2 fears keeping you from love
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 มิ.ย. 2024
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shot & edited by Eric Lombart
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produced by Reed Hedani
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"As an adult you can't be abandoned" oh. My god. This was actually mindblowing to me
I finally got the courage to tell 3 of the 4 friends that I was so lonely and depressed I was going to kill myself. 1 told me to the doctor, 1 said they were too busy and the last onebcall the cops. None of them ever spoke to me again. No one came to see if I was all right. No one came to say "glad you didn't die last night". Not even a text message. You can absolutely be abandoned as an adult. And it's worse thing you can imagine.
@@bobman929 oh, I'm so sorry to read that! What a terrible response from all 3 of those "friends".
Im #2.
Yo, same.
"As an adult you can't be abandoned."
I disagree with the claim.
Adults are abandoned by other adults in various situations and relationship dynamics. Regardless of the developmental state of yourself, as an adult you can still be abandoned by others.
But as an adult, with a developed intellect, one is able to develop oneself and heal childhood soul wounds and dysfunctions that were created from non-beneficial social-relationship experiences.
My conversations:
"Cute dress!"
"Thanks! It has pockets!"
:o
Pockets? Okay now I'm interested-
Dresses with pockets are the best! 😍
I need a woman who has pockets in her dresses...that sounds like heaven.
yes
"I desperately want love. But I'm afraid that loving means losing myself and my freedom"
Well, to some degree, that happens. In shrink-talk, you may hear the word "confluence." It recalls the mixing of two streams to form a river.
One way to view that is that the greater river subsumes the lesser, which loses its individuality, becoming a mere "tributary."
Another way, however, is to regard two roughly equal rivers as forming a third, new, and more impressive stream. Think Pittsburgh.
Relationships can be like that; if one is the junior partner, there's a chance that one will suffer a subdued sense of identity.
However, if both parties stay conscious of their personal needs, desires and conceits, regarding the relationship itself as an important, _but limited,_ part of their existence, they avoid this sort of dissolution.
The fear of abandonment and fear of engulfment are relatable not only in relationships, but also with family and friends. That's life and it's up to us on how we handle it.
Family, you can afford being clingy they won't really ever abandon you. You can also be more distant and keep them at arms reach if that's what you want to do. You can also keep your distance with your friends and they can easily set their own boundaries if you are being too clingy and you won't make much fuss about it cause they're just friends and you can have lots of those. But with romantic relationships, being too distant or too clingy doesn't work. Someone's going to get hurt if their attachment style doesn't match yours. If one person craves more connection than the other is willing to have, it doesn't work out.
@@Goteiii family CAN abandon you , idk what picture perfect world you live in but a lot of people have been abandoned by their families and\or neglected by them
My girl Anna saving my relationship... again.
🙄
@@sonnymanta Well, Anna is reflecting and sharing thought prozesses and skills you learn in therapy that can be used in different ways. So it makes sense that someone who is not in therapy or is not at this point of therapy yet can make use of the things being presented. In my eyes it is a very resonable response, but I agree If problems in a relationship pile up one shouldn't rely on other peoples thoughts and assume therapy/help for themselfs If possible and needed. We are all kind to each other here ;)
pumbisz get off your high horse honey, good advice is good advice
Seeing the likes change from a bunch of 9s to 1k is soooo satisfying
Attractive 1 smart 2 cool comedian 3 Anna Akana thaaaat 's her !
Asking for a sign, and this just might be it
i feel this too hard
Literally me after every one of her videos
lisafagerli sameeee lol
Girl. Same.
Gemini
There's your sign.
“I am now clingy and demanding cause i’m totally insecure about the natural space that’s evolved over time in our relationship and I’m gonna overreact to and o v e r th i n k *e v e r y t h i n g*”
Does she HAVE ACCESS TO MY ACTUAL INNER THOUGHTS
@Amelia May sameeeee
Anna PLEASE post an ongoing list of the books you read!! You honestly feel like a human buddha of emotional intelligence
I agree.
Agree
Or better yet let's create a group on Goodreads.com connecting through books... yesssss....
@@raincid great idea 😻
I agrreeee!!! Shes like more sharper in articulating the emotional sh*tstorm ppl go through
“As adults we can’t be abandoned and we can’t be trapped because we have power” 🤯🤯🤯
I love Anna's videos, they give me some solid topics to talk with my therapist
I love your profile name lol.
@@yonathanasefaw9001 lol thanks
@@LizzieNeedsALife No problem.
when you started talking about Fear of Abandonment I was like "Haha! I'm safe from this callout once again! That's not me at all" and then Fear of Engulfment happened and I suddenly understood that moment when you feel like someone came directly for you and your lifestyle
but for real thanks for the life advice this is actually super useful
I just avoid romance because it means less time to spend with myself.
Fear of loss of freedom and self identity used to be the issue, but now it is just me enjoying my own company more than the thought of spending time with an other.
That's why I am a WGTOW! ;)
Same
Gena Holden is it really “waking up” if you still want a relationship even after knowing it’s pushed by media? 😑
There's one thing not pursuing anyone or avoiding romance. And then there's a moment you randomly fall in love and feel helpless, even though you don't want relationships or friends. This happens a lot. And I believe us being hateful and ignoring our feelings to be with another we find fascinating are self destructing.
@@xFlared I agree. I found out that against all the odds I have fallen in love. Last time I was in a relationship was over 14 years ago. A bit of a shock.
YOU ARE SAVING MY LIFE, YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS BUT YOU ARE! ✨
Wut
We need the story! Did it go well? What happened?
can anna be my therapist
Same here I need her expertise
OK the intro is the most accurate thing ever, I know I do that for a FACT
I'm definitely fear of engulfment so when I meet someone with fear of abandonment, I freak out and run!
same here
You changed my life, thank you anna
That thumbnail though. Adorable.
Edit: that **WISDOM** was really damn good.
2:11 Love the cozy cat keeping you emotionally secure like a BOSS!!!
Good grief, this was fantastically therapeutic. Anna has this knack for entertaining and healing all at the same time. Thank you for this.
Her: that will be $175! Thank you uwu
Me: *checks wallet and then bank account*
Me: Do you take tears?
I love this girl, she knows so much. I’m amazed of how far you’ve come, and she proves that EVERYONE can change ❤️
"You can't be rejected because you value isn't dependent upon what other people think of you" - I needed to know this years ago lol. My inner child is at peace! - Thanks Anna
Okay holy crap. I've struggled with an abandonment complex my whole life, which in turn has destroyed like all of my relationships and friendships, because not only was I severely bullied and constantly left out as a child, an entire half of my family literally and metaphorically abandoned me on the side of a road when I was 3. It's taken me some time to realise my toxic behaviours, but hearing this is kind of like an eye-opening slap to the face. As an adult I have control over what happens to me, and you're right, I can no longer be abandoned now. I've really appreciated your videos, you've really helped me start owning up to my own issues, and learn how to correctly face them. Thank you
Something about the colours and set ups of your videos makes me feel extremely comfortable & relaxed. It’s amazing
*I AM AN ADULT!*
Navigating emotional territory that ignites us. FUN!
Her timing to posting in relation to my life situations is SPOT ON.
Can I just say, lately your make up has been looking so good! 😍
I admire how well read and disciplined you are. You're the most amazing role model and you should know that you indeed are! I feel like your videos truly speak to those with anxiety and depression and I say that from experience. Thank you for existing and creating. Trust me, you're saving a lot of lives!
Side nore, you basically have a degree in Psychology based on this, you'd pass everything easily. If I was running a University and was aware of your efforts, I'd acknowledge you with a proper degree.
I'm gonna watch it at home. Love you Anna, you've helped me so much. Hope you see this. Stay awesome. 💕
Anna. I am so glad i found your videos. They really help me set my head straight when i’m feeling worthless or depressed. Thank you for what you do
I feel like your words are so beautiful. I hope that those in this world who need to hear this in their lives, have the opportunity to do so 💜
Anna, I simply love your videos. Also, your hair looks so good today!
"Comfort the inner child in all of us" I love this. P.S. you're arms look good. Lift, brah?
This is why I love and share you videos all the time. Talking casually about kitchen psychology and philosophy, with your specific problem sprinkled in and just BAM, dropping a knowledge bomb on the end like it's the most casual thing in the world. Helping out confused people on the internet like a boss as always Anna. Please keep going, your channel is a godsend.
The editing style is crazy entertaining. And I cant thank you enough for recommending the book. I've been looking for something just like that
That “wisdom” really helped me tonight, thanks Anna!
please do a bit longer videos because i LOVE the topics you talk about so I would love if you could go more into detail with longer videos
Love you Ana you are awesome girl!!!!!!
+Caroline Hassun Even better, long videos with the feel of a The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon interviews on serious topics. She does the comedy but with the serious psychology stuff, plus guests.
It's probably more profitable to make shorter and more binge-able videos like these.
The fact that this showed up on my feed and it’s what I’ve been thinking about is crazy 😍🥰🎄
Omg seriously just understood YEARS of my life in these 3 minutes!! :O Anna you are the best!!
If I ever met a women like who’s psychological aware, emotionally adept, smart, gorgeous and supportive like Anna Akana I’d never need anything else for the rest of my life! I love your videos 😂❤️
I needed this reminder today.
Yes, please list more book recommendations! I listened to this book on a road trip and I have been talking about to everyone. I even go through some of the chapters again cause it seems to give me strength. This book!!!! So extremely helpful! Thank you!
I searched online the book recommended by you and I am currently reading it. I must say, I am REALLY impressed by how it categorises people in such a realistic way. I mean, we all believe that we are different, we are unique, but, in fact, if we are to analyze every situation in particular, we discover that all these have things in common and the pieces of advice this book gives are actually applicable in real life. Thank you, Anna. Great book 👍
Iam recently facing problems in my relationships regarding insecurities....but You really motivate me..thankyou so much Anna.
Brand new thumbnail style WHAT? 😱
School of Life-ish
I like this because it's a tough and painful subject but your bubbly personality and humor brings me out of my "blah" for a short time. Thank you.
I love the passages you narrate at the end. I had overlooked it this entire time
Oh my god I literally just did this today when my acquaintance said they liked my blouse HAHAH
I super need this. Thanks anna ❤️❤️❤️
Wow! Great to hear someone finally say it.
Growing up takes work but it's worth it. Thank you
BTW, still waiting for more Youth & Consequences.
Anna you are clearly very intelligent and have done a lot of work!!
You express complicated dynamics in a very humorous and straightforward easily understandable manner!!! Amazing!!!
I'm anxiously attached in relationships. Fear of abandonment definitely a thing. It's a struggle...
this was great! thank you!
would you be able to share a list of the other books you've been reading this year?? :)
Probably the best vid you've made in years. Well researched, logical and delightfully sarcastic.
Love it, love you.
Anna is growing stronger by the days. Shes an unstoppable force!
The book Anna recommended is really good I’ve been listening to it before this vid 😂 SELF EVALUATION IS PART OF SELF CARE 💖
I've never had a girlfriend, yet how you speak an explain makes it so relatable. 😁💛
THIS WAS GREAT. I NEEDED THIS AS ALWAYSSSSSSSSSS. IM SO GRATEFUL FOR ANNA
Anna I don't know if you'll see this but I wanna say how meaningful and helpful your videos have been for me. My life has been kind of a mess the last few years but your videos have helped me grow and mature so much and given me tools to deal with all the crazy things in my life in a more healthy and productive way it it really means a lot to me. Thank you Anna!
Yaaasss!! Girl, you’re killing it! My friends and I now have a ritual to message each other when you come out with a new vid! It’s freakin great and so are you 💜💜
0:05 is, I think, tribal foraging strategy; someone who complements you is an ally, or a potential ally, so you share information on where _they_ can get the thing to 1) build your relationship 2) have more resources in the tribe.
Also us-vs-them; by sharing a secret you form an in-group, and put everyone who doesn't know in the out-group.
Also gossip theory; by sharing a true and valuable semi-secret you build the value of your word to them.
Also conversation balance; they've given you something of value, so you give something back with an open topic.
Love this content. This is what I’m currently working on understanding and dealing with in my own life and having content like this more readily available by trusted sources is an amazing privilege
I swear your videos make me feel so much better ❤❤❤
this is sooooooooo relatable like why are all of your videos struck the core of my life? 😂
But why I am focus on your adorable kitty behind there 😂😂😂
I love her videos. I actually do feel like they cure me.
She is spot on with everything except two things. Did not mention you must forgive the situations that we need to learn from and also some things may not be just from childhood but past lives as well
I have none of these, but I do have "I'm likeable enough to get into a relationship but insufficiently equipped by nature to bring you physical satisfaction so I'd rather not start the relationship in the first place to avoid disappointing you in an extremely personal situation."
K, thx, by.
vtr0104 after reading this now I feel attacked, thank you lol
@@luckyxxxxk Sorry about that, buddy :( ...
Your videos somehow always correspond with my problems haha
you're so pretty! and you're smoky eye and brown lipstick look is so on point!
Thank you for everything you do Anna💕 love you
MONEY AND SELF-RESPECT
Your videos are just incredible. Lets talk someday!!
Thank youuuuuu so much! Much needed
My therapist recommended the same book and I just finished reading it. I feel strangely connected with Anna, in a good way. It's so nice to know that I'm not alone in thinking that this book helped me a lot in my life recently.
Ah great, Anna reminding me why I'm terrible in relationships. THANK YOU SO MUCH IT"S GREAT I FEEL FINE.
Ian B 😭😭😂 fear of abandonment is my companion
I've recently started going to therapist, but I can't open about anything, I just have wiped mind and stare at her when she asks me "So what brings you here?"
Just try to talk about something. Eventually the more you talk about something you will be more comfortable talking about anything. Takes time. 😉
@@tonyvang1704 Thanks. I definitely realize it's gonna take some time, but oh the awkward silence that lasts for minutes kills me. 😅
Eh, I’m not a fan of therapy. Why pay a stranger to talk to me when I can just talk to myself?
@@MrBraddles3128 If you can talk to yourself then you are lucky. All I can do is shout at myself and never ever forgive anything. The therapist is very helpful to me. 💗 Except for the fact that I'm awkward and introverted, so it takes a while for me to even tell her anything.
this super changed my perspective, THANK YOU ANNA
Anna, Thanks for all the content. You’re my favorite YT for good reason.
I wasnt expecting price/where, I was thinking "thanks, it has pockets"
"Wisdom! That'll be $175 a month."
🤣🤣🤣
Lol ya. I rewound to see that after I saw something under Wisdom. Her humor style is classic.
Spot on!! What we go through has a lot to do with what we “think” our future may turn out to be. But that’s not always the case, people can change & for the better too 🧡
I've had a recent break up and it was short lived. It happened during the honeymoon period so when it all hit the wall, I felt like I got hit by a mental train to another reality because i couldn't believe it.
I just wanted to say how great your videos were because this happened yesterday. I've never felt so bad then. Thanks for being awesome
I thought that book said “How We Attack”...I was wondering if you were into Sun Tzu now.....
"I've been reading a plethora of books" - do you have a Goodreads account? Asking for a friend
This is just so simple but it's not obvious. We often forget about it and just simmer in our emotions. It is a great reminder that everything is really in your hands and there's nobody to blame, but you need to act and think like an adult.
yes! learned about similar things in other videos & books. so basically, the anxious or avoidant types of attachment, with the third (and probably least common??) one being 'normal'.
*WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT YOU, MY INTERNET THERAPIST?!*
My ex broke up with me because I cared to much. I never knew someone never wanted to be loved 🤷🏻♂️
This is advice is relatable in so many levels.
I love how professional she talks.
Person: “I love your shirt! It looks nice on you.”
Me: “Ah thank you!”
*looks at what they’re wearing*
“I love your shoes!”
Not normally this early... ummm okay well...
*CLASSIC COMMENT ABT HOW CUTE ANNA IS*
Anna, you're just awesome! Great content, and so natural.
Hey Anna! You've helped me get through life basically. Thank you!
I got my favorite dress my complimenting a girl on it. Forever 21, $20
"I am a therapist
meow meow"
Thanks for existing LOVE ❤️
Best channel I found so far this year