Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans at stellargre.com. Being the target of malicious gossip can be difficult. I've learned this the hard way. If it happens to you, it's important to not make things more difficult for yourself than they already are. In this episode, I'll discuss three tips to navigate this situation more effectively. They're not easy pills to swallow, but they can help you find some measure of peace in a difficult circumstance. Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California. Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others. See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations. Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Totally agree! Nobody wants to hear the truth. Even when they talk bad about you because you are allegedly a bad person. They wouldn't even want you to be a good person. Actually hate you more for being a good person
@@lemurpotatoes7988 you're so right, this person accused me of doing something I didn't do, and even though they also agreed that I didn't do it, they kept on rumoring and all
I think when people are gossiping about you, they are usually jealous and envious. My Grandma used to say “it’s when people stop talking about you, you have to worry.”
You forgot that a female mind is sensitive to attention and lack there of To a woman (on an instinctual level) "when people stop talikg about you" is "when people don't care of you/your children starve to death" It's perspective and naught but
@@v.s.4166 That's true, but a lot of men exhibit female behaviors. I think is because of hormone imbalances caused by poor diet, plastic food containers, lack of exercise, and obesity. Females don't benefit from too much estrogen either.
@Gordon Gray I agree with them being toxic. If someone is gossiping to you, they will gossip about you. You need to be extremely careful about sharing information with anyone who can't keep their mouth shut. In fact, even when if you don't give them any information, they will make shit up just to stir up drama. They're attempting to manipulate through triangulation, and by creating flying monkeys. I'd steer clear.
Yep- if you sincerely know that you are not guilty of lying & gossip spread about you there's nothing to be concerned about- ignore these people, and if someone else confronts you with it explain how mad these people are because you cut them out due to their toxicity & issues. Peace & light😊✌️
I have had a lifetime of gossips telling lies about me. People either love or don't. But what I've found when I look a little deeper... The people who like me are happy, secure, confident... The people who don't are none of those things.
Excellent points. People usually don't change their opinions about someone barring something shocking or drastic, and also people in general would rather hear negative stuff about a person than positive if coming from a neutral position. People enjoy feeling superior and gossip momentarily allows that. My attitude ( and it's not easy to develop because we all can be hurt or angered by people's opinions) unless you're paying me, or sleeping with me your opinion of me is irrelevant. It's not easy to develop this because we want to operate cohesively within society, but sometimes we have to ignore emotions and apply logic. Always ask yourself " does this persons negative opinion of me have repercussions beyond hurt pride and bruised ego or reputation?" If the answer is no, and usually it is, then just say who cares. 50 years, or most likely less, we'll all be dead so other people's gossip is a blip on eternity.
Once again, very correct, sir! Like most things, it's not about trying to "win people over" or "get them to understand", it's about being indifferent, because you cannot control what people think or do in the first place; if someone has decided they have an opinion of you, then that's that. Move on.
Summary： 1. People don't really care about the truth. 2. Your reputation is not under the domain of your control. 3. Others already moved on. Move on with your true friends.
Haha! I've said this before, I work in a very toxic work environment and I'm currently in school. I've been the target of gossip from not only my co-workers, the owner, my direct boss and even the HR human resources coordinator. The gossip has been anything from why does she dress in black sometimes is she a goth? To how come she does not want children or marriage, to all she cares or talks about is money. Yeah, considering that I'm working in sales I would think that was the point. haha! To even people saying that I was crazy because I'm not in the it group. On Thursday I had a meeting with my boss in which he told me I'm a unique individual who does not make an effort to be part of the group. Well guess what my professors are all in the medical field or scientist and I'm at the top of my class. Yes, little old me is at the top of her class, I plan to graduate with honors. So, at this point I don't really care what a bunch of messed up drug taking, low self-esteem people who feel miserable about their life think about me. I'm going places in life and very happy with my progress.
@Shaun Hunter IT I just never had the urge or want for the responsibility that comes with raising children. Marriage don't like to engage in contracts.
Exactly the right attitude. You go be your best self and achieve. Im dealing with toxic people right now in food/bev and I just have to keep my eye on my future.
Very true. I am a target of much malicious gossips from ill-meaning colleagues who are trying to get rid of me, and a very devious manager who is very insecure and keeps trapping me into no-win conversations and subject me to constant abuse every day. I keep hearing things that aren't accurate about me, but what can I do? I learnt the hard way that no matter what I say, it does not change anything, because if people have ill intentions, they... have ill intentions. This working environment is simply toxic after I have some sort of seniority in the workplace. One thing I realise is, in my country at least, seniority at the workplace must come with support from your bosses. Most people who are doing well in their career because they join their mentors wherever they go. Otherwise, without a boss that backs you no matter what, they will succumb to the gossips and sabotage and you're likely to be on the lookout within a matter of months.
It's a sick truth: "If people aren't talking about you, you're not doing anything important." Gossip is pure poison, but many people find solace in their unhappy lives by gossiping about others. It stings and can cause psychological damage if one internalizes what is being said about them. Don't internalize, no matter how much the gossip stings.
Thank you Dr Orion. I'm always inspired by your videos. Gossip mongers want attention. Sometimes the best way to handle gossip is to cut it dead. Gossips are sometimes trying to cause us distress, so if we get upset we're giving them exactly what they want. Discretion is often the wisest course of action.
My advice, not advisable in every circumstance, but if you can take what people say about you and you magnify it, it shows them you don't care, and lessens the weight of whatever negative impression they had of you. If you defend yourself, you look bad. If you magnify the claim, it makes you look confident while making the original claim look silly.
I agree with you however I think there is a time when you need to take legal defamation action. Some gossip is so very damaging to people's careers and in extreme cases people can cause extreme harm e.g. false gossip that someone is a sex offender etc.
Great tips. Once it happened to me in university, that everybody thought, that I have punched three women. There was nothing I was able to do about it and my closest friends took this opportunity to make themselves more popular and make more rumors. I did not invest the time to look out for others, to see who my real friends were as my little friend group turned against me and I couldn't know possibly, who was on my side, so I just moved universities.
Recently a viral post started about me on Reddit that contained lies about me, and I had hundreds of people sending me hateful messages despite me trying to block them all out of my life. Your advice here is keeping me afloat and letting me know that I'll be okay and this will pass. I was so afraid to sleep because I didn't know what was coming next but now I can rest easy because I have the control back in my life. Thank you.
I really needed to hear this...wondering if I should confront and actively try to put down the rumor about me or just stay above the fray....I know why the person spread the rumor...(passive aggressive), but it is very frustrating because it puts me in a bad light. I guess I will stay above the fray.
This was such great advice and was exactly what I needed to hear and ponder on at this moment. Thank You from a dedicated follower who hopes you continue releasing such great content.
This is a good one. People say they don't like you, can you also stop talking about me too! They just need something to say and you have to realize it's a point of conversation for them. I don't want to be with you.....I've never had chitterlings be pushed on me so hard....something I never asked for or wanted...discussed, considered, liked, wished for, hoped for....a million people could like me....take me off the list....
Had that gossip experience on our school. I handled it plain and smooth. I made them believe on what they wanted to believe 😆. We can't change their perception about us since they already have a particular bias but we have the power to project and make them believe in a lie. You can leave them after with pride, grace and dignity.
One of the better answers on this topic. I'm still interested in how to react when bully take advantage of one of your weaknesses, personal secrets that you don't want to share with others, and a direct confrontation would expose you even more to others. For example, a medical condition that you don't want to make public...
I'm in the middle of a gossip campaign as well, 5 rumors in the first 3+ months at this new job of mine at a forklift repair company, I am the service advisor and do lots of estimates for customers). Gossip examples: That i'm dating a guy there (we are actually former colleagues at a fidd work place) and sometimes he drops me home. He heard the gossip too. hat I don't want to say hi to this or that one, though I have work to do and cannot keep company to everyone when they want me to, etc etc etc. I laugh about it because it sounds so stupid and far fetched. But I did notice something: they never ask me questions about my life, or if something is true or not about me. Never any questions. So yes, I concur, "they don't care about the truth". Otherwise, they would have asked questions so far. They've had many, many chances, and not 1 question asked. So, if they are indifferent, so am I. But what I wanted to say is: Just imagine the attention these guys give to someone else (myself, in this case). Negative or positive, it is still attention. It's insane. Also, my simple way of thinking is: i find it funny, I giggle a lot of times but say nothing because it will simply be denied; it reveals the true nature of some people, and it's such a waste of time for them - that time they waste gossiping, will never ever come back, it's forever lost. No, I am not the only one they gossip about, they actually gossip about each other when one of them is missing a day of work, etc. Oh boy. They are very indirect as a culture (though I asked them from the very beginning to try and be direct with me..........I guess they didn;t appreciate it or confuse being direct with being rude - very typical thinking in the North American culture I;ve been living in for the past 13 years), they are afraid to ask questions... anyway, they are weird Canadians, that's all there is to it. Piece of advise: Do come home and take precise notes, with time and date that it happened and who said it; you never know when you have to save your own skin. Be smart and private about it.
Currently going through this. I work for a family owned laundry company. We had a new hire I thought she was very nice and trustworthy in the first few weeks of knowing her. I confided in her about some things that had transpired over my time here small things about the job and operations that bothered me a bit. Nothing serious. Once she became close and cushy with the company owners she started treating me differently and I noticed a change in her tone and attitude towards me. We’ve since hired more ppl and she has gossiped about me to all of them and now I feel so ostracized as they all give me the cold shoulder but laugh and get along with each other very well. I often them catch them whispering when I’m close by etc It hurts especially because I’m not even given a fair chance to build relationships with new hires as she befriends them and the next thing I know they are acting distant toward me without me even having much interaction with them. It’s draining. 😒
Just found your page and video - you’ve saved me from a sleepless night and creating more drama by approaching a very nasty rude rumour spreading postal mistress lol Thanks
I am currently the victim in my theater group of a rumor that I don’t think is intended to hurt me, but is bad bc the people who I don’t but people think I have crushes on may find out and believe them which I do not want since they are my friends. Thank you very much.
All parties apart from yourself are hankering for a juice story to pass around. And that’s all it is a juicy story to entertain their drab boring lives.
I thought your video today was so well articulated. I think you seem like such a decent, authentic guy. I have to admit your videos that show such a dislike of women negatively affected my initial impression of you.
It's hard, i want to be perceived as I am, I want to untangle misconceptions. I don't want to be entangled with the energy of people who interfere with my energy. Perhaps the better option is to own all the gossip as true, if not yet, soon.. then when EVERYONE is quantum entangled and you've exhausted your drive for everything, or existing in everything, then sever ALL those attachments, or ignite ALL those attachments
1. Accept -people don’t care bot the truth- likers and haters .both had already decided before gossip was spread. Gossip just pushed them in the direction. 2. 2:58 accept that your reputation is not in your control. Reputation is in he minds of people. You don’t have control over it. Indifference. 3. 5:14 other people have already moved on
@psychacks I doubt you look at comments from year old videos but I could not help thinking while I was listening to you about my case in a custody battle and a secondary battle with Youth Protection (ie. child protective services) , These are two courts that operate on the basis of proof that is the lowest threshold possible, and what would be termed rumour. It is not the criminal court standard of Beyond a Reasonable Doubt or even the lesser Reasonable Doubt but merely, like I say rumour: Preponderance of the Evidence and what the judge mocked me in Youth Court with "You will be surprised how it can be interpreted" after I handed over a drawing and a recording that made plain my child's feelings. And by making plain I mean sobbing of her wish to return home to me, her primary caregiver and her strong dislike for the foster care situation *including admitted abuse) administered by Child Protection. Every point you made I filtered through my experience in the court of Preponderance of Evidence, leading to a conclusion of a kangaroo court or court in pantomime. Having moved my family from Europe into a new Canadian village, reputation is the foundation for the 6 year old child of parents in our 5th decade of life. When my wife arrived and disliked the change, she started a rumour mill as a way to garner immediate attention. And it led to a custody battle within 7 months of her arrival. Her allies melted away from her when the court got involved but the damage to the family within this community where we live - it has been 3.5 years since our arrival in this village - is permanent. Good people, and I stress good people, stay away from us though we had begun a promising relationship with them. And the people who come to my aid now are bitter childless (family-less) men. The women here are, to the best of my ability to describe their behaviour, weird. And we have had 9 visits from Child Protection based on anonymous tips from strangers in the community who do not know us well enough to know my gifted-learning child is home schooled. A bruise (1) from her playing on the baseball team led to her being placed in Child Protection care and I have not had the opportunity to address the court for 316 days while she has been in foster care. I have supervised visits where my daughter tells me about the three layers of abuse she undergoes: physical, emotional, and the third one no 9 year old should be exposed to on TV let alone experience in real life. And the Court mocks me when I try to rescue her. I must let this all happen until I get a hearing - through the Child Protection has asked the court to entirely remove me as parent, likely due to the fact my daughter and I are close and she does not like CPS. So, rumour mill. I wish I could just let it all slide. I am old enough not to care but I cannot do that.
Hope you and your daughter find peace and resolution; A big part of the mistake, unfortunately, was moving to Canada. Wishing you and your daughter the best
There are 4 people in my AA group who will not talk to me, one accused me of stealing AA money, one accused me of stealing $800.00 from him, and the other guy was my sponsor who listened to this girl who hates me, she's been. She is the Queen Bee of the group and wanted to have a threeway sex thing with her boyfriend and I, I said no. Ever since then, several months possibly a year or more, every girl I talk to is turned against me. After I'm done talking with the a girl this Queen Bee will approach her and next thing I know is the new girl will not talk to me again. I guess I deal with it, but it is highly irritating because guys hear the bullshit and often stop talking to me.
It depends on the situation, I left my ex, she chased me for four months and when she realized that I wasn't coming back, she started telling anyone who would listen that I was a violent man, physically and psychologically. It's not easy to get over that.
1. People natyrally don't care about the truth about the guy next door but those who love you and those who don't. People are more likely to decide your truth even before they get to know you. 2. Accept that you have no control over your reputation in other people's minds as well as their opinions. So be indifferent to how they think about you.
Maybe people care about truth but confirmation bias (based on what their pre-exising perception about you) decides what they think the truth is. In the presense of irrefutable evidence, everybody will agree on the truth.
not helpful. I am a member of a fellowship ( AA ) only, where I live it is run as a clique and envy/gossip rules the entire region. I stopped going. Which could result in harm to the alcoholics I could have helped. Also, isolation is not healthy for anyone. I'll be ok and will move after I retire and resume meetings. It does really suck tho.
You are right, what you did won't work. You are not correct in concluding that since what you did didn't work that there isn't a way to deal with that situation. The way you deal with gossip in a manner that works is the exact opposite of what you did. Proceed as though the other party is acting in good faith. There are only two possible outcomes: 1. You didn't do the thing and earnestly addressing the issue while assuming you are somehow in the wrong will inherently cause other people to notice the reductio ad absurdum themselves if you stay on the topic long enough, and you can stay on a topic long enough by not challenging the other person's notions. 2. You actually did do the thing or the person isn't bright enough to see the reductio ad absurdum, at which point the other person either has to forgive you on the basis that you are trying to grow as a person or an explicit failure to forgive solves your problem because they just radically shrunk their social circle because nobody smart wants to align themselves with someone who won't show mercy, and their circle will shrink even more the next time they make a mistake and the group holds them to their own standards. It also addressing the item without an associated mission to "clear your name" allows it to be fully addressed and therefore "old news" without clearing your name. It is like resting with no defense at the social trial knowing that once you've side stepped the issue of guilt that if the jury has to re-contextualize the issue in terms of what the correct penalty is they will either give you a slap on the wrist or realize you are actually not guilty because no penalty that is available makes any sense and therefore the prior conclusion has to be in error. If you care about an outcome then always play dumb. You either were dumb and now you see how you were dumb and are now right on the new topic the examination of the old topic, or you were not and other people will make the argument for you and be vested in that argument.
Remembering that God is in Control… Focus upon a life’s journey in being pleasing unto Christ Jesus always in all ways. Eternal Justice IS perfect Justice… Jesus IS Faithful. Hebrews 4:16 Amplified Bible, Classic Edition 16 Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it]. Learn to receive ALL affirmations, confirmations & convictions from the indwelling Holy Spirit in total allegiance unto Christ Jesus (wholeheartedly without compromise). Spiritual Beauty is in walking after the Spirit of God so as to attend each & every task at hand (no matter the location, recipients &/or endeavor) with a Heavenly Focus & Eternal Perspective… Hebrews 5:7-9 Amplified Bible, Classic Edition 7 In the days of His flesh [Jesus] offered up definite, special petitions [for that which He not only wanted [a]but needed] and supplications with strong crying and tears to Him Who was [always] able to save Him [out] from death, and He was heard because of His reverence toward God [His godly fear, His piety, [b] in that He shrank from the horrors of separation from the bright presence of the Father]. 8 Although He was a Son, He learned [active, special] obedience through what He suffered 9 And, [His completed experience] making Him perfectly [equipped], He became the Author and Source of eternal salvation to all those who give heed and obey Him,
@@aA-ez1yy "For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:" ~ Romans 1:20
The idea that one should turn the other cheek and accept that people are allowed to drag your name over the garbage dump is not an opption for me personally. They must be exposed and dealt with accordingly. Some gossip affects peoples lives forever and perhaps ruins their carreers and damages family life forever. Having said that... I once read a statistic that said 75% of the time people believe the 1st thing they hear about you. This is alarming . What I do now is upon meeting a group of peers or party goers, I tell them immediatley who I am . I usually say it with good humour and a smile but I get the point across. My name is William, I am pleased to meet you , I work for so and so, I have a wife and 2 children, I've never cheated on my wife and haver never committed or have been convicted of a crime . You don't have to like me but I'm hoping you do. Please do not spread malicious lies and gossip about me but I will not accept such behaviour. Usually with a smile and a chuckle we get along fine.
I needed to hear this so bad, I’ve been killing myself wanting to prove myself innocent but there’s just no point! All the rumors have been getting to my head and harming my relationship with my partner, but I know that it isn’t true. Leaving it alone is the hardest part for me
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans at stellargre.com.
Being the target of malicious gossip can be difficult. I've learned this the hard way. If it happens to you, it's important to not make things more difficult for yourself than they already are. In this episode, I'll discuss three tips to navigate this situation more effectively. They're not easy pills to swallow, but they can help you find some measure of peace in a difficult circumstance.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
To your friends, no explanation is needed. To your enemies, no explanation is possible.-Roman Proverb.
@@Gokiburi777 so true!!
As the former victim of a rumor campaign, I completely agree that nobody cares about the truth, even if you've got evidence.
Totally agree! Nobody wants to hear the truth. Even when they talk bad about you because you are allegedly a bad person. They wouldn't even want you to be a good person. Actually hate you more for being a good person
@@hjq0023 so true
I'm also a victim of a rumor campaign and it SUCKS that you can't have it taken down without legal support...
@@lemurpotatoes7988 you're so right, this person accused me of doing something I didn't do, and even though they also agreed that I didn't do it, they kept on rumoring and all
I think when people are gossiping about you, they are usually jealous and envious. My Grandma used to say “it’s when people stop talking about you, you have to worry.”
You forgot that a female mind is sensitive to attention and lack there of
To a woman (on an instinctual level) "when people stop talikg about you" is "when people don't care of you/your children starve to death"
It's perspective and naught but
@@v.s.4166 That's true, but a lot of men exhibit female behaviors. I think is because of hormone imbalances caused by poor diet, plastic food containers, lack of exercise, and obesity. Females don't benefit from too much estrogen either.
@Gordon Gray I agree with them being toxic. If someone is gossiping to you, they will gossip about you. You need to be extremely careful about sharing information with anyone who can't keep their mouth shut. In fact, even when if you don't give them any information, they will make shit up just to stir up drama. They're attempting to manipulate through triangulation, and by creating flying monkeys. I'd steer clear.
Or they just want to "fit in" with gossipery
Yep- if you sincerely know that you are not guilty of lying & gossip spread about you there's nothing to be concerned about- ignore these people, and if someone else confronts you with it explain how mad these people are because you cut them out due to their toxicity & issues. Peace & light😊✌️
I have had a lifetime of gossips telling lies about me. People either love or don't. But what I've found when I look a little deeper... The people who like me are happy, secure, confident... The people who don't are none of those things.
Great insight! Thank you for sharing ❤
"People don't care about the truth".
Explains a lot about what happened 3 years ago..
Excellent points. People usually don't change their opinions about someone barring something shocking or drastic, and also people in general would rather hear negative stuff about a person than positive if coming from a neutral position. People enjoy feeling superior and gossip momentarily allows that. My attitude ( and it's not easy to develop because we all can be hurt or angered by people's opinions) unless you're paying me, or sleeping with me your opinion of me is irrelevant. It's not easy to develop this because we want to operate cohesively within society, but sometimes we have to ignore emotions and apply logic. Always ask yourself " does this persons negative opinion of me have repercussions beyond hurt pride and bruised ego or reputation?" If the answer is no, and usually it is, then just say who cares. 50 years, or most likely less, we'll all be dead so other people's gossip is a blip on eternity.
Once again, very correct, sir! Like most things, it's not about trying to "win people over" or "get them to understand", it's about being indifferent, because you cannot control what people think or do in the first place; if someone has decided they have an opinion of you, then that's that. Move on.
So true. People only want to hear what they like to hear. Truth is out the window.
Summary：
1. People don't really care about the truth.
2. Your reputation is not under the domain of your control.
3. Others already moved on.
Move on with your true friends.
Haha! I've said this before, I work in a very toxic work environment and I'm currently in school. I've been the target of gossip from not only my co-workers, the owner, my direct boss and even the HR human resources coordinator. The gossip has been anything from why does she dress in black sometimes is she a goth? To how come she does not want children or marriage, to all she cares or talks about is money. Yeah, considering that I'm working in sales I would think that was the point. haha! To even people saying that I was crazy because I'm not in the it group. On Thursday I had a meeting with my boss in which he told me I'm a unique individual who does not make an effort to be part of the group. Well guess what my professors are all in the medical field or scientist and I'm at the top of my class. Yes, little old me is at the top of her class, I plan to graduate with honors. So, at this point I don't really care what a bunch of messed up drug taking, low self-esteem people who feel miserable about their life think about me. I'm going places in life and very happy with my progress.
Why don't you want children or marriage?
@Shaun Hunter IT I just never had the urge or want for the responsibility that comes with raising children. Marriage don't like to engage in contracts.
@Shaun Hunter IT Kinda off! I've been extremely intuitive. Like beyond what's normal.
@Shaun Hunter IT What you're describing are called premonitions. Yes, I've had them as well and even more intense things.
Exactly the right attitude. You go be your best self and achieve. Im dealing with toxic people right now in food/bev and I just have to keep my eye on my future.
I agreed with the "bullies" and fueled the rumors 😂 - I didn't care what other people thought of me. As long as I knew the truth 😊
People who gossip don't have a life of their own.
Very true. I am a target of much malicious gossips from ill-meaning colleagues who are trying to get rid of me, and a very devious manager who is very insecure and keeps trapping me into no-win conversations and subject me to constant abuse every day. I keep hearing things that aren't accurate about me, but what can I do? I learnt the hard way that no matter what I say, it does not change anything, because if people have ill intentions, they... have ill intentions. This working environment is simply toxic after I have some sort of seniority in the workplace. One thing I realise is, in my country at least, seniority at the workplace must come with support from your bosses. Most people who are doing well in their career because they join their mentors wherever they go. Otherwise, without a boss that backs you no matter what, they will succumb to the gossips and sabotage and you're likely to be on the lookout within a matter of months.
So true! Someone convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.
Key rule for someone who starts gossip is to make the gossip what others want to believe
This was one of the most useful advice I've ever had. And I'm 57, so... damn.
It's a sick truth: "If people aren't talking about you, you're not doing anything important." Gossip is pure poison, but many people find solace in their unhappy lives by gossiping about others. It stings and can cause psychological damage if one internalizes what is being said about them. Don't internalize, no matter how much the gossip stings.
Thank you Dr Orion. I'm always inspired by your videos. Gossip mongers want attention. Sometimes the best way to handle gossip is to cut it dead. Gossips are sometimes trying to cause us distress, so if we get upset we're giving them exactly what they want. Discretion is often the wisest course of action.
My advice, not advisable in every circumstance, but if you can take what people say about you and you magnify it, it shows them you don't care, and lessens the weight of whatever negative impression they had of you. If you defend yourself, you look bad. If you magnify the claim, it makes you look confident while making the original claim look silly.
This is similar to Epictetus's advice. Say: "If they really knew me, they could say much worse."
I don't understand this
I agree with you however I think there is a time when you need to take legal defamation action. Some gossip is so very damaging to people's careers and in extreme cases people can cause extreme harm e.g. false gossip that someone is a sex offender etc.
This part! Not everything can just be glazed over.
Thanks for this video.. im dealing with this at my job now.
Great tips. Once it happened to me in university, that everybody thought, that I have punched three women. There was nothing I was able to do about it and my closest friends took this opportunity to make themselves more popular and make more rumors. I did not invest the time to look out for others, to see who my real friends were as my little friend group turned against me and I couldn't know possibly, who was on my side, so I just moved universities.
did you manage to move on?
Recently a viral post started about me on Reddit that contained lies about me, and I had hundreds of people sending me hateful messages despite me trying to block them all out of my life. Your advice here is keeping me afloat and letting me know that I'll be okay and this will pass. I was so afraid to sleep because I didn't know what was coming next but now I can rest easy because I have the control back in my life. Thank you.
I really needed to hear this...wondering if I should confront and actively try to put down the rumor about me or just stay above the fray....I know why the person spread the rumor...(passive aggressive), but it is very frustrating because it puts me in a bad light. I guess I will stay above the fray.
As always, on point, J. I thank the universe for your existence.
This was such great advice and was exactly what I needed to hear and ponder on at this moment. Thank You from a dedicated follower who hopes you continue releasing such great content.
Thanks!
Thank you very much for posting this. It's very helpful and true!
I don't care about rumours, I move on every time I find out.
This is a good one. People say they don't like you, can you also stop talking about me too! They just need something to say and you have to realize it's a point of conversation for them. I don't want to be with you.....I've never had chitterlings be pushed on me so hard....something I never asked for or wanted...discussed, considered, liked, wished for, hoped for....a million people could like me....take me off the list....
Had that gossip experience on our school. I handled it plain and smooth. I made them believe on what they wanted to believe 😆. We can't change their perception about us since they already have a particular bias but we have the power to project and make them believe in a lie. You can leave them after with pride, grace and dignity.
You enhanced my life! Thank you soooo much! I needed to hear that tremondiusly. Thanks again.
Sage wisdom.... going to apply this from now on 🙂
Much love Dr Orion
One of the better answers on this topic. I'm still interested in how to react when bully take advantage of one of your weaknesses, personal secrets that you don't want to share with others, and a direct confrontation would expose you even more to others. For example, a medical condition that you don't want to make public...
Thank you so much for this much needed insight ❤ this video is very meaningful to me!
Thank you so much for sharing and sorry to hear this happened to you. Much love xo
I'm in the middle of a gossip campaign as well, 5 rumors in the first 3+ months at this new job of mine at a forklift repair company, I am the service advisor and do lots of estimates for customers).
Gossip examples:
That i'm dating a guy there (we are actually former colleagues at a fidd work place) and sometimes he drops me home. He heard the gossip too. hat I don't want to say hi to this or that one, though I have work to do and cannot keep company to everyone when they want me to, etc etc etc.
I laugh about it because it sounds so stupid and far fetched. But I did notice something: they never ask me questions about my life, or if something is true or not about me. Never any questions. So yes, I concur, "they don't care about the truth". Otherwise, they would have asked questions so far. They've had many, many chances, and not 1 question asked. So, if they are indifferent, so am I.
But what I wanted to say is: Just imagine the attention these guys give to someone else (myself, in this case). Negative or positive, it is still attention. It's insane.
Also, my simple way of thinking is: i find it funny, I giggle a lot of times but say nothing because it will simply be denied; it reveals the true nature of some people, and it's such a waste of time for them - that time they waste gossiping, will never ever come back, it's forever lost.
No, I am not the only one they gossip about, they actually gossip about each other when one of them is missing a day of work, etc. Oh boy.
They are very indirect as a culture (though I asked them from the very beginning to try and be direct with me..........I guess they didn;t appreciate it or confuse being direct with being rude - very typical thinking in the North American culture I;ve been living in for the past 13 years), they are afraid to ask questions... anyway, they are weird Canadians, that's all there is to it.
Piece of advise: Do come home and take precise notes, with time and date that it happened and who said it; you never know when you have to save your own skin. Be smart and private about it.
Currently going through this. I work for a family owned laundry company. We had a new hire I thought she was very nice and trustworthy in the first few weeks of knowing her. I confided in her about some things that had transpired over my time here small things about the job and operations that bothered me a bit. Nothing serious. Once she became close and cushy with the company owners she started treating me differently and I noticed a change in her tone and attitude towards me. We’ve since hired more ppl and she has gossiped about me to all of them and now I feel so ostracized as they all give me the cold shoulder but laugh and get along with each other very well. I often them catch them whispering when I’m close by etc
It hurts especially because I’m not even given a fair chance to build relationships with new hires as she befriends them and the next thing I know they are acting distant toward me without me even having much interaction with them. It’s draining. 😒
You was target if a narc
@@juliechurch1799 ive gone through the same shit
gossips is like cancer
Just found your page and video - you’ve saved me from a sleepless night and creating more drama by approaching a very nasty rude rumour spreading postal mistress lol
Thanks
last tip was the best ty sir
I am currently the victim in my theater group of a rumor that I don’t think is intended to hurt me, but is bad bc the people who I don’t but people think I have crushes on may find out and believe them which I do not want since they are my friends. Thank you very much.
thank you sooo much for sharing this, so helpful, so liberating !!! 🙏
Ryan thank you for explaining all that, I can completely relate to it and understand.
gossip is how you learn who your true friends are
All parties apart from yourself are hankering for a juice story to pass around. And that’s all it is a juicy story to entertain their drab boring lives.
I thought your video today was so well articulated. I think you seem like such a decent, authentic guy. I have to admit your videos that show such a dislike of women negatively affected my initial impression of you.
It's hard, i want to be perceived as I am, I want to untangle misconceptions. I don't want to be entangled with the energy of people who interfere with my energy. Perhaps the better option is to own all the gossip as true, if not yet, soon.. then when EVERYONE is quantum entangled and you've exhausted your drive for everything, or existing in everything, then sever ALL those attachments, or ignite ALL those attachments
how to deal with bullies? please do a video
1. Accept -people don’t care bot the truth- likers and haters .both had already decided before gossip was spread. Gossip just pushed them in the direction.
2. 2:58 accept that your reputation is not in your control. Reputation is in he minds of people. You don’t have control over it. Indifference.
3. 5:14 other people have already moved on
Good video, thanks
Gossip kills friendship, be aware
@psychacks I doubt you look at comments from year old videos but I could not help thinking while I was listening to you about my case in a custody battle and a secondary battle with Youth Protection (ie. child protective services) , These are two courts that operate on the basis of proof that is the lowest threshold possible, and what would be termed rumour. It is not the criminal court standard of Beyond a Reasonable Doubt or even the lesser Reasonable Doubt but merely, like I say rumour: Preponderance of the Evidence and what the judge mocked me in Youth Court with "You will be surprised how it can be interpreted" after I handed over a drawing and a recording that made plain my child's feelings. And by making plain I mean sobbing of her wish to return home to me, her primary caregiver and her strong dislike for the foster care situation *including admitted abuse) administered by Child Protection. Every point you made I filtered through my experience in the court of Preponderance of Evidence, leading to a conclusion of a kangaroo court or court in pantomime.
Having moved my family from Europe into a new Canadian village, reputation is the foundation for the 6 year old child of parents in our 5th decade of life. When my wife arrived and disliked the change, she started a rumour mill as a way to garner immediate attention. And it led to a custody battle within 7 months of her arrival. Her allies melted away from her when the court got involved but the damage to the family within this community where we live - it has been 3.5 years since our arrival in this village - is permanent. Good people, and I stress good people, stay away from us though we had begun a promising relationship with them. And the people who come to my aid now are bitter childless (family-less) men. The women here are, to the best of my ability to describe their behaviour, weird. And we have had 9 visits from Child Protection based on anonymous tips from strangers in the community who do not know us well enough to know my gifted-learning child is home schooled. A bruise (1) from her playing on the baseball team led to her being placed in Child Protection care and I have not had the opportunity to address the court for 316 days while she has been in foster care. I have supervised visits where my daughter tells me about the three layers of abuse she undergoes: physical, emotional, and the third one no 9 year old should be exposed to on TV let alone experience in real life. And the Court mocks me when I try to rescue her. I must let this all happen until I get a hearing - through the Child Protection has asked the court to entirely remove me as parent, likely due to the fact my daughter and I are close and she does not like CPS.
So, rumour mill. I wish I could just let it all slide. I am old enough not to care but I cannot do that.
Hope you and your daughter find peace and resolution; A big part of the mistake, unfortunately, was moving to Canada. Wishing you and your daughter the best
There are 4 people in my AA group who will not talk to me, one accused me of stealing AA money, one accused me of stealing $800.00 from him, and the other guy was my sponsor who listened to this girl who hates me, she's been. She is the Queen Bee of the group and wanted to have a threeway sex thing with her boyfriend and I, I said no. Ever since then, several months possibly a year or more, every girl I talk to is turned against me. After I'm done talking with the a girl this Queen Bee will approach her and next thing I know is the new girl will not talk to me again. I guess I deal with it, but it is highly irritating because guys hear the bullshit and often stop talking to me.
It depends on the situation, I left my ex, she chased me for four months and when she realized that I wasn't coming back, she started telling anyone who would listen that I was a violent man, physically and psychologically. It's not easy to get over that.
No doubt.
Really liberating stuff
Thank you gentlemen
Good people are gossiped about cos their got boring lives !
Back biters are as dangerous as a snake.
The tongue is like a fire it can emblaze a whole forest.
20k let’s gooooooo!! 😎
You are soooooo right thank you 🙏
Thanks for the content!
Crush the source of the gossip.
1. People natyrally don't care about the truth about the guy next door but those who love you and those who don't. People are more likely to decide your truth even before they get to know you.
2. Accept that you have no control over your reputation in other people's minds as well as their opinions. So be indifferent to how they think about you.
One of your best..
thanks alot for ur wise words very much needed
THANK YOU!!
Fascinating
Very helpful info 🙌
What about taking legal action against somebody who is spreading false gossip?and is it not slander?
Thank you
This was good for me in a bad time . However when someone says that you abuse females and it affects work and dating life I think legal advice is best
All publicity is good publicity. Let the plebs pleb.
Maybe people care about truth but confirmation bias (based on what their pre-exising perception about you) decides what they think the truth is. In the presense of irrefutable evidence, everybody will agree on the truth.
not helpful.
I am a member of a fellowship ( AA ) only, where I live it is run as a clique and envy/gossip rules the entire region.
I stopped going. Which could result in harm to the alcoholics I could have helped. Also, isolation is not healthy for anyone.
I'll be ok and will move after I retire and resume meetings. It does really suck tho.
Just block these people from your life & go on about your daily routine- remember gossip says more about the one spreading it than the victim of it-😊
Respect.
You are right, what you did won't work. You are not correct in concluding that since what you did didn't work that there isn't a way to deal with that situation. The way you deal with gossip in a manner that works is the exact opposite of what you did. Proceed as though the other party is acting in good faith. There are only two possible outcomes: 1. You didn't do the thing and earnestly addressing the issue while assuming you are somehow in the wrong will inherently cause other people to notice the reductio ad absurdum themselves if you stay on the topic long enough, and you can stay on a topic long enough by not challenging the other person's notions. 2. You actually did do the thing or the person isn't bright enough to see the reductio ad absurdum, at which point the other person either has to forgive you on the basis that you are trying to grow as a person or an explicit failure to forgive solves your problem because they just radically shrunk their social circle because nobody smart wants to align themselves with someone who won't show mercy, and their circle will shrink even more the next time they make a mistake and the group holds them to their own standards. It also addressing the item without an associated mission to "clear your name" allows it to be fully addressed and therefore "old news" without clearing your name. It is like resting with no defense at the social trial knowing that once you've side stepped the issue of guilt that if the jury has to re-contextualize the issue in terms of what the correct penalty is they will either give you a slap on the wrist or realize you are actually not guilty because no penalty that is available makes any sense and therefore the prior conclusion has to be in error.
If you care about an outcome then always play dumb. You either were dumb and now you see how you were dumb and are now right on the new topic the examination of the old topic, or you were not and other people will make the argument for you and be vested in that argument.
You're trying too hard
Gangstalkers tell rumors about us TI's to get others to participate in our harassment.
Hope they know how to fight
I know you probably won’t answer this but I can’t help but ask what the hell did they accuse you of? That sounded serious…
💯💯
I didn't hear any tips...
I just heared what is happening. But ok cool
Are you a psychologist? I'd like to talk to you? Because of this video.
I have to work on that. People don't care about the truth. And also that my name is something I can't control. Thank you for this.
❤
I wonder what the rumors where about. Money, sex ,food, children, animals or drugs? The world, may never know.
Remembering that God is in Control…
Focus upon a life’s journey in being pleasing unto Christ Jesus always in all ways.
Eternal Justice IS perfect Justice… Jesus IS Faithful.
Hebrews 4:16
Amplified Bible, Classic Edition
16 Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it].
Learn to receive ALL affirmations, confirmations & convictions from the indwelling Holy Spirit in total allegiance unto Christ Jesus (wholeheartedly without compromise).
Spiritual Beauty is in walking after the Spirit of God so as to attend each & every task at hand (no matter the location, recipients &/or endeavor) with a Heavenly Focus & Eternal Perspective…
Hebrews 5:7-9
Amplified Bible, Classic Edition
7 In the days of His flesh [Jesus] offered up definite, special petitions [for that which He not only wanted [a]but needed] and supplications with strong crying and tears to Him Who was [always] able to save Him [out] from death, and He was heard because of His reverence toward God [His godly fear, His piety, [b] in that He shrank from the horrors of separation from the bright presence of the Father].
8 Although He was a Son, He learned [active, special] obedience through what He suffered
9 And, [His completed experience] making Him perfectly [equipped], He became the Author and Source of eternal salvation to all those who give heed and obey Him,
Walk Above the City
/
Lyrics
Main Results
Bright lights and tired streets
We could get away
No time to even speak
Nothing to say
No rain or storms above
That could make us stay
Let's walk above the city
You and I
Flowers underneath us now
Towers underneath us now
We walk above the city
You and I
And we're breathing more
Than we ever have before
And it goes ooh, ooh-ooh
Cars are underneath us now
The stars are underneath us now
We walk above the city
You and I
Flowers underneath us now
The towers underneath us now
We walk above the city
You and I
And we're breathing more
Than we ever have before
And it goes ooh, ooh-ooh
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Samuel Bentley
Walk Above the City lyrics © Wonderlick Pty Limited
Can you prove that God exists?
Your mythology isn't even on topic.
@@aA-ez1yy "For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:" ~ Romans 1:20
@@shaunhunterit342 you mean Zeus,or which God?so many of them
Pssst: dont hang your sweaters on hangers. However, many people DO care about the truth.
The idea that one should turn the other cheek and accept that people are allowed to drag your name over the garbage dump is not an opption for me personally. They must be exposed and dealt with accordingly. Some gossip affects peoples lives forever and perhaps ruins their carreers and damages family life forever. Having said that... I once read a statistic that said 75% of the time people believe the 1st thing they hear about you. This is alarming . What I do now is upon meeting a group of peers or party goers, I tell them immediatley who I am . I usually say it with good humour and a smile but I get the point across.
My name is William, I am pleased to meet you , I work for so and so, I have a wife and 2 children, I've never cheated on my wife and haver never committed or have been convicted of a crime . You don't have to like me but I'm hoping you do. Please do not spread malicious lies and gossip about me but I will not accept such behaviour.
Usually with a smile and a chuckle we get along fine.
I needed to hear this so bad, I’ve been killing myself wanting to prove myself innocent but there’s just no point! All the rumors have been getting to my head and harming my relationship with my partner, but I know that it isn’t true. Leaving it alone is the hardest part for me
Thank you.