@@welcometomysecret6423 Me being debt free and in a healthy financial situation is the best thing for my daughter to be able to save for her college fund. I don't even know if I can cash the money or not I have no idea.
I really don't understand why would you even get pregnant a second time if you knew the type of man he is i just think you just made things harder on yourself
The sad thing is the two children suffer from the parents. Mom has no relationship with dad, dad has no relationship with mom and kids , but they still produce children.
Vanessa, I know this situation isn’t easy, but remember that child support isn’t just for you-it’s for your child. It’s about making sure they have the financial stability they need to grow and thrive. You’ve been doing so much on your own, but it’s okay to get the help that’s rightfully there for them. The process might seem overwhelming, but there are people and resources to help you through it. It could make a big difference in providing for their future.
He just running his mouth no court wood side with him. His pass won't help him in court he is the father and he needs to support those kids you really can't stop asking to see his children. The courts sometimes don't agree with with you but this man will always try to control you be in the way for the next 18 year be strong Mother and always do what's right for your children. God Bless You and those Babies be strong.
He 👏🏼 don’t 👏🏼 give 👏🏼 a 👏🏼 fúck 👏🏼about 👏🏼 you 👏🏼. So stop giving one about him…take him to court and be an adult. Why are you worried about him and trying to look out for him. He’s not worried about you or the kids. You are allowing this to happen and need to get it together! Having one baby okay whatever, it happens but having a second one only because you “love being pregnant” cmon now.
she will just keep popping them out. a year ago she was posting food bank hauls, then her debt free journey then her back in debt journey and then the shocking second pregnancy.. blah blah blah. drammma
what is with these couples today, if you can even call them that, hooking up, not using birth control, going on public assistance, and the women not putting the men on child support. As a teacher, I had too many students suffering through situations like this. Men coming in and out of their mother's home, either seeing violence in the homes, or having no relationship with their father. Why is no one thinking today about the potential impact on a child?
Sooo true. As a psychologist, I cannot tell you how often women come in my office saying they are struggling but refuse to put their hook ups, boyfriend, fiance, ex-husband or husband on CHILD SUPPORT😢 This is a new age strong woman mentality in alot of cases. Society has told us to not ask and be strong on our own. Most people would be surprised at how common self-esteem and child support is goal on treatment plans. It happens at ALL tax brackets and this video is a reminder that alot women are not getting or seeking child support. Prayers that this channel continues to grow and she gets some funds from child support as a right vs burden
@@Rk-vr1xvIn the US, if you apply for any government assistance, they automatically go to the other parent and initiate child support whether the requesting parent wants to or not.
A lot of these women act as though they can't live or function without a man or sex and they keep adding kids in this ridiculous foolishness not married embarrassing
I'm trying to wrap my head around this situation how do you want to go through a life again with a guy that physically Assaulted you and then get pregnant again by him for the second time I know this isn't my business but your children deserve better in their lives they are the ones that suffer not you or him if those children are legally his then he is responsible.
Yes!! You need to get support from that deadbeat!! You're not the only one who made those babies. He thinks he can live all wild and free with no worries about feeding, clothing, and housing children?!? Hell to the NAW!!! Take him to court!!
what were you thinking ? I'm sorry you need to work on yourself get child support for your girls and full custody keep him away if he's violent keep you legs closed
Vanessa, he has proven he doesn't want to be in their lives. You have proof that he hasn't and doesn't want to even see Penelope. Take these things to court with you. Make sure you let your lawyer about his previous abuse. Also about the threats he made. Actually it's criminal with what he's doing.
Also, document everything! Keeping track of his lack of care about his children will show the courts he just doesn't want to pay for his kids. Keep all texts, that's considered proof.
Also, since you’re worried about finances, your best bet is to start a savings fund and cut out the extra ‘crap’ and shopping trips done out of boredom…
She’s done nothing wrong! And one day her daughters will know what happened, and her girls will always side with their mom. They know who gives everything to them. And who walks away.
Are you kidding me? I don't think you fully have a grasp on how much a new baby costs. Absolutely he should pay full child support for both children! Stop worrying about pissing him off, put on your big girl panties and fight for your children. His threats are probably baseless and even if he wants visitation as the girls get older they may want to see their dad.
I grew up in a similar situation. Single mom who left toxic man. He never gave support, and my mom never went after him in court because he threatened to go for custody. That’s the thing I hate most of how my mother handled the situation. We struggled a lot! Times were very very hard and he lived a comfy upper middle class life. He fears were for nothing because he NEVER wanted to be a dad. He would never have went for custody. She let him bully her, and her kids suffered. Be strong. Fight for what your children deserve!
I can't get past why would you want to have a second baby with someone that didn't want anything to do with the first child you had with him. He said he's only seen her 10 times and 36 weeks pregnant with a second one. I don't understand. Good luck. But the children are the mercy of the adults around them and these two children are gonna have a father cause trauma drama in their lives that's what makes me sad
You should not have become pregnant with baby #2. It seems like a very purposeful situation that you should not have put yourself into after the previous experience.
My thoughts is you need to keep this situation offline. Do what you need to do for your kids but dont post it online for the world to see just for some views. Im sure once you get an attorney they will tell you the same. Also the father may ask the court for you not to exploit your kids online.
Putting Penelope online so much could be risky again. I was thinking of the child care harm that was done to her at daycare, could that person targeted her on these videos! I don’t think it’s worth it just for views.
Thank you for sharing, you are helping other women who maybe going through the same situation... don't listen to the haters.❤ Whenever you make a video, it's not a mistake.. God wants you to, you never know what others are going through and your videos could save them.
Remember, he can always file regardless of you filing for child support so if he means it, he will do it. If not, you don't have to worry. Child support and child visitation are ALWAYS modifiable so at any point (i.e., he gets raises, overtime, etc.) you can file for a modification. However, at any time, he can too. Both can also file for modifications of custody/visitation etc. So worrying and letting this run your life decisions is not going to change anything. Just get your full support; the kids deserve it!
I was in your situation 15 years ago. I dealt with the same type of person. I knew in my heart NOT to put financial support above the safety of my child. I raised my daughter on my own without ANY financial assistance from her father and it was the best decision I have ever made. It wasn't easy but I worked hard and raised a beautiful intelligent and happy child.
As long as he’s paying child support, he will always threaten you for custody. He has to prove to the court he’s a better choice for custodial parent. If he is not involved with your daughter now, he will have a hard time doing this. File for child support!
Vanessa, the amount of child support you receive is very straightforward in BC and Canada in general. It is based on a table with your province, etc. and number of children. Absolutely file for child support. No brainer. Heidi in Vancouver
You need to respect yourself and take care of your babies. File for child support and full custody. Men need to be accountable for their children. Take the money, your family needs it. Don’t feel guilty.
My baby's father started drinking and getting violent towards me and I finally left when I was pregnant..i moved in with my mom, and we moved out of state. It is hard because I was with him 9 years and of course I love and miss him. Our baby is almost 2.5 years old. I still have to tell myself not to contact him because I would rather have my baby safe with me than risk losing any time with her and putting her in danger. I chose not to file for child support. I was told by multiple friends I'm my situation that if he pays child support, he is entitled to visitations. And he is now living with a girl who does meth and drinks and I am scared he would have her around a druggie I don't know, or drink and drive with her, or be violent with his new girl in front of her, etc.. I appreciate your video. I always say to myself I need the money, but I would literally sleep in a tent if I didn't have my mom, and grow my own food before I put my daughter in danger with him..the government doesn't really give a crap about it your baby is safe, if he os violent, they just want you to file for child support because they keep some money out of every check before they give it to you..and they will back up whoever is paying them if they want to have the kids they will make that possible for them So personally, I just fight the urge to file for my baby's safety.
You seem like a intelligent woman i just don't understand why you would even question yourself about taking that man for child support it's really hard to understand why you would even get pregnant a second time knowing he never or still doesn't care about your first daughter this of course coming from you im not by no means trying to go on his side but please understand by listening to your story is just crazy that you would even give him a second chance let alone another child but either way may God bless you and your children
File ! Do not be intimidated by him. He will pay and not get involved , he doesn’t want custody. There is no way he could get them. Video tape what he says and let an attorney hear it. In the US the children get an attorney at litem who represents the children. But I think he will agree to pay more in the end and just walk away just like he did the first time. That’s his track record. But do not let him intimidate you ! Just go for what your children need. And start praying 🙏🏻 for a real kind genuine man to come into your life. Someone who wants you and the girls and will give you his paycheck. I promise you men like that exist.
I love your channel. I have worked for lawyers for 30 plus years. The best thing for every child, if healthy, is to know and have both parents in their lives. They will eventually allow him visitation and overnights if he is not a danger to the children. You have to accept it. Unfortunately. The door will be opened regardless. But, I understand your position. I would tell you to go file for full custody, and FULL child support. Let him establish his visitation. He won't get full custody if he hasn't been in her life.
Sis, we are always worrying about the dads well being. But they don’t care about ours or the child’s. It’s best to go through the courts. You may look at it as the easy way but he’s just going to make it more difficult. Going to court will save you a lot of headache. My daughter’s father did the same thing. She’s 13 now and he hasn’t seen her in 2 years. Also any extra activities will be at your expense. It’s what you want not what your daughter needs. Just go through the courts.
Yes please get child support. I don’t understand as soon as you got pregnant you broke up with him. I’m not accusing you of doing this, but did you use him to have another baby?
So, they also will consider the support he pays on the child he has with the other woman. They legally cannot take more than a certain percentage of his income. If he pays you 600$ monthly already, I’d try to see if he will meet you in the middle & add another 300$. I honestly doubt he’d take advantage of any visitation offered. He’s using a scare tactic. If he doesn’t try to see your daughter now, something tells me he just doesn’t want the responsibility. Plus, he works right? So how often could he really even have them with the time he works.
Get a lawyer right away and get full custody of these children. If you can keep him away from them legally. Someone who's violent and puts his hands on you SHOULD NEVER have unsupervised contact with his children. The most he should have is supervised visits at a visitation center, if even that. I don't think he should even have that. He put his hands on you to the point of you having a restraining order taken out. He's not a good person and is not safe to be around those kids. I went through it, I know how these men are. He will NEVER change. He doesn't want to change either. He's denying your second baby for God's sake. He sounds just like my violent ex husband. I divorced him and immediately filed for full custody once he became violent and started cheating on me. I then found out all these horrible dark secrets I never knew about him. By the time my daughter was 1, my lawyer told me he was being sent to prison for a violent crime. I was so glad I made the decision of divorcing him for the sake of my daughter. It's been 13 years and still to this day he's a garbage deadbeat and has never changed, has gone from female to female. I thankfully have sole custody of my daughter and there's absolutely no visitation. It's one of the best decisions I have made in my life. Your ex bears a striking resemblance to mine. I was able to move on find someone who truly loves me and we've been together for 9 1/2 years, and have been married for 7. We are happy and content and really love each other. He treats my daughter as his own and we have 5 children including her together and 1 on the way. You can live happily ever after if you choose to, you just have to find the right person. Your ex doesn't sould like he's it. He only wants to hurt you and he doesn't care one iota about your kids. Focus on your children and yourself and making a life for all of you and I'm sure one day you'll meet the one who you are meant to be with. He'll show up one day. That's what happened to me and I'm fully convinced that God brought him into my life. God bless and prayers for you and your family.
@@nevaehleedawn2980 Exactly 💯 💜 Vanessa just please focus on you and you're children!! They come before any man!! You've got you're whole life ahead of you !! You're still young now is the time to enjoy your children they grow up so fast!! You are a beautiful intelligent woman!! God bless you and you're precious family 💝💝💝🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
If I remember correctly, when you told us that you were pregnant , you said that this baby was "planned" (I specifically asked you in comments on that video). So if he planned this with you, there should be absolutely no questioning yourself about asking for child support. But, no matter what, he is entitled to pay child support for both babies. I wouldn't think twice about asking for the full amount. You sound so good & rational talking this through. Praying for you.
Also....Do not ever let that many bully you again! You have come a long way. You now know a love and need to protect that you never felt until you had Penelope. Don't let him mess with the mama bear. 💗❤
Controversial topic but all things aside, YES go for child support and custody! Ive been there and he was my best friend but it wasnt about me or him it was about our daughters needs. As much as i wanted a second child i recognized that I wasnt in a financially stable place to have one. These things MUST be considered. Best of luck doll ❤
Sometimes parents don’t file cause they are scared to lose any custody for the best interest of the child. I have to do that also if the dad is broke you lose time and money is not much anyways
As children get older more is necessary for them to have. Shoes clothes become so much more expensive. Food cannot always be obtained at the Food Bank that is required for them. Buying that stuff is so expensive. Get the child support and put it away as much as you can for the emergency items you will need. So yes to child support and yes to full custody. He probably not pay it anyway.
I went through this 8 years ago. My child is primarily with me but we have joint custody. He wanted 50/50 but that wasn’t awarded due to distance and it wasn’t realistic. Joint custody would be what he could get which would be alternate weekends. He would still have to pay support. If there’s any safety concerns he would be mandated to take parenting classes. I’m also in Canada. This was all explained to me from my lawyer when I went through this 8 years ago. It’s really frustrating with how the system works. As much as I would have loved to have sole custody she’s got a great relationship with her father and I’m grateful for that. We actually have grown to be friends (never thought it would ever happen) we even do little get together for birthdays and special holidays for the kids and they all love it! I hope things work out really good for you!
At the courthouse in my community they have a navigator that will help you through the process like help you fill out the forms and all that kind of stuff. They should have one at the city you live in as well. Good luck honey you've got this 💗💗🙏🏾🙏🏾
Yes absolutely and file for FULL Custody. I would also not reach out to him anymore if he does want to see Penelope or the new baby. The courts should decide what he should be paying based on his income. This now is about the Penelope and your new baby....they deserve it!
I wouldn't agree on an amount. I would go with the formula that the courts go by. Go after full custody. Your kids have two parents. It takes two parents to support them.
Alsooooo you get a whole YEAR even six months is SOO amazing. I’m so happy for you for that. My daughter will be a year old in January. I went back to work after THREE WEEKS. BUt I literally had no option.
Yes in the United States we don’t get much leave. I had 3 months “ unpaid “ with my youngest. Only 6 weeks were allowed but I got a letter from my doctor because it was an emergency CSection and I was not able to return at 6 weeks. But I decided to retire from the university where i worked. And I stayed home. I gradually started working 1 days a week then 2. When she was 3 I put her in full time preschool and went back 4 days a week. But it was a decision that changed my life. Still I’m glad I didn’t return to the university. I did better doing my part time work. I just didn’t have health insurance for a few years. I had to go to a church charity center. But they took good care of me. It was that knowing that if I needed surgery or had an emergency I didn’t have insurance. I just couldn’t leave my tiny baby in daycare. I’m sure there are good daycares I just did not trust it. That baby is a doctor now ! She’s interviewing this week for a 2 nd yr of residency. I miss her being a little girl. But I’m so proud of the woman she has become.
He will never change and get the help he needs until he's ready! I've been through it with my son's dad. Please don't wait around for him to step up because it may never happen! Just cut off all ties from him and file for full custody and support! He's abusive and you don't want you're children around someone like that you and you're babies deserve the world!!
Wow, no child is a mistake but you are not making very good choices. The child support is for the child/children. Please stop procreating with people you are not married/serious with preferably married is best bc your girls deserve a 2 parent home. I mean no disrespect but your children will now pay for your poor choices.
Let him file for custody, while you do look silly for having a child with the same abusive person a 2nd time, there is still the court orders on file. You do not need to have any kind of access in order to obtain child support, or have it left to your discretion. Speaking from experience, my ex husband technically has access, but he barely talks to our kids, he's not seen 2 of them again in over a year, but we live in the same city this whole time. He had them all on Xbox that he could contact them, they have cell access that he has the number for 2 of them. I speak to him occasionally, heck I did his taxes a few months ago again. I do have a support order because I was required to file for support in order to file for divorce and custody. In canada as well, just different province.
Good for you for having the strength to leave him, knowing he is bad news. I hope you have planned on having the child support on him enforced. He helped make the babies, and he is legally obligated to support them financially.
Imlive in the US. Had 2 babies with someone I should not have also. Vermont wouldn't have him pay anything. I have supported them solely on my own 7 years no help. You're so lucky that CA gives a monthly child credit. I want to move there
Break this trauma bond with this man. You are worthy of love and so are your children. File for child support because he owes the children financially.
Taking inly six month maternity leace is not bad Vanessa. Here in Amerika most people are lucky to get two months, six WEEKS is the norm here for maternity leave. Imagine placing a two month old in daycare, its bad
Absolutely file for child support!!! I got pregnant at 15 and had my daughter a little over 6 weeks before I turned 16. I ended up marrying my "best friend" at 16-- long story short, I found out he was cheating two weeks after we found out I was pregnant w/baby number 2. I regret letting them off the hook for all these years. I was introduced to my now husband of 15 years while I was pregnant with baby girl #2. I'm extremely blessed-- he walked into our lives and treated (still does) my girls like they were his biological children. It made our relationship much easier not having to deal with uninvolved exes, but I'd probably still file for child support if we had it to do over again.
Girl. The way you're speaking about him he won't get custody. That assault charge is still on record. He may have shared custody with the other woman because she didn't have a protection order on him. You did. You can't just let him off the hook without helping financially. Just file for support, Period.
For your daughter sake, you should initiate it. It’s not about you. Every daughter needs their father just because you don’t like you for whatever reason doesn’t mean he’d have the same feelings towards his daughter.
he isnt calling you names because you want to support your kids, he is doing it because he doesnt want to. take him to court period. you will be glad in the long run.
I would file for the full amount and file for full custody. Then that might act as a motivator for him to make a new written agreement. I would not budge on the custody-he is not a good person. I understand the complications, as I went through this. He has probably only been nice to you at times for things he can get from you, not for your sake or for your children’s sakes. I accepted a smaller amount, but my ex was a decent father and took responsibility. In the end, I suffered the most financially. He is trying to threaten you, so that indicates what his behavior will be like in the future, only worse. I don’t believe he has a chance at custody, so you need to file.
New subscriber here ! I am in Canada as well 🇨🇦 First off I think u know the Answer to your question. He should absolutely be held accountable financially for those babes. He has made it clear he doesn’t want to be a dad so the custody threats are just that. If he is unstable that is something the courts will work out. At best he will get supervised visits which by the sounds of it he will not follow through with. At the end of the day you are momma so only you know what is best for your family. ❤
Here’s what it comes down to. They didn’t decide to have him as their father. He needs to take financial responsibility. He can file for custody but he doesn’t have anything to do with her now. He isn’t going to do visits. It’s not about you. It’s about them.
Why would you go back assaulting you isn't love LOOK at it strongly next time he could hurt you physically is that what you want for you and your children's lives wouldn't be something I would want to go through I was married before he was a abuser so I filed for divorce, and got child support and we were divorced 1 year later best thing that happened to me besides my kids! He meant nothing to me he was a low life abuser!.
It is in his best interest to just agree with you. If it goes to court he will be made to pay a lot more than what you agree to. Is he crazy. If you purposed an agreement like that to me I would be egar to agree, and avoid court. He would never get full custody he would have to prove your not an unfit mother. He will never get custody. At most he would get week ends, or over night visits at most. But, the fact he wants nothing to do with Penelopy will go against.
You don't "have" to be called names, and you DO understand exactly why this man acts as he does. You just don't like the reasons all this is happening. Stop spiraling, face who he is and what you've done. Stop trusting he will ever be an honest actor. Protect yourself and your children financially including child support, insurance and any education for your own future employment you can get.
my ex used that baseless threat and never saw my children and never paid support either because he was an alcoholic. File for child support and if he gets visitation then it should be supervised…. best of luck ❤
He can file for custody paying a little amount or the full amount. In the US, visitation and child support are not always intertwined. He could get visitation and not pay a dime. Agree with the other comments to remove this video. And, child care costs are no joke.
I have to take umbrage with your thought process. You’re scared that he’s going to want to increase his visitations, but you weren’t scared to make him the father again of your second child…..
heyvanessamartin This is not fair in my opinion. It takes two to make a baby, but to leave you holding the bag. Struggling alone as a single mom. I am sorry, but he should be made to do a DNA test for both babies. Since he believes he is not the father. Once you prove he is go for child support for both children. I mean your struggling, and can use the help. Child support can help right until the children are 18. You should pursue it, and take him to court for child support.
It’s about your babies Vanessa. He needs to pay what is fair. Take him to court. Get dna tests, full custody, and get child support through the court. If he didn’t want to pay, he shouldn’t have created 2 children.
You didn’t go forward with the charges but they have not been erased from his record. You can always refer back to them as the reason why you don’t want him around the kids often in a physical capacity..
My first thought when listening to this is Emotional Blackmail. He knows how very much you love your child and is trying to use threats to get you to not take him to court. To try to scare you. You are right, it would benefit him to agree to pay more now with this 2nd baby but you have to hear this. "You can't make sense out of nonsense." You can't change him. He's had the opportunity and chooses to ignore it. In my opinion, you need to set boundaries now. As your children grow more and more 'issues' will come up. If you let this slide now it's going to be harder for you in the future and at some point, you will have to take him to court. I understand you are scared of his threats and you have every right to be scared but have you considered he could do that anyway and at any time even if you don't take him to court now? Then you will be questioned why you haven't forced child support. It's not good any way you look at it. I would start the process now. Please don't wait until January. Just my opinion. You can do this girl!
He either needs to step up and get the girls (obviously when baby is born) and spend time with them, spend money on them, or definitely get sole custody of both of them and get child support. I was in the same boat as you though. I have two kids with my ex husband. We dont have an agreement through the court, but he pays me here and there. I dont want to feel like i need his money to support my kids but now a days some parents need them. Your babies dad does not seem like he wants to be in their lives so go for full custody and support, especially if he doesnt want to pay anything! Also, i know youre in Canada, idk if its the same there as it is in the U.S but if he tries to get full custody, he will not be granted that. For starters, they usually dont give full custody to the dad unless mom is not fit. You are the one that has been taking care of Penelope for almost 2 years, not him. You have receipts, you have proof. So he will not get full custody. He MAY be able to get 50/50 custody, but like i said, idk.
Just go to court. Give him his DNA test. Stop communicating with him because he doesn't care. All it's gonna do is stress you out. He might not do anything with any visitation he's being given. But if you don't wanna risk it then you have your answer. He's not going to budge (at least currently) because he has all these other kids to take care of. These are just the consequences.
I wouldn’t bother trying to mediate with him over child support. Go to court, provide a DNA test. The time for being nice is over from the sounds of it. You are raising his children . Do what is best for them NOT what is best first him. He is unwilling to work with you so go through the court system. Play back and watch your video. You have answered your own question over and over. Court is the only choice .
Hi Vanessa .... Hope this comment finds you well and in a good place .... I think you should try ta talk to him one more time and if he says no and trys to threaten you with custody you should go to court for full child support and ask for supervised visits because of you guises past problems .... But if you are scared that he might actually win full custody 'NO' just leave it alone and make the support you are already getting work for both kids
I am not sure what province you are in. In Alberta... Alberta works will take him to court for support for you and it costs you nothing. You do not need to be on alberta works for that to happen... just be low income. Also in Alberta... you can not have 2 cases before the court at the same time. It might be a good thing to go to court. The will insist upon supervised visits and counciling. It may be the only way to force him to get the counciling he needs. He won't get full custody... he can't. There are steps required. 1 is being a continuous supportive parent that is present in the childs life on a consistant basis. I am guessing he doesn't even know the name of her doctor. I would record ANY and all conversations with him. I would document everything. It does not have to be obvious you are recording him... a decent camera for home security like a wyze camers and happen to be standing close to it when he calls. Wyze cameras start at $30 Canadian on Amazon. If you don't have the cash to buy one... then you can do surveys to get them for free on things like swagbucks. As long as you keep it in gift cards for things like amazon and walmart it will not count towards income. They will also make a great baby monitor. I also live in a apt... I do have cams on the wall attached with command strips. What he is doing is gaslighting you and threatening you. He does not want to look after her 2 his 1 and your 2... that is 5 kids.
Don't take the negativity that you're receiving from people in these comments to heart. Focus on the positive and the health and wellbeing of you and your babies.. Also, don't take his threat to heart as well. File for financial support. And full custody of your children. Don't let people or him shame. You can't change your past, but you can make better decisions for you and your children's future. Best wishes and prayers for you❤
YES FILE FOR CHILD SUPPORT. This isn’t about just YOU anymore. Seems like he didn’t want either kid. But here they are. So he can pay because it was a choice he made as an adult. He will file for custody? Let him. He won’t get it. He may get visitation but doubt he’ll follow thru with that either. Call his bluff. He’s just trying to manipulate because he doesn’t want to pay. Are you in therapy? No disrespect but you made some EXTREMELY uncomfortable choices and you should figure out why you did that so you don’t repeat it. You’re raising a daughter and now is the best time to break this cycle so she (and new baby) grow up with a strong adult figure in their lives. At the end of the day, these are his children too. He has every right to visitation. His DV charge was dropped because why wouldn’t it be? You willingly went back to him and willingly got pregnant again.
TAKE HIM TO COURT!!!! Threatening for joint custody is the oldest trick in the book. He is an abusive man. I don't know what you are saying by "R" ist. He is not going to do anything without being MADE to.
He would never get full custody if he has not been consistent in his little girls life. Defiantly apply for child maintenance/ support from him. If he is not there then it is the least he can do for the children he brings in to this world. The money could go in to a savers account for the children when they reach 21.
He is so wrong , take him for all you can and deserve for your children …. It’s not for you but it’s to make sure your kids have enough …. Court will make him pay more ….and full custody…..
Vanessa I would think like you and be worried about the retaliation aspect of taking him to court for support. At the same time it’s his responsibility to support them. He also at any time could file for joint custody even if you don’t take him to court. I only hope your thoughts of not taking him to court are not based on you still having feelings for him. I truly wish you the best in making the right decision for you and your daughters.
I hope you can get away from the father of your children who denies he is the father of your girls. I hope this happens... Especially BEFORE your daughters start to realize what is happening here. It is NOT a good situation. You need Legal Assistance and you NEED to follow that legal advice for the sake of your daughters. No One wants a custody battle believe me, but they ARE his children. He HAS MOVED on, I suggest you do so also.
Yes file with the court! Start a diary of all interactions, document everything ie,who initiating the phone calls, any threats that are made even those you have made in anger or frustrating including the name calling! Make sure you also include any police reports between the two you while you were pregnant! Chances are the Judge. Also check with the other mother to see how things are going. Also keep in mind that he should have some contact as he is the parent. Also keep in mind that you have documented that you wanted more children with the same dad. Be careful with what you document on line.
💕 VOTE daily for Penelope for Baby of the Year!!! 💕 babyoftheyear.org/2024/penelope-21
What will you do with this money if you win hopefully put it all in a college fund for both your girls
@@welcometomysecret6423 First thing I will do is pay off debt. Then use the remaining amount for an emergency fund for us.
@@heyvanessamartin but it’s your daughters money not yours
@@welcometomysecret6423 Me being debt free and in a healthy financial situation is the best thing for my daughter to be able to save for her college fund. I don't even know if I can cash the money or not I have no idea.
Are you kidding?
I really don't understand why would you even get pregnant a second time if you knew the type of man he is i just think you just made things harder on yourself
Yes I agree with you
Mental illness.
The sad thing is the two children suffer from the parents. Mom has no relationship with dad, dad has no relationship with mom and kids , but they still produce children.
He didn’t want another child did he
She said in this video he did. But , I think there both crazy.
Vanessa, I know this situation isn’t easy, but remember that child support isn’t just for you-it’s for your child. It’s about making sure they have the financial stability they need to grow and thrive. You’ve been doing so much on your own, but it’s okay to get the help that’s rightfully there for them. The process might seem overwhelming, but there are people and resources to help you through it. It could make a big difference in providing for their future.
Yes you should apply 100 percent . And apply for full custody
He just running his mouth no court wood side with him. His pass won't help him in court he is the father and he needs to support those kids you really can't stop asking to see his children. The courts sometimes don't agree with with you but this man will always try to control you be in the way for the next 18 year be strong Mother and always do what's right for your children. God Bless You and those Babies be strong.
Why would t you and please don’t have number 3 with him
He 👏🏼 don’t 👏🏼 give 👏🏼 a 👏🏼 fúck 👏🏼about 👏🏼 you 👏🏼.
So stop giving one about him…take him to court and be an adult. Why are you worried about him and trying to look out for him. He’s not worried about you or the kids. You are allowing this to happen and need to get it together! Having one baby okay whatever, it happens but having a second one only because you “love being pregnant” cmon now.
💯
Can't agree more!
Should've kept her legs closed AND NOW SHE'S A SINGLE MOM
she will just keep popping them out. a year ago she was posting food bank hauls, then her debt free journey then her back in debt journey and then the shocking second pregnancy.. blah blah blah. drammma
what is with these couples today, if you can even call them that, hooking up, not using birth control, going on public assistance, and the women not putting the men on child support. As a teacher, I had too many students suffering through situations like this. Men coming in and out of their mother's home, either seeing violence in the homes, or having no relationship with their father. Why is no one thinking today about the potential impact on a child?
Sooo true. As a psychologist, I cannot tell you how often women come in my office saying they are struggling but refuse to put their hook ups, boyfriend, fiance, ex-husband or husband on CHILD SUPPORT😢 This is a new age strong woman mentality in alot of cases. Society has told us to not ask and be strong on our own. Most people would be surprised at how common self-esteem and child support is goal on treatment plans. It happens at ALL tax brackets and this video is a reminder that alot women are not getting or seeking child support. Prayers that this channel continues to grow and she gets some funds from child support as a right vs burden
And taxpayers support them
@@Rk-vr1xvIn the US, if you apply for any government assistance, they automatically go to the other parent and initiate child support whether the requesting parent wants to or not.
A lot of these women act as though they can't live or function without a man or sex and they keep adding kids in this ridiculous foolishness not married embarrassing
I'm trying to wrap my head around this situation how do you want to go through a life again with a guy that physically Assaulted you and then get pregnant again by him for the second time I know this isn't my business but your children deserve better in their lives they are the ones that suffer not you or him if those children are legally his then he is responsible.
Yes!! You need to get support from that deadbeat!! You're not the only one who made those babies. He thinks he can live all wild and free with no worries about feeding, clothing, and housing children?!? Hell to the NAW!!! Take him to court!!
Completely agree
what were you thinking ? I'm sorry you need to work on yourself get child support for your girls and full custody keep him away if he's violent keep you legs closed
Vanessa, he has proven he doesn't want to be in their lives. You have proof that he hasn't and doesn't want to even see Penelope. Take these things to court with you. Make sure you let your lawyer about his previous abuse. Also about the threats he made. Actually it's criminal with what he's doing.
Also, document everything! Keeping track of his lack of care about his children will show the courts he just doesn't want to pay for his kids. Keep all texts, that's considered proof.
Also, since you’re worried about finances, your best bet is to start a savings fund and cut out the extra ‘crap’ and shopping trips done out of boredom…
Please keep in mind that the internet is forever and your videos can be submitted in court.
She’s done nothing wrong! And one day her daughters will know what happened, and her girls will always side with their mom. They know who gives everything to them. And who walks away.
Are you kidding me? I don't think you fully have a grasp on how much a new baby costs. Absolutely he should pay full child support for both children! Stop worrying about pissing him off, put on your big girl panties and fight for your children. His threats are probably baseless and even if he wants visitation as the girls get older they may want to see their dad.
Yes, your children deserve support. Don't be bullied by him.
I grew up in a similar situation. Single mom who left toxic man. He never gave support, and my mom never went after him in court because he threatened to go for custody. That’s the thing I hate most of how my mother handled the situation. We struggled a lot! Times were very very hard and he lived a comfy upper middle class life. He fears were for nothing because he NEVER wanted to be a dad. He would never have went for custody. She let him bully her, and her kids suffered. Be strong. Fight for what your children deserve!
This is priceless advice, because your mom has been in the same situation
YES and full custody.
I can't get past why would you want to have a second baby with someone that didn't want anything to do with the first child you had with him. He said he's only seen her 10 times and 36 weeks pregnant with a second one. I don't understand. Good luck. But the children are the mercy of the adults around them and these two children are gonna have a father cause trauma drama in their lives that's what makes me sad
You should not have become pregnant with baby #2. It seems like a very purposeful situation that you should not have put yourself into after the previous experience.
Exactly these women are so embarrassing yet pregnant again by the SAME SCUM RIDICULOUS
My thoughts is you need to keep this situation offline.
Do what you need to do for your kids but dont post it online for the world to see just for some views. Im sure once you get an attorney they will tell you the same.
Also the father may ask the court for you not to exploit your kids online.
She said a long time ago she wasn’t going to post her daughter online because she became aware of the dangers but since then she’s decided otherwise.
Putting Penelope online so much could be risky again. I was thinking of the child care harm that was done to her at daycare, could that person targeted her on these videos! I don’t think it’s worth it just for views.
Thank you for sharing, you are helping other women who maybe going through the same situation... don't listen to the haters.❤ Whenever you make a video, it's not a mistake.. God wants you to, you never know what others are going through and your videos could save them.
Clearly, you are trying to talk to him through this. Don’t ask us stupid questions.🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪😆😆😆😆😆
Yessss
She seems off tbh.
Yes, please do everything through the court. Apply for full custody and apply for child support. Also, make sure to record your interactions with him.
Who knows what the truth is on this channel! I feel like a lot of things are made up for content!
I only speak the truth
@@heyvanessamartin in your version of reality
Remember, he can always file regardless of you filing for child support so if he means it, he will do it. If not, you don't have to worry. Child support and child visitation are ALWAYS modifiable so at any point (i.e., he gets raises, overtime, etc.) you can file for a modification. However, at any time, he can too. Both can also file for modifications of custody/visitation etc. So worrying and letting this run your life decisions is not going to change anything. Just get your full support; the kids deserve it!
I was in your situation 15 years ago. I dealt with the same type of person. I knew in my heart NOT to put financial support above the safety of my child. I raised my daughter on my own without ANY financial assistance from her father and it was the best decision I have ever made. It wasn't easy but I worked hard and raised a beautiful intelligent and happy child.
As long as he’s paying child support, he will always threaten you for custody. He has to prove to the court he’s a better choice for custodial parent. If he is not involved with your daughter now, he will have a hard time doing this. File for child support!
Vanessa, the amount of child support you receive is very straightforward in BC and Canada in general. It is based on a table with your province, etc. and number of children. Absolutely file for child support. No brainer. Heidi in Vancouver
You need to respect yourself and take care of your babies. File for child support and full custody. Men need to be accountable for their children. Take the money, your family needs it. Don’t feel guilty.
My baby's father started drinking and getting violent towards me and I finally left when I was pregnant..i moved in with my mom, and we moved out of state. It is hard because I was with him 9 years and of course I love and miss him. Our baby is almost 2.5 years old. I still have to tell myself not to contact him because I would rather have my baby safe with me than risk losing any time with her and putting her in danger. I chose not to file for child support. I was told by multiple friends I'm my situation that if he pays child support, he is entitled to visitations. And he is now living with a girl who does meth and drinks and I am scared he would have her around a druggie I don't know, or drink and drive with her, or be violent with his new girl in front of her, etc.. I appreciate your video. I always say to myself I need the money, but I would literally sleep in a tent if I didn't have my mom, and grow my own food before I put my daughter in danger with him..the government doesn't really give a crap about it your baby is safe, if he os violent, they just want you to file for child support because they keep some money out of every check before they give it to you..and they will back up whoever is paying them if they want to have the kids they will make that possible for them
So personally, I just fight the urge to file for my baby's safety.
You seem like a intelligent woman i just don't understand why you would even question yourself about taking that man for child support it's really hard to understand why you would even get pregnant a second time knowing he never or still doesn't care about your first daughter this of course coming from you im not by no means trying to go on his side but please understand by listening to your story is just crazy that you would even give him a second chance let alone another child but either way may God bless you and your children
File ! Do not be intimidated by him. He will pay and not get involved , he doesn’t want custody. There is no way he could get them. Video tape what he says and let an attorney hear it. In the US the children get an attorney at litem who represents the children. But I think he will agree to pay more in the end and just walk away just like he did the first time. That’s his track record. But do not let him intimidate you ! Just go for what your children need. And start praying 🙏🏻 for a real kind genuine man to come into your life. Someone who wants you and the girls and will give you his paycheck. I promise you men like that exist.
Also remember he can try for custody even if you don't take him to court..so call his bluff. If he wanted to, he would have by now.
I love your channel. I have worked for lawyers for 30 plus years. The best thing for every child, if healthy, is to know and have both parents in their lives. They will eventually allow him visitation and overnights if he is not a danger to the children. You have to accept it. Unfortunately. The door will be opened regardless. But, I understand your position. I would tell you to go file for full custody, and FULL child support. Let him establish his visitation. He won't get full custody if he hasn't been in her life.
Sis, we are always worrying about the dads well being. But they don’t care about ours or the child’s. It’s best to go through the courts. You may look at it as the easy way but he’s just going to make it more difficult. Going to court will save you a lot of headache. My daughter’s father did the same thing. She’s 13 now and he hasn’t seen her in 2 years. Also any extra activities will be at your expense. It’s what you want not what your daughter needs. Just go through the courts.
lesson one chose your partner wisely
Yes please get child support. I don’t understand as soon as you got pregnant you broke up with him. I’m not accusing you of doing this, but did you use him to have another baby?
So, they also will consider the support he pays on the child he has with the other woman. They legally cannot take more than a certain percentage of his income. If he pays you 600$ monthly already, I’d try to see if he will meet you in the middle & add another 300$. I honestly doubt he’d take advantage of any visitation offered. He’s using a scare tactic. If he doesn’t try to see your daughter now, something tells me he just doesn’t want the responsibility. Plus, he works right? So how often could he really even have them with the time he works.
Get a lawyer right away and get full custody of these children. If you can keep him away from them legally. Someone who's violent and puts his hands on you SHOULD NEVER have unsupervised contact with his children. The most he should have is supervised visits at a visitation center, if even that. I don't think he should even have that. He put his hands on you to the point of you having a restraining order taken out. He's not a good person and is not safe to be around those kids. I went through it, I know how these men are. He will NEVER change. He doesn't want to change either. He's denying your second baby for God's sake. He sounds just like my violent ex husband. I divorced him and immediately filed for full custody once he became violent and started cheating on me. I then found out all these horrible dark secrets I never knew about him. By the time my daughter was 1, my lawyer told me he was being sent to prison for a violent crime. I was so glad I made the decision of divorcing him for the sake of my daughter. It's been 13 years and still to this day he's a garbage deadbeat and has never changed, has gone from female to female. I thankfully have sole custody of my daughter and there's absolutely no visitation. It's one of the best decisions I have made in my life. Your ex bears a striking resemblance to mine. I was able to move on find someone who truly loves me and we've been together for 9 1/2 years, and have been married for 7. We are happy and content and really love each other. He treats my daughter as his own and we have 5 children including her together and 1 on the way. You can live happily ever after if you choose to, you just have to find the right person. Your ex doesn't sould like he's it. He only wants to hurt you and he doesn't care one iota about your kids. Focus on your children and yourself and making a life for all of you and I'm sure one day you'll meet the one who you are meant to be with. He'll show up one day. That's what happened to me and I'm fully convinced that God brought him into my life. God bless and prayers for you and your family.
@@nevaehleedawn2980 Exactly 💯 💜 Vanessa just please focus on you and you're children!! They come before any man!! You've got you're whole life ahead of you !! You're still young now is the time to enjoy your children they grow up so fast!! You are a beautiful intelligent woman!! God bless you and you're precious family 💝💝💝🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
He was never violent to any child he has another child he has joint custody of . She sounds like she's popping out kids for money.
If I remember correctly, when you told us that you were pregnant , you said that this baby was "planned" (I specifically asked you in comments on that video). So if he planned this with you, there should be absolutely no questioning yourself about asking for child support. But, no matter what, he is entitled to pay child support for both babies. I wouldn't think twice about asking for the full amount. You sound so good & rational talking this through. Praying for you.
Also....Do not ever let that many bully you again! You have come a long way. You now know a love and need to protect that you never felt until you had Penelope. Don't let him mess with the mama bear. 💗❤
Controversial topic but all things aside, YES go for child support and custody! Ive been there and he was my best friend but it wasnt about me or him it was about our daughters needs. As much as i wanted a second child i recognized that I wasnt in a financially stable place to have one. These things MUST be considered. Best of luck doll ❤
Are you joking?
Should you get money that’s rightfully these children’s not about you. Some parents really aggravate me. It’s not about you no more.
Sometimes parents don’t file cause they are scared to lose any custody for the best interest of the child. I have to do that also if the dad is broke you lose time and money is not much anyways
Oh this one is wild isn't she.
As children get older more is necessary for them to have. Shoes clothes become so much more expensive. Food cannot always be obtained at the Food Bank that is required for them. Buying that stuff is so expensive. Get the child support and put it away as much as you can for the emergency items you will need. So yes to child support and yes to full custody. He probably not pay it anyway.
Absolutely! He didn't have an issue making those babies so make him responsible to support them!
You OWE it to your babies to get that child support.
I went through this 8 years ago. My child is primarily with me but we have joint custody. He wanted 50/50 but that wasn’t awarded due to distance and it wasn’t realistic. Joint custody would be what he could get which would be alternate weekends. He would still have to pay support. If there’s any safety concerns he would be mandated to take parenting classes. I’m also in Canada. This was all explained to me from my lawyer when I went through this 8 years ago. It’s really frustrating with how the system works. As much as I would have loved to have sole custody she’s got a great relationship with her father and I’m grateful for that. We actually have grown to be friends (never thought it would ever happen) we even do little get together for birthdays and special holidays for the kids and they all love it! I hope things work out really good for you!
At the courthouse in my community they have a navigator that will help you through the process like help you fill out the forms and all that kind of stuff. They should have one at the city you live in as well. Good luck honey you've got this 💗💗🙏🏾🙏🏾
Please go to court and get full custody! It will help so much. I waited until my daughter was 3 and it was rough.
Yes absolutely and file for FULL Custody. I would also not reach out to him anymore if he does want to see Penelope or the new baby. The courts should decide what he should be paying based on his income. This now is about the Penelope and your new baby....they deserve it!
They also deserve to have there dad, don't you agree. He has a child, he isn't going to harm his children for God's sake.
I wouldn't agree on an amount. I would go with the formula that the courts go by. Go after full custody. Your kids have two parents. It takes two parents to support them.
Alsooooo you get a whole YEAR even six months is SOO amazing. I’m so happy for you for that. My daughter will be a year old in January. I went back to work after THREE WEEKS. BUt I literally had no option.
Yes in the United States we don’t get much leave. I had 3 months “ unpaid “ with my youngest. Only 6 weeks were allowed but I got a letter from my doctor because it was an emergency CSection and I was not able to return at 6 weeks. But I decided to retire from the university where i worked. And I stayed home. I gradually started working 1 days a week then 2. When she was 3 I put her in full time preschool and went back 4 days a week. But it was a decision that changed my life. Still I’m glad I didn’t return to the university. I did better doing my part time work. I just didn’t have health insurance for a few years. I had to go to a church charity center. But they took good care of me. It was that knowing that if I needed surgery or had an emergency I didn’t have insurance. I just couldn’t leave my tiny baby in daycare. I’m sure there are good daycares I just did not trust it. That baby is a doctor now ! She’s interviewing this week for a 2 nd yr of residency. I miss her being a little girl. But I’m so proud of the woman she has become.
He will never change and get the help he needs until he's ready! I've been through it with my son's dad. Please don't wait around for him to step up because it may never happen! Just cut off all ties from him and file for full custody and support! He's abusive and you don't want you're children around someone like that you and you're babies deserve the world!!
Wow, no child is a mistake but you are not making very good choices. The child support is for the child/children. Please stop procreating with people you are not married/serious with preferably married is best bc your girls deserve a 2 parent home. I mean no disrespect but your children will now pay for your poor choices.
Let him file for custody, while you do look silly for having a child with the same abusive person a 2nd time, there is still the court orders on file.
You do not need to have any kind of access in order to obtain child support, or have it left to your discretion.
Speaking from experience, my ex husband technically has access, but he barely talks to our kids, he's not seen 2 of them again in over a year, but we live in the same city this whole time. He had them all on Xbox that he could contact them, they have cell access that he has the number for 2 of them. I speak to him occasionally, heck I did his taxes a few months ago again. I do have a support order because I was required to file for support in order to file for divorce and custody. In canada as well, just different province.
Good for you for having the strength to leave him, knowing he is bad news. I hope you have planned on having the child support on him enforced. He helped make the babies, and he is legally obligated to support them financially.
Imlive in the US. Had 2 babies with someone I should not have also. Vermont wouldn't have him pay anything. I have supported them solely on my own 7 years no help. You're so lucky that CA gives a monthly child credit. I want to move there
I’ve never know US not going after support unless dad works under table and is hard to find but they will lose their license until support is paid.
It’s prob just your state.
hello, vanessa
i would get a lawyer. the lawyer will probably have domestic relations get involved. they will garnish his wages.
blessings
Break this trauma bond with this man. You are worthy of love and so are your children. File for child support because he owes the children financially.
Taking inly six month maternity leace is not bad Vanessa. Here in Amerika most people are lucky to get two months, six WEEKS is the norm here for maternity leave. Imagine placing a two month old in daycare, its bad
I got 4 WEEKS .... Baby was in daycare at 5 months old. I mean a year is so wild, even 6 months is. I guess it sounds so weird bc I'm American.
Yes. However, use it for the girls....not your bills or debt. I think he needs to help financially. Just make sure it is for the girls.
Absolutely file for child support!!! I got pregnant at 15 and had my daughter a little over 6 weeks before I turned 16. I ended up marrying my "best friend" at 16-- long story short, I found out he was cheating two weeks after we found out I was pregnant w/baby number 2. I regret letting them off the hook for all these years.
I was introduced to my now husband of 15 years while I was pregnant with baby girl #2. I'm extremely blessed-- he walked into our lives and treated (still does) my girls like they were his biological children. It made our relationship much easier not having to deal with uninvolved exes, but I'd probably still file for child support if we had it to do over again.
Girl. The way you're speaking about him he won't get custody. That assault charge is still on record. He may have shared custody with the other woman because she didn't have a protection order on him. You did. You can't just let him off the hook without helping financially. Just file for support, Period.
You would be surprised what the courts allow you see how these babies end up dead bc the court orders their dads to have them etc
You should’ve done filed for your other child that’s rightfully her means for her living that for her
She shared in a budget video that she already received child support and Canadian support for Penelope
For your daughter sake, you should initiate it. It’s not about you. Every daughter needs their father just because you don’t like you for whatever reason doesn’t mean he’d have the same feelings towards his daughter.
Yessssss
Vanessa, In my opinion you are such a good mum. I think you are being more than fair. ❤
I somehow doubt he will even honor the visitations if he gets any, let alone want custody. Apply for child support and full custody!
he isnt calling you names because you want to support your kids, he is doing it because he doesnt want to. take him to court period. you will be glad in the long run.
I would file for the full amount and file for full custody. Then that might act as a motivator for him to make a new written agreement. I would not budge on the custody-he is not a good person. I understand the complications, as I went through this. He has probably only been nice to you at times for things he can get from you, not for your sake or for your children’s sakes. I accepted a smaller amount, but my ex was a decent father and took responsibility. In the end, I suffered the most financially. He is trying to threaten you, so that indicates what his behavior will be like in the future, only worse. I don’t believe he has a chance at custody, so you need to file.
New subscriber here ! I am in Canada as well 🇨🇦 First off I think u know the Answer to your question. He should absolutely be held accountable financially for those babes. He has made it clear he doesn’t want to be a dad so the custody threats are just that. If he is unstable that is something the courts will work out. At best he will get supervised visits which by the sounds of it he will not follow through with. At the end of the day you are momma so only you know what is best for your family. ❤
How can you” still miss him”
Here’s what it comes down to. They didn’t decide to have him as their father. He needs to take financial responsibility. He can file for custody but he doesn’t have anything to do with her now. He isn’t going to do visits. It’s not about you. It’s about them.
Why would you go back assaulting you isn't love LOOK at it strongly next time he could hurt you physically is that what you want for you and your children's lives wouldn't be something I would want to go through I was married before he was a abuser so I filed for divorce, and got child support and we were divorced 1 year later best thing that happened to me besides my kids! He meant nothing to me he was a low life abuser!.
It is in his best interest to just agree with you. If it goes to court he will be made to pay a lot more than what you agree to. Is he crazy. If you purposed an agreement like that to me I would be egar to agree, and avoid court. He would never get full custody he would have to prove your not an unfit mother. He will never get custody. At most he would get week ends, or over night visits at most. But, the fact he wants nothing to do with Penelopy will go against.
You don't "have" to be called names, and you DO understand exactly why this man acts as he does. You just don't like the reasons all this is happening. Stop spiraling, face who he is and what you've done. Stop trusting he will ever be an honest actor. Protect yourself and your children financially including child support, insurance and any education for your own future employment you can get.
Thanks for the view and engagement!
my ex used that baseless threat and never saw my children and never paid support either because he was an alcoholic. File for child support and if he gets visitation then it should be supervised…. best of luck ❤
Take his ass to court and get everything the court can give you for your children
He can file for custody paying a little amount or the full amount. In the US, visitation and child support are not always intertwined. He could get visitation and not pay a dime. Agree with the other comments to remove this video. And, child care costs are no joke.
Absolutely 💯 You and you're precious babies deserve it!! 💘💘💘
I have to take umbrage with your thought process. You’re scared that he’s going to want to increase his visitations, but you weren’t scared to make him the father again of your second child…..
heyvanessamartin This is not fair in my opinion. It takes two to make a baby, but to leave you holding the bag. Struggling alone as a single mom. I am sorry, but he should be made to do a DNA test for both babies. Since he believes he is not the father. Once you prove he is go for child support for both children. I mean your struggling, and can use the help. Child support can help right until the children are 18. You should pursue it, and take him to court for child support.
As a victim of DV, I would say go to court! If he has assault charges he will NOT get any custody rights! Been there done that!
She said in the video she didn't follow through with the charges.
That money is for your children not for you! You would be better and smarter to go through the state to get your support.
It’s about your babies Vanessa. He needs to pay what is fair. Take him to court. Get dna tests, full custody, and get child support through the court. If he didn’t want to pay, he shouldn’t have created 2 children.
You didn’t go forward with the charges but they have not been erased from his record. You can always refer back to them as the reason why you don’t want him around the kids often in a physical capacity..
My first thought when listening to this is Emotional Blackmail. He knows how very much you love your child and is trying to use threats to get you to not take him to court. To try to scare you. You are right, it would benefit him to agree to pay more now with this 2nd baby but you have to hear this. "You can't make sense out of nonsense." You can't change him. He's had the opportunity and chooses to ignore it. In my opinion, you need to set boundaries now. As your children grow more and more 'issues' will come up. If you let this slide now it's going to be harder for you in the future and at some point, you will have to take him to court. I understand you are scared of his threats and you have every right to be scared but have you considered he could do that anyway and at any time even if you don't take him to court now? Then you will be questioned why you haven't forced child support. It's not good any way you look at it. I would start the process now. Please don't wait until January. Just my opinion. You can do this girl!
He either needs to step up and get the girls (obviously when baby is born) and spend time with them, spend money on them, or definitely get sole custody of both of them and get child support. I was in the same boat as you though. I have two kids with my ex husband. We dont have an agreement through the court, but he pays me here and there. I dont want to feel like i need his money to support my kids but now a days some parents need them. Your babies dad does not seem like he wants to be in their lives so go for full custody and support, especially if he doesnt want to pay anything! Also, i know youre in Canada, idk if its the same there as it is in the U.S but if he tries to get full custody, he will not be granted that. For starters, they usually dont give full custody to the dad unless mom is not fit. You are the one that has been taking care of Penelope for almost 2 years, not him. You have receipts, you have proof. So he will not get full custody. He MAY be able to get 50/50 custody, but like i said, idk.
Just go to court. Give him his DNA test. Stop communicating with him because he doesn't care. All it's gonna do is stress you out. He might not do anything with any visitation he's being given. But if you don't wanna risk it then you have your answer. He's not going to budge (at least currently) because he has all these other kids to take care of. These are just the consequences.
I wouldn’t bother trying to mediate with him over child support. Go to court, provide a DNA test. The time for being nice is over from the sounds of it. You are raising his children . Do what is best for them NOT what is best first him. He is unwilling to work with you so go through the court system. Play back and watch your video. You have answered your own question over and over. Court is the only choice .
Hi Vanessa .... Hope this comment finds you well and in a good place .... I think you should try ta talk to him one more time and if he says no and trys to threaten you with custody you should go to court for full child support and ask for supervised visits because of you guises past problems .... But if you are scared that he might actually win full custody 'NO' just leave it alone and make the support you are already getting work for both kids
I am not sure what province you are in. In Alberta... Alberta works will take him to court for support for you and it costs you nothing. You do not need to be on alberta works for that to happen... just be low income. Also in Alberta... you can not have 2 cases before the court at the same time. It might be a good thing to go to court. The will insist upon supervised visits and counciling. It may be the only way to force him to get the counciling he needs. He won't get full custody... he can't. There are steps required. 1 is being a continuous supportive parent that is present in the childs life on a consistant basis. I am guessing he doesn't even know the name of her doctor.
I would record ANY and all conversations with him. I would document everything. It does not have to be obvious you are recording him... a decent camera for home security like a wyze camers and happen to be standing close to it when he calls. Wyze cameras start at $30 Canadian on Amazon. If you don't have the cash to buy one... then you can do surveys to get them for free on things like swagbucks. As long as you keep it in gift cards for things like amazon and walmart it will not count towards income. They will also make a great baby monitor. I also live in a apt... I do have cams on the wall attached with command strips.
What he is doing is gaslighting you and threatening you.
He does not want to look after her 2 his 1 and your 2... that is 5 kids.
Here's a idea. Stay off your back and quit making children you and he want to use as pawns! If you can't afford them,don't make them!
I wonder what you are doing that God is not please with. yet you are judging Vanessa?? We all have sinned and need mercy!
Say it loud af
@LisaAllgire Wow when did you become God's voice to her.
Don't take the negativity that you're receiving from people in these comments to heart. Focus on the positive and the health and wellbeing of you and your babies.. Also, don't take his threat to heart as well. File for financial support. And full custody of your children. Don't let people or him shame. You can't change your past, but you can make better decisions for you and your children's future. Best wishes and prayers for you❤
Thank you!! ❤️
@@heyvanessamartin you're welcome 🤗
YES FILE FOR CHILD SUPPORT. This isn’t about just YOU anymore.
Seems like he didn’t want either kid. But here they are. So he can pay because it was a choice he made as an adult.
He will file for custody? Let him. He won’t get it. He may get visitation but doubt he’ll follow thru with that either. Call his bluff. He’s just trying to manipulate because he doesn’t want to pay.
Are you in therapy? No disrespect but you made some EXTREMELY uncomfortable choices and you should figure out why you did that so you don’t repeat it. You’re raising a daughter and now is the best time to break this cycle so she (and new baby) grow up with a strong adult figure in their lives.
At the end of the day, these are his children too. He has every right to visitation. His DV charge was dropped because why wouldn’t it be? You willingly went back to him and willingly got pregnant again.
TAKE HIM TO COURT!!!! Threatening for joint custody is the oldest trick in the book. He is an abusive man. I don't know what you are saying by "R" ist.
He is not going to do anything without being MADE to.
He would never get full custody if he has not been consistent in his little girls life. Defiantly apply for child maintenance/ support from him. If he is not there then it is the least he can do for the children he brings in to this world. The money could go in to a savers account for the children when they reach 21.
He is so wrong , take him for all you can and deserve for your children …. It’s not for you but it’s to make sure your kids have enough …. Court will make him pay more ….and full custody…..
Do what you know you need to do. At some point he could go for custody anyway after getting away scott free with not paying support.
This money is for your kids, not you. Where is the argument?
Did you watch the video?
@@heyvanessamartin of course
Vanessa I would think like you and be worried about the retaliation aspect of taking him to court for support. At the same time it’s his responsibility to support them. He also at any time could file for joint custody even if you don’t take him to court. I only hope your thoughts of not taking him to court are not based on you still having feelings for him. I truly wish you the best in making the right decision for you and your daughters.
Yes, file for your kids. And why would you get pregnant again? Use common sense!
These women are penis crazy and that's sad
I hope you can get away from the father of your children who denies he is the father of your girls. I hope this happens... Especially BEFORE your daughters start to realize what is happening here. It is NOT a good situation. You need Legal Assistance and you NEED to follow that legal advice for the sake of your daughters. No One wants a custody battle believe me, but they ARE his children. He HAS MOVED on, I suggest you do so also.
Yes file with the court! Start a diary of all interactions, document everything ie,who initiating the phone calls, any threats that are made even those you have made in anger or frustrating including the name calling! Make sure you also include any police reports between the two you while you were pregnant! Chances are the Judge. Also check with the other mother to see how things are going. Also keep in mind that he should have some contact as he is the parent. Also keep in mind that you have documented that you wanted more children with the same dad. Be careful with what you document on line.