I just got over it. Going through it was rough but keep fighting:) my advice is occupying time with learning new skills, interest, etc. Keep God/Yourself close
I told someone I loved dearly how their behavior was hurting me..they responded immediately by calling me "rude".."thin-skinned".."full of drama." Not a moment of accountability or validation of my feelings. If you tell someone they've hurt you, they don't get to decide they didn't.
I can relate a friends said something so incredibly hurtful and condescending towards me and when I confronted l her she said I was toxic for bringing it up….. it’s amazing how some people really don’t care about deeply hurting someone and project their own behaviour constantly.
@@leftthatbehind6090 Yeah, there are unfortunately a great number of self centered, heavily narcissistic people out there and they loooove to find themselves an empath to suck dry! Be careful, sweetie.
@Oregano no one means to hurt someone they care for, people who gas light are no less capable of being hurt than you are its usually the result of an abusive environment where they felt they had to control the people around them to get what they needed.
@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 I’ve known my husband since we were kids; he hasn’t grown up in an abusive environment but he’s the biggest gaslighter I know and I know plenty. I know he has very low self esteem but you wouldn’t think that with the way he acts like he’s above others and deserves special treatment.
@Oregano I don’t think she means it either, she has her own unresolved issues that makes her this way with you and others. Try not to take it personal, it’ll will help you get through it. Good luck :)
@@hadilayyad6147 Abusive environments aren't always as easy to see. The delicate period of 1-6 when we learn all our social skills is a crucial time, so just because someone wasn't hit, or neglected, doesn't mean they weren't raised in an authoritarian environment that would encourage control and manipulation because they lacked an ability to properly empathize or offer emotional support. Certain genetic components exist too though, people like your husband would likely excel in careers like Law though. There are plenty of largely successful careers and lives for such people, it's just not always easy to deal with when they're your significant other. but when we rely on something as flawed as our memory to determine who was or wasn't abused in some way, it becomes a lot more difficult to pin point especially if its subtle. I mean, his mom and dad, or siblings, were they manipulative like him? I spoke to this girl recently who casually said, "my boyfriend HATES hospitals." and I asked, "was he sick or hospitalized as a kid?" she said, "no not at all." so I asked, "did someone close to him die in a hospital?" and she just stopped, and thought and said "actually...yeah, his grandfather died in a hospital and he was quite close to him." it maybe not always be readily obvious the traumas we carry with us, but what we know for sure is that they exist for valid reasons. All it takes is one moment to change us forever. The important thing is your ability to translate his love and compassion from the way he acts because unlike what people like to think about such behavior, it frequently stems from fear of losing someone, or an expression of love. We don't put a leash on a dog because we hate them, we put a leash on a dog because we fear they'll run onto the road and get injured. It might not be optimal for freedom and expression, but if we can find an equilibrium that's usually ideal. We have to sacrifice parts of our self for those we care about, if we don't sacrifice anything, they're clearly not important to us.
@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 I appreciate your input. I’m probably going to come off as a total bitch but I just don’t have anything in me to care about him. I have turned into a bitter and toxic person towards him, I’m afraid. I’m not like this with anyone else, just him. He has shown me no love or compassion, he only compliments me or tells me he loves me so I can say it back (and it’s not something he wants to hear once a day, he wants that validation every few minutes) and when he pressures me into sex. His parents were the complete opposite of authoritarian and I would go to say I highly doubt he had any traumatic experiences as a child. He was a bad egg, always causing trouble for no reason ie (he broke his aunt’s glass panels by pelting them with rocks and convinced his cousin to do it with him) He’s just an asshole, and at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if he had ODD when he was a kid. He literally wrecked his dad’s brand new car by stealing his keys and crashing it into a wall. The last thing he needs would be to have a career such as a lawyer, he already sees himself as super important and everyone beneath him. He just works a shitty minimum wage job and expects me to deal with what we have, even after he drained me of my savings. He has made a point to joke at my expense and undermine my feelings, criticize and tell me I’m nothing compared to other women and that I’m lucky he doesn’t cheat on me bc I’m fat ( I gained weight from depression and 3 pregnancies). I am satisfied when I knock his ego down a few notches so he can realize if only for a few seconds that his shit stinks just like everyone else’s. There’s way too much for me to tell you, it would take me a whole day. I have read and watched a lot of videos on raising kids in healthy environments so I’m very adamant in making sure my kids are growing well developmentally as well as physically. I have sacrificed way too much of myself for him and I regret it. Yes, I don’t care about him at all and I want him out of my life. Thanks.
My wife is a victim of gaslighting.. It has gone for so long and gotten so bad. In particular the gas lighter is her Mom and Sister. They both invalidate her feelings and capabilities in an instant. It is beyond devastating to see my wife try and defend herself. I tell her we need to cut all communication from them. But the damage is done and now we just need to avoid them. It is terribly sad. I pray my wife can realize and gain her self respect back.
Same. My mom is a cruel narcissist and my sister is her golden child and I’m the 3 legged dog that is not allowed to have any recognition or praise at all aka the scapegoat....If I make a cake and get compliments about how good it is from everyone at a party but they will say well it wasn’t as good as my last cake... which was not their favorite and made my mom sick with the runs for days and gave my sister a rash. There is never an interaction that doesn’t involve constant put downs, insensitive jokes at my expense and criticism. When I mention what they did or said was hurtful they will deny they ever said anything and how dare I accuse them of such things. My mom will buy my sisters kids extravagant gifts for Christmas or birthdays costing hundreds of dollars and then give my children socks and underwear at Christmas. She has only attended one birthday for my middle son but would send them a card or a small gift up until they were about 3 and after that nothing.. my kids wouldn’t even get a phone call from her. I haven’t received a birthday card or gift from my mother since I was 8 or 9 years old. She just stopped celebrating my birthday although when I reached the age of 9. Not even a phone call. 3 years ago she called me a month prior to my birthday and said happy birthday In advance because I’m sure I’ll forget your birthday anyways. The hypocrisy of it all was the expectation that I buy her expensive Christmas and birthday gifts. One Christmas, money was tight during it was the recession in 2008 and I made her an album with pictures of the grandkids and a photo collage for the wall. I’m very creative and artsy - so I spent a lot of time on it. She was semi ok with the photo wall collage because she thought I bought it and the store but when I explained that the frame was from a thrift store and I had repainted it then that is when things went south... she asked me what boutique I got this cute frame at and that’s when I proudly exclaimed that I had made it - thinking OMG I am getting a complement for the first time EVER... well that was a BIG MISTAKE! she went off and then proceeded to talk about it for weeks- how dare I buy her a present from goodwill after all she has done for me... it went on and on how disrespectful I was for not buying her an extravagant expensive gift. On top of that I had just had a baby that was 2 weeks old and a 18 month old with my husband loosing his job and my work having huge layoffs. We were struggling to make our house payment and she found my homemade gift offensive. I’m in my early 40s and In June of 2022 it will be 2 years since I completely cut all ties with her successfully. There was a year prior to this that was kind of hot and cold and I would feel guilty about not being her source of praise and narcissistic supply running around like a crazy woman in the attempts to make her happy while whatever I did was never good enough The turning point was my children recognizing the behavior and my kids starting to question their value. I was Fine if she wanted to be mentally abusive to me and have me questioning my value but I wasn’t going to let my kids be rolled up into this toxic game. It was hard... but each month it got better and better. I was able to think more clearly and my anxiety went down and I realized how much the gaslighting and emotional abuse had hurt me. So I went to trauma counseling and it has been a life changer. I still speak with my sister but I have some pretty big boundaries up and I think eventually I will have to also cut ties with her. It’s hard not having a mom but I couldn’t have done it with my husband being very supportive and understanding
As a victim of this shit myself, it’s hard to recognize it when it’s coming from close family. She may think something like “blood is thicker than water” and feel indebted to them for “everything they’ve done for her thru life.” The trick is knowing true love and kindness doesn’t come with terms and conditions. Not saying it’s right to take advantage of people and their kindness: im saying nobody should feel obligated to keep toxic family in their life for any reason. Real love doesn’t come with a “you owe me now.” Obviously i dont know you, your wife or that situation but I just wanted to share that. That’s how I don’t fall for manipulative bs from my family. I’m glad she’s got you. Plus it’s not like anybody likes to cut off family members. Knowing that, they’ll likely weaponize that guilt against her to gaslight her further.
My family - of - birth was 4 kids and 2 parents; it wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that I heard about gas lighting and other forms of emotional manipulation/abuse. I sat across from a therapist for two hours explaining an argument my father and I had been in. I explained that I needed to be more grateful, a better communicator, less selfish, more understanding, and let go of the idea that people should put family ahead of work because “that isn’t how it works in the real world.” All my father’s helpful tips for my improvement and why I’d never measure up to my sister. I had suicidal ideations after this fight. My therapist hadn’t said a single word in those first two hours and she was quiet a long time when I said, “You haven’t said anything but you’re writing like mad. You have to say something. Do you think you can help me change?” When she spoke, she said, “It is a miracle that you are alive, most people commit suicide before the abuse gets this bad. You communicate very well, I just can’t believe that you think there is any resemblance between the person you’ve been taught to believe is you, and the you that I see and hear in here now. It’s really amazing you’ve survived all you have.” The healing began with learning about gaslighting and how to recognize and confront it. Eventually (1-2 years) I realized that my family-of-origin wasn’t interested in getting counseling, trying better communication skills, or spending time processing our argument. My husband and I made the decision to go no contact with everyone except my youngest brother. I continue to mourn for the life we could have had, but it has been nearly five years since I’ve seen or heard from them. initially I was devastated, then angry, my favorite stage of healing is acceptance.
Good for you!!! Realizing they are the problem and NOT you is so freeing. Most of the time it’s the healthy people in the family who go for counseling. The toxic ones think they don’t need it 🤦🏻♀️. You are very brave! Hope you’re doing well!!
Wow, What a beautiful story of healing. Thank you for sharing. It took me years to figure out my programming was so faulty that I attracted Narcissists in every aspect of my life. Namaste
I applaud your decision of going no contact. A lot of people hesitate to do this because they feel they are breaking up the 'family'. But family is built on meaningful actions not by having blood relations to them. I was putting up with a toxic elder sister for a very long time. But now I have gone no contact too. It feels great except she acts like I have done injustice to HER
I've just broken up with my boyfriend of almost 5 years. There was a lot of love and we had a deep connection on a certain level, but I often found myself walking on eggshells, trying not to disagree with him too much so he wouldn't start a fight. And that's just it, it wouldn't really ever be a discussion or an equal conversation, it would always shift into him yelling at me and me crying and shutting down. He would speak his mind, then tell me to talk, only to interrupt me after 10 seconds. He told me he didn't like the way I explained things. He didn't give me a chance to explain or tell the story from my pov. He would say I was too defensive. Anyway, after a few years I didn't care anymore, became an empty shell and started replying "whatever" to everything. Now I'm looking forward to finding myself again.
Great to hear that you got out. I hope things have gone well for you ❤ This sounds a lot like a relationship I was in a long time ago. Leaving was very hard but the right decision.
It almost feels like I'm hearing my own story from somebody else's mouth. I almost never cried in front of him - my childhood conditioned me not to cry while in defense-mode - but I did about 7 years of crying in the first 4 months after leaving him for good.
Ah yes.... the walking on eggshells. Them immediately getting angry and yelling about anything and everything. The crying and the shutting down And definitely.... The WHATEVERS that get incessantly said. Traumatic brain injury is what these demons inflict I hope to get therapy soon
@@HomoSealbecause these demons all act basically the same way. Easy to pick up on with others now. So some good does come from relationships with these demons
@@charruzit's funny when they snap at you saying that they walk in eggshells around you. It's like .. how? No answer no explanation just more berating and rage.
Honestly I just watch these for checking my behavior. I have BPD, and even if not intentionally, I used to manipulate people. Been in therapy for 2 years and both me and my circles notice the difference! I've never felt better.
1. They invalidate your feelings. 2. They make you question yourself and your sanity. 3. They intend to make you feel small. 4. They don't take responsibilities for their work and actions. 5. You feel anxious about interacting with them.
@@johngalvin3124 Naw it's a good point, from my experience, the person that was most eager to call every guy that rejected her a narcissist, was later diagnosed by a psychologist to be on the spectrum for narcissistic personality disorder. And that made her real angry because that was probably her favourite insult lol. Either way, Gaslighting is a common thing that can easily be a part of a normal conversation when someone just doesn't want to keep that conversation going in a certain direction. I'm not saying this makes it okay, but it's okay to wonder if you yourself have been doing this and what your reasons were and try to change that part of you.
We should always be doing the inner work but keep in mind; reactive abuse, trauma bond, enmeshment. Know the signs of when it's time to get distance from a gaslighter or therapy to get help deal with one.
i really relate to this. i always thought i'm stupid and bad at all things cuz my family makes me feel like that. they make me feel bad about myself and i always thought that i was just overreacting. talking to them really feels like I'm walking on eggshells, I'm always worried about how they'll react if I say something wrong. they make me feel so down and useless. the bad things is that they always laugh at me and make fun of me while i look up to them as a role model. watching this video makes me realize that i am not overacting but i am gaslighted and being manipulated by the people around me whom i really love the most. i just hope i'm strong enough to confront them about how they make me feel.
That's so awfull, I know that too. But I personally don't yhink u can change them minds about that, just live the way u are and don't mind them. :) I know this can be hard tho...
Exact same thing but in elementary and a bit in middle school, parents are immigrants and from Ukraine along with me and came in 1st grade in a really rich neighborhood , kids would make fun of my bad English but I excelled in math only because it was numbers and not in English letters, I thought I was annoying and loud but after many fights and detentions I finally knew these people see me as dirt, luckily I transferred to a different school
one or both of my parents used to do all of these points to me. 1) father 2) both but mostly mother 3) both 4) both but HIGHLY mostly mother 5) both took me years to work up the courage to tell them that their behavoir is not ok. especially 4) where the entire family had to surround my mother and tell her that she would litteraly look for the smallest event where we were concerned by the problem at some point so she could shift the blame towards us. insults were also fairly common with her as soon as someone screwed up, no matter how bad it was. thankfully, after a lot of discussion and heart-to-heart conversations, they are both much healthier in their behaviors. my mother takes responsibility for her actions, and only insults her computer when it refuses to work properly (but i can understand that frustration), and they stopped trying to make me feel small and actually let me feel pride in what i accomplished (even though that took a few months of me not sharing anything particular at school unless they specificly asked, and it took meeting a teacher that told them of my good grades to learn about them). my father still has trouble acknowledging my feelings and emotions, especially towards video games (he hates video games with all his heart even though he never really touched a controller). i'm still a bit nervous when approaching them, but at least now i feel like i CAN approach them, instead of thinking i'm about to fight for my life just to ask them for help with homework (in the past i'd legit prefer to fail my homework then ask them for help).
I would love to hear more about the differences in examples between gaslighting and non-gaslighting behaviour. And how to recognise the difference between intentional gaslighting, like true manipulation and just lack of knowledge and experience in a person how to better communicate. Because many people have no developed communication and interpersonal skills.
In the end it doesn't really matter that much. You can point it out to people, and see how they react to your feedback. If they take too long to change their behavior though it's better to stop interacting with them, because intentionally or not, it will have severe long term effects on your mental health. And that's not worth the teaching.
I had someone say because I was abused in my childhood I didn't know what true love felt like. Everytime we had an argument, this would pop up. It took me awhile to understand it was emotional manipulation
A lot of my flaws has to do with being left behind after just being welcomed into someone's life as a friend. Basically, people invite you into your friend life then immediately leave you for their other friends without getting to know you or contact you at all. This not only has effects emotionally but also mentally regarding trust, thought of abandonment, and the struggles of being overprotective because of fear of abandonment. This could be a topic to cover one day as it's a big one in the world we live in.
Try to figure out some of your interests and find those that share them, genuinely. Also, having one good friend is just as good as having many friends or acquaintances. At the end of the day? Your you, and God made you special! Just as much as anybody else!
@@wishfulthinking8699 except having one friend is like putting all your eggs in one basket and sometimes that basket breaks and you're left with absolutely nothing.
So true. It's called reactive abuse. As the saying goes "Hurt people hurt people." That is when a relationship is at its most dangerous. It's like being in a "Mexican standoff" from from an old fashioned Western, where one person aims at the person who is aiming at them. Keep that up, and eventually what do you think will happen? Unfortunately in the case of abuser and victim, the burden is on the victim to escape from the bad situation as the one with the power to hurt will not stop of own volition.
when you feel confused or just lost, and you're questioning yourself all the time that's a big red flag you're being gaslighted. Thank you psych2go for helping us🤧 these videos helped me in a important phase of my life
9/10 of all the comments I see tend to be taking the route of "if I have the SLIGHTEST hint that someone is upsetting me, I'm going to try my hardest to find excuses to accuse that person of gaslighting" even though its an extremely intricate and difficult to demonstrate psychology term...like the videos ALWAYS say, these videos are general guide lines, a short 5 minute video is supposed to give you a grade 1 level understanding of a psyche concept...you're literally missing high school level understanding if you stop here. It requires education and dedicated effort to understand these topics, they're not an endless excuse for people to simply disregard and cast away people they don't like because chances are, you're not capable of identifying gaslighting. How about this, if you understood Inception, or watched psyche dramas without scratching your head, you have a chance.
@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 you're completely right though like what I've said cannot be taken in general cause general misunderstandings and arguments happen but that does not mean you are being gaslighted but when you don't have a say in your opinions and see you lose yourself and the uncomfortable feeling you feel in the relationship does not go away, like you still see the red flags are still there and it doesn't seem to i think that's where we need to just stop and think but seeing it on the outer and making excuses to accuse them of gaslighting is just gonna be another toxic trait and also yeah these kind of things needs to be studied and we need to understand what the term actually is
@@sophiedarnell467 nothing would have been different, it would have just been a quicker excuse for you to end the relationship because accusing someone of gaslighting doesn't improve anything, it successfully destroys any possible attempt at coming to a mutual understanding because it destroys the idea that you or the other person is someone capable of trusting. I'd avoid ever using gaslighting if you intend to not make the situation worse.
@@preethijessica4150 using the word gaslight, or accusing someone of doing it, is the quickest way to destroy a relationship and end a conversation because there's not crawling out when you use the word because its like a nuke, it expresses "I don't trust anything you say." thus destroying any hopes of a compromise or understanding, and chances are, they probably aren't, most of the time, its an argument that neither persons are willing to relent on, if someone is so confident that a person is actively manipulating them in order to morph their perceptions of reality, then there is nothing they can say, or you can say, that can change that. They'll say, "no im not." you'll say "yes you are." and thus, the complete destruction of the conversation takes place.
U got him. That's my toxic mom right there. Up to no good Her:Why are u silent, u going to be sick and you are heartless for not telling me your issues. My subconscious mind:Tf u are a gaslighter, how tf I'm I supposed to tell you anything personal?😏
I basically experienced all these signs from 2 years ago with a group of friends I thought I could trust. They basically treated me like dogshit when I brought up the fact my ex (who was also in this circle) was seriously causing some issues with us all and she managed to turn everyone against me and made me look like the troublemaker. Some insider information I got showed me they were sorry for failing me, but the damage is done. If they treated me like garbage the first time around and took the side of a spoiled and toxic brat, who's not to say there won't be a second incident?
I don't do pretty pictures very well... People screw up. They've screwed up before, and they'll screw up again. That's a fact. I've screwed up, even with the best intentions, and it won't be the last time... SO in regards to these friends, the question isn't whether or not there's going to be another episode. It's whether or not the FRIENDSHIP is worth forgiving them and returning to the circle... That's a choice you have to make for yourself... They may have learned (obviously with this one girl) not to trust her word for it... BUT the next one? The one after that? Who knows??? There will be screw ups in the future because not every gaslighting spoiled brat and twat is a bit different from the others. It's part of what makes them dangerous. There's no good formula to spot it "every time"... You just get a bit better as you go along and suffer the same kinds of things over time, cutting "bad people" out of your life when it's obvious (at least to you) that they are "toxic"... for whatever reason. Look, I'm sorry you've had to go through all that... I can't tell you what to do to make it go away or get better. Sometimes people DO grow and learn better. Sometimes they make better friends after seeing how their shortcomings have destroyed friendships and relationships before. Sometimes they have to screw up a LOT to learn much of anything. SO... about all anybody can really do or say to help you with your decision or the resolve to live with the choice made, is help clarify what you're actually deciding. I hope I've helped you out a bit with that. I hope you find and cultivate better friendships in the future. AND just because you forgive someone it does NOT mean you instantly have to welcome them back into your life "the same as before"... You forgive so their BS doesn't continue to drag you down. AND that is also YOUR CHOICE. ;o)
@@gnarthdarkanen7464 All of the people involved in this are beyond their thirties (I just hit that age last year). They should know better. I actually burned my bridges with them last year before Christmas when my insider sources (mutual friends I'm still on good terms with) told me they were talking behind my back but none of them dared to come confront me 1on1 unless they had a chance to all gang up on me at once. Dishonesty, deceitfulness, and disrespect are things I'll never forgive - and all of these were happening repeatedly and they thought I wouldn't know. I say they're toxic because my ex started talking behind my back and they all believed it when there was no evidence to support it, and my ex was already known to be a drama queen. But of course people believe the supposedly innocent girl before the gruff dude right? I consulted with some other friends (one of which is aspiring to work in the field of law) and he was like "double standards dude, I'm sorry you had to endure that but it is the truth this world takes a girl's word before the guy's". I just cut them all out of my life without any of them knowing and I already feel a hell lot better. But I don't feel bad when the main people involved were the following: a hardcore anarchist that cowardly shields himself behind a phone in all face to face conversations, a self-absorbed and pretentious cunt that has the nerve to say you'll be shit in your career paths because according to her, I don't know how to treat girls right, and a nutjob that thinks the only way I can get over this crisis is to believe in Jesus Christ *WHEN MY EX WAS THE CORE OF THE PROBLEM.* They are 31, 32, and 34 year olds respectively. And the friends I mainly consulted with during this crisis are either the same age as me or younger. This is beyond pathetic, where younger folks have a better grasp on reality than these halfwits. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, and let's just say I had a fun time reading through what you said also lol. Shit happens, but this is just me speaking from experience and hoping nobody else has to endure what I went through.
@@SoldierOfFate Yeah... well... This is the comment section (often called the Cancer Section) and you just never really know who you're chatting to or about directly... In any case, I can't blame your choice as made... It's reasonable. AND just about the time you THINK you can rely on adults to have better sense they can rise or fall to surprise you... I ride a motorcycle and it's rarely less than entertaining... though I've gained skill at predicting the lack of "better sense" since I started riding nearly 30 years and probably over a million miles ago... BUT so much for the expectations versus real life experience. Right? ;o)
@@SoldierOfFate Honestly thats many people in that age group nowadays, and your lawyer friend is unfortunately right. You are legit better off without them though. Close the door and walk away, you will be better off. There are too many decent people in the world to waste time with those who just going to bring you down.
I had an online friend that did very similarly, she was toxic, abusive and just flat out a horrible person, all she’d do is connect me with my political point of views and that would be her way of looking at me and even tried gaslighting me into the idea that she was my best friend. i eventually blocked her from everything after i said that i didn’t want to continue this friendship anymore, she then said she was going to come after me and my family Its like the truth finally came out, i’ve been watching this channel for a while and relate to some of these videos, but this one really hit home. Thank you Psych2Go :)
@@rahmanlinux9602 that's the dramatic irony of life lol its a consequence of our social learning =/ we start off with nothing and we have to learn from those around us. Did you know you have more DNA from your mom than your dad? Female eggs contains DNA from I think it was mitochondria, but with sperm they have none, so when the cells meet, you have a zygote that isn't quite 50/50 like most people think, donno why I shared that lol i find it cool just like how our development is shaped by neonatal development as well. you know if you were a third trimester fetus in holland during the winter of 1944 you have a 19x higher chance of acquiring obesity or diabetes because of the famine? =D behavioral genetics is fascinating.
@@rahmanlinux9602 and thats another poetic quality, the fact that two dysfunctional parents can make an environment that manages to allow stable children to flourish, a sort of difficult "learn from this mistake." type scenario.
I had a huge fight with a close friend two years ago. I was frustrated and angry and I blew up because I was feeling so used and I was tired of it. I felt gaslit and taken advantage of but now I feel like I was gaslighting. I also forgot a friend's birthday ( two months after my mom died) and forgot that I forgot and gaslit them. I apologized when I was proven wrong but I was still upset with how they did it. I try really hard not to gaslight but I constantly feel like everything I do is secretly manipulative even when I'm trying to be fair. It sucks because I just want to stand up for myself after people pleasing and being a doormat but when I do I feel awful
The cruel sting of sudden realization. I had a similar experience with an ex. 5 years later I found myself constantly feeling like shit about how it ended (I was very much in the wrong) and it took that long to finally pick up a pen and write an apology letter. If you feel like something was left unsaid, say something, it can only help, they don't have to accept your apology but chances are they will, and if they don't that's okay, because at least you'll feel better even if they don't. If you find yourself trying to avoid drenching the pages of the letter in tears, you're saying something that needs to be said.
@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 we still talk and we had a lot of conversations about it and I feel like we're in a better place and I'm trying to more mindful but I always feel like I'm doing something wrong. I can't tell if it's a trauma response or OCD thing but I always look back on conversations and hate myself for not handling it better. The thing is my friend owned up to their selfish habits as well and their part to play but the more I think about it I feel like I was the one who blew things up when I could have just...not said anything.
@@yelyahfan88x94 Sorry in advance if this is too long, I realize not a lot of people have long discussions on youtube. When it comes to mental health I don't feel there's right or wrong, just optimal or less than optimal. The things that work for you, won't work for someone else, and what works for you now might not work for you later or in the past. It's not easy to rewire the brain if we fall into a pessimistic outlook and harshly criticize ourselves, that's why its so important to have social networks to help us and be mindful around us to encourage growth. If we grew up around harshly judgmental parent, or neglect those qualities will always follow us into adulthood so its important to catch ourselves when we use absolutes like "never" or always" or "hate myself" those are surface level observations that should be encouraging us to look deeper as to why we feel that way. Who was it that hurt us that make us feel that we aren't worth being loved, or speak so negatively about ourselves. Learning gratitude is very difficult, I'd recommend an understanding of ambivalence. The idea that nothing exists in a state without the positive and negative aspects, its who we are that determines how easily we gravitate to one or the other hence pessimistic or optimistic. A person with a wise understanding of ambivalence can look upon an apple and see it for all its qualities, both negative and positive, a person with a history of expecting the worst might see only the over ripened quality while someone else will see no negative qualities what-so-ever, its no ONE single perspective that should be focused on just like how closing one eye doesn't help with seeing, we have two eyes for a reason, they offer optimal vision that no ONE eye alone would be able to utilize, hence depth perception and the evolution of having two eyes. Same with ambivalence, its not necessarily a bad thing to see the areas we can improve, but its detrimental to our growth to see nothing but one or the other, a person who sees nothing but the positive is no less capable of suffering as a result, they might have an outward appearance of happiness but if you dig down they could be hurting, or they might just not have ever experienced the same level of depths as someone who sees the negative. I hope this isn't coming off as sanctimonious or preachy, I tend to talk a lot and it tends to wear people out lol I uploaded a video on my channel dealing with a lecture on depression, its really insightful, (theres some middle areas you can skip through because he talks about the study in two parts and I was too lazy to edit it properly). I wish I could transfer telepathically all the insights I feel would help people, but unfortunately I can't truncate thousands of hours of university lectures and the reason why therapy is an often long and expensive process that takes time that not a lot of people are willing to put in. Believe it or not, blowing up, isn't the worst you could have done. Getting angry is another way of saying "Im hurting." wrath requires an understanding person to be able to alleviate which isn't easy to find, the more angry we get, the harder it is to find someone to see through the anger for what it is. That's why therapists will extend their capacity for emotional intelligence, onto people who might not have the full range. So when someone becomes enraged, you know those feelings are being handled when that rage turns into sadness. If we oppress our emotions and bottle them up, they tend to blow over in explosive anger because we aren't getting what we need. Just like a child throwing their toys around, they're not doing it because they want to hurt anyone, they're doing it so that a compassionate adult will see their suffering and help them deal with something they don't know how to deal with. If we don't have parents with that kind of emotional range, it tends to follow us in adulthood. I'm going to stop just in case this is too much to read, I get a lot of TLDR's lol but if you want to talk I'm more than happy to. I know anger quite well. Wrath is an often misunderstood concept. When I see a video of someone becoming irate in public that everyone likes to laugh at and publicly shame, I don't see a person worth shaming, I see all the conditions of their life culminating into one seemingly small inconvenience and years of frustrations expressing themselves all at once. Because at the end of the day, a person isn't getting angry at a minimum wage cashier, they're getting angry because once again, something in their life isn't going the way they hoped. There's a really good school of thought video I'd recommend on the seven deadly sins, while I'm not myself religious, its a very insightful video that doesn't require a religious person to understand because it goes over every single "sin" of human development to encourage understanding instead of social persecution. hope this helped.
Dayum, just realized that I might be a gaslighter. Well, I dunno if if was stated in the video, but one reason why people can develop these traits, from my experience, is like a chain. People gaslight you, and then out of anger or strong emotion, you gas light someone else. The chain continues and you might get a habit,
And they donot want to take responsibility they are afraid so they Gaslight others just so that they can avoid a situation they don't want to take accountability and they are most afraid of the outcome might be wrong because of them if not then the rest is stated above in the video
Oh, you're on to something here, Antonio. And I think "habit" also is a great word choice. Because I see gaslighters get pleasure out of it, a little taste is never enough, like dope. Keep thinking, you're smart and gave me something valuable here. 😘 thnx
I am so proud of myself that I realised she is manipulating me. It was like a switch and now when we are arguing my brain is like "This sentence is emotional manipulation" "That one was a gaslight" all of this became so easy. There are moments when I say "Stop being a manipulator" and of course she is not taking any responsibility at all. And the clearest sign this is a gaslight was that after every argue I had doubts over my own judgement. "What if she is right? Maybe I'm just sensitive" but now I trust myself from the past. One time after a harsh argue instead of going into my room and crying I detached from my emotions and wrote down everything that happend, ending with "They are abusive, don't trust them" Of course we still argue but I got used to this. I'm just waiting for a psychologist to finally tell her (and my dad) that there is something wrong with them and not me
I went no-contact with my birth family after my father died 5 years ago, because I was tired of hearing from my older siblings that my childhood wasn't as bad as I made it out to be, that the emotional abuse and neglect I experienced was all my imagination, and that my own behavior was the "real" problem all along. Now I have a loving and supportive chosen family that sees and encourages the best in me instead of acting like everything I say, do, and feel is wrong. The road to healing is long and I still get angry sometimes, but I've come a long way and continue to make progress now that I'm away from all the gaslighting.
Thank you. This helps me understand why I was in a bad marriage. I left 10-years ago and I'm still working on the root causes. I can see that my issues are not necessarily about ME, but how I was treated in many relationships. Maybe that should be -- it's not about ME but the behavior that I tolerated. I am awesome and I am growing and healing.
1) 0:34 They invalidate your feelings 2) 1:24 They make you question yourself and your sanity 3) 2:16 They intend to make you feel small 4) 2:57 They don’t take responsibility for their words and actions 5) 3:47 You feel anxious about interacting with them - 😁😁
@@trollzynisaacjohan1793 yah cause they're all generic observations. It's an extremely simple 5 minute video trying to briefly describe a complex psychological concept...no one here is getting any sort of deep understanding from the video, the only thing this is intended is to give you a snowflake level analysis for a concept that requires shoveling massive amounts of snow to uncover. I use this channel as a guide for focusing my academic pursuits so I can take an interesting topic and look up a proper university lecture or book. Take this video with a grain of salt like all the intros say.
@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 oh definitely. I can change my attitude towards males. I've always valued female intellect. It has made me wiser and far more intelligent. Men must treat woman with care and kindness. If they're too negative, simply walkaway in silence.
Yes, I relate to this. Now I know my ex partner was gaslighting most of the time. He blamed me for everything and whenever I tried to talk or explain something, he never let me. I was scared talking to him, always been careful to what I say so he won't get mad. 😖 Thankfully after almost 5 years I put myself together and left him. Thank you for this videos💖
I had to remind myself I was watching a Psych2Go video and not reexperiencing my own parents interactions for the past two decades. All these points are very true. I wish I was able to be educated on this matter earlier in my life so I wouldn't be completely burnt out as I am today.
I was in a relationship with a narcissist last year, this signs are so accurate if the video came out early I could have save myself from so much bullshit lol
Mine was guilty of 1, 2, and 4, which sucks because i would at least try to fix things, or own up to my mistakes, but i never got the same from her. Some people, its just easier to manipulate than self reflect.
remember that a bad person never actually question if they're bad or not, they just are. good people sometimes question if they are a good person or not because they want to be aware of how others see them. so if you a you think you are a gaslighter, you may just be considerate of what others think of you
Now you know so you can change its okay i was also a kinda bully but that because of my parents giving more love to my brother and completely ignore me which induces jealousy when i was under 7 years old now you know so u can change the damage is done but what can you do is to try to not do gaslighting thing and try to change yourself from negative things into positive one be brave okay and of someone still treats or think you are not changing and you are doing it because of sympathy or any ect situation when you have changed the way you interact i would suggest stay away we all make mistakes but learning from them is also in our hands hope i was clear in my ling Ted talk please be courageous i won't be easy more to do work on subconscious habits but it will change over time and if someone brings up yr previous behaviour and try to belittle u, u know you are being gas lighted for yr past mistakes 🤗
I met a person like this. Still know them. I knew something was off at first, but I just chocked it up to me not knowing a lot. At first it wasn't so bad, though there were a few flags here and there. Then I ended up living with them. It was supposed to be for a short time, but that's when I really got the full view of who they really were. They lied their butts off at every turn, creating whole scenarios behind the scenes to tell others to get them on their side. I tried point things out to them, tried talking to them, stop talking to them for a while, talked to their parents a couple of times, tried talking to them again, etc. None of it seemed to matter. I just kind of wing it now when I'm around them. I expect them to give me that two-faced interaction up front, and destroy me everywhere else behind the scenes. I tried to help them and whatever relationship (friendship) we have / had, but you can't be the only one doing all the work. If they don't care to help or get better, let it be their problem, not yours.
My bf brought home a dumb paperback book, Dune. He said it was a book his best friend especially wanted me to read. I didn't know the guy, but, ok. I read a bit, ugh, and dog eared a page to mark my spot. He went apeshit, saying his friend obsessed over (crappy paperback) condition and I'd ruined a first edition, etc,etc. Went on for hours, working himself into a towering rage, right? Hours. So, to cut to the chase... Mr Man had a medical catastrophe, he ended up intubated in the icu. All his friends gathered, I met his best friend, a nice guy. He'd never heard of my existence, he knew nothing about the book, (he also thought Dune sucks.) It was allllll fiction! Total theater, for no known reason, complete with a prop.
My housemate was like this. I ended up getting physically, emotionally and mentally ill because of it. He ended up making my depression and anxiety worse. I was always scared to say anything to him, cos he'd turn everything back on me. I felt awful. Because I felt anxious talking to him, I could tell him he was doing this to me and how I felt. He'd talk down to me. Complain about me. Be condescending. I have arachnophobia, and every time we had big fat spiders and I was, naturally, scared, he'd just say, "stop over reacting!" He could be very cold. Everything was my fault. He moved out this weekend gone. I can't tell you how happy I feel. I feel free. I've been smiling more. I don't feel... heavy? Hahaha. I've even started singing again. 😃
Gaslighters are the worst. A woman tried to do this to a group of people about me at a game night. I did not even acknowledge what she said and walked away. I am not sure if she is a narcissist or a full blown psychopath and I do not want to find out.
My mother was a gaslighter, and I never realised it till now. If I was feeling afraid or anxious, she would always tell me that I was being silly. It was her way or the highway. She would often compare me with her mother, saying "You're just like your grandmother!" and this was not a compliment. Her relationship with her mother was very screwed-up, and she took her resentment out on me.
I know how you feel. My mother had a bad relationship with her mother as well. I swear a part of her hates me because I have some small resemblance to my grandmother.
My GM was gaslighting me to the point I had to leave for the sake of my mental health. we would have talks everyday right as I'm about to clock out about how I'm worthless and nobody respects me. The next day when I would be clearly upset and uncomfortable she would then have talks with me asking me why I seemed so down, and I would explain how what she said to me upset me and she would say "I never said that! I would never say that!" and it quickly became a back and forth argument before I finally rolled on my back and listened to her tell me how I don't do enough there. Even though I would literally work 8-10 hour shifts without a break and had chemical burns all over the tips of my fingers from constantly cleaning. It was really triggering, especially when she didn't talk to anyone else the same way she did to me. She of course threatened that she was going to fire me saying if they failed our health inspection I'd be out of the job... Even though she was the GM and we had an assistant manager who would get any with murder there. Nobody should have to dread going into work everyday and not feel appreciated. Especially food industry jobs, the upper management seems to forget were all humans... We're not some slaves, we deserve to be talked to and not talked down to. This is why it's hard to find people who want to work. Just be nice.. your words can have a serious impact on others.
That is the problem with these gaslighters. There are certain people who they do not act this way with. And if you speak to these people about the problem they don't know what you are talking about because it hasn't happened to them. You can't get validation or anybody to agree with you, unless it has happened to them. Try and find someone else who has been gaslighted by this GM and compare notes if possible. Every success in the future, I hope you can resolve it. You do not deserve to be treated this way.
My gaslighter: (*berates me over the most trivial things*) Also my gaslighter: Why won't you talk to me? I've never done anything to you? Also, yes, that happened lmao
100% relate!! In my experience, I know alot of gaslighting & manipulative & narcissitic people. Which is what I've learnt to be careful & read the signs
I would add a caveat that gaslighting is deliberate. A person might say or do things that make you feel inferior or doubt your sensibilities because they genuinely see themselves as always right. If that's the case, they're arrogant, but not necessarily gaslighters.
Thank you for making this, a girl that I was talking to that plans on going to the same College as me, did this to me. She tried starting fights then blamed it on me for “saying stupid things”. She accused me of talking to other girls and other things. I couldn’t take it anymore. Much love to you all who are struggling, I care about you and I love you
so grateful to be out of that shit! The moment you see signs of that, RUN!!! I wish I would have ran sooner! People like that do not have your best interest at heart.
This is absolutely true. Gaslighting is a very common trait of narcissism especially covert narcissists. I dated one, got hurt - this is all true. There is no apology with them, don't look for one, so you'll need to learn to move on no matter what relationship you had before. If you MUST correspond because of work or some other reason just be polite and distant. Don't get involved with discussion no matter how tempting. The best situation is to never see them again.
Can we talk about why people gaslight others? It seems like some kind of inferiority complex or a defense mechanism against past life trauma. I have often come to the conclusion that "trauma causes trauma" and gaslighting may be a perfect example of that. What are some effective strategies to prevent your own defense mechanisms and responses to trauma from harming others?
Therapy probably. I will say that my parents used gaslighting probably as a method to raise me and when I got into my first relationships, that's basically how I reacted to stress. It's not that I want anyone to feel sorry for me for becoming this type of asshole, but eventually I started to see a therapist and figured out why I do things that I do and eventually learned that I have to get used to new patterns. Intuitively my first reaction will always be the nasty treatment my parents have taught me, that's forever going to be a part of me because that's how I lived since I was a baby. But Maybe over time after having self awareness in different stressful situations, I know when to pull myself out of a situation and think about how I want to react, and over time, many of my intentionally learned patterns became my intuitive reaction. This is though something I've been working on for 10 years now, I will seek out a therapist when I notice I have patterns I need to work on. Most of it can be changed, but it takes time, each time you're confronted with difficult feelings it's a new start on this road of becoming a better person and I still after 10 years suddenly find a corner of myself that reacts like a child and I have to look at that part of myself for some time and it feels like after all this time I still have not improved at all...But I have. What I also learned, is that I need to do this because otherwise my pattern will rub off on other people, just as you said that trauma causes more trauma, or as most people like to say "hurt people hurt people".
TY. As always I gain more clarity These behaviors should be discussed in schools I'm only learning now at 74 what has been a lifetime of being treated badly.... There I was thinking. If I try harder.. Even harder. Or putting myself last because *i* need to be more thoughtful etc OMG...
I love these videos so much! Right now i have a toxic person in my life who does things like this all the time… it has caused me lots of problems and this person would never let me reach out for help but these videos have helped me find new ways to cope and understand what the toxic person does! So thankyou ❤️
Having being gaslighted during workplace, ie leaders would ask questions like “are you a primary student?” in front of all hall of colleagues, and ironic/cynical responses as “it’s amazing that you could make this so far”. Their tricks constantly let you doubt yourself and your capabilities. I would encourage myself to accept what’s adding value, but just ignore the negative by having the mind of “this too shall pass”. At the end of the day, your vulnerability is the capacity that you allow others to wound you
My dad, my mom, my grandma, my sister, my brother, a supposed "best friend"--they all did this to me. No wonder I'm such a mess. They've all passed on, except the "friend." I'm the only survivor out of a family of 5. I'm free now; it's just me and my daughter, who was also gaslighted by all of them. Trying to heal, but it's so hard without resources. I don't miss them. At all. Am I horrible for not missing them?
My ex fiance did all 5 of these. I still know how she plays and what she does but i am still so anxious and nervous around her. She is a bully at heart. I remember seeing her 6 months after she dumped me and I lost so much weight and got into shape all she could say was, "I see you still struggle to talk to people like a normal human." when in reality, I made a ton more friends. I just got up and left the party after that.
yeah i think my mom did that recently to my sister but i'm not sure, i still supported my sister to feel better anyways so i could try to help her from keeping being hurt emotionally
Yup. I'm usually the one who concedes I could have made different choices, or communicated better. I really takes two people to be flexible, responsible and considerate in maintaining a healthy relationship.
My sisters just dismissed me for speaking about identity theft & fixing the mess. Never reacted but when my cell phone ransoming called bunch of people in my contacts including my now deceased Mother. Diane told my mom “there’s no such thing”, with my big brother threatening me again saying Mom did it too! My Mom was so upset Toni, Diane & Jimmy then Roger joined in with Terry paranoids as I needed my United State Post office. Terrifying as nobody should threaten me because my mail was messed up had nothing to do with them as far as I know! They took my Mother away from me life, punishing & threatening me. In Arizona abusers get the upper hand if you have trauma disorder the health department even gets in on it punished me refusing take my galbadder out.
well, i relate to all of these. im currently in a situation with my crush, and my best friend told me that if I didnt ask her out, he would. i only knew her for about 2 months, and i reallly didnt want to rush it. however, i still asked her out. not based off of liking her (which i did, obviously), but i did it because i felt pressured. i told him, i really dont want to. im going too fast. but, he kept pressuring me, and he gets mad at me when im pissed off about it. he tells me that i was the bad person there, which skmetimes i believe. he said that he didnt do anything bad, since i at least asked her out in the end. now, him, my crush and i all sit next to each other, and we all know the situation. he constantly brings it up whenever shes around, and tells other people that i like her. he even told her that i love her, which im still not sure if i do. is that gaslighting, or is it just my point of view?
This makes it seem that at one point or another, any of us could be accused of gaslighting. I definitely feel like I was being gaslit by my ex; then again, she would say it the other way. The truth that came out after it ended about all my speculations of cheating and many other things was proved.
I've unfortunately meet to many people like this. Been hard trying to find someone that isn't to be in a relationship. Last one straight up said I was doing the same things he was doing to me I literally didn't do any of that and any time I was upset he'd get irritated and start an argument. I don't understand how someone could think like that I was being nothing but supportive especially since he has college. He had the nerve to tell me I wasn't doing enough and that making a simple phone call once in awhile was to much for him.
This happens a lot in the workplace. An example in my case - the supervisor was very critical and belittling of a piece of wok I did. Later I found she did exactly the same thing herself. I could have questioned her about it but knowing the sort of person she was it wasn't worth it.
I'm too bullheaded and argumentative for this kind of manipulation but I'm not opposed to healthy criticism which o accept easily but I was raised to stand firm on anything I believe or say but never to manipulate others..be strong and safe out there everyone! Remember your happiness comes first people and things can't do that for you only you can ❤️🤗
one interaction with my sister that I remember having is I was feeling insulted by something she said(can't remember what she said or what I felt like she was saying) so I explained this and she said that she never said the thing it felt like she said, which was true, but it still felt like she was heavily implying it, and then I said that and he got frustrated and "apologized", but her tone felt like she was only doing it so I'd drop it. I also tend to avoid interacting with her and when I do she says that I shouldn't(or "can't", can't remember exactly) avoid it just because of some disagreements(we have arguments almost if not every time we hang out). She also tends to act like she's my mom cuz she's older(not an older twin situation, she's 4 years older than me), this has gotten somewhat better as I've gotten older but it's still very annoying and she won't stop despite me and my actual mom telling her to. she also used to tickle me when I was younger even though I said I hated it and told her to stop while she was doing it because I was laughing as if it isn't an involuntary response. Sorry for the rant, I was just going to ask if this seemed like gaslighting cuz the vid did seem relatable even though it didn't quite match but it turned into a rant about my sister.
This describes one of my exes to a tee. "You're being dramatic, you're blaming me for your emotions, I didn't do anything wrong." And when I told him that was super invalidating, he just doubled down, tenderly explaining to me that I didn't remember things properly and I really needed help with self control and emotional regulation and we should seek therapy. When the therapist wouldn't allow him to paint me as the bad guy, he got angry. And when I told him we should just break up if he really thought I was that broken, he thankfully didn't argue. It wasn't a very long relationship, but it still haunts me sometimes.
Hi, I’m not sure if this will reach, I normally never command under video's, but I wanted to thank you for these informative video’s, I struggle with a bunch of mental problems that are not often talked about because they often misunderstood. I have been in toxic friendships for most of my life, pretty much growing up with them. I never new that what others did to me wasn’t the way people/friends were supposed to act towards you, I was often abused by the people around me, which left me unable to connect to people later in life and a bunch of trauma and other mental illness. These video’s made me break off certain friendships to better work on myself and value myself as a person, and that I deserve more than the way people where treating me. I wanted you to know how much you help people like me, by talking and educating. Thank you.
God, just these days i am feeling akward with a girl that i am getting to know, and i just didint know why i fell so small around her, this video just came at the right time, thanks
As a bloke it seems gaslighting comes naturally so requires a conscious effort to be aware of oneself . Looking at how you were brought up and your parents behaviour is a good place to start if your looking to the roots of ones own attitudes and behaviours . Escaping parents conditioning can be a life long process . And its not anyone's fault, its just what happens in a society where so many things are not addressed properly .
She said "I have feelings for you" and a day later she would say " You want to hear whatever you want to hear". I would bring up the voice memos in wich she cried and talked about how much she wants a future with me and she replied " I never did that" and "I forgot". I love her but imagine having children with her. Nobody should exchange love for peace of mind. I'm going trough a hard break up but i know that there is no other way. Working on traumas together is something else than being manipulated and losing your self esteem.
Luka Dante 100% well said!! Thank you for sharing & you're right as I fleed with my safety & dignity so despite in the toxic "relationship" I left it was the most important out of everything to salvage? Thank you for sharing & your compliment. You've 💯👍😊🤩 got this & in my experience how accurate you are as all the different types of abuse over time I endured in my case I can't say which was worse? The mental torment & turmoil maybe
The pandemic really brought gaslighting into the open. Say you're neurodivergent, with sensory processing difficulty, and the face mask is not a "minor inconvenience" for you. The gaslighters of the pandemic will continue to insist that it is a "minor inconvenience," and that you are a horrible person for not wanting to wear it.
Except that's not gaslighting - that's "the majority of people making this claim are doing it for bad reasons." As an analogy, let's say you're 26 but 4"10 and look all of fifteen years old when you go to a bar. The bouncer and bartender have every reason to assume you're underage and card you (and even to deny you entry assuming your ID is fake) - because if they don't *they're* facing far worse consequences than they would for just letting you past. Because while there's plenty of legal adults that look like teenagers and even a lot of little people who are adults - there's *even more* actually underage people trying to sneak into places they're legally forbidden from, and yet the place is in a whole lot of hurt if they get caught letting a kid in.
Your logic does not follow. What if I was not wearing a mask during your surgery? Maybe I have my reasons: hot, airless feeling, itchy nose for hours. So am I entitled to spew my bacteria onto your sterile field and surgical wound? No, I set my feelings aside because I am thinking of YOUR safety, not my discomfort. It is a minor inconvenience, in the great scheme of things, and that's not gaslighting, bub. I'm no special kitty and neither are you.
He boldly admitted that he could "mind f$%&" me and that I wouldn't know it. What he didn't know was that I use those techniques to protect myself. That comment and others was the beginning of the downfall of our "friendship", he would make reiterate what he said that made me upset. He would then make question my recollections of what he said and even our text messages. He tried to get me to question. He would also make me anxious and worried about what I was going to say would agitate him and start another argument. The final straw was when he was trying to tell how I'm feeling. When I had enough of that, he started with the childish name calling.
being gaslighted hurts. especiallt when you have anxiety, you overthink sm nd it's jus so so messed up eh. the worst thing you can do to an anxious person.
I remember my grandma said "I really hate your hair" in a restaurant and I just smiled and said "thanks I like it too" and sat down 🤣🤣 she was so quite the rest of the time and after leaving my mom is like "how the hell did you do that???" 😂 because my grandma is always doing that to her and she's always just gotten mad
Just left a friend who does all of this. I withdraw. Dread the 37 texts or phone calls. I finally "got" I shouldn't feel guilty because I refuse to hang with someone who makes me feel like shit because of their ego. You teach people how to treat you. I walk away.
I just walked away from my job because my boss is the epitome of a gaslighting narcissist..I picked up on red flags when they sneakingly shut down my ideas, attempted to undermine everything I did, made everything about them being a victim when they never came to work, lied almost every time she opened her mouth and slandered me to other people.. She was bias towards anyone who she was friends with and had such a bully mentality but always had this phony smile on her face when she was stabbing me in the back the whole time.. I never second guess myself or doubt what I know..I'm too strong to be preyed on, so narcissist don't come around me..I rise above and then remove myself..I thank God for protection from these demons..But they will reap what they sow.. They always do..
Something my mom always says when I confront her about anything is "I'm sorry you felt that way". I didn't realize this was manipulative behavior until my friend witnessed her do it and texted me about it.
Once you identify gaslighting there's only one way to deal with the person doing it: get away immediately and don't look back. They're not going to change what they do and will eventually leave for easier prey when you stand up to them or wear you down with even more determined BS.
This sucks when you’re a overthinker cause you really question yourself
Same.
Same
I just got over it. Going through it was rough but keep fighting:) my advice is occupying time with learning new skills, interest, etc. Keep God/Yourself close
@@menyamustdie this sucks when you're a procrastinator cause it's hard to start anything
Same.
I told someone I loved dearly how their behavior was hurting me..they responded immediately by calling me "rude".."thin-skinned".."full of drama." Not a moment of accountability or validation of my feelings. If you tell someone they've hurt you, they don't get to decide they didn't.
Right on!! Thats so true ! Thanks 💖✌
I can relate a friends said something so incredibly hurtful and condescending towards me and when I confronted l her she said I was toxic for bringing it up….. it’s amazing how some people really don’t care about deeply hurting someone and project their own behaviour constantly.
🥰
@@leftthatbehind6090 Yeah, there are unfortunately a great number of self centered, heavily narcissistic people out there and they loooove to find themselves an empath to suck dry! Be careful, sweetie.
The last sentence is so brilliantly put ! 👏
"Best advice my therapist ever gave me: Just because you love someone does not mean they have earned your vulnerability" - Courage the Cowardly Dog
"The things I do for love" - Also Courage
@@Marquise_DeShaw_Injustice naw, we don't talk about THAT Courage.
What episode was that?
Feels familiar but I can't quite put my finger on it
I like that.
Deep.
My ex was like this
To everyone watching this: you shouldn’t stay in a relationship with people like this because they destroy you from inside
@Oregano no one means to hurt someone they care for, people who gas light are no less capable of being hurt than you are its usually the result of an abusive environment where they felt they had to control the people around them to get what they needed.
@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 I’ve known my husband since we were kids; he hasn’t grown up in an abusive environment but he’s the biggest gaslighter I know and I know plenty. I know he has very low self esteem but you wouldn’t think that with the way he acts like he’s above others and deserves special treatment.
@Oregano I don’t think she means it either, she has her own unresolved issues that makes her this way with you and others. Try not to take it personal, it’ll will help you get through it. Good luck :)
@@hadilayyad6147 Abusive environments aren't always as easy to see. The delicate period of 1-6 when we learn all our social skills is a crucial time, so just because someone wasn't hit, or neglected, doesn't mean they weren't raised in an authoritarian environment that would encourage control and manipulation because they lacked an ability to properly empathize or offer emotional support. Certain genetic components exist too though, people like your husband would likely excel in careers like Law though. There are plenty of largely successful careers and lives for such people, it's just not always easy to deal with when they're your significant other. but when we rely on something as flawed as our memory to determine who was or wasn't abused in some way, it becomes a lot more difficult to pin point especially if its subtle. I mean, his mom and dad, or siblings, were they manipulative like him?
I spoke to this girl recently who casually said, "my boyfriend HATES hospitals." and I asked, "was he sick or hospitalized as a kid?" she said, "no not at all." so I asked, "did someone close to him die in a hospital?" and she just stopped, and thought and said "actually...yeah, his grandfather died in a hospital and he was quite close to him." it maybe not always be readily obvious the traumas we carry with us, but what we know for sure is that they exist for valid reasons. All it takes is one moment to change us forever.
The important thing is your ability to translate his love and compassion from the way he acts because unlike what people like to think about such behavior, it frequently stems from fear of losing someone, or an expression of love. We don't put a leash on a dog because we hate them, we put a leash on a dog because we fear they'll run onto the road and get injured. It might not be optimal for freedom and expression, but if we can find an equilibrium that's usually ideal. We have to sacrifice parts of our self for those we care about, if we don't sacrifice anything, they're clearly not important to us.
@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 I appreciate your input. I’m probably going to come off as a total bitch but I just don’t have anything in me to care about him. I have turned into a bitter and toxic person towards him, I’m afraid. I’m not like this with anyone else, just him. He has shown me no love or compassion, he only compliments me or tells me he loves me so I can say it back (and it’s not something he wants to hear once a day, he wants that validation every few minutes) and when he pressures me into sex. His parents were the complete opposite of authoritarian and I would go to say I highly doubt he had any traumatic experiences as a child. He was a bad egg, always causing trouble for no reason ie (he broke his aunt’s glass panels by pelting them with rocks and convinced his cousin to do it with him) He’s just an asshole, and at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if he had ODD when he was a kid. He literally wrecked his dad’s brand new car by stealing his keys and crashing it into a wall. The last thing he needs would be to have a career such as a lawyer, he already sees himself as super important and everyone beneath him. He just works a shitty minimum wage job and expects me to deal with what we have, even after he drained me of my savings. He has made a point to joke at my expense and undermine my feelings, criticize and tell me I’m nothing compared to other women and that I’m lucky he doesn’t cheat on me bc I’m fat ( I gained weight from depression and 3 pregnancies). I am satisfied when I knock his ego down a few notches so he can realize if only for a few seconds that his shit stinks just like everyone else’s. There’s way too much for me to tell you, it would take me a whole day. I have read and watched a lot of videos on raising kids in healthy environments so I’m very adamant in making sure my kids are growing well developmentally as well as physically. I have sacrificed way too much of myself for him and I regret it. Yes, I don’t care about him at all and I want him out of my life. Thanks.
My wife is a victim of gaslighting.. It has gone for so long and gotten so bad. In particular the gas lighter is her Mom and Sister. They both invalidate her feelings and capabilities in an instant. It is beyond devastating to see my wife try and defend herself. I tell her we need to cut all communication from them. But the damage is done and now we just need to avoid them. It is terribly sad. I pray my wife can realize and gain her self respect back.
I'm surprised she still managed to find someone and get married, usually victims to manipulators do not trust anyone.
Glad she's got you
It's hard work, but its entirely possible.
Same. My mom is a cruel narcissist and my sister is her golden child and I’m the 3 legged dog that is not allowed to have any recognition or praise at all aka the scapegoat....If I make a cake and get compliments about how good it is from everyone at a party but they will say well it wasn’t as good as my last cake... which was not their favorite and made my mom sick with the runs for days and gave my sister a rash. There is never an interaction that doesn’t involve constant put downs, insensitive jokes at my expense and criticism.
When I mention what they did or said was hurtful they will deny they ever said anything and how dare I accuse them of such things.
My mom will buy my sisters kids extravagant gifts for Christmas or birthdays costing hundreds of dollars and then give my children socks and underwear at Christmas. She has only attended one birthday for my middle son but would send them a card or a small gift up until they were about 3 and after that nothing.. my kids wouldn’t even get a phone call from her. I haven’t received a birthday card or gift from my mother since I was 8 or 9 years old. She just stopped celebrating my birthday although when I reached the age of 9. Not even a phone call. 3 years ago she called me a month prior to my birthday and said happy birthday In advance because I’m sure I’ll forget your birthday anyways.
The hypocrisy of it all was the expectation that I buy her expensive Christmas and birthday gifts. One Christmas, money was tight during it was the recession in 2008 and I made her an album with pictures of the grandkids and a photo collage for the wall. I’m very creative and artsy - so I spent a lot of time on it. She was semi ok with the photo wall collage because she thought I bought it and the store but when I explained that the frame was from a thrift store and I had repainted it then that is when things went south... she asked me what boutique I got this cute frame at and that’s when I proudly exclaimed that I had made it - thinking OMG I am getting a complement for the first time EVER... well that was a BIG MISTAKE!
she went off and then proceeded to talk about it for weeks- how dare I buy her a present from goodwill after all she has done for me... it went on and on how disrespectful I was for not buying her an extravagant expensive gift. On top of that I had just had a baby that was 2 weeks old and a 18 month old with my husband loosing his job and my work having huge layoffs. We were struggling to make our house payment and she found my homemade gift offensive.
I’m in my early 40s and In June of 2022 it will be 2 years since I completely cut all ties with her successfully. There was a year prior to this that was kind of hot and cold and I would feel guilty about not being her source of praise and narcissistic supply running around like a crazy woman in the attempts to make her happy while whatever I did was never good enough
The turning point was my children recognizing the behavior and my kids starting to question their value. I was Fine if she wanted to be mentally abusive to me and have me questioning my value but I wasn’t going to let my kids be rolled up into this toxic game.
It was hard... but each month it got better and better. I was able to think more clearly and my anxiety went down and I realized how much the gaslighting and emotional abuse had hurt me. So I went to trauma counseling and it has been a life changer. I still speak with my sister but I have some pretty big boundaries up and I think eventually I will have to also cut ties with her. It’s hard not having a mom but I couldn’t have done it with my husband being very supportive and understanding
As a victim of this shit myself, it’s hard to recognize it when it’s coming from close family. She may think something like “blood is thicker than water” and feel indebted to them for “everything they’ve done for her thru life.” The trick is knowing true love and kindness doesn’t come with terms and conditions. Not saying it’s right to take advantage of people and their kindness: im saying nobody should feel obligated to keep toxic family in their life for any reason. Real love doesn’t come with a “you owe me now.”
Obviously i dont know you, your wife or that situation but I just wanted to share that. That’s how I don’t fall for manipulative bs from my family. I’m glad she’s got you. Plus it’s not like anybody likes to cut off family members. Knowing that, they’ll likely weaponize that guilt against her to gaslight her further.
My family - of - birth was 4 kids and 2 parents; it wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that I heard about gas lighting and other forms of emotional manipulation/abuse. I sat across from a therapist for two hours explaining an argument my father and I had been in. I explained that I needed to be more grateful, a better communicator, less selfish, more understanding, and let go of the idea that people should put family ahead of work because “that isn’t how it works in the real world.” All my father’s helpful tips for my improvement and why I’d never measure up to my sister.
I had suicidal ideations after this fight. My therapist hadn’t said a single word in those first two hours and she was quiet a long time when I said, “You haven’t said anything but you’re writing like mad. You have to say something. Do you think you can help me change?”
When she spoke, she said, “It is a miracle that you are alive, most people commit suicide before the abuse gets this bad. You communicate very well, I just can’t believe that you think there is any resemblance between the person you’ve been taught to believe is you, and the you that I see and hear in here now. It’s really amazing you’ve survived all you have.”
The healing began with learning about gaslighting and how to recognize and confront it. Eventually (1-2 years) I realized that my family-of-origin wasn’t interested in getting counseling, trying better communication skills, or spending time processing our argument. My husband and I made the decision to go no contact with everyone except my youngest brother.
I continue to mourn for the life we could have had, but it has been nearly five years since I’ve seen or heard from them. initially I was devastated, then angry, my favorite stage of healing is acceptance.
Good for you!!! Realizing they are the problem and NOT you is so freeing. Most of the time it’s the healthy people in the family who go for counseling. The toxic ones think they don’t need it 🤦🏻♀️. You are very brave! Hope you’re doing well!!
Wow, What a beautiful story of healing. Thank you for sharing. It took me years to figure out my programming was so faulty that I attracted Narcissists in every aspect of my life. Namaste
I applaud your decision of going no contact. A lot of people hesitate to do this because they feel they are breaking up the 'family'. But family is built on meaningful actions not by having blood relations to them.
I was putting up with a toxic elder sister for a very long time. But now I have gone no contact too. It feels great except she acts like I have done injustice to HER
I've just broken up with my boyfriend of almost 5 years. There was a lot of love and we had a deep connection on a certain level, but I often found myself walking on eggshells, trying not to disagree with him too much so he wouldn't start a fight. And that's just it, it wouldn't really ever be a discussion or an equal conversation, it would always shift into him yelling at me and me crying and shutting down. He would speak his mind, then tell me to talk, only to interrupt me after 10 seconds. He told me he didn't like the way I explained things. He didn't give me a chance to explain or tell the story from my pov. He would say I was too defensive. Anyway, after a few years I didn't care anymore, became an empty shell and started replying "whatever" to everything. Now I'm looking forward to finding myself again.
Great to hear that you got out. I hope things have gone well for you ❤ This sounds a lot like a relationship I was in a long time ago. Leaving was very hard but the right decision.
It almost feels like I'm hearing my own story from somebody else's mouth. I almost never cried in front of him - my childhood conditioned me not to cry while in defense-mode - but I did about 7 years of crying in the first 4 months after leaving him for good.
Ah yes.... the walking on eggshells.
Them immediately getting angry and yelling about anything and everything.
The crying and the shutting down
And definitely....
The WHATEVERS that get incessantly said.
Traumatic brain injury is what these demons inflict
I hope to get therapy soon
@@HomoSealbecause these demons all act basically the same way. Easy to pick up on with others now. So some good does come from relationships with these demons
@@charruzit's funny when they snap at you saying that they walk in eggshells around you. It's like .. how? No answer no explanation just more berating and rage.
Honestly I just watch these for checking my behavior. I have BPD, and even if not intentionally, I used to manipulate people. Been in therapy for 2 years and both me and my circles notice the difference! I've never felt better.
i'm also healing from BPD. your insight is amazing!! ☀
Good job guys
1. They invalidate your feelings.
2. They make you question yourself and your sanity.
3. They intend to make you feel small.
4. They don't take responsibilities for their work and actions.
5. You feel anxious about interacting with them.
It's important to note that gaslighting isn't always one sided. Sometimes both parties are guilty. When watching we should also examine ourselves.
Don't doubt yourself
@@johngalvin3124 Naw it's a good point, from my experience, the person that was most eager to call every guy that rejected her a narcissist, was later diagnosed by a psychologist to be on the spectrum for narcissistic personality disorder.
And that made her real angry because that was probably her favourite insult lol. Either way, Gaslighting is a common thing that can easily be a part of a normal conversation when someone just doesn't want to keep that conversation going in a certain direction. I'm not saying this makes it okay, but it's okay to wonder if you yourself have been doing this and what your reasons were and try to change that part of you.
@@corneliahanimann2173 agreed this happens and you have to protect yourself regardless.
We should always be doing the inner work but keep in mind; reactive abuse, trauma bond, enmeshment. Know the signs of when it's time to get distance from a gaslighter or therapy to get help deal with one.
@@AliValentine143 Now we're talking. Very illuminating advice.
i really relate to this. i always thought i'm stupid and bad at all things cuz my family makes me feel like that. they make me feel bad about myself and i always thought that i was just overreacting. talking to them really feels like I'm walking on eggshells, I'm always worried about how they'll react if I say something wrong. they make me feel so down and useless. the bad things is that they always laugh at me and make fun of me while i look up to them as a role model. watching this video makes me realize that i am not overacting but i am gaslighted and being manipulated by the people around me whom i really love the most. i just hope i'm strong enough to confront them about how they make me feel.
That's so awfull, I know that too. But I personally don't yhink u can change them minds about that, just live the way u are and don't mind them. :) I know this can be hard tho...
You are strong enough.
Mine too. I hear you. ~hug~ They're jerks and not worth your mental energy.
Bruh my parents do that to me then I'll say back I'm walking away I ain't gonna be gaslighted.
Exact same thing but in elementary and a bit in middle school, parents are immigrants and from Ukraine along with me and came in 1st grade in a really rich neighborhood , kids would make fun of my bad English but I excelled in math only because it was numbers and not in English letters, I thought I was annoying and loud but after many fights and detentions I finally knew these people see me as dirt, luckily I transferred to a different school
Having a bad day? Put your hand on your heart. Feel that? That’s called your purpose. You’re alive for a reason. Keep going! - Love Nathalie ❤️
Dont take life too seriously, you won't get out of it alive. - Love Your Father.
You are a lovely soul. I take this as my Good Morning today ☺️
That is very beautiful, thank you for this comment. 💕
@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 Thank you so much for sharing and the reminder, my friend :)
@@judithgannon5642 That's so beautiful! Thank you for the lovely encouragement, I appreciate you! :)
one or both of my parents used to do all of these points to me.
1) father
2) both but mostly mother
3) both
4) both but HIGHLY mostly mother
5) both
took me years to work up the courage to tell them that their behavoir is not ok. especially 4) where the entire family had to surround my mother and tell her that she would litteraly look for the smallest event where we were concerned by the problem at some point so she could shift the blame towards us. insults were also fairly common with her as soon as someone screwed up, no matter how bad it was.
thankfully, after a lot of discussion and heart-to-heart conversations, they are both much healthier in their behaviors. my mother takes responsibility for her actions, and only insults her computer when it refuses to work properly (but i can understand that frustration), and they stopped trying to make me feel small and actually let me feel pride in what i accomplished (even though that took a few months of me not sharing anything particular at school unless they specificly asked, and it took meeting a teacher that told them of my good grades to learn about them). my father still has trouble acknowledging my feelings and emotions, especially towards video games (he hates video games with all his heart even though he never really touched a controller). i'm still a bit nervous when approaching them, but at least now i feel like i CAN approach them, instead of thinking i'm about to fight for my life just to ask them for help with homework (in the past i'd legit prefer to fail my homework then ask them for help).
I'm like you rn.. but instead only my mother is like this..
I didn't know this either until now that my mom has been gaslighting me all along lol
I would love to hear more about the differences in examples between gaslighting and non-gaslighting behaviour. And how to recognise the difference between intentional gaslighting, like true manipulation and just lack of knowledge and experience in a person how to better communicate. Because many people have no developed communication and interpersonal skills.
In the end it doesn't really matter that much. You can point it out to people, and see how they react to your feedback. If they take too long to change their behavior though it's better to stop interacting with them, because intentionally or not, it will have severe long term effects on your mental health. And that's not worth the teaching.
I had someone say because I was abused in my childhood I didn't know what true love felt like. Everytime we had an argument, this would pop up. It took me awhile to understand it was emotional manipulation
Oh that so evil for them to say.
A lot of my flaws has to do with being left behind after just being welcomed into someone's life as a friend. Basically, people invite you into your friend life then immediately leave you for their other friends without getting to know you or contact you at all. This not only has effects emotionally but also mentally regarding trust, thought of abandonment, and the struggles of being overprotective because of fear of abandonment. This could be a topic to cover one day as it's a big one in the world we live in.
wanna talk about it? I like your profile picture :3
Yeah this is me.
Try to figure out some of your interests and find those that share them, genuinely. Also, having one good friend is just as good as having many friends or acquaintances. At the end of the day? Your you, and God made you special! Just as much as anybody else!
@@wishfulthinking8699 except having one friend is like putting all your eggs in one basket and sometimes that basket breaks and you're left with absolutely nothing.
@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 read my comment again please. I said 1 good friend. Opposed to many acquaintances. Difference between the two.
It can absolutely go both ways, be mindful if someone is doing this to you, don't gaslight in response to survive, get help and BE CAREFUL.
So true. It's called reactive abuse. As the saying goes "Hurt people hurt people."
That is when a relationship is at its most dangerous. It's like being in a "Mexican standoff" from from an old fashioned Western, where one person aims at the person who is aiming at them.
Keep that up, and eventually what do you think will happen? Unfortunately in the case of abuser and victim, the burden is on the victim to escape from the bad situation as the one with the power to hurt will not stop of own volition.
when you feel confused or just lost, and you're questioning yourself all the time that's a big red flag you're being gaslighted. Thank you psych2go for helping us🤧 these videos helped me in a important phase of my life
9/10 of all the comments I see tend to be taking the route of "if I have the SLIGHTEST hint that someone is upsetting me, I'm going to try my hardest to find excuses to accuse that person of gaslighting" even though its an extremely intricate and difficult to demonstrate psychology term...like the videos ALWAYS say, these videos are general guide lines, a short 5 minute video is supposed to give you a grade 1 level understanding of a psyche concept...you're literally missing high school level understanding if you stop here. It requires education and dedicated effort to understand these topics, they're not an endless excuse for people to simply disregard and cast away people they don't like because chances are, you're not capable of identifying gaslighting. How about this, if you understood Inception, or watched psyche dramas without scratching your head, you have a chance.
@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 you're completely right though like what I've said cannot be taken in general cause general misunderstandings and arguments happen but that does not mean you are being gaslighted but when you don't have a say in your opinions and see you lose yourself and the uncomfortable feeling you feel in the relationship does not go away, like you still see the red flags are still there and it doesn't seem to i think that's where we need to just stop and think but seeing it on the outer and making excuses to accuse them of gaslighting is just gonna be another toxic trait and also yeah these kind of things needs to be studied and we need to understand what the term actually is
I really wish I had known this a long time ago during some of my bad relationships when they did this 24/7
@@sophiedarnell467 nothing would have been different, it would have just been a quicker excuse for you to end the relationship because accusing someone of gaslighting doesn't improve anything, it successfully destroys any possible attempt at coming to a mutual understanding because it destroys the idea that you or the other person is someone capable of trusting. I'd avoid ever using gaslighting if you intend to not make the situation worse.
@@preethijessica4150 using the word gaslight, or accusing someone of doing it, is the quickest way to destroy a relationship and end a conversation because there's not crawling out when you use the word because its like a nuke, it expresses "I don't trust anything you say." thus destroying any hopes of a compromise or understanding, and chances are, they probably aren't, most of the time, its an argument that neither persons are willing to relent on, if someone is so confident that a person is actively manipulating them in order to morph their perceptions of reality, then there is nothing they can say, or you can say, that can change that. They'll say, "no im not." you'll say "yes you are." and thus, the complete destruction of the conversation takes place.
Him: Why are you so emotional?
Me: Why are you so emotionless?
*And that's how you put out a campfire.*
U got him. That's my toxic mom right there. Up to no good
Her:Why are u silent, u going to be sick and you are heartless for not telling me your issues.
My subconscious mind:Tf u are a gaslighter, how tf I'm I supposed to tell you anything personal?😏
🤩
Because emotions cloud judgement
"your as cold as ice, you're willing to sacrifice our love..." Song- Cold as Ice Band/singer- Foreigner
To the gaslighter, not the gaslighted
I basically experienced all these signs from 2 years ago with a group of friends I thought I could trust. They basically treated me like dogshit when I brought up the fact my ex (who was also in this circle) was seriously causing some issues with us all and she managed to turn everyone against me and made me look like the troublemaker.
Some insider information I got showed me they were sorry for failing me, but the damage is done. If they treated me like garbage the first time around and took the side of a spoiled and toxic brat, who's not to say there won't be a second incident?
I don't do pretty pictures very well...
People screw up. They've screwed up before, and they'll screw up again. That's a fact. I've screwed up, even with the best intentions, and it won't be the last time...
SO in regards to these friends, the question isn't whether or not there's going to be another episode. It's whether or not the FRIENDSHIP is worth forgiving them and returning to the circle... That's a choice you have to make for yourself...
They may have learned (obviously with this one girl) not to trust her word for it... BUT the next one? The one after that? Who knows??? There will be screw ups in the future because not every gaslighting spoiled brat and twat is a bit different from the others. It's part of what makes them dangerous. There's no good formula to spot it "every time"... You just get a bit better as you go along and suffer the same kinds of things over time, cutting "bad people" out of your life when it's obvious (at least to you) that they are "toxic"... for whatever reason.
Look, I'm sorry you've had to go through all that... I can't tell you what to do to make it go away or get better. Sometimes people DO grow and learn better. Sometimes they make better friends after seeing how their shortcomings have destroyed friendships and relationships before. Sometimes they have to screw up a LOT to learn much of anything.
SO... about all anybody can really do or say to help you with your decision or the resolve to live with the choice made, is help clarify what you're actually deciding. I hope I've helped you out a bit with that. I hope you find and cultivate better friendships in the future.
AND just because you forgive someone it does NOT mean you instantly have to welcome them back into your life "the same as before"... You forgive so their BS doesn't continue to drag you down. AND that is also YOUR CHOICE. ;o)
@@gnarthdarkanen7464 All of the people involved in this are beyond their thirties (I just hit that age last year). They should know better. I actually burned my bridges with them last year before Christmas when my insider sources (mutual friends I'm still on good terms with) told me they were talking behind my back but none of them dared to come confront me 1on1 unless they had a chance to all gang up on me at once. Dishonesty, deceitfulness, and disrespect are things I'll never forgive - and all of these were happening repeatedly and they thought I wouldn't know.
I say they're toxic because my ex started talking behind my back and they all believed it when there was no evidence to support it, and my ex was already known to be a drama queen. But of course people believe the supposedly innocent girl before the gruff dude right? I consulted with some other friends (one of which is aspiring to work in the field of law) and he was like "double standards dude, I'm sorry you had to endure that but it is the truth this world takes a girl's word before the guy's".
I just cut them all out of my life without any of them knowing and I already feel a hell lot better. But I don't feel bad when the main people involved were the following: a hardcore anarchist that cowardly shields himself behind a phone in all face to face conversations, a self-absorbed and pretentious cunt that has the nerve to say you'll be shit in your career paths because according to her, I don't know how to treat girls right, and a nutjob that thinks the only way I can get over this crisis is to believe in Jesus Christ *WHEN MY EX WAS THE CORE OF THE PROBLEM.*
They are 31, 32, and 34 year olds respectively. And the friends I mainly consulted with during this crisis are either the same age as me or younger. This is beyond pathetic, where younger folks have a better grasp on reality than these halfwits.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, and let's just say I had a fun time reading through what you said also lol. Shit happens, but this is just me speaking from experience and hoping nobody else has to endure what I went through.
@@SoldierOfFate Yeah... well... This is the comment section (often called the Cancer Section) and you just never really know who you're chatting to or about directly...
In any case, I can't blame your choice as made... It's reasonable.
AND just about the time you THINK you can rely on adults to have better sense they can rise or fall to surprise you... I ride a motorcycle and it's rarely less than entertaining... though I've gained skill at predicting the lack of "better sense" since I started riding nearly 30 years and probably over a million miles ago...
BUT so much for the expectations versus real life experience. Right? ;o)
@@SoldierOfFate Honestly thats many people in that age group nowadays, and your lawyer friend is unfortunately right. You are legit better off without them though. Close the door and walk away, you will be better off. There are too many decent people in the world to waste time with those who just going to bring you down.
@@fiercephoenix4389 💯♥️
I had an online friend that did very similarly, she was toxic, abusive and just flat out a horrible person, all she’d do is connect me with my political point of views and that would be her way of looking at me and even tried gaslighting me into the idea that she was my best friend. i eventually blocked her from everything after i said that i didn’t want to continue this friendship anymore, she then said she was going to come after me and my family
Its like the truth finally came out, i’ve been watching this channel for a while and relate to some of these videos, but this one really hit home. Thank you Psych2Go :)
“Their unwillingness to change their ways is not a reflection of your worth as a person!” 🙏🏻 THANK YOU🙏🏻
I've been gaslighted by my parrents for years. Man it hurts, still cant escape the trauma...but now days i tried to accept n let it go 😤.
if they're your parents, chances are those qualities are in you too.
@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 well i hope not
@@rahmanlinux9602 that's the dramatic irony of life lol its a consequence of our social learning =/ we start off with nothing and we have to learn from those around us. Did you know you have more DNA from your mom than your dad? Female eggs contains DNA from I think it was mitochondria, but with sperm they have none, so when the cells meet, you have a zygote that isn't quite 50/50 like most people think, donno why I shared that lol i find it cool just like how our development is shaped by neonatal development as well. you know if you were a third trimester fetus in holland during the winter of 1944 you have a 19x higher chance of acquiring obesity or diabetes because of the famine? =D behavioral genetics is fascinating.
@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 hmm hey that's out of context 😂. Anyway i dont wanna see my kids suffer like me, the toxic chain has tobe stopped.
@@rahmanlinux9602 and thats another poetic quality, the fact that two dysfunctional parents can make an environment that manages to allow stable children to flourish, a sort of difficult "learn from this mistake." type scenario.
I had a huge fight with a close friend two years ago. I was frustrated and angry and I blew up because I was feeling so used and I was tired of it. I felt gaslit and taken advantage of but now I feel like I was gaslighting. I also forgot a friend's birthday ( two months after my mom died) and forgot that I forgot and gaslit them. I apologized when I was proven wrong but I was still upset with how they did it. I try really hard not to gaslight but I constantly feel like everything I do is secretly manipulative even when I'm trying to be fair. It sucks because I just want to stand up for myself after people pleasing and being a doormat but when I do I feel awful
The cruel sting of sudden realization. I had a similar experience with an ex. 5 years later I found myself constantly feeling like shit about how it ended (I was very much in the wrong) and it took that long to finally pick up a pen and write an apology letter. If you feel like something was left unsaid, say something, it can only help, they don't have to accept your apology but chances are they will, and if they don't that's okay, because at least you'll feel better even if they don't. If you find yourself trying to avoid drenching the pages of the letter in tears, you're saying something that needs to be said.
@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 we still talk and we had a lot of conversations about it and I feel like we're in a better place and I'm trying to more mindful but I always feel like I'm doing something wrong. I can't tell if it's a trauma response or OCD thing but I always look back on conversations and hate myself for not handling it better.
The thing is my friend owned up to their selfish habits as well and their part to play but the more I think about it I feel like I was the one who blew things up when I could have just...not said anything.
@@yelyahfan88x94 Sorry in advance if this is too long, I realize not a lot of people have long discussions on youtube.
When it comes to mental health I don't feel there's right or wrong, just optimal or less than optimal. The things that work for you, won't work for someone else, and what works for you now might not work for you later or in the past. It's not easy to rewire the brain if we fall into a pessimistic outlook and harshly criticize ourselves, that's why its so important to have social networks to help us and be mindful around us to encourage growth. If we grew up around harshly judgmental parent, or neglect those qualities will always follow us into adulthood so its important to catch ourselves when we use absolutes like "never" or always" or "hate myself" those are surface level observations that should be encouraging us to look deeper as to why we feel that way. Who was it that hurt us that make us feel that we aren't worth being loved, or speak so negatively about ourselves. Learning gratitude is very difficult, I'd recommend an understanding of ambivalence. The idea that nothing exists in a state without the positive and negative aspects, its who we are that determines how easily we gravitate to one or the other hence pessimistic or optimistic. A person with a wise understanding of ambivalence can look upon an apple and see it for all its qualities, both negative and positive, a person with a history of expecting the worst might see only the over ripened quality while someone else will see no negative qualities what-so-ever, its no ONE single perspective that should be focused on just like how closing one eye doesn't help with seeing, we have two eyes for a reason, they offer optimal vision that no ONE eye alone would be able to utilize, hence depth perception and the evolution of having two eyes.
Same with ambivalence, its not necessarily a bad thing to see the areas we can improve, but its detrimental to our growth to see nothing but one or the other, a person who sees nothing but the positive is no less capable of suffering as a result, they might have an outward appearance of happiness but if you dig down they could be hurting, or they might just not have ever experienced the same level of depths as someone who sees the negative. I hope this isn't coming off as sanctimonious or preachy, I tend to talk a lot and it tends to wear people out lol
I uploaded a video on my channel dealing with a lecture on depression, its really insightful, (theres some middle areas you can skip through because he talks about the study in two parts and I was too lazy to edit it properly).
I wish I could transfer telepathically all the insights I feel would help people, but unfortunately I can't truncate thousands of hours of university lectures and the reason why therapy is an often long and expensive process that takes time that not a lot of people are willing to put in.
Believe it or not, blowing up, isn't the worst you could have done. Getting angry is another way of saying "Im hurting." wrath requires an understanding person to be able to alleviate which isn't easy to find, the more angry we get, the harder it is to find someone to see through the anger for what it is. That's why therapists will extend their capacity for emotional intelligence, onto people who might not have the full range. So when someone becomes enraged, you know those feelings are being handled when that rage turns into sadness. If we oppress our emotions and bottle them up, they tend to blow over in explosive anger because we aren't getting what we need. Just like a child throwing their toys around, they're not doing it because they want to hurt anyone, they're doing it so that a compassionate adult will see their suffering and help them deal with something they don't know how to deal with. If we don't have parents with that kind of emotional range, it tends to follow us in adulthood.
I'm going to stop just in case this is too much to read, I get a lot of TLDR's lol but if you want to talk I'm more than happy to. I know anger quite well. Wrath is an often misunderstood concept. When I see a video of someone becoming irate in public that everyone likes to laugh at and publicly shame, I don't see a person worth shaming, I see all the conditions of their life culminating into one seemingly small inconvenience and years of frustrations expressing themselves all at once. Because at the end of the day, a person isn't getting angry at a minimum wage cashier, they're getting angry because once again, something in their life isn't going the way they hoped. There's a really good school of thought video I'd recommend on the seven deadly sins, while I'm not myself religious, its a very insightful video that doesn't require a religious person to understand because it goes over every single "sin" of human development to encourage understanding instead of social persecution. hope this helped.
Dayum, just realized that I might be a gaslighter. Well, I dunno if if was stated in the video, but one reason why people can develop these traits, from my experience, is like a chain. People gaslight you, and then out of anger or strong emotion, you gas light someone else. The chain continues and you might get a habit,
And they donot want to take responsibility they are afraid so they Gaslight others just so that they can avoid a situation they don't want to take accountability and they are most afraid of the outcome might be wrong because of them if not then the rest is stated above in the video
Oh, you're on to something here, Antonio. And I think "habit" also is a great word choice. Because I see gaslighters get pleasure out of it, a little taste is never enough, like dope. Keep thinking, you're smart and gave me something valuable here. 😘 thnx
I am so proud of myself that I realised she is manipulating me. It was like a switch and now when we are arguing my brain is like "This sentence is emotional manipulation" "That one was a gaslight" all of this became so easy. There are moments when I say "Stop being a manipulator" and of course she is not taking any responsibility at all. And the clearest sign this is a gaslight was that after every argue I had doubts over my own judgement. "What if she is right? Maybe I'm just sensitive" but now I trust myself from the past. One time after a harsh argue instead of going into my room and crying I detached from my emotions and wrote down everything that happend, ending with "They are abusive, don't trust them" Of course we still argue but I got used to this. I'm just waiting for a psychologist to finally tell her (and my dad) that there is something wrong with them and not me
I went no-contact with my birth family after my father died 5 years ago, because I was tired of hearing from my older siblings that my childhood wasn't as bad as I made it out to be, that the emotional abuse and neglect I experienced was all my imagination, and that my own behavior was the "real" problem all along. Now I have a loving and supportive chosen family that sees and encourages the best in me instead of acting like everything I say, do, and feel is wrong. The road to healing is long and I still get angry sometimes, but I've come a long way and continue to make progress now that I'm away from all the gaslighting.
Thank you. This helps me understand why I was in a bad marriage. I left 10-years ago and I'm still working on the root causes. I can see that my issues are not necessarily about ME, but how I was treated in many relationships. Maybe that should be -- it's not about ME but the behavior that I tolerated. I am awesome and I am growing and healing.
1) 0:34 They invalidate your feelings
2) 1:24 They make you question yourself and your sanity
3) 2:16 They intend to make you feel small
4) 2:57 They don’t take responsibility for their words and actions
5) 3:47 You feel anxious about interacting with them
- 😁😁
Thank you
I've done all 1,2,3 and 5.
@@trollzynisaacjohan1793 yah cause they're all generic observations. It's an extremely simple 5 minute video trying to briefly describe a complex psychological concept...no one here is getting any sort of deep understanding from the video, the only thing this is intended is to give you a snowflake level analysis for a concept that requires shoveling massive amounts of snow to uncover. I use this channel as a guide for focusing my academic pursuits so I can take an interesting topic and look up a proper university lecture or book. Take this video with a grain of salt like all the intros say.
@@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3 oh definitely. I can change my attitude towards males. I've always valued female intellect. It has made me wiser and far more intelligent. Men must treat woman with care and kindness. If they're too negative, simply walkaway in silence.
Yes, I relate to this. Now I know my ex partner was gaslighting most of the time. He blamed me for everything and whenever I tried to talk or explain something, he never let me. I was scared talking to him, always been careful to what I say so he won't get mad. 😖 Thankfully after almost 5 years I put myself together and left him. Thank you for this videos💖
Wow, props to the person / people who drew the episode!
I had to remind myself I was watching a Psych2Go video and not reexperiencing my own parents interactions for the past two decades.
All these points are very true. I wish I was able to be educated on this matter earlier in my life so I wouldn't be completely burnt out as I am today.
I was in a relationship with a narcissist last year, this signs are so accurate if the video came out early I could have save myself from so much bullshit lol
Mine was guilty of 1, 2, and 4, which sucks because i would at least try to fix things, or own up to my mistakes, but i never got the same from her. Some people, its just easier to manipulate than self reflect.
This helped me rellize that I’m a gas lighter and thats why my friends exclude me out a lot
remember that a bad person never actually question if they're bad or not, they just are.
good people sometimes question if they are a good person or not because they want to be aware of how others see them. so if you a you think you are a gaslighter, you may just be considerate of what others think of you
Now you know so you can change its okay i was also a kinda bully but that because of my parents giving more love to my brother and completely ignore me which induces jealousy when i was under 7 years old now you know so u can change the damage is done but what can you do is to try to not do gaslighting thing and try to change yourself from negative things into positive one be brave okay and of someone still treats or think you are not changing and you are doing it because of sympathy or any ect situation when you have changed the way you interact i would suggest stay away we all make mistakes but learning from them is also in our hands hope i was clear in my ling Ted talk please be courageous i won't be easy more to do work on subconscious habits but it will change over time and if someone brings up yr previous behaviour and try to belittle u, u know you are being gas lighted for yr past mistakes 🤗
I met a person like this. Still know them. I knew something was off at first, but I just chocked it up to me not knowing a lot.
At first it wasn't so bad, though there were a few flags here and there. Then I ended up living with them. It was supposed to be for a short time, but that's when I really got the full view of who they really were.
They lied their butts off at every turn, creating whole scenarios behind the scenes to tell others to get them on their side. I tried point things out to them, tried talking to them, stop talking to them for a while, talked to their parents a couple of times, tried talking to them again, etc. None of it seemed to matter.
I just kind of wing it now when I'm around them. I expect them to give me that two-faced interaction up front, and destroy me everywhere else behind the scenes. I tried to help them and whatever relationship (friendship) we have / had, but you can't be the only one doing all the work. If they don't care to help or get better, let it be their problem, not yours.
My bf brought home a dumb paperback book, Dune. He said it was a book his best friend especially wanted me to read. I didn't know the guy, but, ok. I read a bit, ugh, and dog eared a page to mark my spot. He went apeshit, saying his friend obsessed over (crappy paperback) condition and I'd ruined a first edition, etc,etc. Went on for hours, working himself into a towering rage, right? Hours. So, to cut to the chase... Mr Man had a medical catastrophe, he ended up intubated in the icu. All his friends gathered, I met his best friend, a nice guy. He'd never heard of my existence, he knew nothing about the book, (he also thought Dune sucks.) It was allllll fiction! Total theater, for no known reason, complete with a prop.
My step-mom gaslights me all the time and I hope this video will help me deal with it better, thanks!
My housemate was like this. I ended up getting physically, emotionally and mentally ill because of it. He ended up making my depression and anxiety worse. I was always scared to say anything to him, cos he'd turn everything back on me. I felt awful. Because I felt anxious talking to him, I could tell him he was doing this to me and how I felt. He'd talk down to me. Complain about me. Be condescending. I have arachnophobia, and every time we had big fat spiders and I was, naturally, scared, he'd just say, "stop over reacting!" He could be very cold. Everything was my fault. He moved out this weekend gone. I can't tell you how happy I feel. I feel free. I've been smiling more. I don't feel... heavy? Hahaha. I've even started singing again. 😃
Gaslighters are the worst. A woman tried to do this to a group of people about me at a game night. I did not even acknowledge what she said and walked away. I am not sure if she is a narcissist or a full blown psychopath and I do not want to find out.
My mother was a gaslighter, and I never realised it till now. If I was feeling afraid or anxious, she would always tell me that I was being silly. It was her way or the highway. She would often compare me with her mother, saying "You're just like your grandmother!" and this was not a compliment. Her relationship with her mother was very screwed-up, and she took her resentment out on me.
I know how you feel. My mother had a bad relationship with her mother as well. I swear a part of her hates me because I have some small resemblance to my grandmother.
Yo, my bff thinks everytime we have an arguement it IS gaslighting. Damn the day I introduced her to the concept.
My GM was gaslighting me to the point I had to leave for the sake of my mental health. we would have talks everyday right as I'm about to clock out about how I'm worthless and nobody respects me. The next day when I would be clearly upset and uncomfortable she would then have talks with me asking me why I seemed so down, and I would explain how what she said to me upset me and she would say "I never said that! I would never say that!" and it quickly became a back and forth argument before I finally rolled on my back and listened to her tell me how I don't do enough there. Even though I would literally work 8-10 hour shifts without a break and had chemical burns all over the tips of my fingers from constantly cleaning. It was really triggering, especially when she didn't talk to anyone else the same way she did to me. She of course threatened that she was going to fire me saying if they failed our health inspection I'd be out of the job... Even though she was the GM and we had an assistant manager who would get any with murder there. Nobody should have to dread going into work everyday and not feel appreciated. Especially food industry jobs, the upper management seems to forget were all humans... We're not some slaves, we deserve to be talked to and not talked down to. This is why it's hard to find people who want to work. Just be nice.. your words can have a serious impact on others.
That is the problem with these gaslighters. There are certain people who they do not act this way with. And if you speak to these people about the problem they don't know what you are talking about because it hasn't happened to them. You can't get validation or anybody to agree with you, unless it has happened to them. Try and find someone else who has been gaslighted by this GM and compare notes if possible. Every success in the future, I hope you can resolve it. You do not deserve to be treated this way.
LP
I am sorry I have only just noticed, you have resolved the problem, you have left the job.
This was a really good one, the examples we’re lifelike, capture the subtle aggression that just never seems very far away. Like an endless chain.
My gaslighter: (*berates me over the most trivial things*)
Also my gaslighter: Why won't you talk to me? I've never done anything to you?
Also, yes, that happened lmao
Person A: I didn't say anything to hurt you, that's how I show I care about you.
Person B: NO! YOU'RE A GASLIGHTER!
bruuuuuuuuuuh.
100% relate!! In my experience, I know alot of gaslighting & manipulative & narcissitic people. Which is what I've learnt to be careful & read the signs
Thanks psy, your videos really help to feel better about moving on from someone that only sees others as a fetish and not a person.
I would add a caveat that gaslighting is deliberate. A person might say or do things that make you feel inferior or doubt your sensibilities because they genuinely see themselves as always right. If that's the case, they're arrogant, but not necessarily gaslighters.
Thank you for making this, a girl that I was talking to that plans on going to the same College as me, did this to me. She tried starting fights then blamed it on me for “saying stupid things”. She accused me of talking to other girls and other things. I couldn’t take it anymore. Much love to you all who are struggling, I care about you and I love you
The movie "Gaslight" was really good.
It is an example of the way the gaslighter behaves
Some people NEED to behave that way or they can't function.
so grateful to be out of that shit! The moment you see signs of that, RUN!!! I wish I would have ran sooner! People like that do not have your best interest at heart.
This is absolutely true. Gaslighting is a very common trait of narcissism especially covert narcissists. I dated one, got hurt - this is all true. There is no apology with them, don't look for one, so you'll need to learn to move on no matter what relationship you had before. If you MUST correspond because of work or some other reason just be polite and distant. Don't get involved with discussion no matter how tempting. The best situation is to never see them again.
Can we talk about why people gaslight others? It seems like some kind of inferiority complex or a defense mechanism against past life trauma. I have often come to the conclusion that "trauma causes trauma" and gaslighting may be a perfect example of that. What are some effective strategies to prevent your own defense mechanisms and responses to trauma from harming others?
Think you're right
Therapy probably.
I will say that my parents used gaslighting probably as a method to raise me and when I got into my first relationships, that's basically how I reacted to stress. It's not that I want anyone to feel sorry for me for becoming this type of asshole, but eventually I started to see a therapist and figured out why I do things that I do and eventually learned that I have to get used to new patterns.
Intuitively my first reaction will always be the nasty treatment my parents have taught me, that's forever going to be a part of me because that's how I lived since I was a baby. But Maybe over time after having self awareness in different stressful situations, I know when to pull myself out of a situation and think about how I want to react, and over time, many of my intentionally learned patterns became my intuitive reaction.
This is though something I've been working on for 10 years now, I will seek out a therapist when I notice I have patterns I need to work on. Most of it can be changed, but it takes time, each time you're confronted with difficult feelings it's a new start on this road of becoming a better person and I still after 10 years suddenly find a corner of myself that reacts like a child and I have to look at that part of myself for some time and it feels like after all this time I still have not improved at all...But I have.
What I also learned, is that I need to do this because otherwise my pattern will rub off on other people, just as you said that trauma causes more trauma, or as most people like to say "hurt people hurt people".
TY. As always I gain more clarity
These behaviors should be discussed in schools
I'm only learning now at 74 what has been a lifetime of being treated badly.... There I was thinking. If I try harder.. Even harder. Or putting myself last because *i* need to be more thoughtful etc OMG...
Sometimes it doesn't look like this. The goals and aims mentioned are spot on.
I love these videos so much! Right now i have a toxic person in my life who does things like this all the time… it has caused me lots of problems and this person would never let me reach out for help but these videos have helped me find new ways to cope and understand what the toxic person does! So thankyou ❤️
the guy in green, the entire vid, was either validating themselves, or coming out on top when they were being gaslighted. I like that.
Thanks for your advice, I called for help when I was afraid that I was going to take my life because of all that I am going through
Having being gaslighted during workplace, ie leaders would ask questions like “are you a primary student?” in front of all hall of colleagues, and ironic/cynical responses as “it’s amazing that you could make this so far”. Their tricks constantly let you doubt yourself and your capabilities. I would encourage myself to accept what’s adding value, but just ignore the negative by having the mind of “this too shall pass”. At the end of the day, your vulnerability is the capacity that you allow others to wound you
My dad, my mom, my grandma, my sister, my brother, a supposed "best friend"--they all did this to me. No wonder I'm such a mess. They've all passed on, except the "friend." I'm the only survivor out of a family of 5. I'm free now; it's just me and my daughter, who was also gaslighted by all of them. Trying to heal, but it's so hard without resources. I don't miss them. At all. Am I horrible for not missing them?
My ex fiance did all 5 of these. I still know how she plays and what she does but i am still so anxious and nervous around her. She is a bully at heart. I remember seeing her 6 months after she dumped me and I lost so much weight and got into shape all she could say was, "I see you still struggle to talk to people like a normal human." when in reality, I made a ton more friends. I just got up and left the party after that.
yeah i think my mom did that recently to my sister but i'm not sure, i still supported my sister to feel better anyways so i could try to help her from keeping being hurt emotionally
Yup. I'm usually the one who concedes I could have made different choices, or communicated better. I really takes two people to be flexible, responsible and considerate in maintaining a healthy relationship.
My sisters just dismissed me for speaking about identity theft & fixing the mess.
Never reacted but when my cell phone ransoming called bunch of people in my contacts including my now deceased Mother. Diane told my mom “there’s no such thing”, with my big brother threatening me again saying Mom did it too!
My Mom was so upset Toni, Diane & Jimmy then Roger joined in with Terry paranoids as I needed my United State Post office. Terrifying as nobody should threaten me because my mail was messed up had nothing to do with them as far as I know! They took my Mother away from me life, punishing & threatening me. In Arizona abusers get the upper hand if you have trauma disorder the health department even gets in on it punished me refusing take my galbadder out.
well, i relate to all of these. im currently in a situation with my crush, and my best friend told me that if I didnt ask her out, he would. i only knew her for about 2 months, and i reallly didnt want to rush it. however, i still asked her out. not based off of liking her (which i did, obviously), but i did it because i felt pressured. i told him, i really dont want to. im going too fast. but, he kept pressuring me, and he gets mad at me when im pissed off about it. he tells me that i was the bad person there, which skmetimes i believe. he said that he didnt do anything bad, since i at least asked her out in the end. now, him, my crush and i all sit next to each other, and we all know the situation. he constantly brings it up whenever shes around, and tells other people that i like her. he even told her that i love her, which im still not sure if i do. is that gaslighting, or is it just my point of view?
I am in love with the animation, it's so smooth and the art style is very nice. Keep up the good work!
I’m so glad that gaslighting is more known now. I wish this was known for ages. Could’ve saved so many lives.
I got emotional listening to this and watching the little animation . It brought up trauma experience tht I went through from my parents 😕
we see only overt gaslighting example in this video, but there is also covert gaslighting, where abuse is done in the name of caring
This makes it seem that at one point or another, any of us could be accused of gaslighting. I definitely feel like I was being gaslit by my ex; then again, she would say it the other way. The truth that came out after it ended about all my speculations of cheating and many other things was proved.
I've unfortunately meet to many people like this. Been hard trying to find someone that isn't to be in a relationship. Last one straight up said I was doing the same things he was doing to me I literally didn't do any of that and any time I was upset he'd get irritated and start an argument. I don't understand how someone could think like that I was being nothing but supportive especially since he has college. He had the nerve to tell me I wasn't doing enough and that making a simple phone call once in awhile was to much for him.
Watching this confirmed my thoughts that someone I briefly dated was gaslighting me when we broke up over three years ago
Remember important details and stand up for yourself. Yes this occurs even through loved ones but it doesn't have to defeat you.
After watching this, I realize I have only ever seen someone use the term gaslight in an attempt to gaslight someone else.
This happens a lot in the workplace. An example in my case - the supervisor was very critical and belittling of a piece of wok I did. Later I found she did exactly the same thing herself. I could have questioned her about it but knowing the sort of person she was it wasn't worth it.
Flip dude. I was in a serious relationship with someone who had all of these to some extent. It’s made me feel so insane and traumatized me so much.
To foresee is to rule ! Never never never trust them or believe them.
My father does this to me. It's bad when it's a friend but it's worse when it's a family member
1) 1st difference
2) 2nd difference
3) 3rd difference
4) 4th difference
5) 5th difference
I'm too bullheaded and argumentative for this kind of manipulation but I'm not opposed to healthy criticism which o accept easily but I was raised to stand firm on anything I believe or say but never to manipulate others..be strong and safe out there everyone! Remember your happiness comes first people and things can't do that for you only you can ❤️🤗
Thanks for this vid i’m gonna completely block one of my online friends on everything
one interaction with my sister that I remember having is I was feeling insulted by something she said(can't remember what she said or what I felt like she was saying) so I explained this and she said that she never said the thing it felt like she said, which was true, but it still felt like she was heavily implying it, and then I said that and he got frustrated and "apologized", but her tone felt like she was only doing it so I'd drop it. I also tend to avoid interacting with her and when I do she says that I shouldn't(or "can't", can't remember exactly) avoid it just because of some disagreements(we have arguments almost if not every time we hang out). She also tends to act like she's my mom cuz she's older(not an older twin situation, she's 4 years older than me), this has gotten somewhat better as I've gotten older but it's still very annoying and she won't stop despite me and my actual mom telling her to. she also used to tickle me when I was younger even though I said I hated it and told her to stop while she was doing it because I was laughing as if it isn't an involuntary response. Sorry for the rant, I was just going to ask if this seemed like gaslighting cuz the vid did seem relatable even though it didn't quite match but it turned into a rant about my sister.
This describes one of my exes to a tee. "You're being dramatic, you're blaming me for your emotions, I didn't do anything wrong." And when I told him that was super invalidating, he just doubled down, tenderly explaining to me that I didn't remember things properly and I really needed help with self control and emotional regulation and we should seek therapy. When the therapist wouldn't allow him to paint me as the bad guy, he got angry. And when I told him we should just break up if he really thought I was that broken, he thankfully didn't argue. It wasn't a very long relationship, but it still haunts me sometimes.
Hi, I’m not sure if this will reach, I normally never command under video's, but I wanted to thank you for these informative video’s, I struggle with a bunch of mental problems that are not often talked about because they often misunderstood. I have been in toxic friendships for most of my life, pretty much growing up with them. I never new that what others did to me wasn’t the way people/friends were supposed to act towards you, I was often abused by the people around me, which left me unable to connect to people later in life and a bunch of trauma and other mental illness. These video’s made me break off certain friendships to better work on myself and value myself as a person, and that I deserve more than the way people where treating me. I wanted you to know how much you help people like me, by talking and educating. Thank you.
Oh my GOD! "I've never said that" Is something someone I know said and it was frustrating BEYOND COMFORTABILITY! I cant stand gas lighting.
God, just these days i am feeling akward with a girl that i am getting to know, and i just didint know why i fell so small around her, this video just came at the right time, thanks
As a bloke it seems gaslighting comes naturally so requires a conscious effort to be aware of oneself . Looking at how you were brought up and your parents behaviour is a good place to start if your looking to the roots of ones own attitudes and behaviours . Escaping parents conditioning can be a life long process . And its not anyone's fault, its just what happens in a society where so many things are not addressed properly .
I have never heard of gaslighting, you young people's having fun on social media. Exit stage left for this cowboy.🤠
She said "I have feelings for you" and a day later she would say " You want to hear whatever you want to hear".
I would bring up the voice memos in wich she cried and talked about how much she wants a future with me and she replied " I never did that" and "I forgot".
I love her but imagine having children with her.
Nobody should exchange love for peace of mind.
I'm going trough a hard break up but i know that there is no other way. Working on traumas together is something else than being manipulated and losing your self esteem.
Luka Dante 100% well said!! Thank you for sharing & you're right as I fleed with my safety & dignity so despite in the toxic "relationship" I left it was the most important out of everything to salvage? Thank you for sharing & your compliment. You've 💯👍😊🤩 got this & in my experience how accurate you are as all the different types of abuse over time I endured in my case I can't say which was worse? The mental torment & turmoil maybe
The pandemic really brought gaslighting into the open. Say you're neurodivergent, with sensory processing difficulty, and the face mask is not a "minor inconvenience" for you. The gaslighters of the pandemic will continue to insist that it is a "minor inconvenience," and that you are a horrible person for not wanting to wear it.
Except that's not gaslighting - that's "the majority of people making this claim are doing it for bad reasons." As an analogy, let's say you're 26 but 4"10 and look all of fifteen years old when you go to a bar. The bouncer and bartender have every reason to assume you're underage and card you (and even to deny you entry assuming your ID is fake) - because if they don't *they're* facing far worse consequences than they would for just letting you past.
Because while there's plenty of legal adults that look like teenagers and even a lot of little people who are adults - there's *even more* actually underage people trying to sneak into places they're legally forbidden from, and yet the place is in a whole lot of hurt if they get caught letting a kid in.
Your logic does not follow. What if I was not wearing a mask during your surgery? Maybe I have my reasons: hot, airless feeling, itchy nose for hours. So am I entitled to spew my bacteria onto your sterile field and surgical wound? No, I set my feelings aside because I am thinking of YOUR safety, not my discomfort. It is a minor inconvenience, in the great scheme of things, and that's not gaslighting, bub. I'm no special kitty and neither are you.
@@Mdeaccosta THANK YOU.
I'm really glad this channel was recommended to me. I've learned so much about myself and other people around me.
He boldly admitted that he could "mind f$%&" me and that I wouldn't know it. What he didn't know was that I use those techniques to protect myself. That comment and others was the beginning of the downfall of our "friendship", he would make reiterate what he said that made me upset. He would then make question my recollections of what he said and even our text messages. He tried to get me to question. He would also make me anxious and worried about what I was going to say would agitate him and start another argument. The final straw was when he was trying to tell how I'm feeling. When I had enough of that, he started with the childish name calling.
being gaslighted hurts. especiallt when you have anxiety, you overthink sm nd it's jus so so messed up eh. the worst thing you can do to an anxious person.
Anyone who says " i am sorry you feel that way " is basically gaslighting you.
I remember my grandma said "I really hate your hair" in a restaurant and I just smiled and said "thanks I like it too" and sat down 🤣🤣 she was so quite the rest of the time and after leaving my mom is like "how the hell did you do that???" 😂 because my grandma is always doing that to her and she's always just gotten mad
Just left a friend who does all of this. I withdraw. Dread the 37 texts or phone calls.
I finally "got"
I shouldn't feel guilty because I refuse to hang with someone who makes me feel like shit because of their ego.
You teach people how to treat you.
I walk away.
I just walked away from my job because my boss is the epitome of a gaslighting narcissist..I picked up on red flags when they sneakingly shut down my ideas, attempted to undermine everything I did, made everything about them being a victim when they never came to work, lied almost every time she opened her mouth and slandered me to other people.. She was bias towards anyone who she was friends with and had such a bully mentality but always had this phony smile on her face when she was stabbing me in the back the whole time.. I never second guess myself or doubt what I know..I'm too strong to be preyed on, so narcissist don't come around me..I rise above and then remove myself..I thank God for protection from these demons..But they will reap what they sow.. They always do..
Something my mom always says when I confront her about anything is "I'm sorry you felt that way". I didn't realize this was manipulative behavior until my friend witnessed her do it and texted me about it.
Once you identify gaslighting there's only one way to deal with the person doing it: get away immediately and don't look back. They're not going to change what they do and will eventually leave for easier prey when you stand up to them or wear you down with even more determined BS.
1:27
When you said that I was literally questioning myself-
My sister is trying to control how our parents live out their final years.