Removing Bullies | Ben Smithwell | TEDxOmagh
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ธ.ค. 2015
- What would the world be like without bullies? Take a second to think about then and then listen to Ben's story that starts when his daughter first told him that she had been bullied at school. A passionate and truly heart felt story.
Ben upsets apple carts for a living. Well maybe not exactly apple carts. He helps businesses around the world become more customer and employee centric. He would also be amazing in a pub quiz if the subject was rock and roll
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
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Reiterate: HR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND! HR reports to senior management, from whence bullying derives and/or is ignored or sanctioned.
very well said!
1) Bullying is legal because there is no law to ban it.
2) Most of the time, the bully is your manager.
3) Employees who speak up will be labelled by the company as "trouble maker".
freeperson4ever Yes.
I totally agree, I am in the process of taking my manager to HR and I just resigned, off to a new job in 2 weeks. I was there 5 years and the bully 8 weeks. HR believes the bully, I am a trouble maker!!!
What a joke!!
Freedom comes only when you leave unfortunately
The company I work for currently didn't believe me about the bullying from certain people in management team until proof as overwhelming and exposed them. Those people now are out of a job, unfortunately it's not only in the workplace but in schools, and it's been accepted. When one stands up to the bullying one gets labelled and treated like an outcast. It's great when karma gets them back but with severity of built up energy. HR departments don't care about bullying until it happens to them, then they just quit. I've seen many people get bullied in the mining industry I'm currently in, many talented people. The bullies now are reaping their harvest of no one comes to work due to bullying. Those bullies are getting removed, some imprisoned due to their greed. Bullying has to be stamped out completely so everyone can be at harmony.
My being bullied at work has stripped me of any will to work and my self-esteem is mopping the floor.
Or your own Mother
A great leader is wise to a bully, and is able to correctly see a person's true character, and wisely doesn't promote the bully.
Ben Smithwell your a true hero my friend.I've been bullied my whole life and Im still standing up against these cowards.
Their need to be a law against bullying. I know that hurting another human being is inhuman, but some people are psychopaths and lack common sense, and their needs to be strong laws that make them moralistic
You can't legislate morality.
Robert Sutton, how we treat those less powerful than ourselves is as good of a measure of human character.
This speaker is heroic and a great teacher! If we all did what he said we really could "remove bullies."
Imagine that! His little girl has shown us how. Let's act like her!
"The culture of any organization is the worst behaviour management will allow".
I've got the people being bullied back.
I've written extensively about my time at these bad work places where bullying occurred on Glassdoor.
The problem is bullies are very manipulative, and they turn people against their victims
I disagree that workplace bullying is not HR's fault. It is their fault because they hire bullies.
HR backs the bully, always.
Yes they do
Correct!!!
You can also say that they are hired by Bully.
If you are being bullied you have three choices: fight, leave or suffer. In the workplace it is almost always the first one. On the playground punch that bully in the face as hard as you can.
I REALLY RESPECT YOU!!! I WANT TO APPLAUD YOUR PRESENTATION BECAUSE THIS IS DEFINITELY WHAT THE WHOLE WORLD NEEDS TO HEAR!!!
Basically the principal of a union
At first I thought he was psychotic, but he´s deeply moved. Courageous actually.
Woah, that was judgmental. He is Passionate!! Like an actor can up emotions for emphasis!! It’s alright. You corrected yourself. Please be careful
Raising your voice to show your discontent does not remove the point of origin of the problem. It only suspend it for a while
When bullying starts in preschool, you know there's a social problem. Almost certain the kid who bullied has family issues. That would be one way to address the problem- demand that the school bring the bullies' parents in and see why their child is behaving that way.
This is sad, but so true... Thank you for shining a light on this insidious problem.
We lack freedom that societies used to have, such as fending off invaders or settling a confrontation through mutual combat. Bullies don't stop until they know you're a threat. I've known this since the time I was seven years old but for years I didn't want to hurt anyone in return.The schools I went to were very rough and no one had my back. The bullying stopped only because in high school I was kept separate through special ed. I was in special ed because my grades were always bad, even having missed weeks of class in jr high. I lied to my parents and said I had stomach issues. The students couldn't have made it more clear that they didn't want me around. It's a wonder that I'm not in prison or haven't gone through drug abuse, and even killed my self. Anyway, in high school I was out of sight and out of mind but had a few problems. By then I put fist to face and it felt amazing to unleash all the bottled up energy. I graduated in 1998. Two years later I enlisted in the Marine Corps to build up my 135lbs body and finally get girls. I then went into the Army in 2004 (there are many prior Marines in the Army). I did two tours in Iraq between 2004 to 2008. State side I was stationed in Fort Irwin, CA. I lived the best years of my life after high school. After leaving the military I went back to Iowa and did customer service through this and that for almost ten years. Having got tired of that (and tired of people) I went to college and received an associates in applied science. I just finished college few months ago. Because I don't have experience I can't find work in my chosen field so I took up a job with Fed Ex making 700 bucks a week. The best part is I work alone doing deliveries. I have no regrets about anything I've done. I do struggle with mental illness to this day but self help books do work. I recommend a book called The subtle Art of Not Giving A F*^k by Mark Manson. Bullies need to see that you have teeth and not afraid to use them. This is the only response they will understand. You have to accept that the world is a messed up place. You "roll" with it while knowing that no one is responsible for your happiness but you. We legislated to restrict our abilities to fix our woes using very human methods. I'm glad I don't have kids.
Good points 👏
Leadership have the most power, opening the abusive opportunities. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
my advice is record events in writing and report giving names..that way if you are pushed out of your job, then management has the names of those responsible..if the same names keep cropping up, they may feel compelled to act..it may be resolved by reporting once of course..if not, there's always agency work; as familiarity does tend to breed contempt
I have been in my job for a few years, all the sudden a new person comes in and tried to kick me out by making false allegations based on things I told her and which she twisted. I have been removed to another department. After the union came to my rescue, the management apologized for doing wrong and had me removed without investigating first. We filed a complaint. This colleague has studied acting and of course that worked to convinced everyone. This person is telling everyone how happy she is with me being removed. All this put me down, I suffered humiliation and lots stress trying to prove everything. Now, they got us an intermediator (they have to show that they are doing something) to 'solve' the problem, so all the bullying is buried under the carpet. She can act it all up at this meeting but I can't. This person has taken my projects (and other colleagues) as hers, when people around, she acts like an angel, but when no one is looking, she just make my life miserable. She was the only person who applied for the job, as it is a specific position abroad and it is difficult to find the right person. I am permanent, she is just in provision, but they will keep this person as they can't find anyone else. She was talking on my back and telling people if any small disagreement instead of mine. I don't know what to do. I am off sick due to all this stress. A few weeks ago she went off sick when the managers told her that the procedure was done wrong (when I was moved to another department because of her lies), and she was posting on fb every single day how much fun she was having and drinking,etc. The manager know about it but they won't do anything, and so with this issue she created (the bullying). This is pure bullying that I am battling on my own. Yes, I agree with this video!!
I have a 'colleague' that keeps making trouble for me at work - he does the wrong things but i get criticised and so on. It takes at least 70%of my energy to fight him, but it really makes no difference because the chief product officer (apparently quite famous in 'product' circles in AU and USA), is backing him all the way - and then she adds to it. Luckily, I'm a strong person (being half serbian, half slovenian, sagittarius and INFJ), so they can't break me, but they are certainly making my life miserable.
While there are many wonderful people in the company and those who know what's happening are very supportive (and I'm grateful for it), ultimately there is nothing any of us can do (I'm not the first one this is happening to - my previous boss 'resigned' over night several weeks after the cpo started) - there is no avenue for me/us to raise the issue and have something done about it.
Btw, those in the company who don't know the real face of those two creatures, believe how they are actually nice people, as they are oh so pleasant and smiling like saints.
Now, that I'm writing this, I'm starting to think maybe we should start naming these people in public (i noticed I've been avoiding names in this post myself)
Having said that, that would expedite my firing....
@@astrhea yes, the bully always is supported by someone in the higher management.
Pat Gilson happened to me all my life now no longer working trying to launch my career as an actress which I wanted to do 33 years ago and was denied opportunities
Upper Management will never do anything about it. You become like them or take the beating until you find another job.
Bullying IS illegal. It is called harassment. That is why HR does not like to use that term.
“Inaction grants permission. Inaction grants permission.” Worth repeating.
Oh my God. Thank you. God bless you. You don't even know. I just left a whole year of this. It sucks the life out of you. Two weeks now and I'm feeling more human every day.
We're not going to get rid of bullying anytime soon. We're primates and we're flawed. Our young people need to be taught the right tactics to deal with bullies and toxic people. Unfortunately good, effective tactics are hard to find. The right tactics only become apparent when you really understand what bullying is: *a power move. Bullies are thieves. They get a feeling of power by stealing from you (via your distress).*
This was so touching.
(And yet another reason I can't become a parent)
3 simple ideas he gave his 4 y.o. daughter: Play with people who make you happy; people who make you unhappy are not your friend; if someone makes your friend unhappy, you have to do something about it.
Later he mentioned: build community around Trust, Respect, and Support. Thank you.
Thank you for that! I have been experiencing this in my life and I became very emotional seeing this brave man express himself. We need many more people like him and I am going to be a member of this change. Today I start living by those simple rules and am going to spread those values. Enough is enough! Let us bring light and love back to this mess of a planet! I am going to back up my colleagues and stop those who would take advantage of or abuse another individual!
Going through a difficult time right now myself. This was awesome! Thx.
Your style is very commendable! You really delivered the message to the heart. Thank you.
I stood up against a bully in my team who actually is just a coworker and since I'm the new guy my boss doesn't believe me and is trying to punish me for avoiding the bully and not talking to him except when strictly necessary. it's ridiculous but you know what? I don't care. I am at peace with himself and if they fire me, as they threatened me to for taking a stand for myself, I don't care. What matters to me the most is my inner peace. I can find a job elsewhere. Do the same for yourself!
I said stop it. Now I'm out of work. Don't be naive, you will lose your job, 65 percent change companies. About 10 percent change jobs at the same company.
Nothing changes when people in responsible positions don't like responsibilities.
What a great father and man/person! Bravo for thos brilliant speech!
What amazing parents u are, thank u for sharing
bullies are not animal and not human...they are perhaps a stage in evolution where human seperates from animal laws.. since the societies in the world are based on animal law and power, in more complex ways than muscles, its a long way to go .. dont give up the fight... fellow humans
Yes, everyone needs to hear this. Thank you for the wise words.
Excellent speech, thank you. I can relate I have kids too and stood up to my bully boss. I can relate!
you are very right, go with people that makes you happy!!! Thanks for this tip! Select the people you want to be with :) Thankssssss. Never allow those nasty beings to cross our life. I will remember what you said and put it into "Action:)" Thanks for getting me re-energised :) 💪
bullies should keep in mind Karma takes care of everything n comes around each single time. when I look back on the days of being bullied n how scared I was of those 'empty vessels' I awe at the stage n status they have dropped, cleaning plates n remnants of others. bullies never get anywhere on life.
Really? Mine just got a promotion and I’m off work with PTSD...
Hmmm, all the corporate bullies I ever worked with are now in senior positions, larger than life.
Thanks for the advice
So gratefull, Love, Thankyou.
ooooh, soooo sweet! WHAT A GREAT DAD YOU ARE!!!😇
Repeat after me....
N A R C I S S I S M!!
Thank YOU Ben!!!!
Respect! I like how real he is
This was perfect so true and very well informed.
Most companies consciously allow or do not know how to deal with bullying.
It all starts with parenting.
Great video. I needed to hear this.
6:30 Ergo, corporations, bureaucracies, large private enterprises, etc. must directly or indirectly promote and seek bullies. Attacking people for nothing other than the pleasure of the pain it causes is psychopathy. Just because they don't kill people and stuff bodies in a trunk doesn't mean they're not a psychopath.
I don't get the people that disliked that
Yes you do. The dislikers are the bullies.
You may not believe this but I was bullied by my subordinate and he was supported by my boss who used to be his boss.
I believe it. We tend to over simplify bullying by not looking at the flying monkeys as well.
i am HR, im bullied, i came here for help only to be bullied.
Awsome presentation Ted1 You nailed bullying on the head, and to face the bully requires empowerment, perhaps at any age. Look forward to see your future videos. Thank you indeed.
"We have perfected politeness. We have perfected the ability to listen to damn foolishness." Terence Mckenna. Of course Britain, the country known for being polite is permissive of bullying. These monsters are having a field day when calling them out is considerwd rude and taboo.
Best i ever heard on bullying and also the silent treatments of bullying needs to stop and stop and stop again and again S T O P.
Supper wow
👍👍👍👍👍👍⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺
I have a question. I'm being victim of workplace bullying. When I tried to talk with my supervisor he protected the bully. I tried to talk with management, the CEO protected the bully. The CEO even blamed me for going to the management saying that I was being victim of bullying! What can I do?
Hope you made it through this rough situation.
I just a kid in them days didn't know much like all kids don't some nice kids about in my days that knew and at times i wish they did bully me cause it normal.
ty xx
BRAVO!!!
Yes, it is an epidemic.
I believe the reason people dont stop bullying in the workplace us because they see it as a personality conflict rather than bullying. Its a lack of courage and a lack of training. But I rather think, that if you have been hired as a leader that isn't capable of dealing with these sort of disruptions in the workplace then you have no place being a leader.
The teachers know who the bullies are.there should be an anti-bully squad in every school. The teachers will make a list,the squad will beat them up in front of everyone, it must go on the bullies permanent record, and that will solve the problem. Also,it must be a written policy that every parent must sign in order to be admitted.
Kids who gets bullied and gets older then they become bully themselves
I guess some who are bullied become bullies, but bullying can also make the targetted person become more determined to care about others. I was bullied and it only made me deepen my commitment to kindness and courage. I mean I'm far from perfect but I really don't want anybody to ever feel as bad as I felt. I want to be part of a collective solution where people get joy out of respecting each other and no one would dare to be a bully.
Jr Roq no they don’t
not really.
inaction grants permission. so true.
Freeperson4ever >>> You´re damned right. That´s what´s wrong with many workingplaces. The manager/leader distorts everything and lie to a degree that is hippocritical. They need their employees who are often better than the managers, and yet they bully them allthough they´re valuable for the company. And the employees can´t do anything about it because everyone believes everything the manager says and nothing of what the employees say. They are afterall the ones in command and authority and they never do anything wrong people believe.
Dont get mad, get even!
I was 2 when the bullying started. Now I have CPTSD...
What is C PTSD? I know the PTSD part all too well, just not the c part. Thanks if u can answer my question.
@@christineseaborg4277 childhood ptsd?
ComplexPTSD
I was bullied by a judicial judge!
Bullies are a result of inept and or detached parents. There should be mandatory Parenting School.
Some people are competitive, and distort the social hierarchy by cheating - machiavellianism - victimising high performing individuals or underperforming individuals, or those who dare to impersonate their middle ground - this is the procrustean bed of the aggressive ego maniac.
My own feeling is that these people - domimant victimisers - are a personality type, and that they need to be carefully trained, and assigned suitable positions. Conflict management is an ongoing area of scientific development, and mediation strategies are a key area to lend weight to in terms of how to build and maintain organisational performance.
I THINK IT'S EASY TO STAND UP FOR OTHER PEOPLE. THE PROBLEM IS IF YOU HAVE A LOT RIDING ON YOUR SHOULDERS. WHAT IF A LOT DEPENDS ON YOU AND THESE FKRS KNOW THIS.
“What would the world be like without bullies ?” Human race wouldn’t exist
I have numerous who make me sad in my home environment. Anti socially acceptable behaviors by close neighbors almost all day long, demanding attentions on themselves, all day, every day. It's bad enough that I was hit by a car and people took advantages of all they could, eventually landing in a low income housing area, once a Holiday Inn and now efficiency apartments. Bad enough we lost so much with hurricanes, illnesses, injuries,financial strains...to come here and be reminded of the fact that they are just predators of the vulnerable members of society and just allowed to wreck havocs daily, holidays included, no days off without their loud, obnoxious, sometimes very vulgar mouths invading my ear space, home life is crazy. The depth that I loathe their essences and am required to play nice, baffles the core of me. I'll find my way thru this and fortunately I have not just a phone on me at all times, but a recording device as well. Some make the mistake of thinking people with disabilities are all the same...living unhealthy codependent life styles, playing a game of he said, she said and whose sins are worse....lying to eachother and everyone else...nothing gets handled right away and rarely in any form of a timely manner. I just have to remember to hit record every single time I leave my apartment...
I notice there's no advice anywhere, on what to do when your sister has a habit of dating convicts and horrible men. I get the impression people want to act like the reprecussions only affect your sister and not the whole family. I got a situation now where a bully my sister lived with for years is pressing charges on her son for trying to stand up to this guy when he was intimidating his mom, him and his younger half brother, so her choices got her own son in trouble now. I get the feeling the system doesn't want men protecting their families so the line being toed is, there's nothing you can do, your sister/or she is making her own choices. People will shame you too, btw if you talk about this national phenomina of women dating scummy bullies. My sister will find the worse guy she can and move right in with him.
we've become a very feminized society taught not to defend our families with force, because we'll get arrested. Now my family has to waste thousands on lawyers, its like extortion. We better wake up.
Neither politicians or systempeople understand anything.
Yes we are crippled by the law self defence only happens on movies people have our hands tied when it comes to these mad dogs. All we can do is hope the police maybe are not decieved by these people's superior thesbian skills.
Try Skiffle.
What is take-away message?
They may get very mad deny because they have a title and they know they can but having the gumption to tell it like it is. Expose perpertrators even years after the offence and you will never work there again and possibly not get hired other places you have to believe there is a God that knows and you will be guided to a better place and they get their rewards you just walk past them
Oh! the mental health, right? I think it's profitable for the CEO themselves and other companies too. Good points to consider: @6:28 and @7:12
😆🌏🦧
eeee....so you need to fire 4 year old toddler?
Wow, and here I thought this was just a U.S.A. issue. Horrible!!!
dee iacobellis no it’s worldwide
The state's the countries they are destroying.
هااااايااااااتووووو أجااااانب
theres a god who love all - if you are here on earth god made you in life jesus christ is king always get saved in life
hesus saved me then you dont have no worries in life period
Mob Mentality....
One could get the impression that this guy knows a lot about bullying. Look at his fake facial expression, his tics and his change in voicevolume and intensity. Like he´s trying to supress and hide it.
I've seen that too. He is fake.
This guy is sick. Love works better than rejecting those who are hurting and therefore bullying.
What a terrible presenting style. Stand still and stop trying to be so dramatic!
Phillip = bully. Lift up or shut up.