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It is wise to define what is or is not; for this is how we know ourselves and disagreements are cases and controvesies which shall be adjudicated; However, we do not consider outside opinons of those whom have no right of vote in the matter, which is properly between a male and whatever higher power he then claims to exist or which actually does exist.
*BORING* like all this coming out sob stories what have you to fear? We have paved the way for you when I came out in the 1970's we face termination of employment loss of rental accommodation and faced 14 years jail for having sex with a man *we fought the police all the way - so what have you to worry over kiddo*
that mix of ecstasy and fear is so relatable! I suppressed my attraction for so long and the fear I felt when it would come up was so visceral, and the attraction was also so pure and lovely. It's quite a scary and overwhelming mix
8:28 thank you so much for being willing to be so vulnerable. I have so many mixed emotions. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. This has been such a safe honest space. Thank you 💛
Great vid! Im bi and at 19 my first experience was with a married couple and they were in their 30s. Husband was bi so we all played together. The first time was so scary, exciting and I was full of anxiety. It turned out to be a great experience and continued for 5 years. He was the first male I been with and that was a wild time, early in life with a strong religious family and judgemental friends around me I never came out and never experimented. At 19 I was more free and on my own. It felt so good to embrace my true self. Life has been so much more fulfilling. Thanks for the vid 😊
In Paris in the 60s there was an avenue (I think it was avenue Foch) where married couples would go and park along the sidewalk to pick up single guys who wanted a threesome. I was asked once, but it wasn't my thing.
@MrCrowebobby wow that's wild. Never been to France but that sounds interesting. I went on a cruise that was mostly folks looking for threesomes group play etc and it was a blast and yes those cruises do exist lol. I was on it for a week and it was non stop fun. Every ounce of life I had in me was almost gone by the time it ended. That's my new favorite trip.
Thanks for telling your story. Being older, I remember when you could feel that kind of terror for having straight sex. But the terror is the same, and it makes me wonder why we live in a culture that would do that to people's first sexual experiences. Sad.
Thanks for being willing to talk about difficult things! I came out in my high school yearbook quote funny enough: "I started high school with straight A's...now I'm not even straight! I'm still me, though!" I make piano covers during pride month in order to shed light on the beautiful complexity of the queer identity and community!
That was first of all quite brave in just sharing that memory. Thank you for being so open and honest to a perfectly normal human experience. You conveyed the innocent naiveté and the heat of the moment so well , I was actually taken back in thought and feeling (I felt the butterflies in my stomach). Well done! Even though it was not ideal, I honestly hope he somehow sees this and get's the chance to understand how special a moment in your life that was. First life experiences, especially intimate ones...❤
Calling it "sex with a man" instead of "gay sex" sounds so much better. That's how we get away from the labels that cause so much trouble in our society. You're the best.
It is what it is. If you feel uncomfortable with it, then the LGBTQ isn't for you. The whole community is chock full of labels. If you identify as gay, you're gay and vice versa. You may as well be just in denial while you're at it. There's no shame in a label if you know the history behind it. You either embrace or you can't.
I understand where you’re coming from but I tend to believe that labels are a little more nuanced. The label itself is a neutral descriptor for an aspect of who someone is , it’s only perceived as negative because of society conditioning us to see it that way. To me that means the label may not be the source of the harm, unless it’s a word/label explicitly meant for harm ( i.e slurs ).
Labels are tricky things. They're necessary in so many aspects of our lives. Gay can be used as a innocent descriptive word and it can also be used in a derogatory way. For a straight man to have "gay" sex implies that he might be turning gay and that could be opening a whole new can of worms for him socially. Besides, it's a private matter between adults. The label brings on judgement from others and possibly guilt and shame to the individual doing the experimenting. Thanks for the response.
It wasn't a bad story, I wish I were as brave as you when I was 15. By that time I was thinking only in hiding. I knew I was gay since 13, but hid myself, from my parents, my one "friend" everyone. It didn't help that I cannot read non-verbal cues, or when someone flirted with me. I had to wait until I was at University, and had some independence, to even try. My first experience... was hiring a s*x worker. Yeah, you could take a newspaper (back in 1997) and find out "massage professionals". I was 17, saved some money and a steel resolution of having my first time. It turned out great, he was patient with me (I didn't even know that bottoms had to prepare firsthand... I didn't had any gay friend that taught me, or even internet by that time). And well... that was the only way I got laid, either for hiring male s*x workers, or cruising restrooms, which learned later. The sad part is, back when I was 21, or 22... heh, I would get so many dates, but my internalized homophobia was raging.
Ever Since when I was 5 Years old back in 2004. I knew I was attracted to Boys and I knew that I Was a Homosexual. Then I came out in 2011 when I was 12 Years Old. I accepted my Sexuality as when I grew older and it now Permanent.
Great to hear that younger people are doing this! I still feel so disappointed that ( as I am much older) young Gay Men still have such difficulty when we live in a time with so many Rights & Freedom (in Western Countries)
Hearing this encounter remindedd me of so much of my own life! Especially a recent inciddentt that is recurring now. I live in a senior apartment residence, and several on our maintenance crew are frankly quite attractive to me. I've done building maintenance during my complex lifetime, and when they make their rounds, like to chat with them, one in particular. One day when he was replacing my hepafilter toward end of day, he asked if he could use my bathroom. My bathroom has several pieces of my own homoerotic artwork in it. He was chatting thru the door and i asked him if he wanted some coffee i was making some for me. He said sure, and went to sit down. We talked as I boiled the water and he commented on the paintings, asked if he interpreted the abstractions accurately. I laughed, said yes you did, and jokingly said i often was known to suck any c&ck that might be hanging around. I brought out the coffee press and cups, and when i walked around his chair to put the cup down by him, realized he had his out and was stroking it rather shyly. Our coffee wound up needing reheating lol. He has been back end of day several times, and we do a little more and he stays a little longer each time. I let him choose the pace since he is, shall we say, a late bloomer. I am grateful he is becoming comfortable with himself and us.
WOW - its interesting to know how we can have amazing experiences with one gender - yet it doesn't define us ENTIRELY. Nice to know Mark. I was very into girls in my teens - things changed a little into my mid 20's.
My first time with a man was quite different. He made every effort to romance and flatter me. My fear wasn't about getting caught or anything like that - but letting him down, because I had no idea what I was doing. It was awkward, and I'm sure I did let him down. First times can be magical, but often they are messy and confusing.
Your shirt is nice. I kinda always like pink but also like blue sinds I was a kid. The gradient where bothe colors transitions is what got me. Now I know...I'm just Bi😂
Yessss. I actually spoke more about how this was the norm back then and how awful it is thinking about it but I edited it out because the video was like 20 mins long 🙈 so I had to be brutal. But yes thank you for saying this. So offensive isn’t it?
Awkwardness aside, it was definitely one of the better times I have heard about. You had a really very sweet first time. The one difference that comes to mind with those of us in the community is that the same negativity that makes almost all of us feel bad about our desires also seems to do away with most of the feeling that I hear exclusively straight people talk about, which is a sort of compulsion to just "get it over with" in terms of losing your virginity. Granted, we probably all know some promiscuous people in the community as well, but that initial sense of how we've historically been viewed and treated seems to make the experience and the act different. Do you understand what I mean?
I don't think that just being comfortable with Being Gay & your 1st sexual experience has anything to do with Promiscuity. The 2 are totally different experiences. Some people are just ok with being Gay , so a 1st time is going to happen for All Genders .
Gay is not bi. I am gay and have almost no sexual interest in women. All my sexual interests are focused on fellow men. And that is not what this man is feeling obviously.Today bisexuality is being played down. But in the fifties and sixties of the last century, the famous American sexologist, who was bi himself, Alfred Kinsey, claimed that up to 30% of all men were more or less bisexual.
It's sure not. That visceral physical response with someone, not the same having it as not having it. I've dated gay and bisexual guys, and there are things about my love life I know gay guys will only ever understand intellectually. 😅 Which is absolutely fine. It's all about respect and being good-natured. Being bisexual is important to me because my relationships with women and men have all been important to me. But in society, if you're male I know what matters is whether you've had sexual contact with men or not. They don't care if you're also turned on by women. In fact they don't give a damn about women's sexuality at all. I feel like all of us who love or have loved men are in the same boat ultimately. They put the same stigma on us one way or a another. Even women who love men get a stigma. So I wish we would get along better with each other.
It was a bi-guy that brought me out as a gay man. I was his first man, he was my first anything. We sort of progressed with what we were comfortable with. He really like to 69.
This is such a marvellous use of the fantastic thing that's now so present in all of our lives, that's called the Internet! And on behalf of all those who may be struggling to work it all out for themselves right now, I want to say, thank-you, for standing up and talking in this way. You look a good deal younger than I am and, the fact you had friends who were even prepared to use the word 'gay' as a prefix to 'Sam' may or may not indicate your process has taken place in a more accepting world than mine did, but, these things are far from definite and are different for all of us anyway; and the point is that however, wherever and with whomever - the feelings, and that internal, secret dialogue we have with ourselves, and the emotions we all have to deal with: well, they're very much the same for those who have not grown up with positive, out, gay or bi (or whatever) role-models within their lives, aren't they? Assuming we're not members of that lucky group, we all start off in an isolated place, and feel that sense of wrongness or naughtiness; that fear of being caught, or found out; and the inevitable guilt that follows... To some smaller or greater extent, we've all spent time thrashing ourselves with surprisingly similar sticks, before eventually working out that actually - it's okay, we're not doing anything that is inherently wrong (even if we do live in one of those countries who persist in placing the physical actions on the wrong side of their laws - with attendant punishments or, perhaps even worse; we exist within a religious culture that read an incomplete bible that has the bit about 'don't judge because you too, will be judged' completely missing; and whose interpretation of The Great Commission (or the equivalent in other faiths) suggests that, they should all go out and share the Good News or laws with all the people, except the following, very long list of exceptions...!). It's okay. We're only expressing what is natural for us - and we can choose to embrace it, as a positive aspect of ourselves - whatever, others might think of it!!
I used to call myself "bi" in the past but used that term as a safety as its more safer than sayiing "gay". But after a while, you get tired of the BS and people pleasing and I am honest and accept my gay self.. Just be yourself and live the life you want. Life is to short to worry about what people say. At the end of the day, people will live their life so you should too as well.
I remember those days. It was terrrifying, yet equally exciting at the same time. You kinda dreaded, but also hoped certain things would happan. It was electric
My first was when I was 19 he was 32 we talked for about 2 weeks before meeting. We finally agreed to lunch with no expectations. That went well so we went for a walk up to a waterfall then a walk around a college campus. We went back to my house so I could make dinner he ended up asking me if I ever had a massage. He gave me one that ended with oral sex. We spent the night together and the next 2 days. He then went to Florida to visit his dad . Called me every night. When he got home we ended up staying together for over 2 years before just growing apart
Now I got curious to know how you felt the first time with a girl? it felt less naughty ? did you get confused about yout sexuality or you already knew you were bi by 15 ?
Yes it was completely different. There was no terror or confusion involved. It was safe. No I only realised bisexuality was a thing when I was 30. Before that I was in chaotic panic and depression thinking I was broken.
I want to have an experience like that so bad! It could be a man, a woman or someone who is nonbinary like me. I haven't had a connection like that with anyone yet, no one has expressed any kind of romantic or sexual feelings for me and even if they did I can't sort out my feelings when I like someone. I don't think I want this to have it "done" or to have met a milestone by a certain age, I just want to experience this and it feels just so out of reach
That broke my heart u never saw him again. I was worried about that. Im 29 so even I come from a time where being out as a biiiiiig fat nope. Aww... Well it seems like even with ur body language u still have reservations about homosexuality in general. I do too. Wish I lived in England so we could chat, maybe :) Cute. Miles M
Hey thank you for noticing that about my body language. Yeah it’s still scary to talk about it. This video is the first time I’ve ever told that story. But I do it to break the fear. It worked. So thanks for receiving it and hearing me.
Hi , Great story , I am a Gay Man in my 50's and 1 of my closest friends is Bi and I had several reactions to this video. I feel Bad to hear that for people who are as young as you Still have so much difficulty ( especially about M2M) I Came out to my Family in 1980 , we were living in a small Farming town & my father was in the Military & I grew up on Military Bases, & they were Catholic too . I started to protest & get involved in the Big City an hour away @ 14yrs.old & was involved with activism throughout the 80's. I get so disappointed when I hear from young LGBTQ that they STILL have such a diffult time with it , when we did so much to try to Gain Rights & deal with the AIDS Pandemic back then .Only to hear from so many young people having trouble accepting their Sexual Orientation & life now ! I also want to say that I realize the Difficulty faced from Bisexual Men , that often Women don't feel comfortable Dating them , like they are going to cheat on them ,whilst any Straight Man could cheat with another woman, if a person isn't faithful ! Hence many Men i have known avoid same sex relationships to avoid that ( as with my close friend) who only Dated women, to avoid that. Yet it's still a Big problem for Bisexual People. I knew I was Gay @ 5yrs old and for some reason Never had a personal problem accepting it, Although dealing with Homophobia throughout school was VERY difficult, I didn't deny it ever & was basically out @ school when I was 14yrs.old . I found the story Fun and hope you find a relationship with either sex that's fulfilling! Good luck.
It is getting better. 🙂 I've been out bisexual guy since 17 or so, because I was a rebel, take me as I am, to hell with society sort. Most heterosexual women won't touch us with a ten foot pole, that's true. But for me the feeling is mutual. Those women come with a whole backpack full of ideological baggage and rigid demands for what a 'man's role' is. Even if I were straight I would not want to deal with them, quite frankly. The women I've fallen for have all been misfits in one way or another. 😅 Nowadays gay guys are more open, at least in my country, but back then they'd often keep COVID style distances from me in public, because I was the 'gay sam'. 😂 So when it became fashionable to say bi guys are all about the down-low and acting straight in public for privileges or whatever, you can imagine my profoundly disdainful reaction. 🙄 But that's another thing I think has changed for the better... Gay guys are nicer to us too these days, less prejudiced. 😉 Which makes me happy, because I love gay men, especially the thoughtful, introverted, vulnerable sorts with deep eyes and longing for connection. ❤️
Wat country .as a straight woman i'm sad but glad straight women are saying no to bi men because u can never trust a man and HIV stigma is horrible @@mikicerise6250
I`m сurious as to how many guys feel that that kind of thing is naughty when they`re doing it? I`m a pan girl and I kinda started remenisсing about my own first times and found out that none of those felt that way. My first first time was aсtually with a man and a woman at the same time, not really a great story, it was rather terrible and a mistake overall, I was 16 or 17, but even that one didn`t feel like a naughty deal. Just an unсomfortable situation. Then the first time with a guy didn`t feel like anything really, and the first time with a girl was an absolute bliss - but both didn`t stir that sort of feeling. So I wonder how about other people? Girls? Guys?
I'm a gay guy, and it felt pretty naughty the first time I had sex. But that experience was just not right, I bottomed and I didn't communicate properly. But it ended up being enjoyable after I started to tell my partner what I wanted. The naughtiness factor was also due to his parents being home, and the fact that I grew up in a Muslim, sex-negative household. Sex nowadays is much more enjoyable for me. Communication and self-love are key!
I'm a bi/pan guy, in my forties now. Both first times were scary and awkward for me. 😅 First time with a girl was much easier, though, because she was older, more experienced and just took the lead. 🥴 So I was scared and awkward, but she was not and made it work, and, you know, taught me things. 😅 With the guy, we were both about the same age and just fumbling around. 😂 I still didn't know what I wanted or what worked for me, neither did he know what he wanted. The second guy though... That was beautiful. It was his first time with a guy, but I was way more figured out by then. Ended up in 69, simultaneous climax, fell asleep together locked in an embrace, woke up in the same position and with my toes curled around his. Never forget it. I still curl my toes around a lover's toes to this day. 🤭
No worries, most people's first experience in sex is awful. Even straight people's. Your case highlights the need for gay sex to be included in the sex ed curriculum.
Thanks for sharing. I found that to be an encouraging story. I finally "had sex" for the first time (if intercrural / handjobs count) earlier this year, at age 40. Maybe I'll try to experience oral in the soon-ish future...
Suddenly wishing I was Gay Sam! j/k I fully get that intense dual feeling of terror and pleasure. I miss it actually. Like the first time I went on a rollercoaster.
i can really identify with your feelings as a young teen but I really do not feel that these feelings of terror were a function of the times. I am quite a bit older than you and I really do not think that there was a hostility to bi or gay people in the peer group I had. That was in contrast to the wider community but I sense we are talking of the same type of peer group. Also even in the wider community, things were nothing like as bad 20,30,40 years ago as a lot of gay and bi TH-camrs and Commentatiors suggest - after all, they were not there so how do they know?
I've been in relationships with bisexual men my entire life, but I doubt I'm the only one who can spot a gay man. Who do you think you're fooling? Why? Don't answer that. It's your mess to reconcile.
Hey, just to let you know that it is spiteful, conceited words like these that make bisexual men one of the highest suicide risks of any group in society. Your words have serious consequences for so many. I pray you have respect for the fellow members of your own community. Please stop saying foolish, misinformed things. Especially on my account. You have been reported.
@@notdefining Well said and good for You for reporting that idiot , You come across as a nice bloke and good luck to You and I am sure your post has helped some People out .
Wait what???? How do you feel entitled to tell someone they are wrong when describing their sexuality? And invalidating it?? Good thing you’ve been reported. This is not an acceptable behaviour and I hope you reflect about your comment, reconsider and definitely apologise.
Wow. How many cishet people tell queer people, “You’re wrong. You’re actually str8, you’re actually cis,” and you have the goddamn nerve to tell another queer person they don’t their own sexuality. The bigoted arrogance of that is astonishing and you need to look into your heart and deal with your own relationship with stereotypes and your internalized homophobia.
It's funny how a hetero or a bi can use any kind of language they want about their sexuality and their sexual identity, but when I say that I wouldn't be in a relationship with a bi, I'm "biphobe"! 😂
To book a 1:1 coaching session with Mark, click here: www.notdefining.com/coaching-info.
Text chat with Mark and join group sessions at patreon.com/notdefining.
For more videos click the JOIN button.
It is wise to define what is or is not; for this is how we know ourselves and disagreements are cases and controvesies which shall be adjudicated; However, we do not consider outside opinons of those whom have no right of vote in the matter, which is properly between a male and whatever higher power he then claims to exist or which actually does exist.
*BORING* like all this coming out sob stories what have you to fear? We have paved the way for you when I came out in the 1970's we face termination of employment loss of rental accommodation and faced 14 years jail for having sex with a man *we fought the police all the way - so what have you to worry over kiddo*
that mix of ecstasy and fear is so relatable! I suppressed my attraction for so long and the fear I felt when it would come up was so visceral, and the attraction was also so pure and lovely. It's quite a scary and overwhelming mix
Hey thanks for sharing this. I’m so glad we can relate.
8:28 thank you so much for being willing to be so vulnerable. I have so many mixed emotions. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. This has been such a safe honest space. Thank you 💛
Great vid! Im bi and at 19 my first experience was with a married couple and they were in their 30s. Husband was bi so we all played together. The first time was so scary, exciting and I was full of anxiety. It turned out to be a great experience and continued for 5 years. He was the first male I been with and that was a wild time, early in life with a strong religious family and judgemental friends around me I never came out and never experimented. At 19 I was more free and on my own. It felt so good to embrace my true self. Life has been so much more fulfilling. Thanks for the vid 😊
In Paris in the 60s there was an avenue (I think it was avenue Foch) where married couples would go and park along the sidewalk to pick up single guys who wanted a threesome. I was asked once, but it wasn't my thing.
@MrCrowebobby wow that's wild. Never been to France but that sounds interesting. I went on a cruise that was mostly folks looking for threesomes group play etc and it was a blast and yes those cruises do exist lol. I was on it for a week and it was non stop fun. Every ounce of life I had in me was almost gone by the time it ended. That's my new favorite trip.
@@Dadpoet1 As I said, this was in the 60s, so I imagine things have changed.
@@MrCrowebobby true! 😂 I'm sure it has.
Thanks for telling your story. Being older, I remember when you could feel that kind of terror for having straight sex. But the terror is the same, and it makes me wonder why we live in a culture that would do that to people's first sexual experiences. Sad.
Yes I agree. That’s why I really love being sex positive. Being ashamed is ridiculous.
Thanks for being willing to talk about difficult things! I came out in my high school yearbook quote funny enough: "I started high school with straight A's...now I'm not even straight! I'm still me, though!" I make piano covers during pride month in order to shed light on the beautiful complexity of the queer identity and community!
Thank you for this lovely comment.
That was first of all quite brave in just sharing that memory. Thank you for being so open and honest to a perfectly normal human experience. You conveyed the innocent naiveté and the heat of the moment so well , I was actually taken back in thought and feeling (I felt the butterflies in my stomach). Well done! Even though it was not ideal, I honestly hope he somehow sees this and get's the chance to understand how special a moment in your life that was. First life experiences, especially intimate ones...❤
Hey thank you so much for this lovely message. I appreciate it so much.
Calling it "sex with a man" instead of "gay sex" sounds so much better. That's how we get away from the labels that cause so much trouble in our society. You're the best.
It is what it is. If you feel uncomfortable with it, then the LGBTQ isn't for you. The whole community is chock full of labels. If you identify as gay, you're gay and vice versa. You may as well be just in denial while you're at it. There's no shame in a label if you know the history behind it. You either embrace or you can't.
Yes 100% thank you
Just a play on words same thing
I understand where you’re coming from but I tend to believe that labels are a little more nuanced. The label itself is a neutral descriptor for an aspect of who someone is , it’s only perceived as negative because of society conditioning us to see it that way. To me that means the label may not be the source of the harm, unless it’s a word/label explicitly meant for harm ( i.e slurs ).
Labels are tricky things. They're necessary in so many aspects of our lives. Gay can be used as a innocent descriptive word and it can also be used in a derogatory way. For a straight man to have "gay" sex implies that he might be turning gay and that could be opening a whole new can of worms for him socially. Besides, it's a private matter between adults. The label brings on judgement from others and possibly guilt and shame to the individual doing the experimenting. Thanks for the response.
Loved the whole story, but I have to say, the beginning of you guys getting intimate was particularly charming to me.
Ah thanks. It’s lovely to hear.
It wasn't a bad story, I wish I were as brave as you when I was 15. By that time I was thinking only in hiding. I knew I was gay since 13, but hid myself, from my parents, my one "friend" everyone. It didn't help that I cannot read non-verbal cues, or when someone flirted with me. I had to wait until I was at University, and had some independence, to even try.
My first experience... was hiring a s*x worker. Yeah, you could take a newspaper (back in 1997) and find out "massage professionals". I was 17, saved some money and a steel resolution of having my first time. It turned out great, he was patient with me (I didn't even know that bottoms had to prepare firsthand... I didn't had any gay friend that taught me, or even internet by that time). And well... that was the only way I got laid, either for hiring male s*x workers, or cruising restrooms, which learned later. The sad part is, back when I was 21, or 22... heh, I would get so many dates, but my internalized homophobia was raging.
Hey thank you so much for sharing this
Thank you for sharing I enjoy listening to your experiences despite our different orientations
So nice of you. Thank you for saying. We can all relate I think despite our orientations.
Ever Since when I was 5 Years old back in 2004. I knew I was attracted to Boys and I knew that I Was a Homosexual. Then I came out in 2011 when I was 12 Years Old. I accepted my Sexuality as when I grew older and it now Permanent.
Will you be my Partner?
Hey that’s great. Thanks so much for sharing. I’m so glad you have this clarity.
Great to hear that younger people are doing this! I still feel so disappointed that ( as I am much older) young Gay Men still have such difficulty when we live in a time with so many Rights & Freedom (in Western Countries)
Con🎉 on posting this video very interesting. Declan OHanrahan Kilkenny Ireland 🇮🇪
Hearing this encounter remindedd me of so much of my own life! Especially a recent inciddentt that is recurring now. I live in a senior apartment residence, and several on our maintenance crew are frankly quite attractive to me. I've done building maintenance during my complex lifetime, and when they make their rounds, like to chat with them, one in particular. One day when he was replacing my hepafilter toward end of day, he asked if he could use my bathroom. My bathroom has several pieces of my own homoerotic artwork in it. He was chatting thru the door and i asked him if he wanted some coffee i was making some for me. He said sure, and went to sit down. We talked as I boiled the water and he commented on the paintings, asked if he interpreted the abstractions accurately. I laughed, said yes you did, and jokingly said i often was known to suck any c&ck that might be hanging around. I brought out the coffee press and cups, and when i walked around his chair to put the cup down by him, realized he had his out and was stroking it rather shyly. Our coffee wound up needing reheating lol. He has been back end of day several times, and we do a little more and he stays a little longer each time. I let him choose the pace since he is, shall we say, a late bloomer. I am grateful he is becoming comfortable with himself and us.
WOW - its interesting to know how we can have amazing experiences with one gender - yet it doesn't define us ENTIRELY. Nice to know Mark. I was very into girls in my teens - things changed a little into my mid 20's.
Hey thanks and yes totally. I’ve always been very bi.
My first time with a man was quite different. He made every effort to romance and flatter me. My fear wasn't about getting caught or anything like that - but letting him down, because I had no idea what I was doing. It was awkward, and I'm sure I did let him down. First times can be magical, but often they are messy and confusing.
Hey thanks so much for sharing your experience. I appreciate it.
I am so here for the mess and confusion! :3
Everything that happens would be a win in my book!
Your shirt is nice. I kinda always like pink but also like blue sinds I was a kid. The gradient where bothe colors transitions is what got me. Now I know...I'm just Bi😂
Mark, thanks for sharing. It’s helpful to hear your experience.
My pleasure! Thanks for saying.
Thank you for this. Stigma is the worst baggage
the fact that he's called 'gay sam' is crazy🤣🤣
Yessss. I actually spoke more about how this was the norm back then and how awful it is thinking about it but I edited it out because the video was like 20 mins long 🙈 so I had to be brutal. But yes thank you for saying this. So offensive isn’t it?
OMG, this was some breathtaking story, thank you so muсh for sharing.
Hey thank you. I’m so glad you enjoyed it.
Awkwardness aside, it was definitely one of the better times I have heard about. You had a really very sweet first time. The one difference that comes to mind with those of us in the community is that the same negativity that makes almost all of us feel bad about our desires also seems to do away with most of the feeling that I hear exclusively straight people talk about, which is a sort of compulsion to just "get it over with" in terms of losing your virginity. Granted, we probably all know some promiscuous people in the community as well, but that initial sense of how we've historically been viewed and treated seems to make the experience and the act different. Do you understand what I mean?
I don't think that just being comfortable with Being Gay & your 1st sexual experience has anything to do with Promiscuity. The 2 are totally different experiences. Some people are just ok with being Gay , so a 1st time is going to happen for All Genders .
Hey thanks so much for sharing. Yes I get you completely.
Mark's Friends: "Heyy....what are you guys doing over here?"
Mark: 💀
Gay is not bi. I am gay and have almost no sexual interest in women. All my sexual interests are focused on fellow men.
And that is not what this man is feeling obviously.Today bisexuality is being played down. But in the fifties
and sixties of the last century, the famous American sexologist, who was bi himself, Alfred Kinsey, claimed that up to 30% of all men were more or less bisexual.
Facts
Grindr proves Kinsey was right
It's sure not. That visceral physical response with someone, not the same having it as not having it. I've dated gay and bisexual guys, and there are things about my love life I know gay guys will only ever understand intellectually. 😅 Which is absolutely fine. It's all about respect and being good-natured.
Being bisexual is important to me because my relationships with women and men have all been important to me. But in society, if you're male I know what matters is whether you've had sexual contact with men or not. They don't care if you're also turned on by women. In fact they don't give a damn about women's sexuality at all. I feel like all of us who love or have loved men are in the same boat ultimately. They put the same stigma on us one way or a another. Even women who love men get a stigma. So I wish we would get along better with each other.
Definitely 75%
FAAAACTSSS
MLM doesn’t just stand for Multi-Level Marketing (wink wink)
Hahaah yesss love it
😂
And DS doesn't stand for 'direct sales' 💦🍆😉
It was a bi-guy that brought me out as a gay man. I was his first man, he was my first anything. We sort of progressed with what we were comfortable with. He really like to 69.
This is such a marvellous use of the fantastic thing that's now so present in all of our lives, that's called the Internet! And on behalf of all those who may be struggling to work it all out for themselves right now, I want to say, thank-you, for standing up and talking in this way. You look a good deal younger than I am and, the fact you had friends who were even prepared to use the word 'gay' as a prefix to 'Sam' may or may not indicate your process has taken place in a more accepting world than mine did, but, these things are far from definite and are different for all of us anyway; and the point is that however, wherever and with whomever - the feelings, and that internal, secret dialogue we have with ourselves, and the emotions we all have to deal with: well, they're very much the same for those who have not grown up with positive, out, gay or bi (or whatever) role-models within their lives, aren't they? Assuming we're not members of that lucky group, we all start off in an isolated place, and feel that sense of wrongness or naughtiness; that fear of being caught, or found out; and the inevitable guilt that follows... To some smaller or greater extent, we've all spent time thrashing ourselves with surprisingly similar sticks, before eventually working out that actually - it's okay, we're not doing anything that is inherently wrong (even if we do live in one of those countries who persist in placing the physical actions on the wrong side of their laws - with attendant punishments or, perhaps even worse; we exist within a religious culture that read an incomplete bible that has the bit about 'don't judge because you too, will be judged' completely missing; and whose interpretation of The Great Commission (or the equivalent in other faiths) suggests that, they should all go out and share the Good News or laws with all the people, except the following, very long list of exceptions...!). It's okay. We're only expressing what is natural for us - and we can choose to embrace it, as a positive aspect of ourselves - whatever, others might think of it!!
Thank you so so much for this lovely heart felt and uplifting message. I really appreciate you.
The awkwardness and excitement of that first encounter is very relatable
I’m just sorry you felt it wasn’t ok…but you came a long way 🎉❤
Aaaah thank you Barbara. I appreciate your empowering words always.
You're a marvelous story teller.
Hey thank you I appreciate that
I used to call myself "bi" in the past but used that term as a safety as its more safer than sayiing "gay". But after a while, you get tired of the BS and people pleasing and I am honest and accept my gay self.. Just be yourself and live the life you want. Life is to short to worry about what people say. At the end of the day, people will live their life so you should too as well.
I'm 68 such memories,and you voice is so soothing a hot!
Ah thank you. 🙏🏽
That’s what I always say too :)
I remember those days. It was terrrifying, yet equally exciting at the same time. You kinda dreaded, but also hoped certain things would happan. It was electric
My first was when I was 19 he was 32 we talked for about 2 weeks before meeting. We finally agreed to lunch with no expectations. That went well so we went for a walk up to a waterfall then a walk around a college campus. We went back to my house so I could make dinner he ended up asking me if I ever had a massage. He gave me one that ended with oral sex. We spent the night together and the next 2 days. He then went to Florida to visit his dad . Called me every night. When he got home we ended up staying together for over 2 years before just growing apart
Now I got curious to know how you felt the first time with a girl? it felt less naughty ? did you get confused about yout sexuality or you already knew you were bi by 15 ?
Yes it was completely different. There was no terror or confusion involved. It was safe. No I only realised bisexuality was a thing when I was 30. Before that I was in chaotic panic and depression thinking I was broken.
In my case, it's first time with a man. I remember having sex with a woman and it still felt good
I want to have an experience like that so bad! It could be a man, a woman or someone who is nonbinary like me. I haven't had a connection like that with anyone yet, no one has expressed any kind of romantic or sexual feelings for me and even if they did I can't sort out my feelings when I like someone. I don't think I want this to have it "done" or to have met a milestone by a certain age, I just want to experience this and it feels just so out of reach
Hey you will. Open your heart to it. It will come at the right time for you and it will be fab.
11:28 "Keep a _straight_ face" 😉
I see what you did there haha.
I love this❤
Ah thank you so much for tuning in.
Nice story, thankyou for sharing
Thanks for listening
Well done ❤❤❤
Thanks
That broke my heart u never saw him again. I was worried about that. Im 29 so even I come from a time where being out as a biiiiiig fat nope.
Aww... Well it seems like even with ur body language u still have reservations about homosexuality in general. I do too. Wish I lived in England so we could chat, maybe :)
Cute.
Miles M
Hey thank you for noticing that about my body language. Yeah it’s still scary to talk about it. This video is the first time I’ve ever told that story. But I do it to break the fear. It worked. So thanks for receiving it and hearing me.
you’re adorable still…❤
Ah thank you
Just adorable? Hes hot! Lol.
“I’m having a full on proper bi crisis.” - Bébé Mark, probably.
Omg yes
Hi , Great story , I am a Gay Man in my 50's and 1 of my closest friends is Bi and I had several reactions to this video. I feel Bad to hear that for people who are as young as you Still have so much difficulty ( especially about M2M) I Came out to my Family in 1980 , we were living in a small Farming town & my father was in the Military & I grew up on Military Bases, & they were Catholic too . I started to protest & get involved in the Big City an hour away @ 14yrs.old & was involved with activism throughout the 80's. I get so disappointed when I hear from young LGBTQ that they STILL have such a diffult time with it , when we did so much to try to Gain Rights & deal with the AIDS Pandemic back then .Only to hear from so many young people having trouble accepting their Sexual Orientation & life now ! I also want to say that I realize the Difficulty faced from Bisexual Men , that often Women don't feel comfortable Dating them , like they are going to cheat on them ,whilst any Straight Man could cheat with another woman, if a person isn't faithful ! Hence many Men i have known avoid same sex relationships to avoid that ( as with my close friend) who only Dated women, to avoid that. Yet it's still a Big problem for Bisexual People. I knew I was Gay @ 5yrs old and for some reason Never had a personal problem accepting it, Although dealing with Homophobia throughout school was VERY difficult, I didn't deny it ever & was basically out @ school when I was 14yrs.old . I found the story Fun and hope you find a relationship with either sex that's fulfilling! Good luck.
Hey thank you so much for sharing your story. We stand on your shoulders. It’s getting better. We will get there.
It is getting better. 🙂
I've been out bisexual guy since 17 or so, because I was a rebel, take me as I am, to hell with society sort. Most heterosexual women won't touch us with a ten foot pole, that's true. But for me the feeling is mutual. Those women come with a whole backpack full of ideological baggage and rigid demands for what a 'man's role' is. Even if I were straight I would not want to deal with them, quite frankly. The women I've fallen for have all been misfits in one way or another. 😅
Nowadays gay guys are more open, at least in my country, but back then they'd often keep COVID style distances from me in public, because I was the 'gay sam'. 😂
So when it became fashionable to say bi guys are all about the down-low and acting straight in public for privileges or whatever, you can imagine my profoundly disdainful reaction. 🙄
But that's another thing I think has changed for the better... Gay guys are nicer to us too these days, less prejudiced. 😉 Which makes me happy, because I love gay men, especially the thoughtful, introverted, vulnerable sorts with deep eyes and longing for connection. ❤️
Wat country .as a straight woman i'm sad but glad straight women are saying no to bi men because u can never trust a man and HIV stigma is horrible @@mikicerise6250
@@mikicerise6250🙄
I`m сurious as to how many guys feel that that kind of thing is naughty when they`re doing it?
I`m a pan girl and I kinda started remenisсing about my own first times and found out that none of those felt that way.
My first first time was aсtually with a man and a woman at the same time, not really a great story, it was rather terrible and a mistake overall, I was 16 or 17, but even that one didn`t feel like a naughty deal. Just an unсomfortable situation.
Then the first time with a guy didn`t feel like anything really, and the first time with a girl was an absolute bliss - but both didn`t stir that sort of feeling.
So I wonder how about other people?
Girls?
Guys?
I'm a gay guy, and it felt pretty naughty the first time I had sex. But that experience was just not right, I bottomed and I didn't communicate properly. But it ended up being enjoyable after I started to tell my partner what I wanted. The naughtiness factor was also due to his parents being home, and the fact that I grew up in a Muslim, sex-negative household. Sex nowadays is much more enjoyable for me. Communication and self-love are key!
Thanks for sharing this question. It’s an interesting one isn’t it?
I'm a bi/pan guy, in my forties now. Both first times were scary and awkward for me. 😅 First time with a girl was much easier, though, because she was older, more experienced and just took the lead. 🥴 So I was scared and awkward, but she was not and made it work, and, you know, taught me things. 😅
With the guy, we were both about the same age and just fumbling around. 😂 I still didn't know what I wanted or what worked for me, neither did he know what he wanted. The second guy though... That was beautiful. It was his first time with a guy, but I was way more figured out by then. Ended up in 69, simultaneous climax, fell asleep together locked in an embrace, woke up in the same position and with my toes curled around his. Never forget it.
I still curl my toes around a lover's toes to this day. 🤭
@@mikicerise6250Aww 💕
Beautiful story
First I thought I straight. Then I thought I was bi. After having sex with a man, I realized that I am totally gay.
No worries, most people's first experience in sex is awful. Even straight people's. Your case highlights the need for gay sex to be included in the sex ed curriculum.
Moral of the Story: YOLO and H-word
❤️
lol so cute..."my pants..." for the Americans. :)
Of course haha. Actually we have lots of lovely American friends here on this channel so I like to give them a shout out. Haha.
Thanks for sharing It i the net eperiece I want to explore with youtubers. My experience was similar
Hey thanks so much
Wow i wish we knew whether he had seen this... and made contact. Such a shame it was interrupted etc. It could've been beautiful.
Thanks for sharing. I found that to be an encouraging story. I finally "had sex" for the first time (if intercrural / handjobs count) earlier this year, at age 40. Maybe I'll try to experience oral in the soon-ish future...
Do you mind me asking how old you are?
Hope you reconnect
Ah thanks. That’s sweet of you to say.
Suddenly wishing I was Gay Sam! j/k I fully get that intense dual feeling of terror and pleasure. I miss it actually. Like the first time I went on a rollercoaster.
i can really identify with your feelings as a young teen but I really do not feel that these feelings of terror were a function of the times. I am quite a bit older than you and I really do not think that there was a hostility to bi or gay people in the peer group I had. That was in contrast to the wider community but I sense we are talking of the same type of peer group. Also even in the wider community, things were nothing like as bad 20,30,40 years ago as a lot of gay and bi TH-camrs and Commentatiors suggest - after all, they were not there so how do they know?
I think the correct technical term would be “homosexual sex”. Does that sound weird in English?
❤
We know what trousers means.
And we know what you mean by pants too.
Haha thanks! Just wanted to make sure as “pants” has a very different meaning here hahaha! Lol. 😂
When will
L have my first time
❤❤❤❤
I've been in relationships with bisexual men my entire life, but I doubt I'm the only one who can spot a gay man. Who do you think you're fooling? Why? Don't answer that. It's your mess to reconcile.
Hey, just to let you know that it is spiteful, conceited words like these that make bisexual men one of the highest suicide risks of any group in society. Your words have serious consequences for so many. I pray you have respect for the fellow members of your own community. Please stop saying foolish, misinformed things. Especially on my account. You have been reported.
I’m gay pushing 60 I have a life time of dating fooling around with married man with kids and all. They just seem to gravitate to me all ages.
@@notdefining Well said and good for You for reporting that idiot , You come across as a nice bloke and good luck to You and I am sure your post has helped some People out .
Wait what???? How do you feel entitled to tell someone they are wrong when describing their sexuality? And invalidating it?? Good thing you’ve been reported. This is not an acceptable behaviour and I hope you reflect about your comment, reconsider and definitely apologise.
Wow. How many cishet people tell queer people, “You’re wrong. You’re actually str8, you’re actually cis,” and you have the goddamn nerve to tell another queer person they don’t their own sexuality. The bigoted arrogance of that is astonishing and you need to look into your heart and deal with your own relationship with stereotypes and your internalized homophobia.
Bi flags!!!!!!!!!!!🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Bisexual? 🤦🏽♂️
Yes they exist sexuality is not just gay or straight
@@izach28 He’s not bisexual.
@@KE-zk4kc he literally is did you not see his shirt?
@@izach28 so his shirt determines his sexuality? He doesn’t appear bisexual.
@@KE-zk4kc the shirt has bisexual colors that represent the bi flag idiot
It's funny how a hetero or a bi can use any kind of language they want about their sexuality and their sexual identity, but when I say that I wouldn't be in a relationship with a bi, I'm "biphobe"! 😂