The one thing that destroys relationships

แชร์
ฝัง
  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ย. 2024
  • Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring today's video! Head to www.squarespac... to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ANNA
    Create your dream life guidebook: annaakana.shop...
    thank you for your support! / annaakana
    connect
    Instagram: / annaakana
    Twitter: / annaakana
    Facebook: / annaakana
    Spotify: spoti.fi/2MvmYjE
    shot by John Lee
    / johnleestills
    grip - Melissa Gasca
    / meliseeta
    sound - Jason Mobley
    edited by Ben Chinapen
    / benchinapen
    gfx by Bethany Radloff
    / bethberad

ความคิดเห็น • 449

  • @Tb40556
    @Tb40556 ปีที่แล้ว +1523

    Jen’s level of confidence is terrifying but also enviable.

    • @ari-athbadminton0301
      @ari-athbadminton0301 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      I don't envy sociopaths , narcissists or evils. There are fallen souls who lost touch of what bad and good is and think vicious choices are ok.

    • @time2livelife
      @time2livelife ปีที่แล้ว +27

      low key kinda love Jen in this story

    • @time2livelife
      @time2livelife ปีที่แล้ว +27

      @@ari-athbadminton0301 We don't actually know if Jen was any of those things by this story. She was a dynamic character -- intelligent, cunning, confident, etc. Some good, some bad.

    • @MagisterialVoyager
      @MagisterialVoyager ปีที่แล้ว +26

      @@time2livelife Also Jen was incredibly young. 😂 I had underestimated how messed up I was when I was a teen, just from a sheer amount of trauma I didn’t know I endured and how little I knew. I think compassion for people who are still learning can be very helpful.

    • @thejuggler2497
      @thejuggler2497 ปีที่แล้ว

      This is Childish Nonsense.
      Talent wasted on superficial
      Thoughts during COVID.
      Only Geeks that have Thier
      Food Delivered to Thier
      Overpriced Ikea Furnished
      Apts. Understand this
      White/ Asian Only Rules
      For life Crap. Does she
      Get a Kpop award from
      The WEF!? Bill Gates
      would love her or Bill
      Clinton would present
      Her with the Misdirection
      Award for Dirty Work.
      Distractions are Needed
      to keep you on your phones
      at all time. So, stay in
      Your Boxes , you Robots!

  • @luffydagoatYT
    @luffydagoatYT ปีที่แล้ว +1145

    Jen had one of the most interesting character arcs of all time

  • @thematrix3431
    @thematrix3431 ปีที่แล้ว +886

    Jen is the most interesting/ confusing character in this storyline 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Was she ACTUAL mean? Just purely nosey? Emotionally advanced beyond everyone else and simply pulling strings to try and help her friend Anna develop her emotional capacity, KNOWING that aforementioned Anna would be unable to accurately process the intention behind her actions thus viewing Jen as the villain when in reality she was the misunderstood hero? We must know more.
    Also, I'd ABSOLUTELY have cut you out of my life if you stole my Billabong Sweater (or any other sweater for that matter) and no we would not have talked about it 😂😂😂😂😂😂 You know what you did.

    • @lilowhitney8614
      @lilowhitney8614 ปีที่แล้ว +36

      Seems to me like she had good intentions but was simply oblivious to the way her actions came across to Anna.

    • @thisisntallowed9560
      @thisisntallowed9560 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      I think she's a narcissist who once you threaten to leave them she becomes all kind.

    • @gracemaple1060
      @gracemaple1060 ปีที่แล้ว +36

      To me it seems like Jen just thought the norm was walking all over your friends. She was ok with people stealing her clothes bit by bit and she thought it was funny when Anna was mean. I wonder if that was just her personality or if she was just used that being the case in her relationships.

    • @jojo-gg1iz
      @jojo-gg1iz ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Yes, narcissism really is interesting when you see the different ways it makes people “interesting”

    • @vincentwinqvist4023
      @vincentwinqvist4023 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      Maybe real people are more than purely good or bad? Someone can be great in some cases and not care enough about others in some other cases. People are complex and messy.

  • @xav9156
    @xav9156 ปีที่แล้ว +36

    The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
    G.B Shaw

  • @andrea.dandelion
    @andrea.dandelion ปีที่แล้ว +671

    Haha, the, "ooh, i like sleeping with my ex!" as the example for incompatible sleeping positions made me laugh out loud 😂
    Also, damn, Jen! She is diabolical! Love the voice changer and Jen's outfit!!!

    • @NerdyNerdUHeard
      @NerdyNerdUHeard ปีที่แล้ว +12

      haha I thought she meant "axe" but "ex" makes sense

    • @evergirl1231
      @evergirl1231 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@NerdyNerdUHeard Yeah i also heard axe

  • @seemranhoro
    @seemranhoro ปีที่แล้ว +513

    "Two reasons People in relationships fail to communicate are fear of rejection and concern they will do or say something to upset their partner. While the latter sentiment is noteworthy, not telling your partner what you need keeps the relationship from changing and growing. A healthy communication style will make stronger partnerships." ❤️

  • @letsdomath1750
    @letsdomath1750 ปีที่แล้ว +241

    Jen really did love you as a friend. Despite everything heinous she did to amuse herself, she trusted you deeply.

    • @RecklessFables
      @RecklessFables ปีที่แล้ว +19

      It's easy to trust when you feel like you have power and the other person is harmless. Not that we can fully understand their relationship from this brief story, but it's clear that Jen was intelligent and manipulative so the kindness she showed her weaker friend was useful to keep her in check. The way Anna describes it, it was more of a pet relationship than a human one.

    • @letsdomath1750
      @letsdomath1750 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@RecklessFables I don't disagree with the pet relationship, but that doesn't mean Jen did not deeply love Anna as a friend she trusted. Also, it is not necessarily the case that Anna was viewed as harmless in Jen's eyes. Jen could have seen her as formidable had Anna been an actual opponent, but since Anna had shown genuine loyalty and affection to her at some point, she was not seen as a threat any longer. Why would anyone if your friend is a generally sweet person? Jen is also not entirely lacking in positive human emotions. Kindness can be shown to those we feel are extensions of ourselves, even when they are being treated more like pets or objects rather than actual people.

    • @janecpang
      @janecpang 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      but she is controlling, and maybe a lil bit narcissistic...

  • @cabrozonte
    @cabrozonte ปีที่แล้ว +27

    Most of the people I've tried to have honest conversations with have simply decided to slowly distance themselves rather than to just talk it out

    • @zacelz9130
      @zacelz9130 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Facts

    • @alibushell6762
      @alibushell6762 12 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Although sometimes you do try and have the conversations and the pattern doesn't change. I'm a supporter of slow ghosting when you've tried and it hasn't work.

  • @Candyqueen3211
    @Candyqueen3211 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    What hurts is when you try to have that honest conversation, and they’re not willing to talk about it. I was developing what I thought was a close friendship with a coworker: we called each other every day after work, shared personal stuff about our pasts, and hung out on our free time. One day after work while we were chatting by phone, he made an off-handed joke about wanting to get cancer and dying. We often made macabre jokes about wanting to die cause we work at a tough job that is sorely underpaid. But my throat immediately clenched, because I had told him about how my mom passed away from cancer not long ago. I couldn’t believe he would forget something so personal, and I couldn’t stop the tears from welling up. So rather than cry, I hung up. The next day I tried talking to him before work, to explain why I was upset. I told him I knew he wouldn’t have made that joke if he remembered about my mom, but that it hurt that he didn’t. His response? “Why would I remember that? I try to forget bad things.” So naturally I hurried away and tried to hide my tears. Two days of silence later, I reach out by text. I ask him to avoid making jokes about dying of cancer, and I’ll be fine. This person who I thought was my friend said that he couldn’t take back his words and that he was truly sorry, but that we should go our separate ways and just be coworkers. That hurts the most. He would rather never talk to me again than to have that difficult conversation.

    • @Candyqueen3211
      @Candyqueen3211 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @appa L You’re probably right 😔He technically apologized for the joke, but it feels meaningless given that he doesn’t even want to be friends anymore. A true friend wouldn’t leave if they were really regretful

  • @laconsuela69
    @laconsuela69 ปีที่แล้ว +64

    My ex fiance could not communicate. She dumped me out of the blue and mentioned some things that she never talked to me about. They were things i would have been more than happy to resolve with her but because she never talked to me, she let it build up until it was too late

    • @LA-cm9uo
      @LA-cm9uo ปีที่แล้ว +2

      This is like my ex best friend of 9 years. I'm still bitter about it

  • @yeseniacontreras3287
    @yeseniacontreras3287 ปีที่แล้ว +120

    I recently ended a 2 year relationship with someone that I grew to resent deeply. On the outside, I thought our relationship was healthy because we never fought, we never had difficult conversations, etc. I realized later on that the reason for this is because I was never talking about my needs. Whenever I did tell him what I needed, he never changed. Or sometimes the tough conversations I wanted to have were not taken seriously by him and I would be left having to comfort myself after being so vulnerable.

    • @foxdevilsadvocate8567
      @foxdevilsadvocate8567 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      I had to do the same thing last Wednesday. Anytime I would mention something I'd like out of the relationship or differences between us, she'd clam up, get upset at mentioning it, and pretend it was never mentioned ever again. When I finally told her that I was leaving and why, she only responded to one of the issues we've had (I don't have family/friends to share with her) and not the lack of interests/passions, communication, etc.
      But hopefully, we both got to learn, grow, and will be able to pick up on the 'less communicative' folk out there x)

    • @yeseniacontreras3287
      @yeseniacontreras3287 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@foxdevilsadvocate8567 thank you for sharing your story! when i ended my relationship, my ex was completely blindsided but the truth is, he wasn’t paying attention. he told me “i never knew there was a problem” after countless conversations where I’d be left crying and he didn’t know why. It got to the point where I was no longer attracted to him and something as simple as a kiss repulsed me. I felt invisible and you can only live that way for so long. I’m also working on speaking up for myself and asking for what I need :) my new partner is awesome and is willing to have those tough conversations with me

    • @yeseniacontreras3287
      @yeseniacontreras3287 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@foxdevilsadvocate8567 congrats on your new beginning. Breaking up with someone isn’t easy and it’s just as painful.

    • @foxdevilsadvocate8567
      @foxdevilsadvocate8567 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@yeseniacontreras3287 Same here! Said the same thing as well when I've had said to her about having more conversations than just "Netflix and Chill" (Don't get me wrong, I love those moments but that was in excess). Plus the way she saw how if I asked her to remind me, just a message if I practiced the language she'd like me to learn, she wanted me to do that myself, not to be a "child" but an adult.
      Once she mentioned about moving in sometime this year, I had to make the break. I couldn't continue; I couldn't give her that false hope and I couldn't continue on living that life.
      But yay! New partner! Glad you were able to find someone for those conversations. I'm not dating for sometime ':) at least, I won't go looking through...the apps...
      But yeah, this is a new year, lots of change. Let's continue going towards a more aligned year for us ^^

    • @AnselSf1
      @AnselSf1 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@foxdevilsadvocate8567 sorry, my friend, but if someone agreed to learn a language I want to speak with them (I speak three), I’d expect them to care enough to remember and not have me do the emotional labor for them. I’d feel like they don’t even care enough to set a reminder on their own phone, which is a pretty simple task to do for themselves as, yes, fully developed adults.
      I am aware that I don’t have the full picture here, but taking only what you said, I want to offer another perspective, because I don’t feel like she was wrong on this one and maybe you could use a little perspective. Again, I don’t know the full story and I’m only filling in the blanks of what you’ve stated, so feel free to take this with a grain of salt.

  • @sulffojus1227
    @sulffojus1227 ปีที่แล้ว +36

    Jen seems really cool, like that antagonist who isn't really a bad person, she's selfish and does things for herself and doesn't see how it affects others in the moment but when someone else does something selfish like steal her clothes she gets it since she is selfish too like any other human and forgives them, it seems like she actually can be really understanding and if you did talk to her she would have completely understood where you were coming from

  • @Calembunial
    @Calembunial ปีที่แล้ว +112

    Honestly I think if you aren't able to have an honest, heart-to-heart conversation with your partner, then you're not even in a relationship anymore.
    If there's something you want to tell your partner, and they aren't even a little bit curious as to what it might be about, then what's even the point? It's over.
    My heart goes out to married couples in a situation like this. 😊

  • @traveler-a113
    @traveler-a113 ปีที่แล้ว +20

    It’d be funny if that Jen girl sees this, realize what’d happened, then be all “Oh word, what…..?”

  • @koroshiyashinigami
    @koroshiyashinigami ปีที่แล้ว +103

    As soon as Anna said "communication/being able to have a heart-to-heart with someone", I started to bob my head back and forth so hard that I almost hit my head on the window!

    • @oponomo
      @oponomo ปีที่แล้ว +8

      It's your body teliing you it needs a heavy metal concert

    • @koroshiyashinigami
      @koroshiyashinigami ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@oponomo Have it everyday in my shower 🤣🫣

  • @AlwaysPim
    @AlwaysPim ปีที่แล้ว +46

    I once got entangled with an avoidant. I really cared for her but the stonewalling got old fast whenever there was a problem or disagreement.
    Never again. Hard pass.

    • @AlwaysPim
      @AlwaysPim ปีที่แล้ว

      @Wise Acres I don't think that's fair. It seems to me that you're claiming to fully understand my entire character based off of a single TH-cam comment, as well as the situation I was in, even though I did not provide any context. That's jumping to conclusions a little quickly, I do think.
      I am far from perfect but I can sympathize with your pain, as you've probably had experiences where people treated you poorly in the past as well, causing you to have such beliefs. Hopefully things are better for you now.

  • @dankemems4701
    @dankemems4701 ปีที่แล้ว +40

    the reason i struggle with this is that when i was with my ex, they actively shut down all communication between me & them. if i told them how something they said or did made me feel, they'd call it "guilt tripping". they basically said that me being open and honest with my feelings was a form of manipulation to them.
    now i can't tell anyone how i feel in my daily life cause i'm worried they'll think of it as manipulative...

    • @munchiekins
      @munchiekins ปีที่แล้ว +5

      if they call it manipulative perhaps they are the ones who like to manipulate (projection)

    • @lyinbobbycottonseed
      @lyinbobbycottonseed 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Your ex was actually the one doing the manipulating. Normal people don’t say stuff like that. If they do, it’s a red flag.

  • @donovanmedieval
    @donovanmedieval ปีที่แล้ว +9

    If you're going to steal somebody's clothes, you should steal so much that they can't leave the house.

  • @ghibliwei
    @ghibliwei ปีที่แล้ว +68

    this called me out when i needed it most. i’ve always been bad at communication, because i haven’t seen healthy communication without argument before, but i’m in a relationship now and i want to try my best for him, especially on communication. my first instinct is to not tell him and bother him with my emotions, but he says that he wants me to tell him things like this, because it affects him too. this vid hit on every point!

  • @icarusgaming6269
    @icarusgaming6269 ปีที่แล้ว +140

    One of your best videos in a while. The way Jen's diabolical scheming reflected onto your breakup plans is also a great example of learned behavior. Such a good story

  • @DestIAmTiny
    @DestIAmTiny ปีที่แล้ว +171

    This is what makes my husband and me such a great team. Literally unlike any relationship I’ve ever had. It makes me wonder if I would of just spoke up, how my relationships would of been.

    • @franciscomiranda6882
      @franciscomiranda6882 ปีที่แล้ว

      Would’ve just spoke up*

    • @redlophix5670
      @redlophix5670 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@franciscomiranda6882 thanks, i figured it out but was a bit confused what she meant

    • @MagisterialVoyager
      @MagisterialVoyager ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Preach. I literally decided to meet with someone on a dating app because he wrote, “If we have problems, let’s solve it together. Let’s talk.”

    • @franciscomiranda6882
      @franciscomiranda6882 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@MagisterialVoyager did you solve problems together?

    • @MagisterialVoyager
      @MagisterialVoyager ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@franciscomiranda6882 Yes! And plenty of emotionally charged fight. We could talk our minds openly and pretty much do what Anna and her current friends do; communicating, being vulnerable, and know that we want each other in our lives.

  • @aawlex2323
    @aawlex2323 ปีที่แล้ว +42

    This description of Jen reminds me of a breakdown I heard of Regina George, actually! Someone who's actually very smart and understands systems, but is working them in the only ones available to a teen girl.... which turns out to not be the healthiest. So she's a top performer in everything teen girls were told to be by the world around them, but also kind of hated for it because what we tell people to be isn't necessarily what we actually want them to be (culturally).

  • @WahyuSudiro
    @WahyuSudiro ปีที่แล้ว +14

    Speaking from experience, a heart to heart talk is not just about something or things that bother you or your spouse. If you struggle to talk with your spouse about the future, finances, hopes and dreams, etc the relationship wouldn't last.

  • @simplysmile5509
    @simplysmile5509 ปีที่แล้ว +20

    having hard conversations is one of my love languages, it is one of the ways i express my love, respect and involvement in our relationship!

  • @demondrive147
    @demondrive147 ปีที่แล้ว +40

    I guess, we shall say "Thanks Jen for awakening the interest in psychology in Anna!"

  • @thisisntallowed9560
    @thisisntallowed9560 ปีที่แล้ว +31

    All my life when I tried to speak up about things people would get upset and tell me how horrible I am or annoying for ever accusing them or bringing that up. It's not like I lack tact, in fact because of those people I learned to be extremely tactful to not upset them. But now I just stopped talking about stuff. I hope to meet someone I can talk with to learn how to communicate again.

    • @AnaStanojevic
      @AnaStanojevic ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I've always felt that exact same way, and thought that it's better to not say anything in order to avoid it backfiring. However, I've recently learned through therapy that I have to speak up anyway. Say your piece even though the other person might get upset, and stand your ground. Some people can't handle being criticised in any way, even if it is put nicely, and they will either realise their mistake later on or not at all, but either way you stayed true to yourself and respected your own boundaries.

    • @thisisntallowed9560
      @thisisntallowed9560 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@AnaStanojevic I tip I can give you is once you state your point, don't argue with their arguing, just restate what you said at the beggining, they're trying to shift the conversation to something else, but bring it back to where it is. And after doing that one time go away, stop talking. I'm a pro I have so many other tips and tricks. Ideally you want to avoid those people. And make sure you yourself can handle criticisms.

  • @xsnipersgox
    @xsnipersgox ปีที่แล้ว +3

    the worst are people who demand the truth and can’t take it

  • @misslen575
    @misslen575 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Whenever me and my SO have hard conversations, we do it by text since it's sometimes hard to say things when we are upset. It works so far

  • @TheBlah35
    @TheBlah35 ปีที่แล้ว +21

    My partner did something a year ago that I couldn’t get over but never brought up and then recently I had a drunk breakdown about it and we both cried and then… it was fine lmao. We just needed to talk about it.

    • @ryanciani3324
      @ryanciani3324 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      what does a partner have to do with anything?

    • @TheBlah35
      @TheBlah35 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@ryanciani3324 sorry in the future I will clarify. My partner in life, my sweetheart, el amor de mi vida, etc etc. I forget that basic context clues are difficult for some people.

  • @mewpie85
    @mewpie85 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Our society churns us into people pleasers and afraid of confrontations.

  • @Bduboff
    @Bduboff ปีที่แล้ว +8

    This explains all of my "friendships" in high school to a T. I ended up having a falling out with my main friend group and on the last day of senior year, I realized if I had just had a conversation with them about being hurt, things would have been different. But it was too late.

  • @LynnaKatriel
    @LynnaKatriel ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Once, a girl I knew did something that made me feel disrespected. I didn't hate her or not want to ever be her friend again, but it did make me dread hanging out with her again. A long time went by. After I hadn't heard from her in a while, she reached out to me asking if we could meet up. I told her I was busy at the time, which was true, but I definitely still felt that bit of resentment, enough that I didn't respond to her message saying that she would really appreciate it if we had even a short hangout. I resolved that when I had time again, I would make an effort to see her again and then maybe that would erase the resentment. A couple months later, I had a little more free time...and I found out she passed away. I have never before wished so bad that I could go back in time and warn myself. You always think there'll be time.

  • @evelinepieternella8088
    @evelinepieternella8088 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    This is so true, however in my experience, very often when I express my feelings people will push back and I'm so I'll equipped to respond to that, that I usually end up just feeling bad and struggling even more to express myself the next time.

  • @shruutiivermaa
    @shruutiivermaa ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Am I the only one whos dying to know where she got all her clothes from? I AM LITERALLLYYY Loving everything shes wearing.!!!! and that FLOWER choker?!?!? WOW

  • @GeeEmOh
    @GeeEmOh ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I have been Jen before 😔 so I appreciate this one. It’s why I’m so wary of the “toxic” label when really it’s lack of communication.

  • @sooyoungfanclub
    @sooyoungfanclub ปีที่แล้ว +9

    one of my most honest, open and communicative friendships I’ve ever had in my life recently ended when my now ex best friend couldn’t face me with a conversation about their feelings being hurt (I can only assume), so they decided to never speak to me again. I think eventually I’ll forgive them for being too afraid (again assuming) and choosing to do the equivalent to stealing someone’s closet to make them go away, but it may take a few years

  • @TheGoodwolfe
    @TheGoodwolfe ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Anna, I love that you have a such a unique way of giving interesting & useful life advice, while telling hilarious little anecdotes at the same time! That is a gift!

  • @ashleyh8352
    @ashleyh8352 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I think the only problem I've encountered with speaking up with friends, is that they get super defensive and turn the blame around on me. Blame me for being offended, or they get offended for pointing something out as if I'm attacking their character. Sometimes, even gaslignting I guess... It's those friendships that don't last long-term, for a reason.

  • @katara4955
    @katara4955 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    You should tag all your clothes too!! Love the corsets!

  • @CarmelaBianchi
    @CarmelaBianchi ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Love love love this Jen story. The imagery of you stashing clothes had me rolling. So relatable how we conjure up ways NOT to say how we really feel only making things worse. Great food for thought!

  • @May04bwu
    @May04bwu ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My friends just get defensive and gaslight me whenever I say something. Only my bestie has this kind of self reflection.

  • @Akirilus
    @Akirilus ปีที่แล้ว

    Let's be honest Anna, some people are legitimately crap inside and other people aren't. And no matter what you do, this won't change.

  • @bighead4564
    @bighead4564 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Jen was kinda funny

  • @andymac6207
    @andymac6207 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

    "Now be quiet" - I absolutely adored this lol. Aren't you actually one of my homeboys just wearing a makeup so that I don't recognize you?

  • @mystic7851
    @mystic7851 ปีที่แล้ว

    Two wrongs don't make a right , stealing from friends is going to make things worser

  • @sah_son6169
    @sah_son6169 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    Anna where do you buy your corset tops from please ? You're serving looks.

    • @xKeri129
      @xKeri129 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      PLS I NEED TO KNOW TOO

  • @shawnjarrett3924
    @shawnjarrett3924 ปีที่แล้ว

    Holding on to the lies rather than telling the truth with someone are almost like putting a bandaid on the situation of not telling the truth. But once you're ready to tell the truth, attempting to pull it off then it's painful and then the injury is exposed that person. Then he/she is seeing the physical effect it has been doing to you.

  • @BoulderHikerBoy
    @BoulderHikerBoy ปีที่แล้ว +15

    What a great (and funny and sad) personal story by which to illustrate the principle! Well done!

  • @mayguo8947
    @mayguo8947 ปีที่แล้ว

    I have a hard time talking about this stuff too, heart to heart conversation without seemingly attacking the other person

  • @sowmyaramaswamy6686
    @sowmyaramaswamy6686 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Soooooo true.
    That's why it didn't work for me. My ex was extremely uncomfortable with tough conversation when I brought it up. But if it was his turn to communicate something he isn't liking in the relationship, I'd be receptive. This lack of communication two way and his complete disregard for when and how to bring things up even though he knew what was going on with me, was a huge red flag. That's why it had to end.
    Sometimes even if you communicate if the other person is incapable to be mature enough to offer you the same , it's time to end it

  • @fatalgaming6244
    @fatalgaming6244 ปีที่แล้ว +19

    So what does one do when one attempts to have these conversations and the other person either shrug the issue off as "not being that deep" or just flat-out ignores it?
    I've been in this situation a few times, and it's so painful when you attempt to have that vulnerability, but yet you can't actually get through to them because they don't see the issue. More often than not, that's where the relationship ends, but I feel like there can be another way. There has to be.

    • @julievander2129
      @julievander2129 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I think the best advice is to end it if you have tried to communicate multiple times and its been ignored.

    • @Xenc5
      @Xenc5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      You say byeeeeee 👋

    • @thefictionxwelive
      @thefictionxwelive 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      It’s so hard when you love the person and you see all the good in them, but there’s clearly something going on and they won’t open up to you. I wonder if it was my fault, maybe I wasn’t a good enough listener or maybe they didn’t feel they could trust me to open up. Maybe I’ll never know. It’s just such a shame.

  • @GeeGumption
    @GeeGumption ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I love you Anna! You're the reason why I feel so strong as a woman living in America. I make sure my 5 foot 5 filipino husband does what I tell him to do and if he doesn't do it, I won't give it up to him.

  • @shellyylovesGod
    @shellyylovesGod ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Good communication is definitely key to maintaining relationships. I learnt it the hard way through my last breakup and I regret not speaking up a lot earlier before it was too late to save the relationship.

  • @pooscifer
    @pooscifer 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I completely agree, but I also feel like when you *do* have open, hard conversations and state your needs so you can ultimately have transparent and sustainable relationships people freak out about you being controlling or making ultimatums. A lot of the rhetoric around communication styles actively discourages advocating for yourself and ultimately working at relationships instead of just resenting and blindsiding people.

  • @sabershadow27
    @sabershadow27 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I 100% agree. The relationships in my life that have withstood the test of time are because I expressed my feelings instead of letting resentment build up. The people that have stayed in my life are the ones that actually talked it out with me while the ones that avoided or continued to disregard my feelings are no longer in my life. Oddly enough, I avoid speaking my mind more when it comes to my jobs because I didn't want to have that tough conversation with my bosses. If I was unhappy with my job I would go late all the time or just stop going entirely because I was overwhelmed and afraid to talk to them. I hadn't recognized my pattern of behavior till back in July 2022. Luckily I've been taking a lot of steps to change my avoidant behavior and I'm getting better all the time. 😄

  • @trinaq
    @trinaq ปีที่แล้ว +18

    I love your videos, Anna, they're very inspiring. Communication is definitely the key to successful relationships and friendships, and I'm trying to work on honest conversations with my loved ones.

  • @jaanu6013
    @jaanu6013 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Jen = Queen bee with a heart ❤️

  • @andrewsung3965
    @andrewsung3965 ปีที่แล้ว

    I thank you Sasha Waybright, for giving me an advice to not be afraid to talk how I felt, because that would lead to resentment. I know that feeling to well, and I wish someone would tell me about that, but you brought that good advice. And I will cherished that.

  • @luisvelez2504
    @luisvelez2504 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Your outfit looks amazing.

  • @malingpalsu
    @malingpalsu ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I have been in both type of friendships!! The ones like Jen's and the one w the hard conversation. Tbh the Jen one lasted for awhile (6 years) but I always knew that someday it was going to end. The ones I have now is going super strong (almost 10 years) we talk everything out in a respectful manner and respect each other's feelings.
    Also I've ended friendship/relationship where I had the hard conversations, but they didn't change or they'd just take it as me attacking them for them being "themselves" or them telling me how weak I am to be hurt by what they did. But I'm glad it ended, I'm totally happy the way I am right now

  • @kittiblu7343
    @kittiblu7343 ปีที่แล้ว

    I would love for Jen to be Anna's fan. I'm for the full circle wholesome.

  • @15.johnsonangel
    @15.johnsonangel ปีที่แล้ว +2

    The anxiety of conversation leads to dark decisions. Just talk about it.. it'll be over SOOO much sooner 💯

  • @melodytaporco4133
    @melodytaporco4133 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Literally exactly what I needed to hear right now. THE TIMINGGGG

  • @anikamiller6204
    @anikamiller6204 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Interestingly I had a friend who would spring big heart-to-hearts on me once or twice a year in which I was always, always the villain. And at first, I believed that I was the bad guy and I did my best to correct whatever behavior they'd found hurtful . . . but after a while of them never giving me the benefit of the doubt and assuming the worst of me and basically making up a version of me in their head that had offended them, I realized it was a them problem, not a me problem. We don't talk anymore.

  • @kirkb2665
    @kirkb2665 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Insulting each other is the number one relationship destroyer.

  • @esthykechan
    @esthykechan ปีที่แล้ว

    literally no one I called a friend before had that kind of response before, I didn’t think people like that existed in real life

  • @mwatson4970
    @mwatson4970 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    "The devil would NOT let go" 👹🤣😝☠️.

  • @happypepper9326
    @happypepper9326 7 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I am sorry of your loss.
    I would like to be brave and sincere as you.

  • @jordanguillory7180
    @jordanguillory7180 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    The extra be quiet comment at the end, ao cute and a sign of true friendship , just gave me fuzzies for some reason

  • @optimusp517
    @optimusp517 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Yup, so guilty of this, but I felt that no matter what I said they wouldn't care.

  • @ritlua
    @ritlua ปีที่แล้ว

    I'm begging you, drop the fits in the descriptions of these because I need an extra therapy shopping session after these videos and your style is on POINT and I can't "borrow one by one" 😂

  • @zaklex3165
    @zaklex3165 ปีที่แล้ว

    Most people refuse to change...that is the problem of having one of those conversations, they won't care.

  • @echillykahlil
    @echillykahlil ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Lmao, you know, knowing you're that direct gives me an excellent boundary, and makes me feel a lot better. Hilarious story, thanks for the time and effort you put into your work! Have a good day!

  • @sho0508
    @sho0508 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I just tried to do this today.
    I never had someone I enjoy talking to but suddenly that person changed.
    After listening to this I felt like I should do it and I had this calm confidence.
    But that person werent present today.
    So I sent that person a chat about how I appreciated the connection and that I was ruminating on why our relationship suddenly got cold(This is platonic) 
    and after sending that message my mind is like floating in the air. I feel like what if I look like a clingy disgusting ill person

  • @Evil_Beauty
    @Evil_Beauty ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I don't lack communication when it comes to relationships. I lack trust, and since trust is rooted in communication there will be times people will say things they don't mean, which leads to lying, and that leads to them doing things behind your back for whatever god knows reason. So in the end, trust is the make or break deal when it comes to relationships for ME at the end of the day. If I don't feel comfortable trusting you, then it don't matter what you say, or whatever good communication we have. Because my gut instinct tells me you aren't to be trusted, because people can twist their words to fit their narrative to make them look innocent, and my intuition is ALWAYS on point with the intentions people make when it comes to relationships. Their sarcastic tone, their facial expression, their body language, their undermining attitude when you express your problems to them but they dismiss it as trivial or beneath them to even care, and the list goes on.

  • @Umbra_of_Emberspike
    @Umbra_of_Emberspike ปีที่แล้ว

    Yep. That's what tore apart some once-long-lived childhood friendships in my life. I admit I'm guiltier of it than my former friends, but I'm not currently too overcome with depression at the moment to take all the blame.

  • @mimi_kyuwu
    @mimi_kyuwu ปีที่แล้ว +4

    0:31 bruhhhh, the sleeping position 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @HikarinoHikaru
    @HikarinoHikaru ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Anna... I feel so seen. Never gone as far as committing a crime but 😂 I've definitely ended friendships instead of just having a goddamned conversation, and this is literally something I am struggling with right now in my relationship so the timing is amazing. Plus the hilarious delivery of that story means this should be a message I don't forget for a while hahaha.

  • @Maribelgmnv
    @Maribelgmnv ปีที่แล้ว +2

    i wanted to forgive my ex for cheating on me, he became better and grew as a person by learning his lesson but i could not stop thinking about the other girl. i hated her for being pretty enough for him to like her and i grew to resent him for making another girl live rent free in my head while shes not worried/thinking about me one bit

  • @linonormansampaiohawken2045
    @linonormansampaiohawken2045 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Hey Anna, thank you very much for doing these videos, I hope to you all good

  • @Iamraretalent
    @Iamraretalent ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I had a neighbor across the street that treat me like I was less than him growing up also sometimes I stood up for myself but I wish I did more….most of the time when people treat me any kind of way is because I got too comfortable or too helpful

  • @fabiopodda4816
    @fabiopodda4816 ปีที่แล้ว

    Is crazy how u are the most beautiful woman i ever seen, smart as hell and charismatic af, good for u!

  • @carleto35476
    @carleto35476 ปีที่แล้ว

    Also a big part of communication that a lot of people don’t talk about is actively listening to the person on both sides. That means listen to what they are saying, think about it, and then respond. I see so many people who come up with a response before the person has even stopped talking and that’s not listening that’s selective hearing.

  • @xiulanqi3746
    @xiulanqi3746 ปีที่แล้ว

    Anna your fashion is just impeccable

  • @LXSeaV
    @LXSeaV ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I have been rewatching this all day for validation 🙏👏

  • @carryg.5600
    @carryg.5600 ปีที่แล้ว

    Speaking my truth, always leads to rejections. Most people in this world doesn’t know how to agree to disagree. Instead they resent me for telling how I feel about them or a situation in particular. They make it all about them and start judging me. Either way I will continue to speak my truth because I am the one responsible for my own happiness.

  • @itsdeonlol
    @itsdeonlol ปีที่แล้ว +1

    That Jen Story was everything!

  • @sarshad6449
    @sarshad6449 ปีที่แล้ว

    I too struggle with hard conversations to the point I ghosted someone. Cause for every opportunity I try to initiate a hard conversation that person keeps reasoning out on my irrationality to the point I had enough.

  • @laterwell
    @laterwell ปีที่แล้ว

    I don't believe that making conversation with others was terrifying to you cause you are expressing your story humorous and smoothly and vividly.

  • @ColdCutz
    @ColdCutz ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Then
    “Daddy SquareSpace”
    SquareSpace: “She’s our best marketer!”
    Now
    “My literal, biological dad - SquareSpace”
    SquareSpace: “…we don’t owe her child support, do we??”

  • @rubinne1581
    @rubinne1581 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I know this is a cautionary tale, but honestly Anna, goals.

  • @dylanmccormick2675
    @dylanmccormick2675 ปีที่แล้ว

    I am lucky in that I am also very direct, to the point that I will start a difficult conversation by saying 'You're probably not going to enjoy this, but I'm bringing it up anyway "

  • @HexagonSun990
    @HexagonSun990 ปีที่แล้ว

    Ugh that wallpaper makes me feel awesome.

  • @KristiContemplates
    @KristiContemplates ปีที่แล้ว +1

    In a vocational environment, I have started to just be direct on account of a cliche male-superior female-subordinate action of interpersonal incivility (and Anna's right, being able to keep your jeans on doesn't stop 🍇) and the resulting Unit wide PTS leading to the frustrated outburst of "I don't know how to talk to you!" from his successor and being 46yo I'm too old for this crud.
    It's not being well received 😅
    Too many people seem to enjoy the plausible deniability of ambiguity, and then say I'm the poor communicator when I don't "get the hint" or if I "said the quiet part aloud".
    Wish I had understood that direct communication is not disrespectful even if people want to label it "impolite".

  • @alidec6069
    @alidec6069 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I'm super intrigued for Jen!!! I need more about her!

  • @kittyscreativecorner
    @kittyscreativecorner ปีที่แล้ว

    Ok I know the dress ‘Jen’ is wearing is probably meant to make her look like a Queen Bee, but it’s so gorgeous and I want it

  • @shirley4378
    @shirley4378 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Jen is a vibe!

  • @NandiniGupta1
    @NandiniGupta1 ปีที่แล้ว

    YOU HAVE THE BEST WARDROBE ❤️

  • @miriamlopez6245
    @miriamlopez6245 ปีที่แล้ว

    LOL i havent watched a vid in a while but I LOVE the daddy square space still lives.

  • @JenniferTerri
    @JenniferTerri ปีที่แล้ว +3

    You are amazing, Anna! Really needed this. ❤

    • @selohcin
      @selohcin ปีที่แล้ว

      Wait. Are you..JEN?

    • @JenniferTerri
      @JenniferTerri ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@selohcin haha funny. Unfortunately im not that cool