The life you imagined may have been imaginary.. but if your experience of that imaginary life gave you real happiness, then the loss of that imaginary life will really hurt too. It's completely okay to grieve over failure of romantic love.
I do see your point but he’s trying to highlight that you can lessen your heartache by realising that you are missing something that had not yet happened.
@@lorireed8046 I can't say that I understand what you are going through as it didn't happen to me but what I do know is that things will get better and everything happens for a reason. Just trust the process and God bless 🙏
@@lorireed8046 Right. Its difficult. Its like all of a sudden the oxygen we breathe ceased to exist. And the breathlessness we feel is where the pain is.
One thing Mathew Hussey said has always stayed in my mind somewhere - Anyone who doesn't choose you, is not your perfect partner/soulmate/love of your life. The fact that they don't choose you, even if its just once, they aren't the one for you. You deserve to be chosen EVERY DAY.
True in many or most cases. But here is somethg deep most people haven't experienced: most people receive a lot of options from their parents; most people receive a lot of choices to choose from. But the least ur parents love u, the least choices they r going to give u to choose from, & the least good options they will give u. So some people don't really have what to CHOOSE from, hence they r not "choosing".
[DING] [DING] [DING] [DING] [DING]!!!!!!!!! You've figured out your problem, congratulations. Now I hope with your insight you're already well on your way to fixing yourself
I fell in love with a woman who showed me the most beautiful dream I have ever seen. A year and a half later, I discovered that her dreams and priorities had changed. She left 2 days ago and it hurts more to think of the future that'll never happen than the past which did. The reason this happens to people, I think, is because when we look at our past, we see both the good and the bad. And if the relationship has ended, the bad probably outweighed the good. But when we think of the future, it's as if nothing bad could ever happen there. We envision an overly amazing future, one that could never ever exist in real life. The loss of that vision is what hurts most.
Yep, same story with a man... He even tried to get out of this as a winner by saying that he "used" me for s@x... Don't think his tears couple years ago were as fake tho
How do I get over the thought that I would’ve been in a better place right now if I was still with them, and accessing their contribution to my life He just broke up with me today and I feel like I have fumbled a good person who was gonna take care of my needs and I am going to regret it every day
@@melaninmeetsanime2410 You just have to constantly remind yourself that he really wasn't right for you...if he was you'd be together so keep taking care of you and keep watching and listening to Matthew. He really helped me.... Moreso than my therapist. No joke. You got this girl! ❤️
Sometimes the life you wanted was going to be trash, and it would’ve been bad if it continued. Heartbreaks can sometimes be the best thing that happened in the sense that the person was removed from your future.
@@Freespiritedqueen I’m going through a form of heartbreak now based on what I thought I was going to have with a man. If he was the one, he would’ve shown me. He didn’t, so he isn’t. And I really genuinely believed he was supposed to be in my life. He showed me differently; and it hurts that no matter what we said to each other, it was all meaningless.
@@aloveaffairwithself I am going through it as well. Brief relationship. I was forced to leave as he stone walled me. No closure with these deviants. No matter the color, you were MEANT (YOUR DESTINY) to be LOVED. So sorry, you have not been. THE UNIVERSE WILL MAKE THIS RIGHT IF THEY DO NOT! trust and believe.
@@aloveaffairwithself been through it so much in the past, loss custody of children, etc. dealing with them. Got to a point, can't stand to be in a relationship. Wanting marriage but now, NO FKING WAY.
You are so right. My divorce was five years ago and I’ve changed drastically. I gained weight, stopped dressing up, stopped wearing makeup, and still a bit in depression. I’ve tried to find myself again and I can’t. 😥
@@AlwayzzBeKind I'm so so sorry. I haven't been in a relationship but I did lose some loved ones. I think baby steps help, don't put too much pressure on yourself to create a whole new life. Take it day by day and if it gets harder go moment by moment. eg if you find it difficult to take a shower just wash your face, if you find it difficult to dressup just put on a nailpaint. Any tiny progress is still progress so make sure to give yourself a pat on the back. I hope God heals your heart. I hope you start living again💗
@@mariarauf3280 Thank You so much. I truly appreciate those kind and helpful words. It really means a lot. It’s amazing how a stranger can be so kind, more kind than those we already know. You helped me just by being nice. I hope you have a wonderful day and Thanks again. 😊
@@shaut9120 Hey there. I still feel overwhelmed by it sometimes. I’m not the same person that I used to be. I want to be happy and find myself again. It’s tough.
Before..... way before.... entering a relationship understand the real relationship is with yourself and it will always be your self first. You need your love, you needs your own time attention,and commitment. Relationships are wonderful,but end and that's ok. Stay conscious,present in relationships and limit fantasizing .Nothing worse making up a romanticized future,and go way beyond partners vision alone. Stay in moment, stay committed to your self and goals while enjoying loving other for how ever long it last.
SO MANY men CHOOSE to paint a vision of a shared future specifically to hook you, you later realize. No, it's not our doing a lot of the time. many many times it's 100% the man's doing and it's 100% self-absorbed and myopic of him, let's not even touch whether evil or not.
Many times, the shared vision the man deliberately paints with all his future-talk goes well beyond what he knows he's capable of giving you, and there we get into some evil, cold blooded shit...
He hit the nail on the head. All of my exes have got married after we've broken up. Now I look at each of those relationships, I realise that, it wasn't meant to be. Let it go. And I'm at peace with it.
I'm like you, almost all of my exes got married or are still in long term relationships with the guy that came immediately or not long after me. If you makes you feel better, it makes me feel a kind of solace that I couldn't ultimately be their one, but our experience together shaped them and their trajectory to a person who could make a life with them. Not trying to sell some "everything happens for a reason" nonsense to you lol, but I'm saying we all have a story, and that's been my role in theirs. I'm not upset or sad about that, I did a lot of healing in those relationships that ostensibly got them where they needed eventually
I have a problem that I will admit. I broke up with someone twice… that I knew had toxic qualities and they needed more time to heal or work on themselves. My problem is, even after months of not hearing or seeing this person I still miss them and would love to try to get them back… but I know they probably haven’t worked on the things I seen as issues and they probably moved on.
This hit home... We all know the answers to our own questions but we tend to not believe it. Heartbreak is difficult, I know first hand but if that person is no longer there for you then it was never meant to be. Whether the break up was your fault take accountability and let that person move on, again if its meant to be it will come back to you, or if you are on the other end and you've tried everything possible to make it work but it has not worked then know your worth and walk away. You deserve so much better. Love yourself before loving others.
This touched me greatly on my grieving over the loss of my physical ability. I had a plan to run a marathon and do many sports with my growing son but my body didn't follow my dreams. The loss of the life that I THOUGHT I gonna have was dificult to let go. "It would have been if it should have been and could have been". A fantasy can feel like a reality and it helps to remind ourselves it is just a fantasy and see the beauty happening around us.
So true! When we want to tell that person what they did and how it hurt us they don't care. They already know what it is they did. They did it intentionally. tO hurt us. Telling them only makes it worse. If they ever cared at all the never would have done those things. LET THOSE IDEAS YOU BOTH SHARED FOR THAT 'beautiful' FUTURE GO. Let telling them what they did to you gO. Without letting ALL of it go you won't be able to fully move on. You're worthy of BETTER and always remember YOU DESERVE BETTER! LOVE AND FAST HEALING FOR ANYONE IN THE THROWS OF HEARTBREAK 💕💕💕
it might be an imaginery place but feelings are real that actually hurt the most. sometimes ppl make you lead on to an extent that everything becomes uncontrol
The man I fell in love with, mirrored the image of me. Instead, I fell in love with me, and the love for him doesn't exist. Therefore, I have no choice but to love the light inside of me. 🥰🙏💯
I kinda disagree, whatever life or dream you thought you would have with that person is still possible. They were just one piece of a puzzle but it was from another box. But YOU are the one placing all the correct pieces to make that work of art. You can still put that puzzle together you just have to find the correct piece.
There is this notion that when you break up with someone that you miss the life that could be, or what they did for you, what kind of life they could provide. No. This isn’t true love… THIS is… When I broke up with him, this is what I missed… the way we understood each other without a word. How we finished each other’s sentences. The way we loved doing the same activities, making the experience a million times more wonderful How we supported each other in bad times, defended each other and had each other’s back. The way his love for me and mine for him was shinning in our eyes when we looked at each other. How people knew we were a a couple even when we were not doing mushy love stuff. Just how we interacted with mundane conversations, people could see the energy connection between us. All those things involved both of us when we interacted. Had nothing to do with status, how sexy/handsome they were, how much money they had.. it was his coffee to my cream. His toast to my butter. His rain to my rainbow. I messed seeing him happy just being with me. This made my heart melt. And is what I miss the most.
The blame I place on myself for the relationship not working out hurts a lot. I step back and remember the lack of effort she put in but I somehow always end up blaming myself for it. I keep replaying our last conversation we had in my head and I'm nit picking at everything, trying to decipher if maybe I misunderstood something and jumped to conclusions. I hate that I wanted her more than she wanted me. The fantasies of her, our future and all the things we spoke about give me a false semblance of hope... but I know in reality, I'll never speak to her again. We've cut all contact with each other and she's the type of woman who'll never reach out once a relationship is over. I miss her. I miss her dearly... but I knew deep down the relationship would've never worked out. Ending it was the right thing to do. I wish this pain would go away.
She will come back. They all do. I hope this day you will become a better version of yourself. The one who don’t care anyway 😁👌🏽. Trust me they always come back.
A year ago my ex and I broke up. That was the most perfectly balanced relationship I ever had, I think it was the happiest period of my life. But he suddenly told me he had identity issues (in his late thirties, he wanted to transition). The breakup happened when I was very ill as well, so during the most difficult time of my entire life. I always knew he wasn’t the most emphatic person, but I didn’t expect all that at those times. I felt like my life was crumbling. I had to move out quickly, leave our beautiful house close to the beach and leave him, while I was still recovering from my illness. It took me three months to get out of depression (turns out it was grief and not depression, but you get what I mean), in six months I was feeling better, and after almost a year… I am feeling alright again now. It left a big scar and I am scared to date someone again. But I am back, and I went through all that. I am very proud of myself, especially because I was totally destroyed by the timing of that breakup and the unexpected news and changes. Keep going, keep fighting, it hurts like hell but you are stronger than what you think you are. Wishing you the best in life. Take care, brother
It’s always amazing how you think your the only one feeling hurt and broken. Trying to heal and you read the comments and realize a lot of us need to hug each other and say your ok and I’m ok we are still here and we woke because our lives have purpose that didn’t involve who left. So the prize is coming even if it’s your new self. 💜
A month later and my mind is a mess, I dont understand why he turned away so easy and why he will not even txt me to tell me why. My heart is so shattered and I'm so lost. He was my everything and my world revolved around his.
Hey Tracy, I understand what you are going through. To lose someone you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with is hard but try to keep yourself engaged and do things that keep your mind off him. Start by building good habits and engaging with your family and friends, soon you'll start to love yourself and won't depend on someone else for your happiness.
The thing that keeps us stuck in this gut wrenching heartbreak for so long is not accepting the break up. We know that we have broken up with the person, but yet we are still hoping deep down that it’s gonna get sorted and be okay one day… and that, in turn, leaves you stuck into the emotions and leaves you locked in the heartbreak for longer ❤❤
Perfect choice of words in this explanation,you did it with so much skill. I get lost trying to say those exact words or trying to explain it to someone. "its fantasy, its science fiction."
I don't like breakups, but at the end of the day what should be in the forefront of everyone's mind is one of two things: 1. That person, does not want to be with you. So why are you wanting them still? 2. You don't want to be with that person anymore. So why do you feel guilty you can't force your body to do something your heart and mind does not? And here's a bonus: 3. Time (and also space if available) changes everything. Whatever you're feeling right now, you will feel differently later. You literally have no choice in that. There's just the gap between today and the future that you have to live everyday through. Just know that about the future and you'll be empowered today
Sadly, people make promises knowing that their never coming through on their word. So, yeah sometimes people are misleading. Not all of us are liars, others lie, like it s nothing
This is So factual!!!. I experienced a breakup and reasoned with myself until I witnessed the ugly truth,then I restored my mind to the future,and left the past behind!! FOR GOOD!!
It very difficult when there's children involved. I sometimes still find myself grieving after my spouse abandoned me and my little girl. It still hurts.
Could have been, would have been, it makes no difference. It's the emotional attachment which needs to be dealt with. Realization and logical explanation does not heal psychological and physical side effects of a break up. Logic can only prevail if your emotions and feelings towards that gone person, are dealt with to the point at which any thought of them doesn't trigger you in any way.
Breakup it’s definitely a loss feeling but when you leave some relationship and you have a glow up that means that this relationship it’s was so toxic and bad for you.The right people treat you that you don’t hard to love.Someone outside wants you for who you are💋
Going through this at the moment. Cause by fault of my own. The sluggish independent growth bit me in the ass. Have been pushing to improve myself so that never happens again. I'm fortunate that separation was amicable & the possibility to gravitate back with her is there. Effort dependent ofcourse.
I’m grieving over the loss of my lover, my best friend, my partner in crime. I’m grieving over the loss that is worse than death of a loved one. The partner who said she loved me , so much that I didn’t understand. The one who begged me to never leave her. The one who begged me to never forget her. Yet now she chooses to “find herself”.
She broke up with me today. She’s depressed and is going through hell and I tried so hard to fight for her and to show her we could get through it together. My entire world has been shattered. We wanted to get married, have 2 kids, own a horse farm with a ton of land. That was my future, and this morning it vanished into thin air. I’m so empty, so heartbroken and I just want that love again. I want this pain to be gone.
I'm so sorry to hear.i really am.please take comfort the her not handling her depression well might've put serious damper on your future plans and caused you way more grief than you think .trust me,I was like her before I grew emotionally
Be comforted that she hasn't rejected you because you are a bad person. She can't mentally handle a relationship so she's kindly freeing you from future enevitable hurt. Thank her and wish her a speedy recovery.
@@SpyOnDeck in a new relationship, and one that I feel far more comfortable in. A year later she’s completely irrelevant to my life, and in all honesty I believe she was unfaithful and I caught her but overlooked it in an effort to preserve my own mental state. But, I’m far more happy than she ever will be capable of, I hope she can grow up.
Everything he is saying is true but when theres an interference which involves lies rumors gossip jealousy envy and hate coming from a third party it makes the breakup even worser it gets to a point where you just have to leave it in gods hands but it still hurts though 💔
So not true. A circumstance could have gotten in the way of something that should have been. A lot of times a person gets in the way of what should have been. Every time I hear from someone that things happen for a reason, I just want to scream. Sometimes bad luck, stupid people, and stupid events screw up things that should have been.
I don't entirely agree with this vision.... We also miss the presence of that person in our life, all the good moments we had, the way we felt .... And the contrast after loosing that is really great. Life becomes really empty, sad and boring .... and we feel that pain.
This is so true! It took me a long long time to realise but if we were meant to work, we would've worked but we didn't. Then I spent so long heartbroken over the "what if" Get up and move on if this is your situation
The disappointment is still there. The questioning of ur value is still there. I agree with ur point....but there are life lessons a person sometimes still needs to feel so they don't continue to go around that mountain again Ana again. We can't negate those feelings.
My view at what I've learnt from experience is to firstly gain knowledge about yourself. If you don't have the mentors while growing up, many have or are following their beliefs based subconsciously from movies and magazines about love. It's a false perception of reality and what it takes to gear up for a healthy connection with a partner. Some people by nature are more sensitive than others. At the end of the day, it's developing our knowledge of knowing who we are, what we want and once we've achieved to a certain level being comfortable of who we are. I'm comfortable in my own skin, had a hell of a rollercoaster ride along the way, which by the way has given me the opportunity to work with others that would like me to inspire them in ways they didn't know how... We all have different needs, evolve at different levels. If this helps someone, my suggestion is to either read books on how to heal from a breakup or listen to online tutorials. Otherwise don't be shy to reach out for guidance from a professional councillor.. Shop around to find the person you feel you can trust. Just like you seek a doctor you resonate with. Sometimes is better to listen to the opposite sex to get a different perspective outlook. Men and women both have similarities and differences.... Forever learning makes life more interesting. ☮️
In my relationship I fed into her ideas and when she asked if one day we’ll get married I answered yes if things continue the way they are and we’re both happy yes. She would get upset that I wouldn’t just say yes. So I started say just yes and now that things aren’t working out and I don’t wanna continue bc I feel so overwhelmed, I also feel guilty bc she now brings up the fact that I fed her false hope for a future, and left here playing house in her head. We’ve broken up before and I love her, but also I feel like a big part of the reason I kept coming back was guilt, and selfishness. I don’t know what to do
Because this imaginary vision is like a hope for the future that we will happily live the rest of our lives together. Losing that is like losing the hope of that. Losing that is like a dream crushed. Of course it would hurt so bad. When you become so emotionally attached to the other person, it’ll take time and distance to detach. And the process is dreadful.
The life you imagined may have been imaginary.. but if your experience of that imaginary life gave you real happiness, then the loss of that imaginary life will really hurt too. It's completely okay to grieve over failure of romantic love.
I do see your point but he’s trying to highlight that you can lessen your heartache by realising that you are missing something that had not yet happened.
@@lorireed8046 I can't say that I understand what you are going through as it didn't happen to me but what I do know is that things will get better and everything happens for a reason. Just trust the process and God bless 🙏
@@lorireed8046 Right. Its difficult. Its like all of a sudden the oxygen we breathe ceased to exist. And the breathlessness we feel is where the pain is.
@@ndexter1989 I had a friend from old AOL chats that was NK. You brought back some very old memories.
❤
One thing Mathew Hussey said has always stayed in my mind somewhere - Anyone who doesn't choose you, is not your perfect partner/soulmate/love of your life. The fact that they don't choose you, even if its just once, they aren't the one for you. You deserve to be chosen EVERY DAY.
The words gave me goosebumps. Its so true. It should be "If life comes to having an everyday choice, I would choose you everytime"
It is right
I chose my man every day but he never chose me
@@Menpianomusic1 hugssss....
Not being chosen by the person you truly genuinely loved is a different kind of grief.... 😔
True in many or most cases. But here is somethg deep most people haven't experienced: most people receive a lot of options from their parents; most people receive a lot of choices to choose from. But the least ur parents love u, the least choices they r going to give u to choose from, & the least good options they will give u. So some people don't really have what to CHOOSE from, hence they r not "choosing".
What if he chose me but because of his actions I tend to fear of going forward with him …?
The thing is, I loved that fantasy way more than my reality.
Same
There’s always a choice to change your realityblive only in the present forget the past and even future, life is simple don’t overcomplicate it
[DING] [DING] [DING] [DING] [DING]!!!!!!!!!
You've figured out your problem, congratulations. Now I hope with your insight you're already well on your way to fixing yourself
@@Kmm-k5h allow me to disagree. We all live in illusions which we project over real world
😓
No memory is more painful than the memory of a future that will never be
I fell in love with a woman who showed me the most beautiful dream I have ever seen. A year and a half later, I discovered that her dreams and priorities had changed. She left 2 days ago and it hurts more to think of the future that'll never happen than the past which did. The reason this happens to people, I think, is because when we look at our past, we see both the good and the bad. And if the relationship has ended, the bad probably outweighed the good. But when we think of the future, it's as if nothing bad could ever happen there. We envision an overly amazing future, one that could never ever exist in real life. The loss of that vision is what hurts most.
Wow, very well said. Thank you for this.
i could'nt agree more! perfect!
Awe, there's almost some poetry in the way you articulated that experience. They say life is happening for us not to us.
Loss of that imagination (vision)
Yep, same story with a man... He even tried to get out of this as a winner by saying that he "used" me for s@x... Don't think his tears couple years ago were as fake tho
Sometimes we grieve over the loss of companionship and that person’s contributions to our lives.
How do I get over the thought that I would’ve been in a better place right now if I was still with them, and accessing their contribution to my life
He just broke up with me today and I feel like I have fumbled a good person who was gonna take care of my needs and I am going to regret it every day
@@melaninmeetsanime2410 You just have to constantly remind yourself that he really wasn't right for you...if he was you'd be together so keep taking care of you and keep watching and listening to Matthew. He really helped me.... Moreso than my therapist. No joke. You got this girl! ❤️
@@lizziemarie5590 thank you 😔
💯 correct - if something didn’t happen it wasn’t meant to - let go and keep living and loving.
Really
Sometimes the life you wanted was going to be trash, and it would’ve been bad if it continued. Heartbreaks can sometimes be the best thing that happened in the sense that the person was removed from your future.
I love you for speaking THIS!♥️♥️
@@Freespiritedqueen I’m going through a form of heartbreak now based on what I thought I was going to have with a man. If he was the one, he would’ve shown me. He didn’t, so he isn’t. And I really genuinely believed he was supposed to be in my life. He showed me differently; and it hurts that no matter what we said to each other, it was all meaningless.
@@aloveaffairwithself I am going through it as well. Brief relationship. I was forced to leave as he stone walled me. No closure with these deviants. No matter the color, you were MEANT (YOUR DESTINY) to be LOVED. So sorry, you have not been. THE UNIVERSE WILL MAKE THIS RIGHT IF THEY DO NOT! trust and believe.
@@aloveaffairwithself been through it so much in the past, loss custody of children, etc. dealing with them. Got to a point, can't stand to be in a relationship. Wanting marriage but now, NO FKING WAY.
@@aloveaffairwithself I know EXACTLY what you're saying!!! Smh 🤦♀️
The cure, never forget to maintain your own self-care self love ❤
You are so right. My divorce was five years ago and I’ve changed drastically. I gained weight, stopped dressing up, stopped wearing makeup, and still a bit in depression. I’ve tried to find myself again and I can’t. 😥
@@AlwayzzBeKind I'm so so sorry. I haven't been in a relationship but I did lose some loved ones. I think baby steps help, don't put too much pressure on yourself to create a whole new life. Take it day by day and if it gets harder go moment by moment. eg if you find it difficult to take a shower just wash your face, if you find it difficult to dressup just put on a nailpaint. Any tiny progress is still progress so make sure to give yourself a pat on the back. I hope God heals your heart. I hope you start living again💗
@@mariarauf3280 Thank You so much. I truly appreciate those kind and helpful words. It really means a lot. It’s amazing how a stranger can be so kind, more kind than those we already know. You helped me just by being nice. I hope you have a wonderful day and Thanks again. 😊
@@AlwayzzBeKind hi Candace how are your days now. Are u doing anything different from before?
@@shaut9120 Hey there. I still feel overwhelmed by it sometimes. I’m not the same person that I used to be. I want to be happy and find myself again. It’s tough.
Jocko has said you dont miss the person, you miss the version of them you created in your head and thats not the real them and that helped me
Facts, but it still hurts. 🤕 We're humans.
OMG that’s it!🤦🏻♀️ That’s it… NO MORE ME CRYING OVER A FANTASY!🤨
I needed to hear this right at this very moment 🙌🏻
Before..... way before.... entering a relationship understand the real relationship is with yourself and it will always be your self first. You need your love, you needs your own time attention,and commitment. Relationships are wonderful,but end and that's ok. Stay conscious,present in relationships and limit fantasizing .Nothing worse making up a romanticized future,and go way beyond partners vision alone. Stay in moment, stay committed to your self and goals while enjoying loving other for how ever long it last.
SO MANY men CHOOSE to paint a vision of a shared future specifically to hook you, you later realize.
No, it's not our doing a lot of the time. many many times it's 100% the man's doing and it's 100% self-absorbed and myopic of him, let's not even touch whether evil or not.
Many times, the shared vision the man deliberately paints with all his future-talk goes well beyond what he knows he's capable of giving you, and there we get into some evil, cold blooded shit...
A lot of times his mouth writes both of our hearts (mine AND his,) a check he KNOWS his future self can't, and WON'T cash, ever.
He hit the nail on the head. All of my exes have got married after we've broken up. Now I look at each of those relationships, I realise that, it wasn't meant to be. Let it go. And I'm at peace with it.
Same here
I'm like you, almost all of my exes got married or are still in long term relationships with the guy that came immediately or not long after me. If you makes you feel better, it makes me feel a kind of solace that I couldn't ultimately be their one, but our experience together shaped them and their trajectory to a person who could make a life with them. Not trying to sell some "everything happens for a reason" nonsense to you lol, but I'm saying we all have a story, and that's been my role in theirs. I'm not upset or sad about that, I did a lot of healing in those relationships that ostensibly got them where they needed eventually
Long-term relationships are totally different from the short ones the long-term ones hurt the most
I have a problem that I will admit. I broke up with someone twice… that I knew had toxic qualities and they needed more time to heal or work on themselves. My problem is, even after months of not hearing or seeing this person I still miss them and would love to try to get them back… but I know they probably haven’t worked on the things I seen as issues and they probably moved on.
Have you been able to move on? Going through this now.
As the old saying goes its better to be loved than not be loved at all. Some people don't ever experience love and that I find really sad.
I never have and I am in my late 40s
This hit home... We all know the answers to our own questions but we tend to not believe it. Heartbreak is difficult, I know first hand but if that person is no longer there for you then it was never meant to be. Whether the break up was your fault take accountability and let that person move on, again if its meant to be it will come back to you, or if you are on the other end and you've tried everything possible to make it work but it has not worked then know your worth and walk away. You deserve so much better. Love yourself before loving others.
This touched me greatly on my grieving over the loss of my physical ability. I had a plan to run a marathon and do many sports with my growing son but my body didn't follow my dreams. The loss of the life that I THOUGHT I gonna have was dificult to let go. "It would have been if it should have been and could have been". A fantasy can feel like a reality and it helps to remind ourselves it is just a fantasy and see the beauty happening around us.
Oh wow yeah it doesn't have to be about relationships
That fatalistic view saddens me and actually undermines the appropriate stages of grief.
The timing of this is truly something.
I'm going through a tough time now. But time heals all wounds. I will keep the scars as trophies
Rejection is Gods' protection....PERIOD!!!
So true! When we want to tell that person what they did and how it hurt us they don't care. They already know what it is they did. They did it intentionally. tO hurt us. Telling them only makes it worse. If they ever cared at all the never would have done those things.
LET THOSE IDEAS YOU BOTH SHARED FOR THAT 'beautiful' FUTURE GO.
Let telling them what they did to you gO. Without letting ALL of it go you won't be able to fully move on. You're worthy of BETTER and always remember YOU DESERVE BETTER! LOVE AND FAST HEALING FOR ANYONE IN THE THROWS OF HEARTBREAK 💕💕💕
So true 😍
YES
Gosh I am saving this to listen to over and over until
It sinks in!! Why is it so hard to accept
This too shall pass. Time and effort heals everything
Love that. “It wasn’t meant to happen because it didn’t happen”
it might be an imaginery place but feelings are real that actually hurt the most. sometimes ppl make you lead on to an extent that everything becomes uncontrol
Ray... 20 years and I still am not over uuu 😭
He is not just beautiful he is also incredibly insightful.
What a refreshing way to think about it. More of the life we imagine than reality!
The best things in life is to imagine, dream, believe and love.
Kids do this every single day.
Dudes never had a broken 💔.
Its defies logic and nothing can heal it except time.
lol I'm convinced ur right haha
I needed this my gf broke up with me after almost 5 years of us being together literally days before our anniversary, when I was planning on proposing
I am sorry. How did you get through it?
@normansmith8328
After almost a year later, are you able to look back and are glad it happened the way it did?
The man I fell in love with, mirrored the image of me. Instead, I fell in love with me, and the love for him doesn't exist. Therefore, I have no choice but to love the light inside of me. 🥰🙏💯
Huh
@@paroonjoos I’m confused too
Yep sounds like you fell for a Narcissist just like I did and most of us do. Self love is the way to go!
Same
Yesssss
This feels like a diminishment of someone's sense of loss.
It's ok to grieve.
But then we need to move on so we don't get stuck in the sadness.
I kinda disagree, whatever life or dream you thought you would have with that person is still possible. They were just one piece of a puzzle but it was from another box. But YOU are the one placing all the correct pieces to make that work of art. You can still put that puzzle together you just have to find the correct piece.
I really needed to hear this. Exactly today.
“It would have been if it could have been and should have been”
No words have consoled me more than these after the breakup
There is this notion that when you break up with someone that you miss the life that could be, or what they did for you, what kind of life they could provide. No. This isn’t true love…
THIS is…
When I broke up with him, this is what I missed…
the way we understood each other without a word.
How we finished each other’s sentences.
The way we loved doing the same activities, making the experience a million times more wonderful
How we supported each other in bad times, defended each other and had each other’s back.
The way his love for me and mine for him was shinning in our eyes when we looked at each other.
How people knew we were a a couple even when we were not doing mushy love stuff. Just how we interacted with mundane conversations, people could see the energy connection between us.
All those things involved both of us when we interacted. Had nothing to do with status, how sexy/handsome they were, how much money they had..
it was his coffee to my cream.
His toast to my butter.
His rain to my rainbow.
I messed seeing him happy just being with me. This made my heart melt. And is what I miss the most.
The blame I place on myself for the relationship not working out hurts a lot. I step back and remember the lack of effort she put in but I somehow always end up blaming myself for it. I keep replaying our last conversation we had in my head and I'm nit picking at everything, trying to decipher if maybe I misunderstood something and jumped to conclusions. I hate that I wanted her more than she wanted me.
The fantasies of her, our future and all the things we spoke about give me a false semblance of hope... but I know in reality, I'll never speak to her again. We've cut all contact with each other and she's the type of woman who'll never reach out once a relationship is over.
I miss her. I miss her dearly... but I knew deep down the relationship would've never worked out. Ending it was the right thing to do.
I wish this pain would go away.
She will come back. They all do. I hope this day you will become a better version of yourself. The one who don’t care anyway 😁👌🏽. Trust me they always come back.
A year ago my ex and I broke up. That was the most perfectly balanced relationship I ever had, I think it was the happiest period of my life. But he suddenly told me he had identity issues (in his late thirties, he wanted to transition). The breakup happened when I was very ill as well, so during the most difficult time of my entire life. I always knew he wasn’t the most emphatic person, but I didn’t expect all that at those times. I felt like my life was crumbling. I had to move out quickly, leave our beautiful house close to the beach and leave him, while I was still recovering from my illness. It took me three months to get out of depression (turns out it was grief and not depression, but you get what I mean), in six months I was feeling better, and after almost a year… I am feeling alright again now.
It left a big scar and I am scared to date someone again.
But I am back, and I went through all that. I am very proud of myself, especially because I was totally destroyed by the timing of that breakup and the unexpected news and changes.
Keep going, keep fighting, it hurts like hell but you are stronger than what you think you are.
Wishing you the best in life. Take care, brother
It’s always amazing how you think your the only one feeling hurt and broken. Trying to heal and you read the comments and realize a lot of us need to hug each other and say your ok and I’m ok we are still here and we woke because our lives have purpose that didn’t involve who left. So the prize is coming even if it’s your new self. 💜
I loved him so much and he wont talk to me and I cant stop crying he was my everything
A month later and my mind is a mess, I dont understand why he turned away so easy and why he will not even txt me to tell me why. My heart is so shattered and I'm so lost. He was my everything and my world revolved around his.
Hey Tracy, I understand what you are going through. To lose someone you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with is hard but try to keep yourself engaged and do things that keep your mind off him. Start by building good habits and engaging with your family and friends, soon you'll start to love yourself and won't depend on someone else for your happiness.
@@subinj9174 thank you, I'm trying to move forward and he has hurt me so bad. I feel worthless, empty and alone
@@tracymorcombe2128 god loves you Tracy… everything will get better for u.. u got this!!
@@subinj9174 you’re amazing
The thing that keeps us stuck in this gut wrenching heartbreak for so long is not accepting the break up.
We know that we have broken up with the person, but yet we are still hoping deep down that it’s gonna get sorted and be okay one day… and that, in turn, leaves you stuck into the emotions and leaves you locked in the heartbreak for longer ❤❤
Perfect choice of words in this explanation,you did it with so much skill. I get lost trying to say those exact words or trying to explain it to someone. "its fantasy, its science fiction."
Breakups are painful but i never grieve too long as it was not supposed to be. Once u can reconcile to that truth you can move on
100% agree!!! I look at situations in this manner as well. It is what it is and was what it was! Next..
I don't like breakups, but at the end of the day what should be in the forefront of everyone's mind is one of two things:
1. That person, does not want to be with you. So why are you wanting them still?
2. You don't want to be with that person anymore. So why do you feel guilty you can't force your body to do something your heart and mind does not?
And here's a bonus:
3. Time (and also space if available) changes everything. Whatever you're feeling right now, you will feel differently later. You literally have no choice in that. There's just the gap between today and the future that you have to live everyday through. Just know that about the future and you'll be empowered today
I really needed this. My girlfriend ended things after six months and lately I’ve been a mess. Thank you
How are you doing now bro?
Sadly, people make promises knowing that their never coming through on their word. So, yeah sometimes people are misleading. Not all of us are liars, others lie, like it s nothing
This is So factual!!!. I experienced a breakup and reasoned with myself until I witnessed the ugly truth,then I restored my mind to the future,and left the past behind!! FOR GOOD!!
it doesnt matter if it wasnt meant to be if it was all you ever wanted...
We also grieve because someone hurt you and promised you that life and then changed their mind 😢
Anyhow, still hurts. It is the death of a beloved person. At least the person becomes a memory and no part a your emotion.
It very difficult when there's children involved. I sometimes still find myself grieving after my spouse abandoned me and my little girl. It still hurts.
It is super difficult I have 2 boys with My ex and she left me and I'm so devasted still crying after 19months
This is why I wrote my No Contact book Silence is your Superpower … no contact HAS to be done right ♥️
Could have been, would have been, it makes no difference. It's the emotional attachment which needs to be dealt with. Realization and logical explanation does not heal psychological and physical side effects of a break up. Logic can only prevail if your emotions and feelings towards that gone person, are dealt with to the point at which any thought of them doesn't trigger you in any way.
That doesn't change the fact that I deeply wish for it to work.
Breakup it’s definitely a loss feeling but when you leave some relationship and you have a glow up that means that this relationship it’s was so toxic and bad for you.The right people treat you that you don’t hard to love.Someone outside wants you for who you are💋
Mathew Hussey is really a great coach..He gives great advice💯💯
Thid is so true.. if it’s no longer a thing, then it’s not meant to be. Hard but true.
Such perfect timing for me to hear this message! I needed this right now!! 🙂
Love this!! I always tell my loved ones, Would’ve, Should’ve, Could’ve doesn’t exist!!
This short but powerful advice clears out all pains and grievances
I don’t but that. I think people fk up life choices all the time. Plenty of people miss out on things they could have had.
People have the right to be angry about that too because it’s like they hoped for something great to be let down hard
I loooove this guy.He helped me when I needed it ❤️
Going through this at the moment. Cause by fault of my own. The sluggish independent growth bit me in the ass. Have been pushing to improve myself so that never happens again.
I'm fortunate that separation was amicable & the possibility to gravitate back with her is there. Effort dependent ofcourse.
I just can’t stop crying . Thank you Matthew you’re so right
I’m grieving over the loss of my lover, my best friend, my partner in crime. I’m grieving over the loss that is worse than death of a loved one.
The partner who said she loved me , so much that I didn’t understand. The one who begged me to never leave her. The one who begged me to never forget her. Yet now she chooses to “find herself”.
She broke up with me today. She’s depressed and is going through hell and I tried so hard to fight for her and to show her we could get through it together. My entire world has been shattered. We wanted to get married, have 2 kids, own a horse farm with a ton of land. That was my future, and this morning it vanished into thin air. I’m so empty, so heartbroken and I just want that love again. I want this pain to be gone.
I'm so sorry to hear.i really am.please take comfort the her not handling her depression well might've put serious damper on your future plans and caused you way more grief than you think .trust me,I was like her before I grew emotionally
Be comforted that she hasn't rejected you because you are a bad person. She can't mentally handle a relationship so she's kindly freeing you from future enevitable hurt.
Thank her and wish her a speedy recovery.
How are you feeling, 1 year later?
@@SpyOnDeck in a new relationship, and one that I feel far more comfortable in. A year later she’s completely irrelevant to my life, and in all honesty I believe she was unfaithful and I caught her but overlooked it in an effort to preserve my own mental state. But, I’m far more happy than she ever will be capable of, I hope she can grow up.
@@NimdaChayse thanks for the update, and glad to hear you're doing well 🙌 I hope to be back here in a year with a similar update 🙏
Everything he is saying is true but when theres an interference which involves lies rumors gossip jealousy envy and hate coming from a third party it makes the breakup even worser it gets to a point where you just have to leave it in gods hands but it still hurts though 💔
So not true. A circumstance could have gotten in the way of something that should have been. A lot of times a person gets in the way of what should have been. Every time I hear from someone that things happen for a reason, I just want to scream. Sometimes bad luck, stupid people, and stupid events screw up things that should have been.
Thank you I needed to hear this god bless
I don't entirely agree with this vision.... We also miss the presence of that person in our life, all the good moments we had, the way we felt .... And the contrast after loosing that is really great. Life becomes really empty, sad and boring .... and we feel that pain.
I always said this to myself, always... for years and I never grieved anything I did ..
This is so true! It took me a long long time to realise but if we were meant to work, we would've worked but we didn't. Then I spent so long heartbroken over the "what if" Get up and move on if this is your situation
Absolutely spot on, when we realise this we can then move on, learn from it and regain focus on ourselves
The disappointment is still there. The questioning of ur value is still there. I agree with ur point....but there are life lessons a person sometimes still needs to feel so they don't continue to go around that mountain again Ana again. We can't negate those feelings.
" I WOULD hv been if it SHOULD hv been and COULD hv been"
His videos really helped me through a lot….
My view at what I've learnt from experience is to firstly gain knowledge about yourself. If you don't have the mentors while growing up, many have or are following their beliefs based subconsciously from movies and magazines about love. It's a false perception of reality and what it takes to gear up for a healthy connection with a partner. Some people by nature are more sensitive than others. At the end of the day, it's developing our knowledge of knowing who we are, what we want and once we've achieved to a certain level being comfortable of who we are. I'm comfortable in my own skin, had a hell of a rollercoaster ride along the way, which by the way has given me the opportunity to work with others that would like me to inspire them in ways they didn't know how... We all have different needs, evolve at different levels. If this helps someone, my suggestion is to either read books on how to heal from a breakup or listen to online tutorials. Otherwise don't be shy to reach out for guidance from a professional councillor.. Shop around to find the person you feel you can trust. Just like you seek a doctor you resonate with. Sometimes is better to listen to the opposite sex to get a different perspective outlook. Men and women both have similarities and differences.... Forever learning makes life more interesting. ☮️
Thanks 👍
Very helpful, I hope more people reads this
In my relationship I fed into her ideas and when she asked if one day we’ll get married I answered yes if things continue the way they are and we’re both happy yes. She would get upset that I wouldn’t just say yes. So I started say just yes and now that things aren’t working out and I don’t wanna continue bc I feel so overwhelmed, I also feel guilty bc she now brings up the fact that I fed her false hope for a future, and left here playing house in her head. We’ve broken up before and I love her, but also I feel like a big part of the reason I kept coming back was guilt, and selfishness. I don’t know what to do
💔Absolutely correct, but heart and braun need time to realise and accept it.
Yk this just just helped me the most I've been rlly down now might watch it a bunch 😂
I needed to hear this today. Thank you ❤️
Incredible life lesson.
"It's a myth." Absolutely.
This is actually really helpful. Just let go of the fantasy. It wasn't real to begin with.
I broke up with him 7 months ago and I still feel like it was yesterday
Because this imaginary vision is like a hope for the future that we will happily live the rest of our lives together. Losing that is like losing the hope of that. Losing that is like a dream crushed. Of course it would hurt so bad. When you become so emotionally attached to the other person, it’ll take time and distance to detach. And the process is dreadful.
Damnit. I had it when people tell me that which is obviously true but is also absolutely not what I want to hear. Damn you facts and logic.
Thanks for that reality slap! Needed that, even though it hurts.
Dang ..so well put!!! You are my favorite to listen to about break ups and mindset! Helps put things into perspective from a grieving heart 💔
I needed thisbim going through a tuff time rn
You are not alone. Keep fighting, it gets better.
She is in the past and the past is no longer my Concern,
I’m sad not just from that but that I simply really just loved being around them…but I have to wake up and move on
THANK GOD YOU WOKE UP..
Yeaa got u brooo u r so wise may God bless you ❤
This is really obvious, why do we find the right lessons in life so hard to realise?
What's meant to be will be, if not it wasn't meant to be!