It's so painful to see guys ruin good dates with a few bad decisions. Please stop making these mistakes! For more in-depth information on dates and online dating, including actual recorded dates of mine check out: toddoda.com
TLDR: Weak advice, women deserve better than this type of man on the dating scene. There is a reason why there are more single men now than ever and this is basically Todd cashing in on male loneliness under the guise of promoting sex/hookups as a way to build confidence. The women being essentially used through the utilization of these, "dating mistakes" are the ones consistently telling the stories of how men just want sex and the justified frustration they face in the dating world. This video stands as a virtual testament to the culturally driven, machismo/bro mentality of, "conquer the woman" by being aggressive and trying to sleep with her ASAP. This cultivates superficial interactions. Glad you've got a fully notched belt by the sound of it, Todd. Nothing you said here will ever compare to what it's like to have a woman actually be into you bc of you, not bc you can coax her into your bed on date #1. For the guys looking for that sort of thing, have at it. You will eternally feel unfulfilled in your pursuit of a meaningful connection with a woman if sex is your priority. Therefore, dating mistake #11 is watching this awful video. Clearly, you have a decent following here, Todd. Try to use this degree of power responsibly by providing dating advice that doesn't perpetuate the misogynistic and out-dated strategies to get women. It can be done by not doing about 75% of what you said here while showing women the respect and consideration a truly confident man can provide in his interaction with her.
@@ssan08 I don't agree. Even if you aren't a Player and you want to find a long-term Partner then a Date is the first step. You'd better don't fuck it up. Remember him saying that in his first 6 months of dating he tried and tried and tried but always got friendzoned (?). Then he realized it was bcs. gave the wrong signals of weakness, of not daring to make the next move. This lesson were the women (!) teaching him. They react to confidence and quit if you hesitate too much. You mentioned `repect and consideration` - think it that way: if you don't make a move then you don't respect her as a sexual being. Or the other way around: if you display the attitude of `I like you, but not for sex` then this is exactly what you get. Believe me that NiceGuys are doing more harm to the dating scene than folks like Todd who help also the women to get what they crave for by empowering men.
The 10 mistakes are: 1-Wrong location: midway where you two live 2-Wrong time of the day 3-Fail to make it man to woman. No flirting, no tease, no physical contact 4-Not going for the kiss 5-Trying to make everything perfect 6-Over escalating 7-Make sure you get to know each other 8-Not qualifying her 9-Dinner dates 10-Not taking the girl home This guy is a mind reader, in the last two dates I made 6 out of 10 mistakes, number 1, 2 and 3 for sure. Result: friendzoned. I'm hiring these guys to coach me.
OK I can't believe this - I have watched several of your videos but I watched this one earlier today to prep for one of the first dates I've had in decades - i'm 55 and got a date with a 34 year old. She's actually quite beautiful and she's very accomplished in the classical music field. I couldn't believe she even agreed to the date much less showed up for it, but she did. In the past I have always been a tremendous simp and this would have gone straight to friend zone. During dinner we had great conversation - I easily make friends with anyone... it was going into friend zone. But I had in mind your advice about how if I don't flirt, get physical, tease, etc. it WILL go into friend zone. So I started doing it and it came naturally for me so I was glad. At one point she talked about something in the future (a concert she is doing in a couple months) and said literally "you should come to it, if we're still talking - well, at this point I know we're at least gonna be friends!" When I heard that I ramped up on the flirtation. Also, we were in a restaurant (her pick in her town) where we were seated across from each other in a booth - my bad, I should have asked for a different kind of table. We had good conversation and dining so as we talked when the meal was order and we were finishing wine, before she could order another I asked if she wants to get out of here and go to another bar - I google mapped one just down the street, I didn't care where just as long as we could sit next to each other. We went and sat at a corner table next to each other and it was great. I started with touch, very simple, short, but I initiated. She came back with some quick toucihng also. At one point I had an opportunity to touch longer, more involved, and that was all it took. She was hesitant but then gave in - I think she wanted it to go that way but like you said they hold off and will go friendship route if you aren't pushing in that direction. Within 5 minutes we were doing hugs and within a few more minutes I just looked her int he eyes and kissed her. So we made out and the rest of the night was just kissing, holding, etc. I couldn't believe it. It was all the things you said - teasing, being present, focusing on her, being a friend KIND OF but making sure the romance was there (in my conversation I threw in very light sexual references, worked like a charm, I could see in her face the sudden slightly startled expression like she's thinking "wait is this nice friendly guy someone who can be sexual/romantic???" because I created the sexual tension but in a very light and innocent way. That is the key, I think - the sexual tension - the touching and teasing and everything builds it very subtly (if you do it right) and it gets in HER head so that by the time you want to kiss she's more than ready. And I always feared the first date kissing situation - I always was "respectful" and didn't plan on ever doing anything - but this time I listened to you that if there is no kiss then you are probably friendzoned so I didn't want that and made it my goal that whatever happened, even if she rejected me overall, I was NOT going to let her think this was a new friendship - I wanted to be friendly and be LIKE a friend but also CLEARLY a romantic interest and your tips worked. We are crazy about each other already. We already have our next date set for next week and both of us are anxious for it. I think she's more into me than I am into her which is hard to believe. I can't believe it. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU - you don't realize how bad my whole life of dating has been, I'm 55 and single (never married) and never had a real girlfriend and I'm doing a lot to turn that around but on this particular DATE your advice was like a silver bullet to make it a massive success. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!
How's that 21 year age difference working for you? I'm happy you are getting out there and testing the waters, but making out in the corner of a bar after some drinks is embarrassing at any age.
I don't agree with many of these. If you want to actually date the girl, and don't just have a 1 night hook up, then having sex in the first date is never a good idea. In my experience, the best course of action, again, if you want TO DATE the girl, is something like this: 1st date: meet in the afternoon, at a park or go for a coffee, something casual. Don't kiss her or kiss her when the date ends, as a goodbye kiss. Implicit flirting. 2nd date: go to a bar at night. You can go for more explicit flirting here. Tease her but don't oversexualize the situation, you are still knowing her. You may kiss her if you haven't in date 1, but don't overdo it. DO NOT GO FOR SEX, unless the girl heavily implies that she wants to. And even if she explicitly tells you she wants to have sex, in many 2nd dates I will propose to wait until next time we meet. The implicit message is, I am the one who decides when to have sex, not you. 3er date: take her to have dinner to a nice place (not necesarily expensive), go back to your place afterwards and have sex, she will most likely be expecting it and prepared for it. The fact the she showed up means she wants to have sex with you, you don't have to use any "tricks" at this point, the sex will feel natural and not forced, for both of you. You will make her feel desired and not just like a piece of meat, and that will separate you from all other men. After that, she's yours, and you can take the relationship in whatever direction you want. This will not be the case if you do what the video says. Even, if you manage to get her to have sex, she will probably think of you as a casual fling, or as a player. She will likely not take you seriously. You will be one of many men she had ons with. You have to give her time to build desire for you, to feel like she's earned the sex. I really cannot overstate the importance of not rushing things. If sex is your ultimate goal, and that's all you care about then do what the video says, but imo that's kind of lame and low value. High value men are not desperate to have sex. High value men take their time to know their partner and make sure she is a high value woman. High value men do things under their own terms and in their own time.
Agreed, however I also always ask in between partners to get tested before going for the final blow. This also serves as a hookup filter, as most serious girls tend to happily agree to your request.
All my long term GFs I've had sex on the 1 st date except one which was the 3rd. There is attraction or there's not. You're making up rules in your own mind. Either way doesn't mean if you and her will last or not, it's how it continues on, if a deeper chemistry develops. The first dates barely matter for that purpose.
@@MVProfits I never said you cannot get a long term GF if you sleep with her in the 1st night, I'm saying that you put the odds on your favor by waiting a little bit. The first date may not matter to you but for a lot of women it is extremely important. I've had plenty of girls recalling details about our first interactions many times being way into the relationship. Those sort of things matter to women. Anyway, of course you keep doing whatever you feel is working for you. This is just MY advice from MY life experience.
Is this mainly about dating to hook up and have sex? I see the idea of having sex on the first date mentioned several times. I also see that things that lead to not having sex on a first date are considered "mistakes". Are they mistakes because the purpose of the first date is to go have sex? Perhaps these types of videos should begin by clarifying that the advice given relates to casual hookups and having sex with random strangers, not actual dating and relationships.
All seems a bit unnecessary. Just go for a walk, costs nothing, no pressure, can get a good look at her, can tell if she's boring, or a princess... Can grab a coffee or drink if you want to, or can say "well I have to go now" if it's not working. And also, I don't like sex on first date. It's so boring. What is left to look forward to? Build tension! Build anticipation! If she wants sex, subtly deny her! Keep HER waiting.... Much more fun and interesting. Sex itself is kinda boring. The lead up to it is actually much more delicious and interesting.
Agreed. While cliche, I actually like the meeting in the park, or on the beach or boardwalk, or a local art or music festival, carnival, etc. and walking around and casual conversation. See her in different environments, sample foods from vendors, or pack a light dinner with finger foods, small sandwiches, fruits and a bottle of sparkle water and wine, etc. Walking side by side is far less awkward and stressful than staring at each other over a table. It's also why road trips can be so enjoyable, because you can talk and get to know each other without the pressures of staring at each other. And if you are wanting a relationship, sex on the first date (or too soon, while tempting) is going to probably ruin that for one or both of you. She'll look at you differently and/or you'll view her differently and the relationship will be based on sex and it complicates things because if one person wants to dial it back it hurts feelings, etc. And one/both of you will view the other as too easy, etc. For this reason, it's sometimes wise to purposefully meet far enough away from both of your homes so there is no potential and you both understand there won't be sex. That will take pressure off both of you, and it'll be clear you'll have to meet closer to one of your places next time....
@@timsimmons9995 Really glad to see other guys saying this too. Personally I want connection and emotional intimacy first, and especially since women produce more oxytocin during sex, to me it's all the more reason to wait....two people should be able to develop romantic feelings for each other, just from getting to know one another, mutual admiration, a shared value both feel strongly about.
you got experience, and ditched another hoe through the process. not the worst outcome, and now you learned it the hard way. just dont repeat the success once again
I didn't escalate yesterday when the girl was in my face at the bar because I haven't had a girl in my face since 2019. Everyone was sitting at home. I'm not used to it anymore. Such a drastic switch from keeping your impulses under control at work to kissing some stranger in your face. Too extreme
Having dating a lot (35 years ) the one mistake i learned don't rush the sex as this changes the whole relationship . Women love the slow love making and be gentle with her even when your charged up . Great clear video thanks Todd
This, I agree with more than the original video! Women need warm up time, to where they can relax, feel that you truly care about them, be a gentleman and do the little things, like pulling her chair out for her, or opening the door to a restaurant or car. Showing that you aren't a pervert, but still that your humour shows that you are sexy and flirtatious, and give her something to laugh at occasionally. She needs to know your comfortable in your skin, and willing to make the odd mistake, to show that your human, as we all do just that once in a while. Touching, kissing is fine for a first date, but waiting for the second date (if she agrees) will have you both with something to look forward to!
I have been wondering a lot about women that learn MALE GAME. First of all. I don't trust women to use this knowledge in a benelovent, kind and good way. I do NOT belive women want men to seduce them. Espescially not AVERAGE men. So I want to ask you how you will use this knowledge? When I in the past have told some women (that I was NOT dateing) about GAME, I have always been riddiculed and emasculated for it. When I have told women I date, I always get friendzoned. So here is it, step by step what I expect you to do whith this information (and I hope I am wrong, but tell me why). (1) You will INSIST upon dateing at a location far away from both your homes. (2) You will only date at daytime. (3) You will ACT as you missunderstand his flirting, act bored, act as if he is oversexual, act offended or just act as you didn't understand the joke. (4) You will refuse to make him kiss you. (5) You will complain about the venue. (6) You will act prude. (7) You will ask him to many questions and refuse to answer his, or answer boring or shallow. (8) You will make everything about YOU and make YOU the PRIZE. (9) You will INSIST upon a dinner date with a fucking LARGE table, so you sit long, long AWAY from eachother, so it will be IMPOSSIBLE for him touch you without looking as a desperate bafoon. (10) You will ofcource not get to his place or invite him home to yours. This list is, what I expect from women to do, if they gain knowledge of this list. All other GAME will be sabotaged the same. Do the opposite or change the rules, so the man can't win your heart or your pussy. I belive women hardwired by nature to refuse ANY OTHER then "extrovert Chads" (or Tyrones) sex. That is the reason EVERY fucking time a woman gain knowledge about GAME, she sabotage it for average men and contribute to destroying their lifes. I hope I am VERY wrong. Can you convince me? 🤔 Why would you use this knowledge to let a average man seduce you? If you know what he is doing AND WHY, why would you be arroused when he touches you, flirts and try to kiss you? Isn't that destroying "the Hollywood saga of love"?
As always a great video! I'll just add something from my personal experience. I've been on countless dates in the last 2 decades and in my view it's best to be flexible about the first kiss and go with the flow... I used to always push for a kiss on the first date and try to take it all the way quickly, but about half the time the girl will reject the kiss and it can be a cringy situation. The other half of the time she'll kiss you back, and that's pretty good right? So it's a home run right?... Turns out no. Some girls that can be be very into you throughout the date, will lose interest if you go for the kiss on the first date because either it can seem a bit forced (like you're desperate for a kiss) or they just calculate in their minds "Oh! I got him. Now he's mine, I win." And when girls feel like they "have you" it can be game over. Girls need to feel like you're a challenge and they can't fully have you and they need to chase you, especially the very beautiful girls. So, in short, it's perfectly fine to go on dates and have a good time for 1 or even 2 dates with no kissing as long as the vibe is good and she's clearly having a good time with you (and it's very good to keep a girl wondering if you're really into her or not, but all in a playful way of course). Then, as Todd says, indeed max by the 3rd date (or even 2nd) go for the kiss. This way everything goes way more naturally. If a girl is really into you and is totally ready to be kissed on the 1st date (it will be pretty obvious usually) then kiss her on the first date. In short, be flexible, try to read the girl to figure out if she's ready to be kissed, and go with the flow.
I agree with this. Also a lot of this advice is counter-productive with very conservative / religious girls. I'm LDS, and my college experience was that if you tried to kiss one of them on a first date it was almost always bad--the typical rule was that they wouldn't get physical with you in any way (other than say flirty touching) unless you were exclusive. And sex before marriage is a religious taboo, so trying to get that was 100% creepy. One key might be to make sure you know about a girl's beliefs about what is appropriate and not appropriate in terms of physical relationships before commitment, and before marriage. Then tailor what physical escalation looks like in terms of that.
Kinda agree, but the truth is, 80 - 90 % of my dates, the girl is ready to be, even wants to be kissed. If you can perfectly tell the difference, by all means, go for it and wait for the 2nd date. But always going for the kiss is also very solid since you miss so rarely.
I agree, and rarely will even try to kiss on the first date. But I will start a second date with a light kiss, which has worked well for me. (I'm 62 by the way, so it may be different with younger couples.)
Yeah I used to think like this dude, now my attitude is entirely more relaxed. An hour or 2 is fine, have a chat, coffee or whatever. If it goes well, you can see her again, or possibly extend the date. If not, you can leave after 1/2 an hour. It's also easier to set up dates like this and to get her to agree in the first place. No pressure, just enjoy.
Mistake #2 hits hard on me. I had a seemingly successful relationship at the onset of my grownup life that turned out to be a disaster, because I failed to realize her priorities were off the chart compared to where she put me. She kept "meeting me" on the way to somewhere, and I could accompany her along, from where it was left to me when or how I would get home. I should have turned ALL of those "opportunities" down. I learned the hard way that if a girl is too busy to see you, then she simply isn't interested in you, and you better find someone who is more open to shuffling things around, which eventually reveals her priorities. Yes, some jobs/faculties can be very demanding, but if you are the 12th item on her to-do list, then just bail out!
I mean, if she wants to sleep with you, distance is not gonna be an issue. I have this friend I went out on a group meeting, and after a few drinks at a bar, she invited me and also a friend of mine that was with us to her place (quite literally, she lives to the other side of the city). Non of us had any sexual intentions with her, we were just chillin, had something for dinner at her place, we had a few more drinks. At some point it was so late at night. My friend was falling asleep, she told my friend to sleep on the couch, and she told me to go to her room and we could stay up listening to music. We were cuddling at some point and of course, you guys know how it ended. Next day my friend and I were on our way to the bus stop and he told me he heard everything 🤣
I always wonder, why do you think you should play the home team and not play the away team (her place)? My dates usually go really well. I don't always look to take her home on the first date (not really the goal of date 1), but if it happens, it happens. I almost always go for the kiss during the first date, not when it is done, but during. It establishes context better. I like dinner dates after the first date, but never, ever, sit across from her. We need to be close so we can get handsy and kiss.
I almost stopped watching the video because of #1... Do you really want someone you know almost NOTHING about to know where you live? Too much emphasis on getting laid & not enough emphasis on learning & safety for my taste. Don't forget, 1st and foremost it's a jungle out there.
@@zakuzeon7382 She doesn't need to know that you live near by first hand, but then again don't take her to a bar where you are a regular patron, maybe take your dates to another place to start with? Then decide if it's worth showing/telling about your place.
@@macvena can always get better and it is interesting to see someone's opinion and insights. A person doesn't need to agree with everything someone says to gain some knowledge.
@@Kazzildo I used to have a couple barista friends at the local Starbucks that comped my drinks when I brought a date in. That social qualifying from a couple wing girls put her at ease and made me look good. While coffee dates aren't ideal, there are times where you might not be sure how long you want the date to last. Once I got fooled by an older picture on an app where she weighted considerably more in person. It's a double edge sword having an easy out, but the upside of her feeling she is in your world and enjoying it (especially when there is no risk of your peeps letting you down or judging you) can pay off.
*It's easy to overlook some of these mistakes, like trying too hard to impress or talking too much about yourself. Great reminders to stay calm and let the conversation flow naturally!*
Girls have always made the 1st move with me historically and have always kissed me first and been the one to chase and pursue, so I guess making the first move depends on if you are attracted to her or not
I love dates, and consistently pull on them due to Todd’s teachings. My sticking point is cold approach due to approach anxiety and taking the skills I have on dates and hammering them out in just a few minutes, where dates I have hours.
Not everyone is good at everything. If you're successful with your dates I say good job, brother! Just stick to what you're good at. You can always work on your cold approach whilst still getting laid from dates. 👍🏻😉
Good Lord! You had 3 first dates in just 2 weeks? I've never had that many in a full year's time! Not in high school not in college and never during my career have I had more than maybe 1 first (and last) date in a full year's time. 😞 Where I live, unfortunately I guess, the problem isn't not doing well on 1st dates it's the complete lack of dates like EVER! Far too many single guys for far far too few single gals around the Houston TX area unfortunately. I've seen it reported in the nightly news around here, numerous times... friends have advised me that I really need to move somewhere where there's a more even ratio of single men to women (moving is NOT as simple as all that though!), and other friends have suggested they could help arrange to have a woman or two brought across the border by coyotes for me... I'm like, no I don't approve of THAT idea at all! It's just, crazy here I tell you. Count your blessings that you have opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them where you are, it can be a lot worse!
Great content; real quick though, for non-drinkers where would you recommend for a good 1st/2nd date? I lived previously in a place that had a nice kava/tea lounge that worked pretty well, but I’m about to move to Boston (Longwood area) and I’m not really sure what my options might be. Any advice would be great! Thanks.
14:46 flirting is like the seasoning, where the "getting to know you" is the actuall steak. Or whatever protein, you want, but yeah, too much salt or seasoning will fuck up the meal. but you also don't want a dry, stale steak.
Here's another horrible date idea: Bowling. You basically can't talk much because it's always someone's turn to bowl, and the other person is sitting and waiting lol. Don't do it.
It is so easy to talk in between turns. There isn't a time limit in bowling, so talking for a couple minutes in between turns is great and if there is a lull in the conversation you can get back to the game.
That’s kind of like saying to not go to dinner because you can’t talk while chewing your food. Have patience. It’s those in between moments that matter.
This information is golden. This guy should be worldwide popular. I lack the understanding of dating, and he just broke it down in a more understandable way.
I love dinner dates. Yes, there are limitations, but you can make it work... If you are "smooth" and can flirt, then it can be quite good. Seating and ambiance always make a difference, so I don't choose a restaurant for its food.
I think a lot of this advice is helpful and mistakes that men make in dating, but... I take issue with trying to "seal the deal" with sex. The reason is that the Institute for Family Studies reports multiple studies that show that people in committed relationships with fewer previous sexual partners report more stable relationships, more sexual satisfaction, and more overall satisfaction in their marriages. This tracks with my experience as a divorce attorney as well. That all leads me to believe that sex early in a relationship is a "shortcut" to commitment that has long-term downsides and may not be worth the trade-off. Also that someone who wants to have sex too early in a relationship may be a bit of a red flag to the highest quality partners.
@EriPages So... I see you haven't read any of them. They explicitly apply to men as well. You are free to believe anything you wish, of course, but as you suggested, I think putting the genie back in that bottle is hard.
truth. the times I did not go with sex in mind, and behaved gentlemanly, the girls actually stepped up to make the first move which is good for sex-seekers but if you continue on the gentleman path, you leave with her wanting more and definitely gets you a 2nd or more dates. ymmv
@@billusher2265 almost no women will have sex with you on the first date no matter how interested she is in you. in fact if she sees you as a pontetial long term partner she will not have sex on the first date.
Good video. I would add to it a few things. #1 start flirting and talking about sex before you even get to the date. #2 kiss her as soon as you see her, get it out of the way. #3 date is a chemistry check. #4 quite lounge with privacy is your best bet. Coffee shops, restaurants and bars are all bad choices
Let me start by saying YOU ARE THE MAN, TODD V! I have to tell you that while I appreciate all of your helpful dating advice videos for the common man, the tips on this particular one turned out to be the game changer for me. How naive was I thinking that I knew what I was doing in the dating game only to discover that I was making almost every mistake that you pointed out on this video! Upon making every effort to correct my mistakes with your expert advice, in particular mistake number 1, I have landed the loving soulmate girl of my dreams. I'm so glad I found your videos and can't thank you enough.
Along with #10 goes, you need to clean your place a bit. It can't smell really bad like most guys don't care. You don't need to do the kitchen, but focus on the make-out couch, the bedroom (clean sheets) and the bathroom (toilet and sink). You don't need flowers... it just shouldn't STINK!
Spent 4 dates with my favourite girls, on 5th date I just kissed her! And a couple of days later she ended up with me. All it was about respect and letting things go slowly but seems she got it differently. Don’t do my mistake.
Hello and congratulations on your video! When it comes to first dates, I have a slightly different perspective. Contrary to what you mentioned in this video, I appreciate the ‘opportunities’ that restaurants offer. For me, they’re a place to start flirting, show kindness to the waitstaff, and address any issues politely (the woman perceives your determination). I always choose a table where we’re close but not constantly face-to-face, allowing for physical contact without feeling overwhelmed. Sharing food during the first date can create a unique connection. Overall, I feel very comfortable going to lunch or dinner with a woman on a first date.
My problem is that I am still living with my parents, and really can t bring any girl home, never alone here. Should I start dating only when I will be about to get my house?
No, if you are an interesting enough person, you can go to her place. However, if you eliminate your housing, that leaves you with 50% options (in terms of homes), which you can not exactly control. And if she is in a similar situation as you. A reason she can't invite you apart from not wanting to invite you, you could end up spending multiple hours together and later both of you have to go home, because in the shadows, you started with a 0% chance, which you both ignored. But... You can always rent an airbnb apartment or similar, which does not look lika a hotel. But that will be expensive if done often, so only do that if you are willing to double down. If at some point during the date your gut says, that it looks like she'd be interested in coming over, grab a phone, book a place. A lot of places have 24h check in, but beware, that you run the risk of looking like a fool when you arrive there, if you are not exactly certain, how to enter yourself and don't know the exact route to "your apartment" =D You could always book the same place, however someone might grab the keys before you or you can't contact the supervisor, in which case, it's not a guaranteed option and a contingency plan is recommended. Or your gut feeling was wrong haha, now you have an empty apartment for which you paid a decent amount and you can keep yourself up at night there and think of where you messed up or what important detail you missed. And if the night still allows, you can head back out, talk to new girls and start everything all over again, being a little more desperate than before. Other than that, a car (spontaneous), a tent near a lake(not exactly spontaneous), whatever else is also an option, but not recommended, unless your constructed narrative somehow justifies it. Regardless, not having your own place always makes things harder, however in group settings if you met in a social circle staying over at a friend's couch or if you want to just focus and practice earlier steps before logistics and endgame, then you still have those options available. Every once in a while the stars align and opportunities present themselves, even if you just went into battle without ammunition. But you'll get a lot more bullets coming at you than you can fire out, haha. Good luck!
The fact you're willing to go on the date with the girl automatically qualifies her to you. You have to win her over enough for her to accept a 2nd date. It's not like dates happen so often for some guys. It can takes months or even years to have a chance to date a girl I'm interested in.
But you're already in the mindset that is trying to "earn" the favor of this girl so that she will bestow a 2nd date upon you. That's and "Employer/Employee" dynamic that you're creating. If you're jumping through hoops you've already lost. You can't create that dynamic or buy into it because there are women who will covertly try to get you to occupy the employee role and place her in the employer role. This gives her power over you and that's why they do it, to be in the position of power. Do not play that game, that's the solution. Even if it means you walk away from a lot of girls, do not buy into it.
I suck at dates. I stopped going on them. I just invite them over for one or all of these 3 things……. NACHOS, MARGARITAS, TACOS!!!! I call it female kryptonite. 😎 For some reason girls are obsessed with nachos and tacos.🌮
Just a short comment. I used to have a restaurant I took dates to, and I got a fairly hostile reception from a waitress there. She had been nice previously, so I was puzzled. Then I realized that I had brought different girls there before, and I thought, and still do, that she was having an issue with my "infidelity" of bringing different women there.
@@southeastmissourihypnosisf8418 Dude, if you're taking multiple women to one place. There ain't no sugar coating what you are all about. At least be honest about it. This is why a hate PUA bullshit.
Man, this is a treatise on how to get a lawyer to defend yourself if she is a "Duluth Rules" girl. This is the US and not Thailand. Men here have careers and a reputation to lose if you step on a land mine.
Nuh…i dont agree on this! First date shouldnt be about hooking up, but getting to know each other a bit better and discover if there is chemistry or not. If there is…everything will click into place and there will be a next date were you can plan accordingly.
@@Ismael.A.MailloThen don’t approach a woman that talks to a lot of dudes and is so “open”. If the aim is a one night stand then ok, but if you are going for a relationship then such personalities are out of the question till they “mature”.
The question I have about having the sort of girl I want in mind prior and then qualifying her is simply: what if she doesn't play along and qualify herself? For example, if I say I want a girl that's gonna stay at home but she responds that she's super career-driven and isn't the homemaker sort at all. If that happens, what now? Backpedal on what I said I wanted? Stick with what I want and say "Welp, I guess this is going nowhere then..."? It feels like potentially setting yourself up for failure.
Why would you try to seem like something you are not, claiming to look for something you are not ? Are you trying to play girls, or are you trying to find the right girl ? If you want to play go right ahead and manipulate and lie, but if you want something serious never ever go for a girl who does not allign with your values, if has no future, it is wasted time.
1.) I dont see the mentioned videos linked in the description. 2.) A frequent problem till now with more than 10 girls: Good date. Good vide. Flirty. We kissed each other. But I never see her again and dont know why. 3.) Some good dating coaches dont kiss the girl on the first date to increase the tension. Some only kiss at their flat. What do you think about theses ideas? 4.) There is a saying from experienced men in dating: Girls prefer sex in their own bed. I like the idea better because my apartment is very small, very far from downtown and mostly untidy. How do I transition that we go to her place? I approached a girl at the train station April 2022. Super spontaneous the vibe, was with her in the directly in the supermarket. She flirted, punched me in the arm, etc. I had my guitar with me and sang something. She told a lot about her life adnd herself and opened up. At the end I kissed her 2x. Because I used a false time constrainment, I have to keep it up. So I kissed her. Took the train in the evening. She didn't answer the first 2 Whatsapp messages and I never saw her again.
To answer your 2nd question. A lot of the time if you don’t sleep with her on the first night, the tension will die on her side - even if the date has gone well. I’m not entirely sure why, I’m not a coach, but it defo plays a factor from experience. Which is why it’s always suggested that you should try and sleep with her on the first night.
@@gords561 Thanks for the opinion. I think with me it goes more in the direction of "being too keen on sex". That is also named in the video. I touched too much and brought too many innuendos. Shy women 18-23 with no to little experience (=often my target audience) takes longer to build trust and comfort. So I prefer to take a different approach and go back in speed.
For your second problem I recommend never getting physical on a first date unless it’s HER idea. That’s why I only go to cafe’s for the first date. That way there is no pressure to have seggs. The second date is when you get physical cuz 90% of girls are comfortable by that point.
My main problem is regarding that last mistake you mentioned. I'm 25yo and practically a virgin. I've had very few experiences and they have been TERRIBLE and let me with this "I really dont wanna feel like this ever again" sensations... I know I'm supposed to somehow forget the "trauma" and move on and not lock myself from the world. But man I'm so fuckin scared of going through experiences like that again. Just thinking about having sex makes me nervous and anxious asf smh
@@Cosmicmind2023 I just don't know how to start over you know? Last time I was in that kind of situation was like 3 months ago. I decided to quit talking to girls/using dating apps/looking for dates etc until I got my shit somewhat together. 3 months in I feel like I've improved quite a bit in different areas I needed to work on, and so lately I wonder if I should start over with the dating stuff but I just don't know how to. I feel like an athlete wanting to come back from an injury but feeling like he just forgot how to play at all and wondering it the comeback it's even worth it
To use your athlete analogy, you need a couple of easy wins. If you were a boxer, that would mean getting in the ring with fighters that are not really a threat to you, so you can get comfortable performing in a pressure situation. See where this is going? It means find a girl that you're attracted to enough to sleep with, but are not so invested in that you care too much and feel nervous. Someone comfortable and non-threatening. A starter chick. If you have morals, maybe a girl you'd be happy to see for awhile rather than just discard once mission accomplished.
Well it works both ways as well :) It is not a negative action towards the opposite if the guy or lady girl or boy wanted to in return (mutually). But, if this was the deciding factor that you won't go on a second date then let it be and move on. It wasn't going to be the right person anyways. In fact most dates that turn out good but you kissed her or she kissed you and never wants to see you again is an honest sign that you shouldn't be with them at all because of some security or internal mental equation they have themselves in that won't allow them to kiss on first date or the fact that they just don't know how to be "frank" with you. Don't take this personally, it's just being human but let him/him go. Sometimes this is a goo thing, it just means they have morals or want to get to know you better before this happens so if you get a second date, "way to go" you did what that person wanted you to do out of "wow" or "awe" factors. :)
I disagree about dinner always being a bad idea for first dates. I have a pizza place 2 miles from home that was always my go to for first dates. Cozy and artsy inside and a patio across the street from a lake on nice days. I'm relatively introverted so the consistency helps me stay relaxed and that helps me stay in frame which helps her relax. Because the food is always good, even if the date is sour a night that ends with a happy stomach isn't all bad.
YES ! #8, #2 and #1 ! ! The only way to win a rigged game is to not play. YOUNGER GUYS, LISTEN TO THE VOICE OF EXPERIENCE AND LEARN FROM OUR MISFORTUNE ! It's far better to get and stay out of the "market", keep control of your own life ! Keep your sanity, self respect, peace of mind, money AND all of your possessions ! And remember, all it takes nowadays is just one FALSE accusation and your life is ruined !
@@GCOUNDOU Do they have the same kinds of places/ attractions where you live that I have? Everywhere is different, buddy. Where it's acceptable to go for a first date is also different by culture. Also, you might have a different budget than I have. I can't do all that thinking for you!
@@alexanderwindh4830 What's there to elaborte? If a women is interested, you don't have to spend $100+ on dinner. Take her to a nearby attraction, or to an ice cream bar or Bobba Tea. Look for something "cute" and cheap near you.
Todd i was wondering if you had advice for guys trying to sober up and how to navigate the complexities of dating in a society where drinking is expected
Most of the things you mention do not hold for the very first date, especially if you only know her from dating site... For subsequent dates yes, they are mostly true.
About mistake number 2.... I live about 25 minutes drive away from the city... If I date someone in or near the city, she usually would prefer to go to a bar in the city... And half the time she would be sharing the apartment with someone else, so I would prefer to get her to mine. Would be considered too far if I just suggest I drive us both to mine?
Same as me. I never do it although it could work with some girls. The usual reaction is them getting afraid you're going to go full Jake the ripper on them. What works better if you have to drive the girl to your place is to go for the 3rd date in your place, not earlier. It's less awkward, 25 minutes driving can get very long when the girl gets bored or the effects of the beers go away in the first date, and she gets "cold". In the third date she's more relaxed and knows what's coming.
This is great advice, if you're trying to get an STD. After getting divorced from my highschool sweetheart (25 years), I went through a phase of dating and having sex with women I barely new, surprisingly it rarely leads to successful long term relationships. It can be fun and exciting in some cases, but it gets old fast and you end up with many regrettable situations. If all you want is casual sex (and eventual STD), then here you go, but do you really want to get into a serious relationship with a woman that has sex with men she just met? Oh I know you're special, she normally never does this LOL.
The last couple of mistakes he mentioned I had absolutely no idea it was a bad mistake. Specifically why taking your date to dinner is a bad idea, & it all makes sense now. I have watch 4 other channels on dating and this is the first one that mentioned that detail i wish i had known sooner.
I flat out quit trying over eight years ago. 100% of the time any girl will ask how much money I make, what university did I go to, what's my major and what type of white collar job do I work.
100%? Are you sure? I cannot recall ever being asked about this stuff on a date. In some online convos, yes, but the lady who asked me about this stuff, was looking for basically becoming a wife. But being asked about this on a date it nuts, you are not at a job interview, wtf. I am legit curious, may I ask you to be more specific?
@@rndlancer I live near Washington DC. Every date ever felt like a job interview. Funny thing is I passed every job interview ever however, I passed zero Ladies dating interviews.
well, they taught me from my childhood the most desireable man is a provider and a supporter, a nice guy. BS. While genuine care can matter, as well as the strength/ability to provide it, it's not exactly what gets women aroused. Most of the times, not at all. I was suffering from the "nice guy syndrome" for quite a while. The "nice guy" is a term invented by the society to trick us into becoming its servants. So we build our careers, get societal approval, but the girl we date as a "nice guy" doesn't feel special. "Bad guys" are not praised for crimes. They are adored for their ability to tell the society to f off when it comes to prioritizing the girl, her importance, her desires. But this alone doesn't suffice. What you have to tell to yourself is, you are a HIGH VALUE man. Like, you literally have to develop the rock star attitude. That means, the common thoughts for you have to be "the girls are in abundance, I know they all crave me, so let's not rush things and not trade my sexuality off for cheap". Reverse the roles. You are special, they are common (obviously, not the best thing to verbalize, but that attitude is just right). It doesn't mean you have to become a genuine jerk (or worse, the sexuality criticist, that is the worst). But that kind of attitude fixes everything, the way you walk, the way you talk, etc. And since hot girls have same kind of attitude, it does attract them. Submissiveness is the sexual equivalent of consuming, while as Todd said, girls want to you be their dominator, as they love to consume that domineering, musculine attitude. It requires ENORMOUS effort and attention to detail to learn, but it pays off big time. And just avoid red flags, like talking about career or job, unless it's really necessary. Also, when I personally felt lonely, but knew the timing was wrong to approach a girl, I just did 100 pushups as well (30,000 pushups in a month, or 1000 in a day, is the least expensive way to achieve the required level of physical fitness, accepted by 99% of the women). But be careful, if you are unable to do 1000 in a day (I wasn't), then relax requirements a bit. Your health is more important. Also, Todd's advices are legit, I cannot agree more. Best of luck!
thanks for the great info. but there is a lot of emphasis on having sex on first date. going into a date with that mentality is what in my opinion ruins the date, because you are going on the date with an agenda and that comes across subconsciously in many ways.
I think the most common mistake guys do is setting a date at an unfamiliar place. If you do take a girl on a date, make sure you know the place inside and out, you know the waiters, you know the tables, you know the menu, you know the schedule, you know when to go there and when not to. You should always be picking locations where you are familiar with. Going on a date on an unknown place will add a lot of variables into the ecuation, which will make you and her feel unconfortable. If you know your surroundings, what to expect, the vibe location, EVERYTHING about that place, YOU are in control, and she will definitely feel that. It really doesn't matter if it's Starbucks, dinner at a fancy restaurant, stand-up comedy, bowling, or a walk in the park. If you set up the stage, you are in control of the outcome.
Ditto! And I even live near a large metro area, but there's far more single men than women in the Houston TX metro area so.... it's just, impossible here. You like either marry your high school sweetheart (if you had one) or you're trapped single for life apparently if you are a straight single male. 😕
Thanks for this video. Question....If dinner, movie, starbucks are not great for first dates, what do you recommend instead? I'm older and just thinking about getting back into dating after the end of a long long relationship.
Arnie, i think coffee is fine. Maybe a walk in a mall or city festival. Establish if you are actually attracted to each other. Dinner has become a prime way for women to get free food and ghost the guy. That's maybe 3rd date and personally, I'd get 2 checks until later dates. Make her earn you and date multiple women. No gifts at all unless she becomes your gf at some point. Also, don't get into long phone/text conversations. Most your interaction is supposed to be in person.
good stuff! I'd add that don't go in to a first meeting with getting laid as the goal (even if it is). Just go in expecting to enjoy being around your date and spending some time with them. if it goes well, more options for extending your time together come up.
My date last Saturday was very sick i think she even had a fever. But still she showed up in the restaurant! We didn’t kissed… but she said she liked the date she likes me and wants to continue to meet
Hey Todd, got one question, hope you can redirect me to one of your videos or give a short answer. First I want to say I’ve been struggling so much in the past but now it’s all different. I’ve watched a lot of rsd videos back in the day and mostly yours and practiced a lot. To all the beginners out there you will get to where you want, don’t hesitate to mix practice with working on yourself too and building a true identity. Helps a long way. For the question: how do you get in a position of the girl not liking you too much ? Besides being honest with the girls and not wanting a serious relationship, what do you do if the girl starts liking you more and more? Is there anything you can do within game besides: forcing yourself to stop seeing the girl for her own good or being honest about your intent from the start and hoping it won’t turn into more ? I also really like everyone I date besides not wanting a serious relationship and it’s important for me to keep being friends or at least on good terms. Have you managed to always keep it friendly in your journey and do you have some content related to this type of questions ? Thanks 🙏🏻
Lounge all day. Snag a spot in town. Become a regular. Be sure it is fairly upscale in terms of the setting, while also casual and chill contrary to a loud bar or a nightclub. KEEP IN MIND #1 from this video as well.
Dating expert shares top 10 mistakes guys make on dates, including choosing a location too far away and not considering the time of the date. ✦ 10 biggest mistakes guys make in dating 00:00 ✦ Flirting is crucial on a date 03:40 ✦ Assume attraction and don't try too hard on a date 07:04 ✦ Don't over-escalate on a date 10:13 ✦ Connect with your date and get to know her, don't just push buttons. 13:07 ✦ Qualifying a girl is the biggest objective on a date 15:54 ✦ Avoid dinner, comedy club, and Starbucks for first dates. 18:38 ✦ Taking the girl home is unavoidable
Thx for the overview! I'm thinking, some points do overlap though/ cause tension. Like 'don't try too hard on a date' and 'Taking the girl/women home is unavoidable'. I wouldn't necessarily try to take her home the first date per se, but rather on the second date. And when taking her home: Getting intimate with clothes on can be just as bonding (or even more) as having sex straight away. I missed these nuances in the video. Of course this depends on the situation, like for example, on holidays where you might not get to see each other anymore I would try the first time around. But not if I live close to her and we're both not travelling the world or being away for work to other countries a lot.
Great advice! I do not drink, and don’t normally go to bars/clubs or even stay out late at night, but like the idea of heading out in the evening. I guess a small intimate cocktail bar and having a mocktail is an option. Any other suggestions?
As a man who gets dates & doesn't drink you can drive the date towards kissing / sex (depends if you are shooting for a hookup or to date her). You need to flirt more, you need to build sexual tension by playfully misunderstanding things she says and assuming innuendo, you need to be more charming, and you need some fun mental games that she will agree to play (2 truths & a lie, and then gently escalate) while touching her hands or better yet you have chosen a restaurant booth that let's you sit side by side, etc. I am physically allergic to both alcohol & weed. And I do just fine by using the above tools in my favor.
Ditto, only worse here... I haven't had a date since like 2003 and things aren't exactly getting any better where I live, and just up and moving somewhere where there's a better ratio of singles isn't that feasible if I even knew WHERE to move to. I feel like totally trapped.
So rule#1 means, If I live far from a city, far from a good place for dating, the first thing is not to date but to change my job and move. Logistic is more important than gaming skills. This rule also difficult to apply to online dating. Girls you match online theoretically comes from all over the world, they are most unlikely to travle 1000km to meet you in the bar 5 mins away from your place unless you're super attractive to her in the first place. You may match 100 girls online and end up date with 0, this is super mental destructive for beginners.
Yup, been there done that.... I can count off at least a dozen singles websites that don't even exist anymore that I have tried in my life. It's pointless when you live somewhere where the single guys outnumber the single gals by like 10 or more to 1! There is no winning strategy here. And up and moving is not really an option even IF I knew a better place (more even ratio of singles) to move to.
First quick date in the city, a coffee or park, morning, afternoon...whatever. Second date, inexpensive dinner in the city, kiss and a bit of intimacy. Third date, close to your home, better dinner, if the girl has no car you'll have to drive her. You end up in your place and have sex, and the morning after you take her back to the city and have lunch with her if you like. I live 30 minutes away from a city and have to do it like this or go the girl's place/hotel. But if you live 2-3 hours away from a good place to date then yes, move.
Mostly good advice but a few that definitely aren't: 1) Location and time of dates do not matter as much as Todd makes it out to be as long as she feels safe, it is in a public place, and allows interaction between both of you. This could be in a park around the corner of your apartment in the morning or a bar an hour away from both of your places late at night. Be confident, take the initiative, and make her feel safe while also flirting with her. An assertive "let's meet at this park at 9:00 am and go for a walk" will work out much better than "are you free tomorrow night to go to a bar?" 2) Coffee shop dates are actually ideal if you know how to use them. It is low stakes so neither of you feel any pressure. It allows you to interact with, flirt (verbally and physically), and get to know her. If the date isn't going well after an hour, either of you can easily leave. Or if it is going well, you can escalate it by going somewhere more fun. 3) Focusing on taking her home on the first date will be an immediate turn-off for most ladies, even if they are interested in you. In most cases, it will backfire. Focus on enjoying the date and having fun. If both of you had fun during the date, flirted, and already escalated physically, she will make it hard for you not to take her home. All you have to do is close to the end of the date, ask yourself "do I want to take her home?" If you do, then do so. Otherwise, the rest of the tips are excellent and something all guys should follow.
Few weeks ago I met somebody awesome and definitely came off try-hard. It's weird. I do well with the more slutty girls but this was a lovely shy girl who wasn't very experienced. Didn't want to have sex right away for sure, but wanted to kiss plenty. So I went overboard. Going for kisses way too much. Mistakes #4 and #5 in this video for sure. I've had times where I really build tension by not going for a kiss for ages and just teasing, showing intent, and then it's all going perfectly. This time, with *this girl* I was rushing and then just getting needy. Tempering the excitement with somebody I actually really really like as a person is so much more difficult than when I'm just vaguely attracted. Anyway yeah she ghosted for sure. Probably not coming back. Tempted to send some kind of message for clarity but I doubt it'll help
I used to have this problem so bad. I could score with girls I thought were slutty, or girls that I didn't give 2 shits about. But when it came to a great girl that I really liked I was nervous, couldn't flirt, couldn't close the deal. There were even times where I was so nervous that my little guy wouldn't work. Then I was ashamed and embarrassed 😞 As I got older and more mature and more experienced those things were no longer issues. 👍🏻😀 Hang in there brother! Lots of guys experience these types of problems.
@@rigorhead01 she actually suddenly got back to me the other day. Apologized for disappearing. Said she might want to be just friends. I politely declined, said I'd like to get to know her but not as just a friend. Stood my ground in a way I would not have a year ago. Maybe she'll respond and take interest. Either way I took a respectable action.
@@intelligenceparadigm4931 Many times u hear this that you shouldnt accept friendship if the girl didn't want anything more with you but how many times is declining on friendship a way to show you're bitter? Doesn't mean you have to be around her hanging out every week or at all for that matter but declining the friendship in such situtation tends to make someone look like they played a game which they're not familiar with and got angry when things didn't work out.
@@IhmePaskaa I can see that but it's more about being honest and true about your interests. If you accept and hang out with her then you might be really wanting intimacy and she doesn't and then you'll be frustrated. I'm friends with girls I'm not that into. It would be inauthentic to try that when it's not what I am looking for.
@@IhmePaskaa While I have exes that I still have as friends, I wouldn't accept that as someone I haven't been with long term. I don't want to be seen as an orbiter or a plan B. Tell her you have enough friends and there's a chance that will raise her interest, but coming at things from the friend angle and you'll never get the frame right.
Hi Todd pretty good adivices, but i didn´t understand what kind of places i should take her for a date, just bars? or it could be a place to eat, idk if she´s gonna be hungry or someting like that. Btw great video bro
Cafe is actually good, just not Starbucks. Pick something a li'l more hip & interesting, with a nice ambience. Same with bars. Not some generic place playing crappy top 40 music and full of morons. I have done 'food dates', but now I try to schedule dates between meals cos I don't wanna be picking food outta my teeth and I don't wanna foot the bill. 😆 Typical for me would be drinks or coffee on Sunday around 3 or 4pm. It means if she has something on around lunch she can still do that, but if the date goes well she's probably free on a Sunday evening. 😉 It's also a 'safe' time. She doesn't have to be walking city streets by herself at night, there are people around but it's not busy like a weekday. Driving is easy, parking is easy. You can go for a stroll after and maybe get a li'l physical. Cruisey and relaxed all the way. 😎👍
I don't think girls is acting the same way in Norway. Culture play's a huge roll but thanks for the tips even thoe there is only mountains where i live so number one misstake is impossible to avoid 🤣
I love his work. I usually do dinner date and have a 90% hit rate but catch here is the places I choose satisfy favours like dimly lit, rooftop dining where either she sits beside me or adjacent to me. If she happens to sit across then I take her for walk and icecream then go for makeout and seed a pull. Otherwise by 2nd date pull happens anyway.
I like going to the river or lake. Just sit and talk, to get to know more about her. I let her know what my intentions are before or as I ask for the first date.
A dinner date is only kind of first date I’d want to go on. I’d want to talk to the guy first and get comfortable with him as I drink wine, open up, and eat a light meal that I’ve chosen. In my opinion it’s the perfect first date.
Coffee dates only, foodie calls make you feel like the IRS just audited you and now you are alone in bed frustrated, Ive screened dates over coffee and never act desperate, walk away making her know you are the prize, there are 3 billion women on the planet needing your assets so pick wisely.
Hello Todd, I have a question for you or anyone else who can help. You emphasize taking the girl home for sex a lot in this video. However, I just turned 18 and I am at a point in my life where I still live with my parents. What would you suggest for me. Should I wait until I get a house to start considering this?
Bro go for hooking up in public places. Behind bars, parks, in a car too. Its a huge thrill for the girl too if u can lead. And the only way to learn how to lead is to start trying it
No, if you are an interesting enough person, you can go to her place. However, if you eliminate your housing, that leaves you with 50% options (in terms of homes), which you can not exactly control. And if she is in a similar situation as you. A reason she can't invite you apart from not wanting to invite you, you could end up spending multiple hours together and later both of you have to go home, because in the shadows, you started with a 0% chance, which you both ignored. But... You can always rent an airbnb apartment or similar, which does not look lika a hotel. But that will be expensive if done often, so only do that if you are willing to double down. If at some point during the date your gut says, that it looks like she'd be interested in coming over, grab a phone, book a place. A lot of places have 24h check in, but beware, that you run the risk of looking like a fool when you arrive there, if you are not exactly certain, how to enter yourself and don't know the exact route to "your apartment" =D You could always book the same place, however someone might grab the keys before you or you can't contact the supervisor, in which case, it's not a guaranteed option and a contingency plan is recommended. Or your gut feeling was wrong haha, now you have an empty apartment for which you paid a decent amount and you can keep yourself up at night there and think of where you messed up or what important detail you missed. And if the night still allows, you can head back out, talk to new girls and start everything all over again, being a little more desperate than before. Other than that, a car (spontaneous), a tent near a lake(not exactly spontaneous), whatever else is also an option, but not recommended, unless your constructed narrative somehow justifies it. Regardless, not having your own place always makes things harder, however in group settings if you met in a social circle staying over at a friend's couch or if you want to just focus and practice earlier steps before logistics and endgame, then you still have those options available. Every once in a while the stars align and opportunities present themselves, even if you just went into battle without ammunition. But you'll get a lot more bullets coming at you than you can fire out, haha. Good luck!
it´s less about what you do more about how you do it. it´s great having some idea what you are going to do but if she likes you it doesn´t matter at all same goes for you could plan this really nice thing but if she doesn't like you it won´t matter
Hi, Todd! Thanks for the great video. Q: How to make a girl to start doing shittests? Thanks to you I have no problem with them and can use it to my advantage. But I cannot initiate that for her. I had a date when the girl was too shy and polite. Up to the point the conversation became boring for me. Like the whole stratum of interaction was gone, so it went nowhere in the end.
My name is LT for a moment : Hi Todd how do I create situation where woman makes me many problems for her entertainment and psychological games to waste time/resources and trust. Just because she is not certain about herself,her choices ,You ,choosing you 12 k times per day.. You do not LT Also Gligor At is right 100% Take mindsett of how can she impress me.. enterain me.. intrest me
Si ella no te pone pruebas es porque te ve como un hombre, de lo contrario probaría tu masculinidad, tu seguridad etc de muchas formas, pero si no lo hace es porque te ve atractivo. Solo disfruten y vayan avanzando si fluye la cosa
Love the content, Todd, I think you're one of the best coaches out there!! On a side note, the 10 mistakes an the chapters in the video are off a bit. 😉
Question about kissing, I have foggy memories of these experiences (which is not good because my assertiveness and confidence drop), in my last first kiss, I wanted to pull away but she was all in and my head was between her face and the ceiling of her car and door frame. I really wanted to pull away because earlier that night she got super vulnerable with me sharing her dark history and my stupid ass went for the kiss. Afterward, she didn't want to see me again and admitted she was not ready to get physical.
I've had tremendous success with the ladies over the years. Especially in my 30s and 40s, I could pretty much bed any woman I wanted to at any time. So I listened to this video with a critical ear, to see if I agree with the rules or not. And while I never made a deliberate effort to follow these rules, I realized (looking back over my decades of dating history ) that I pretty much always complied with 9 of 10 of these rules. I didn't think of them as dating rules or mistakes to avoid at the time. It was just all based on personal preference. Like choosing dates near my place or hers. Or timing the date to be 7PM or later on a day when neither one of us was scheduled to work the next day. I wasn't thinking of it in terms of "don't make that mistake". I was just in the habit of doing things that naturally avoided "mistakes" pointed out in ths video. The one I was mostly guilty of violating is not going in for the kiss. I even had some girls openly criticize me for that specific issue. I would hear comments like, "I had an awesome time and was really excited we ended up back at my place. But why did you not kiss me?" But that particular mistake did not hamper my success rate much, if at all. I eventually kissed all of my dates (though not always on the 1st or 2nd date). And I was never turned down for sex after kissing the girl. I am a very talented kisser. If I kissed a girl I was attracted to, her panties were soon flying across the room. Anyway, looking back on my dating history if I avoided ALL the mistakes you mention, my 1st-date success (if we define sex as success) would have been a little higher. So I overall agree with all you post in this video. It all corresponds with my own dating experience, which has been good enough to make most guys jealous of my success, (like how do you do that, man????) This video is good advice, guys. But as always, use protection and keep that protection in your direct control before, during and after.
How do you feel about being friends with a girl and leading that to a romantic relationship? I know the typical advice is that it is frowned upon and being friendzoned but at the same time I’ve heard a lot of stories about girls who were friends first with guys and then later became romantic.
That dating culture is interesting, but also seems exhausting. Perhaps it is easier to invest in own health, fitness, rhythm, success in your business or profession. And learn about ones own emotional patterns, motives, long term goals. Then one wouldn’t need to learn all these complex rules and pay many meals for persons who restrict their energy intake for own attractiveness. Once one achieved the above it’s easier to be around. A real friend (or better own sibling) from the opposite sex to explain and translate is helpful, too.
good stuff here, thanks! so for the date venue, no dinner, no movie, no Starbucks (don't like it anyways), so now what? would there be some top suggestions? park, hike, beach, come to mind. since we're to end up at my place anyways, how about a bbq ..party or something at my place? friends can come over. they'll leave eventually and we'll be alone. I'd like to hear ideas of what **to** do and not just what not to do 😎
Live entertainment or something that you can participate in together. Like a concert or lecture or play or museum or a flea market, or ball game. Read or listen to a book together. Just something you can do together to prompt interesting conversation. If you can't find someone to do any of those things, go by yourself. You will meet someone who has the same interests.
If you have a girl doing all the right things but really shy and uncomfortable, expecially if your very young, it may be her first time or she is a very nervous person, just make them comfortable and it all works out.
![เจ็บที่ยังฮัก - ม่อน วรวิทย์ [ Official Mv ] จอนนี่มิวสิค](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/KALIGSRSjFs/mqdefault.jpg)
It's so painful to see guys ruin good dates with a few bad decisions. Please stop making these mistakes! For more in-depth information on dates and online dating, including actual recorded dates of mine check out: toddoda.com
This guy is just trying to get you to buy something so he makes money.
@@rascal211 I'm buying it
Recording dates. How sick. With all this education, you are still a creep Todd. An educated one, but still a creep.
TLDR: Weak advice, women deserve better than this type of man on the dating scene.
There is a reason why there are more single men now than ever and this is basically Todd cashing in on male loneliness under the guise of promoting sex/hookups as a way to build confidence. The women being essentially used through the utilization of these, "dating mistakes" are the ones consistently telling the stories of how men just want sex and the justified frustration they face in the dating world. This video stands as a virtual testament to the culturally driven, machismo/bro mentality of, "conquer the woman" by being aggressive and trying to sleep with her ASAP. This cultivates superficial interactions. Glad you've got a fully notched belt by the sound of it, Todd. Nothing you said here will ever compare to what it's like to have a woman actually be into you bc of you, not bc you can coax her into your bed on date #1. For the guys looking for that sort of thing, have at it. You will eternally feel unfulfilled in your pursuit of a meaningful connection with a woman if sex is your priority. Therefore, dating mistake #11 is watching this awful video. Clearly, you have a decent following here, Todd. Try to use this degree of power responsibly by providing dating advice that doesn't perpetuate the misogynistic and out-dated strategies to get women. It can be done by not doing about 75% of what you said here while showing women the respect and consideration a truly confident man can provide in his interaction with her.
@@ssan08 I don't agree. Even if you aren't a Player and you want to find a long-term Partner then a Date is the first step. You'd better don't fuck it up. Remember him saying that in his first 6 months of dating he tried and tried and tried but always got friendzoned (?). Then he realized it was bcs. gave the wrong signals of weakness, of not daring to make the next move. This lesson were the women (!) teaching him. They react to confidence and quit if you hesitate too much. You mentioned `repect and consideration` - think it that way: if you don't make a move then you don't respect her as a sexual being. Or the other way around: if you display the attitude of `I like you, but not for sex` then this is exactly what you get. Believe me that NiceGuys are doing more harm to the dating scene than folks like Todd who help also the women to get what they crave for by empowering men.
The 10 mistakes are:
1-Wrong location: midway where you two live
2-Wrong time of the day
3-Fail to make it man to woman. No flirting, no tease, no physical contact
4-Not going for the kiss
5-Trying to make everything perfect
6-Over escalating
7-Make sure you get to know each other
8-Not qualifying her
9-Dinner dates
10-Not taking the girl home
This guy is a mind reader, in the last two dates I made 6 out of 10 mistakes, number 1, 2 and 3 for sure. Result: friendzoned. I'm hiring these guys to coach me.
You don't need to be coached. You already know the ropes thanks to the video.
Dude you can read all this in a book no need to hire.
So not get to know each other?
OK I can't believe this - I have watched several of your videos but I watched this one earlier today to prep for one of the first dates I've had in decades - i'm 55 and got a date with a 34 year old. She's actually quite beautiful and she's very accomplished in the classical music field. I couldn't believe she even agreed to the date much less showed up for it, but she did. In the past I have always been a tremendous simp and this would have gone straight to friend zone. During dinner we had great conversation - I easily make friends with anyone... it was going into friend zone. But I had in mind your advice about how if I don't flirt, get physical, tease, etc. it WILL go into friend zone. So I started doing it and it came naturally for me so I was glad. At one point she talked about something in the future (a concert she is doing in a couple months) and said literally "you should come to it, if we're still talking - well, at this point I know we're at least gonna be friends!" When I heard that I ramped up on the flirtation. Also, we were in a restaurant (her pick in her town) where we were seated across from each other in a booth - my bad, I should have asked for a different kind of table. We had good conversation and dining so as we talked when the meal was order and we were finishing wine, before she could order another I asked if she wants to get out of here and go to another bar - I google mapped one just down the street, I didn't care where just as long as we could sit next to each other. We went and sat at a corner table next to each other and it was great. I started with touch, very simple, short, but I initiated. She came back with some quick toucihng also. At one point I had an opportunity to touch longer, more involved, and that was all it took. She was hesitant but then gave in - I think she wanted it to go that way but like you said they hold off and will go friendship route if you aren't pushing in that direction. Within 5 minutes we were doing hugs and within a few more minutes I just looked her int he eyes and kissed her. So we made out and the rest of the night was just kissing, holding, etc. I couldn't believe it. It was all the things you said - teasing, being present, focusing on her, being a friend KIND OF but making sure the romance was there (in my conversation I threw in very light sexual references, worked like a charm, I could see in her face the sudden slightly startled expression like she's thinking "wait is this nice friendly guy someone who can be sexual/romantic???" because I created the sexual tension but in a very light and innocent way. That is the key, I think - the sexual tension - the touching and teasing and everything builds it very subtly (if you do it right) and it gets in HER head so that by the time you want to kiss she's more than ready. And I always feared the first date kissing situation - I always was "respectful" and didn't plan on ever doing anything - but this time I listened to you that if there is no kiss then you are probably friendzoned so I didn't want that and made it my goal that whatever happened, even if she rejected me overall, I was NOT going to let her think this was a new friendship - I wanted to be friendly and be LIKE a friend but also CLEARLY a romantic interest and your tips worked. We are crazy about each other already. We already have our next date set for next week and both of us are anxious for it. I think she's more into me than I am into her which is hard to believe. I can't believe it. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU - you don't realize how bad my whole life of dating has been, I'm 55 and single (never married) and never had a real girlfriend and I'm doing a lot to turn that around but on this particular DATE your advice was like a silver bullet to make it a massive success. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!
that's awesome man!! Happy for you.
I wish you luck bro.
Speaking from a female perspective, you did it right. We definitely like the flirting and the man making the first move.
There’s nothing like a man!💞
Great story Johhny, and thanks for sharing. Any chance of getting an update after 5 months?
How's that 21 year age difference working for you?
I'm happy you are getting out there and testing the waters, but making out in the corner of a bar after some drinks is embarrassing at any age.
I don't agree with many of these. If you want to actually date the girl, and don't just have a 1 night hook up, then having sex in the first date is never a good idea. In my experience, the best course of action, again, if you want TO DATE the girl, is something like this:
1st date: meet in the afternoon, at a park or go for a coffee, something casual. Don't kiss her or kiss her when the date ends, as a goodbye kiss. Implicit flirting.
2nd date: go to a bar at night. You can go for more explicit flirting here. Tease her but don't oversexualize the situation, you are still knowing her. You may kiss her if you haven't in date 1, but don't overdo it. DO NOT GO FOR SEX, unless the girl heavily implies that she wants to. And even if she explicitly tells you she wants to have sex, in many 2nd dates I will propose to wait until next time we meet. The implicit message is, I am the one who decides when to have sex, not you.
3er date: take her to have dinner to a nice place (not necesarily expensive), go back to your place afterwards and have sex, she will most likely be expecting it and prepared for it. The fact the she showed up means she wants to have sex with you, you don't have to use any "tricks" at this point, the sex will feel natural and not forced, for both of you. You will make her feel desired and not just like a piece of meat, and that will separate you from all other men.
After that, she's yours, and you can take the relationship in whatever direction you want. This will not be the case if you do what the video says. Even, if you manage to get her to have sex, she will probably think of you as a casual fling, or as a player. She will likely not take you seriously. You will be one of many men she had ons with. You have to give her time to build desire for you, to feel like she's earned the sex. I really cannot overstate the importance of not rushing things.
If sex is your ultimate goal, and that's all you care about then do what the video says, but imo that's kind of lame and low value. High value men are not desperate to have sex. High value men take their time to know their partner and make sure she is a high value woman. High value men do things under their own terms and in their own time.
Agreed, however I also always ask in between partners to get tested before going for the final blow. This also serves as a hookup filter, as most serious girls tend to happily agree to your request.
@@tralexium Always use condoms lol.
This is good 👍
All my long term GFs I've had sex on the 1 st date except one which was the 3rd. There is attraction or there's not. You're making up rules in your own mind. Either way doesn't mean if you and her will last or not, it's how it continues on, if a deeper chemistry develops. The first dates barely matter for that purpose.
@@MVProfits I never said you cannot get a long term GF if you sleep with her in the 1st night, I'm saying that you put the odds on your favor by waiting a little bit.
The first date may not matter to you but for a lot of women it is extremely important. I've had plenty of girls recalling details about our first interactions many times being way into the relationship. Those sort of things matter to women.
Anyway, of course you keep doing whatever you feel is working for you. This is just MY advice from MY life experience.
Is this mainly about dating to hook up and have sex? I see the idea of having sex on the first date mentioned several times. I also see that things that lead to not having sex on a first date are considered "mistakes". Are they mistakes because the purpose of the first date is to go have sex? Perhaps these types of videos should begin by clarifying that the advice given relates to casual hookups and having sex with random strangers, not actual dating and relationships.
Thank you! These were exactly my thoughts.
Yep, I'm totally with you on this, flirting on a first date yes, but I'm not fucking anyone on a first date, if I do.... There won't be a second date.
Most likely, this is how a relationship starts.
Do you even have a penis?
If you can't get to a kiss or sex then you can't have a relationship
All seems a bit unnecessary. Just go for a walk, costs nothing, no pressure, can get a good look at her, can tell if she's boring, or a princess... Can grab a coffee or drink if you want to, or can say "well I have to go now" if it's not working. And also, I don't like sex on first date. It's so boring. What is left to look forward to? Build tension! Build anticipation! If she wants sex, subtly deny her! Keep HER waiting.... Much more fun and interesting. Sex itself is kinda boring. The lead up to it is actually much more delicious and interesting.
Build the tension. 👍
Agreed. While cliche, I actually like the meeting in the park, or on the beach or boardwalk, or a local art or music festival, carnival, etc. and walking around and casual conversation. See her in different environments, sample foods from vendors, or pack a light dinner with finger foods, small sandwiches, fruits and a bottle of sparkle water and wine, etc. Walking side by side is far less awkward and stressful than staring at each other over a table. It's also why road trips can be so enjoyable, because you can talk and get to know each other without the pressures of staring at each other.
And if you are wanting a relationship, sex on the first date (or too soon, while tempting) is going to probably ruin that for one or both of you. She'll look at you differently and/or you'll view her differently and the relationship will be based on sex and it complicates things because if one person wants to dial it back it hurts feelings, etc. And one/both of you will view the other as too easy, etc.
For this reason, it's sometimes wise to purposefully meet far enough away from both of your homes so there is no potential and you both understand there won't be sex. That will take pressure off both of you, and it'll be clear you'll have to meet closer to one of your places next time....
@@timsimmons9995 Really glad to see other guys saying this too. Personally I want connection and emotional intimacy first, and especially since women produce more oxytocin during sex, to me it's all the more reason to wait....two people should be able to develop romantic feelings for each other, just from getting to know one another, mutual admiration, a shared value both feel strongly about.
Oh god why did he posted this a day later when I already lost
😅
you got experience, and ditched another hoe through the process. not the worst outcome, and now you learned it the hard way. just dont repeat the success once again
Plenty more battles to be fought...
Lol
So you can make it a learning lesson
I didn't escalate yesterday when the girl was in my face at the bar because I haven't had a girl in my face since 2019. Everyone was sitting at home. I'm not used to it anymore. Such a drastic switch from keeping your impulses under control at work to kissing some stranger in your face. Too extreme
sounds like it's for the better, hopefully you can leave the hookup culture life behind
Having dating a lot (35 years ) the one mistake i learned don't rush the sex as this changes the whole relationship . Women love the slow love making and be gentle with her even when your charged up . Great clear video thanks Todd
What do you mean don't rush the sex?
Always rush sex, my rule is 3 strikes and you’re out
This, I agree with more than the original video! Women need warm up time, to where they can relax, feel that you truly care about them, be a gentleman and do the little things, like pulling her chair out for her, or opening the door to a restaurant or car. Showing that you aren't a pervert, but still that your humour shows that you are sexy and flirtatious, and give her something to laugh at occasionally. She needs to know your comfortable in your skin, and willing to make the odd mistake, to show that your human, as we all do just that once in a while. Touching, kissing is fine for a first date, but waiting for the second date (if she agrees) will have you both with something to look forward to!
As a female, I can vouch that he's spot on on all of this. I'm confirming because I'm dying for more masculine interaction on this basic level.
I have been wondering a lot about women that learn MALE GAME.
First of all. I don't trust women to use this knowledge in a benelovent, kind and good way. I do NOT belive women want men to seduce them. Espescially not AVERAGE men.
So I want to ask you how you will use this knowledge?
When I in the past have told some women (that I was NOT dateing) about GAME, I have always been riddiculed and emasculated for it.
When I have told women I date, I always get friendzoned.
So here is it, step by step what I expect you to do whith this information (and I hope I am wrong, but tell me why).
(1) You will INSIST upon dateing at a location far away from both your homes.
(2) You will only date at daytime.
(3) You will ACT as you missunderstand his flirting, act bored, act as if he is oversexual, act offended or just act as you didn't understand the joke.
(4) You will refuse to make him kiss you.
(5) You will complain about the venue.
(6) You will act prude.
(7) You will ask him to many questions and refuse to answer his, or answer boring or shallow.
(8) You will make everything about YOU and make YOU the PRIZE.
(9) You will INSIST upon a dinner date with a fucking LARGE table, so you sit long, long AWAY from eachother, so it will be IMPOSSIBLE for him touch you without looking as a desperate bafoon.
(10) You will ofcource not get to his place or invite him home to yours.
This list is, what I expect from women to do, if they gain knowledge of this list.
All other GAME will be sabotaged the same. Do the opposite or change the rules, so the man can't win your heart or your pussy.
I belive women hardwired by nature to refuse ANY OTHER then "extrovert Chads" (or Tyrones) sex. That is the reason EVERY fucking time a woman gain knowledge about GAME, she sabotage it for average men and contribute to destroying their lifes.
I hope I am VERY wrong. Can you convince me? 🤔
Why would you use this knowledge to let a average man seduce you?
If you know what he is doing AND WHY, why would you be arroused when he touches you, flirts and try to kiss you? Isn't that destroying "the Hollywood saga of love"?
I am perfect for you. I am a mind reader.
As always a great video! I'll just add something from my personal experience. I've been on countless dates in the last 2 decades and in my view it's best to be flexible about the first kiss and go with the flow... I used to always push for a kiss on the first date and try to take it all the way quickly, but about half the time the girl will reject the kiss and it can be a cringy situation. The other half of the time she'll kiss you back, and that's pretty good right? So it's a home run right?... Turns out no. Some girls that can be be very into you throughout the date, will lose interest if you go for the kiss on the first date because either it can seem a bit forced (like you're desperate for a kiss) or they just calculate in their minds "Oh! I got him. Now he's mine, I win." And when girls feel like they "have you" it can be game over. Girls need to feel like you're a challenge and they can't fully have you and they need to chase you, especially the very beautiful girls. So, in short, it's perfectly fine to go on dates and have a good time for 1 or even 2 dates with no kissing as long as the vibe is good and she's clearly having a good time with you (and it's very good to keep a girl wondering if you're really into her or not, but all in a playful way of course). Then, as Todd says, indeed max by the 3rd date (or even 2nd) go for the kiss. This way everything goes way more naturally. If a girl is really into you and is totally ready to be kissed on the 1st date (it will be pretty obvious usually) then kiss her on the first date. In short, be flexible, try to read the girl to figure out if she's ready to be kissed, and go with the flow.
I agree with this. Also a lot of this advice is counter-productive with very conservative / religious girls. I'm LDS, and my college experience was that if you tried to kiss one of them on a first date it was almost always bad--the typical rule was that they wouldn't get physical with you in any way (other than say flirty touching) unless you were exclusive. And sex before marriage is a religious taboo, so trying to get that was 100% creepy. One key might be to make sure you know about a girl's beliefs about what is appropriate and not appropriate in terms of physical relationships before commitment, and before marriage. Then tailor what physical escalation looks like in terms of that.
Kinda agree, but the truth is, 80 - 90 % of my dates, the girl is ready to be, even wants to be kissed. If you can perfectly tell the difference, by all means, go for it and wait for the 2nd date. But always going for the kiss is also very solid since you miss so rarely.
If you feel attraction for the girl AND her body language is good (she doesn't feel repelledby you) then why not kiss on the first date.
Unless the first kiss is at your apartment
I agree, and rarely will even try to kiss on the first date. But I will start a second date with a light kiss, which has worked well for me. (I'm 62 by the way, so it may be different with younger couples.)
As a 62 year old I find your video humorous that you have so much emphasis on having sex at the end of a date...woman are not objects of conquest.
They are to complete simps…
"woman are not objects of conquest."... yes they are.. although I despise hookup culture as well
Too much value is placed on quantity over quality. 😢
Yeah I used to think like this dude, now my attitude is entirely more relaxed.
An hour or 2 is fine, have a chat, coffee or whatever.
If it goes well, you can see her again, or possibly extend the date.
If not, you can leave after 1/2 an hour.
It's also easier to set up dates like this and to get her to agree in the first place.
No pressure, just enjoy.
Todd repeatedly explains in the video that he believes having sex is the best way to get future dates or get into a relationship.
Mistake #2 hits hard on me. I had a seemingly successful relationship at the onset of my grownup life that turned out to be a disaster, because I failed to realize her priorities were off the chart compared to where she put me. She kept "meeting me" on the way to somewhere, and I could accompany her along, from where it was left to me when or how I would get home. I should have turned ALL of those "opportunities" down. I learned the hard way that if a girl is too busy to see you, then she simply isn't interested in you, and you better find someone who is more open to shuffling things around, which eventually reveals her priorities. Yes, some jobs/faculties can be very demanding, but if you are the 12th item on her to-do list, then just bail out!
I mean, if she wants to sleep with you, distance is not gonna be an issue. I have this friend I went out on a group meeting, and after a few drinks at a bar, she invited me and also a friend of mine that was with us to her place (quite literally, she lives to the other side of the city). Non of us had any sexual intentions with her, we were just chillin, had something for dinner at her place, we had a few more drinks. At some point it was so late at night. My friend was falling asleep, she told my friend to sleep on the couch, and she told me to go to her room and we could stay up listening to music. We were cuddling at some point and of course, you guys know how it ended.
Next day my friend and I were on our way to the bus stop and he told me he heard everything 🤣
I always wonder, why do you think you should play the home team and not play the away team (her place)? My dates usually go really well. I don't always look to take her home on the first date (not really the goal of date 1), but if it happens, it happens. I almost always go for the kiss during the first date, not when it is done, but during. It establishes context better. I like dinner dates after the first date, but never, ever, sit across from her. We need to be close so we can get handsy and kiss.
I almost stopped watching the video because of #1... Do you really want someone you know almost NOTHING about to know where you live? Too much emphasis on getting laid & not enough emphasis on learning & safety for my taste. Don't forget, 1st and foremost it's a jungle out there.
@@zakuzeon7382 She doesn't need to know that you live near by first hand, but then again don't take her to a bar where you are a regular patron, maybe take your dates to another place to start with? Then decide if it's worth showing/telling about your place.
If you're such an expert, why are you here?
@@macvena can always get better and it is interesting to see someone's opinion and insights. A person doesn't need to agree with everything someone says to gain some knowledge.
@@Kazzildo I used to have a couple barista friends at the local Starbucks that comped my drinks when I brought a date in. That social qualifying from a couple wing girls put her at ease and made me look good. While coffee dates aren't ideal, there are times where you might not be sure how long you want the date to last. Once I got fooled by an older picture on an app where she weighted considerably more in person. It's a double edge sword having an easy out, but the upside of her feeling she is in your world and enjoying it (especially when there is no risk of your peeps letting you down or judging you) can pay off.
*It's easy to overlook some of these mistakes, like trying too hard to impress or talking too much about yourself. Great reminders to stay calm and let the conversation flow naturally!*
Girls have always made the 1st move with me historically and have always kissed me first and been the one to chase and pursue, so I guess making the first move depends on if you are attracted to her or not
don't try to avoid mistakes just go for it. you can estimate your try after and just get better.👍
True
I love dates, and consistently pull on them due to Todd’s teachings. My sticking point is cold approach due to approach anxiety and taking the skills I have on dates and hammering them out in just a few minutes, where dates I have hours.
Night game is a big issue for me too for these reasons
Not everyone is good at everything. If you're successful with your dates I say good job, brother! Just stick to what you're good at. You can always work on your cold approach whilst still getting laid from dates. 👍🏻😉
BOOMART+ YOU'RE A SIMP PAYING FOR THE FREE MEALS
Cold approach is dead
@@morganyu812 FACT
Needed this. Struck out on my past three first dates in two weeks. Felt so frustrated and contempt build up
we know that feeling bro😆
but it's just your first steps. you will be better soon.
Good Lord! You had 3 first dates in just 2 weeks? I've never had that many in a full year's time! Not in high school not in college and never during my career have I had more than maybe 1 first (and last) date in a full year's time. 😞
Where I live, unfortunately I guess, the problem isn't not doing well on 1st dates it's the complete lack of dates like EVER! Far too many single guys for far far too few single gals around the Houston TX area unfortunately. I've seen it reported in the nightly news around here, numerous times... friends have advised me that I really need to move somewhere where there's a more even ratio of single men to women (moving is NOT as simple as all that though!), and other friends have suggested they could help arrange to have a woman or two brought across the border by coyotes for me... I'm like, no I don't approve of THAT idea at all! It's just, crazy here I tell you. Count your blessings that you have opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them where you are, it can be a lot worse!
The fastest way to get sex is to get her drunk
your getting alot of dates thats huge in itself
Great content; real quick though, for non-drinkers where would you recommend for a good 1st/2nd date? I lived previously in a place that had a nice kava/tea lounge that worked pretty well, but I’m about to move to Boston (Longwood area) and I’m not really sure what my options might be. Any advice would be great! Thanks.
14:46 flirting is like the seasoning, where the "getting to know you" is the actuall steak. Or whatever protein, you want, but yeah, too much salt or seasoning will fuck up the meal. but you also don't want a dry, stale steak.
Lol, this analogy was hilarious
Here's another horrible date idea: Bowling. You basically can't talk much because it's always someone's turn to bowl, and the other person is sitting and waiting lol. Don't do it.
🤔 But he may get a kick out of touching your ball… 🤣
Disagree, there is plenty of time to talk, and touch each other, and also check out the caboose while she bowls.
On the other hand bowling is awesome so you really can't lose
It is so easy to talk in between turns. There isn't a time limit in bowling, so talking for a couple minutes in between turns is great and if there is a lull in the conversation you can get back to the game.
That’s kind of like saying to not go to dinner because you can’t talk while chewing your food.
Have patience. It’s those in between moments that matter.
This information is golden. This guy should be worldwide popular. I lack the understanding of dating, and he just broke it down in a more understandable way.
I love dinner dates. Yes, there are limitations, but you can make it work... If you are "smooth" and can flirt, then it can be quite good. Seating and ambiance always make a difference, so I don't choose a restaurant for its food.
YOU GO PAY FOR HER FREE MEAL SIMP
I agree, as long as it's not a long dinner date. I would choose somewhere more relaxed - Nandos led to my longest relationship.
I think a lot of this advice is helpful and mistakes that men make in dating, but... I take issue with trying to "seal the deal" with sex. The reason is that the Institute for Family Studies reports multiple studies that show that people in committed relationships with fewer previous sexual partners report more stable relationships, more sexual satisfaction, and more overall satisfaction in their marriages. This tracks with my experience as a divorce attorney as well. That all leads me to believe that sex early in a relationship is a "shortcut" to commitment that has long-term downsides and may not be worth the trade-off. Also that someone who wants to have sex too early in a relationship may be a bit of a red flag to the highest quality partners.
That study applies to women.
Women with a bodycount are damaged goods.
Men with a bodycount are experienced, confident men.
@EriPages So... I see you haven't read any of them. They explicitly apply to men as well. You are free to believe anything you wish, of course, but as you suggested, I think putting the genie back in that bottle is hard.
truth. the times I did not go with sex in mind, and behaved gentlemanly, the girls actually stepped up to make the first move which is good for sex-seekers but if you continue on the gentleman path, you leave with her wanting more and definitely gets you a 2nd or more dates. ymmv
@@billusher2265 almost no women will have sex with you on the first date no matter how interested she is in you. in fact if she sees you as a pontetial long term partner she will not have sex on the first date.
@@grantstratton2239It's better to seal the deal that way you beat all the bs
Good video. I would add to it a few things. #1 start flirting and talking about sex before you even get to the date. #2 kiss her as soon as you see her, get it out of the way. #3 date is a chemistry check. #4 quite lounge with privacy is your best bet. Coffee shops, restaurants and bars are all bad choices
Let me start by saying YOU ARE THE MAN, TODD V! I have to tell you that while I appreciate all of your helpful dating advice videos for the common man, the tips on this particular one turned out to be the game changer for me. How naive was I thinking that I knew what I was doing in the dating game only to discover that I was making almost every mistake that you pointed out on this video! Upon making every effort to correct my mistakes with your expert advice, in particular mistake number 1, I have landed the loving soulmate girl of my dreams. I'm so glad I found your videos and can't thank you enough.
Clearly a real comment lol
Along with #10 goes, you need to clean your place a bit. It can't smell really bad like most guys don't care. You don't need to do the kitchen, but focus on the make-out couch, the bedroom (clean sheets) and the bathroom (toilet and sink). You don't need flowers... it just shouldn't STINK!
Spent 4 dates with my favourite girls, on 5th date I just kissed her! And a couple of days later she ended up with me. All it was about respect and letting things go slowly but seems she got it differently. Don’t do my mistake.
Hello and congratulations on your video! When it comes to first dates, I have a slightly different perspective. Contrary to what you mentioned in this video, I appreciate the ‘opportunities’ that restaurants offer. For me, they’re a place to start flirting, show kindness to the waitstaff, and address any issues politely (the woman perceives your determination). I always choose a table where we’re close but not constantly face-to-face, allowing for physical contact without feeling overwhelmed. Sharing food during the first date can create a unique connection. Overall, I feel very comfortable going to lunch or dinner with a woman on a first date.
My problem is that I am still living with my parents, and really can t bring any girl home, never alone here. Should I start dating only when I will be about to get my house?
No, if you are an interesting enough person, you can go to her place.
However, if you eliminate your housing, that leaves you with 50% options (in terms of homes), which you can not exactly control.
And if she is in a similar situation as you.
A reason she can't invite you apart from not wanting to invite you, you could end up spending multiple hours together and later both of you have to go home, because in the shadows, you started with a 0% chance, which you both ignored.
But...
You can always rent an airbnb apartment or similar, which does not look lika a hotel. But that will be expensive if done often, so only do that if you are willing to double down. If at some point during the date your gut says, that it looks like she'd be interested in coming over, grab a phone, book a place. A lot of places have 24h check in, but beware, that you run the risk of looking like a fool when you arrive there, if you are not exactly certain, how to enter yourself and don't know the exact route to "your apartment" =D You could always book the same place, however someone might grab the keys before you or you can't contact the supervisor, in which case, it's not a guaranteed option and a contingency plan is recommended.
Or your gut feeling was wrong haha, now you have an empty apartment for which you paid a decent amount and you can keep yourself up at night there and think of where you messed up or what important detail you missed. And if the night still allows, you can head back out, talk to new girls and start everything all over again, being a little more desperate than before.
Other than that, a car (spontaneous), a tent near a lake(not exactly spontaneous), whatever else is also an option, but not recommended, unless your constructed narrative somehow justifies it.
Regardless, not having your own place always makes things harder, however in group settings if you met in a social circle staying over at a friend's couch or if you want to just focus and practice earlier steps before logistics and endgame, then you still have those options available. Every once in a while the stars align and opportunities present themselves, even if you just went into battle without ammunition. But you'll get a lot more bullets coming at you than you can fire out, haha.
Good luck!
No, if you’re living with your parents you’re not ready to date. Work on your own life first. Because women are a huge time and money suck.
The fact you're willing to go on the date with the girl automatically qualifies her to you. You have to win her over enough for her to accept a 2nd date. It's not like dates happen so often for some guys. It can takes months or even years to have a chance to date a girl I'm interested in.
But you're already in the mindset that is trying to "earn" the favor of this girl so that she will bestow a 2nd date upon you. That's and "Employer/Employee" dynamic that you're creating. If you're jumping through hoops you've already lost. You can't create that dynamic or buy into it because there are women who will covertly try to get you to occupy the employee role and place her in the employer role. This gives her power over you and that's why they do it, to be in the position of power. Do not play that game, that's the solution. Even if it means you walk away from a lot of girls, do not buy into it.
She has to win you over you are the prize
Thank you for your advice! My date is tomorrow at 9pm. Let's see how it works.
I suck at dates. I stopped going on them. I just invite them over for one or all of these 3 things…….
NACHOS, MARGARITAS, TACOS!!!!
I call it female kryptonite. 😎
For some reason girls are obsessed with nachos and tacos.🌮
Does that actually work? I’ve always thought about cooking something for them at home and just having them come by but. Never went through with it
@@georgepanagiotou8673 yes. Setting one up for Thursday.
🌮🍹🤣👍
Well slam some ritas and eat that taco! good plan goober.
Just a short comment. I used to have a restaurant I took dates to, and I got a fairly hostile reception from a waitress there. She had been nice previously, so I was puzzled. Then I realized that I had brought different girls there before, and I thought, and still do, that she was having an issue with my "infidelity" of bringing different women there.
@@southeastmissourihypnosisf8418 Dude, if you're taking multiple women to one place. There ain't no sugar coating what you are all about.
At least be honest about it. This is why a hate PUA bullshit.
Who cares what the waitress thinks, just do your job.
Maybe the waitress wanted to date you and thought all your dates were lower status than herself. 😂
Man, this is a treatise on how to get a lawyer to defend yourself if she is a "Duluth Rules" girl. This is the US and not Thailand. Men here have careers and a reputation to lose if you step on a land mine.
Nuh…i dont agree on this! First date shouldnt be about hooking up, but getting to know each other a bit better and discover if there is chemistry or not. If there is…everything will click into place and there will be a next date were you can plan accordingly.
Yes
The thing is that any of the other dudes she's surely talking too could snatch her from you in the meantime.
@@Ismael.A.MailloThen don’t approach a woman that talks to a lot of dudes and is so “open”. If the aim is a one night stand then ok, but if you are going for a relationship then such personalities are out of the question till they “mature”.
The question I have about having the sort of girl I want in mind prior and then qualifying her is simply: what if she doesn't play along and qualify herself? For example, if I say I want a girl that's gonna stay at home but she responds that she's super career-driven and isn't the homemaker sort at all. If that happens, what now? Backpedal on what I said I wanted? Stick with what I want and say "Welp, I guess this is going nowhere then..."? It feels like potentially setting yourself up for failure.
Why would you try to seem like something you are not, claiming to look for something you are not ? Are you trying to play girls, or are you trying to find the right girl ? If you want to play go right ahead and manipulate and lie, but if you want something serious never ever go for a girl who does not allign with your values, if has no future, it is wasted time.
Be honest. You’re looking for “the” girl, not “a” girl.
1.) I dont see the mentioned videos linked in the description.
2.) A frequent problem till now with more than 10 girls: Good date. Good vide. Flirty. We kissed each other. But I never see her again and dont know why.
3.) Some good dating coaches dont kiss the girl on the first date to increase the tension. Some only kiss at their flat. What do you think about theses ideas?
4.) There is a saying from experienced men in dating: Girls prefer sex in their own bed. I like the idea better because my apartment is very small, very far from downtown and mostly untidy. How do I transition that we go to her place? I approached a girl at the train station April 2022. Super spontaneous the vibe, was with her in the directly in the supermarket. She flirted, punched me in the arm, etc. I had my guitar with me and sang something. She told a lot about her life adnd herself and opened up. At the end I kissed her 2x. Because I used a false time constrainment, I have to keep it up. So I kissed her. Took the train in the evening. She didn't answer the first 2 Whatsapp messages and I never saw her again.
To answer your 2nd question. A lot of the time if you don’t sleep with her on the first night, the tension will die on her side - even if the date has gone well. I’m not entirely sure why, I’m not a coach, but it defo plays a factor from experience. Which is why it’s always suggested that you should try and sleep with her on the first night.
@@gords561 Thanks for the opinion. I think with me it goes more in the direction of "being too keen on sex". That is also named in the video. I touched too much and brought too many innuendos. Shy women 18-23 with no to little experience (=often my target audience) takes longer to build trust and comfort. So I prefer to take a different approach and go back in speed.
Don’t sweat it. Just NEXT! 😂
For your second problem I recommend never getting physical on a first date unless it’s HER idea. That’s why I only go to cafe’s for the first date. That way there is no pressure to have seggs. The second date is when you get physical cuz 90% of girls are comfortable by that point.
For 3 I think kissing on the first date is bad because you don’t know her boundaries or comfort level. So answer to #2 applies here too
My main problem is regarding that last mistake you mentioned. I'm 25yo and practically a virgin. I've had very few experiences and they have been TERRIBLE and let me with this "I really dont wanna feel like this ever again" sensations...
I know I'm supposed to somehow forget the "trauma" and move on and not lock myself from the world. But man I'm so fuckin scared of going through experiences like that again. Just thinking about having sex makes me nervous and anxious asf smh
It's a good learning curve gotta have bad to have good don't best yourself up to much causing performance anxiety
@@Cosmicmind2023 I just don't know how to start over you know? Last time I was in that kind of situation was like 3 months ago. I decided to quit talking to girls/using dating apps/looking for dates etc until I got my shit somewhat together.
3 months in I feel like I've improved quite a bit in different areas I needed to work on, and so lately I wonder if I should start over with the dating stuff but I just don't know how to.
I feel like an athlete wanting to come back from an injury but feeling like he just forgot how to play at all and wondering it the comeback it's even worth it
@@billusher2265 huh?
To use your athlete analogy, you need a couple of easy wins.
If you were a boxer, that would mean getting in the ring with fighters that are not really a threat to you, so you can get comfortable performing in a pressure situation.
See where this is going?
It means find a girl that you're attracted to enough to sleep with, but are not so invested in that you care too much and feel nervous. Someone comfortable and non-threatening.
A starter chick. If you have morals, maybe a girl you'd be happy to see for awhile rather than just discard once mission accomplished.
@@BWater-yq3jx That makes sense I think, I'll look into that option. Thank you for your suggestion
"It is okay to the same place over and over again"
Tell that to Simon Pegg when he was playing Shaun in "Shaun of the Dead".
So much strategy. Its like going to battle. It either works or it does not. Keep it simple.
Well it works both ways as well :) It is not a negative action towards the opposite if the guy or lady girl or boy wanted to in return (mutually). But, if this was the deciding factor that you won't go on a second date then let it be and move on. It wasn't going to be the right person anyways. In fact most dates that turn out good but you kissed her or she kissed you and never wants to see you again is an honest sign that you shouldn't be with them at all because of some security or internal mental equation they have themselves in that won't allow them to kiss on first date or the fact that they just don't know how to be "frank" with you. Don't take this personally, it's just being human but let him/him go. Sometimes this is a goo thing, it just means they have morals or want to get to know you better before this happens so if you get a second date, "way to go" you did what that person wanted you to do out of "wow" or "awe" factors. :)
I disagree about dinner always being a bad idea for first dates. I have a pizza place 2 miles from home that was always my go to for first dates. Cozy and artsy inside and a patio across the street from a lake on nice days. I'm relatively introverted so the consistency helps me stay relaxed and that helps me stay in frame which helps her relax. Because the food is always good, even if the date is sour a night that ends with a happy stomach isn't all bad.
Why go on a dinner - when you could go straight to the bedroom?
YES ! #8, #2 and #1 ! ! The only way to win a rigged game is to not play. YOUNGER GUYS, LISTEN TO THE VOICE OF EXPERIENCE AND LEARN FROM OUR MISFORTUNE ! It's far better to get and stay out of the "market", keep control of your own life ! Keep your sanity, self respect, peace of mind, money AND all of your possessions ! And remember, all it takes nowadays is just one FALSE accusation and your life is ruined !
Quality > quantity
Mistake #9 -- The BEST dates I've had were NEVER over dinner or a movie. _I've gotten laid for the price of coffee more than for a steak!_
Elaborate.
interesting how he does not say WHERE to have a date, just where NOT to have a date. so frustrating!
@@GCOUNDOU Do they have the same kinds of places/ attractions where you live that I have? Everywhere is different, buddy. Where it's acceptable to go for a first date is also different by culture. Also, you might have a different budget than I have. I can't do all that thinking for you!
@@alexanderwindh4830 What's there to elaborte? If a women is interested, you don't have to spend $100+ on dinner. Take her to a nearby attraction, or to an ice cream bar or Bobba Tea. Look for something "cute" and cheap near you.
Todd i was wondering if you had advice for guys trying to sober up and how to navigate the complexities of dating in a society where drinking is expected
Ice cream 🤷♂️
Most of the things you mention do not hold for the very first date, especially if you only know her from dating site... For subsequent dates yes, they are mostly true.
About mistake number 2.... I live about 25 minutes drive away from the city... If I date someone in or near the city, she usually would prefer to go to a bar in the city... And half the time she would be sharing the apartment with someone else, so I would prefer to get her to mine. Would be considered too far if I just suggest I drive us both to mine?
Same as me. I never do it although it could work with some girls. The usual reaction is them getting afraid you're going to go full Jake the ripper on them.
What works better if you have to drive the girl to your place is to go for the 3rd date in your place, not earlier. It's less awkward, 25 minutes driving can get very long when the girl gets bored or the effects of the beers go away in the first date, and she gets "cold".
In the third date she's more relaxed and knows what's coming.
@@asdzt123 what if I wanna bang on the first date
Uber?
This is great advice, if you're trying to get an STD. After getting divorced from my highschool sweetheart (25 years), I went through a phase of dating and having sex with women I barely new, surprisingly it rarely leads to successful long term relationships. It can be fun and exciting in some cases, but it gets old fast and you end up with many regrettable situations.
If all you want is casual sex (and eventual STD), then here you go, but do you really want to get into a serious relationship with a woman that has sex with men she just met? Oh I know you're special, she normally never does this LOL.
The last couple of mistakes he mentioned I had absolutely no idea it was a bad mistake. Specifically why taking your date to dinner is a bad idea, & it all makes sense now. I have watch 4 other channels on dating and this is the first one that mentioned that detail i wish i had known sooner.
Go fetch a hamburger or sushi and walk to a park or the beach to eat it there
@@paulbrouyere1735 Wtf.. Why not prepare the meal yourself?
I flat out quit trying over eight years ago. 100% of the time any girl will ask how much money I make, what university did I go to, what's my major and what type of white collar job do I work.
100%? Are you sure? I cannot recall ever being asked about this stuff on a date. In some online convos, yes, but the lady who asked me about this stuff, was looking for basically becoming a wife. But being asked about this on a date it nuts, you are not at a job interview, wtf. I am legit curious, may I ask you to be more specific?
@@rndlancer I live near Washington DC. Every date ever felt like a job interview. Funny thing is I passed every job interview ever however, I passed zero Ladies dating interviews.
well, they taught me from my childhood the most desireable man is a provider and a supporter, a nice guy. BS. While genuine care can matter, as well as the strength/ability to provide it, it's not exactly what gets women aroused. Most of the times, not at all.
I was suffering from the "nice guy syndrome" for quite a while. The "nice guy" is a term invented by the society to trick us into becoming its servants. So we build our careers, get societal approval, but the girl we date as a "nice guy" doesn't feel special. "Bad guys" are not praised for crimes. They are adored for their ability to tell the society to f off when it comes to prioritizing the girl, her importance, her desires.
But this alone doesn't suffice. What you have to tell to yourself is, you are a HIGH VALUE man. Like, you literally have to develop the rock star attitude. That means, the common thoughts for you have to be "the girls are in abundance, I know they all crave me, so let's not rush things and not trade my sexuality off for cheap". Reverse the roles. You are special, they are common (obviously, not the best thing to verbalize, but that attitude is just right). It doesn't mean you have to become a genuine jerk (or worse, the sexuality criticist, that is the worst). But that kind of attitude fixes everything, the way you walk, the way you talk, etc. And since hot girls have same kind of attitude, it does attract them. Submissiveness is the sexual equivalent of consuming, while as Todd said, girls want to you be their dominator, as they love to consume that domineering, musculine attitude. It requires ENORMOUS effort and attention to detail to learn, but it pays off big time.
And just avoid red flags, like talking about career or job, unless it's really necessary. Also, when I personally felt lonely, but knew the timing was wrong to approach a girl, I just did 100 pushups as well (30,000 pushups in a month, or 1000 in a day, is the least expensive way to achieve the required level of physical fitness, accepted by 99% of the women). But be careful, if you are unable to do 1000 in a day (I wasn't), then relax requirements a bit. Your health is more important.
Also, Todd's advices are legit, I cannot agree more.
Best of luck!
thanks for the great info.
but there is a lot of emphasis on having sex on first date.
going into a date with that mentality is what in my opinion ruins the date, because you are going on the date with an agenda and that comes across subconsciously in many ways.
Exactly!
I want a "light" version. The same video but without getting laid being the primary goal. Like just how to have a great time and not ruin anything.
Plan on doing something fun and invite her to join you. If she doesn’t have fun, invite someone else. 👍
4:00 they weren’t actually busy just a shit test of sorts good tip to reschedule
I think the most common mistake guys do is setting a date at an unfamiliar place. If you do take a girl on a date, make sure you know the place inside and out, you know the waiters, you know the tables, you know the menu, you know the schedule, you know when to go there and when not to. You should always be picking locations where you are familiar with. Going on a date on an unknown place will add a lot of variables into the ecuation, which will make you and her feel unconfortable.
If you know your surroundings, what to expect, the vibe location, EVERYTHING about that place, YOU are in control, and she will definitely feel that. It really doesn't matter if it's Starbucks, dinner at a fancy restaurant, stand-up comedy, bowling, or a walk in the park. If you set up the stage, you are in control of the outcome.
This is one of the only dating channel advice channels that makes sense, although most of it I already do because its common sense to me
It's interesting hearing dating perspectives from urban people. The 1st suggestion is not even a viable option for us rural people.
Ditto! And I even live near a large metro area, but there's far more single men than women in the Houston TX metro area so.... it's just, impossible here. You like either marry your high school sweetheart (if you had one) or you're trapped single for life apparently if you are a straight single male. 😕
Thanks for this video. Question....If dinner, movie, starbucks are not great for first dates, what do you recommend instead? I'm older and just thinking about getting back into dating after the end of a long long relationship.
Arnie, i think coffee is fine. Maybe a walk in a mall or city festival. Establish if you are actually attracted to each other. Dinner has become a prime way for women to get free food and ghost the guy. That's maybe 3rd date and personally, I'd get 2 checks until later dates. Make her earn you and date multiple women. No gifts at all unless she becomes your gf at some point. Also, don't get into long phone/text conversations. Most your interaction is supposed to be in person.
Just do something fun.
good stuff! I'd add that don't go in to a first meeting with getting laid as the goal (even if it is). Just go in expecting to enjoy being around your date and spending some time with them. if it goes well, more options for extending your time together come up.
Play it by ear. 👍
My date last Saturday was very sick i think she even had a fever. But still she showed up in the restaurant! We didn’t kissed… but she said she liked the date she likes me and wants to continue to meet
Hey Todd, got one question, hope you can redirect me to one of your videos or give a short answer.
First I want to say I’ve been struggling so much in the past but now it’s all different. I’ve watched a lot of rsd videos back in the day and mostly yours and practiced a lot.
To all the beginners out there you will get to where you want, don’t hesitate to mix practice with working on yourself too and building a true identity. Helps a long way.
For the question: how do you get in a position of the girl not liking you too much ? Besides being honest with the girls and not wanting a serious relationship, what do you do if the girl starts liking you more and more? Is there anything you can do within game besides: forcing yourself to stop seeing the girl for her own good or being honest about your intent from the start and hoping it won’t turn into more ?
I also really like everyone I date besides not wanting a serious relationship and it’s important for me to keep being friends or at least on good terms.
Have you managed to always keep it friendly in your journey and do you have some content related to this type of questions ?
Thanks 🙏🏻
Whats the ideal place to take someone out between a lounge and a normal bar?
Lounge all day. Snag a spot in town. Become a regular. Be sure it is fairly upscale in terms of the setting, while also casual and chill contrary to a loud bar or a nightclub. KEEP IN MIND #1 from this video as well.
Dating expert shares top 10 mistakes guys make on dates, including choosing a location too far away and not considering the time of the date.
✦
10 biggest mistakes guys make in dating
00:00
✦
Flirting is crucial on a date
03:40
✦
Assume attraction and don't try too hard on a date
07:04
✦
Don't over-escalate on a date
10:13
✦
Connect with your date and get to know her, don't just push buttons.
13:07
✦
Qualifying a girl is the biggest objective on a date
15:54
✦
Avoid dinner, comedy club, and Starbucks for first dates.
18:38
✦
Taking the girl home is unavoidable
Thx for the overview!
I'm thinking, some points do overlap though/ cause tension. Like 'don't try too hard on a date' and 'Taking the girl/women home is unavoidable'.
I wouldn't necessarily try to take her home the first date per se, but rather on the second date.
And when taking her home: Getting intimate with clothes on can be just as bonding (or even more) as having sex straight away.
I missed these nuances in the video.
Of course this depends on the situation, like for example, on holidays where you might not get to see each other anymore I would try the first time around.
But not if I live close to her and we're both not travelling the world or being away for work to other countries a lot.
Love the content! Keep posting! Been watching your videos since 2012
Great advice! I do not drink, and don’t normally go to bars/clubs or even stay out late at night, but like the idea of heading out in the evening. I guess a small intimate cocktail bar and having a mocktail is an option. Any other suggestions?
An inflatable mock up date
As a man who gets dates & doesn't drink you can drive the date towards kissing / sex (depends if you are shooting for a hookup or to date her).
You need to flirt more, you need to build sexual tension by playfully misunderstanding things she says and assuming innuendo, you need to be more charming, and you need some fun mental games that she will agree to play (2 truths & a lie, and then gently escalate) while touching her hands or better yet you have chosen a restaurant booth that let's you sit side by side, etc.
I am physically allergic to both alcohol & weed. And I do just fine by using the above tools in my favor.
Kind of hard to get in the mindset of me qualifying the girl when I get one date a year.
Ditto, only worse here... I haven't had a date since like 2003 and things aren't exactly getting any better where I live, and just up and moving somewhere where there's a better ratio of singles isn't that feasible if I even knew WHERE to move to. I feel like totally trapped.
This is a lot of awesome advice packed into one video. Thanks!
So rule#1 means, If I live far from a city, far from a good place for dating, the first thing is not to date but to change my job and move. Logistic is more important than gaming skills.
This rule also difficult to apply to online dating. Girls you match online theoretically comes from all over the world, they are most unlikely to travle 1000km to meet you in the bar 5 mins away from your place unless you're super attractive to her in the first place. You may match 100 girls online and end up date with 0, this is super mental destructive for beginners.
Yup, been there done that.... I can count off at least a dozen singles websites that don't even exist anymore that I have tried in my life. It's pointless when you live somewhere where the single guys outnumber the single gals by like 10 or more to 1! There is no winning strategy here. And up and moving is not really an option even IF I knew a better place (more even ratio of singles) to move to.
There do not exist any place on earth that is "bad" for dating..
First quick date in the city, a coffee or park, morning, afternoon...whatever. Second date, inexpensive dinner in the city, kiss and a bit of intimacy. Third date, close to your home, better dinner, if the girl has no car you'll have to drive her. You end up in your place and have sex, and the morning after you take her back to the city and have lunch with her if you like.
I live 30 minutes away from a city and have to do it like this or go the girl's place/hotel.
But if you live 2-3 hours away from a good place to date then yes, move.
Mostly good advice but a few that definitely aren't:
1) Location and time of dates do not matter as much as Todd makes it out to be as long as she feels safe, it is in a public place, and allows interaction between both of you. This could be in a park around the corner of your apartment in the morning or a bar an hour away from both of your places late at night. Be confident, take the initiative, and make her feel safe while also flirting with her. An assertive "let's meet at this park at 9:00 am and go for a walk" will work out much better than "are you free tomorrow night to go to a bar?"
2) Coffee shop dates are actually ideal if you know how to use them. It is low stakes so neither of you feel any pressure. It allows you to interact with, flirt (verbally and physically), and get to know her. If the date isn't going well after an hour, either of you can easily leave. Or if it is going well, you can escalate it by going somewhere more fun.
3) Focusing on taking her home on the first date will be an immediate turn-off for most ladies, even if they are interested in you. In most cases, it will backfire. Focus on enjoying the date and having fun. If both of you had fun during the date, flirted, and already escalated physically, she will make it hard for you not to take her home. All you have to do is close to the end of the date, ask yourself "do I want to take her home?" If you do, then do so.
Otherwise, the rest of the tips are excellent and something all guys should follow.
Good info. 👍
Few weeks ago I met somebody awesome and definitely came off try-hard. It's weird. I do well with the more slutty girls but this was a lovely shy girl who wasn't very experienced. Didn't want to have sex right away for sure, but wanted to kiss plenty. So I went overboard. Going for kisses way too much. Mistakes #4 and #5 in this video for sure.
I've had times where I really build tension by not going for a kiss for ages and just teasing, showing intent, and then it's all going perfectly. This time, with *this girl* I was rushing and then just getting needy.
Tempering the excitement with somebody I actually really really like as a person is so much more difficult than when I'm just vaguely attracted.
Anyway yeah she ghosted for sure. Probably not coming back. Tempted to send some kind of message for clarity but I doubt it'll help
I used to have this problem so bad. I could score with girls I thought were slutty, or girls that I didn't give 2 shits about. But when it came to a great girl that I really liked I was nervous, couldn't flirt, couldn't close the deal. There were even times where I was so nervous that my little guy wouldn't work. Then I was ashamed and embarrassed 😞
As I got older and more mature and more experienced those things were no longer issues. 👍🏻😀
Hang in there brother! Lots of guys experience these types of problems.
@@rigorhead01 she actually suddenly got back to me the other day. Apologized for disappearing. Said she might want to be just friends.
I politely declined, said I'd like to get to know her but not as just a friend. Stood my ground in a way I would not have a year ago. Maybe she'll respond and take interest. Either way I took a respectable action.
@@intelligenceparadigm4931 Many times u hear this that you shouldnt accept friendship if the girl didn't want anything more with you but how many times is declining on friendship a way to show you're bitter? Doesn't mean you have to be around her hanging out every week or at all for that matter but declining the friendship in such situtation tends to make someone look like they played a game which they're not familiar with and got angry when things didn't work out.
@@IhmePaskaa I can see that but it's more about being honest and true about your interests. If you accept and hang out with her then you might be really wanting intimacy and she doesn't and then you'll be frustrated. I'm friends with girls I'm not that into. It would be inauthentic to try that when it's not what I am looking for.
@@IhmePaskaa While I have exes that I still have as friends, I wouldn't accept that as someone I haven't been with long term. I don't want to be seen as an orbiter or a plan B. Tell her you have enough friends and there's a chance that will raise her interest, but coming at things from the friend angle and you'll never get the frame right.
You absolutely should not flirt with them if they aren’t physically attracted to you. You have to learn how to read her signs dude!
🎯Reading people is critical. 👍
Hi Todd pretty good adivices, but i didn´t understand what kind of places i should take her for a date, just bars? or it could be a place to eat, idk if she´s gonna be hungry or someting like that.
Btw great video bro
Somewhere you can interact and which will put you both in the right mood.
Cafe is actually good, just not Starbucks.
Pick something a li'l more hip & interesting, with a nice ambience.
Same with bars. Not some generic place playing crappy top 40 music and full of morons.
I have done 'food dates', but now I try to schedule dates between meals cos I don't wanna be picking food outta my teeth and I don't wanna foot the bill. 😆
Typical for me would be drinks or coffee on Sunday around 3 or 4pm.
It means if she has something on around lunch she can still do that, but if the date goes well she's probably free on a Sunday evening. 😉
It's also a 'safe' time. She doesn't have to be walking city streets by herself at night,
there are people around but it's not busy like a weekday. Driving is easy, parking is easy.
You can go for a stroll after and maybe get a li'l physical.
Cruisey and relaxed all the way. 😎👍
I definitely made mistake #6 a few weeks ago! Good reference experience I guess!
Sure thing Ishar
Hi Todd, just discovered your channel. Amazing content man! Best advice I've heard like..ever! Greetings from the Netherlands.
I needed this video. I kind of already know all this, but it's good just get that little reminder of the basics. Its top quality stuff!
I don't think girls is acting the same way in Norway. Culture play's a huge roll but thanks for the tips even thoe there is only mountains where i live so number one misstake is impossible to avoid 🤣
much needed content , please do more like specific scenarios
I love his work. I usually do dinner date and have a 90% hit rate but catch here is the places I choose satisfy favours like dimly lit, rooftop dining where either she sits beside me or adjacent to me. If she happens to sit across then I take her for walk and icecream then go for makeout and seed a pull. Otherwise by 2nd date pull happens anyway.
I like going to the river or lake. Just sit and talk, to get to know more about her. I let her know what my intentions are before or as I ask for the first date.
A dinner date is only kind of first date I’d want to go on. I’d want to talk to the guy first and get comfortable with him as I drink wine, open up, and eat a light meal that I’ve chosen. In my opinion it’s the perfect first date.
So you recommend to sell your house and move into town - in a place busy with culture and restaurants - just to have dates close to your place ?
Coffee dates only, foodie calls make you feel like the IRS just audited you and now you are alone in bed frustrated, Ive screened dates over coffee and never act desperate, walk away making her know you are the prize, there are 3 billion women on the planet needing your assets so pick wisely.
Hello Todd, I have a question for you or anyone else who can help. You emphasize taking the girl home for sex a lot in this video. However, I just turned 18 and I am at a point in my life where I still live with my parents. What would you suggest for me. Should I wait until I get a house to start considering this?
Sure.
Go to her house instead or motel
Bro go for hooking up in public places. Behind bars, parks, in a car too. Its a huge thrill for the girl too if u can lead. And the only way to learn how to lead is to start trying it
No, if you are an interesting enough person, you can go to her place.
However, if you eliminate your housing, that leaves you with 50% options (in terms of homes), which you can not exactly control.
And if she is in a similar situation as you.
A reason she can't invite you apart from not wanting to invite you, you could end up spending multiple hours together and later both of you have to go home, because in the shadows, you started with a 0% chance, which you both ignored.
But...
You can always rent an airbnb apartment or similar, which does not look lika a hotel. But that will be expensive if done often, so only do that if you are willing to double down. If at some point during the date your gut says, that it looks like she'd be interested in coming over, grab a phone, book a place. A lot of places have 24h check in, but beware, that you run the risk of looking like a fool when you arrive there, if you are not exactly certain, how to enter yourself and don't know the exact route to "your apartment" =D You could always book the same place, however someone might grab the keys before you or you can't contact the supervisor, in which case, it's not a guaranteed option and a contingency plan is recommended.
Or your gut feeling was wrong haha, now you have an empty apartment for which you paid a decent amount and you can keep yourself up at night there and think of where you messed up or what important detail you missed. And if the night still allows, you can head back out, talk to new girls and start everything all over again, being a little more desperate than before.
Other than that, a car (spontaneous), a tent near a lake(not exactly spontaneous), whatever else is also an option, but not recommended, unless your constructed narrative somehow justifies it.
Regardless, not having your own place always makes things harder, however in group settings if you met in a social circle staying over at a friend's couch or if you want to just focus and practice earlier steps before logistics and endgame, then you still have those options available. Every once in a while the stars align and opportunities present themselves, even if you just went into battle without ammunition. But you'll get a lot more bullets coming at you than you can fire out, haha.
Good luck!
Thanks man
it´s less about what you do more about how you do it. it´s great having some idea what you are going to do but if she likes you it doesn´t matter at all same goes for you could plan this really nice thing but if she doesn't like you it won´t matter
I've got no pub or anything within walking distance they would have to drive to mine from the nearest pub.
Hi, Todd!
Thanks for the great video.
Q: How to make a girl to start doing shittests? Thanks to you I have no problem with them and can use it to my advantage. But I cannot initiate that for her. I had a date when the girl was too shy and polite. Up to the point the conversation became boring for me. Like the whole stratum of interaction was gone, so it went nowhere in the end.
If she sees you as a lot more valuable than her she won’t shittest out of fear of losing you. Mind you this is very different from disinterest.
My name is LT for a moment : Hi Todd how do I create situation where woman makes me many problems for her entertainment and psychological games to waste time/resources and trust.
Just because she is not certain about herself,her choices ,You ,choosing you 12 k times per day..
You do not LT
Also Gligor At is right 100%
Take mindsett of how can she impress me.. enterain me.. intrest me
Si ella no te pone pruebas es porque te ve como un hombre, de lo contrario probaría tu masculinidad, tu seguridad etc de muchas formas, pero si no lo hace es porque te ve atractivo. Solo disfruten y vayan avanzando si fluye la cosa
Love the content, Todd, I think you're one of the best coaches out there!! On a side note, the 10 mistakes an the chapters in the video are off a bit. 😉
Question about kissing, I have foggy memories of these experiences (which is not good because my assertiveness and confidence drop), in my last first kiss, I wanted to pull away but she was all in and my head was between her face and the ceiling of her car and door frame. I really wanted to pull away because earlier that night she got super vulnerable with me sharing her dark history and my stupid ass went for the kiss. Afterward, she didn't want to see me again and admitted she was not ready to get physical.
I've had tremendous success with the ladies over the years. Especially in my 30s and 40s, I could pretty much bed any woman I wanted to at any time. So I listened to this video with a critical ear, to see if I agree with the rules or not. And while I never made a deliberate effort to follow these rules, I realized (looking back over my decades of dating history ) that I pretty much always complied with 9 of 10 of these rules. I didn't think of them as dating rules or mistakes to avoid at the time. It was just all based on personal preference. Like choosing dates near my place or hers. Or timing the date to be 7PM or later on a day when neither one of us was scheduled to work the next day. I wasn't thinking of it in terms of "don't make that mistake". I was just in the habit of doing things that naturally avoided "mistakes" pointed out in ths video. The one I was mostly guilty of violating is not going in for the kiss. I even had some girls openly criticize me for that specific issue. I would hear comments like, "I had an awesome time and was really excited we ended up back at my place. But why did you not kiss me?" But that particular mistake did not hamper my success rate much, if at all. I eventually kissed all of my dates (though not always on the 1st or 2nd date). And I was never turned down for sex after kissing the girl. I am a very talented kisser. If I kissed a girl I was attracted to, her panties were soon flying across the room. Anyway, looking back on my dating history if I avoided ALL the mistakes you mention, my 1st-date success (if we define sex as success) would have been a little higher. So I overall agree with all you post in this video. It all corresponds with my own dating experience, which has been good enough to make most guys jealous of my success, (like how do you do that, man????) This video is good advice, guys. But as always, use protection and keep that protection in your direct control before, during and after.
On mistake 7 what would you say is the optimal % of being flirty and just having get to know her questions?
Depends on the girl. But you only need 10-20% flirty to keep them on their toes in the beginning, imo. Can be ramped up over time.
How do you feel about being friends with a girl and leading that to a romantic relationship? I know the typical advice is that it is frowned upon and being friendzoned but at the same time I’ve heard a lot of stories about girls who were friends first with guys and then later became romantic.
Don't bring up the future (months out) , you will lower your chances of being in it...
True
That dating culture is interesting, but also seems exhausting. Perhaps it is easier to invest in own health, fitness, rhythm, success in your business or profession. And learn about ones own emotional patterns, motives, long term goals. Then one wouldn’t need to learn all these complex rules and pay many meals for persons who restrict their energy intake for own attractiveness. Once one achieved the above it’s easier to be around. A real friend (or better own sibling) from the opposite sex to explain and translate is helpful, too.
good stuff here, thanks! so for the date venue, no dinner, no movie, no Starbucks (don't like it anyways), so now what? would there be some top suggestions? park, hike, beach, come to mind. since we're to end up at my place anyways, how about a bbq ..party or something at my place? friends can come over. they'll leave eventually and we'll be alone. I'd like to hear ideas of what **to** do and not just what not to do 😎
Live entertainment or something that you can participate in together. Like a concert or lecture or play or museum or a flea market, or ball game. Read or listen to a book together. Just something you can do together to prompt interesting conversation. If you can't find someone to do any of those things, go by yourself. You will meet someone who has the same interests.
Guys now this is the truth-this guy is extremely real and good he’s right like about everything thx ❤
Great content, thanks for sharing your tips!
This was such great advice.
If you have a girl doing all the right things but really shy and uncomfortable, expecially if your very young, it may be her first time or she is a very nervous person, just make them comfortable and it all works out.