Geez, the people coming to the house thing. I feel like my house is an extension of myself, and someone coming up to the door is like a complete stranger manifesting themselves right in my face without prior warning.
Another really good reason for sleeping through the beast's breakfast time (it seems to be the mornings when peak grifting manifests) and for wearing noise cancelling headphones when not asleep. If it can't get me it can't grift me. Unless the beast is riving at the door between tracks - it goes unremarked. I apologise to those cousins and friends that I may actually enjoy the society of - but if I haven't been awake, and probably fretting and thinking about how to cancel, for many hours, nobody's door knocking is getting through to me. It has to be this way. I don't get furious like Angela, when my shell is attacked, but if I know about it I can absolutely detect (for days afterwards) in my psychology that it has happened. I imagine I have a rechargeable battery to run on. Certain things deplete it faster than others. Certain things, like human interaction, actively damage it so that it takes longer to recharge. Also, I can tell from the knock what the mindset of the knocker is. I do not enjoy pondering what made somebody so angry with me. Headphones. Message to burglars: Just because your investigative knock goes unanswered - you will never be in more danger than when an autistic woman looks up to see you are inside her house. You could have a crowbar in your hand - but you've triggered a nuclear event and I don't fancy yours much. Things are probably not going to play out the way you think they should. And to the non autistic non burglars - you're allowed to thank us for subverting the paradigm that the person inside the house must always answer the knock on the door - because now the burglars know trepidation. They, unless they are complete idiots, will know that it's not the automatic green light when that unanswered knock seems to imply that there is nobody home.
In the future when I have my own home, I plan on having a sign that says something akin to “If we haven’t discussed your visit/you haven’t called ahead, I will not answer your knock,” or just straight up, “If we haven’t discussed your visit, don’t knock,” because I can’t stand people showing up unannounced 😂
When I get an unexpected knock on the door, it's like a shock to my nervous system. My heart skips a beat, I get shaky, and feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. Unexpected phone calls are better but not by much.
My dad who is also an audhder often forgets how much it scares the crap out of me when he knocks my door too hard so we both get a little bit of a spook when he knocks because I often make a noise of some indescribable creature 😂
Same, especially that my abusive mom would open the front door with so many keys that smacked and jingled against the door because she opened it with so much force, it just jults me. Sometimes my husband accidentally does that and it causes a similar effect.
"Meltdowns are not the same as temper tantrums." Thank you for saying this. This is the hardest thing for me to communicate with others who don't understand.
YES!!! Getting my daughter diagnosed as a young child was so hard because of this. I’m also so scared of my meltdowns because if a non autistic person does the same it’s labeled as HORRIFYING/manipulative/terror inducing. Sometimes I need to yell and figuring out how to tap into that feeling and turn it into something more positive (we do singing and barking), but sometimes I just don’t have the mental power to redirect myself.
@@the.masked.one.studio4899 SO RELATABLE. I was trying to explain a meltdown I had in IKEA early-pandemic and was met with "We all have our Karen moments!" Really, not the same. Panic attack, blurred vision, desperation to get out of the store. I was loud and disruptive, and also embarrassed, unrestrained, scared. I got stares as I climbed over the blockades and all I could think was, "I might die if I can't get through that door." It was horrendous.
My mom had a really hard time explaining my situation to my siblings because they would see me crying and my mom coming to help me and as far as they were concerned, if I cried I got whatever I wanted. Keep in mind that at this point I was 20 years old. I got so self conscious about my stress-response tears that I started to try to hide them whenever I could, because even though I needed support I couldn’t stand the thought that my siblings would think of it like me just trying to get what I want. Luckily they understand now that it’s because I’m autistic and the reason that happens is because it’s my response to overwhelm and often lack of being able to get my needs met
@@enolp wow good mom. I don't even respond to my own needs because I had to learn you can't get them unless others also need the same thing at same time. You learn life is just painful others can do it so you must pull through any pain. But in your cause if you were thirsty your mom allowed you to have a drink
YES that is realy the case for me. My meltdowns were always seen as tantrums, and with it came punishment. Which led me to not realy experience meltdowns anymore, but going streight to a shutdown. There is no warning for me anymore that I'm getting overloaded, it just snaps and I shut down not beeing able to do anything but exsist - which is realy stressfull.
@@alberich3099yep, me too… I remember having bad meltdowns as a kid but at a certain point I started internalizing and now I can’t even tell if / when I’m having a meltdown, I usually just notice when I’m shutting down
It's deeply, profoundly, heartbreaking and a relief to know, after 70 years why I am the way I am. My life has been one long train wreck. I spent virtually all of my life masking, confused, humiliated, abused and terrified . I only have a few years left now, and it is so painful to know how different my life could have been, had autism been understood when I was in my childhood or teens.
I am so sorry to hear how challenging it must have been for you for so long. I know all those feelings you’re mentioning, and the relief in combination with the anger and frustration you must feel after getting diagnosed at this stage in life. I felt much of that but after 41 years, and it’s still hard to process. I can’t imagine adding 3 additional decades of all those feelings you describe. You’re not alone in this but it still doesn’t take the decades of pain and loneliness away. I’m glad you’re here and sharing this - it helps remind us that it’s important more people better understand autism now so we don’t all have to wait so long to be understood and accepted - even by ourselves in a world that still has a long way to go to be a place where we all can thrive. On a bright note, I still expect 30+ years of you kicking around and enjoying your life 🥰
Yeah, I'm 40 and I feel the same not quite frustration... but sadness, sure sadness works, anyway... I just hope I'll be able to hold on until science allow for life extention. I'm just happy things are changing in society, not quickly but fast enough to see progress for sure. I found a degree of solace in sharing those difficult experiences. By "monetizing" (not quite the word) my pain in exchange for others avoiding feeling pain my pain has value retroactively, it becomes experience with a function making it more bearable. Maybe you could try to do the same, see if it alleviates your perceived experience. Share to others who need it what worked what didn't worked, what you found painful in your life. The world can't understand us if we don't try to share.
At 64, it's a relief to know, I'm not defective. My sisters,' always made me feel that I was and still am. I'm not defective. If they don't like me, they certainly haven't taken time to know me, and it's their own shortcomings, if they judge me instead of the unconditional love I assumed sisters would have for each other, despite our differences in personality. I'm really likable and lovable. Even when home alone. Everyone else is missing out on a pretty awesome, me. I'm happy without my sisters. This kind of self love, I didn't have for the majority of my life. My childhood and teen years, were excruciatingly painful and shy and a complete lack of self confidence. I masked to have a handful of normal girls as friends. Getting older is about loss in different ways. My parents are long gone. But, I'm in the era of having good friends pass away. That is very hard to accept, and you can't make more long time friends, when they're gone, they leave a hole. I must adapt. I don't have to like it.
Meltdowns are the most complicated thing to understand as a non autistic mom. I always said to my son: it’s over now, so let’s move on. Now I understand why he can’t, not immediately after. I am learning more about autism from you and Orion Kelly than in 20 years of visiting therapists… Thank you for your honesty and openness. I love your sense of humor. ❤️🇳🇱
Thanks for the kind words. How old is your son? We are currently making a lot of content specifically on meltdowns- being proactive to minimize them, what to do during one, and how to assist in the recovery process afterwards. We are really really happy our content is helping you and your family.
@@ChrisandDebby my son is 25 almost 26 now. I lost so much time looking for the right info. Therapists always think from the “normal” perspective. They feel the autistic person has to adapt, and “normal” people don’t.
I thought I was the only one. I hate having a birthday celebration at work, I'll have a little one at home with family, but that's it. Not only is it a lot of attention, but it's also a lot of stimulation and I'm then expected to remember other people's birthdays and what level or recognition I'm supposed to give it.
Arrghhh this!!!!! I try to take the day off if possible, but my last job they would schedule a morning tea and we would all sit down and talk (about 5 or 6 different conversations at once! Too much to handle) then the Birthday card and song.
I thought I was the only one who doesn't tell anyone when my birthday is! I loathe being the center of attention unless it's MY idea! And I NEVER get that idea! 😊
I don't forget to shower or change clothes, I decide not to. Minimizes laundry after all. But, if I can smell something, or something itches, or I spill something on my clothes and I plan to go out, I change my clothes. When I got a dog to be my life coach, he made sure that I stopped work for lunch, for his walks, and changed my life.
I'm guardian to a dog 🐺 and He is my life coach aswell He is also my Buddy and smoothing him really helps when in meltdown and the eating and drinking He is an amazing Support to me 🐺❤️
i relate to that. i've been getting more exercise since i got a dog. plus i shower more often now, since the dog smell is more noticeable than my own body odour
Cats do a very similar thing... personal alarm clock, if they need feeding or if you're spending too much time in your work they insert themselves into your work space and become a very welcome or sometimes not so welcome distraction. 😅
My older son was giving my younger son a hard time about having special stuffed animals. I told my older son that he just didn't get it and we all sat down and watched the first part of this video together. My younger son is feeling fully vindicated now. When you are different from everyone else it can be so reassuring to know that there are others like you out there who feel the same way.
Honestly the best invention was the little tech that sends a text message to say, "UPS will be delivering a package from [sender] between 1pm and 3pm." The biggest issue is when this time frame is off.
No need, innate or instinctual desire for human connection. 😐 Even every once in awhile. Part of me gets it, but I think the point is simply FEELING lonely at times. Not saying that that means actively looking for companionship.
I don't have buddies, but my meltdowns I had to talk about, as some happened when I was with friends (who did not know about my autism). And I go for a walk, usually not being aware. I find myself somewhere one hour later and have to walk the whole way back (if there's no bus). I'm living alone, luckily not missing meals and showers. It's a strict routine. Basically daily planning for these things. And diarrhea strongly correlates with stress/out of normal situations.
Thank you for being so unapologetically honest about your lack of showers, and especially your bathroom issues!!!!! Feels SOOOOO great to know that someone else understands about these things 👍
I was recently diagnosed with ASD and moderate to severe sensory processing disorder (I’m 62) and I’ve only just discovered your videos. I’m binge-watching them as I type this. I’m so very, very grateful that you’re willing to share such personal knowledge with us to help make our own journey through the labyrinth that much easier. Thank you SO much.
When I first self diagnosed, I thought I only had shutdowns (internal meltdowns). But then as I slowly re-remembered my life there were ah ha moments. Like the time I flung all the ceramic sandwich plates into a cement wall…
Hmm I’m remembering the time I flipped the scrabble board while playing with my dad and grandma because my grandma put a word in the place where I was planning on putting a word for the entire game 🤔
Same experience here. I can recall more than a few meltdowns, although I’m in my 60’s, and I don’t think I’ve had one for a long while. I’ve been changing my life to be less stressful for the past 10 years, and that might be the difference. I also relate to the issue with understanding abstract concepts. I’ve run into this more than a few times, too.
I remember me going through the alley way of my server job and just chucking tubs of butter at the wall and slamming metal pans into the floor. All the signs seem glaringly obvious in hindsight.
I used to call my meltdowns panic attacks. They were not caused by panic and id claw and my neck and arms or pull my hair. I also do this like “humming” thing its like a scream but I “mute” it in my throat and dont open my mouth
I can very much relate to the re remembering..... the more I think I am starting to get it, and maybe figure myself out I start to remember things about my life and then the ah ha moment hits. This definitely has been an interesting journey!
Hi again. The hating to have people show up at the house thing is HUGE for me. I HATE it. Part of WHY I'm a hermit: nobody comes here especially not in winter.
yes! It is doublely stressfull for me as my parents didn't respect privacy, and me haveing beeng to a boarding school. Not only do I hate just somebody showing up at my flat, I've sent people (dear to my heart peopl) away because I could not deal with it.
Your special buddies are all great, but Rupert is FANTASTIC! That coloring! Hershel, a fox who wears a bowtie, helped me get through caring for my sick parents. If anyone out there had their special buddies taken from them or were shamed into getting rid of them, I'd highly recommend finding new ones.
So, I was just recently diagnosed with ASD. I remember being 12 or 13 and my father forcing me to throw away all of my stuffed animals and I have honestly never felt the same since. I honestly am just so glad that I have finally learned a part of who I am and it's been soooo amazing.
This actually made me cry. I am so sorry you were forced to part with your buddies. And having to throw them in (I'm assuming) the garbage no less. Such an undignified fate and farewell for them.
@@pamelars7497 I think it's because uploaders watch each other's content and conclude that there must be a musical accompaniment to finish the piece properly. In many cases it's just not true. Now people are being post ironic with the most irritating presentations of 'musac' and I need them to stop it. It doesn't get less annoying just because it's now tongue in cheek.
@@pamelars7497 Random reply I know, but for me music can add or subtract from the video’s point, and sometimes people do really good things with music that almost create a score-like effect or lead to humor or drama being added. But in general, statistics-wise, it keeps NT people around longer and thus improves the video’s reach.
Woah... uh... Got to the feeling misunderstood part and, although I'm right on board with other things mentioned and find them helpful in better being able to articulate things for myself, I ***really*** don't like hearing and reading "Autistics don't do well with abstract concepts"... I think maybe what you're looking for there is ambiguity/uncertainty? I think those of us who are on the spectrum often excel far beyond our neurotypical counterparts when it comes to abstractions, especially with our special interests -- that's a major component in how I and others are able to see/perceive relationships others don't/can't
You’re absolutely right with your point about abstract concepts. I actually also do well with many abstract concepts as with many other autistics. Certain abstract concepts though I struggle with, at least in practice. I think the concept of time is very difficult for me, but I wonder how much of that is my ADHD. Also I struggle with black and white thinking with certain abstract concepts. For example- telling a white lie. I find this to be fairly abstract and I struggle with it. Maybe not in theory but I do in actual practice. What I wanted to get at, but didn’t do very well, was also what you mentioned- ambiguity. This ambiguity, especially with communication, really frustrates me and used to make me worried and uncomfortable when I had to talk to a lot of people. Really, really appreciate your feedback here.
@@ChrisandDebby All good. I completely understand what you mean about the practical application of certain abstract things, such as time or telling a white lie -- I also struggle with time-related stuff multiple times every day and what to say/do in a lot of situations which fall into social gray areas. Approaching this from my lived experience as a late diagnosed AuDHDer with dyslexia (I'm in my mid 30's. Dyslexia diagnosed 10 years ago, 2 months before I completed undergrad. ASD & ADHD both diagnosed ~2-3 years ago 😬😅)... I would argue those are not so much difficulties with abstracts, even though you're right, those do happen to be abstract concepts. I'd qualify time-related struggles more as challenges of executive function (especially if ADHD is in play) and white lies as a challenge of generally accepted social conventions that just aren't readily compatible with how my brain works. I understand these things on a conceptual level and have occasional wins in practice but repeatedly make a fool of myself for over/under-estimating time requirements and/or doing/saying things others might find harsh/insensitive/rude/etc... when not intending to be that way. When I zone in on things, I certainly experience "losing concept of time" but I think that's just a phrase we use. Analogous example: I frequently forget to eat, drink, or use the restroom, particularly when hyperfocused or otherwise not tuned into bodily signals. I still have a firm grasp on the concept of eating, drinking, and using the restroom and their importance, but I've stopped registering the signals for those things and they don't cross my mind until I am long overdue for one of them or I'm no longer "in my own little world" so to speak. I wonder how you think/feel about one particular realm of ambiguity that drives me nuts... superlative language in general but especially now with attention economy pushing for the -est (or other extreme) of all the things (b-est, bigg-est, fast-est, clean-est, perfect, most, etc...). When all the things become special, then nothing is special (or at least it becomes increasingly more difficult to figure out what actually is special). Determining if someone is speaking what they really mean versus exaggerating for emphasis is a cognitive minefield for me.
@@ChrisandDebby I struggle with the notion of "black and white thinking" because I'm not sure there's a true consensus on what that actually means. When you think of or use the term, how do you mean it? At least for me, when I'm accused of having black and white thinking, it's almost always in a situation when I'm overwhelmed with ambiguity/uncertainty or something with enough layers of nuance that it's beyond the capacity of my working memory. I might be asking/stating a series of yes/no (or similarly binary) things but that's how I can cope with and work my way through the facts/aspects of a situation to ultimately reach an nuanced conclusion and/or discover pieces I may have missed. (I.e. trying to determine known from unknown to establish a foundation from which I can build on) Sometimes it's because I perceive multiple meanings for what someone just said/did, even if they're unaware of the potential alternative interpretations, and I'm trying to understand what their intended meaning -- I wonder how much of this is baggage from all the things I have to be aware of and keep track of in order to mask successfully while others seem to be blissfully unaware. Other times, it's because I'm stuck in "analysis paralysis" and trying to get out of it so I can make tangible progress on something.
Thank you for this level of honesty. Most people talk about the same ol’ stuff. This was refreshing and so relatable. It feels good not to feel so alone. 🥺
I have severe IBS, and the only thing that I have found that helps it is a gluten free diet. I used to think that there is no way that gluten would cause so many issues, but I can honestly say that it’s been the best it’s been in 20 years.
I’m noticing this with my diet. Once I eat gluten, I start coughing and it isn’t long before I’m hanging onto the toilet for dear life. I’ve basically cut out gluten completely, but it’s harder when I’m back in Taipei.
@@ChrisandDebby I know the struggle well. It’s hard at first to believe that you can cut out gluten for your lifetime but once I really learned what to look for, it’s not too bad.
Idk where you guys live and what the customs are there. But where I am people usually don't knock on doors, they just ring the doorbell. Once a neighbour knocked on my door after I didn't respond to the doorbell. And that was the scariest thing ever😬
I didn't know these were secrets. I guess I just don't have anyone to talk to about them but it appears they are all true for me. For example, my 'special buddy' is Rufus, a stuffed bulldog I've had for over 40 years. I feel better when he's near, or at least I know where he is. I take him with me to the doctor to smell for comfort, especially when I know there's going to be needles involved. My meltdowns are HORRIBLE like nuclear explosions. I absolutely HATE surprises. I do forget to eat, so I carry around a huge box of BOOST chocolate drinks in my car (I'm still surprised to see people at restaurants at anytime of the day, sitting down and eating) in case I'm feeling light headed. I used to forget to shower but now I go to the gym EVERYDAY and my routine includes a shower before I leave. I do wear the same clothes for many, many, many days at a time. I wish I was a NUN or a JEDI so that it wouldn't seem strange that I do. Although I do feel misunderstood, I have my scripts and I still study movie and television show dialogues. That's because if I don't recognize what type of conversation I am/will be engaging in, or am quick enough to patch an impromptu together, I just won't say anything at all. I do a lot of nodding and do often just physically remove myself from a situation. So, thank you for this and all the videos you post. They do help me feel less alone. I consider them to be public services🙏
With me it invokes a walk of shame... followed by awkward short conversation... followed by another walk of shame but this time... double the shame. I skittle inside the door like a mouse. I've learned to just do it or get wet packages! It is what it is. Luckily, my mail lady is very, very kind with a very warm smile. It makes a big difference! Take care everyone! Remember, you are NEVER alone and you have a community to lean on!😀
Secret 1 made me feel so much better about my plushies cause I'm still adding to- not my collection, my family 🥺🤍 they take care of each other and take care of me
amen. my 24/7 best friend is a plushie, and he now has his own entourage of plushie buddies. :) but i nearly keeled over when chris started talking about it...! :O
I am so glad to learn about all the goofy Autistic traits I share with this Autism community. Ya, these are things I've never talked about because I didn't know anybody else did them, and I would feel ashamed of anyone finding out. Well, now I am not only learning to accept them, but I can champion them as the traits that give me membership into this lovely community. Finally I am no longer alone in my shame within a world of people who don't get me and shun me when I misbehave. I don't even care anymore what they think; I tell all and watch them squirm.
Love hearing this - that's one of the reasons we originally started this channel was because it's important to know you're not alone! Thanks for sharing this too. We are a pretty special group, and this is such an incredible community that hasn't gotten the full appreciation it deserves, just like probably a lot of us that are late-diagnosed didn't over the years. But I agree - no worries about what others think because a lot of it can be embraced as what makes us unique!
I realized last year that I don't really understand the future very well. I understand that the future exists, but I understand that things will happen, unless they won't and it's not always clear whether it's something that happens in a few minutes or possibly in many years.
It's the best of addresses, though - the dim and distant future. Many of us spend more time here than we are comfortable talking about. And yet we stubbornly refuse to put it on our letterheads. I like never never land. I will only be leaving it in a body bag.
I am/have all of these except lonliness. I simply dont feel it. Even having friends i like and trust is stressfull because there are expectations and then i worry if im doing enough. On a different topic, i love that you opened with your "buddies". I have a bear that ive had since childhood. Over the years he has aquired his own things. He wears a suit (baby onesie tuxedo from when my son was a baby). He also has his own chair and pillows and a blanket that my grandmother made and holiday decorations. I cant count how many times ive cried into that bear. He's traveled the world with me, and when our house burned down, he was the first thing i grabbed (the first non living thing, obviously).
The gut issues are real. Going out is hard in the first place with the people and noise and overall discomfort but then also not knowing if you'll have a toilet near by is really stressful and makes you need the toilet even more.... So I don't go out without a plan. (Think about going to the grocery store & how gross those toilets are; plans are required)
I feel like you’ve been watching me and taking notes. That’s how closely I relate to your understanding of autism. Thank you for helping me feel understood.
No 1 is sooo wholesome 😭 I'm 39 (f) and my buddies "Wuff" and "Ele" have been with me since birth and are residing on my bed. The dude who comes everywhere with me though is Tigger. Got him in 2007 and could always relate to him a lot (I have ADHD too).
Oh my goodness! Thank you soooo much ❤ Listening to you list those things out loud was such a comfort to me. To hear someone else explain the physical effects of the fear of every day life is a great comfort to me. Thank you ❤
How brave of you to talk about all these things. I lost a so--called friend, because I told her she could call me anytime, but when I needed my space, I would not answer the phone. I tried to teach her that it is ok (for her) to also set boundaries and failed miserably.
I have a peter rabbit baby blanket. It's in a small, dedicated box now because it's so beaten up and fragile that I'm terrified it will disintegrate, but when everything gets too much and I want to stop existing, I dig it out and smell it. It smells like box, but it helps. My best friend will tell me I smell like a dead rat when I need to shower. Love them. ❤
1: I don't have special friends... maybe I should... but the dust arlergy don't like that. 2: When I meltdown I start to dish harsh truths without philter to break relationships that stress me out like employment. I'm completely not myself when it happens, an alternate personality takes the wheel, I call it the tank... because it stomps everything in my life and shoot at everything that moves. 3: I left for good people considering friends a few months back, I realized they didn't understood me and my values after 20 years of what I considered frienship. It's soul crushing. 4: the worse thing for me is not knocking, it's neighbour playing music at every hours... can't sleep can't eat, can't function when it happens. 5: yeah, taking care of myself is a challenge. It's easier when I have social obligations, it's a good reminder for me, part of the routine. I don't wear unclean clothes though since at home I don't wear clothes when I can avoid it. My skin just breaks and bleeds when I wear them for more than an hour or two... not fun. And yeah the digestion part, what I hate the most is the cramps I feel when I eat fibres, dairies and acidic stuff and the explosive consequences...
I solved the showering and changing clothes problem with a schedule for the one and counting clothes pegs for the other. Oh, well, except for the monthly clothes or the yearly clothes . . . and, seasonal clothes. Showering is according to the date on the calendar. Mid-April to Mid-October is a slightly different schedule than Mid-October to Mid-April. Most clothes are 7-stinky-or-stained. But, usually 7 days which are counted by putting clothes pegs on the hangers. I could easily go on, but I won't. Hate the "someone at the door." I answer the door now, but when I was younger I never felt the need. I don't understand why it's necessary to answer it just because someone knocked. That's weird. I absolutely do not answer calls from numbers I don't know. I have a "this person has never called here before" ring tone that is different from people I know that call and businesses I work with who may call. Surprises are always unpleasant. I can mask pretty good (decades of practice) usually, but boy I would just rather not even.
It's not easy making these videos! I appreciate your support. Comments like yours make it easier and help keep me going!! I'm glad you find my content helpful. Deb and I are currently making classes and we can't wait to share those when they're finished.
I wonder why we have belly issues. I have had them my whole life and no amount of ‘up periscope’ endoscopies could determine why. I do love your humour, I totally relate to all of it.
@@ChrisandDebby definitely! I have heard it before whilst researching. We have to wait 3 years for autism diagnosis in Scotland so while I wait I’m in research mode. Thankfully, the aDHD wait isn’t as long. I will be on the drugs before I know it and thinking with clarity. Like that limitless film only more chaotic.
I don't know how to avoid the discomfort but I suspect it's a consequence of too much stomach acid generation. They reckon that it's a common phenomenon for women to need to urinate when they hear their mother's voice. I reckon I become a gastric acid factory when certain others are talking to me. It's particularly acute when I'm being nagged or interrogated.
Thank you so so much for talking about all those personal things that we never see on information websites, or medical websites! I have a giant plushie dinasaur that I got during lockdown, and which I love cuddling to sleep every night since I got him. Your video has made me feel wayyyyy more okay about cuddling a soft toy to sleep as an adult :) He really does comfort me, especially in the absence or a partner or a bath. It makes me realise how sensitive our nervous systems are, and therefore how childlike we are - I'm not mad about it, even though there are so many things that overload me with stress too. I'm glad about the kind of person I am. i love your playful, upbeat personality, you're entertaining and genuine and I appreciate your detail and honesty. It really helps and I'm so glad I found your channel. thank you!
This message absolutely made my day! When I first shared some of this information, it felt a little uncomfortable because it’s so personal and I’m usually pretty private - but I also think it’s important for people to talk about this stuff! We’re always left feeling that we are somehow weird or immature, but I don’t think that’s it at all. We just have what we like, and some people might have a pet or a certain blanket or a squishie dinosaur or the most handsome frog in the world. Thanks so much for sharing this 😊
@@ChrisandDebby ohh hello! Aw I'm so glad and honoured❤️ it's normalisation via sharing, empowerment through the experiencee's voice isn't it! Asd adults' movement, initiate! Yay😁 Ps. It's taken me 5 hours to write back to you. I was so excited to reply, but I had to calm down and nap first😂
There's a definite connection between autism and IBD. I think it is because our gut is connected to our brain through the vagal nervous system and most of our thoughts originate in the gut. Hence trust your gut. Just discovered your channel. I like it
This is SO REAL. Thank you for your videos. They make me feel so much less alone. I’m not diagnosed, but I have a very, very strong suspicion. I think a diagnosis for me as a kid was just… taboo, almost? I’m glad the culture is changing, especially for women. I love your special buddies! I have my own, and they bring me incredible joy and calm.
I just found your channel. Actually thru the video about autism in women. I’m a woman and I’m just not sure I’m on the spectrum or not. A LOT of what you talk about is stuff I experience, yet some of the big stuff you talk about is stuff that I simply don’t experience. I’m still learning, gathering info and trying to analyze myself (I don’t know if I do this or that! Am I ___? I have no idea! I don’t trust myself to report accurately) When you said the thing about unexpected people at your door I was shocked. I had never heard anyone describe what I feel when that happens but you nailed it exactly. Someone once suggested it might be a response to some trauma I experienced but I’ve had no trauma. So thank you for this channel, for putting yourself and your very personal experiences out there as informational tidbits for others. And kudos to you for being so brave about discussing your personal GI unpleasantness. I’ve had GI issues since I was a kid and they vary and don’t really seem to have a cause but some are very ill-timed and cause me to miss events and activities. I think it’s all the stress these engagements cause me! You are very lucky to have found a partner who loves you just as you are and is suportive when you need it. I’m subscribing!
So my neighbor downstairs has been trying to make friends with me. She’s a really nice lady but she just talks too much and overloads me every time we have a conversation. She talks A LOT and fast and bounces from topic to topic. It’s verbal mush. One time she knocked on my door I did not let her in and she probably could tell that I felt off and this huge block coming off me like no no you can not come in this is my safe place. I’ve literally hid from people who’ve shown up unannounced. My home is my safe space and if you overstay your welcome I will tell you to leave.
Oh wow --- your sharing your Special Buddies literally brought tears to my eyes! I have a Fuzz-a-Mallow (Squishmallow) named Hunbun, and I sleep with him curled in my arms every night. The fact that I'm sixty years old makes no difference. I only learned I'm autistic a few years ago and am still trying to wrap my mind around it, learning to manage my autism on a daily basis, trying to unmask (after decades of high masking especially in the corporate world), all the daily struggles just to function in this world not made for neurodivergent people like me. My husband and I recently had to deal with a bout of parasites, and the "medical instructions" said to wash everything in hot water and dry on high heat, every day -- clothes, bed linens, and...stuffed toys. No way! That would destroy Hunbun. I could not take that risk, so we did what we could to get rid of the parasites. (They're gone now.) That incident really brought home to me how devastated I would be if anything ever happened to Hunbun, so yesterday I managed to find another "Stevon the Dog" (Hunbun's original Squishmallow name) on eBay and ordered it, just in case. It's not the original Hunbun, and I feel sort of mixed on having a "second Hunbun," but I'd rather that than risking not having one at all. Squishmallows are limited run, so it's not like you can just run out and get another one. Hunbun brings me comfort no words can express. Maybe he has become the adult equivalent of the orange rabbit I had when I was five and somehow got lost or thrown out, and I was devastated. I still look for that orange rabbit to this day, among the Easter stuffies. I didn't know I'm autistic back then, but now it makes sense, and I embrace -- literally! -- stuffed animals as comfort companions to soothe my autistic anxiety. My dentist even told me I could bring Hunbun with me to my appointments! (Now I will probably take Hunbun II, to keep my original Hunbun safe at home.) Thank you so much for sharing your Special Buddies! ❤ Meltdowns -- yes, absolutely. I also call them "firestorms," as that's what they feel like in my head. It literally feels like my head has a firestorm going on and it's going to explode. (Hunbun is a huge help during meltdowns/firestorms.) Forget to eat -- that too. It's an annoying interruption, most of the time. I'm hungry -- which sometimes my brain confuses with nausea -- and I *have* to eat something because if I don't I just feel sick, but I haaaate having to stop what I'm doing to eat. I won't even get into the *difficulties* of eating -- textures, smells, icky crunches, etc. Showering -- helllllllllllllll yes! I hate showering because I can't stand the sudden shock of water hitting my body, and then once I adjust to the water, then I have to adjust again to get out, to the cold air hitting my wet body, which is another feeling I can't stand. It's just such an ordeal. Clothes -- I have multiple identical shirts and pants so I don't have to choose each day. (Steve Jobs did the same. I call it "The Steve Jobs Way of Dressing.") BUT -- I like my clothes stretched out and comfy, which they aren't when they come out of the dryer all shrunken and tight again. Hate anything tight around my waist. So I have this ritual of manually stretching my clean clothes before I put them on. And then I wear the pants for as many days as I can get away with before having to go through the stretching-out thing again with the next pair. Ugh! Really helpful, validating video. Many many thanks.❤
I think "abstract" wasn't the best term for point 3. I think autistic people tend to be ESPECIALLY good at understanding abstract concepts, such as what molecules are, why they interact in the ways they do and the properties of the elements they consist of and such. Basically, sciences like chemistry, physics and maths seem to often be understood much more easily by autistic people, as they are known to be drawn to logical systems. Those sciences are abstract, because they deal with models of minute parts of our universe, that we can never directly observe, so intuition is basically out the window for these subjects. A more fitting word might have been "imprecision" or "ambiguity". Autistic people tend to struggle with any ambiguous statement, because they try to deduce its meaning and hit a wall when the meaning isn't deducible and could be any of multiple possibilities. Neurotypicals seem not to think about these possible meanings too much, instead just going with whatever meaning first popped into their head. But hey, I might not be autistic. Maybe it's just ADHD on its own
I'm ADHD and Autistic and can say that I am definitely not drawn to or understand math, science and tech stuff more easily. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.
I agree. I am extremely adept at pattern recognition, but I suck at math because I have a little problem with discalcula. Numbers in general don't make much sense to me, and I can never remember a phone number, so I don't even bother having a phone. Obviously, I can't do a sudoku puzzle. But I can do the Saturday New York Times. In ink. And I have been told I'm a walking thesaurus. So there's that. 😉😇 Even on the spectrum, we are all unique in our abilities, tolerances, and avoidances. I really hate it when our individualities are forcibly subsumed into what is being called a, "community," and the assumptions become that we are all alike. And just one final little plea: I'm not a, "person with autism." I am an autistic person. Person-first is demeaning because it implies that I could be, "without autism," if only I really really tried! It victimizes the autist.
I agree with you. I think imprecision and ambiguity are much better words. I often find it challenging to interpret the true meaning behind vague statements made by others.
@@ChelleLlewes I agree with saying "autistic person" over "person with autism". The latter just plays into the hands of pseudo autism help organizations like Autism Speaks, that just want to get rid of autism so that neurotypicals won't have to deal with them, which is one step away from getting rid of autistic people themselves, aka eugenics. But I re-read all comments up to yours, and I didn't see anyone writing of "people with autism". Maybe I missed it
I have 3 special buddies! Brave and Asbjørn who I was given when I was born! They always fight but in the end they are very good friends and always stick together! Ele is a bit of a newcomer from a few years ago. He is super nice even though he tries to act tough! everyone can see he is a big softie tho! Now my Fiancé, she has A LOT but the one that has been there through it all is Valde! A bit of a troublemaker but he is there when it counts. I can not explain how much I love my "buddies". Thank you for this because it made me realise that I can have them with me even when I am not in bed. Guess who is gonna be at the PC watching a movie while eating pizza tonight, because everything is hard today.
I put a sign on my front door that says "We will not answer the door if we haven't agreed in advance to greet you." I live alone so this gives some peace of mind. Does the sign work? Yup! I've had people come to the door. Read the sign and leave. It's a beautiful thing!
Your videos help to calm me down. It’s nice to hear a voice speaking so clearly about the way I feel. It’s good to remember that there are others experiencing the same problems. Thanks.
I was utterly mesmerized by these jelly looking three colored things on your desk. Especially the blue one. Where did you get these magical objects? I am a Class 3 ASD person. My meltdowns are caused by disability abuse. I am a very chill person otherwise. I often come back to my senses after a meltdown and discover myself on the floor that is covered in foam that came out of my mouth and my blood, with my limbs paralyzed after having repeat seizures and convulsions for a couple hours, surrounded by bewildered police and ems people. I have window next to the door in my home. I have Do Not Knock sign on my door. When someone thinks they are above it all and knocks, I open the window and tell them to get out. Those who refuse to get out, I push down the stairs. I WILL defend my home. Like you I have malfunctioning interoception and proprioception. I often do not feel hunger, thirst, cold, and need to use toilet. I had kidney failure. I was told it happened because I did not pee for over 72 hours. Like you I have stomach issues. I poop myself when I am abused. All systems fail and I am not able to control it anymore when I am abused. There was one instance where disability abuse was so severe that I suffered complete cognitive failure. I stopped understanding what and who I was and what I was doing. I removed all of my clothes for some reason and pooped myself. I came back to my senses lying in a puddle of my own liquid shit, surrounded by mandala-like doodles that I have drawn on the floor around myself using the liquid shit as a medium. They were beautiful and complex doodles. I am still an artist, even with my mind gone. If they did not smell so bad I would have kept them :)
Meltdowns are such a hard thing to explain to even the closest people in my life because they're embarassing, but also because it's not something can be cured or go away. I have lots of strategies in place now to mitigate the number of meltdowns I have, but will continue to have them for the rest of my life and because people don't understand, it's embarrassing every time.
You are so awesome!! I love your special buddies! Thank for your honesty. I am so happy to learn that many of my personality traits are from my autism: I currently have my stuffed buddy, Sebastian, a tuxedo cat. I also have a live Emotional Support cat named Marley. Yes, melt downs paralyze my mind and cause me to feel overwhelmed by emotions. My apartment is my safe spot, and I get in bed and wrap up with a blanket. Exhausting! Before I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD (in my late 40s) I constantly felt misunderstood. I still am misunderstood, but understanding myself helps immensely. Unannounced company and phone calls are horrific! I often cannot even listen to voice messages. Way too overwhelming. I have a self care routine I cannot deviate from, or things go bad. And I own all the same socks, underware, t-shirts, jeans, maybe in differentbolors. And i keep them all until they literally disintegrate. Fortunately I don't forget to wash them. And yes, my life has been frought with stomach issues and IBS. And I cannot wear pants that touch my belly button. Nothing can touch my belly button - period. Some fabrics are way too itchy. Most socks and most shoes are too uncomfortable to stand. Also I cannot stand the heat at all. Autism. What a strange disorder.
Thanks for sharing this - your buddies sounds amazing 🤩 I recognize all these things, including the self care routine and difficulties when things go astray. I also have many colors (and also multiple copies of things in the same exact colors) of clothing, and as I’ve learned more about myself in this journey, I’ve learned that’s okay! We gotta do what we gotta do 😊 Strange disorder indeed! There are times when autism definitely pushes me to the brink and gets me down, but I also wouldn’t give it up for anything. It makes us very unique and special. And I’m learning to appreciate that more and more. Hope you do too! And thanks for being here 😊
Talking about the recovery from meltdowns made me feel really seen I feel like literal garbabge after having a meltdown pretty much my whole body hurts in some way and my head feels like its throbbing thank you so much
Late diagnosed woman here. I never really had attachments to stuffed animals... mainly because my adoptive sisters would take anything I spent time with or really enjoyed and just destroyed it in any way made them happy. They would burn it, paint on it, draw on it with permanent markers, or cut it. These sisters were older than me too, by at least a couple of years. They even destroyed things my biological mom gave me when she gave me up for adoption.
@@bevodonnell1191 Thank you for your sentiments. I try to find a positive for alot of stuff that happens to turn the negative memories into something positive, like in this situation, I don't really have the money for extras, so I don't feel left out say, not having squishmallows. Nothing wrong with them, and they're absolutely adorable, but it's one thing I don't feel the need to have and to spend money on.
So glad I stumbled upon your videos. Your channel is some how my first exposure to information about autism. I am 32 was diognosed ADHD when i was 22 and tried like hell to pin the ADHD on all the weird aspects of my mind and personality. Problem was ADHD didnt explain it all, and i couldnt really explain it either. When i got my ADHD diognosis i also was diognosed with Seasonal bipolar which was their solution to incredible exaustion i would report along with most notably the fact that at the times when things were always exausting i also couldnt find comfort even in the things that I was so intensly passionate about.
I agree on sharing awareness. And telling ND in denial that it’s ok to be neurodivergent. And speaking up about not processing things. Or needing to step away. There is nothing wrong with that.
In 90s noone said this as raising my son who had live security cat,5 tshirts all same color,had to have yogurt to settle stomach,had meltdown on the regular. Lived with me til 31, had to make him eat 2 bites to realize hungry,had dogs to mitigate fear so was able drive cross country truck and make him eat,walk. All his life people railed on me that I was making him weak,was hard. At age 6told him he was Ubuntu where expected to process Microsoft. He was so computer literate at that age it became his mantra
Chris, I love you and your work. You are SO helping me to understand my 13 year old autistic and very wonderful grandson. Thanks for being so open and soooo fun. XO!!
My husband is kindly blunt when I get embarrassingly smelly, but he doesn't make me feel ashamed of myself. I do forget to shower, but showering is sometimes too much. Too much, up to having to deal with the feeling of my wet hands touching each other and fumbling with the towel to keep them dry... 😢
My son is officially diagnosed as autistic. When I found pants he liked I bought multiple. Same with shirts. I’m not officially diagnosed yet but I realized that if I find clothes I really like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with buying all the ones in my size on the rack. 🤣 I have shirts I like that are so old they’re bordering on sheer. Haha
Nailed every single thing Chris. They may be secrets from "normies" but to the spicy among us it's a relief to know that we all feel this way and even that we launch ourselves off the toilet.
Tom Ford, huh? Must try... & Most of our family here hide from the door and avoid the phone! There was a lot of "You answer it!" "No, you answer it!" throughout the years.
I've been suspecting for a long time that I have high-functioning autism, and this video's relatability pretty much confirmed it. That, and all of the online tests I took lol Also when someone knocks and I'm not expecting it, I become a panicking corpse. And to avoid the wearing shirts for days in a row thing, I have a specific shirt for each day. It helps quite a bit in my experience. My IBS took that last secret personally 😭
I think it's often misnamed. When people say that autistics are bad at "abstract" thinking, they often mean we take things literally - like shoplifters. ;)
I don't have a working door bell but can relate to past unexpected interruptions at my last flat. I also don't usually answer unexpected calls or unknown caller IDs as this avoids SPAM calls and unwanted calls. I think if it's important, they can leave a voicemail, and I'll call back if required. This method gives me control over my phone calls 😊
This was so on point, even from a female pov. I have a select group of life long friends. I don't want or need more. My stims are skin picking and hair pulling. I can't sleep anywhere with open doors. Even my closet has to be closed. I stopped trying to feel understood. I just figured it would never happen. I will NOT open the door for anyone if I don't expect them. My friends and family know this and schedule visits accordingly. And I go days without food just because I forget I need it. Add the double whammy of OCD and I'm just a barrel of laughs (I'm obsessive about bathing though lol).
After watching the original (with music) video I had seen the ice cube fidget toy in Walmart and I couldn’t resist. I bought one and I freaking love it already. Definitely going to get another one or 2. I can’t put the toy down hahaha
Yes on all of it especially meltdown and forgetting to do things. I get dizzy and nauseous when I forget to eat like some days I won’t eat think 1 or 2pm. I have stomach problems my whole life and they have never been explained. My fiancé is good about reminding me to shower and things. I definitely relate to the bathroom issue.
Thanks for sharing this! I can relate to all of it - especially when someone knocks on my door and I'm not expecting anyone. My reaction is basically "Who the F**K is knocking on my door!?" - at which point I pretend to not be home.
I *hate* surprises. Just the other day I had to go for an interview with a company that helps to get unemployed people back into work (I've been claiming the UK's equivalent of welfare for about 6 months, and apparently this is what happens after that period - something I wish I'd been told about at the start) and when I told them that I keep my phone on silent all the time and don't answer calls as they come in they said I would have to stop doing that. I pointed out to them that it's a typical ASD behaviour and that they know that I have been diagnosed, and all they could say is that if I'm seen to be ignoring contact then I will no longer be eligible for financial support. It's another example of how UK society really isn't set up for neurodiverse people (though, to be honest, it's not really set up for anyone else either).
I related to much of this and had a few lol moments. The one thing that I don't have is the inability to consider abstract concepts. I enjoy doing deep dives on philosophy, psychology, etc. especially with others for whom it's a special interest that can teach me more. I'm in my head a lot; it's (mostly) a comfortable place, maybe too much so. Some of us have the opposite of difficulty with abstracts, which may present as hyperphantasia and/or natural ability for spatial 3D thinking. That's part of my particular spiky profile, which I think contributed to how long it took me (over 5 decades) to be diagnosed with ADHD and then identify that I'm autistic. It's always interesting to hear about other people's unique strengths and challenges, how we differ and yet share a common thread underlying our diversity of traits. Seems like modern society is so averse to recognizing, much less appreciating, unique aptitudes and quirks for which they can't see an immediate market or profit potential. They honestly have no idea how much they've benefited through the millennia to have neurodivergent members of society whose splinter skills have contributed to survival and progress. Insisting that all little children can behave like computers with the same set of specs and operating system that should function with the same programming is an antiquated and dehumanizing paradigm overdue for transformation.
I have an autistic son, and this video actually makes me wonder if I'm autistic myself. I've never been diagnosed but all these things (except #1) are my struggles. Including the stomach thing.
Geez, the people coming to the house thing. I feel like my house is an extension of myself, and someone coming up to the door is like a complete stranger manifesting themselves right in my face without prior warning.
Holy shit this phrasing is immaculate
I agree with most of these. I do like people coming by, not as much unannounced.
I get furious
Another really good reason for sleeping through the beast's breakfast time (it seems to be the mornings when peak grifting manifests) and for wearing noise cancelling headphones when not asleep. If it can't get me it can't grift me. Unless the beast is riving at the door between tracks - it goes unremarked.
I apologise to those cousins and friends that I may actually enjoy the society of - but if I haven't been awake, and probably fretting and thinking about how to cancel, for many hours, nobody's door knocking is getting through to me.
It has to be this way. I don't get furious like Angela, when my shell is attacked, but if I know about it I can absolutely detect (for days afterwards) in my psychology that it has happened. I imagine I have a rechargeable battery to run on. Certain things deplete it faster than others. Certain things, like human interaction, actively damage it so that it takes longer to recharge.
Also, I can tell from the knock what the mindset of the knocker is. I do not enjoy pondering what made somebody so angry with me. Headphones.
Message to burglars: Just because your investigative knock goes unanswered - you will never be in more danger than when an autistic woman looks up to see you are inside her house. You could have a crowbar in your hand - but you've triggered a nuclear event and I don't fancy yours much. Things are probably not going to play out the way you think they should. And to the non autistic non burglars - you're allowed to thank us for subverting the paradigm that the person inside the house must always answer the knock on the door - because now the burglars know trepidation. They, unless they are complete idiots, will know that it's not the automatic green light when that unanswered knock seems to imply that there is nobody home.
i genuinly feel like rage when it happens like ive been interuppted during something even if i was just existing
In the future when I have my own home, I plan on having a sign that says something akin to “If we haven’t discussed your visit/you haven’t called ahead, I will not answer your knock,” or just straight up, “If we haven’t discussed your visit, don’t knock,” because I can’t stand people showing up unannounced 😂
A No Soliciting sign does a lot of that
No appointment no see
There is a house in my neighborhood with a 4 foot vertical sign that reads, "Go away." Mad respect!
Mine says, "Hippity hoppity, get off my property!"
Not a bad idea!
When I get an unexpected knock on the door, it's like a shock to my nervous system. My heart skips a beat, I get shaky, and feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. Unexpected phone calls are better but not by much.
full blown panic mode 😫😫😅😅
Front door or phone (I don't get many of either).
Also I like to lock the gate sometimes just so I know I'm safe from disturbance.
I haven’t answered my door to an unexpected visitor in 10 years. It’s just easier for me to NOT answer
My dad who is also an audhder often forgets how much it scares the crap out of me when he knocks my door too hard so we both get a little bit of a spook when he knocks because I often make a noise of some indescribable creature 😂
Same, especially that my abusive mom would open the front door with so many keys that smacked and jingled against the door because she opened it with so much force, it just jults me. Sometimes my husband accidentally does that and it causes a similar effect.
"Meltdowns are not the same as temper tantrums." Thank you for saying this. This is the hardest thing for me to communicate with others who don't understand.
YES!!! Getting my daughter diagnosed as a young child was so hard because of this. I’m also so scared of my meltdowns because if a non autistic person does the same it’s labeled as HORRIFYING/manipulative/terror inducing. Sometimes I need to yell and figuring out how to tap into that feeling and turn it into something more positive (we do singing and barking), but sometimes I just don’t have the mental power to redirect myself.
@@the.masked.one.studio4899 SO RELATABLE. I was trying to explain a meltdown I had in IKEA early-pandemic and was met with "We all have our Karen moments!" Really, not the same. Panic attack, blurred vision, desperation to get out of the store. I was loud and disruptive, and also embarrassed, unrestrained, scared. I got stares as I climbed over the blockades and all I could think was, "I might die if I can't get through that door." It was horrendous.
@@jeanelarson Wow I had similar experience during pandemic
My mom had a really hard time explaining my situation to my siblings because they would see me crying and my mom coming to help me and as far as they were concerned, if I cried I got whatever I wanted. Keep in mind that at this point I was 20 years old. I got so self conscious about my stress-response tears that I started to try to hide them whenever I could, because even though I needed support I couldn’t stand the thought that my siblings would think of it like me just trying to get what I want. Luckily they understand now that it’s because I’m autistic and the reason that happens is because it’s my response to overwhelm and often lack of being able to get my needs met
@@enolp wow good mom. I don't even respond to my own needs because I had to learn you can't get them unless others also need the same thing at same time. You learn life is just painful others can do it so you must pull through any pain. But in your cause if you were thirsty your mom allowed you to have a drink
I so appreciate the "no music" option.
So did I - until there was the first "music" at 1:37
I clicked IMMEDIATLEY because of the No Music Edition - I wanted engaging content, but am a little peaky right now so couldn't do music.
The meltdown stuff is hard to talk about especially if you have shame around not being stronger and had pressure on you as a kid to be perfect.
YES that is realy the case for me.
My meltdowns were always seen as tantrums, and with it came punishment. Which led me to not realy experience meltdowns anymore, but going streight to a shutdown.
There is no warning for me anymore that I'm getting overloaded, it just snaps and I shut down not beeing able to do anything but exsist - which is realy stressfull.
@@alberich3099yep, me too… I remember having bad meltdowns as a kid but at a certain point I started internalizing and now I can’t even tell if / when I’m having a meltdown, I usually just notice when I’m shutting down
It's deeply, profoundly, heartbreaking and a relief to know, after 70 years why I am the way I am. My life has been one long train wreck. I spent virtually all of my life masking, confused, humiliated, abused and terrified . I only have a few years left now, and it is so painful to know how different my life could have been, had autism been understood when I was in my childhood or teens.
I am so sorry to hear how challenging it must have been for you for so long. I know all those feelings you’re mentioning, and the relief in combination with the anger and frustration you must feel after getting diagnosed at this stage in life. I felt much of that but after 41 years, and it’s still hard to process. I can’t imagine adding 3 additional decades of all those feelings you describe. You’re not alone in this but it still doesn’t take the decades of pain and loneliness away. I’m glad you’re here and sharing this - it helps remind us that it’s important more people better understand autism now so we don’t all have to wait so long to be understood and accepted - even by ourselves in a world that still has a long way to go to be a place where we all can thrive.
On a bright note, I still expect 30+ years of you kicking around and enjoying your life 🥰
Yeah, I'm 40 and I feel the same not quite frustration... but sadness, sure sadness works, anyway... I just hope I'll be able to hold on until science allow for life extention. I'm just happy things are changing in society, not quickly but fast enough to see progress for sure. I found a degree of solace in sharing those difficult experiences. By "monetizing" (not quite the word) my pain in exchange for others avoiding feeling pain my pain has value retroactively, it becomes experience with a function making it more bearable. Maybe you could try to do the same, see if it alleviates your perceived experience. Share to others who need it what worked what didn't worked, what you found painful in your life. The world can't understand us if we don't try to share.
At 76 me too!
At 64, it's a relief to know, I'm not defective.
My sisters,' always made me feel that I was and still am.
I'm not defective. If they don't like me, they certainly haven't taken time to know me, and it's their own shortcomings, if they judge me instead of the unconditional love I assumed sisters would have for each other, despite our differences in personality.
I'm really likable and lovable. Even when home
alone.
Everyone else is missing out on a pretty awesome, me. I'm happy without my sisters.
This kind of self love, I didn't have for the majority of my life. My childhood and teen years, were excruciatingly painful and shy and a complete lack of self confidence. I masked to have a handful of normal girls as friends.
Getting older is about loss in different ways. My parents are long gone. But, I'm in the era of having good friends pass away. That is very hard to accept, and you can't make more long time friends, when they're gone, they leave a hole. I must adapt. I don't have to like it.
I was 68 when I figured it out. I mostly thought that it explained a lot. Smh.
Meltdowns are the most complicated thing to understand as a non autistic mom. I always said to my son: it’s over now, so let’s move on. Now I understand why he can’t, not immediately after. I am learning more about autism from you and Orion Kelly than in 20 years of visiting therapists… Thank you for your honesty and openness. I love your sense of humor. ❤️🇳🇱
Thanks for the kind words. How old is your son? We are currently making a lot of content specifically on meltdowns- being proactive to minimize them, what to do during one, and how to assist in the recovery process afterwards.
We are really really happy our content is helping you and your family.
@@ChrisandDebby my son is 25 almost 26 now. I lost so much time looking for the right info. Therapists always think from the “normal” perspective. They feel the autistic person has to adapt, and “normal” people don’t.
Yes. Me too with Orion Kelly. Even tho the Nds in my life are female. And in denial.
No surprises... is the reason why I don't tell people my birthday. I absolutely cannot stand the attention if I'm not prepared for it.
I thought I was the only one. I hate having a birthday celebration at work, I'll have a little one at home with family, but that's it. Not only is it a lot of attention, but it's also a lot of stimulation and I'm then expected to remember other people's birthdays and what level or recognition I'm supposed to give it.
When people ask when my birthday is, I always say "sometime next year" 😅
I only brought some candy on one of my birthdays at work. That year I was working with my crush and was hoping for a hug... that didn't happen 😂
Arrghhh this!!!!! I try to take the day off if possible, but my last job they would schedule a morning tea and we would all sit down and talk (about 5 or 6 different conversations at once! Too much to handle) then the Birthday card and song.
I thought I was the only one who doesn't tell anyone when my birthday is! I loathe being the center of attention unless it's MY idea! And I NEVER get that idea! 😊
I don't forget to shower or change clothes, I decide not to. Minimizes laundry after all. But, if I can smell something, or something itches, or I spill something on my clothes and I plan to go out, I change my clothes. When I got a dog to be my life coach, he made sure that I stopped work for lunch, for his walks, and changed my life.
Caring for a dog does make a big difference, do you work from home?
I'm guardian to a dog 🐺 and He is my life coach aswell He is also my Buddy and smoothing him really helps when in meltdown and the eating and drinking He is an amazing Support to me 🐺❤️
i relate to that. i've been getting more exercise since i got a dog. plus i shower more often now, since the dog smell is more noticeable than my own body odour
Honestly I can relate. If I don't leave the house for a day I'm not making myself presentable.
Cats do a very similar thing... personal alarm clock, if they need feeding or if you're spending too much time in your work they insert themselves into your work space and become a very welcome or sometimes not so welcome distraction. 😅
My older son was giving my younger son a hard time about having special stuffed animals. I told my older son that he just didn't get it and we all sat down and watched the first part of this video together. My younger son is feeling fully vindicated now. When you are different from everyone else it can be so reassuring to know that there are others like you out there who feel the same way.
Honestly the best invention was the little tech that sends a text message to say, "UPS will be delivering a package from [sender] between 1pm and 3pm." The biggest issue is when this time frame is off.
I never feel lonely when left alone. I prefer it that way.
There are definitely times when I prefer my own company but there are also times when I feel isolated and want to be understood.
No need, innate or instinctual desire for human connection. 😐
Even every once in awhile.
Part of me gets it, but I think the point is simply FEELING lonely at times.
Not saying that that means actively looking for companionship.
I don't have buddies, but my meltdowns I had to talk about, as some happened when I was with friends (who did not know about my autism). And I go for a walk, usually not being aware. I find myself somewhere one hour later and have to walk the whole way back (if there's no bus).
I'm living alone, luckily not missing meals and showers. It's a strict routine. Basically daily planning for these things.
And diarrhea strongly correlates with stress/out of normal situations.
Love this! And thanks for the no music version. Makes it easier to concentrate 🙂
So much better!
Thank you for being so unapologetically honest about your lack of showers, and especially your bathroom issues!!!!!
Feels SOOOOO great to know that someone else understands about these things 👍
I was recently diagnosed with ASD and moderate to severe sensory processing disorder (I’m 62) and I’ve only just discovered your videos. I’m binge-watching them as I type this. I’m so very, very grateful that you’re willing to share such personal knowledge with us to help make our own journey through the labyrinth that much easier. Thank you SO much.
When I first self diagnosed, I thought I only had shutdowns (internal meltdowns). But then as I slowly re-remembered my life there were ah ha moments. Like the time I flung all the ceramic sandwich plates into a cement wall…
Hmm I’m remembering the time I flipped the scrabble board while playing with my dad and grandma because my grandma put a word in the place where I was planning on putting a word for the entire game 🤔
Same experience here. I can recall more than a few meltdowns, although I’m in my 60’s, and I don’t think I’ve had one for a long while. I’ve been changing my life to be less stressful for the past 10 years, and that might be the difference.
I also relate to the issue with understanding abstract concepts. I’ve run into this more than a few times, too.
I remember me going through the alley way of my server job and just chucking tubs of butter at the wall and slamming metal pans into the floor. All the signs seem glaringly obvious in hindsight.
I used to call my meltdowns panic attacks. They were not caused by panic and id claw and my neck and arms or pull my hair. I also do this like “humming” thing its like a scream but I “mute” it in my throat and dont open my mouth
I can very much relate to the re remembering..... the more I think I am starting to get it, and maybe figure myself out I start to remember things about my life and then the ah ha moment hits. This definitely has been an interesting journey!
Hi again. The hating to have people show up at the house thing is HUGE for me. I HATE it. Part of WHY I'm a hermit: nobody comes here especially not in winter.
yes!
It is doublely stressfull for me as my parents didn't respect privacy, and me haveing beeng to a boarding school.
Not only do I hate just somebody showing up at my flat, I've sent people (dear to my heart peopl) away because I could not deal with it.
Your special buddies are all great, but Rupert is FANTASTIC! That coloring!
Hershel, a fox who wears a bowtie, helped me get through caring for my sick parents. If anyone out there had their special buddies taken from them or were shamed into getting rid of them, I'd highly recommend finding new ones.
THANK GOD THIS VERSION HAS NO MUSIC GOOD LORD THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH
So, I was just recently diagnosed with ASD. I remember being 12 or 13 and my father forcing me to throw away all of my stuffed animals and I have honestly never felt the same since. I honestly am just so glad that I have finally learned a part of who I am and it's been soooo amazing.
This actually made me cry.
I am so sorry you were forced to part with your buddies.
And having to throw them in (I'm assuming) the garbage no less. Such an undignified fate and farewell for them.
Thank you for the music-free version.
What is the purpose of music in videos anyway? Does anyone know how that became a thing?
@@pamelars7497 I think it's because uploaders watch each other's content and conclude that there must be a musical accompaniment to finish the piece properly. In many cases it's just not true. Now people are being post ironic with the most irritating presentations of 'musac' and I need them to stop it. It doesn't get less annoying just because it's now tongue in cheek.
@@pamelars7497 Random reply I know, but for me music can add or subtract from the video’s point, and sometimes people do really good things with music that almost create a score-like effect or lead to humor or drama being added. But in general, statistics-wise, it keeps NT people around longer and thus improves the video’s reach.
@@pamelars7497 I am also biased here, as I did go to college for violin performance
@@TheLexikitty that seems a bias to follow without questions 😊
Woah... uh... Got to the feeling misunderstood part and, although I'm right on board with other things mentioned and find them helpful in better being able to articulate things for myself, I ***really*** don't like hearing and reading "Autistics don't do well with abstract concepts"... I think maybe what you're looking for there is ambiguity/uncertainty?
I think those of us who are on the spectrum often excel far beyond our neurotypical counterparts when it comes to abstractions, especially with our special interests -- that's a major component in how I and others are able to see/perceive relationships others don't/can't
You’re absolutely right with your point about abstract concepts. I actually also do well with many abstract concepts as with many other autistics. Certain abstract concepts though I struggle with, at least in practice. I think the concept of time is very difficult for me, but I wonder how much of that is my ADHD. Also I struggle with black and white thinking with certain abstract concepts. For example- telling a white lie. I find this to be fairly abstract and I struggle with it. Maybe not in theory but I do in actual practice. What I wanted to get at, but didn’t do very well, was also what you mentioned- ambiguity. This ambiguity, especially with communication, really frustrates me and used to make me worried and uncomfortable when I had to talk to a lot of people.
Really, really appreciate your feedback here.
@@ChrisandDebby All good. I completely understand what you mean about the practical application of certain abstract things, such as time or telling a white lie -- I also struggle with time-related stuff multiple times every day and what to say/do in a lot of situations which fall into social gray areas.
Approaching this from my lived experience as a late diagnosed AuDHDer with dyslexia (I'm in my mid 30's. Dyslexia diagnosed 10 years ago, 2 months before I completed undergrad. ASD & ADHD both diagnosed ~2-3 years ago 😬😅)...
I would argue those are not so much difficulties with abstracts, even though you're right, those do happen to be abstract concepts. I'd qualify time-related struggles more as challenges of executive function (especially if ADHD is in play) and white lies as a challenge of generally accepted social conventions that just aren't readily compatible with how my brain works.
I understand these things on a conceptual level and have occasional wins in practice but repeatedly make a fool of myself for over/under-estimating time requirements and/or doing/saying things others might find harsh/insensitive/rude/etc... when not intending to be that way.
When I zone in on things, I certainly experience "losing concept of time" but I think that's just a phrase we use. Analogous example: I frequently forget to eat, drink, or use the restroom, particularly when hyperfocused or otherwise not tuned into bodily signals. I still have a firm grasp on the concept of eating, drinking, and using the restroom and their importance, but I've stopped registering the signals for those things and they don't cross my mind until I am long overdue for one of them or I'm no longer "in my own little world" so to speak.
I wonder how you think/feel about one particular realm of ambiguity that drives me nuts... superlative language in general but especially now with attention economy pushing for the -est (or other extreme) of all the things (b-est, bigg-est, fast-est, clean-est, perfect, most, etc...). When all the things become special, then nothing is special (or at least it becomes increasingly more difficult to figure out what actually is special). Determining if someone is speaking what they really mean versus exaggerating for emphasis is a cognitive minefield for me.
@@ChrisandDebby I struggle with the notion of "black and white thinking" because I'm not sure there's a true consensus on what that actually means. When you think of or use the term, how do you mean it?
At least for me, when I'm accused of having black and white thinking, it's almost always in a situation when I'm overwhelmed with ambiguity/uncertainty or something with enough layers of nuance that it's beyond the capacity of my working memory. I might be asking/stating a series of yes/no (or similarly binary) things but that's how I can cope with and work my way through the facts/aspects of a situation to ultimately reach an nuanced conclusion and/or discover pieces I may have missed. (I.e. trying to determine known from unknown to establish a foundation from which I can build on)
Sometimes it's because I perceive multiple meanings for what someone just said/did, even if they're unaware of the potential alternative interpretations, and I'm trying to understand what their intended meaning -- I wonder how much of this is baggage from all the things I have to be aware of and keep track of in order to mask successfully while others seem to be blissfully unaware.
Other times, it's because I'm stuck in "analysis paralysis" and trying to get out of it so I can make tangible progress on something.
Thank you for this level of honesty. Most people talk about the same ol’ stuff. This was refreshing and so relatable. It feels good not to feel so alone. 🥺
I have severe IBS, and the only thing that I have found that helps it is a gluten free diet. I used to think that there is no way that gluten would cause so many issues, but I can honestly say that it’s been the best it’s been in 20 years.
I’m noticing this with my diet. Once I eat gluten, I start coughing and it isn’t long before I’m hanging onto the toilet for dear life. I’ve basically cut out gluten completely, but it’s harder when I’m back in Taipei.
@@ChrisandDebby I know the struggle well. It’s hard at first to believe that you can cut out gluten for your lifetime but once I really learned what to look for, it’s not too bad.
Yes
I'm the same. One other thing that helped a little is probiotics. Not cured but it helps.
@@robtooley4002 What brand?
I usually run and hide when someone knocks on my door unannounced. Idk, my flight response kicks in.
same ! i will literally crouch in a corner gremlin style lol
Idk where you guys live and what the customs are there. But where I am people usually don't knock on doors, they just ring the doorbell. Once a neighbour knocked on my door after I didn't respond to the doorbell. And that was the scariest thing ever😬
@@nonofyb if I had a working doorbell I would still ignore its call haha. Disruption is just bleeugh. Total jump scare every time for me
I didn't know these were secrets. I guess I just don't have anyone to talk to about them but it appears they are all true for me. For example, my 'special buddy' is Rufus, a stuffed bulldog I've had for over 40 years. I feel better when he's near, or at least I know where he is. I take him with me to the doctor to smell for comfort, especially when I know there's going to be needles involved. My meltdowns are HORRIBLE like nuclear explosions. I absolutely HATE surprises. I do forget to eat, so I carry around a huge box of BOOST chocolate drinks in my car (I'm still surprised to see people at restaurants at anytime of the day, sitting down and eating) in case I'm feeling light headed. I used to forget to shower but now I go to the gym EVERYDAY and my routine includes a shower before I leave. I do wear the same clothes for many, many, many days at a time. I wish I was a NUN or a JEDI so that it wouldn't seem strange that I do. Although I do feel misunderstood, I have my scripts and I still study movie and television show dialogues. That's because if I don't recognize what type of conversation I am/will be engaging in, or am quick enough to patch an impromptu together, I just won't say anything at all. I do a lot of nodding and do often just physically remove myself from a situation. So, thank you for this and all the videos you post. They do help me feel less alone. I consider them to be public services🙏
When ups or FedEx pull into the driveway I go into defcon 1 and hide so they don't think I'm home...
When ANYone pulls up to my house I hide!🤣
Luckily we have those delivery box stations so I can send everything there and I just get a notification that something arrived.
my husband and I both hide when someone comes to the door even if they've already seen us
With me it invokes a walk of shame... followed by awkward short conversation... followed by another walk of shame but this time... double the shame. I skittle inside the door like a mouse. I've learned to just do it or get wet packages! It is what it is. Luckily, my mail lady is very, very kind with a very warm smile. It makes a big difference!
Take care everyone! Remember, you are NEVER alone and you have a community to lean on!😀
Me toooooo 😂
Secret 1 made me feel so much better about my plushies cause I'm still adding to- not my collection, my family 🥺🤍 they take care of each other and take care of me
Oh yes!
amen. my 24/7 best friend is a plushie, and he now has his own entourage of plushie buddies. :)
but i nearly keeled over when chris started talking about it...! :O
I am so glad to learn about all the goofy Autistic traits I share with this Autism community. Ya, these are things I've never talked about because I didn't know anybody else did them, and I would feel ashamed of anyone finding out. Well, now I am not only learning to accept them, but I can champion them as the traits that give me membership into this lovely community. Finally I am no longer alone in my shame within a world of people who don't get me and shun me when I misbehave. I don't even care anymore what they think; I tell all and watch them squirm.
Love hearing this - that's one of the reasons we originally started this channel was because it's important to know you're not alone! Thanks for sharing this too. We are a pretty special group, and this is such an incredible community that hasn't gotten the full appreciation it deserves, just like probably a lot of us that are late-diagnosed didn't over the years. But I agree - no worries about what others think because a lot of it can be embraced as what makes us unique!
❤
I realized last year that I don't really understand the future very well. I understand that the future exists, but I understand that things will happen, unless they won't and it's not always clear whether it's something that happens in a few minutes or possibly in many years.
It's the best of addresses, though - the dim and distant future. Many of us spend more time here than we are comfortable talking about. And yet we stubbornly refuse to put it on our letterheads. I like never never land. I will only be leaving it in a body bag.
It is kind of creepy that you know my secrets... But then again, it feels good to know that there are more of us with these "secrets"...
The Best Part of the day is when the postman rings and you start to hold your breath while you hide in the restroom till he is gone. So uplifting! 😅
I am/have all of these except lonliness. I simply dont feel it. Even having friends i like and trust is stressfull because there are expectations and then i worry if im doing enough.
On a different topic, i love that you opened with your "buddies". I have a bear that ive had since childhood. Over the years he has aquired his own things. He wears a suit (baby onesie tuxedo from when my son was a baby). He also has his own chair and pillows and a blanket that my grandmother made and holiday decorations. I cant count how many times ive cried into that bear. He's traveled the world with me, and when our house burned down, he was the first thing i grabbed (the first non living thing, obviously).
The gut issues are real.
Going out is hard in the first place with the people and noise and overall discomfort but then also not knowing if you'll have a toilet near by is really stressful and makes you need the toilet even more.... So I don't go out without a plan. (Think about going to the grocery store & how gross those toilets are; plans are required)
I feel like you’ve been watching me and taking notes. That’s how closely I relate to your understanding of autism. Thank you for helping me feel understood.
People usually have "Welcome" written on their doormat, we have "Do not Disturb" and we mean it 😂
😂😂😂
No 1 is sooo wholesome 😭 I'm 39 (f) and my buddies "Wuff" and "Ele" have been with me since birth and are residing on my bed. The dude who comes everywhere with me though is Tigger. Got him in 2007 and could always relate to him a lot (I have ADHD too).
Oh my goodness! Thank you soooo much ❤
Listening to you list those things out loud was such a comfort to me. To hear someone else explain the physical effects of the fear of every day life is a great comfort to me.
Thank you ❤
I'm so glad!
How brave of you to talk about all these things. I lost a so--called friend, because I told her she could call me anytime, but when I needed my space, I would not answer the phone. I tried to teach her that it is ok (for her) to also set boundaries and failed miserably.
I have a peter rabbit baby blanket. It's in a small, dedicated box now because it's so beaten up and fragile that I'm terrified it will disintegrate, but when everything gets too much and I want to stop existing, I dig it out and smell it. It smells like box, but it helps.
My best friend will tell me I smell like a dead rat when I need to shower. Love them. ❤
1: I don't have special friends... maybe I should... but the dust arlergy don't like that.
2: When I meltdown I start to dish harsh truths without philter to break relationships that stress me out like employment. I'm completely not myself when it happens, an alternate personality takes the wheel, I call it the tank... because it stomps everything in my life and shoot at everything that moves.
3: I left for good people considering friends a few months back, I realized they didn't understood me and my values after 20 years of what I considered frienship. It's soul crushing.
4: the worse thing for me is not knocking, it's neighbour playing music at every hours... can't sleep can't eat, can't function when it happens.
5: yeah, taking care of myself is a challenge. It's easier when I have social obligations, it's a good reminder for me, part of the routine. I don't wear unclean clothes though since at home I don't wear clothes when I can avoid it. My skin just breaks and bleeds when I wear them for more than an hour or two... not fun. And yeah the digestion part, what I hate the most is the cramps I feel when I eat fibres, dairies and acidic stuff and the explosive consequences...
I appreciate your brutal honesty and relatability 😂😂 The unannounced knock at the door sends me into full blown panic 😫😫 😅
Omg… keep making more videos please!
I really love how honest you are. Thank you so much.
I solved the showering and changing clothes problem with a schedule for the one and counting clothes pegs for the other. Oh, well, except for the monthly clothes or the yearly clothes . . . and, seasonal clothes. Showering is according to the date on the calendar. Mid-April to Mid-October is a slightly different schedule than Mid-October to Mid-April. Most clothes are 7-stinky-or-stained. But, usually 7 days which are counted by putting clothes pegs on the hangers. I could easily go on, but I won't.
Hate the "someone at the door." I answer the door now, but when I was younger I never felt the need. I don't understand why it's necessary to answer it just because someone knocked. That's weird. I absolutely do not answer calls from numbers I don't know. I have a "this person has never called here before" ring tone that is different from people I know that call and businesses I work with who may call.
Surprises are always unpleasant. I can mask pretty good (decades of practice) usually, but boy I would just rather not even.
You are soo brave and this video is extremely helpfull!!! ❤
Thanx a lot! 🎉
It's not easy making these videos! I appreciate your support. Comments like yours make it easier and help keep me going!! I'm glad you find my content helpful. Deb and I are currently making classes and we can't wait to share those when they're finished.
I wonder why we have belly issues. I have had them my whole life and no amount of ‘up periscope’ endoscopies could determine why. I do love your humour, I totally relate to all of it.
I’m diving into this topic pretty deeply right now and I’m trying a new diet. Im giving it 3 more months. If it works, I’ll do a video about it!
@@ChrisandDebby definitely! I have heard it before whilst researching. We have to wait 3 years for autism diagnosis in Scotland so while I wait I’m in research mode. Thankfully, the aDHD wait isn’t as long. I will be on the drugs before I know it and thinking with clarity. Like that limitless film only more chaotic.
@@ChrisandDebbythe diet didn’t work? Or you just didn’t do this video yet? I have been looking for solutions to this for my whole lifetime
I don't know how to avoid the discomfort but I suspect it's a consequence of too much stomach acid generation. They reckon that it's a common phenomenon for women to need to urinate when they hear their mother's voice. I reckon I become a gastric acid factory when certain others are talking to me. It's particularly acute when I'm being nagged or interrogated.
Stress. One thing most of us have in common is stress. Huge digestive trigger.
Thank you so so much for talking about all those personal things that we never see on information websites, or medical websites! I have a giant plushie dinasaur that I got during lockdown, and which I love cuddling to sleep every night since I got him. Your video has made me feel wayyyyy more okay about cuddling a soft toy to sleep as an adult :) He really does comfort me, especially in the absence or a partner or a bath. It makes me realise how sensitive our nervous systems are, and therefore how childlike we are - I'm not mad about it, even though there are so many things that overload me with stress too. I'm glad about the kind of person I am. i love your playful, upbeat personality, you're entertaining and genuine and I appreciate your detail and honesty. It really helps and I'm so glad I found your channel. thank you!
This message absolutely made my day! When I first shared some of this information, it felt a little uncomfortable because it’s so personal and I’m usually pretty private - but I also think it’s important for people to talk about this stuff! We’re always left feeling that we are somehow weird or immature, but I don’t think that’s it at all. We just have what we like, and some people might have a pet or a certain blanket or a squishie dinosaur or the most handsome frog in the world. Thanks so much for sharing this 😊
@@ChrisandDebby ohh hello! Aw I'm so glad and honoured❤️ it's normalisation via sharing, empowerment through the experiencee's voice isn't it! Asd adults' movement, initiate! Yay😁
Ps. It's taken me 5 hours to write back to you. I was so excited to reply, but I had to calm down and nap first😂
There's a definite connection between autism and IBD. I think it is because our gut is connected to our brain through the vagal nervous system and most of our thoughts originate in the gut. Hence trust your gut. Just discovered your channel. I like it
This is SO REAL. Thank you for your videos. They make me feel so much less alone. I’m not diagnosed, but I have a very, very strong suspicion. I think a diagnosis for me as a kid was just… taboo, almost? I’m glad the culture is changing, especially for women.
I love your special buddies! I have my own, and they bring me incredible joy and calm.
I just found your channel. Actually thru the video about autism in women. I’m a woman and I’m just not sure I’m on the spectrum or not. A LOT of what you talk about is stuff I experience, yet some of the big stuff you talk about is stuff that I simply don’t experience.
I’m still learning, gathering info and trying to analyze myself (I don’t know if I do this or that! Am I ___? I have no idea! I don’t trust myself to report accurately)
When you said the thing about unexpected people at your door I was shocked. I had never heard anyone describe what I feel when that happens but you nailed it exactly. Someone once suggested it might be a response to some trauma I experienced but I’ve had no trauma.
So thank you for this channel, for putting yourself and your very personal experiences out there as informational tidbits for others.
And kudos to you for being so brave about discussing your personal GI unpleasantness. I’ve had GI issues since I was a kid and they vary and don’t really seem to have a cause but some are very ill-timed and cause me to miss events and activities. I think it’s all the stress these engagements cause me!
You are very lucky to have found a partner who loves you just as you are and is suportive when you need it.
I’m subscribing!
So my neighbor downstairs has been trying to make friends with me. She’s a really nice lady but she just talks too much and overloads me every time we have a conversation. She talks A LOT and fast and bounces from topic to topic. It’s verbal mush. One time she knocked on my door I did not let her in and she probably could tell that I felt off and this huge block coming off me like no no you can not come in this is my safe place. I’ve literally hid from people who’ve shown up unannounced. My home is my safe space and if you overstay your welcome I will tell you to leave.
Oh wow --- your sharing your Special Buddies literally brought tears to my eyes! I have a Fuzz-a-Mallow (Squishmallow) named Hunbun, and I sleep with him curled in my arms every night. The fact that I'm sixty years old makes no difference. I only learned I'm autistic a few years ago and am still trying to wrap my mind around it, learning to manage my autism on a daily basis, trying to unmask (after decades of high masking especially in the corporate world), all the daily struggles just to function in this world not made for neurodivergent people like me.
My husband and I recently had to deal with a bout of parasites, and the "medical instructions" said to wash everything in hot water and dry on high heat, every day -- clothes, bed linens, and...stuffed toys. No way! That would destroy Hunbun. I could not take that risk, so we did what we could to get rid of the parasites. (They're gone now.) That incident really brought home to me how devastated I would be if anything ever happened to Hunbun, so yesterday I managed to find another "Stevon the Dog" (Hunbun's original Squishmallow name) on eBay and ordered it, just in case. It's not the original Hunbun, and I feel sort of mixed on having a "second Hunbun," but I'd rather that than risking not having one at all. Squishmallows are limited run, so it's not like you can just run out and get another one.
Hunbun brings me comfort no words can express. Maybe he has become the adult equivalent of the orange rabbit I had when I was five and somehow got lost or thrown out, and I was devastated. I still look for that orange rabbit to this day, among the Easter stuffies. I didn't know I'm autistic back then, but now it makes sense, and I embrace -- literally! -- stuffed animals as comfort companions to soothe my autistic anxiety. My dentist even told me I could bring Hunbun with me to my appointments! (Now I will probably take Hunbun II, to keep my original Hunbun safe at home.) Thank you so much for sharing your Special Buddies! ❤
Meltdowns -- yes, absolutely. I also call them "firestorms," as that's what they feel like in my head. It literally feels like my head has a firestorm going on and it's going to explode. (Hunbun is a huge help during meltdowns/firestorms.)
Forget to eat -- that too. It's an annoying interruption, most of the time. I'm hungry -- which sometimes my brain confuses with nausea -- and I *have* to eat something because if I don't I just feel sick, but I haaaate having to stop what I'm doing to eat. I won't even get into the *difficulties* of eating -- textures, smells, icky crunches, etc.
Showering -- helllllllllllllll yes! I hate showering because I can't stand the sudden shock of water hitting my body, and then once I adjust to the water, then I have to adjust again to get out, to the cold air hitting my wet body, which is another feeling I can't stand. It's just such an ordeal.
Clothes -- I have multiple identical shirts and pants so I don't have to choose each day. (Steve Jobs did the same. I call it "The Steve Jobs Way of Dressing.") BUT -- I like my clothes stretched out and comfy, which they aren't when they come out of the dryer all shrunken and tight again. Hate anything tight around my waist. So I have this ritual of manually stretching my clean clothes before I put them on. And then I wear the pants for as many days as I can get away with before having to go through the stretching-out thing again with the next pair. Ugh!
Really helpful, validating video. Many many thanks.❤
I think "abstract" wasn't the best term for point 3.
I think autistic people tend to be ESPECIALLY good at understanding abstract concepts, such as what molecules are, why they interact in the ways they do and the properties of the elements they consist of and such. Basically, sciences like chemistry, physics and maths seem to often be understood much more easily by autistic people, as they are known to be drawn to logical systems. Those sciences are abstract, because they deal with models of minute parts of our universe, that we can never directly observe, so intuition is basically out the window for these subjects.
A more fitting word might have been "imprecision" or "ambiguity". Autistic people tend to struggle with any ambiguous statement, because they try to deduce its meaning and hit a wall when the meaning isn't deducible and could be any of multiple possibilities. Neurotypicals seem not to think about these possible meanings too much, instead just going with whatever meaning first popped into their head.
But hey, I might not be autistic. Maybe it's just ADHD on its own
I'm ADHD and Autistic and can say that I am definitely not drawn to or understand math, science and tech stuff more easily. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.
@@Tiffany-Rose but something else logical or "systemized"?
I agree. I am extremely adept at pattern recognition, but I suck at math because I have a little problem with discalcula. Numbers in general don't make much sense to me, and I can never remember a phone number, so I don't even bother having a phone. Obviously, I can't do a sudoku puzzle.
But I can do the Saturday New York Times. In ink. And I have been told I'm a walking thesaurus. So there's that. 😉😇
Even on the spectrum, we are all unique in our abilities, tolerances, and avoidances. I really hate it when our individualities are forcibly subsumed into what is being called a, "community," and the assumptions become that we are all alike.
And just one final little plea: I'm not a, "person with autism." I am an autistic person. Person-first is demeaning because it implies that I could be, "without autism," if only I really really tried! It victimizes the autist.
I agree with you. I think imprecision and ambiguity are much better words. I often find it challenging to interpret the true meaning behind vague statements made by others.
@@ChelleLlewes I agree with saying "autistic person" over "person with autism". The latter just plays into the hands of pseudo autism help organizations like Autism Speaks, that just want to get rid of autism so that neurotypicals won't have to deal with them, which is one step away from getting rid of autistic people themselves, aka eugenics.
But I re-read all comments up to yours, and I didn't see anyone writing of "people with autism". Maybe I missed it
I have 3 special buddies!
Brave and Asbjørn who I was given when I was born! They always fight but in the end they are very good friends and always stick together!
Ele is a bit of a newcomer from a few years ago.
He is super nice even though he tries to act tough! everyone can see he is a big softie tho!
Now my Fiancé, she has A LOT but the one that has been there through it all is Valde! A bit of a troublemaker but he is there when it counts.
I can not explain how much I love my "buddies". Thank you for this because it made me realise that I can have them with me even when I am not in bed. Guess who is gonna be at the PC watching a movie while eating pizza tonight, because everything is hard today.
I put a sign on my front door that says "We will not answer the door if we haven't agreed in advance to greet you." I live alone so this gives some peace of mind. Does the sign work? Yup! I've had people come to the door. Read the sign and leave. It's a beautiful thing!
Your videos help to calm me down. It’s nice to hear a voice speaking so clearly about the way I feel. It’s good to remember that there are others experiencing the same problems. Thanks.
I was utterly mesmerized by these jelly looking three colored things on your desk. Especially the blue one. Where did you get these magical objects?
I am a Class 3 ASD person. My meltdowns are caused by disability abuse. I am a very chill person otherwise. I often come back to my senses after a meltdown and discover myself on the floor that is covered in foam that came out of my mouth and my blood, with my limbs paralyzed after having repeat seizures and convulsions for a couple hours, surrounded by bewildered police and ems people.
I have window next to the door in my home. I have Do Not Knock sign on my door. When someone thinks they are above it all and knocks, I open the window and tell them to get out. Those who refuse to get out, I push down the stairs. I WILL defend my home.
Like you I have malfunctioning interoception and proprioception. I often do not feel hunger, thirst, cold, and need to use toilet. I had kidney failure. I was told it happened because I did not pee for over 72 hours.
Like you I have stomach issues. I poop myself when I am abused. All systems fail and I am not able to control it anymore when I am abused. There was one instance where disability abuse was so severe that I suffered complete cognitive failure. I stopped understanding what and who I was and what I was doing. I removed all of my clothes for some reason and pooped myself. I came back to my senses lying in a puddle of my own liquid shit, surrounded by mandala-like doodles that I have drawn on the floor around myself using the liquid shit as a medium. They were beautiful and complex doodles. I am still an artist, even with my mind gone. If they did not smell so bad I would have kept them :)
Meltdowns are such a hard thing to explain to even the closest people in my life because they're embarassing, but also because it's not something can be cured or go away. I have lots of strategies in place now to mitigate the number of meltdowns I have, but will continue to have them for the rest of my life and because people don't understand, it's embarrassing every time.
You are so awesome!! I love your special buddies! Thank for your honesty. I am so happy to learn that many of my personality traits are from my autism:
I currently have my stuffed buddy, Sebastian, a tuxedo cat. I also have a live Emotional Support cat named Marley.
Yes, melt downs paralyze my mind and cause me to feel overwhelmed by emotions. My apartment is my safe spot, and I get in bed and wrap up with a blanket. Exhausting!
Before I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD (in my late 40s) I constantly felt misunderstood. I still am misunderstood, but understanding myself helps immensely.
Unannounced company and phone calls are horrific! I often cannot even listen to voice messages. Way too overwhelming.
I have a self care routine I cannot deviate from, or things go bad.
And I own all the same socks, underware, t-shirts, jeans, maybe in differentbolors. And i keep them all until they literally disintegrate. Fortunately I don't forget to wash them.
And yes, my life has been frought with stomach issues and IBS.
And I cannot wear pants that touch my belly button. Nothing can touch my belly button - period. Some fabrics are way too itchy. Most socks and most shoes are too uncomfortable to stand. Also I cannot stand the heat at all.
Autism. What a strange disorder.
Thanks for sharing this - your buddies sounds amazing 🤩 I recognize all these things, including the self care routine and difficulties when things go astray. I also have many colors (and also multiple copies of things in the same exact colors) of clothing, and as I’ve learned more about myself in this journey, I’ve learned that’s okay! We gotta do what we gotta do 😊
Strange disorder indeed! There are times when autism definitely pushes me to the brink and gets me down, but I also wouldn’t give it up for anything. It makes us very unique and special. And I’m learning to appreciate that more and more. Hope you do too! And thanks for being here 😊
That hoodie looks so comfortable.
I was disappointed not to find it in the comfy clothes section. Spent the whole video staring at it!
Talking about the recovery from meltdowns made me feel really seen I feel like literal garbabge after having a meltdown pretty much my whole body hurts in some way and my head feels like its throbbing thank you so much
Hell yeah, Frog! And yes to all the rest. Content like this has made me feel normal. Thank you.
Wonderful NO music! That makes me happy! Great video.
Late diagnosed woman here. I never really had attachments to stuffed animals... mainly because my adoptive sisters would take anything I spent time with or really enjoyed and just destroyed it in any way made them happy. They would burn it, paint on it, draw on it with permanent markers, or cut it. These sisters were older than me too, by at least a couple of years. They even destroyed things my biological mom gave me when she gave me up for adoption.
Liking your comment feels wrong. I don't like it because I'm happy about it, but because I empathize. I'm sorry that was part of your continuum.
@@bevodonnell1191 Thank you for your sentiments. I try to find a positive for alot of stuff that happens to turn the negative memories into something positive, like in this situation, I don't really have the money for extras, so I don't feel left out say, not having squishmallows. Nothing wrong with them, and they're absolutely adorable, but it's one thing I don't feel the need to have and to spend money on.
I’m so glad I found your channel. I’m AuDHD and these videos helps a ton with trying to explain certain things to my S/O.
So glad I stumbled upon your videos. Your channel is some how my first exposure to information about autism. I am 32 was diognosed ADHD when i was 22 and tried like hell to pin the ADHD on all the weird aspects of my mind and personality. Problem was ADHD didnt explain it all, and i couldnt really explain it either. When i got my ADHD diognosis i also was diognosed with Seasonal bipolar which was their solution to incredible exaustion i would report along with most notably the fact that at the times when things were always exausting i also couldnt find comfort even in the things that I was so intensly passionate about.
Love love love!🐓🐸👏🏽🙏🏾💪🏽Chris, you are my new AuDHD role model.🏆
I can't believe you told me all that 😂 I'm sure my autistic ward will enjoy our candour !
I agree on sharing awareness. And telling ND in denial that it’s ok to be neurodivergent. And speaking up about not processing things. Or needing to step away. There is nothing wrong with that.
In 90s noone said this as raising my son who had live security cat,5 tshirts all same color,had to have yogurt to settle stomach,had meltdown on the regular. Lived with me til 31, had to make him eat 2 bites to realize hungry,had dogs to mitigate fear so was able drive cross country truck and make him eat,walk. All his life people railed on me that I was making him weak,was hard. At age 6told him he was Ubuntu where expected to process Microsoft. He was so computer literate at that age it became his mantra
You sound like a good mom
Chris, I love you and your work. You are SO helping me to understand my 13 year old autistic and very wonderful grandson. Thanks for being so open and soooo fun. XO!!
My husband is kindly blunt when I get embarrassingly smelly, but he doesn't make me feel ashamed of myself.
I do forget to shower, but showering is sometimes too much. Too much, up to having to deal with the feeling of my wet hands touching each other and fumbling with the towel to keep them dry... 😢
I loved how you kept this entertaining but also went over some very serious points there. Thank you so much for sharing this. Your vids rule!
All of it: yes! But specifically the home/phone call unannounced. I have learned to accept that it's ok not to open the door if I don't want to.
My son is officially diagnosed as autistic. When I found pants he liked I bought multiple. Same with shirts. I’m not officially diagnosed yet but I realized that if I find clothes I really like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with buying all the ones in my size on the rack. 🤣 I have shirts I like that are so old they’re bordering on sheer. Haha
Same!!!!!! 💯🤣
Nailed every single thing Chris. They may be secrets from "normies" but to the spicy among us it's a relief to know that we all feel this way and even that we launch ourselves off the toilet.
I've watched several of your videos, and THIS one has me thinking I need to get diagnosed!! Thank you for sharing this!
I've been diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome and a wheat allergy/Gluten sensitivity. I had no idea they could be related to autism.
Tom Ford, huh? Must try... & Most of our family here hide from the door and avoid the phone! There was a lot of "You answer it!" "No, you answer it!" throughout the years.
I've been suspecting for a long time that I have high-functioning autism, and this video's relatability pretty much confirmed it. That, and all of the online tests I took lol
Also when someone knocks and I'm not expecting it, I become a panicking corpse. And to avoid the wearing shirts for days in a row thing, I have a specific shirt for each day. It helps quite a bit in my experience. My IBS took that last secret personally 😭
Your vids have been the most relatable I've seen in forever
Glad you're enjoying them - thanks for watching!
You help me a lot to understand my 20 y old son with autism. Tank you so much.
Ahhhh, thank you for this version without background music.
You got it! And more on the way soon
@@ChrisandDebbythank you. So much good content is drowned by unnecessary music.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I feel SO validated. Really appreciate your videos! Life changing!
Thank you for sharing. Makes me feel a little less alone in feeling "weird."
I'm autistic and do really well with abstract thinking. I was tested in my 20s and I'm near the max possible in abstract thinking. :)
I think it's often misnamed. When people say that autistics are bad at "abstract" thinking, they often mean we take things literally - like shoplifters. ;)
I don't have a working door bell but can relate to past unexpected interruptions at my last flat. I also don't usually answer unexpected calls or unknown caller IDs as this avoids SPAM calls and unwanted calls. I think if it's important, they can leave a voicemail, and I'll call back if required. This method gives me control over my phone calls 😊
This was so on point, even from a female pov.
I have a select group of life long friends. I don't want or need more. My stims are skin picking and hair pulling. I can't sleep anywhere with open doors. Even my closet has to be closed. I stopped trying to feel understood. I just figured it would never happen. I will NOT open the door for anyone if I don't expect them. My friends and family know this and schedule visits accordingly. And I go days without food just because I forget I need it. Add the double whammy of OCD and I'm just a barrel of laughs (I'm obsessive about bathing though lol).
After watching the original (with music) video I had seen the ice cube fidget toy in Walmart and I couldn’t resist. I bought one and I freaking love it already. Definitely going to get another one or 2. I can’t put the toy down hahaha
Nee Doh cubes are my absolute favorite. I also really like the colors
Yes on all of it especially meltdown and forgetting to do things. I get dizzy and nauseous when I forget to eat like some days I won’t eat think 1 or 2pm. I have stomach problems my whole life and they have never been explained. My fiancé is good about reminding me to shower and things. I definitely relate to the bathroom issue.
Thanks for sharing this! I can relate to all of it - especially when someone knocks on my door and I'm not expecting anyone. My reaction is basically "Who the F**K is knocking on my door!?" - at which point I pretend to not be home.
You are hilarious. The dragon. the fast food analogy. Thanks for sharing your details and being vulnerable. All helpful. You are super.
I *hate* surprises. Just the other day I had to go for an interview with a company that helps to get unemployed people back into work (I've been claiming the UK's equivalent of welfare for about 6 months, and apparently this is what happens after that period - something I wish I'd been told about at the start) and when I told them that I keep my phone on silent all the time and don't answer calls as they come in they said I would have to stop doing that. I pointed out to them that it's a typical ASD behaviour and that they know that I have been diagnosed, and all they could say is that if I'm seen to be ignoring contact then I will no longer be eligible for financial support. It's another example of how UK society really isn't set up for neurodiverse people (though, to be honest, it's not really set up for anyone else either).
Went homeless multiple times due to this exact thing stopping me from receiving “welfare”.
Gotta love the British government.
I related to much of this and had a few lol moments. The one thing that I don't have is the inability to consider abstract concepts. I enjoy doing deep dives on philosophy, psychology, etc. especially with others for whom it's a special interest that can teach me more.
I'm in my head a lot; it's (mostly) a comfortable place, maybe too much so. Some of us have the opposite of difficulty with abstracts, which may present as hyperphantasia and/or natural ability for spatial 3D thinking. That's part of my particular spiky profile, which I think contributed to how long it took me (over 5 decades) to be diagnosed with ADHD and then identify that I'm autistic.
It's always interesting to hear about other people's unique strengths and challenges, how we differ and yet share a common thread underlying our diversity of traits.
Seems like modern society is so averse to recognizing, much less appreciating, unique aptitudes and quirks for which they can't see an immediate market or profit potential. They honestly have no idea how much they've benefited through the millennia to have neurodivergent members of society whose splinter skills have contributed to survival and progress.
Insisting that all little children can behave like computers with the same set of specs and operating system that should function with the same programming is an antiquated and dehumanizing paradigm overdue for transformation.
I feel seen.
Speaking of clothes... I love the sweater you're wearing in the video! It looks so comfortable. Can you tell us where you got it?
I have an autistic son, and this video actually makes me wonder if I'm autistic myself. I've never been diagnosed but all these things (except #1) are my struggles. Including the stomach thing.