This is true. My narcissistic parents always undermined me so that I can struggle and have problems not only at school, work, but with other people. As I began to struggle with getting a job when I was 18 and in college, that is when I realize they're narcissists and what their narcissistic mental games and abuse were. I became what they wanted me to become as adult, a weak, ill, bitter, and struggling financially and socially so that their abuse can continue and so that I can continue to struggle and have problems whether financial, work, and health related problems.
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@@jacqueslee2592 You are not alone its like an evil spell the narcs put on their children...to ensure their continual failure as a mockery...this is sheer wickedness.
You people have not remotely gone through what I went through not a speck of dust of it. I find your complaining and attacks on me but Stupid & Gutless.
Nothing done is good enough or close even. Yet going for that Entitlement proves it was. Better than good enough, just wish it didn't cause what happened.
Covert narcisists are sociopaths - they enjoy inflicting pain and watch their targets struggle and the perpetrators know what they are doing. They use shaming as their favourite weapon and they almost kill the souls of their victims in This way. It is vital to address the core wounds inflicted by narcisists in our childhood to heal and thrive in life. And we must take care of our bodies as well. Thank you❤
We live in a narcissistic world where people give you the silent treatment and play other similar mind games with you if you don't do what you're supposed to.
Don't do what you're supposed to, that's kinda funny you know, they want everything choreographed to their liking so THEY can handle things otherwise tiniest mishap blown out of proportion!
I identify with all 5 wounds. From the time I was little to an adult, I always thought I was a bad person and that something was wrong with me that couldn't be fixed. This video is so validating. Once I realized my parents were narcissists and made me feel those ways, I just felt so disgusted and angry. Like how can you treat your children that way? Blessings to all who've been dealt these wounds. 🙏💖
I'm right there with you. 5/5 perfect score. In counseling last week I was talking about something my old man did to me that was incredibly hurtful and cruel. I said "What kind of parent does that to their struggling child? What kind of person does that to another human being? You're already down and hurting, why do they feel the need to keep kicking you so you can't get up?" That's my "family." Those are my damaged "parents." Accepting that and believing "yes, it really WAS that bad" has been difficult because their nastiness is who they are. It's "normal," and why are you upset about it? Get over it, you big crybaby. The knowledge is there. The evidence is there. The anger and outrage is there, but the ACCEPTANCE of these facts has been really hard for me. I'm in my 40s and my ENTIRE LIFE has been dominated by these awful people. But I'm done. I'm tired of it. I've had more than enough. I'm not bad. I never was. I'm not carrying that guilt or shame any longer. It's not mine. Whew. That's some hard stuff to process. I hope you are doing much, much better. Don't give up on yourself and the life you want.
I will never for the life of me understand why narcissists have kids in the first place. The people who shouldn't be allowed to procreate, have no problems doing so. Meanwhile, there are people out there who would make wonderful parents but struggle to conceive. Sigh.
68yrs for me. Nothing lights me up faster then child abuse. People need to heal before having children who have to heal from having them as parents.@@spacegirl226
It's so nice to hear you say it doesn't have to be physical abuse and there's such a thing as emotional danger. Because even hearing you say that I was thinking well she never told me I couldn't be myself, with words she encouraged it, but yeh as soon as it didn't line up with her getting something or what she wanted for/from me it was a negative emotional response. Just nice to hear it, I haven't before
Because you think I don't have it that bad, I have a roof over my head, I have food, there's not really any physical abuse other than the odd thing so why am I not ok? I should be, I shouldn't feel bad.
This is exactly right. It still affects me even 8 months after the breakup wondering if something is wrong with me or if my life is good enough for someone to want to be a part of. Whether or not I’m even worthy of being in a relationship where I am loved, respected, and admired.
Their behavior is pure evil. They literally destroy lives… whether it’s a narcissistic parent, sibling or spouse. They destroy your life and your potential.
My jaw dropped when you explained the third one. I now completely understand why I believe that any time I am happy, something bad will happen. I didn't even know I had that belief (except for some little doomerism jokes I make at work sometimes), and I didn't even know I had that nagging feeling for real. And I certainly didn't know why. My whole body and presence shifted when you explained it, and I am just in awe. You are truly brilliant
My mother had my father, siblings, and neighbors against me. I was a sweet, shy little girl but Mom told people that I was a liar and I might lash out without warning. No one wanted me around. Now, as an old lady, I have basically gone "no contact" with the world.
It's a cult and flying monkeys adding their flung poo 💩 at you, happy to keep the leader's lynch mob on their side for fear of falling from leader's grace and being on their own, we on the other want could careless, a narc's greatest fear 😱, believe it, they're bent that they matter that much to us but they don't and that's a wake up call 📞 they don't want to answer/nor handle!
@@Lisa-eo9gdwe are very glad you are here and contacting us! You yourself would not bend your ear to such trash about a child, you'd have a what's wrong with this picture moment! They saw what they wanted to see, I'm no contact, I sent mom's flying monkeys much narc info prior, of course they're always the victims, if they weren't they'd not be narcs, be glad you're free, they're toddlers with money in adult bodies!
A powerful video that sheds light on chilhood narcissistic abuse. Narcissist parents will literally ERASE you. It takes a lifetime (and often, several narcissistic "relationships") to identify wounds and heal...
Thank you for this, you are helping so many people! Myself included. I have dealt with this for over 12 years, it took me about a decade to realize what it was! Very tricky behavior, as I am dealing with someone covert. It took me 5 years of continuous therapy to realize there was no changing this situation because I had changed myself so much but nothing in my relationship was changing. I will continue to work on myself in therapy. I am slowly coming out of the fog and learning to tend to myself. I’m starting to learn and show myself compassion and love!
Covert narcs are worse than overt narcs. At least overt narcs are obvious and easy to spot. Covert narcs are like a camouflaged snake in the grass. I wish you healing on your path to recovery and finding yourself. 🙏
Every part of this video resonates with me to the core. I have been working on myself a lot this year and am realizing how far down the rabbit hole I was from the abuse I have experienced from a covert spouse. The one thing that reinforces that I am on the right track is the more I work and make changes the more extreme my covert is getting with trying to get me to go back down the rabbit hole. Now that I understand the bigger picture I will be doing everything in my power to not go back to that broken version of myself. Thank you for everything you do for us to help us through improving our lives to become the person we really are.
1. It's all my fault - my wife and I always agreed on that. 2. It's my job to make her happy - after 25 years I had to ask her, 'what will it take to make you happy because nothing I've done has worked?' 3. I'm not safe being me - I gave up family relationships and friendships because it was me preferring others instead of her. Also, the things I enjoyed most were ridiculed during her infamous rages.
I've been there for a while, went from "What's not to like" to "No one likes you, you have no friends" from "I can do whatever I want with your body" (I'm very flexible) to "You're a blob" so be it, they're having a hard time of it and it's our fault, keep your energy for yourself, can't win for trying, why bother!
Just thought you should know that this video went a long way toward changing my life. I’ve spent 50 years spinning around in circles asking people, “Did you see what he did to me?” #4 was like a page out of my diary if I kept one. Somebody knows what I went through. Thank you so much for this!
This is very powerful. I'm glad that you used the word " dents" It is like we were slamming into narcissists like car accidents that leave dents and we need to knock them out and get back to wholeness. ❤
Thank you so much for this video Michele. It all makes sense for me.Unfortunately, I havent got money to join your course😢 Thanks to my narcissistic mother I cant work full time due to health issues. How can I break free from this inner critic etc?
7:28 In my experience, it goes farther than this, because once I was in this state of perpetual anxiety, I tried to plan around this person (my mother) for my safety. It was crazy how she was able to get away with telling others to "just ignore" me, after she'd do something to deliberately jab at me. She was the queen, and I was her personal object of display for her (when I was being a "good" girl) and otherwise of blame and focus in a "united front", for the sake of burying the larger scale dysfunctions my family chose to gloss over, and put on me.
They point out your every “flaw,” and then cloak their offer to “help you” in faux concern. You instilled it, now you want to save me from the problem YOU created?
Very true. Especially the "they don't tell you what they want you to not do etc.. but they act in a way to control"... That is what I lived. And because I had no clear do not do this or do not talk to x person.. I never could explain I felt so controlled... but in reality, my fear of having him getting angry, and saying hurtful things would make me stop everything that would make him react.. on the long run I would just look at the wall because I didn't know and it's like... everything would be my fault, but he would do the same thing as me and it was the reverse it was my fault too... and his anger and etc would be my fault for having done x or etc.. he just didn't realize how much I would get a comment on what I do, like or etc all the time. Not just when he was on a rage spread, but just like that... little mean comments that was meant to put me down. Shit i am so overwhelmed to so many things I don't even know even if he would wanna listen to me, if I would know how to express it all. Sometimes it felt that he had a notebook of everything he could blame back on me, that he would learn by heart so when the time would come I would say something, he would just take this notebook out like a gun and shout everything on me.. and because I don't do the taking count of things type stuff I would be surprised (why every time surprised if it was the regular ...ask me... don't know) and couldn't come up with anything. Once well enough put down, I would feel destroyed.. and I wouldn't sleep for a few nights trying to repass the conversation in my head and allowing myself to say what I need to say and all the contradictory things he does etc and over a few night it would calm me and back again.. but every time none of what I knew I could say to defend myself and show him his none sense would come up at the right time.. so frustrating..
I never found my real self, I went from a narcissistic mother to a narcissistic husband, I am now 43 and I want to find my real self who was buried in layers of trauma 😢
Narcissistic abuse starts in our childhood .That’s where our core beliefs get established and further reinforced as we grow up and deal with other relationships (personal, professional). Each adult narcissistic relationship is an adversity that further cripples us but at the same time it’s our greatest opportunity to see our parents for who they actually are. It’s the most painful realization. Everything you believed in feels like a big lie. You feel like you have nothing to hold on to. But as they say Phoenix rising from ashes, you’ll be born again. You’ll see things for what they are not what they appear to be. This will empower you to deal with the world like you’ve never been able to deal with. So thank all your narcissistic partners for facilitating that. Without them you wouldn’t be who you are today.
So true. My 25+ years "relationship" to my narc ex allowed me to finally shed light on my childhood (and my parents' current behavior). You're completely blind---until one day you suddenly "see".
@sarajohn6855 I wish what you have said here would be true. Narcissistic parents who I served my whole life with a Narcissistic husband who I gave everything I had and could to believing he was my savior from my parents, only to come to understand how deadly he was, terrifying. I got physically away and am trying to get divorced. I don't know if I'm going to survive this.
You will survive this. You have the gift of situtaional and self awareness Get away, get out, move on. Find positive interests and set goals to contribute to your life. God bless and keep moving through it and grt to the other side. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep going. That is what kept me alive. I didnt believe in God when I started but by the time I got to the other side I knew he had helped me get throigh it.
I wish more people would have kids for reasons other than hubris and trendiness. I have always felt like total scum or a magnificent trophy. Nothing in between. I feel like if I'm ever loved, it's misguided and for all the wrong reasons. I wouldn't know real love if I saw it.
I made excuses for them and felt bad for them- as they were probably treated like this as a kid. I would go through the cycles hoping that they would learn and change - like I did. That we could help each other heal- but no. There was definitely some sadistic power rush going on. Lack of empathy is one thing- no mirror neurons- not their choice. But actively punishing and provoking? Again regressing to progress is worthwhile if necessary, but repeating the abuse cycle? Only we can stop that. Our compliance and compassion bring out the worst in them.
Your thoughts were my exact thoughts when it came to my father. I was codependent and I learned a lot and healed a lot during the 8 years I stopped talking to him. We would always fight when I was younger, fallout and stop talking for long periods of time. I always wondered why. It was because he was controlling and kept crossing my boundaries but the kind of temperament I have makes me have a low tolerance for bullying. We would just end up arguing and I didn't know why. The last time we started talking again I thought I would share what I learned with him and help him heal from his codependency like did. I figured out my grandma was a overt narc. I left where I was to move with him thinking we could work together and I could be there to support him emotionally while he heals. That's when I learned he was a covert narc with codependency. I shared what I could but I realized he didn't want to change. He started breaking me down, betraying me, trying to control me and taking away all the progress I had made. Then he would gaslight me and make it seem like it was all my fault when we would get into it. He went straight for my wounds. Made me feel like I was annoying, boring, not valuable or worth his attention. He always said I was smart but then treated me like I was dumb. I was blessed to have confidence in my intelligence so I could see the negativity in his actions and not actually think I was dumb. I realized it wasn't just my grandmother and aunt who hurt me. Most of it was him. My heart was broken. I grey rocked him and got tf on. I haven't spoken to him since and never will again.
I can’t find the video now where you talked about how it’s unhealthy to keep telling your story. I disagree with that. We have spent years and years not being listened to or validated, and when we finally get out, I think it is very healthy to tell our story. I was so proud of myself for getting out of it alive, literally, yet I have not been able to express that to but one or two people. I do not think suppressing our story is healthy at all.
You always did and so much more than them/they couldn't handle your beam, they tried to steal/rob it and couldn't no matter how hard they tried they didn't matter!
My god! My therapist at the time said, “Susan you’re doing all the work in your relationships.” I was like “I am, I thought I’m the selfish one.” She said in a stoic direct manner, “no you’re doing all the work.” I was so confused at the time, because I saw give and take from a physical perspective (he would give gifts and pick me up from work.) and not as an emotional energetic exchange. It was a downward spiral when he started devaluing me, but only when friends and family weren’t around. I knew something was going on with my mental health but I just didn’t know what to do but observe it and try to make the relationship work. Try to be better, more understanding, and change because “I’m the bad one, he’s the good one.” It was awful experience. If I can’t make it work with him, it must mean I’m the bad one. He has a lot of fiends who love him. One person even called him a saint. I remember feeling so confused on the inside, “is he?” There was this aura around him in the city we lived in. When we visited my city, nobody was praising him like that. I did notice the change in the air, something is up with the energy but hadn’t come to conclusions yet. They are very twisted internally. Praise is not love! Lol thank you Michele. That relationship still hurts me so much and it’s been 6/7 years. Not because I want to be with him, god no! But the anguish and the experience was traumatizing. It was a psychological thriller. It’s been a slow process, but glad I’m coming more and more into the truth and will be finding more balance in relationships. It was so liberating once I realized that a majority of my relationships at the time were one-sided but somehow those were the only people who called me selfish. My healthy friendships have never said things like that to me. 😅I’m so glad that this cycle is over!! 🙏🙏🙏❤❤🎉
I relate so much to what you said. Especially when they give you gifts and do things for you and you feel like the selfish one. The narcs in my life used gifts and favors as weapons to hurt me with later. If I set a boundary or called out their behavior I was told I was selfish because of look at all we do for you.
Yeah that’s why it was all soooo confusing! He said he did all the work in the relationship at one point too. I could never call him out on stuff. I mean I did, because that’s who I am lol. He would blow up, more of an implosion. I’m sooo glad you are recovering ❤️🩹, I’m wishing you well in your future relationships! I’m also glad I’m finally now participating in the comments and finding a support group. I felt so alone during those years. ❤❤
@@susanplove Thank you. Well wishes to you too. I used to be cautious about commenting in the community but I have found that this community as well as other narc recovery communities are very kind and supportive. Most are more validating and healing than people I interact with in my day to day life.
Very true this is why I stopped sharing good news with my mother because every time I share good news with her she picks a fight with me or tries to bring me down when I’m happy . I would be never stop doing what I love it brings a smile to my face . Part of the reason I workout and improve my appearance is to heal from my childhood my mom would cover me from head to toe in clothes and tell me how to dress . So I love feeling great about myself and dressing sexy and expressing myself through clothes. Really good video
Yes!!! So glad I wasn't the only one who experienced this. My mom dressed me in very conservative clothes that covered me. Clothes that she would wear. As a teen when I was trying to find me, what I like, and what style feels right, she shamed me for wanting to dress girly and show some skin. And called me a s*** for putting on makeup or a bikini. I used to overeat a lot to deal with everything and wasn't confident in my body, but now as an adult, I workout and eat healthy. And have a body I'm proud of. And now I wear sexy, flirty boho clothes and I feel most like myself now. She doesn't like it but I try to tune her out.
Covert mom snuffed out my happiness too, now she'll be 85 and have, once again, no visit free me, just paid personnel, too bad that makes me happy and I surely won't even bother letting her know just everyone else!🎉😂😊😅
@@kobra4422yes and good old period shame! She was porky, eating a snack entailed a remark of feeding my face (what teen doesn't have a bit of acne) or calling me junior cuz I was apparently fat, ya fat little me who got to marry for bucks and have my pick, we should all be so ugly, we'd all be well off! My total narc cult family very often commented negatively on my behavior, I'm sure I never asked for their opinions!
@@kimberlychristine9284floor her with an "What business is it of yours?" Comment! I got very nice comments on my favorite wedding pic which I sent out as a wedding announcement (you bet no one was there, we didn't elope, I just didn't invite any of them) and of course it was criticize, luckily used to being devalued and expecting it, too much of a stretch for her to be positive!
3,4, and 5 hit hard. I started to get a little dissociated mid 5 just having the feelings of the abuse laid out like this. I appreciate the validation. It just feels as though I have more healing to do.
It's so hard to leave when you love them so much .I stayed after huge physical and mental abuse but when he went after my cats i had to get out ( I have no children because I decided to wait for him for 27 years)I was warned one more attack could be fatal so I took my cats and left everything . They lived another 5 years.i still love my narcissist but he will not rest until I am dead.its probably why he is still alive hoping to see me fall.
Or like if you want to have a conversation an everyday kind of conversation your told with an attitude (not right now I'm busy or I'm watching a novel ),in Spanish but you don't understand Spanish Or like she said just being in a good mood, energetic, exited and your told (stop being extra) Or if I'm looking at my coins that I'm tweaking Or if we are watching something and I explain the why and how come I'm told (I Know) basically telling me shut up Or how she wants to relax and unwind but I have to leave the room. Tell me how much time we spend talking or spending quality time together. Being intimate,what's that? And I'm left confused, lonely, depressed, angry,just lost, So I left and you know what she did ?she told everyone in the complex what a dirt bag I was the gaslighting me on social media and u know the worst thing about it is I still love her and am willing to go back. How messed up in the head can I really be. All my life hate, disappointment after disappointment let down after let down and yet I still hold on to hope. What an f-ing fool.
I am 60 and have been dealing with the fallout of this from my mother all my life. It affected partner choices, jobs, friends... all replicating versions of the twisted reality. Education has been the best tool. I am finally non-contact after grey rocking for several years. I think I am getting over the grief, finally. It seems weird at this late stage but she is not slowing down, getting more desperate and I think too strong and stubborn to ever accept death... she will live forever if she could. One board game we were playing years ago with me and her young grandchildren. The question was: who would you give your life for to save them. She wrote in huge bold letters: NO ONE!!!!!!!! I whispered "you could have lied" motioning to the children. (She has always lied and even gotten mad at me for not knowing I was supposed to lie on her behalf 😂). She had no idea what i was talking about.
Unfortunately they trigger me in such a way that I become so annoyed. Like who the hell do you think you are and I begin to confront them I don't allow the projection I see it for what it is a put it straight back at them. And I can be brutal I don't loose belief in myself but I feel bad for treating them poorly. As I defend myself . I spent 15 years in this cycle and now my current partner is more covert as in dismissive and silent treatment cruel nasty angry ...I don't care if something I do makes him angry any more I just detach and think you stupid fool . I hold them accountable and it is answered with oh it's all my fault ....to which I disagree and point out no not all just this particular particular action and yes this is the consequence I have learnt they are unable to view situations from an no emotional point and see it for whayt it is . There is truly no progression and it's not about wining its about resolution to which never comes . they are a lost cause
Yep 5 year marriage with a covert ended 4 years ago and still don’t have my passion and ambition is still gone ad I freak out about damaging my life or anyone else’s . My ex engineered me out of my own life and had a 3rd proposal for marriage yet calls me a monster?
I listened to the video about ruminating and it helped me for a week but I went back to doing it again and claimed up and went in defence mode again. I think I need to join the membership.
This so true. Some how they make you feel shame for just being yourself. Your videos have helped me immensely. It’s truly insanity. How did I accept this treatment? In hindsight I see the spiral. It’s slow and insidious. You are a tremendous help. Thank you.
Thank you for the video. This helps me a lot. She was covert so it wasn't blunt like that all of the time, kind of interesting to see it from a far now. Why it eventually failed and why it was destined for that always & also why I was fooled.
My mother made me feel like i didnt treat her special, like her bdays, mothers day, like i didnt talk to her enough, so i started treating her special for mothers day, birthdays, and spending more time with her, but she didnt celebrate my special days after i turned 18, and she still didnt try n talk to me. She wld tell me that she wld give my kids gifts and thats how she helps me.
All full manipulations, it's like some Olympian's challenge whereas we must make them feel special 24/7, that's exhausting and too demanding. My son is 25 now and quite wonderful... But I did have to pull him out of his childhood kicking and screaming, we shouldn't need to do that with our husbands or parents, that's their parents passed failed jobs!
@@jennasparks8935she'll do it on purpose that to show you how unimportant YOU are, who cares, don't let it define you6, say thanks, have a nice day (stay happy/best revenge ever),,,
You nailed it! Now some of us have been physically hit or sexually abused or both along with the mental games. This is even more difficult but I think we gotta give ourselves a break when we realize the notion "I was such a fool for not realizing for decades" kinds of thoughts. This stuff is tough and causes trauma bonding. I learned this from Michelle. Ty Michelle for putting this stuff out on TH-cam. You are helping me and so many others. One of the hardest things I will say is when they start to talk too much and tell on themselves and you Know for instance 'that scar on my head came from something bad' and they almost tell then mums the word. That kind of stuff is difficult to realize is real. It explains a lot and is a tiny bit validating. The worst is the fact that they are getting worse not repenting. No contact was my only way forward but only after much prayer and a direct answer from God.
Identify with all the above. I just discovered my trauma from narcissistic abuse a couple of years ago and am still healing. My main issue is that my mother in law is a scary crazy covert. My husband is not but the majority of our marriage he treated me in a way that was similar so I suffered 1-3 on a daily basis because of it. So now here we are BOTH trying to heal from the effects of his mother. Which is difficult because I know how effected he is by her treatment his whole life and how she treated me, but I'm also trying to heal from the effects of how he treated me too. So hard.
I was a child of paternal incest (from ages 5 to 15) and every core wound she describes I identify with. My mother was a covert narcisist, as were my siblings, as they copied dysfunctionally my parents words actions a behavors. I was the family scapegoat. She is correct. It is very difficult to shake these core beliefs. I discovered all this at age 66. I am 68.5 years young now, and I reslize it may take the rest of my life to change completely.
I needed this. I spend more time on reversing my trauma from tears of nars in my head . If i spent this much time on how to be the best on computer's i would be making a lot of money. I have to try to find myself completely. Strangely enough i can separate the drama of everything he is. To when he is around. And can still be my optimistic l8ving funny self when im with my friends and family that he does not like or ever wants anyone around. I do a lot with my friends and have fun. When he pops in my head like. Oh dear i better go home he will be so difficult if he knows im having fun. Ir i have to hide what i just bought because i am not worthy of buying myself anything. I do stop myself at that moment and realize i do not give in to this behavior any more and keep going to ignore him and be me. I love making things and creating unquic things. He hates everything i make its ugly and waste of time and money. It takes me forever to finish my project because i cant work on it when he is around i hide it every day and must find a place for it so he doesnt get mad and tell me to stop making things so i never show him what i make so i can give it to whoever without questioning is it really ugly? He has every tool possible to use. I will go into his shop when he is not there use and out back so he won't attack what im doing. He is actually jealous of my work i can't do anything that makes me feel good. I am so tried of he's put downs i dont matter I am nothing. Yet i come through the next day with a better water fall that everyone wants to buy. I can not have anything i want. I do get it and hide it for awhile. Lwtely i ignore him and try nit to hide. But what i go through fir hours and days because i just dont care. The emotional abuse that lasts so long is almost nit worth making anything. I cant believe the struggle i go through to not make things worse because can not handle the looks the words it will endure. Im working on it. But if i worked this hard on anything else i would be brilliant or rich or happier. With that much time into every day struggle. Nars are not issential in any way they are so sneaky and work you forever make you feel lonely no worth sub level. My house in the winter is 58° until the king comes home and then he is cold and turns the heat up to 64 till bed time i wear coats all day. Because he pays the bill. I am so sad i did not leave this person i can not call a human. Now i do what i want and never think of him being here. He is nit worthy if my time ir heart. Shame on all the nars for the abuse they cause on everyone. Now to see hiw kuch damages h has created fir our adult kids. It is showing up more and more as they age. Nars effect at least 20 lives in their surrounding. It is crazy now to see why he yas ni friends. He is so covert its embarrasing. I'll bet he out lives me. I watch fir karma and why it has not showed up in his 75 years is unreal. He is never sick never been to a hospital not one prescription not one broken bone or stitches. Not one thing so he puts everyone down that feels pain or complains because he has ko clue about anything. He's heart will last forever because he has never used his heart. Good luck out there.
Im just grateful he only had 4 months to try to destroy me. We had 2 good years w few red flags sprinkled in ( that i ignored in retrospect). He switched into a monster. Thankfully one round of discard that was BRUTAL. He involved my family. That was GAME OVER for me.
Hello Michele, I’d like to humbly request a refund for the course I recently purchased. I was under the Impression that I would receive a coaching certification but I hadn’t.
I can not believe this, I left my profession 3 yrs ago, I worked so hard for it and always wanted it, and walked away from it. I havent quite figured out "why" I really walked away completely, this is so intense. To hear you say this, all the things. Wow
Many good points Michele. You might want to consider another one. If your experience and research agrees. Narcissists instill a belief that honesty doesn't matter. Consider that in most households, even some highly dysfunctional ones, there is at least some premium applied for honesty. (e.g. an abusive parent might say "you will only get half a beating for breaking that lamp because you told the truth"). But the narcissistic parent says, "I don't care that you told the truth, you get the same punishment as your siblings who lied." They train their kids to be liars!!!
Aloha Michele, I really appreciate how you focus on us healing and how. There have been 3 channels that have really helped getting to and being in the healing journey. But none go into the re-wiring of oneself, nervous system etc. Thank you thank you thank you
Your video definitely resonates with me! It's amazing how you hit the nail on the head!!! Thank you for giving voice to and exposing the truth of what sadly too many people experience, but it helps to know that we're not alone and that someone understands this!!!
My narc husband went ahead and had a full fledged 3 months affair literally staying in someone's house when I was doing so well in my business. After that I literally was scared to do my work after that with a fear that if I get busy he will do that again and killed my business so much. He had zero regrets. Still trying to figure out how to leave him safely.
What you saying is true i live with a covert narc for years and i go through everthing you saying and it so sad after thirty years he discard me for someone he have while he was with me
Joining the Thrivers School of Michele is the best thing I've done for myself. Reinventing me. ❤🙏💫
"The narcissists thrive when you are struggling." This is SO true!!!!!
It's so sick.
Sure is. If only more people realised.
@@flowerchild89
This is true. My narcissistic parents always undermined me so that I can struggle and have problems not only at school, work, but with other people. As I began to struggle with getting a job when I was 18 and in college, that is when I realize they're narcissists and what their narcissistic mental games and abuse were. I became what they wanted me to become as adult, a weak, ill, bitter, and struggling financially and socially so that their abuse can continue and so that I can continue to struggle and have problems whether financial, work, and health related problems.
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@@jacqueslee2592 You are not alone its like an evil spell the narcs put on their children...to ensure their continual failure as a mockery...this is sheer wickedness.
1. everything my fault
2. it's my job to make them happy
3. i'm not safe being myself
4. there something wrong with me
5. i am a bad person
#1-5 all came from my upbringing (narcissistic) & I carried them into my covert narc marriage until I began to heal my inner wounds
You people have not remotely gone through what I went through not a speck of dust of it.
I find your complaining and attacks on me but Stupid & Gutless.
Crazy that ive said one of these things word for word
It's all a lie. you are beautiful smart safe solid & wonderful. 🙏🙋💜
Nothing done is good enough or close even. Yet going for that Entitlement proves it was. Better than good enough, just wish it didn't cause what happened.
Covert narcisists are sociopaths - they enjoy inflicting pain and watch their targets struggle and the perpetrators know what they are doing. They use shaming as their favourite weapon and they almost kill the souls of their victims in This way. It is vital to address the core wounds inflicted by narcisists in our childhood to heal and thrive in life. And we must take care of our bodies as well. Thank you❤
Michele, you’re so amazing. How you figured out so much at such a young age. Others of us get trapped for DECADES.
I feel like the weight is on you in these relationships, and one day you wake up and realize it's insanely imbalanced and you've had enough.
Hear hear!
We live in a narcissistic world where people give you the silent treatment and play other similar mind games with you if you don't do what you're supposed to.
Don't do what you're supposed to, that's kinda funny you know, they want everything choreographed to their liking so THEY can handle things otherwise tiniest mishap blown out of proportion!
Demanded; not supposed... 🙋💜
I identify with all 5 wounds. From the time I was little to an adult, I always thought I was a bad person and that something was wrong with me that couldn't be fixed.
This video is so validating. Once I realized my parents were narcissists and made me feel those ways, I just felt so disgusted and angry. Like how can you treat your children that way?
Blessings to all who've been dealt these wounds. 🙏💖
I'm right there with you. 5/5 perfect score.
In counseling last week I was talking about something my old man did to me that was incredibly hurtful and cruel. I said "What kind of parent does that to their struggling child? What kind of person does that to another human being? You're already down and hurting, why do they feel the need to keep kicking you so you can't get up?"
That's my "family." Those are my damaged "parents." Accepting that and believing "yes, it really WAS that bad" has been difficult because their nastiness is who they are. It's "normal," and why are you upset about it? Get over it, you big crybaby.
The knowledge is there. The evidence is there. The anger and outrage is there, but the ACCEPTANCE of these facts has been really hard for me. I'm in my 40s and my ENTIRE LIFE has been dominated by these awful people.
But I'm done. I'm tired of it. I've had more than enough. I'm not bad. I never was. I'm not carrying that guilt or shame any longer. It's not mine.
Whew. That's some hard stuff to process. I hope you are doing much, much better. Don't give up on yourself and the life you want.
🤗❤️🙏
I will never for the life of me understand why narcissists have kids in the first place. The people who shouldn't be allowed to procreate, have no problems doing so. Meanwhile, there are people out there who would make wonderful parents but struggle to conceive. Sigh.
💜💜💜
68yrs for me. Nothing lights me up faster then child abuse. People need to heal before having children who have to heal from having them as parents.@@spacegirl226
It's so nice to hear you say it doesn't have to be physical abuse and there's such a thing as emotional danger. Because even hearing you say that I was thinking well she never told me I couldn't be myself, with words she encouraged it, but yeh as soon as it didn't line up with her getting something or what she wanted for/from me it was a negative emotional response. Just nice to hear it, I haven't before
Because you think I don't have it that bad, I have a roof over my head, I have food, there's not really any physical abuse other than the odd thing so why am I not ok? I should be, I shouldn't feel bad.
@@jessicadyer4099 Yup, that is always the argument isn't it . .
This is exactly right. It still affects me even 8 months after the breakup wondering if something is wrong with me or if my life is good enough for someone to want to be a part of. Whether or not I’m even worthy of being in a relationship where I am loved, respected, and admired.
Their behavior is pure evil. They literally destroy lives… whether it’s a narcissistic parent, sibling or spouse. They destroy your life and your potential.
My jaw dropped when you explained the third one. I now completely understand why I believe that any time I am happy, something bad will happen. I didn't even know I had that belief (except for some little doomerism jokes I make at work sometimes), and I didn't even know I had that nagging feeling for real. And I certainly didn't know why.
My whole body and presence shifted when you explained it, and I am just in awe.
You are truly brilliant
Same here!!!!@
Fear of happiness, is I've called that feeling, that, and being afflicted with doom...
Literally on guard
We forgot to add that when there has been a narcissistic smear campaign, they have others that are bullying as well - this reinforces the wounds
Nobody believing us gaslight our brain
My mother had my father, siblings, and neighbors against me. I was a sweet, shy little girl but Mom told people that I was a liar and I might lash out without warning. No one wanted me around. Now, as an old lady, I have basically gone "no contact" with the world.
It's a cult and flying monkeys adding their flung poo 💩 at you, happy to keep the leader's lynch mob on their side for fear of falling from leader's grace and being on their own, we on the other want could careless, a narc's greatest fear 😱, believe it, they're bent that they matter that much to us but they don't and that's a wake up call 📞 they don't want to answer/nor handle!
@@Lisa-eo9gdwe are very glad you are here and contacting us! You yourself would not bend your ear to such trash about a child, you'd have a what's wrong with this picture moment! They saw what they wanted to see, I'm no contact, I sent mom's flying monkeys much narc info prior, of course they're always the victims, if they weren't they'd not be narcs, be glad you're free, they're toddlers with money in adult bodies!
So true😢
A powerful video that sheds light on chilhood narcissistic abuse. Narcissist parents will literally ERASE you. It takes a lifetime (and often, several narcissistic "relationships") to identify wounds and heal...
Thank you for this, you are helping so many people! Myself included. I have dealt with this for over 12 years, it took me about a decade to realize what it was! Very tricky behavior, as I am dealing with someone covert. It took me 5 years of continuous therapy to realize there was no changing this situation because I had changed myself so much but nothing in my relationship was changing. I will continue to work on myself in therapy. I am slowly coming out of the fog and learning to tend to myself. I’m starting to learn and show myself compassion and love!
Covert narcs are worse than overt narcs. At least overt narcs are obvious and easy to spot. Covert narcs are like a camouflaged snake in the grass.
I wish you healing on your path to recovery and finding yourself. 🙏
I've watched a few of your videos, and I've cried through every single one. Thank you. I think you're gonna save my life.
Every part of this video resonates with me to the core. I have been working on myself a lot this year and am realizing how far down the rabbit hole I was from the abuse I have experienced from a covert spouse. The one thing that reinforces that I am on the right track is the more I work and make changes the more extreme my covert is getting with trying to get me to go back down the rabbit hole. Now that I understand the bigger picture I will be doing everything in my power to not go back to that broken version of myself. Thank you for everything you do for us to help us through improving our lives to become the person we really are.
1. It's all my fault - my wife and I always agreed on that.
2. It's my job to make her happy - after 25 years I had to ask her, 'what will it take to make you happy because nothing I've done has worked?'
3. I'm not safe being me - I gave up family relationships and friendships because it was me preferring others instead of her. Also, the things I enjoyed most were ridiculed during her infamous rages.
I've been there for a while, went from "What's not to like" to "No one likes you, you have no friends" from "I can do whatever I want with your body" (I'm very flexible) to "You're a blob" so be it, they're having a hard time of it and it's our fault, keep your energy for yourself, can't win for trying, why bother!
Just thought you should know that this video went a long way toward changing my life. I’ve spent 50 years spinning around in circles asking people, “Did you see what he did to me?”
#4 was like a page out of my diary if I kept one. Somebody knows what I went through.
Thank you so much for this!
This channel is always so spot on its freighting
This is very powerful.
I'm glad that you used the word " dents" It is like we were slamming into narcissists like car accidents that leave dents and we need to knock them out and get back to wholeness. ❤
Michelle the way you worded this i can relate 100% I was raised by narcissist parents. Can you make more videos on how to recover from this abuse
Thank you so much for this video Michele. It all makes sense for me.Unfortunately, I havent got money to join your course😢 Thanks to my narcissistic mother I cant work full time due to health issues. How can I break free from this inner critic etc?
So thats whats wrong with me!!!!
This video describes my whole life
7:28 In my experience, it goes farther than this, because once I was in this state of perpetual anxiety, I tried to plan around this person (my mother) for my safety. It was crazy how she was able to get away with telling others to "just ignore" me, after she'd do something to deliberately jab at me. She was the queen, and I was her personal object of display for her (when I was being a "good" girl) and otherwise of blame and focus in a "united front", for the sake of burying the larger scale dysfunctions my family chose to gloss over, and put on me.
They point out your every “flaw,” and then cloak their offer to “help you” in faux concern. You instilled it, now you want to save me from the problem YOU created?
That problem they bring up will be gone in time but they'll milk it for energy, beware, they don't want to move on, they've hit a nerve,.low lives!
Very true. Especially the "they don't tell you what they want you to not do etc.. but they act in a way to control"... That is what I lived. And because I had no clear do not do this or do not talk to x person.. I never could explain I felt so controlled... but in reality, my fear of having him getting angry, and saying hurtful things would make me stop everything that would make him react.. on the long run I would just look at the wall because I didn't know and it's like... everything would be my fault, but he would do the same thing as me and it was the reverse it was my fault too... and his anger and etc would be my fault for having done x or etc.. he just didn't realize how much I would get a comment on what I do, like or etc all the time. Not just when he was on a rage spread, but just like that... little mean comments that was meant to put me down. Shit i am so overwhelmed to so many things I don't even know even if he would wanna listen to me, if I would know how to express it all. Sometimes it felt that he had a notebook of everything he could blame back on me, that he would learn by heart so when the time would come I would say something, he would just take this notebook out like a gun and shout everything on me.. and because I don't do the taking count of things type stuff I would be surprised (why every time surprised if it was the regular ...ask me... don't know) and couldn't come up with anything. Once well enough put down, I would feel destroyed.. and I wouldn't sleep for a few nights trying to repass the conversation in my head and allowing myself to say what I need to say and all the contradictory things he does etc and over a few night it would calm me and back again.. but every time none of what I knew I could say to defend myself and show him his none sense would come up at the right time.. so frustrating..
I never found my real self, I went from a narcissistic mother to a narcissistic husband, I am now 43 and I want to find my real self who was buried in layers of trauma 😢
Narcissistic abuse starts in our childhood .That’s where our core beliefs get established and further reinforced as we grow up and deal with other relationships (personal, professional). Each adult narcissistic relationship is an adversity that further cripples us but at the same time it’s our greatest opportunity to see our parents for who they actually are. It’s the most painful realization. Everything you believed in feels like a big lie. You feel like you have nothing to hold on to. But as they say Phoenix rising from ashes, you’ll be born again.
You’ll see things for what they are not what they appear to be. This will empower you to deal with the world like you’ve never been able to deal with.
So thank all your narcissistic partners for facilitating that. Without them you wouldn’t be who you are today.
Agreed 👍
So true. My 25+ years "relationship" to my narc ex allowed me to finally shed light on my childhood (and my parents' current behavior). You're completely blind---until one day you suddenly "see".
Very well said. Thank you.
@sarajohn6855 I wish what you have said here would be true. Narcissistic parents who I served my whole life with a Narcissistic husband who I gave everything I had and could to believing he was my savior from my parents, only to come to understand how deadly he was, terrifying. I got physically away and am trying to get divorced. I don't know if I'm going to survive this.
You will survive this. You have the gift of situtaional and self awareness
Get away, get out, move on. Find positive interests and set goals to contribute to your life. God bless and keep moving through it and grt to the other side. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep going. That is what kept me alive. I didnt believe in God when I started but by the time I got to the other side I knew he had helped me get throigh it.
This session was worth watching a few times. Very helpful. Thanks, Michele.
I wish more people would have kids for reasons other than hubris and trendiness. I have always felt like total scum or a magnificent trophy. Nothing in between. I feel like if I'm ever loved, it's misguided and for all the wrong reasons. I wouldn't know real love if I saw it.
I made excuses for them and felt bad for them- as they were probably treated like this as a kid. I would go through the cycles hoping that they would learn and change - like I did. That we could help each other heal- but no. There was definitely some sadistic power rush going on. Lack of empathy is one thing- no mirror neurons- not their choice. But actively punishing and provoking? Again regressing to progress is worthwhile if necessary, but repeating the abuse cycle? Only we can stop that. Our compliance and compassion bring out the worst in them.
Your thoughts were my exact thoughts when it came to my father. I was codependent and I learned a lot and healed a lot during the 8 years I stopped talking to him. We would always fight when I was younger, fallout and stop talking for long periods of time. I always wondered why. It was because he was controlling and kept crossing my boundaries but the kind of temperament I have makes me have a low tolerance for bullying. We would just end up arguing and I didn't know why. The last time we started talking again I thought I would share what I learned with him and help him heal from his codependency like did. I figured out my grandma was a overt narc. I left where I was to move with him thinking we could work together and I could be there to support him emotionally while he heals.
That's when I learned he was a covert narc with codependency. I shared what I could but I realized he didn't want to change. He started breaking me down, betraying me, trying to control me and taking away all the progress I had made. Then he would gaslight me and make it seem like it was all my fault when we would get into it. He went straight for my wounds. Made me feel like I was annoying, boring, not valuable or worth his attention. He always said I was smart but then treated me like I was dumb. I was blessed to have confidence in my intelligence so I could see the negativity in his actions and not actually think I was dumb. I realized it wasn't just my grandmother and aunt who hurt me. Most of it was him. My heart was broken. I grey rocked him and got tf on. I haven't spoken to him since and never will again.
I can’t find the video now where you talked about how it’s unhealthy to keep telling your story. I disagree with that. We have spent years and years not being listened to or validated, and when we finally get out, I think it is very healthy to tell our story. I was so proud of myself for getting out of it alive, literally, yet I have not been able to express that to but one or two people. I do not think suppressing our story is healthy at all.
I matter now, they don't!
You always did and so much more than them/they couldn't handle your beam, they tried to steal/rob it and couldn't no matter how hard they tried they didn't matter!
@@joseenoel8093 Amen! No one can ever take the light inside me away. Praise God for that 🙌
This is incredibly evil. IMO, all narcissists should go to jail for this kind of abuse.
Wow, this is enlightening as these ppl really try hiding their behavior. So helpful. Thank you
I feel like all these happened to teach me deeper lessons abt ppl around, thanks 4 dis vid
Bless your heart, for the clarity you’ve created. You are so smart. Thank you. 🙏💖🙏
My god! My therapist at the time said, “Susan you’re doing all the work in your relationships.” I was like “I am, I thought I’m the selfish one.” She said in a stoic direct manner, “no you’re doing all the work.”
I was so confused at the time, because I saw give and take from a physical perspective (he would give gifts and pick me up from work.) and not as an emotional energetic exchange. It was a downward spiral when he started devaluing me, but only when friends and family weren’t around. I knew something was going on with my mental health but I just didn’t know what to do but observe it and try to make the relationship work. Try to be better, more understanding, and change because “I’m the bad one, he’s the good one.”
It was awful experience. If I can’t make it work with him, it must mean I’m the bad one. He has a lot of fiends who love him. One person even called him a saint. I remember feeling so confused on the inside, “is he?” There was this aura around him in the city we lived in. When we visited my city, nobody was praising him like that. I did notice the change in the air, something is up with the energy but hadn’t come to conclusions yet.
They are very twisted internally. Praise is not love! Lol thank you Michele. That relationship still hurts me so much and it’s been 6/7 years. Not because I want to be with him, god no! But the anguish and the experience was traumatizing. It was a psychological thriller.
It’s been a slow process, but glad I’m coming more and more into the truth and will be finding more balance in relationships. It was so liberating once I realized that a majority of my relationships at the time were one-sided but somehow those were the only people who called me selfish. My healthy friendships have never said things like that to me. 😅I’m so glad that this cycle is over!! 🙏🙏🙏❤❤🎉
I relate so much to what you said. Especially when they give you gifts and do things for you and you feel like the selfish one. The narcs in my life used gifts and favors as weapons to hurt me with later. If I set a boundary or called out their behavior I was told I was selfish because of look at all we do for you.
Yeah that’s why it was all soooo confusing! He said he did all the work in the relationship at one point too. I could never call him out on stuff. I mean I did, because that’s who I am lol. He would blow up, more of an implosion.
I’m sooo glad you are recovering ❤️🩹, I’m wishing you well in your future relationships!
I’m also glad I’m finally now participating in the comments and finding a support group. I felt so alone during those years. ❤❤
@@susanplove Thank you. Well wishes to you too.
I used to be cautious about commenting in the community but I have found that this community as well as other narc recovery communities are very kind and supportive. Most are more validating and healing than people I interact with in my day to day life.
@@kimberlychristine9284 thank you. C you around. 😊😊
From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much Michele🙏🏻🌹, this was spot on!!! You are truly a beacon of light in this world!🦋🌞
Very true this is why I stopped sharing good news with my mother because every time I share good news with her she picks a fight with me or tries to bring me down when I’m happy . I would be never stop doing what I love it brings a smile to my face . Part of the reason I workout and improve my appearance is to heal from my childhood my mom would cover me from head to toe in clothes and tell me how to dress . So I love feeling great about myself and dressing sexy and expressing myself through clothes. Really good video
Yes!!! So glad I wasn't the only one who experienced this. My mom dressed me in very conservative clothes that covered me. Clothes that she would wear. As a teen when I was trying to find me, what I like, and what style feels right, she shamed me for wanting to dress girly and show some skin. And called me a s*** for putting on makeup or a bikini.
I used to overeat a lot to deal with everything and wasn't confident in my body, but now as an adult, I workout and eat healthy. And have a body I'm proud of. And now I wear sexy, flirty boho clothes and I feel most like myself now.
She doesn't like it but I try to tune her out.
Covert mom snuffed out my happiness too, now she'll be 85 and have, once again, no visit free me, just paid personnel, too bad that makes me happy and I surely won't even bother letting her know just everyone else!🎉😂😊😅
@@kobra4422yes and good old period shame! She was porky, eating a snack entailed a remark of feeding my face (what teen doesn't have a bit of acne) or calling me junior cuz I was apparently fat, ya fat little me who got to marry for bucks and have my pick, we should all be so ugly, we'd all be well off! My total narc cult family very often commented negatively on my behavior, I'm sure I never asked for their opinions!
@@kimberlychristine9284floor her with an "What business is it of yours?" Comment! I got very nice comments on my favorite wedding pic which I sent out as a wedding announcement (you bet no one was there, we didn't elope, I just didn't invite any of them) and of course it was criticize, luckily used to being devalued and expecting it, too much of a stretch for her to be positive!
3,4, and 5 hit hard. I started to get a little dissociated mid 5 just having the feelings of the abuse laid out like this. I appreciate the validation. It just feels as though I have more healing to do.
My biggest shame is staying stuck w my narcissist bd knowing my daughter deserved better and I didn’t have the strength to leave
It's so hard to leave when you love them so much .I stayed after huge physical and mental abuse but when he went after my cats i had to get out ( I have no children because I decided to wait for him for 27 years)I was warned one more attack could be fatal so I took my cats and left everything . They lived another 5 years.i still love my narcissist but he will not rest until I am dead.its probably why he is still alive hoping to see me fall.
Or like if you want to have a conversation an everyday kind of conversation your told with an attitude (not right now I'm busy or I'm watching a novel ),in Spanish but you don't understand Spanish
Or like she said just being in a good mood, energetic, exited and your told (stop being extra)
Or if I'm looking at my coins that I'm tweaking
Or if we are watching something and I explain the why and how come I'm told (I Know) basically telling me shut up
Or how she wants to relax and unwind but I have to leave the room.
Tell me how much time we spend talking or spending quality time together.
Being intimate,what's that?
And I'm left confused, lonely, depressed, angry,just lost,
So I left and you know what she did ?she told everyone in the complex what a dirt bag I was the gaslighting me on social media and u know the worst thing about it is I still love her and am willing to go back.
How messed up in the head can I really be.
All my life hate, disappointment after disappointment let down after let down and yet I still hold on to hope.
What an f-ing fool.
I am 60 and have been dealing with the fallout of this from my mother all my life. It affected partner choices, jobs, friends... all replicating versions of the twisted reality. Education has been the best tool. I am finally non-contact after grey rocking for several years.
I think I am getting over the grief, finally. It seems weird at this late stage but she is not slowing down, getting more desperate and I think too strong and stubborn to ever accept death... she will live forever if she could.
One board game we were playing years ago with me and her young grandchildren. The question was: who would you give your life for to save them. She wrote in huge bold letters: NO ONE!!!!!!!!
I whispered "you could have lied" motioning to the children. (She has always lied and even gotten mad at me for not knowing I was supposed to lie on her behalf 😂). She had no idea what i was talking about.
You just explained the pattern of people pleasing that I adopted in childhood .
Michele, you are the best teacher of this stuff that I have encountered. And I’ve watched and listened to pretty much all of them. Thank you.
...or.....punishment for being successful....
Exactly!
Unfortunately they trigger me in such a way that I become so annoyed. Like who the hell do you think you are and I begin to confront them I don't allow the projection I see it for what it is a put it straight back at them. And I can be brutal I don't loose belief in myself but I feel bad for treating them poorly. As I defend myself . I spent 15 years in this cycle and now my current partner is more covert as in dismissive and silent treatment cruel nasty angry ...I don't care if something I do makes him angry any more I just detach and think you stupid fool . I hold them accountable and it is answered with oh it's all my fault ....to which I disagree and point out no not all just this particular particular action and yes this is the consequence I have learnt they are unable to view situations from an no emotional point and see it for whayt it is . There is truly no progression and it's not about wining its about resolution to which never comes . they are a lost cause
Oh my word,you are always on point....EXACTLY!!😢🙌 Thank you
Yep 5 year marriage with a covert ended 4 years ago and still don’t have my passion and ambition is still gone ad I freak out about damaging my life or anyone else’s . My ex engineered me out of my own life and had a 3rd proposal for marriage yet calls me a monster?
Great video. Thank you for explaining this so thoroughly. They are energy vampires to a t.
He is dead now i am still struggling with his DDT, Weedkiller and Family poisoning.
That's all right people I love all of you guys
Through love all else stands no chance.
Love your life.
I"m still learning from you, years later. Thank you so much. for your work!
Thank you Michelle ❤ your work is invaluable, you do so much good
Love this content Michelle. I've been following to understand a narcissistic relationship my daughter is recovering from . Thank You ❤
I listened to the video about ruminating and it helped me for a week but I went back to doing it again and claimed up and went in defence mode again. I think I need to join the membership.
Your dog is so cute ❤️😭
This so true. Some how they make you feel shame for just being yourself. Your videos have helped me immensely. It’s truly insanity. How did I accept this treatment? In hindsight I see the spiral. It’s slow and insidious. You are a tremendous help. Thank you.
Thank you for the video. This helps me a lot. She was covert so it wasn't blunt like that all of the time, kind of interesting to see it from a far now. Why it eventually failed and why it was destined for that always & also why I was fooled.
I was destroyed in fifth grade and never recovered. She finally destroyed everything I accomplished
This is saving me right now thank you so much
My mother made me feel like i didnt treat her special, like her bdays, mothers day, like i didnt talk to her enough, so i started treating her special for mothers day, birthdays, and spending more time with her, but she didnt celebrate my special days after i turned 18, and she still didnt try n talk to me. She wld tell me that she wld give my kids gifts and thats how she helps me.
Also, giving your kids gifts and not you to reiterate your not good enough. You are good enough, keep your head up!
All full manipulations, it's like some Olympian's challenge whereas we must make them feel special 24/7, that's exhausting and too demanding. My son is 25 now and quite wonderful... But I did have to pull him out of his childhood kicking and screaming, we shouldn't need to do that with our husbands or parents, that's their parents passed failed jobs!
@@jennasparks8935she'll do it on purpose that to show you how unimportant YOU are, who cares, don't let it define you6, say thanks, have a nice day (stay happy/best revenge ever),,,
You nailed it! Now some of us have been physically hit or sexually abused or both along with the mental games. This is even more difficult but I think we gotta give ourselves a break when we realize the notion "I was such a fool for not realizing for decades" kinds of thoughts. This stuff is tough and causes trauma bonding. I learned this from Michelle. Ty Michelle for putting this stuff out on TH-cam. You are helping me and so many others. One of the hardest things I will say is when they start to talk too much and tell on themselves and you Know for instance 'that scar on my head came from something bad' and they almost tell then mums the word. That kind of stuff is difficult to realize is real. It explains a lot and is a tiny bit validating. The worst is the fact that they are getting worse not repenting. No contact was my only way forward but only after much prayer and a direct answer from God.
Wow! Quite an enlightenment!
Nailed it again. Thank you.
Identify with all the above. I just discovered my trauma from narcissistic abuse a couple of years ago and am still healing. My main issue is that my mother in law is a scary crazy covert. My husband is not but the majority of our marriage he treated me in a way that was similar so I suffered 1-3 on a daily basis because of it. So now here we are BOTH trying to heal from the effects of his mother. Which is difficult because I know how effected he is by her treatment his whole life and how she treated me, but I'm also trying to heal from the effects of how he treated me too. So hard.
Adding: since discovering this narcissistic trauma I've realized I've been stuck in my healing process so your videos are helping!
I was a child of paternal incest (from ages 5 to 15) and every core wound she describes I identify with. My mother was a covert narcisist, as were my siblings, as they copied dysfunctionally my parents words actions a behavors. I was the family scapegoat.
She is correct. It is very difficult to shake these core beliefs. I discovered all this at age 66. I am 68.5 years young now, and I reslize it may take the rest of my life to change completely.
I needed this. I spend more time on reversing my trauma from tears of nars in my head . If i spent this much time on how to be the best on computer's i would be making a lot of money. I have to try to find myself completely. Strangely enough i can separate the drama of everything he is. To when he is around. And can still be my optimistic l8ving funny self when im with my friends and family that he does not like or ever wants anyone around. I do a lot with my friends and have fun. When he pops in my head like. Oh dear i better go home he will be so difficult if he knows im having fun. Ir i have to hide what i just bought because i am not worthy of buying myself anything. I do stop myself at that moment and realize i do not give in to this behavior any more and keep going to ignore him and be me. I love making things and creating unquic things. He hates everything i make its ugly and waste of time and money. It takes me forever to finish my project because i cant work on it when he is around i hide it every day and must find a place for it so he doesnt get mad and tell me to stop making things so i never show him what i make so i can give it to whoever without questioning is it really ugly? He has every tool possible to use. I will go into his shop when he is not there use and out back so he won't attack what im doing. He is actually jealous of my work i can't do anything that makes me feel good. I am so tried of he's put downs i dont matter I am nothing. Yet i come through the next day with a better water fall that everyone wants to buy. I can not have anything i want. I do get it and hide it for awhile. Lwtely i ignore him and try nit to hide. But what i go through fir hours and days because i just dont care. The emotional abuse that lasts so long is almost nit worth making anything. I cant believe the struggle i go through to not make things worse because can not handle the looks the words it will endure. Im working on it. But if i worked this hard on anything else i would be brilliant or rich or happier. With that much time into every day struggle. Nars are not issential in any way they are so sneaky and work you forever make you feel lonely no worth sub level. My house in the winter is 58° until the king comes home and then he is cold and turns the heat up to 64 till bed time i wear coats all day. Because he pays the bill. I am so sad i did not leave this person i can not call a human. Now i do what i want and never think of him being here. He is nit worthy if my time ir heart. Shame on all the nars for the abuse they cause on everyone. Now to see hiw kuch damages h has created fir our adult kids. It is showing up more and more as they age. Nars effect at least 20 lives in their surrounding. It is crazy now to see why he yas ni friends. He is so covert its embarrasing. I'll bet he out lives me. I watch fir karma and why it has not showed up in his 75 years is unreal. He is never sick never been to a hospital not one prescription not one broken bone or stitches. Not one thing so he puts everyone down that feels pain or complains because he has ko clue about anything. He's heart will last forever because he has never used his heart. Good luck out there.
Your dog looks so cute ❤️😭
Thank you do much! Wonderful. I'm learning so much.
That's why I want to try EMDR therapy. To take away the weight of painful points in my memory.
Rejection being mocked, belittled, criticized.
Oh my gosh that was me
Im just grateful he only had 4 months to try to destroy me. We had 2 good years w few red flags sprinkled in ( that i ignored in retrospect). He switched into a monster. Thankfully one round of discard that was BRUTAL. He involved my family. That was GAME OVER for me.
My ex's favorite saying was, "WTF is wrong with you?!" Anytime I did something he didn't like. 😏
💙💓💙💙💓💙
CoachM, can you please answer my comments ? Just tell me if you approve or disapprove my comments ! Are they wrong ? I will understand !
Hello Michele, I’d like to humbly request a refund for the course I recently purchased. I was under the Impression that I would receive a coaching certification but I hadn’t.
I even got a christian relationship book. It verified in print ghat indeed, everything was my fault. Apparently god said so. 😠😠😠
I know i shouldn't, but i worry about what is going to happen to his vulnerable new gf ... she's already broken from what I hear...
I can not believe this, I left my profession 3 yrs ago, I worked so hard for it and always wanted it, and walked away from it. I havent quite figured out "why" I really walked away completely, this is so intense. To hear you say this, all the things. Wow
Many good points Michele. You might want to consider another one. If your experience and research agrees. Narcissists instill a belief that honesty doesn't matter. Consider that in most households, even some highly dysfunctional ones, there is at least some premium applied for honesty. (e.g. an abusive parent might say "you will only get half a beating for breaking that lamp because you told the truth"). But the narcissistic parent says, "I don't care that you told the truth, you get the same punishment as your siblings who lied." They train their kids to be liars!!!
Aloha Michele,
I really appreciate how you focus on us healing and how. There have been 3 channels that have really helped getting to and being in the healing journey.
But none go into the re-wiring of oneself, nervous system etc.
Thank you thank you thank you
Thank you for summing it all up so perfectly. Even if/when we come to these realizations on our own, it's so reassuring to find confirmation. 🙂
Your video definitely resonates with me! It's amazing how you hit the nail on the head!!! Thank you for giving voice to and exposing the truth of what sadly too many people experience, but it helps to know that we're not alone and that someone understands this!!!
He would scream and shout in my face and i flinch. He then scream and shout bc i flinched. Finding my voice again. Thank you for your video
I am so so happy I found your channel, I love how there are so many contents about the coverts narcissists 🙏🏻❤️ thank you
100 percent TRUE!
My narc husband went ahead and had a full fledged 3 months affair literally staying in someone's house when I was doing so well in my business. After that I literally was scared to do my work after that with a fear that if I get busy he will do that again and killed my business so much. He had zero regrets. Still trying to figure out how to leave him safely.
Michele, your brought tears to my eyes, spot on, I feel a little better just from this one video. Thank you so much.
wow..... wow. identifying this helped SO MUCH.
I can tie an event or conversation in my relationship (past recently) for everything you just said.
You're beautiful and smart!! Thank you
I am a fan
That was great! Just what I needed to hear, I'm going back for a second listen.
Incredibly painful to listen to. TY
Thank you for this.❤
There was so much editing in this video, it was difficult for me to focus.
I found that I started asking her for permission to go fishing or whatever.
What you saying is true i live with a covert narc for years and i go through everthing you saying and it so sad after thirty years he discard me for someone he have while he was with me