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How To STOP Negative Self-Talk | aka Being an A*Hole to Yourself
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 เม.ย. 2017
- Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do so many of us get stuck in self criticism and negative self talk?
Do we think that if we are hard enough on ourselves for any misstep, failure or imperfection that it will miraculously cause us to have better self esteem and self confidence?
But the thing is, most of us don’t even realize how dangerous our critical self talk is. In fact, it can make our mental health struggles with anxiety and depression a whole lot worse, not to mention the extra pressure and stress it puts on us to think we need to have it all together all the time.
To help deal with this one, the advice often given is “be more self-compassionate,” which sounds lovely and nice, but what does it even mean?
In this video I teach you exactly what you can start doing right away to stop this inner critic in it’s tracks and start feeling happier, less stress and better about yourself… even, and especially, when you are not perfect.
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I'm as nice as possible to anyone I meet. I am a sadistic bully to myself.
Do you know why you are so hard on yourself Derren?
I have no idea. It's a bad habit. I'm a bit of a perfectionist so I always focus on what I do wrong. I'm always imagining the worst possible outcome in a given situation. It's pretty crippling tbh.
DerrenBrown100 Can totally relate, I "should on" myself a lot....That's what leads to focusing what "I do wrong". I'm a perfectionist myself.... Try taking small steps, you will eventually see that all will be OK. In regarding "should", Julia has a great video on the topic.
Yes DerrenBrown100! It is extremely crippling when we expect so much from ourselves and acknowledge so little. Doesn't seem fair, does it? Have you watched the video I did all about imagining the worst possible outcome, and how to deal with that? You might find it helpful (I use this exercise my self all the time) th-cam.com/video/bAZchV_tTsU/w-d-xo.html
Yeah, I'm like that too. I would hate for other people to feel the way I do, so I am very kind and supportive of others.
People pay money for sessions to hear stuff like this, thank you so much for doing this to help people, thank you for giving back
I do it because I have higher expectations for myself... and I feel like I’m setting myself up to fail 🤦🏾♀️
Do you feel like you could stand to be a little (or a lot) kinder to yourself?
Julia Kristina Counselling I could definitely try. It's been a huge battle for me to even look at myself in the mirror but I feel your advice will help. Thank you so much for your videos, God bless. :-)
Hi Julia ive decided to include or listen to during my Meditation Practice. Not record , but stops me from being hard on myself which is lessening. I hope you are ok. I want to say humor helps. I suggest Weird Al Craigslist ( Doors spoof).or where he does the Dylan spoof. just suggestions on You Tube. 🐵
Definitely! I’m so hard on myself sometimes, thinking I’m not going anywhere in life and I’m never going to be really good at something. I forget to look at the things I’ve achieved and I’m proud of, and I forget to take care of myself physically and mentally. I’m really enjoying connecting with your videos - each one has been so helpful.
Yes
Absolutely. I beat myself up daily. Always thinking of my failures and what I have done wrong
This should have over a million views
YES ..
Julia thanks..I just found your video yesterday...Julia I lost everything..I am single mum.i lost my home money everythin..after listening u i feel comfort
This is the single biggest struggle I've had with myself my entire life. Thankyou.
In the past I used to beat myself up pretty bad. Maybe because of my sanity. My self-esteem, perhaps my self believing. When I read the book of Psalms 139 chapter. I realize perfectly sound perfectly made especially I was perfectly complete. I pursue wellness and therapy and help group and self-help books it helped me a lot. Now I appreciate myself. And I see things in my life different better quality of myself and humble. Thank you for your insights and your couragement.
Julia you share such a wealth of information regarding self help encouragement. People pay for this type of information. I am deeply grateful to you. Please never stop. You are helping so many of us.
Speaking of "perfection"... I had a wise music professor in college who taught us that *perfection is impossible* - but *excellence is very achievable.* Good to remember.
The highlights for the love of my life:
3:43
6:47
8:09
9:24
Love yourself NOW, in the process towards that better you that you strive for.
Don't let your downfalls and struggles determine your self worth.
You DO have strengths. You ARE good at things.
Accept the fact that we both have bad things about ourselves that we need to work on; And don't punish yourself and act like you're a horrible person/no good for me when you do something wrong.
Treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend. 😉
I've been feeling so anxious, but I am SO so glad I found your channel. You are such an amazing person to make these videos for us. Please do not stop! You are helping so many people.
We are not alone. Amen, Sistah!
Thank you for this. I fell asleep at an odd time and felt completely depressed and hopeless with an aching in my chest, but what you said here was like a gentle wave into safer waters.
Thank you for this. Never knew how much of an a-hole I am to myself! Sometimes I need to step back and stop being so overly critical and give myself credit where it is due
I just stumbled across your video..and I'm hooked you seem so cool and down to earth!! Thx for the great content.
remember the person who needs to accept you most is YOU!
i love you so much!!!! MY FAV PERSON ON THE INTERNET 🌟 you are out here changing lives!!! thank you so much for making these videos!!!!
Thank you for your videos. I'm finding them very helpful. I certainly do my share of self-criticizing, at the same time trying to support everyone around me. Next time I'm hard on myself I'll try to remember what I might have said to them instead!
Awesome Marcy. Let us know how it goes!
Thank you so much for your videos. I really needed this today. It's so refreshing and wonderful to hear this from someone who actually knows what they're talking about and how to implement it.
Thank you Rose - seriously, this comment made my day
6:40 ...couldn't have said it better!
Hat off to Julia, you don't have to know her to see and hear how much she loves what she does and to do it with such passion, enthusiasm, empathy and understanding for thousands/hundreds of thousands and hopfully millions of people truly says something about her character. She is phenomenal at what she does and its admirable.
I really like your videos because your points are so straight forward and easy to understand. I like how you break down the topics in a way that people can actually apply to their lives. I have learned a ton from you. Thank you!!
DETECTING PATTERNS is KEY for those of us in transition from past harming patterns. WE
need to key into the specific phrases that continue to give us an un-easy gut
reaction. TIP: 1. Make an inventory of these statements. 2. Make it mandatory
to combat this with WORDS TO YOURSELF that are accurate and kind. 3. Create and
recite an affirmation each morning, specific to you, detailing you deserve
happiness. BEST PRACTICES and WISHES to us ALL!
Thanks for this, Julia. We DO need to watch the way we talk internally to ourselves. It's so easy to get trapped into getting down on ourselves when we don't meet our expectations. This video is super helpful!
They took my kindness for stupidity... And I don't want they anymore. But out of sadness and curiosity I sometimes open one eye. It's just that same old circle, of toxic people. I can't get away from it.
We are all better with giving advice to others and be kind to others then we are to ourselves. We have to stop doing that. Easier said than done but it can be done. I am learning how to do that. Constantly reminding my self to be kinder to myself. Thank you for your videos. They are helpful and educational and uplifting.
So important to be kind and compassionate to our selves. A constant everyday practice and remembering :) Thanks for the reminder ... Love your video.
Right Elizabeth? It is definitely a conscious practice and not always easy! Thanks so much for your support - I'm really glad it connected with you.
My negative inner thoughts were bolstered massively by violent, abusive parents and an all-around negative homelife. I quickly took on board all the insults and as a kid, I'd always talk myself down but I'd never, ever give up. But I cripple myself through repeating old patterns and I'm so sick and tired of beating myself up all the time. But I'm getting better slowly, sometimes.
l learn lots from her...i like to watch your video as it is so energetic and informative...
I’m only 7 min in your video and so far you’ve provided the most real and inspiring viewpoint I’ve seen out of all the videos I’ve watched from my search: How to overcome negative self talk. Yes... you are BY FAR the best feedback yet!! Thank you for your hard work... I hope 🙏🏼 I can get my shit together because I believe I have a tremendous amount of ❤️ and quality care I can give to others for I really care about people. Thx again 🙏🏼... now back to your content 😊
Thus has been one of my greatest struggles. Thank you for this video.
One of my struggles that I face is negative toxicity. How I learn compassion? Your videos inspire me to get better. Amen
Hey this is so helpful. I hav always believed the things u say but I hav always been very hard on myself. A lot of it is to do with family putting u down and having high expectations of u n expecting u to be superwoman. This has been so helpful. Thankyoy
How timely I am watching this as I have always been told I am too hard on myself and want to change this. I have empathy for others but only look at my mistakes and judge myself. So last night I did in my meditation what you said, talked to myself as a friend AND reminded myself I am not unique, I am not alone....we all are flawed. I ask myself that same question! What will it take for me to accept myself. Historical it has been when I don't have any problems. Thank you Julia!
I've heard that before - to talk to yourself just as you would to your best friend with the same problem! You would instead be very kind and not an ass ;-)
Right Kinga? We would never say to a friend "yeah, you're right - you pretty much suck!"
I believe there is a difference between being bad to yourself and pushing yourself to be the best. The problem is, sometimes its easy to get it confused.
Video is right on the money at least right on our spirit that wants to be free from yourself so free yourself love yourself that's what it's about loving yourself
I don't think we suck. We just don't see everything all at once sometimes.
Thank you very much. Peace (mindfulness) be with you.
Julia is great.. observing our one feelings and thoughts is crucial for detecting the problem..her empathic approach on every subject is what I like the most because not many psychologist have that skill..
This is me 100%. I am very heard on myself
This was awesomeness. And so are you
Thank you so much for words of kindness! This really help!
I don't know why but my tears are flowing down my face. Maybe I've been trying to hold my emotions for a while now but I just realized hours ago that I am still feeling so sorry for myself and just wallowing in self pity... 😢
I am nice and like myself but sometimes due to overthinking I then start saying things in my mind and self doubting and being too hard on myself
Thank you Julia ,you are the best!
I put too much pressure on myself to be better and when i realise I'm not I then can be very hard on myself,
Thank you for this but of advice, it is helping me.
Your presence is well appreciated. ❤️
You’ve really helped me, thank you x
Thank you for your kind words - I really appreciate them!
Thanks you for these videos. You are refreshingly real!
George, that means so much to me. Thank you for taking the time to say so.
Thank you for making this video. I came here after feeling pretty low about myself after a class. I’m always trying to be the best student and I’m in a more challenging class this semester, where other students are also very competitive. It’s a good challenge but I always feel like I should be doing better. That idea is a bit ridiculous because I’m already getting good grades... ugh. I need to stop being an a**hole to myself. 🙈🙈🙈
That is so true. SOmetimes we are hard on ourselves and we listen to others opinions......thanks for the great thoughts....MINDY
I like your videos and think that if you offered self-disclosure (your own personal issues) might be even more helpful (i.e. as a therapist you're as vulnerable to the "crap" everyone experiences. Please keep posting!
Unnecessary on a public platform.
Julia I love you! Truly youre amazing! Thank you for all your healing! Please never stop!! I rave about you and share continuously. Blessings!! 💖
Always nice to rewatch this video from time to time to reinforce this message .... thank you for posting these kinds of videos. They've helped me tremendously 🙂
Thank you! I really needed this.
This is awesome. I have a lot of friends who could use seeing this. I have been looking at some of your videos and I'd like to thankyou for sharing them.
Amen. I know I need to be good to myself but it’s so hard.
I am a person who always has flashbacks of my weird cringey life who always lies, mean, and uses people around me just for my own benefit. And when I think think about those moments I will always say "You're such a weirdo" "Why did I even do that, Im so stupid" "OMG I SAID THAT!?? Heh, that explains why Im labeled as a loser at school" Sometimes I just think of what others could be saying about me and thiught Im just a low degenrate who's never meant to be born. And I just want it to stop-
Idk if it's just a normal teen thing but I if it's not then I want it to stop right now-
I dont want to be my own enemy for reaching my success in life
You are the very best. Thank you so much.
this is the church i go to. no regrets. thank you Julia!
This video has helped me a lot
And I’m sure it helps a lot of people
Thank you
"Common Humanity", heard that term before, many times, finally at a tipping point.
We are all more similar than different.
Humoring this idea with people;
"Two eyes, two ears, a nose, a mouth, oh yes I remember you well.'
Actually if I am most likely to remember how a person by how they move, faces not so much.
It´s so easy to generalize and say that everybody struggles but it isn´t as simple as that
Your intro to this video is very compelling. I wish I had come across this video sooner.
Also, your voice and cadence of speech remind me of one of my favorite characters from the animated show RWBY (Ruby), Pyrrha. She's an awesome character in the series.
Love this topic! you speak about the story of my live😉Well explained and just love your vibes! thanks so much for sharing!
You are about the kindest!
BiteawayTV International x
I just find out you on youtube, you're helping me a lot. thank you for the videos.
+Beatriz Gomes, that means so much to me and I'm so grateful my videos are helping you. Thanks for taking the time to say so and for all your support!
Amazing video series on all aspects. Sharing with others also. Thank you.
I have to learn to create space to accept myself. I like that idea.
you are amazing! thanks for great explaining! Amen!
Thank you for the *encouragement and clarity* you offer in your videos.
I just "discovered" you yesterday and have watched 6 or 7 of your "talks." They've all been very helpful.
Could you do a video on *false guilt?* I think this would speak to many people.
Again, thank you. 👍
Another seriously good upload from this inspiring talented individual Thankyou You really do inspire me and give me hope and great stuff to work with Thankyou Julia
Graham - that means so much to me! I'm so so grateful these talks are connecting with you.
Thank you Julia fr coming out with helpful video. You are so helpful especially during these pandemic times. God bless you and yr family always .🙏👏❤
Thank you again! Looking at your list of very helpful videos! ❤
Awesome video Thanks Julia.
Thanks - you're great! Merry Christmas
Wow! Very good. Thanks so much.
You’re such a gem 💎 thank you for the amazing content
That was great :) ! When I was listening to you speak about how it is good for us to like ourselves now rather than when we have achieved something in our lives I couldn’t help thinking of how I sometimes have sensed that certain people will somehow ‘think better’ of me if I achieve this or that. It caused me to wonder if that is part of where I have sometimes got that kind of negative thinking about myself from.
I also wonder whether some people think that if they don’t have certain expectations of us that we’ll ‘stay in a rut’ but I think “Who are they to judge me and say I’m in a rut when I think I’m being quite productive doing what I’m doing already?” This doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t have ever got further training in a certain field or sought some other means to expand my life experience.
Anyway ... just some thoughts :)
Thanks so much for your video! It’s exactly what I needed during the stressful Holiday time of year which I usually can’t abide. You’re great! :O)
Your effort is just great ! God bless you Julia ❤
Good video for all with BPD.
Meditation really helps. It helps me come back to myself and my more.. happy thoughts.
Thank you, Julia!! I love your videos!
Thanks I’m using some of this to help my clients!
Love your message
I play a game, and I’ve put in over 500 hours. I feel like I should be much better but I’m absolutely trash and it makes me feel bad about myself. Hopefully this video can help me understand why I’m so frustrated with myself
Thank you for this, Julia.
I needed this .....thank you Doc!...........posted this on facebook..........I enjoy art ...seeing paintings raises my spirits
Thank you for this...thank you..I really need to work on this...a lot!!!
Great video, keep up the exceptional work :)
Thank you Financial Woman! So kind of you.
Why TH-cam recommended me such a great video
Why didn't I think like that ... oh probably coz I don't have any degree in psychology maybe ...but
Damn you are doing a great job there miss 💜
+1 subscriber
Love Kristin Neff! Love this too.. thank you!
You are brilliant !!
If I cannot have compassion on myself, how can I love others? I have that problem.
Thank you so much Julia
Juila keep up the great speeches great great work
I really needed this, thank you x
This is great..thanx
Another great and helpful video. Thanks so much
Why does it feel good to tear ourselves down?