not making time for you, etc.
At the end of the day, it's worth asking if you deserve the suffering they put you through. The selflessness can only take you so far until you need to recharge from the person who should be recharging you in the first place.
I guess not wishing our ex on their birthday, is the best way of showing that they are loosing us.
share your views
Na not at all that’s just no contact… losing is when you move on and are happy and no longer care what they think
This is exactly what I did last August, as I knew very well, that on a particular date, it was his birthday , I did it on purpose to not wish him bitthday wishes to him . He emphasized the fact that it was his bitthday, I pursued the silence..
He was pissed off...
@michelebazinet9003 Oh goodness gracious, why does it matter to him anyway? He needs to move on with his life. Best wishes to you on your future endeavors.
i too think that's what needs to be one. my ex broke up with me almost 10 days ago and its not even a complete month yet that his birthday is gonna arrive. IK no matter how much i'd feel like wishing him a birthday text out of kindness or rekindling; i know it is not gonna be worth it. And, imma stay NC.
She left and I'll NEVER take her back!
My Avoidant ex thought a relationship should be seeing each other once a month, not telling each other i love you because we should just assume that. Thats not normal and it was killing me so i had to bounce. Im not needy, was never codependent, just wanted a normal interdependent relationship.
I got discarded by an DA after 5 years.He ghosted me. I am secure and i stayed in the relationship because i thought he would evolve toward more secure attachment. When he ghosted i did not reach out to him , i let him go. And to be honest it feels so good . Its been 2 months and half of no contact . I am not interested in having him back , i wish for him to find the courage to go to therapy and heal.
they never change
@1224polo I heard some do. He did not.
@@Arysia8 When it's about feelings and emotions, we panic. 5years together require a lot of commitment and it scares us too. We want it but we don't feel safe in it. It's so sad to want love and being afraid of it. It requires a lot of energy to recognize we have issues. He will understand what he lost one day, don't worry. You seem a good and emphatic person and those are hard to find qualities today 💪
For the first time in 5 years of relationship with a lot of on and off....I have decided to stay in no contact....he decided to break up, again...in June. This time I focus on myself totally and I am happy by myself. Your videos help a lot thanks.
What? Avoidants do acts of service? I have been dating the wrong avoidants.
Me too!
Right lol. A lot of people claim to be avoidants that are actually vulnerable narcs.
My avoidant after months of me making dinners looking after her kid buying her booze fixing things on her house. Then i realized she has never even offered me a glass of water in all this time.
🤷🏾♀️ Why cant people CONTROL their emotions and just move on?
Why would anyone want someonee back who hurt them?
🤦🏽♀️
You don't ever go back to the person who broke you.. who disrespected you, who ripped your heart outta your chest..why?
Get over this person... They're toxic!
Why ru clicking on the video if u just trash talking ? Click another video
@@johnnycalderon9951
Im subbed here loudmouth.
Just like you can comment ...so can i.
Hit🐕🐕always hollerin'.
Obviously it’s not that easy to do
You're a hoot in relationships obviously.
You can't expect from someone that they will never hurt You. Because You also hurt them. No one is perfect. Forgivness is key to peace
If relationships are about bonding, connection, intimacy etc, then the definition of Avoidant certainly contributes to relationship break-ups and reconciliation.
Collins Dictionary : Avoidant
(of behaviour) demonstrating a tendency to avoid intimacy or interaction with others.
It's painful to love them.
Not worth it
I'm in pain now. 2nd time he left me hurting. Won't get a 3rd time
they don't deserve to be loved if they treat others like that
Torturous…
I was with a dismissive avoidant for 5.5 years and he proposed to me earlier this year. We were living together and one night asked me if we should get married due to a new job opportunity abroad that he applied for after we were engaged and knew how I felt about it, then told me he felt we were incompatible then slowly withdrew, made me uncomfortable, and when I sought closure he became very defensive and angry. I am in process of moving my things and it is very painful. There had been a couple additional self-sabotaging events that occurred in our relationship. I have experienced the “black and white” thinking and felt he threw in the towel without trying to work on things. He says he felt trapped and is not even sure he believes in marriage anymore. Overall this has been very hurtful. I always thought we were well matched bc I myself am a very independent person. Unfortunate.
@@chdk55christidonny6Totally Agreed 💯😂
@@gauravkumai😂
Ahhhh, the perfect " AVOIDANT"....
Glad for you, that you got out of this.
I’m sorry this happened to you. It sounds very painful, especially after such a significant amount of time growing.
so sorry you have to go through this... heartache can be terrifying.
My best wishes
Listening to you today I just discovered I‘m the avoidant! I always knew I have complex emotions and black and white way of thinking, and I get this fear and lack of trust all in a sudden and I end the relationship putting the blame on the other that i‘m not safe and not having my needs met, at the same time I would only get in a relationship if the other person applies tactics on me which is always obvious and I don’t like it at the same time. I even cried listening to this especially on how I reach out to the the person I broke up with made me feel so bad and I seriously need help, I find it difficult to communicate these feelings cause I‘m not able to understand it.
It would be really great friend, if you go consult a therapist. This is what I have started recently and it's really helping me, even just since a few sessions....
Realizing the problem is half the battle. 💜🙌
You’re on your way!
Good luck 🍀
All this resonates
How did you reach out after the break up?
I've been no contact for 7 months with an avoidant. Dodged a bullet there
All your videos are therapy . Thank you coaches 🙏🏽
❤ THANKS CRAIG AND VICTORIA . MARGRET IS SORELY MISSED. Beautiful caring trio of helpers coaches
I lost the spark; the come and go in the relationship was a wrap for me.
Exactly!!! I had an epiphany and realized how tired I am, ghosted his ass right back as he has done to me. I’m finally DONE ✅ my feelings for him faded overnight 😅
Yes he said to me last night your getting on me all the time , which made me so mad because am trying to work things out and for him am getting on him.
Amazing video again. Thank-you for doing these videos for us individuals suffering as the dumpees and trying to make sense of the breakup and all things attached. Thankyou
Approaching 5 months since breakup. Been in NC 3 weeks after. I have unfriended her on Facebook. It has helped in healing myself. She was an avoidant and myself anxious. Didn’t know about attachment styles until September. I’m learning a lot every day. Thanks for the videos and love your channel.
Exactly same here. She was avoidant and me anxious. How are you doing now
Didnt know attachments only for December 😢
amazing video. from someone with an anxious/avoidant attachment style who's trying to do better, i needed this. *sigh*
Check out my Creative Healing Course!
Excellent video, thank you! I started gaining a lot of clarity and perspective over the past week and I'm thankful that I am able to view my X as an avoidant without me being angry and emotional. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
M
1.5 years of no contact. Nothing changes
Everytime he sees a block feature on a social media platform he thinks of me 🥰😍
I watch these and wonder....why? Why want them back? I miss her but I don't miss the hot/cold, silent treatments, avoiding any significance conversations.....I miss the idea of her. Move on, love yourself first.
They'll go on with their life without me because i dont have time to waste on mediocre relationships
😂💀
If everyone had this attitude.... Craig and Victoria wouldn’t have a job lol
@@skyfall1481 theres other ways to help people become better than guiding them through a relationship that ultimately will leave them with years of trauma. Tough love and honesty is whats needed
Thankyou this helped so much. It’s day 10 of no contact with a guy I was only with for two and a half months but in that time the red flags 🚩 were evident! I listened to my body that STRONGLY reacted with repulsion when he would touch me so I’m proud of myself for listening to my body and not just giving in to him and his neediness. I subscribed and can’t wait to learn more from you both
Took 2 years of total silence for him to beg for my forgiveness. It happens. Of course, I forgave, and he did worse this past summer. I said never again this time. Day after, he broadcasted a new relationship. How do we handle this sort of situation in addition to absolute cut off?
Be happy he’s someone else’s problem now. He already wasted years of your life! I’m sorry, same thing happened to me and I wasted 5 years on a person who will never change.
@@brendalee8724this is a great reminder.
@brendalee8724 agreed, and it was partly rhetorical. I want others to know they do return and to be very careful about letting them back in. Unfortunately, it's a constant pattern for some people
@@stephiiuni 💯 agree!
Breaks up happen usually for a reason, so being apart, is not really going to help all that much, in that it can get ever harder to re-approach that person..and what to then say to them. They may not or as avoidants address what they know is the issue bothering you, and, just test your interest to get back with them. Baby steps forward with me, drip by drip. Time marches on, opportunities lost, stress of it mounts, and, takes a stress/health toll. You have no idea what they really thing, for they avoid!
DA “loss/grief”comes later than Anxious..DA will “medicate” after with alcohol,work,etc..& as bad as it hurts…get a “fix” for that missed intimacy that they ran from with casual hookup or “situationships”..
I left my avoidant, she rebounded within a month and it didn’t even last 6 months and it’s over now. I bumped into her last week and she was so happy to see me and gave me the tightest bear hug ever I couldn’t breathe
Well, when I told her that she had a choice between showing me how she felt about me or going away she ghosted and eventually blocked me. So killed two birds with one stone there I guess.
After 8 yrs of this nightmare on & off, (he runs away when things are tough/don't go his way), I finally hopped off the rollercoaster ride!
Up until now he would disappear for weeks or months, then start calling, deflecting, blaming me, not taking responsibility. I was desperate for love everytime & would cave in and take him back. Everytime like clock work, once the dust settled, I'd try to talk about fixing the issues. Then he'd run away again.
This last & final time in august he called after months like usual. This time once he started talking about sex I told him that's not happening, ive been working on myself & i dedicate myself to the Lord. He threw a tantrums hungup on me & blocked me. He then reappeared off and on up until 3 weeks ago when his attempts of sex still failed and he told me to move on with my life, I don't love you anymore.
Videos like this keep me going strong. To all the one's struggling as well, Do not accept less than true love, God bless 🙏🙏🙏
I cannot continue on like this anymore
Well said and intelligently thought out, juicysmith..
Telling them "ABSOLUTELY NO SEX" separates the men from the boys!!! It's a SIN to indulge in fornication before marriage in the Holy Bible and I will stand by that to the death. I don't want to end up in Hellfire!! I LOVE JESUS AND OBEY.
Nothing. Nothing happens when they feel your absence. Life goes on. It is what it is.
I'd love to give a success story I really would. But how often does the dice land on red 12?
We were together for 2 years. He left me when we were 10 months into the relationship. 1 month later we got back together, during that month he did all of those things. One year later he left me again by a voice massage. I blocked him, I'm not going through that again. I'm doing therapy, I really really loved him but its the most painful thing I ever had experience in my life!
As an avoidant - I don’t like being an avoidant.
Get help ❤
Then stop being one.
Trying.
Get help and you will live a happy life knowing you are loved and you are loving ❤️
Avoidant's are stupid !
Avoid avoidant's !
Another name for avoidant is coward !!
Just imagine a room full of avoidant's !!
😲
That's a harmful generalization. Many of us watching these videos are avoidants trying to heal our own attachment issues.
@@tobebuilds
Yeah !
You're right !
My apologies !
I'm the one being stupid !
I guess I'm still dealing with the consequences of falling in love with an avoidant !
My bad !
🙏
The hardest part of no contact so far is our children, I am presently having them with me 3 days a week and with my wife 4 days a week which is very convient as my wife's place of residence is only 10mins away from our home, we have only been apart just over 2 weeks but it feels like an eternity and yes I made the usual mistakes in the first week being very emotional , I'm not going to say anything negative about my wife because it is counter productive. We have been a couple for 19 1/2 and married for 18 years with 4 children, oh just for the record I am a psychotherapist and registered nurse and have worked in mental health for the past 17 years, love your videos presently watch attachment styles
Answer is Continue playing games they'll breadcrumb....
He has married. Now here I am stuck with loving someone who doesn't seem to care anymore.
@@rebeccasnyder6719 stop loving him. It's obvious he's not the one. Remember your love and learn to forge ahead
It won’t last!!
Avoidants always sabotage relationships!!
Won’t last
Why are we bothering with them knowing we have to deal with abandonment and rejection
I saw all the red flags throughout the relationship. I understood this was from past truma and i tried too hard to be kind and comforting when it was something i sensed my partner wasn't use to. With that being said. An inadvertent test happened. And because my partner didn't get what they wanted the truth came spilling out with anger and tears. I just listened and remained silent. Didn't feel the need to say anything all though i had alot to say. Then the avoidance amplified. It was like playing hide and seek, now you see me now you don't. Then the grand finale, turned to back and walked away from me. I didn't chase, didn't say nothing. Just thought welp take care if that's how you feel. I did see her turn around halfway down the block. But i remained standing firm. Then she turned back and walked off again and finally turned the corner. And that's when i concluded to let it be and go focus that energy i gave out on myself.
What test are you referring too? It's confusing
He won’t reach out if he’s blocked…
The excuse was wishing me a happy birthday. Theres no reason for the avoidant to contact me again. I’ve seen that I was in a dominant phase I kept reaching out after the break up. He went NC. I’m now in feminine phase I have begun NC because that’s how I feel atm. I’m tired of chasing a brick wall. I feel like I’m getting over it but he’s coming back slowly. Honestly I don’t think I should go back. 😢❤
I’m scared I’m now the avoidant one due to so many bad experiences with dangerous men on the narcissistic spectrum. I have trouble discerning the difference between the two
My ex is a avoidant,sometimes they will send memes as a way to reach out to..one day he randomly sent a video of a cat because he knows i like cats and dogs and animals in general, i used to get very annoyed with this and confused, because he hasn't been in my life in almost 3 years lol but i guess to him it meant "something" that was his way of trying to "reconnect" with me avoidants are not always the best at "READING THE ROOM" EMOTIONALLY..
These people are NOT adults
Craig could you please do a video on if your ex just wants to be single for a while? Mine left me 7 months ago for another guy but it turns out from what I've heard that they never got serious and although I still haven't heard from her so I'm sort of relying on hearsay, she seems to just be focused on her school and work and enjoying the single life in the meanwhile she also really enjoys alone time which she seems to be getting a lot of now. She hinted to it several times during our sixth year relationship particularly the last few years and having a lot of time alone was probably extra appealing given my anxious attachment style. I have a feeling there's a lot more people than we realize going through this kind of scenario or who might even think that their ex is in a rebound or new relationship when in fact it's something more like this. Especially where a lot of your viewers have an anxious attachment style like me
I like how Craig said that the weak partner will become like a baby crying to Mommy.. just like a cute little baby cat 🥰😅 but people don't beat yourself up, we start where we are.
In most cases there isn't a single weak partner. The anxious partner shows their weakness while the avoidant fakes it with their best pokerface. When they did the attachment experiments on infants they did brain scans on the avoidant and found them to be experiencing unbelievable stress and anxiety internally while looking physically calm and nonchalant. Anxious and avoidant are almost identical except for a seemingly small difference of opinion. The anxious fears abandonment, the avoidant expects it. They may have lived parallel lives but this small core belief influences so much in their lives beyond that point. The avoidant has an advantage over the anxious because they don't rely on anyone else but they've achieved this kind of falsely empowered state by complete fluke. To be fair on them, the avoidant and anxious both suffer are both pretty weak, unless they are doing the personal growth work.
Bahahaha......Craig really calls it how it is....."many of you are weak......" Love it
This take was assuring. Thanks for taking the time for it.
Its been a year now, so its too late for me, I can say I was a champ in no contact, I have enjoyed watching the videos as 2023 has been probably the worst year of my life!! But after a year its pretty safe to say it failed
Mine reached out after a year and a half. You never know 😊
@@rainiewhitney8089True! But mine is a different breed of woman!! She really is, I think she would even blow Coach Craig's mind!!😂
It's too late for her. She gave up on you, You should have no regrets if You really tried to save it. Only person that can regret is her
@@rainiewhitney8089It's much more Probable that they will NOT come back...( from personal experience)...
Yeah well mine came out of nowhere and snatched open my car door and assaulted me threatened to blow my brains out I hadn't spoken to her in a year I pressed charges it hurts!!!
Victoria is awesome! Agree with everything she says and I feel like I can relate to her 100%.
Great job!! Please tell us about on and off cycle between anxious-avoidant relationships or the anxious-avoidant trap.....
Greetings from Greece 🇬🇷!!
My wife asked for a divorce. So, i left 3 days later upset. we could not talk about anything. She changed her name on social media and blocked me and went no contact. After 6 weeks I went back and spent 5 days and she said she was sick and lost 30 lbs. After 5 days she could talk to me but said she still wanted a divorce. I told her I loved her but left again. It's been two months total for all this. My wife fits the avoidant, and she has no contact. Her birthday and our 24th anniversary are coming up soon. Do I do anything or just nothing and say nothing? I feel like I should remember her birthday and our anniversary. I made it clear I will always love her and i still do but I'm giving up for now! Just moving on and accepting and I did not respond to the divorce papers and I'm not going to respond! I'm broke and can't get counselling. Starting a new job tomorrow! I enjoyed the video !
I do now ...wonder..did she ever really care...man, it hurts
I cried every day for a month when I lost them - I feel your pain. If it hurts so much, then there was a real connection and attachment there - and they are hurting too.
I hope he's going through he will never meet one like me again. I know he is because i can see through other people and you can't lie or hide things from me ❤❤❤❤
MERRY CHRISTMAS 2023, and Happier 2024
There was a court case in Ireland recently to stop an ex husband writing to the dog who lived at the ex wife's house , She didn't want to read the letters to the Dog so she called in the Law.
Could unblocking at almost two months be a sign of regret on their part?
Does it become a constant push and pull then through the relationship? Isn’t it healthier for both parties just to let them go?
Thanks!!
No… because I can unblock you too. Lol 😂
Your name with the logo is so perfect 🎉
One ex said months later
“ I’ll be in Your area on such a day . Been thinking about You , I miss You in my way “
I was totally over Him at this stage , yay Me
I think they too have trauma and they don't want real love they don't want to feel anything. So they go for fake relationships. ❤ They don't want real at all.
It's very true. I've chased my wife for a year trying to fix the relationship. I started to give up over the last week or two and noticed she offerer to help with a job application and then was asking how I was getting on with the searches.
Had an interview the other day she wished me good luck first thing that morning.
To be fair thou. Not sure I want her back now she's been with someone else
❤ God bless you always ameen
Beacuse of my realtionship and break up with avoidant, I was sure Im anxiously attached.
But few months after breakup I started dating a girl, and she was super anxious from the begging! Over texting, overthinking, attaching way tooo fast. It really pushed me away. She was only one month after breaking up with her fiance. So I had to stop meeting with her.
Then I realized Im not really anxious, just relationship with avoidant made me feel constant anxiety from really logic and good reasons
I went from being a secure attachment to an anxious attachment with my girlfriend who is an avoidant attachment. I’ve slowly started to go back to my secure attachment style, and now that I understand she is very much an avoidant, I’m just gonna play the game with patience and see where it goes. We’re on NC break right now, while she goes through therapy to try and fix herself while also working in herself. Once she’s ready I’m gonna take things much slower instead of trying to rush us back into how we once were.
Thanks for another great video Coaches ❤
Every time I planned to do things myself , he offered accompany which I appreciated a lot. I know I am anxious type so I tried not to be needy. I asked if you would like to for real , I didn’t what you to feel obligated and pressured , and I didn’t really need your accompany. He said otherwise we didn’t do anything together. ..
Now I am confused by this man with whom I have been 7 years together. Before I accepted his accompany happily. When I began to insist to do things by myself to try to not to be needy, thinking it was thoughtful for him (maybe I was wrong), he broke up with me 2 weeks ago, saying he was not attracted by me and I was not interested to him which was BS.
Something same happened to me 😊
and yet people with avoidant attachment styles in general to become anxious, just as people with an anxious attachment style do become avoidant at times... and for good reason. nature finds a way 🥰
I work with my avoident ex which makes it fairly hard. However I am motivated to do my best with the no contact and work on me in the mean time!
😊
Just over 3 months of no contact after a 5 year relationship. She reached out after 2 months to see if I had something of hers. I nicely explained that I didn't. She said ok. Haven't heard from her since. Not sure if it was legit or an indirect. Time will tell.
She passed away in November, she was an avoidant, I never got to see her again.
Very clever 😂
Sorry, but avoidants should just not exist 🤷 Would be so much better...
I’m not disagreeing with those who say don’t take them back. Yet, you are thinking from your hurt and pain, and it may not be applicable to all situations
Relationships in 2023 just seem like being in a war zone.
Yes, avoidants do acts of service. My avoidant sent the lawn man to my house and told the lawn man to say if l ask him who sent him to my house to say the neighbor sent him over to mow the lawn. However, I made an error and texted him to say thanks for sending the lawn man to cut my grass when l should not have responded. But, l am also an avoidant. I don't worry about someone who made a decision to leave the relationship. I let them sit with their decision. If they come back, they come back. But, if they don't l would move on to the next chapter in my life. However it turns out is how it turns out. Never chase an ex, if he comes back on his own, hopefully l'm still available, if not. It is what it is
Agree
Can an avoidant really heal though? And do they even want to? I haven’t seen it.
She's blocked me and she's still calling to check up on me after she decided to break up with me
Could you guys please do a video about if avoidants do know what they are doing? Like do they really think they can come and go as their please?