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@@HealthyGamerGG my friend is getting together with a toxic ex and has been drinking a lot. We talk about it a lot but it seems like she doesn't listen or change. I get upset because I believe she isn't listening to me because she thinks I'm stupid and incapable. I get upset because I believe if I can't help her then she won't love me anymore and will leave me. I'm reframing by telling myself that we're both doing our best to deal with her situation. She is responsible for her own decisions. And she has already said plenty of times how she values and cares about me, even if she isn't saying it all day every day, the feeling doesn't seem to disappear just because I'm not there or that she isn't listening to me. I'm going to look for more signs that she cares even in the times where I feel like she doesnt
The subconscious thought patterns to become aware of and catch in the act 1. It isn’t enough 2. I don’t wanna get started until I know I can finish 3. If I do it tomorrow it will be easier 4. Let’s focus on efficiency, if I focus on it today it will be inefficient 5. Progress makes me feel guilty, I should’ve started a long time ago 6. I did this? Well anyone could do this! This is not an achievement. My work is a source of me feeling pathetic instead of something to be celebrated 7. Comparing to others “this person did better than me…”
Some more productive things I like to remind myself of when I catch these defeatist thoughts: ❌ It's not enough. ✅ Any amount of progress moves me closer to my goal. ❌ Why bother starting if I can't finish? ✅ The only way I'm guaranteed not to succeed is if I never start. So let's at least start. There might be valuable lessons along the way. ❌ If I do it later, it will be more efficient. ✅ If I do it now, I will be relieved and will save myself a lot of future anxiety & trouble. ❌ I should have done this ages ago. ✅ I'm glad that I was finally able to do this. ❌ It's not that big of a deal. ✅ I am proud I managed to overcome/do something that was once proving to be a difficulty for me. ❌ But other people are doing so much better. ✅ Is every single person I can think of doing better in every single aspect of life, or are there some aspects where they appear to be doing better and others where I might be doing just as well, if not better? If they are truly closer to living what I would consider a more fulfilled life in certain aspects, what can I learn from them that would help me move closer to where they are? What are some practical steps I could take towards that?
First: that's a great comment 😊 Then.. on days where the arguments of ''feel relieved'' or ''be proud'' don't do it for me bc I can't feel shit... THAT'S so fckn hard 🥲 I'm getting better at asking for help and admitting I'm stuck. Even if a whole day I got stuck doomscrolling and guilt-tripping myself - when some friends invite me to play a game toghether AFTER i make and have dinner... then.. ✨I managed to go and feed myself. Some days I can't wrestle my brain 🥲
Hi there internet friend, I wanted to thank you very much for your comment. The thoughts and counters you mentioned resonated much more strongly with me personally than many of the thoughts mentioned in the video. May you always be able to embody this spirit of positive thinking :)
25:05 is a perfect way of applying what Carl Jung once said: "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate."
Tip: don't just reinforce the small wins, but also try to celebrate each time you or your mind notices some of these calculations or thought patterns on the act, which is something that's also done in meditation when you realize you got distracted. The unconscious will learn to pay attention to the inside more frequently.
@@jokinglimitreached1503Maybe a more rational approach would be to evaluate the experience, weighing the good, bad, and what you need to improve on in a logical perspective. Sure, small wins are good but they sometimes hide bigger and more sabotaging mistakes on your end.
I waited years for the perfect day to come, I waited years fo the day I would not be tired, I would not be sad, I would not be afraid... I waited years for the perfect day, but it never came, until I just decided to not criticise myself anymore and just do it, tired, sad, with lack of motivation or lack of will, just do it as I am in that moment. ANd then I found that the perfect day would always come when I would just to some things as good as I could and celebrate myself for it. Thank you, Doctor K, you saved my life, more than once. I wish you and your family all the best in the world!
I've been discussing this lately with family, friends and my therapist; about why it physically hurts in my chest, it's painful, when people congratulate me for stuff, especially small things, like washing my face because I'm struggling to build routine. It feels condescending. I also am hounding myself for not doing more, 'why didn't you do this sooner', etc. I never connected the two before. When a person says congrats and it hurts, it isn't them trying to harm me, it is those negative thought processes in my mind. I sincerely appreciate your channel, you've helped fill in a lot of gaps for me from everything I've learned about me over the years solo and with professional help. Thank you
@@Cassady1AndOnly from book "courage to be disliked": praising someone implies that you have the moral upper hand to score someone else. it's a form of inequality. we are not equal. i am better. and you should feel good about being praised by ME.
What worked for me involving praise coming from others for me to question the motive of the person doing the praising... So much more I value praise coming from someone else who is a complete stranger and thus they have no agenda - this is a pure observation they are offering about myself, without manipulation. I realize that when I cringe from praise delivered by someone I know, I fear that they're doing so because they want me to recognize they're doing something for me that will make me obligated to them. Reversed, one time I complimented a scarf and the person tried to give it to me!! I was shocked and of course I did not accept the gift. But this made me question my own motives when I want to compliment others so I can deliver this motive authentically if the person gets confused... Plus I realized I need to compliment MYSELF more often.
@@juniversecIt's an imbalance for sure but I am not better than you for noticing something that you can't see. I guess it's maybe that your own imperfections come across as an insult to you. But that is from your perspective. If humans evolved with perfect senses of awareness than we wouldn't need other humans to share their perspectives. You made a goal, achieved a milestone, and said it isn't good enough. You told me about the goal, I saw you achieve a milestone, I think it's good enough. I simply shared my perspective since relying only on your own senses Is unreliable.
I always cringe (literally) when people congratulate me and say I'm good etc. It's literally hard to take, and I just brush it off like whatever it's not much etc.
''People will make 1 or 2 of these miscalculations consistently, not everyone makes all of these'' Dr K, I'm 6 for 6 consistently😭 I always get the first 5 whenever I try to progress academically, and the last one whenever I try to workout, be healthy, improve social life etc. My mind must be a talented gymnast.
Some Solutions: - Stop B&W Thinking - "Catch it in the act" (ie. Notice when it happens) - "So What?" (Detatchment) - Find whatever +vity you can - Start Today
A friend shared this channel with me a week or two ago. Since then I've watched a lot of the videos and I am very much impressed. You are providing effective therapy for a large audience of people who need it and would not otherwise get it. People who can't afford it or are not inclined to find therapy. The cost of procrastination is the life you could have lived. That is brilliant, painful and exactly right. I have or had a close friend, I am sharing this video with him in the hopes that he will take it to heart and use it as a jumping off point. There are other videos here that would be helpful in addition to DBT and other tools. I am grateful to you for these videos. If you ever doubt yourself look through the comments at the number of people whose lives you have saved or greatly improved.
@@Mani_Katti I agree. As someone who has been to therapy, this is NOT therapy, not even close. It's useful information for sure, but definitely not a substitute for actual therapy.
@Mani_Katti no it isn't therapy but it has helped many who otherwise would not have gotten help because of a lack of motivation or money. With this they can start their journey and make real progress. Then they are more likely to get therapy when it's affordable.
@@Kyarrix "The cost of procrastination is the life you could have lived." How do you know that? How do you know that not procrastinating would've made a difference?
1. am i doing one of thing six things? (some of them affects to taking action) miscalculations: 7:20 1.if I have to go from 0 to 100 and I go forward 10 points, my mind tells me this is not enough, what does it do to my motivation? if yes, scratch it 8:12 2. there's no point in starting unless I can go the whole distance (to the end), do you ever know that you are going to go the whole distance before you get started? is imposible, it allows you to not do that hard thing. 11:42 3. if I do it now it'll be inefficient, If I do it later it will be more efficient?, it allows you to not act today, this doesnt works 13:18 4. when they actually progress they don't experience a positive, they feel guilty, I should have done it earlier I feel so stupid for finally doing it, guilt prevents us from engaging in the behavior again. 15:30 5. we devalue our progress, is pathetic, instead say yourself good job. 19:01 6. comparison is not good, you are making progress in life and then you are punishing yourself because some other human being who is not living your life can do it better than you, instead of be happy for making progress, reinforce the positive 22:45 just notice the activity, automatic conclusions, strugle the progress, catch it in the act, where is this coming from? 24:10 the moment that it stops being autopilot and you have awareness of it it doesn't calculate in the same way, the brain is designed to drive autopilot 2. is there some way that I can deviate this? what makes it hard for me to feel positively when I make progress ? 25:50 3. intentionally try to reframe a little bit, the negative thought maybe is true, take the atutide of so what do you want to continue to do this progression? at the end of today are you glad that the thing is done or are you glad that the thing is not done ? 4. what pride can i take?, get whatever celebration you can of making progress willpower correlates with your awareness of the internal environment, that these kinds of techniques strengthen your frontal lobes, incorporating small positives and a more balanced perspective on our life leads to good outcomes it happens slowly because neuroplasticity and rewiring your neurons takes a lot of effort over time
This is great. I’m about to make the huge decision to delete TH-cam and just dive into my own self-trust. This was an amazing-insightful way to end the ride, thank you Dr K for everything!
Hah, halfway through I had a thought akin to "damn, I have been carrying a lot of weight all alone for so long" and a few minutes later its about the realisation of how much people beat themselves up... this is spot on.
For me, the internal narrative goes something like this: when I make progress, I still don’t get what I want, so what’s the point of progressing? Because when I reached my goal, after all the effort it took, and I believed I had finally arrived at the point where I would feel satisfied and have what I wanted, that wasn’t the case. So, even though I don’t put things off and I can achieve my goals, the problem must lie in a fundamental belief. Something like: no matter what you do, it’s never enough. Faced with this, I think it’s about understanding that my goal and expectations won’t give me what I’m seeking. I need to change something else. I don’t know what it is, but I have the feeling that I need to stop wanting to change myself in order to be loved. I need to change my belief that the way I am is not enough hence I’m not worthy of love. So, how do I transform this belief?
Changing oneself is really fun, actually. Or that's how I redefined it that helped me. There's always objections and conditions to how things "turn out," depending on when you do the evaluating... but this final state can be extended to polishing the end result over time with making a final judgment about relative "success." Also, helped me to define what is the "look of approval" in others. Then I was able to notice it. I wasn't receiving acknowledgment from people, even when they were delivering it to me - I couldn't read those acknowledgment expressions on people's body language and faces. As I got better at "body reading," I felt as if I belonged and also I was able to recognize friendship and love. Realize that expectations are a self-created trap. Question these expectations, that worked for me. Get a dog who looks at you with unconditional love? Or work with animals walking them at a shelter without the commitment of having your own pet? Working with people who are learning ESL was also a really positive experience...
I think his third solution suits you best; developing a positive feeling for your personal progress and becoming aware of what it is exactly that you want, which is preventing you from being happy even when you accomplish your goals.
@@mistyculous9644 I appreciate the way you phrased that as I recognize there my own reframing : *"changing yourself is fun !"* What helped me with that, ressources I would recommend are : 1. *The Power of Play, podcast by Andrew Huberman* 2. Try and type but that's not the name : "What does heaven look like ?", by Jordan Peterson. This lecture might be "Clarify what you want" but id's say it's called something like : "Beyond Order" Those two were fundamental as it made me, trough a lot more additionnal work than just passively watching them, that if anger and ressent and fear for that matter aren't...healthy nor useful sources of motivation, what is ? The sense of Play. As Jordan Peterson puts it : "Heaven could be a place where you play a game that has is rules forever changing, the goal of the game would be to continually improve, make the game always better. A game that's never ending, Always improving, And that you'd be willing to play forever. That might be heaven". I paraphrase a lot there of course but that's how it marked me.
Feeling pathetic is my point. Never thought about it though. I can’t even write a to-do list, cause my daily goals look stupid on paper. I have been stuck for 7 years. Thank you for opening my eyes:)
i did a lot. I worked out a lot, wrote a book, engaged in new social hobbies, made friends, and i'm considering going back to college. However, ultimately, I feel like i have achieved nothing. Life seems futile and pointless. I'm deeply worried about the world we have built and don't see the purpose or meaning in the future, not for myself but for us as a whole.
As a self-studying web developer, AI advancment and general hype really killed my motivation and drive to work this year. I'm constaltly anxious what will come next and can't decide if I should continue this path. I enjoyed coding and building projects, but it's tough to get a job and compete with CS graduates\smart people etc. It's all demotivating honestly, same with politics and so on. Sometimes I just want to go back to pre-covid times, life was simpler back then (and yes I know there were always some turmoil, but I feel it that way anyway). Hope this video will teach me something new. Thanks
i have been trying to break multiple cycles and bad habbits lately - stop procrastinating, diet, no porn, etc. I have found it so hard to stick with anything and just fall back into those bad habbits. I thought this was a recent thing but last night I found a note on my phone from halloween of 2022, 2 years ago, listing out every single thing I have been wanting to stop doing or start doing. It really fucked me up because i didnt realize i've been running in circles for years.
Dr K always comes in clutch when you need it man. It can be overwhelming thinking about everything and being paralysed by your mind. But when you break it down like that it helps a lot with realising what’s actually happening behind the scenes and how badly I can be speaking to myself sometimes. Knowing that your mind is flawed and operates in truths (ie not necessarily lies) is really helpful. Like you said awareness is half the solution
Comparison is an activity of Ego. Also “I should have started earlier” and “Anyone could have done this”. These things hurt … but what they hurt is my ego; my “self” as a construct of my mind. If I accept that this is where I am, I have weaknesses, others are better at this than I am, I haven’t learned things, I have habits and experiences etc It won’t hurt my ego, because I’m not dependent on my ego being built up in that way. The excuses won’t work anymore. This relates to reasons 4, 5 and 6 Reducing my ego will help. I can reduce my ego more easily when I see that my ego isn’t my “true self” or my value as a person. I can be bad at dancing and it doesn’t make me a bad person. I can be disorganized and unproductive or addicted to screens and none of that reflects on my value as a person or who my true self is. That changes everything.
Miscalculation #3. This is/was me!! My life changed dramatically for the better as I realized how much of a scam "Work smarter not harder" can be in the long run. This mindset conditions your brain to ignore the positive aspects of applying effort, and then you become avoidant.
Homework messed me up a lot, I never could do it growing up because subconsciously I was rebelling against the “leash” I felt it symbolized. Now later in life I have a hard time doing things because I feel like no matter how hard I try I wont end up succeeding … buts it’s a fallacy I created to enforce the idea that the school system doesn’t control me
Years and years of not completing homework did take it's toll on my ability to progress. And class work - I remember teachers who had an overly long list of things to do for the day that I never got to the end. 3rd grade and 6th grade were brutal in this. I don't have as many memories for those years.
Thank you for this Dr.K! I really needed this! Can you please make more content on this topic of how to progress in life, how to get unstuck, how to start taking step to achieving great things.
“Your mind doesn’t convince you with lies, it convinces you with truths.” Anyone stuck in any toxic pattern - internally or with other people in work, love, etc. - needs to hear this
This is so relatable even though I know these things but the way he puts these things together and uses simple and relatable ideas it makes easier to listen idk this is the exact video I have been looking for
so enlightening, i think what makes me procrastinate is when i devalue my progress and then do procrastinate as an escape of negative emotions. Thanks Dr.K!
I feel a little more healed right now. I have been on a self love and improvement journey for almost two years and I have sooooo much knowledge and so many goals, and I’ve yet to take specific steps forward. Today my mind was read and I feel differently twords my approach. Thank you 🙏🏻😭❤️
This is quite literally one of my current issues. I'm an artist, went to school for art (yeah I know). For years, I had assignments, direction in my life. Graduate high school, go to college, graduate college, try to find a job. I've graduated. I'm the 24 year old in the basement mentioned in the video. I'm free from the assignments, but now I have no direction so I waste my days playing games. I've been trying to get myself back into my artwork for years at this point, but I put it off day after day. "Not in a good mental spot, I'll do it tomorrow." "Don't know that technique. Can't do it." etc. I want a job in my field right now so bad that I'm crippling myself from improving now in the downtime that I have. Gonna really start paying attention to what I think to myself more and try to catch it. See which of the 6 since not gonna lie, I know i've said 5/6 things so which one is it lol
Omg almost the same as me bro. Lol I even feel too fed up with drawing to find a job. Whenever I draw I always feel that Im not good enough, so Im trying to switch to Design and editing. Maybe some time later I just want to draw as a hobby.
Your informed perspective and comedic approach to self flagellation is amazing. And I find you hilarious and so helpful in identifying self-defeating thinking and behaviours. Thank you for creating these videos... Shared, and I hope to join soon. P.S. I'm glad you finally got through your mail!! It is no mean feat if you ask me! 😅
Gratitude journaling really helps with this. I thought it was BS until I did it and I realized it forces me to recognize and celebrate small progress. No matter how "unsuccessful" the day felt I have to look back and say actually I am proud of myself for cooking a good dinner or going outside.
I relate with it and i kinda "solved" it (for myself): What particularly strikes me is "devaluing own progress", and "later it will be better". What works for me is 2 things: "Ok, but what if i actually DO the thing? What will happen then? Either good or bad" - this usually provokes curiosity and spikes dopamine a bit, giving me just enough of a nudge to start doing the thing i usually wouldn't, just because i kinda have to find out now "Ok, how can i make this not-fun thing fun anyway?" - this kinda does it too but in a different way, by 'challenging' myself. "Hey i bet you won't make it fun" - "Well you're wrong, me" It consistently works any time other than episodes of severely low self-esteem, where negative emotions are so overwhelming that it spirals into a loop Good thing is that "positive spiral" also can happen! Bad thing is that by some people it's just socially expected to always be in a "positive spiral" (meanwhile others recognize that this is actually a "positive spiral" and not "normal") Good thing is that i understand that it's not how it works Bad thing is that my subconscious doesn't care and just works the way it works, doing self-punishment Well you got the thing. And if you relate, i hope this post helped you to notice and maybe even deviate any pattern you have that prevents you from doing whatever you want but can't seem to get working!
Sir u genius hahahaha I rarely receive the amounts of detail I crave to see why things happen, rare people speak my language. Continue ur job, u do good. ♡
Your description of problem and delivery with simple explanation and sort of plan what to do is great as always. Thank you. Literally caught myself in this trap but now I know what to do next time. Really appreciate this video ❤
The big belief I used to have that held me back from progress was being afraid of choosing the wrong path, knowing how difficult it can be to switch paths. I’m talking mainly career and where to live, but also social life. I’ve spent waaaay too much time agonizing over picking a major, or what kinds of jobs to look for, while doing exactly nothing to move towards any path at all. I was hung up for a long time on all the times I heard adults talk about their regrets, and wondering why they made commitments to their way of being so early and so casually. I’ve realized some important things that helped me climb out of depression: 1. You can never know ahead of time how things will play out in the long term, so your only choices are sit on your hands, or try SOMETHING. 2. Change is usually hard, but always possible. If you can make a change now, you can do it again in a few years if things don’t go how you wanted. I continue to fail, embarrass myself, and regress on certain progressions I’ve made. But I have made progress, and I keep trying for more. And the results always seem to come too late, but they always come.
This makes so much sense to me. My loop goes something like this (procrastination at work): Working a job, which I am qualified to do on paper, but I missed my timing to learn a lot of small stuff that prevents me from doing the whole processes properly as well as deepening my understanding of programming. Waiting for days to feel motivated (when things will be more easy). Tasks do feel pretty big and I've made a lot of experiences in my early dev days where I tried really hard a couple times, but failed. Didn't get any help during that time. That feeling of expecting failure (can't go all the way, why bother at all) sticks. When I do my work, it is usually long overdue and I feel guilty for postponing such an "easy" task for so long. I feel so behind and with AI it feels pointless even to try to catch up any longer. Soo.. yea. Gotta unstuck myself.
10:00 I mean, it's _almost_ helpful... I told myself "I want to have a grip on what made me fail last time." _Doesn't_ mean I have to have a guarantee. But if I don't even understand why I failed last time, I am likely to fail again. (This is not an issue if there's no relevant costs.) But, as you say, this should not become something "I need to do before I even get started". It is starting, and my experience has been that I identify the wrong problem anyway - but that's still been helpful, because then when I ran into it, I had to check something else. (More concretely: changed study topics several times. Couldn't stick with it. Tested if studying was the problem - it wasn't. Guessed that I just needed something that would motivate me even if I didn't feel it. When I found a topic and started with that... I still feel into that same hole, BUT I had the opportunity to notice that I have ADHD, got a diagnosis, now I am about to finish the bachelor.) Edit: Tl;Dr: Making progress on one identified personal issue and trying again is good, in my opinion. But full agree with the video.
i don't usually comment much, but this video is genuinely life-changing. I hope I can show the community the positive outcomes from watching your videos in the future!
What a challenging and intriguing thought. That I feel unpleasant emotions when I progress. I don't see it because when I do progress, I am actually happy - yes, I did it, see it was not that hard. But obviously.... this is not the only thing because after that - I go straight into sabotaging. Like today, at noon I could not believe all I had done. So this afternoon, I looked at my charts and at a lot of podcasts. About procrastination ! And now I want to watch more. I think the next one is "the addiction you did not know you had" and I'm sure he's going to say - listening to podcast or youtube about procrastination. lol
That second one is SPOT ON for me. "Why bother starting if I can't finish." Those EXACT words have come out of my mouth so many times. I haven't watched the rest of the video yet but literally that was so insanely relatable that I had to comment right away. My brain is just so interested in ideas and concepts but the actual execution of things stops me 95% of the time. "Sure, I can start, but how long will it last? How long until I lose interest in this project/endeavor?"
About the efficiency point you forgot to mention the "leave it for last minute cuz I work better under pressure" part. But also yeah...one of the biggest sources of procrastination for me is going to the place I exercise at, which is ~25 mins away from home by walking and the mere dread of having to walk allll the way through yet again bores/annoys me so much I often keep stalling for much longer than I'd like...especially since there's often no fixed/set deadlines/schedules placed by others in said place of exercise (the fact that the night now comes earlier and with colder winds doesn't help matters either....). About difficulty in finding relationships, another limiting factor to mention (aside from time) would be "it's never actually worked so far, every time I've tried mustering up the courage to ask a girl out idk how to have the conversation even flow, much less get her phone number in a way that seems "natural" (NEVER MIND actually calling her again/us agreeing on a time/place for a date" or even worse, "I've tried asking girls out/even just coming off as attractive enough for them in the first place, but they never even take me seriously/pay much attention to me/keep coming back for more, MUCH LESS agree to swapping phone numbers and god forbid actually going out on a date; not to mention them being way too intelligent/busy for some random person like me to bother with"....and all of this is assuming they're not just already taken (which is already the case 99% of the time anyway, so why even bothe-OH WAIT). Or hell, let's go into simply making friendships/connections; "how come this guy -who has seemingly all the traits I do, aka being relatively quiet, distant, and chill/not initiative- somehow manage to keep other surrounding people -especially the girls, even if he's not actually dating them- much more..."relaxed" (?) and able to easily approach him and start conversations proper, while hardly anyone comes back to talk to me again after a first/second conversation, and even when I try saying something they just give dry responses and remove their attention from me right away?". Yeah there's a ton of added nuance to these seemingly simple annoyances/complications that can be difficult to pin down/address properly.
5:15 its not enough, thats what i come up with. I dont have time to grind and have a career. There is too much left to go. Motivation is down. 8:05 there is no point in starting unless i can go the whole distance. I tried before but couldnt finish. Logical, no? Why fail again? This allows procrastination. 11:40 it will be easier in future. Lets wait. Once my daughter is older I will have more time. 13:15 progress triggers guilt in me. For me that is not the case. I think progress is irrelevant. I do however belittle the small accomplishments cos the past ones were much bigger 15:33 belittle what you did. Better: pat on the back, praise the small things. 19:00 compare to others. I need to reward myself. 22:00 notice auto conclusion, catch in the act. Observe. Make it conscious.
Dr K. I enjoy watching your content and I love that you are so willing and doing a positive impact to the community and the world. I am grateful, also what I don’t see you talk about or missed is the topic of intuition. What you think about it, and could it be a tool for people, that would be not a knowledge that leads but a skill used to navigate through life do better progress and more importantly progress in the right direction.
I want to give U double likes for the way you finish this video, it’s amazing to listen, the way you deliver the speech, and you got the great purpose of your life. Mother Earth is proud that he has got a get a great son like you. GOD bless you. My best wishes with you.
This guy's spot on. I was having this realization earlier but not knowing how yo tackle it. Just told myself anything I excelled in started with the most minimum basic effort without the expectation of anything better than mediocrity so dont think too far ahead and devalue the first humps.
I don‘t know whether Dr. K will ever read this message, but hopefully it reaches his team one day: I just wanted to thank you for all your work. I started watching your content three years ago and I slowly feel healed. You changed my mindset. My life. I don‘t know how I can repay you for all of this, as my English is not good enough for 1:1 coachings with your team, but I‘d love to buy your book. I love how you‘re not into marketing and „selling“ yourself, but where can I actually find it? 😅
How to choose progress over procrastination? - 95% make a miscalculation - some kind of subconscious calculation that drives your behaviour - Even though we think progress is a good thing, we also at the same time calculate progress as a bad thing. - 6 miscalculations - It's not enough - This only brings me 1% of the way, we need to go 99% of the way. Unless we go from 0 to 100 there's no point in getting started!!!!! - Why bother starting if I can't finish (go the whole distance)? I need to know that the whole thing will be complete!! before even getting started. (Do you ever know this?? Nope we can't predict the future, no one can). Notice how the mind is driving you towards procrastination... - If I do it later it will be more efficient (No point in starting now, in the future it will go easier for me!) - Progress makes me feel guilty (I should have done it earlier, I feel so stupid for finally doing it, I am such an idiot should've started this a long time ago) but the function of guilt is to prevent us from engaging in the behaviour again. No wonder you don't progress - We devalue our own progress - (I have done this in the past by comparing my progress to what others are doing!!) this makes us feel bad and then we struggle to follow through and cope with the negative emotions by using our phones - Comparison is the thief of progress! (It would have been easier for this other person, someone else does it better) Common Theme - Anytime you move forward, mind turns a positive thing (moving forward) into a negative one (using these 6 miscalculations) -- SOLUTION -- - Notice the activity, be aware of these 6 miscalculation (These are unconscious conclusions) - After catching yourself ask How can I deviate this? What makes it hard for me to feel positively when I make progress? - How can I reframe this? (take the attitude of - so what? someone can do this better than me - welp, so what? can I be happy (fulfilled) with something (in this activity)? do you want to continue to do this?) (your mind convinces you with truth) - What pride can I take? Get whatever celebration you can - acknowledge whatever positivity (or positve thing) you can!! - Notice if you are doing some form of "black & white thinking" It's not gonna fix it overnight.. hehe.
Here is a summary of the key points: The video discusses how our minds often make miscalculations that lead us to procrastinate instead of making progress. The 6 main miscalculations identified are: 1. Thinking the progress is "not enough" and not worth the effort. 2. Believing there's no point in starting unless you can complete the whole task/goal. 3. Thinking it will be more efficient to do it later rather than now. 4. Feeling guilty when you do make progress, instead of proud. 5. Devaluing your own progress and accomplishments. 6. Comparing your progress negatively to others. The video suggests the solution is to: 1. Notice and become aware when your mind is making these miscalculations. 2. Question whether the thoughts are really justified or just excuses. 3. Intentionally reframe the progress in a more positive light. 4. Celebrate and take pride in even small steps forward. The key is rewiring these subconscious thought patterns over time through conscious awareness and reframing. Instant perfection is not required, just a commitment to progress step-by-step.
the timing of this video is immaculate. I've been struggling with getting a new job for a long time now because I would downplay my own accomplishments that might be small for some people but they are very important to me. And I've struggled with relationship, actually I haven't seen anyone in more than a year. The information in this video is eyeopening. I am whole heartedly thankful to Dr.K for sharing this video with us. I'm definitely going on a date next week. I've already texted a girl I like! And I'm getting back to finishing my portfolio!
I recently had a major crisis-like mental health event and it's like I just... want to stay at rock bottom cuz it's hard to find a reason to just keep going. I even got a fever and, more than feeling bummed that I was sick and in discomfort, I was just so grateful that I had a reason to just lay down and do nothing. But of course here comes Dr. K to convince me that I might be worthy enough to deserve saving myself and progress and become a nice adult! I mean, if someone cares enough to work this hard at convicing us to be healthy, there must be a reason, right?
Dude! So unbelievably on time!! The miscalculation model as a way to spot these types of procrastination-over-progress-consciousness moments, really helped me identify my excuses and pitfalls in the past, and so I can’t imagine using it as a tool when it’s happening in real time now that I have those phrase indicators inside my “biological organism” wanting energy’s - vs. what I need to do as a spiritual and practical more optimal human being! Been following your work for a while, your articulation is everything brother, thank you!!!
I'm more paralyzed by fear than anything. In my 30 years of life, everytime I decide to do something big and make decisive progress, HUGE accident happen to me or my family to the point of threatening total destruction. I have 4 near death experiences, everytime it's a crucial turning point of my life when I was on the most momentum. I'm afraid of making progress on a biblical level. I fear next time I start to getting my life turned around, my loved ones, or myself will get hit by a car or hell, fire and brimstone gonna rain specifically on my head like a heat seeking bullet. I've NEVER achieved anything big without uncontrollable variables trying to literally kill me. I'm scared to believe it's gonna be ok NEXT time since what if it doesn't? What if it's like any other time and I will run out of luck and actually die this time?
I don't know what good i did that this video was recommended to me, but I'm a little scared how every word was for me, exactly what I'm going through. Thanks for your effort and keep up the good job. ❤ I'm gonna change my life with this.
It's amazing how you were able to identify a specific number of common patterns. I can actually point out the ones I already knocked out, the ones I never had, and the ones I am still chewing on. "Calculation" is also a fitting word, as some of these patterns have been dormant during the heyday of my life, even though they were already there. There are a lot of variables going in, and it's about time to make some changes to the equation.
I really really enjoyed watching this video because it exposed me on my face. I had this huge smile especially after reason 3 as this is exactly how I rationalise my procrastination. And answering the last question, no Dr K I will start from now itself xD
OH MY GOD!!!!! How on earth is it possible for you to know this exact problem of mine which I have been struggling with for 6 years literally. So just to let you know I feel I showcase the combination of all the 6 types . At different times and situation my brain brings up different types as you mentioned so maybe it's possible to showcase all these types together but thank you so much for giving the solution I have been lost for it for years now (always thinking I will only do it if it gives guaranteed results or what's the point of doing it now I wasted my past pr others are going to always be more successful than me so why do it) you are God really. Thank you so much bhaiya thanks a lot. Im literally sobbing you have no idea what this vdo means to me❤❤❤❤ God bless you
Holly crab, i have also been struggling with this thing for last 5-6 years....seems like it is not actually yours or my problem only It must be the prob of many humans who are currently in their 20s
I don't know if you hear this enough but thank you for building this empire that is based on helping people be the best they can be. We are need of more people that help raise each other up. Thank you for being a light in the darkness.
I wish i view this vidéo 10 years ago ahah. I have the "it's not enough", "progress makes me feel guilty" and the top of top "devaluing our own progress". When someone congrat me for my work, it's just normal for me so it's difficult to accept those compliment. i struggle with do thing like see friends fort 1 hours because it's not ennough for me and i get frustrated. Thanks you for all those advice.
acknowledging is the first step. As Dr. K. said, you just need to catch yourself in the act every time you're following that negative line of thinking.
This whole thing is so sad yet so funny at the same time. It's fascinating how our own brains are very good at stopping ourselves from getting further in life. There's many truth in the quote "You are your worst enemy", indeed. For me, I tend to work so hard to the point of burnout everytime I can get myself to work on something. So everytime I think of working on something, my brain is like "You're gonna end up burning out before you even achieve some notable progress anyway so why bother 🤷" and I'm like "Oh, that's right, let's watch some more TH-cam videos then. At least they will give me some more knowledge ". Man, I hate this platform as much as I love it.
My brain seems to have known all this, only I didn't...also, at the end of say an accomplishment, if I feel happy, I do feel guilty, but I also feel the happiness as pointless as the goal, which is probably very. I think I'm not content with most things I do, even though I have a good balance of material-spiritual.
Objection on the *"If I do it later it will be more efficient"* point: This applies to many things, but I don't see it apply to dating. It's not about dating being *easier* once you've made yourself more attractive. In a lot of cases (especially for us ordinary guys), it's about removing what appears to be a genuine barrier of entry. But it's also about being able to attrackt a higher quality of mate which will then make your shared life *after* dating much easier. I suppose the difference is whether you just assume that you will be magically better at some unspecified point in time, or whether you're actually working to achieve a couple of very measurable metrics.
That devaluation our own progress hits home for me i try to be a perfectionist in everything i do especially working out i could always find a problem wether its technique, not pushing hard enough for the that last rep or just not feeling tried enough at the end i could always find a problem no matter what. Then that leads me to the why bother starting if i can’t finish then start playing video games, doom scrolling, etc to mask the negative emotions till i eventually get the motivation to start again and the cycle repeats
Yeah man, I would love to have an explanation like this 15 years ago in my university days, so many souls would be saved from so many struggles. I somehow envy people who can just listen to this as teens and young adults
![How to Get a Developer Job - Even in This Economy [Full Course]](/img/n.gif)
What are some beliefs that keep you from making real progress? How can you start intentionally reframing them? Let us know ⬇
If you're struggling to identify what's holding you back, working with a coach can help you navigate these challenges, uncover hidden thought patterns, and create strategies for lasting change. Find out if HG Coaching is right for you: bit.ly/3CiGryS 💚
@@HealthyGamerGG my friend is getting together with a toxic ex and has been drinking a lot. We talk about it a lot but it seems like she doesn't listen or change. I get upset because I believe she isn't listening to me because she thinks I'm stupid and incapable. I get upset because I believe if I can't help her then she won't love me anymore and will leave me.
I'm reframing by telling myself that we're both doing our best to deal with her situation. She is responsible for her own decisions. And she has already said plenty of times how she values and cares about me, even if she isn't saying it all day every day, the feeling doesn't seem to disappear just because I'm not there or that she isn't listening to me. I'm going to look for more signs that she cares even in the times where I feel like she doesnt
Our corrupt government system
I'm 1000% sure that the next video title will be my address.
I know where you live. I’ll send a math tutor.
😂
🤣🤣🤣
he lives inside my walls 😬
LMFAOOO
"The cost of procrastination is the life you could've lived."
Oh well. Shit happens. If it's not meant to be it's not meant to be.
@@YouCanMooIt In the words of the great Asmongold. It is what it is.
@@Leonardo09 yes sir! It is what it is
"Unless that procrastination is at a green light while another driver blows through their red...
Then, it's the life you continue to live."
so essentially……. use fear of death to motivate myself to get it done?
The subconscious thought patterns to become aware of and catch in the act
1. It isn’t enough
2. I don’t wanna get started until I know I can finish
3. If I do it tomorrow it will be easier
4. Let’s focus on efficiency, if I focus on it today it will be inefficient
5. Progress makes me feel guilty, I should’ve started a long time ago
6. I did this? Well anyone could do this! This is not an achievement. My work is a source of me feeling pathetic instead of something to be celebrated
7. Comparing to others “this person did better than me…”
Thank you
👑
This should be pinned
I have all of them except number 4 😆
Im stuck on 6
Some more productive things I like to remind myself of when I catch these defeatist thoughts:
❌ It's not enough.
✅ Any amount of progress moves me closer to my goal.
❌ Why bother starting if I can't finish?
✅ The only way I'm guaranteed not to succeed is if I never start. So let's at least start. There might be valuable lessons along the way.
❌ If I do it later, it will be more efficient.
✅ If I do it now, I will be relieved and will save myself a lot of future anxiety & trouble.
❌ I should have done this ages ago.
✅ I'm glad that I was finally able to do this.
❌ It's not that big of a deal.
✅ I am proud I managed to overcome/do something that was once proving to be a difficulty for me.
❌ But other people are doing so much better.
✅ Is every single person I can think of doing better in every single aspect of life, or are there some aspects where they appear to be doing better and others where I might be doing just as well, if not better?
If they are truly closer to living what I would consider a more fulfilled life in certain aspects, what can I learn from them that would help me move closer to where they are? What are some practical steps I could take towards that?
Goated ❤
So much helpful advice in the comments as well as the video.
First: that's a great comment 😊
Then.. on days where the arguments of ''feel relieved'' or ''be proud'' don't do it for me bc I can't feel shit... THAT'S so fckn hard 🥲
I'm getting better at asking for help and admitting I'm stuck. Even if a whole day I got stuck doomscrolling and guilt-tripping myself - when some friends invite me to play a game toghether AFTER i make and have dinner... then.. ✨I managed to go and feed myself.
Some days I can't wrestle my brain 🥲
Hi there internet friend, I wanted to thank you very much for your comment. The thoughts and counters you mentioned resonated much more strongly with me personally than many of the thoughts mentioned in the video. May you always be able to embody this spirit of positive thinking :)
how is it going now u lost aand fell baaack to your habits or doing good
25:05 is a perfect way of applying what Carl Jung once said: "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate."
Tip: don't just reinforce the small wins, but also try to celebrate each time you or your mind notices some of these calculations or thought patterns on the act, which is something that's also done in meditation when you realize you got distracted. The unconscious will learn to pay attention to the inside more frequently.
Wrong! Small wins should be awarded a little bit, big wins - bigger reward. The rest I agree with, you're right 😊
@@jokinglimitreached1503What did he say that was wrong?
@@jokinglimitreached1503No, celebrating wins can also make it less attractive to do it again.
@@moomin8470I think what you're referring to is already being content with what you did today so you do nothing for the rest of the day.
@@jokinglimitreached1503Maybe a more rational approach would be to evaluate the experience, weighing the good, bad, and what you need to improve on in a logical perspective. Sure, small wins are good but they sometimes hide bigger and more sabotaging mistakes on your end.
I waited years for the perfect day to come, I waited years fo the day I would not be tired, I would not be sad, I would not be afraid... I waited years for the perfect day, but it never came, until I just decided to not criticise myself anymore and just do it, tired, sad, with lack of motivation or lack of will, just do it as I am in that moment. ANd then I found that the perfect day would always come when I would just to some things as good as I could and celebrate myself for it. Thank you, Doctor K, you saved my life, more than once. I wish you and your family all the best in the world!
I've been discussing this lately with family, friends and my therapist; about why it physically hurts in my chest, it's painful, when people congratulate me for stuff, especially small things, like washing my face because I'm struggling to build routine. It feels condescending. I also am hounding myself for not doing more, 'why didn't you do this sooner', etc. I never connected the two before. When a person says congrats and it hurts, it isn't them trying to harm me, it is those negative thought processes in my mind.
I sincerely appreciate your channel, you've helped fill in a lot of gaps for me from everything I've learned about me over the years solo and with professional help. Thank you
@@Cassady1AndOnly from book "courage to be disliked": praising someone implies that you have the moral upper hand to score someone else. it's a form of inequality. we are not equal. i am better. and you should feel good about being praised by ME.
What worked for me involving praise coming from others for me to question the motive of the person doing the praising... So much more I value praise coming from someone else who is a complete stranger and thus they have no agenda - this is a pure observation they are offering about myself, without manipulation.
I realize that when I cringe from praise delivered by someone I know, I fear that they're doing so because they want me to recognize they're doing something for me that will make me obligated to them.
Reversed, one time I complimented a scarf and the person tried to give it to me!! I was shocked and of course I did not accept the gift. But this made me question my own motives when I want to compliment others so I can deliver this motive authentically if the person gets confused... Plus I realized I need to compliment MYSELF more often.
@@juniversecIt's an imbalance for sure but I am not better than you for noticing something that you can't see. I guess it's maybe that your own imperfections come across as an insult to you. But that is from your perspective. If humans evolved with perfect senses of awareness than we wouldn't need other humans to share their perspectives.
You made a goal, achieved a milestone, and said it isn't good enough. You told me about the goal, I saw you achieve a milestone, I think it's good enough. I simply shared my perspective since relying only on your own senses Is unreliable.
I always cringe (literally) when people congratulate me and say I'm good etc. It's literally hard to take, and I just brush it off like whatever it's not much etc.
The worst part is KNOWING that I need to start making progress, but I don’t know how or where to start
i have this problem as well
Fr man
I remember hearing in another video of his that it's your fear of regret and you have to accept/grieve your potential pain from your actions.
ChatGBT helps me to bounce ideas off of sometime
I feel so overwhelmed and anxious and then I do nothing. Just literally like sit in fear. And repeat.
''People will make 1 or 2 of these miscalculations consistently, not everyone makes all of these'' Dr K, I'm 6 for 6 consistently😭
I always get the first 5 whenever I try to progress academically, and the last one whenever I try to workout, be healthy, improve social life etc.
My mind must be a talented gymnast.
same 😫
Some Solutions:
- Stop B&W Thinking
- "Catch it in the act" (ie. Notice when it happens)
- "So What?" (Detatchment)
- Find whatever +vity you can
- Start Today
Don’t forget about acknowledging the smaller steps in achieving your goals. Your second point is also imperative in this idea.
But I’ve always wanted a b an w 🚙 😔
A friend shared this channel with me a week or two ago. Since then I've watched a lot of the videos and I am very much impressed. You are providing effective therapy for a large audience of people who need it and would not otherwise get it. People who can't afford it or are not inclined to find therapy.
The cost of procrastination is the life you could have lived. That is brilliant, painful and exactly right.
I have or had a close friend, I am sharing this video with him in the hopes that he will take it to heart and use it as a jumping off point. There are other videos here that would be helpful in addition to DBT and other tools.
I am grateful to you for these videos. If you ever doubt yourself look through the comments at the number of people whose lives you have saved or greatly improved.
This is not to undermine the importance of these videos or your discoveries but this is NOT therapy.
@@Mani_Katti I agree. As someone who has been to therapy, this is NOT therapy, not even close. It's useful information for sure, but definitely not a substitute for actual therapy.
@Mani_Katti no it isn't therapy but it has helped many who otherwise would not have gotten help because of a lack of motivation or money.
With this they can start their journey and make real progress. Then they are more likely to get therapy when it's affordable.
@@Kyarrix "The cost of procrastination is the life you could have lived."
How do you know that? How do you know that not procrastinating would've made a difference?
1. am i doing one of thing six things? (some of them affects to taking action)
miscalculations:
7:20 1.if I have to go from 0 to 100 and I go forward 10 points, my mind tells me this is not enough, what does it do to my motivation?
if yes, scratch it
8:12 2. there's no point in starting unless I can go the whole distance (to the end), do you ever know that you are going to go the
whole distance before you get started? is imposible, it allows you to not do that hard thing.
11:42 3. if I do it now it'll be inefficient, If I do it later it will be more efficient?, it allows you to not act today, this doesnt works
13:18 4. when they actually progress they don't experience a positive, they feel guilty, I should have done it earlier I feel so stupid for finally doing it, guilt prevents us from engaging in the behavior again.
15:30 5. we devalue our progress, is pathetic, instead say yourself good job.
19:01 6. comparison is not good, you are making progress in life and then you are punishing yourself because some other human being who is not living your life can do it better than you, instead of be happy for making progress, reinforce the positive
22:45 just notice the activity, automatic conclusions, strugle the progress, catch it in the act, where is this coming from?
24:10 the moment that it stops being autopilot and you have awareness of it it doesn't calculate in the same way,
the brain is designed to drive autopilot
2. is there some way that I can deviate this? what makes it hard for me to feel positively when I make progress ?
25:50 3. intentionally try to reframe a little bit, the negative thought maybe is true, take the atutide of so what
do you want to continue to do this progression?
at the end of today are you glad that the thing is done or are you glad that the thing is not done ?
4. what pride can i take?, get whatever celebration you can of making progress
willpower correlates with your awareness of the internal environment, that these kinds of techniques
strengthen your frontal lobes, incorporating small positives and a more balanced perspective on our life leads to good outcomes
it happens slowly because neuroplasticity and rewiring your neurons takes a lot of effort over time
commenting to save your notes
Blessings on you, marvellous person!
Thanks ❤
like here
When I stopped associating progress with anxiety, I finally started to progress. Thank you Dr. K, for making me realise what is happening in my mind
This is great. I’m about to make the huge decision to delete TH-cam and just dive into my own self-trust. This was an amazing-insightful way to end the ride, thank you Dr K for everything!
@@eli7527 💖
ive decided to do that. You'd be surprised how much power you have
@@KalaniCruz Good point, habits take a few weeks to reform. Looking forward to it
Bye! ...and Good luck!
I wish we had transcripts of all the lectures in print.
Hah, halfway through I had a thought akin to "damn, I have been carrying a lot of weight all alone for so long" and a few minutes later its about the realisation of how much people beat themselves up... this is spot on.
For me, the internal narrative goes something like this: when I make progress, I still don’t get what I want, so what’s the point of progressing? Because when I reached my goal, after all the effort it took, and I believed I had finally arrived at the point where I would feel satisfied and have what I wanted, that wasn’t the case. So, even though I don’t put things off and I can achieve my goals, the problem must lie in a fundamental belief. Something like: no matter what you do, it’s never enough. Faced with this, I think it’s about understanding that my goal and expectations won’t give me what I’m seeking. I need to change something else. I don’t know what it is, but I have the feeling that I need to stop wanting to change myself in order to be loved. I need to change my belief that the way I am is not enough hence I’m not worthy of love. So, how do I transform this belief?
Changing oneself is really fun, actually. Or that's how I redefined it that helped me.
There's always objections and conditions to how things "turn out," depending on when you do the evaluating... but this final state can be extended to polishing the end result over time with making a final judgment about relative "success."
Also, helped me to define what is the "look of approval" in others. Then I was able to notice it. I wasn't receiving acknowledgment from people, even when they were delivering it to me - I couldn't read those acknowledgment expressions on people's body language and faces. As I got better at "body reading," I felt as if I belonged and also I was able to recognize friendship and love.
Realize that expectations are a self-created trap. Question these expectations, that worked for me.
Get a dog who looks at you with unconditional love? Or work with animals walking them at a shelter without the commitment of having your own pet?
Working with people who are learning ESL was also a really positive experience...
I think his third solution suits you best; developing a positive feeling for your personal progress and becoming aware of what it is exactly that you want, which is preventing you from being happy even when you accomplish your goals.
@@mistyculous9644 I appreciate the way you phrased that as I recognize there my own reframing :
*"changing yourself is fun !"*
What helped me with that, ressources I would recommend are :
1. *The Power of Play, podcast by Andrew Huberman*
2. Try and type but that's not the name :
"What does heaven look like ?", by Jordan Peterson.
This lecture might be "Clarify what you want" but id's say it's called something like :
"Beyond Order"
Those two were fundamental as it made me, trough a lot more additionnal work than just passively watching them, that if anger and ressent and fear for that matter aren't...healthy nor useful sources of motivation, what is ?
The sense of Play.
As Jordan Peterson puts it :
"Heaven could be a place where you play a game that has is rules forever changing, the goal of the game would be to continually improve, make the game always better.
A game that's never ending,
Always improving,
And that you'd be willing to play forever.
That might be heaven".
I paraphrase a lot there of course but that's how it marked me.
Feeling pathetic is my point. Never thought about it though. I can’t even write a to-do list, cause my daily goals look stupid on paper. I have been stuck for 7 years. Thank you for opening my eyes:)
i did a lot. I worked out a lot, wrote a book, engaged in new social hobbies, made friends, and i'm considering going back to college. However, ultimately, I feel like i have achieved nothing. Life seems futile and pointless. I'm deeply worried about the world we have built and don't see the purpose or meaning in the future, not for myself but for us as a whole.
There’s no point in starting this comment unless I actually fini
Describes my situations to a tee - it’s always moving the goalpost - once you reach a point, that becomes not good enough - I hate this cycle
This video made me realize that my issue is with fear of progress.
I don't quite fit in any of these, but it helped me identify the issue.
As a self-studying web developer, AI advancment and general hype really killed my motivation and drive to work this year. I'm constaltly anxious what will come next and can't decide if I should continue this path. I enjoyed coding and building projects, but it's tough to get a job and compete with CS graduates\smart people etc. It's all demotivating honestly, same with politics and so on. Sometimes I just want to go back to pre-covid times, life was simpler back then (and yes I know there were always some turmoil, but I feel it that way anyway). Hope this video will teach me something new. Thanks
Same. With people in ai development saying there’ll be no coders in five years it leaves wondering why you should bother.
i have been trying to break multiple cycles and bad habbits lately - stop procrastinating, diet, no porn, etc. I have found it so hard to stick with anything and just fall back into those bad habbits. I thought this was a recent thing but last night I found a note on my phone from halloween of 2022, 2 years ago, listing out every single thing I have been wanting to stop doing or start doing. It really fucked me up because i didnt realize i've been running in circles for years.
That's terrifying. I hope it works out for you. I struggled for a year or so, but I did make progress.
Dr K always comes in clutch when you need it man. It can be overwhelming thinking about everything and being paralysed by your mind. But when you break it down like that it helps a lot with realising what’s actually happening behind the scenes and how badly I can be speaking to myself sometimes. Knowing that your mind is flawed and operates in truths (ie not necessarily lies) is really helpful. Like you said awareness is half the solution
Comparison is an activity of Ego. Also “I should have started earlier” and “Anyone could have done this”. These things hurt … but what they hurt is my ego; my “self” as a construct of my mind.
If I accept that this is where I am, I have weaknesses, others are better at this than I am, I haven’t learned things, I have habits and experiences etc It won’t hurt my ego, because I’m not dependent on my ego being built up in that way. The excuses won’t work anymore.
This relates to reasons 4, 5 and 6
Reducing my ego will help. I can reduce my ego more easily when I see that my ego isn’t my “true self” or my value as a person. I can be bad at dancing and it doesn’t make me a bad person. I can be disorganized and unproductive or addicted to screens and none of that reflects on my value as a person or who my true self is.
That changes everything.
if you want to go further down the rabbit hole, find a book called Unveiling Your Hidden Potential
^ Don't believe this crap, it's fake upvotes. 40 minutes in, 1k upvotes and not a single comment..
1k likes no comments? that's kinda sus.....
@@pivos111 2k
@@pivos111 it's a bot
@@zarwd3005 oh damn really?
Miscalculation #3. This is/was me!! My life changed dramatically for the better as I realized how much of a scam "Work smarter not harder" can be in the long run. This mindset conditions your brain to ignore the positive aspects of applying effort, and then you become avoidant.
This is the one I relate to most! “Efficiency” as an excuse for not doing the thing.
As an artist who's stagnated for a long time, this is extremely applicable and helpful. Thank you ❤
OMG!!! You help me laugh at myself and it feels SO GOOD!!!
We don't need many videos, we want limited videos but in Quality, I have watched your same videos many times ❤
Homework messed me up a lot, I never could do it growing up because subconsciously I was rebelling against the “leash” I felt it symbolized. Now later in life I have a hard time doing things because I feel like no matter how hard I try I wont end up succeeding … buts it’s a fallacy I created to enforce the idea that the school system doesn’t control me
Years and years of not completing homework did take it's toll on my ability to progress. And class work - I remember teachers who had an overly long list of things to do for the day that I never got to the end. 3rd grade and 6th grade were brutal in this. I don't have as many memories for those years.
School does truly teach the worst lessons.
💯 same. The act of rebellion was freeing as a kid.
Thank you for this Dr.K! I really needed this! Can you please make more content on this topic of how to progress in life, how to get unstuck, how to start taking step to achieving great things.
“Your mind doesn’t convince you with lies, it convinces you with truths.”
Anyone stuck in any toxic pattern - internally or with other people in work, love, etc. - needs to hear this
This is so relatable even though I know these things but the way he puts these things together and uses simple and relatable ideas it makes easier to listen idk this is the exact video I have been looking for
I am loving these videos. It's like i am finally looking at my brain wites and understanding its connection
I procrastinate because everything seems pointless.
I feel that
i relate to this
Everything IS pointless.
@@unclepigg The question to answer then becomes: Given that everything is/seems pointless, what would you do anyway?
What would happen if you would accept that everything is pointless?
so enlightening, i think what makes me procrastinate is when i devalue my progress and then do procrastinate as an escape of negative emotions. Thanks Dr.K!
I feel a little more healed right now. I have been on a self love and improvement journey for almost two years and I have sooooo much knowledge and so many goals, and I’ve yet to take specific steps forward. Today my mind was read and I feel differently twords my approach. Thank you 🙏🏻😭❤️
This is quite literally one of my current issues. I'm an artist, went to school for art (yeah I know). For years, I had assignments, direction in my life. Graduate high school, go to college, graduate college, try to find a job. I've graduated. I'm the 24 year old in the basement mentioned in the video. I'm free from the assignments, but now I have no direction so I waste my days playing games. I've been trying to get myself back into my artwork for years at this point, but I put it off day after day. "Not in a good mental spot, I'll do it tomorrow." "Don't know that technique. Can't do it." etc. I want a job in my field right now so bad that I'm crippling myself from improving now in the downtime that I have. Gonna really start paying attention to what I think to myself more and try to catch it. See which of the 6 since not gonna lie, I know i've said 5/6 things so which one is it lol
Omg almost the same as me bro. Lol I even feel too fed up with drawing to find a job. Whenever I draw I always feel that Im not good enough, so Im trying to switch to Design and editing. Maybe some time later I just want to draw as a hobby.
Dr. K is in rare form in this video. This has snapped me awake to all the ways (all 6 ways) my brain convinces me not to move. Bless you Dr. K
Your informed perspective and comedic approach to self flagellation is amazing. And I find you hilarious and so helpful in identifying self-defeating thinking and behaviours. Thank you for creating these videos... Shared, and I hope to join soon. P.S. I'm glad you finally got through your mail!! It is no mean feat if you ask me! 😅
Gratitude journaling really helps with this. I thought it was BS until I did it and I realized it forces me to recognize and celebrate small progress. No matter how "unsuccessful" the day felt I have to look back and say actually I am proud of myself for cooking a good dinner or going outside.
I relate with it and i kinda "solved" it (for myself):
What particularly strikes me is "devaluing own progress", and "later it will be better".
What works for me is 2 things:
"Ok, but what if i actually DO the thing? What will happen then? Either good or bad" - this usually provokes curiosity and spikes dopamine a bit, giving me just enough of a nudge to start doing the thing i usually wouldn't, just because i kinda have to find out now
"Ok, how can i make this not-fun thing fun anyway?" - this kinda does it too but in a different way, by 'challenging' myself. "Hey i bet you won't make it fun" - "Well you're wrong, me"
It consistently works any time other than episodes of severely low self-esteem, where negative emotions are so overwhelming that it spirals into a loop
Good thing is that "positive spiral" also can happen!
Bad thing is that by some people it's just socially expected to always be in a "positive spiral" (meanwhile others recognize that this is actually a "positive spiral" and not "normal")
Good thing is that i understand that it's not how it works
Bad thing is that my subconscious doesn't care and just works the way it works, doing self-punishment
Well you got the thing. And if you relate, i hope this post helped you to notice and maybe even deviate any pattern you have that prevents you from doing whatever you want but can't seem to get working!
Sir u genius hahahaha I rarely receive the amounts of detail I crave to see why things happen, rare people speak my language. Continue ur job, u do good. ♡
Your description of problem and delivery with simple explanation and sort of plan what to do is great as always. Thank you. Literally caught myself in this trap but now I know what to do next time.
Really appreciate this video ❤
The big belief I used to have that held me back from progress was being afraid of choosing the wrong path, knowing how difficult it can be to switch paths. I’m talking mainly career and where to live, but also social life. I’ve spent waaaay too much time agonizing over picking a major, or what kinds of jobs to look for, while doing exactly nothing to move towards any path at all. I was hung up for a long time on all the times I heard adults talk about their regrets, and wondering why they made commitments to their way of being so early and so casually.
I’ve realized some important things that helped me climb out of depression:
1. You can never know ahead of time how things will play out in the long term, so your only choices are sit on your hands, or try SOMETHING.
2. Change is usually hard, but always possible. If you can make a change now, you can do it again in a few years if things don’t go how you wanted.
I continue to fail, embarrass myself, and regress on certain progressions I’ve made. But I have made progress, and I keep trying for more. And the results always seem to come too late, but they always come.
This makes so much sense to me.
My loop goes something like this (procrastination at work):
Working a job, which I am qualified to do on paper, but I missed my timing to learn a lot of small stuff that prevents me from doing the whole processes properly as well as deepening my understanding of programming.
Waiting for days to feel motivated (when things will be more easy). Tasks do feel pretty big and I've made a lot of experiences in my early dev days where I tried really hard a couple times, but failed. Didn't get any help during that time. That feeling of expecting failure (can't go all the way, why bother at all) sticks.
When I do my work, it is usually long overdue and I feel guilty for postponing such an "easy" task for so long.
I feel so behind and with AI it feels pointless even to try to catch up any longer.
Soo.. yea. Gotta unstuck myself.
10:00 I mean, it's _almost_ helpful... I told myself "I want to have a grip on what made me fail last time."
_Doesn't_ mean I have to have a guarantee. But if I don't even understand why I failed last time, I am likely to fail again. (This is not an issue if there's no relevant costs.)
But, as you say, this should not become something "I need to do before I even get started". It is starting, and my experience has been that I identify the wrong problem anyway - but that's still been helpful, because then when I ran into it, I had to check something else.
(More concretely: changed study topics several times. Couldn't stick with it. Tested if studying was the problem - it wasn't. Guessed that I just needed something that would motivate me even if I didn't feel it. When I found a topic and started with that... I still feel into that same hole, BUT I had the opportunity to notice that I have ADHD, got a diagnosis, now I am about to finish the bachelor.)
Edit: Tl;Dr: Making progress on one identified personal issue and trying again is good, in my opinion. But full agree with the video.
i don't usually comment much, but this video is genuinely life-changing. I hope I can show the community the positive outcomes from watching your videos in the future!
Facts this video hit hard for me
What a challenging and intriguing thought. That I feel unpleasant emotions when I progress. I don't see it because when I do progress, I am actually happy - yes, I did it, see it was not that hard. But obviously.... this is not the only thing because after that - I go straight into sabotaging. Like today, at noon I could not believe all I had done. So this afternoon, I looked at my charts and at a lot of podcasts. About procrastination ! And now I want to watch more. I think the next one is "the addiction you did not know you had" and I'm sure he's going to say - listening to podcast or youtube about procrastination. lol
That second one is SPOT ON for me. "Why bother starting if I can't finish." Those EXACT words have come out of my mouth so many times. I haven't watched the rest of the video yet but literally that was so insanely relatable that I had to comment right away. My brain is just so interested in ideas and concepts but the actual execution of things stops me 95% of the time. "Sure, I can start, but how long will it last? How long until I lose interest in this project/endeavor?"
im feeling 100 frikin percent atacked by this video...
and thank to you i needed that!
About the efficiency point you forgot to mention the "leave it for last minute cuz I work better under pressure" part. But also yeah...one of the biggest sources of procrastination for me is going to the place I exercise at, which is ~25 mins away from home by walking and the mere dread of having to walk allll the way through yet again bores/annoys me so much I often keep stalling for much longer than I'd like...especially since there's often no fixed/set deadlines/schedules placed by others in said place of exercise (the fact that the night now comes earlier and with colder winds doesn't help matters either....).
About difficulty in finding relationships, another limiting factor to mention (aside from time) would be "it's never actually worked so far, every time I've tried mustering up the courage to ask a girl out idk how to have the conversation even flow, much less get her phone number in a way that seems "natural" (NEVER MIND actually calling her again/us agreeing on a time/place for a date" or even worse, "I've tried asking girls out/even just coming off as attractive enough for them in the first place, but they never even take me seriously/pay much attention to me/keep coming back for more, MUCH LESS agree to swapping phone numbers and god forbid actually going out on a date; not to mention them being way too intelligent/busy for some random person like me to bother with"....and all of this is assuming they're not just already taken (which is already the case 99% of the time anyway, so why even bothe-OH WAIT).
Or hell, let's go into simply making friendships/connections; "how come this guy -who has seemingly all the traits I do, aka being relatively quiet, distant, and chill/not initiative- somehow manage to keep other surrounding people -especially the girls, even if he's not actually dating them- much more..."relaxed" (?) and able to easily approach him and start conversations proper, while hardly anyone comes back to talk to me again after a first/second conversation, and even when I try saying something they just give dry responses and remove their attention from me right away?".
Yeah there's a ton of added nuance to these seemingly simple annoyances/complications that can be difficult to pin down/address properly.
5:15 its not enough, thats what i come up with. I dont have time to grind and have a career. There is too much left to go. Motivation is down.
8:05 there is no point in starting unless i can go the whole distance. I tried before but couldnt finish. Logical, no? Why fail again? This allows procrastination.
11:40 it will be easier in future. Lets wait. Once my daughter is older I will have more time.
13:15 progress triggers guilt in me. For me that is not the case. I think progress is irrelevant. I do however belittle the small accomplishments cos the past ones were much bigger
15:33 belittle what you did. Better: pat on the back, praise the small things.
19:00 compare to others. I need to reward myself.
22:00 notice auto conclusion, catch in the act. Observe. Make it conscious.
Dr K. I enjoy watching your content and I love that you are so willing and doing a positive impact to the community and the world. I am grateful, also what I don’t see you talk about or missed is the topic of intuition. What you think about it, and could it be a tool for people, that would be not a knowledge that leads but a skill used to navigate through life do better progress and more importantly progress in the right direction.
THIS IS JUST WHAT I NEEDED
4:25 That green tone looks so good!
My gosh, I'm SO incredibly grateful that I've found your page!!! 🙏🏻
I want to give U double likes for the way you finish this video, it’s amazing to listen, the way you deliver the speech, and you got the great purpose of your life. Mother Earth is proud that he has got a get a great son like you. GOD bless you. My best wishes with you.
This guy's spot on. I was having this realization earlier but not knowing how yo tackle it. Just told myself anything I excelled in started with the most minimum basic effort without the expectation of anything better than mediocrity so dont think too far ahead and devalue the first humps.
Dude it's insane how Dr.K is solo saving my life without even knowing me. Thanks for the awsome content once again, you're one of a kind
I don‘t know whether Dr. K will ever read this message, but hopefully it reaches his team one day: I just wanted to thank you for all your work. I started watching your content three years ago and I slowly feel healed. You changed my mindset. My life. I don‘t know how I can repay you for all of this, as my English is not good enough for 1:1 coachings with your team, but I‘d love to buy your book. I love how you‘re not into marketing and „selling“ yourself, but where can I actually find it? 😅
How to choose progress over procrastination?
- 95% make a miscalculation - some kind of subconscious calculation that drives your behaviour - Even though we think progress is a good thing, we also at the same time calculate progress as a bad thing.
- 6 miscalculations
- It's not enough - This only brings me 1% of the way, we need to go 99% of the way. Unless we go from 0 to 100 there's no point in getting started!!!!!
- Why bother starting if I can't finish (go the whole distance)? I need to know that the whole thing will be complete!! before even getting started. (Do you ever know this?? Nope we can't predict the future, no one can). Notice how the mind is driving you towards procrastination...
- If I do it later it will be more efficient (No point in starting now, in the future it will go easier for me!)
- Progress makes me feel guilty (I should have done it earlier, I feel so stupid for finally doing it, I am such an idiot should've started this a long time ago) but the function of guilt is to prevent us from engaging in the behaviour again. No wonder you don't progress
- We devalue our own progress - (I have done this in the past by comparing my progress to what others are doing!!) this makes us feel bad and then we struggle to follow through and cope with the negative emotions by using our phones
- Comparison is the thief of progress! (It would have been easier for this other person, someone else does it better)
Common Theme - Anytime you move forward, mind turns a positive thing (moving forward) into a negative one (using these 6 miscalculations)
-- SOLUTION --
- Notice the activity, be aware of these 6 miscalculation (These are unconscious conclusions)
- After catching yourself ask How can I deviate this? What makes it hard for me to feel positively when I make progress?
- How can I reframe this? (take the attitude of - so what? someone can do this better than me - welp, so what? can I be happy (fulfilled) with something (in this activity)? do you want to continue to do this?)
(your mind convinces you with truth)
- What pride can I take? Get whatever celebration you can - acknowledge whatever positivity (or positve thing) you can!!
- Notice if you are doing some form of "black & white thinking"
It's not gonna fix it overnight.. hehe.
Here is a summary of the key points:
The video discusses how our minds often make miscalculations that lead us to procrastinate instead of making progress. The 6 main miscalculations identified are:
1. Thinking the progress is "not enough" and not worth the effort.
2. Believing there's no point in starting unless you can complete the whole task/goal.
3. Thinking it will be more efficient to do it later rather than now.
4. Feeling guilty when you do make progress, instead of proud.
5. Devaluing your own progress and accomplishments.
6. Comparing your progress negatively to others.
The video suggests the solution is to:
1. Notice and become aware when your mind is making these miscalculations.
2. Question whether the thoughts are really justified or just excuses.
3. Intentionally reframe the progress in a more positive light.
4. Celebrate and take pride in even small steps forward.
The key is rewiring these subconscious thought patterns over time through conscious awareness and reframing. Instant perfection is not required, just a commitment to progress step-by-step.
the timing of this video is immaculate. I've been struggling with getting a new job for a long time now because I would downplay my own accomplishments that might be small for some people but they are very important to me. And I've struggled with relationship, actually I haven't seen anyone in more than a year. The information in this video is eyeopening. I am whole heartedly thankful to Dr.K for sharing this video with us. I'm definitely going on a date next week. I've already texted a girl I like! And I'm getting back to finishing my portfolio!
I recently had a major crisis-like mental health event and it's like I just... want to stay at rock bottom cuz it's hard to find a reason to just keep going. I even got a fever and, more than feeling bummed that I was sick and in discomfort, I was just so grateful that I had a reason to just lay down and do nothing.
But of course here comes Dr. K to convince me that I might be worthy enough to deserve saving myself and progress and become a nice adult! I mean, if someone cares enough to work this hard at convicing us to be healthy, there must be a reason, right?
Dude! So unbelievably on time!! The miscalculation model as a way to spot these types of procrastination-over-progress-consciousness moments, really helped me identify my excuses and pitfalls in the past, and so I can’t imagine using it as a tool when it’s happening in real time now that I have those phrase indicators inside my “biological organism” wanting energy’s - vs. what I need to do as a spiritual and practical more optimal human being! Been following your work for a while, your articulation is everything brother, thank you!!!
Most Dr. K videos are a critical hit to my entire sense of self...
This one is a fucking gamma ray burst.
Thank you, Dr. K:)
Really needed this. 😢
Can’t thank you enough for this video. Literal mind hacks.
I'm more paralyzed by fear than anything.
In my 30 years of life, everytime I decide to do something big and make decisive progress, HUGE accident happen to me or my family to the point of threatening total destruction. I have 4 near death experiences, everytime it's a crucial turning point of my life when I was on the most momentum. I'm afraid of making progress on a biblical level. I fear next time I start to getting my life turned around, my loved ones, or myself will get hit by a car or hell, fire and brimstone gonna rain specifically on my head like a heat seeking bullet. I've NEVER achieved anything big without uncontrollable variables trying to literally kill me. I'm scared to believe it's gonna be ok NEXT time since what if it doesn't? What if it's like any other time and I will run out of luck and actually die this time?
Thank you so much that you are there, Dr. K. Kind greetings from Germany!
I don't know what good i did that this video was recommended to me, but I'm a little scared how every word was for me, exactly what I'm going through. Thanks for your effort and keep up the good job. ❤
I'm gonna change my life with this.
You were very generous with the body thing here 1:44
I do not appreciate the way you described exactly what I go through in the first 10 seconds 😭😭😭
You’re getting too good at reading my mind, Doc.
doctor i love you man. this was one of my life's best video i have ever seen. thanks a ton. i am gonna buy your book right now.
Thank you! this video helping me stay motivated to keep writing job applications, even after over 100 rejections!!
It's amazing how you were able to identify a specific number of common patterns. I can actually point out the ones I already knocked out, the ones I never had, and the ones I am still chewing on. "Calculation" is also a fitting word, as some of these patterns have been dormant during the heyday of my life, even though they were already there. There are a lot of variables going in, and it's about time to make some changes to the equation.
I really really enjoyed watching this video because it exposed me on my face. I had this huge smile especially after reason 3 as this is exactly how I rationalise my procrastination. And answering the last question, no Dr K I will start from now itself xD
OH MY GOD!!!!! How on earth is it possible for you to know this exact problem of mine which I have been struggling with for 6 years literally. So just to let you know I feel I showcase the combination of all the 6 types . At different times and situation my brain brings up different types as you mentioned so maybe it's possible to showcase all these types together but thank you so much for giving the solution I have been lost for it for years now (always thinking I will only do it if it gives guaranteed results or what's the point of doing it now I wasted my past pr others are going to always be more successful than me so why do it) you are God really. Thank you so much bhaiya thanks a lot. Im literally sobbing you have no idea what this vdo means to me❤❤❤❤ God bless you
Holly crab, i have also been struggling with this thing for last 5-6 years....seems like it is not actually yours or my problem only
It must be the prob of many humans who are currently in their 20s
Man, I wished this man was my therapist. You have no idea how much your videos have helped me through this difficult time. Thank you!
I'm pretty sure dr k is personally monitoring my every action
Just wanted to express gratitude to you, I appreciate you❤
I don't know if you hear this enough but thank you for building this empire that is based on helping people be the best they can be. We are need of more people that help raise each other up. Thank you for being a light in the darkness.
Some kind of eye-opening! 😮
Thank you very much!
Thank you for the call out I’ve been on this train for 4 years now
I wish i view this vidéo 10 years ago ahah. I have the "it's not enough", "progress makes me feel guilty" and the top of top "devaluing our own progress". When someone congrat me for my work, it's just normal for me so it's difficult to accept those compliment. i struggle with do thing like see friends fort 1 hours because it's not ennough for me and i get frustrated. Thanks you for all those advice.
6:32 Surprise flute
Lmaoooo 😂
I am Scared to see the amount of relatable symptoms you are actually explaining ...😭 Damn i feel like crying
acknowledging is the first step. As Dr. K. said, you just need to catch yourself in the act every time you're following that negative line of thinking.
This whole thing is so sad yet so funny at the same time. It's fascinating how our own brains are very good at stopping ourselves from getting further in life. There's many truth in the quote "You are your worst enemy", indeed. For me, I tend to work so hard to the point of burnout everytime I can get myself to work on something. So everytime I think of working on something, my brain is like "You're gonna end up burning out before you even achieve some notable progress anyway so why bother 🤷" and I'm like "Oh, that's right, let's watch some more TH-cam videos then. At least they will give me some more knowledge ". Man, I hate this platform as much as I love it.
My brain seems to have known all this, only I didn't...also, at the end of say an accomplishment, if I feel happy, I do feel guilty, but I also feel the happiness as pointless as the goal, which is probably very. I think I'm not content with most things I do, even though I have a good balance of material-spiritual.
17:25 Does he say "pat on the black?" lol
Yeah lol
Back*
Objection on the *"If I do it later it will be more efficient"* point: This applies to many things, but I don't see it apply to dating.
It's not about dating being *easier* once you've made yourself more attractive. In a lot of cases (especially for us ordinary guys), it's about removing what appears to be a genuine barrier of entry. But it's also about being able to attrackt a higher quality of mate which will then make your shared life *after* dating much easier.
I suppose the difference is whether you just assume that you will be magically better at some unspecified point in time, or whether you're actually working to achieve a couple of very measurable metrics.
That devaluation our own progress hits home for me i try to be a perfectionist in everything i do especially working out
i could always find a problem wether its technique, not pushing hard enough for the that last rep or just not feeling tried enough at the end i could always find a problem no matter what. Then that leads me to the why bother starting if i can’t finish then start playing video games, doom scrolling, etc to mask the negative emotions
till i eventually get the motivation to start again and the cycle repeats
"I went thru the mail" 15:55
Thank you dr K you’re awesome. I learned so much from you❤
Exactly what I need to hear Dr. K, thank you.
Yeah man, I would love to have an explanation like this 15 years ago in my university days, so many souls would be saved from so many struggles. I somehow envy people who can just listen to this as teens and young adults