Robert Glover Common Childhood Triggers - from Fearful Reacting to Responding to Needs

excerpt from vimeo.com/9703...
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Transcript:
I'm gonna get found out hurt left I'm gonna die or lose control and then we react
a lot of these reactions come from our senses
they're stored in that primitive part of our brain that's all about survival
the fight the flight the freeze
what subtly comes up
most of the times when we react is old really old childhood old infancy old
but it's stored up in our nervous system
and again that's why we barely even notice the reaction until boom something blows up on us
okay and
most of our reactions if we just boil it down to the basic core primitive thing going on in our nervous system
if we could if we could put words to it
the words would probably be one of the following
I'm gonna get found out
I'm gonna get hurt
I'm gonna to get left abandoned
I'm going to die
I'm going to lose control
I'm gonna get found out hurt left I'm gonna die or lose control and then we react
Because those, especially when we were tiny children infants those were scary things and now that's wired into our nervous system
so basically fear and excitement are the same neurological responses in our body
but when you're excited you actually keep breathing and you're happy
when when you're when you're afraid you quit breathing hunch over going into to your 2 year old reactions
so we can have reactions to good things
this can be our upper limiting our self-limiting beliefs
when things are going great they're going well they're going beyond belief good
but guess what
it still triggers those old beliefs
I'm gonna get found out I'm gonna get hurt I'm gonna get left I'm gonna die I'm gonna lose control
even the good stuff triggers those reactions deep inside
okay so
we have to learn to pay attention to these triggers to our common body reactions our feelings our common thought process thought processes
so pay attention to the way you react
do you worry do you run do you hide do you lash out do you obsess do you ruminate do you get entertaining and funny uh do you try to fix things do you try to make everything better do you defend yourself do you yell do you cry do you drink do you drug do you jerk off right
what do you do when you are triggered
and notice that most of these things happen before you even get conscious of the fact that you were triggered
I love to give this example many of you've heard it
10 years ago I didn't even know this woman
now this short little woman living in Mexico
gets a downturn mouth and I go I go nuts
she just can get that look on her face she'll throw her sunglasses in her purse, throw her keys into her purse
right
she's triggered all right but guess what I get triggered
it's like like would you get that look on her face it's like I'm going to die
I mean it's really old it's like I'm going to die
so this Panic or fear comes in
I react but what I do is I go into my superpower
my superpower is I can talk her down I can talk her through I can talk her over it I can get her off the ledge I can get her back to good
when my superpowers don't work
When she's just going to double down on it
that triggers a another trigger in me
I react I yell I attack I've thrown things before I say hurtful things and then when that's all said and done
you know I withdraw I I'll go I'll pout I'll have a pity party I'll plan my exit from the relationship
and then after a little bit of that
I go back and try to make it better and and see if I oh can we get it back to good now
you know and then repeat that
you know this is an Einstein's version of insanity what is
I'm gonna get found out hurt left I'm gonna die or lose control and then we react
one way to shift that
I ask myself
is my woman feeling sufficiently safe with me right now
is my woman feeling sufficiently connected to me right now
is my woman feeling sufficiently loved by me right now
just those three things
safe connected loved
and is there anything that I might be able to do to improve on those three things for her
that's curious right getting curious about
now I have to be grounded and breathing and open and loving to even ask those questions
and but that's one way to shift that