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"The goal is not to become better, to become more. That's still running away from you, 'I want to be this.' The goal is reaching a point where, 'I'm okay being this.' There's no one else I'd rather be than me right now. There's nowhere else I'd rather be than here right now. This, this is the goal."
unfortunately I cant agree with this. Theres just no way I could ever say "I'm okay being this. There's no one else I'd rather be than me right now". If I ever go so low to the point I say that to myself without improving and becoming more I might as well give up on life.
I try to be kinder but it’s so incredibly challenging. When I sink back down again I know I drain others. So I’m left on my own again. I hate myself further for the isolation and the cycle continues
@@hummingbird4934 It's understandable to feel frustrated when trying to break the cycle of negativity and self-hatred. The key is to start with self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness, as you would a friend. Remember, everyone struggles and has flaws. Focus on small steps, like practicing mindfulness or challenging negative thoughts. Seeking support from loved ones or a therapist can also provide valuable help. Don't give up, and keep in mind that progress takes time and effort.
I used to feel this way - that I can't allow myself to be happy with who and where I am now because then I would lose any motivation to change. The ironic thing is that this whole process is very counterintuitive. We feel like hating ourselves will push us to improve but hating or not accepting yourself keeps you at a standstill or going in circles. Accepting yourself as you are doesnt mean you have to stay that way, but it stops the blockages that block you from moving forward. It frees up the space from negative mental loops.@@Rnmsr000
It is just us overthinkers, who think we would make a fool of ourselves but its really not like that... People would do and say the stupidest thing possible and not even feel it because they weren't made to feel stupid in childhood by their primary caregivers.
So true. I was constantly made fun of and if I made a mistake everyone would make me feel like an idiot even though it was a simple mistake. My mom never instilled an ounce of confidence in me or did anything with me, and of course dad ignored me too. I was invisible growing up 😅 I’ve barely started learning and practicing to be confident and I’m 33.
@@F2397-m4c it's great you've started the journey to overcome it. It all comes down to how our parents made us feel. It infuriates me at times that how come another human had so much power over me that she made me anxious to this day and I struggle to speak up, and people with less knowledge than me go on to tell their stories. But the bottom line is that it's on us to fix it and we are going to get better at it. I.A
@@F2397-m4c I had the exact same thing happening to me exepct it was my school mates and not my parents. Social Anxiety is a bitch. God if I only drew my self worth from myself and not others opinion of me I might have been enjoying this thing called life.
Same. My mom would always call me out in public or judge me and call me too loud. Or she’d insult me and call me good for nothing. And now I’m 23 watching this video because my parents never told me it was okay to be me. I always had to be something in order to get validation
I actually cried during the first 5 minutes. I struggled with social anxiety for most of my childhood and teenage years and I've worked for years to come out of my shell. I finally feel like a person now.
most of our fear when we adults are from trauma ,conditioning and critics from others . Like he said wich is true , what you imagine is death , what will happen is often nothing more than you just doing your thing . (im talking about legal things lets be clear) . just do the first step and you ll get mad seeing it was that simple xD
@@rpaapahihi It was a gradual process, I'd say 3 to 6 years to finally act "normal" and another 3 of constantly trying to do stuff outside my confort zone. The most important thing you can learn is how to process the shame and embarassment, everything else is just being brave enough to put yourself in that place edit: of course I'm still improving in some aspects. There will always be things to work on but it gets easier
Some one in the comments said this happens to overthinkers, what i discovered in the past few months is whenever you wanna do something don't overthink about it and just do it then see the after results you are gonna end up doing things you didn't plan for which makes it more exciting
I basically just did this this past weekend, I whipped and nae nae-ed a graduation stage in front of hundreds if not thousands of people. Immediately, I felt more confident, and it was insane to do.
Didn’t realize this was leading to a guided meditation, decided to curb my instinct to click off the video and follow along instead. I can’t believe how intense that was, I appreciate you sharing this. My mind and body resisted, but ultimately you helped me tap into something that I’ve been unknowingly keeping under lock and key. Thank you.
NET Kinesiology (chiropractors do this) healed my phobia of death. I've suffered panic attacks since I was 8 years old and intense months of being stuck in them unable to function from my crippling fear. I cleared my trauma with 2 sessions of NET. It changed my life. I do further NET statements and resets with my chiropractor weekly as id like to reset everything 🥰 hope this helps someone
There really is so much power just in the act of being loud and commanding attention!! I’ve had anxiety for most of my life, but I don’t think I ever truly realized how scared I was of speaking up until I was working in a restaurant kitchen. From day one, I was forced to yell callouts at the top of my lungs over the deafeningly loud industrial oven just to prevent people from getting hurt. That place was hellishly busy, but I’ll always cherish it for unintentionally doing so much for my self confidence.
I hope she reads this, you are awesome! Edit. I did the meditation and i got quite emotional during it. I need to explore my own issues further. Thanks for getting me thinking.
I’ve been in hiding for a while. Tired of people talking about me. So it’s easier to hide from what causes you pain. This isn’t how I want to live. I want to live, Love, and change the world, but people have really changed me. I have reason to hide, even though I don’t want to. Tired of getting made fun of, laughed at, and lied on. I’m so hurt and tired of feeling this way. My anxiety is always peaked. 😢
hey! it's two weeks after you've left this comment and i have a lot to add; this is gonna be a long one so strap in. i'm honestly not even sure if a single person will get to the end of this reply. what you're describing feels like the start of an avoidance coping mechanism to cope with the anxiety others bring you. for the record i'm not a psychologist, i'm only someone who has struggled with the exact same thing you're describing for years now. it got so bad that it felt like it evolved into AvPD (avoidant personality disorder) rather than just a coping mechanism. i lost friends to this, i lost contact with those whom i cherished and treasured around me because of this. at first it started with hiatuses of a week, not messaging anyone, not talking to anyone, disabling my online indicator and not reading their messages so it wouldn't be marked as read. i'd just have that notification up and looking at it, "i'll reply to this tomorrow when i'm more relaxed" but that's never the case, the anxiety is always there. it got really bad, bad to the point where i cut contact with everyone for a whole year, not messaging anyone, avoiding everyone, making my presence as small and as insignificant as possible. the worst part is - as you described - the yearning for connection once more. i loved them, i wanted to talk to them, but i would just freeze in place if they asked me why i was gone for so long. i was afraid of any feedback from them being remotely negative and it got way worse the longer it went on for. this is definitely something that warrants a therapist but i can't afford one, can you? probably not. i'll speak to you as someone who's dealt with this for years and as someone who wants to pass on her experience so you can get out of it sooner, because if you don't it WILL spiral out of control. my advice is to give social situations another chance, carefully. i never got on well with people i knew irl because my hobbies and interests were niche and practically nonexistent where i am. i joined online communities of people sharing the same interests, i played Minecraft even and found people with common ground. this is hard by itself but it's step one, please get this far, it'll be easier from here. stay anonymously online, be careful of what you share. yet also be vulnerable to those you chose to trust without revealing enough for them to threaten you with in case things go sour. by be vulnerable i mean tell them about your interests you wouldn't tell others, tell them you're struggling with avoidance coping mechanisms and you hate it, if you do they'll be understanding and even help you through it. nurture yourself, your current philosophy of being kind to everyone is amazing and yet simple. take it a step further and keep on doing it; if there's homophobia or anything like that within you try to change yourself so you fit your philosophy of being kind, etc. this was something i always reflected back on and tried to change (succeeded too). you're already sensitive to people who may hurt you as per your avoidance mechanism so just try to not overdo that. find friends who you match with, be it online or irl if you get lucky enough, and by match i mean MATCH. they support you, help you, you help them, etc. just two or three is fine. i took 3 years to change but i only have 3 friends i consider close and they're all online, yet i cherish them like they're one in a trillion - because to me they are. finally, give yourself time. as i've mentioned a few times it took me multiple years. the important thing is changing even a little bit compared to the week before. it's gradual but the result will be amazing. not sure if anyone will even read this far but if you did, go give your most loved one a hug, or send them a message about how much they mean to you (even if you haven't messaged them in a LONG time, do it!), if neither of the above are a possibility hug yourself on my behalf, okay?
I’ve been looking for different methods of thinking and meditation that can help me, and I’m really happy to have found one that resonated so much with me. :3 I had a mental breakdown last year. It was a long time coming and i’m better off for it, but it was incredibly painful. I had built so much of myself to survive my trauma, and the shitty situations I endured. But I didn’t need to hang on to that anymore. And in letting go of that fear, I had allowed myself to fall apart. It’s like the only thing that had been holding me together was pure fear. In order to put myself back together, I had to pick up each piece of myself, look at it, and then accept it. Which was so painful. Honestly, more painful that the events that caused the trauma. Because I could hide. I could build wall upon wall and find more and more things to hide behind. But suddenly, I couldn’t do that anymore. I had to actually look at my own pain, my fear, my anger, every single horror I endured. And say “That’s me. And that’s okay.”
I remembered your teaching from the videos today and allowed myself to be authentic and tell someone how i actually felt instead of just saying 'good thanks' and as it turned out he said, i feel the same way today, and i was able to see that nothing happened when i acted this way, thanks mate. keep up the great work.
I moved to a different country just recently, and ever since I started school here, my anxiety levels have skyrocketed because I feel like my peers are so much better than me that they might judge me, and I am afraid of messing it up. English isn't my first language, which is probably the reason I am feeling this way. I am trying my best to push myself to face my anxiety because I have an upcoming presentation in front of my classmates. It's quite hard, I've been thinking about it for the past month or so. I am glad I came across this video when I needed it the most
Julien does such a great job at invoking emotion into every speech, making sure everyone is able to feel the impact of his words. After doing the meditation, I really felt this as he was speaking almost into my soul. Felt liberating. Appreciate your work Julien…himself.
If you ever have a gathering inside of Vegas... I would honestly love to come and see you in person. Just this moment of having a virtual connection it has already changed my perspective on things. I would love to feel this energy and loving environment in person one day.
This is such a great video ! The meditation was/is great! What has been said here is gold. We try to find ways to numb us down to not have to face the feelings. We were never taught how to do it since it's a generationall thing. The ones who are happy with numbing down will never escape what people call the matrix. Forgiving and going inwards is healing and aaaall identities will go away. Example: I am someone who is afraid of public speaking. So, you were born that way? Ofc not! So whenever you say to yourself 'I AM' , you identify with something which you are not in reality.
When you asked about what if I could never have any meaningful connection and what if it was like I'm always behind a glass wall, I just teared up. Feeling left out or like being invisible to others is just something I'm scared of and I often felt like that as a child and teenager. "What if I'm not good enough." also goes in the same direction. I really wanna explore those fears more.
I watch all of your videos and they are always eye opening, but something about this meditation made me think deeper about things so easily. Hope you continue these guided meditations.
Quel travail magnifique vous faites ❤ J'ai commencé à apprendre beaucoup de vos videos. Quand j'étais petite j'étais très timide, et pendant 3 ans en adolescence j'ai changé et j'étais courageuse de parler en public comme si jamais j'ai été timide. Après un épisode de harcèlement scolaire, cet timidité est revenu et même je peut dire que c'est créé un phobie social 😢 J'ai des années déjà que je travaille pour sortir de cet prison et je progresse petit à petit ☺
Wait, did this seminar actually happened in Warsaw? So I was right about recognising Natalia as my fellow Polish person 😁, I’m so glad Julien here helps us folks tone down that cold and closed in temperament that we are known for.. Thank you Julien 🙏 🤍
- [00:00] 🗣 Facing fears: The exercise involves screaming as loud as possible, challenging the fear of judgment and social acceptance. - [02:20] 🧠 Understanding anxiety: Analyzing realistic danger versus perceived threat helps manage anxiety, especially in situations like public speaking. - [05:36] 🌊 Self-esteem and splits: Suppressing parts of oneself creates a split, leading to lower self-esteem and inner conflict. - [06:00] 🧘♂ Internal exploration: Meditation helps explore core fears like fear of being alone, not being good enough, and being stuck. - [09:24] 📂 Focusing on folders: Rather than addressing individual fears, explore core fears like fear of being alone, which encompass multiple anxieties. - [17:16] 💨 Grounding breathing: Grounding exercises involve mindful breathing to connect with internal sensations and fears. - [25:04] 💡 Inner work importance: Acknowledging and addressing internal fears and anxieties is crucial for personal growth and self-acceptance.
I’m learning more and more about myself,just everything that held me back w listening to this dude and I’m In my 40s with 3 kids I don’t see often because they live with there mom and growing up and Adults now,but and w a every day struggling with my mind julien saved my life just watching cause julien actually changed my mind in so many ways the anyone of my doctors ,friends ,wife’s,family or girlfriends couldn’t or didn’t know how and I understand it’s my own problem and there not going to help I need to do it..they all look down on me as a grown man but yes it’s me that shouldn’t give 1 fuck on whatever the doctors want to say what I am or all of the above,I’m just been trying for the longest and WAS putting my own broke ass loser self down but I know I can live now cause life’s getting shorter every day but still going when I used to wish on my own death,had a big life insurance just cause I didn’t want to be here anymore and maybe I would crash in a pole.anyways sorry for the rambling and the book
I see comments on how he looks and what he is wearing. That’s why people like him do what he does, we hallways have people being judge-mental. Regardless of how he looks, his technique is really good. I feel he is wearing what he is due to to help make individuals feel less insecure and anxious. Kind of a rope a dope. Put your mind over here and let’s break down some insecurities.
Julien I gotta say that I really enjoying watching your video I feel so much aware and have so much hope, what I like about you that you are super smart and also funny at the same time
To me, it's easier to scream in the middle of the room, in this context -- in this video. You're in a room full of people who know what you're trying to do. You all paid to be there. They are there for the same things. They are all trying to better themselves and are shy. For me, the hardest is to be in a grocery store at wal-mart or some other place -- a clothing store -- to scream there as loud as you can to strangers who have no idea what is going on. That for me is scary. THEY will judge you. Not the people in this video. They can all clearly see that Julien is tehre and he's telling you to do something out of your comfort zone. To try to go into a store or cafe -- a Starbucks -- and try to strike up a conversation with a pretty girl there with people around. This is anxiety filled for me. To have a stranger stare at me and not knowing whether or not he wants to rip my head off or not. That is scary to me. No one in this room is going to try and fight you and hurt you over this. In the real world -- in the day-to-day of things -- people will, in my mind, try to. I used to work in a pharmacy and it was a busy evening shift during the week. There was a line of people at the pharmacy. There were about 4 employees working. I was counting pills close to the registers. I noticed two men raising their voices. Apparently they had a confrontation with their cars in the parking lot and one of them decided to come inside to get his medication. The other decided to come in for a fight. Eventually I think they resolved their issue and there was no fight. This is what causes me anxiety.
I get your point bro just remember if you say 'hi ' or 'how u doing, you looks great today' it means u give them positivity, compliment, blessings and most of the people like them but some peoples don't like also becoz they are crazy in there life their reaction would be - come on shut up, no Time for that-it's their fault not yours just avoid them then your life will be beautiful my friend
Yes indeed, it is safer there but Julien has already said that and he also mentioned something to those people; that is, now you have a reference that you've done it so you can do it again and again. He also said that the fear won't vanish in that session . the fear is still there but with the previous experience, one can rationalize that the situation they are in is not that dangerous and they are just overthinking it
@@1st_English_Teacher go scream in a public library near where you live and tell me how it goes -- better yet, have your friend record it and post on your channel. It is not easy to rationalize because it's crazy.
@@Fernandez218 yes, of course it would be frightening, but I'm not talking about extreme situations. Are these the scenarios we go through on a daily basis? Of course not.
@@1st_English_Teacher I haven't seen him specify out situations like that so how can I know that? Are you assuming or have you seen him say that? We're talking about fear and screaming in public. He's using an extreme example in here in this video so it's hard to distinguish where he wants to applies these ideas. For me, personally, the less extreme situation would be for me to approach a girl I think is attractive, in a public setting, like a cafe or library and speak my peace that I am interested in her and would like to get to know her, by spending time with her in another setting. That is a more relatable less extreme example. Life is subtle and doesn't involve screaming a large majority of the time. I see Julien is using immersion therapy to get his clients going but there is data it's not always the best approach. We also don't go through the scenario in this video on a daily basis.
I am a very lonely person, often sad about it, but when listening to this meditation I feel nothing of that. All I felt was relaxed and getting sleepy. Just the same feelings and sensations all throughout, no matter what I thought about. What am I doing wrong?
Been struggling with social anxiety since forever. Last week I started going at a cafe and I started talking to the girl working there. I started joking and asking her about herself,her job etc. The 3rd time I went I kept the same tactic and at some point I asked her out but she ignored my offer. The other day, I met a girl via social media. We met in person she stayed for 30 minutes then when I asked her for our next date she said she was busy twice. I'm sad and angry at the same time. But I understand that I can do nothing about it. I just give up wear my sunglasses at all times and keep endorsing myself
You can try and tell them to clear their throat for air flow so that they are able to learn to pronounce louder without sounding choked up and stifled. The clear air flow makes talking louder easier
Julien, I truly value your work. It’s amazing. I released so much from years just with 24 hours of you. You help me to act. But the other redhead guy you share some videos with. oh gosh! I feel forced to listen to him so I can listen to you. Luckly enough Im leaning new skills to skip on a video 😂 No, seriously. You rule, Julien. Just that person next to you coaching is not adding any value. Still commited to those where you are the sole speaker and the audience of course
I'm always really nervous until the presentation is over, and then I want to do it again, because it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, I was just nervous...
I am doing this meditation from 2 days and I cry, today I had the visual of myself getting bigger and bigger like a balloon and I was feeling like it too like I became so fat and big I'm just curious to know what is it? Anyways Mr Julien thanks alot for the meditation videos lots of love for u and your family ❤
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Comment your biggest takeaway below! (I personally read through EVERY single comment)
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🚨 WATCH ME NEXT
- I studied social anxiety in thousands of clients: th-cam.com/video/jCTgb-pxssE/w-d-xo.html
- If I had low self esteem, I'd do this first: th-cam.com/video/s9yrMPIJHC8/w-d-xo.html
- Stop chasing a specific person and instead do this: th-cam.com/video/DDmqrbSdzPo/w-d-xo.html
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“There is a big issue with kindness that is the root of all insecurity” -Julien Blanc
"The goal is not to become better, to become more. That's still running away from you, 'I want to be this.' The goal is reaching a point where, 'I'm okay being this.' There's no one else I'd rather be than me right now. There's nowhere else I'd rather be than here right now. This, this is the goal."
unfortunately I cant agree with this. Theres just no way I could ever say "I'm okay being this. There's no one else I'd rather be than me right now". If I ever go so low to the point I say that to myself without improving and becoming more I might as well give up on life.
But I’m so negative and horrible now. I can’t stand myself. How on earth can I accept myself as I am? I try and fail constantly
I try to be kinder but it’s so incredibly challenging. When I sink back down again I know I drain others. So I’m left on my own again. I hate myself further for the isolation and the cycle continues
@@hummingbird4934 It's understandable to feel frustrated when trying to break the cycle of negativity and self-hatred. The key is to start with self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness, as you would a friend. Remember, everyone struggles and has flaws. Focus on small steps, like practicing mindfulness or challenging negative thoughts. Seeking support from loved ones or a therapist can also provide valuable help. Don't give up, and keep in mind that progress takes time and effort.
I used to feel this way - that I can't allow myself to be happy with who and where I am now because then I would lose any motivation to change. The ironic thing is that this whole process is very counterintuitive. We feel like hating ourselves will push us to improve but hating or not accepting yourself keeps you at a standstill or going in circles. Accepting yourself as you are doesnt mean you have to stay that way, but it stops the blockages that block you from moving forward. It frees up the space from negative mental loops.@@Rnmsr000
It is just us overthinkers, who think we would make a fool of ourselves but its really not like that... People would do and say the stupidest thing possible and not even feel it because they weren't made to feel stupid in childhood by their primary caregivers.
So true. I was constantly made fun of and if I made a mistake everyone would make me feel like an idiot even though it was a simple mistake. My mom never instilled an ounce of confidence in me or did anything with me, and of course dad ignored me too. I was invisible growing up 😅 I’ve barely started learning and practicing to be confident and I’m 33.
@@F2397-m4c it's great you've started the journey to overcome it. It all comes down to how our parents made us feel. It infuriates me at times that how come another human had so much power over me that she made me anxious to this day and I struggle to speak up, and people with less knowledge than me go on to tell their stories. But the bottom line is that it's on us to fix it and we are going to get better at it. I.A
@@F2397-m4c I had the exact same thing happening to me exepct it was my school mates and not my parents. Social Anxiety is a bitch. God if I only drew my self worth from myself and not others opinion of me I might have been enjoying this thing called life.
@@F2397-m4c same
Same. My mom would always call me out in public or judge me and call me too loud. Or she’d insult me and call me good for nothing. And now I’m 23 watching this video because my parents never told me it was okay to be me. I always had to be something in order to get validation
I actually cried during the first 5 minutes. I struggled with social anxiety for most of my childhood and teenage years and I've worked for years to come out of my shell. I finally feel like a person now.
How much years it took to to you get out of anxiety?
@@rpaapahihi apparently 5 minutes
most of our fear when we adults are from trauma ,conditioning and critics from others . Like he said wich is true , what you imagine is death , what will happen is often nothing more than you just doing your thing . (im talking about legal things lets be clear) . just do the first step and you ll get mad seeing it was that simple xD
Me too. So incredibly beautiful
@@rpaapahihi It was a gradual process, I'd say 3 to 6 years to finally act "normal" and another 3 of constantly trying to do stuff outside my confort zone. The most important thing you can learn is how to process the shame and embarassment, everything else is just being brave enough to put yourself in that place
edit: of course I'm still improving in some aspects. There will always be things to work on but it gets easier
Some one in the comments said this happens to overthinkers, what i discovered in the past few months is whenever you wanna do something don't overthink about it and just do it then see the after results you are gonna end up doing things you didn't plan for which makes it more exciting
Every time I see the scream exercise and see someone break through I always get a little teary . Amazing
I'm tearing up just watching this. Couldn't imagine if I was in her position. I know how it feels so dangerously scary 😭😩
I am crying too 😅
Yeah he definitely changed that woman’s life!
I'm also crying 😢🤗
I basically just did this this past weekend, I whipped and nae nae-ed a graduation stage in front of hundreds if not thousands of people. Immediately, I felt more confident, and it was insane to do.
“I whipped and nae nae-ed” has to be my favorite thing anyone’s ever said😂
Didn’t realize this was leading to a guided meditation, decided to curb my instinct to click off the video and follow along instead. I can’t believe how intense that was, I appreciate you sharing this. My mind and body resisted, but ultimately you helped me tap into something that I’ve been unknowingly keeping under lock and key. Thank you.
Fear of death and even more precisely Fear of the unknown is the root fear of all fears.
I agree. Good point!
They matter because we fear to lose something valuable or feel pain. So pain is the root
NET Kinesiology (chiropractors do this) healed my phobia of death. I've suffered panic attacks since I was 8 years old and intense months of being stuck in them unable to function from my crippling fear. I cleared my trauma with 2 sessions of NET. It changed my life. I do further NET statements and resets with my chiropractor weekly as id like to reset everything 🥰 hope this helps someone
There really is so much power just in the act of being loud and commanding attention!! I’ve had anxiety for most of my life, but I don’t think I ever truly realized how scared I was of speaking up until I was working in a restaurant kitchen. From day one, I was forced to yell callouts at the top of my lungs over the deafeningly loud industrial oven just to prevent people from getting hurt. That place was hellishly busy, but I’ll always cherish it for unintentionally doing so much for my self confidence.
omg haha this was so funny to read, the way you described your screaming! Good for you, glad that helped you sm
Her screaming was so good made me tear up 😭😭 so proud of her
I hope she reads this, you are awesome!
Edit. I did the meditation and i got quite emotional during it. I need to explore my own issues further. Thanks for getting me thinking.
Yes, MASSIVE respect to her! 🙌
@@JulienHimselfWHY ONLY CAPITALIZE MASSIVE AND NOT HER PRONOUNS!!!!?!!!!!!!?!!!!
@@R37ARD3D IM NOT JOKING AT ALL THIS IS THE MYSOGINOISTIC STUFF I DISLIKE!!
Lmao @@frankocean9173
@@RM-jo8gy Trapped in life. By pronouns. 😂
It’s just.. me. That inner voice. It’s me. Why am I creating fears. I’m here right now and all is good.
Thank you for this meditation. I needed this.
That was a GREAT SCREAM!
i told my class mates to check out your channel during my class "ted talk" project yesterday 🤙🏼
Nice! Thank you!
I’ve been in hiding for a while. Tired of people talking about me. So it’s easier to hide from what causes you pain. This isn’t how I want to live. I want to live, Love, and change the world, but people have really changed me. I have reason to hide, even though I don’t want to. Tired of getting made fun of, laughed at, and lied on. I’m so hurt and tired of feeling this way. My anxiety is always peaked. 😢
hey! it's two weeks after you've left this comment and i have a lot to add; this is gonna be a long one so strap in. i'm honestly not even sure if a single person will get to the end of this reply.
what you're describing feels like the start of an avoidance coping mechanism to cope with the anxiety others bring you. for the record i'm not a psychologist, i'm only someone who has struggled with the exact same thing you're describing for years now. it got so bad that it felt like it evolved into AvPD (avoidant personality disorder) rather than just a coping mechanism.
i lost friends to this, i lost contact with those whom i cherished and treasured around me because of this. at first it started with hiatuses of a week, not messaging anyone, not talking to anyone, disabling my online indicator and not reading their messages so it wouldn't be marked as read. i'd just have that notification up and looking at it, "i'll reply to this tomorrow when i'm more relaxed" but that's never the case, the anxiety is always there.
it got really bad, bad to the point where i cut contact with everyone for a whole year, not messaging anyone, avoiding everyone, making my presence as small and as insignificant as possible.
the worst part is - as you described - the yearning for connection once more. i loved them, i wanted to talk to them, but i would just freeze in place if they asked me why i was gone for so long. i was afraid of any feedback from them being remotely negative and it got way worse the longer it went on for.
this is definitely something that warrants a therapist but i can't afford one, can you? probably not. i'll speak to you as someone who's dealt with this for years and as someone who wants to pass on her experience so you can get out of it sooner, because if you don't it WILL spiral out of control.
my advice is to give social situations another chance, carefully. i never got on well with people i knew irl because my hobbies and interests were niche and practically nonexistent where i am. i joined online communities of people sharing the same interests, i played Minecraft even and found people with common ground. this is hard by itself but it's step one, please get this far, it'll be easier from here.
stay anonymously online, be careful of what you share. yet also be vulnerable to those you chose to trust without revealing enough for them to threaten you with in case things go sour. by be vulnerable i mean tell them about your interests you wouldn't tell others, tell them you're struggling with avoidance coping mechanisms and you hate it, if you do they'll be understanding and even help you through it.
nurture yourself, your current philosophy of being kind to everyone is amazing and yet simple. take it a step further and keep on doing it; if there's homophobia or anything like that within you try to change yourself so you fit your philosophy of being kind, etc. this was something i always reflected back on and tried to change (succeeded too). you're already sensitive to people who may hurt you as per your avoidance mechanism so just try to not overdo that.
find friends who you match with, be it online or irl if you get lucky enough, and by match i mean MATCH. they support you, help you, you help them, etc. just two or three is fine. i took 3 years to change but i only have 3 friends i consider close and they're all online, yet i cherish them like they're one in a trillion - because to me they are.
finally, give yourself time. as i've mentioned a few times it took me multiple years. the important thing is changing even a little bit compared to the week before. it's gradual but the result will be amazing.
not sure if anyone will even read this far but if you did, go give your most loved one a hug, or send them a message about how much they mean to you (even if you haven't messaged them in a LONG time, do it!), if neither of the above are a possibility hug yourself on my behalf, okay?
@ladyViviaen Thank you so much for responding to me. I Truly appreciate your advice. This was very helpful. 💜
@@AlwayysBeKind best of luck with everything and i hope you remember you're never alone no matter how things might seem! much love
@ladyViviaen 💜
If people talk about you that do3snt hurt you, you still alive. So you are just afraid of the feeling, not the actual situation
I’ve been looking for different methods of thinking and meditation that can help me, and I’m really happy to have found one that resonated so much with me. :3
I had a mental breakdown last year. It was a long time coming and i’m better off for it, but it was incredibly painful.
I had built so much of myself to survive my trauma, and the shitty situations I endured. But I didn’t need to hang on to that anymore. And in letting go of that fear, I had allowed myself to fall apart. It’s like the only thing that had been holding me together was pure fear.
In order to put myself back together, I had to pick up each piece of myself, look at it, and then accept it. Which was so painful.
Honestly, more painful that the events that caused the trauma. Because I could hide. I could build wall upon wall and find more and more things to hide behind. But suddenly, I couldn’t do that anymore. I had to actually look at my own pain, my fear, my anger, every single horror I endured. And say “That’s me. And that’s okay.”
This channel changed my life
I remembered your teaching from the videos today and allowed myself to be authentic and tell someone how i actually felt instead of just saying 'good thanks' and as it turned out he said, i feel the same way today, and i was able to see that nothing happened when i acted this way, thanks mate. keep up the great work.
How did it feel when you were honest?
@@spontaneousbootay It made me feel more relaxed and a little calmer, less tense.
Omgg keep doing these typa videos you don't know how much they help me😭
I moved to a different country just recently, and ever since I started school here, my anxiety levels have skyrocketed because I feel like my peers are so much better than me that they might judge me, and I am afraid of messing it up.
English isn't my first language, which is probably the reason I am feeling this way. I am trying my best to push myself to face my anxiety because I have an upcoming presentation in front of my classmates. It's quite hard, I've been thinking about it for the past month or so. I am glad I came across this video when I needed it the most
Julien does such a great job at invoking emotion into every speech, making sure everyone is able to feel the impact of his words. After doing the meditation, I really felt this as he was speaking almost into my soul. Felt liberating. Appreciate your work Julien…himself.
from Egypt ...
all respect,❤
If you ever have a gathering inside of Vegas... I would honestly love to come and see you in person. Just this moment of having a virtual connection it has already changed my perspective on things. I would love to feel this energy and loving environment in person one day.
This is such a great video ! The meditation was/is great!
What has been said here is gold.
We try to find ways to numb us down to not have to face the feelings. We were never taught how to do it since it's a generationall thing. The ones who are happy with numbing down will never escape what people call the matrix. Forgiving and going inwards is healing and aaaall identities will go away. Example: I am someone who is afraid of public speaking. So, you were born that way? Ofc not! So whenever you say to yourself 'I AM' , you identify with something which you are not in reality.
When you asked about what if I could never have any meaningful connection and what if it was like I'm always behind a glass wall, I just teared up. Feeling left out or like being invisible to others is just something I'm scared of and I often felt like that as a child and teenager. "What if I'm not good enough." also goes in the same direction.
I really wanna explore those fears more.
I watch all of your videos and they are always eye opening, but something about this meditation made me think deeper about things so easily.
Hope you continue these guided meditations.
Heyy, Julien. Thanks for the guided meditation. I really needed it.
Keep it up, man ❤
You’re so welcome! 🙏
Cried twice during the meditation. So grateful for having Julien!❤
Quel travail magnifique vous faites ❤
J'ai commencé à apprendre beaucoup de vos videos.
Quand j'étais petite j'étais très timide, et pendant 3 ans en adolescence j'ai changé et j'étais courageuse de parler en public comme si jamais j'ai été timide. Après un épisode de harcèlement scolaire, cet timidité est revenu et même je peut dire que c'est créé un phobie social 😢
J'ai des années déjà que je travaille pour sortir de cet prison et je progresse petit à petit ☺
I’m overthinker and always care what other people think abt me if they see me right now even when I’m in my room…
I don’t have time to rest 🙍♂️
well done Natalia! those last screams were amazing
Watching this videos makes me more motivated to be better next time i do something like that real.
Great! 🔥👊
i hope one day I could be able to be ready in your seminar😍
Wait, did this seminar actually happened in Warsaw? So I was right about recognising Natalia as my fellow Polish person 😁, I’m so glad Julien here helps us folks tone down that cold and closed in temperament that we are known for.. Thank you Julien 🙏 🤍
- [00:00] 🗣 Facing fears: The exercise involves screaming as loud as possible, challenging the fear of judgment and social acceptance.
- [02:20] 🧠 Understanding anxiety: Analyzing realistic danger versus perceived threat helps manage anxiety, especially in situations like public speaking.
- [05:36] 🌊 Self-esteem and splits: Suppressing parts of oneself creates a split, leading to lower self-esteem and inner conflict.
- [06:00] 🧘♂ Internal exploration: Meditation helps explore core fears like fear of being alone, not being good enough, and being stuck.
- [09:24] 📂 Focusing on folders: Rather than addressing individual fears, explore core fears like fear of being alone, which encompass multiple anxieties.
- [17:16] 💨 Grounding breathing: Grounding exercises involve mindful breathing to connect with internal sensations and fears.
- [25:04] 💡 Inner work importance: Acknowledging and addressing internal fears and anxieties is crucial for personal growth and self-acceptance.
Thank you Julien for all your work and dedication to help us all. ❤
My tears were falling during this meditation.
Thank you
Julien I hope you get very rich for helping so many people including me.
03:05 "You got this, Natalya! Open that monster closet!"
*opens monster closet to find 8 Billion Doom 2 Revenants, chaingunners, and archiviles*
Why is this incredible channel did not reach 10M subs hmmm let's keep our support friends
this is strangely beautiful. im crying
I’m learning more and more about myself,just everything that held me back w listening to this dude and I’m In my 40s with 3 kids I don’t see often because they live with there mom and growing up and Adults now,but and w a every day struggling with my mind julien saved my life just watching cause julien actually changed my mind in so many ways the anyone of my doctors ,friends ,wife’s,family or girlfriends couldn’t or didn’t know how and I understand it’s my own problem and there not going to help I need to do it..they all look down on me as a grown man but yes it’s me that shouldn’t give 1 fuck on whatever the doctors want to say what I am or all of the above,I’m just been trying for the longest and WAS putting my own broke ass loser self down but I know I can live now cause life’s getting shorter every day but still going when I used to wish on my own death,had a big life insurance just cause I didn’t want to be here anymore and maybe I would crash in a pole.anyways sorry for the rambling and the book
My man just keeps getting better! Good stuff
الحب والاحترام لهذه الفتاة الشجاعه ولجوليان❤
Notification squad Have a Great weekend!🔥🔥🔥
🔥🔥🔥
God blesses some ppl in helping others to retrieve the true spirit that is lost within them, and Julien you're a chosen one. thanks 🙏
I see comments on how he looks and what he is wearing. That’s why people like him do what he does, we hallways have people being judge-mental. Regardless of how he looks, his technique is really good. I feel he is wearing what he is due to to help make individuals feel less insecure and anxious. Kind of a rope a dope. Put your mind over here and let’s break down some insecurities.
I love the breathing exercises ❤
Julien I gotta say that I really enjoying watching your video I feel so much aware and have so much hope, what I like about you that you are super smart and also funny at the same time
To me, it's easier to scream in the middle of the room, in this context -- in this video. You're in a room full of people who know what you're trying to do. You all paid to be there. They are there for the same things. They are all trying to better themselves and are shy. For me, the hardest is to be in a grocery store at wal-mart or some other place -- a clothing store -- to scream there as loud as you can to strangers who have no idea what is going on. That for me is scary. THEY will judge you. Not the people in this video. They can all clearly see that Julien is tehre and he's telling you to do something out of your comfort zone. To try to go into a store or cafe -- a Starbucks -- and try to strike up a conversation with a pretty girl there with people around. This is anxiety filled for me. To have a stranger stare at me and not knowing whether or not he wants to rip my head off or not. That is scary to me. No one in this room is going to try and fight you and hurt you over this. In the real world -- in the day-to-day of things -- people will, in my mind, try to.
I used to work in a pharmacy and it was a busy evening shift during the week. There was a line of people at the pharmacy. There were about 4 employees working. I was counting pills close to the registers. I noticed two men raising their voices. Apparently they had a confrontation with their cars in the parking lot and one of them decided to come inside to get his medication. The other decided to come in for a fight. Eventually I think they resolved their issue and there was no fight. This is what causes me anxiety.
I get your point bro just remember if you say 'hi ' or 'how u doing, you looks great today' it means u give them positivity, compliment, blessings and most of the people like them but some peoples don't like also becoz they are crazy in there life their reaction would be - come on shut up, no Time for that-it's their fault not yours just avoid them then your life will be beautiful my friend
Yes indeed, it is safer there but Julien has already said that and he also mentioned something to those people; that is, now you have a reference that you've done it so you can do it again and again. He also said that the fear won't vanish in that session . the fear is still there but with the previous experience, one can rationalize that the situation they are in is not that dangerous and they are just overthinking it
@@1st_English_Teacher go scream in a public library near where you live and tell me how it goes -- better yet, have your friend record it and post on your channel. It is not easy to rationalize because it's crazy.
@@Fernandez218 yes, of course it would be frightening, but I'm not talking about extreme situations. Are these the scenarios we go through on a daily basis? Of course not.
@@1st_English_Teacher I haven't seen him specify out situations like that so how can I know that? Are you assuming or have you seen him say that? We're talking about fear and screaming in public. He's using an extreme example in here in this video so it's hard to distinguish where he wants to applies these ideas.
For me, personally, the less extreme situation would be for me to approach a girl I think is attractive, in a public setting, like a cafe or library and speak my peace that I am interested in her and would like to get to know her, by spending time with her in another setting. That is a more relatable less extreme example. Life is subtle and doesn't involve screaming a large majority of the time. I see Julien is using immersion therapy to get his clients going but there is data it's not always the best approach.
We also don't go through the scenario in this video on a daily basis.
doing meditation..its just a way to deep dive
This is a great meditation, one of the best I've listened to, I'm gonna do it every day, thank you, Julien 💖
It started as a normal video but he said fuck it and started meditating, TOP G
7:30 meditation starts
i cried a lot and it felt amazing
beautiful souls
I gotta try this
Thank you!
I am a very lonely person, often sad about it, but when listening to this meditation I feel nothing of that. All I felt was relaxed and getting sleepy. Just the same feelings and sensations all throughout, no matter what I thought about. What am I doing wrong?
10 years ago I remember you realeased pimp, teaching pick up. it is good to see the new path you developed, really solid content
Been struggling with social anxiety since forever. Last week I started going at a cafe and I started talking to the girl working there. I started joking and asking her about herself,her job etc. The 3rd time I went I kept the same tactic and at some point I asked her out but she ignored my offer. The other day, I met a girl via social media. We met in person she stayed for 30 minutes then when I asked her for our next date she said she was busy twice. I'm sad and angry at the same time. But I understand that I can do nothing about it. I just give up wear my sunglasses at all times and keep endorsing myself
Thanks Julien for the video a lot of value I did the mediation it was amazinv🙏
I'm so grateful, thank you Julien!
4:00 now why am i crying seeing a random girl screaming 😭
She's adorable ! great coach
Love your videos. Helps a lot. Thanks for your guidance. Cheers from Latvia!
Waow she is cute!
Good Video Julien ❤️
This is great. Thank you
Amazing work, thanks a lot
Thank you
You're welcome!
I was there❤️ The event - a great experience, Julien - czysty narkotyk...
Helped me a lot, thank you!
ppl, pls watch out for youeself! decide thoroughly whom you trust and open yourself to.
the most lovely thing about this guy is his beautiful outfits 😂
You can try and tell them to clear their throat for air flow so that they are able to learn to pronounce louder without sounding choked up and stifled. The clear air flow makes talking louder easier
Another awesome video Julien!
Omg, it works!!!!
Julien, I truly value your work. It’s amazing. I released so much from years just with 24 hours of you. You help me to act.
But the other redhead guy you share some videos with. oh gosh!
I feel forced to listen to him so I can listen to you. Luckly enough Im leaning new skills to skip on a video 😂
No, seriously. You rule, Julien. Just that person next to you coaching is not adding any value.
Still commited to those where you are the sole speaker and the audience of course
7:31 where meditation starts 🧘♂️
why did this make me cry 🥲
Love this one! ❤
Awesome video man
Got anxious just by watching it
The meditation was good tho, just got nervous for the screaming
It was great in Warsaw 🙏
Thanks for making it out in person! 🔥👊
Love this guy ❤
This is the dude
Mans had a whole therapy session.
I love his custom 😂❤❤
Awesome❤
12:07 that part legit make me cry, its scary, it causes so much pain
So brave
Amazing
very nice
Strive to become the real you, not the better you
I'm always really nervous until the presentation is over, and then I want to do it again, because it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, I was just nervous...
It is evolution. Our brains are wired to run from danger.
I can shout very loud when I watch a football match in spite of being a very quiet and shy person, I can shout as an animal in this situation
My anxiety was pounding just watching this 😅”❤”💢♨️‼️
I am doing this meditation from 2 days and I cry, today I had the visual of myself getting bigger and bigger like a balloon and I was feeling like it too like I became so fat and big
I'm just curious to know what is it? Anyways Mr Julien thanks alot for the meditation videos lots of love for u and your family ❤
I just stopped in the middle and started crying