Narcissistic Parents (2016 Rerun)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ย. 2024
- This is a rerun of a 2016 episode in which Dr. Kirk discusses narcissistic parents.
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This content is for educational and informational purposes only. Although Kirk Honda is a licensed marriage and family therapist, this content is not a replacement for proper mental health treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health provider regarding any questions or concerns you have about your mental health needs.
"The children might actually become narcissistic themselves."
Me, a child of narcissistic parents: I am now depresso espresso
You seem really depressed, you okay?
@@ronaldvasquez6488 Possibly
@Jesse Cason Why would you do something like that????
Wow. Literally came to TH-cam to search “psychology in Seattle narcissistic parents”, and here is a video about it uploaded an hour ago! Meant to be haha
You don't know the amount of emotion that hearing this evokes in me and how much it is so congruent with my childhood and my feelings even up until now. I spent my whole life believing that everything is wrong with me and my parents were to be idolized. I've never been able to, or rather felt like I wasn't allowed to name it because when I did and when I was cornered, I would lash out and be immediately dismissed and disallowed to speak. I'm literally in tears.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I've been struggling so much with my mother to the point of contemplating ending things. My mum has also learnt what my weak spots are, and knows exactly what would hurt. It's hard not to lose hope of ever leaving the situation (or feeling that you'll be normal after you leave). Thank you for this
Just know that you're not alone!
Consider trauma healing and finding a therapist specialised in it. If you're a woman I can recommend you the book "will I ever be good enough." Big big eye opener and I felt understood for the first time
Yep, a therapist helps. For me the first steps were moving away from my Mum, having loving supportive friends and keeping contact with my Mum to an absolute minimum.
You are definitely not alone
Leave. There is no other way... leave. Cut ties.
@@dfaille guess who left the home a few month later!
Thank you for this talk. My dad was severely neglected and alienated as a child. He developed BPD and narcissism (no official diagnosis). Sadly as his daughter I developed BPD. Growing up I never felt good enough. Everything was about my father and his wants. Fortunately my mom and grandparents were nurturing, but suffered greatly because of my dad. I understand why he turned out the way he did, but I have so much hurt because of him. And though I have spent 6 years in therapy, and for the most part I am very happy, and have a happy marriage. But the pain does come from time to time.
Wow this exactly described my mom. No wonder i grew up so fucked up with depression and no self esteem. I also got to the point where i couldn't go home or else i would have ended my life. And no one ever intervened, it sucked
Growing up with my narcissistic stepdad nearly killed me. It's so hard because I love and hate him simultaneously. One hand, he was there when my dad wasn't and he really ended up raising me, other hand he was incredibly abusive and narcissistic. First time I met him at 4 or 5 years old he gave me a "monkey bump" which is where he would punch his knuckles into a tendon in your arm or leg and it would kind of swell up like a goose egg for a couple seconds before going back down. I started crying, and that is one of his favorite stories to tell about me when around other people, saying how I was such a whimp and how he needed to toughen me up. I got monkey bumps and other things (like shoving his pointer fingers straight into my collarbone as hard and deep as he could) every single day growing up. If I made the slightest misstep it was a huge deal...my mom and I like to engage in healthy debates, we are both very opinionated, but he would call it talking back...even when mom explained that we were just debating or having a healthy argument, he would get so extremely upset at her for letting me talk back to her that way and not putting me in my place. If we (meaning my stepsisters and i) complained about food or asked what the ingredients were he would throw an absolute fit, going as far as to smash our plates to pieces with his fist. I had to keep everything clean all the time, and once got grounded for a month because I had a towel, a shirt, and a pair of shorts on my bathroom floor. I was grounded constantly as a child, my best friend learned early on that she had to help me lie every time we hung out to avoid me being grounded for another week...this was hard because she never lied to her parents, but as soon as we would meet up I would brief her on the lie I was going to be telling my parents so she could verify it if they asked her (which they did). I couldn't do the simplest things with her without creating a lie. One of his favorite things was to come up with nicknames for me, he called me TEA in front of my friends which stood for total eclipse ass because i had a big butt, he would make floor creaking sounds as I walked around, he would call me fat ass, piggy, etc... and yes he would say these things in front of anyone and everyone including my mom (for reference, I was 116 pounds in high school). Even with how careful I was he still started arguments with my mom about me nearly every night. I would sit on the stairs and listen as he yelled at her about what a "cunt" "bitch" "slut" "whore" etc... I was and how if she doesn't kick me out or whip me into shape he would leave her. When I got close to graduating my mom was telling me something about the loans I would need for college, I got very anxious and upset and stressed. I started crying thinking about all this debt I was taking on, and for some reason that set him off. He had a fight with my mom that night and told her that while he wasn't divorcing her, he wouldn't be her husband again until I was out of the house...he slept on the couch for the week and a half left before I went to college and didn't talk to me until the day I moved out.
But of course, everyone, except my two closest friends who knew exactly what I was dealing with, thought he was a great guy. He was always super funny (usually at my expense). He always put on this air of being cultured and educated and successful even though he really wasn't.
I'm not sure what the purpose of me writing this is, but suddenly I had the urge to write some of it down. I've never seen a therapist or psychologist, and as more and more time goes on I start losing memories (maybe that's a good thing though?) Of what actually happened...but it makes me feel more and more paranoid that it is all in my head, or that it couldn't have possibly been that bad if I don't remember every specific instance. I started cutting in highschool because of that very reason, I would cut after big fights so I could look back at the scars and remember what was said and why I was so hurt...but even now I can still only remember a few of them (i am healthy now, haven't self harmed in 6 years)
I see you. I had a very similar childhood. We are not alone in this.
@@nonah7675 this comment means the world to me. Sometimes I feel like I'm going mad. I wish you nothing but healing.
I understand this. My step-dad is a narc. My mom is an inverted one. The fights are the same as my household. Sometimes my step-dad would leave and not come back for hours to prove a point. Very immature, petty people. If I didn't fall in line I would be given the silent treatment. In high school I would cut too. Thank you for sharing your story💕💕. I hope you're doing well now~
can you react to the red table talk of will and jada ? it would be really interesting to hear this from a psychological standpoint, thx
ENTANGLEMENT
Yes I agree
I’m curious myself but honestly, no relationship out there is perfect. I mean what’s the point in critiquing a relationship that actually got over the pain and trouble and now seemingly in a much better place??? I mean they claim it all happened years ago..
K Mp dr honda never criticizes relationships, he explains with psychological theory why people say certain things or react that way in a situation
@@lakishae.3297 I love it. It really has helped me be less judgmental.
Voice is so relaxing
I always thought it was just my mom with these issues. But as I've gotten older i realize my whole family has major issues. The worst of them hide their true selves from the rest of the world. Idk how to repair my relationships with my family bc they all think they are better than the one person they always called crazy.
You don't repair it. You can create 'family', you don't have to deal with craziness just because they're blood.
This got to me pretty hard. I grew up with an extreme narcissistic parent. I'll never be able to get over the struggle that i had growing up. But understanding it actually helps.
I have never felt so identify with a podcast, im actually impressed of how accurate it is. I have been going to therapy for 2 years and i never understood why i feel the way that i feel. Thank you soo much for this episode
Am very avoidant of attachment and conflict
You can’t face your fears huh? Seems like a backbone is missing 33 vertebrae’s. Jk but I hope you mediate that situation.
Re the care less thing in my experience most Americans I know say "could care less" and most non-Americans I know don't correct them because we assume that's just your cultural adaption of the phrase "couldn't care less" even though it makes no sense. It was interesting to hear you call yourself out for it.
And awesome video as always :)
I watch this to figure out what to do or what to expect with my children. My ex (father of my children) is diagnosed borderline but I’ve had several professionals say that he definitely comes off as narcissistic. He has done a number on my son and it breaks my heart. He’s 10 and I’m trying to get as much information as I can to help him. (Side note: he is seeing a social worker for help).
My son and I have been through this. My heart goes out to you both 💖
sue lawson thanks! It’s truly rough. People don’t realize how bad it is.
As someone who grew up with a narcissistic stepdad (I've been out of the house for 8 years now) it is important to call out the behavior as wrong, and not make excuses. Everyone around me made excuses for him, to the point I thought I was crazy for being the only one who could see it as a problem. He once got upset with me when I was 8, grabbed me by my shirt, and told me he would knock me right through the F****** wall....why? Because we were cleaning up and I was walking to another room swinging a jump rope in my hands on my way to put it away, he thought I was playing instead of cleaning. Apparently I told my dad about it and had told him about some of the other things as well, and my dad called social services...the social worker called my stepdad in and he laughed and joked with her and said "yeah, I said that to her, I say that stuff all the time" and talked about punching my shoulder/arm/leg and all sorts of stuff....and she was fine with it!! Everyone was fine with it! Not one person around me called him out except for my dad, and everyone excused my dads dislike of him as just him being jealous my mom was with someone else.
So what I am trying to say, is you need to be there to validate to your son that what is happening is wrong, that that man is sick, and that you and others can clearly see that his behavior is wrong. I'm 25 years old and I am still trying to heal. I wish the best of luck to you and your kids.
Much needed ! Thanks so much
My dad is a narcissist. Hands down.
Thank you for this!! I’ve always wondered how narcissism develops and how it anecdotally shows up in real life
it’s like you know me personally 😂 thank you so much for the insight!
Thank you for this video now I understand why I feel the way I do because my parents are narcissistic and still are I live with them still at 23
Twas so nice, he posted twice.
Thank you for sharing 🤗
Hello. Do you have something on how to help your children to avoid becoming narcissists due to a narcissistic parent?
My boyfriend and I are raising his two kids that he had with his ex who is 100% a malignant narcissist and yes it was always about her no matter how abusive she was to those kids… She actually just completely abandon them recently for months and stop showing up to Family Court because she knew that she was never going to get professional supervision taken away and she didn’t feel as though anyone understood how amazing of a mother she was obviously because she was with awful mother who was putting her children in danger and the proof of that is her child endangerment charges on her record and then when she came back and demanded to speak with them and we said you could go to court and ask them for a contact she then went to court and complained about how we are keeping the kids from her after she ignored them for months and she told us that the reason she ignored them is because she wasn’t in a good place mentally and didn’t want to talk to them when she felt like that without any regard for how the children might feel to be abandoned by their mother and then she proceeded to tell us how we were bad parents and how we are further harming the children even though she has no examples of those she just keeps saying that by keeping their biological mother away which we did not do that the courts had to do it for us and she knows that and she has had numerous plans in place to get them back and she didn’t feel like doing any of that work because she doesn’t really feel like she should have to work for anything
Ouuuuuuuch. Right where it hurts