ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ก.พ. 2022
- A lot of times in my calls, I'll get people who think No Contact can backfire. After all, if you aren't fighting for the relationship, who is, right? Truth is, that isn't how it works. If you're really worried about No Contact backfiring, this video is for you.
Book a coaching call with Coach Ken:
dotheyloveme.com/
Coach Ken's VIDEO COURSE:
vimeo.com/ondemand/coachkenco...
One thing that has kept me on track with my no contact when I have the urge to text them and reach out to them is I write down everything I want to say to them and then I tell myself I’m going to wait until tomorrow before I send it and if I still feel the need to send it I will. By the time the next day comes I am so glad I didn’t send it and just tear up the note. Hope this helps someone……
No contact isn't to get your ex back. It's to get you back. It's to break the unhealthy addiction that came with that unhealthy relationship so you can refocus on yourself. No contact ALWAYS WORKS! If your ex comes back you need to really ask yourself if it's worth the risk of ever feeling that low again.
It’s funny how no contact isn’t to get your ex back but at the same time it is indeed the best way to get an ex back?
Just brilliantly stated!
@@blankearth5840 you're right it is funny, but I would agree that no contact should never be used to get somebody back. It will only end in tears.
Why is this guy "coaching" people to attract Borderlines back? That's the last thing you want to do if you've been fortunate enough to get out. The point of "no contact" is to stay away, break free, reclaim your life, and prevent any chance of reconciliation which will lead to more pain and misery. I don't get this guy, but I support his freedom to teach what he wants to teach and have his perspective on this subject.
@@barryallen2123 It is a mystery indeed
After no contact rule, she is on her own way and we are on our own
No contact mean good bye
Coach Lee sent me straight to you and I will now subscribe because this video is very informative and very intelligently worded in my opinion
One of the very best!
Very informative video! Thank you.
This information is fascinating ty Coach.
6 weeks of NC I'm feeling a lot better now still miss her but oh well
Ken is the Best !!!!!
Watch Aj Maheri too
Perhaps more videos on BPD women who suddenly cut it off with men for no good reason? Those are the most damaging and soul crushing.
I feel your pain bro. Mine just broke up with me for vague reasons for her ex that she told me was a horrible “abusive” boyfriend to her.
Wait, so you're saying there was no good reason for her to leave? Why should you get to decide what someone thinks and feels? You dont get to make their decisions, that's controlling behavior. Might be one of the reasons why she left.
@@MrFingerz14 women in abusive relationships thrive on the drama. They need it and if you cant provide it for them in a familiar way then they will go back to the old supply, especially if you weren't cutting it just in general.
@@MrFingerz14there are a lot of videos on this subject on channels of AJ Mahari, David DeMars and Sam Vaknin. And also Mike the big bald guy.
Thank you Coach
To all the realists….no contact is attempted to get the ex back. This working on yourself is gaslighting to yourself. Working on yourself is a side effect or benefit but people are seeking restoration.
I'd be interested in seeing a video on what a person with clinical depression and/or bipolar disorder is feeling when they dump someone. Or how to understand how they see attraction and fall in and out of it.
+1 that would be great!
Is that just out of general curiosity or are you looking for ways to manipulate someone?
@@sloanmagnum5009 It's from personal experience. I had a 1 year relationship with a terrific woman. She opened up to me one day how she had bipolar and clinical depression and didn't want to scare me away. I was accepting and supportive, willing to learn. Then 1 week later she abrubtly dumped me. I was/am terribly confused. I'm not looking for a way to manipulate. I just wanted to know if I could get some answers or insight. At the time I was afraid no contact would hurt her. But I eventually realized no contact was for me to heal. And I had to put myself first since the relationship no longer existed.
Coach Ken, Your presentation was very informative and helpful. Your explanation putting the nc in right perspective really on target. When you are on fire of in the swamp with alligators it is very difficult to keep things in perspective. It is interesting that a 5 year b/c responder
NC returned to contact and guess what the contacted with no work
Exhibited the same behavior as in years earlier!
Hey honey! Great to have you back in my stream!
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we live happily together now,l got help from a great man who brought us back together.
Wh'atsapp him for help..👇
十𝟮𝟯𝟰9156049109(☉｡☉)!!
十𝟮𝟯𝟰9156049109(☉｡☉)!!
Great video. 8:30.. volume becomes perfect
Thank you for the feedback - I'll pass it along :D
I've never had to think illogically and its fucking killing me. This sucks
I wished I haven’t done the no contact
Our incredible connection just grew more and more distance
Now we’re strangers
From my own experience and seeing it in others' (and i'm not young), i would say that no matter what you do nothing will actually work per se. Only one thing works and it's only to avoid decreasing your chances, never increasing them: to stop begging, pleading, acting obsessively and dependant. When they break up with you they are emotionally more prone and ready to move on and they are set free for all the alternatives and possibilities around them and the new ones they create (the dumpees, in contrast, sabotage themselves because, well, they need to grieve). So the chances they will be willing to encounter you in the future tend to zero. If they happen to go through a period of introspection it's then when they could consider returning to you... But hey, they probably had other exes (and new ones after your breakup) so here we are again at the same uncontrollable situation.
In other words: no matter how you improve (but at least this is good by itself and to yourself so you should always try to improve) they will not get the opportunity to know it by themselves; their life has gone through other directions. I've seen no contact working and keeping contact working too; sadly they are both minuscule percentages of the outputs after breaking up, being the vast majority that they move on with their lives, breaking up to only move on again and again to new people
I'm telling this having got my ex back after 7-8 years apart (to lose her again 2 and half years later). It occurred by sheer luck. I saw her coming out from a cafeteria, but she didn't see me. I went my own way observing that that encounter impacted me positively (years before i was afraid that encountering her would bring tears to my eyes), so thereafter, some days later i reached out to her for a date. She said yes.
Ken, would it be possible to make some content on a breakup from a dissmisive avoidant and whether this type gets affected by No Contact in the same mamner as others?
Hi, i got feelings for my friend and she didn't like that so she ignored me, we were very close friends even we hug for mins in public and we both talked about dating too but at that time we both aren't ready for a relationship so she asked for space, we didn't talk after that for 5months, after 5 month's of no contact she sent me closure text and i replied to it after a month and then she replied and we started to talk but it seems she sees me as a friend and but i don't wanna do a another no contact to break the friendzone so what i have to do now? How to get her?
Is it my phone or is his mic really low volume?? I am in a noisy location so maybe that’s the prob
Coach Ken I’ve scheduled a session with you and sent you emails yesterday re: our upcoming session. I hope you received my emails … is there something I’m supposed to do prior to our session? My name is different than here on YT so you won’t see emails from “Liz”
Does this scenario also apply to if the person that dumped you is a fearful avoidant
Their subconscious personality will not change and can not be manipulated. If they're avoidant then they'll always be avoidant
My ex sent me a break up text after being together for almost 2 years. How come he wasn't man enough to tell me in person?
I am sorry he handled it that way. In your case, after some details I can say - it's not you. It's him - and it's his loss.
Hi coach Ken, my ex spilled his emotions via a drunken message (early March) but said we should not start over as he is leaving in June (it was originally both our plans to work in that country). He confirmed it was true when he was sober. As a response i said let’s hangout without pressure etc to figure see what we want. He took a a week to reply saying he was sorry for his drunken silly message and he would not repeat that and that things are better with us not together. I agreed in my response (this was mid March)…but truthfully i didn’t agree. Can i message him now just to say what i actually think and that he should not be pressured into replying?
I'd let whatever led him to make that drunken message keep building with No Contact - he was clearly thinking about you - let him keep thinking about you
@@CoachKen unfortunately with the different time zones i didn’t see your message in time. I messaged and got this response (shall i reply?):
I appreciate your honesty, but I think things from my side are best as they are. It would be nice to be in contact more if you wished, but I understand how that might be confusing too.
How is the write up going btw?
@@parisam7659another way of saying go ahead & give me all the attention you wish👉just don’t expect any from me👉playing you👉you deserve better👉hopefully you moved along👉best way to get over someone is by getting under someone else (friend, dating, Jesus, therapist)😊
Coach ken I have a question.
She left me after 5 years , we had a wonderful relationship for the most part.
I went into NC and worked on myself.
Eventually our paths crossed unintentionally, she initiated the meet up.
She noticed my progress and cried, admitted she lied about all the reasons why she broke it off , said she loved me (and I believe it was genuine) and she begged me for a second chance. It took me a lot to open up again and I gave her the chance, she kept blowing up my phone for up to a month after then turns cold. I called her out on things and she said she changed her mind, so I told her we shouldn't talk anymore.
How can a ex be so fickle, full of absolute love and lust after separation, wanting a chance, then turn away when they get it.
Had the same experience as yours but, she came back few months later after the initial breakup, 2 months and came with the excuse that she loves me but we are differet. Thats bs, 4 years has gone by.
I see two possible reasons why she lost interest although there could be more...
1) she's a narcissist and went through the love bomb - devalue - discard stages with you.
2) you expressed feminine behavior that turned her off and gave her buyers remorse. She regretted getting back with you and realized you were not what she thought you were.
Here's some advice based on what worked for me...
There is a book called 3% man. Read it.
Watch Coach Corey Wayne videos on TH-cam. This will teach you how to act like a masculine man.
Keep watching Coach Ken and Coach Lee when you're feeling like breaking No Contact. Which you will feel.
& Going through something like this hits your confidence hard. So here's a quote from a show I watched that really motivated me.
"If you are ever feeling disheartened that you are somehow not enough. *Set your heart ablaze.* You may feel like digging your heels in but the flow of time waits for no one. It won't patiently standby as you grieve."
Best of luck!
The problem is within herself. She’s not secure within herself and is looking for others to make herself feel better. That’s why when you weren’t this new improved exciting sexy version of yourself she wasn’t interested, and when you were she suddenly was. Being with someone sexy and smart and whatever else she saw in you with your glow up is for HER to make herself feel better about herself. She doesn’t love herself and so she can not love other people, the ‘love’ is always selfish first and foremost. After a while she probably realised that despite you looking and seeming amazing, you guys broke up for a reason and probably weren’t all that compatible. Either that or the thrill wore off and she started seeing all your ‘flaws’ again which turned her off because she wants a trophy without flaws. Of course I’m wildly speculating having heard only a snippet of your story, but that’s my take having learned what I’ve learned so far in life.
You’re well rid. Keep doing yourself the service of looking after yourself and loving yourself properly and eventually the right person will be drawn to you and you to them. Sounds like your ex still has a long way to go in life
** to add - love is never fickle. Lust is fickle. Love is something most people think they have but they really don’t, in reality it’s usually lust. Love takes a long time to build and is based on trust, respect (respecting yourself and the other person) and giving and taking equally. You can’t grow or lose that overnight. After 5 years with you I’m sure love grew, but maybe it wasn’t very deep as she probably didn’t have a lot to give (and who knows maybe you didn’t either if you didn’t love and respect yourself as you should during your time together). Keep your head up and have faith!
BPD…
When he gets mad because you ignore him during no contact, and he blocks you, is it a "backfire" or not?
It has been one month since then but I haven't done anything. He hasn't blocked me everywhere, so I think he did it for attention.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we live happily together now,l got help from a great man who brought us back together.
Wh'atsapp him for help..👇
Hey i had the same thing happen to me. I most likely belief its for attention because mine unblocked me within 2 days when i didnt give any mind to it. I just let it be. I am slowly falling out of love for them actually since i am making logically sense of all their actions
Agree with everything except the “someone asked me out last night” portion. Seems like it would come across really fake and that everything you said before that part, was a lie.
8:40 omward
It backfired for me .. he just adjusted to not having me responding and moved on !
No contact means you don't reach out to them. If they contact you you respond. Otherwise, how are you supposed to move forward?
Hey coach Ken. So my ex who has bdp left her ex of five years to be with me. During a 5 month relationship that went through the phases of idealizing, devaluation, and the discard. After the discard (and probably during the devaluation) she got back with her ex that she originally left for me. I’ve been told she’ll most likely come back to me once they have another rough patch where she paints him black again. Is this a common occurrence in your experience with your clients. Thanks.
Not a guarantee - but definitely not uncommon if you handle the breakup the right way
@@CoachKen Gotcha. 👍🏼
@@MrFingerz14 any updates?
To book a coaching call with me on my website:
dotheyloveme.com/
@blacademic