No contact has always worked for me. They always come back if they feel they have lost you or you are moving on. But it’s very dangerous to just let them come back without working to earn you back. They will realize you were just playing a game. You have to be willing to walk! Especially, if they broke up with you.
It isn't playing a game though. Even if they don't contact you, not contacting them is the correct thing to do, the only thing to do, to move on. Initiating contact with someone who has dumped you is soul destroying and so damaging to your self respect.
Whether they are even capable of being as such they should know that, and you could get a 75 on that one. I would kill myself too this old handicapped thing you can hook it up to a computer.
That really hit home..."if you don't mean enough for a simple "hey how are you?" You don't mean enough to stay with even if you do get them back. That really REALLY hit home.
100%. It also makes me think that a dumpee should never be the one to break no contact, no matter how much time passes. My hunch is that if you reach out after 4-6 months and you end up getting back together, it likely won’t end up working in the long run because they didn’t take that first step. If they can’t even be bothered then they won’t put the long term effort into the relationship. I could be wrong and I’m sure it’s not always true but that’s my intuition even though I can understand a dumpee’s desire to try it.
I have watched a lot of couches and I feel like Ken is the most genuine guy. Speaks about his own experiences which is appreciated. Keep going Ken you help massively (UK)
Funny how you can be on anti depressants for weeks before they kick in. But a positive txt reach out from an ex you want back can have the same effect within seconds. Don't underestimate the power of what you have within inside yourself. Concentrate on your wellbeing first, if it comes, your body will do the rest.
Thank you so much Coach Ken. This feels like having a bro, who put his hand on my shoulder and telling all the things i need to hear, to change myself to be better, to prove myself that i'm stronger than i thought. And that's what i need right now.
Coach Ken is speaking FACTS!!! BELIEVE ME, Finally my wife contacted me after I followed Coach Ken's advise, JUST TRUST THE SYSTEM, it worked!! Be STOIC & STRONG guys 💪 good luck, and thanks Coach Ken, two thumbs up 👍👍
Were you going through a divorce? Separation? Break? .. I’m going through a divorce right now and I’m in the wrong in this situation. How long were you in No contact?
Amazing outlook Ken. I appreciate your messages and have taken pointers on the no contact stance. I did harm within my family due to substance abuse and am currently in treatment dealing with it at 51 years old. I’m respecting my wife’s boundaries and not contacting the family until SHE is ready to. I have to be very careful not to come out of this as “Captain Recovery”. Humble and vulnerable and have to have faith I haven’t pushed her away. Again thank you
Anyone else in the early stages of No Contact after DEVASTATING heartbreak (Mine was a complete blindside. He was madly in love with me, calling me the love of his life just a couple days before, and we were moving in together in a few weeks. He even bought a beautiful new house for us to start our “dreamy life together in”) and already feeling like at this point you care less about whether you actually get back together, and more than anything just want him to come back and beg, say he’ll do anything, maybe even cry? Apparently, I am evil 😈
This was a while ago and he didn’t come back. He got engaged to a random he met online days after throwing me away like trash. Honestly, i don’t miss him. He disgusts me. Lol! Keep your head up everyone!
Excellent presentation. You hit it out of the ball park on this one. The situation we talked about is still improving. Yesterday when I left the house, she followed me to my car and then asked if I was going to kiss her. I just have to keep up my patience. I'll probably make an appointment to touch base with you again in a couple of months when my work schedule clears up again. Keep up the good work.
Thanks, coach Ken. This felt like a taylor made talk for me. Whenever I feel like breaking no contact, I'll listen to this one and keep moving on. Thanks!
The stock market analogy is a good one. I just have to convince myself that they are going thru the same rollercoaster of emotions. That's a tough one to believe. Almost 1 year NC, they're dating someone else & it still hurts. Thanks Coach Ken!
Prob one of the best I’ve heard. The imagery of the wall helped a lot. Each sit-up is another pebble, etc. Each book I read about women or mental health, another slab of plaster filling in the gabs. NC day’44.
recently Coach Ken's videos my last resort to survive. I feel so strong pain in every day, that sometimes i feel, i can not bear anymore. When i watch some of his videos i feel, there is some hope, could be someting better future for me than the suffering during all of my life.
Coaches Ken and Lee's channel are den of knowledge. In moments they hit that spot where we looking answers. It's hard sometimes to cope with strong emotions and waves of thoughts that bring more and more questions and anxiety then peace. Having hope for best outcome, whether we get the ex back or someone else will appear and letting go is, I guess, only way.
TBH it's painful for a month after that who wants those losers back, it's just your ego, not your desire. Once you pass the tough time (30 days) trust me you are fine :)
This is you projecting your own experience, it’s not consistent with every person’s breakup situation. You’ve called your ex a “loser”, mine isn’t and I’m 3 months NC, I feel better but the love for her is still strong. Really, it’s less about the ex and more to do with yourself and how you feel.
I wish 30 days was it. I'm 5 months without seeing her and I still dont want to get out of bed and still check her social media. I don't know when I'll finally fully heal but everyday no contact gets me closer to the goal of indifference.
GOD BLESS YOU COACH KEN I WISH I WOULD HAVE FOUND YOU SOONER! IT'S BEEN A YEAR, UNFORTUNATELY WE WORK TOGETHER, AND DIVORCE PAPERS HAVE. BEEN FILED AFTER 19 YRS, AND THIRD PARTY. YOUR ADVICE IS PRICELESS, THANK YOU
I love the comment about giving my brain a break. My job is high stress and problem solver skills are at full capacity. Great topic and message. I will add this to my coping and healing tool bag. I have listened to so many channels and I am loving yours the most. Thank you and here’s to healing and moving forward one day at a time.
No contact doesn't always work guys. I mean some of my exes have reached out sooner or later. But I think we all have exes we would never reach out to. And you never know they might have thought we would at some point. I've come to accept my ex won't reach out. I liked her more than she did me. Just life my friends. Approaching 60 days now and it's getting easier . Can feel my mental image of her changing
How did it turn out for you? I went nc once many years ago with a girl I was genuinely heartbroken over and oddly enough she’s reached out several times in recent years and I haven’t responded because I have utterly no interest. Funny how life works sometimes.
@@chadsjohnson4876 Hi even though I really thought this one was gone for good she came back after 6 months. I'm having 'fun' with her but keeping her distant. Don't think I'll ever want a relationship with her. Probably shouldn't even be entertaining her at all but I like fun sometimes and it's hard to resist. Not sure if I'm setting myself up for more grief but she's staying at arms length
I'm very analytical and a problem solver. I did cause the breakup but when she said it was over I went into overdrive and spent almost 2 months making appeals and admitting to mistakes. I had a "realization" that I was a narcissist and told her I was and that I could change that. I've come to realize through these videos and therapy that that's not even remotely true. I started working on myself diligently and even after I accepted that "giving her space" was what was best before I learned about no contact I still broke every once in a while to give some long message in some grandiose gesture. I've been in no contact for over 2 weeks now and it seems like ages but I'm getting to the point where I'm excited to think that at some point she may message me and I won't even see it. I really wish I'd known about this sooner but I'm taking it one day at a time and doing my best to keep going and accept whatever the results may be and staying strong in the meantime.
Im a woman, he stopped texting- he would probably respond if i crawled back - but After ghosting I have to know he wants me... we are all being told the same advice so no one makes the first move 😢 pain
I didnt relate until he said problem solving brain.... I am R&D Scientist by profession... My mind has been going through every single moment, and being like maybe this maybe this Bro is so right i read like 5 books on attachment style, FAs etc TT
I broke NC after 2 days and then after 4 days 😔. I restarted the clock again but now I MUST stop. If he keeps not answering I have to understand that even if I pushed and helped causing the break up he’s not my person. He wouldn’t leave me unanswered and alone
I had one guy come back like 4 or 5 times. I've taken him back and acted with honor and integrity the entire time. I've never been to blame and it does give me a sense of self to know he's been the problem the whole time. HE'S the more hang'er on than I am.
My ex discarded me after a love bombing phase. She said that she was not good for me and that she didn’t want to be between me and God. And she dumped me over text. I went no contact completely. I blocked her from everywhere. After months of no contact and a hard hard recovery process I uploaded a video on a new TH-cam channel, singing with someone I met, and all of a sudden she commented on the video. I never thought of that she was gonna see this video. And what she said was: this is so beautiful, God bless you. Like incredibly sarcastic. Why would she do this? After she told me to move on, and she dumped me.
St Michael, I just want to give you MY opinion as a female. IT sounds like she does like you, but she's not in love with you. The "love bombing" then leaving sounds narcissistic to me. I would let her go. You deserve someone who LOVES you, and it's not her. Good luck to you always. ⚘️
Great video and I love how your passion really comes through. My ex phoned me less than 2 weeks after the breakup. She said that I had something of mine at hers to collect. It was a way of testing to see how I'd react and she also said that she had wanted to call me straight after finishing things. She said she missed our conversations. I remained calm throughout. The following day I rode past her on my motorbike. She phoned me that evening asking if it was me. Since then I've just remained in no contact.
My ex upwBPD broke up with me for the 3rd time (2 days after giving me one of the best birthdays days I’ve ever had) and has usually come back literally after 6 hours or up to 3 days, except now it’s been just over a month since we last spoke, and I’m afraid that I’ve been completely discarded and forgotten. However, She was still constantly liking posts on my social media but it was becoming so toxic for me that I was literally only posting to get her attention, so I deactivated all social media but haven’t blocked her number or anything. Was deactivating a mistake or showing strength? will not being able to keep tabs on me make her wonder where I’ve gone/miss me/ ultimately try and hoover like she has in the past? I miss her terribly and idk what to do anymore
I understand where you're coming from. I'm no expert, but I firmly believe that your mental health is necessary if you want a good relationship with anyone, so I think that deactivating was a good move if you felt it was becoming toxic. Stay strong, man. You got this.
Renato, if I were you, I wouldn't take that form of abuse from anyone, let alone a girlfriend, WHO, BTW, sounds like she doesn't love you. I would block her across the board, and do NOT call her. You miss her bcse you LOVE her. I've been thru that, so I know what it's like. Stay away from her bcse she's only playing you. Once you've blocked her totally, she'll be surprised. Now YOU ARE IN CONTROL..DO NOT CALL HER..Good luck to you. Virtual hug.❤️⚘️
You described my big overthinking smart brain so well. It made me laugh. I am a problem solver, esp in this relationship, i solved, help, came with solutions etc, even if that meant i was elimated myself. He broke up 3 weeks ago. And my brain, worries and rational thinking, made me reach out 6 days after BU and today. The first time, i was in a panic cause some girl played games with him and tagged him with hearts... Today i reached out cause i felt good and i thought if i would reach out, he would react good also. He did reply, just cold. Then we started talking a bit more normal. He keeps saying he wont change his mind and what is over is over. He also still seems to be in the relief stage. But did say i was a good gf. Will go NC again and hope i didnt mess things up cause of today. But its just so hard to go from getting married and talking every day and spending all our time together to... nothing. And tbh also the thought thats already been 3 weeks in total made me panic despite feeling good.
She blocks me, unblocks me, blocks me, unblocks me, etc. All while she's in love with this other jerk-off, she keeps me around. She told me to my face with her cold dead eyes that she didn't want me anymore and wanted to be with him. So, I went into no contact immediately after that. She blocked me, unblocked me, and then reached out and asked me if i would let her drive my car, I answered her message and then went back into no contact. She blocked me again today. This is so screwed up. Why is this?
the back and forth is consistent validation that she still has meaning to you - she doesn't need to close the distance all the way to get validation that you're still there enough to calm her
Thanks for your input Coach Ken. I really hate this way she treats me. What a low value woman... I like your videos and also coach Lee's Keep 'em coming@@CoachKen
On Day 2 of me doing no contact he reached out, but it was in a very crumb way …. I therefore ignored it and didn’t respond … but now I’m wondering if I blew it by not responding … and that he may now think that I don’t want him and has given up. I would love an answer to that. Can you give me reassurance Coach Ken? I do feel strong and capable of walking away but I don’t want to lose him if he did reach out …
Great presentation! You have captured the sentiments of the dumpee as if you have personally past through a hurtful break up; I suspect you have. If you could begin this particular presentation from the start, how would it change, if at all, if your ex met and developed a relationship 3-4 months prior to the official break up ( therefore not a rebound) and now professes her deep love and finding her soul mate to her friends and family?
- What if you want to do no contact (and they are dating someone else anyway) but they still call you? Do I not pick up? Do I not text back? - Do I block or not block? I find blocking really hard. I DO want him back now, but our relationship got ruined so it would be hard to fix. Maybe time will heal. Still, I love him. I wish all of this never happened. We still do love each other. I told him to break up with her. I just get an awkward look. What do I do?
IMHO If he is dating someone else; ask him not to contact you and focus on your own healing. Perhaps put him on mute so you do not read his messages straight away.
before i go to no contact i have been very mad and had a fight with my ex i told her that you can go and i will find someone better than you and you are going to regret all this and now I'm fried that they don't come back because of my reactions i was mad of their decision😢
He asked for space, was overwhelmed after sale of his home, going through divorce, staying in her new home in the meantime. (There were some issues with the sale) ..never broke up with me and I directly asked “is there a chance you’re staying with her?” He said no. He’s 58. I’m 42. Not sure if that matters lol I’ve respected his request for space …it’s been 2 weeks. I’m in that dark headspace. I feel broken up with or my mind is saying that. But as crazy as my situation sounds I do trust him. Because I just went through the same thing with my ex. Any recommendations?
He was hot and cold, and ghosted me a lot over 16 years, but I was always nice to him when he came back, but this last time, he texted me "I miss you" on our "anniversary". But I felt very insulted by just a text, so I texted back, "I'm sure your feelings will change. They always do." Was my snarkiness going too far? Maybe he was trying to come back.
I had an ex reach out after 2 years. She is in another relationship that makes her happy but she did tell me i would cross her mind, that she still feels for me and sometimes wished we would of worked it out. Sometimes they care and still dont come back.
This is exactly how I feel I left my boyfriend 8 days ago because he took me for granted and I told him to take space and when he figured it out let me know. Earlier today I listened our radio station that we use to send songs to each other and I was in the moment of the words my phone rang NO NUMBER and I answered it was quite on other side said hallo 3 times then phone was rang up. It was like I felt his heart in the song but like you say he already know how I feel more than what I did for him and said how I felt I can't he needs to come back and feel the loss I feel😢 it's hard so hard
Yes indeed. We’re officially broken up 3 weeks after a so called 3 week break” before that . I’ve gone 12 days no contact but then she posted stuff back to me with a note asking how I was?? I replied to the note , was this a mistake Ken ?
i was the one who break it up with her, i gave her 3 chances before going no contact telling her to stop lying! it seems she has mythomania or something, i dumped her 27 days ago with no contact at all, i disappeared completely but the problem is im a known singer in my country so i have to continuisly update my releases to my fans on social media so its all opened and public so she can see me everytime she wants, sometimes i feel i gave up on her very soon it was a short term relationship that ended tragically i told her that im meeting some1 new (which im not) just to close all the doors on her to never contact me again and i meant it that time i had enough, now im recalling all the special memories we had, i read our conversation every week, she really loved me and she did everything i asked her to do except to stop lying, it seems she has that as a disease, i wish i can fix her, i miss her, but i will never be the one who initiate contact, if she does? which i doubt because i told her im with some1 now? ill have my new condition, but if she doesnt, its gonna be a hell lot of pain even with all the activities im doing
Hey Mr Ken, what if we’re still together and she says she loves you but she doesn’t love you as much, now she’s stonewalling me on most days. She says she doesn’t really care if we’re together or not but isn’t ending the relationship yet? She said she kinda just wants to focus on her and her daughter right now and that she just wants space from me, no emotions, no feelings, but then she still responds to SOME / FEW of my texts, she’s stonewalling.
@@CoachKenshe finally admitted what the issue was as to why she was stonewalling, she said she was feeling MORE pressure while dating me than when not dating me.
He broke up in a really horrible way and tried to keep contact but was super inconsistent i called him, he was very ambivalent, and i told him there's no turning back. I told him i need to move on and just wanted to leave a last good interaction. He since told people a one sided story why it didn't work out, where i look as a villain, which is very untypical of him. I feel he is trying to make it final. He is also dating. Haven't heard from him since. I hope i didn't ruin everything with my call???
In fact, considering the fear of loneliness is vastly predominant in the population, you have to assume first of all that when they break up chances are that they are with another person. Nowadays monkeybranching is the norm; i see it every time. Or at least there's another person in their minds. Your biggest fear is already partially or totally accomplished. With all these apps, internet, coworkers, labour mobility, experiences selling markets, courses, gyms, bla bla, it's quite different than it was 20 years ago or more. So the best "strategy" (i don't like to call it that way, it is not a strategy or a manipulation, is mental survival fitness) is, as Ken says, to give them the break up and preserve your dignity. You cannot do otherwise anyways so...
My problem is my ex broke up with me and then contacted me then said don't ever talk to me again your a thing of the past. When she texted me I said thank you for helping me as I'm earning better money got a great body again as training twice a day again. I didn't text her she texted me to then message again saying don't contact me again. I'm cool moving on but the conversation she started then saying don't contact again confused what it means. I don't care I'm in a better place now so just wondered the meaning of that outburst so if you could explain that would help greatly
Because you thanked her for the breakup. No one wants to be reminded that they hurt you. Plus you started selling yourself about money, body etc. Why sell yourself to someone?
We are the A side! Their loss. Stick to no contact out. I did no contact out of pride for myself in the past. I didnt know the theory it was just bro code. Id say 80 percent of them had to cone back and test waters. I had moved on though. God bless unanswered prayers!
When they broke up with you, you should date when you feel ready, they can’t be mad you’re dating, they basically gave you away by breaking up with you
What if she keeps trying to text and see me but I don’t want too see her I obviously wish to be with her but I can’t get back with her after she treated me
What if we were seeing each other for 2 months, basically a “relationship” without the official label. I thought she was my soulmate, the way we came together was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. She left me after one big misunderstanding and I tried to lie my way thru it but I just made things worse and made me look like I was talking to another girl, I wasn’t. A few days later she told me she forgives me but she just can’t talk to me right now and she’d be open to it in the future. It’s been a month now and I’ve seen her at the gym twice. Both times I made the mistake of trying to get her back but she still just keeps saying “I’m not ready.” At first we didn’t remove each other off social media but it got too hard for me to see everything she’s been up to so I removed her. I don’t know what to think or do, it’s like one day we were falling in love and then one bad evening and it’s like I’m nothing to her.
My ex's mom reached out to me saying that she's said she still has feelings for me and wanted me to reach out to her. We are about to start working together... what should I do to navigate this?
You know self respect and self esteem are not the same. Self esteem will ebb and flow with one’s emotions. Self respect will not, and is learned behavior. It’s a pretty good bet that without self respect you will have no self esteem. The creatures that you most refer to are very likely never going change. Moreover the best these people can ever hope for, given the severity of their problems, is a sort of maintenance of their pathology’s. I have been involved with a cheating borderline, her traits are actually closer in line with a covert narcissist. My boundaries equal my self respect. In a very SICK way perhaps I do want to get back together but my pesky self respect issues just keep getting in the way. Always remember the pathological lying , the gaslighting, and the cheating. The mire fact that I lived through that already dictates that my self respect will be tested again and again. There is a possibility one chance in a million that it could work but even then, with proper therapy , any therapist for both sides worth their salt will tell both parties to leave the relationship, as specially if there has already been an injury such as infidelity.
Also, if you have hope, you will suffer. And never be alright. You don't have to have hope. I know you can't press a buttom and eliminate hope, but it doesn't make sense to have it. You have to accept their decision and aknowledge yourself that is over. And if she comes back, good. You will decide at this moment. But you have to be good and stop to suffer. Hope=suffer
No contact has always worked for me. They always come back if they feel they have lost you or you are moving on. But it’s very dangerous to just let them come back without working to earn you back. They will realize you were just playing a game. You have to be willing to walk! Especially, if they broke up with you.
It isn't playing a game though. Even if they don't contact you, not contacting them is the correct thing to do, the only thing to do, to move on. Initiating contact with someone who has dumped you is soul destroying and so damaging to your self respect.
@@AM1465 100% agreed. It is a game.
Whether they are even capable of being as such they should know that, and you could get a 75 on that one. I would kill myself too this old handicapped thing you can hook it up to a computer.
Mi man. True story right there
Ever dated a DA?
That really hit home..."if you don't mean enough for a simple "hey how are you?" You don't mean enough to stay with even if you do get them back. That really REALLY hit home.
100%. It also makes me think that a dumpee should never be the one to break no contact, no matter how much time passes. My hunch is that if you reach out after 4-6 months and you end up getting back together, it likely won’t end up working in the long run because they didn’t take that first step. If they can’t even be bothered then they won’t put the long term effort into the relationship. I could be wrong and I’m sure it’s not always true but that’s my intuition even though I can understand a dumpee’s desire to try it.
That is so true
I have watched a lot of couches and I feel like Ken is the most genuine guy. Speaks about his own experiences which is appreciated. Keep going Ken you help massively (UK)
Thank you Melissa - My apologies for taking so long to see this message, but it was very kind of you to share! Thank you
Ken: 1 🛋️: 0 😂
The rollercoaster of emotions is really interessting to experience, how the mind just controls you in that moment, just crazy.
Embrace it!
So if its a long distance relationship of two yrs how long should it take?
Funny how you can be on anti depressants for weeks before they kick in.
But a positive txt reach out from an ex you want back can have the same effect within seconds. Don't underestimate the power of what you have within inside yourself. Concentrate on your wellbeing first, if it comes, your body will do the rest.
Well said 👍💔🤞
Thanks so much Coach Ken!!.
My ex is my #1 Fan now 🙏🔥
Nice!
are you guys back together?
I have gone 3 months no contact and i don’t want her back at all , she was a horrendous human being …
Why are you here then? I don’t get the people like you who are done and hate their ex… yet you’re here on these videos.
So you just like wasting 27mins of your life ? Lol
Did your ex ever reach out to you???
Thank you so much Coach Ken. This feels like having a bro, who put his hand on my shoulder and telling all the things i need to hear, to change myself to be better, to prove myself that i'm stronger than i thought. And that's what i need right now.
Coach Ken is speaking FACTS!!! BELIEVE ME, Finally my wife contacted me after I followed Coach Ken's advise, JUST TRUST THE SYSTEM, it worked!! Be STOIC & STRONG guys 💪 good luck, and thanks Coach Ken, two thumbs up 👍👍
Were you going through a divorce? Separation? Break? .. I’m going through a divorce right now and I’m in the wrong in this situation.
How long were you in No contact?
Going through a divorce, it only took weeks
Amazing outlook Ken. I appreciate your messages and have taken pointers on the no contact stance. I did harm within my family due to substance abuse and am currently in treatment dealing with it at 51 years old. I’m respecting my wife’s boundaries and not contacting the family until SHE is ready to. I have to be very careful not to come out of this as “Captain Recovery”. Humble and vulnerable and have to have faith I haven’t pushed her away. Again thank you
Anyone else in the early stages of No Contact after DEVASTATING heartbreak (Mine was a complete blindside. He was madly in love with me, calling me the love of his life just a couple days before, and we were moving in together in a few weeks. He even bought a beautiful new house for us to start our “dreamy life together in”) and already feeling like at this point you care less about whether you actually get back together, and more than anything just want him to come back and beg, say he’ll do anything, maybe even cry? Apparently, I am evil 😈
No, sis. You're not. I bought knee Bandaids and bactine. I'm just sitting here, cotton balls in hand.
This was a while ago and he didn’t come back. He got engaged to a random he met online days after throwing me away like trash. Honestly, i don’t miss him. He disgusts me. Lol! Keep your head up everyone!
I'm in the early stages. About 2 weeks in. This has been tough. I think she's already moved on, as well. Sure is painful. Never saw it coming
Excellent presentation. You hit it out of the ball park on this one. The situation we talked about is still improving. Yesterday when I left the house, she followed me to my car and then asked if I was going to kiss her. I just have to keep up my patience. I'll probably make an appointment to touch base with you again in a couple of months when my work schedule clears up again. Keep up the good work.
Thanks, coach Ken. This felt like a taylor made talk for me. Whenever I feel like breaking no contact, I'll listen to this one and keep moving on. Thanks!
The stock market analogy is a good one. I just have to convince myself that they are going thru the same rollercoaster of emotions. That's a tough one to believe. Almost 1 year NC, they're dating someone else & it still hurts. Thanks Coach Ken!
Coach Ken is spitting out wisdom like no other dating or relationship coaches out there. Thanks Coach!
Prob one of the best I’ve heard. The imagery of the wall helped a lot. Each sit-up is another pebble, etc. Each book I read about women or mental health, another slab of plaster filling in the gabs. NC day’44.
Thank you James!
recently Coach Ken's videos my last resort to survive. I feel so strong pain in every day, that sometimes i feel, i can not bear anymore. When i watch some of his videos i feel, there is some hope, could be someting better future for me than the suffering during all of my life.
Same 😢
Bro you just explained everything I have been feeling.
Coaches Ken and Lee's channel are den of knowledge. In moments they hit that spot where we looking answers. It's hard sometimes to cope with strong emotions and waves of thoughts that bring more and more questions and anxiety then peace. Having hope for best outcome, whether we get the ex back or someone else will appear and letting go is, I guess, only way.
‘Like a stock market ‘ … soooo true - such a good analogy 🔥
I'm a woman and I can confirm: a woman always, really, ALWAYS reachs out when they want. Even if it's out of curiosity.
Really? 😢
Not really!
No, chasing a man is taboo.
Thanks for the inside perspective
TBH it's painful for a month after that who wants those losers back, it's just your ego, not your desire. Once you pass the tough time (30 days) trust me you are fine :)
This is you projecting your own experience, it’s not consistent with every person’s breakup situation. You’ve called your ex a “loser”, mine isn’t and I’m 3 months NC, I feel better but the love for her is still strong. Really, it’s less about the ex and more to do with yourself and how you feel.
I wish 30 days was it. I'm 5 months without seeing her and I still dont want to get out of bed and still check her social media. I don't know when I'll finally fully heal but everyday no contact gets me closer to the goal of indifference.
@@MariahSprinkle breakups are some of the hardest tests in life, you don’t feel fine but know that you will eventually no matter the result.
Says the DA
4 months in and crying on bathroom floor at work.
GOD BLESS YOU COACH KEN I WISH I WOULD HAVE FOUND YOU SOONER! IT'S BEEN A YEAR, UNFORTUNATELY WE WORK TOGETHER, AND DIVORCE PAPERS HAVE. BEEN FILED AFTER 19 YRS, AND THIRD PARTY. YOUR ADVICE IS PRICELESS, THANK YOU
Thank you for the very kind words William! Much appreciated
Thank you coach ken you’ve given me the reality check I needed
I really like the stone wall analogy Iill actually draw it on paper to visualize it
I love the comment about giving my brain a break. My job is high stress and problem solver skills are at full capacity. Great topic and message. I will add this to my coping and healing tool bag. I have listened to so many channels and I am loving yours the most. Thank you and here’s to healing and moving forward one day at a time.
Dude this is gold
Dude you just explained everything I just did okay I'm gonna follow your steps ken
No contact doesn't always work guys. I mean some of my exes have reached out sooner or later. But I think we all have exes we would never reach out to. And you never know they might have thought we would at some point. I've come to accept my ex won't reach out. I liked her more than she did me. Just life my friends. Approaching 60 days now and it's getting easier . Can feel my mental image of her changing
How did it turn out for you? I went nc once many years ago with a girl I was genuinely heartbroken over and oddly enough she’s reached out several times in recent years and I haven’t responded because I have utterly no interest. Funny how life works sometimes.
@@chadsjohnson4876 Hi even though I really thought this one was gone for good she came back after 6 months. I'm having 'fun' with her but keeping her distant. Don't think I'll ever want a relationship with her. Probably shouldn't even be entertaining her at all but I like fun sometimes and it's hard to resist. Not sure if I'm setting myself up for more grief but she's staying at arms length
@@jumpedintheriverwhatdidise5499 you are setting both of you up not wise
I'm very analytical and a problem solver. I did cause the breakup but when she said it was over I went into overdrive and spent almost 2 months making appeals and admitting to mistakes. I had a "realization" that I was a narcissist and told her I was and that I could change that. I've come to realize through these videos and therapy that that's not even remotely true. I started working on myself diligently and even after I accepted that "giving her space" was what was best before I learned about no contact I still broke every once in a while to give some long message in some grandiose gesture. I've been in no contact for over 2 weeks now and it seems like ages but I'm getting to the point where I'm excited to think that at some point she may message me and I won't even see it. I really wish I'd known about this sooner but I'm taking it one day at a time and doing my best to keep going and accept whatever the results may be and staying strong in the meantime.
Coach Ken. I just watched two other videos prior to this one coming up again and all three spoke to me at where I am at the moment.
Thank you David - very much appreciated!
Im a woman, he stopped texting- he would probably respond if i crawled back - but After ghosting I have to know he wants me... we are all being told the same advice so no one makes the first move 😢 pain
Needed this coach, the stock market analogy is spot on
I like the way you explain things Coach Ken.
Thank you so much for this! God bless you Coach Ken 🙏
I like the stones in the wall line gonna stick in my head that definitely
I didnt relate until he said problem solving brain.... I am R&D Scientist by profession... My mind has been going through every single moment, and being like maybe this maybe this
Bro is so right i read like 5 books on attachment style, FAs etc TT
Thanks SkillSet - much appreciated
You’re amazing dude. The best info out there
Thank you 🙏you are so helpful and offer the most insight 😀
I broke NC after 2 days and then after 4 days 😔. I restarted the clock again but now I MUST stop. If he keeps not answering I have to understand that even if I pushed and helped causing the break up he’s not my person. He wouldn’t leave me unanswered and alone
I had one guy come back like 4 or 5 times. I've taken him back and acted with honor and integrity the entire time. I've never been to blame and it does give me a sense of self to know he's been the problem the whole time. HE'S the more hang'er on than I am.
This is the greatest pep talk , thx coach ken😉
My ex discarded me after a love bombing phase. She said that she was not good for me and that she didn’t want to be between me and God. And she dumped me over text. I went no contact completely. I blocked her from everywhere. After months of no contact and a hard hard recovery process I uploaded a video on a new TH-cam channel, singing with someone I met, and all of a sudden she commented on the video. I never thought of that she was gonna see this video. And what she said was: this is so beautiful, God bless you. Like incredibly sarcastic. Why would she do this? After she told me to move on, and she dumped me.
St Michael, I just want to give you MY opinion as a female. IT sounds like she does like you, but she's not in love with you. The "love bombing" then leaving sounds narcissistic to me. I would let her go. You deserve someone who LOVES you, and it's not her. Good luck to you always. ⚘️
She is keeping you on the shelf, in limbo. No contact and move on!
She doesn’t like you enough to be with you but she doesn’t want you to move on and forget her either. That’s what it kinda looks like
If you love and serve the living God and she doesn't..don't take her back. The Bible is clear that believers should marry believers.
@@jannlewandowski5540YOU WOMAN ARE CRAZY TELLING A MAN I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU MEANS TWO THINGS
Great video and I love how your passion really comes through. My ex phoned me less than 2 weeks after the breakup. She said that I had something of mine at hers to collect. It was a way of testing to see how I'd react and she also said that she had wanted to call me straight after finishing things. She said she missed our conversations. I remained calm throughout. The following day I rode past her on my motorbike. She phoned me that evening asking if it was me. Since then I've just remained in no contact.
Your material is streets ahead of the channels of a similar ilk - glad I found it. Well done
Greatest Coach ever 🎉
Many thanks!
This was such a helpful video. Thank you so much for posting this coach.
Thanks coach Ken, for all your videos. You actually appear very genuine and want to do good in the world.
You are Amazing, man!!! Wow, what a great set of useful advice. Exactly what we need. You are a Star!
My ex upwBPD broke up with me for the 3rd time (2 days after giving me one of the best birthdays days I’ve ever had) and has usually come back literally after 6 hours or up to 3 days, except now it’s been just over a month since we last spoke, and I’m afraid that I’ve been completely discarded and forgotten. However, She was still constantly liking posts on my social media but it was becoming so toxic for me that I was literally only posting to get her attention, so I deactivated all social media but haven’t blocked her number or anything. Was deactivating a mistake or showing strength? will not being able to keep tabs on me make her wonder where I’ve gone/miss me/ ultimately try and hoover like she has in the past? I miss her terribly and idk what to do anymore
I understand where you're coming from. I'm no expert, but I firmly believe that your mental health is necessary if you want a good relationship with anyone, so I think that deactivating was a good move if you felt it was becoming toxic. Stay strong, man. You got this.
Renato, if I were you, I wouldn't take that form of abuse from anyone, let alone a girlfriend, WHO, BTW, sounds like she doesn't love you. I would block her across the board, and do NOT call her. You miss her bcse you LOVE her. I've been thru that, so I know what it's like. Stay away from her bcse she's only playing you. Once you've blocked her totally, she'll be surprised. Now YOU ARE IN CONTROL..DO NOT CALL HER..Good luck to you. Virtual hug.❤️⚘️
Block, move on or else.... :)
Best video so far. I know he’s not going to contact me again. He’s all about conquering more women. I wasn’t satisfying the porn sensory overload
Be glad you didn't marry him. He's looking at an empty life.
You described my big overthinking smart brain so well. It made me laugh. I am a problem solver, esp in this relationship, i solved, help, came with solutions etc, even if that meant i was elimated myself.
He broke up 3 weeks ago. And my brain, worries and rational thinking, made me reach out 6 days after BU and today. The first time, i was in a panic cause some girl played games with him and tagged him with hearts... Today i reached out cause i felt good and i thought if i would reach out, he would react good also. He did reply, just cold. Then we started talking a bit more normal.
He keeps saying he wont change his mind and what is over is over. He also still seems to be in the relief stage. But did say i was a good gf.
Will go NC again and hope i didnt mess things up cause of today. But its just so hard to go from getting married and talking every day and spending all our time together to... nothing.
And tbh also the thought thats already been 3 weeks in total made me panic despite feeling good.
Stay strong, you can do it
@@tankista5885 Thanks. We are on talking terms again, just all very low. Not ready yet for harder talks .
This video is spot on, Coach Ken! Love your videos!!!
Thanks Jaime!
Your videos help me a lot…. Thank you 🙏
Glad to hear that!
Coach Ken, you are the best brother thanks
You are!
She blocks me, unblocks me, blocks me, unblocks me, etc. All while she's in love with this other jerk-off, she keeps me around. She told me to my face with her cold dead eyes that she didn't want me anymore and wanted to be with him. So, I went into no contact immediately after that. She blocked me, unblocked me, and then reached out and asked me if i would let her drive my car, I answered her message and then went back into no contact. She blocked me again today. This is so screwed up. Why is this?
the back and forth is consistent validation that she still has meaning to you - she doesn't need to close the distance all the way to get validation that you're still there enough to calm her
Stop the torture. She sounds cruel and manipulative. You have no choice but to let her go & it will be hard.
Thanks for your input Coach Ken. I really hate this way she treats me. What a low value woman... I like your videos and also coach Lee's Keep 'em coming@@CoachKen
Thanks!
On Day 2 of me doing no contact he reached out, but it was in a very crumb way …. I therefore ignored it and didn’t respond … but now I’m wondering if I blew it by not responding … and that he may now think that I don’t want him and has given up. I would love an answer to that. Can you give me reassurance Coach Ken? I do feel strong and capable of walking away but I don’t want to lose him if he did reach out …
Thank you! I needed this today!! 😊
Great presentation! You have captured the sentiments of the dumpee as if you have personally past through a hurtful break up; I suspect you have.
If you could begin this particular presentation from the start, how would it change, if at all, if your ex met and developed a relationship 3-4 months prior to the official break up ( therefore not a rebound) and now professes her deep love and finding her soul mate to her friends and family?
Coach Ken, you are amazing. Thank you!
Wonderful insights and metaphors. It’s like you know exactly what I’ve been through. Thank you.
- What if you want to do no contact (and they are dating someone else anyway) but they still call you? Do I not pick up? Do I not text back?
- Do I block or not block? I find blocking really hard.
I DO want him back now, but our relationship got ruined so it would be hard to fix. Maybe time will heal. Still, I love him. I wish all of this never happened. We still do love each other. I told him to break up with her. I just get an awkward look.
What do I do?
IMHO If he is dating someone else; ask him not to contact you and focus on your own healing. Perhaps put him on mute so you do not read his messages straight away.
Your so right. I’ve learned enough to write a book. LoL that was kinda funny. Thank You
You are talking about me. Thx for what you are doing.
before i go to no contact
i have been very mad and had a fight with my ex i told her that you can go and i will find someone better than you and you are going to regret all this
and now I'm fried that they don't come back because of my reactions
i was mad of their decision😢
He asked for space, was overwhelmed after sale of his home, going through divorce, staying in her new home in the meantime. (There were some issues with the sale) ..never broke up with me and I directly asked “is there a chance you’re staying with her?” He said no. He’s 58. I’m 42. Not sure if that matters lol I’ve respected his request for space …it’s been 2 weeks. I’m in that dark headspace. I feel broken up with or my mind is saying that. But as crazy as my situation sounds I do trust him. Because I just went through the same thing with my ex. Any recommendations?
Do I sound foolish? For “waiting”?
Ahhh man, so real! Thanks coach Ken!
He was hot and cold, and ghosted me a lot over 16 years, but I was always nice to him when he came back, but this last time, he texted me "I miss you" on our "anniversary". But I felt very insulted by just a text, so I texted back, "I'm sure your feelings will change. They always do." Was my snarkiness going too far? Maybe he was trying to come back.
I had an ex reach out after 2 years. She is in another relationship that makes her happy but she did tell me i would cross her mind, that she still feels for me and sometimes wished we would of worked it out. Sometimes they care and still dont come back.
Most of the time they care and do this crap..
I’ve Hefner heard a explanation THIS EXACT 😮 OMG . Yoo-hoo gave gift thank you
This is exactly how I feel I left my boyfriend 8 days ago because he took me for granted and I told him to take space and when he figured it out let me know. Earlier today I listened our radio station that we use to send songs to each other and I was in the moment of the words my phone rang NO NUMBER and I answered it was quite on other side said hallo 3 times then phone was rang up. It was like I felt his heart in the song but like you say he already know how I feel more than what I did for him and said how I felt I can't he needs to come back and feel the loss I feel😢 it's hard so hard
Good stuff!
Yes indeed. We’re officially broken up 3 weeks after a so called 3 week break” before that .
I’ve gone 12 days no contact but then she posted stuff back to me with a note asking how I was??
I replied to the note , was this a mistake Ken ?
What if it's your fault? Not in a " i blame myself " kind of way, but literally my inaction to fix a long distance situation caused this.
Great video
i love your voice tone and advise.
Tell yourself they will never reach out and if they do, than decide if you want them. DO NOT REACH OUT. stay strong.
Duuuude….. Thank you!!
i was the one who break it up with her, i gave her 3 chances before going no contact telling her to stop lying! it seems she has mythomania or something, i dumped her 27 days ago with no contact at all, i disappeared completely but the problem is im a known singer in my country so i have to continuisly update my releases to my fans on social media so its all opened and public so she can see me everytime she wants, sometimes i feel i gave up on her very soon it was a short term relationship that ended tragically i told her that im meeting some1 new (which im not) just to close all the doors on her to never contact me again and i meant it that time i had enough, now im recalling all the special memories we had, i read our conversation every week, she really loved me and she did everything i asked her to do except to stop lying, it seems she has that as a disease, i wish i can fix her, i miss her, but i will never be the one who initiate contact, if she does? which i doubt because i told her im with some1 now? ill have my new condition, but if she doesnt, its gonna be a hell lot of pain even with all the activities im doing
Let me know if you want to do a call RoyKent @ dotheyloveme.com - would love to get more details on this one.
@@CoachKenme too!!! Same position
What was the outcome please?
Thank you 🙏 I needed this…
Hey Mr Ken, what if we’re still together and she says she loves you but she doesn’t love you as much, now she’s stonewalling me on most days. She says she doesn’t really care if we’re together or not but isn’t ending the relationship yet? She said she kinda just wants to focus on her and her daughter right now and that she just wants space from me, no emotions, no feelings, but then she still responds to SOME / FEW of my texts, she’s stonewalling.
Absolutely pull back! Don't chase at all - she gives you time and space then you show her you can fill it with something of value and meaning to you
@@CoachKenshe finally admitted what the issue was as to why she was stonewalling, she said she was feeling MORE pressure while dating me than when not dating me.
Bro check your sound…maybe use an equalizer. Ty
He broke up in a really horrible way and tried to keep contact but was super inconsistent i called him, he was very ambivalent, and i told him there's no turning back. I told him i need to move on and just wanted to leave a last good interaction. He since told people a one sided story why it didn't work out, where i look as a villain, which is very untypical of him. I feel he is trying to make it final. He is also dating. Haven't heard from him since. I hope i didn't ruin everything with my call???
Great video. Thank you.
Thank you LME!
In fact, considering the fear of loneliness is vastly predominant in the population, you have to assume first of all that when they break up chances are that they are with another person. Nowadays monkeybranching is the norm; i see it every time. Or at least there's another person in their minds. Your biggest fear is already partially or totally accomplished. With all these apps, internet, coworkers, labour mobility, experiences selling markets, courses, gyms, bla bla, it's quite different than it was 20 years ago or more.
So the best "strategy" (i don't like to call it that way, it is not a strategy or a manipulation, is mental survival fitness) is, as Ken says, to give them the break up and preserve your dignity. You cannot do otherwise anyways so...
Yes to all. Well said.
Yes, someone else was already on their mind. You’ve been relegated to safety net status.
My problem is my ex broke up with me and then contacted me then said don't ever talk to me again your a thing of the past. When she texted me I said thank you for helping me as I'm earning better money got a great body again as training twice a day again. I didn't text her she texted me to then message again saying don't contact me again. I'm cool moving on but the conversation she started then saying don't contact again confused what it means. I don't care I'm in a better place now so just wondered the meaning of that outburst so if you could explain that would help greatly
Because you thanked her for the breakup. No one wants to be reminded that they hurt you. Plus you started selling yourself about money, body etc. Why sell yourself to someone?
We are the A side! Their loss. Stick to no contact out. I did no contact out of pride for myself in the past. I didnt know the theory it was just bro code. Id say 80 percent of them had to cone back and test waters. I had moved on though. God bless unanswered prayers!
As a woman (dumpee) what’s the likelihood the male (dumper) is in his head about me? Relationship ended 7/12 ; I went in NC 8/12
Today is 8/29
When they broke up with you, you should date when you feel ready, they can’t be mad you’re dating, they basically gave you away by breaking up with you
What if she keeps trying to text and see me but I don’t want too see her I obviously wish to be with her but I can’t get back with her after she treated me
If she's sorry forgive her. We ALL err.
What if the breakup is a divorce?
My friend I told you about wants to book a session with you and tried today but it never processed
I'm sorry but thank you for the heads up - have him email me at coachken@dotheyloveme.com and I'll reply and send him the links personally.
@@CoachKen it' s not a he it's a she :)
@@CoachKen she was able to book it for March 1st at 10am est
What about if both of us are watching your video of no contact, now we're playing chicken here
Come here lemme fry you 😂
What if we were seeing each other for 2 months, basically a “relationship” without the official label. I thought she was my soulmate, the way we came together was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. She left me after one big misunderstanding and I tried to lie my way thru it but I just made things worse and made me look like I was talking to another girl, I wasn’t. A few days later she told me she forgives me but she just can’t talk to me right now and she’d be open to it in the future. It’s been a month now and I’ve seen her at the gym twice. Both times I made the mistake of trying to get her back but she still just keeps saying “I’m not ready.” At first we didn’t remove each other off social media but it got too hard for me to see everything she’s been up to so I removed her. I don’t know what to think or do, it’s like one day we were falling in love and then one bad evening and it’s like I’m nothing to her.
God is allowing this for a reason. The Lord wants your attention.
Coach Ken I need your guidance
My ex's mom reached out to me saying that she's said she still has feelings for me and wanted me to reach out to her. We are about to start working together... what should I do to navigate this?
Ask.God! He's the master of relationships and marriage. Pray.
Well I put protection order on mine so they can't reach out
You know self respect and self esteem are not the same. Self esteem will ebb and flow with one’s emotions. Self respect will not, and is learned behavior. It’s a pretty good bet that without self respect you will have no self esteem. The creatures that you most refer to are very likely never going change. Moreover the best these people can ever hope for, given the severity of their problems, is a sort of maintenance of their pathology’s. I have been involved with a cheating borderline, her traits are actually closer in line with a covert narcissist. My boundaries equal my self respect. In a very SICK way perhaps I do want to get back together but my pesky self respect issues just keep getting in the way. Always remember the pathological lying , the gaslighting, and the cheating. The mire fact that I lived through that already dictates that my self respect will be tested again and again. There is a possibility one chance in a million that it could work but even then, with proper therapy , any therapist for both sides worth their salt will tell both parties to leave the relationship, as specially if there has already been an injury such as infidelity.
Also, if you have hope, you will suffer. And never be alright. You don't have to have hope. I know you can't press a buttom and eliminate hope, but it doesn't make sense to have it.
You have to accept their decision and aknowledge yourself that is over. And if she comes back, good. You will decide at this moment. But you have to be good and stop to suffer.
Hope=suffer
Yeah I am suffering because of hope