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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.ย. 2024
- Along with communication problems, negative, insecure thoughts are also the root of what breaks relationships. Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein states that while it’s crucial for both partners to develop listening skills and learn to hear each other out by reflecting on the needs of their significant other, he also points out the underlying toxic thoughts we often keep to ourselves that aren’t openly talked about enough. Although challenges can’t be worked out in a single night and take time to be resolved in order to progress into the healthy strong relationships we yearn for, the first step is to be cognizant about the way you think about your partner. Psych2Go shares with you 10 thoughts that can destroy relationship.
Article: psych2go.net/10...
References:
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4 year relationship just ended. The reason? Misunderstanding and lack of working things out.
Communication is absolutely everything.
Nick Maxwell sorry man.. My 10 months relationship ended two days ago for pretty much the same reason..
I’m so sorry :(
Nick Maxwell - I feel you, Bro.
I hope soon enough you find how to overcome the pain in a healthy manner.
I agree 😦. My friendship ended for the same reason during high school...
Yep same reasons here, I hope you find ways to better deal with scenarios like this in the future!
One thing that my boyfriend and I do if we argue is to hold hands. It’s extremely hard to say bad things you might later regret or yell at them when you are holding hands; it makes you stay calm and level headed enough to talk things through.
Edit: He's my husband now. :)
Ariel Morrison thats a good idea. Ill have to try it out with my S/O
Thank u the advice😇
Ariel Morrison its good to hear that...but we're in a Long Distance Relationship.. cant hold him.:'(
@@kristephanieellazo8325 same :/ hey we can imagine, tho it starts emotionally hurting when you do
Ariel Morrison I love this
BEGONE THOUGHTS!
*B E G O N E t h O u G H t s*
IF SHE BREATHS,
S H E ' S A T H O U G H T
Nick Bullinger me at my anxiety lmao
BEGONEEEEEE
unfortunately, it's not that easy.
Insecurity.... the true threat
We need to put kids in a school that teaches them what insecurities are and how to build healthy foundation. That would be kids who can go into the world and survive with care
Yes, that’s so true
Rory M if you come from an abusive household or abusive relationship, a class in school isn’t going to resolve that
@@DrDeusExMachina it may not be the only way but it definitely would empower children about the reality of abuse and give them a light towards the possibility of a happy future.
Teaching about psychological boundaries as well as physical boundaries
@@linuxd if your going back to something every day your reality becomes distorted you know what abuse is but think you deserve it
1."they dont love me anymore"
2."they should.."
3."its their fault"
4.overthinking
5.less than perfect
6.i wish..
7.all or nothing
8.labelling
9.playing head games
10."what happened to us?"
Juliemon maybe you two had different love languages. To where he felt like he was expressing his love towards you, but it just didn’t resonate with you, whatever that may be. Good to know each other’s love language
What happened to us is healthy question to know where you get wrong so you can fix it
yoaster yuttle thanks
Why trust anyone? I don't believe in easy love and I don't I will ever find someone who understand me so I will just be a douche towards people I don't feel deserve any trust and not care about the rest.
Girls always blames people for cheating or being boring or just uninterested in them.
But have they ever started to think that maybe they are the real problem?
@Gustaf nah, pretty sure you’re the problem
Misunderstandings seems to ruin relationships
I know from experience.
Damn, trust should be key in a relationship in my opinion. Sorry to hear that a misunderstanding caused a broken bond in your past relationship 😕
Yanzi Editz but if they lie..?
Gbird Ask why they felt the need to do so. Maybe they felt like they needed to protect themself because they have troubles trusting others. Just talk it out, even if its painful. :)
Gbird I agree with FishFreak, Talk out the situation and ask why they lied. It may have not been their intention to lie to you. But it depends on what they lied to you about but still you don't want to misinterpret so it would still be better to just ask
#11.
When you're in a bad mood, don't fucking say "I doubt it" or "You'd do better with someone else" when your partner shows affection, or even says "I love you"
you're not only destroying yourself, but the image of your partner that you have in your head, as well as your partner in general.
If you have this thought, just keep it to yourself. You're literally doing nothing but pushing them away, and low-key ruining your relationship.
I did that, now I know that I shouldve done as you wrote here. I would like to regret it, but it's too late. But you know what, life continues, I'll be there for myself and I wish him nothing but health and love. Now I know we shouldn't say those things, our partner can believe it. That's a result of a low self-esteem, and I won't allow these thoughts get me again
Fml why do i overthink so much that it lead to me pushing him away and he left me
This. My current partner has very little self worth and won't even allow me to compliment him without him telling me that he isn't good enough or that I'm wrong for viewing him the way I do. It hurts me and makes me feel like he doesn't respect my view or feelings about him.
@@ichikaqt I'm sorry that happened between you guys. You will heal, that one I can promise you. Was he a good man/good boyfriend and did you feel like you lost a good thing? What did you learn from that experience? I am asking because I have the same problem and I am with a wonderful partner and dont want to push him away..🥺
I dont say these thoughts outloud and that's a massive improvement for me but! I'd like to make them totally dissapear or find healthy ways with u understanding them so I can have tools to work with them instead of against them.
Communication is essential, sure. But what if your partner doesn't understand even if you keep talk to him? I've spent 3 years communicating with him, talking and talking, but he never understood. He always forgot everything the hour after, even if we've been discussing about it for 5 hours. So yeah, communication is important, but when you have a partner that isn't capable to talk and understand, it's impossible having a good and healthy relationship.
ForeverKasatka I think when it comes up again and again, it’s just normal to judge if he’s the right person for thyself. It's hard being in this but only he wanting to understand you and tryna fill the shoes make sense
Exactly the same happened to me.. so last week we got divorced afer 7 years because of this.. no matter how much i love him.. when you dont have a husband who wants to communicate and understand you.. then its useless :(
@@mariazigerlig9860 agreed my wife of 22yrs started sleeping upstairs away from our bed, as much as I told her it hurt me not just her not being there but sneaking around coming home late etc. I tried to compromise to every other day she said no after 4 yrs of this wondering what's she's doing who's she with is she coming home? I file this month... I'm going to miss her but NEXT! Till we meet, So wherever you are out there take good care of yourself and one day I will take care of you... Amen...
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
Ability to understand is related to intelligence: It seems that not intelligent people can't have good relatioship, because they are not good partners...
these videos are making me realize how toxic i really am.. im starting to understand what i’m doing and i am willing to make some changes. thank you - your videos are encouraging me to talk to my partner about things and be willingly open minded to them instead of jumping to conclusions and thinking bad thoughts of our relationship
That's awesome. I think more people need to relate to themselves instead of seeing how it applies TO THEIR SO
Your not the only one here I am learning too I am toxic as well
Me too
So true man I'm just trying to be a better person for him he has changed so much for me and I'm just being a toxic person to him
Whenever I share how I feel with my partner, even in the calmest manner, he ends up telling me that all I look for is arguments or reasons for a fight. It's so frustrating.
That’s dangerous. A significant other should be there for you and ready to support you if you need it, and if you can’t be honest about your feelings, you barely have a relationship. I hate to say it, but I’d definitely want to get out of that.
I understand how you're feeling because I'm going through the exact same myself. When I ask for his side of things I get stone walled.
Me too, the same. But lately i found that my bf has NPD, with gaslithing, which makes all of the things are my fault and that i have to understand him. It's so frustating
dump him sis
Yup same goes to mine
Give your significant other space now and then. It can be healthy for both people. Why? Because they are their own individual and it helps promote trust and loving them shouldn't be about keeping an "eye" on them or being co dependent.
How much space is healthy?... My partner can go on for days without talking ...or meeting ...he hardly calls or texts ..I don't nag him ..but it's starting to bother me..he lives like 45mins away but still we see each other once a month...or sometime in 2 months ..this is not normal right?
adt3002 1994 not normal at all. You need to talk to him/her about it. Remember, no one is ever too busy, not even in a long distance relationship 😊
@@medmanic3863Nope, that just sounds like minimal possible investment because he's prioritising other things. My bf and I live in different cities, and he drives to mine (about 2h) every other day, sometimes every day in the week, and sometimes back. Just because he wants to see me.
med manic sounds like you got ghosted.
How much space though, I’m speaking to someone and he hasn’t been doing much effort to keep in contact with me as he did in the past??? Perhaps he lost interest
"Communication is key in relationships"
Me: Dammit :/
Lmao!
ahh can relate on a personal level
SAME..
“‘It’s their fault’ you keep thinking about that.”
-
No, not just that. It’s also “It’s my fault.” when you think everything is your fault.
@@ellbent oh, that's exactly me :) i was waiting for someone to say this ahahah i really feel it's always my fault even if my boyfriend tell me it's not or I have a part of it but it's not just my fault as I think it is. I think I have quite a few problems with low self-esteem
11. Silent treatment.
It's worse when you're in LDR. I've been in LDR with my ex for 6yrs. Silent treatment is killing me
That sounds horrible.
Time = attention.
Attention = Priority
LDR meaning?
@@annriya4566 Long distance relationship
I could totally relate to you
@Yes @UCGmePvdqQWGUVW3GHtLEsIA Probé todos los hackers, pero ninguno podría ser de ayuda para mí hasta que pasé por comentarios y sugerencias que encontré *simplicodehacker2323* en IG o watsapp *+ 1 (323)688-6190* me ayudó a desbloquear mi Icloud dentro de 20 minutos es el mejor hacker que he visto lo recomiendo por su buen trabajo..💯💯
-Stop playing the victim against any situation, I almost 90% of every circumstance you can take actions and responsibility.
- don’t listen to your ego and go in the direction of peace, love and kindness. As the video said if you label your partner wrongly then that is all they will be.
-forgive and trust
- Talk about your feeling without blaming the other.
-Love and Love is you can’t truly love while you love yourself then leave the relationship!
-changes take time, establish guidelines!
@Yes @UCGmePvdqQWGUVW3GHtLEsIA Probé todos los hackers, pero ninguno podría ser de ayuda para mí hasta que pasé por comentarios y sugerencias que encontré *simplicodehacker2323* en IG o watsapp *+ 1 (323)688-6190* me ayudó a desbloquear mi Icloud dentro de 20 minutos es el mejor hacker que he visto lo recomiendo por su buen trabajo..💯💯
11: “should I click on this video? My relationship is good... but you never know right...”
lmao i actually clicked on it cause i'm bored but it helped me out a lot. i should be bored more often lol
Right 😆 lols
LMFAOO
As corny as it is, it’s all about communication
MorbeMaddness it truly is.
TRUTH
Holy heck I thought you said it was all about communism
Mine ended today, literally due to this(poor communication). It’s not corny, it’s honest.
exactly
My last relationship ended courtesy of #4. He overanalyzed everything I said and did, and made it all about him. I got tired of him constantly blowing things out of proportion. When I tried to have a serious conversation about how it was affecting us, he predictably assumed I was telling him that our relationship was over. That was the point I realized it was.
C Postle I have the same situation currently...I know I want to end the relationship because I am exhausted, but I don't know how
Even though it's been two months, sorry to hear this happened. Hope you will find more luck and love in the next relationship.
My bf is like that. Overanalyzes everything, and never forgets what I said... Annoying, but he still tries to fix that at least.
I'm currently trying to overcome that issue with my bf too. It is really is draining and frustrating, for me when I hit that certain point where I thought for sure was MY max limit taking in all that toxicity, I had to seriously pull myself to the side to think about alot of things. I didn't leave or brake up with my Bf I just created some space between us , and during that period I got so much advice about the importance of Mental Health, Self-Worth , Self-Love, Self-Healing. Thanks to that advice along with the space and time to focus on Myself , I was able to bounce back stronger and with a more healthier and positive mindframe than before. My Bf's insecurities and ridiculous accusations without any facts to back them up , what used to annoy me before didn't annoy me as much now. Instead of me having to explain myself all the time to prove my innocence or give clarity , I simply STOPPED falling for the bait and STOPPED giving him a reaction. If you know that you aren't doing anything bad behind your bf's back you've been nothing a good loyal faithful girlfriend, plus your family and his family have seen all those amazing qualities that you have since day 1 , everybody knows how much you love this guy YET the guy will still be in such disbelief and still will think stupid thoughts about you SMFH at that point you know for sure that he has some personal issues and old demons that he should have dealt with a long time ago. Playing the victim, Not taking Accountability for his mistakes or actions, When he messes up instead of an apology he'll flip it on you and said you did something that made him do it and feels like he doesn't owe you an apology, he doesn't like confrontations so he'll make up an excuse to avoid it, he becomes too needy for attention and too insecure, Uses "Brake Up" as a Threat or way to manipulate you into doing what he wants to do like cancelling plans or calling in sick to hang out , tells you to cut off all guy friends and even male family members , constantly keeps asking you what you are doing even when you told him a head of time what you were going to do or constantly checks on you even when you're spending time with your family. Its all very toxic, when I confronted my Bf about his toxic habits and behaviors , I told him that he could no longer leech off my Energy with his negative energy and bad thoughts. Instead of fighting or forcing him to stop I gave him the same advice that I was given during my little grace period. Mental Health, Self-Worth, Self-Love , Self-Healing, and tried to motivate more positivity and emotional understanding. So far as of right now my different approach to things has made a difference , my Bf still does a little bit of the constant checking in BUT not as much as before and I've noticed that we are having fewer arguments about petty things that we used to argue about every single day. When I pulled myself to the side and got enough space to recollect myself, that was the best choice I've ever made not for my relationship but for Myself.
It is a long process but we are making good progress little by little.
@@CHUCH1L0KA idk why not forgetting anything you say is a bad thing unless you say things that you shouldnt...
Had a girl break up with me because the "spark" we had at the start of the relationship was gone...she had exams so I gave her space and study time during them.
She said she didn't believe the spark can ever be required once lost, so in hindsight I dodged a bullet as she was apparently the sort of person that isn't prepared to communicate or work through an issue.
Had she had a little more relationship experience or maturity, I think it could have lasted a lot longer before she killed it
C.J. Smiles the “spark” is called the honeymoon phase, and will inevitably move through other phases in the relationship as you grow
A relationship of mine died after two months a long time ago because I let infatuation take over my view of them in the beginning. Once it wore off, I saw them for who they really were and was disappointed. It’s super important not to lose yourself in a new partner.
bro im going through the same thing, the first month was incredible and amazing but after about a month she rarely tries to communicate with me and says its because of stress. its sad because i feel like im just an extra stress in her life, not a partner.
@@lilkimme4728 the comment I made was a couple of years ago now and admittedly made in frustration at the time...it doesn't seem like it when you're in the thick of it but things will work themselves out provided you have some self respect, empathy for other people's points of view and ultimately learn from your life experiences. It also takes time and a fair amount of self care, you got this 👍 are just Relationships are also just one aspect of life thankfully and there's plenty else to enjoy, like most things they tend to be easier to deal with when you have some level of experience on the subject and are able to derive overall contentedness in life from a variety of other sources
@@lilkimme4728 Over-communication kills attraction. Do not chase her. If she doesn't communicate as much as she used to do, let her be. Don't reach out to her without her reaching out to you first. The more you do, the more she pulls away from you. Focus on your own goals. Your career or your passions. Give her time to miss you. She will eventually reach out. If she's genuine, she'll let you know how she feels and what's going through her mind. If not, who cares. You just got rid of someone who doesn't value you. You do not want people like that in your life anyway.
This can be worst if you're in a long distance relationship :'(
I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 5+ years, I definitely feel you. My heart is broken right now because of a few of these. Long distance is very difficult, I hope things get better for you 💕
Exactly
True
Long distance is the worst
Going through that right now….
My problem is that even if I trust them and give them all the love and support I can... I always tend to dream that they are unfaithful and that always affects me
SAME!!! :'(((
I think you need time to fix yourself also. I also experience that and I gave more time for myself
I swear, I’m currently going through right now! It’s so fucking hard
True
I have major anxiety issues and I have been constantly asking my partner if he would leave me or is tired of me. Recently he told me that it actually causes him to doubt himself and that it made him very uncomfortable and insecure as well. I’m working to get rid of that bad habit.
Jazz Dreyard I am the same. Also few other of thos video thanks to anxiety. But as I knformed my partner why I do it he just smiled and said that it's okey and that he will keep reassuring since he knows I do love and trust him but the questions is just disorder acting up.
Even though you definitely don't want to be using your partner as an emotional crutch, but still you can try saying positive things like 'i'm so glad to be with you.' or 'i really appreciate having you in my life.' which is likely to prompt positive affirmations without projecting doubt and insecurity. :)
@@shionkreth7536 aahh thank you so much for this suggestion! I just started dating this guy and I know sometimes my anxiety is showing and at one point he eventually asked me to be less clingy and anxious (which I am trying hard to).
how can i prevent overthinking in my relationship, or overcome it?
just trust yourself and believe it will turn out okay
I have ocd so most of mine fail lol
Jackie Theballcat, I don’t know if that helps...
I mean, essentially that’s what one should do.
But, I believe that’s the equivalent of telling a depressed person to just cheer up.
As a really insecure person, I can say it’s quite difficult to trust myself when somehow my partner touches on subjects that cause me distress with their actions and words. It’s almost impossible to believe it will turn out okay, more so being the case that I love them so much and don’t believe they do it on purpose.
It feels inevitable to fear they will eventually grow tired of those destructive thoughts you can’t fight back.
Based from experience, back from 2016 me and my partner were strong and we went gone immediately on May 2017 amd got back together this feb 2018. Reason why we went gone instantly is that we weren't that open to each other and that I keep jumping into conclusions, hiding my real thoughts etc. because I overthink alot every night (I still do). Since we're back together again, I feel more chill than usual because all of my inner thoughts are out. We promised to fully trust each other and to be honest at all times. That promise lessened my thoughts because I don't have to worry about such things that aren't true (or the unrealistic scenarios I keep making everytime I overthink). Basically my overthinking lessened because I tell my bad thoughts directly to him and confirm that everything is all right. Hope this helps hun :>
Camila Alvarado I really like your answer because overthinking in many cases are irrational thoughts... They're hard to control because you can't reason with them...
And as an insecure person i also find myself sometimes blaming my partner, putting him on a pedestal and doing/thinking other destructive things... But in the end when I calm down and think and communicate the things on my mind, even though some of the thoughts might hurt him, if I get them out there we can talk about it together instead of me just building up anger and more insecurities ;)
Don't let others influence your relationship decisions. This rule doesn't work for every situation as people in abusive relationships often need outside help to get out, but in a general, run of the mill, relationship, never let others into it. Confiding in others for aid is fine but people should know that you exist as a couple, but not everything about the relationship. The moment you let others influence the way you think of your relationship and your partner is the moment you realize you will never be satisfied because you will be trying to live up to everyone else's ideals rather than just focusing on your partner and your own happiness.
this ^^^^^ I had a similar experience where I let someone elses thoughts get in my head and as a result I got in a heated argument. Good thing we re still together going strong
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and five months. He had to break it off with me because I was too negative, he owns his own company and we’ve been apart for 4 and a half months because of Covid. I feel sick that I hurt him, I wish I could hug him and tell him how I feel and that I love him. I hope that we both feel better because I began realizing that I stopped loving myself a while ago. I had a great man, a loving human being and i messed it up with my overthinking and my extreme insecurities. I will always love you weirdformer.💔🙏❤️
Have you you considered telling him this instead of posting it on TH-cam?
I just want you to know that having insecurities is not your fault! and overthinking is not something you can control :( As long as you promised him to work on yourself, he should've understood how YOU felt and been there for you too... I know how covid can come between a relationship (same here) but long distance +covid gave us all new kind of relationship fears :( And because of the virus relationships got harder for everyone... So please don't think that feeling that way is your fault, it's not xx And I hope you're doing better
@Yes @UCGmePvdqQWGUVW3GHtLEsIA Probé todos los hackers, pero ninguno podría ser de ayuda para mí hasta que pasé por comentarios y sugerencias que encontré *simplicodehacker2323* en IG o watsapp *+ 1 (323)688-6190* me ayudó a desbloquear mi Icloud dentro de 20 minutos es el mejor hacker que he visto lo recomiendo por su buen trabajo..💯💯
I am on the same situation as you ): it’s hard it really is we have been together more than a year and we’ve never actually communicated about anything my own negative thoughts and insecurities just broke us apart I wanna talk to him about it but he won’t let me
I keep thinking relationships and love is something to learn like a course or something. - i cant stop watching these xp
I broke up with my girlfriend beacause of most of these she kept blaming me, kept escaping from problems, never wanted to talk about things and just took for granted that I was in her mind and I knew what she was thinking. These can really destroy your relationship.
I’m all or nothing, playing head games and what happen to us person. It had happen a lot in my past relationships. It’s a bad cycle
Madison Controversial weird, I’m all but those ones lol
I m allll of the above nd plus the ones they mentioned in the video but the thing is I have got TJE BEST BOYFRIEND ever ..so yeah he make me rant out everything nd thinks deeply about how m I feeling ..nd force me to communicate nd finally solves Every problem ..seems like we can't even. Have a break up ever ! 😭I love him so much 💕😭
@@mansibhatnagar7467 thatss soo sweeett ❤
@@user-of9nb3qg9l yeah thank you 🙊❤️
This is my anxiety talking
focus on senses. don't let that bitch control you, you gotta control it. also try thinking that life is a fucking game. you shouldn't worry that much 💕
@@Missmmmmmmmmmm we can't stop worrying it's not just thoughts its also the feeling
Im in a long-distance relationship and I have been having constant thoughts about if my boyfriend still loves me, is it looking at other people, or does he think I'm annoying. But the way I break that ice is just by communicating to him how I feel. We both learned that if we keep what's bothering us inside it would not get any better. Plus since we're a long-distance couple, we need to have good communication otherwise it would not work. I wish I could say is easy but it's not, it takes time and patience to have the communication we have and I'm thankful to have that.
I PRAY THE UNIVERSE GRANT YOUR HEART ❤DESIRES WITH MORE LOVE AND COMMITMENT FROM YOUR EX ❤️ THROUGH THE SAME GREAT MAN OF THE UNIVERSE DR BABA,, WHO HELPED RESTORED MY BROKEN HOME. 🏠HE CAN MAKE YOUR EX BEG FOR A SECOND CHANCE,,,,,
Damn... As someone who's going through some private struggles with her own relationship, this really struck home.
Thank you. ❤️
This videos are way scarier than any horror movie, specially when they keep telling us that my boyfriend and I will eventually have conflicts.
Stop watching these types of videos. It's just not healthy at all unless you have reason to believe something is going on within your relationship.
@@Gillian_FFXIV well it can give you tips for things to avoid in the future though and they are pretty accurate from my experience
@@unstablespatula6459 Hmm this is fair.
These thoughts have crossed my mind😔
I understand where I've been wrong and I will work on them
Your videos always guide me
Best of luck to you!
RG N criiiiiiinge
We're glad we could help! Keep on learning from past experiences and growing from them. :)
@@jakobgjertsen2801 its not cringey tf
I wish I knew where to begin on fixing these problems
I am currently in a small 5 months relationship. So far, certain thoughts like that crossed me, but I think the reason we've been past it for now is simply communication. We are 2 introverts. We do not speak our emotions until it burst, but that's when it's the best, because that's when communication enters like a trainwreck. We bursted each other out and told everything wrong and how it could be fixed on a smaller level, one step at a time. It's been a week or so after and we each felt a weight coming off that was holding back the relationship. It's good and all to complain, but proposing smaller solutions to scale with and partially taking responsibility on it is what builds the relationship even more in my opinion.
How it goes ?
You said small 5 months relationship,
Small??
this ^^^^ exactly the same for me
Reading some of the comments, I'm so happy to see I'm not alone. I've been with my bf for almost 5 years, and some stuff happened that completely turned my brain upside down a few years ago. I became obsessively jealous. Everything he did worried me and I created the worst possible scenarios in my head. I've always been prone to overthinking, and I definitely started thinking and believing all sorts of things. He doesn't even have to do anything at all, I'll start imagining stuff... It's a constant feeling and thoughtprocess that I can't seem to overcome. Doesn't matter how much we've talked about it. I HATE not KNOWING FOR CERTIAN that nothing is going on, because I can't know. I just have to believe, and that's so damn f***ing hard...
That’s honestly my biggest struggle. I would say in certain relationships more than others. Or I think they are playing some sort of mind game with me or have the wrong intentions. It can be so confusing and it’s like you’ll never know for sure, then again, the truth always does find its way out even if it’s years later. But when people have told me to trust them before, I’m like how does one just do that 100%? Is that possible? I’ve been manipulated before. It’s like relationships are a brain fog to me in that sense. Bc manipulation is always seemingly innocent until it’s not. I wish I had the answers to fix it. I sabotage my relationships unintentionally bc of my assumptions and fears.
@@SwiftStyxDrums I relate completely. The worst part is that the issue most likely lies within ourselves. No matter how much my bf, who moved countries to live with me in december last year, tries to prove to me that he's not cheating - the thoughts, feelings and fears just never disappear. I overthink everything and out of no where my brain just goes "he's probably cheating or wants to". My brain is constantly in alert-mode and almost looking for shit
I get that and I am starting to apply thinking about other reasons or things as to why people do what they do. Like considering all possibilities instead of the worst all the time. It’s really difficult sometimes but with more practice maybe it’ll get easier.
@@SwiftStyxDrums It is DEFINITELY difficult! My brain is just hardwired to think about the negative. It's like there's 99 good thinks to think about, but it's that ONE thing that takes up all the space in my head :l
It's hard to look at the world for what it is - to me it's a harsh place with greedy and selfish people, and that makes it so hard to trust. So it's like I'm just waiting for hell to break lose
@Yes @UCGmePvdqQWGUVW3GHtLEsIA Probé todos los hackers, pero ninguno podría ser de ayuda para mí hasta que pasé por comentarios y sugerencias que encontré *simplicodehacker2323* en IG o watsapp *+ 1 (323)688-6190* me ayudó a desbloquear mi Icloud dentro de 20 minutos es el mejor hacker que he visto lo recomiendo por su buen trabajo..💯💯
Hey in a happy engagement here. Tbh I have had these thoughts through my life with my significant other, but over time I learned to fight them off, some days are better than others tho. I'm so glad to have found you, your videos guide me and ease this anxiety I have. Hopefully this will help me secure my relationship not only with my darling wife but with all my friends and family :3
Damn this hit me right on the spot. I know i have a problem with doing most of these things. So that’s why i am currently single. And so i decided to work on myself and build myself up and change the way i think. Overthinking leads to problems. Gotta let the little things go
Good for you! Learning from past experiences and growing is the key. :)
Psych2Go Yes! Thank you so much! Your channel is amazing! ☺️❤️
A-Catt I can relate with you. 😕
A-Catt self-improvement is valuable hope the next one’s worth it!
Try watching the miles monroe videos
"What happened to us." was one of the final bits if communication I had with my ex in our relationship.
The communication became so bad, I felt like I was no longer worth her time.
Lagomorphine I’m sorry but I love your pfp
Used to be in a toxic relationship that had quite a bit of this video in it. He was emotionally abusive and he had some controlling behavior andi couldn't deal with it anymore. Can't say that I miss him or the relationship, in fact, I absolutely despise him and don't care to see him ever again. Never have I felt so free or happy to be single.
Most of my family always says that marriage and relationships change with time. Love changes with time. With 2-3 years on the clock it becomes less about how mightily "in love" you still are but how many fights you had and how you made up, how you help each other, how you try to be best friends.
Life ain't a Hollywood romance and marriage ain't the end of the movie.
You have to work it in marriage
I was actually overthinking suddenly after years of normal banting and I just talked it out. I was very nervous obviously but after opening up about my inner fears, things got better now.
Slow and steady wins the race as well as open communication and really meaning what you are saying. And I really mean the last part. Don't tell someone to change in the way you wish, to just get upset when they do as you told but didn't meant.
0:38 This first one really hit me hard. Thanks for the wake up call. I need to stop seeking validation and realize that if the person I was with didn't love me, they would most likely have no problem in telling me so
Communication is key! It's absolutely frustrating when your partner refuse to communicate even when you tried :(
Relatable
Man, half of these things have been problems for me. Pretty sure they busted my last relationship. I'll work on improving them
Communication is very key. As I’ve grown up the past 6 years I’ve noticed that the one thing that keeps me more comfortable in each relationship after another is staying on the same page. We were up front with each other and if there was anything that ended then it was that we realized we weren’t each other’s type or that we had differing lifestyle paths. Very rarely when dating anymore do I have issues with “who is that girl?” Or “How do you really feel?” I’ve let anyone I’ve ever dated at this point know where I stand. Prevents massive amounts of stress and anxiety most times
I would like to thank you for these videos, for I'm trying to change myself (not physically) for my boyfriend. I have this toxic trait that I overthink too much as I grew with relatives who cheats and have plenty of spouses (divorce isn't a thing in our country) also I am a pleaser and insecure person :'( so these video are really helping me make my relationship with my boyfriend to be a healthy one.
Gosh.. Philippines? I got you girl or boy :(( sorry if this is a late reply but i hope you have a nice day
@@VinellAngel_111 yes philippines :( thank you and have a nice day too!
Another one to mind, in contrast to "it's all their fault" is "it's all my fault."
In abusive relationships, the abuser will often times use tactics to make the other person feel as if the relationships conflicts are completely stemmed from them.
In reality, nobody is without some issue that will arise in the relationship, so it's realistic to assume you contribute to issues in a relationship. But there is also another person involved, which means another source of potential issues. It's best to try and recognize the faults in both of you, so as to avoid over-glorifying your partner or yourself, and simultaneously belittling the one who isn't being glorified.
Actually, in real abusive relationships it is never the victims fault. No, the victim isn't perfect, but no matter what they say or do, the abuser will always intentionally look for something to blow up and get "angry" about. It's all about their unhealthy need for power and control. They actually won't accept any responsibility and always say things like "you made me..." or "If you didn't... then I wouldn't have..." even though it is painfully obvious whose fault it was.
You know... This is why long distance is so hard. When its linited to texting you actually HAVE to communitcate what your thinking to be able to successfully have long distance. I learned that he cant tell what im even thinking if he isnt here ya know. Its in a way forcing you to do the things you normally wouldnt, which can make you avoid it entirely but oh it can work. But yes, there are other reasons to not do long distance but I realise this is probably one obstacle of them.
Ok... Now this one got me :(
Silence: The most destructive force of any normal relationship, where there is respect, trust and deep love...
Very few are skilled in the arts of Legilimency, to know what your significant other is thinking or feeling.
Tell her/him what's on your mind and your heart. Otherwise you may lose that someone.
I miss her so much... Every single goddamned day.
Please, let Joy know I loved the last cartoon at 3:10 ;_:
Every vid with this soft subtle caress music, along with Lilyloo voiceover are perfect.
Hugs to all of you. You're a great community.
Its crazy how much negative habits you bring from past relationships. You learn these behaviors that are awful and horrible ways of thinking. Best thing that happened to me was meeting a man who had the patience (still has the patience) to help work through the bad habits and isnt afraid to say when each of us is wrong.
I struggle with trust issues, and honestly I've had most of these thoughts. But you explaining the thoughts actually kind of helped me. I kind of went over briefly in my mind what part of my relationship I was having what thoughts about, and you're explanations kind of helped me calm down and think rationally. Thanks Psych, keep doing what you do.
This channel has helped me with my relationship so much! Not because it's horrible, but because I've never been in a serious relationship before and I'd rather avoid mistakes in the first place.
Olivia Beakman we're happy you can use our channel as a way to help! It's okay to make mistakes especially the first time. No one's perfect the first time around, but what matters is that you learn from these mistakes! We wish you luck with your relationship :)
The most difficult situation in my relationship is that when I haven't seen my boyfriend for weeks, I start to feel lonely and angry :/ He is great to me, and when we see eachother it's amazing always, and we never have fights. I just feel a lot of anger and sometimes I secretly cry and want to take my anger on him, but I still keep it to myself.
I am NOW TBH ""(
Try to workout and meditation
If any mistake has been taken place so it is the fault of both partners so don't blame others for others fault.
ravi subramanyam that's just not true
Not entirely. Often, when the one person starts thinking these things, they don't openly say so. If they do, they tend to take it to irrational levels. Accusations, misunderstandings. These things can blow up, either immediately or overtime. Yes, it's the other person's responsibility to do what they can to try to disarm these issues, but they can't do anything if they're not being approached in a healthy, open manner. This can leave too much ambiguity in reasons why a partner is acting out, and the situations never properly resolved. I've been in quite a few of these situations, on both ends. Trying to be open and failing to. It can too easily be one person's fault, just as much as it can be both.
@Mr. R
Cheating is often a result of something missing in the relationship.... Drifting apart, arguements, feeling like your together but not in a relationship, plus many other factors... Picture yourself in the scenario: if your partner is showing no interest in you anymore, you will eventually stop loving the person and look elsewhere... So yes there is someone to blame... In fact you're both to blame because you never took the time to talk of your issues.
There's absolutely no reason for cheating but I understand why it happens, people should be more respectful and end a relationship before pursuing something else... It's rare for people to cheat just because they want to (not saying it doesn't happen)
Being 'Negative"is a learned behavior Some people just are flawed from the way they were treated or disciplined ..
very true
As someone with ROCD, this is very applicable, especially thinking in extremes. Very helpful
I believe these are all true. And as for me, I've been dealing with overthinking most of the time. I'm trying really hard to overcome and fight it.
It hard not to but you can
Keep yourself busy
I loved this! I wish we all were taught more about how to have healthy relationships when we are young, so that we start out on the right foot.
Yeah I thought so too...but sometimes people don't get it...& you can't help it...you're the one hurt at the end of the day and you wish they can understand but they don't like you're all alone even while you're in a relationship
No one can be everything we might want them to be. Healthy relationships mean accepting people as they are and not trying to change them.
Where are you from if I may ask
Ann you are so right
I always try to express my emotion in any relationship between someone like my mom or my best friend. I honestly think it's good practice to a good friendship and obviously a relationship. When I fight I usually need two minutes to calm down before I can say sorry from long lasting relationships I was told to never go to bed angry no matter how right you think you are.
Don't mind me, just watching this to be prepared in the future, if I ever do get in a relationship.
I have been guilty of all if the above. Overthinking and insecurity went hand in hand. All my relationships were unhealthy pretty much. Since then I am taking some time to learn before the next relationship and make some self improvements.
Always happy to see vids from this channel
Human Human +
Always happy to see happy responses
The art actually goes along great with the points they make .-.
11: "i want to destroy this relationship"
Trueeeeeeeeeee hahaha
Thats what happened. When i kept thinking about my past & kept attacking,her,for,no reason.
Idk why, i was that mean. I guess, i needed to vent to someone,about,my past n listen. Not vent and,think i was attacking her. Rippo 7months
Self sabotage to avoid vulnerability 😭
Been crying while watching this. I mean this really hits me hard. Little did I know, I've been a terrible partner and all I did before was kept blaming the other party while I have to make an extra mile effort to meet my partner halfway. As relationships aren't perfect at all, I was so messy back then and thank you for this wonderful video. Now I'm blessed with new wisdom. ❤️
i used to overthink before, and couldn't stop those frustrating thoughts , but he understood all of it and helped me overcome this thing, though it was hard to do but ofcourse it is worth it, and now i don't overthink and am so happy for that
whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,....
+2349154661736⏯⏯⏯⏯
I would never blame my mooncake. We both take responsibility for our actions and we even discuss them as well. Goes to show how sincere we are for each other. Also she's perfect the way she is to me
I'm really jealous of you. Until 3 days ago I had a similar relationship. My boyfriend left me for a mistake he made, I forgave him for it but he seemed to think that the only way it wouldn't happen again would be is if he left me. So he did, repeating that he doesn't deserve me and that he can never make me happy. It's been 3 days and it still hasn't sunken in that he's not mine anymore. I'm still trying to get him back. I think the nickname you called your girlfriend is what prompted me to type all this out. See, he used to call me "Shortcake".
Sify H. I’m sorry to tell you this but you need to forget about him. If he made a mistake and you forgave him for it, but he still chose to leave you, it sounds like he wanted the relationship to end. Someone who truly loves you will try to become a better person and work on things he is doing wrong. Even if you do get him back he won’t be truly invested in it, you’ll only be hurting yourself. Let that man go sis!!
I just can't get over the fact that you call your girlfriend 'mooncake'. Thats so frickin adorableee
That's how mine works too!
I'm going to use that name for my girlfriend
i’m think of sending this to my ex and just saying: “shit. so this is what happened 😅”
feel you
Same
that seems like a good idea. go ahead and do it.
that's extremely petty
don’t
This was really helpful for me to see when I’ve just started a relationship. We’re only a month in, it’s felt like the most healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in so far, and I always have fun when I’m with him. I feel like I can openly communicate my thoughts well with him.
Despite all of these good things, I seem not to be settled somehow. How? I’m already noticing myself having these thoughts discussed in the video. I think this is something I need to work on if I want to be the best version of myself and just let the relationship flourish. It feels like a lot of these thoughts are “what if”s and aren’t based on reality. I know it’s a way the brain protects itself, but if I let this drive my mind, then I might do something reckless.
So helpful! Thank you!
I tell this to my current girlfriend all the time "a relationship can only last forever if we can talk openly and honestly about our problems and worries". My gf is 10 years older than me and she has this constant fear that im going to leave her for a younger woman. I am 37 and she 47. We talk about it but she still has the same fear and the sad part is i would take a bullet for her without a 2nd thought and would never leave her for something as petty as that. What i tell her is "that younger woman is not you and i thought i knew what love felt like until we fell in love".
I'm an expert at overthinking and you can't stop me.
Actually no, nobody really can. :'(
Twenty one Tigers same tho..
except you yourself. all the best :)
Sameee
I'd be kicked out of an overthinking competition for being too professional.
My therapist actually told me when I'm overthinking to "just fuckin stop" lol
When I am telling my boyfriend that I don't like something that he does or something bothers me that starts an argument...
same situation, so how are your relationship now?
same tho
Omg, I forgot about that comment. Glad that we broke up haha
Omg I relate tbh. My 1 year relationship has become toxic. I have problems with jealousy and my boyfriend has problems with anger issues. Like for example, when my boyfriend texts to an old female friend I start to become super jealous and ask questions to him about her. My boyfriend will assume I’m jealous and point it out. Sometimes he’ll get mad because I’m assuming too much.
Me to I wasn’t really trying to start anything with him I would just tell him if he can get me something from McDonald’s and he said well I don’t think we should be together bc I’m always trying to start arguments
“I really wanna sleep with this other guy.” That’s the thought that destroyed us, or rather, revealed her true feelings.
OOF
Really oof? He is making a comment that doesn't have to be shared you should be respectful of that
@@piercelequine9696 He didn't do anything wrong. Stop being so rude and sensitive.
My girlfriend slept in bed with her ex boyfriend but did not do anything but I told that her that is still crossing the line. Her ex boyfriend had no place to go and she let him spend the nite when i was there and did not want to tell him i am her boyfriend because it would hurt his feelings. He broke up with her 12 years ago and this is totally bs to me. Having her investing her emotions in her ex can ruin a relationship also even if there is no physical cheating. If your partner is thinking about the ex alot , it really means she or he cares more for someone else than you.
@@omtatsatnamaste4780 yep, in my last relationship the ex was constantly "there", either physically turning up at any time, or texting, or asking for help. My ex would talk to her and with her constantly, and that's why I quit a week before wedding. Best decision ever.
Ok, but what if you're thinking that your relationship is " too easy "? I've been dating my partner for almost a year and it feels like it's too smooth like I found the perfect person, that's great and I love them, but I'm scared something horrible is going to happen between us.
Be calm, the right person will make you feel like it. My ex said I was a good partner bc he felt free and happy w me. But. He broke up bc was abusive and i changed my ways
im seeing your comment after 2 years. so how is your relationship now dear? I sincerely wish to know ur story
You might be spending too much time together or one of you is not 100% authentic, hiding slight irritations and not setting boundaries
Watching tis just after a breakup . How i hope we can watch tis togather and we never make de same mistake
Yeah I thought so too...but sometimes people don't get you...& you can't help it...you're the one hurt at the end of the day and you wish they can understand but they don't, like you're all alone even while you're in the relationship... Relationship was suppose to be about understanding and covering each other's weaknesses as you stand together as one
He runs away when I tell him I'm unhappy about things 🤦🏻♀️
What 😂
I mean obviously cause ur just making it sound like you don't really like him
@@evelynantoinette6238 it means when someone is scared of responsibilities in which they run away..
@Yes @UCGmePvdqQWGUVW3GHtLEsIA Probé todos los hackers, pero ninguno podría ser de ayuda para mí hasta que pasé por comentarios y sugerencias que encontré *simplicodehacker2323* en IG o watsapp *+ 1 (323)688-6190* me ayudó a desbloquear mi Icloud dentro de 20 minutos es el mejor hacker que he visto lo recomiendo por su buen trabajo..💯💯
@@odessawales @Yes @UCGmePvdqQWGUVW3GHtLEsIA Probé todos los hackers, pero ninguno podría ser de ayuda para mí hasta que pasé por comentarios y sugerencias que encontré *simplicodehacker2323* en IG o watsapp *+ 1 (323)688-6190* me ayudó a desbloquear mi Icloud dentro de 20 minutos es el mejor hacker que he visto lo recomiendo por su buen trabajo..💯💯
I’ve had all but the last one of these thoughts. And each one would eat away at me and having one of these thoughts would lead to having another and they all would build up and I’d get so overwhelmed and I would develop all this self hatred because I know I’m just overthinking yet knowing that, I was still so upset. But, once I told my partner how I felt, he made me feel sooo much better about all of it. You have no idea what how one conversation can turn your entire mood around. Don’t let overthinking ruin your relationship, just talk things out with your partner, they want what’s best for u and what makes you happy. :)
I'm not in a relationship, but I definitely see this in my friend's relationships. And it's pretty sad honestly :'c
We're sorry to hear that... Perhaps you could bring it up to your friend and guide them in the right direction i.e. with a change in perspective and communication.
I know exactly how you feel. I have one friend who falls into so many of these, quite badly, too. Though his worst is being insecure and wondering if his girlfriend still loves him or not. He's improving, fortunately. Hopefully your friends can get better, so they can maintain a nice relationship.
I love your channel it helps me with problems I have as well :)
Thank you for making this. Me and my girlfriend is taking a break and because I made some really bad mistakes and I need to fix them. This really helped me fixing them. I can’t thank you enough.
I have never been in a relationship but, theses kinds of videos will help me when the time comes.
I've always been single but still watch all videos related to relationships 😂😂
How old are you?
So lucky. Love is beautiful, but when you're in a relationship and comes the day to get apart from that person you care and love, my friend, it hurts you bad, it is like your heart stopped bombing blood and you lost something that was part of you. That's why you must be lucky, that feeling is one of the worst. I'm 23, I'll be 24 on march. I just had one man, who I felt in love with and I've never seen anyone else as I see him, but my insecurities and negativity ruined everything, it even didn't let me time to admire him, or time for me. I just walked away, it is better for him
All my fault, I keep taking advantage of her money, lying to her when I say I don't have any money left, I have an addiction to gaming, and I never appreciate her.
She broke up with me through text (bad way I know)
tried calling her, declined.
I want her back, I'm on the way to change, I've stopped gaming for 2 days, and I plan to stop until I'm financially stable. Always say thank you to your partner and appreciate her, before what you love the most, is gone.
i always have insecure thoughts sometimes that the girl im dating is too good for me and that i don't deserve her, but that's mostly it. I don't think that much bad thoughts.
plactovachii perhaps if you feel those things it’s because there’s something very sweet in you, she might even actually think that about you if you really do want to love her and treat her good. It’s ok
I do some of these things (mostly overthinking). We are 19 and since 4 years together. This relationship makes me so sad, because he barely shows interest in a way I feel loved. I just want that he asks questions and that we can be silly together, but he always says that he is too "introverted". But what broke my heart is that he do all the things I ever wished for in a relationship with his best friend(laughting, texting, asking randomly what's going on in ur life) So I am the problem? I have come to the point where I cry several times in a week. I am overreacting? My mind goes crazy to imagine being my whole life with someone together who can barely communicate with me. But the loving part in me has still hope.
One of the reason she broke up with me was related to the fact that I didn't realize about something she didn't really tell me about, she isn't very direct so it left me with doubts, and she also didn't tell me some things with honesty... She just didn't say anything and just thought about them by herself instead of talking it out... That leaves me sad because I would give my best to try to improve those problems but she didn't talk to me about them so I wouldn't know...
Thank you, so much. This helped me with me relationship, well we're friends, but I have a crush on her and she knows.
Salty Caramel Same.
friendzoned :P
Recently I think my gf suffer from some os those things, she broke with me one week ago, even when I was trying to do more things with her, and trying to improve our relationshipp. I dont really know what happened to her, but I still love her and I would love to be again at her side.....
Jose Pablo Torres Ruvalcaba things happen for a reason, if she left maybe someone will come, that will be better for you
I'm experiencing the other side of this in my relationship. She may not be in total control of her thoughts here.
No just no... i have been on your side its hurt. I am the one who try to improve things in the end she still doesnt want to return to me. Wasted my time a lot. Go learn new hobby, skills or go to gym, learn trading or anything to distract you from thinking about her. I hope you will be okay soon
Okay but what if you have trust issues because you’ve been lied to, cheated on, manipulated and abused by everyone in your life?
Start by searching experiences and articles about it then contact a therapist.
I've been asking this my whole life
@@madtito8542 easy for you to say.
If you can't get over those issues on your own, then you should talk to someone. The worst thing you could do is force those thoughts and issues on another person who hasn't done anything to you or did not have any intentions of doing anything to you.
Ben Lewis therapy..
My fiancé and I established open communication from the beginning, unless it’s something we can’t talk about. We both also see each other as equals. Though, we both have days we feel we’re not good enough for the other or have failed. Always take it out, even if you rile each other up
I've talked to him about my feelings last time. I feel much better now. We trying to figure out how to manage our relationship in a healthy way. Understand him, give him more options. I normally overthinking but I will talk to him now, he knows how to make me feel safe.
Who else is here when they are not or heven't been in a relationship?
•_•)/
Princess Wolfie 17... but i'll beat your record :'(
Lets face it, we are a bunch of loners😔
Princess Wolfie - 21 and counting, with no romantic relationships. But hey, always learning more for if the day finally comes, so maybe we can do it right.
Judah Tirona yoohoo, up here
wow, that kinda hit me. i don't know in whcih way, i have mixed feelings . however, i have something i hope whcih destroy these things - natural spanish fly enhancer - i bought it in the big sales yesterday and i already have it at home, we're abosltely happy w my man
is this product liquid? i heard of this somewhere already if it's really what i think. great reviews everywhere, i think i'll buy it for my man :D
"they need to be overcomed"
HAHA, right? I thought I was the only one that heard that.
My boyfriend and I are almost 4 month together and we can talk about anything, like literally. We love that in our relationship and he said it’s the most harmonious relationship he ever had. 🥰
i can admit to doing a lot of these when my anxiety was horrible in my prevoous relationship. I can also see how my partner was guilty of this too. However now i've seen my flaws, realized how toxic it is and i feel like i've grown into a much better/healthy person 😊
I am not even in a relationship I just love your videos 😂😂
Oh irony. Just been dumped... meh lets watch this then.
Heh, same here
Same
Jeez. Mines over a trival thing and im giving up dating now it seems.
man that sucks, hope you find someone eventually.
Quazex thanks. But after trying so many times ill just give up
When someone truly fixated in their thoughts and believing it is so true and only created a thought that never existed in the first place. Only to create a misunderstanding for others to question and constantly having to validate themselves. I may be called Test Test, but doesn't mean you should Test someone's integrity if there is no real evidence or logical sense when it is completely untrue. Not only does that negativity creates problems, it already created something that didn't have to be there to begin with. Only to see the relationship going to fall apart if their certain belief or thought continues.
What many people don't realize is most communication is nonverbal. Good info and I'm sure this clip is helpful to so many.
There’s a thing called relationship OCD. If you find yourself constantly and obsessively thinking about your relationship, you might have ROCD. It is when you think about it too much to the point it’s getting in the way of your daily life. Some of the symptoms are asking yourself or your partner if your relationship is doing okay a little too much; constantly doubting if you love them or that if they’re “the one”; constantly thinking if you’re good enough for your partner; and sometimes picking on small details like getting bothered by their big nose or sth etc.
So like ocd they say there is cure for it. Some complicated therapy and stuffs. I’d recommend meditation and mindfulness. And communicate even if you have to dig out the dirt.
And here’s a tip, if they are not willing to communicate, they’re the source of your rocd, why stress? Leave them. Hehe
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