1,000 small things we do to HEAL from narcissistic relationships
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. - บันเทิง
as kate winslet said in The Holiday, "Someday you'll go somewhere new and meet new people and little pieces of your soul will finally start to come back."
I Love that Movie!
Anything I bought for the house, my husband would criticize...whether it was a lamp, a cushion...whatever. If he didn't like something he would damage it. I am divorced now. I love spontaneously decorating.....deciding one morning I wanted to change the colour of my living room (I LOVE my new colour!). Yesterday on a whim I bought patio lights for my patio. Not having to agonize before or after 'feathering my nest' feels great.
I can reasonate with you. My husband intentionally broke 2 of my favourite porcelain dolls craking its heads and a dog statue ear!
Good for you! Narcissists think they know all about decor, but only exactly what they dictate. If you don’t like it, they rage somehow. On a side note, I had a narcissist visit my house on a holiday and It wrote “wash me” on my living room mirror. One of a thousand cuts. 😕
@@user-fe1pg5cf5u "anything you do to my doll...the same thing will happen to you."
Congratulations. 🤗
I just rediscovered music I wasn’t allowed to listen to. I hope the neighbours like retro!
Picture please
My joy in 1,000 small things is watching and listening to Dr Ramini every night. She gives affirmation which I don't get. She gives hope. She helps heal. Thanks Doc.
Agreed. I can’t thank Dr Ramani enough for this platform and allowing us to vent without criticism/judgment. It is such a blessing and so healing. I hope Dr Ramani stays safe, remains healthy and gets enough rest/sleep. I’m so grateful for all she does. ❤
Exactly! She’s a life saver!!!❤🙏🏻
❤She is amazing. I'm tearing up.
In this video especially, she sounded so kind while talking.
True
I would have a batch of Levain Bakery chocolate chip cookies hidden in the freezer and when every few months when I know she would not be around I would bake two cookies and just close my eyes…. It may not mean much to some, but to me it was something to look forward to and savor the moment of peace.
I get it!!! ❤
All my life53 years , I tried to please my mom who was never satisfied, .D Ramani you saved mylife I thank you so much .
Since my 92 year old. mother died this past December, the weight of the narcissistic world has fallen from my shoulders. I cannot believe how different I feel, and it's amazing and wonderful. I will not inherit a penny from her estate and I do not care one bit. I am really really free.
I understand what you are feeling about your mother's death. My mother always had a way to cause drama, especially between us kids. It's over we are free from.her.
@@rhondahill5261 I'm very glad for you!
Self-recovery and therapy is brutal. You are trying to purge yourself from all the pain and trauma from narcissistic abuse. And you feel everything. Even worse when you have to do this alone
FACTUAL... It's like several dark nights of the soul all at once!
Yes ! So true
Yes so hard when you are going it alone (or with a couple of kids to support).
I wait for you uploads. They help me survive every day!
I wake up early and watch for the notifications lol.
Same here! ❤
Kinda sad. Atleast your mind is free ❤
Same!! These are so very helpful!
Dr. Ramani, I started watching your videos and listening to your podcast 3 years ago, mere weeks after the death of my son. I started seeing a man about a year after his death. Lol it's ironic that I stopped watching your videos because that man's dirision and "light" contemptuous comments about you, your videos and your podcasts became exhausting. I've given myself permission to start watching you again, since I left him 6 months ago. One of my thousand small things that help me heal is watching you again. Thank you. 😊
I went to the mall and walked around by myself for an hour. It was wierd
I used to do that all the time. Now I understand why.
Me too… just knowing you have your own private me time .its like going to another little world of escapism.
😅I relate to this so much.
Literally everything i do is wrong to him. I used to feel guilty but learned that this is my oxygen. I just pulled out my yoga mat (he calls it idolatry 😂) and did 10 mins because this video reminded me
Oh yeah, the whole 'everything you do is wrong'. I'm surprised we all made it this far in life without them.
I cried lots yesterday from the heartbreak and grief of what’s happened to my family thanks to the narcissists. I feel like I have been used and abused by my family, doing what I could to help, only to be stomped on and feel like my life has fallen apart. Reminding myself I deserve better and it’s not all my fault. Slowly taking myself back. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Let me correct that NOTHING is or was your fault!!
As we heal we can make a new 'family' of friends
I feel exactly the same.
Wow. I remember laughing while at a theatre watching a comedy. It was a stage play and my narcissistic boyfriend squeezed my thigh until it hurt because he apparently didn’t want me to laugh in public. I finally dropped the boyfriend, now laugh as much and as loudly as I want, and occasionally act in comedies myself. There’s no better feeling for me than delivering a line that makes the audience roar with laughter. Thank you audiences for laughing with the abandon we all deserve to experience. Thank you wonderfully talented playwrights for letting me play with those words of whimsy. Thank you Dr. Ramani for reminding me of my right to laugh and authentically experience my emotions.
❤I am so thankful for you Dr.Ramani ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
You are truly a life saver! I am able to sit in a meeting at work and not worry about it going over making me late. Where I would have to hear for weeks that I was meeting someone or doing something sneaky. These videos keep me honest about the truth of that relationship and how awful it really was.
After experiencing narcissistic abuse, spending time with flowers brings me a sense of peace and healing. Their beauty and tranquility help to soothe my soul and remind me of the beauty and resilience within myself
It's so true that it's the small things. The small defiance and independences kept me alive through my childhood. And the small things make me happiest, today!
My ex-Narc started with verbal abuse and eventually led to every type of abuse. It felt like I was being slaughtered. The word didn't even exist on the "Feelings Wheel" I was given in counseling for me to describe, so I had to write it in. Narcs are the absolute worst!
"For their tongues shoot lies like poisoned arrows. They speak friendly words to their neighbors while scheming in their heart to kill them." Jeremiah 9:8
Every word is so accurate and true! I know!!!
Thank you for sharing. That is exactly how it feels. They don't want you to be happy because the gap between your misery and their faux happiness makes them feel that proud superiority that they live off of and they wish to suck your good energy dry and leave the birds to pick at your bones. It's a level of hate & contempt that is almost unspeakable. That is why Psalms 37 is so comforting... "8 Let go of anger and abandon rage; Do not become upset and turn to doing evil. 9 For evil men will be done away with, But those hoping in Jehovah will possess the earth. 10 Just a little while longer, and the wicked will be no more; You will look at where they were, And they will not be there. 11 But the meek will possess the earth, And they will find exquisite delight in the abundance of peace. 12 The wicked man plots against the righteous; He grinds his teeth at him. 13 But Jehovah will laugh at him, For He knows that his day will come." Psalms 37:8-13
@@rachelleasedwalker6313 Well said! It's why Jesus taught in his very first parable about the wheat and tares. We need to remember tares don't become wheat and you don't want to be a tare. The LORD examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion. Psalm 11:5
I'm of the opinion that it ALL starts with emotional abuse
@@patriciaalbertson5183 I totally see what you mean! Thank you for sharing
I really thought I had lost my capability of feeling joy. It wasn't lost, just held captive and gagged. Now that it's free again I can't believe how happy and grateful I am
He said I am a covert narcissist. I'll be whatever he labels me as long as I am not who I used to be. A caring, giving empty shell of a person who felt so alone. It feels so different to not want to live to please anyone but myself. I was so exhausted and weighed down in sadness and disappointment. Now that I am a bit more selfish I feel alive💓🌱 and a bit more peace.
Sitting in my van resting with the air conditioner on until I had the strength to deal with the anxieties caused by the mere thought of going home. Much more capable of dealing with it all when I had the rest I couldn't get at home.
Thank you Dr. Ramani, you have been a blessing. My you be blessed with strength & peace as you continue in your journey. May you be uplifted by all the lives you have lifted. And may you be remembered fondly by all those you love & who love you. Many many blessings.
When I was still married, I would take hour long naps in the grocery store parking lot before I went shopping. Like recharging my battery.
I want to heal , but theres just to many narcisists in my life, i get anxious , nervous when i encounter them, i stand my ground but it takes a toll in me.
I completely understand!! I also been raised by them my entire childhood! It’s ideal to distance from them if possible & never look back, but if you can’t just reflect & be super firm that what there doing is wrong and don’t allow their “ gaslighting “ which they do everyday!!!
It would, so hang in there.
"keep conquering the evil with the good." Romans 12:17-22
I have two in my life. It's hard to heal when you are still in contact with them.
Having grown up with a narcissistic step mother who called all the shots at home, it was even more damaging because she never let me be me.
Protect the kids in your life from the narcissists! It IS abuse! ❤
it is
@ivania321, Yes, it's abuse and trauma
That is so much easier said than done when the family court system and a whole network of flying monkeys is involved. I have utter contempt for the court system, everyone associated with it, for our church, which is constantly babbling about what a loving support it is -- yep, for the narcissists, and for way too many family members, who have aided and abetted the narcissists to the point of committing perjury. I so wish the country would wake up. The good ol' boys, boys will be boys, women and children are property ways of thinking are so alive and well it's horrifying.
Indeed Dr Ramani, I was in a relationship with a narcissistic person for two years and it’s taken 12 years to heal but finally I have done it! Thank God for Dr Ramani! There is hope for all 😊
I'm going over newer videos since I broke free 15 mos ago. The same voice that helped me navigate my way through the disapointment, grief, fear, anxiety and anger is now reassuring me that 'I did good'. Proud of getting to the other side.
I finally burst and did all of this. Guess what...you can even fall in love again once you open the door to YOUR life. Thanks Dr. Ramani.
depends on the person and how deeply they were affected. not everyone can go on afterward fully healed. some of us lost something that will never be restored.
I'm 10 years out of my narc relationship, but I still remember the little healings that helped me so much. Examples:
- Taking baby to daycare early so we could stop off and let her pick out some stickers to stick on her arms (a waste of $ in the narcs opinion)
- Keeping old bread to "feed to the fish" at any random pond
- Not getting out of the car when I got home, so I could finish a phone call with a person the narc didn't like
- Wondering around the grocery store, reading labels, singing to the store music
- Upholding relationships with people who the narc said were "just using me" or that "needing friends is a weakness"
I also related a lot to being ridiculed for laughing or singing out loud, for licking the sauce from a ramekin (at home, not in public), etc. so I still did those things, but only when I wasn't under his scrutiny.
Brilliant. Compile a list of 1000 Small Things we do to Heal. Powerful!
I've started doing the holidays the way I, my husband and kids want to do them - rather than the way we've always done them. I spent so much effort trying to please unpleasable family members in the past and now I am feeling free to change things. One of my inspirations for this was when my father's dementia worsened. I was storing Christmas cookies at his house as I made them (larger house) and the Sunday before advent, he decided that he could't wait any longer and declared, "I'm starting a new family tradition. Everyone gets one cookie the Sunday before Christmas." Now, when I try something new, I think of my Dad and say to myself, "I'm starting a new family tradition."
I chuckled so many times recognizing the things you said that were the things I did to exercise my independence. OMG. I did that too!!!!! After 2 cardioconversions and 2 surgeries to correct Afib, I realized that staying with him was actually slowing killing me. Highly motivated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I found myself a lawyer. I am emerging as a gorgeous butterfly. And I laugh when I watch a show I Like on my iPad in bed with a carton of ice cream. Life is Good.
The description of what happens over time -- death by 1.000 cuts == is so spot on. You don't realize how you are gradually losing more and more ground to the narcissistic person (phrasing deliberate, as they don't have to be a really full-blown narcissist to do this to you). No one thing seems big enough to really wake you up; you get "used to" the pattern. One day, though, you realize how bad you feel about yourself -- all because of this situation, and you blame yourself first. You are so used to criticism, you blame yourself for having not dealt with it sooner. They are just who they are, you say; but you yourself feel like a failure.
I always keep a glass of water nearby. Any negative remark I toss the water out the door. A thousand cuts makes me cringe but true. Ty for sharing❤
What a marvelous negative energy trap & release system. Thank you for sharing, I'll use that and pass it along!
In my case, it meant quietly helping my son with his mental health challenges by myself rather than getting the man who was his stepfather for 19 years involved.
I'm sorry. Dealing with this currently with my child's bio dad, and yes, it's easier to do it alone.
I am pure shining light that is never ending and invincible. They may try to taint and steal it but my fountain replenshises everyday i can feel the divine light in my veins pulsing through me.
Narcissists hate it
Playing the music I like in the car while still in the relationship 😉
It may mean going to Walmart parking lot with a good book and staying all day going in once in a while to use the restroom…. Or the kids knowing where the hidden taboo box of macaroni and cheese lives. Mom always secretly replenishes it when it gets used. They clean dry and replace the pan used too cook it. He never finds out until maybe years later that there was a secret coup behind his back!
I love your energy. Your book and your videos is really helping on navigating the grief about my narcissistic fathers and siblings. I am into radical acceptance and total acceptance of their true faces. They're the crazy one and I'm going to remember it. I came to realize how useless they are in my life and the fact that they will always try to sabotage me out of jealousy and meanness. I am living this house asap and going no contact with all of them.
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" -- Laozi (千里之行，始於足下 -- 老子)
So very true. Those small things make big changes in our healing. Thank you 🙏 so much dr Ramani ❤ God bless you ❤
Practicing gratitude can really change your focus.
Thanks!!
G'day Dr Ramani, thanks for sharing.🐨
I would buy headphones every two days to listen to Dr. Ramani and he would fly into a rage and break them but i never got tired. Today i listen to her without earphones. That's just one of of the 1000 small things💪
I use to go into my basement and play my favorite music and dance. It was my thing...dance the stress out!💃
*I love the grounded reality of this channel!!!*
Retirement took a toll on my finances, but with my involvement in the digital market, $27,000 weekly returns has been life changing. AWESOME GOD❤️❤🎉
I'm in a similar situation where should I look to increase income? Do you have any advice? What did you do ? Thank you
Thanks to my co-worker (Alex) who suggested Ms Maria Luisa Abrams.
She's a licensed broker in the states 🇺🇸
Wow...I know her too she is a licensed broker and a FINRA agent she is popular in
US and Canada she is really amazing woman with good skills and experience.
After I raised up to £228k trading with her I bought a new House and a car here in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧🇬🇧 also paid for my son's surgery (Oscar). Glory to God.shalom.
This is most important, thank you Dr Ramani. Because the “death by 1000 cuts” is even worse when you have no choice but to continue engaging, while they escalate control and put your elderly parent at risk.. which is a HUGE thing on your head while you hope & pray that you will be able to negate the risk to your elderly parent.. and the risk to YOU..
1,000 cuts and 1,000 things to do to heal and all I can think of is Homer teaching Bart how to shave
'Next we take some toilet paper and put it everywhere we're bleeding. There..and there...and there...and there..'
Thanks...🍷🍺🧁🤪Tru dat!
I do everything behind his back. It works. I disengaged from him. I tell him nothing, avoid him and ignore him.
Small things...mine currently includes allowing myself to have a messy kitchen and not worrying about it. It gets cleaned up the next day. Now I can allow myself to see how that mess affects the energy in the house, and without guilt or shame start to keep it clean. Sometimes not. I enjoy a clean home. Here's to the freedom to clean my home because I enjoy a clean home and like to provide my son a clean healthy home.
Because it lifts us up, instead of because of the desire to gain approval and accolades (fake), from the narc. Yay. ❤
Hi Dr Ramani from Australia 😊
Yes, it's rejection in a 1000 different ways from a 1000 different hurtful moments. My mother was a covert narcissist. My husband and I were her live-in caretakers for 20 long yrs before she passed away and it was the most difficult thing we ever did. But what hurt even more than that is that my daughter is also one. I spent her whole life trying to please her and gain her love and to have a loving real relationship with her. But once she realized she couldn't control me anymore and I was of no use to her any more she threw me out of her life. That's the hardest thing because she's my child even though she's in her 40's and even though she did a lot of bad to me, she's still my daughter and I can't just be content with not having her in my life. I feel an empty spot in my heart and I don't think any advice can take that away. Just God. One thing I believe he showed me that has helped is to stop looking at her in the past as my adorable baby and toddler and little girl and just see her for who she is today. A selfish malicious woman who uses people.
Very sad story. This has been happening early with a friend of mine. She has been sharing custody of her daughter, and the ex has been alienating the child, who is now really critical, cold and cruel to her mom..
I am sorry. Facing it head on will be healing. Lying to ourselves only makes it worse
@@gilliandale4854... Happened to me too
You make me smile Dr. Ramani ✨️💖
This is where I am in my healing prosess now. I have made new friends with 3 of my neighbours 🤩 We are different ages. I'm the youngerst 54. We have all survived narcissistic abuse! And we sit outside, talk, laugh, connect! It's amazing. And I talked to one of them yesterday about the freedom of being no-contact and finding out who we truely are ❤️ And two of them got your book as well 🙏 And I buy myself a new green plant for my appartment almost everyday 💚✨️🪴 They are my friends as well. Watching whatever I want too on TV and eating whatever I choose too eat.
Next year I will travel to Holland to meet my dutch family whom I've never met.
You save lives everyday 💜 Thank you 🌈🫶✨️
Also, to do these things with little thought of how you couldn't do them before. Just do them. And hope the remembrance of when you could not do them, goes away.
I am so grateful for you Dr. Ramani❤
Thank you Dr. Ramani for your wise encouraging ways to a healing journey. My life's journey of 30 years, knowledge of narcissistic relationship in 2023. I enjoyed my small joys, recently watching cricket, fun, blessings to us to be totally healed. Luke 8; Psalms 1-150🙏🇯🇲👑🌹🙌🫅
I am going to do this and write down 1000 things I do, or even more important to me, no longer do.
First will be not waiting in my car anymore for 10 minutes before entering my home, and second will be not panick when I put my key in the front door. Third will be changing something in my home just because I can, even changing a pot plant out makes me teary.
These are what get me through everyday. Ty!
Dark critical judgemental cloud is a good description of how it feels.
Thank you for this video! I just became free after more than a decade with the narcissist! I needed this video! Now cleaning out and cleaning up for a month is tdious until I can make it all about the healing I need!
I still think its the funniest thing that my ex showed me your channel cause his mom is highly narcisistic and in the end I'm here healing from his narcisistic tendencies learned at home. I truly don't think he has NPD at all, but his trauma response is acting in the same way his mom would treat him but towards me. INSANITY. And now that I'm gone, doing these tiny rituals are 100% so effective. I hope he can find the healing he needs and becomes a better person, I still wish I could be his friend. I loved him so much
Whenever Dr. Ramani talks about a time she was in a relationship with a narcissist, I want to kick the narcissist's ass! How dare they hurt our Dr. Ramani! She is a treasure!
I once read a quote that said: Asking yourself, “Would someone who loves and care about me do that to me?”, and being very honest with yourself, will save you from going back into the wrong hands.
It has been very helpful for my healing and I hope others can find that mindset helpful.
I'm in a place where I can truly be myself, unapologetically, and it feels REALLY GOOD. You're so right. It's the small things that build over time, which then becomes your true, authentic self, and life. This was such a great reminder of how far I've come out of this narcissistic brainwashing, and it's the BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD❤🥂💃
Wow!! I felt bad for doing things to heal myself behind his back but now I see that what I was doing was normal! I recently took a morning off to go to my favorite National Park an hour away (I am not "allowed" to go without him) while he was at work so I can go for a nice hike, have a picnic and just relax without him saying he's bored. I fit in all these little things I'm not allowed to do by myself while he's at work since I lost my job, and its making a huge difference in my healing :)
I didn't quite get to a thousand because your wonderful book "Should I go or should I stay?" helped me to take the best decision Doc! But it's absolutely true that as soon as I begann to disengage and enjoy little things for and by myself I got enough strength inside of me in order to go forever 💃❤🙏🏻
3:49 she is ABSOLUTELY right. Doing this is what saved my life essentially( the not telling them part)
🙏💜🇿🇦 I just hope it doesn't take 48 years, as long as it took to get there. 😂
I greatly appreciate you Dr. Ramani!!!
So true! This woman has a very deep wisdom. I am over eighty and have never been married But I have been exposed to narcistic patterns as a child. Listening to people who is animated by a scientific world view, who are always trying to spread truth and realism are always worth listening to.
Dear dr Ramani thanks for your important work, so much needed in our modern society. All the best Kaj :-)
Priceless
i see it clear, but i have no one else. Disengage and be completely alone, the idea of this is destroying me.
Very accurate and I cannot add anything to this excellent presentation except that I never lost my sense of self or self-worth, and I never allowed myself to be steamrollered into any kind of subservient inferiority.
Thank you for an amazing video, Dr. Ramani❤ this made me happy today and gave me HOPE!
So this is why I enjoy small things and my hobbies so much 😅
Excellent video. It's really helpful to be reminded that every little tiny step back to sanity is a meaningful and important thing worth celebrating. It seems like so many people want you to just "pick up the pieces" and dive into goals and career and community and service and big achievements as though nothing happened.
Those who think my life situation is so terrible and that my path is so painful, don't realize how relieving the small freedoms in my life today feel compared to childhood. Just a simple walk in the park feels like a luxury vacation. Living alone feels like liberation more than it does isolation. Reading what I want to read, watching what I want to watch, eating what I want to eat w/out belittling invalidating comments or punishment feels like I got out of a 15 year prison sentence. If you can make it out of trauma on the other end, it's the small things you learn to value the most because every little thing was either deprived or scrutinized. While childhood were the happiest years in many people's lives, they were often the most difficult for a survivor. It sounds depressing but there's beauty you discover in things most people don't see. There's meaning to be found in any path after you've survived.
I also laugh out loud now while watching tv, that used to be my way until the narcissist was eaves dropping and I was sad. But now I laugh good and loud. I go places, I travel, I eat out, I’ve left him behind.
"I die a 1,000 deaths just to survive a day." Has been a thought in my brain for the last few weeks. I need to reverse this to healing.
Yes, I can relate to this . Super sad to have come to this, super bummed that I did not choose a different path
Forgive yourself for what you did. Forgive yourself for what you didn't know. Forgive yourself for not acting sooner. And celebrate yourself for doing something good & loving for yourself! Celebrate so hard you think you're going to explode!!! 🎉 I'll celebrate with you... YAY! SO GOOD! THAT'S SO GOOD! ...There, doesn't Self-Compassion feel so much better, feels soooooooo good doesn't it!
Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
As I was listening to this video, it really struck me how soothing your voice is. (I can see you guiding meditations.)
Sometimes, the tone of one's voice can add or detract from what is being said.
Your never ending great information along with your calmness is very cathartic.
Finally, I hope that you come to Canada in the near future!
Thank you Dr Ramani. During my journey as a young child observing the flags (of all colors) yet not understanding how the pieces fit was confusing. However once the puzzle was complete the picture is comically ugly! I am in low contact mode, and fortunate enough to live 1500 miles away from the gaggle of toxicity. The number one thing that still *** < insert bad words (makes me so angry) is the general smoldering animosity disguised in politeness. Followed by passing off what they heard later as independent thoughts in the never ending quest for validation. Lastly things I can freely do include, wear black socks, breathing, chewing, and horrifyingly as it is blowing my nose as much as I need to with as many tissues as I need!
How are they all so similar that I experienced so many of the abusive things in your list?
How did I manage to see the trees and even point them out, but I never realized I was IN a forest?
How did I experience the little heals you mentioned here before I even could understand what I was healing from?
Your insight empowers me by illuminating my progress and guiding me to where I can go next.
Thank you.
Thanks Dr. Ramani!!! You dropped this video the same day i desperately needed to hear all of this. 😊
you are truly amazing, thank you for all you do!
Getting through a divorce, beating myself up for being a doormat for so many years.
Queen Ramani🥇👸🏻
Nice nice nice! I'm sure lots of us are searching for nuance. Tanx doc!
This is beautiful ...benefitting from these bandaids, It feels so good to have your summary of what it was like and now... wowza, so much bettah
There was no narcissist in my life, but entanglement of the heart/mind/body/soul/ego/anything is the problem. Connection without it is superior, otherwise there is no personal space.
I read vedic culture or I'm in my thoughts and I know souls exist it's not a sickness of the mind.I felt they want to keeping me in dumbness.They tell they didn't want to.But I think they did.And I have the right to being intelligent without their permission.
After I asked my spouse to leave a few days later he was pounding on the door, I called the police and they let him crawl in the window and forced me to let him stay in the house with my grandmother and aunt. He told them about my mental health and they called the doctors because I was pp . Now after months in hospital, crashing the car while my kids were in it, deciding to go to work instead of being a rock for the family and just passing my newborn off on my family- has the dam cheek to ask me for money and say he can’t wait to have me home.
Shepherd Church Porter Ranch uses the Thousand Little Cuts so no one can definitively point to any one act or deed they're doing against a person(staff calls it Plausible Deniability)
So how does one heal from the Thousand Little Cuts from COMPLETE strangers who make comments about things I do in the "privacy" of my own home and when my husband and I are out shopping will repeat parts of our "private" conversations as they walk close by me?
If they won't physically attack you, definitely do these things while still in the narc relationship! Over and over, until they leave you. When you leave them, they'll try to Hoover you. When they leave you, it'll take longer before they try that, if they try it at all. If they truly hate you for being you that much, they won't try to come back, and you're off the hook! If you have to, you might want to have the conversation I had with an ex of mine on the phone:
Him: "You want to go to xyz with me tonight?"
Me: "Maybe, but before we talk about that, I need to ask you about something."
Him: "Oh, what?"
Me: "Well, it seems like you're pretty unhappy with me lately. You don't like my clothes or my laugh, you complain about these other things [I forget what they all were anymore]. Would you say that's about right?
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Well, the way I see it, we can do one of three things: 'Keep seeing each other and you being unhappy with me, break up and stay friends, or break up. Which would you like to do?"
Him: "Break up."
Me: "Ok, well, thanks for calling! Bye!" (Here I just hung the phone up on him.)
He did try a couple months later to Hoover me, but it didn't work and he left me alone after that. That was almost 30 years ago. I eventually accidentally met his fiancee' a little while after the break up who told me that she didn't mind being treated the ways he'd treated me. Poor little thing - she'd been brainwashed to be a 1950s housewife type, and had only gone to college to find a husband instead of an education and a career she could use to support herself and live at no one's behest but her own if/when she wanted to. I truly feel sorry for her, wasting all that loan money that way. He was definitely not worth $40,000.00. On top of it all, he really was not physically attractive. He was just looking for low hanging fruit - anyone desperate for a ring on her finger. Disgusting is what I say!
Dr ramani.. you are a God sent blessing..Thank God.. ❤
Hello doc, hope you are doing well. You are a savior for many and god bless you.
As a survivor I keep thinking about a real solution to this growing epidemic. If a secret survivor group is formed and the other unrelated group members expose the narcissists, just enough not to defame but to leak out truth somehow in community where narcissists are playing victims or preying new targets.
This kind of action will be more effective rooting out the perpetrators rather than reading or writing about them. Understanding the epidemic and healing from it are necessary steps but some action against the evil is also necessary. Because they are moving from people to people.
My ex would blow a gasket whenever I spent money, even a dollar on anything we didnt “need” (by “need” it was the very barest of essentials). I remember the first time I bought myself a can of coke, I felt so naughty 😂. He was away for work, and thankfully not constantly hovering over me constantly! I did utilize that absence to reconnect with myself & break away from him.
He had this habit of giving a “pfft” coupled with an eye roll whenever he wanted to subtly let me know my behavior (whatever it may have been) was unacceptable to him. It often worked to keep me on egg shells.
But after being away from him for a while, another thing that I did, that he absolutely crushed him, was ask “did you spring a leak or something?!?” because I ignored his first couple of “pfffts” so they got louder & more frequent.
Great video!😊
Hey 👋🏻
Hi 👋
Awesome encouragement for me Dr. thank you ❤️❤️!!!
Excellent Video ❤❤ As Always ❤❤
Your videos are a life line for me 🎉
I'm going to cook carrots my way.
This pretty much sums it up! 😂