The Big Secret About Avoidants
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ก.ย. 2024
- The big secret about avoidants. Someone with an avoidant attachment style is very likely to hide their issues in the early stages of a relationship. If you are not fully aware of attachment styles, you are likely to find yourself attached to one, and before you know it, they pull away or break up with you.
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Hi coach Craig I have an avoidant ex who has fallen silent for above 6 weeks, would it be harmful to wish her merry Christmas, if don't would it be interpreted as not caring, or could it feel like an intrusion
@@joeglenn9021 ooooooooo
@@tubig1sfas
Dating an avoidant was the worst experience of my life. I’m in a healthy relationship now never looking back.
I agree, the last guy who broke up with me is an avoidant. And they make you feel that you're not enough for them. They supress their feelings thinking that it's the right way to deal with relationship issues. I never got the closure that I needed. But, looking back, his silence is the closure that I need. I still hope his attachment issues, but just like coach craig said, the dumper doesnt improve as much as the dumped person does.
Hey I hear you. I think their unstable and act tough but they put a facade. He is very outspoken at church high verbal does videos chioriographs them but either he’s approachable and easy to talk to or last time we spoke he looked so nervous stammered over his words. Then you never know if he’s going to say hi, but is always staring at me from afar. Been married twice. I ran away
It’s crazy making.
Me too
So true! Thinking someone is secure, then getting hit with the hot and cold and eventual ghost pattern of an FA is really tough.
Like you guys said, “ You never fought or argued” and they still self Sabotage the relationship and break it off. Avoidants are interesting….
Exactly what happened! We got along so great and I never saw it coming.
@@annesom5648 same thing happened to me. Two years and not one fight. Then boom, she broke it off when things started getting good
Nah just sick and boring.
Same cycle of doom over and over 😂😂😂
THIS. Two great years, talks about marriage, kids, etc. Then she blew it all up out of nowhere. Even our counselor couldn't figure out what her intentions were.
I’m an avoidant and was still shutting down until my ex gf left. I am now working on it, working on fixing my relationship with my parents and finally stood up to my ex wife (child’s mom). I still love my ex gf and want to fix it but i might have to fix myself first.
I hope you tell her that you love her and miss her and loosing her has lead you to try and change
@Mets So much respect for this, hope things are working out for you
This is so resonant. I've been studying attachment for years thanks to my relationship w my ex. He seemed so secure when we met and I felt like a hot mess. I know now that his avoidance was triggering my anxiousness. He's actually super smart and is an LPC 😬 After almost 5 years I have earned (boy I've earned it) a secure attachment and unfortunately he is still avoidant. Possibly narcissistic. The breaking point was when my son died and he still couldn't show up emotionally. I feel my son gave me the gift of finally seeing that it's okay that I want and need more. 💖 Thank you. 🙏
I just want to say that whoever you are, I am sorry for your loss and you in fact deserve someone who has the capacity to support and make you feel loved and seen. I hope we'll all find that kind of person for ourselves.
I’m sorry for your loss and that he wasn’t there for you in the most heartbreaking moment of your life. I’m sending you much strength.
Hope you are ok. Love from Pete and Poppy ❤
Omg so sorry that must be so hard
So sorry about your son, when my son was diagnosed with cancer my "seem so steady partner" left me high and dry to deal with it on my own, 😢
They want to take care thngs themselves. Awesome! Leave them alone. Give your love to someone that wants and deserves it and will reciprocate.
My experience was with a First gen DA. I had to know my value and worth and walk away, I felt so unwanted
I was so confused by my relationship, my ex was adamant he was secure but couldn't be vulnerable about his emotions in the present. He started feeding doubt and comparing our relationship to his past ones, and gave mixed messages whilst being distant, this triggered my anxiety but I gave him the space he asked for - he then walked away telling me the relationship had wound down, leaving me so confused as to what happened. Atleast I had the awareness to tell him he had a vulnerability block and had essentially sabotaged the relationship, still hurts to get attached - especially when you do everything to show up secure - talk about feelings and fears etc. I'm proud that I showed up as authentically me just frustrated that I ended up with an avoidant.
He came across as so secure and certain of himself and our relationship but it did feel like he has one foot out of the relationship just in case. Without pouring in and being vulnerable, the intimacy can't grow.
I can totally understand. They “act” totally confident but they actually are completely insecure. The only security they have is in being a loner 😢 not having any accountability for their actions. Being free to change their mind at a whim and living a carefree (but lonely) life.
I am in a somewhat similar situation except after me bringing up some concerns he just ghosted. It really has left me confused. We dated three years and I'm like well are you coming back?
Wow this was me 💯 with my DA partner! It was horrible.
They aren't secure. They are flaky and vague from day 1. They aren't equally interested in you. If you are secure, you will know quickly. And, they dont share. Even in the beginning they aren't vulnerable. Easy going, sure
And they are so good at fixing other people's relationships while they own relationships are crap, always a hero to the out siders while in their own houses they are suffocating their patterners.
that's so true, my ex is currently trying to setup my sister with someone 😂 and she can't even realize her own issues
This is painfully true...I thought my ex was so well adjusted to all the crazy childhood stuff she told me about. Ended up I just needed to wait a little longer to see it all come out. She did a great job hiding and pretending she was secure. This is why we ease into serious relationships instead of rushing in. I still got a bit attached, but lucky, because it could have been worse if I'd have just blindly jumped in.
My friend is a Russian immigrant. Moved to the US in HS. He’s a classic avoidant. Victoria makes an excellent point about first-gens not wanting to be burden on their parents and being extremely self-reliant. He has a heart of gold, however it’s taken a lot of patience and understanding to navigate a relationship with him due to his avoidant and my anxious tendencies. Totally worth it, though. He’s a great human being.
@Nat Smythe They can be fantastic and they can be assholes, just like anybody.
and I have seen how when they shift into that other mode.. they also blame shift and tell the anxious partner that the anxious partner is not the same person they met lol meanwhile they are the one pulling off the jekyll and Hyde routine.. ouch..
Wow. It’s so crazy you said the refugee camp story. I’m a Somali American female who literally became a fearful avoidant/disorganized attachment style at the age of 9. I was ALWAYS told: Ayan can handle it all. My whole life have been helping others. My level of empathy is a little too high I think, I feel too much what others are feeling and im always trying to help. And then, I married a man who is also an FA, and the beginning is fireworks until reality hits.
And then you realize, wow, we have so much emotional growth to do, because this whole attachment styles and emotional intelligence is news to me until 2022, after COVID. I believe COVID brought so many emotions into the surface for us to either dwell on them or become securely attached people. ❤
Wow. I see myself with almost all of the avoidant traits mentioned. I did in fact grow up with an emotionally distant family and I quickly learned to become very independent and I very much have a “I can fix this myself” or “It’s my own problem to deal with” mentality. I believe this is a big part as to why my last relationship failed. Although I may appear to be rather stable on the outside I often have a hard time opening up about even some of the most mundane things that may bother me. I do however love having long conversations and I don’t actively avoid relationships. In fact, I love having a partner in my life. It’s been a year since my breakup and the pain still lingers, and it took a while for it to hit me. I really hope I can learn to be more vulnerable.
Sad part is with most avoidants because you long the intimacy but can't reciprocate it or communicate when needed you tend to attract anxious or even make secure people anxious. And because like you said it took you awhile to feel it.....by the time you feel it, the anxious are finally healing and moving forward.
Do yourself and your next partner a favor. Unpack it and do whatever it takes to heal yourself.
The pain of being completely discarded by somebody who would rather ignore their emotions than address them and their actions......you will never go through that twice I promise you. I'd never in my life again choose an avoidant. Especially one who hurt me the way he has.
Takes work. Also male avoidant with a similar childhood. Married 11 years (she's quality), but like I do force myself to try & open up, at least selectively. No one wants the floodgates breached all of a sudden LOL.
This is great to know because my ex, my baby's father, is this way. I wished I would have learned this. Now that we are separated I fully understand him. I'm praying we get back together once we fix ourselves. Im praying so hard.
Yeah I’ll never be with an avoidant again. I really hope you can heal yourself because avoidants make their partners feel awful for no reason.
This is so F ing true !!! The moment we get close to them and maybe mention about relationship, everything you do gets noted and each minor chinks become an irritant and one slightly off comment is good enough for them to become total strangers. Its actually quite devastating.
Yup. 2 weeks no contact as of yesterday. Our mistakes are tallied but not once do they acknowledge their own. Often our mistakes are in response to their distancing. We notice and perceive their obvious efforts to make the relationship less meaningful and we say something then we're the bad person. It's truly backwards. As if we are blind and clueless. Good luck to all
@@jamesgraves9858 unfortunately they have a lot of good qualities about them . The experience is very devastating for the other party though . I dont even know if the girl likes me or not and unable to take the final call and just move on . Its been a very difficult 2months . The heart is also a weird thing , it went and fell for someone who is perhaps an avoidant.
@@ManuB3581 yeah. They kind of stop trying. They don't invest a lot beyond that stage where they're trying to secure you. Then you get a multitude of excuses if you are to ask where you stand with them. It's sad. I would advise you to distance yourself the best that you can but if you don't feel right loving that way it might just not work. In my circumstance I know it probably would not have worked no matter what. She just couldn't see my point of view. They don't want to. They've survived in their ways their whole life. They don't want to take your feelings into account too much. It's pretty much their way or the highway
That's it!! "Emotional Catfishing"
They shove emotions down in an effort not to appear vulnerable. Superficial level of talking Or bring in relationship. Invested at first then fear they have been to intimate and they pull away. They often say their childhood was normal or idealic. Repression of what truly happened. Then they develop a narrative about how things were great. But to a clinician there were Hugh gaps.
This really explains a lot, thank you.
It’s been a while since I’ve watched one of Craig’s videos. They’ve helped me through a previous breakup. Now in my new relationship I’m finding myself having a lot of anxiety and stress again. I feel that I need to focus on my self and brush up on my relationship skills/knowledge again. I’ve again come to one of Craig’s videos and I have to say that watching the intro bit was surprisingly comforting
Wow! This really resonated and I will listen to this again until I get all the good info from this. I think I should get The Creative. I’m not in a relationship, but I can be ready. I thought my ex-fiancé was secure attachment style, but I believe he’s avoidant attachment style after listening to this. We were engaged and great for a year, and then he began to turn away, eventually wouldn’t set the date, and then broke up with me, even though he tearfully told me I was the love of his life the day before. I’m still trying to heal.
The lessons you get from an avoidant is totally worth it
I hope you're being sarcastic! Made me laugh😅
I love coach Victoria's term: Emotional Catfishing 😂
Yes, act like they want a relationship and when it happens they leave.
You hit the nail on the head…emotional self control is avoidant of emotions, appearing self-confident until I triggered them 😂 then everything came to the light. In the meantime, I blamed myself for being too emotional. I would rather be me 💯 GREAT VIDEO! thank you!
I've been dating an avoidant for a while now,, it's driving me nuts. We had several months of solid communication and dates, but then they suddenly said they just want to be friends and then went cold. I went no contact after it felt clear they needed their space. This week, after over a month of no contact, they texted me a meme. When I responded later that day (because I was legitimately busy that day), I never got a response. It's driving me nuts!
Detach get busy doing you and other things you are in too deep you need to take space let this person sweat stop being so available see if they will really miss you and chase you
I am having the same thing happen now with a guy ive known for nearly four years. It has gotten worse since I spent six days with him in September as he had invited me to come. For the last three years he regularly called, texted, FaceTime, sent pictures, videos. Since my visit in September the last two months have been so confusing. The last day of my trip when I asked him if I could see him again he replied, “I don’t know” we had talked about so many different things I could come back for prior so I kind of fell apart and flew home crushed and in disbelief. But the weird thing was he sent me tons of texts the first week I was home (and called) telling me we can still have more experiences, nothing has to change and why does it have to be all or nothing with me. He kept saying “I haven’t played you, this is one catastrophic misunderstanding”……I figured id try to understand. In the last two months he’s asked for a break - which I gave, continues to give me vague answers about when I can visit again even though his whole thing was we can still have more experiences. When I try to talk about what happened he will start yelling and telling me he’s told me for years I’ve always been an option and that he only asked me to visit so I’d shut up about it, that I’m naive etc. he called me at 3am the night of my birthday (Nov 5) and told me he does care about me and hasn’t forgotten me. He said he has some things to send me (as I made his birthday special) and yet over 25 days later still nothing. I cut back on contact a few weeks ago and he’d send me random texts that are like a picture or a linked Facebook article. The most recent was of the house where the GOONIEs was filmed….knowing full well I had wanted to take him there. When I got brave to have reply he said he wasn’t trying to have a discussion about it. In fact anything he has sent me over the years he says it doesn’t mean thing to him as it did to me. So entirely frustrating.
@@brianhill6842 time to move on.
@@mariotibbrine1 ...did you miss the part that said I went no contact? Craig says to respond if they reach out if you're still interested, so I did. But, I responded about 10 hours later that day because my career actually keeps me busy for that long. Plus my text only had 3 words, so chill man I'm not that desperate to hang onto their every word💀
@@greenstatic9286 you are doing great then, hopefully they come around again (if that's what you want). Until then just stay busy. :) (if you ever got close again tell them to go to therapy and learn about attachment styles)
😂😂Craig "The lizard people" avoidants are everywhere
As an immigrant this resonated a lot for me. This described my dynamic as a child with my parents to the tee.. Working hard on healing my fearful avoidant attachment style.❤
They are EVERYWHERE!!! It’s amazing how in time it reverses too. Ultimately I ended up avoiding my avoidant narc ex…
I have to respect you both for explaining the reasons why avoidants act this way and that it's a deep seated wound.
I must say, the reasons are sad, but in the end I could care less because they SO hurt others. Their behavior is cruel, repulsive, selfish, and self-centered with no consideration of how they hurt other people. And far too often they know and just refuse to work on themselves. This is despicable behavior and inexcusable. I have no empathy for people that refuse address their issues.
I used to have a disorganised attachment style. I'm working through it and I think I've mostly healed my avoidant side. But Goshhhh it's so painful!!! Because basically now I'm anxious and I feel everything to the core
Are you sure you don't know my avoidant ex-boyfriend? 😂 you just described our relationship perfectly. Now I know how to spot them for next time.
Thank you again for these videos. You guys have opened up my eyes so much to attachment styles.
Avoidants are very hard to spot. Like Terminators. And do just as much damage😂
I think it's sad because as romantic as it was in the beginning, you look back and it almost seems disordered. Not steady and healthy love. Even though that's great to experience, it's going to be a huge red flag to me from now on.
They are hard to spot at first, but after you have studied them, you can often see the first red flags during the first day.
I remember someone that I had just met for the first time. Asked him what he was doing for a living, he replied "I work for a bank". I asked what his job was exactly and he replied "I told you, I work for a bank". I said to myself that I was probably dealing with an avoidant person, which was later confirmed by dozens of other red flags.
@@brinckau yes that makes sense. I just met up with a girl I knew from high school after 22 years (class of 2000) for the first time last week. As we were talking it became clear to me..radar spiked big time, she had many avoidant traits. I know I can’t diagnose, but when I see the traits adding up it’s enough for me to slowly turn the ship around and leave port before docking.
@@Dad_Brad It's exactly what I do. When I spot enough signs, I turn the ship around ;-).
I agree with what u said at 13.00. this is why it's so important to find a partner who loves and seeks God bc they will have fruitage of the spirit. Compassion, empathy, patience, love, self control
Amen to THAT!!! If I ever date again, he's going to HAVE to love Jesus Christ with all his heart, mind and soul!
Emotional catfishing! Wow! That's exactly right! So when the avoidant bails is it because they're avoidant? Or because you're just not the right one? (Even though they told you that you were the day before they bailed lol).
My mother emotionally neglected me and physically abused me, and she loves so much my younger sister (the father is not my father ). I never experienced her love that way. Until a point I said I didn’t need her love so I would not be in pains. I took care of myself and I am able to do everything by myself. I should have been avoidant, somehow I am so anxious in relationships. Why??
You have described my ex to a T! Wow, he’s really textbook avoidant. Thanks for all your help.
You guys make a great coaching team 😃 Thank you for the work you do 🙏
Hmmm, I might be avoidant. All this time I thought I have a secure attachment style. 😅 I’m self-sufficient and sometimes I lack empathy because I don’t like to be affected by other people’s problems. I’m also blunt and don’t like drama ❤ My ex-partner might also be avoidant. Thank you Craig and Victoria. Xoxo
I love you and everything you say and the energy and your attitude
Thank to you I've made through a horrible breakup and breakdowns I've had for a few years 😅 way too long hyhy now I'm super happy, had a few adventures since then 🤣😅and bought a house and have a dog that I can't imagine my life without haha😅
And I'm as secure as I can be, always been 😌
Please excuse my English xxxx
You're just great 👌🏽❤️
Kisses and hugs from Poland!!!!
Congratulations with 140K followers! 🥳🥳
Good video .All of the mentioned traits, plus made worst and compounded further by learned coping methods via the old school policing - Career cop 👮♀️, his entire life . The stuff he would have seen and had to suppress emotional.
Had to get out and away from him - just wears you down. It’s emotional abusive being with A avoidant compounded with I.E.D.(intermittent explosive disorder) , and anxiety. He mentioned once, “they all leave me”- unfortunately I could see why . Miss him still. But a relationship works, only when 2 people are trying .
this man I’m interested in is the extreme. Even his voice charge from soft spoken to assertive within a few minutes. I don’t want to talk to him anymore. He’s completely draining and odd.
question.. do you guys find that the avoidant attachment style seems to correlate with narcissistic tendencies? I am having a feeling that this may be very much so.
It does! My ex is and avoidant and has narcissistic tendencies as well. He actually told me that he is very aware of this.
I recently met a guy who I suspect has both. Very handsome and intelligent man but hard to connect with. Wants sex but avoids intimacy.
Avoidant people act too cool for school. If an avoidant was a Startrek character they would be Spock 😂
if somebody accuses you of being an empath in a negative meaning way.. likely that person casting the accusation is avoidant. this doesn't mean avoidant people are bad.. but they are not the best romantic partners to say the least lol.. they can be great friends though
My bf was amazing the first 5 months--then he started to be critical of how i did things and even my looks (i should get a boob job!) Interestingly, he warned about the "6 month mark"...hmmm. i broke it off at the end of 6 mos, but i miss him! Grrr
Yes, that's how it goes! At first, you are "perfect" to them...then later (without you changing anything about yourself, mind you!) THEY BEGIN TO NITPICK!!! It's a thing with them, many have spoken of it.
Literally the ex I’m trying to forget right now
I loved this! So true, thank you so much for the enlightening information ❤
I can’t be emotionally harmed if nobody can access my emotions.
Yes, you can. The emotions are still there, they just manifest in other, disconnected ways.
Thank you so much for the great insights. It would be nice to hear how you would deal with them. Should you pull away when they start ignoring you?
This sounds like my partner ..
It's frustrating when he shuts off ..
She had a trauma bond with her abusive ex husband. It was the perfect self sabotage.
How do you tell when someone is really empathetic vs one who is putting on a mask?
Ok, I am dating an avoidant. So how to melt his heart? How not to overwhelm him but still meet your needs?
Or is there no hope and I need to run away now?
No hope darling! Leave him alone and find someone else that is ready for a healthy relationship with you.
Very helpful ❤ thank you
How do avoidant handle breakups long term? Do they typically come back if the relationship was good or just shove it down and move on?
if a DA is the dumper, it would take them a long time - months - to process their emotions, then they might reach out, but i wouldn't hold my breath.
@@adamwood87 My DA ex got into a long distance relationship 6 weeks after breaking up with me. Curious how that'll play out.
@@andrewfischer2556 if i had to put money on it, i'd say that rebound is going to fail. long-distance relationships are difficult no matter who you are.
@@adamwood87 Yep, it actually really helped me to move on once I found out. I do wonder if the distance will actually be better for her DA tendencies.
@@andrewfischer2556 easier, yes, but not better. getting into a long-distance relationship - and in such a short amount of time after a break up - is not healthy. i'm saying this because rushing into another relationship, plus one that has distance involved, is textbook DA behavior: "run from your feelings instead of working on yourself." that's what it sounds like to me, at least.
The best avoident excuse i was told was .. i am not cut out for this ... what does that mean ? Is it me or them ? Left me with alot of questions......
it's them. DA/FAs have a wound around close connection. they do well with short-term relationships, but feel "trapped" if it's more serious.
They can't do love. I was told that. They are unable to really see how kind of crazy their thoughts are. Like they could say that but then the next day they'll just say they hate you lol They feel how they feel in a moment and even their self-reflection is limited to the moment.
They make you feel crazy and like you’re the problem
Mine said it's too hard, relationships are hard, he's not good at it
Etc etc etc. first yesr was amazing the next year he was off and on like donkey Kong. Now totallly refusing to see a psychologist. I think his childhood trauma is severe
@@mdmcpherson8574 absolute! His avoidance gave me anxiety. Thrn my anxiety pushed him away wtaf
Loving your videos, they’re really helpful. Thank you. 😁🙏😘
Great video dynamic duo...
I think attachment styles are not rigid. I feel people can become any of these, EVERYTHING is constantly in motion and ever-changing.
If a person finds they start to love you, they may turn into an FA even if they started as a DA.
Look, I'm no scientist but you don't need to be one to realize people can CHANGE styles. I don't believe in the rigid structure of the attachment styles.
Yes, it can change, but it won't change overnight. It's not like you're DA at lunch time, but who knows, maybe you'll be the complete opposite by dinner time, and then something else by tomorrow. To make real change in one's personality takes a lot of time.
My ex seems very empathetic but also very avoidant at the same time, is that possible?
Need some opinions, my avoidant ex ended a 15 month relationship mid July. Was messaging me very regularly and still meeting me for coffee and always reaching out first right up until mid September.
Even told me in September she wanted to marry me, which I didn't know when we were together, so why tell me 2 months after the breakup?
Also admitted she was thinking of me daily and always checking my social media, and also stated her heart was hurting, this was early September.
Then suddenly, mid September she ghosted me.
Then weirdly enough a place she's been avoiding since our breakup (she knows my routine) she turns up with her new guy beginning of November, knowing I'd be there at that time? Why?
Also, looking at all of this it has to be a rebound?
I was also blocked after 7 weeks of no contact, but only on Facebook and not anywhere else.
Mate these people play games. I know it's hard, but for me now 6 months post breakup... I can see I need someone who isn't avoidant. You're probably the same.
Run! She can lead you on for 20 years and still pop up 30 years after that. Every time, act like they want a relationship then it is bye-bye. Ask me how I know.
@@jccchapman7604 You ain't lyin'. !!!
Yes, now I understand why Victoria are wearing a "Marius" sweather, she has been to my country.
We’re actual in soul conciousness. All the time. It’s what happens with childhood abuse. We’re split. Outside I am one personality or multiple and inside I’m just me. Dead. No thing. Committed spiritual suicide as a baby lol. Had too. The abuse was bad. So the split personality is the mask and the split is the soul. Neither are aware of each other. The split is concioussnes. It’s like there’s two mes. But I went through a spiritual awakening. So I came back to the one self. Got rid of the personality that was the mask. And I’m telling you now I was not aware of the split. Or that I was splitting. It’s so bizarre. It’s dissociative amensia. It’s so horrific to live forgetting everything lol. But ok it was the only way to continue living is to compartmentalize the trauma. sincerely it’s the hardest thing to overcome unless you do self inquiry meditation and lots of prayers. But it’s doable. We’re not doing it on peroxide. Plus if someone is in their ego I will automagically leave because I am soul and don’t deal well with masks. Every though I wore one all my life.
10 out of 10 dismissive avoidants say f off lol but perhaps everything happens for a reason 😁 check please... next!
Is the no contract rule the same when a avoident male has broke up with you? Meaning wait for them to reach out.
Thank you so much for adding the information about how this affects first generation families. I am a first generation student and this was my experience and a lot of my friends experience. We feel like there are not a lot of resources for us and this is very insightful! ❤
Hi craig can an avoidant think or claim their parents are the most perfect couple despite possibly they were neglected by parents? Appreciate the response!!!!
Absolutely. My ex claimed this in the beginning and claims this now because he doesn't want to admit his problems but our entire relationship for 11 years he was very aware they were neglectful and even abusive.
They can barely say I love you. Never hug. Rug sweep every single emotion. Barely talk unless it's gossip or drama lol.
It's sick.
To the world they look normal. They are like acquaintances. And all their kids are abusive and fucked up
@Fiora Castorani Thanks Fiora for the reply! I think this is another way to ignore their mistakes or comimg short in relationship and commitment, and they want to show ex or others and believe that it's other side's shortcoming. These people are in serious lack of maturity and need help. But surely they don't want help.
@Masud Z Hasan 1000%. I was blamed and gaslit for reacting to my exes abuse, neglect, lies and betrayals.
I may have reacted in emotion, but I'd rather feel them than avoid and run from them. Smh.
I think I have seen a study about this, that said that avoidants could see their abusive parents as perfect people. I can't find it again, unfortunately.
Avoidants and narcissists
I’ve experienced both 🤦🏻🙄
He told me he was Done and had enough
Nah she fought to help keep us the first couple of times, but I didn’t change until it’s too late
Its like holding water
Brilliant video, thanks
My avoidant ex seems to be getting into a long distance relationship 6 weeks after breaking up. Curious if the long distance aspect will end up soothing some of those avoidant tendencies?
Yeah I just got broken up with by my avoidant for probably the last time and she once said "almost all of her relationships had been long distance." I think it protects them. They can't really be asked or expected to really do anything lol I wanted to have a partnership where we spend quality time together and stuff but I think that triggers their fear of enmeshment but they're also very private and don't reveal much so it's kind of like WHAT DO WE END UP GETTING FROM THE RELATIONSHIP? Practically nothing but a "partner" who'd prefer to be absent unless it is THEIR decision to be present. We cannot have needs/wants. It is them that dictate the entire relationship or you risk triggering their avoidant tendencies. It's very rough. I've really second-guessed a lot and I'm going through it all. I do believe though that they are capable of seeing how patient and helpful you've tried to be and it's up to them to make steps toward improving in some reasonable amount of time. It finally erupted and we went our separate ways a couple weeks ago. It's not easy and unfortunately it's our life to live. I want to be alone or with someone I can feel is not bothered by my basic relationship needs
Do avoidants date other avoidants? Anxious with anxious?
They can do, but if one is more avoidant than the other, the less avoidant partner actually starts exhibiting anxious behaviour which is very interesting
Helpful! Thanks.
You just described exactly my EX 👻👻
she shut down, and I thought our relationship is good cz we never faced problems
Do an immigrant episode! Yal hit the nail Im the head
How about ones that are born in here
Dismissive or Fearful?!?
both. an FA has a DA side, as well as an AP side, so FAs have these traits too.
Yes excatly there good with somethings ..yes Craig true
I have a question. Can the same bad medium determine a different attachement evolution in 2 different children (avoidant and anxious)?
yes.
ok, you just described me, how can i fix this
My Creative Healing Course or Knowledge Workbooks can help! Also a knowledgeable therapist on attachment theory. And keep watching my videos
It’s hard to care about an avoidant attachment person when you’re already dead inside.
Ok
Our society is not logic dominated. Particularly with women. What we really see is people acting emotionally quite often, and then rationalizing and justifying it with "logical explanations".
❤❤❤❤❤🕇🕇🕇🕇👏👏👏👏
Convert narcisst
Maybe my now ex girlfriend is an avoidant and that’s why she’s silent and or taking a long time to reach out again and come back. I heard from a Psychic that something seems to be holding my ex back from reaching out and coming back. Something to do with a previous relationship that she hasn’t been truthful about with me and someone she’s spoken with about me and or this situation. Not sure what it is now. Should I just wait until she reaches out for our anniversary or Christmas, or reach out again saying this?
Hi, hope you’re doing well and your parents too. I am truly, deeply sorry for my behavior and I hope you can forgive me and we can make it work again. This breakup has been really hard for me and I’m sure it’s been hard on you as well and I’m sorry for the pain I have caused you. We broke each other’s hearts in the matter, but I know I broke yours prior to the breakup, because all you ever wanted from me was my love and the same went for me. I will work on myself to be a better person and a loving boyfriend than I ever was and I will not let myself act out of anger and I will try very hard to control it. I know that actions speak louder than words and I know it’ll take time, we just have to take it slow and work through it together, we both need to work on ourselves together with each other like we did before; we can and will. I would love to work on myself by your side and I would love for you to work on yourself by my side.
@@mralvarez9487 I did, on our anniversary, the day before Christmas Eve to wish her happy anniversary. However, she said that once someone breaks up with you, you don’t have one. I told her that’s true, but the thought is there. Silence from her. She said that we just have two different paths and we can’t get back together. She wouldn’t really talk if she wanted me to change more or work on things, would just expect me to change on my own. She would also hold back her feelings and so therefore, I had no idea how she was feeling. She would feel 2nd rate towards my family and I would have to convince her that she wasn’t. She just wants a relationship to be not with the other persons family as much and it wasn’t. I told her again the it’s hard because my sister is a single mother of three and my other sister has to help as well and my father passed away 4 years ago. Long story short, she’s virtually dating a Korean guy I found out, who’s in the army which she hates, because her previous ex was in the army and he cheated on her. This guy is also an NPC bodybuilder and she claims he’s a celebrity TikToker. I called her out on that guy and she got mad and said goodbye and good luck, and then blocked me. I kinda felt bad, but I don’t because she broke my heart by telling me that she had felt that way towards my family for one year. I asked if she felt that way, then why not leave and pretend that was fine and nothing was wrong? Silence. She also won’t accept counseling because she feels she can handle herself and not have anyone tell her otherwise or prescrib medication for depression. She thinks very little and so do her parents, especially her father who is a very paranoid person.
Okay, how can we recognize emotional catfishing? And how can we test to see if they are secure or avoidant without being manipulative? 🤣
The real questions. How can we avoid avoidants 🫠🫠🫠🫠
Creative Healing Course!
How can we avoid avoidants!! LMAAO! 🤣🤣Jesus plzzz do it! 🤣🤣👍🏻
@@PriyankaGupta-ew1li 😁