you are literally the first "Aro not Ace" content I've found when I started questioning and it helped me a lot. the AroAce content is easier to find and may be confusing for a newcomer. looking for the terms "AroAllo" or "AlloAro" can be a useful way to find spaces that are more suited for us. thanks for your great work!
Thanks! Ya I mention in this video how alloaros may find themselves confused if they are searching and only finding aro ace pages. Definitely why I do my best to be visible and make content that those people can relate to! Thanks so much for watching and the kind words! 🤗
I find myself coming back to this series every once in a while and today I feel compelled to comment. These videos remind me there are other people like me and I am like other people in the world in this way. Thanks for making these videos. :)
Love hearing this so much. I remember learning that other people were like me and I was like other people too. Very comforting and freeing. So glad I could help. ☺️ thank you for the comment!
Thank you, lack of representation still makes me feel alienated. I think there is a issue with the LGBTQ community as a whole, a huuuuge focus on romanticism and relationships whilst forgetting those of us who neither want to pursue one or just can’t. Grouping us with asexuals just makes this worse.
My brother asked me once if I'm asexual because it seems to be pretty obvious that I don't experience romantic attraction. I had to explain to him what asexuality is and that I'm not asexual. At least he's open to listening and learning though. That's always very refreshing.
Always love when people are open to learning more information and changing their understanding, especially those that are closest to us. Glad to hear it! Thanks for watching and sharing
I think this issue is an extension of sexuality and romantic attraction being so deeply conflated. We use "sexuality" as an umbrella term for a whole array of experiences. A lot of lgbt+ folks are NOT considered queer because of their sexuality... While many people find that their romantic experiences match their sexual ones, that is not the case for everyone because they are 2 separate things. It took me a VERY long time to figure out what was "wrong with me"... through an Ace resource I heard the term "mixed orientation" on it, which just means that your romantic and sexual orientations don't match. I think because Ace & Aro can often be the polar opposite experience, but are always lumped together anyway, the frustration as an aro person is so valid and needs to be discussed. Love this video!!
Extremely well said! It can definitely be frustrating as hell. I was actually afraid this video would cause more waves and am pleasantly surprised at all the love it’s getting. Thanks for the comment! ♥️
I think this is one reason it took me so long to figure myself out. I'm romance-indifferent and demisexual. So I needed some kind of bond for sex to happen, but I cringed every time a relationship escalated past friendship. My longest relationship was my happiest, and we were basically roommates the whole time. I couldn't find anywhere or any way to express that without someone just telling me I have commitment issues.
i definitely get that frustration over not having a space to come to and discuss purely aro experiences. my lgbt society at uni/college was debating whether to join the ace & aro sub groups or to keep them separate - even within the lgbt community, not even mentioning wider society, aro and ace are often just grouped together w little thought - after some explanation the society committee understood that it'd be better to allow for two separate groups :D (great video once again :))
Thanks so much! Yea its a confusing area and def needs a bit of reflecting to really understand why different groups might be necessary especially for those that don’t understand these experiences well. Thanks for watching and the kind words!
i totally understand what you mean. it frustrates me soo much when i got to #aro on Instagram and it being filled with asexual stuff. like i feel like they need a separate group called aro ace or smth to share with people like them and then just aromantic groups together separately and also people that are just asexual.
i recently found your videos because i thought i might be aromantic, you're like the only aromantic person that isn't asexual. glad to know there are real people like this that i can relate to.
Wow! Just came across the word "Aromantic" last week filling out a health questionnaire. Never knew that was a thing. So I looked it up and realized that was the word I was looking for to describe me. Now I know there's nothing wrong with me. I can now describe myself as gay and aromatic. I've learned a lot from you videos. THANKS!
The nail on the head is feeling that every time I try to look up aromantic stuff it's always lumped with asexual which is fine but I find it tough to ask questions about sex and things like that when it seems a lot of aromantics are asexual so finding your channel and finding someone just talking about this aspect makes me feel more comfortable knowing I'm not a weirdo or I'm an odd one out. Thank you for educating me and helping me understand my feelings and alignment in this community.
I'm aroace, but I've always felt such a strong connection to my aromanticism whereas my asexuality is kind of just a "oh yeah, I guess I'm ace too" kind of thing. I've honestly considered identifying as a non-sam aro for a long time, and it's so frustrating when I want to talk about specifically aro issues and aces just not understanding and completely ignoring that part. I want a separate aro community where I can just talk about my aromanticism without feeling like I have to pay attention to a part of my identity that really isn't important to me, but it's really hard to find one. Arophobia in the ace community is so real and it's just frustrating to feel like I have to walk on eggshells when the topic of aromanticism comes up.
Just binged your whole series and wanted to say thanks! Since high school I've had women tell me they thought I was leading them on, or a "player". I think some of that confidence comes from the mentality of "I like this human bean and want to spend time doing fun stuff with them", which inadvertently gets picked up as romantic intent. I've only told 3 of the women I've dated (friends now) about my realization and they all immediately said "that makes sense" and/or "duh". After going out, the common theme I'd hear would be along the lines of- "Had a great time but just didn't feel 'that click'". What sucks the most is genuinely wanting to stay friends and see them again, but that sounds like the line everyone uses 🙄 Thanks for sharing with us all and I wish I had these terms 15 years ago!
Yeah... my best friend don't talk to me anymore, he wanted something I couldn't give him. I really miss him, because I care for him, but he doesn't feel like hanging around me (it happened before my realization, I didn't even know about aromanticism and I didn't have the chance to explain clearly, he think I made up an excuse and I just wanted to play with his feelings, which is not true)
I am very appreciative of these videos. I've come to terms with aromanticism and being aromantic recently, but it's a curious experience having so much of the aro scene be intertwined with the ace scene when you don't ascribe to the latter. I don't hate it or anything. I think it's awesome to have an excuse to look into so many different experiences and all the variance within a single umbrella label. I do, however, also find it to be a little alienating when the way I personally relate to the very same concepts is a very small group of an already small party. There's so much variety already in aromanticism between positivity and repulsion, the exact way people process romance as a concept, and how each individual's internal boundaries for romance coded stuff works, so seeing that a vast portion of the community is also just inherently different on an entirely separate scale can be a little disheartening. Ultimately I think the overlap between the two communities is a boon, but it often does feel to me like the aro community is playing second fiddle, with its reduced visibility leading to the most traffic coming from ace circles rather than the appeal of aromanticism as its own deal. I dunno though, I'm so new around that I'm mostly speaking off impressions more than anything substantial. Regardless, seeing perspectives of other people in the same position (even if our own views on aromanticism do not align perfectly) is nice.
A heads up to anyone commenting, youtube automatically removes comments with the q-word so make sure to use other spelling or alternative words if you plan on using it. Anyways, I agree, I haven’t really seen any spaces for aro people who aren’t asexual apart from these corners on youtube. Maybe it’s because I don’t hang out at forums and mostly just use IG and fb.
I'm aromantic and asexual but I still crave physical contact like cuddling, holding hands, and kissing. It is hard to find people who would want to do that stuff without romantic or sexual feelings because most of my friends are Allo.
I found out that I was aromantic recently (well, I've known for a long while but I finally fully figured it out) and I was stocked to find aro content on TH-cam...only to find that most of it was just ace or aro/ace content :') it's cool that there's more content for them now, but it would be nice to see people who share the same experiences...
Nik, i would like to thank you for considering asexuals that might be triggered by sexual content in aroace groups. i think that is one of the kindest things ive ever heard done for asexuals. that is so respectful of you to think of them even though youre aroallo and dont get the same reaction from sexual media. the solidarity is real. i hope in the future i can do something similar for aromantics. 💚
Love your videos as always. I definitely share that sense of frustration when asexual and aromantic are grouped together. My sexuality has always been pretty obvious to me, to the point that I never even wondered if I was ace, but having the two tied together made discovering the term aromantic as a good fit was much harder.
Thanks a lot for your content, it's been really helpfull:) Just came across the term aromantic yesterday.. never heard of it before, but now that I did some things are starting to make sense. Still.. I'm so confused right now and don't really know what I should do. I'm in a romantic relationship with an amazing person at the moment, but things are starting to fall apart and I can't stand being around them anymore. I always hope that it's just a phase, but so far it doesn't seem like that. Before that I only had one other relationship that lasted only about 2 months and didn't end well.. and before that everytime someone expressed feelings for me I just pushed them out of my life. It's always me who ends things and breaks the other person's heart. This time I thought it might be different, but it's just the same all over again. I mean this person is (objectively speaking) perfect for me and I can't grasp why my feelings just always die away. I want love - at least I thought so. Now I'm not so sure whether it's just the external pressure to find that one person and if it was ever really me who wanted that. Lately, being in a relationship just feels suffocating. We've just moved in together not even half a year ago and they keep bringing up all these big life plans like "Imagine if we have kids someday" etc. I just feel so selfish, but I know it'd be the right thing to just break up. I've been "chasing love" since forever now and I really don't know if I'll ever be able to feel it. Until now I always thought that I was somehow broken and that maybe this exciting feeling in the beginning of a relationship is really all the love I can give. Essentially I think I just like being liked, but as soon as it turns into something more serious I lose interest. I never felt anything deeper than that initial tiny spark for a person and even that fades away over time and I can't stop it. Now I don't know whether I can't love because I'm aromantic or if I have just some romanticised understanding of what love should be like thanks to love movies or something like that. I came across the term akoiromantic which I can somehow identify with, but I don't know. Sometimes I feel some kind of attraction to somebody, but wouldn't know what to do with it due to the lacking desire of being in a relationship. As I suffer from depression (which might partly explain why I don't crave physical contact at the moment.. I don't think I'm ace), I now fear that me thinking that I'm aromantic is just wishful thinking to explain my f*d up love life somehow. Sorry for this massive wall of text, but finding out about aromanticism changed something in me and I am really grateful for that (even if I might seem a little confused right now) Just thought, I'd share this here, in case someone experieced something similar
I’m actually uranic oriented aroace and it really frustrates me that there isn’t a lot of aroallo media out there, y’all are so under represented. Anyway, I’ll just like to say that you and your content has helped me out the last couple months and I’m so so so happy to be apart of a community that just makes me feel so comfortable with me and my orientation, I would be so lost without this label. While it can be really frustrating at times that I can’t see things the way everyone else does, at least I have others who feel the same way I do about this topic!
I'm not even sure if I'm asexual. I just know I don't enjoy sex (with another person) outside of a relationship. And I AM sure I don't want a relationship, so that's that. Anyway I'm grateful for you to put your content out, representation helps so much to learn about oneself and others!
I'm kind of the same. A friend with benefits situation is perfect for me, but I don't want to go through marriage or escalate the relationship in any way.
Wow! Thank you for putting this out there. I am probably aro ace but aro allo (?) erasure is real (I don't know what the correct term is). Knowing what a lack of representation did for me, I wouldn't wish it on another and I probably unintentionally contributed to this through ignorance.
Thanks for these videos! I apreciate you making a space for people like me who are aro but not ace! It's really validating to see that someone has similar experiences! Have you ever looked into relationship anarchy? It seems like a useful concept for aro people to build a life that works for us.
Yes! I recently found out i was aro. And when i tried to search for aro content i really couldn’t find much. And i like reading books so i searched the internet for aro books but all i could find were aroace. Still good! But not what i was looking for! Love watching your videos!❤️
Thank you so much for making these videos. Finally theres a someone talking about being alloAro outside of a semi-anonymous chat board, this makes me feel less alone in the world =)
Hey! I've been whatching your videos lately, and they really helped me to understand what may be happening to me. Based on my experiencies, i may be aromantic and... that's kind of scary. I mean, i've been looking for "that feeling" for so long and now i'm scared that i might not feel it never. Obviously, that's not necessarly true, i'm 19 so... who knows. The only thing that doesn't fits is that, when i was a teenager (14) i felt in love, i mean, really in love, with a girl. Years passed by and it turned out she manipulated me, and some other friends (i was not the only one in love with her). So i've never been sure if that was love or manipulation, or maybe my brain took that bad frustrating experience, and decide "no more love, that hurts". I never dated that girl, not even kissed her, and i was a kid full of hormones so... whatever. The point is, i'm not even sure if i'm aromantic, and being aromantic explains lots of things but, i'm scared that accepting that may take me to an eternal lonliness... and also accepting that "that thing" wasn't love, and i will never fell that way again (without being manipulated) Excuse me becouse of my english is so pour, and my brain confused.
THIS IS A VENT ON MY EXPERIENCE OF DISCOVERING MY AROMANTICISM!!! TW: MENTION OF CSA, IMPLIED AROPHOBIA I remember a few years ago I found out I was aromantic (also touch adverse, but didn't know the term), but I still have a sexual attraction. I felt alienated because my experience didn't add up with what most media on aromantic and asexual showed. It was always either aroace or asexual alloromantic or even aros that desire relationships. There was little to representation for just specifically aromantic (allosexual) people that wanted nothing to do with romantic advancements, or (to add on) were even touch adverse. I thought I was in the wrong, so I switched label to [gray]asexual for years. Everytime someone brought up my "asexuality" it felt wrong. I still liked the idea of having sexual relations, but not romantic ones. In fact, I was repulsed by romantic things or being physically touched in general since I was exposed nonstop to so much of it. Then when one of my best friends came clean about liking me, and I felt trapped. I forced myself in a relationship with them and put myself in so many uncomfortable situations, just to make them happy eve though I was tearing apart inside. I hoped that over time, I would use develop feelings for them, but the feeling never would, so I just pretended it did. When I rediscovered my aromantic label, I told them and my family and friends, my "partner" didn't really get the hint, and in fact, my parents thought that I was just overthinking it and maybe they just weren't the one. They nearly convinced me I was just reading my own feelings wrong. I just had to convince myself everything between me and my "partner" was strictly platonic (or even sexual even though it felt wrong to think that way because of their childhood SA trauma) because knowing that they view it as romantic and had strong feelings for me, and liked to kiss, cuddle, hug me, and even thought we'd last long enough for marriage made guilt-filled bugs crawl under my skin. I would always say sweet, sappy things to them and tell them I loved them, even though I didn't, at least not in the way they wanted.. I FELT TERRIBLE FOR LYING, but felt I had no other choice in order to keep them happy. When things eventually things did come clean between us, they [reasonably] felt heartbroken and lied to, and even like it was their fault, when it reality it was neither of ours (well... still mainly mine). They did get over me (at least I hope) and we are no longer in a relationship and are still friends to this day, but I still can't believe I lied to myself and them and everyone for so long. I wish I never did, but unfortunately I just didn't know myself well enough to understand and when I did, I didn't know how to tell it after keeping the lie up for so long. This experience will haunt me for the rest of my days 😅 but I'm glad it's over. But I'm glad that I finally came out and found my people after all these years of alienation and isolation. I feel seen and heard, and no longer alone. I hope that anyone else that has a similar experience or similar feelings is finally free now and realizes that they have a community too. It's small and underrepresented, but we're all here :) - Sincerely, a touch adverse alloaro.
I've searched for months now and haven't been able to find any other channels that talk about being AroAllo. Pretty disappointing as we see more and more AroAce creators that make people assume aromanticism and asexuality are a package deal. It would be much easier for us to start our own channels about being AroAllo at this point.
@@queenemmers honestly yeah, but doing so definitely feels like social suicide since very few people know what it is and of the people that do don't understand it. I still can't find almost anyone who acknowledges aromantic as its own thing that has any kind of Social Power.
hey there! just wanted to comment and say thank you. I really appreciate your content, your content helped me discover that I am aro. Hearing you share your experience helped me understand my own. I had all the pieces but I never heard of the term Aro, and now I have. Thank you so much for talking about your experience and building a place for the aro (but not ace) community!
Hey, I am definitely, 100% aromantic, but I am only like 95% sure I am asexual, sense I do have libido, it's hard to be 100% confident that what I am feeling isn't attraction. Do you have any advice for closing that 5% of doubt, or maybe do you think I am miss-categorizing myself when I say "I am aroace"?
Amy policino if you see this message I can see part of your comment in my notifications but your comment doesnt appear on the video at all so I can’t find it. I dont know why this keeps happening. Try reposting if you see this! Sorry!
Hey Nik, Thank you for your videos! I wanted to know if you could do a video about suggestions around connecting with with other AroAce people, what online AroAce communities you like or would recommend? And also if you know about any organization or conference, social events etc that you would suggest. Just generally any suggestions or recommendations. Any would be helpful 🙂
Yes as a not romance repulsed and allosexual aromantic that is also a really big sexuality and relationship nerd it's kinda hard out there 😅 (I'm an alien *singing*) but I am holding the fort. I also started a regular aro/ace meetup in my city this summer, but yea... We are mostly asexuals or aroaces 😅 but it's still better then having no space at all :)
Yea there’s def some static within the community which can be super frustrating. I’m really not trying to make the wedge deeper here but more address it so we can acknowledge when and how we can separate and when we can come together ya know? Thanks for watching and commenting
Holy shit, you just talekd to my soul... In my whole life i didn t know what i was.... I always had sexual desires but never interest in love the romantic way.... And i can t i always just wanted to live with a friend with benefits sort of way
Heck yes! Love messages like this! I totally know how it feels to finally find a space that aligns with your experience that you previously thought was unique to just yourself. Welcome! You’re feelings and thoughts are valid! I appreciate you watching and leaving some love! Def sub to the channel for more content on the subject!
I just recently learned that I am aromatic and it’s nice that I finally get to put a word to it but I still desperately want to feel love for someone but I can’t and I don’t know what to do
Hey there! So glad you found the channel. I know it can be unsettling when first learning about it but check out my other videos especially the on on acceptance. Hope it helps! Definitely check out the comments section to see other people sharing your experience and check out some fb groups! It can be so comforting and validating to connect with others that experience life similarly! Thanks for watching and commenting! Hope you feel better ♥️
Where can I go to learn more about aromance? I just heard the term a few days ago and after watching a few of these videos i might have some things to reconsider about myself..lol
Thank you for your channel 🙏 It’s so great to get informed and learn (I’m a (probably 😂) alloromantic ace) There is a lot of mix up between our two communities (obviously partly cos a lot of crossover lol) - for us, but especially for y’all! I hope you can find/we can leave you some safe spaces (+ we need to work on that alloarophobia mentioned~ 😬)
I'm aro‐grey'ace, so i have personally relatable solidarity for aroace & aro'allo. There's different stigmas for both, and i experience both depending on the Discourse™ Then when you throw in alterous attraction, "purists" get weird about it, like I'm not a Five Star Aromantic unless I'm analterous too
A fuckboy is someone who is really only interested in getting what they want by any means necessary. They’ll omit truths or even lie pretending they want a relationship just to hook up. Or even if they are upfront about just wanting sex they are otherwise just selfish and inconsiderate of the people they are with feelings. As a sexually active aro person it’s not “just about the sex” for me. Just becuase I don’t want a romantic relationship doesn’t mean the person isn’t still a person. I still treat them with respect and want to spend time with them outside of the sex. We’re still building a connection it just isn’t romantic. A fuckboy is just about getting their nut. IMO anyways.
@@nikhampshire I assume you've been in a position where you've told a girl upfront that you weren't into the whole romanticism stuff, but she still ended up developing feelings. What did you do (or what would you do)? I appreciated the reply!
@@lucasa.203 depends how they’re acting on those feelings. I mean one can’t control their feelings only how they respond to them. If they’re falling for me but are able to still understand that I won’t be able to reciprocate but they are still happy with our connection and able to manage that then I can be ok with it. But if they’re getting feelings and are expecting my behavior to change or their behavior changes towards jealousy or disappointment or other negative responses because I’m unable to reciprocate the feelings then I suggest we just go back to being regular friends for both our sake. And anytime! Thanks for watching!
I am a bisexual, I find I am repulsed by public affection. But I believe mine it from trauma. I enjoy holding hands in public but at times I will feel awkward towards others as I know when I am upset I feel repulsed seeing others hold hands. Kissing in public or in front of others is very difficult for me, I have to really want to wish the other person love or I will politely refuse to kiss them, even my mum has said she notices that I wouldn't kiss in front of her, I explained to her it is a outside the home thing, example if I am catching a train away from my partner I will hug but only kiss if I feel no one is near or looking.
Thank you for providing your insights. It took me a long time to find out that I am aro. I just didn't know that it was a thing. I don't really need the label, I just needed to hear that it exists :D I always thought something was wrong neither me. I totally cringe when some tellers me: I love you. It's very difficult to explain your partner that you don't like sharing a bed and stuff like that. I always felt like that was expected from me and I disappointed them. I just needed to except that relationships aren't for me. At least not a common one. Perhaps with another aro...
hi i have another question! you’ve helped me so much with figuring out my sexuality and i can be sure to say i’m aromantic! but i do have a question. since i’m a teen and have zero desire for romantic relationships but i do have desires for sexual ones, how do i go about it? especially if i have zero experience, it’s hard for me because i haven’t even kissed anyone or held anyone’s hand 😭 what would be your advice?
Hey there! So glad I was able to help! I have a video on my channel about dating specifically I would check out! Basically just be upfront with anyone you might be sexually interested in. Let them know you’re aromantic and thus not capable or romantic attraction so while you might be interested in pursuing a sexual connection and maybe a friendly connection that’s all it would ever be so they should consider if that is enough for them and if they’re compatible with that or if they’d want/need more then maybe its best to not get sexually involved. It’s all about being honest and upfront. Look up “ethical non-monogamy”. You may find it helpful! Thanks so much for watching and sharing some luv
One can be both or just one or the other. Definitely treat your sexual attraction and romantic attraction separately and explore how you feel about each. Check out some of my other videos for more insight and best of luck on your journey! Hit me with any questions you may have! Thanks for watching and commenting!
im asexual and demiromantic lmao.... (also im hetero) best of both worlds lol. i like having platonic relationships but i also like romantic relationships as well (or should i say i want to have romantic relationships) its just that the romantic attraction isnt there until a level of intimacy has been formed (not sexual intimacy but rather intellectual, platonic, emotional and mental intimacy). btu even that can vary depending on the person like i can have that level of intimacy but the romantic attraction is never there..... does that make sense or am i crazy lol
but actually i thought i was aromantic for the longest time before i had even heard of asexuality lol..... where im from there are a lot of aromantics and most of the people either were out or a closeted aromantic and asexuals were non-existent so for the longest time i didnt know that there were aromantics who were also asexuals.
Hey mik, if you see this your comment is invisible now too becuase you used the word you said not to use! I only saw it thru notifications! Thanks for the note! Anyone: if you use the Q word in the lgbtqa+ then your comment apparently gets censored to the point no one can see it!
Watched a few of your videos, but wanted to say hi on this one as most recent. Thanks for the content. I think we might be twins, especially the equation point. For me, I started having sex quite young, and was very good at finding one night stands, and found that comfortable. Whenever I tried to turn it into a relationship, it was uncomfortable for both sides. I always found it crazy - when I just slept around, I never hurt any one. It stayed friendly. Trying a relationship was suffocating, and sooner or later I needed to break free, and hurt them in the process. Didn't matter the quality of woman, or how obviously they loved me, I still needed to escape. I always just thought it was immaturity that I could overcome. In hindsight, it seems I just have no interest forcing myself to play through the romance stuff. It also explains why I always wanted to go back to exes. The romance was gone, but the sex was great. We would bounce back together multiple times, only for me to want to be free as soon as it seemed we were back 'on'. After the last big relationship breakdown I had a long attempt to change my style, and also challenge my sexuality. I am pretty sure I have/had HOCD, and still find myself preoccupied with the "am I gay?" question. Like your video, it's like, "yeh, I could be... maybe... ooh tits!" so I think I'm just slightly bi (with no interest in actual sex with men) but really distraught with how complicated it gets with women. In my experience friends with benefits always ends up awkward, so I've been quite limited. I found this video after trying with a really chill woman again for the first time in a while, and as soon as it gets romantic I have no interest whatsoever. I'd rather watch paint dry than do that performative stuff. So yeh, a liberating consideration, if a little sad. One thing though - Consider a vasectomy. I got one finally, having always been so terrified of getting someone pregnant. Not because of cost and responsibility, but more the moral dilemma of being stuck in a relationship. Since having one I feel the downside risk is much reduced, and that has made the romance/freedom issue a bit less worring.
None of my concern for romance and such is related to potential pregnancy. In fact I hope to be a father some day so I’m not interested in getting a vasectomy tho I can understand why that might be helpful for some like yourself. Glad you found something to help your situation! Thanks so much for watching! I’m so glad you related so well. Thanks a ton for taking time to share you experience and send some luv
I’m an oriented aroace woman myself, and I just wanted to say thank you for posting these videos. I’ve heard the term alloaro before, but it’s never really… made sense to me? I’ve always understood it’s a thing that exists, but I’ve never really been able to imagine what the alloaro experience is like. Your videos have been very educational for me.
Why I think is hard for me to identifying as an aro is that the aromatic community allows for everybody to identity as one. Don't get me wrong i think anyone's reason for identifying as aro is valid. But because a lot of people with traumas identify as aro some people don't take it serious because they think it can be solved by therapy and for the most part think those people are correct. I think aromanticism is being "romanticized" and people should really look for help in some cases because facing your traumas is scarry but it can also help you become the person you truly are.
Thanks so much! I appreciate so much you go out of your way to find us alloaro folks! You’re right, not a lot of us on here so I do my best to speak on our behalf!
you are literally the first "Aro not Ace" content I've found when I started questioning and it helped me a lot. the AroAce content is easier to find and may be confusing for a newcomer. looking for the terms "AroAllo" or "AlloAro" can be a useful way to find spaces that are more suited for us.
thanks for your great work!
Thanks! Ya I mention in this video how alloaros may find themselves confused if they are searching and only finding aro ace pages. Definitely why I do my best to be visible and make content that those people can relate to! Thanks so much for watching and the kind words! 🤗
I find myself coming back to this series every once in a while and today I feel compelled to comment. These videos remind me there are other people like me and I am like other people in the world in this way. Thanks for making these videos. :)
Love hearing this so much. I remember learning that other people were like me and I was like other people too. Very comforting and freeing. So glad I could help. ☺️ thank you for the comment!
Thank you, lack of representation still makes me feel alienated.
I think there is a issue with the LGBTQ community as a whole, a huuuuge focus on romanticism and relationships whilst forgetting those of us who neither want to pursue one or just can’t.
Grouping us with asexuals just makes this worse.
Oof true- I didn’t think of that 😅
My brother asked me once if I'm asexual because it seems to be pretty obvious that I don't experience romantic attraction. I had to explain to him what asexuality is and that I'm not asexual. At least he's open to listening and learning though. That's always very refreshing.
Always love when people are open to learning more information and changing their understanding, especially those that are closest to us. Glad to hear it! Thanks for watching and sharing
I think this issue is an extension of sexuality and romantic attraction being so deeply conflated. We use "sexuality" as an umbrella term for a whole array of experiences. A lot of lgbt+ folks are NOT considered queer because of their sexuality... While many people find that their romantic experiences match their sexual ones, that is not the case for everyone because they are 2 separate things. It took me a VERY long time to figure out what was "wrong with me"... through an Ace resource I heard the term "mixed orientation" on it, which just means that your romantic and sexual orientations don't match. I think because Ace & Aro can often be the polar opposite experience, but are always lumped together anyway, the frustration as an aro person is so valid and needs to be discussed. Love this video!!
Extremely well said! It can definitely be frustrating as hell. I was actually afraid this video would cause more waves and am pleasantly surprised at all the love it’s getting. Thanks for the comment! ♥️
Alloarophobia is real in the ace community
Haha right!? Its wild haha
Yeah. It feels a lot like when I came out as bi; there is a lot of biphobia in the gay community.
On behalf of us - I’m sorry :( We need to do better
sad, but true
I think this is one reason it took me so long to figure myself out. I'm romance-indifferent and demisexual. So I needed some kind of bond for sex to happen, but I cringed every time a relationship escalated past friendship. My longest relationship was my happiest, and we were basically roommates the whole time. I couldn't find anywhere or any way to express that without someone just telling me I have commitment issues.
i definitely get that frustration over not having a space to come to and discuss purely aro experiences. my lgbt society at uni/college was debating whether to join the ace & aro sub groups or to keep them separate - even within the lgbt community, not even mentioning wider society, aro and ace are often just grouped together w little thought - after some explanation the society committee understood that it'd be better to allow for two separate groups :D
(great video once again :))
Thanks so much! Yea its a confusing area and def needs a bit of reflecting to really understand why different groups might be necessary especially for those that don’t understand these experiences well.
Thanks for watching and the kind words!
i totally understand what you mean. it frustrates me soo much when i got to #aro on Instagram and it being filled with asexual stuff. like i feel like they need a separate group called aro ace or smth to share with people like them and then just aromantic groups together separately and also people that are just asexual.
i recently found your videos because i thought i might be aromantic, you're like the only aromantic person that isn't asexual. glad to know there are real people like this that i can relate to.
This space is ✨needed✨. Thanks for opening it up.
💚✨💚✨💚✨💚✨💚✨
Wow! Just came across the word "Aromantic" last week filling out a health questionnaire. Never knew that was a thing. So I looked it up and realized that was the word I was looking for to describe me. Now I know there's nothing wrong with me. I can now describe myself as gay and aromatic. I've learned a lot from you videos. THANKS!
Ayyy! Love seein messages like this! Glad you found the videos helpful. Thanks for watching and commenting!
Unrelated, but your curls are goals. Aside from that, I'm really thankfull that I found your content :3
The nail on the head is feeling that every time I try to look up aromantic stuff it's always lumped with asexual which is fine but I find it tough to ask questions about sex and things like that when it seems a lot of aromantics are asexual so finding your channel and finding someone just talking about this aspect makes me feel more comfortable knowing I'm not a weirdo or I'm an odd one out. Thank you for educating me and helping me understand my feelings and alignment in this community.
I'm aroace, but I've always felt such a strong connection to my aromanticism whereas my asexuality is kind of just a "oh yeah, I guess I'm ace too" kind of thing. I've honestly considered identifying as a non-sam aro for a long time, and it's so frustrating when I want to talk about specifically aro issues and aces just not understanding and completely ignoring that part. I want a separate aro community where I can just talk about my aromanticism without feeling like I have to pay attention to a part of my identity that really isn't important to me, but it's really hard to find one. Arophobia in the ace community is so real and it's just frustrating to feel like I have to walk on eggshells when the topic of aromanticism comes up.
Just binged your whole series and wanted to say thanks!
Since high school I've had women tell me they thought I was leading them on, or a "player". I think some of that confidence comes from the mentality of "I like this human bean and want to spend time doing fun stuff with them", which inadvertently gets picked up as romantic intent. I've only told 3 of the women I've dated (friends now) about my realization and they all immediately said "that makes sense" and/or "duh". After going out, the common theme I'd hear would be along the lines of- "Had a great time but just didn't feel 'that click'". What sucks the most is genuinely wanting to stay friends and see them again, but that sounds like the line everyone uses 🙄 Thanks for sharing with us all and I wish I had these terms 15 years ago!
Yeah... my best friend don't talk to me anymore, he wanted something I couldn't give him. I really miss him, because I care for him, but he doesn't feel like hanging around me (it happened before my realization, I didn't even know about aromanticism and I didn't have the chance to explain clearly, he think I made up an excuse and I just wanted to play with his feelings, which is not true)
I am very appreciative of these videos. I've come to terms with aromanticism and being aromantic recently, but it's a curious experience having so much of the aro scene be intertwined with the ace scene when you don't ascribe to the latter. I don't hate it or anything. I think it's awesome to have an excuse to look into so many different experiences and all the variance within a single umbrella label. I do, however, also find it to be a little alienating when the way I personally relate to the very same concepts is a very small group of an already small party. There's so much variety already in aromanticism between positivity and repulsion, the exact way people process romance as a concept, and how each individual's internal boundaries for romance coded stuff works, so seeing that a vast portion of the community is also just inherently different on an entirely separate scale can be a little disheartening.
Ultimately I think the overlap between the two communities is a boon, but it often does feel to me like the aro community is playing second fiddle, with its reduced visibility leading to the most traffic coming from ace circles rather than the appeal of aromanticism as its own deal. I dunno though, I'm so new around that I'm mostly speaking off impressions more than anything substantial. Regardless, seeing perspectives of other people in the same position (even if our own views on aromanticism do not align perfectly) is nice.
A heads up to anyone commenting, youtube automatically removes comments with the q-word so make sure to use other spelling or alternative words if you plan on using it.
Anyways, I agree, I haven’t really seen any spaces for aro people who aren’t asexual apart from these corners on youtube.
Maybe it’s because I don’t hang out at forums and mostly just use IG and fb.
I'm aromantic and asexual but I still crave physical contact like cuddling, holding hands, and kissing. It is hard to find people who would want to do that stuff without romantic or sexual feelings because most of my friends are Allo.
I found out that I was aromantic recently (well, I've known for a long while but I finally fully figured it out) and I was stocked to find aro content on TH-cam...only to find that most of it was just ace or aro/ace content :') it's cool that there's more content for them now, but it would be nice to see people who share the same experiences...
Nik, i would like to thank you for considering asexuals that might be triggered by sexual content in aroace groups. i think that is one of the kindest things ive ever heard done for asexuals. that is so respectful of you to think of them even though youre aroallo and dont get the same reaction from sexual media. the solidarity is real. i hope in the future i can do something similar for aromantics. 💚
Love your videos as always. I definitely share that sense of frustration when asexual and aromantic are grouped together. My sexuality has always been pretty obvious to me, to the point that I never even wondered if I was ace, but having the two tied together made discovering the term aromantic as a good fit was much harder.
I’m aroace but I’ve been trying to find alloaro people to learn from because they get pushed to the side. Great video!
Thanks a lot for your content, it's been really helpfull:) Just came across the term aromantic yesterday.. never heard of it before, but now that I did some things are starting to make sense. Still.. I'm so confused right now and don't really know what I should do. I'm in a romantic relationship with an amazing person at the moment, but things are starting to fall apart and I can't stand being around them anymore. I always hope that it's just a phase, but so far it doesn't seem like that. Before that I only had one other relationship that lasted only about 2 months and didn't end well.. and before that everytime someone expressed feelings for me I just pushed them out of my life. It's always me who ends things and breaks the other person's heart. This time I thought it might be different, but it's just the same all over again. I mean this person is (objectively speaking) perfect for me and I can't grasp why my feelings just always die away. I want love - at least I thought so. Now I'm not so sure whether it's just the external pressure to find that one person and if it was ever really me who wanted that. Lately, being in a relationship just feels suffocating. We've just moved in together not even half a year ago and they keep bringing up all these big life plans like "Imagine if we have kids someday" etc. I just feel so selfish, but I know it'd be the right thing to just break up. I've been "chasing love" since forever now and I really don't know if I'll ever be able to feel it. Until now I always thought that I was somehow broken and that maybe this exciting feeling in the beginning of a relationship is really all the love I can give. Essentially I think I just like being liked, but as soon as it turns into something more serious I lose interest. I never felt anything deeper than that initial tiny spark for a person and even that fades away over time and I can't stop it.
Now I don't know whether I can't love because I'm aromantic or if I have just some romanticised understanding of what love should be like thanks to love movies or something like that. I came across the term akoiromantic which I can somehow identify with, but I don't know. Sometimes I feel some kind of attraction to somebody, but wouldn't know what to do with it due to the lacking desire of being in a relationship. As I suffer from depression (which might partly explain why I don't crave physical contact at the moment.. I don't think I'm ace), I now fear that me thinking that I'm aromantic is just wishful thinking to explain my f*d up love life somehow.
Sorry for this massive wall of text, but finding out about aromanticism changed something in me and I am really grateful for that (even if I might seem a little confused right now) Just thought, I'd share this here, in case someone experieced something similar
I hope you'll have the best life you can get. The struggle is real. I just wanted to express support for your hard time
It’s been 2 years since you commented this, how is it going? Are you more clear about your identity? Hope you are doing well!
I’m actually uranic oriented aroace and it really frustrates me that there isn’t a lot of aroallo media out there, y’all are so under represented. Anyway, I’ll just like to say that you and your content has helped me out the last couple months and I’m so so so happy to be apart of a community that just makes me feel so comfortable with me and my orientation, I would be so lost without this label. While it can be really frustrating at times that I can’t see things the way everyone else does, at least I have others who feel the same way I do about this topic!
My dad and friends still don't get that i'm aro they keep saying oh you just havevn't found the right person
I'm not even sure if I'm asexual. I just know I don't enjoy sex (with another person) outside of a relationship. And I AM sure I don't want a relationship, so that's that.
Anyway I'm grateful for you to put your content out, representation helps so much to learn about oneself and others!
I'm kind of the same. A friend with benefits situation is perfect for me, but I don't want to go through marriage or escalate the relationship in any way.
Wow! Thank you for putting this out there. I am probably aro ace but aro allo (?) erasure is real (I don't know what the correct term is). Knowing what a lack of representation did for me, I wouldn't wish it on another and I probably unintentionally contributed to this through ignorance.
“Oh, I’m Aromantic-Pansexual!”
“Choose one.”
“…”
these videos mean a lot to me
Thank you so much for watching and saying so ♥️ hopefully they help! 🫂
Thanks for these videos! I apreciate you making a space for people like me who are aro but not ace! It's really validating to see that someone has similar experiences! Have you ever looked into relationship anarchy? It seems like a useful concept for aro people to build a life that works for us.
Yes! I recently found out i was aro. And when i tried to search for aro content i really couldn’t find much. And i like reading books so i searched the internet for aro books but all i could find were aroace. Still good! But not what i was looking for! Love watching your videos!❤️
Thank you for your channel ! TThank you for making us aro but not ace feel understood and for creating content to which we can finaly relate
I dropped everything and clicked on this video
We love to see it! Haha thanks! Hope it didn’t disappoint!
Thank you so much for making these videos. Finally theres a someone talking about being alloAro outside of a semi-anonymous chat board, this makes me feel less alone in the world =)
Hey! I've been whatching your videos lately, and they really helped me to understand what may be happening to me. Based on my experiencies, i may be aromantic and... that's kind of scary. I mean, i've been looking for "that feeling" for so long and now i'm scared that i might not feel it never. Obviously, that's not necessarly true, i'm 19 so... who knows. The only thing that doesn't fits is that, when i was a teenager (14) i felt in love, i mean, really in love, with a girl. Years passed by and it turned out she manipulated me, and some other friends (i was not the only one in love with her). So i've never been sure if that was love or manipulation, or maybe my brain took that bad frustrating experience, and decide "no more love, that hurts". I never dated that girl, not even kissed her, and i was a kid full of hormones so... whatever.
The point is, i'm not even sure if i'm aromantic, and being aromantic explains lots of things but, i'm scared that accepting that may take me to an eternal lonliness... and also accepting that "that thing" wasn't love, and i will never fell that way again (without being manipulated)
Excuse me becouse of my english is so pour, and my brain confused.
THIS IS A VENT ON MY EXPERIENCE OF DISCOVERING MY AROMANTICISM!!! TW: MENTION OF CSA, IMPLIED AROPHOBIA
I remember a few years ago I found out I was aromantic (also touch adverse, but didn't know the term), but I still have a sexual attraction. I felt alienated because my experience didn't add up with what most media on aromantic and asexual showed. It was always either aroace or asexual alloromantic or even aros that desire relationships. There was little to representation for just specifically aromantic (allosexual) people that wanted nothing to do with romantic advancements, or (to add on) were even touch adverse. I thought I was in the wrong, so I switched label to [gray]asexual for years.
Everytime someone brought up my "asexuality" it felt wrong. I still liked the idea of having sexual relations, but not romantic ones. In fact, I was repulsed by romantic things or being physically touched in general since I was exposed nonstop to so much of it. Then when one of my best friends came clean about liking me, and I felt trapped. I forced myself in a relationship with them and put myself in so many uncomfortable situations, just to make them happy eve though I was tearing apart inside. I hoped that over time, I would use develop feelings for them, but the feeling never would, so I just pretended it did.
When I rediscovered my aromantic label, I told them and my family and friends, my "partner" didn't really get the hint, and in fact, my parents thought that I was just overthinking it and maybe they just weren't the one. They nearly convinced me I was just reading my own feelings wrong. I just had to convince myself everything between me and my "partner" was strictly platonic (or even sexual even though it felt wrong to think that way because of their childhood SA trauma) because knowing that they view it as romantic and had strong feelings for me, and liked to kiss, cuddle, hug me, and even thought we'd last long enough for marriage made guilt-filled bugs crawl under my skin. I would always say sweet, sappy things to them and tell them I loved them, even though I didn't, at least not in the way they wanted.. I FELT TERRIBLE FOR LYING, but felt I had no other choice in order to keep them happy.
When things eventually things did come clean between us, they [reasonably] felt heartbroken and lied to, and even like it was their fault, when it reality it was neither of ours (well... still mainly mine). They did get over me (at least I hope) and we are no longer in a relationship and are still friends to this day, but I still can't believe I lied to myself and them and everyone for so long. I wish I never did, but unfortunately I just didn't know myself well enough to understand and when I did, I didn't know how to tell it after keeping the lie up for so long. This experience will haunt me for the rest of my days 😅 but I'm glad it's over.
But I'm glad that I finally came out and found my people after all these years of alienation and isolation. I feel seen and heard, and no longer alone. I hope that anyone else that has a similar experience or similar feelings is finally free now and realizes that they have a community too. It's small and underrepresented, but we're all here :)
- Sincerely, a touch adverse alloaro.
Anyone know of other channels that talk about AroAllo aka Aromantic (not ace)?
I've searched for months now and haven't been able to find any other channels that talk about being AroAllo. Pretty disappointing as we see more and more AroAce creators that make people assume aromanticism and asexuality are a package deal. It would be much easier for us to start our own channels about being AroAllo at this point.
@@queenemmers honestly yeah, but doing so definitely feels like social suicide since very few people know what it is and of the people that do don't understand it. I still can't find almost anyone who acknowledges aromantic as its own thing that has any kind of Social Power.
AroAllo here. Thanks for your video. I agree with what you said and it feels good to know I'm not the only person feeling this way
Totally unrelated, but I just noticed that my wall is the exact same color as your wall. Please tell me this is alloaro culture
it is a nice shade of blue
I also paint my walls light blue whenever I get the chance. Fun coincidence.
hey there! just wanted to comment and say thank you. I really appreciate your content, your content helped me discover that I am aro. Hearing you share your experience helped me understand my own. I had all the pieces but I never heard of the term Aro, and now I have. Thank you so much for talking about your experience and building a place for the aro (but not ace) community!
Hey, I am definitely, 100% aromantic, but I am only like 95% sure I am asexual, sense I do have libido, it's hard to be 100% confident that what I am feeling isn't attraction. Do you have any advice for closing that 5% of doubt, or maybe do you think I am miss-categorizing myself when I say "I am aroace"?
Amy policino if you see this message I can see part of your comment in my notifications but your comment doesnt appear on the video at all so I can’t find it. I dont know why this keeps happening. Try reposting if you see this! Sorry!
Hey Nik, Thank you for your videos! I wanted to know if you could do a video about suggestions around connecting with with other AroAce people, what online AroAce communities you like or would recommend? And also if you know about any organization or conference, social events etc that you would suggest. Just generally any suggestions or recommendations. Any would be helpful 🙂
Yes as a not romance repulsed and allosexual aromantic that is also a really big sexuality and relationship nerd it's kinda hard out there 😅 (I'm an alien *singing*) but I am holding the fort. I also started a regular aro/ace meetup in my city this summer, but yea... We are mostly asexuals or aroaces 😅 but it's still better then having no space at all :)
Your hair is looking good bud!🙂
Thank you for talking about this!! Honestly I have experience arophobia from asexuals
Yea there’s def some static within the community which can be super frustrating. I’m really not trying to make the wedge deeper here but more address it so we can acknowledge when and how we can separate and when we can come together ya know? Thanks for watching and commenting
Again, on behalf of us - so sorry :((( Definitely something we need to work on! (I’ll try to pass this video on :))
Holy shit, you just talekd to my soul... In my whole life i didn t know what i was.... I always had sexual desires but never interest in love the romantic way.... And i can t i always just wanted to live with a friend with benefits sort of way
Heck yes! Love messages like this! I totally know how it feels to finally find a space that aligns with your experience that you previously thought was unique to just yourself. Welcome! You’re feelings and thoughts are valid! I appreciate you watching and leaving some love! Def sub to the channel for more content on the subject!
I just recently learned that I am aromatic and it’s nice that I finally get to put a word to it but I still desperately want to feel love for someone but I can’t and I don’t know what to do
Hey there! So glad you found the channel. I know it can be unsettling when first learning about it but check out my other videos especially the on on acceptance. Hope it helps! Definitely check out the comments section to see other people sharing your experience and check out some fb groups! It can be so comforting and validating to connect with others that experience life similarly! Thanks for watching and commenting! Hope you feel better ♥️
Where can I go to learn more about aromance? I just heard the term a few days ago and after watching a few of these videos i might have some things to reconsider about myself..lol
Thank you for your channel 🙏 It’s so great to get informed and learn (I’m a (probably 😂) alloromantic ace)
There is a lot of mix up between our two communities (obviously partly cos a lot of crossover lol) - for us, but especially for y’all! I hope you can find/we can leave you some safe spaces
(+ we need to work on that alloarophobia mentioned~ 😬)
Thanks so much for watching and the kind words! 🤗 you’re most welcome here anytime! Def sun if you care to see more content!
I'm aro‐grey'ace, so i have personally relatable solidarity for aroace & aro'allo. There's different stigmas for both, and i experience both depending on the Discourse™
Then when you throw in alterous attraction, "purists" get weird about it, like I'm not a Five Star Aromantic unless I'm analterous too
idk if you're still active but I wanted to ask your opinion on what the difference is between sexually active aro people and 'fuckboys' ?
A fuckboy is someone who is really only interested in getting what they want by any means necessary. They’ll omit truths or even lie pretending they want a relationship just to hook up. Or even if they are upfront about just wanting sex they are otherwise just selfish and inconsiderate of the people they are with feelings. As a sexually active aro person it’s not “just about the sex” for me. Just becuase I don’t want a romantic relationship doesn’t mean the person isn’t still a person. I still treat them with respect and want to spend time with them outside of the sex. We’re still building a connection it just isn’t romantic. A fuckboy is just about getting their nut.
IMO anyways.
@@nikhampshire I assume you've been in a position where you've told a girl upfront that you weren't into the whole romanticism stuff, but she still ended up developing feelings. What did you do (or what would you do)?
I appreciated the reply!
@@lucasa.203 depends how they’re acting on those feelings. I mean one can’t control their feelings only how they respond to them. If they’re falling for me but are able to still understand that I won’t be able to reciprocate but they are still happy with our connection and able to manage that then I can be ok with it. But if they’re getting feelings and are expecting my behavior to change or their behavior changes towards jealousy or disappointment or other negative responses because I’m unable to reciprocate the feelings then I suggest we just go back to being regular friends for both our sake.
And anytime! Thanks for watching!
I am a bisexual, I find I am repulsed by public affection. But I believe mine it from trauma. I enjoy holding hands in public but at times I will feel awkward towards others as I know when I am upset I feel repulsed seeing others hold hands. Kissing in public or in front of others is very difficult for me, I have to really want to wish the other person love or I will politely refuse to kiss them, even my mum has said she notices that I wouldn't kiss in front of her, I explained to her it is a outside the home thing, example if I am catching a train away from my partner I will hug but only kiss if I feel no one is near or looking.
Thank you for providing your insights. It took me a long time to find out that I am aro. I just didn't know that it was a thing. I don't really need the label, I just needed to hear that it exists :D
I always thought something was wrong neither me. I totally cringe when some tellers me: I love you. It's very difficult to explain your partner that you don't like sharing a bed and stuff like that. I always felt like that was expected from me and I disappointed them.
I just needed to except that relationships aren't for me. At least not a common one. Perhaps with another aro...
always perfect timing
hi i have another question! you’ve helped me so much with figuring out my sexuality and i can be sure to say i’m aromantic! but i do have a question. since i’m a teen and have zero desire for romantic relationships but i do have desires for sexual ones, how do i go about it? especially if i have zero experience, it’s hard for me because i haven’t even kissed anyone or held anyone’s hand 😭 what would be your advice?
Hey there! So glad I was able to help! I have a video on my channel about dating specifically I would check out! Basically just be upfront with anyone you might be sexually interested in. Let them know you’re aromantic and thus not capable or romantic attraction so while you might be interested in pursuing a sexual connection and maybe a friendly connection that’s all it would ever be so they should consider if that is enough for them and if they’re compatible with that or if they’d want/need more then maybe its best to not get sexually involved. It’s all about being honest and upfront. Look up “ethical non-monogamy”. You may find it helpful! Thanks so much for watching and sharing some luv
Ik im very late to this video but im very confused about my sexual orintstion i thoight i was aroace but now i think im just aro
One can be both or just one or the other. Definitely treat your sexual attraction and romantic attraction separately and explore how you feel about each. Check out some of my other videos for more insight and best of luck on your journey! Hit me with any questions you may have! Thanks for watching and commenting!
im asexual and demiromantic lmao.... (also im hetero) best of both worlds lol. i like having platonic relationships but i also like romantic relationships as well (or should i say i want to have romantic relationships) its just that the romantic attraction isnt there until a level of intimacy has been formed (not sexual intimacy but rather intellectual, platonic, emotional and mental intimacy). btu even that can vary depending on the person like i can have that level of intimacy but the romantic attraction is never there..... does that make sense or am i crazy lol
but actually i thought i was aromantic for the longest time before i had even heard of asexuality lol..... where im from there are a lot of aromantics and most of the people either were out or a closeted aromantic and asexuals were non-existent so for the longest time i didnt know that there were aromantics who were also asexuals.
Hey mik, if you see this your comment is invisible now too becuase you used the word you said not to use! I only saw it thru notifications! Thanks for the note!
Anyone: if you use the Q word in the lgbtqa+ then your comment apparently gets censored to the point no one can see it!
That's really sad, because that's how I identify. I really wish we could take that word back.
Watched a few of your videos, but wanted to say hi on this one as most recent.
Thanks for the content. I think we might be twins, especially the equation point.
For me, I started having sex quite young, and was very good at finding one night stands, and found that comfortable. Whenever I tried to turn it into a relationship, it was uncomfortable for both sides. I always found it crazy - when I just slept around, I never hurt any one. It stayed friendly. Trying a relationship was suffocating, and sooner or later I needed to break free, and hurt them in the process. Didn't matter the quality of woman, or how obviously they loved me, I still needed to escape. I always just thought it was immaturity that I could overcome. In hindsight, it seems I just have no interest forcing myself to play through the romance stuff.
It also explains why I always wanted to go back to exes. The romance was gone, but the sex was great. We would bounce back together multiple times, only for me to want to be free as soon as it seemed we were back 'on'.
After the last big relationship breakdown I had a long attempt to change my style, and also challenge my sexuality. I am pretty sure I have/had HOCD, and still find myself preoccupied with the "am I gay?" question. Like your video, it's like, "yeh, I could be... maybe... ooh tits!" so I think I'm just slightly bi (with no interest in actual sex with men) but really distraught with how complicated it gets with women. In my experience friends with benefits always ends up awkward, so I've been quite limited. I found this video after trying with a really chill woman again for the first time in a while, and as soon as it gets romantic I have no interest whatsoever. I'd rather watch paint dry than do that performative stuff.
So yeh, a liberating consideration, if a little sad.
One thing though - Consider a vasectomy. I got one finally, having always been so terrified of getting someone pregnant. Not because of cost and responsibility, but more the moral dilemma of being stuck in a relationship. Since having one I feel the downside risk is much reduced, and that has made the romance/freedom issue a bit less worring.
None of my concern for romance and such is related to potential pregnancy. In fact I hope to be a father some day so I’m not interested in getting a vasectomy tho I can understand why that might be helpful for some like yourself. Glad you found something to help your situation! Thanks so much for watching! I’m so glad you related so well. Thanks a ton for taking time to share you experience and send some luv
I feel so valid and not crazy right now. 😭😭
So happy to hear it and glad I could help! Thanks for sharing! ❤️
Im around but not ace too
Do you have high libido, does your libido fluctuate
Hi
I’m an oriented aroace woman myself, and I just wanted to say thank you for posting these videos. I’ve heard the term alloaro before, but it’s never really… made sense to me? I’ve always understood it’s a thing that exists, but I’ve never really been able to imagine what the alloaro experience is like. Your videos have been very educational for me.
Why I think is hard for me to identifying as an aro is that the aromatic community allows for everybody to identity as one. Don't get me wrong i think anyone's reason for identifying as aro is valid. But because a lot of people with traumas identify as aro some people don't take it serious because they think it can be solved by therapy and for the most part think those people are correct. I think aromanticism is being "romanticized" and people should really look for help in some cases because facing your traumas is scarry but it can also help you become the person you truly are.
I’m aroace but I’ve been trying to find alloaro people to learn from because they get pushed to the side. Great video!
Thanks so much! I appreciate so much you go out of your way to find us alloaro folks! You’re right, not a lot of us on here so I do my best to speak on our behalf!