"You haven't found the one yet" "you're just confused" "you're scared" "you dont want to feel it" i hated hearing these when trying to explain what "wrong" with me to my closest friends
Mimsey Maram I hear ya. Definitely invalidating and frustrating to hear all these especially when you’re trying to figure yourself out but are pretty sure none of that is true. Thanks for watching and hope it helped some!
I'm open to the idea of dating but I never felt like it was ever a good time to ask a girl out, which is why I figured I was Aromantic. Though it could just be me being shy or maybe I really just haven't found the one yet.
Same! I love hoziers music but all his song are about very intense romantic love and it almost scared me to listen to it 😂, hearing someone being so completely obsessed with another person like that.
25 y o here Never had a single date and I'm running out of excuses to tell other people why hahaha Imma just send them the link to this and call it a day
i'm aromantic but i have a high sex drive, so i definitely can relate on that... i've also been judged for not wanting a typical, alloromantic, monogamous relationship. being in committed relationships where romance was expected caused me to feel trapped and i would end things. i finally discovered aromanticism in my late 20s and realized why i felt nothing for anyone, in the context of romantic attraction and desire. i hate romance movies, lol. all of that.
I think I could be aromantic and asexuell, too. I'm so scared I will miss something in life if I won't have a romantic realtionship. But I don't want one. BUT I'm scared that I will be 40 years old someday and regret to not even try it. It keeps me awake some nights. It fascinates me that you are 53 and seem to totally accept yourself. I hope, I will be okay with me too someday. LG
I'm 20 and I also never been in a romantic situation (maybe wrote a love note to a girl I thought was cute but that's the closest thing I've ever had to a date).
Hi, fellow AroAce here. Yeah, like the only reason for me to get into a romantic or a sexual situation at the time was to try for the sake of trying itself . Like a thing on my bucket list Go skydiving, have a partner, have sex , ya know. I'm 24 now. Have never ever been in a relationship. Never had sex. And only now I come to realise, that I should just let myself be. If I don't want it- I shouldn't force myself to. Still on a journey of embracing my identity and experience.❤
This really helped me! Im 22 and my longest relationship lasted 2 weeks. And I really tried dating him bc I felt like I needed to try but I just couldnt stand him becoming attached and stuff. It was taking my breath away. I've been so concerned about my condition, I hardly like guys, and once I find one that I think it's nice enough I get really uncomfortable when in a relationship. I even thought that I was gay and didnt realize but I do find guys attractive, try to meet them and pursue something but then it just ends for me and its too much to try to pretend.. This makes so much sense. U have no idea how many nights I've cried bc I felt like I had a serious problem. Thanks for sharing your experience!
Fernanda Márquez I know these feels all to well. Definitely had the “maybe I’m gay” thoughts as well because I couldn’t seem to make things work with women. I eventually figured a KT of this out on my own tho and then a few years ago learned about aromanticism and just helped me connect the daughter a bit better. I’m glad this has helped! ❤️
@@citizenz4640 omg Same here... My those guys propably think im some soulless monster. I just cant, every time im trying any relationship, i feel like im drowning. I really do like the guy, and i do feel like a monster after starting to ignoring him or trying to make some space for myself. They really dont deserve this, but even if ill try warning them before the thing, they cant understand anyway... I was wondering if im gay, but rly im not. I find so many guys attractive... I wish people be more informed about aro..
“I can’t really care in that capacity” - Ugh I feel that so much. It’s not a challenge, it’s just a bother. It’s something that I can’t give to others. “I’m hurting this person” - I also feel this. I hate hurting people I am fond of. It’s hard bc people tend to get hurt and point a finger or want to say, ‘you never cared’. Like, yes... I did but just... no romo. “They’re lying...” - Same!! I used to think people were making up romance 😂 like how are you feeling this “crush” you are too young. I thought love was something only adults did, until I became an adult and thought, "damn I don’t do this either." People are attractive af to me, but I don’t want to send them roses. I think aro can be a hard place bc I definitely want an exclusive person in the future, and I love beautiful people, but I don’t want romance. A lot of people can’t conceptualize an exclusive relationship without romance. I don’t want poly or a casual thing. I want something a step above best friends but not Romeo and Juliette. I enjoy love from the outside in media and books, which confuses people, I love reading romance and get excited for others, but I don’t need to participate for myself. It makes sense to me but I can understand why it would be confusing to others if they’ve never had to think that way. Also I pronounce it like “arrow” without the ‘w’ to distinguish it a bit. It’s nice to hear the perspective of aro from a straight male. Thanks bro! 💚
I think I'm a pretty average person in terms of romance/sex/relationships- I just want to let you know how I think about these things before I ask you guys a few questions, if you don't mind. I believe you all that you're aromantic, I'm just curious :) For me, "romance" is just doing nice things for someone that they'll like. I like having flowers in my house just because they look nice, and it makes me feel good that my boyfriend was thinking about me and decided to get me something I enjoy. I make him meals he enjoys because I like cooking and it makes me feel happy to see him enjoying his food. I hold hands because it feels good to be close to someone physically. Is it these outward displays of affection and romance that don't mean much to aromantic people? Or is it also an emotional detachment from people you're sleeping with/dating? I'm imagining aromantic people as thinking of their bf/gf as basically a friends with benefits kind of thing. Can you fall in love? I'm assuming you all love your friends/family. What is romantic love though other than regular familial love + sexual attraction? I mean I'm sure you all have given your mom flowers for mother's day, because you love her and it would make her happy, right? I guess I don't completely understand. Thanks for any info :) I'm not judging; it's clearly just how some people are born.
you described exactly what i feel! i’m so glad to find other people who experience the same things as me because i’ve just recently come to terms with the fact that i’m aro and it’s sorta complicated. the most difficult part is trying to explain what being aromantic means. i don’t think i’m ready for that yet.
A. Neufeld hey dude, so from my personal experience I actually am turned off by kissing and hand-holding. I personally have not had a stable family situation so I cannot comment on that, however, I don’t find myself being more attracted than a friendship. I cannot picture myself in a relationship or marriage with any partner and I don’t feel the desire to date or pursue relationships. I like making and giving things to all my close friends equally, and my last attempt at a relationship ended with frustration at me not being available enough for the other person because I didn’t reciprocate the same level of feelings for them.
I’ve been always wondering why I felt uncomfortable telling people “I love you” in relationships, and just after a while it got to where I lost attraction. This helped a lot, thanks 😊
I'm also an aromantic. It's hard to explain it to other people sometimes. They just don't believe me, because they don't know what does it mean to be one. :/ But thank you soooo much for shareing your experience it's very useful for me. :)
I actually found a way to explain it to them through similes. I compared romantic love to a donut. Some people would like to eat this but others would not. It's not that they hate the donut, have a bad history with donuts or that the donut has done something wrong to them. It's just that they don't really feel the urge the urge to eat it like some one else might. I hope this helps
I want to cry. I feel so seen. I've known for a long time that a romantic relationship was an absolute no and was constantly being told I was wrong and would change my mind by even people very close to me. It's literally the most invalidating thing in the world and it hurts like nothing else. And then like a week ago I think maybe I am aromantic and the realisation was just so freeing. Suddenly I don't need to provide a three page explanation. I just am. And then I find your video and you're literally talking about me and my own experience and I just feel so understood I feel like I'll burst. Thank you so much, I cannot believe
Ayyy! What’s a beautiful comment. Thanks so much for watching! I’m sorry you’ve dealt with the troubles that comes along with being aromantic. I definitely know how you feel as you can see. But I also know the joy of finding someone like yourself and I’m so glad I was able to help in such a way! Thank you for this comment and connection ❤️ check me out in IG too sometime! @nikhampshire Hope you have a great day and keep being true to yourself ❤️
I'm glad I found this video, I'm a 22 year old female, and didn't really have any real dating experience before my twenties. I knew that I felt icky when men approached me in a romantic sense, or flirted in a certain way that I found cringey, but not until I dated this guy for almost two months did I find this to be a problem. What you describe is completely how I felt, I actually found him very attractive and approached him myself. Down the road he just said and did so many things that were overly romantic, and got very easily attached. I didn't have any sexual experiences prior to him, so it was very enticing in the beginning, but I got the ick from him pretty fast. I was told by him and others to wait for my feelings to emerge, but I literally grew to loathe him the more I was around him. I feel ya on the family thing too, I've always wanted kids, but I'm kinda scared that I wont be able to make a connection with someone ever (Especially since I'm expected to marry before kids, with my conservative background). Sorry for the long comment, but should I try to dabble more in the dating scene before I come to a conclusion? (because I def. still experience sexual urges.)
KALI I would definitely try dating more! Just be upfront about what it is your looking for with prospective partners. Keep things casual. Sometimes even if I want to hang with a person often I’ll purposely avoid giving into these feelings because I know if I hang out with them too much my feelings are likely to change very quickly but will make my partner even more attached which compounds the problem haha. So I would say just take things slow. Keep it casual and be open with communication. I definitely feel you about your worth of not being able to have a connection with someone as I’ve had the same concerns myself but for me, I really do care for my friends and family and I know even if i had a child and I never felt as deeply as others claim to feel about their kid I’d still be a great parent capable of caring and showin love for them. For me it’s a different kind of love than that of a partner and so it doesn’t really concern me much. If I were you I wouldn’t worry about the conservative background so much. I know that’s easier said than done depending on your family and where you live but part of exploring sexuality and understanding ourselves is changing these rigid societal norms that make it more difficult to accept ourselves how we are. Hope this helps!
I've always felt so ostracized because I could never meet the expectations of my family and friends to "find a girl and settle down", and this has taken a toll on my mental and emotional health. I almost always feel alone despite good company, and I've damned the world and society in my head more than a couple of times. To be left out because I can't help my asexuality and aromanticism is pretty devastating to me.
Ready, Set, Solo I know how you feel. It can definitely be ostracizing. But for me, a lot of my unhappiness was thinking I wanted a relationship and couldn’t do it. Once I realized I didn’t actually want a relationship it allowed me to accept myself and be much happier about myself. Like I realized I was more conditioned to think I wanted these types of relationships but if I was being honest with myself, I was happier on my own and once I accepted that , I was much happier being on my own. And even in the eyes of others i could stand y’all and just be like “ya this is just actually how I am and I’m perfect content with that so y’all should be too”. I hope you’re able to overcome some of your issues with it. If you need to talk I’m here!
Thanks yo! Yea I often explain ace to someone first who I’m explaining aro too because I feel like theres a lot of similarities but what is and isn’t sexual is a bit more objective and easier for people to comprehend than not feeling romance.
Finally a video that explains exactly what I’m feeling. I def felt like this in relationships but I chocked it up to someone getting ‘too close to me’ especially me being sexually active. I hope you do more videos on aromanticism !
I’ve been out as bi for a while now. My biggest relationship was with a boy and it lasted about three months. Honestly, you could say that it only like one month and a half because I liked him so much that I couldn’t bring myself to break up. Eventually, he noticed I was really distant and we broke up. But before we dated, I liked him a lot, we had the same interests, I found him attractive... but then it all collapsed once I felt sorta trapped (?), he would do normal relationship stuff and I thought he was very clingy (and I felt really bad because my friends would say like “awe that’s so cute, i’m so jealous!!” and I felt extremely uncomfortable and repulsed). For a while I wondered if I was just a lesbian, that’s why I it went the way it went. But now I see. Thank you!! you really explained the aro spectrum and I feel like I finally know who I am! 🖤
Mafalda Ribeiro I definitely know the feeling of being excited about the prospect of being with someone and then getting them and your like “uhhh actually nahhhh” lol. Definitely has that feeling of being trapped. So glad you found my video and it helped! Thanks so much for sharing your experience with me! Def consider following my page for more aro content as i got a few other videos up and more coming!
Thanks for this video. Im gay, but I'm beggining to think i am aromantic. I love people, but just not in that way. I dont see that is pivotal to my life, and I dont think I have to love someone in that way to be fulfilled. But it still sucks because I feel like no one understands this. My longest relationship was 11 months, but I knew pretty fast I didnt love them the way they loved me. I loved them, but and it felt really terrible because they were so into it but I just loved them as a person and it did hurt them.
Glam Af I definitely know what you mean. Sorry you’ve dealt with some tough times. I know how that goes and can really suck. Hope this video helped you some! Thanks for watching and the comment! I appreciate you! ❤️
I want to cry because I just want to left alone but men and women are attracted to me.. & I am an asexual aromantic.. I like college, work and earning wages and aging, oh, and big groups of happy or not-happy people. Joy, laugh and logic, mi way of life.
I don't feel like a freak now. I would like it but I can't do it / feel it. Just discovered this term. I was in love 21 years ago but never since. It just never happens and I thought I was a freak. You've described my life over the last 21 years. Thank you.
I feel the same way I was only in love when I was like 11 and that was with a girl I barley ever saw! After that I just never felt "ready" to ask a girl out I was like "just let it happen naturally" it never really did.
Omg, I have a lot to relate to, but one thing that struck me is when you talked about dying alone and not being overly concerned about it. I never understood this issue and it's everywhere, so I've kinda felt alone in that. Should I be concerned? Why am I not concerned? Why do I not need a partner by my side during my death? And then you mentioned your best friend and I'm like, yaaasss, I have a bestie and it'd be dope if she were there and that'd be enough for me. We'd be watching Kpop videos together probably 😂😂😂
K musicheart I’m sayin! People just seem so concerned about these things and I’m just like “eh” haha. we just experience life a little different (assuming you’re aromantic too) and it rearranged our priorities in life a bit is all!
I'm so glad that I stumbled onto this. I'd been kind of questioning if I was on the aromantic spectrum somewhere, but this has resonates so much with me, and it finally makes sense.
Thank you so much......I can relate to you a 100%. I always thought that I was crazy, I rejected so many girls and my friends were always like "bro, those girls turn down guys and you turned them down are you fucking mad". Romance is something I like other people doing(sometimes not) but when it comes to me........I'm always like "I'm not a bf material".
As a aro I don't really have the repulsion I kinda feel indifferent to it but if a aromantic woman or a potential partner or even a friend wants to kiss me or hold my hand I wouldn't feel repulsed by it like whatever makes you happy.
Dude first off, the way your rings jingle is so relaxing? haha xD I’m watching this while I’m having insomnia I relate to this so much. I’m 28, and it took me ages to realize I was asexual. Whenever one of my friends wanted to ‘upgrade’ me to a sexual interest, I felt this energizing sense of ‘duty,’ and this promise of love being ‘consummated,’ so I ‘pursued’ it once it started, in that sense. But it never really lived up to the hype. It’s the thought that counts, and I could tell my partners wanted to make me feel intensely loved as a person, but the act itself was never the slice of heaven I was promised. So it was that same question, y’know? ‘What’s going on? I wanted this so badly, why am I _squandering it_ now? Why am I being so unappreciative??’ And it took me a long time to realize I was more interested in _living up to someone’s expectations and being able to provide that joy,_ than in the thing itself. I had to look to the ancient Greeks to decouple sex from the idea of ultimate love. Platonic love and platonic partnership, _contact comfort_ instead of carnal pleasure, altruistic love for humanity - that’s what I was looking for.
Definitely relate to that feeling of “I thought this is what I wanted” as well as needing to take a step back and question that thought process and what love actually looked like/felt like to me. Good call going back to the Greeks!
Thank you for talking about this! Every word made me relate to your experiences, especially with feeling guilty in romantic relationships. Before I realized that I was aromantic, every single relationship I had ended sooner or later because I felt like I was lying to my partner. It's the worst feeling, knowing that someone has feelings for you, and you just can't find it in yourself to reciprocate, even if you really try :( I just wish that someone had sat me down in my teens and told me what aromanticism was, would have saved both me and all my former boyfriends a lot of heartache and confusion.
Winnangh so glad you appreciated the video! I hear ya about wishing someone had told us sooner about this. I’ve definitely hurt some feelings in my day. But so do romantic folks ya know. No matter what dating is always a trial by fire kind of thing. If anything being this way I feel kinda gave me a clearer perspective than others. Because romantic folks are always conflicted on if they’re “in love” or not and stressing about “the one”. I’ve never even felt like I was really romantically interested at all so I’ve always known objectively no one has ever been “the one” for me lol. So I dunno. There’s pros and cons. Tbh I find it interesting how many women have come out as aromantic as I think most people assume men would be more likely but I’ve met so many women Aros. Very interesting! Hope you’re knowing about aromanticism helps! Hit me up with any more questions or anything! 🙌🏽
This is a really good video. I’m just now figuring out that I’m aro, and it’s one of the most freeing things to learn about other people’s experiences. You put a lot of my feelings into words, and that’s super cool.
It's so hard for me to find a similar mindset. I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me or I'm crazy. The thing is, I'm mostly indifferent towards people in general. I tried dating but it just looks so boring and pointless. I literally don't know how to flirt. But I have sexual attraction towards both genders, only when I have a strong emotional bond, that is not monogamous or romantic. Sometimes Im fine, sometimes I want fluff with a certain friend (cuddles, hugs, kisses, cute words) or even sex. That last shit weird me the f up, because it's not romantic, but I want sex and I really care about them, but not in a conventional romantic way (but it's not platonic). Of course, they don't know that and I wouldn't ever force someone to do things they aren't comfortable doing, but I hate myself for having those inclinations and I just repressed them (trying to ignoring feelings and act romantically or try to find a partner) which ends in depression and libido repression and body shame. Explaining them is even more awkward. People just calls me horny and a lot of people would see me as a heartless monster but I don't care.
I think I'm aromantic. I've never had crushes just girls I liked for their bodies and that's it. I don't want to date and this day and age I would have to do that in order to lose my virginity.
Kool Aid do you like spending time with girls? I mean just because you aren’t falling for them romantically doesn’t mean you just like them for their bodies. I mean if that is the case and you don’t even like their personalities or spending time with them I’d advise not spending time with them. But if you enjoy spending time with them and your sexually attracted to them and those feelings are mutual without the expectations of romantic connection then you could totally pursue a friendship with sex involved. I’ve met women like myself who have no romantic connection so we just are friends. Enjoy spending time together whenever we both are free just like friends do except we sometimes have sex when we hang out. It’s pretty great!
Domino thanks so much! I plan to have more out I just cant figure out what else to talk about haha. Glad you enjoyed tho! Find me on IG if you aren’t already! @nikhampshire
I think I'm aromantic but my story seems to be a bit different to everyone else's. Currently in a 2 year relationship but I've never been in love, I just seem to exist behind a facade.. I went with 'fake it till you make it' with someone I consider one of my best friends, who I am also sexually attracted to, but now things are moving towards moving in together, etc, I'm realising I really can't do it. The facade is tiring, and this has happened before in previous relationships - could this still be considered aromantism?
Caitlin Dow sounds possible. You might not have the same romantic repulsion that others have but still could be Aromantic, just becuase you aren’t put off the way some of us are doesn’t mean you’re getting the actual experience of romantic love. Check out my video called “am I aro”. You might find it a bit more helpful! Lmk what you think!
One thing stuck out to me. Being in a relationship and feeling like you don't want to see the other person after some time. That was a very similar experience I had with one of my relationships. It's what really pushed me to consider if I am aromantic. Loved your video, casual, very real. Glad to have come across you!
... thank you? i have just realised i am aromantic (/greyromantic) and this video has kind of really really helped me. i felt like you were talking about my experince exactly. this is a really good video
Soooo glad this helped! I know I felt really alone and weird or broken for s long time and learning others were sharing a similar experience was so comforting and so now I try and discuss it as much as I can! Thanks for watching and the comment!
Honestly never occurred to me until this video that I could be romance-repulsed, like how asexual people can be sex-repulsed... My goodness, that makes so much sense. Like, I literally start to tear up at the thought of being trapped in a romantic relationship and the longer I force myself to be in a romantic relationship with someone, the more uncomfortable and upset I get in their presence... What a revelation. Never thought of it like this before, was beginning to think I was just cruel or something. This video was so eye-opening wth. Thank you so much for making it and sharing, seriously. ❤️
I'm literally crying in this moment, because now I finally have a video to explain my feelings to my partner. Everytime I try to explain it, he just said it's dump or that we should go to a psychologist... i feel so reliefed right now!
Mermaid Blossom I know how you feel. So glad I could help. Welcome to the community. Check out my other videos for more info and perhaps better means of explaining yourself to your partner!
Oh wow this just hit me so hard. I recently got talking to a guy and he is really funny and his personality is great and I really enjoy him, but as soon as he asked me out, I got stressed and just sort of odd. Before him, there was a different guy. I said yes when he asked me out, but it only lasted 2 weeks. I typed into google "you are attracted to people but don't want romance" and aromantic was brought up. I read the definition and I was like, "Oh. That's me." I'm genuinely so glad I discovered this term because I've always been really confused. Also, I'm not asexual and I experience physical attraction, so it's extra confusing. I always thought I was scared to commit or just shy or something, but this makes so so so much sense. Thank you thank you thank you
I def know the feeling and it was so relieving to learn there were others that felt the same and it wasn’t cuz of some damage or issue but just being a little different! Glad you found and enjoyed the video and thanks for the comment! 😁❤️
LOVED this. It took me years to finally realize I was aro. I tried dating but it would always end because I never reciprocated the feelings my partner had for me. It made me feel guilty for a while because I felt like I was stringing them along even though I knew I’d never have feelings in return. Now it’s just such a relief to know dating isn’t for me and I can just be happy by myself. You explained everything so well in this video and it was so comforting listening to someone who experiences the same thing as me.
Thanks so much for making this video. It’s really great to get a testimonial from a straight males perspective. The guy I’ve been dating for the last few months is aro, but he didn’t know until I suggested it to him. Being able to link him to this video really, really helped explain it. So thanks, and best of luck to you!
Thank you so, so much for making this video. I learned about you by listening to your episode of AOk podcast, and I was so excited to hear another guy like me who was aromantic but not asexual. We need more of our stories out there. Listening to yours helps me feel validated and seen and known. So many people are learning about aromanticism because you put yourself out there. I appreciate you, Nik. You're rad.
i dont remember the first time i found this video, but it really helped me understand the way i was feeling about dating and romance, as someone who is also aro but not ace, so thank you
Absolutely love hearing this! It’s so crazy this video I made on a whim years ago is somehow still circulating so well! Thanks for sharing some love! I’ve recently been releasing smaller videos discussing different aspects of being aro so if you havnt peeped definitely check them out and follow if you wanna see more! 🙏🏽❤️ thanks for the luv!
I'm 18 and I've had gotten to certain points where they tell me how much they love me and I can't like them in the way they do. They look forward to calling and texting and going on dates but it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and I completely shut them out and it's frustrating because of the confrontations and why'd I do that. I just can like someone but I can feel attracted. very very difficult but thank you for this.
Lizette Romero I totally relate. It’s so hard to figure out what we want out of situations like this especially before we know we’re aro. Like you want to be close, you want to get to know someone. The desire is there so you pursue it, but then once you get it it’s overwhelming and not what you wanted. The trick is to figuring out where your comfort levels are at. What is it you really want? Do you just want a friend. Do you want a friend you can cuddle? Do you want a friend you can fuck? You can really make a checklist of the things you like and dont like (or cant do) when it comes to intimate relationships and then just make sure you communicate openly with potential partners about what sort of relationship you’re looking for and see if they would be comfortable with the same. Hope this helps! Thanks for watching and sharing
thankyou so so much for sharing your story about aromanticism, I appreciate it so much I'm searching through youtube trying to deal with my own identity and i think this is the first video i've found where someone who is aromantic is actually not asexual and is open about being sexually active (it's a personal struggle of mine, and while wanting to protect all aces and aros equally it was very cool for me to see someone having a similar situation to mine) AGAIN thankyou, so much! :)
I just found out about Aro... you describe it perfectly. I’m not asexual but it was the only word I could use to describe it to anyone else. The few times I tried to date the second it came to spending personal time alone with my supposed romantic partner I would become panicked and nauseous... I can be an amazing thoughtful friend and I do find myself admiring others relationships but I know I don’t want why they have.. it’s the worst having to avoid those people who fall for you and them not understanding at all that you don’t feel the same way. Still working on figuring it all out but thank you for the chat.
This has really helped! I've been thinking for a while now that something is wrong with me. All of my friends would talk to me about their crushes and I would not understand. My heart never beat faster and my face never flushed. My friends in relationships would always talk about how much they lover their partner I would get confused and not understand why they do some of the things they do. I recently found out about aromantics and it was like something clicked. I thought back onto all of the times where my cousin would talk about how she needs a partner and I would play along even tho I didn't really want it. I'm still thinking and wonder if this is who I really am. So, once again, thank you for making this video! 💜
Zoey Olson sounds pretty aro to me but its all an individual experience. No need to rush it just figure it out as ya go! Glad you found the video helpful! Def consider giving me a follow on here if you care to see future videos! I have some cool idea for more topics to discuss!
You explained how I've been feeling the past 30 years. The only problem with it is I have a high sex drive and am comfortable being strictly friends with women who I'm not sexually attracted to. In fact I enjoy female energy and very much enjoy hanging out with women in non-dating situations. It causes alot of miscommunication in relationships even when I'm completely clear about just wanting either a platonic friendship or a casual sexual relationship. The other person always ends up wanting more.
BabyBabyRJ I know how that goes for sure man. Just important to always communicate openly and nip it in the bud as soon as possible if you feel like someone’s copping feels or getting the wrong idea. A little awkwardness from preemptively saying something is better than letting feelings grow and be spurned. Thanks for the comment man! Hope you find a good way to maintain well!
@@nikhampshire Yeah lots of hurt feelings on a few occasions. Really makes you feel alienated, sad and confused after your good female friend(s) somewhere in the course of your friendship starts to play games, blows up at you or cuts you out because it turns out she has secretly been trying steer the friendship in a certain direction and got disappointed somehow, even when you were always 100% honest and upfront about yourself and needs. It's like they don't take you seriously when you say you're aromantic, like it's some kind of game or challenge. Almost like the friendship was just an agenda to get a romantic commitment. But I get it, we're different from most people..maybe in the future more people will be open and accepting that it's ok to be platonic friends with the opposite sex without anything further. Great video! Subscribed.
Yea man. Honesty, I think it’s hard for some people to conceptuallze what aromantic really is. Like they hear the words but it’s such a unique concept to them they it doesn’t exactly click. We’re conditioned from very early on all people are capable and are pursuing romantic love. So to tell someone 20-30 years later “hey you know that thing you’ve thought was an absolute truth your entire life, yea, it’s false”. People just have a hard time grasping it . So while it can get frustrating I usually give them the benefit of the doubt and just take the L myself. Thanks for subscribing ❤️
I’m asexual and for ages I felt like I was just broken but hearing others feel the same has made me feel better I’m in a long term relationship of 5 years and we are getting married So it hasn’t stopped me in life and it doesn’t have to stop anyone Be strong and be you
I label myself under demisexual. I relate to this on the level of not caring about sexual things and not caring about getting with random people just cause they’re “attractive”. It doesn’t make sense. I thought I was asexual for the longest time then bisexual then gay then straight then asexual again. It’s cause I just don’t feel that draw. Until I got close to a friend and she said she liked me and shared a lot of deep things suddenly I got those “feelings” I still don’t know I’m still young but overall I honestly don’t know what attraction feels like but a small interest in people who seem nice. It’s weird. I hate feelings.
This was probably the best video about being aromantic I have ever watched. I have noticed that I never had crushes like most people did. I thought I was lesbian but then I came across the term asexual and then it all made sense. A few days of research later, I came across romantic orientations. I was very confused about it and then when I watched your video, it all just made sense. So thank you so much for making this video.
The Peacemaker so happy to help! I know what its like to be confused and feel alone in this experience so I felt like sharing it and its been so amazing seeing how people connect to it! If you havn’t you should subscribe! I have more videos on the topic and more coming!
I never had a non-abusive relationship, so I don't know if that's why I currently feel aromantic. I don't imagine being in a couple, living together etc. Love is amazing and I feel it deeply for certain people in my life, but not in a couple form. For me the perfect situation is no strings attached, no living together, having sexual freedom on both sides, being honest about all of it... I don't imagine a relationship anymore.
Valentina Tereshkova damn. I’m really sorry to hear that. Definitely sounds like you may be on the aro spectrum tho. Thanks for watching and sharing your experience!
i wish more people could watch this video, it's very important for everyone to respect the aro community and realize there's nothing wrong with us but,,,,,now idk if i'm lithro or aro. help
as a younger aro, thank you so so much for speaking abt this. i feel so heard and understood that other people feel like this and are willing to share their experiences. and most of what u shared rlly resonated with me, so thank you. it was scary to realize this abt myself at first, but the community, including u, has rlly helped me feel accepted and validated.
That feeling of validation is so comforting and I love that I’m able to help folks find that through my videos here. I know what its like to be questioning and lost on the subject and then to find out about aromanticism but not be able to find much on it and wanted to fill that void a bit. So glad people are finding it and its helping!
My longest relationship was only a week long! Being aromantic was something hard to accept because I wanted to be like everyone else. I even rejected two women that seemed to be attracted to me because I would get scared of going through the romance and being all awkward. Yeah it's been terrible and I try to keep it a secret but every time my parents ask why I didn't have a girlfriend it really got emotional and I would just tell them when the time comes.
Hey! So sorry I missed this comment when you posted! I try to respond to everyone. I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time with it. I def know the feeling of wanting to be like everyone else but honestly there are some fresh perks to not being like everyone else. I dunno about you but most of my romantic friends have spent so much time and suffered so much grief pursuing matters of the heart. I’ve never done that really. This has left me with lots of energy and time to spend on myself and my endeavors. I often feel I know myself much better than many of my peers know themselves because it seems more often than not others are sort of looking for another person to help complete them. I’ve never rly wanted another person in that capacity so I’ve been quite happy with myself Haha. There’s a lot of relief and strength in accepting this about oneself I think and I hope you find it! ❤️
Can you please post more videos about being an aromantic allosexual? I am an aromantic androsexual and I would really love to hear more about your experiences. You could really help others like myself develop a greater sense of community.
Nik Hampshire 1.) How you realized you were aromantic 2.) How you once reacted in romantic relationships and how your mental health and/or views towards relationships changed when you discovered the term, aromantic. 3.) The topic of QPR's 4.) Your experiences in the aromantic community as an allosexual aromantic person 5.) How partners react to your romantic orientation and how you must navigate relationships now.
Thank you. Your video has helped me realize that there isn't anything "wrong" with me. I have had "relationships" in the past but a little ways into it i would start feeling "weird" about it. I realize now that I AM AROMANTIC! and NOT broken
ellen owen hell ya! Such an amazing realization! Definitely not broken! So glad my video was able to help you! I appreciate you watching and sharing! ❤️
This really really helped me. I am still not so sure if I am aro, but it kinda feels like it. Last summer I went with my grandma on a summer vacation with her friends and their grandchildren. It was hella fun!!!! I loved it there and I kinda got into a relationship with the boy grandchild - he was one year older than me and he plays ice hockey so a reallyyyyyy good body. We kissed a few times, hugged every evening, I loved it. But as the relationship continued during the vacation I started to feel uneasy cause I suddenly felt he got too close to me. Later I realized the only reason why I said the nonverbal "yes" to him was that I knew we wouldn't have a chance to meet. I knew, he will disappear from my life and I will be able to go back. And I feel like its every time like this with every relationship I have - I just fulfill my physical desires and leave. I know I am not asexual for sure, but isn't this kinda aro?
Moon sounds likely. I know I can do “long distance relationships” no problem cuz it doesn’t trigger that romance repulseness in me. It’s kinda like it’s not real. So I can do all the fun stuff especially knowing it’ll end but if it’s ongoing and there’s expectations it’s meant to become more my repulsion sets in I gotta get out.
Omg, when you were explaining how uncomfortable you started to get when the romantic phase of a relationship started to set in... I feel that so much. I thought I was just weird. So good to know I'm not alone. 🙏💕
catbeara definitely not alone! I’m so glad my videos helped you identify some things about yourself! I love reading people’s responses to my video so thanks so much for watching and sharing! ❤️
I'm so grateful that I found this video and that you made it. I haven't been able to relate to a lot of "origin stories" of other aromantics so it felt really affirming to hear your experience. Thank you so much for making this video.
Thanks for watching! I know how lonely it can feel when you don’t find anyone else sharing your experience. So glad I could help! ❤️ be sure to subscribe if you havnt yet! I have a new video dropping tomorrow and more to follow on my experience of aromanticism!
It’s up for good! So happy it affected you in such a significant way! Thank you for watching and commenting! I’ve posted a few more videos you should check Joye and have a few more in the works too! Hit the subscribe if you wanna peep the new ones when they drop! 🙌🏽
I've been watching your videos and finally a part of me understands it way more... because I experience aromanticism as well... but it's like being cupioromantic for me... wanting the desire to love someone, yet incapable of doing so.
I had relationships before some for a year or two but we always lived apart. I could never live in the same house with a significant other without going crazy. Looking back these relationships with the opposite sex were really nothing more than a friendship that I have with my male friends. When we broke up I might feel a little sad for an hour or two but then I was completely fine like nothing even happened. I never really felt love or romance towards any of my exgirlfriends and the idea of romantic weddings has never appealed to me. Like you said I kept feeling awkward as if I was the only one who felt this way. Both of my parents were in love and married with each other for over 40 years.
This was so personal and honest, thank you. You could always adopt if you want to be a Dad, sounds to me like you'd make a very patient and understanding Father. My partner is Aro, he's never done or felt the kind of 'romantic' things that most consider normal, but he does love in a way that's unique. We are friends and companions first, we support each other, rely on each other, but neither of us would label it romantic. He does sweet things sometimes, but they're more fun than anything else, like he gets a laugh from hiding my favorite candy where I'll find it while doing chores or doing something for me in the games we share. We're life mates, companions, and above all else friends. There's emotional intimacy in the honesty and safety we feel together, but that can be found in any relationship. We'd rather spend our days playing games together than going out for something 'romantic'. Love is more than romance.
Ebony Black thats so great you and your partner are able to still be together. I’m curious, do you identify as aromantic? If not does the lack of romantic affection leave you wanting at all? Or did you feel you had to adjust your expectations to accept the type of love/relationship you could have with your partner?
@@nikhampshire I'm somewhere in the grey romantic spectrum. Over time I've had less and less desire for anything that most would label as romantic, but I think that's how I'd have been regardless of my partner. I've found more strength and fulfillment with what I have than I ever dreamed possible when I was younger. We've been together for 16 years now, and I can't imagine anything better. That said we are in an open marriage just in case either of us finds we have other needs emotional or physical, and we're the kind of open that discusses that readily, we would rather know and support each other than anything else. Feel free to ask more questions.
Ebony Black that’s so beautiful to hear! Ive actually just entered into a queerplatonic relationship with a fellow aro and I’m curious to see how it goes. I’m extremely romance repulsed so even trying to be with another non aro person always made me feel guilty that no matter what we did they would always be left wanting but knowing my partner is aro as well it takes a lot of that pressure off. I’m still kind of feeling the pressure like there is some kind of expectation of me but I think thats just of my history of past relationships. So we just started out and I’m curious to see how it goes. Thanks so much for sharing your experience!
@@nikhampshire I think it's improtant to see aro relationships as partnerships, as equality, emotional openness, and safety are key facets of fulfilling each other's needs. I hope your newest experience turns into something truly beautiful and fulfilling for you both, and remember to learn from it, to always keep growing as an understanding and supportive person.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and sheding light on the Aromantic subject. I'm demiromantic, so I can relate to both Aromantic and Alloromantic experiences.I have never been on a romantic relationship, and only fallen in love with 2 friends that I had known for 6+ years, I can't feel romantic feelings for people in the way Allos can, I can't get what people call "Love at the first sight", I need years of strong emotional connection, and sometimes I feel bad because people fall in love with me and I can't correspond, or I want someone in my life with that strong bond but it seems that for now I can't have it. Again, thanks for sharing 😊
I'm aromantic gray asexual. While these labels accurately describes me, they're too complicated for people to understand. So I use asexual as a catch-all term. Here's how I describe being gray asexual. While I don't have a strong desire to have a sexual relationship, I wouldn't turn down having sex with a very hot woman or an even hotter man. While I'm aromantic gray sexual, I do enjoy romantic music.
I was in a relationship for a good year and a half. I was largely in it cause I felt like if I stuck with it long enough eventually I'd get all those romantic scenes in movies and tv. But i only ever viewed it as a close platonic companionship, and in the end i decided to break it off cause we'd be better off as friends. And we still are friends, luckily, and there's no hard feeling between is. It was a couple of months afterwards that I really went and dove into the concept of aromanticism. Cause all I'd ever l until then was aromanticism paired with asexuality. I didn't even know it was possible to be aro and not ace. But then when i looked into it more i finally found a label that describes my experience and made me feel less like I was broken in some sort of way. Alloaro is a label i hold near and dear to my heart as a result. Alloaro pride!
Klemma of the dollars ayyyy! So happy to hear others finding their way and becoming more comfortable and confident in who they are. It sucks so many feel “broken”. Thanks for watching and the comment ❤️❤️❤️
That hit the spot when you described how they never said they felt that romantic vibe. This always described me. I always wondered what the issue was. I'm glad I came across this video.
thanks a lot for this, I had the thoughts of being aromantic for a while now and after being on a date on Saturday they just got stronger so I decided to finally do some research and BOY was it worth it. I mostly felt kinda scared that people - and I don't mean friends here - would get close to me and like fall in love with me and I won't be able to give that love back so I always kinda shied away from people when they tried to get to know me. it felt like I was limiting myself but at the same time I really didn't want to hurt people in the end when I couldn't reciprocate their feelings. also I was always confused when someone expressed interest in me, like am I just flustered that this person is interested and that's it or is there more to what I feel? it never developed into more. my longest relationship was 3 weeks and then I ended it because I realized I didn't feel anything romantic for that person and probably never would. so again, thanks a lot~~~ :*
j4eva1 all very relatable. Feeling like you gots limit yourself to account for others feelings can definitely be frustrating but i find if you communicate your wants and needs and how you are openly and continuously you can find partners that will understand and you can be more yourself without having those concerns. Thanks so much for sharing and watchin my video! Gonna have another one up soon!
I love this because I don’t have any aromatics that I know personally so being able to hear all of this and read all the comments that I can relate to makes me feel so much better 🖤
Ever since I figured it out, I explained it that it's kind of like icecream - I definetly can enjoy it, but I don't reallu think every day that I need it or miss having it.
I say “it’s like wanting ice cream but being lactose intolerant haha. Seems like a good idea that might feel nice initially but my body will absolutely hate it” lol
I had to watch a few of your videos before commenting. I think you've helped me validate my own Aromanticism, and as you said in this video, having a word to finally describe it really helps. Hearing you speak and your experiences resonate with me so hard, except for I'm gay haha. Removing orientation from the equation, watching your videos makes me feel like I'm hearing myself speak.
So sorry to hear you’ve been made to feel that way! It really sucks but I ‘m so glad you found my video and it’s helped! I have another video called “we are not broken” that explicitly discusses that sentiment of feeling broken. You should check it out! Def check out my other videos if you havn’t yet and subscribe if you wanna see more as I got more videos on the way!
Some of the most annoying things I've heard while trying to explain how I'm aromantic is how "it's probably just psychological" or "it's just from trauma". Or even more annoying "I'm so sorry, I hope you get to experience it someday."
Just stumbled across your video tonight...and it scratched me right where I itch!! Though I figured out early in college that I am asexual, the romantic orientation was A LOT HARDER for me to tease out. Heck, I honestly JUST got comfortable realizing (and saying) that I am an aromantic person at age 32!!! And that thing you said about not having a deep pang of loneliness when you are alone was spot on for me too. It seems so natural to be on my own....ya know? Anyway, enjoyed this a lot. Cheers!
Thanks so much for watching! Being alone is definitely just fine by me so I’m with ya there haha. If you liked the video definitely check out my other videos where I discuss the topic in more detail! Subscribe if you enjoying the content as I got even more on the way!
I think another really good way to explain it to people who may not get it is "a bisexual man may be sexually attracted to men and women, but only romantically attracted to women. The idea of dating a man just doesn't feel comfortable or desirable. An aromantic person may be sexually attracted to either or both genders, but romantically attracted to no genders"
I'm 25 and I only had one "romantic" relationship when I was like 17 or 18. It lasted 4 weeks. As the relationship progressed I just wanted to see him less and less because it just felt like a burden to be dependent on someone like this so I ended the relationship. Since then I was never interested in pursuing another relationship and just now I started to wonder why and I think I'm aromantic. And it's really nice to hear perspective of someone who is not also asexual because I'm not asexual and those "aro and ace" videos did not really felt right to me.
hit me like a truck for real. no wonder i felt uncomfortable as soon as i entered into a romantic relationship. i couldn't show love the way they expected (?) but on the other hand, platonic love is something i can express very well and was comfortable. i dated thrice im 20. but im coming to terms with the fact that im actually aromantic and it's not just a flaw or the fact that I've not met THE person. im aro, you cant just make me date romantically? like you cant expect me to fall for someone magically or something but i get it. ive felt invalidated for so long. i used to identify as a bisexual female but I don't anymore. so when i tried telling people about aromanticism they were all like "youre probably straight." "its your commitment phobia talking" and im just there like.. alright whatever you say. its just so invalidating ngl but i feel much better after knowing that its THIS common. i can only hope one day people will actually understand us haha
So glad this helped! I know the feeling of being told “you’re just scared of commitment” all to well. Shit sucks so bad. Especially cuz you don’t have a clear answer for what it is that’s really goin on so you’re just there like “I dunno maybe it is”. Anyways thanks so much for watchin and sharing! Please check out my channel for more videos on the aro experience and follow if you care to see more cuz I got more on the way! 🙏🏽❤️
I just recently found out about this terminology, and I honestly think that i am. But its really hard to find others like this and more info online bc its not a well known thing. I do feel like i might be aroace bc ik that im aro, but i also know i could never have sex with anyone with out being romantically attached; so i could care less for it. Ive never liked, kissed, or dated anyone. And since i found out, i wasn’t necessarily happy about it. I was relieved i had closure and a answer as to why i felt like a black sheep, but it kinda made me overwhelmed. Maybe its bc society is so saturated with romance, and finding your soulmate and getting married is a rite of passage; so it makes me feel like im missing out. But i also know deep down i dont want that. Is there anyone else that had a hard time accepting being aro or ace? Finding out kinda made me feel even more of an outsider😖and i dont have anyone around me that understands.
Totally can understand that angle but there’s alot of advantages to being aro. Check out my video called acceptance and lmk how you feel! It can take a little while to get used to it but I feel like over time knowing yourself and feeling confident in who you are is so fulfilling that feeling like an outsider wont even phase you anymore!
God thank you so much this has really helped me understand who I am I always feel trapped and uncomfortable in relationships and now I think I understand
Madeline White I like to think so! Thanks for saying so! And thanks for watchin! I was just getting a lot of questions about my experience as an Aro person and found there wasn’t much material out there on the subject so I wanted to put it out there and it’s been amazing seeing people respond to it! Are you feeling like you may be Aro as well or just happened upon my video and learning something new about others?
Wow this is ...this what I was looking for... description is to the point...I totally relate...even the way you feel express it is just wow...I am a bisexual aromantic still trying to figure it out...😊😊😊
Nyruba Rhoda thanks so much for watching and the comment! I’m trying to share my experience so that others can relate and maybe better understand what they’re going thru! Hope my video helped! Def follow me if you want to see more cuz I got more videos coming soon!
My partner of five years recently came out as Aro and he says he loves me anyway but just doesn't know why, I'm assuming in a platonic way which I have no problem with, but I am so worried about what to say or not to say, I want to seem super supportive but also don't want to seem like I'm pushing him away. So I geuss I'm asking, how do I let him know I'm comfortable with a queer platonic relationship, as I'm asexual anyway, without making it seem like Im put off by the way our relationship is already going? There isn't alot of Aro Ace relationship representation out there. I basically want us to be like you and your buddy Clide or Harold and Kumar but that doesn't mean we need to break up, ya know
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"You haven't found the one yet" "you're just confused" "you're scared" "you dont want to feel it"
i hated hearing these when trying to explain what "wrong" with me to my closest friends
Mimsey Maram I hear ya. Definitely invalidating and frustrating to hear all these especially when you’re trying to figure yourself out but are pretty sure none of that is true. Thanks for watching and hope it helped some!
or "you're undecided" / "you can't commit"
My favorite is "you've just been hurt in the past" 🙄🙄🙄
And hearing those from people who don’t know you or irrelevant to your life is also annoying
I'm open to the idea of dating but I never felt like it was ever a good time to ask a girl out, which is why I figured I was Aromantic. Though it could just be me being shy or maybe I really just haven't found the one yet.
Blew my mind when I realized that musicians and poets weren’t exaggerating as much as I thought they’d been when they talked about love
Brian Wilson yo right!!!! Haha I just thought we all understood they were exaggerating haha
Same! I love hoziers music but all his song are about very intense romantic love and it almost scared me to listen to it 😂, hearing someone being so completely obsessed with another person like that.
...Wait, it's _not_ hyperbole?
So now I finally know what's 'wrong' with me :D
Barbora Hladíková nothin wrong with ya! ❤️ hope my video helped!
Tohle je poprvé co vidím někoho z česka pod aro videem :D
I fall in love but I still couldn't spend too much time with them. Or live with them.. So confused 🤔😩
Turns out i’m not aromantic after all, got a partner and i can’t complain 😂💪🏼 maybe it’s about finding the right one after all 🤷🏻♀️
@@barbora.xo666 I know an aromantic person who has said to their partner "I may not understand romance, but I'm glad to do a romance with you."
25 y o here
Never had a single date and I'm running out of excuses to tell other people why hahaha
Imma just send them the link to this and call it a day
I love this comment 😂💀
i'm aromantic but i have a high sex drive, so i definitely can relate on that... i've also been judged for not wanting a typical, alloromantic, monogamous relationship. being in committed relationships where romance was expected caused me to feel trapped and i would end things. i finally discovered aromanticism in my late 20s and realized why i felt nothing for anyone, in the context of romantic attraction and desire. i hate romance movies, lol. all of that.
I'm both aro and ace, but I do have a $ex drive I like them t!ddies, but not the people attached to them IA the best way to explain it.
This was the same thing i went through and it’s too relatable but i didn’t find out till i was 15
Hi Nik. I am aromantic asexual. Thanks for making this video. I'm 53 never been in a romantic situation. I like the video.
Paul L. Rogers thanks for the love!
I think I could be aromantic and asexuell, too. I'm so scared I will miss something in life if I won't have a romantic realtionship. But I don't want one. BUT I'm scared that I will be 40 years old someday and regret to not even try it. It keeps me awake some nights. It fascinates me that you are 53 and seem to totally accept yourself. I hope, I will be okay with me too someday. LG
I'm 20 and I also never been in a romantic situation (maybe wrote a love note to a girl I thought was cute but that's the closest thing I've ever had to a date).
Hi, fellow AroAce here. Yeah, like the only reason for me to get into a romantic or a sexual situation at the time was to try for the sake of trying itself . Like a thing on my bucket list Go skydiving, have a partner, have sex , ya know. I'm 24 now. Have never ever been in a relationship. Never had sex. And only now I come to realise, that I should just let myself be. If I don't want it- I shouldn't force myself to. Still on a journey of embracing my identity and experience.❤
This really helped me! Im 22 and my longest relationship lasted 2 weeks. And I really tried dating him bc I felt like I needed to try but I just couldnt stand him becoming attached and stuff. It was taking my breath away. I've been so concerned about my condition, I hardly like guys, and once I find one that I think it's nice enough I get really uncomfortable when in a relationship. I even thought that I was gay and didnt realize but I do find guys attractive, try to meet them and pursue something but then it just ends for me and its too much to try to pretend.. This makes so much sense. U have no idea how many nights I've cried bc I felt like I had a serious problem. Thanks for sharing your experience!
Fernanda Márquez I know these feels all to well. Definitely had the “maybe I’m gay” thoughts as well because I couldn’t seem to make things work with women. I eventually figured a KT of this out on my own tho and then a few years ago learned about aromanticism and just helped me connect the daughter a bit better. I’m glad this has helped! ❤️
I feel the same way so your not alone my friend!
Same. I always start ignoring and then rejecting them like I'm on auto-pilot and it's uncontrollable
Fernanda Márquez bruh 2 weeks??!! I CANT EVEN LAST 2 DAYS
@@citizenz4640 omg Same here... My those guys propably think im some soulless monster. I just cant, every time im trying any relationship, i feel like im drowning. I really do like the guy, and i do feel like a monster after starting to ignoring him or trying to make some space for myself. They really dont deserve this, but even if ill try warning them before the thing, they cant understand anyway... I was wondering if im gay, but rly im not. I find so many guys attractive... I wish people be more informed about aro..
“I can’t really care in that capacity” - Ugh I feel that so much. It’s not a challenge, it’s just a bother. It’s something that I can’t give to others.
“I’m hurting this person” - I also feel this. I hate hurting people I am fond of. It’s hard bc people tend to get hurt and point a finger or want to say, ‘you never cared’. Like, yes... I did but just... no romo.
“They’re lying...” - Same!! I used to think people were making up romance 😂 like how are you feeling this “crush” you are too young. I thought love was something only adults did, until I became an adult and thought, "damn I don’t do this either." People are attractive af to me, but I don’t want to send them roses.
I think aro can be a hard place bc I definitely want an exclusive person in the future, and I love beautiful people, but I don’t want romance. A lot of people can’t conceptualize an exclusive relationship without romance. I don’t want poly or a casual thing. I want something a step above best friends but not Romeo and Juliette. I enjoy love from the outside in media and books, which confuses people, I love reading romance and get excited for others, but I don’t need to participate for myself. It makes sense to me but I can understand why it would be confusing to others if they’ve never had to think that way.
Also I pronounce it like “arrow” without the ‘w’ to distinguish it a bit. It’s nice to hear the perspective of aro from a straight male. Thanks bro! 💚
Wrathe Lemon it’s crazy how validating it is to find others that experience things like you do when so many others don’t. Glad you could relate.
I think I'm a pretty average person in terms of romance/sex/relationships- I just want to let you know how I think about these things before I ask you guys a few questions, if you don't mind. I believe you all that you're aromantic, I'm just curious :)
For me, "romance" is just doing nice things for someone that they'll like. I like having flowers in my house just because they look nice, and it makes me feel good that my boyfriend was thinking about me and decided to get me something I enjoy. I make him meals he enjoys because I like cooking and it makes me feel happy to see him enjoying his food. I hold hands because it feels good to be close to someone physically.
Is it these outward displays of affection and romance that don't mean much to aromantic people? Or is it also an emotional detachment from people you're sleeping with/dating?
I'm imagining aromantic people as thinking of their bf/gf as basically a friends with benefits kind of thing.
Can you fall in love? I'm assuming you all love your friends/family. What is romantic love though other than regular familial love + sexual attraction? I mean I'm sure you all have given your mom flowers for mother's day, because you love her and it would make her happy, right? I guess I don't completely understand.
Thanks for any info :) I'm not judging; it's clearly just how some people are born.
you described exactly what i feel! i’m so glad to find other people who experience the same things as me because i’ve just recently come to terms with the fact that i’m aro and it’s sorta complicated. the most difficult part is trying to explain what being aromantic means. i don’t think i’m ready for that yet.
A. Neufeld hey dude, so from my personal experience I actually am turned off by kissing and hand-holding. I personally have not had a stable family situation so I cannot comment on that, however, I don’t find myself being more attracted than a friendship. I cannot picture myself in a relationship or marriage with any partner and I don’t feel the desire to date or pursue relationships. I like making and giving things to all my close friends equally, and my last attempt at a relationship ended with frustration at me not being available enough for the other person because I didn’t reciprocate the same level of feelings for them.
@@audreyb8453 Fair enough, thanks for the thoughtful response
I’ve been always wondering why I felt uncomfortable telling people “I love you” in relationships, and just after a while it got to where I lost attraction. This helped a lot, thanks 😊
CelestialBeingxd glad to help! Thanks for watching! Def peep my other videos and consider subscribing if you care to see more content on the topic! :)
I'm also an aromantic. It's hard to explain it to other people sometimes. They just don't believe me, because they don't know what does it mean to be one. :/
But thank you soooo much for shareing your experience it's very useful for me. :)
Sloužím Lidu I hear ya. Very hard to explain at times and harder to believe for others. That’s why I made the video! Glad you liked it!
Indeed, it's hard to understand. I've been doing quite a bit of research on it and still can't say I understand what it means exactly.
I actually found a way to explain it to them through similes. I compared romantic love to a donut. Some people would like to eat this but others would not. It's not that they hate the donut, have a bad history with donuts or that the donut has done something wrong to them. It's just that they don't really feel the urge the urge to eat it like some one else might.
I hope this helps
I want to cry. I feel so seen. I've known for a long time that a romantic relationship was an absolute no and was constantly being told I was wrong and would change my mind by even people very close to me. It's literally the most invalidating thing in the world and it hurts like nothing else. And then like a week ago I think maybe I am aromantic and the realisation was just so freeing. Suddenly I don't need to provide a three page explanation. I just am. And then I find your video and you're literally talking about me and my own experience and I just feel so understood I feel like I'll burst. Thank you so much, I cannot believe
Ayyy! What’s a beautiful comment. Thanks so much for watching! I’m sorry you’ve dealt with the troubles that comes along with being aromantic. I definitely know how you feel as you can see. But I also know the joy of finding someone like yourself and I’m so glad I was able to help in such a way! Thank you for this comment and connection ❤️ check me out in IG too sometime! @nikhampshire
Hope you have a great day and keep being true to yourself ❤️
Damn that hit me like a truck
Whotfcares hopefully in a good way 😅
I'm glad I found this video, I'm a 22 year old female, and didn't really have any real dating experience before my twenties.
I knew that I felt icky when men approached me in a romantic sense, or flirted in a certain way that I found cringey, but not until I dated this guy for almost two months did I find this to be a problem. What you describe is completely how I felt, I actually found him very attractive and approached him myself. Down the road he just said and did so many things that were overly romantic, and got very easily attached. I didn't have any sexual experiences prior to him, so it was very enticing in the beginning, but I got the ick from him pretty fast. I was told by him and others to wait for my feelings to emerge, but I literally grew to loathe him the more I was around him. I feel ya on the family thing too, I've always wanted kids, but I'm kinda scared that I wont be able to make a connection with someone ever (Especially since I'm expected to marry before kids, with my conservative background). Sorry for the long comment, but should I try to dabble more in the dating scene before I come to a conclusion? (because I def. still experience sexual urges.)
KALI I would definitely try dating more! Just be upfront about what it is your looking for with prospective partners. Keep things casual. Sometimes even if I want to hang with a person often I’ll purposely avoid giving into these feelings because I know if I hang out with them too much my feelings are likely to change very quickly but will make my partner even more attached which compounds the problem haha. So I would say just take things slow. Keep it casual and be open with communication.
I definitely feel you about your worth of not being able to have a connection with someone as I’ve had the same concerns myself but for me, I really do care for my friends and family and I know even if i had a child and I never felt as deeply as others claim to feel about their kid I’d still be a great parent capable of caring and showin love for them. For me it’s a different kind of love than that of a partner and so it doesn’t really concern me much. If I were you I wouldn’t worry about the conservative background so much. I know that’s easier said than done depending on your family and where you live but part of exploring sexuality and understanding ourselves is changing these rigid societal norms that make it more difficult to accept ourselves how we are.
Hope this helps!
i relate to that ick so much
I'm 20 too and I've never been on a date (I've been kissed but like we never went out or anything like that)
I've always felt so ostracized because I could never meet the expectations of my family and friends to "find a girl and settle down", and this has taken a toll on my mental and emotional health. I almost always feel alone despite good company, and I've damned the world and society in my head more than a couple of times. To be left out because I can't help my asexuality and aromanticism is pretty devastating to me.
Ready, Set, Solo I know how you feel. It can definitely be ostracizing. But for me, a lot of my unhappiness was thinking I wanted a relationship and couldn’t do it. Once I realized I didn’t actually want a relationship it allowed me to accept myself and be much happier about myself. Like I realized I was more conditioned to think I wanted these types of relationships but if I was being honest with myself, I was happier on my own and once I accepted that , I was much happier being on my own. And even in the eyes of others i could stand y’all and just be like “ya this is just actually how I am and I’m perfect content with that so y’all should be too”. I hope you’re able to overcome some of your issues with it. If you need to talk I’m here!
Honestly the best video on aromanticism I've seen so far - congrats for this :) ♥
Goral XX-6 thanks so much! 🙏🏽
For real. Well done!
As an asexual (but not aromantic) male, best wishes to you man!
Great video overall. The parallels between aces and aros are quite interesting :)
Thanks yo! Yea I often explain ace to someone first who I’m explaining aro too because I feel like theres a lot of similarities but what is and isn’t sexual is a bit more objective and easier for people to comprehend than not feeling romance.
Finally a video that explains exactly what I’m feeling. I def felt like this in relationships but I chocked it up to someone getting ‘too close to me’ especially me being sexually active. I hope you do more videos on aromanticism !
Tiia Wiia glad it helped! What else would you like to see me speak about on it?
Tiia Wiia thanks for responding! I’m glad you got something from this! If there’s more info people would like to know id happily do another!
Tiia Wiia woops! Was just going through and responding and didn’t realize I had already responded haha my bad!
I’ve been out as bi for a while now. My biggest relationship was with a boy and it lasted about three months. Honestly, you could say that it only like one month and a half because I liked him so much that I couldn’t bring myself to break up. Eventually, he noticed I was really distant and we broke up. But before we dated, I liked him a lot, we had the same interests, I found him attractive... but then it all collapsed once I felt sorta trapped (?), he would do normal relationship stuff and I thought he was very clingy (and I felt really bad because my friends would say like “awe that’s so cute, i’m so jealous!!” and I felt extremely uncomfortable and repulsed). For a while I wondered if I was just a lesbian, that’s why I it went the way it went. But now I see. Thank you!! you really explained the aro spectrum and I feel like I finally know who I am! 🖤
Mafalda Ribeiro I definitely know the feeling of being excited about the prospect of being with someone and then getting them and your like “uhhh actually nahhhh” lol. Definitely has that feeling of being trapped. So glad you found my video and it helped! Thanks so much for sharing your experience with me! Def consider following my page for more aro content as i got a few other videos up and more coming!
Nik Hampshire definitely will!! tysm for helping so many people figuring themselves out!
Thanks for this video. Im gay, but I'm beggining to think i am aromantic. I love people, but just not in that way. I dont see that is pivotal to my life, and I dont think I have to love someone in that way to be fulfilled. But it still sucks because I feel like no one understands this. My longest relationship was 11 months, but I knew pretty fast I didnt love them the way they loved me. I loved them, but and it felt really terrible because they were so into it but I just loved them as a person and it did hurt them.
Glam Af I definitely know what you mean. Sorry you’ve dealt with some tough times. I know how that goes and can really suck. Hope this video helped you some! Thanks for watching and the comment! I appreciate you! ❤️
I want to cry because I just want to left alone but men and women are attracted to me.. & I am an asexual aromantic.. I like college, work and earning wages and aging, oh, and big groups of happy or not-happy people. Joy, laugh and logic, mi way of life.
I don't feel like a freak now. I would like it but I can't do it / feel it. Just discovered this term. I was in love 21 years ago but never since. It just never happens and I thought I was a freak. You've described my life over the last 21 years. Thank you.
D Fine I hear! It feels so validating when you hear others share similar experience. Glad I could help! ❤️
I feel the same way I was only in love when I was like 11 and that was with a girl I barley ever saw! After that I just never felt "ready" to ask a girl out I was like "just let it happen naturally" it never really did.
Omg, I have a lot to relate to, but one thing that struck me is when you talked about dying alone and not being overly concerned about it. I never understood this issue and it's everywhere, so I've kinda felt alone in that. Should I be concerned? Why am I not concerned? Why do I not need a partner by my side during my death? And then you mentioned your best friend and I'm like, yaaasss, I have a bestie and it'd be dope if she were there and that'd be enough for me. We'd be watching Kpop videos together probably 😂😂😂
K musicheart I’m sayin! People just seem so concerned about these things and I’m just like “eh” haha. we just experience life a little different (assuming you’re aromantic too) and it rearranged our priorities in life a bit is all!
we die alone no matter if we are married or not! This is what I don't get about most allosexuals like yall dont need to die with someone
I'm so glad that I stumbled onto this. I'd been kind of questioning if I was on the aromantic spectrum somewhere, but this has resonates so much with me, and it finally makes sense.
Darius Reidace glad I could help! ❤️
Thank you so much......I can relate to you a 100%. I always thought that I was crazy, I rejected so many girls and my friends were always like "bro, those girls turn down guys and you turned them down are you fucking mad". Romance is something I like other people doing(sometimes not) but when it comes to me........I'm always like "I'm not a bf material".
Xd Cherubin Rex exactly. I’m just not wired that way. And there’s really nothing wrong with it. Once you just accept how you are it’s so freeing!
As a aro I don't really have the repulsion I kinda feel indifferent to it but if a aromantic woman or a potential partner or even a friend wants to kiss me or hold my hand I wouldn't feel repulsed by it like whatever makes you happy.
Dude first off, the way your rings jingle is so relaxing? haha xD I’m watching this while I’m having insomnia
I relate to this so much. I’m 28, and it took me ages to realize I was asexual. Whenever one of my friends wanted to ‘upgrade’ me to a sexual interest, I felt this energizing sense of ‘duty,’ and this promise of love being ‘consummated,’ so I ‘pursued’ it once it started, in that sense. But it never really lived up to the hype. It’s the thought that counts, and I could tell my partners wanted to make me feel intensely loved as a person, but the act itself was never the slice of heaven I was promised.
So it was that same question, y’know? ‘What’s going on? I wanted this so badly, why am I _squandering it_ now? Why am I being so unappreciative??’ And it took me a long time to realize I was more interested in _living up to someone’s expectations and being able to provide that joy,_ than in the thing itself.
I had to look to the ancient Greeks to decouple sex from the idea of ultimate love. Platonic love and platonic partnership, _contact comfort_ instead of carnal pleasure, altruistic love for humanity - that’s what I was looking for.
Definitely relate to that feeling of “I thought this is what I wanted” as well as needing to take a step back and question that thought process and what love actually looked like/felt like to me. Good call going back to the Greeks!
This video just confirmed everything
Thank you for talking about this! Every word made me relate to your experiences, especially with feeling guilty in romantic relationships. Before I realized that I was aromantic, every single relationship I had ended sooner or later because I felt like I was lying to my partner. It's the worst feeling, knowing that someone has feelings for you, and you just can't find it in yourself to reciprocate, even if you really try :( I just wish that someone had sat me down in my teens and told me what aromanticism was, would have saved both me and all my former boyfriends a lot of heartache and confusion.
Winnangh so glad you appreciated the video! I hear ya about wishing someone had told us sooner about this. I’ve definitely hurt some feelings in my day. But so do romantic folks ya know. No matter what dating is always a trial by fire kind of thing. If anything being this way I feel kinda gave me a clearer perspective than others. Because romantic folks are always conflicted on if they’re “in love” or not and stressing about “the one”. I’ve never even felt like I was really romantically interested at all so I’ve always known objectively no one has ever been “the one” for me lol. So I dunno. There’s pros and cons. Tbh I find it interesting how many women have come out as aromantic as I think most people assume men would be more likely but I’ve met so many women Aros. Very interesting! Hope you’re knowing about aromanticism helps! Hit me up with any more questions or anything! 🙌🏽
honestly I could hardly ever find a date!
This is a really good video. I’m just now figuring out that I’m aro, and it’s one of the most freeing things to learn about other people’s experiences. You put a lot of my feelings into words, and that’s super cool.
It's so hard for me to find a similar mindset. I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me or I'm crazy. The thing is, I'm mostly indifferent towards people in general. I tried dating but it just looks so boring and pointless. I literally don't know how to flirt. But I have sexual attraction towards both genders, only when I have a strong emotional bond, that is not monogamous or romantic. Sometimes Im fine, sometimes I want fluff with a certain friend (cuddles, hugs, kisses, cute words) or even sex. That last shit weird me the f up, because it's not romantic, but I want sex and I really care about them, but not in a conventional romantic way (but it's not platonic). Of course, they don't know that and I wouldn't ever force someone to do things they aren't comfortable doing, but I hate myself for having those inclinations and I just repressed them (trying to ignoring feelings and act romantically or try to find a partner) which ends in depression and libido repression and body shame. Explaining them is even more awkward. People just calls me horny and a lot of people would see me as a heartless monster but I don't care.
I think I'm aromantic. I've never had crushes just girls I liked for their bodies and that's it. I don't want to date and this day and age I would have to do that in order to lose my virginity.
Kool Aid do you like spending time with girls? I mean just because you aren’t falling for them romantically doesn’t mean you just like them for their bodies. I mean if that is the case and you don’t even like their personalities or spending time with them I’d advise not spending time with them.
But if you enjoy spending time with them and your sexually attracted to them and those feelings are mutual without the expectations of romantic connection then you could totally pursue a friendship with sex involved. I’ve met women like myself who have no romantic connection so we just are friends. Enjoy spending time together whenever we both are free just like friends do except we sometimes have sex when we hang out. It’s pretty great!
This is getting a favorite man..very well said... I wish you had more content!!
Domino thanks so much! I plan to have more out I just cant figure out what else to talk about haha. Glad you enjoyed tho! Find me on IG if you aren’t already! @nikhampshire
I think I'm aromantic but my story seems to be a bit different to everyone else's. Currently in a 2 year relationship but I've never been in love, I just seem to exist behind a facade.. I went with 'fake it till you make it' with someone I consider one of my best friends, who I am also sexually attracted to, but now things are moving towards moving in together, etc, I'm realising I really can't do it. The facade is tiring, and this has happened before in previous relationships - could this still be considered aromantism?
Caitlin Dow sounds possible. You might not have the same romantic repulsion that others have but still could be Aromantic, just becuase you aren’t put off the way some of us are doesn’t mean you’re getting the actual experience of romantic love. Check out my video called “am I aro”. You might find it a bit more helpful! Lmk what you think!
My longest relationship lasted 7 years, because I didn't realize I was not in love, I didn't have any reference.
One thing stuck out to me. Being in a relationship and feeling like you don't want to see the other person after some time. That was a very similar experience I had with one of my relationships. It's what really pushed me to consider if I am aromantic.
Loved your video, casual, very real. Glad to have come across you!
@@yanawilliams6302 thanks so much for watching and sharing a bit of your story!
Loved your appearance on Anthony Padilla's channel, great job at explaining aromanticism and your personal experience.
Thanks and cheers!
... thank you? i have just realised i am aromantic (/greyromantic) and this video has kind of really really helped me. i felt like you were talking about my experince exactly. this is a really good video
Soooo glad this helped! I know I felt really alone and weird or broken for s long time and learning others were sharing a similar experience was so comforting and so now I try and discuss it as much as I can! Thanks for watching and the comment!
Honestly never occurred to me until this video that I could be romance-repulsed, like how asexual people can be sex-repulsed... My goodness, that makes so much sense. Like, I literally start to tear up at the thought of being trapped in a romantic relationship and the longer I force myself to be in a romantic relationship with someone, the more uncomfortable and upset I get in their presence... What a revelation. Never thought of it like this before, was beginning to think I was just cruel or something.
This video was so eye-opening wth. Thank you so much for making it and sharing, seriously. ❤️
I'm literally crying in this moment, because now I finally have a video to explain my feelings to my partner. Everytime I try to explain it, he just said it's dump or that we should go to a psychologist... i feel so reliefed right now!
Mermaid Blossom I know how you feel. So glad I could help. Welcome to the community. Check out my other videos for more info and perhaps better means of explaining yourself to your partner!
Oh wow this just hit me so hard. I recently got talking to a guy and he is really funny and his personality is great and I really enjoy him, but as soon as he asked me out, I got stressed and just sort of odd. Before him, there was a different guy. I said yes when he asked me out, but it only lasted 2 weeks. I typed into google "you are attracted to people but don't want romance" and aromantic was brought up. I read the definition and I was like, "Oh. That's me." I'm genuinely so glad I discovered this term because I've always been really confused. Also, I'm not asexual and I experience physical attraction, so it's extra confusing. I always thought I was scared to commit or just shy or something, but this makes so so so much sense. Thank you thank you thank you
I def know the feeling and it was so relieving to learn there were others that felt the same and it wasn’t cuz of some damage or issue but just being a little different! Glad you found and enjoyed the video and thanks for the comment! 😁❤️
LOVED this. It took me years to finally realize I was aro. I tried dating but it would always end because I never reciprocated the feelings my partner had for me. It made me feel guilty for a while because I felt like I was stringing them along even though I knew I’d never have feelings in return. Now it’s just such a relief to know dating isn’t for me and I can just be happy by myself.
You explained everything so well in this video and it was so comforting listening to someone who experiences the same thing as me.
Thanks so much for making this video. It’s really great to get a testimonial from a straight males perspective. The guy I’ve been dating for the last few months is aro, but he didn’t know until I suggested it to him. Being able to link him to this video really, really helped explain it. So thanks, and best of luck to you!
This was a wonderful video! I'm not aromantic but your explanation of it was crystal clear. Thank you for taking the time to do it.
rare2find0918 thank you for watching and your comment! I appreciate you! ❤️
THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR YOUR HONESTY - everyone's stories matter and you've taught me a lot more about aromatic
Ayyy! Love to hear this! Thats what the videos are here for
Thank you so, so much for making this video. I learned about you by listening to your episode of AOk podcast, and I was so excited to hear another guy like me who was aromantic but not asexual. We need more of our stories out there. Listening to yours helps me feel validated and seen and known. So many people are learning about aromanticism because you put yourself out there. I appreciate you, Nik. You're rad.
i dont remember the first time i found this video, but it really helped me understand the way i was feeling about dating and romance, as someone who is also aro but not ace, so thank you
Absolutely love hearing this! It’s so crazy this video I made on a whim years ago is somehow still circulating so well! Thanks for sharing some love! I’ve recently been releasing smaller videos discussing different aspects of being aro so if you havnt peeped definitely check them out and follow if you wanna see more! 🙏🏽❤️ thanks for the luv!
I'm 18 and I've had gotten to certain points where they tell me how much they love me and I can't like them in the way they do. They look forward to calling and texting and going on dates but it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and I completely shut them out and it's frustrating because of the confrontations and why'd I do that. I just can like someone but I can feel attracted. very very difficult but thank you for this.
Lizette Romero I totally relate. It’s so hard to figure out what we want out of situations like this especially before we know we’re aro. Like you want to be close, you want to get to know someone. The desire is there so you pursue it, but then once you get it it’s overwhelming and not what you wanted. The trick is to figuring out where your comfort levels are at. What is it you really want? Do you just want a friend. Do you want a friend you can cuddle? Do you want a friend you can fuck? You can really make a checklist of the things you like and dont like (or cant do) when it comes to intimate relationships and then just make sure you communicate openly with potential partners about what sort of relationship you’re looking for and see if they would be comfortable with the same. Hope this helps! Thanks for watching and sharing
Nik Hampshire thank you!!!
thankyou so so much for sharing your story about aromanticism, I appreciate it so much
I'm searching through youtube trying to deal with my own identity and i think this is the first video i've found where someone who is aromantic is actually not asexual and is open about being sexually active (it's a personal struggle of mine, and while wanting to protect all aces and aros equally it was very cool for me to see someone having a similar situation to mine) AGAIN thankyou, so much! :)
Thanks for the feedback! I definitely know that struggle! Glad my video helped! 👌🏽😁
I just found out about Aro... you describe it perfectly. I’m not asexual but it was the only word I could use to describe it to anyone else. The few times I tried to date the second it came to spending personal time alone with my supposed romantic partner I would become panicked and nauseous... I can be an amazing thoughtful friend and I do find myself admiring others relationships but I know I don’t want why they have.. it’s the worst having to avoid those people who fall for you and them not understanding at all that you don’t feel the same way. Still working on figuring it all out but thank you for the chat.
Thank you so much, I was unsure if I was aromantic and this really helped me understand. So I'm aromantic. Things kinda finally make sense now.
Moon Moon thanks for watchin and connecting! So glad it helped! ❤️
This has really helped! I've been thinking for a while now that something is wrong with me. All of my friends would talk to me about their crushes and I would not understand. My heart never beat faster and my face never flushed. My friends in relationships would always talk about how much they lover their partner I would get confused and not understand why they do some of the things they do. I recently found out about aromantics and it was like something clicked. I thought back onto all of the times where my cousin would talk about how she needs a partner and I would play along even tho I didn't really want it. I'm still thinking and wonder if this is who I really am. So, once again, thank you for making this video! 💜
Zoey Olson sounds pretty aro to me but its all an individual experience. No need to rush it just figure it out as ya go! Glad you found the video helpful! Def consider giving me a follow on here if you care to see future videos! I have some cool idea for more topics to discuss!
You explained how I've been feeling the past 30 years. The only problem with it is I have a high sex drive and am comfortable being strictly friends with women who I'm not sexually attracted to. In fact I enjoy female energy and very much enjoy hanging out with women in non-dating situations. It causes alot of miscommunication in relationships even when I'm completely clear about just wanting either a platonic friendship or a casual sexual relationship. The other person always ends up wanting more.
BabyBabyRJ I know how that goes for sure man. Just important to always communicate openly and nip it in the bud as soon as possible if you feel like someone’s copping feels or getting the wrong idea. A little awkwardness from preemptively saying something is better than letting feelings grow and be spurned.
Thanks for the comment man! Hope you find a good way to maintain well!
@@nikhampshire Yeah lots of hurt feelings on a few occasions. Really makes you feel alienated, sad and confused after your good female friend(s) somewhere in the course of your friendship starts to play games, blows up at you or cuts you out because it turns out she has secretly been trying steer the friendship in a certain direction and got disappointed somehow, even when you were always 100% honest and upfront about yourself and needs. It's like they don't take you seriously when you say you're aromantic, like it's some kind of game or challenge. Almost like the friendship was just an agenda to get a romantic commitment. But I get it, we're different from most people..maybe in the future more people will be open and accepting that it's ok to be platonic friends with the opposite sex without anything further. Great video! Subscribed.
Yea man. Honesty, I think it’s hard for some people to conceptuallze what aromantic really is. Like they hear the words but it’s such a unique concept to them they it doesn’t exactly click. We’re conditioned from very early on all people are capable and are pursuing romantic love. So to tell someone 20-30 years later “hey you know that thing you’ve thought was an absolute truth your entire life, yea, it’s false”. People just have a hard time grasping it . So while it can get frustrating I usually give them the benefit of the doubt and just take the L myself. Thanks for subscribing ❤️
I’m asexual and for ages I felt like I was just broken but hearing others feel the same has made me feel better
I’m in a long term relationship of 5 years and we are getting married
So it hasn’t stopped me in life and it doesn’t have to stop anyone
Be strong and be you
THIS MAKES SENSE.
I label myself under demisexual. I relate to this on the level of not caring about sexual things and not caring about getting with random people just cause they’re “attractive”. It doesn’t make sense. I thought I was asexual for the longest time then bisexual then gay then straight then asexual again. It’s cause I just don’t feel that draw. Until I got close to a friend and she said she liked me and shared a lot of deep things suddenly I got those “feelings” I still don’t know I’m still young but overall I honestly don’t know what attraction feels like but a small interest in people who seem nice.
It’s weird. I hate feelings.
This was probably the best video about being aromantic I have ever watched. I have noticed that I never had crushes like most people did. I thought I was lesbian but then I came across the term asexual and then it all made sense. A few days of research later, I came across romantic orientations. I was very confused about it and then when I watched your video, it all just made sense. So thank you so much for making this video.
The Peacemaker so happy to help! I know what its like to be confused and feel alone in this experience so I felt like sharing it and its been so amazing seeing how people connect to it! If you havn’t you should subscribe! I have more videos on the topic and more coming!
I never had a non-abusive relationship, so I don't know if that's why I currently feel aromantic. I don't imagine being in a couple, living together etc. Love is amazing and I feel it deeply for certain people in my life, but not in a couple form. For me the perfect situation is no strings attached, no living together, having sexual freedom on both sides, being honest about all of it... I don't imagine a relationship anymore.
Valentina Tereshkova damn. I’m really sorry to hear that. Definitely sounds like you may be on the aro spectrum tho. Thanks for watching and sharing your experience!
i wish more people could watch this video, it's very important for everyone to respect the aro community and realize there's nothing wrong with us
but,,,,,now idk if i'm lithro or aro. help
as a younger aro, thank you so so much for speaking abt this. i feel so heard and understood that other people feel like this and are willing to share their experiences. and most of what u shared rlly resonated with me, so thank you. it was scary to realize this abt myself at first, but the community, including u, has rlly helped me feel accepted and validated.
That feeling of validation is so comforting and I love that I’m able to help folks find that through my videos here. I know what its like to be questioning and lost on the subject and then to find out about aromanticism but not be able to find much on it and wanted to fill that void a bit. So glad people are finding it and its helping!
My longest relationship was only a week long! Being aromantic was something hard to accept because I wanted to be like everyone else. I even rejected two women that seemed to be attracted to me because I would get scared of going through the romance and being all awkward. Yeah it's been terrible and I try to keep it a secret but every time my parents ask why I didn't have a girlfriend it really got emotional and I would just tell them when the time comes.
Hey! So sorry I missed this comment when you posted! I try to respond to everyone. I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time with it. I def know the feeling of wanting to be like everyone else but honestly there are some fresh perks to not being like everyone else. I dunno about you but most of my romantic friends have spent so much time and suffered so much grief pursuing matters of the heart. I’ve never done that really. This has left me with lots of energy and time to spend on myself and my endeavors. I often feel I know myself much better than many of my peers know themselves because it seems more often than not others are sort of looking for another person to help complete them. I’ve never rly wanted another person in that capacity so I’ve been quite happy with myself Haha.
There’s a lot of relief and strength in accepting this about oneself I think and I hope you find it! ❤️
Can you please post more videos about being an aromantic allosexual? I am an aromantic androsexual and I would really love to hear more about your experiences. You could really help others like myself develop a greater sense of community.
i'll try and make another video discussing more things about it. do you have any specific questions?
Nik Hampshire
1.) How you realized you were aromantic
2.) How you once reacted in romantic relationships and how your mental health and/or views towards relationships changed when you discovered the term, aromantic.
3.) The topic of QPR's
4.) Your experiences in the aromantic community as an allosexual aromantic person
5.) How partners react to your romantic orientation and how you must navigate relationships now.
Thank you. Your video has helped me realize that there isn't anything "wrong" with me. I have had "relationships" in the past but a little ways into it i would start feeling "weird" about it. I realize now that I AM AROMANTIC! and NOT broken
ellen owen hell ya! Such an amazing realization! Definitely not broken! So glad my video was able to help you! I appreciate you watching and sharing! ❤️
This really really helped me. I am still not so sure if I am aro, but it kinda feels like it.
Last summer I went with my grandma on a summer vacation with her friends and their grandchildren. It was hella fun!!!! I loved it there and I kinda got into a relationship with the boy grandchild - he was one year older than me and he plays ice hockey so a reallyyyyyy good body. We kissed a few times, hugged every evening, I loved it. But as the relationship continued during the vacation I started to feel uneasy cause I suddenly felt he got too close to me. Later I realized the only reason why I said the nonverbal "yes" to him was that I knew we wouldn't have a chance to meet. I knew, he will disappear from my life and I will be able to go back. And I feel like its every time like this with every relationship I have - I just fulfill my physical desires and leave. I know I am not asexual for sure, but isn't this kinda aro?
Moon sounds likely. I know I can do “long distance relationships” no problem cuz it doesn’t trigger that romance repulseness in me. It’s kinda like it’s not real. So I can do all the fun stuff especially knowing it’ll end but if it’s ongoing and there’s expectations it’s meant to become more my repulsion sets in I gotta get out.
Best video on the subject I've seen !
Thanks a lot
Margaux Haddad glad you dig it man! Hope it helped! ❤️
Omg, when you were explaining how uncomfortable you started to get when the romantic phase of a relationship started to set in... I feel that so much. I thought I was just weird. So good to know I'm not alone. 🙏💕
catbeara definitely not alone! I’m so glad my videos helped you identify some things about yourself! I love reading people’s responses to my video so thanks so much for watching and sharing! ❤️
I'm so grateful that I found this video and that you made it. I haven't been able to relate to a lot of "origin stories" of other aromantics so it felt really affirming to hear your experience. Thank you so much for making this video.
Thanks for watching! I know how lonely it can feel when you don’t find anyone else sharing your experience. So glad I could help! ❤️ be sure to subscribe if you havnt yet! I have a new video dropping tomorrow and more to follow on my experience of aromanticism!
pls never take this down this was the best most validating video I've ever watched
It’s up for good! So happy it affected you in such a significant way! Thank you for watching and commenting! I’ve posted a few more videos you should check Joye and have a few more in the works too! Hit the subscribe if you wanna peep the new ones when they drop! 🙌🏽
I'm confused by how much I'm enjoying the fact that there are artistic holes in your shirt.
journeyofanartist haha fashionable or broke. You decide! 😂
@@nikhampshire Fashionable! I really love your whole look. So unique/creative/expressive.
I've been watching your videos and finally a part of me understands it way more... because I experience aromanticism as well... but it's like being cupioromantic for me... wanting the desire to love someone, yet incapable of doing so.
I had relationships before some for a year or two but we always lived apart. I could never live in the same house with a significant other without going crazy. Looking back these relationships with the opposite sex were really nothing more than a friendship that I have with my male friends.
When we broke up I might feel a little sad for an hour or two but then I was completely fine like nothing even happened. I never really felt love or romance towards any of my exgirlfriends and the idea of romantic weddings has never appealed to me. Like you said I kept feeling awkward as if I was the only one who felt this way. Both of my parents were in love and married with each other for over 40 years.
This was so personal and honest, thank you. You could always adopt if you want to be a Dad, sounds to me like you'd make a very patient and understanding Father.
My partner is Aro, he's never done or felt the kind of 'romantic' things that most consider normal, but he does love in a way that's unique. We are friends and companions first, we support each other, rely on each other, but neither of us would label it romantic.
He does sweet things sometimes, but they're more fun than anything else, like he gets a laugh from hiding my favorite candy where I'll find it while doing chores or doing something for me in the games we share.
We're life mates, companions, and above all else friends. There's emotional intimacy in the honesty and safety we feel together, but that can be found in any relationship. We'd rather spend our days playing games together than going out for something 'romantic'. Love is more than romance.
Ebony Black thats so great you and your partner are able to still be together. I’m curious, do you identify as aromantic? If not does the lack of romantic affection leave you wanting at all? Or did you feel you had to adjust your expectations to accept the type of love/relationship you could have with your partner?
@@nikhampshire I'm somewhere in the grey romantic spectrum. Over time I've had less and less desire for anything that most would label as romantic, but I think that's how I'd have been regardless of my partner.
I've found more strength and fulfillment with what I have than I ever dreamed possible when I was younger. We've been together for 16 years now, and I can't imagine anything better.
That said we are in an open marriage just in case either of us finds we have other needs emotional or physical, and we're the kind of open that discusses that readily, we would rather know and support each other than anything else.
Feel free to ask more questions.
Ebony Black that’s so beautiful to hear! Ive actually just entered into a queerplatonic relationship with a fellow aro and I’m curious to see how it goes. I’m extremely romance repulsed so even trying to be with another non aro person always made me feel guilty that no matter what we did they would always be left wanting but knowing my partner is aro as well it takes a lot of that pressure off. I’m still kind of feeling the pressure like there is some kind of expectation of me but I think thats just of my history of past relationships. So we just started out and I’m curious to see how it goes. Thanks so much for sharing your experience!
@@nikhampshire I think it's improtant to see aro relationships as partnerships, as equality, emotional openness, and safety are key facets of fulfilling each other's needs. I hope your newest experience turns into something truly beautiful and fulfilling for you both, and remember to learn from it, to always keep growing as an understanding and supportive person.
Finally, someone explains it like how I feel it
Thank you for sharing your experiences and sheding light on the Aromantic subject. I'm demiromantic, so I can relate to both Aromantic and Alloromantic experiences.I have never been on a romantic relationship, and only fallen in love with 2 friends that I had known for 6+ years, I can't feel romantic feelings for people in the way Allos can, I can't get what people call "Love at the first sight", I need years of strong emotional connection, and sometimes I feel bad because people fall in love with me and I can't correspond, or I want someone in my life with that strong bond but it seems that for now I can't have it.
Again, thanks for sharing 😊
Bon The Bunnycat thanks so much for watching and commenting and sharing some of your experience as well!
Always be open minded. Life's an open book, so are you.💙
thanks for sharing this with us.
chambress thanks for watching! 🙏🏽❤️
I'm aromantic gray asexual. While these labels accurately describes me, they're too complicated for people to understand. So I use asexual as a catch-all term.
Here's how I describe being gray asexual. While I don't have a strong desire to have a sexual relationship, I wouldn't turn down having sex with a very hot woman or an even hotter man.
While I'm aromantic gray sexual, I do enjoy romantic music.
Justin f h no doubt man. Glad to see you’ve found some terms to help you describe how you feel!
Thank you so much for making this video. It helped me put my life in perspective! Keep the videos coming!
thanks so much for viewing and the feedback! so happy it helped!
I was in a relationship for a good year and a half. I was largely in it cause I felt like if I stuck with it long enough eventually I'd get all those romantic scenes in movies and tv. But i only ever viewed it as a close platonic companionship, and in the end i decided to break it off cause we'd be better off as friends. And we still are friends, luckily, and there's no hard feeling between is. It was a couple of months afterwards that I really went and dove into the concept of aromanticism. Cause all I'd ever l until then was aromanticism paired with asexuality. I didn't even know it was possible to be aro and not ace. But then when i looked into it more i finally found a label that describes my experience and made me feel less like I was broken in some sort of way. Alloaro is a label i hold near and dear to my heart as a result. Alloaro pride!
Klemma of the dollars ayyyy! So happy to hear others finding their way and becoming more comfortable and confident in who they are. It sucks so many feel “broken”. Thanks for watching and the comment ❤️❤️❤️
this is such a refreshing, validating video!!! you literally articulate everything so well and describe the (at least my) experience so concisely
That hit the spot when you described how they never said they felt that romantic vibe. This always described me. I always wondered what the issue was. I'm glad I came across this video.
As an Asexual (for the most part. Still figuring that out) it was really interesting to see your perspective.
thanks a lot for this, I had the thoughts of being aromantic for a while now and after being on a date on Saturday they just got stronger so I decided to finally do some research and BOY was it worth it.
I mostly felt kinda scared that people - and I don't mean friends here - would get close to me and like fall in love with me and I won't be able to give that love back so I always kinda shied away from people when they tried to get to know me. it felt like I was limiting myself but at the same time I really didn't want to hurt people in the end when I couldn't reciprocate their feelings. also I was always confused when someone expressed interest in me, like am I just flustered that this person is interested and that's it or is there more to what I feel? it never developed into more.
my longest relationship was 3 weeks and then I ended it because I realized I didn't feel anything romantic for that person and probably never would.
so again, thanks a lot~~~ :*
j4eva1 all very relatable. Feeling like you gots limit yourself to account for others feelings can definitely be frustrating but i find if you communicate your wants and needs and how you are openly and continuously you can find partners that will understand and you can be more yourself without having those concerns.
Thanks so much for sharing and watchin my video! Gonna have another one up soon!
Omg this makes so much sense. I honestly thought i was like a psychpath or something because i never experienced romantic love. tysm this helps a lot.
I love this because I don’t have any aromatics that I know personally so being able to hear all of this and read all the comments that I can relate to makes me feel so much better 🖤
Ever since I figured it out, I explained it that it's kind of like icecream - I definetly can enjoy it, but I don't reallu think every day that I need it or miss having it.
Haha nice one!
I say “it’s like wanting ice cream but being lactose intolerant haha. Seems like a good idea that might feel nice initially but my body will absolutely hate it” lol
Finally something I can relate to. 🙏 I'm just 20 years old and I'm trying to figure things out right now and this video really helps!
Glad it helps! I know what’s it’s like to feel alone and different. ❤️
I had to watch a few of your videos before commenting. I think you've helped me validate my own Aromanticism, and as you said in this video, having a word to finally describe it really helps. Hearing you speak and your experiences resonate with me so hard, except for I'm gay haha. Removing orientation from the equation, watching your videos makes me feel like I'm hearing myself speak.
Thank you so so much for this! Ive been told Im wrong so much that I concluded Im a mistake. This made me understand Im not alone☀️❤️
So sorry to hear you’ve been made to feel that way! It really sucks but I ‘m so glad you found my video and it’s helped! I have another video called “we are not broken” that explicitly discusses that sentiment of feeling broken. You should check it out! Def check out my other videos if you havn’t yet and subscribe if you wanna see more as I got more videos on the way!
Some of the most annoying things I've heard while trying to explain how I'm aromantic is how "it's probably just psychological" or "it's just from trauma". Or even more annoying "I'm so sorry, I hope you get to experience it someday."
Your rings randomly clicking is kinda soothing ngl.
Also thank you for the explanation
Just stumbled across your video tonight...and it scratched me right where I itch!! Though I figured out early in college that I am asexual, the romantic orientation was A LOT HARDER for me to tease out. Heck, I honestly JUST got comfortable realizing (and saying) that I am an aromantic person at age 32!!! And that thing you said about not having a deep pang of loneliness when you are alone was spot on for me too. It seems so natural to be on my own....ya know? Anyway, enjoyed this a lot. Cheers!
Thanks so much for watching! Being alone is definitely just fine by me so I’m with ya there haha. If you liked the video definitely check out my other videos where I discuss the topic in more detail! Subscribe if you enjoying the content as I got even more on the way!
It's so true. Calling a guy a womanizer only because he's a cis male aromantic heterosexual is so cruel.
I think another really good way to explain it to people who may not get it is "a bisexual man may be sexually attracted to men and women, but only romantically attracted to women. The idea of dating a man just doesn't feel comfortable or desirable. An aromantic person may be sexually attracted to either or both genders, but romantically attracted to no genders"
Kyle G well said!
I'm 25 and I only had one "romantic" relationship when I was like 17 or 18. It lasted 4 weeks. As the relationship progressed I just wanted to see him less and less because it just felt like a burden to be dependent on someone like this so I ended the relationship. Since then I was never interested in pursuing another relationship and just now I started to wonder why and I think I'm aromantic. And it's really nice to hear perspective of someone who is not also asexual because I'm not asexual and those "aro and ace" videos did not really felt right to me.
I’m figuring out my sexuality and think I’m aro, so thank you for uploading this
Felicia Söderqvist glad you found this helpful! Good luck figuring your stuff out! ❤️
hit me like a truck for real. no wonder i felt uncomfortable as soon as i entered into a romantic relationship. i couldn't show love the way they expected (?) but on the other hand, platonic love is something i can express very well and was comfortable. i dated thrice im 20. but im coming to terms with the fact that im actually aromantic and it's not just a flaw or the fact that I've not met THE person. im aro, you cant just make me date romantically? like you cant expect me to fall for someone magically or something but i get it. ive felt invalidated for so long. i used to identify as a bisexual female but I don't anymore. so when i tried telling people about aromanticism they were all like "youre probably straight." "its your commitment phobia talking" and im just there like.. alright whatever you say. its just so invalidating ngl but i feel much better after knowing that its THIS common. i can only hope one day people will actually understand us haha
So glad this helped! I know the feeling of being told “you’re just scared of commitment” all to well. Shit sucks so bad. Especially cuz you don’t have a clear answer for what it is that’s really goin on so you’re just there like “I dunno maybe it is”. Anyways thanks so much for watchin and sharing! Please check out my channel for more videos on the aro experience and follow if you care to see more cuz I got more on the way! 🙏🏽❤️
I just recently found out about this terminology, and I honestly think that i am. But its really hard to find others like this and more info online bc its not a well known thing. I do feel like i might be aroace bc ik that im aro, but i also know i could never have sex with anyone with out being romantically attached; so i could care less for it. Ive never liked, kissed, or dated anyone. And since i found out, i wasn’t necessarily happy about it. I was relieved i had closure and a answer as to why i felt like a black sheep, but it kinda made me overwhelmed. Maybe its bc society is so saturated with romance, and finding your soulmate and getting married is a rite of passage; so it makes me feel like im missing out. But i also know deep down i dont want that. Is there anyone else that had a hard time accepting being aro or ace? Finding out kinda made me feel even more of an outsider😖and i dont have anyone around me that understands.
Totally can understand that angle but there’s alot of advantages to being aro. Check out my video called acceptance and lmk how you feel! It can take a little while to get used to it but I feel like over time knowing yourself and feeling confident in who you are is so fulfilling that feeling like an outsider wont even phase you anymore!
@@nikhampshire yes thank you so much!:)
God thank you so much this has really helped me understand who I am I always feel trapped and uncomfortable in relationships and now I think I understand
You seem like a really considerate and balanced person. This was an interesting vid :)
Madeline White I like to think so! Thanks for saying so! And thanks for watchin! I was just getting a lot of questions about my experience as an Aro person and found there wasn’t much material out there on the subject so I wanted to put it out there and it’s been amazing seeing people respond to it! Are you feeling like you may be Aro as well or just happened upon my video and learning something new about others?
@@nikhampshire Just learning something new. Seeing other people's perspectives and way of life is really interesting to me :)
you are valid
Wow this is ...this what I was looking for... description is to the point...I totally relate...even the way you feel express it is just wow...I am a bisexual aromantic still trying to figure it out...😊😊😊
Nyruba Rhoda thanks so much for watching and the comment! I’m trying to share my experience so that others can relate and maybe better understand what they’re going thru! Hope my video helped! Def follow me if you want to see more cuz I got more videos coming soon!
My partner of five years recently came out as Aro and he says he loves me anyway but just doesn't know why, I'm assuming in a platonic way which I have no problem with, but I am so worried about what to say or not to say, I want to seem super supportive but also don't want to seem like I'm pushing him away. So I geuss I'm asking, how do I let him know I'm comfortable with a queer platonic relationship, as I'm asexual anyway, without making it seem like Im put off by the way our relationship is already going? There isn't alot of Aro Ace relationship representation out there. I basically want us to be like you and your buddy Clide or Harold and Kumar but that doesn't mean we need to break up, ya know