Exactly! Happened to me several times. I have payed for other people sins. It hurts. I always walk away. Then they want me back. But they had already shown me their true colours and they are not nice and taste very bitter. I spat them out of my mouth. It hurt like hell but l knew thay staying was going to be even more hurtful and for longer.
@@cristinaruiz6242I have experienced this too. It is still hurting, but I'm pursuing my healing in Jesus. I don't wanna spread this curse around just because someone else couldn't deal with his wounds. I hope you are fine and be sure that you deserve something real and better than these ones have "given" to you.
There are people that don't feel good enough to be with someone, and they will self sabotage a good relationship to pursue something lesser, because it makes them feel better relative to themselves. I've had this with multiple exes, and my most recent I think is a borderline, and she pushed me away due to fear of abandonment, then went and hooked up with a bunch of random dating app dudes til she got sexually assaulted by one. People act out in very poor ways due to fear, real or imagined. It's very sad to watch someone you love and care about self destruct, but we can't fix it. They have to want it enough to get treatment.
Exactly my case. I am working on my cptsd but he is not aware he is having one. I wonder if i should shoe him the article on cptsd if that could open thr gate for him to heal.
@Anthony Timmers as per rule then it is boundary trampling , But as you said it comes from considerations, care and compassion rather than being a self serving act... I am thinking doing the same but ultimately its their own path to walk on the healing journey. Thanks for sharing, wishing you the same.
Yes, and this all relates very well to attachment theory. Especially fearful avoidant and dismissive avoidant people tend to only date safe people, but not the people they truly love.
@@SusanWinter I was bullied in lower class in School and further. Got several girlfriends, but cudnt hold on them . I really loved them. But i was too embarished to tell the story of my life. So they broke up on me. They could feel it after a while. Life is dificult. Really didnt found out of my life after. Bad start. Greetings from Denmark.
Yes, i fell for a man that was just out of a 25 year marriage...he told me up front that he WASN'T READY for a relationship.....then we engaged in hanging out n now he is showing me that i am at the very very bottom of his priority list. Guess, i should have REALLY taken him seriously when he said " Just got out of a marriage, not READY " OH SNAP....I THOUGHT MY LOVE WOULD HEAL YOU. .GUESS NOT.....
@@ShadowTiburon ouch . sorry to hear. i been there. our love can not heal their self love. period. they can only look inner and heal themselves first before have the ability and skill and correct mindset to love someone else. this is a fact and tough game indeed for both side
Shout out to all the folks who missed out on being loved and building something incredible because they were too scared to do it. From someone who's been rejected plenty a times and couldn't never understand why... Thanks for the re-affirmation Susan. Give's me some hope still.
I wish I had gone on many more dates with this girl I met when I was 28, in 2012. I would probably have fallen in love with her at 28 and quite possibly have married her in my early thirties. I might have ten years and counting with her today.
Another aspect: some men are afraid they’ll be a huge disappointment to the woman once they really get to know each other, so they get out to protect their ego. Great video!
That is exactly what I am going through. This girl rejected me and when ever I see her she acts like she missed me and she likes me. My gut doesn’t allow me to move on because I know she likes me too. I guess I showed her too much love at the beginning. What a messed up world we live in where people wanna run after someone that do not love them instead of the one who have all the love to share with them.
Same! Going through a similar situation and it's so draining because I genuinely showed love to this person. There is a big age difference but we were doing Good or so I thought
Same here! And he told me he wanted to find the “one” whom he can feel butterflies in his stomach with. I love him so much to the point I know I can still accept him if he comes back. I always wonder why some people always want to run away from love when all they want is to be loved. Maybe they had some trauma issues, who knows. What’s important is we are not afraid to love again even if we get rejected.
I'm going through the same situation as that girl. :/ I too pushed away a guy. He showed me a lot of love, I couldn't take it. I can't move on, and he can't either. What we had was amazing, but I blew it. My past traumas don't let me accept emotional and physical intimacy. It scares me when he comes close, but I miss him so much when he's not around it drives me mad.
So, sometimes rather than it being a case of "He's just not that into you" (I still have that book on my shelf) it may actually be that he is TOO into you...
Exactly! Not someting you would have ever imagined.... but it's a real thing. And trust me, I only know this due to hundreds of new clients each year (as well as my own experience of this)
@@SusanWinter Susan what do suggest doing in this case? Do we let them be? I've always been the one reaching out which I know is not him chasing, but he has fear. I know he cares about me. Thank you for this topic!
@@SusanWinter I would be lying if I said I have never walked away from developing something with someone I was really into and who I knew felt the same about me. Whole range of reasons; bad timing, complexities in my life which I didn't want to drag another person into, but absolutely nothing to do with them.
Also, you can be rejected because they know YOU are out of THEIR league only YOU don't know it. Some men aren't equipped to be with a woman who, for example is more financially successful so they find someone who is on a different level as she will accept less effort and won't make him feel bad about himself.
yes he even told me that there are "class differences" between us and therefore we cannot be together. He said he is working class and I am upper class. I of curse told him this is bullshit because Im not "upper class" at all. I just made some smart investments. and I do not care at all what "class" he thinks he is.
My situation was more intellectually and spiritually not on the same page. Yet he has a depth that is untouched that he shows only to me. Very frustrating indeed.
There are different kinds of leagues though. I am developing a great friendship with someone that I believe I could have a lot of fun with that is out of my league, but the league is that she is hyper popular extrovert (ESFJ) and I am a homebody (INTP). We share a ton of common interests and same sense of humor, but I would get exhausted trying to keep up with her and I worry I'd be seen as a stick in the mud, so I'm happy being someone she trusts and keeping her as a fantasy force of nature and not push the relationship to a level where it might fail.
Sonia, there are more men than you realize that don't have an issue with a woman earning more, i am one of them. the issue with a woman out earning a man is that when that happens no matter how good or hardworking the man is, the woman will always look down on him, view him as lazy, a loser or not ambitious enough and the woman will feel she is better than the man and will go looking for a man that out earns her in order to feel good about the man she is with. Its the women that have an issue with out earning men not the other way around.
This reminds me of the David Ruffin song “I’m gonna walk away from love before love breaks my heart” . Heartbreak is so painful that people would rather avoid falling in love so that they don’t have to experience the pain of losing it if it doesn’t work out
I was recently heartbroken by a woman I truly liked…second time in my life I really cried over a girl, and it does hurt…and I felt a spark the moment I saw her but I guess she didn’t feel the same way or got scared. Now I don’t believe in love, I don’t want it…
Susan, I realized this after months of feeling rejected.. u just confirmed it. I know he loves me. I believe it in my heart. 100 percent. I felt it when he was with me.. But he walked away. What u say is true. And that is the closure I needed. On to someone who is not afraid of love.
This is what happens. You just know they love you so much when they are with you. That connection would be undeniable. that’s why it feels so heartbreaking when they walk away. I remember it felt like a car hit my chest, literally that’s what I felt on my chest, that heavy breaking; that cracking open. But it made me a more compassionate person. And I wish him well and still love him though I’m not physically in touch. I wish him a way out of this fear of abandonment.
@@eceerdem317 I still think about him. Every day which stinks. I just want to move on. Thank u for commenting. And im so sorry. It is a horrible feeling I know.
Ivy Soto you’re welcome. :) it’s good to remember that only we can change ourselves and no one else. If they want to move forward with life with courage that has to come from within. We cannot drag anyone. It’s better for us to move forward and to focus on ourselves. Much love to you
You feel things, but you do not fully know or understand him. What the above woman said is only partially false. Not everyone who rejects those who they love are afraid or comes from an abused past relationship or past. In my case, I did not, and I haven't seen that man I loved who I rejected and now I'm married to a new man. As for the man who I rejected, in the spirit of God, I wish him luck finding a different woman who is single.
I came across this, at the right time ! ✨ And wanted to share it with y'all : " What looks like "chronic rejection" might actually be you giving your power away. Maybe they're just the ones saying no, because you aren't willing to? And what if you were fully in your power, choosing from a grounded place, qualifying, asking questions, taking your time and staying clear while learning about this person? Maybe you would be saying no too. Ask yourself what you're really after when you keep saying yes and they keep saying no. Does a part of you feel like you're running out of time? Do you feel desperate to be loved? Are you lonely and looking to fill a void ? Do you think their approval will make you feel whole ? if you say yes to any of these questions, just notice that if you do, you might also feel some relief in your body as you acknowledge that you don't have a chronic rejection problem, you have a discernment problem. Don't focus on being chosen, focus on what feels grounded, authentic and aligned. Stop chasing. Start choosing. "
Yes I agree. Replaying relationship with my father. Also, if I move away from this situation (of on and off for 20 yrs), then I have absolutely nothing. And a little bit of hope and my fantasies seem better than nothing, which is exactly what I get.
She is right this happened to me. He even told me I was the perfect woman but he didn’t want love because of what he went through in past relationships. After 4 months of seeing each other he left and ghosted me and has been seeing multiple women which I’m sure in his mind is easier for him to emotionally disconnect from then just seeing me someone he considered the perfect woman. It still hurts but I know I deserve someone that appreciates the woman I am not someone that is going to run from it because of his past.
people who have not healed themselves from the past, will always bleed on people who have not hurt them. its good that they ghosted u instead of being with u & hurt u everyday. Its okay, if they want carbon instead of a diamond. U live ur life to the fullest & the one who will level up with ur energy, wont leave u questioning nd wondering. they 'll be clear. sending love ❤
I've had somewhat of a similar experience and took me months to get over and notice the red flags and the reality. Best to save yourself and help those in need. Saving wounded/hurt individuals never ends up well, they will only dump their hurt onto you and run off to sunset. Trust that there are better people out there.
Susan is 100% correct. Please read about attachment theory. It's likely you've been rejected by a Dismissive Avoidant or Fearful Avoidant attachment styled individual. They are terrified of true intimacy and will ultimately pull away or distance/deactivate when the love bug starts to bite. It's the most upsetting relationship dynamic to find yourself in, particularly if you're more prone to anxious attachment. You could spend a lifetime in a hot/cold, push/pull, pursuer/distancer dynamic. Instead work to love yourself more. Choose yourself if they aren't choosing you. It's so sad to think that they actually likely do love you, but have childhood wounds around abandonment and self worth that purposefully deflect the chance at true love. Once you heal from this, try to seek out secure partners as often the persona described in this video is an emotionally unavailable person.
I learnt about this recently. It sucks if you have a secure attractment style. It's extremely hard to relate to their fearful behavior but you see it real-time.. Its like watching a slow motion crash where the drive aims for a tree. You just standing there thinking "why"?
It's sad but people can change if they choose to. My parents got divorced when I was 10 at it was horrible and stayed with me for 20 years but at some point a person needs to sort through the feelings and move on with their lives. Not everyone wants to hurt them.
This is the most useful comment down this thread so far. Although I do understand attachment styles, this comment was a push in the right direction for me, reminding me to focus on working through my attachment patterns. Thank you.❤️
This! So many are so n their ego and take everything someone else does personally. I’m fearful avoidant and as I heal, I look back at all the men who adores me and were kind to me but I pushed away because I just wasn’t ready (or as I can admit now, fearful of being hurt so we do the hurting first). Our trauma is no excuse to perpetuate the hurt but I wish ppl would understand this and know that it’s not always about them.
@EHnus Lover696 Lol.. it's pathetic how I tried so hard to change him and help him. He literally refused to get any help from me. I didnt give up on him. He did. I didnt lose him. He lost me.
Preach! Absolutely, I’ve had men run the other way, because they didn’t want to fall head over feet for me! It usually means they don’t have the inner strength or confidence. Perhaps they don’t want to be vulnerable and they subconsciously know that they can’t be what you need. This really begs the question how to date when you’re a major catch!
@EHnus Lover696 I don't think you ,get, it. Most people on here have probably tried to make things work til they are blue in the face, have had crushing rejections by the same person over and over, and months or years of heartache. Most are only walking away to save what's left of their heart and sanity, by the end.
Ida Alavioon trying to figure out when dating became so damn hard. If I like you and you like me and we respect each other then why is it hard? Think people are afraid to be vulnerable...
This phenomenon is very real. Being “so much more”…hurts my heart. I am not someone to be scared of. It doesn’t give me much hope of ever finding someone who’s willing to take a chance. Men are just too scared to fall in love. 💔
Not all men, Jenn. You just need to know that there are men who are excited by the 'allness' of you. And, they know how to handle it. Not around every corner, that's true. But they are out there and looking...
Agree with Susan. If a man starts to like you / infactuate they may start chasing after you. I find though people generally go after someone if that person they like might show interest
In my point I'm not scare of falling in love I'm scared of being rejected cause that's all its been for me my whole life so I just stay alone a pay to have fun
Bingo, a lot of people complain about. How they can’t find that one wonderful person in their life. But when they have them right in front of their face. They don’t want them and treat them horribly. Steve Tyler has a song that says, “I let the wrong ones in and the right ones out” 😐
@@kenyawheaten2157 Some do admit it. I left the one I loved but I'm glad I did and unlike most, I choose to never go back. Even better God led me to meet another man - my husband Frank! Now my husband and I are starting a family together!
False. Because, some are not afraid to love the so-called "right ones" but realize that they are not the right ones for them and they realize they deserve better and in more cases than you can guess, they do get better. I speak from personal experience. ^_^
The most difficult thing is that a guy breaks up with you for no reason. At some point, I caught him and said, "You don't want to give us a chance because you are afraid that you will fall in love with me!" He was silent. It was painful that he broke up almost for no reason otherwise. I think he disguises his fear of true love and vulnerability. The more I liked him, the more he pulled away. I really regretted loving this guy. He was extremely childish and not ready and I didn't notice it at that time.
The video of yours “left for someone lesser” is still in my favourites, just to remind me that it’s not me.. it’s them. AVOID INSECURE PEOPLE is the key, but they are so deceiving!!
insecure people can cause u a lot of problems down the line....controling, jealousy, envy etc.....insecure are not mature enough for relationship..they need to do more work on themselves
And how is it that some come off so confident and detached? I finally ran into one and I am letting him go after months of a long-distance thing that won't go anywhere. I thought I would enjoy the contact anyway and viritual company, but it's not enough and is more upsetting than fulfilling over time. Life is too short for someone who can seemingly take or leave you but keeps coming around.
Agreed! This just happened to me, and it hurt really weird... Then I realized that it's really his insecurities. Love to see you succeed & shine, Susan! Thank you for helping us out so much! 💜🙌
Must be what I'm living I know this guy is our higher love soul however he doesnt want to commit and he lies like no other ...he always tells me I make him feel good help him quit smoking and he just enjoys my presence and I soak up being with him...but it's not going anywhere hes given up our soul relationship to be with one another ...prob8for someone else
FINALLY!! I'm so relieved that someone has officially admitted that this happens! I have seen both men and women do this to one another, but this is such a taboo topic that few people are willing to discuss it.
It took me two years of dating and being around Borderlines to understand that it goes further than their fears of abandonment and feelings of unworthiness. Yes, they feel they're not good enough for you, and yes they fear you may eventually find someone better and abandon them, however there is something far deeper at play here. They hold on to deeply repressed feelings of shame and guilt. Shame is something they "yo-yo" back and forth with feelings of rage. Since they are unable to process this dynamic, and since they have issues regulating their emotions, they will look for a channel to offload that rage. If you wonder why you witness strange irrational outbursts, this is what's going on. Often they want desperately to form deep bonds with other people, but in the presence of an amazing individual like yourself, they can't handle their feelings. You being around them forces them to take a good hard look in the mirror and see the whole horror of the person they are, and the overwhelming sense of shame is something they can't handle, even though they want desperately to be free of it. Showering them with love is NOT the answer, as the negative feelings will came back with a vengeance, and they will construct ever higher walls and push you further. They actually respond better with some form of punishment; as the criminal with a guilty conscience wants to serve time to atone for his crimes, so these people feel they need to be punished for their misdeeds. They're aware of their shameful behaviour, whether real or perceived, but most often very real. They need a strong father figure who can set iron clad boundaries, but by this time the trauma and damage may be irreversible. It's very sad.
90blacknight You couldn’t have said this better. My boyfriend broke up with me for telling his 24 year old daughter that I loved him. We have been seeing each other for at least a year and a half. He was always saying that he wasn’t good enough for me, and suffered from some negative self views. It sucks because I know he loves me very deeply. Now we are both miserable because he can’t let himself be happy. The thing is though, I will most likely feel better in time. I’m not sure if he will.
@@wbtrcrooks Now you have to do what was extremely agonizing for me to do, and that is walk away and MEAN it. This is the only way for both of you to move forward, and for there to be any kind of chance for you two to be together in the future. He has a lot of soul searching to do. People need a big crisis to want to change their ways. Your disappearance from his life might just be the crisis he needs, together with this pandemic, which will serve as a double whammy. If you love him deeply you will do him this massive favour and vanish from his life. He needs it!
The guy I wanted had his first real emotional connection with me and felt close to me. He later admitted that he doesn’t want that, doesn’t feel ready for it, and doesn’t want a deep connection. In other words he got scared. Never had a girlfriend, never dated anyone despite being very attractive. It happens folks. Some people are terrified of intimacy.
The evidence of your theory, even though he stated his reasoning, can be realized by how he proceeded; did he enter a new committed relationship soon after he left you? If so, he was telling you a story and simply lost interest in you.
It's not just guys who exhibit this behavior. I just went through something similar myself l think. That or there was another guy. Everything was perfect, then she did a 180 out of nowhere. Feels terrible. I'm heartbroken.
A friend gave me a PDF dating guide she purchased once - written by a man who said you can' t waste time with someone who can't see that life is short and can't appreciate a chance to make something good with someone they are attracted to and interested in. Very true. It's a sad waste of time. At almost 54, I have to realize still much sooner when someone doesn't get it. And then there are some who are just fine being alone and not having responsiblity to deeper intimacy that they just want to do what they can to get the benefits without the real deep level regard and commitment to another.
This happened to me and was so so confusing. But I knew in my gut what was going on. He even admitted at one point. If they won’t deal with their wounds and fears, this happens.
I really said to this person on my last message to go to find a professional mental health. They clearly have unsolved traumas but I think their ego is so big that they won't admit it. So pity. I am sure they have done the same thing to the other persons before me.
"You're too good for me" is usually one of a few things: 1) He's not interested in a relationship but he considers himself a "nice" guy so wants to let you down easy. 2) He has some long-term mental health issues he is showing early on. 3) It's a game to make you validate HIM. 4) Some combination of the above three.
Gosh! You actually just explained a man I have known/been seeing for almost 2 years now. I love him, but he shows these signs for sure! So hard and confusing. Trying to let go, by leaning back, but he’ll always have a space in my heart. I have lots of comfort and attraction around him......😔
@Cybersix I just realized I rejected a man I could have loved. I felt at the time that I was not attracted to him. I would like to learn how not to do that.
This reminds me of the scene in Good Will Hunting when he told the girl he didn’t love her (although he did) bc he didn’t feel confident in himself that he was worthy. Man it’s sad out here how we do this to each other/ourselves
Spot on!! They have low self esteem about themselves. I had a man recently do this To me. I’ve know him for years & wanted him. He finally decided to try dating me. But kept telling me he was AFRAID I would leave & it wouldn’t last. Well he’s right. He kept projecting negative feelings on me. And was quite rude to me. So I left
This is so accurate it made me cry. I met someone who triggered off so much fear in me because I felt like I'd never ever want to walk away from them. And so it terrified me to be that vulnerable and I gave them mixed messages and now we're both dating people who seem less risky. I got close to her for a few months and felt so alive, yet so much fear, and anxiety took over. I sabotaged it. I think about her every day. I feel like anxiety disorder ruins my life because my biggest fear is that heartbreak would trigger another nervous breakdown like it did six years ago. But I can't live alone in fear forever. Anyway....thanks for articulating my situation and helping me understand that in avoiding heartbreak I have broken my own heart anyway. Now even her voice or photos make me feel like love is a threat, but also makes me think "wow so this is what it's like to love someone instead of just date safe people". I hope I find a way out of this mindset. I know it's partly toxic parent attachment and partly bad breakups from the past. Not sure how to heal though
Thank you for sharing this, it's helped me see things from the other person's perspective 🙏 Do your inner work, your healing, and believe you can change. You've got this ☺️
I was on the other side of this and can’t tell you how heartbreaking it is and I think of him every day like you think of her. I hope you can work it out as life is too short x
This is exactly what I need. I had this amazing connection with someone, all butterflies, he was saying all the incredible things, I believe that our connection was mutual it was immense. I am feeling myself perfect and keep asking why he left me when we were on top feelings, just puff without a trace. I keep asking why why why..I guess this is the answer and I can now understand.
Check resources on Fearful Avoidant, Dismissive avoidant, Borderline Personalty Disorder. Things will start to make sense for you. Nothing to do with you. Rather them and their mental health.
it happened to me too. our first date was amazing. We were so in sync and he was so affectionate. Two days later we went for a walk and he was completely different - distant and awkward. a week later (before we slept together or anything) his energy changed completely and he told me he just wants to be friends.
What you describe seems to be the behavior of a narcissist. Cause a person who is in fear of being rerejected and loves you immensely has not even the Nerv to go to you, look you in the eyes and talk to you… - I know this, cause I only was one in a relationship with a man I loved and it costed me all my courage and strength to admit my feeling to him in a letter! After this relationship was over, I never had the courage to be with a man I fell in love with. - so I really think, yours was/ is a narc.
This happened to me quite afew times actually. Some have actually articulated it as " I was scared we ll get too attached" or " I cant give you what you deserve "
I literally just experienced this and posted about this on my FB page. It is true that some times others realize that they have nothing of value to bring to your table.
But ladies and gentlemen, have enough discretion to know if they’re saying “you’re too good for them” because they don’t want you and wanna let you down easy vs their actual fears in regards to liking you....
It's no point because you will just further cause yourself frustration and pick yourself apart trying to decode what someone really means. Just take what they say at face value and walk away.
How did you know I needed this today. Seriously.🙏 "we open the door but we dont drag them through it" like you've said before. Just went through this myself. Strength to all of us who go through this it is so hard but we have to go on and still be our true self . I myself could use a longer video from you on this......
@@SusanWinter can you do a longer video on this, it made me understand that I've self sabotaged many relationships expecting to be rejected, when they actually did like me.
Girl told me I was everything she ever wanted and that she was in love with me. She then shut me out of her life. I was so confused and frustrated but I finally had to let go.
This is about power. Who wants to be with someone that has it all over you? Looks, intelligence, money, if they are beating you on all three, there is a power imbalance that will come back to bite you. Sooner or later, the more powerful one will figure it out, “What am I doing with this partner?” The weaker one, even if they stay together, can never relax, it’s always catch up game. There has to be a balance, and both have to bring something to the table the other one needs.
@ Peter Rant I think your understanding of how successful relationships work is more based upon how an egalitarian society / feminism sells itself rather than reality. Successful relationships are not equal partnerships but instead one party is superior to the other. Normal women want to look up to a man, when they're an equal, they have nothing to look up to. Perfect example, women will seek men who are 6ft and higher in height even if they're only 5ft tall. How many women actually desire dating a man whom is the same height or only slightly taller? What women say they will do and want does not align with what they actually do. Actions speak louder than words.
Thank you for this video. The bottom line in all of this is fear. People walk away from things mainly out of fear instead of wanting to experience the good and true things on the other side of the door.
The title made me tear up. This is exactly what i’m going through and i know for a fact that she has commitment phobia. Do you think it’d be possible to get her back if i show her how much i love and care for her? The saddest part is i’ve never loved anybody as much as i love her.
So true - this happened to me recently. He would shake with nerves in my presence and put me on a pedestal - cooked me meals, text me constantly, wanted to see me all the time, told me how we were on the same wavelength, told me I had a unique beauty, gave me excuses why we couldn’t get physical (despite him hugging me like a lover and not wanting to let go) and days later he was in bed with a very trashy miss average. Hurt far more than being rejected by someone who wasn’t bothered. There is nothing more frustrating and upsetting than being rejected by someone who wants you as much as you want them. I had to walk away when he tried to put me in the friend zone after dating for weeks.
Sounds like we have been dating the same man. Indeed, it didn't make any sence when he runs out on you just like that. But, trust me... It is not the right time for a relationship if someone is insecure and have irrational fear to loose you every second. Other then that, if it was lovebombing, there are even more issues then the eye meets.
I don't think this was lovebombing, I think this sounds real, not a passing fancy. Lovebombers generally don't pretend to shake and be at your beck and call. They shower you with attention but in hindsight you realise something ws off. It is emptier and when you look back you can say yep i was love bombed.
Elzibab Morac yep you’re right - I didn’t think it was love bombing either. He was making an effort right up until the point he could not and would not go past cos his fears got the best of him. I think there was some real intention but he just bailed due to insecurity.
I've definitely been rejected, and it's knocked me back for six. He was absolutely lovely to me, we got on so well next minute all contact stopped, blocked on all social media platforms. I've tried to reach out but there's no effort there. 😞 I can't explain the hurt I'm facing, it's affected me greatly. Brilliant video x
Linda Zhang “Attachment Theory is a psychological, evolutionary and ethological theory concerning relationships between humans. The most important tenet is that young children need to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for normal social and emotional development. The theory was formulated by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby.” This was on wiki, but the theory is quite prevalent. Check out articles on Psychology Today or videos on TH-cam.
I had this situation so often. That guy's look at me like I'm a goddess, being impressed by me and then reject me, cause they seem to feel like not good enough next to me. Thank you for that video.
Thank you so much for this video, Susan. I felt so bad. Felt that attraction was mutual. There was no doubt. Yet he ran away, and gave no explanation. I have been struggling for so long thinking “what’s wrong with me”. And, yes, probably he chose someone else. Which is very sad and devastating. But at least I can feel easier on myself. I felt that by running from me he was running from himself. 😣
This is so true. This happened to me once and I really felt a crushing of my heart because I knew he loved me and I could see the dread in his eyes but I couldn’t do anything about it. He kept saying I can’t take this once more after he lost his mother, he was saying I will be hurt so bad. He even said if you were someone that I could only hang out with I would go for it but even now I feel this much connection I can’t imagine how much I can love you and it would break me. I remember we were having the tea the last day he left he asked can I take a photo of you and keep it. I feel compassion for him and wish him the courage to move on for love once again. It doesn’t have to be me. Because these people have such a sensitive and beautiful heart but they couldn’t handle some loss that happened in the past for some reason. And yes it’s true that I felt so angry at first and called him a coward in myself, and thought to myself like you’re ruining a beautiful thing because you think your past will repeat. I won’t hurt you but you can’t see it. Push-pull keeps happening in these type of things, if you’re not strong enough to wait for that trust to build it’s better to forget it. Because we cannot do anything about erasing their fears no matter how trustworthy we are.
This happened to me recently. I blamed myself, but at the same time thought, maybe its that they're afraid of true intimacy because I embodied what they've always wanted & it scared them.
4 ปีที่แล้ว +43
this is in no way impossible. I dated a guy 10 years ago that ended things because we both were 18 and it didn't make sense to find each other that early in life. and almost 10 years later, last year, I met a guy that made me believe once in my whole life that soulmates might actually exist. we flirted a couple months and he finally ended things. I confronted him a month later about the matter and he confessed he had never met someone like me that he got along so well and synched up on a unique level, but he was hurt just a year or two ago and he had lost hope in people so he thought I would hurt him too. a year later and now I am finally open to meet new people but he still hasn't met anyone he'd take seriously as he took me. even though he met so many with all these apps and what not. I guess past the age of 25 everyone is so vulnerable and lacks self confidence and devalues themselves so much that when something really good seems to finally came over, they see that not as an end to all the hurt they have been through, but rather a new potential for another huge damage. it's a huge thing we should all heal from but it is really, really hard. thank you for the video, Susan! let's see how life will treat me from now on
These things can happen at any age because the root cause is to be found in childhood, not adulthood. You too might have the wrong belief that for any reason you can't be with the person you love. Maybe you learned this belief from the family that one should settle down rather than look for that perfect love relationship where there is mutual love and attraction shared. Much love to you ❤️
Interesting story. Here is my story my relationships not included and last time I got dumped was via texting........ was 24 and litteraly thinking I'm done with girls. Still meet girls and such partying and all that but never meet someone that i was interested in and vice versa up to age 33-34. Today I'm 41 and still single..... and ill trow in I don't do 1 night stands I litteraly need to have feelings for someone to be able to be intimate with them and not talking about just sexuall feelings I need to be in love or more. When your sister dont understand why her older brother is still single. She has never been on a dating site in her life meet her boyfriends on private partys or at work or clubs those settings, and she looks like fiona and i look like Shrek..... and when u lost contact with all your friends cause they are all married with kids and u are still single. Its not like i will go to a pub or club alone..... and all parties I get invited to is all couples and then there is single me.... fun to see all have a love in there life and all they do is reminding you what u never will get in your life... it seems. And when u spent 3 months on a 2 of the biggest datingsites and and all u see in the inbox is Russian girls. Ohh and all her married or longterm relationship lady friends all say to you how are u still single u can cook, bake, you have good sense of humor your friendly and a genuine nice person........ And when u meet a girl online and u spend 3 months talking online literally 4 hours on weekdays and up to 10 hours weekends and on the phone for 1 month sometimes 5 hours talking and u never run out things to talk to. U get along really well. U decide to finally meet with 1 friend each she treats u like air for 8 hours and the next day text u and say sorry for the way I was......... even if I'm not interested in a person romantically when u see them for the first time I will still talk to you as a friend especially if u talked for this long and never run out of topics to talk about..... This story is old and was b4 digital cameras was in every household as today. Yes I'm a bit shy and won't go for a kiss unless I have really clear signs. I can tell looking in on people if they are interested in each other 95% of the times. But totally blind to see if a girl is into me.... she litteraly needs to tell me.... This is probaly because I've been used so many times as a prop by girls that i just gotten to know using me to make someone else jealous...... I interpreted their actions and signs they like me but found out later they were never into me just into friends of mine. Or just not into me period even tho they was very intimate with me no kissing involed. Like 1 girl that I did not know but I knew her girl friend. We were 6 people going to the movies and this new girl sat in my lap for 30 min car ride and when we arrived at the movies she said on the way back i dont want to sitt in someone's lap and we were all fine with that. In the movies she sitt next to me, when there is around 30 mins left of the movie she leans her on my shoulder witch is fine np at all. Movie ends we all walk to the car when we arrive she suddenly say I can sitt in Daniel's lapp again. She sitts down on my lapp we drive off 1 min into the ride she putts both her arms around me and lay her head on my shouoder all the way into my neck and lays there all the way back 30 min drive. In my world if u are not interested u would lay further out on the shoulder away from the neck and not stuff your face all the way into someone's neck. Maybe just me I dunno... Have had girls spend all their attention to me at partys girls I just meet sitting in my lap hugging u laying on your shoulder in intimate ways not in the friends kinda way u know and nope they weren't into me. That's why I think today I can't tell if someone's genuinely interested in me. And today I can't catch a break meeting someone.....
The thing is not everyone is damaged, as Susan claims. Some people genuinely decide that they don't want to settle or be partial and know that they deserve better.
I feel like God sent you to give me this very specific message… ive been struggling and i begged God to get me thru this awful period and today your video was in my suggested… thank u! ♥️
This has happened to me several times lately. This is a timely message. So frustrating but better to dodge a bullet of emotional immaturity than to engage and waste more time and energy. Thank you Susan.
Dear Susan~ Thank you for this validation! I've lived this exact scenario. The attraction was overwhelming but nothing progressed. I thought "either this guy is nuts or I am" because the compatibility between us is palpable yet so is his fear. He's a super provincial guy that suffered a real kick in the teeth from his first wife and since then has only been in relationships with mediocre, quiet, dull, plain women. From the beginning I've felt "this man is afraid to death of me". It's too bad because my sense is we could be very happy together. So to protect myself from the sadness of it, I tell myself its for the best because maybe it would be like "hitching a fire horse to a milk wagon" lol.
Last summer I had a chance reunion with my friend when I finally decided to take myself out after getting out of a toxic relationship. It was like the universe was giving me a gift. I get a tap on my shoulder and there he is. I haven’t seen him for over 5 years. I have always been infatuated with him and we always got along so well. Our reunion led to more. There was definitely chemistry. There always have been chemistry. Nothing was ever forced. We actually never labeled what we had but agreed it wasn’t FWB. He’s the only guy so far I’ve felt at peace with and we discussed that we enjoy and trust and respect each other. Now I knew that this wouldn’t last because I could sense him holding back eventhough my gut tells me he feels the way I do. Yesterday we made the mutual decision to end the intimacy because our friendship means way more. Also he was honest and said he wasn’t ready. I love and respect the hell out of him. In the short period of time I was treated with more respect than I was in my 6 year relationship. I don’t know where our paths will lead us but I know we will always have a bond that can’t be broken.
This has definitely happened to me...I was hurt at 1st but when we kept in touch from time to time...I realized that he saw me as someone he could fall in love with and he wasn't trying to do that at that time in his life...I respect him.
I once told a guy who was into me and I was clearly into him, that I wanted to be friends while we were about to get intimate, only because I was scared. Back then being friends was not meant to be a rejection to him but a protection for me. I only recently realised that my fear is avoiding me from keeping good guys around and that I should be clearer with my emotions and fears. I am trying to change, work in progress hahahah
I'm glad you're trying to change. You can do it. I know you can. The world needs the shining light you will become when you start to feel better. It should get easier as you get older and realize you can put aside those thoughts from so long ago. It's never to late to start anew and learn as you go like most of us do anyway. We're all trying to figure it out.
This is very true and also quite frustrating. You would think that being nice to someone would solidify your relationship with them but not so a lot of the time. I think part of what's driving it is the epidemic of cPTSD and the low self-esteem that goes with it. A lot of people either don't think they deserve someone nice or they perceive that they could never hold on to a great partner. But being in relationships with lesser partners makes them feel more secure and they also think that's all they deserve.
Susan I’ve experienced this my entire life!! I didn’t understand what was happening until I got older and people I dated started to explain why they couldn’t be with me. My current partner Almost did the same thing but they gave it a chance and we’re in two years now
I’m in a relationship, but I still enjoy listening to your analysis of relationships and can see how it played out in my earlier love life. Such a smart lady!
The video I’ve been waiting for. Thank you, Susan. This applies to me as well. I met someone during the first month of quarantine that I fit perfectly with, and he agreed. We both made excuses the day after, and now we are both in therapy... not talking. It’s ok. I think we both deserve to be healed and to be with a healed person. If that happens... if we can actually get to that place apart, coming together will be all the more special. If not, ah well. At least I will be able to say I have worked on my healing in a way that I feel proud of. Cheers xx
This is exactly what i needed today. I have been in love with someone for 10 yrs. He comes in and out of my life just as a friend. This last time I, finally, told him how I felt and he said "I always felt I had nothing to offer you". That was the last I heard from him in January. I even dreamt about him last night. I understand now that it's just not meant to be. Thank you for all your insight Susan. I've learned so much from you.
I had similar experience 3 years, I tried to end the friendship bc I just can not hold feelings in and be cold enough to not express. After trying to get out of the situation for a long time , he would say stay be friends....kept me on a merry go round. It finally stopped last week. After I found out he is seeing someone wow. You can try with another but not for the one who has been there and grown with you through intimate convos. Very 💔 I do not want a fly by night thing I would go for real, honest, dependable, open therefore perhaps I will be single till death.
"God will bless those who are rejected right in front of people who rejected!" All success stories have 1000s of rejection... Still they didn't loose hope n moved on..... Moving on and trying is quintessential in life but one needs God to support, to wipe tears n encourage as well...!! Be positive ... Somewhere your dreams are fructifying for a better n higher self but it is invisible right now!!
Just want to say I am so impressed by you ... the enormous and valuable insight you give to your viewers are truly helpful to those in need of answers. Thank you...
🥰 You’re very kind with us !! So we don’t feel bad when rejected. :) Sometimes is the other person who is not ready to receive a gift.. who is not ready to welcome a beautiful human being to their lives. Maybe he/ she auto rejects him/herself as a mechanism of defense.
I saw this happen to my friend, and I thought what a butthead, and then it happened to me and I rejected this person who was crazy over me because I thought this person was so awesome and I didn’t wanna waste her life.. crazy dumb till it happens to ya
This pain was like how herbology uses acrid or bitter herbs to burn and stimulate healing. I had no self love, now I love and accept myself unconditionally, because I had to..
This makes SO much sense. I couldn’t tell why his actions were good but he didn’t want to match it with words or commitment. He didn’t activate the love he had. The way you word things makes everything click!
Thank you. You have the best post. Choose yourself if they are not choosing you. If they cannot be honest with themselves, and take a chance. They are not good for you. Let go, and as a result you will live a better life.
I like this new perspective and it does hit home, that even though you could be someone that the other person could be in a loving relationship with, there may be other factors that are in the wat, it may not be what they want during this time in their life. A friend of mine said that he was in a relationship with someone but then realised that he needed to focus more on studies and career development and could not give enough attention to the relationship so they broke it off, and this is a reality that some people have other priorities even when they find you cute, smart, and 'girlfriend material', it is often not the right time. So it is not your fault and this is why I like what Susan is saying, relationships sometimes dont happen since you would be too much of a distraction for the other person. I LOVE this pespective, Susan is a miracle worker! It is hard when I have developed feelings for someone, so I do understand why women have a difficult time understanding it and letting go of potential mates who they like, and sense they could have a loving connection with. But it is the reality...and in that case wouldn't it be better to let that person go and go live your own life and find someone who has the time for you and the relationship?
This was a great video and I actually know this is true because I’ve done it! I pushed a couple people away that were into me when I first started dating, because I felt I wasn’t good enough for them. I was sure that they’d end up not actually liking me so I wouldn’t even waste my time letting them in
Few days leading up to our relationship discussion all he would say was "you are ideal," "you are too good for me," I don't deserve you." I should have known they were red flags!
This video just popped up on my recommended videos, I’ve never seen your channel before and it was posted the exact day the guy I love rejected me for someone else after things have been good. I felt in myself that this was the reason as well as my fear of abandonment manifesting; I am working on healing that now ❤️ thank you for your insight in a time where I needed to hear this confirmation from someone else! Sending strength and love to every one of you
I think I might have had this situation in the past with someone...I was confused about what had happened for quite some time afterwards because I was a 100% sure we had a powerful connection and I used to wonder how my instincts could have been so so wrong ( I am usually quite intuitive...I do not tend to make things up....) Thank you for the video,as always!! :)
I’m commenting on this video because I’m in a situation where I am THIS person. I met a guy recently who is the full package- he’s cute, sexy, funny, charming, kind, loving and precious. But I’m having a hard time accepting that. I’m the kind of person where I have an unhealthy attachment to inconsistency. When a man gives me mixed signals, I get that crazy hot desire for them and that’s what pulls me in. With this guy, we have amazing chemistry, but I don’t feel that electricity because he’s not doing anything to give me mixed signals. He IS someone I could love. But I don’t know how to accept it because my heart is still stuck on a man who gave me the most inconsistently I’ve ever felt. And I’m hyper aware of this and I’m taking measures to work on myself and change this unhealthy pattern. This man is emotionally AVAILABLE- and I’m… not. I never thought I would say that because I’m always used to feeling like the one who’s chasing and pining for love, but when love is presented to me so beautifully, I don’t know how to accept it😓 On one hand I really really like this guy and I’m extremely attracted to him- but I’m having a hard time showing him 100% of me. I don’t want to hurt him. What do I do? 😣
"Hurt people hurt people" 💭
Exactly! Happened to me several times. I have payed for other people sins. It hurts. I always walk away. Then they want me back. But they had already shown me their true colours and they are not nice and taste very bitter.
I spat them out of my mouth. It hurt like hell but l knew thay staying was going to be even more hurtful and for longer.
Hurt people who don't or won't deal with their shit, hurt people.
@@CorporateQueen people who don't seek for healing, still bleeding around them.
@@Jessica_BR that's what I said. 🤷🏼
@@cristinaruiz6242I have experienced this too. It is still hurting, but I'm pursuing my healing in Jesus. I don't wanna spread this curse around just because someone else couldn't deal with his wounds. I hope you are fine and be sure that you deserve something real and better than these ones have "given" to you.
There are people that don't feel good enough to be with someone, and they will self sabotage a good relationship to pursue something lesser, because it makes them feel better relative to themselves. I've had this with multiple exes, and my most recent I think is a borderline, and she pushed me away due to fear of abandonment, then went and hooked up with a bunch of random dating app dudes til she got sexually assaulted by one. People act out in very poor ways due to fear, real or imagined. It's very sad to watch someone you love and care about self destruct, but we can't fix it. They have to want it enough to get treatment.
This is great commentary Steve. Truly! Thanks for your share. This will help a lot of people understand this situation.
Why do you keep attracting this type of energy?
Exactly my case. I am working on my cptsd but he is not aware he is having one. I wonder if i should shoe him the article on cptsd if that could open thr gate for him to heal.
@Anthony Timmers as per rule then it is boundary trampling , But as you said it comes from considerations, care and compassion rather than being a self serving act... I am thinking doing the same but ultimately its their own path to walk on the healing journey. Thanks for sharing, wishing you the same.
@@SusanWinter Thank you Susan! We all do our parts to help others, and if this hits someone in a way that's helpful, then good deed done for the day.
The rejector is afraid of feeling something REAL which they can't control. What they're really afraid of is vulnerability.
Amen
Yes, and this all relates very well to attachment theory. Especially fearful avoidant and dismissive avoidant people tend to only date safe people, but not the people they truly love.
Rejection is Gods protection 💛
Quote of the year!! ❤❤❤ it!!
amen
@@hph9614 💛
@@adam.dzwoniarek72 💛
Amen!!!!
this made me feel good after a lot of time feeling really bad. i needed that
THIS MAKES ME VERY HAPPY!
Also, a lot of people are damaged and view you as too good for them hence they date people below your level.
@@SusanWinter I was bullied in lower class in School and further. Got several girlfriends, but cudnt hold on them . I really loved them. But i was too embarished to tell the story of my life. So they broke up on me. They could feel it after a while.
Life is dificult. Really didnt found out of my life after. Bad start.
Greetings from Denmark.
how long ?
👍🏻
It’s probably scary for the one who has not done the inner healing and push the real thing away...
Yes, i fell for a man that was just out of a 25 year marriage...he told me up front that he WASN'T READY for a relationship.....then we engaged in hanging out n now he is showing me that i am at the very very bottom of his priority list.
Guess, i should have REALLY taken him seriously when he said " Just got out of a marriage, not READY "
OH SNAP....I THOUGHT MY LOVE WOULD HEAL YOU.
.GUESS NOT.....
Allerding Rita We can’t love someone into loving us.... sending you love and light. Our King or the right man is out there... ❤️
also true but they need to learn to grow and improve
@@ShadowTiburon ouch . sorry to hear. i been there. our love can not heal their self love. period. they can only look inner and heal themselves first before have the ability and skill and correct mindset to love someone else. this is a fact and tough game indeed for both side
❤
Shout out to all the folks who missed out on being loved and building something incredible because they were too scared to do it. From someone who's been rejected plenty a times and couldn't never understand why... Thanks for the re-affirmation Susan. Give's me some hope still.
I wish I had gone on many more dates with this girl I met when I was 28, in 2012. I would probably have fallen in love with her at 28 and quite possibly have married her in my early thirties. I might have ten years and counting with her today.
@2010johnking "...probably, possibly, might..." = fantasy
Another aspect: some men are afraid they’ll be a huge disappointment to the woman once they really get to know each other, so they get out to protect their ego.
Great video!
I feel like this is what happened to me😰
Yes, especially if they’re over 60. Performance anxiety 😟
Only if dem black
Pffft
Ya Step mom tel ya that Sinbad yer
No nun ya nutin
That is exactly what I am going through. This girl rejected me and when ever I see her she acts like she missed me and she likes me. My gut doesn’t allow me to move on because I know she likes me too. I guess I showed her too much love at the beginning. What a messed up world we live in where people wanna run after someone that do not love them instead of the one who have all the love to share with them.
Same here
Same! Going through a similar situation and it's so draining because I genuinely showed love to this person. There is a big age difference but we were doing Good or so I thought
Same here! And he told me he wanted to find the “one” whom he can feel butterflies in his stomach with. I love him so much to the point I know I can still accept him if he comes back. I always wonder why some people always want to run away from love when all they want is to be loved. Maybe they had some trauma issues, who knows. What’s important is we are not afraid to love again even if we get rejected.
@@hazelromero9026 Yes I think unresolved trauma is more common than people think.
I'm going through the same situation as that girl. :/
I too pushed away a guy. He showed me a lot of love, I couldn't take it.
I can't move on, and he can't either.
What we had was amazing, but I blew it.
My past traumas don't let me accept emotional and physical intimacy. It scares me when he comes close, but I miss him so much when he's not around it drives me mad.
So, sometimes rather than it being a case of "He's just not that into you" (I still have that book on my shelf) it may actually be that he is TOO into you...
Exactly! Not someting you would have ever imagined.... but it's a real thing. And trust me, I only know this due to hundreds of new clients each year (as well as my own experience of this)
That is often the case, but there is a broader verison of why people leave someone they're into.. see my comment
@@SusanWinter Susan what do suggest doing in this case? Do we let them be? I've always been the one reaching out which I know is not him chasing, but he has fear. I know he cares about me. Thank you for this topic!
@@SusanWinter I would be lying if I said I have never walked away from developing something with someone I was really into and who I knew felt the same about me. Whole range of reasons; bad timing, complexities in my life which I didn't want to drag another person into, but absolutely nothing to do with them.
Anthony Timmers I’m exactly in this situation. Her relationships with d-bags have lasted for years but can’t go a few months with me? Garbage
Yeah. He saw me as a strong woman, living, nurturing, who has her shit together. It terrified him. His loss.
Me too this happened to me many times.
Cybersix losers that’s who.
@Cybersix top 10% of men, they can have every women so why settle with any Donita here
Was he a badboy or alpha chad or something from that list?
Say it LOUDER!!!!! Yes!!!!!
“Please accept my resignation. I do not wish to belong to any club that would accept me as a member.” Groucho Marx
Haha 😂 I like that
Ahahha brilliant
Also, you can be rejected because they know YOU are out of THEIR league only YOU don't know it. Some men aren't equipped to be with a woman who, for example is more financially successful so they find someone who is on a different level as she will accept less effort and won't make him feel bad about himself.
yes he even told me that there are "class differences" between us and therefore we cannot be together. He said he is working class and I am upper class. I of curse told him this is bullshit because Im not "upper class" at all. I just made some smart investments. and I do not care at all what "class" he thinks he is.
this is soo true!!!
My situation was more intellectually and spiritually not on the same page. Yet he has a depth that is untouched that he shows only to me. Very frustrating indeed.
There are different kinds of leagues though. I am developing a great friendship with someone that I believe I could have a lot of fun with that is out of my league, but the league is that she is hyper popular extrovert (ESFJ) and I am a homebody (INTP). We share a ton of common interests and same sense of humor, but I would get exhausted trying to keep up with her and I worry I'd be seen as a stick in the mud, so I'm happy being someone she trusts and keeping her as a fantasy force of nature and not push the relationship to a level where it might fail.
Sonia, there are more men than you realize that don't have an issue with a woman earning more, i am one of them. the issue with a woman out earning a man is that when that happens no matter how good or hardworking the man is, the woman will always look down on him, view him as lazy, a loser or not ambitious enough and the woman will feel she is better than the man and will go looking for a man that out earns her in order to feel good about the man she is with. Its the women that have an issue with out earning men not the other way around.
This reminds me of the David Ruffin song “I’m gonna walk away from love before love breaks my heart” . Heartbreak is so painful that people would rather avoid falling in love so that they don’t have to experience the pain of losing it if it doesn’t work out
George Michael - faith
I was recently heartbroken by a woman I truly liked…second time in my life I really cried over a girl, and it does hurt…and I felt a spark the moment I saw her but I guess she didn’t feel the same way or got scared. Now I don’t believe in love, I don’t want it…
In most cases it don’t work out.
Susan, I realized this after months of feeling rejected.. u just confirmed it. I know he loves me. I believe it in my heart. 100 percent. I felt it when he was with me.. But he walked away. What u say is true. And that is the closure I needed. On to someone who is not afraid of love.
This is what happens. You just know they love you so much when they are with you. That connection would be undeniable. that’s why it feels so heartbreaking when they walk away. I remember it felt like a car hit my chest, literally that’s what I felt on my chest, that heavy breaking; that cracking open. But it made me a more compassionate person. And I wish him well and still love him though I’m not physically in touch. I wish him a way out of this fear of abandonment.
@@eceerdem317 I still think about him. Every day which stinks. I just want to move on. Thank u for commenting. And im so sorry. It is a horrible feeling I know.
Ivy Soto you’re welcome. :) it’s good to remember that only we can change ourselves and no one else. If they want to move forward with life with courage that has to come from within. We cannot drag anyone. It’s better for us to move forward and to focus on ourselves. Much love to you
@@eceerdem317 much love to u too girl. 🥰
You feel things, but you do not fully know or understand him. What the above woman said is only partially false. Not everyone who rejects those who they love are afraid or comes from an abused past relationship or past. In my case, I did not, and I haven't seen that man I loved who I rejected and now I'm married to a new man. As for the man who I rejected, in the spirit of God, I wish him luck finding a different woman who is single.
I came across this, at the right time ! ✨ And wanted to share it with y'all :
" What looks like "chronic rejection" might actually be you giving your power away. Maybe they're just the ones saying no, because you aren't willing to? And what if you were fully in your power, choosing from a grounded place, qualifying, asking questions, taking your time and staying clear while learning about this person? Maybe you would be saying no too.
Ask yourself what you're really after when you keep saying yes and they keep saying no.
Does a part of you feel like you're running out of time?
Do you feel desperate to be loved?
Are you lonely and looking to fill a void ?
Do you think their approval will make you feel whole ?
if you say yes to any of these questions, just notice that if you do, you might also feel some relief in your body as you acknowledge that you don't have a chronic rejection problem, you have a discernment problem. Don't focus on being chosen, focus on what feels grounded, authentic and aligned.
Stop chasing.
Start choosing. "
Love this! Thank you@
this is so true and so difficult to achieve
Yes I agree. Replaying relationship with my father. Also, if I move away from this situation (of on and off for 20 yrs), then I have absolutely nothing. And a little bit of hope and my fantasies seem better than nothing, which is exactly what I get.
Love this, thank you ☺️🥰
Wow! This was really really good. Thank you
She is right this happened to me. He even told me I was the perfect woman but he didn’t want love because of what he went through in past relationships. After 4 months of seeing each other he left and ghosted me and has been seeing multiple women which I’m sure in his mind is easier for him to emotionally disconnect from then just seeing me someone he considered the perfect woman. It still hurts but I know I deserve someone that appreciates the woman I am not someone that is going to run from it because of his past.
people who have not healed themselves from the past, will always bleed on people who have not hurt them. its good that they ghosted u instead of being with u & hurt u everyday. Its okay, if they want carbon instead of a diamond. U live ur life to the fullest & the one who will level up with ur energy, wont leave u questioning nd wondering. they 'll be clear. sending love ❤
People that do that will have multiple partners its true. Sometimes people just aren't ready even if you are.
Kshipra Vishwakarma I love what you said thank you.
I've had somewhat of a similar experience and took me months to get over and notice the red flags and the reality. Best to save yourself and help those in need. Saving wounded/hurt individuals never ends up well, they will only dump their hurt onto you and run off to sunset.
Trust that there are better people out there.
Stranded in an Island you are right about that for sure. Thank you🙏🏽.
Susan is 100% correct. Please read about attachment theory. It's likely you've been rejected by a Dismissive Avoidant or Fearful Avoidant attachment styled individual. They are terrified of true intimacy and will ultimately pull away or distance/deactivate when the love bug starts to bite. It's the most upsetting relationship dynamic to find yourself in, particularly if you're more prone to anxious attachment. You could spend a lifetime in a hot/cold, push/pull, pursuer/distancer dynamic. Instead work to love yourself more. Choose yourself if they aren't choosing you. It's so sad to think that they actually likely do love you, but have childhood wounds around abandonment and self worth that purposefully deflect the chance at true love. Once you heal from this, try to seek out secure partners as often the persona described in this video is an emotionally unavailable person.
I learnt about this recently. It sucks if you have a secure attractment style.
It's extremely hard to relate to their fearful behavior but you see it real-time.. Its like watching a slow motion crash where the drive aims for a tree. You just standing there thinking "why"?
It's sad but people can change if they choose to. My parents got divorced when I was 10 at it was horrible and stayed with me for 20 years but at some point a person needs to sort through the feelings and move on with their lives. Not everyone wants to hurt them.
This is the most useful comment down this thread so far. Although I do understand attachment styles, this comment was a push in the right direction for me, reminding me to focus on working through my attachment patterns. Thank you.❤️
This! So many are so n their ego and take everything someone else does personally. I’m fearful avoidant and as I heal, I look back at all the men who adores me and were kind to me but I pushed away because I just wasn’t ready (or as I can admit now, fearful of being hurt so we do the hurting first). Our trauma is no excuse to perpetuate the hurt but I wish ppl would understand this and know that it’s not always about them.
And after rejection they come back and search for you, again and again!
this is so true. He thought i was too good for him and he gave up trying, thinking that he'll never deserve me. Well I really deserve a better one.
@EHnus Lover696 Lol.. it's pathetic how I tried so hard to change him and help him. He literally refused to get any help from me. I didnt give up on him. He did. I didnt lose him. He lost me.
Thae Lynn let him develop his inner world. And if he can subtly show you he has a different attitude, it would be a nice try to start new.
@EHnus Lover696 that is exactly what I was thinking.
Preach! Absolutely, I’ve had men run the other way, because they didn’t want to fall head over feet for me! It usually means they don’t have the inner strength or confidence. Perhaps they don’t want to be vulnerable and they subconsciously know that they can’t be what you need. This really begs the question how to date when you’re a major catch!
...And really good looking too.
@EHnus Lover696 I don't think you ,get, it. Most people on here have probably tried to make things work til
they are blue in the face, have had crushing rejections by the same person over and over, and months or years of heartache. Most are only walking away to save what's left of their heart and sanity, by the end.
Beauty brains and a good heart is a gift and a curse. I truly believe this because it seems to be my curse
HW 22 I hear you, I’ve been listening to Abraham Hicks to make sure I manifest what I want and do not manifest more struggle, by accident. 💕
Ida Alavioon trying to figure out when dating became so damn hard. If I like you and you like me and we respect each other then why is it hard? Think people are afraid to be vulnerable...
This phenomenon is very real. Being “so much more”…hurts my heart. I am not someone to be scared of. It doesn’t give me much hope of ever finding someone who’s willing to take a chance. Men are just too scared to fall in love. 💔
Not all men, Jenn. You just need to know that there are men who are excited by the 'allness' of you. And, they know how to handle it. Not around every corner, that's true. But they are out there and looking...
Agree with Susan. If a man starts to like you / infactuate they may start chasing after you. I find though people generally go after someone if that person they like might show interest
I’m a guy and is happening to me from a woman...it hurts
Not this man. I"m always willing to risk A LOT for love even though I've been very badly hurt. Keep the faith!
In my point I'm not scare of falling in love I'm scared of being rejected cause that's all its been for me my whole life so I just stay alone a pay to have fun
Bingo, a lot of people complain about. How they can’t find that one wonderful person in their life. But when they have them right in front of their face. They don’t want them and treat them horribly. Steve Tyler has a song that says, “I let the wrong ones in and the right ones out” 😐
That is not always the case, though.
Hello,!some people don't want to admit it.
@@kenyawheaten2157 Some do admit it. I left the one I loved but I'm glad I did and unlike most, I choose to never go back. Even better God led me to meet another man - my husband Frank! Now my husband and I are starting a family together!
False. Because, some are not afraid to love the so-called "right ones" but realize that they are not the right ones for them and they realize they deserve better and in more cases than you can guess, they do get better. I speak from personal experience. ^_^
@@EmilyGloeggler7984 What is wrong with you sharing this in a post like this? Your case doesn't apply to go somewhere else to brag. You are weird.
The most difficult thing is that a guy breaks up with you for no reason. At some point, I caught him and said, "You don't want to give us a chance because you are afraid that you will fall in love with me!" He was silent. It was painful that he broke up almost for no reason otherwise. I think he disguises his fear of true love and vulnerability. The more I liked him, the more he pulled away. I really regretted loving this guy. He was extremely childish and not ready and I didn't notice it at that time.
The video of yours “left for someone lesser” is still in my favourites, just to remind me that it’s not me.. it’s them. AVOID INSECURE PEOPLE is the key, but they are so deceiving!!
Hi there Panther, and thanks for your message
insecure people can cause u a lot of problems down the line....controling, jealousy, envy etc.....insecure are not mature enough for relationship..they need to do more work on themselves
And how is it that some come off so confident and detached? I finally ran into one and I am letting him go after months of a long-distance thing that won't go anywhere. I thought I would enjoy the contact anyway and viritual company, but it's not enough and is more upsetting than fulfilling over time. Life is too short for someone who can seemingly take or leave you but keeps coming around.
Agreed! This just happened to me, and it hurt really weird... Then I realized that it's really his insecurities. Love to see you succeed & shine, Susan! Thank you for helping us out so much! 💜🙌
Must be what I'm living I know this guy is our higher love soul however he doesnt want to commit and he lies like no other ...he always tells me I make him feel good help him quit smoking and he just enjoys my presence and I soak up being with him...but it's not going anywhere hes given up our soul relationship to be with one another ...prob8for someone else
FINALLY!! I'm so relieved that someone has officially admitted that this happens! I have seen both men and women do this to one another, but this is such a taboo topic that few people are willing to discuss it.
I agree. Why is it that people are so resistant to talk about it?
@@veronicaleon735 Because by then you look like a narcissist trying to put the blame on others and think you are perfect ?
@@veronicaleon735 because Manley men don't discuss such things lol
And because it’s not often discussed, people don’t count it as being a factor in getting rejected. They never want to give this possibility validity.
It took me two years of dating and being around Borderlines to understand that it goes further than their fears of abandonment and feelings of unworthiness. Yes, they feel they're not good enough for you, and yes they fear you may eventually find someone better and abandon them, however there is something far deeper at play here. They hold on to deeply repressed feelings of shame and guilt. Shame is something they "yo-yo" back and forth with feelings of rage. Since they are unable to process this dynamic, and since they have issues regulating their emotions, they will look for a channel to offload that rage. If you wonder why you witness strange irrational outbursts, this is what's going on. Often they want desperately to form deep bonds with other people, but in the presence of an amazing individual like yourself, they can't handle their feelings. You being around them forces them to take a good hard look in the mirror and see the whole horror of the person they are, and the overwhelming sense of shame is something they can't handle, even though they want desperately to be free of it. Showering them with love is NOT the answer, as the negative feelings will came back with a vengeance, and they will construct ever higher walls and push you further. They actually respond better with some form of punishment; as the criminal with a guilty conscience wants to serve time to atone for his crimes, so these people feel they need to be punished for their misdeeds. They're aware of their shameful behaviour, whether real or perceived, but most often very real. They need a strong father figure who can set iron clad boundaries, but by this time the trauma and damage may be irreversible. It's very sad.
Wow. Very true. It is sad.
90blacknight You couldn’t have said this better. My boyfriend broke up with me for telling his 24 year old daughter that I loved him. We have been seeing each other for at least a year and a half. He was always saying that he wasn’t good enough for me, and suffered from some negative self views. It sucks because I know he loves me very deeply. Now we are both miserable because he can’t let himself be happy. The thing is though, I will most likely feel better in time. I’m not sure if he will.
@@wbtrcrooks Now you have to do what was extremely agonizing for me to do, and that is walk away and MEAN it. This is the only way for both of you to move forward, and for there to be any kind of chance for you two to be together in the future. He has a lot of soul searching to do. People need a big crisis to want to change their ways. Your disappearance from his life might just be the crisis he needs, together with this pandemic, which will serve as a double whammy. If you love him deeply you will do him this massive favour and vanish from his life. He needs it!
90blacknight Very wise observations...
Wow. Good job.
The guy I wanted had his first real emotional connection with me and felt close to me. He later admitted that he doesn’t want that, doesn’t feel ready for it, and doesn’t want a deep connection. In other words he got scared. Never had a girlfriend, never dated anyone despite being very attractive. It happens folks. Some people are terrified of intimacy.
The evidence of your theory, even though he stated his reasoning, can be realized by how he proceeded; did he enter a new committed relationship soon after he left you?
If so, he was telling you a story and simply lost interest in you.
I'm amazed people still manage to get together happily with the weird mentalities i've learned about in recent years.
Also..do these guys not realise we have only one life, and it's not very long at that x
No. Sadly, that's not a stong an incentive as fear
@@SusanWinter 😟
It's not just guys who exhibit this behavior. I just went through something similar myself l think. That or there was another guy. Everything was perfect, then she did a 180 out of nowhere. Feels terrible. I'm heartbroken.
For real! I can't understand why you would run from one of the most beautiful things life has to offer?!
A friend gave me a PDF dating guide she purchased once - written by a man who said you can' t waste time with someone who can't see that life is short and can't appreciate a chance to make something good with someone they are attracted to and interested in. Very true. It's a sad waste of time. At almost 54, I have to realize still much sooner when someone doesn't get it. And then there are some who are just fine being alone and not having responsiblity to deeper intimacy that they just want to do what they can to get the benefits without the real deep level regard and commitment to another.
This happened to me and was so so confusing. But I knew in my gut what was going on. He even admitted at one point. If they won’t deal with their wounds and fears, this happens.
I really said to this person on my last message to go to find a professional mental health. They clearly have unsolved traumas but I think their ego is so big that they won't admit it. So pity. I am sure they have done the same thing to the other persons before me.
"You're too good for me" is usually one of a few things:
1) He's not interested in a relationship but he considers himself a "nice" guy so wants to let you down easy.
2) He has some long-term mental health issues he is showing early on.
3) It's a game to make you validate HIM.
4) Some combination of the above three.
Great insight. Thank you for sharing with us!
Hi dear let me introduce you to a powerful man who can bring your ex back in 24 hours
@Bizz Nor you hit the nail on the head!
Gosh! You actually just explained a man I have known/been seeing for almost 2 years now. I love him, but he shows these signs for sure! So hard and confusing. Trying to let go, by leaning back, but he’ll always have a space in my heart. I have lots of comfort and attraction around him......😔
@Cybersix I just realized I rejected a man I could have loved. I felt at the time that I was not attracted to him. I would like to learn how not to do that.
This reminds me of the scene in Good Will Hunting when he told the girl he didn’t love her (although he did) bc he didn’t feel confident in himself that he was worthy. Man it’s sad out here how we do this to each other/ourselves
Spot on!! They have low self esteem about themselves. I had a man recently do this To me. I’ve know him for years & wanted him. He finally decided to try dating me. But kept telling me he was AFRAID I would leave & it wouldn’t last. Well he’s right. He kept projecting negative feelings on me. And was quite rude to me. So I left
This is so accurate it made me cry. I met someone who triggered off so much fear in me because I felt like I'd never ever want to walk away from them. And so it terrified me to be that vulnerable and I gave them mixed messages and now we're both dating people who seem less risky. I got close to her for a few months and felt so alive, yet so much fear, and anxiety took over. I sabotaged it. I think about her every day. I feel like anxiety disorder ruins my life because my biggest fear is that heartbreak would trigger another nervous breakdown like it did six years ago. But I can't live alone in fear forever. Anyway....thanks for articulating my situation and helping me understand that in avoiding heartbreak I have broken my own heart anyway. Now even her voice or photos make me feel like love is a threat, but also makes me think "wow so this is what it's like to love someone instead of just date safe people". I hope I find a way out of this mindset. I know it's partly toxic parent attachment and partly bad breakups from the past. Not sure how to heal though
Thank you for sharing this, it's helped me see things from the other person's perspective 🙏 Do your inner work, your healing, and believe you can change. You've got this ☺️
I'm with you on this. I selfsabotage too out of fear. I'm trying to work on my triggers.
I was on the other side of this and can’t tell you how heartbreaking it is and I think of him every day like you think of her.
I hope you can work it out as life is too short x
personal development school here on youtube! she has a bunch of great videos for this
I disagree. Sounds like you triggered a trauma bond. Date people who don't trigger your anxiety and fear.
This is exactly what I need. I had this amazing connection with someone, all butterflies, he was saying all the incredible things, I believe that our connection was mutual it was immense. I am feeling myself perfect and keep asking why he left me when we were on top feelings, just puff without a trace. I keep asking why why why..I guess this is the answer and I can now understand.
Check resources on Fearful Avoidant, Dismissive avoidant, Borderline Personalty Disorder. Things will start to make sense for you. Nothing to do with you. Rather them and their mental health.
The same exact thing just happened to me
it happened to me too. our first date was amazing. We were so in sync and he was so affectionate. Two days later we went for a walk and he was completely different - distant and awkward. a week later (before we slept together or anything) his energy changed completely and he told me he just wants to be friends.
What you describe seems to be the behavior of a narcissist. Cause a person who is in fear of being rerejected and loves you immensely has not even the Nerv to go to you, look you in the eyes and talk to you… - I know this, cause I only was one in a relationship with a man I loved and it costed me all my courage and strength to admit my feeling to him in a letter! After this relationship was over, I never had the courage to be with a man I fell in love with. - so I really think, yours was/ is a narc.
This happened to me quite afew times actually. Some have actually articulated it as " I was scared we ll get too attached" or " I cant give you what you deserve "
Same! It's so confusing when one day they are staring at you with glazed eyes saying "holy cow, you're amazing" and the next day they bail.
Yes, first time this happened we had an amazing connection yet he bailed. The second time i had an insight what it was about so I moved on faster
@@GalacticWoman come on insta babe
I literally just experienced this and posted about this on my FB page. It is true that some times others realize that they have nothing of value to bring to your table.
But ladies and gentlemen, have enough discretion to know if they’re saying “you’re too good for them” because they don’t want you and wanna let you down easy vs their actual fears in regards to liking you....
Exactly, it's hard to tell
It's no point because you will just further cause yourself frustration and pick yourself apart trying to decode what someone really means. Just take what they say at face value and walk away.
@@Rossi.K Amen
How did you know I needed this today. Seriously.🙏 "we open the door but we dont drag them through it" like you've said before. Just went through this myself. Strength to all of us who go through this it is so hard but we have to go on and still be our true self . I myself could use a longer video from you on this......
Glad this came at the right time and was seen by the right person, Orphic!
Me too. I can't measure the healing I think this is going to effect. Deep thank you Susan t.
That quote will stick with me forever, "open the door and cant pull them through".
@@SusanWinter can you do a longer video on this, it made me understand that I've self sabotaged many relationships expecting to be rejected, when they actually did like me.
thank God. now I know all the girls that rejected me in life were secretly in love with me. I feel so much better
😂😂😂😂😂😂
lmao ....right......
Hahaja!
😂😂😂
😆😆
Girl told me I was everything she ever wanted and that she was in love with me. She then shut me out of her life. I was so confused and frustrated but I finally had to let go.
Omg same last name lol
Wise move.
Is this the Greene team convention or something?
@@harrynutts8856 lol
@@harrynutts8856 As opposed to the Susan Winter convention and those who agree with her? lol
This is about power. Who wants to be with someone that has it all over you? Looks, intelligence, money, if they are beating you on all three, there is a power imbalance that will come back to bite you. Sooner or later, the more powerful one will figure it out, “What am I doing with this partner?” The weaker one, even if they stay together, can never relax, it’s always catch up game. There has to be a balance, and both have to bring something to the table the other one needs.
Huh??
@ Peter Rant I think your understanding of how successful relationships work is more based upon how an egalitarian society / feminism sells itself rather than reality. Successful relationships are not equal partnerships but instead one party is superior to the other. Normal women want to look up to a man, when they're an equal, they have nothing to look up to. Perfect example, women will seek men who are 6ft and higher in height even if they're only 5ft tall. How many women actually desire dating a man whom is the same height or only slightly taller? What women say they will do and want does not align with what they actually do. Actions speak louder than words.
Thank you for this video. The bottom line in all of this is fear. People walk away from things mainly out of fear instead of wanting to experience the good and true things on the other side of the door.
Its a painful feeling when you’re on the receiving end of it
The title made me tear up. This is exactly what i’m going through and i know for a fact that she has commitment phobia. Do you think it’d be possible to get her back if i show her how much i love and care for her? The saddest part is i’ve never loved anybody as much as i love her.
Sasha, there is always a possibility. However, there is no telling how long it will take if it can happen at all.
So true - this happened to me recently. He would shake with nerves in my presence and put me on a pedestal - cooked me meals, text me constantly, wanted to see me all the time, told me how we were on the same wavelength, told me I had a unique beauty, gave me excuses why we couldn’t get physical (despite him hugging me like a lover and not wanting to let go) and days later he was in bed with a very trashy miss average. Hurt far more than being rejected by someone who wasn’t bothered. There is nothing more frustrating and upsetting than being rejected by someone who wants you as much as you want them. I had to walk away when he tried to put me in the friend zone after dating for weeks.
Yup... there you go. This video was right on target
Susan Winter and very timely too! Did make me feel a little bit better 😌
Sounds like we have been dating the same man. Indeed, it didn't make any sence when he runs out on you just like that. But, trust me... It is not the right time for a relationship if someone is insecure and have irrational fear to loose you every second. Other then that, if it was lovebombing, there are even more issues then the eye meets.
I don't think this was lovebombing, I think this sounds real, not a passing fancy. Lovebombers generally don't pretend to shake and be at your beck and call. They shower you with attention but in hindsight you realise something ws off. It is emptier and when you look back you can say yep i was love bombed.
Elzibab Morac yep you’re right - I didn’t think it was love bombing either. He was making an effort right up until the point he could not and would not go past cos his fears got the best of him. I think there was some real intention but he just bailed due to insecurity.
This is what exactly happened with me.all this time I've felt so unworthy of love and feel so low about myself.thanks a lot.i needed that.
Glad it helped
When you have that connection but nothing really moves... now I can see why. Thank you 😊 💓
Glad it helped!
I've definitely been rejected, and it's knocked me back for six. He was absolutely lovely to me, we got on so well next minute all contact stopped, blocked on all social media platforms. I've tried to reach out but there's no effort there. 😞 I can't explain the hurt I'm facing, it's affected me greatly.
Brilliant video x
This recently happened to me
Me too but mine going blind why he ended it
This reminds me of the dismissive avoidant attachment type.
Frolicking Elf Exactly what I was thinking...dismissive avoidant. Painful and frustrating.
Exactly
what is the daat exactly means ? any link to share to study ?
Linda Zhang “Attachment Theory is a psychological, evolutionary and ethological theory concerning relationships between humans. The most important tenet is that young children need to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for normal social and emotional development. The theory was formulated by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby.” This was on wiki, but the theory is quite prevalent. Check out articles on Psychology Today or videos on TH-cam.
@@frolickingelf thank you so much for the knowledge ! this is so insightful and interesting !! :))
I had this situation so often. That guy's look at me like I'm a goddess, being impressed by me and then reject me, cause they seem to feel like not good enough next to me. Thank you for that video.
Thank you so much for this video, Susan. I felt so bad. Felt that attraction was mutual. There was no doubt. Yet he ran away, and gave no explanation. I have been struggling for so long thinking “what’s wrong with me”. And, yes, probably he chose someone else. Which is very sad and devastating. But at least I can feel easier on myself. I felt that by running from me he was running from himself. 😣
This is so true. This happened to me once and I really felt a crushing of my heart because I knew he loved me and I could see the dread in his eyes but I couldn’t do anything about it. He kept saying I can’t take this once more after he lost his mother, he was saying I will be hurt so bad. He even said if you were someone that I could only hang out with I would go for it but even now I feel this much connection I can’t imagine how much I can love you and it would break me. I remember we were having the tea the last day he left he asked can I take a photo of you and keep it. I feel compassion for him and wish him the courage to move on for love once again. It doesn’t have to be me. Because these people have such a sensitive and beautiful heart but they couldn’t handle some loss that happened in the past for some reason. And yes it’s true that I felt so angry at first and called him a coward in myself, and thought to myself like you’re ruining a beautiful thing because you think your past will repeat. I won’t hurt you but you can’t see it. Push-pull keeps happening in these type of things, if you’re not strong enough to wait for that trust to build it’s better to forget it. Because we cannot do anything about erasing their fears no matter how trustworthy we are.
Thank you for opening up and sharing with us!
Susan Winter thank you 😊
Ece Erdem you have a sensitive and beautiful heart for understanding.
gandf gandf oh thank you. 😊😭
Hi dear let me introduce you to a powerful man who can bring your ex back in 24 hours
This happened to me recently. I blamed myself, but at the same time thought, maybe its that they're afraid of true intimacy because I embodied what they've always wanted & it scared them.
this is in no way impossible. I dated a guy 10 years ago that ended things because we both were 18 and it didn't make sense to find each other that early in life.
and almost 10 years later, last year, I met a guy that made me believe once in my whole life that soulmates might actually exist. we flirted a couple months and he finally ended things. I confronted him a month later about the matter and he confessed he had never met someone like me that he got along so well and synched up on a unique level, but he was hurt just a year or two ago and he had lost hope in people so he thought I would hurt him too.
a year later and now I am finally open to meet new people but he still hasn't met anyone he'd take seriously as he took me. even though he met so many with all these apps and what not.
I guess past the age of 25 everyone is so vulnerable and lacks self confidence and devalues themselves so much that when something really good seems to finally came over, they see that not as an end to all the hurt they have been through, but rather a new potential for another huge damage.
it's a huge thing we should all heal from but it is really, really hard.
thank you for the video, Susan! let's see how life will treat me from now on
These things can happen at any age because the root cause is to be found in childhood, not adulthood. You too might have the wrong belief that for any reason you can't be with the person you love. Maybe you learned this belief from the family that one should settle down rather than look for that perfect love relationship where there is mutual love and attraction shared. Much love to you ❤️
Very good insight!
Interesting story. Here is my story my relationships not included and last time I got dumped was via texting........ was 24 and litteraly thinking I'm done with girls. Still meet girls and such partying and all that but never meet someone that i was interested in and vice versa up to age 33-34. Today I'm 41 and still single..... and ill trow in I don't do 1 night stands I litteraly need to have feelings for someone to be able to be intimate with them and not talking about just sexuall feelings I need to be in love or more.
When your sister dont understand why her older brother is still single. She has never been on a dating site in her life meet her boyfriends on private partys or at work or clubs those settings, and she looks like fiona and i look like Shrek..... and when u lost contact with all your friends cause they are all married with kids and u are still single. Its not like i will go to a pub or club alone..... and all parties I get invited to is all couples and then there is single me.... fun to see all have a love in there life and all they do is reminding you what u never will get in your life... it seems. And when u spent 3 months on a 2 of the biggest datingsites and and all u see in the inbox is Russian girls.
Ohh and all her married or longterm relationship lady friends all say to you how are u still single u can cook, bake, you have good sense of humor your friendly and a genuine nice person........
And when u meet a girl online and u spend 3 months talking online literally 4 hours on weekdays and up to 10 hours weekends and on the phone for 1 month sometimes 5 hours talking and u never run out things to talk to. U get along really well. U decide to finally meet with 1 friend each she treats u like air for 8 hours and the next day text u and say sorry for the way I was......... even if I'm not interested in a person romantically when u see them for the first time I will still talk to you as a friend especially if u talked for this long and never run out of topics to talk about.....
This story is old and was b4 digital cameras was in every household as today.
Yes I'm a bit shy and won't go for a kiss unless I have really clear signs.
I can tell looking in on people if they are interested in each other 95% of the times.
But totally blind to see if a girl is into me.... she litteraly needs to tell me....
This is probaly because I've been used so many times as a prop by girls that i just gotten to know using me to make someone else jealous......
I interpreted their actions and signs they like me but found out later they were never into me just into friends of mine.
Or just not into me period even tho they was very intimate with me no kissing involed.
Like 1 girl that I did not know but I knew her girl friend. We were 6 people going to the movies and this new girl sat in my lap for 30 min car ride and when we arrived at the movies she said on the way back i dont want to sitt in someone's lap and we were all fine with that. In the movies she sitt next to me, when there is around 30 mins left of the movie she leans her on my shoulder witch is fine np at all. Movie ends we all walk to the car when we arrive she suddenly say I can sitt in Daniel's lapp again. She sitts down on my lapp we drive off 1 min into the ride she putts both her arms around me and lay her head on my shouoder all the way into my neck and lays there all the way back 30 min drive.
In my world if u are not interested u would lay further out on the shoulder away from the neck and not stuff your face all the way into someone's neck. Maybe just me I dunno...
Have had girls spend all their attention to me at partys girls I just meet sitting in my lap hugging u laying on your shoulder in intimate ways not in the friends kinda way u know and nope they weren't into me.
That's why I think today I can't tell if someone's genuinely interested in me.
And today I can't catch a break meeting someone.....
The thing is not everyone is damaged, as Susan claims. Some people genuinely decide that they don't want to settle or be partial and know that they deserve better.
Thank you for this video, Susan. Yeah, maybe it's the reason why I was rejected. I'm overqualified! LOL 😂
Lhara! Thanks for your support on the Thursday shows. And this is true. You're overqualified for some. But PERFECT for others!!
Susan Winter You're very much welcome! You're awesome and a life-saver. ❤️
I feel like God sent you to give me this very specific message… ive been struggling and i begged God to get me thru this awful period and today your video was in my suggested… thank u! ♥️
You’ve just saved me an entire month (or two) of absolute misery and discombobulation. Thank you 🙏🏾
Same
This has happened to me several times lately. This is a timely message. So frustrating but better to dodge a bullet of emotional immaturity than to engage and waste more time and energy. Thank you Susan.
Hello 👋 how are you doing?
@@Godwinpounds4333 I'm great. Thank you for asking and you?
@@Redfox-1984 I’m doing good, its nice meeting with you here. Where are you texting from?
@@Godwinpounds4333 NH and you?
@@Redfox-1984 I’m from Florida. Hope everything is fine there?
Dear Susan~ Thank you for this validation! I've lived this exact scenario. The attraction was overwhelming but nothing progressed. I thought "either this guy is nuts or I am" because the compatibility between us is palpable yet so is his fear. He's a super provincial guy that suffered a real kick in the teeth from his first wife and since then has only been in relationships with mediocre, quiet, dull, plain women. From the beginning I've felt "this man is afraid to death of me". It's too bad because my sense is we could be very happy together. So to protect myself from the sadness of it, I tell myself its for the best because maybe it would be like "hitching a fire horse to a milk wagon" lol.
Last summer I had a chance reunion with my friend when I finally decided to take myself out after getting out of a toxic relationship. It was like the universe was giving me a gift. I get a tap on my shoulder and there he is. I haven’t seen him for over 5 years. I have always been infatuated with him and we always got along so well. Our reunion led to more. There was definitely chemistry. There always have been chemistry. Nothing was ever forced. We actually never labeled what we had but agreed it wasn’t FWB. He’s the only guy so far I’ve felt at peace with and we discussed that we enjoy and trust and respect each other. Now I knew that this wouldn’t last because I could sense him holding back eventhough my gut tells me he feels the way I do. Yesterday we made the mutual decision to end the intimacy because our friendship means way more. Also he was honest and said he wasn’t ready. I love and respect the hell out of him. In the short period of time I was treated with more respect than I was in my 6 year relationship. I don’t know where our paths will lead us but I know we will always have a bond that can’t be broken.
This has definitely happened to me...I was hurt at 1st but when we kept in touch from time to time...I realized that he saw me as someone he could fall in love with and he wasn't trying to do that at that time in his life...I respect him.
I once told a guy who was into me and I was clearly into him, that I wanted to be friends while we were about to get intimate, only because I was scared. Back then being friends was not meant to be a rejection to him but a protection for me. I only recently realised that my fear is avoiding me from keeping good guys around and that I should be clearer with my emotions and fears. I am trying to change, work in progress hahahah
I'm glad you're trying to change. You can do it. I know you can. The world needs the shining light you will become when you start to feel better. It should get easier as you get older and realize you can put aside those thoughts from so long ago. It's never to late to start anew and learn as you go like most of us do anyway. We're all trying to figure it out.
This hit so close to home I had to listen to it twice... thank you for all that you do! 🙏🏼💛
Love that, Melissa!!
"Better to have loved & lost than never to have loved at all".....jus saying....❤❤👍👍🇬🇧🇬🇧
Hi dear let me introduce you to a powerful man who can bring your ex back in 24 hours
No it is not. ..loosing a real lover is the end of everything. ..
This is very true and also quite frustrating. You would think that being nice to someone would solidify your relationship with them but not so a lot of the time. I think part of what's driving it is the epidemic of cPTSD and the low self-esteem that goes with it. A lot of people either don't think they deserve someone nice or they perceive that they could never hold on to a great partner. But being in relationships with lesser partners makes them feel more secure and they also think that's all they deserve.
Great vid. This goes for men too. I have been rejected and told outright it was because they could sense I was a keeper.
What a thing to fear rejection not because I'm not enough, but because I am... And so even though I'm not disposable, I still am.
Susan I’ve experienced this my entire life!! I didn’t understand what was happening until I got older and people I dated started to explain why they couldn’t be with me. My current partner Almost did the same thing but they gave it a chance and we’re in two years now
Larry, thank you for your comment. I'm happy to hear you and your current partner gave each other a chance. Best wishes to you!
I’m in a relationship, but I still enjoy listening to your analysis of relationships and can see how it played out in my earlier love life. Such a smart lady!
The video I’ve been waiting for. Thank you, Susan. This applies to me as well. I met someone during the first month of quarantine that I fit perfectly with, and he agreed. We both made excuses the day after, and now we are both in therapy... not talking. It’s ok. I think we both deserve to be healed and to be with a healed person. If that happens... if we can actually get to that place apart, coming together will be all the more special. If not, ah well. At least I will be able to say I have worked on my healing in a way that I feel proud of. Cheers xx
Happens to me all the time. The higher you go, the narrower the road.
I soo needed this today 😢 I found some who ticked all boxes ... and I froze and ran away ... I hope I can learn resilience and rise up to 💕
LOVE
Rejected is a blessing, trust me I do believe, 🙏
This is exactly what i needed today. I have been in love with someone for 10 yrs. He comes in and out of my life just as a friend. This last time I, finally, told him how I felt and he said "I always felt I had nothing to offer you". That was the last I heard from him in January. I even dreamt about him last night. I understand now that it's just not meant to be. Thank you for all your insight Susan. I've learned so much from you.
Lauren, I'm so pleased that this vidoe found its way to you today!!
I had similar experience 3 years, I tried to end the friendship bc I just can not hold feelings in and be cold enough to not express. After trying to get out of the situation for a long time , he would say stay be friends....kept me on a merry go round. It finally stopped last week. After I found out he is seeing someone wow. You can try with another but not for the one who has been there and grown with you through intimate convos. Very 💔 I do not want a fly by night thing I would go for real, honest, dependable, open therefore perhaps I will be single till death.
Yup been there after 20 yrs on and off he said it’s just
Not in the cards for us💔💔and married someone else!
I had someone tell me I got it all. But never moved forward ! Was always a question mark to me
Reham, now you know why
Ed Nicholson thank you ED 😘
"God will bless those who are rejected right in front of people who rejected!" All success stories have 1000s of rejection... Still they didn't loose hope n moved on..... Moving on and trying is quintessential in life but one needs God to support, to wipe tears n encourage as well...!! Be positive ... Somewhere your dreams are fructifying for a better n higher self but it is invisible right now!!
God is the best!
Been there done that! It was devastating to me but in the end I'm glad things worked out the way they did. Hurt people, hurt people.
Just want to say I am so impressed by you ...
the enormous and valuable insight you give to your viewers
are truly helpful to those in need of answers.
Thank you...
THANK YOU JANE!!
🥰 You’re very kind with us !! So we don’t feel bad when rejected. :) Sometimes is the other person who is not ready to receive a gift.. who is not ready to welcome a beautiful human being to their lives. Maybe he/ she auto rejects him/herself as a mechanism of defense.
I saw this happen to my friend, and I thought what a butthead, and then it happened to me and I rejected this person who was crazy over me because I thought this person was so awesome and I didn’t wanna waste her life.. crazy dumb till it happens to ya
Hi Sofia. Thanks for this honest share. Beautiful
I hope you found a way to heal and get the love you deserve...
This pain was like how herbology uses acrid or bitter herbs to burn and stimulate healing. I had no self love, now I love and accept myself unconditionally, because I had to..
Hi dear let me introduce you to a powerful man who can bring your ex back in 24 hours
This makes SO much sense. I couldn’t tell why his actions were good but he didn’t want to match it with words or commitment. He didn’t activate the love he had. The way you word things makes everything click!
Thank you. You have the best post. Choose yourself if they are not choosing you. If they cannot be honest with themselves, and take a chance. They are not good for you. Let go, and as a result you will live a better life.
People who don't love themselves do this. I attract a lot of people who are scared of falling in love
I like this new perspective and it does hit home, that even though you could be someone that the other person could be in a loving relationship with, there may be other factors that are in the wat, it may not be what they want during this time in their life. A friend of mine said that he was in a relationship with someone but then realised that he needed to focus more on studies and career development and could not give enough attention to the relationship so they broke it off, and this is a reality that some people have other priorities even when they find you cute, smart, and 'girlfriend material', it is often not the right time. So it is not your fault and this is why I like what Susan is saying, relationships sometimes dont happen since you would be too much of a distraction for the other person. I LOVE this pespective, Susan is a miracle worker!
It is hard when I have developed feelings for someone, so I do understand why women have a difficult time understanding it and letting go of potential mates who they like, and sense they could have a loving connection with. But it is the reality...and in that case wouldn't it be better to let that person go and go live your own life and find someone who has the time for you and the relationship?
I'm too much for him !!!!!!!
Ya you keep telling yourself that 🤣🤣🤣
I needed so badly to hear this
Thank you for allowing me to understand a little better and be a little more compassionate. I appreciate you.
Constant rejection is destroying me,i am giving up meeting anyone,do not want anymore rejection.
Stay strong, soldier.
This was a great video and I actually know this is true because I’ve done it! I pushed a couple people away that were into me when I first started dating, because I felt I wasn’t good enough for them. I was sure that they’d end up not actually liking me so I wouldn’t even waste my time letting them in
Boom my go to reaction with so many beautiful women.. but i am opening up to accept pain as part of life... thank you for identifying this for me
Few days leading up to our relationship discussion all he would say was "you are ideal," "you are too good for me," I don't deserve you." I should have known they were red flags!
@Susan, FYI this message is still out here helping people. Thanks for taking the time. :)
This video just popped up on my recommended videos, I’ve never seen your channel before and it was posted the exact day the guy I love rejected me for someone else after things have been good. I felt in myself that this was the reason as well as my fear of abandonment manifesting; I am working on healing that now ❤️ thank you for your insight in a time where I needed to hear this confirmation from someone else! Sending strength and love to every one of you
That is exactly what happened to me. The guy rejected me because he felt so much love for me that he could not deal with it.
I think I might have had this situation in the past with someone...I was confused about what had happened for quite some time afterwards because I was a 100% sure we had a powerful connection and I used to wonder how my instincts could have been so so wrong ( I am usually quite intuitive...I do not tend to make things up....) Thank you for the video,as always!! :)
Amen! I love how you reframe rejection. It opened my eyes to see it another way.
Hello 👋 how are you doing?
I’m commenting on this video because I’m in a situation where I am THIS person. I met a guy recently who is the full package- he’s cute, sexy, funny, charming, kind, loving and precious. But I’m having a hard time accepting that.
I’m the kind of person where I have an unhealthy attachment to inconsistency. When a man gives me mixed signals, I get that crazy hot desire for them and that’s what pulls me in. With this guy, we have amazing chemistry, but I don’t feel that electricity because he’s not doing anything to give me mixed signals. He IS someone I could love.
But I don’t know how to accept it because my heart is still stuck on a man who gave me the most inconsistently I’ve ever felt. And I’m hyper aware of this and I’m taking measures to work on myself and change this unhealthy pattern.
This man is emotionally AVAILABLE- and I’m… not. I never thought I would say that because I’m always used to feeling like the one who’s chasing and pining for love, but when love is presented to me so beautifully, I don’t know how to accept it😓
On one hand I really really like this guy and I’m extremely attracted to him- but I’m having a hard time showing him 100% of me. I don’t want to hurt him. What do I do? 😣
"Rejection is Gods protection"
You could not have timed this better Susan!
You are truly amazing!!!!
Thank you Matt