I'm thinking about the sheer amount of pressure and stress from family/society, that ultimately drove individuals down the doublelife path. Ruining their own youthful years instead of finding their other half, while letting it take a toll on their own mental state. If only society back then was as openminded as it is today in Singapore. We don't stigmatize them anymore, do we? Surely we've progressed. Have we?
@@felipehunt4008but still. This is wrong when you married a woman and have a daugther just to hide the fact that you are a gay from the public. I mean, if you really dont have feeling to woman and never falling in love in your wife, dont drag her life to your problem. Just stay single, no one will judge you if you single forever… Dont blame society. Dont be a coward..
@@woodendog1 I believe that, but I guess for me I would simply forgo marriage altogether. Which I have done in my own life. I do have to be more sensitive about people’s circumstances.
My mom tried to coerce me to be with a woman when she first discovered I was gay over a decade ago. The one thing I remember saying was that I would never deceive a woman into marrying me and live that kind of life. That’s not fair and it’s selfish. Women deserve to be with someone who can authentically love them and I knew that’s not something I could give. I guess I was lucky enough to be have been born in America where making that decision was possible, I understand in other traditional cultures it’s not so easy. I could not imagine having to live a lie hiding myself everyday.
I am gay but I was married to my very accepting wife for 51 years. I cared for her with MS for 26 years. She wasn't able to ambulate for the last 15 years. I have a very accepting adult son and daughter who are both married with two sons. My wife has now passed. On our wedding day we vowed "in sickness and in health..until death us do part". We did that. Being in a mixed orientation marriage and being a full time carer for so long has had a huge impact on my health. I am 77 and I am now free to be the gay man I always was. But I am not looking for a boyfriend/husband. I am too old now. But I am gay..definitely - 100%.
Living a lie is a self-made prison. It condemns us to a life of unnecessary misery. I came out just when AIDS was starting, which added another layer to the coming out process; I had to navigate my self-discovery while protecting myself from infection. On top of that I watched as my friends got sick and died one by one. God bless you for navigating your journey to get where you are today. Nothing happens by accident; you are where you need to be. Thank you for sharing!
Yeah societal norms, is for gay Muslim men to get married. I hooked up with a married Muslim guy, he wanted to see me often but i found out he was married so I dropped the friendship. He was the best bottom ever and a very strict father of 4 boys I found out when I bumped into the family at a mall.
I had a long term Pakistani boyfriend whose family demanded he marry... He bought his wife a house and offered to buy me a house a block over if I stayed with him but I refused. His entire family knew me and I know they suspected but had no proof. One of his brothers tried to touch me inappropriately and he told him to stop and to not touch what is his.... Meaning I was his, I ended the relationship and it's been five years, 2 kids later, and he still pops up at my house and job, unannounced asking me to reconsider. His wife is a good person and I refuse to hurt her.
As a gay teenager and young adult I met several closeted gay men. I made a vow to myself, after meeting them, that I could not live my life like that even though I understood why they chose to. They had a sense of sadness about themselves that I just could not see in my future self. Now, there have been a lot of things that have made me sad over the years, but NOT living in my truth wasn't one of them!
Yeah, i've heard stories like yours many times. I'm glad your story ended with a happy ending because most of them end with AIDS, gonorrhea or their family disowning them.
If my husband ever comes out as gay i ll just divorce him and let him live a good life with his future bf or husband and why double life and all ppl are having only one life and we have to live it well till the day we die so why this much complications
I forced myself to convince myself that I was not gay all my life, until last year, I was almost 33 years back then, now I am soon 34. I pretend that I was straight. I never had a girlfriend, I just say that "I have not found the right one yet" , but I came to a point that I can not keep it to myself anymore. Some people say "that OK, nothing wrong by that" while some other judge me and wanted to "convert" me to become straight, while someone say "you can be gay, but you have to live in celibacy all your life". I made a choise, I will live my life as a gay man, and I will respect myself, and not punish myself ❤
This story is way more common than folks think. I have seen similar set ups in all stages of life. Sometimes it works out beautifully for both. Other times they just look miserable trying to appear “normal” to family and friends. We all know what’s going on, free yourselves.
Thank you for sharing your story Julian, it is the struggle that we all have to go through, and it is a long journey of self exploration, rationalization and processing to figure out what to do. I'm happy to see that you have arrived at where you are today and I'm a fan!
Thanks for having the courage to speak up your truth - and be able to get blessings from your wife & daughter. Gay/bisexual men of your generation definitely had it muchhhh tougher, I’m sure u wouldn’t want to hurt anyone. Hope all is well 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
very sad story. many people his age have had to hide that fact. and committed suicide it's sad. My mother. and grandmother and father told me. it doesn't matter who you love whatever gender it is. the most important thing is just to give and receive love. I hope for the best.
There are women want have kids of her own but dont want to be single mom all time alone. I think if gay man, who still want kids of his own but not interested attractive to women. If he find right women & talk clear to her & explyto her. There are WOMEN ACCEPT MARRIED GAY MAN & have kids, both will consider as parents & friendship, not lover Maybe because shes also fall in love with man before & suffering so much painful, cheating liars & scare to love again. But somehow in her deep minds she still want have kids & raise kids. Its gonna solution for gay man & women want kids!! Indonesia & malaysia its muslim & have strict laws!! And in alots asia country as well, gay married is illegal. As long gay man is pay for child support & love kids, care for the kids. I believe there are women still married & accept this!! They will share the child support & love for the kids But they also can live their own life, gay man can have bf & live his own life, being himself And women can be single mom as she want or will find bf if she want too.
@@DanSurpriseClassicsexactly swry and his parents they feel so disappointed in their son this thing of being agay you leave a big wound to your mum&daddy coz they ve too much hope from you
@@gngsld3106 NO IM GAY AND PROUD. MY SON IS GAY TOO. HE CAME OUT TO ME AT 14. I HELD HIM SO CLOSE TOLD HIM I WOULD ALWAYS PROTECT HIM. HE SAID THE SAME SORT OF THING WHEN I CAME OUT TO HIM AND HIS SISTER. IM OUT IM PROUD. 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈
Maybe I am too empathetic. All I can think of, are those poor women who unknowingly married men who are not actually sexually attracted to them, because of their own inner conflict and could not accept their own sexuality. A homophobic society have a lot to be blamed, it not only wrack the lives of gay men, but also deprived innocent women off a good fulfilling married life.
This is the part that homophobic straight people fail to grasp. They think it's 'the gays' burden but it's also there's because many men and women are going to be with them, not for them but as a means of protection and surviving the status quo, thus cheating them, their daughters, sons, mothers, fathers, etc., out of an authentic loving relationship. I believe this very topic is one of the main reasons why so much violence, substance abuse, suicide, and dysfunction is occurring in marriages all over the world. The society as a whole will pay for doing such things.
Perhaps that’s just your story for them many of these women know and are sometimes bisexual or lesbian themselves and just want the baby. Not every woman is helpless or clueless some make the choice to stay.
@jaythethinker3994 I'm curious: Is it possible for lgbtq men and women to marry each other and start a family, both knowing of the others' orientation
@@sverncollins5410 Of course that is possible. It's when deception happens that is unfair to one party. In China, millions of women unwittingly married gay men, not knowing their husbands are gay. The men only married these women just to hopefully have a son to continue their family name which is very important in Chinese culture. These women (同妻) (Tongqi) were being made used of, married, have child and than ignored and receive no sex or intimacy from their gay husbands. Because they already married and have child, they are considered used goods and near impossible to re-marry again.
Your bravery shines a light on life that not everything is black, white or binary. We all exist in a spectrum and we sometimes forget that we form part of that spectrum in all our wonderful nuance and existence. Thank you for opening up your heart to us. ❤
So no accountability for hurting people? Its selfish. If she knows and is okay then that's one thing. But everyone who does something to hurt someone is usually a hurt person, but that don't make it right. Just makes it selfish
So glad he is able to live his truth and his wife and daughter stay by his side. Is that him with his bf😊😊😊 Wish him the best authentic life moving forward❤❤❤
@@joellebrown539As a woman I agree I hate men taking advantage that too a gay men taking advantage??I thought they are our allies will understand women ,they want women to do everything sacrifice everything,I know it's always a women has to go 😢 through, Already women life is hell,these type of men think women would tolerate everything for them.
I remember the late 60s to late 80s boys , we all were having a hard time, confessing, admitting , addressing the homo issues, struggles, or the "am I being demonically possesed?", and all sorts. Society that time was different, we were made jokes by many Chinese comedy like Stephen chow and etc. we Were treated as defective, degraded, and disgusted. I got a few friends, who are gay, but decided to close and eye and have a family, to them, NOW, "rice turned to porridge' so, they live as it is, Some, have more complex relationship, but for the sake of the children, they decided to "be a family" in front of them. I am from early 80s, a little lucky, i get to come out around 20++, but still it was hard as to tell my parents and my close friends ( most of them are straight, and they have still the lingering feeling, that labels gay being unnatural) To me, love is love, but today love is expensive and materialistic 🤷♂🤷♂. So, happy for Julian being blessed, to be able to have an understanding partner and daughter. congrats to you.
probably wont come close to empathizing with this man but deep deep respect for him for sticking with his decisions and going through all of this. man's articulate as heck too.
Young I knew I liked men and women. I married a woman. She knew. I had multiple male partners. I thought it was normal. We raised a family. We made many mistakes. I made a mess. We divorced. She experienced much pain. So did I. Healing took time. I lived with a man for several years. Years later she reconnected with her high school sweetheart. I have spent many years being alone. If I could do it all over again, I would not have married. My path is to be single. This I now know, without a doubt. Long story made short. Moral of the story: BE HAPPY. BE HARMLESS.
To all involved, thanks for making this - BUT - Seeing this title makes me angry - at cowardly men who rob women of being married to someone who loves them. Everyone I always saying "ooh well done for finally coming out! how brave of you! but they don't think of the woman who then has to be alone and how difficult it is for a divorced older woman to find someone else. Yes I get it societal pressure etc, but NO - even if you are"unsure" then don't use someone else to "check" if its possible for you to be straight or even Bi - if you are worried that you might be gay then just don't marry a woman! simple as that! fucking cowardly and selfish. NOW Lets see if watching this changes my mind at all...
Ok so having watched it now - no it didn't do anything to change my mind. This guy has a daughter and a boyfriend from the looks of this video, and is clearly aware that he is hot - hence all the undressed parts of the video - men can be 50 and still he "daddies" etc and hot, but his wife will find it way way harder as a 50year old married or divorced lady with children (btw - the video did not make it clear - are they divorced or not? because thats an important thing - because it affects the lives of his wife and child as well as any boyfriends he has) Overall this video was very surface level and seemed more interested in showing off this guys body with glamour shots that actually contributing anything of substance. Also "Singapore has gone so far!" LOL The fact hes not saying its too little too slow just shows how - still - hes way to self hating. Sad.
@@zakeibc sure - but she still was denied a life with someone who loves her both personality and sexually, and it WILL be much much more difficult for her to find romance as an older lady compared to an older man - you can explain it and excuse it any way you like, but ultimately it cowardly and selfish to do this to someone - and these fucked over women barely get any sympathy , everyone is always going "yaaay! good for you!! how brave!!" etc to the gay guy who was "so brave" they lied to their wife for years and years. Its fucked up.
Thanks for your candid account. It took me 50 years to come out ! First gay experience at 16 fraught with guilt & secrecy. Left Singapore to study in UK & now happily married to Dutchman in Holland. Met gay English man who was married with 3 kids . Wonderful that 367a was repealed but as a foreigner, I will be fined S$ 10,000 & jailed for 6 months for attending Pink Dot. This ridiculous law must be repealed !
This especially happens in more conservative societies, especially in Asia, where being gay is "socially abnormal" and hence "social unacceptable". Perhaps it is illegal, such as Aceh in Indonesia, Brunei, Malaysia and Singapore. Gay men have to hide their true self and pretend to be straight and married and likely to have children so that they social. Whether they are happily married to their wives is a different matter. It is rather frustrated living that way, but what they we can. I don't blame these married gay men if they tempted to cheated their wives with men whom they are really happy with. I blame the (ultra-)conservative society and their rigid laws for not letting them feel safe to be open about themselves, and expect them to keep everything to themselved until they have a mental breakdown. In a way, it is more socially liberating in the West for having acceptance you for who you are, despite accusation of the Western culture "spreading moral decadence" by more conservative societies.
A nation that suppresses and dehumanizes any of his citizens for no other reason is a nation that's bound to take on tremendous karma and generational curses. I personally believe the reason why so many males and relationships and families are broken and severely broken is due to this very thing.
Boy, can just imagine the life of what my former friend is about to embark. I've always known he's gay but chose to get married because of family obligation. I wish him well.
I met a very handsome manly man (let's call him F) and fell in love with him ❤. Turned out, F is married and have 4 kids. He married because society and family expect him to marry a woman and have kids (he is a religious Muslim btw). I enjoy his companionship and cherish every moment with him. We live in different states, so physical intimacy is not a major factor, I just look forward to his humour, intelligence, stories rather than his physical traits (although he is very attractive to me 😂) His kids are like my kids too.😊 F happiness is my happiness too. Love is love. Society and family should not force homo people to marry.
Better to reject all the societal defilement trying to force us into unnatural relationships with strange flesh-things that are women. True gays (5%) would resist this successfully.
F is a husband with 4 kids? I guess you must really enjoy playing house with someone else's family. At this rate, you're not just a homewrecker, you're the entire demolition crew.
I'll say this, if people knew or understood how sexually fluid many people are. I'm bisexual but very private and selective of the men I play with. But I rarely get hit on or approached by outwardly gay men. Normally, its the married men or dudes with girlfriends who always flirting with me. The gym and sporting areas or events is where I've meet so many men and sometimes their girlfriends are there and they have no idea. I refuse to date married men or those in relationships with women.
Very shocked personally the wife and daughter can accept their husband and father living a double life and still sleeping with another man out there ..
I rather be single than trap someone for selfish desire to have a traditional family to free ride of the benefits of that in society and taxes as well as I wld not want to deprive the other person to find a monogamous partner. I feel for women who get trapped into such relationships. That said I am happy he has found 2 women to love him unconditionally. It is hard being a gay man.
The first lesson you want as a Happie is to listen to yourself talk...He knew his tough mind wouldn't cope. Wish him a good fathering. You can't undo that no matter how much you try.❤
I applaud him, his wife, and daughter. I'm sure that there has been pain and difficulty, but sounds like they have it sorted now in a way that works for them. If society didn't put these unrealistic pressures on people to be something that they're not we'd all be better off. There's no changing it or "converting". We've known that for decades, and just not "believing" that's true doesn't make it so.
I know of men who live double lives. Not easy, and definitely also not easy for their family. It is all fated. That is life. It always teaches us something.
It’s not fair for your family. Please don't cheat on your wife, please don't marry her, it's cheating, don't use the reason being gay to justify what you do.
Even i didn't know what it was until middle School and i became insecure so like a wise gay man once said" you are gay unless your told otherwise the same with straight" these are just labels"GAY STRAIGHT" etc. This sexuality labeling doesn't define a person but ur respect, sense of humor and kindness does.
Shucks! I thought that too(getting marrying to a straight woman) would make me normal. It DIDN’T. We adopted a baby daughter(couldn’t have children), several years later, unforeseen family circumstances came about. I didn’t cheat, but she did. I came out then. I just couldn’t pretend that I was straight any longer because I’m not. At this time, well I’ve always believed that a child should have a complete family. Traditional thinking. I do believe my husband is in my future. That’s the hope that I possess.
Getting married to a woman will not make a gay man straight. I have a relationship with a married man who has 4 kids. I cherish his companionship more than physical intimacy with him (we live in different states btw). Love is love ❤
What a selfish man...Fooling women and daughter...cover hisself and put wife in danger because he had sexsualy with other man...i cant take it.. his wife should sue him
His story is really relevant to me. I'm a 29 year old gay man. I don't want to end up childless, and lonely. I see men in their 40s, 50s, and 60s STILL on Grindr - and I think to myself, is this going to be me? I'm religious and believe that it is ordained for us to get married to the opposite sex and have children. How I am going to do that, I don't have the answer to. I am considering marrying a lesbian so that I can still have children biologically and raise the family I've always dreamt of having... Sure the marriage would simply be more of a co-parenting situation but that will always be better to me than living lonely for the rest of my life. Finding the man of my dreams and running away together to start a life would be a beautiful storybook ending but that becomes less realistic as I get older. Maybe meeting someone later in life would make more sense... 😢
So you do plan to have sex with a woman? How do you think that is going to be for you? Are you going to be spending long sessions giving vaginal pleasure? And ejaculating in this vagina? You're gay but you wanted to embrace and subject yourself to heteronormativity? This is the relationship you want?
I was born gay but came out as a straight. But it's so difficult for gay people to accept me now. They said once you born gay, you'll gay forever. It's so ridiculous because I can understand them but they cannot understand me 😢 I know there's a lot of people in the same situation like me but afraid to came out as straight. Stay strong guys ❤
Nothing is in black and white. The bond between the husband and wife is something we as outsiders cannot comprehend. He married his best friend and finally told the truth. She may have forgiven him and now their relationship is different (I don’t know). The majority of Singaporeans with traditional views and values will disagree and scorn. Both of them need to heal individually in their own ways; hope they have support from friends and family.
im gay,i met a guy ,who had to separate from his family ,as he couldnt hide the truth anymore. he has two adult children,whom he supports their education ,since they live in Mexico. His wife wanted him back ,but he declined. i really admire him for not abandoning his children.
I am a Sagittarius and single born on December 13, 1959. I no longer worried what others say about me. I am ready to receive my new male friend sincere and transparent from Bridgeport Connecticut USA
Most Asian cultures interpret marriages differently, marriage is not necessarily between 2 individuals in love, hopefully there comes a day where everywhere across the world marriage begins with 2 individuals in love, willing to share their lives with each other, takes on responsibilities for and with each other, and ends when death sets them apart.
@@ardi08 its like being best friends and roommates. Both people can date and have real relationships. But if someone asks, we can say we are straight married. Its not a real marriage, just the paper work to get a better tax grade and to escape homophobia
Ppl who say he cheat on his wife, he already said he and his wife had made it clear who he is and still has love for each other, which means they both accepted and come to terms that he is gay there’s mutual understanding on both parts that he no longer need to treat his wife as his partner .watch the video again before saying stupid things like this, dude is here to share a personal story of how he managed to overcome his fear of judgement and communicate well with people he loves even platonically, saying you always feel sorry for the woman is very one-sided to me, I know a lot of you would’ve made the same mistakes he did in that era if you were in his place where you are shamed and treated unkindly just for being different, figuring out your true identity in a very homophobic era isn’t easy just as much as you fear letting down someone who loves you dearly.some of y’all need to learn to read and put yourself in his shoes.`
You can only imagine how common this is, especially in countries where they criminalize someone for simply being gay. Just imagine that you can be imprisoned or even killed for not being heterosexual, not even God does that, and this is why we need more spiritually entuned people to lead, not men with great biases, prejudices and fragile egos.
Julian, your honesty and story is similar to mine. Finally overcoming all of the self loathing from indoctrination to accept and love who I am, has given me the peace in my heart that I craved. Your wife and daughter are your best friends and mine are too. Bless. 🫶🏼
This video definitely shifted my perception on gay people by a bit. I'll be more open and accepting towards them moving forward. Not that I haven't been but more. Being gay isn't a choice but a birth abnormality. Thanks for sharing and creating the video!
This video has exact opposite effect on me. I always thought gay people have to suppress their feelings and can't date freely. I didn't know they are out there having both wife and boyfriend, 😂😂😂 felt like a clown for being supportive of them
People who have beef with this guy being gay and married to a woman...if you don't like it you should do something about creating culture that accepts people for who they authentically are. Teach your children that queer people matter and deserve to be as happy and successful as anybody else. Don't reinforce a culture of shame and secrets.
![LGBT Woman Living In A Hoarded Home - We Cleared, But It Wasn’t Enough [Specialised Clearing]](/img/n.gif)
In this kind of stories my heart always goes out to the wives.
me too 😔
This is why we can’t force people to be someone they are not. Thank you for sharing your story.
@@90taetaeya BRAVE MAN.
In this case, I can assure you that we will all become liar, adulterer, and homo, too.
@@warrenbutler8990A real brave man is to live beyond his instincts, and run into the image of God.
Only Muslim beast force you to be straight
Deception is fine though?
All I'm thinking is that the wife should have had a chance to be with a guy who was actually into her and not someone living a double life
I'm thinking about the sheer amount of pressure and stress from family/society, that ultimately drove individuals down the doublelife path. Ruining their own youthful years instead of finding their other half, while letting it take a toll on their own mental state. If only society back then was as openminded as it is today in Singapore. We don't stigmatize them anymore, do we? Surely we've progressed. Have we?
Straight people create a world where it is dangerous to be openly gay but will blame you for hiding. You sound dumb and stupid, BOTH !
@@felipehunt4008but still. This is wrong when you married a woman and have a daugther just to hide the fact that you are a gay from the public. I mean, if you really dont have feeling to woman and never falling in love in your wife, dont drag her life to your problem. Just stay single, no one will judge you if you single forever…
Dont blame society. Dont be a coward..
@@woodendog1 I believe that, but I guess for me I would simply forgo marriage altogether. Which I have done in my own life. I do have to be more sensitive about people’s circumstances.
In reality, there are women who likes and loves feminine man or gay man as a lover
My mom tried to coerce me to be with a woman when she first discovered I was gay over a decade ago. The one thing I remember saying was that I would never deceive a woman into marrying me and live that kind of life. That’s not fair and it’s selfish. Women deserve to be with someone who can authentically love them and I knew that’s not something I could give. I guess I was lucky enough to be have been born in America where making that decision was possible, I understand in other traditional cultures it’s not so easy. I could not imagine having to live a lie hiding myself everyday.
Now, that's brave! Thank you for being brave and not deceiving anyone, lying to yourself or her. Respect to you, sir!
I admire you.
Because I don't
Think it is right
To lead a fake life.
Not to yourself or
Another person.
I am gay but I was married to my very accepting wife for 51 years. I cared for her with MS for 26 years. She wasn't able to ambulate for the last 15 years. I have a very accepting adult son and daughter who are both married with two sons. My wife has now passed. On our wedding day we vowed "in sickness and in health..until death us do part". We did that. Being in a mixed orientation marriage and being a full time carer for so long has had a huge impact on my health. I am 77 and I am now free to be the gay man I always was. But I am not looking for a boyfriend/husband. I am too old now. But I am gay..definitely - 100%.
🕊️🤍
Love is never too late, but I respect your perspective.
@@ronsmith2241 love comelove comes like an accident suddenly without looking or warning. just be open to what comes. age is no barrier to new love.
I guess this would happen to me in future as well, cause of society pressed me to have wife+children 🥲
So you’re bi not gay
Living a lie is a self-made prison. It condemns us to a life of unnecessary misery. I came out just when AIDS was starting, which added another layer to the coming out process; I had to navigate my self-discovery while protecting myself from infection. On top of that I watched as my friends got sick and died one by one. God bless you for navigating your journey to get where you are today. Nothing happens by accident; you are where you need to be. Thank you for sharing!
May I know how did u get infected?
Double life as gay it’s still very common in most Muslim countries and still going on until now
It’s probably all it’s about and,killed parents
It is literally illegal to even be gay in countries like Malaysia and Brunei
Yeah societal norms, is for gay Muslim men to get married. I hooked up with a married Muslim guy, he wanted to see me often but i found out he was married so I dropped the friendship. He was the best bottom ever and a very strict father of 4 boys I found out when I bumped into the family at a mall.
@@90taetaeyaAnd what do you want to Tell us with that…….?? Still have Gay sex and Gay people
I had a long term Pakistani boyfriend whose family demanded he marry... He bought his wife a house and offered to buy me a house a block over if I stayed with him but I refused. His entire family knew me and I know they suspected but had no proof. One of his brothers tried to touch me inappropriately and he told him to stop and to not touch what is his.... Meaning I was his, I ended the relationship and it's been five years, 2 kids later, and he still pops up at my house and job, unannounced asking me to reconsider. His wife is a good person and I refuse to hurt her.
That woman’s youth was taken from her 😢
😔 yes
She lucky no hiv
As a gay teenager and young adult I met several closeted gay men. I made a vow to myself, after meeting them, that I could not live my life like that even though I understood why they chose to. They had a sense of sadness about themselves that I just could not see in my future self. Now, there have been a lot of things that have made me sad over the years, but NOT living in my truth wasn't one of them!
Yeah, i've heard stories like yours many times. I'm glad your story ended with a happy ending because most of them end with AIDS, gonorrhea or their family disowning them.
If my husband ever comes out as gay i ll just divorce him and let him live a good life with his future bf or husband and why double life and all ppl are having only one life and we have to live it well till the day we die so why this much complications
But isn't that unfair for you? You would have wasted your youth with the wrong person if that happens.
@@mjdin4705 yeah it is unfair only but we can't keep on hurt eachother right
Unfair is nothing compared to getting AIDS.just let him go...i wouldn't risk my left over life wondering getting that.
@@beetledune9264you can get aids from straight sex too....do read more abt aids than stucked in the 70s news.
He is very brave shout out to him for sharing his life❤
Nah, gey
Normalizing insane behavior 🤢
I forced myself to convince myself that I was not gay all my life, until last year, I was almost 33 years back then, now I am soon 34. I pretend that I was straight. I never had a girlfriend, I just say that "I have not found the right one yet" , but I came to a point that I can not keep it to myself anymore. Some people say "that OK, nothing wrong by that" while some other judge me and wanted to "convert" me to become straight, while someone say "you can be gay, but you have to live in celibacy all your life".
I made a choise, I will live my life as a gay man, and I will respect myself, and not punish myself ❤
This story is way more common than folks think. I have seen similar set ups in all stages of life. Sometimes it works out beautifully for both. Other times they just look miserable trying to appear “normal” to family and friends. We all know what’s going on, free yourselves.
😔
Thank you for sharing your story Julian, it is the struggle that we all have to go through, and it is a long journey of self exploration, rationalization and processing to figure out what to do. I'm happy to see that you have arrived at where you are today and I'm a fan!
Thanks for having the courage to speak up your truth - and be able to get blessings from your wife & daughter. Gay/bisexual men of your generation definitely had it muchhhh tougher, I’m sure u wouldn’t want to hurt anyone. Hope all is well 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
There is no “your truth” only THE truth… that was your damn first mistake..
very sad story. many people his age have had to hide that fact. and committed suicide it's sad. My mother. and grandmother and father told me. it doesn't matter who you love whatever gender it is. the most important thing is just to give and receive love. I hope for the best.
There are women want have kids of her own but dont want to be single mom all time alone.
I think if gay man, who still want kids of his own but not interested attractive to women.
If he find right women & talk clear to her & explyto her.
There are WOMEN ACCEPT MARRIED GAY MAN & have kids, both will consider as parents & friendship, not lover
Maybe because shes also fall in love with man before & suffering so much painful, cheating liars & scare to love again.
But somehow in her deep minds she still want have kids & raise kids.
Its gonna solution for gay man & women want kids!!
Indonesia & malaysia its muslim & have strict laws!!
And in alots asia country as well, gay married is illegal.
As long gay man is pay for child support & love kids, care for the kids.
I believe there are women still married & accept this!!
They will share the child support & love for the kids
But they also can live their own life, gay man can have bf & live his own life, being himself
And women can be single mom as she want or will find bf if she want too.
As long as you don't hurt anyone, life's too short, be yourself and LIVE!!!!!!
He hurt his wife, what you talking about
@@DanSurpriseClassicsexactly swry and his parents they feel so disappointed in their son this thing of being agay you leave a big wound to your mum&daddy coz they ve too much hope from you
I WAS MARRIED. A DAUGHTER AND A SON. NOW SINGLE IM OUT AND PROUD. MY EX WIFE IS STILL MY FRIEND❤❤❤❤❤
Why you divorced
@@ardi08 IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO BE ME
Nice ❤
I'm certain you are bi; heterosexually-oriented.
@@gngsld3106 NO IM GAY AND PROUD. MY SON IS GAY TOO. HE CAME OUT TO ME AT 14. I HELD HIM SO CLOSE TOLD HIM I WOULD ALWAYS PROTECT HIM. HE SAID THE SAME SORT OF THING WHEN I CAME OUT TO HIM AND HIS SISTER. IM OUT IM PROUD. 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈
Maybe I am too empathetic. All I can think of, are those poor women who unknowingly married men who are not actually sexually attracted to them, because of their own inner conflict and could not accept their own sexuality. A homophobic society have a lot to be blamed, it not only wrack the lives of gay men, but also deprived innocent women off a good fulfilling married life.
This is the part that homophobic straight people fail to grasp. They think it's 'the gays' burden but it's also there's because many men and women are going to be with them, not for them but as a means of protection and surviving the status quo, thus cheating them, their daughters, sons, mothers, fathers, etc., out of an authentic loving relationship. I believe this very topic is one of the main reasons why so much violence, substance abuse, suicide, and dysfunction is occurring in marriages all over the world. The society as a whole will pay for doing such things.
Perhaps that’s just your story for them many of these women know and are sometimes bisexual or lesbian themselves and just want the baby.
Not every woman is helpless or clueless some make the choice to stay.
@jaythethinker3994 I'm curious: Is it possible for lgbtq men and women to marry each other and start a family, both knowing of the others' orientation
@@sverncollins5410 Yes, of course
@@sverncollins5410 Of course that is possible. It's when deception happens that is unfair to one party. In China, millions of women unwittingly married gay men, not knowing their husbands are gay. The men only married these women just to hopefully have a son to continue their family name which is very important in Chinese culture. These women (同妻) (Tongqi) were being made used of, married, have child and than ignored and receive no sex or intimacy from their gay husbands. Because they already married and have child, they are considered used goods and near impossible to re-marry again.
Not fair to the wife and kids
Yes indeed. If you are gay then better not get married.
Thanks for sharing your story. Very brave of you.
What about you just stay single, is someone forcing these type of men to marry women and be mistrable. I find this behaviour so selfish.
Your bravery shines a light on life that not everything is black, white or binary. We all exist in a spectrum and we sometimes forget that we form part of that spectrum in all our wonderful nuance and existence. Thank you for opening up your heart to us. ❤
So no accountability for hurting people? Its selfish. If she knows and is okay then that's one thing. But everyone who does something to hurt someone is usually a hurt person, but that don't make it right. Just makes it selfish
@@tvxfilmtime Sounds like you didn't actually watch the video.
@@aussieporean I did and I said what I said
Not an easy road.
Bless him
So glad he is able to live his truth and his wife and daughter stay by his side.
Is that him with his bf😊😊😊
Wish him the best authentic life moving forward❤❤❤
No. Women shouldnt be with men who don't love them
@@joellebrown539 What? You sound moronic.
@@joellebrown539Hey, she chose to stay with him though. It's on her! 🤷🏾
He fucked up her life n women can't let go so they stay. Do women deserve this while men go looking for their happiness? Spineless
@@joellebrown539As a woman I agree I hate men taking advantage that too a gay men taking advantage??I thought they are our allies will understand women ,they want women to do everything sacrifice everything,I know it's always a women has to go 😢 through, Already women life is hell,these type of men think women would tolerate everything for them.
Should've called him bi instead of gay because he can do both .
Yeah, people need to identify rightly.
Never too old or too late to love somebody. just live the life to true ourselves the rest will follows. your life your call. take care everyone's.
I remember the late 60s to late 80s boys , we all were having a hard time, confessing, admitting , addressing the homo issues, struggles, or the "am I being demonically possesed?", and all sorts. Society that time was different, we were made jokes by many Chinese comedy like Stephen chow and etc. we Were treated as defective, degraded, and disgusted. I got a few friends, who are gay, but decided to close and eye and have a family, to them, NOW, "rice turned to porridge' so, they live as it is, Some, have more complex relationship, but for the sake of the children, they decided to "be a family" in front of them. I am from early 80s, a little lucky, i get to come out around 20++, but still it was hard as to tell my parents and my close friends ( most of them are straight, and they have still the lingering feeling, that labels gay being unnatural) To me, love is love, but today love is expensive and materialistic 🤷♂🤷♂. So, happy for Julian being blessed, to be able to have an understanding partner and daughter. congrats to you.
probably wont come close to empathizing with this man but deep deep respect for him for sticking with his decisions and going through all of this. man's articulate as heck too.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Its never too late to come out the Closet
❤🧡💚💜💙
Eww
I cant tell you how difficult it is to be closeted for 28 years (that i am) never been with anyone and live in pakistan. Its suffocating me
So sorry to hear this. Leave the country, if you can.
@@IK-fg4gw My heart goes out to you friend.
Hi
Im sorry :(
You are not alone. I also will face it in my future too. Because in conservative and extrovert country😢. So sad
Maybe we should escape to other "friendlier" country to us 😢
Young I knew I liked men and women. I married a woman. She knew. I had multiple male partners. I thought it was normal. We raised a family. We made many mistakes. I made a mess. We divorced. She experienced much pain. So did I. Healing took time. I lived with a man for several years. Years later she reconnected with her high school sweetheart. I have spent many years being alone. If I could do it all over again, I would not have married. My path is to be single. This I now know, without a doubt. Long story made short. Moral of the story: BE HAPPY.
BE HARMLESS.
To all involved, thanks for making this - BUT -
Seeing this title makes me angry - at cowardly men who rob women of being married to someone who loves them. Everyone I always saying "ooh well done for finally coming out! how brave of you! but they don't think of the woman who then has to be alone and how difficult it is for a divorced older woman to find someone else. Yes I get it societal pressure etc, but NO - even if you are"unsure" then don't use someone else to "check" if its possible for you to be straight or even Bi - if you are worried that you might be gay then just don't marry a woman! simple as that! fucking cowardly and selfish.
NOW
Lets see if watching this changes my mind at all...
Ok so having watched it now - no it didn't do anything to change my mind.
This guy has a daughter and a boyfriend from the looks of this video, and is clearly aware that he is hot - hence all the undressed parts of the video - men can be 50 and still he "daddies" etc and hot, but his wife will find it way way harder as a 50year old married or divorced lady with children (btw - the video did not make it clear - are they divorced or not? because thats an important thing - because it affects the lives of his wife and child as well as any boyfriends he has)
Overall this video was very surface level and seemed more interested in showing off this guys body with glamour shots that actually contributing anything of substance.
Also "Singapore has gone so far!" LOL The fact hes not saying its too little too slow just shows how - still - hes way to self hating. Sad.
🎯🎯🎯
Don’t people think the wife could possibly be a supporter?
@@zakeibc sure - but she still was denied a life with someone who loves her both personality and sexually, and it WILL be much much more difficult for her to find romance as an older lady compared to an older man - you can explain it and excuse it any way you like, but ultimately it cowardly and selfish to do this to someone - and these fucked over women barely get any sympathy , everyone is always going "yaaay! good for you!! how brave!!" etc to the gay guy who was "so brave" they lied to their wife for years and years. Its fucked up.
couldn't agree more
Thanks for your candid account. It took me 50 years to come out ! First gay experience at 16 fraught with guilt & secrecy. Left Singapore to study in UK & now happily married to Dutchman in Holland. Met gay English man who was married with 3 kids . Wonderful that 367a was repealed but as a foreigner, I will be fined S$ 10,000 & jailed for 6 months for attending Pink Dot. This ridiculous law must be repealed !
This especially happens in more conservative societies, especially in Asia, where being gay is "socially abnormal" and hence "social unacceptable". Perhaps it is illegal, such as Aceh in Indonesia, Brunei, Malaysia and Singapore. Gay men have to hide their true self and pretend to be straight and married and likely to have children so that they social. Whether they are happily married to their wives is a different matter. It is rather frustrated living that way, but what they we can. I don't blame these married gay men if they tempted to cheated their wives with men whom they are really happy with. I blame the (ultra-)conservative society and their rigid laws for not letting them feel safe to be open about themselves, and expect them to keep everything to themselved until they have a mental breakdown. In a way, it is more socially liberating in the West for having acceptance you for who you are, despite accusation of the Western culture "spreading moral decadence" by more conservative societies.
Ikr! Both are look "forcing" each other values, but only ones forced to accept "non-hetero" people that always condemned.
A nation that suppresses and dehumanizes any of his citizens for no other reason is a nation that's bound to take on tremendous karma and generational curses. I personally believe the reason why so many males and relationships and families are broken and severely broken is due to this very thing.
But how they have a children if they are gay?
Very unfair to your wife 😡
U can be gay n HV a family... It's fine to choose family and a lifestyle without deception... Atleast he is honest
Boy, can just imagine the life of what my former friend is about to embark. I've always known he's gay but chose to get married because of family obligation. I wish him well.
Maybe finding someone and adopting ? Plenty of kids out there who need a family.
I met a very handsome manly man (let's call him F) and fell in love with him ❤. Turned out, F is married and have 4 kids. He married because society and family expect him to marry a woman and have kids (he is a religious Muslim btw). I enjoy his companionship and cherish every moment with him. We live in different states, so physical intimacy is not a major factor, I just look forward to his humour, intelligence, stories rather than his physical traits (although he is very attractive to me 😂) His kids are like my kids too.😊 F happiness is my happiness too. Love is love. Society and family should not force homo people to marry.
Better to reject all the societal defilement trying to force us into unnatural relationships with strange flesh-things that are women. True gays (5%) would resist this successfully.
F is a husband with 4 kids? I guess you must really enjoy playing house with someone else's family. At this rate, you're not just a homewrecker, you're the entire demolition crew.
But how he's have a child if he's actually gay?
@@asylnbola1445 simple. He is bi; heterosexually-oriented.
My takeaway is to “be honest with yourself and be brave to be yourself!”
Happiness comes from within
Do not live according to social norm or people expectations! BRAVO JULIAN. You are living a FREE life! ❤
I'll say this, if people knew or understood how sexually fluid many people are. I'm bisexual but very private and selective of the men I play with. But I rarely get hit on or approached by outwardly gay men. Normally, its the married men or dudes with girlfriends who always flirting with me. The gym and sporting areas or events is where I've meet so many men and sometimes their girlfriends are there and they have no idea. I refuse to date married men or those in relationships with women.
What percentage of men d u think are gay or bi
Only 5% of men are gay. No higher.
As for bi... not sure. They are part of 95%, who are heterosexually-oriented.
Thank you for sharing with us, there is nothing wrong with being yourself.
Very attractive man. Thank you for sharing your story
Very shocked personally the wife and daughter can accept their husband and father living a double life and still sleeping with another man out there ..
His wife doesn't care about getting AIDS or gonorrhea. Who are we to judge?
@@hanawolfgangwhat a disgusting comment.
definitely given up. it is what it is. he is already sleeping with other men what can they do to stop
I rather be single than trap someone for selfish desire to have a traditional family to free ride of the benefits of that in society and taxes as well as I wld not want to deprive the other person to find a monogamous partner. I feel for women who get trapped into such relationships. That said I am happy he has found 2 women to love him unconditionally. It is hard being a gay man.
Exactly!! You literally wrote my thoughts out in words . Thank you for being so self aware man!! Seriously wtf is wrong with this guy
Thank you for sharing all the best 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
The first lesson you want as a Happie is to listen to yourself talk...He knew his tough mind wouldn't cope. Wish him a good fathering. You can't undo that no matter how much you try.❤
I applaud him, his wife, and daughter. I'm sure that there has been pain and difficulty, but sounds like they have it sorted now in a way that works for them. If society didn't put these unrealistic pressures on people to be something that they're not we'd all be better off. There's no changing it or "converting". We've known that for decades, and just not "believing" that's true doesn't make it so.
Why do this interview. Emotionally she’s hurt & now publicly.!!
I know of men who live double lives. Not easy, and definitely also not easy for their family. It is all fated. That is life. It always teaches us something.
i have a friend who is very conflicted about his sexuality. i hope he finds his peace.
I feel tears in his speech 😢
Very apprised for coming out, nothing wrong on expressing, good for him and others to for understanding.
It’s not fair for your family. Please don't cheat on your wife, please don't marry her, it's cheating, don't use the reason being gay to justify what you do.
Even i didn't know what it was until middle School and i became insecure so like a wise gay man once said" you are gay unless your told otherwise the same with straight" these are just labels"GAY STRAIGHT" etc. This sexuality labeling doesn't define a person but ur respect, sense of humor and kindness does.
I feel sorry for his wife and kid
That’s so sick of people now a day 🤮
Shucks! I thought that too(getting marrying to a straight woman) would make me normal. It DIDN’T.
We adopted a baby daughter(couldn’t have children), several years later, unforeseen family circumstances came about. I didn’t cheat, but she did. I came out then. I just couldn’t pretend that I was straight any longer because I’m not.
At this time, well I’ve always believed that a child should have a complete family. Traditional thinking.
I do believe my husband is in my future. That’s the hope that I possess.
Getting married to a woman will not make a gay man straight. I have a relationship with a married man who has 4 kids. I cherish his companionship more than physical intimacy with him (we live in different states btw). Love is love ❤
What a selfish man...Fooling women and daughter...cover hisself and put wife in danger because he had sexsualy with other man...i cant take it.. his wife should sue him
His story is really relevant to me. I'm a 29 year old gay man.
I don't want to end up childless, and lonely. I see men in their 40s, 50s, and 60s STILL on Grindr - and I think to myself, is this going to be me? I'm religious and believe that it is ordained for us to get married to the opposite sex and have children. How I am going to do that, I don't have the answer to.
I am considering marrying a lesbian so that I can still have children biologically and raise the family I've always dreamt of having... Sure the marriage would simply be more of a co-parenting situation but that will always be better to me than living lonely for the rest of my life. Finding the man of my dreams and running away together to start a life would be a beautiful storybook ending but that becomes less realistic as I get older. Maybe meeting someone later in life would make more sense... 😢
😢😢😢
@@Yvain.T thank you
Or maybe find a partner you actually enjoy being with and have a normal adult relationship, you can settle and adopt or do ivf.
Having a biological baby isnt everything. There are parents who cant have that biologically and they still do fine
So you do plan to have sex with a woman? How do you think that is going to be for you? Are you going to be spending long sessions giving vaginal pleasure? And ejaculating in this vagina? You're gay but you wanted to embrace and subject yourself to heteronormativity? This is the relationship you want?
I was born gay but came out as a straight. But it's so difficult for gay people to accept me now. They said once you born gay, you'll gay forever. It's so ridiculous because I can understand them but they cannot understand me 😢 I know there's a lot of people in the same situation like me but afraid to came out as straight. Stay strong guys ❤
Don't worry. You'll meet the right man who will fix you.
@@KabobHope Thank you for your concern. I found a girl. She fixed me. Getting engage.
What do you mean you were born gay? Were your parents gay? 😂 Wth
😂😂😂
@@hanawolfgang Yes my parents is gay. And I don't know who's my mother. Don't talk about my parents if you don't know what I'm going through.
How does he have a boyfriend and is still married
That's just his excuse for cheating
@@hanawolfgang yeah . Why not he just leave his wife to be with his man ? Thats kinda selfish on his part
Nothing is in black and white. The bond between the husband and wife is something we as outsiders cannot comprehend. He married his best friend and finally told the truth. She may have forgiven him and now their relationship is different (I don’t know). The majority of Singaporeans with traditional views and values will disagree and scorn. Both of them need to heal individually in their own ways; hope they have support from friends and family.
im gay,i met a guy ,who had to separate from his family ,as he couldnt hide the truth anymore. he has two adult children,whom he supports their education ,since they live in Mexico. His wife wanted him back ,but he declined. i really admire him for not abandoning his children.
if u are gay how did u have sex and have a kid??
I can't no longer repress my true feelings. I have the right to be loved and love
I am a Sagittarius and single born on December 13, 1959. I no longer worried what others say about me. I am ready to receive my new male friend sincere and transparent from Bridgeport Connecticut USA
Most Asian cultures interpret marriages differently, marriage is not necessarily between 2 individuals in love, hopefully there comes a day where everywhere across the world marriage begins with 2 individuals in love, willing to share their lives with each other, takes on responsibilities for and with each other, and ends when death sets them apart.
I know an ex colleague who is gay and married. He married because of pressure from his mom. Asian values. Felt sad for him.
Wifey should have dumped his gay ass
The ending is very sudden. I thought there will be more
been thinking to find a girl who likes bl too and doesnt mind if i have that life aswell
If say upfront then is responsible thing to do. Consent is key! Good luck.
Is the only way since lgbt still no equal rights.
Lavender marriages are great, I'm a lesbian and would mary my gay bestie in a heartbeat
@@Jackie-cl2qeBut how even couple who dont have feeling each other stay for long on the first place?
@@ardi08 its like being best friends and roommates. Both people can date and have real relationships. But if someone asks, we can say we are straight married.
Its not a real marriage, just the paper work to get a better tax grade and to escape homophobia
@@Jackie-cl2qe this is a good option for sure especially for parents who would never accept it
Ppl who say he cheat on his wife, he already said he and his wife had made it clear who he is and still has love for each other, which means they both accepted and come to terms that he is gay there’s mutual understanding on both parts that he no longer need to treat his wife as his partner .watch the video again before saying stupid things like this, dude is here to share a personal story of how he managed to overcome his fear of judgement and communicate well with people he loves even platonically, saying you always feel sorry for the woman is very one-sided to me, I know a lot of you would’ve made the same mistakes he did in that era if you were in his place where you are shamed and treated unkindly just for being different, figuring out your true identity in a very homophobic era isn’t easy just as much as you fear letting down someone who loves you dearly.some of y’all need to learn to read and put yourself in his shoes.`
You can only imagine how common this is, especially in countries where they criminalize someone for simply being gay. Just imagine that you can be imprisoned or even killed for not being heterosexual, not even God does that, and this is why we need more spiritually entuned people to lead, not men with great biases, prejudices and fragile egos.
You told my story ❤
He is 50??? Damn! He cute. 🤪
He is a hottie.
Haha thats Asian men, generally many are look younger than their real age
He looks 50 or older common now 😒
@@dwahiaHe looks like he is in his late thirties or early 40's🤷🏾
@@mrbear716lots of men in their 50s hang out with boys in their 20s. They look like they peers. That is the power of Chinese genes.
Julian, your honesty and story is similar to mine. Finally overcoming all of the self loathing from indoctrination to accept and love who I am, has given me the peace in my heart that I craved.
Your wife and daughter are your best friends and mine are too. Bless. 🫶🏼
He’s very emotional and it comes out that he really loves his family. You can see his tears
What in the P.Diddy is going on ..
😂
It’s never too late to find love and to come out the closet 💯
You're saying even a gay man could have a wife? Im screwed.
This video definitely shifted my perception on gay people by a bit. I'll be more open and accepting towards them moving forward. Not that I haven't been but more. Being gay isn't a choice but a birth abnormality. Thanks for sharing and creating the video!
This video has exact opposite effect on me. I always thought gay people have to suppress their feelings and can't date freely. I didn't know they are out there having both wife and boyfriend, 😂😂😂 felt like a clown for being supportive of them
That young boy in blue is so cute ! This old guy is so lucky !
God bless, friend
Love your family
And love you
This guy carries so much burden on himself, i wish he could be free and happy. I support the LGBT community
SELFISH
KING I APPLAUD YOU FOR YOUR BRAVERY #perfection
Isn’t he just a cheater? If he has a boyfriend as well as a wife?
2:45 simply disgusting...😂...nothing but lust.
Im not gay but this is a great story
There’s a gay who cross that highway and was killed dashing across the highway,he was Chinese celebrity
I hope your wife takes u for everything you have….
I’m sorry I’m not that noble. I feel sad for his wife. He shouldn’t destroy his wife life
People who have beef with this guy being gay and married to a woman...if you don't like it you should do something about creating culture that accepts people for who they authentically are. Teach your children that queer people matter and deserve to be as happy and successful as anybody else. Don't reinforce a culture of shame and secrets.
Thank you for your testimony, I'm gay too, enjoy our life as gays 😂
❤ Touching & Inspiring ❤
No, unacceptable.