25 years married. Thank you. You hit the nail on the head. It’s love, it’s just different. I’m still learning to challenge myself instead of wanting my husband to be a part of that process. I wish we would challenge and even sometimes compete with each other, but it’s not his personality.
Same here. Married 20 years. Not attracted to husband at all anymore for at least 10 of them. He is the best husband and provider. We have built an awesome life. But I just don’t feel it for him anymore 😞
@@williamhermann6635not always true I feel, there are some people who are open to seeing a different perspective or learning how they could grow or heal
If he just doesn't get me, annnnnd, he is not cute! I have to feel that spark, whether it's purely physical appearance or his way about him, mannerisms, his calmness, something has to make me attracted to his presence, his eyes, his smile. That "it"factor. I've been with a man who on paper checked every box, but i was bored to death and def not excited to see him. He didn't have "it".
@@LuisPerez-jf8vj I was married to my high school sweetheart for 27 years. He died of colon cancer. We were the perfect match. I was very lucky to have him.
Well, men are the "choosers" in our culture. They will never go for women they don't like so if they are only accepted by women, we can assume they are attracted to them. On the other hand women are more encouraged to prioritize good character, stability etc
Thank you Susan... we all need to hear this.. I had a man who was a friend and he was nice...wanted marriage..but he didn't move my heart, in a romantic way. No passion, or spark,. He was hurt, but I really wanted us both to be happy with a partner. I love myself..enough to let go.
I'm in a similar situation myself with a great woman. I just don't feel any passion for her although I treat her so well that I don't think she notices. In any case Susan's message is spot on.
A lot of you love to play with people. What about if you been in the relationship with the person and they play with you. Women like to have the upper hand with men they feel are not good enough for them.
Issue is, eventually you settle in to a relationship and you are going to want someone nice and compatible that checks all the boxes. So sure, maybe not raging Hollywood passion at first, but we all know how that goes. This is a tough one for me, could be single your whole life looking for perfection or what you perceive as that. Second, all of the issues Susan mentioned in other videos ARE valid and real. People with deep issues will pass up good relationships thinking they just “aren’t the one”. They might not be open to love in the first place.
It sounds like the writer just isn't attracted to the other person. I am looking for both. I need to be both attracted to the person and the person needs to have a kind, sincere, and trustworthy character.
@@northshorelight35You have to also be prepared for the eventuality that you will lose that spark with them and your love will mature and blossom with age. Some people fail to understand this and will constantly seek the passion of new relationships.
There was only one time I was courted by an amazing man who seemed to check every box-handsome, fit, educated (he spoke three languages), financially stable, kind, generous, and more. Despite all of that, I just couldn’t feel an attraction to him. He was so patient and kind throughout our entire courtship, the perfect gentleman in every way. But no matter how much I admired him, the spark just wasn’t there. Eventually, we went our separate ways, and even now, I sometimes kick myself for not being able to feel something deeper. Being with him was unlike anything I’d ever experienced-he truly embodied what it means to be a man, so angelic and grounded. I sincerely hope he’s found happiness and love because he genuinely deserves it.❤
Good lord!!! I am so grateful for your different perspective. It resonates so much for me. I had to end a relationship with the most wonderful man and have been ruminating about what's wrong with me and why can't I settle into a relationship with this beautiful human. I've been dissecting myself trying to dig up past trauma and childhood yada yada that I have done so much work to heal. Ive been trying to fit myself into a lifestyle that just doesn't work for me at all with a man who doesn't understand my growth mindset. Thank you so much ❤️
This is me too. 3 years in, he still thinks me wanting him to heal his trauma (that absolutely impacts me, his kids, the relationship) is me trying to change him.. Growth and awareness are in my top 5 values. I just can't do it any more
This is advice I wish someone had told me in the past. Thank you, Susan, for this video. It's not always that you have attachment issues or fear of commitment. You can be fully capable of loving, but it's just not the person for you. I love to sing, so I'm thinking of this situation in the metaphor of singing a song that doesn't fit in your voice. It may sound fine to people on the outside, but you know it doesn't feel or sound as good as something that is in your sweet spot. The song isn't the right fit for you, and it's no one's fault.
My name is also Maja. 😂 And that was somehow exactly the answer I needed to hear from someone else. Just like you say, you sometimes start to doubt yourself because everyone and every video is telling you, that it's because you had some kind of childhood trauma or the way you were treated as a child. I've gone through my past lots of times because I really sometimes started to believe, that maybe it was because of me or something was wrong with me. But I can not really say, that there were any moments in my life as a child, that I haven't felt unconditionally loved by my parents. It's the opposite, I feel so blessed to have parents that have always allowed me to be myself and make my own desicions and to be by my side even If I was wrong sometimes. It's just like you say, I've always longed for someone whom I could see eye to eye. Someone who could show me the world from a different perspective and someone who could challenge me in a healthy way. It has to be the perfect balance between someone who is similar to you, maybe in your way of thinking and sharing values and someone who is still different from you and can light up some new interests within you. I can be quite the stubborn one, but I do have a heart of gold. If I love you, I'm gonna be the most loyal, supporting, loving and protective woman to you.
Any relationship with ANY person is challenging. Be careful what you wish for. Regularly being 'challenged' by another is exhausting and demeaning. Challange yourself. Tip of the day: Emotionally healthy men want a woman who pours peace into their lives.
Hi Susan, thank you for this video! It feels good to hear your words. I was dating someone really really lovely for over three months and I broke up with here a few days ago. She checked all the boxes: caring, warm, interested, adventurous, trusworthy.. but I keep feeling like my inner wisdom knew that she wasn't the one. Before this relation I was in a chaotic relationship so my mind kept asking me 'well.. maybe this is just a safe relationship and you need to get used to this kind of love' but deep down I knew this just wasn't it for me. Still hurts tho to say goodbye to someone you love. I wished I did have the spark-feeling for her but I have to trust that my inner wisdom knows what's good for me. Thanks again!
Definitely in the same boat. I’m glad you stayed true to yourself and chose a path regardless of the pain it would cause. How did you broach the topic to your partner when you broke things off?
sometimes too coming from a chaotic relationship can be very hard for the next person u date, I have seen ppl, who were in a toxic chaotic relationship and the moment they were out the few ppl they dated were great but just couldn't make it work, most times is caused of the truama and pain from the previous one, it has warped ur perception of what love is, and the bigger one is sometimes ppl hold back cause they afraid to fully allow themselves to love someone again cause of fear of getting hurt again, so they use words like I just dont think they the one, its all the excuse to not allow themselves to fully go deeper with someone. A lot of healing needs to go on here my man, else u going to keep on rejecting good partners and actually will be going in for the bad ones. Is a defence trauma response when u come our from a chaotic toxic relationship
Thank you SO much. Therapists tend to be so focused on the commitment problem, that they forget they exist parallely to other issues. I may have fear of loss or commitment and STILL not want someone at the same time. It's not either one or the other, it's both. That's what makes it so hard.
So many pearls here. I love all of your videos Susan and this was one of my favourites. “We intuitively are going to move towards people that allow us to grow” …this is so profound and resonates with me completely!
Great stuff here. So elusive and so hard to pin down the exact cocktail of who turns us on for all our cylinders and why. All of them: intellectual, spiritual, emotional, sexual, as a friend, confidant, lover, etc. etc.
There are so many variables. I have a friend that has a very specific attraction to a certain kind of voice. Others need a certain level of intelligence, banter etc.
what? You want someone who has to provide every single one of those things for you? I’m confused as to when this became the focus of marriage to begin with?
funny timing cause i’ve been going through this for a year. he checks everything off except being taller than me. but i can’t give up how he loves me and treats me 😭 these things life throws at you is hard af
Same situation girl. Hes taller than me but i am tiny so hes definitely not as tall but it is sooo petty thinking about it just counting the pros he has and the way he treats me so well but i cant feel anything 🥲🥲
Thank you Susan, you always have the right words when I need them. I'm going through something similar to Maya and deep down we know what's better for us, we just have to honor it. You're amazing, thank you so much for the reminder! ❤️
However, I do believe that giving each other time and proper communication can clear a lot of doubts. Sometimes you don't feel attracted to the way they look, but there will always be someone better looking. That's where you need to draw a line. Real love is synonym to being peaceful in his presence. Being taken care of and cherished by someone. If they are your biggest supporter and allow you to grow in your way, you should give it a chance. Mutual friendship and attraction plays a big role here. If however you don't feel good enough to talk clearly to him or you feel like editing yourself around him. Lookout. It will be wrong to them as well. You could be blocking someone worthy of their love.
@@chocolateprincess2656 how would you know if you won't give them a chance. Love can grow, sexual attraction can grow too. Its not like there is only one way you can fall in love. Not one shoe fits all. If you have even slightest feeling of attraction then love can grow I was very attracted to a guy but over time his looks took second place and character took first and it was hard pill to swallow While now I have a person whose character, hardwork and dedication blows away my mind. His is respectful, ambitious and knows his priorities. And guess what I am so much attracted to him both physically and mentally 🙈
@@Sunshine-gm5dc thats the thing, you dont need to " give a chance" for physical attraction, Im not talking about love, but the physical attraction has to be there FIRST to proceed . Without the physical attraction its just a friendship, why are people so obsessed with negating physical attraction it rarely works well. Love without physical attraction is literally a friendship lol
@@chocolateprincess2656 no one is asking to push yourself to feel attracted to someone. Obviously physical attraction is very important. I am saying sometimes we are just used to a type of personality or looks. So just being open to possibilities can work in our favour.
This is excellent 👌🏽 a partner that allows me to grow and challenges me…I always thought I was sabotaging myself when it came to relationships now I understand myself thank you!
Oooh this is a great and complex topic. I’ve been on both ends of this one…I’ve been told by a guy I dated that I am just too nice and I have also stopped seeing guys who were super nice and great on paper but I just didn’t feel any type of fiery passion for them. Ugh. 😕
100% agree. Our instinct recognises even the little things that are off. I remember asking my bf what was it about me that he liked and his answer was that I was a great daughter and how I treated my parents. Although I didn't see it as a red flag( yet) ,it felt weird coz my parents emotionally abandoned me often and I was doing too much to win them over and he knew this.I kept asking him again and again to see if he had something else to say, like I was pretty or nice eyes or something / anything other than this. But nope, he always sticked to this as my defining quality. He was great in paper and other women swooned over him but I lost my attraction there.
Not feeling desired by a partner is incredibly difficult and one should never have to fish for compliments. You losing attraction for him because of that reason is a normal and justified reaction. I’m glad you are out of that situation now and can find someone who truly worships you!
@@SusanWinter I was on my way out when he started triangulating me with other women. No regrets there. Thanks for your kind reply. Great video as always 👍👍
Susan I just wanted to say 'thank you' for this video. Your message is so relevant to what I'm feeling, and I'm going to just leave it at that. Thanks again ❤
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I have always felt this instinctively... but you put it into words - Honestly this is so cool, I will remember and consider this video always.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this brilliant reframing!! I've felt this in the past, and all too often the feedback from the friends and family who love us is as you described. Thank you for being an island of sanity. It's good and necessary to question why we aren't enticed by the available, lovely, suitable partner - but sometimes, it's just...not them.
I'm dating this guy he loves me so much i said yes even tho i wasn't sure about my feelings i don't think i love him i did maybe when we were just friends but now that we are in a relationship i don't find him attractive and sometimes get attracted towards other guys. K don't know what to do if i broke up I'll lose such a sweetheart and it will hurt him.
I love your input susan, you've hit a few points with this as well from my last relationship. I did not feel like it was giving me a forward direction for our relationship, just an RNR all good chill that's it..plus the fact that she was an addict. That isn't me, I want to always follow a goal, that betters us, small steps that lead to big goals, someone that constantly inspires me and challenges me .And thank you for this video 💙💙 much love. Yes this sounds like praisebombing haha no this is a fact and you deserve it💐💐💐
Hello Bryan! Thank you so much for your generosity! With regards to your situation, you made the right decision by removing yourself from a negative situation that was not serving you!
This video checked all of the boxes! I do have a history of picking the wrong kind of men. That said, if the chemistry isn't there, it isn't there.. and he is far from perfect... as am I. I never envisioned walking down the aisle as a child and look at that-- I became a lawyer.. a very jealous lover lol. Not being compatible in the bedroom is a BIG BOX for me and it just isn't checked in this situation..
Omg, losss for words ❤ You really have me 😢😢 because I feel like he’s a crutch! I need more of a challenge he treats me beautifully, I’m not attracted to him! I do have some childhood issues
How is it that when im feeling a certain way in a particular moment...Susan has an answer. Coming off of a fling where i was madly in love and he ultimately blew me off to a guy who loves me dearly and puts his 100% for me all the time and chooses me everyday but I dont feel a thing. Its hard to say that nothing is wrong with me. I do feel guilty.. but Susan's youre right..i do know what it is and i do know what i want. But i dont want to lose him as well :(
This is the pendulum balancing itself between two extremes one was too hot and then he became too cold and the other is too warm on a continual basis. It's not the second choice is wrong at all. Why don't you give it some time to see if everything can settle within you. We are always in the process of balancing the information we have received.
I've been questioning my love for my boyfriend for a while now. I don't want to believe myself. I'm afraid to leave, I don't want to lose him, I get sad and jealous when he looks at other women real or not, I want to have him in my life in the way he does. But I keep questioning my love and don't feel sexual drive towards him anymore, I don't imagine him when i'd want to. I don't feel loyal anymore and I hate that part about myself bc I never wanted to be unloyal towards him bc he loves me, he is the first guy who truely does. I'm so stuck in this loop and it's giving me pain. I want to love him, I want to feel sexual with him but i can't and keep asking too much of him. There is like two sides. One screams " I want to be single and live my last teenage years wild, crushing on people and doing things that aren't taken serious " , but then there is the side that says I love him, I don't want to lose him, I won't find anyone who will love me the same as he does, I don't want to hurt him, I love him too much to leave, he is the only person who is really close to me and knows me " idk... everything says we won't last, like every video, but i'm trying to hold onto it so bad. And i bet he isn't even thinking about this bc he expects to live with me forever. Idk i can't take this, i get so much anixiety thinking and writing this
Don't let temporary feelings be permanent decisons. i was in the same boat with you in my last relationship as i 'knew' this wasn't it and ever since i broke it off saying i wasn't in love i have regretted it and a year on still do. I wish i would've sat down and talked to them as now i realise but its too late
@@zackkickboxer4837 It wasn't really temporary i felt them for literally months. And still do. I chose to break up with him to be friends, yet i still feel the same things and don't think I want to be with him. Or at least for the time being bc, i can't be with a dude i love and hate at the same time. So we both need space to be, grow and change.
She basically give advice to make all of her audiences single, cause she basically say "you should find partner that challenge you and excited you, not the one who treat you with love, give you better life, and healthy relationship", so yeah people either so sssttupid beyond help, or didn't understand English to agree with her.
Met a great guy, checked every single box but I wasn't attracted to his face. Is that terrible of me? I really liked him. He was a good catch. We had fun. Communication was no problem. We liked a lot of the same things. Everything about him was everything I wanted.....but I just wasn't physically drawn to him....I broke his heart. I felt bad but I couldn't tell him the real reason. I just said "I'm not feeling the same way you do." ......Guys do it all the time so why do I feel bad?
Attraction comes in all shapes and forms. Occasionally, a lack of physical attraction can be overwritten by other deep connections such as intellect. But that’s not always the case and you should not feel bad that you couldn’t bring yourself to be physically attracted. You did the best thing by not dragging out the situation further.
@@SusanWinter Thank you, Susan, for reading my post & answering. I appreciate it very much. ...The intellect & other boxes were all there but I felt like I was settling. :(
How did you tell him you wanted to end things? I don’t want to hurt my boyfriends ego, and say I find him physically attractive but I don’t want to lie either
My girlfriend and I have the best chemistry. But she mentioned that she doesn’t feel a spark with me. That she doesn’t get butterflies with me because it’s a feeling that goes. Thing is. That comment and many other comments she’s made has pushed me away. She’s hot physically but many things she’s said or done have slowly changed the way I view her. I’m going through a hard situation in my life that I don’t know if I can balance a relationship with that situation. I feel like our relationship has lost its attraction. I don’t feel anything when I kiss her. When we hug we connect. When we make have sex it’s amazing but it’s boring now. Deep inside I feel like she’s settled with me. She doesn’t stop talking about her ex’s and past experiences. Everything she did I thought was special she did with her last relationships. When I say thank you. She always replies with. Don’t thank me. That’s what I do for my partner. It’s a pattern not something that comes within.
Hey! I'm going through exact same situation, I wad in relationship for 2.5 years, i was his first girlfriend, initially I thought maybe we are just naice, but later I realised I'm not physically attracted to him, even though he is perfect in everything, and I'm very much conflicted about what to do about the relationship
Im with someone who treats me better than anyone ever has. He is very attractive - good looks, great body, kind person. Our lifestyles are compatible. But i just feel im missing out on true love - that the depth of emotional / intellectual intimacy isnt there. Admittedly i didnt feel great sexual chemistry from the start but loved how safe and calm he made me feel. I dont know what to do - i know breaking up is giving up the best boyfriend experience and i know how rare good guys are to find - i could very likely end up alone as a result. Advice please 😫🙏
Hello! I have 3 questions: 1 How long have you been with your boyfriend? 2 do you think the fact that you don't feel all these things for him will affect your relationship? 3 Do you really want to feel and experience that "true love"? Let me tell you a story. I met a girl who is in a 4 year relationship. I fell in love with her and she fell in love with me. And despite the fact that she admitted that she never really felt love towards her partner she chose him over me because of comfort and stability. Is she happy with her choice? Will she regret choosing him or she will regret meeting me? Who knows. God knows. Now put yourself in her shoes for a moment. When you will see yourself falling in love with someone else (this will eventually happen with or without your permission because we don't chose who we fall in love with and our subconscious has a weir way of searching in other people what we miss in our relationships) what will you do then? Will you decide to be with your current boyfriend? Will you let the love of your life go? I can't tell you what to do. But if your answer is yes for question 2 and 3 than you've got yourself an idea where you stand. I don't know about others but life is to short to choose the water you need and sometime you need to take a sip of the whiskey you want. Wish you the best and please provide updates
Your comment is 2 weeks old but: I've just gone into separation with my most amazing wife. It is definitely extremely painful and she is destroyed 💔 But whatever issue you have is only going to chip away at you over time. So you have to ask yourself, how long will you just 'hang in there'....? People do hang in there for years but eventually, that time will come. But take it from me, as painful as it is (I can't breathe right now) please don't get married or God forbid, pregnant! Sending you strength 🙏🕉💙
I thought he checked all the boxes, we liked the same hobbies, religion, music etc. it was scary. But he was fake and I keep it real. He was pretentious and ok with saying “I love you’s” that have no real emotion behind it just because the mood is right, and smiling in my face and eating dinner after being manipulative and secretly despising who I am. He was ok w that as long as the mood was good and he had someone to talk to. But it was all empty. And I could sense that. So I never grew to love him and he despised me the more I called him out on it because I wasn’t being “cool.” He liked to live a lie and I liked to live the truth. It’s a shame because it’s such a small difference in us that changed the whole dynamic. He was superficial.
was he superficial or was that your take on the situation because that’s how you felt inside? We rarely see something in others that we don’t also see in ourselves. Its why cheaters will often think their partners are cheating on them, they see behaviors and assign their own values to the behaviors.
@@johnsonjj117 I know that I’m not superficial. However it could be that we have two different definitions of how to approach a relationship. He said “I love you” really early. As of late, he can go all day without texting me or calling to see how I’m doing just because he is (doing homework) meanwhile I interpret that as (not that interested) as most people would also. I can’t imagine being ok with not talking to someone you love all day. At that point it makes me wonder exactly what do you feel when you say “I love you” because it is not (in action) proving to be the same definition I have in mind. My definition of love interprets in action different. I would be curious at some point during the day of the person who tends to occupy my thoughts as to what they were doing or to say the least… I would miss them
@@inmyexpression19 I mean I felt the same way when my wife and first started dating, constantly wondering about her and checking in with her. After years of being together, I assumed her days were going good unless she called to tell me something went wrong. It’s not that I stopped thinking about her, it’s the exact opposite. I thought about her just as much but I did things like making her coffee in the morning, preparing dinner for her so on the nights I work she would already have it and not need to worry. In the end we all give and want to receive love differently so it’s vital we understand our love language along with our partners love language.
This is great. My bf is great but we have different lifestyles. I wabt more. Im avoit growth and hea aviut complacency. I dont have sexual chemistry but love being affectionate with him. I think that you need secual chemistry in a relationship for it to work.
After I learned some things about my girlfriend that I probably shouldn’t have, I not longer feel sexually attracted to her, I still love her though, but I just don’t seem to be turned on sexually anymore about her, we have sex, I do my best she seems to enjoy it, but I haven’t came in ages while doing it, I only really do it to make her happy and when it’s completely necessary. I don’t want to leave her, I believe everything else is right in our relationship except for that, but I do understand that sex is a big deal breaker, I’m only 25, could I handle this for the rest of my life? I don’t even know if it’s fair for her…
I've heard two totally different responses: 1. She deserves someone who will love her sexually, you should leave. 2. You can learn to love her sexually, just like millions do in arranged marriages. You should stay. I think you have to know yourself. Are you the type who does get more excited sexually when you get to know them more and more deeply? I think some people do, and some people don't.
I constantly seem to get into relationships where I feel like they are nice we are really compatible and they are kinda cute at first but then later on I don’t feel much passion like if they were to leave me I would miss them every now and then as a person but I wouldn’t be heartbroken I hate that I seem to constantly give mixed signals I’ve been with the guy I’m with now for almost 4 months I hate to let I guy I work so well with go but I also want to feel the in love feeling but I’m not even sure if that’s real or I’m capable of feeling that or that just always goes away after about 3 months
I think therapy would be ur best solution, in the beginning you chase the butterflies and honeymoon but ones u get to know them u probably flaw find to bounce, deep down u know know, relationships are not supposed to be this steamy thing in movies, actually really healthy relationships are very boring, if these guys haven't done anything wrong and u seem to loose interest after sometime then I would say its a u problem, u have probably built up an image of what ur partner should be subconsciously , if u dont find a solutions trust me u will be going around giving ppl breakup traumas they didn't ask for, I can boldly say u have probably broken up with some ppl u know they didn't deserve the heart break. dont go around hurting ppl, get into the deeper root of ur situation.
I'm sapiosexual and my partner is a highschool drop out and has never opened a book so he tends to make grammar mistakes and doesn't know much about anything. Needless to say that it drives me crazy and it lessens my attractiveness for him. He treats me wonderfully, has a good job and is being promoted at his job. He is willing to change but we're in our late 30s and I don't know that I want to keep teaching him basic things. I don't know what to do
I feel so scared of letting him go and him finding someone who values him and think, what if I made a mistake? But at the same time I dont like him, his body language is so weird and awkward, his goals are so different to mine, and I find his topics of interest so boring. He is too calm for me, I want someone more exciting and energetic
does he know any of these, most times the other person is not aware, this is the time to work on the relationship, dont sit there and flaw find to the point u dont even see them anymore and all that u see is how its not going to work, talk to this person, not to breakup but to find a way to meet each other on the middle, communication is key,
This might sound like a dumb question... but have you seen this on the male side of the relationship too? I have a partner, and she's seemingly done NOTHING wrong, and yet i don't feel the want or need to touch her atm. I even roll my eyes (in my mind) when she talks. I know i sound like a jerk, but this is just exactly how i feel, and yet she's a great person. Is this usually just a woman's issue?
Bullseye! And the uncomfortable battle with culture. Namely, the pattern that marriage is for kids, and other such mindsets. Too many parents devastatingly ruin their kids by forcing culture.. Growth often means cracking one culture apart, for a better one.
25 years married. Thank you. You hit the nail on the head. It’s love, it’s just different. I’m still learning to challenge myself instead of wanting my husband to be a part of that process. I wish we would challenge and even sometimes compete with each other, but it’s not his personality.
Same here. Married 20 years. Not attracted to husband at all anymore for at least 10 of them. He is the best husband and provider. We have built an awesome life. But I just don’t feel it for him anymore 😞
Be careful what you wish for. Being 'challanged' on a regular basis is exhausting and demeaning.
What does it mean for you two to challenge each other? Give examples of how it happens or doesn't happen?
No man wants to be challenged by their partners.
@@williamhermann6635not always true I feel, there are some people who are open to seeing a different perspective or learning how they could grow or heal
If he just doesn't get me, annnnnd, he is not cute! I have to feel that spark, whether it's purely physical appearance or his way about him, mannerisms, his calmness, something has to make me attracted to his presence, his eyes, his smile.
That "it"factor.
I've been with a man who on paper checked every box, but i was bored to death and def not excited to see him.
He didn't have "it".
Are you still single
Wow, you should have been used by many unhealthy guys...whatva poor criteria
@@LuisPerez-jf8vj I was married to my high school sweetheart for 27 years. He died of colon cancer.
We were the perfect match.
I was very lucky to have him.
Unless they’re an avoidant and tend to flaw-find. Also don’t confuse chemistry /sparks for real love that comes overtime.
Good Ava
Very this! ^ 👌🏻💖
I think I flaw-find but I started to look at myself before I critique my mate😊
No chemistry. He may be more like a buddy than a lover.
True, and that is something Maya will need to figure out
Yeah, but who doesn't want to have great sex with your bestie?
Why men never talk about this or experience this? I understand this is a rather female oriented channel, but look at the comments.
Well, men are the "choosers" in our culture. They will never go for women they don't like so if they are only accepted by women, we can assume they are attracted to them. On the other hand women are more encouraged to prioritize good character, stability etc
Then why did you marry him
Thank you Susan... we all need to hear this.. I had a man who was a friend and he was nice...wanted marriage..but he didn't move my heart, in a romantic way. No passion, or spark,. He was hurt, but I really wanted us both to be happy with a partner. I love myself..enough to let go.
Thanks for this share, Kimberly
I'm in a similar situation myself with a great woman. I just don't feel any passion for her although I treat her so well that I don't think she notices. In any case Susan's message is spot on.
@@adulthealthylivingI'm at the same place
Are you still single
A lot of you love to play with people. What about if you been in the relationship with the person and they play with you. Women like to have the upper hand with men they feel are not good enough for them.
Issue is, eventually you settle in to a relationship and you are going to want someone nice and compatible that checks all the boxes. So sure, maybe not raging Hollywood passion at first, but we all know how that goes. This is a tough one for me, could be single your whole life looking for perfection or what you perceive as that. Second, all of the issues Susan mentioned in other videos ARE valid and real. People with deep issues will pass up good relationships thinking they just “aren’t the one”. They might not be open to love in the first place.
It sounds like the writer just isn't attracted to the other person. I am looking for both. I need to be both attracted to the person and the person needs to have a kind, sincere, and trustworthy character.
Are you single
@@northshorelight35You have to also be prepared for the eventuality that you will lose that spark with them and your love will mature and blossom with age. Some people fail to understand this and will constantly seek the passion of new relationships.
There was only one time I was courted by an amazing man who seemed to check every box-handsome, fit, educated (he spoke three languages), financially stable, kind, generous, and more. Despite all of that, I just couldn’t feel an attraction to him. He was so patient and kind throughout our entire courtship, the perfect gentleman in every way. But no matter how much I admired him, the spark just wasn’t there.
Eventually, we went our separate ways, and even now, I sometimes kick myself for not being able to feel something deeper. Being with him was unlike anything I’d ever experienced-he truly embodied what it means to be a man, so angelic and grounded. I sincerely hope he’s found happiness and love because he genuinely deserves it.❤
Good lord!!! I am so grateful for your different perspective. It resonates so much for me. I had to end a relationship with the most wonderful man and have been ruminating about what's wrong with me and why can't I settle into a relationship with this beautiful human. I've been dissecting myself trying to dig up past trauma and childhood yada yada that I have done so much work to heal. Ive been trying to fit myself into a lifestyle that just doesn't work for me at all with a man who doesn't understand my growth mindset. Thank you so much ❤️
This is me too. 3 years in, he still thinks me wanting him to heal his trauma (that absolutely impacts me, his kids, the relationship) is me trying to change him.. Growth and awareness are in my top 5 values. I just can't do it any more
Same here. Absolutely the most wonderful person ever and is perfect. But I was just not feeling it! I felt so confused and guilty!
Sorry, this is just trauma, and now you have an excuse for not healing. Sad.
This is advice I wish someone had told me in the past. Thank you, Susan, for this video. It's not always that you have attachment issues or fear of commitment. You can be fully capable of loving, but it's just not the person for you.
I love to sing, so I'm thinking of this situation in the metaphor of singing a song that doesn't fit in your voice. It may sound fine to people on the outside, but you know it doesn't feel or sound as good as something that is in your sweet spot. The song isn't the right fit for you, and it's no one's fault.
That’s a wonderful analogy!
👏🏽
Hmmmm
My name is also Maja. 😂 And that was somehow exactly the answer I needed to hear from someone else. Just like you say, you sometimes start to doubt yourself because everyone and every video is telling you, that it's because you had some kind of childhood trauma or the way you were treated as a child. I've gone through my past lots of times because I really sometimes started to believe, that maybe it was because of me or something was wrong with me. But I can not really say, that there were any moments in my life as a child, that I haven't felt unconditionally loved by my parents. It's the opposite, I feel so blessed to have parents that have always allowed me to be myself and make my own desicions and to be by my side even If I was wrong sometimes.
It's just like you say, I've always longed for someone whom I could see eye to eye. Someone who could show me the world from a different perspective and someone who could challenge me in a healthy way. It has to be the perfect balance between someone who is similar to you, maybe in your way of thinking and sharing values and someone who is still different from you and can light up some new interests within you.
I can be quite the stubborn one, but I do have a heart of gold. If I love you, I'm gonna be the most loyal, supporting, loving and protective woman to you.
Any relationship with ANY person is challenging.
Be careful what you wish for.
Regularly being 'challenged' by another is exhausting and demeaning.
Challange yourself.
Tip of the day:
Emotionally healthy men want a woman who pours peace into their lives.
Hi Susan, thank you for this video! It feels good to hear your words. I was dating someone really really lovely for over three months and I broke up with here a few days ago. She checked all the boxes: caring, warm, interested, adventurous, trusworthy.. but I keep feeling like my inner wisdom knew that she wasn't the one. Before this relation I was in a chaotic relationship so my mind kept asking me 'well.. maybe this is just a safe relationship and you need to get used to this kind of love' but deep down I knew this just wasn't it for me. Still hurts tho to say goodbye to someone you love. I wished I did have the spark-feeling for her but I have to trust that my inner wisdom knows what's good for me. Thanks again!
I’m glad I’m not alone 🙌🏽 your exact thoughts and feelings I had/ have
@@Brandi.Soleil My spiritual teacher/coach said to me: You're a truth warrior who dares to make difficult choices. So that's what we are Brandi :-)
Definitely in the same boat. I’m glad you stayed true to yourself and chose a path regardless of the pain it would cause. How did you broach the topic to your partner when you broke things off?
sometimes too coming from a chaotic relationship can be very hard for the next person u date, I have seen ppl, who were in a toxic chaotic relationship and the moment they were out the few ppl they dated were great but just couldn't make it work, most times is caused of the truama and pain from the previous one, it has warped ur perception of what love is, and the bigger one is sometimes ppl hold back cause they afraid to fully allow themselves to love someone again cause of fear of getting hurt again, so they use words like I just dont think they the one, its all the excuse to not allow themselves to fully go deeper with someone. A lot of healing needs to go on here my man, else u going to keep on rejecting good partners and actually will be going in for the bad ones. Is a defence trauma response when u come our from a chaotic toxic relationship
Thank you SO much. Therapists tend to be so focused on the commitment problem, that they forget they exist parallely to other issues.
I may have fear of loss or commitment and STILL not want someone at the same time. It's not either one or the other, it's both. That's what makes it so hard.
Susan you are spot on...and I haven't heard it said in that perspective.
🤗 🙏 🥰
P
So many pearls here. I love all of your videos Susan and this was one of my favourites.
“We intuitively are going to move towards people that allow us to grow” …this is so profound and resonates with me completely!
I appreciate the very sweet compliment! Never doubt your intuition. It will rarely steer you the wrong way!
Are you still single
Great stuff here. So elusive and so hard to pin down the exact cocktail of who turns us on for all our cylinders and why. All of them: intellectual, spiritual, emotional, sexual, as a friend, confidant, lover, etc. etc.
There are so many variables. I have a friend that has a very specific attraction to a certain kind of voice. Others need a certain level of intelligence, banter etc.
Are you still single
what? You want someone who has to provide every single one of those things for you? I’m confused as to when this became the focus of marriage to begin with?
funny timing cause i’ve been going through this for a year. he checks everything off except being taller than me. but i can’t give up how he loves me and treats me 😭 these things life throws at you is hard af
Same situation girl. Hes taller than me but i am tiny so hes definitely not as tall but it is sooo petty thinking about it just counting the pros he has and the way he treats me so well but i cant feel anything 🥲🥲
✝️2348126818120⏯️⏯️💖(☉｡☉)!✝️
JUST something for thought: sometimes our partner arrives in an unexpected package...
Being tall won't make a relationship last.
@@kristinemedina2839 had the Hollywood and princess movies normalised acceptance of normal height, weight partners, we won't be feeling at war within.
Thank you Susan, you always have the right words when I need them. I'm going through something similar to Maya and deep down we know what's better for us, we just have to honor it. You're amazing, thank you so much for the reminder! ❤️
Love this. thanks Nat
I need this so badly, thank you!
However, I do believe that giving each other time and proper communication can clear a lot of doubts.
Sometimes you don't feel attracted to the way they look, but there will always be someone better looking.
That's where you need to draw a line.
Real love is synonym to being peaceful in his presence. Being taken care of and cherished by someone. If they are your biggest supporter and allow you to grow in your way, you should give it a chance. Mutual friendship and attraction plays a big role here.
If however you don't feel good enough to talk clearly to him or you feel like editing yourself around him. Lookout. It will be wrong to them as well. You could be blocking someone worthy of their love.
What you described is a friendship/ platonic relationship NOT a romantic one which needs a sexual component/attraction
@@chocolateprincess2656 how would you know if you won't give them a chance. Love can grow, sexual attraction can grow too. Its not like there is only one way you can fall in love. Not one shoe fits all. If you have even slightest feeling of attraction then love can grow
I was very attracted to a guy but over time his looks took second place and character took first and it was hard pill to swallow
While now I have a person whose character, hardwork and dedication blows away my mind. His is respectful, ambitious and knows his priorities. And guess what I am so much attracted to him both physically and mentally 🙈
Also, you can't cherish something until it's lost.
@@Sunshine-gm5dc thats the thing, you dont need to " give a chance" for physical attraction, Im not talking about love, but the physical attraction has to be there FIRST to proceed . Without the physical attraction its just a friendship, why are people so obsessed with negating physical attraction it rarely works well. Love without physical attraction is literally a friendship lol
@@chocolateprincess2656 no one is asking to push yourself to feel attracted to someone. Obviously physical attraction is very important. I am saying sometimes we are just used to a type of personality or looks. So just being open to possibilities can work in our favour.
This is excellent 👌🏽 a partner that allows me to grow and challenges me…I always thought I was sabotaging myself when it came to relationships now I understand myself thank you!
I’m so glad to hear that!
Are you still single
Oooh this is a great and complex topic. I’ve been on both ends of this one…I’ve been told by a guy I dated that I am just too nice and I have also stopped seeing guys who were super nice and great on paper but I just didn’t feel any type of fiery passion for them. Ugh. 😕
It's okay.. this is the process. We filter though what we're given and refine what we really want.
100% agree. Our instinct recognises even the little things that are off. I remember asking my bf what was it about me that he liked and his answer was that I was a great daughter and how I treated my parents. Although I didn't see it as a red flag( yet) ,it felt weird coz my parents emotionally abandoned me often and I was doing too much to win them over and he knew this.I kept asking him again and again to see if he had something else to say, like I was pretty or nice eyes or something / anything other than this. But nope, he always sticked to this as my defining quality. He was great in paper and other women swooned over him but I lost my attraction there.
Not feeling desired by a partner is incredibly difficult and one should never have to fish for compliments. You losing attraction for him because of that reason is a normal and justified reaction. I’m glad you are out of that situation now and can find someone who truly worships you!
@@SusanWinter I was on my way out when he started triangulating me with other women. No regrets there.
Thanks for your kind reply. Great video as always 👍👍
@@Ana-tt8rv Thank you Ana
@@SusanWinterwhat horrible advice. We absolutely should not find someone who “worships” us. That is insane
Thank you 😊 so true, thank you for not coming from the negative ❤
Susan I just wanted to say 'thank you' for this video. Your message is so relevant to what I'm feeling, and I'm going to just leave it at that. Thanks again ❤
What you said about design is on point.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I have always felt this instinctively... but you put it into words - Honestly this is so cool, I will remember and consider this video always.
thanks Ametrine!
This was so helpful. Everything makes more sense now. Thank you so much Susan!
FINALLY I HAVE FOUND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS 😭🥺
thank you so much I really needed to hear that. you got the point.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this brilliant reframing!! I've felt this in the past, and all too often the feedback from the friends and family who love us is as you described. Thank you for being an island of sanity. It's good and necessary to question why we aren't enticed by the available, lovely, suitable partner - but sometimes, it's just...not them.
This was a breath of fresh air, thank you.
This was much needed thank you so much for your insights you really helped me gain a new perspective 💐
I'm dating this guy he loves me so much i said yes even tho i wasn't sure about my feelings i don't think i love him i did maybe when we were just friends but now that we are in a relationship i don't find him attractive and sometimes get attracted towards other guys. K don't know what to do if i broke up I'll lose such a sweetheart and it will hurt him.
Excellent video, Susan! Thank you!!!
Thank YOU!!
I love your input susan, you've hit a few points with this as well from my last relationship. I did not feel like it was giving me a forward direction for our relationship, just an RNR all good chill that's it..plus the fact that she was an addict. That isn't me, I want to always follow a goal, that betters us, small steps that lead to big goals, someone that constantly inspires me and challenges me .And thank you for this video 💙💙 much love. Yes this sounds like praisebombing haha no this is a fact and you deserve it💐💐💐
Hello Bryan! Thank you so much for your generosity! With regards to your situation, you made the right decision by removing yourself from a negative situation that was not serving you!
Having a great guy that tick all my boxes but how do I get d spark
This video is so grounding thank you ♥️
Thank you! This makes the most sense. Men seem to get a bigger pass with this than women with the whole "just not that into you" line.
Are you still single
This video checked all of the boxes! I do have a history of picking the wrong kind of men. That said, if the chemistry isn't there, it isn't there.. and he is far from perfect... as am I. I never envisioned walking down the aisle as a child and look at that-- I became a lawyer.. a very jealous lover lol. Not being compatible in the bedroom is a BIG BOX for me and it just isn't checked in this situation..
Thank you for this video. I needed to hear this!
Great video. Thanks, Susan
Omg, losss for words ❤
You really have me 😢😢 because I feel like he’s a crutch! I need more of a challenge he treats me beautifully, I’m not attracted to him! I do have some childhood issues
How is it that when im feeling a certain way in a particular moment...Susan has an answer. Coming off of a fling where i was madly in love and he ultimately blew me off to a guy who loves me dearly and puts his 100% for me all the time and chooses me everyday but I dont feel a thing. Its hard to say that nothing is wrong with me. I do feel guilty.. but Susan's youre right..i do know what it is and i do know what i want. But i dont want to lose him as well :(
This is the pendulum balancing itself between two extremes one was too hot and then he became too cold and the other is too warm on a continual basis. It's not the second choice is wrong at all. Why don't you give it some time to see if everything can settle within you. We are always in the process of balancing the information we have received.
Susan nails it again. I could've written exactly what Maya wrote. We've separated. I'm crushed. She's destroyed 😔💔
that’s 100% me!!
I've been questioning my love for my boyfriend for a while now. I don't want to believe myself. I'm afraid to leave, I don't want to lose him, I get sad and jealous when he looks at other women real or not, I want to have him in my life in the way he does. But I keep questioning my love and don't feel sexual drive towards him anymore, I don't imagine him when i'd want to. I don't feel loyal anymore and I hate that part about myself bc I never wanted to be unloyal towards him bc he loves me, he is the first guy who truely does. I'm so stuck in this loop and it's giving me pain. I want to love him, I want to feel sexual with him but i can't and keep asking too much of him. There is like two sides. One screams " I want to be single and live my last teenage years wild, crushing on people and doing things that aren't taken serious " , but then there is the side that says I love him, I don't want to lose him, I won't find anyone who will love me the same as he does, I don't want to hurt him, I love him too much to leave, he is the only person who is really close to me and knows me " idk... everything says we won't last, like every video, but i'm trying to hold onto it so bad. And i bet he isn't even thinking about this bc he expects to live with me forever. Idk i can't take this, i get so much anixiety thinking and writing this
Don't let temporary feelings be permanent decisons. i was in the same boat with you in my last relationship as i 'knew' this wasn't it and ever since i broke it off saying i wasn't in love i have regretted it and a year on still do. I wish i would've sat down and talked to them as now i realise but its too late
@@zackkickboxer4837 It wasn't really temporary i felt them for literally months. And still do. I chose to break up with him to be friends, yet i still feel the same things and don't think I want to be with him. Or at least for the time being bc, i can't be with a dude i love and hate at the same time. So we both need space to be, grow and change.
@@zackkickboxer4837 Can u tell me what to do in a situation how to handle it
Thank you for always sharing very good content! Its appreciated!
Thank you for being such a supportive fan!
hello lady i love you you are very wise and smart saved my effing life keep doing what you do
You’re so sweet! Thank you for your love and support! Hearing that I’ve helped you makes me smile!
The best video
I'm so glad that I don't have to deal with any of this advice! Singleness forever!!
She basically give advice to make all of her audiences single, cause she basically say "you should find partner that challenge you and excited you, not the one who treat you with love, give you better life, and healthy relationship", so yeah people either so sssttupid beyond help, or didn't understand English to agree with her.
Met a great guy, checked every single box but I wasn't attracted to his face. Is that terrible of me? I really liked him. He was a good catch. We had fun. Communication was no problem. We liked a lot of the same things. Everything about him was everything I wanted.....but I just wasn't physically drawn to him....I broke his heart. I felt bad but I couldn't tell him the real reason. I just said "I'm not feeling the same way you do." ......Guys do it all the time so why do I feel bad?
Attraction comes in all shapes and forms. Occasionally, a lack of physical attraction can be overwritten by other deep connections such as intellect. But that’s not always the case and you should not feel bad that you couldn’t bring yourself to be physically attracted. You did the best thing by not dragging out the situation further.
@@SusanWinter Thank you, Susan, for reading my post & answering. I appreciate it very much. ...The intellect & other boxes were all there but I felt like I was settling. :(
I am going through the same, how do you feel about your decison, do you regret it, or still think it was a good call?
How did you tell him you wanted to end things? I don’t want to hurt my boyfriends ego, and say I find him physically attractive but I don’t want to lie either
Hello, were you able to find someone else whom you feel compatible with?
My girlfriend and I have the best chemistry. But she mentioned that she doesn’t feel a spark with me. That she doesn’t get butterflies with me because it’s a feeling that goes. Thing is. That comment and many other comments she’s made has pushed me away. She’s hot physically but many things she’s said or done have slowly changed the way I view her. I’m going through a hard situation in my life that I don’t know if I can balance a relationship with that situation. I feel like our relationship has lost its attraction. I don’t feel anything when I kiss her. When we hug we connect. When we make have sex it’s amazing but it’s boring now. Deep inside I feel like she’s settled with me. She doesn’t stop talking about her ex’s and past experiences. Everything she did I thought was special she did with her last relationships. When I say thank you. She always replies with. Don’t thank me. That’s what I do for my partner. It’s a pattern not something that comes within.
Wow what a dilemma. I am so sorry.
This is so good!! Actually what i needed
I strongly agree with this, thank you for sharing this :)
Fantastic video. Thank you. I resonate with this.
Hey! I'm going through exact same situation, I wad in relationship for 2.5 years, i was his first girlfriend, initially I thought maybe we are just naice, but later I realised I'm not physically attracted to him, even though he is perfect in everything, and I'm very much conflicted about what to do about the relationship
Are you still single or not
Thank you very much. You helped me a lot
can you do another one like this video? brought me so much joy lol . with this same reason though too?
Loved this outlook on it!
Glad you liked it!
Im with someone who treats me better than anyone ever has. He is very attractive - good looks, great body, kind person. Our lifestyles are compatible. But i just feel im missing out on true love - that the depth of emotional / intellectual intimacy isnt there. Admittedly i didnt feel great sexual chemistry from the start but loved how safe and calm he made me feel. I dont know what to do - i know breaking up is giving up the best boyfriend experience and i know how rare good guys are to find - i could very likely end up alone as a result. Advice please 😫🙏
Hello! I have 3 questions: 1 How long have you been with your boyfriend? 2 do you think the fact that you don't feel all these things for him will affect your relationship? 3 Do you really want to feel and experience that "true love"? Let me tell you a story. I met a girl who is in a 4 year relationship. I fell in love with her and she fell in love with me. And despite the fact that she admitted that she never really felt love towards her partner she chose him over me because of comfort and stability. Is she happy with her choice? Will she regret choosing him or she will regret meeting me? Who knows. God knows. Now put yourself in her shoes for a moment. When you will see yourself falling in love with someone else (this will eventually happen with or without your permission because we don't chose who we fall in love with and our subconscious has a weir way of searching in other people what we miss in our relationships) what will you do then? Will you decide to be with your current boyfriend? Will you let the love of your life go? I can't tell you what to do. But if your answer is yes for question 2 and 3 than you've got yourself an idea where you stand. I don't know about others but life is to short to choose the water you need and sometime you need to take a sip of the whiskey you want. Wish you the best and please provide updates
Your comment is 2 weeks old but: I've just gone into separation with my most amazing wife. It is definitely extremely painful and she is destroyed 💔
But whatever issue you have is only going to chip away at you over time. So you have to ask yourself, how long will you just 'hang in there'....?
People do hang in there for years but eventually, that time will come.
But take it from me, as painful as it is (I can't breathe right now) please don't get married or God forbid, pregnant!
Sending you strength 🙏🕉💙
I thought he checked all the boxes, we liked the same hobbies, religion, music etc. it was scary. But he was fake and I keep it real. He was pretentious and ok with saying “I love you’s” that have no real emotion behind it just because the mood is right, and smiling in my face and eating dinner after being manipulative and secretly despising who I am. He was ok w that as long as the mood was good and he had someone to talk to. But it was all empty. And I could sense that. So I never grew to love him and he despised me the more I called him out on it because I wasn’t being “cool.” He liked to live a lie and I liked to live the truth. It’s a shame because it’s such a small difference in us that changed the whole dynamic. He was superficial.
was he superficial or was that your take on the situation because that’s how you felt inside? We rarely see something in others that we don’t also see in ourselves. Its why cheaters will often think their partners are cheating on them, they see behaviors and assign their own values to the behaviors.
@@johnsonjj117 I know that I’m not superficial. However it could be that we have two different definitions of how to approach a relationship. He said “I love you” really early. As of late, he can go all day without texting me or calling to see how I’m doing just because he is (doing homework) meanwhile I interpret that as (not that interested) as most people would also. I can’t imagine being ok with not talking to someone you love all day. At that point it makes me wonder exactly what do you feel when you say “I love you” because it is not (in action) proving to be the same definition I have in mind. My definition of love interprets in action different. I would be curious at some point during the day of the person who tends to occupy my thoughts as to what they were doing or to say the least… I would miss them
@@inmyexpression19 I mean I felt the same way when my wife and first started dating, constantly wondering about her and checking in with her. After years of being together, I assumed her days were going good unless she called to tell me something went wrong. It’s not that I stopped thinking about her, it’s the exact opposite. I thought about her just as much but I did things like making her coffee in the morning, preparing dinner for her so on the nights I work she would already have it and not need to worry. In the end we all give and want to receive love differently so it’s vital we understand our love language along with our partners love language.
Maybe he's being too nice
This is great. My bf is great but we have different lifestyles. I wabt more. Im avoit growth and hea aviut complacency. I dont have sexual chemistry but love being affectionate with him. I think that you need secual chemistry in a relationship for it to work.
Question is would you ever be able to find the one? How long do you have to keep searching? I am tired.
What about a person that has played with your heart and feelings? But then says you a good guy.
After I learned some things about my girlfriend that I probably shouldn’t have, I not longer feel sexually attracted to her, I still love her though, but I just don’t seem to be turned on sexually anymore about her, we have sex, I do my best she seems to enjoy it, but I haven’t came in ages while doing it, I only really do it to make her happy and when it’s completely necessary. I don’t want to leave her, I believe everything else is right in our relationship except for that, but I do understand that sex is a big deal breaker, I’m only 25, could I handle this for the rest of my life? I don’t even know if it’s fair for her…
I've heard two totally different responses:
1. She deserves someone who will love her sexually, you should leave.
2. You can learn to love her sexually, just like millions do in arranged marriages. You should stay.
I think you have to know yourself. Are you the type who does get more excited sexually when you get to know them more and more deeply?
I think some people do, and some people don't.
I constantly seem to get into relationships where I feel like they are nice we are really compatible and they are kinda cute at first but then later on I don’t feel much passion like if they were to leave me I would miss them every now and then as a person but I wouldn’t be heartbroken I hate that I seem to constantly give mixed signals I’ve been with the guy I’m with now for almost 4 months I hate to let I guy I work so well with go but I also want to feel the in love feeling but I’m not even sure if that’s real or I’m capable of feeling that or that just always goes away after about 3 months
I think therapy would be ur best solution, in the beginning you chase the butterflies and honeymoon but ones u get to know them u probably flaw find to bounce, deep down u know know, relationships are not supposed to be this steamy thing in movies, actually really healthy relationships are very boring, if these guys haven't done anything wrong and u seem to loose interest after sometime then I would say its a u problem, u have probably built up an image of what ur partner should be subconsciously , if u dont find a solutions trust me u will be going around giving ppl breakup traumas they didn't ask for, I can boldly say u have probably broken up with some ppl u know they didn't deserve the heart break. dont go around hurting ppl, get into the deeper root of ur situation.
You are the best 😊💙 I love your videos and insight❣
thanks!!
Spot on !
Susan, excellent as always. Why is it so difficult?
I'm sapiosexual and my partner is a highschool drop out and has never opened a book so he tends to make grammar mistakes and doesn't know much about anything. Needless to say that it drives me crazy and it lessens my attractiveness for him. He treats me wonderfully, has a good job and is being promoted at his job. He is willing to change but we're in our late 30s and I don't know that I want to keep teaching him basic things. I don't know what to do
He should be learning on his own now that he knows what he wants. Dating market ain’t that great right now
As soon as you coach him your desire will drop every.single.time
Thank you so much 😇
But what if there was chemistry at one point and over the years it goes down?
You have to pinpoint why it went down and go from there...
I feel like I’m definitely looking for a man to challenge me in a healthy way.
This world is dark this is why being single forever
No, it's because your mind is darkened.
One hundred and twenty percent certain someone lost attraction to their spouse and I saw it coming .
Thank you
Thank you 🙏🏽
This is exactly how I feel
I feel so scared of letting him go and him finding someone who values him and think, what if I made a mistake? But at the same time I dont like him, his body language is so weird and awkward, his goals are so different to mine, and I find his topics of interest so boring. He is too calm for me, I want someone more exciting and energetic
Ugh I feel the same.
does he know any of these, most times the other person is not aware, this is the time to work on the relationship, dont sit there and flaw find to the point u dont even see them anymore and all that u see is how its not going to work, talk to this person, not to breakup but to find a way to meet each other on the middle, communication is key,
😭😭tnq so much
Thank you !like #900!!🤙
Ive met a man who is a nice man but im not physically attracted to him AT ALL. I'm 60, should i take a chance?
Amazing as always :)
Thank you Dominic
Helpful video
He wanted to just be friends for years now
Thank you ❤
Story of my life lol
Are you still single
💯🙌 you must grow as a person,individual!!! fulfill the purpose! - THIS! 👌💯🙌
What about everything’s good but there’s no physical attraction anymore? Can that be recovered?
Spot on ❤️
Many virtual hugs to you!
I don't feel sexy I don't know if women feel this way but He just wanted someone else
Thanks!
Thank you so much, Wendy!
This might sound like a dumb question... but have you seen this on the male side of the relationship too? I have a partner, and she's seemingly done NOTHING wrong, and yet i don't feel the want or need to touch her atm. I even roll my eyes (in my mind) when she talks. I know i sound like a jerk, but this is just exactly how i feel, and yet she's a great person. Is this usually just a woman's issue?
You dont accept her for who she is and place her accordingly in your life
@@DemiDesignsBlenheimthat made no sense
Bullseye! And the uncomfortable battle with culture. Namely, the pattern that marriage is for kids, and other such mindsets. Too many parents devastatingly ruin their kids by forcing culture.. Growth often means cracking one culture apart, for a better one.
Lol she wasted my youth and blamed me. Super awesome
Only attracted to ppl who don't like me. I must want a hard life
Seems accurate
Thanks for watching!
I need help